Betrayal 4
©12-4-04

By Starema


Brian was at a loss. Why did Justin leave? What went wrong? James wasn’t teasing. He could tell. He had done something so different by asking his name. He knew this guy would never be a trick. He had looked around to no avail. He was not only at a loss but felt a loss, as if a limb had been removed. He knew he had to find him. All thoughts of tricking went out the window of his mind. All he wanted to do was make it right. Somehow he had to have James Tate in his life. He couldn’t understand what he was feeling. It felt so strange. He felt so warm in a way he never felt before. It wasn’t from being high or from dancing, or better yet from anticipation of a trick. It was from something he had never known, never felt before and he wanted to feel that again, not the emptiness he now felt. What the fuck am I feeling? How could this be? I am not a lesbian, yet….

Brian had given up outside. James Tate was beautiful on the outside and that was what had attracted him over to the blond but it was more than that. The energy emanating from him, pure sexuality, the sheer purity, an innocence, a joy mixed with sadness made him want to protect him so much. They had shared something without words that transcended anything he thought possible. He had to feel it again. He had to be around it. He had to find him. He had to find him before he left. He just had to. He would accept nothing else.

Everyone had seen Justin run out and the handsome man after him. What had he done? What did he say? No one knew him. He was just a newbie. He probably asked for sex they all murmured between themselves. All the regulars knew better. The ride of the dance on the dance floor was all they ever wanted knowing this man. It was fun just to share him once in a while, but they all protected him. Now the handsome tall gentleman came back in alone and by his face they knew he was smitten with James’ power to seduce and to envelop each in his web. They had all felt it and had learned to live without.

Brian went about the place dancing with one or another trying to find out something to go on. Everyone was mute, trying to protect him. Brian finally went over to the bartender. “Beam, double it.” The bartender knew who he was. He had served him when he had come to Chicago before. “Brian, he isn’t your type.” “My type?” “Yes, he doesn’t trick. He never frequents the backroom. I saw you dancing and James ran out on you. The great Brian Kinney didn’t get his man.” “John, I want to make it up to him. I just want to talk to him. Please.” “Well, we protect him here. We don’t allow anyone to hurt him. He has enough hurt for a lifetime. He just comes here to dance. You and he looked so good together. Like you belonged. I am gonna get into trouble for this but I know where he lives.” John jotted down the address. I have never done this. You are a slut and he isn’t, but there is something that screamed when you too were dancing. We all felt it. I don’t think you will hurt him. If I hear you did, I will cut your balls off. Understand. I mean it.” “Understood.” Brian left giving John a big tip.

He had a cab take him to the address. He sat in the taxi for a few minutes trying to get the courage to confront James Tate. Something nagged at him. He didn’t know what; he just knew that something was familiar about the blond. He just couldn’t put his finger on it. “Mister, you getting out. The meter is running.” “Ah, yes. Could you wait to see if I get inside? If not I will need you to get back to my hotel.” He queried as he handed the cabbie his fee and a huge tip. “To ensure you wait for me if necessary. He had given him a fifty dollar tip. “Yeah, sure, whatever you need.” Brian got out and walked to the door.

Justin was in the living room, agitated. He had cried. He just knew this was the man for him, the one he had been waiting for and now he would never have him. Why did they have to meet? How could life be so cruel? He had so much adversity in his short life, why now when he couldn’t share himself. Maybe he would go and paint what he was feeling. He got up and was walking to his studio when his buzzer rang. “Who the fuck would be ringing my bell at 1:30 in the morning.” He said out loud as his curiosity took the better of him. He opened the door without looking through the peephole. To his surprise, his hazel-eyed Adonis was staring at him. James was about to slam the door but Brian spoke. “Please James, let me in. We have to talk. I need to talk.” There was something in the man’s voice that touched James. “Okay, but only to talk.” Brian walked inside introducing himself. He had not given his name before. James locked them in. Now what has brought you all this way? “James, you’ve been crying.” James looked away ashamed. “Don’t be ashamed. Why were you crying and why did you run?” “I can’t tell you that. I’m sorry.” “Did I do something wrong?” “No.” he said softly. “Then why? Why did you run away?”

