Pairing: BJCD

Brian still hurt. They went off to breakfast but he could hardly turn his head without pain. He was frustrated. He wanted to fuck so much and knew he couldn’t handle the movement. He had to figure out something. He couldn’t go on like this. He had to figure out a way to have fun. It was one thing to have a blowjob but quite another to ride his boy. God, he loved his taste and him but he just couldn’t say it in words. He had come to realize how much Justin had meant to him. It was more than he thought it was possible.

After breakfast the girls went their way while Brian went back to bed to rest. He hated having to rest so much. Justin finished up the art. When Brian woke up it was done and Justin was sitting by his side naked. Now that was a sight to wake up to and he got up too fast. Regret was an understatement and he fell down into the pillows. Justin would have laughed at Brian’s expression if he wasn’t so concerned, but he tried not to say anything. He knew how Brian hated to need help. “Do you want to see what I did?” “Yes.” Justin pulled up the boards that were beside the bed. They were perfect. He had done an extra one because he had gotten an idea. It was not what they had discussed. He hoped that Brian could use it. He really liked this one.

“Justin, you outdid yourself. These are exceptional.”

“Brian, I did one more. It isn’t in the parameters we discussed but I know you will like it. I hope you could use it. If not, I will keep it for my portfolio.”

Brian noticed the anxious look of his lover. He looked it over but didn’t say anything. His mind started spinning with ways it could be used. It was the best of the lot, but now his presentation would have to be changed. He furrowed his brow. The minutes became hours to Justin, but then Brian spoke.

“Justin, this is perfect. I should have come up with this concept. Can you do one more on this theme while I make a call?” Relief in his eyes, he nodded and went to work. Brian set up for the presentation in two hours. He knew Justin would be done well before then. He reworked his presentation to take in the new campaign. It was going to be awesome. Justin seemed to always know what he needed in personal as well as his professional life.

Later that day, the presentation went without a hitch. Mr. Butterroll and Mr. Blackwell were thrilled with the new boards. Better than they had dreamed. They decided to celebrate. The contract was signed and faxed over. They would start after the cruise was finished. Now was time to rest instructed Mr. Butterroll. Justin took Brian back to the room. Brian was tired and his head ached but he needed to feel Justin. He took to bed knowing how inviting it was. He had no energy to get undressed. Damn! This concussion is gonna be the death of him. Justin noticed the pain Brian was trying so hard to hide. Justin took off Brian’s shoes and socks lovingly and then he helped him into bed. He pulled the T off him. Brian had not gotten dressed up for the presentation. Mr. Blackwell had threatened that they wouldn’t even look at the presentation if he got dolled up knowing full well how much effort it was taking Brian. In fact, since they were not able to enjoy this cruise and Brian would not be allowed to go back to work right away though he would be feeling a little better in a few days, they had told Brian Kinney that he, Justin, Cynthia, and Desire would all be kept on board until such time as he felt better. There was even a clause put into the contract that Brian was to stay on the ship for the next month. Mr. Blackwell and Mr. Butterroll could not stand that Brian had gotten so badly hurt. It was the kind of concussion that could be painful for six weeks or more. Brian would be able to get some of the first ads out from the ship. Though Brian would not tell Justin, he secretly liked the fact that they were being blackmailed into staying onboard. There was so much he had planned on doing with Justin. Mr. Blackwell had great clout and was able to arrange for Justin’s homework and no penalties for not being at school. He made arrangements for Desire to stay on an extra ten days. She didn’t want to miss work that long. She loved her job. Cynthia and Brian weren’t a problem. Gardner Vance was more than thrilled to get the contract. If the owners were wanting Kinney to stay on, he wasn’t going to complain nor was he going to make waves, besides, Brian could handle things through email. He had before.

“Brian fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow. Justin got his pants off after he had dozed off and then he also undressed. He felt a need to cuddle and wrapped himself around Brian who turned to him unconsciously. Justin soon was lulled to sleep by Brian’s heartbeat and breathing. He didn’t know how long he slept but was awakened by Brian’s soft sounds, sounds that resembled sobs. Brian was crying in his sleep. Justin held Brian closer to him, cradling him, rocking him so that he wouldn’t wake. He couldn’t understand what could be causing it. Was it the pain? Was it that bad? Was it the fact that Brian was frustrated? He knew how much Brian wanted to make love to him. He just softly kept saying. Shhh now! Shhh now! It will be okay. I am here over and over again. Whatever it is that is upsetting Brian, it must be huge. To be so upset after getting such a great contract, it scares me. Brian doesn’t wake up but he starts calling out for Justin. “Justin, Justin, where are you? Don’t leave me. Justin, Justin!”

