Watching and waiting.
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the WB, I've just borrowed them for a while.
Rating: PG
The
moonlight shone through the window, its pale light dancing over her, bathing her
skin with its gentle touch. Her
auburn hair glowed gently, framing her face, accentuating her beauty.
My heart pounded as I watched her; unable to push the feelings of love
I’d hidden not only from her, but also myself.
I moved to
sit beside her, my hand gently grasping hers, marveling at the warmth and
softness of her skin. A tear
escaped from my eye, rolling slowly down my cheek.
I silently wished that her eyes would open, revealing her emerald green
eyes that have filled my life with joy for the past twenty years. But I know that it’s a frivolous dream. The Doctors told me that it would only be a matter of time,
before she leaves me forever.
I’ve sat here waiting.
Waiting for her to leave me. To leave me alone, in a world that I’ve
grown to hate, as I’ve watched it take everyone I’ve ever cared about from
me, first Jesse, then Kendra, Anya and Buffy, and now Willow.
I closed my eyes, images of her
danced through my mind. The images
bring back memories of our friendship that I’ve cherished my whole life, our
first day at school, our first dance, her first Christmas.
So much of my life has been spent with her, imagining a life without her
is so hard. Although my biggest
regret, my biggest regret is not telling her how much I love her.
I told her once, but that was so
long ago, but even then, I wasn’t really sure it was love.
I knew I loved her as a friend, I always have.
But it wasn’t until the moment I saw her laying in this hospital bed
that it hit me. Hit me like a
thunderbolt. I realised just how much I truly loved her, how she moulded my
life, shaped me, helped me to become the man I am today.
How much my life depends on her. Even
though we’ve had our hard times, where our friendship nearly disappeared,
we’ve never let our connection be completely severed.
Deep down inside we’ve always had a connection that we’ve developed
over time. Something that I’ve never been able to build with anyone
else, not even Anya.
Whenever I think of her, she’s
always smiling. Her smile has
lighted my life, made me realise that there can be happiness in a world that for
me has always been filled with pain. I
wish that I could see her smile once more, once more before she leaves me
forever.
I run my fingers through her hair,
cherishing its softness and committing it to memory, to file with all of the
other memories that will stay deep in my heart forever.
Her breathing becomes shallower. I know she won’t be with me for much longer.
I know that I have to tell her now, or live the rest of my life filled
with regret. I inhale deeply,
preparing to share with her what I’ve kept hidden from myself for far too
long. I lean forward, grazing my
lips over her forehead, before sharing the words that will open my heart to her,
just once.
“I love you, Willow.”
The words slip from my lips, breaking the silence and stillness of the
room.
I wait, holding her hand, watching
as she takes her final breaths. My
heart slowly breaks as I watch her fade, a look of peace crossing her face as
she takes her last breath. As she
expels her last breath, her eyes briefly open, revealing one last time the
beauty and secrets they’ve held during her life.
As I look into her eyes, it’s as if she wanted to look into my eyes one
last time, just as I so desperately wanted to look into hers once more.
“Goodbye.” I utter as tears
flow freely from my eyes, my heart and soul crying out with the realisation of
how much I’ve lost, lost at the hands of evil.
The silence in the room is
deafening. I’m alone.
More alone than I’ve ever been before.
This is the start, the start of my future without her.
I gently close her eyes with my
hand. Before I leave I kissed her
forehead one last time. I stand up,
looking at the body that once contained my best friend, my one true love. I turn slowly, walking behind on my past, walking towards my
future. A future filled with
uncertainty, a future without Willow. It’s
going to be hard to keep walking into the future, but I know it’s what she
would have wanted.
As I reach the doorway, I turn once more, glancing towards my friend. She looks as if she’s fast asleep, but I know that she’ll never wake up. “Goodbye, Will.” I turn and leave my past behind, stepping out into the uncertainty of the future, hoping that one day I’ll have the chance to meet her again.
The End