Several months passed since the show. Cynthia had just started her second trimester. Sarai had problems at the beginning accepting all the changes but she was finally settling in. She was still grieving but she had others to help her. She had become a major drama princess moving Justin’s outburst to drama queen status. When Brian had said that to him, Justin tried to be indignant but couldn’t help but laugh. It was so apropos. Everyone understood. Brian went into himself to Vic’s death when he needed to commiserate.

Brian had been working hard. The improvements slow at first, started to increase. Brian was able to move about for longer periods allowing them to leave the house. Brian was now able to sit in his chair for three hours at a time and if he pushed it four. Most of the time he used that time to paint. He then had to lay flat for one to two hours before he could be put back into the chair for another three hours. He was now able to move his whole leg and had been working on strengthening it since it had not been used in so long. He had been able to just rotate the foot, then the toes were able to wiggle and then he found his leg could bend and move without someone doing it for him or himself, but in all this time the other leg did not show any improvement. The doctors again were cautious when he saw those other than Daphne. Now, they were certain that if the other leg was going to move it would have already. Brian vowed that he was going to make them eat their words if it was at all possible.

Brian was still in pain and he had come to grips with the fact that he would never regain his old self but somehow it didn’t matter. So many years ago, he was willing to die and now he had so much to live for, so many people to love and who loved him and more on the way. Yes, more. Cynthia had forgotten to tell them that twins ran in her family. Twins seemed to always skip a generation and she was that generation so she figured it wouldn’t happen. But it did. Also, they had realized that she had two fertilized ovum. Cynthia had nicknamed both men “First Try” since they wouldn’t know till she gave birth who the father was. They wanted to keep that as a surprise.

Since Brian could sit up for long periods of time now, he also went to Daphne’s lab and office that were equipped with every possible test necessary. They actually had lab technicians working there on a regular basis since the office had become Daphne’s main practice.

Things were moving along. Kinnetik still thrived even though Brian had pulled back from it. He was more into his painting than his ad campaigns but he still itched for the challenge. Several clients had kept their accounts with Brian though there were more concerns as to time limitations etc. Especially since he and Justin had to run FSM as well. Clients like Leo Brown stayed for the long haul. Brian still had fantastic ideas and kept their sales climbing even if they had to work around his limitations. He no longer looked for clients. Either they came to him or they found someone else. The few small businesses in Philadelphia that had helped him start Kinnetik he still helped now and then out of loyalty. He saw a time when Kinnetik would be no more. His passion was now transferred to his art and he was making quite a killing with it. His loyalty to the Semarads had kept him a businessman. The new challenges had given him new life. One such consideration was that Brian never came to Kinnetik anymore. People came to him. He presented in a special room that he had converted from a ballroom to a conference room. The mansion had three ballrooms so this was not a problem. It had great light. Some clients had griped that they had to go to his home but people like Leo Brown knew Brian’s integrity and his talent and this was not a problem to go the extra distance to the mansion known as El Nido De Amor and surprisingly enough it was Brian who had named their home. Justin had been touched.

The name was not because they were horny as hell though that still was present. The name signified the change in Brian when he finally truly accepted that he could be loved and could love. It also symbolized the love he had for Justin and Justin for him. This place exuded love. The people surrounding him exuded love. The clients were served refreshments and delights when they came. Those like Leo had started to add extra days to the business trip to just take in the ambience of the mansion, its grounds and people. Once here, people rarely wanted to leave. They envied the closely knit group that seemed to protect each other’s back. Brian was just as great as always, just as demanding of perfection, but he had a softer tone to his demeanor. He saw each day as a miracle, each day as a day of joy no matter how painful it might be. Leo loved to see the change in Brian. Over all this time, they had become friends as well as business acquaintances.

There were still some days that he had to listen to his body and submit to what it was telling him. He hated the days that he just couldn’t get out of bed. They were becoming farther and farther apart but they occurred and it put him into a moody demeanor. Justin just rolled with it and called them Brian’s pampering days. He would tote on him and give him massages and feed him in a loving way. Justin knew how to make him accept these days and soon Brian would be his lovable self again willing to ride out the day. Everyone knew he never succumbed easily and it wasn’t like him to be inactive. This usually occurred when he had overdone it for a few days. The pain would bring a constant flow of tears. Brian was not used to being a total invalid after all this time. He would never give up. He was going to win this war. These days were considered battles of which he had to retreat and regroup.

These bouts lasted between one and three days, but no longer. The first time, it happened after a strenuous couple of days, Brian lost it. He screamed, cried, threw whatever was near him as he let the frustration out. He seemed to be taking small steps forward and a giant one back. It took several sessions with Terri to realize that the body had to recoup and that he would have to learn to read his body differently. That was the day that realization struck. Brian was mortal. Brian was imperfect. Brian would never be the same again. It was the first step for him to come to grips with what the train accident had truly done. He may never be fully whole again.

Brian had locked himself in his room for several days after that, crying and grieving over the life he once had. He didn’t eat, he didn’t wash, and he didn’t dress. He stayed naked in bed trying to decide if this was really living. Was he strong enough to accept his limitations for life while trying to improve? He wasn’t sure at that moment of realization if it wouldn’t have been better to have died and not come back to Justin’s voice.