“I can’t tell you that.” “You are no tease James. I felt the energy, the need. Your dick was as hard as mine. You moved to me. We connected not like tricks. We connected in a way I don’t understand. All I know is I felt such loss when you left. Damn! I sound like a lesbian.” James finally smiled. Then he laughed. It was a hysterical laugh. A laugh that could scare anyone. James was losing it. “You want to know why I left.” “Yes.” It was now Brian’s turn to speak in a whisper.

“I was a top. Not no more. Married to my right hand I am and not completely by choice. Never was one to just have trick after trick. I always wanted a relationship, kids, and love but I am not allowed to have that. Never again can I dream.” As James was talking, his eyes were closed. He didn’t want to see the expression on Brian’s face when he told him he was positive. Since Brian couldn’t have eye contact, his eyes roamed the room they were in. on each wall were paintings. He knew the stylized talent. It was JT. He had gotten several himself when you could still get them at $5000. Now they were selling for seven times that. The nagging feeling got stronger and then it clicked. This man was not James Tate. He was Justin Taylor. At that realization, he knew why Justin ran out. He was positive. Emotions played on his face. Anger, then rage, then resignation to the truth. Justin had a life sentence over his head. He fought to contain his emotions. Now he knew why everyone was protective of him at the club. “Stop!” “Stop, I thought you wanted an answer.” “I did. I do. I know.” “Know?” “Yes, I know. I didn’t until this moment. All I knew is I needed you in my life somehow. I had to feel how I felt once again. I need you. But…it doesn’t have to be sexual to be. I need you. You warm me. You make me feel something I have never felt. I don’t know if it is love. Never experienced love even from my folks, but it is a purity, an innocence mixed with such devastating sadness, and so much more. I need to feel it, be around it. I really sound like a pussy.” “Or a girly man.” “Yeah, a Girly-man.” “Have you seen Christian since the trial?” “Yes, we talked, had a latte together but that was all. Daphne keeps me sane. How did you know?” “I didn’t, though I had a nagging feeling of familiarity. It wasn’t till you started talking and you used some phrases you used at the trial and then I noticed the artwork that I put two and two together. I own several of your paintings by the way. I was thinking of going back to the gallery and purchasing ‘Desire’s Slave’ tomorrow though I spent so much less for the others. It will be a great investment. Can I call you Justin?” “Yes, though I changed my name so that I could get some peace.” “So Justin, why were you crying?” Brian had stopped him from talking so that he didn’t have to come out and say the dreaded word. This way he could save face knowing I knew. Immediately, Brian could see a change in Justin. The sadness grew and anger too, but another emotion too was in the mix.

“Brian, you say you need me. I need you. I felt I had finally found my true love when our eyes met. I had waited for you my whole life, but I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t ask you to risk it all by being my lover. I just wanted to enjoy the time we could share on the dance floor and then grieve the loss of yet another dream. That is why I was crying. I couldn’t take the responsibility knowing someday a condom could break. I am a top and I know you are also. Your sexuality exudes off you. You aren’t like me. You love the club scene, the back rooms, and the many tricks. I can tell. Besides, you are leaving and I have to continue here. I miss making love. The passion, the heat, the emotions, and the great orgasms that go with it, but I won’t allow myself the temptation. I had no choice. I did every damn thing right and I still have it.” “Justin, you deserve love just like a diabetic, an alcoholic, or anyone with a life threatening disease. I need you Justin in my life and I will take you any way I can get you. You are right. I am a slut. I take care of myself. I am careful. Please allow me into your life, if not as a lover then as a friend. I would take my chances. Hell, I probably have already. I don’t exactly ask if my tricks are positive.” “You should.” “I don’t because I don’t plan on ever knowing them. By the way, John gave me your address with the stipulation that my balls are his if I hurt you.” Justin laughed. “Good ol’ John. He wouldn’t have given it up easily. He must have seen something in you.” This time Brian chuckled. “Yeah, he did. He knew you had gotten in under my walls. He knows me too. He knows what an asshole I can be, but I never showed that with you. He said we make a great couple.” “He has always wanted me to find someone. So I smooth your edges. Can you live with that?” “Yeah, I can. I want to.” “Brian, I won’t give myself to you. I can’t.” “Not now, but who knows. Besides, there are things we can do without fucking.” “Hmmm. That sounds good.” Brian took Justin into his arms and held him. Justin sat between his legs, Brian’s chin resting on his head. They talked to the wee hours of dawn, that special time where lovers cling to the hopes of the night and are not touched by the glaring reality of day.

