God bless Buddy Lee

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox and the WB. No copyright infringement is intended.

Willow dropped her spoon into the bowl and let out a contented sigh. I was half expecting her to lick the bowl clean, but I guess not even Fudge Ripple can drive her that far out of control. Now, if I'd had sprinkles and hot fudge maybe...

Her voice brought me back. "Okay, that's enough for me." I rolled my eyes and she smiled. "For now, anyways."

"I don't know where you put it, Will." She stuck her tongue out at me, then shrieked and jerked back as I darted my hand out to grab it. Missed. Damn. "I think it's your turn."

"Yeah, it is. Nothing's coming to mind, unfortunately." She sat back to think, the tip of her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth, her hand coming up to cup her chin. When I faked another grab, she shrieked again and laughed. "Okay, here's one. You don't know that sometimes I cry when I'm watching TV commercials."

I gave her the exact same look she'd given me over the Monopoly thing the last time we played. "Will, I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree. We both know that. But of course I know you cry at commercials!! I've been watching TV with you since we could both sit up straight and point ourselves at the pretty glowing box. And you've always cried at the commercials! Are you telling me you thought I didn't know that?" I was flabbergasted. I had never been flabbergasted before. It was an interesting feeling.

She had the grace to look embarassed. "I know you've seen me a few times. You mean you've caught me at it a lot?"

It took me a second to think of an answer that didn't incorporate the word "duh!" "Well, yeah. I didn't say anything because I knew you were embarassed."

"How long ago did you notice?" She looked almost scared now.

"I don't know. Ten, twelve years ago maybe?" Wrong answer, apparently.

"What?! When did you find out?"

I thought back. "The first time I remember was Nestor the Long Eared Donkey. We saw that at my house one Christmas when we were five or six, I guess. Bawled our little eyes out too." Damn, that was a depressing show. "I remember they must have shown it twice that year, because later on when we saw a commercial for the next showing you started crying a little bit again." I smiled thinking about it. "I didn't blame you for that, I felt like crying too. But then I noticed that for the next few months, every time we'd see a mule or a donkey on TV or wherever, you'd get tears in your eyes."

Willow was looking at me with the strangest expression. "Why didn't you say anything?"

I smiled again and shrugged. "I could tell you didn't want me to notice it. So I didn't."

She smiled back, but she was still embarassed. "What else did you not notice?" Her lips twisted a bit with the last two words and I laughed.

"Over the years, the kind of commercials you'd cry at changed. They were almost always something sappy, but different kinds. You were big on those touchy-feely long distance ads for a long time, I remember that. And movie commercials for chick flicks could do it the last few years, though not always. I never did figure out why some got you going and others didn't." I looked up at her and grinned. "And the ads for A Charlie Brown Christmas were always good for a few swipes at your eyes when you thought I wasn't looking. When you see those, you think about the little tree at the end, don't you?"

She was trying to look upset, but I could tell she was glad I knew all this. "Yeah. That plus the memories of how you'd butcher the Snoopy Dance year after year get me every time." Now she was trying to look stern, but she never could pull that one off when she was faking. Far be it from me not to play along though.

"Hey, hey, hey! Speak not ill of the Snoopy Dance! It's the 20th centuries' greatest contribution to the arts, and I, Alexander Harris, am its greatest non- animated, non-beagle, non-World War I flying ace practitioner. You have no idea the pressure I'm under." She giggled and I knew for sure she wasn't really upset. "So what commercials do it for you now, Will? We weren't exactly hanging out and watching TV together for awhile there, so I'm out of the loop."

She winced for a second, and I hated myself for bringing it up, but she recovered pretty quickly and a shy little smile stole over her face. She looked down at the floor and mumbled something I couldn't hear. I made a big production out of cleaning my ear out with my finger and cupping my palm around it. "Eh? What was that? Didn't quite catch it." She made a face at me but squared her shoulders and stuck her chin out defiantly.

"Buddy Lee."

For a second I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, but then it hit me. "The jeans doll? The little guy who gets blown up and stuff?"

"Yeah. Him."

I just looked at her like she had grown a third eye. She fidgeted a bit under my gaze, but I couldn't think of anything to say. Finally, "Is there a reason you cry at kewpie doll commercials?" Not even teasing. I just wanted to know. Willow'll do that if you give her half a chance - ruin a perfectly good teasing moment by just being herself, making you want to understand her a little better.

She blushed and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, which I've always thought makes her just about the cutest thing known to mankind. Then she looked at me and it just all came pouring out.

"I just feel so bad for the little guy! He's always out there fighting the good fight, doing what he knows is right, and he gets hurt every single time. And then it turns out that the people he's helping are idiots who keep sending him into danger for no reason. I mean, I know he's just a doll and all, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings! Remember Sid? Huh? He was a doll and he had feelings, just like Buddy! But Sid found some peace, and poor Buddy just keeps getting the crap kicked out of him. He falls out of an airplane, he blows up in a car, he gets shot through a telephone pole, and no one ever even says thank you! And through it all, he keeps that brave little smile on his face. But I know he's hurting inside. He's just afraid to show it. Who can blame him? If he said something, they'd probably just hurt him some more." As soon as she stopped speaking, the tears came. Not a lot of them, but they were there just the same, and she ducked her head down so I wouldn't see.