“I’m here Brian. I won’t leave you.”

“Justin, I can’t see you. Where are you? Don’t leave me.” Brian was having a dream of his greatest fear. “Justin, I love you. I really do. Don’t leave.” Justin is nowhere in sight. “Oh, if only I could tell you but I can’t. God, where did you go? I thought you knew. You are nowhere to be found.” The sobs slowly subsided. Justin could see that his features were getting calmer. What the hell was that about, he wondered? Justin had started to caress Brian’s cheek as he had started talking out loud. It was what had calmed Brian. Brian did get another nightmare in his sleep and he started to talk again. “Blood, so much blood.” He was tossing in his bed and each movement he would scream out with pain. Justin moved Brian and put Brian’s head on his chest. “Calm Brian, hear my heart. I am right here. This calmed Brian again but he woke up shortly after the dream ended.

He looked up into Justin’s concerned eyes. “What’s wrong Sunshine? Why are you looking like that?”

“You were speaking in your sleep. Are you okay? Do you remember your dream? You kept calling out to me, trying to find me. I am right here. I am going nowhere. Brian, I love you. I am not leaving anywhere.”

“You smoking something. Why would I worry about that?”

“Brian, come off it. You were sobbing real tears and you were saying I was gone and you couldn’t find me. I was nowhere to be found. You tried and tried. You even said, “You couldn’t say the three words.” And you wondered if I would have stayed if you had. Brian, I know you love me. Words aren’t everything. I have you. You are all I will ever want.” Brian was getting uncomfortable. He remembered the dreams. He always does, but he never remembered crying before. He closed his eyes and pretended he fell back to sleep. The dreams made him need Justin even more. He made a decision no matter how much it would hurt. He remembered how they had made love again after the bashing. Maybe, just maybe, he could spoon his lover. It had much less movement.

“You can’t fool me. You aren’t asleep.”

“I know. I was just trying to figure out something. Justin, do you remember how we made love the first time after the bashing. How you lied on your side and I slowly moved inside you. I need you baby. I need you so much. I need to feel inside you. I need to make love to you. Please, can we try? If it becomes too much then I guess you will have to become the driver for a while. This is killing me.”

“I know it is. Are you sure? I could do you and we can try another day for you. You really were in pain earlier.”

“I know.” He barely whispered. His eyes said how much he needed to try and Justin understood.

“Promise me if it is too much you will stop. I don’t care how far gone I am. We stop. Okay.”

“Okay.”

The two already naked laid on their right sides. Brian in back of Justin, Justin didn’t want Brian to do too much so he lubed his fingers and prepared himself. Brian watched, his eyes glazing over from the sight, his cock growing harder. Justin put the condom on his man. “I’m ready. Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Brian needed to do this, but he wasn’t sure at all. He knew he couldn’t do much for Justin but maybe this. Justin lay on his side again. He had given Brian a show and knew how it had affected him. He hoped that Brian wouldn’t be able to hold out for long. Brian spooned Justin, allowing himself inside access, he pushed in. Oh, how good it felt, he thought. How he had missed it. He put his hand on Justin to support himself as he moved super slowly, Brian leaned back twisting his neck to kiss Brian. Brian moved slowly, gently, at times imperceptively. Justin loved it. His mind was remembering that first time they did this. That night after he had remembered and he had needed contact. He remembered how unsure Brian was and how gentle. Now he was being the same way, making love to him though for different reasons. When Justin sensed that it was getting too much for Brian and as usual, he was playing the strong one, Justin started to move for Brian, slowly. Brian all but stopped letting Justin ride it for him. He tried to smile knowing that Justin was trying to let him save face. Brian was close. He was having a slow burn. He knew Justin would move just right to get him off without much more pain. He felt himself get so close. “Justin.”

Justin started to go faster, a pace change to get him over the edge and he put his own hand on himself, jerking himself off. Brian came. Then a bit later so did Justin. There were tears in Brian’s eyes. “I’m sor…”

“Shh! Brian, it’s okay. It felt so good. I missed it.”

“But…”

“No buts. Now lay back down and I will get you some pills. Take these and water.”

“We are some pair.”

