The stone

Spoilers: vague 4th season

Rating: In the PG/PG13 range

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, and Fox own Buffy. Dave Matthews Band owns the song

"This is turning out to be one hell of a weird night. I'm at work, minding my own business, when in fumes my demon du jour. Did I forget to mention that her face was covered in lemon cream pie? I took one look at her and busted up. I couldn't help it. Well, she sees me laughing and just explodes. Evidently, I was supposed to go and dismember the poor defenseless kid that was aiming for his sister. Personally, I'd like to buy the kid a Coke, but that's just me. So, Anya storms out screaming that she hopes my genitals begin to look like my ears. After that, my boss told me I could go on home. And what do I find when I arrive in my humble basement abode but Spike, wearing my clothes again. Then he begins to lecture me about not seeing what is right under my nose and being blind and offering to take Anya off my hands. But then he gets all serious suddenly and tells me that he overheard 'Red' talking to herself today. While packing. She's leaving, he said, because she feels like all she has been doing is screwing up and hurting people. She's the odd one out who only causes pain is what Willow was reportedly saying. Then he changes the subject again and tells me that everyone is going to the bar to go karaoke tonight. So I did the only thing I could. I ran up to Buffy and Willow's dorm room. And I began to talk to a rat. Not that I don't like talking to you Amy, but I need to talk to Willow.

I want to tell her to stay, but I don't know if I should. Hell, I don't even know if old Spikey was telling the truth. And the only way I'll know is if I go to some cheesy karaoke bar. The minuet someone starts singing 'Rhinestone Cowboy' I am so out of there. Here, you can have the rest of my Cheetos. Consider it payment for therapy. Bye Amy." I grabbed my jacket and shut the door behind me.

I began thinking on my way to the bar, mainly about Willow. About how much we had both changed, and yet how we were still the same two scared little kids, trying to find something that makes sense. Willow's world turned topsy-turvy this year. She's in college, living away from home. Oz left her and Sunnydale, and came back to get involved with Devon. Buffy's preoccupied with Riley and the Initiative, and Giles seems to be auditioning new orgasm friends on a semi-weekly basis. So all the hurt, anger, frustration, confusion, and scared feelings are bottled up. And she dumps them on me. I've become Willow's whipping boy, and not in the way that I dreamed about last week. I wonder if she knows how much she hurts me. I wonder if she even cares. Huh. I've thought so much that I didn't even realize that I've gotten to the bar.

"Xander! Where have you been? You missed me and Riley singing 'I've got you Babe'!" Buffy was well on her way to being tipsy.

"I've been looking for Wills. Have you seen her?"

"Yup" Buffy burped. "She's getting ready to sing. She was waitin for you, but they called her name, so it's good you're here."

"Alrightey Buffy. Stay away from the Fuzzy Navels for the rest of the night, all right?" I said as I sat down.

"Don't worry, Xander. Riley is going to escort me home into bed."

"I bet" I muttered. I saw Willow walk up onto the stage and pick up the microphone. "Hi. I just wanted to say something before I sing. This song is for all of my friends, but one in particular." I tried to place the song when the opening notes began to play, but I didn't recognize it. Willow's eyes caught mine as she began to sing.

~ I've this creeping

Suspicion that things are not

as they seem

Reassure me

Why do I feel as if I'm in too deep

I've been praying

For some way to show them

I'm not what they see

Yes I have done wrong

But what I did I thought

Needed be done

I swear

Unholy day

If I leave now I might get away

This weighs on me

As heavy as stone and as blue as I go

I was just wondering if

You'd come along

To hold up my head when my head

Won't hold on

I'll do the same if the same's

What you want

If not I'll go

I will go alone

I'm a long way

From that fool's mistake and

Now forever pay

No, run

I will run and I'll be ok

I was just wondering if

You'd come along

To hold up my head when my head

Won't hold on

I'll do the same if the same's

What you want

If not I'll go

I will go alone

I need so

To stay in your arms, see you smile, hold you close

And it weighs on me

As heavy as stone and

A bone chilling cold

I was just wondering if

You'd come along

Tell me you will ~

When the song was over she ran off the stage with tears in her eyes. I jumped up and followed out the same door she left. "Willow!" I screamed. "Come back here!"

"I'm right here Xander" I heard her say quietly behind me.

"What the hell was that song about?" I ask her.

"I'm so sorry. Sorry for everything. I've turned into such a bitch. All I can do lately is hurt people, especially you. I don't know what's wrong with me, and I know that I can't fix it here. So I'm leaving. Tonight."

"Oh. That's it."

"What do you mean?"

"You sing some song that I'm supposed to get some convoluted meaning out of since you can't bother to tell me what you really want to say, you apologize FINALLY, and announce that you're running away."

"That's not it at all" she whispered.

"Then what is going on. What are you trying to say?" I hate being to mean to her, but I need to know what she's trying to tell me.

"The song-" she took a deep breath. "The song was my best way of apologizing to everyone, especially you, for the person I've become. I don't like myself very much anymore. I'm leaving to figure out who I am. And I was just wondering if perhaps you might want to come with me. I know the answer is no, and I never should of asked, but I needed to. And I've got a bus to catch." Willow pecked me on the cheek suddenly and walked away.

"Willow! Where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here. I don't know which is stronger, my sorrow at how much I've hurt you, my love for you, or how much I hate myself. Bye." In addition, with that, she ran off into the night.

"Damnit, Willow" I muttered. I ran back inside to talk to Spike. "Spike!" I shouted over someone's warbled rendition of 'I Touch Myself'.

"What" he said as he sipped his Bloody Mary.

"Can you tell the others I'll be back?"

"Yeah, mate. Where you going?"

"To tell Willow I will." With that paring statement, I ran over to the bus station and asked where the bus that had just left was going.

"Bus number 345 is heading to Las Vegas" was the reply I got from the bored woman sitting behind the counter. Guess I've got a plane to catch.

The End