It was a quiet flight back to the Pitts and Brian tried to work on his laptop but he couldn’t get Justin out of his mind. What was going on with him? He still felt a loss now that he was away from him. How did this kid get through to him and why? He knew he admired him during the trial. He couldn’t understand his not wanting to trick even before he became positive but somehow it fit him. He never wanted love. He had lived without it all his life. How good could it be with heartache and pain both good and bad? Love bit him and the bite went straight to the soul. Just that one day and he already felt different. He wanted to call him right now but he was on a plane and it was the wee hours of the morning. He was gonna go straight to the office with his bags and tidy up some things. The art department had screwed up. He had responded to Cynthia’s email that it would be fixed by the time she got in.

Arriving and hurrying at the crack of dawn to Kinnetik, Brian placed the new contract on the desk of the head of legal. He then went to the art department to deal with the disaster. He was relieved to find that it wasn’t as bad as he thought. He immediately gave written instructions for the new mockups. Once he had put out all the fires, Brian went back to his office and breathed a sigh of relief. He wished Cyn was there with a cup of coffee. He could sure use one. Deciding he could take a catnap, he lay down upon the couch. His dreams were not of sugar plums but of a beautiful blond man with the most gorgeous baby blues. He moaned in his sleep as he played over how he had awakened the day before. Cynthia walked in to find him murmuring Justin’s name in his sleep. She noticed his hard on. Who couldn’t? She had already set up the coffee to perk, but had brought a latte for him knowing he would need it immediately. She just stood there listening to him in his dream. She had caught him snoozing before but never had he ever verbally called out another’s name. This intrigued her. Leaving the latte on his desk she went back to hers and decided to give the boss a few more minutes of probably much needed sleep. She had come in earlier than expected knowing that Brian would have a list of things for her to do. She found the list on her desk when she had arrived at her desk.

I wonder what that is all about. We have no Justin as a client. He must have met someone. Could it be true? Could he finally have found someone that might help him to settle down? I need details. I need to know what is going on with my boss. With my friend. Their relationship was much more than Boss and assistant. She protected her boss whenever possible and she listened to his woes and dreams. Ten minutes later, knock, knock. “Come in.” Brian picked himself up and tidied his hair with his hands as he sits up.

“Brian, are you okay. Here’s your latte. More coffee is ready. The latte may be cold now because you were sleeping.”

“I’m okay. Just tired. Didn’t get to the loft when I came in, I came straight here. Fixed up the mess. Anything you need to tell me.” “Everything is on your desk including messages. Only the usual. EyeCore wants you to call them. They are a little skiddish about the campaign. Why don’t you go home and sleep?” “No, I can’t. I need to make sure that the art department doesn’t fuck up the corrections. Besides, there are a few other things I need to get done.” “Okay Boss, I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Ah! Can I ask a question?” “Since when do you ask permission?” “Since it may be personal. Who’s Justin?” That came out of left field. Brian visibly reacted to the name. Then he tried to cover it up. “Too late boss.” Brian nodded. He had been caught. He thought to ignore the question but Cynthia wasn’t like one of the gang. The gang he kept at a distance, not Cynthia. She was so much more important to him in several ways. She was his own fag hag, confidante, as well as, the best assistant imaginable. He patted the couch next to him. She sat down and waited glad she had brought her coffee with her. She had also brought more for Brian. She knew he always answered her questions even if it took a while. Brian just sat and sipped trying to decide how much he was going to tell her. She was patient. She had done this enough in the years she worked for Brian. He needed her and she sensed it. She also knew that at times he wished he could share his feelings with his friends but they liked it the way it was—him aloof and unreadable so they could use him as a human pincushion when things went sour for them. He didn’t keep her waiting long to her surprise. Brian started off with a question.

“Do you remember the news for a while about a gay boy who was charging a doctor with giving him HIV?” “Yeah, didn’t he win?” “Yeah, but what kind of a win? He is still HIV positive and his life is ruined. I remember admiring him for his courage to take down a man of his stature. He purported himself so well in court. It was amazing how the D.A. got the man to confess, the conceited asshole.” “Yeah, so? Wasn’t his name Justin?”

