Justin

We were happy the other night. We had had a great time dancing and being with the boys. I was taking Justin back to the loft. I don't hide that fact anymore. No reason to hide it anymore. Then it began. Your father sneak punched me and thought I would be better off as his personal kicking bag. My ribs are so bruised. I am surprised he didn't break them. I can thank you for that. You were so brave, jumping on your father, pulling him off of me, forcing him to stop hitting me, forcing him to look at you. I had become so angry at the man before it registered that it was your dad. He called me pervert. You kept yelling never again. Never Again! NEVER AGAIN! He had given you an ultimatum and you were not going to be forced. He had gone berserk and you were having none of it. All around you, your life was falling apart and I was in the middle of it. I was the cause of it or at least that is how he saw me, as the cause of his kid turning gay.

Deb was right. Your father is not ready to see you as an adult, as someone with a sex life, as someone in love, or as someone who loves it up the ass or sucking cock. You are so good at it, you know. You are fucking unbelievable. A gift. A talent. I showed you the mechanics; you took it to another level. You are the only one that can truly make me fly; you have found erotic spots I didn't know I had. You play those buttons so well. You play me like a harp, each lick, each stroke, each kiss, a journey of adventure so sensuous, so erotic that I can't control myself at times. You do the controlling. A guess it is good to have someone who knows your every inch. You are truly amazing…But the gifts of your touch are not what I am writing this letter about. It is about your father and what he has done to me, to you, and to us. He has done things to us. He has changed our lives as we knew them.

I was amazed. You had it all or so it seemed. You had parents who loved you, parents who did things with you, and with money. Money isn't everything but it does help. You were a true WASP, with the best education, the best of everything. I envied kids like you. Now, I see there was pretense there too. Your father's true colors are showing and it isn't good. You never should have been put into a situation where you would have to make such a decision—home or never again. I hate to admit it, but I walked away when you had to choose. I was sure you would choose home. Maybe, I feared the outcome of the situation. I heard your tone and your decision. I came to you. You chose the harder road or so I thought. Then the next day or so, we went back to your parents to see if it could be fixed. I wanted you to be reunited with your folks until dear old dad gave you a choice again to stay or leave. The RULES were a joke. The rules were demeaning and showed no respect for you and for what you needed.

After I calmed down and realized who this fucker was, I was proud of you for standing up to your father. You always stand up for what you think is right. I was incredulous. Such a young man knows himself so well. I felt torn too. He had beaten me and now you were making a choice. Part of me didn't want that to happen. It was just wrong. You still need your father. When you started to shout, I knew you needed me. You had made your choice. I was there to back you up and to calm you.

Yes, I was proud of you and you had no place to stay. I knew I had to let you stay. I was not going to let you wander at this time of night. I told you to stay on the couch. You started to sniffle. I asked if you were crying and you denied it. I knew that since the adrenalin had dissipated and you probably felt a letdown, as well as, feeling your life was falling apart that the tears would flow. You just saw your father going ballistic and your lover was the target. This is more than a seventeen year old should have to bear without some emotion seeping out. You are such a brave, strong, and courageous young man. As I saw you sitting on the couch forlorn, my heart went out to you. I still can't believe you saved me. He could have punctured a lung if one of my ribs had broken. Justin, you must have been scared shitless when you realized you had no place to go. I know I was scared when he was hitting me. Your father is such a big bad bully. Actually, I would prefer saying something else. You snuck into the bed. I knew you would. I wasn't surprised. You needed comfort. Being by me was the best I could do. I was hurting too much. I wanted to hold you but I was having trouble breathing, each breath hurt. I let you know it was okay by covering you. I hope you read my loving, caring you I sent you.

This has been a weird and wild week or so. You don't understand what it is like to be a victim of a wild man's wrath. I hope you never do. First, your mom shows up at my office with your clothes, telling me to take care of you, and then Lindsay wants me to fix things and I take you to your parents' house. I was glad when I arrived at your school. I saw what you go through. They were starting to gang up on you and yet you never complain. You are so strong and comfortable with whom you are. You don't hide. You are proud of the man you have become. Too bad, your father doesn't see what I see. This is probably my fault for outing you at school with faggot painted on the Jeep. I wonder how bad it is. I know you had a problem in the locker room. You told me about that after you realized it was your dad that had rammed into me. That was fun. I am glad I was stopped at a light. It would have been worse. I felt for you when you told me Craig hit you and what you told him. You are right. You do take it like a man. Sometimes, I think you are more man than I am. I am successful but I hide my true self. I was never out to my folks. You are. Okay, Jen figured it out before you actually told her but you didn't try to stay closeted. You are so true to yourself. You really are amazing. Well, I took you to your house and I sat in a chair. I saw how nervous you were. I listened to Jen making it seem perfectly normal for you to return and you would be welcomed. Then, you DAD (I spit that word out with contempt) said you couldn't come back without certain rules. Rules! He calls those rules. More like prison. No way, could I allow you to give up who you are, what you believe in, or who you could see. No way, did I see myself out of your life. Not now! I need you. I am not sure what I feel right now but I did know I wanted you in my life. Between his words and his tone, I responded. I turned away, then got up, and asked if you were coming. I told Jen and Craig that that was not a show of love but hate, hate in the worse way, he wanted to mold you into the person he wanted you to be, not accepting the man before him, and you are definitely a man.

I am sure you are reeling from this new person before you, this hateful man when you had all these memories of a family man, a caring and loving dad. My heart reached out towards you. I wish I can carry this pain for you. I have been carrying burdens and pains like this all my life. I know when you were telling me about his finding out; I called you a drama princess. You are my princess. I saw how excited you were getting. You are trying so hard to be brave with everything and I am trying to get use to having someone live with me. Suddenly, my life is turned upside down. A set of circumstances gone out of control and suddenly, my life is changed. WE both are changed. I may protest but I like you here. I have to get used to the fact that my space is now our space, but I will not send you away. I will not do to you what your parents did. Parents are supposed to have unconditional love. Your father seems to have forgotten that. Yes. He is hurt. He may be upset his kid isn't macho. He should have known. You room has all the signs. No girly magazines, no poster of girls etc. Well, it is about time he took off the blinders and opened his eyes. I remember you telling me about it. How you had a dart board and you used it to blow off steam etc.

Well, I guess it is the two of us now.

B