Through all of this, I just sat there listening in wonder. My head propped on my hand, my jaw open. She was amazing, there's no other way to put it. God help me, I felt bad for the little blob of plastic. And believe me, I realized exactly how ridiculous that was. I wanted to laugh at first, but when she started crying I reached over and drew her into my arms. As soon as I did she started crying harder and threw her arms around me. I tried to think of anything that might make her feel better, but let's face it, this was Outer Limits territory as far as comforting words went. The usual stuff wasn't going to cut it. I was pretty surprised when an idea suddenly dawned on me, but I shouldn't have been. Willow brings out the best in people.

"Will?" She didn't hear me. She wasn't crying as hard as I'd seen her in the past, not by a long shot, but she was still sniffling up a storm. "Will?" Louder this time, and it got her attention. She turned to look up at me. I brought my hand up to wipe the tears away from her eyes. "I have two thoughts here. Which is a rare and joyous occasion for me, so let's take a moment just to savor it, shall we?"

She smiled a bit at that and I went on. "Okay, the first thought is that Buddy isn't as unappreciated as you think. Let's not forget the latest commercial, huh? 'Buddy Lee is Buddy Lee in Buddy Lee: Man Of Action!' The guy's got his own made-up movie, Will! And he's got a cool announcer guy pointing out that he has a 'backbone the size of Missouri!' The guy's whole body is barely as big as a twinkie but he has a backbone the size of Missouri, Will! I think the Lee folks are holding Buddy up as an example to us all. He gets hurt and he has to deal with ungrateful jerks, yes, but he keeps on keeping on and doing the right thing, like you said. Because he can't do anything else, Will. He's Buddy Lee and that sort of thing just comes with the territory when you're a Man Of Action. And I for one am glad he's out there, dammit. The world's a better place with him in it."

She seemed unsure, like she thought I was teasing, but I wasn't. God help me, I meant every word about that little plastic bastard. But it wasn't just him I was talking about. "Will, it's not just Buddy is it?" She looked at me like she didn't know what I was talking about, but her eyes told me that she did. "It's about Buffy. It's about how Buffy goes out every single night and risks her life to save the world, or maybe just a little piece of it. Maybe just one person who's alive this morning because Buffy was there for them last night, but they'll never know. It's about how no one but us knows she's doing it and how no one but us appreciates it and how she's gonna get killed someday because she can't walk away from it no matter how much she says she wants to." Willow started crying for real now, sobbing into my shirt. I'd never heard her cry this hard. I started crying too. I didn't even notice until Willow looked up at me and wiped at my face with her hand. She knows I hate to cry. Normally, anyways, but not then. I pulled her to me as tight as I could and went on. "It's about how unfair that is and how there's nothing we can really do to help her. And it's about how we try anyways, we do our best to take even a little bit of the weight off of her shoulders, and how it's so damned hard to do even what little we can, and how it breaks our heart to realize it's not even a fraction of what she goes through, but it's the best we can do." I could feel the sobs struggling to burst from my chest, but I held on and kept control. I had to say this. Buffy needed me to say this. "It's about how we'll probably get killed doing this just like she will, and how that scares the hell out of us but we don't let it stop us. We can't let it stop us. Because there's nothing else we can do. If we walk away and save ourselves, we'd be abandoning the whole world. But that doesn't mean a thing compared to the fact that we'd be abandoning our best friend to fight alone, and there's no way we can do that. It's about how if we have to die to make sure she knows she's not alone, we'll do it without thinking twice. Not because she's the Slayer. Not because she saves the world. Because she's Buffy. Our friend. And because she's worth dying for just because she's our friend. Because we love her." Willow was bawling now, and I finally broke. We both clutched each other and cried like babies, holding nothing back, sobbing our feelings out with our whole heart and soul.

I don't know how long we cried. I don't care. Long enough to let some of the pain go. The pain for Buffy and the pain for ourselves. Willow was the first one to stop. She's always been the strong one, even though she'd never agree. She held me and rocked me as I finished crying. She's done that for me more times than I can count, and every single time I've been embarrassed on some level. Real men don't cry, that sort of thing. Embarrassed by my weakness. Not this time. Never again. Life's too short to worry about looking weak in front of someone who loves you. I could be weak in front of Willow, and that only made me stronger. Or something. I'm not a philosopher.

Finally I cried myself out, and moved out of Willow's arms. I reached over to wipe her face off, and she did the same for me. Then we just looked at each other for a second.

"Buffy." We both said it at the exact same time. And we didn't say another word as we got up and got our coats and crosses and stakes and holy water and other slaying-stuff. Right before we left Willow let out a little yelp and dashed back into the kitchen. She came back with the last carton of ice cream and three spoons. Then I took her hand in mine as we left the house and walked into the night to find Buffy and remind her that she wasn't alone. That she'd never be alone.

God bless Buddy Lee, that's all I can say.

NOTES:

This probably didn't make a whole lot of sense to people who aren't Buddy Lee fans. Take a look at his site at www.buddylee.com if you're interested. Cool stuff.

I'm not entirely sure where Xander's Buddy=Buffy speech came from. This was originally intended to be fairly light- hearted in an "Awww, cute, Willow cries at commercials!" kind of way. I was all set to finish it up at 1 or 2 in the morning one night when I couldn't sleep, when Xander started crying and saying all this angsty stuff about Buffy's destiny to die young. I sure as hell didn't write all that, I just typed it. But what the heck, I'm willing to take the credit.

Several people pointed out that while the Buddy=Buffy idea is good, you can also make a damn good case for Buddy= Xander. I think they're absolutely right - both Buddy and Xander are Men Of Action, out there fighting the good fight with a smile on their face no matter how much they get hurt. It never even occurred to me before other people mentioned it, but I'm gonna say my subconscious knew it all along.

The End