“Score one for you. Yeah, it was. I met him Cyn. I met him with another name. He had to change his name. I met this guy James Tate in a club. He was dancing by himself. He was so hot and so beautiful. More so, than on the screen. I just drowned in his eyes. I was drawn to him. Didn’t know who he was at the time. We danced several dances, each one hotter than the last. Our bodies were rubbing each other. The intensity of our need grew greater for each of us. I actually asked his name. I never do that. Somehow I felt something I have never felt before. I felt warmed to the core, to my soul. I needed to be around this man. I needed also to move it up a level. Dancing didn’t seem to be enough anymore. I asked him to come to my hotel and he completely bolted. I ran after him. I never run after a trick but I did him. By the time I got outside, he was nowhere. The strange thing is I felt such loss. Never felt that either. I just had to find him and make amends somehow. He is no trick Cyn. He is so much more that it hurts. I didn’t know what I did but I had to talk to him. The club is very protective of Justin. No one would tell me anything. I went to the bartender who knows me. He is always at the club when I am in Chicago on business. He knows what I am like. He used to live here in the Pitts so he really does know my reputation. It seems Justin doesn’t trick. He just comes to the club to dance. Everyone was aware of that fact but me. John took pity on me and gave me the kid’s address. He is no kid. He is older than his years. He won’t have sex with anyone. He won’t take responsibility for possibly giving them HIV if a condom broke. He has resigned himself to a life of celibacy. He felt the same thing. He was crying when I arrived at his home. He said he finally found his true love only to know that he couldn’t have it now because he was positive. He said he was grieving for yet another lost dream. My heart went out to him.” Brian took a few more sips then started again. Cynthia just listened. She knew she couldn’t respond yet, not until he was done or else he would clam up. “I didn’t know he was who he was but I had this feeling of familiarity probably because I had watched the tail end of the trial. I told him we had to talk and that I needed him. It was strange but by then I wasn’t thinking with my dick. For once it wasn’t about sex, it was about making it right. I asked him why he ran away and then why he had been crying. He started laughing hysterically. It scared me. You should have heard him. Then he started answering my questions as my eyes looked around. His were closed. I don’t think he wanted to see my reaction when he told me he was positive. One night and my life has completely changed. One night and it almost went up in smoke. I told him I knew so he didn’t have to tell me. I figured it out with a few phrases he had said that reminded me of the trial and the paintings all around the place. Too many for one person to have of one artist without being the artist. I knew the style. I own some JT works including that one behind my desk. His art has always spoken to me. Now I feel like someone cut off a limb, yet I feel the pain in that limb. I only know him since Saturday night yet I feel like I have known him forever. What am I going to do? We live in different states. He thinks he can’t live a full life. I need him Cyn; I need to hold him, love him, and show him someone cares. What has gotten into me? I feel at such a loss. I feel lost. What am I to do?” Cyn saw the anguish and pain that only love could bring. She had been there once. It was no fun. Finally, her hope for her boss had hit him and there was resistance.

“Brian, you have to wear down his walls. They are different then yours. They are there to protect others not just to hold people at bay like yours. Call him. Talk to him. Make him see he has a friend. You landed Brown so you will have to go to Leo Brown with the full boards soon. Use that time to see him. You told me that he was crying because he found his dream man but he felt he couldn’t allow himself to be with him. Show him he can’t be without you. In time, he will allow you to get inside. Maybe you can coax him to visit here and just form some new memories. He has had enough sorrow. Build a friendship, one that he can’t live without. As for what is happening to you, Brian, you have fallen in love and love changes someone even if it was just for a moment. It has such power that you will never be the person you were before you met him. Now you have to grab on to it and ride it for all your worth. Be patient. I know that is hard for you, but try. You need to not be the asshole so many are found of seeing. I know you had this in you. You are a real softy inside.” Glaring, Brian finally nodded. Cyn paused and let him ponder while she took a few sips. “Accept the miniscule changes and larger changes will come over you. For instance, you wanted him physically, but then you just needed to be near him and comfort him. That goes with love. As well as pain. You have to nurture it and not run away from it. Why don’t you send him something, an email, a bouquet of flowers, or just give him a call. I can tell you need to hear his voice.” “I do,” Brian whispered. “I didn’t hear you.” “I do. I need him so much. I feel like a lesbian. Fuck! I really want a relationship with him. I am really fucked, aren’t I?” “No boss, you are just in love and it’s about time you allowed it. It is going to be a rough ride but I know you can do it. Whenever you have wanted something, you didn’t give up until you accomplished it. Relationships are a good thing. They make you come alive. You feel. You join with someone making yourself vulnerable and yet surrendering your heart and your very being to that person makes you complete. I know it is scary, especially for you. You have made yourself a set of castle walls around you so that you couldn’t get hurt and to know that you have to shed those walls so Justin can shed his is going to be tough. It will feel strange. It will probably start to crumble and you will try to resurrect them when things get rough. Be vulnerable. I think that is what Justin needs right now. He needs to see who you really are. Are you in love or just love his beauty inside and out. Like you said, it is the innocence that he still holds onto that attracts you. How can he still hold onto it with all that has happened to him? Now I am going to get you some more coffee. You already had the latte and the cup I brought when I came here to talk. Think about what I said. Then decide your plan of action. Just don’t be stupid and allow this love to die before it could truly be started.” Cyn had given him food for thought. Now it had to gel.