Gus had waited as long as he could before he had called and ordered dinner. He was famished. He had only ordered twenty-five minutes ago hoping that it would be enough time. The place had said it would be a forty minute wait.

The dreams were full of love and Gus dreamed of his dad finally finding someone who truly saw Dad for who he was, not that facsimile that he portrays. Gus had always known the true Brian. How could he not? He heard his thoughts, his fears, his sorrows, and his yearnings. He had come to understand how his father had turned that hurt into sexual pain, release, and punishment. Yes. Punishment! His father was a very sensual and sexual man and he transferred his feelings into that realm, a realm he could handle, a realm he could control. It really bothered him when his dad went to the Baths to get release because in his dad’s mind it was a form of punishment then. Dad felt lower than low and he shuddered at the anguish that his father was feeling when he went. It was there that sex became a punishment for his father. The orgies of debauchery made his father feel emptier than when he left to go. Why did his father torture himself so at times?

His dad couldn’t control what others said. He always hated how the others treated his dad. Dad was always there for them yet they knocked him every chance they got. Especially, Uncle Mikey. Now if only his dad could hear what Uncle Mikey really thought of him, such mixed feelings that he didn’t think his dad would have stayed friends this long even though, his dad seemed to need their strange form of love and caring. He was only ten but he knew long ago how much they hurt his dad with words. Dad’s mind would scream his pain while his face would show nothing.

Gus felt that he had lost some of that innocence he should have because he felt such constant pain from his father. Mel was the cause of a lot of it especially, when she used him as the bargaining chip to make Dad do things. He knew his dad didn’t mind babysitting or having him. His dad cherished the time with him. It was all show. Dad moving for him proved that, but he knew it anyway.

Gus was grateful that his dad allowed Justin into his life. It was so uncharacteristic of his dad. He knew his dad had always secretly yearned to be loved, but had felt undeserving. Justin and he were going to show him his time had come. Dad was free here to be himself especially with the two of them. He couldn’t wait to see his dad come alive. He had slept well knowing his dad was in good hands. One thing about the gift of telepathy, it made one honest and true. His dad always was honest to a fault, but he never allowed anyone to really know what he was feeling except himself and now Justin.

Now he was up and waiting for the men to wake. His dad would be exhausted. He had been feeling more emotions in the last couple of days than in a long while. It was good for his dad to let them out.

******

Justin woke next and just watched Brian sleep. Somehow he knew that this was a different sleep than what the man was used to and he smiled knowing that he was part of the reason. I memorized Brian’s expression, the shadows surrounding him, and the placement of his body for a later painting. Justin couldn’t help but touch him. Fingertips lightly crossed his cheeks like feathers, his lips brushed against Brian’s, not a kiss, just a touch like a gentle breeze, and then he couldn’t help it his hand roamed down to Brian’s lower body where his fingers nestled within Brian’s thick yet silky sweaty short hairs. Brian sighed in his sleep and a small smile broadened. Such a lovely dream Brian was having, he thought. Justin let his mind touch Brian’s and Justin smiled. He let his other hand surround the sticky sweaty sac, his fingers lightly stroking and squeezing the large orbs within. Brian was definitely well endowed, Justin thought. Brian grinned. He had heard Justin’s thoughts in his sleep. He was more relaxed and open in his sleep at least with Justin around. Brian was slowly leaving the land of nod and with some well placed thoughts that Justin had implanted during the night Brian was coming to a resolution and as he slowly stretched and responded to Justin’s caressing and loving touches, he was becoming aware that Justin was playing with him, but he knew that he couldn’t let it go further even though it felt so good. His hand moved to push Justin away. This surprised Justin. He went back to touching Brian. Brian pushed him away again opening his eyes and then he spoke.

“Not now. Stop. I need to tell you something. Don’t distract me. It’s now or never.” Justin nodded and stopped touching Brian. Brian leaned on his side. Justin did the same and Brian leaned closer and gave Justin a peck on his lips for understanding and then pulled away. “It was a good way to wake up. Thanks.” Brian took a deep breath before continuing. He hated reaching into the past but he knew he had to tell Justin a few things. He took a deep breath and the two of them looked into each others eyes.

“You know Brian, you can just think the thoughts instead of trying to find the words. It might be easier for you.”

