Hey Gus,

Guess what? You are gonna have a little brother or sister. Mel is carrying the baby this time. It should have been Lindsay. I was supposed to do as I did for you. I am disappointed that it won’t be me. I wanted you to have a sibling by the same parents. Now, the child will be a stepsister or brother. It can’t be a half sister or brother because neither I nor Lindsay will be the parent.

I really wanted another child. I was not expecting Mel to be able to have kids. It was not supposed to happen this way. Lindsay would wait a few years and then we would do it again. Lindsay, your mom, wanted to get back to doing something in the art field. I don’t blame her. She is so good at what she does. She knows so much. It would be a waste if she didn’t go back to it. She is so vibrant and full of life. She has passion in your nurturing and about you, plus she has passion for art. Just look at the way her eyes light up when she talks about art. Justin and she have so much in common that way. I see his talent and I love his art. I take much pleasure watching him create. Don’t tell him that. Well, back to Lindsay, Mel, and the baby. I am glad Lindsay has found something she loves to do. Oh, right, the baby.

I felt cheated out of giving you a sibling. I really hope the baby is more like Mel that Mikey. I couldn’t stand another whiner. To have the two of you over and the baby always whining would drive me crazy. You aren’t a whiner and heaven forbid you pick up the whine from Mikey, I will simply lose it. Sorry, but my boy is no whiner. I am proud of the way you are growing up. Too quickly for my taste. I never thought I would be able to be a dad, let alone a good dad. Being gay, I just hadn’t thought it an option so I had made myself believe I didn’t want it. I am so glad Lindsay talked me into it. She is like Justin, they know how to play me and I know when they are. We just like to dance before I give in. It is just my way. I really was thrilled to hold you that first time. I wanted that feeling again. Oh, well. It was not meant to be. Mel doesn’t like me. She won’t see the real me so she decided I wasn’t good enough. She is the reason I don’t come over as often as I would like. I enjoy your company, little man. Now, I am unemployed for a short bit and would love to see you more often, but it doesn’t happen. Michael will be a good dad. He will be attentive and he will give the baby all these comic books. Mikey will never grow up. He is a kid in his mind. It fits him.

I hope you enjoy your little brother or sister. You will fight like cats and dogs. All siblings do, but you will also love the baby to death. You two will be inseparable. Teach the baby all you know. Teach him or her how to play the parents. Just remember, you are the big brother. Don’t bully him, protect him, watch out for him. No one ever watched out for me when I was growing up. Make sure the baby has you to show him the ropes. It is a privilege to be the big brother. Never anything less. You, too, will have a lot of things in common because you will be close in age.

You know, Gus, you have truly been a blessing. To watch you grow, to watch you learn something new, it warms my heart. You have really changed my thinking. I still try to keep my demeanor, but between you and Justin, I have really changed. I can’t help but grow up. I love Justin so much. He is really special. He challenges me and makes me a better person. You do that too. Just in a different way. I have learned to feel things I thought would never happen to me. The feeling is good. When I am with you, all my defenses fall, I am just me, the real Brian Kinney, your dad. Dad, such a lovely word, anyway you spell it, forwards and backwards, it is still DAD. It has such a pleasant ring. Anyone could be a father. It doesn’t take much for a man to do that simple task, but it takes a special person to be a great dad. I hope someday I can be that. I try. I am learning. Believe it or not, Justin is showing me how. He is able to just reach inside himself to his inner child. I am slowly learning how. I love how Justin giggles with you. The two of you have so much fun together. It can’t be just because of his age. I just think he can communicate with anyone, no matter which level they are at. When you see something new, you marvel at it. I love how enthusiastic with wonder, awe, and delight you are. Your eyes twinkle and sparkle with expectation. Everything is so fresh to you. You want me to see through your eyes. A flower, a snowflake, the feel of the snow under you. All wonders to you. Your wonderment delights me. Justin still has some of that wonder because he sees with an artist’s eye. They see things differently. They observe carefully every nuance, every angle, and every curve. Justin has used that technique to see through me. Well, I need to end this now. I have a meeting in a few minutes, a presentation, so Sonny boy, I have to prepare, but I had to get these thoughts down.

Love ya,

Dad