J

Again I am writing to you. Again I need to voice the feelings that overwhelm me. Please forgive my gushings. Someday, you will read this letter and others like it. Someday, I will be confident enough to share my thoughts and feelings with you. You have changed me. All for the better. I thank you for that, only it still feels strange like a new coat.

Hungry is what I am for you. I am hungry for your touch. I am starving for your love. My stomach is nervous when you aren’t around. I am craving your kiss upon my lips. The bed is empty and it is only home when you are prancing around in it. This is no longer my home; it is our home, our place. The more I touch you, the more I have a need. The more I hunger for you. The need to be with you multiplies constantly. I am never satiated. My need for you grows the more I taste you. I am addicted to your presence, your smile, your ruby lips. I am obsessed with desire. My longing heightens. I can never have enough of you.

Once you were an intrusion upon my space, to have another inside my place made me cringe, but now, I wonder how did I live without your presence? Though we have only been together a short time, it seems like we have never been apart or should be. I open the door, hoping you are there to welcome me home, to share my day. You brighten my existence, that smile accepting me, loving me, hoping someday I will be free to love you back openly. I am free. I am here. I do love you. Soon, you will walk in the door and our lips will intertwine. My hunger for you will ignite my fire. I will hang on for dear life. I will grab unto you for that sweet wild ride that a moment of passion will excite. Our souls will soar as we reach a fever pitch. They will combine as they finally find each other. My hunger for completion, for making myself whole replete for the moment cries out. To look into your bottomless ocean blue eyes twinkling, sparkling, to see that smile, to watch that swagger, to see your butt bent over, my heart pounds, I feel faint, for your call is shouting, your screaming for me, my body responds eagerly once again.

Knowing that I have finally met the one person who could tame me, settle me down, make me happy was a gift from heaven. The blue lights beckon me to bed, alone this night, but not forever. I lie down dreaming of a night not to long ago that you walked into my life. It was a great night. It was a night I would never change. I cannot sleep well without you. Your pillow doesn’t take your place. It is a sorry substitute but your smell, your essence floods my senses. I snuggle against it knowing it is just one night I must be alone. I know because like me, you feel it too. Our closeness, our need to unite, to cuddle, to spoon calls you back day after day. We fit together like a lock and key. One life is not complete without the other. I wanted you to experience other things without me, without strings. You are. You are young. I want you to be sure of what you have and what you need. I want you to always fulfill what you desire and fulfill your dreams. You have been gone. You have seen the sights. Tomorrow, I will pick you up and I will bring you home, where you belong. When did this happen? When did my place become our place? When did my loner lifestyle become a twosome? When did we commit to each other without words? I reach out to your side. You aren’t there. The place is empty but soon to be filled. My hunger for your presence is ravenous. I need you. I miss you. I love you!

The night took forever. The dreams brought me closer to you. I felt you kiss me upon my lips, upon my cheek and upon my neck. It felt so real as if you were actually here with me. I sent kisses back to you. Did you feel them too? I hope you felt them as strongly as I felt them. You are my anchor. You are my check on reality. What I was living was not reality. It was a fiction, a life I would never want to frequent again. Without you, I only survive, I don’t live. Today, I get you back in my life. I will be back on track. You only wavered a moment because you wanted to be my equal. The funny thing is you’re not my equal and never will be. It is I who must strive to be equal. You are my superior. You are perfection. I am damaged goods. You are crystal. I am stained glass. You are champagne to my Chardonnay. You are caviar to my cocktail sausage. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms today. I can’t wait to show you in actions what you mean to me. You are everything to me. I am nothing without you and I hope I never have to find out what it would be like to live without you.

My life was hidden from view from everyone including myself. I forgot who I was. I stopped dreaming. I stopped relating to myself. I was drowning in a sea of my own making until you came along. You saw who I was and you reintroduced me to myself. For that miracle I am grateful. That is why I see you as my angel, my blue-eyed angel.

Keep me safe in your heart.

Without you I am nothing

B