“I know, but you will be fine soon, but when will I ever be?” Justin’s eyes showed Brian so much pain. Sure he was frustrated for a few days but there was no end in sight for Justin. They both knew it. Brian opened his arms and Justin snuggled in. Brian stroked his hair. Justin whimpered. “It felt so good Brian. It brought back so many memories. It was so beautiful that night, that dance. You were so fuckin’ terrified when you walked in. Did all those eighteen year olds scare you, big man?”

Brian pulled his hair. “Nice reply. It was so beautiful your smile when we danced. You let all your walls down. You told me you loved me. You fuckin’ kissed me in public in a hetero setting. You twirled and spun me. You looked so awesome. So beautiful. I want you to get another white scarf. One not bloody. I want to make new memories with it. Brian, you were so open that night and then you shut down. You haven’t been the same since. Please lower your walls now. Forever! I mean it. I know now. I remember. Please.”

“I don’t know if I can. Justin, I am afraid that…that…” Brian turned away and closed his eyes. There were tears in them.

“Brian, don’t close up. What are you afraid of…That I am gonna leave you, that something will happen and we will be apart. I know you still have nightmares from it. Maybe now that I remember, we can talk. It will help both of us.”

“If I do this, I can’t look at you. Okay.”

“Okay. Just answer me.”

“I am afraid that if I hope, something will happen to you. I am afraid because if something good happens to me, something bad follows. I am afraid because I can’t lose you. You opened my heart. I am afraid that if I say the words, it will negate what we have. Something will go wrong. Whenever I said I love you to someone, I was beaten down. Literally. I said it to my father, he hit me. I said it to my mother and she ignored me. They didn’t love. They couldn’t. I am afraid if I admit it, it will go away. I can’t lose you. The closer we get, the stronger I fear it.”

“Losing me or loving me?”

“Both.”

“Oh Brian! What did they do to you that you are so afraid of feeling? Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical. I love you. I need you. I won’t leave you. By the way, thanks for the other night letting me see into your past.”

“That’s okay, but I don’t plan on anything like this in the future. Not in Pittsburgh.”

“Of course not. Back to the Stud. Brian, I only want you to let down your walls around me. Let me in. You don’t have to let the others in. I just need to know what you are thinking. Oh, and no pushing me off cliffs or such. You are all I want. You are what I need. You deserve me.” Brian turned to him at that last statement with a question in his eyes. “Yeah, I know you don’t think you deserve love. Well, you do. I am onto you.” Justin smiled.

They continued to talk about the prom mostly, but about the other things too. Justin hoped that now that he remembered and Brian could tell that he remembered because he had all the fine details to speak of like only an artist’s eye would remember. His eyes also twinkled as he spoke. No longer would they be blank with emotion.

Knock. Knock.

“Come in.” The door was unlocked. The girls came in. Dressed to kill. “Are you two joining us at dinner?” Justin looked at Brian.

“Justin, you can go. I think I will stay here. Earlier was tiring.”

“Ladies, can you go into the sitting room. I need to talk to my partner.” Nodding, they left.

“Brian, what is wrong? I don’t want to leave you. I want to stay. Tomorrow I will go with them. I want to continue our talk.” Justin didn’t really want to leave. Brian was opening up to him and he was afraid that if he left he would lose his chance.

“Justin, just go with the girls. Enjoy it for the two of us. Bring me back something to eat. We will continue our discussion. It is about time for you to know some things. I promise not to shut down. Just go dress and give me some more pills and then go eat. The talking has been a bit heavy and maybe I could use a little break, but I will answer anything you ask, so go.”

“Okay, if you promise.”

“I promise. Now send the girls in here while you shower quickly. They will keep me company.”

“Ah! I am not dressed Brian. Why don’t you call them in after I jump in the shower?”

“Ah! Right.” Justin starts the shower and brings his clothes in with him and hangs them on the rack.

“Cyn, Dee, come talk to me.”

“So Brian, are you coming?”

“No. I want to do a few things tomorrow so I am staying here tonight, but I talked Justin into being your date.”

“Date, Brian?” Dee’s eyebrow was raised. Something she had picked up from Brian. Brian smiled.

“Okay, escort. Cyn, talk him into going dancing. He can’t babysit me all the time. This damn concussion is a drag. He promised me to get me something to eat. Pick out something and have someone else bring it here. He needs some fun. I can’t give him any right now.” Both Cyn and Dee knew what that meant for Brian to admit such a thing. Desire spoke, “You tried, didn’t you and against his better judgment right?”

