Pairing: BJCD

During the night again Justin woke to sobs of pain from Brian, only this time Brian was awake. The concussion had been the tell-all shunt to his emotions and he just couldn’t shut the hose off. The pain had opened the floodgates of pain and hurt from his very first heartbreak to the present and this flooding was taking its toll on him emotionally and physically and yet unconsciously he knew it was the best thing that could have happened to him, but he feared how it would change him. Change them both. Change their relationship. He hoped it would be for the better. Some ways he was grateful and in others terrified. Terrified was an understatement. Justin scooped Brian up into his arms and held him, his hand playing in Brian’s hair twirling it around his fingers.

“Brian, it will be okay. I am glad you are sharing with me. I hurt also for the pain I see you in. This will only enrich our relationship. I know you are unused to letting your emotions out. You may not believe this but I see you healing through all this. I love you even more.” Justin was soothing him with his hands and kisses every so often as he talked. Brian looked incredulous at him. How could he say that? He didn’t even know himself anymore. This wasn’t him, he thought. As if on cue, Justin spoke again.

“Brian, I can imagine what you are going through. You are changing and it feels foreign like you are losing who you are. Don’t think that. You are just finally coming into tune with all those feelings you had buried. It’s okay to feel so confused and lost. Most of us go through it in our teen years but you couldn’t. You had other things to deal with and you had to protect yourself. The concussion was a good thing. It has opened you up to change.”

“Justin, what if I can’t put on that mask everyone expects when we get home?”

“Then we deal with it and everyone will have to get used to the new and improved you. You were stunted Brian. You know that. Now you can go forward. I am so glad for you.”

“Glad I hurt my head? Glad I ruined this trip?”

“No, silly man, I am glad that it happened because it has caused you to reevaluate yourself. I like the new Brian. I hope you can’t totally go back to your old self. It would be a step backward.”

“Since when did you become so smart Sunshine?

“Since always, just more so.” Justin laughed.

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A few days later, Brian felt well enough to go out and about. The foursome went to meals together and even with the help of a very dark pair of sunglasses Brian was able to tackle the sunlight. Bright light hurt his eyes. Brian would sit in a chaise and watch Justin swim or play some game or whatever. He even watched Justin draw. It was good to get out of that cabin. Justin had not had a panic attack since the first night. Brian had realized that he hadn’t had nightmares or night terrors either and wondered if Justin’s worrying about him had alleviated the panic for himself. It had been the longest since either had surfaced. Brian thought of bringing it up but then decided it was best not bringing attention to it. If Justin didn’t notice maybe he was healing. That would be great news. He knew his concussion would heal. Maybe the cruise was good for all of them. Watching Justin laughing and having fun was the best therapy for him. Mr. Butterroll had said his goodbyes for him and his partner when they had left the ship. Now they had no more business to worry about.

Brian had nothing better to do than observe. He observed Justin and he observed his two main women. A smile crept on his face as he realized that Cynthia and Desire were truly becoming close. Cynthia was now kissing Desire in public and he noticed a subtle change in Desire that was causing his smile. They were falling in love. Though Cynthia had been straight he knew she could love anyone. It was Desire that interested him. Desire was so much like him, they could be twins. They had both had reasons to knock relationships but like him, he knew she had found the perfect mate and lover. He knew Cynthia was prim, proper, and professional when it came to work but that she was a wild and adventurous soul hiding behind her professionalism. Desire was the perfect person to unleash that quality. Cynthia had let down that persona she had cultivated and Brian had seen this hint of glee and mischief in her eyes. She had it often around him at work but there was something different in those eyes today. She was almost giggly and he also noticed that they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Brian marveled at how love struck and with whom. Now would he be able to get Desire to see that Cynthia was more than a trick for this cruise and that she needed to be with her.

Shortly before dinnertime as they were going to their rooms to dress, Cynthia pulled Brian aside. “Brian, I need to talk to you tonight.”

“Cyn, I’m all yours after dinner. You have listened to me. I hope I can help.”

“I have some questions…”

“About Desire I presume.” She nodded. “We will pull away from Justin and Desire after we finish eating. Justin and Desire can go dance. We can go back to the suite.” Cynthia agreed.

As they got ready and were going to dinner, Desire whispered something to Brian. He gave her a tongue-in-cheek smirk. “You need to talk to me?”

“Yes, Brian. Could we talk after dinner? I have to ask something of you.”

“Really? Could it possibly be about Cynthia? He had pulled Desire back so that they weren’t overheard.

“Yes, I feel…I am…I…”

“I know exactly what you are going through. I felt the same way about Justin, if I may be so bold. We will talk later tonight. First, I want you and Justin to go dancing so that I can talk with Cynthia. She got to me first. Then we will talk.”

“Okay.” Desire felt relieved.

“You know, Cyn is perfect for you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved like I have been. I think Cynthia has questions not exactly about you but about the lifestyle and what it means to be a member. I will talk to her. She is a good person. She has never found the right man. I think she has found the right woman. I think she will jump the bridge. She wants love. I know she wanted me. You are my mirror. My other self. She is drawn to you. I hope you don’t push her away. I will not want to have to choose between the two of you. You are my two favorite ladies. I need you both.”

“You have changed a lot. You know that Brian.” Brian looked down. He still had problems with compliments. Brian looked up and their eyes met. Then they both smiled.

“Let’s catch up to them. They are probably wondering what is going on.” Justin and Cynthia were almost to the dining room. They had held back so they could talk. Desire watched as Brian caught sight of Justin’s behind. He immediately licked his lips. “Brian, some ways you will never change.”

"Huh!”

“You aren’t even close to him and you are already licking your lips.” They both laughed. It was true after all. When it came to Justin, Brian was always hot for him.

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