The Pretenders

Note: This story is a wacky romantic comedy revolving around Josh and Donna's relationship, but also incorporating the relationships of Sam/Mallory, CJ/Danny, and Toby/New character. 


Donna Moss stormed into her boss, Josh Lyman's office and slammed the 
door shut. She then proceeded to walk back and forth like a caged animal. Her 
unexpected arrival caused Josh's head to jerk up from his desk. He had 
fallen asleep while reading a particularly boring file and this was not the 
awakening he had hoped for. 

"Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no," Donna repeated worriedly.

"What? Who died?" Josh asked in a slurred, confused voice, as his head 
hit the desk with a thud.

Donna ignored his question and kept repeating the same words. Josh 
slowly lifted his head and rubbed at his eyes. When he felt that he was 
sufficiently capable of handling his seemingly unhinged assistant, he got up 
from his desk and walked to stand before her.

"Donna, what's going on?"

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no," she said again, her eyes staring at the floor.

"Okay, either you tell me what's going on or I'll be forced to assume 
that you took those 'Just Say No' commercials a little too seriously."

Donna still hadn't acknowledged his presence, so he gently took her by 
the shoulders and halted her movement.

"Tell me what happened."

"I did something stupid," she replied finally.

"I always do stupid things. And the world hasn't stopped turning yet."

"You've never done anything this stupid."

"Try me."

"I told my parents I was engaged," she blurted out.

"You're engaged?" Josh asked in confusion. He then added under his 
breath, "How long was I asleep?"

"No," she answered softly, only hearing his first question. 

"Then why did you tell them you were?"

"I don't know, it just came out."

"It just came out?"

She sighed, "Yes. I was talking to my parents on the phone a couple of 
months ago and they were pressuring me to get married. Both of my sisters 
and my brother are married, so I'm the last one. I just accidentally blurted 
it out, so they'd get off my back. They think that I need a man to take care 
of me because I am all alone out here. They don't think I am capable of 
doing that myself."

"So you decided to prove them wrong by showing that you are mentally 
unstable?" Josh asked with a well-hidden smile.

"Josh!"

"Well, mentally stable people don't go around saying they are engaged 
when they aren't, Donna," he said with a grin.

"I told you it was stupid."

"Really, really stupid."

"I know."

"I mean, really, really, really stupid."

"I know."

"I mean on a scale of 1-10-..."

"I know! I am agreeing with you, Josh!...By the way, thank you so much 
for your support...It's so overwhelming, it's practically suffocating."

"You have my support."

"I do?"

"Of course."

"So who did you tell them you were engaged to?"

"You," she said softly, her eyes planted to the floor.

"Me?!" he asked in astonishment.

"You," she repeated.

"Why me?!" he asked with wide eyes.

"Yours was the first name that came into my head."

"There's like a millions names in this world, and mine had to pop into 
your head?! What about Sam or Toby?" Josh asked, his voice rising and his 
hand sliding through his hair in irritation.

"Sam has Mallory, I couldn't do that to him," Donna responded 
matter-of-factly.

"Oh, how very considerate of you," Josh replied sardonically. He then 
asked, "And Toby?"

"Toby? I really don't think he would have reacted well to this," Donna 
said with a slight smile.

"And what? I'm doing cartwheels over here?" Josh replied 
incredulously.

"No."

"So, let me get this straight. My name just popped into your head, yet 
your brain somehow had the time to decide that Sam and Toby wouldn't have 
been good choices?" Josh asked.

"My mind works in mysterious ways," Donna said, as she tried to hide her 
smile.

"Donna!"

"I'm sorry!...I thought you said I had your support?!"

"I did...But when I said that, I thought my support would mean watching 
you make a fool out of yourself...Imagine my surprise now," he responded.

Donna brought her hand to her head, "Josh."

He sighed, "Okay, you have my support...So, now what?"

"Well, I was going to tell them that I had broken off the engagement a 
few weeks later, but I just couldn't get up the nerve."

"And?"

"And now they just called from the airport and are on their way here," 
she said reluctantly.

"What?!"

"They're on their way here," she repeated.

"Here?!"

"Yes."

"Donna!"

"I know, I know. I didn't even know they were coming to visit. They 
wanted to surprise me and see where I work."

"Worked...Past tense...Consider yourself fired as soon as they leave," 
Josh said without conviction, as he pointed his index finger at her.

"You don't mean that," she replied, unconcerned.

"Hey, just because we're 'engaged' now that doesn't give you the right to 
tell me what I mean and don't mean," Josh said, with a little more agitation 
than he'd intended.

"I've always done that," Donna said with a shrug of her shoulders.

Josh groaned and relented, "Fine...What are we going to do about this?"

"You just have to pretend that you're my fiance for a few days while 
they're here. After they leave, I'll wait a while and then tell them that I 
broke up with you and the wedding's off," Donna said quickly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're breaking up with *me*?" Josh asked in 
disbelief.

"Yes."

"Well, that's just not believable," he said with a shake of his head.

"Why not?"