“Shhh. I need to do this my way.” Justin nodded. “Stay out of my head.” Again Justin nodded. He wouldn’t betray Brian’s trust even if he wanted to do it.

“During the night with your prodding, and yes, I knew you were trying to get me to open up and had invaded my mind several times…I felt loved nonetheless and I knew I had to talk about many things. It isn’t my style as you know but I feel safe with you. Maybe, just maybe, it is time to share with someone other than my son. I know he has heard some of my thoughts even when I wasn’t sure he had the gift.” Justin had looked down in embarrassment caught in the deed. Brian acknowledged it with a peck on Justin’s forehead and then he touched their foreheads together telling Justin it was alright. Pulling away, he started again.

“I have been thinking and it is dangerous. I should know because every time I delve into the past, I get hurt. So many feelings wash over me and most of them are not good. I can’t remember ever being loved, I can’t remember ever being touched or kissed to make it all better. All I remember is being told over and over how I wasn’t wanted, needed, or desired. I was always told how much trouble I was and that I was bad. How could a two year old be bad? He didn’t even know what good or bad was yet. I was punished even for sleeping during the night. How could a toddler cause trouble when he was sleeping? Yet, I would be punished. I remember that I saw things, felt things, knew things even younger than two. I constantly heard the bickering and their thoughts all the time. Last night I felt myself going back in time due to your cajoling and your opening me up while I was relaxed and I should have slept with torment but you gave me the strength to look in without being hurt, objectively. Totally, your doing I presume?” Justin nodded. “How?”

“I was beside you all the way. I didn’t listen in but I made sure you knew you weren’t alone. It wasn’t my place to eavesdrop. You had to connect with your past self alone.”

“I am grateful. I looked into myself and the past and didn’t feel like running. I felt centered.”

“I am glad. I was afraid you would be mad. I tried to do it on a subconscious level.”

“I know. It helped. Somehow I was able to remember things most humans can’t. I even remembered my birth. How I even survived to now I will never know. The birth was hell. My mom wouldn’t do it without drugs and she was gassed. When she woke up, I was already born but I immediately knew that she despised me. She didn’t want to breastfeed me or even look at me. She had only had me because of the church. From the first day I knew she didn’t care about me. I also knew my dad didn’t care, in fact, he wanted me aborted. No matter how good I was, they only saw me as bad. After all, I was a thorn in their side, a constant reminder that they had me as an accident. My father didn’t even come to see me in the hospital or my mom. He was off getting his jollies off and drinking up a storm. His drinking and carousing only got worse.” Brian started looking around for something.

“What do you need Brian? Water? Or coffee?”

“Water for now. I would like some coffee soon, but stay here for now.” Justin nodded. He moved only slightly away to get the bottle of water left by the bed last night. There was very little left but it would help for now.

After finishing the little bit left, Brian continued. “I always heard their thoughts. Mom was bitter. She knew Jack was playing the field with any lady that he could. Mom held back her bed as punishment so Jack found others even more. Soon he stopped trying to get into Joan’s pussy. Mom soon found her way to the bottle as well to dull her senses. She couldn’t deal with Jack and his constant drinking so she joined him. He started hitting on her after I was born. How dare she not have the abortion? I suffered along with them because I heard their thoughts. He beat her again and again. Each didn’t know what love was. Dad came from an abusive and alcoholic family though he never mentioned it. Mom came from a Bible thumping hypocritical one. You helped me see that I was reading thoughts from the beginning as if it was a part of me like breathing.” Brian sighed.

“Now your tummy is talking and distracting me so why don’t we go and have some breakfast and then I will talk some more. I need to get this out so don’t worry? We will continue this. Let’s go to Wolf’s Bagels and talk there. That way your stomach won’t be gurgling so much.” Justin laughed.

“You know I am always hungry. Let’s get Gus. He is probably hungry too. He has been up since before us.”

“Yeah, sounds good. I will just have to talk about some of it there. Not all of it is for a child’s ears.”

“Hey dad, let’s go.” Gus had quickly dressed as did Brian and Justin.” Brian laughed. “You always know when food is involved.” “You better believe it Dad.” Justin was laughing so hard at his lover and son’s antics. Brian playfully punched Gus’ arm when he had said, “Dad, we can’t all live on air, water, and beam.”