“Right.”

“Brian, I don’t see you anytime soon doing it. I am sure Justin will understand.”

“He does. It is just that I want to make love to him. He tried to talk me out of it. I even tried the lazy way. You know spooning. You barely move and it still hurt.” Desire nodded. “You have a good partner Kinney. Don’t screw it up.”

“I’m trying.”

“Boss, there is something else bothering you. What is it?”

“He remembers Cyn, every damn detail.”

“Why is that bothering you? You wanted him to remember. You tried so hard to get him to remember.”

“Yeah, well, I am happy for that but now I am having nightmares and he heard me talk in my sleep. Worse, he saw me crying in my sleep. Yeah, I cry. I am not dead.”

Boss, I know that. I have held you too many times. I know you aren’t dead or emotionless.”

“Yeah, well, he wants to talk. I need to talk to you first. Can you bring the food back Cyn. Tell Justin you need to discuss something with me alone. Besides, it isn’t a lie. I know you are dying to ask me a few things.” He winked at Desire. “Or did Desire give you all you needed to know?”

“Not everything. No. Okay, boss whatever you need.”

“Desire, my boy loves to dance. Give him a whirl tonight.” The water turned off, Justin was dressed and he looked fantastic. The girls whistled. Brian licked his lips.

“Brian, don’t even think it.”

“You’re so hot Baby.” Justin blushed.

“Ah! Brian, did you plan the evening for me.”

“Me!”

“Yes, you. I know you don’t want to talk.”

“I made a promise, Sunshine.”

“I know, but you are working on a postponement.”

“Damn!”

“He knows you boss.”

“I know. I know.” The three laughed at Brian’s expense. They only got a glare which made them laugh harder. He was no match for them. They knew him way too well. Justin took each lovely lady on the arm and said. “Let’s go and leave him sulk alone.” They turned and walked out.

After they walked a short distance, Justin spoke. “Okay you two, what does he want you to do? Distract me from talking to him. What?”

“You spooked him Justin. He needs to talk to me about you, about your memory, about talking in general. He is scared Justin. He wants you to go dancing with Dee while he talks to me. I know you are his partner and both of you need to talk but he has had me for years. He needs this. Like you said, it is just a postponement. Give this to him. He feels badly enough that all he planned to do to you and with you has been put on hold.”

“I understand. I also know that he knows that you will tell me. We will play it his way. He waited all this time for me to remember and now I can wait a day or two. It is easier for him here. He doesn’t have to wear the façade here. He has been outed even to the owners so he is free here. It will work to my advantage. The problem is having to go back to Pittsburgh where he will don it again.”

“Justin, you have…”

“I know Cyn. I don’t mind it at work or with the boys. I am just afraid he will go back to being uncommunicative when we get back. I don’t expect him to change completely. I am glad he has you Cyn. I have Daphne.”

“See what did I tell you Dee, Justin is mature beyond his years. He is truly Brian’s equal since Brian is still stuck in time.”

“Don’t say that. He is a good, honest, caring, and loving man. Wait a minute, Cyn, you never say things like that about Brian. What gives?”

“True, but it is also true that Brian was stuck in emotional limbo until you. He still has trouble showing emotion.”

“Yeah. He developed a defense and now it is also habit and fear. He had to protect himself but he is learning. He almost lost me. It changed him. Cyn, it will take time. I am willing to wait. This cruise is helping a lot. He is away from Michael and that allows him to be himself without fear. No one will know besides us three. You two have also seen his true self. I am catching up but somehow I saw it that first night. He says it is the artist eye. I see things through the layers. I think he is right.”

“So what shall we do about Brian’s meal? You taking it Cyn?”

“Yeah, he needs to talk to me.”

“Okay, we will play it his way.”

“Good. It will be good for the two of you.” Cyn states as they walk into the dining room. They eat, talk, meet other people at the table, and then go their separate ways. Cyn has a Hawaiian ham entrée with a large Hawaiian salad with pineapple and coconut on top and other stuff for Brian. Justin goes with Dee to one of the lounges to dance.

They start dancing. The people stop dancing, start muttering among themselves and watch the awesome and beautiful couple.

One person asks, “They are beautiful together but wasn’t he dancing with his lover the other night?”

“Yes, he was, but his lover had an accident. She is a friend of theirs.”

“How do you know?”