On the third day, he had a much needed epiphany and he knew life was better than death and he indeed had so much to live for. His eyes had found their twinkle and a small smile started to form. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Justin had been afraid for Brian that first time. He was not sure if Brian had the strength to fight for a life no matter what that would be. He had noticed that Brian’s eyes had died; they looked like they were devoid of hope. Justin knew he wanted Brian by his side even if sex stopped. Brian was more important to him than that. There were other ways to show their love. They had made sure that there weren’t any sharp objects near him. Justin sensed he was suicidal. Justin had wanted to hold him and comfort him but that was the farthest thing from what Brian had wanted. Justin decided to sleep in the room he hoped someday would be Emmett’s. It was the only room in the house that seemed to comfort Justin at this time. His anguish he put on canvas. His painting had become furiously frenetic. Justin prayed like he had never before prayed. He knew that Brian had to come to terms with so much. Was he up to the task? Brian didn’t want to see anyone. Those were the scariest days for Justin. The intercom and monitor were left on all the time so that they could hear that Brian was okay. Justin barely slept except when he knew Brian was. No one was allowed in. Everyone was scared for Brian. Everyone tried to ignore some of the things that had been said through the intercom and monitor. It wasn’t easy. Brian talked to himself working it out or so everyone hoped. Brian had always been able to find a reason to survive, had he finally hit the point of no return. Justin knew he had so much more to give, so much more courage in him. It was the toughest on Justin because all he wanted to do was comfort him.

When suddenly Brian bellowed, “Justin!” Startled, Maria had dropped the dish she was drying, Justin jumped from his chair, and everyone just looked at Justin. “Justin!” Brian bellowed again. In a jiff, Justin was opening their room and responded. “Did his highness bellow for me?” Everyone had become silent, listening to what was going on in Brian’s room. Justin studied Brian’s face. He saw hope there again and more. Was that a smile on his face? Did he finally work things out? Justin moved closer.

“Brian, what did you need?”

“You baby, I need you. I need some food, a shave, and a bath. But first, I need your lips.”

“Baby, you’ve come back to me. I was so scared.” Justin gladly moved closer bending down to kiss his man while Maria went about making breakfast for Brian and Justin. It was more of a brunch.

“Forgive me Justin for scaring you. I felt like my life had been ripped from me yet again. I felt so lost. I had to grieve for what I once was for it will never be again. I had to grieve for those things I can no longer do. I remembered the serenity prayer. I never gave it credence before but it rang true this morning. I can do this; at least, I think I can with your help and the others. I am not done grieving, but I think now I can face the future. Help me to delight in what I have Justin. Don’t let me forget my blessings and don’t let me push you away again.”

“Brian, you didn’t push me away this time. You needed time to deal and I would have been a distraction and a thorn. You needed to come to this place on your own. I am glad you decided to live. I am glad you decided to love and I am glad you see that you are worthy to live. I too, have recited the serenity prayer many times since the accident. I think these three days you found the wisdom to know the difference between what you can and can’t change. Our love will get us through this. You are a better man than most even when you couldn’t move at all. You had improved more than the doctors had ever hoped. There will be more. I love you Brian Kinney and I want you any way I can have you. You call me Sunshine but it is you that lights my way.” Tears were streaming down Justin’s face. Brian took his finger and wiped them off. Justin had sat on the bed right at Brian’s side. They were touching.

That was a dark moment in the trials of Brian and Justin but Brian never got that low again. He had moments. The hell he was going through in therapy was something Justin could commiserate. He remembered when he couldn’t pick up even a paper clip. Justin had promised to remind him of his blessings and the twins were definitely a blessing. Justin was a blessing. Hell, everyone around him was.

Brian and Justin had come to grips with the fact that there would forever be changes that they could live with. Justin missed being rammed constantly and furiously by Brian. Brian had learned to love bottoming. With Justin at the helm, he felt safe and loved so the control and vulnerability issues soon had become irrelevant. He still felt vulnerable, but he cherished that he could give himself to Justin. Justin had given himself willingly all those years before even though, he knew that Justin was a true top. Even when he was with Ethan that short time, Justin had not bottomed. Brian treasured the fact that Justin would only relinquish control for him. Justin’s beautiful ass was his. He prized that. Now, Brian’s ass was literally Justin’s as well. Brian had never felt such overwhelming love as when he was home to Justin. He had never thought he could enjoy it. Not like this. He had learned to be free. It had opened all new possibilities. He still wanted to top. He was working on it alone. He would be put to bed and then he would grunt and groan as he tried to lift himself up for longer and longer periods of time. Now that he had the use of one leg, he just had to give it back its strength. He had practiced different possibilities and positions to try and top Justin. His arms had become very strong. He knew he couldn’t do a hard and fast burn anymore. He didn’t think without his other leg’s cooperation it would ever happen.

Brian decided to go rest in bed, he had plans for tonight and he didn’t want to tire himself out before. He now could transfer himself to and from the bed by himself. He felt happy about that. He also could drive now that he had brakes on the steering wheel. That is he got them put on before he was able to move his leg and foot. Now that one foot worked. He could drive using the regular brake and gas pedals.

Brian started thinking about his plans. He had secretly talked to Maria and she was going to set up a romantic meal for two in their room. The gardener had brought one red rose in for the tray. Justin loved the grounds but his allergies sometimes kicked in and tonight he didn’t want that to happen. Not after he practiced in secret. Justin didn’t have a clue why Brian had been going to bed at weird hours of the day and had been concerned. Now his Sunshine would find out.

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