Justin fell asleep on his chest and Brian slipped from behind and then lifted him up into his arms and carried him he hoped to where he would find his bedroom. Only when Brian found the room and brought him to the bed pulling back the duvet and placing him gently upon the pillow and sheets did Justin murmur something. “Sleep with me Brian.” Brian pulled off Justin’s clothes and then his own and lay down beside him. It had been an emotional evening for the two of them. Brian felt a calm come over him and he cuddled by Justin spooning him. If the gang could see him now, he thought, they wouldn’t believe their eyes. He was surprised to see how tired he was. Suddenly, his eyes were laden and he couldn’t stay awake. He wanted to watch Justin sleep. He was so beautiful. His heart went out to him.

The next morning, actually later that day, Justin woke finding himself enveloped in Brian’s arms. It had not been a dream. He was really still here. His heart beat a little faster. Could they just be friends? He had to get away from Brian. They would slip up. He wanted Brian so much. He wanted to taste him, make love to him. Temptation. Brian had told him he would be leaving in twelve hours so maybe he could dream for a little longer. Maybe he could tempt fate. At least, he could give his man a blowjob. There was no harm in that. Brian was starting to stir. The sheets were tented. Justin snuck under the sheets and clamped his mouth around Brian’s cock. It felt so hard and Justin was eager to taste him. Brian’s eyes shot open realizing what was happening. He looked down and saw nothing but Justin’s outline in the sheet. He pulled the sheet off them needing to watch his lover. Lover, he liked the sound of that. What had gotten into him? He watched as Justin bobbed, every so often raising his blue beautiful eyes to him and then he would go back to his work. Brian could sense the passion this man had in his lovemaking and he knew he would have to experience more. He also knew he couldn’t push. He was surprised that he was getting this. He didn’t want to shut him down. He wanted to enjoy his company till he left. This boy is talented. He was already on the edge. He tried to hold back so that he could still feel Justin’s tongue and lips, but he was too good. With a lick to the slit and a finger up his hole, Brian shot fast and furious down Justin’s throat over and over again. Justin loved it. It tasted better than he imagined. Brian pulled Justin up and started kissing him fervently. They kissed and kissed just wanting the contact. Brian wanted to reciprocate but he knew that Justin would balk so Brian kept kissing him while his hand went to his dick and started stroking it. He couldn’t catch anything if he just jerked him off. Justin had stiffened when he realized what had been happening and it wasn’t just his cock that had stiffened. “Justin, calm down. It is only a handjob. There is no way in hell, I could get infected by that. Let me reciprocate. You felt so good around me baby. You felt so right. I never felt like that baby. Let me do this for you.” Brian couldn’t believe he was calling someone baby. Justin relented. Allowing himself to relax into the feeling. For once it was someone else. It felt so good. He moaned. Brian smiled. Justin started to move into his hand, the need for release intensifying. Soon he came with a scream.

The two held each other after. Justin making sure that Brian’s hand was cleaned off with antibacterials. Brian humored him but he laughed to himself.

They spent the afternoon and evening in each others company. When it came time to catch the plane, Brian left looking back, wishing he could stay. Justin figured it would be the last of the hazel-eyed man for they lived in different cities. It was time to get back to the real world. Brian had given him a reprieve from reality. Now he was alone and still positive and he had to deal with life alone. At least he had a memory to cherish.

Chapter 3||| Betrayal||| Chapter 5