“I saw it. It was a diving accident. He hit his head and there was so much blood. The blond dove in and pulled him out. The man was unconscious. You should have heard the blond scream. It woke the dead. It woke the man and he had to get the blond back. The blond seemed in shock. I didn’t see everything but the lover seemed very concerned about the boy. I overheard that he had a concussion. There is something strange about the blond. He had to be carried out of the dining room the first night. I was sitting near the door and saw them leave.”

Justin was twirling Desire around the floor. He overheard the gossipy woman. Desire, let’s get out of here. There has to be another lounge we can dance. I don’t want to listen to gossip.”

“Let’s go to the techno lounge. Or we can go see a show? One should be starting soon.”

“Oh, yeah. That harmonicist is playing tonight. Let’s go. The other’s can see it when he next performs.”

They got there just as the entertainer was introduced.

Cynthia had arrived at the room and was feeding Brian. Brian was lying down. His head was hurting too much to lift it. He had taking all the meds he could. He didn’t want Demerol, not yet anyway. He needed to talk. Cyn would not let him talk till he ate. She was concerned he would choke. He had tried to get up but the pain had been too much. The food was good. He didn’t want Justin to know how bad he was.

“Brian, you have to be straight with him. He needs to know how you are feeling. Not just this but in everything.”

"I know. I am trying. It’s hard. I am too used to hiding my feelings. I want to tell him. I want not to hold back but my walls go up. I am scared. I feel it makes me too vulnerable. I don’t want to get hurt again. I am afraid of love. I am petrified of his love and losing him, yet I can’t live without him. I can’t deal with nearly losing him again. Fuck! I need him. I am nothing without him Cyn. I loved him at first sight. You know how I was when he was hurt and in a coma. To lay myself bare…I…I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Brian, you don’t have to do it all at once. Just let him know that you are willing and that it will take time. You don’t want secrets between you but some things are still too raw for you to share, he will understand. He needs you as much as you need him. Don’t fuck this up boss. Taking him on this trip was a romantic gesture, something that will wipe the Vermont slate. He really thought you were doing it again. Thank God, I was there.”

“Yeah, did you like the flowers?”

“Yeah boss, but you have to do it. I knew how upset and uptight you were. I knew you would love the extras.” She wasn’t letting him change the subject.

“Some extras. You gave me my life back. I don’t know if I would have been able to enjoy the trip. I know. With my concussion, I am not doing that too well but without him it would have been worse. Did you know that I barely was keeping it together when I was looking out for the limo? I shed a tear. I got into the limo, closed my eyes and sat down. I didn’t even look in the limo. I let my defenses down. All my tortuous thoughts were playing on my face. The fucker kept quiet until he saw another tear. That boy is never quiet but he was then. He was studying me and then he touched my crotch. I was deep in thought. I nearly jumped out of my skin. Opening my eyes, they met his deep blues and I screamed with joy, kissing him, and immediately fucking him. God, he was delicious. I thought I wouldn’t have that for this trip. Now I do and I can’t do a thing. It’s killing me.”

“Boss, I love you. You act like an uncaring jerk most of the time but you have a very soft underbelly, a good heart, and a caring soul. Justin knows this. That is why he stalked you and he is with you now. He wants you well. He wants to be well. Sometimes he thinks he isn’t deserving of you because he isn’t perfect anymore. Just like you think you don’t deserve him.”

“But even with his problems, he is so much better than me. He is so open even after all life has dealt him. He still is perfect in my eyes. I let life close me off, he fights for life. You know, if it had happened to me I am not sure I would have fought to live. I might have given up and let myself die. Until I had him, I never had anything or anyone to live for. Sure I am a bigwig but that isn’t really important, is it?”

“No boss and I am glad you finally figured out that love is worth it, that he is worth the struggle. Brian, love is hard work, being partners is even harder work, but you are well on your way. I know you think because of your past that you aren’t sure what love is or if you can do it since you didn’t have role models. Use what they were to do the total opposite and you will be fine. You know how to be loyal, honest, and trustworthy. You just have to learn to trust him and let him love you.”

“I know,” Brian whispers.” I need too. God, I love him Cyn. I love him so much it hurts. Love is painful either way, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but that is such a good hurt. Too love that deeply. Not everyone gets a love like that.”

“I know.”

“Anything else, Brian, I can do for you.”

“Yeah, get him here. I need to hold him. Oh, and get me some water I need some more meds. My head is throbbing. Wish I had a joint. It would make me feel better.”

