Pairing: BJCD

After dinner, Brian and Cynthia went to a quiet place on the C deck instead of the stateroom. It was a warm beautiful night and Brian had been cooped up in bed for too long. He breathed in the night air like a thirsty man would gulp down water. They shared a chaise as Brian drew circles on her back keeping Cynthia calm.

“Okay. What do you need from me Cyn? This is about Desire, isn’t it?” They each had a glass of wine that they took from the table. She took a sip to stall. He gave her time to formulate her thoughts.

“Brian, I have been straight all my life but she is so special.”

“That she is.”

“She makes me feel things I have never felt with a man. Have I been deceiving myself all these years?”

“In what way?” He wanted her to hear her words. He knew it would become more of a reality this way. The spoken word is powerful.

“I feel alive. I feel anticipation to see her and disappointment when I am not around her. I feel adventurous and wild. I know you warned me about her eccentricities but maybe that is what I need. Brian, I feel as if I am with you at times. Is that weird or what?”

Brian smirked. He understood that sentiment. He had always felt that D was him without a dick. If she had had one he would never have found Justin. He wouldn’t have needed Justin.

“Cyn, I know what you mean. I would never have found Justin if Desire had a dick. I am still in love with her but we know it can’t be a forever kind of thing. I think that is why I have been so adamant about relationships because I thought that my soulmate was the wrong sex. I guess I still fight it even now, but if she is right for you, you should grab the opportunity. I know it is a jump but Desire knows how to make love and she has also never tried because she was drawn to me like I was to her. She is thrilled that I have found someone. I see the same look on her that I had at the beginning with Justin. Emotions jumped from one to another. I felt fear so strong I never want to experience that again. It was my fear of losing him. I felt joy surrounding me, engulfing me for the first time from his smile. I felt fear of rejection and saw that same fear in Desire. She like I fell in love at first sight. She needs to talk to me too. I know she wants my blessing. I will give it to her. Desire is in so much need of your love Cyn. If anyone had a worse home life than me, she did. That is not for me to explore with you. She must tell you in her time. Trust her Cyn. She needs your love and she will make lots of mistakes like I did with Justin. It is our fear that makes us do stupid things.”

“Yeah boss, I know. I have also seen a difference in you since Justin came into your life. Do you think I can do that for Desire?”

“I have never seen her interested or in love with anyone except me. I think the fact that not only you are open to her and willing to try our lifestyle, you are, aren’t you? But you also are a bridge between the two of us. I know she wishes to settle down when the right one comes along. Are you able to make the switch without regrets? We have been together a long time Cyn. You have been through a lot with me. It would be fantastic if my two special ladies would find each other and then maybe I can have Desire around again. I miss her Cyn. I miss her a lot. We were good together. Very, very good! You have to trust her instincts and yours. You have to trust her with all your heart. I want you to have love Cyn.”

“Brian, I know that. She has told me how much she loves you and it broke her heart that she was dickless and therefore couldn’t have you permanently. She has told me a lot about the two of you. Can I change and be a dyke? That is the big question. I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I have never really been satisfied with any man. Have I been fooling myself? Have I been what do you call them…munchers all this time and been in denial?”

“Cyn, you may be bisexual. You may have always been. Or a muncher?” He smirked. “But I think you weren’t in denial, I think you never had the opportunity to try it out. Have you ever thought about doing it with a woman? Ever!”

“Actually, I did when I was in my teens. I wanted to try it. I didn’t know how to proceed. There was this girl in high school that was so hot. I just shook it off. I was attracted to another, years later, but again it didn’t pan out. I kept dating guys. Now, it is Desire and boy, do I have desire for Desire.”

Brian smiled. “Yep. You are struck. Don’t let this slip away Cynthia. Find yourself, your true self and allow yourself true love. You do love Desire?”

In a low whisper, “Yes.”

“There is something holding you back. What is it?”

A couple of things. If I allow myself this, I am afraid I will lose my dream…of children…of being a mother.”

“That is easy. You can always have children. Science has come a long way. Look at me and Linds. We have a child and I didn’t do it the natural way. I would have for her. She is important to me as you know but not as important as Desire. I still dream of her in bed with me, strapping me down, having her way with me with her toys. She and Justin are the only ones I could see topping me. What is the other thing that is stopping you, that has brought us to this discussion?”

“Brian, you said she was into BDSM. That scares me. I am not a masochist.”

“BDSM is not something to fear with the right person. Dee is a mistress. She knows her stuff and makes some really fun toys. She can open you up to pleasures that you have never dreamed. BDSM is not as scary as you think. De doesn’t know how to be a sadist, she is all loving. BDSM covers a lot of territory. De isn’t into dungeon torture or sadomasochism. She is into pleasuring and bonding, as well as, dominating but she secretly wants someone to dominate her at times, like I allow myself to be vulnerable in front of Justin and let him top on occasion. It relieves tension in a way nothing else can. I rarely allowed it. I needed to be able to trust. Justin has taught me. Desire is loving, respectful, and knows how to treat someone with all that she is. She is passionate. She will go slowly with you. Some things are considered BDSM that you wouldn’t expect. There is so much you can experience with her and she will be truly safe with you never doing anything you aren’t ready for. It isn’t about horrendous control over another as it is about trusting and loving your partner to the fullest. Letting yourself be truly free. Submitting can be so freeing. Let her show you. Also, be aware that her itch comes and goes. She will need dick at times. I am not sure if you will ever be able to get her to stop tricking like I still trick. It is about need, not able love. Tricking is something that we both need like a deep breath. Justin came to terms with that and by coming to terms and accepting my need for it, my need has diminished. He accepts me for me. She needs the same. BDSM is a part of her. She would love to share that part of her with you. I have some books on the subject and I am sure she does too. You can borrow them.”

Brian had said a lot more. So did Cyn. Finally, she was ready to leave and let Desire have a turn with Brian. “Brian, you gave me a lot to chew on. I hope I don’t disappoint you or De.”

“You can never disappoint me. It is your choice. You need to not disappoint yourself. This seems to have been an itch underlying your sexual experiences. Scratch it Cyn and enjoy it.” She nodded as she walked away.

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