“Sorry, no joints, but here is some more water. Which pills?”

“The red ones, the Advil migraine.” Cyn gave him the pills with a sip of water from a straw.

“Okay, I’ll go and get Justin to come back. He went dancing with Dee.”

“You like her. Don’t you?”

“Yeah. I never expected to make love to a woman but she is fantastic.”

“I know.”

You do, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” Brian grinned. “She is a female me when it comes to sex. Do you have feelings for her?” He was hoping that his two favorite women might have found someone. Correct that, each other.

“Not sure yet boss. She is so different.”

“Well, if you ever wanted me, you have me in her. If she had a cock, I would have still been with her and would have never met Justin. That is how much she means to me, but Cyn, she is into BDSM and she is good in that too. She is an expert mistress. Be careful.”

“I will. I will think hard about where this is going. We have time since we aren’t getting off in five days. So she loves ‘em and leaves ‘em too.”

“She did, does, but you are special Cyn. There is a chance.” He didn’t want to say more. He saw how Dee looked at her. He knew he had that look on his face when he had met Justin. Dee was falling hard. He knew it. Now will Cynthia allow herself to fall in love with a woman? He knew she had wanted kids. He closed his eyes. “Cyn, close the door behind you and turn off the lights.”

“Sure boss.” She quietly left.

Cynthia knew she needed to find Justin. She could tell Brian needed him but where to look. She had been with Brian a long while. They had talked for hours. She went to the main deck hoping to see if she could get help finding him. To her surprise, she saw Dee and Justin walking toward her deep in conversation. They hadn’t seen her. She started walking to him and called his name. At first, he didn’t hear her so she tried again. She liked the warm breeze upon her face.

“Justin. Dee.” They looked up. Both smiled. She turned motioning to come to her. They sped up as she started walking to their rooms.

“Hold up Cyn.” She stopped. Turned and spoke.

“Justin, Brian is calling for you. He needs you. He wants to hold you. Justin, he is in pain still. This concussion is gonna take a while.”

“I know. Spend some time with Dee. I will go.” He started to walk briskly. It was almost a run. He saw the way Dee lit up when she saw Cyn. He wondered if Cynthia was going to be able to give that love back. He sensed Dee was falling fast like Brian had done. Time would tell. Hurrying back, he opened his suite door and found the lights off. “Brian, are you alright?”

In a low voice, heavy with pain and need for sleep, he replied, “Justin, lie with me.” Justin stripped quickly sensing his partner’s need. He crawled into bed and gently pulled Brian to him. “Baby, sleep now. I am here. Are you okay? Did you talk it out?”

“Justin, I love you. You have to know that.” Justin leaned to kiss Brian and found wet tears streaming down Brian’s cheeks.

“What’s wrong? You’re crying.”

“I am!” Brian hadn’t realized he had been, but with all the emotions swelling up and coming out he wasn’t really surprised.

“I made a decision tonight.”

“You did?”

“Yes, I did. I want to tell you so much. I need to share but I can’t tonight. Too much pain.” The tears started flowing more. “The pain is making me cry harder because I can’t make love to you. I planned to ravish you every night and now I can’t even lift my head.” Now he was outright sobbing. The great Brian Kinney was showing him how much he felt and hurt. Justin couldn’t believe how vulnerable Brian was allowing himself. Justin held him closer and gently rocked him.

“Brian, we can talk in the morning. Sleep now. Don’t talk. Let it out. Whatever it is, let it out. I am here. I am not going anywhere. I love you Bri. I don’t ever want to be without you.” Justin was actually a little frightened because of how Brian was sobbing. It took an hour before the sobs calmed down and he had cried himself to sleep. Justin didn’t want to let him go. He was afraid to let go. He just kept rocking in a gentle motion and found himself crying for Brian. He had never seen him in so much pain, both physically and emotionally. He curled around Brian and let himself fall asleep after a while watching Brian. He saw the pain dancing upon his face and wondered if this was how Brian felt when he was hurt and in pain. He felt at a total loss because he could do nothing for him but watch him in pain and console him. Brian felt guilt for his bashing even when it wasn’t his fault. Now he knew that Brian felt guilty for ruining the trip, but it wasn’t ruined. It was the best he ever had, after all, he was with Brian, Cynthia, and Dee. How that first night was so hot and unreal, he would never give that up. So what! He knew that he was wanted. He was here. With that last thought, Justin fell asleep.