"Because once you go Lyman, you never go back," Josh responded with a 
cocky grin.

Donna sighed, "Oh really? Maybe I should poll the 430 women you've dated 
in the past two years and see if that's true."

"430?...I'm flattered," he responded with the same cocky grin that seemed 
to be spreading with each passing moment.

"I'm breaking up with you," Donna said determinedly.

"They won't believe it...I'm handsome, smart, handsome, funny, handsome, 
and powerful...Did I mention handsome?" Josh paused, as if allowing Donna to 
contemplate his words. However, she only reacted with a roll of her eyes.

After a few moments he added, "No girl would let me go...I'm breaking up 
with you."

"Okay, if you could just tame your abnormally large ego for 
half-a-second, that'd be great," Donna replied with irritation.

"Why can't I break up with you?" he asked in a tone that bordered on 
whiny.

"Because my parents wouldn't believe that," Donna said. 

Josh sighed, "Oh, I think once I cite your controlling nature and 
unstable frame of mind, they just might."

"I am not controlling and I am breaking up with you!" Donna said loudly.

"Yeah, you're right, you're not at all controlling," Josh replied 
sarcastically.

"Josh," she said tiredly.

"Fine," he grumbled reluctantly.

"Thank you. They will be here in twenty minutes...Try to look presentable 
by then," she concluded with a smile.

With that, Donna straightened his tie with a flourish of her hand as she 
walked by him and then exited the office. Josh sighed and collapsed into a 
nearby chair.

* * * * *

A few minutes later, Josh hurriedly walked into Sam Seaborn's office. 
He found both Sam and Toby Ziegler there.

"I need you guys to do something for me."

"What?" Sam asked.

"There will soon be two people in my office. I need you to come get me 
in ten minutes and say that there is something important that needs my 
attention right away."

"Who are these people?" Toby asked.

"Doesn't matter."

"What should we say?" Sam asked.

"I don't know, just make something up."

"Okay," they responded in unison.

"Thanks," Josh said as he walked out of the office.

"What do you think that was about?" Sam asked Toby.

"Who knows," Toby replied with disinterest.

"Do you think it'd be okay if we do good cop, bad cop when we go in 
there?" Sam inquired hopefully.

"I really don't think so," Toby responded with a hint of agitation.

"Okay," Sam said, as he shrugged his shoulders.

Josh walked back to his office and was startled to find Donna and an 
older man and woman already in there. The woman looked just like Donna, yet 
much older and with silver-gray hair that was cut close to her face. The man 
was around the same age as the woman, late fifties, but he was much bigger. 
He was very tall and well-built, with a neck that Josh estimated to be larger 
than his thigh. His face, however, was much less intimidating. He wore a 
ready smile on a kind face.

"Ah, this must be the man who's stolen my little girl's heart," Donna's 
father said as he rushed toward a shocked Josh and enveloped him in a tight 
bear hug. Josh's face grew red, as he struggled to breathe.

"Nice to meet you, too," Josh replied in a muffled voice.

Josh was finally released and then immediately approached by Donna's 
mother. She pinched his cheek and smiled at him, "You didn't tell us he was 
so adorable, Donna."

Josh winced and then glared at Donna, who simply shrugged at him. He 
then moved away from her parents and went to stand next to her. Josh 
grinned, as he placed an arm around Donna's waist and pulled her to his side. 
Donna smiled weakly, as she did her best to avoid his grip. But her 
attempts failed. 

Josh spoke with a wide smile, "Well, I can't tell you what it means to 
finally meet Donna's parents. She didn't do you two justice in her 
descriptions." Josh turned to Donna and smiled mischievously, "Sweetie, your 
father doesn't seem like a tight-assed windbag and your mother doesn't look 
at all like a suffocating witch."

Donna scowled at him, while the Moss's looked at him in confusion. Donna 
finally burst out laughing. She patted Josh's cheek, a little too roughly 
for his liking. "Oh, you are so funny, darling." She looked at her parents, 
"Didn't I tell you he was funny? He's always joking."

Josh smiled, as he brought a hand up to rub at his cheek, "Yup, that's 
me...I'm a regular barrel of laughs."

The Moss's laughed lightly. An uncomfortable silence had fallen upon 
them, when the door suddenly flew open, revealing Sam and Toby. They perused 
the Moss's quickly before speaking.

Toby spoke in a disjointed monotone, "Josh, 
there..is..a..situation..that..needs.. your..attention...Come..quick." 

Sam nodded and added quickly, without thinking, "Yes, there's a circus 
situation...Acrobats have begun to riot."

Toby and Josh threw Sam disbelieving looks, while he discreetly shrugged. 
Josh swallowed hard and then pointed at the door, "Thank you, 
Toby...Sam...Well, I must be going...Duty-..."

Josh's sentence was interrupted by Mr. Moss slapping Toby and Sam on the 
back and nearly causing Sam to fall to the floor, "So you two are Toby and 
Sam. Donna's told us all about you. You're two very good friends of our 
future son-in-law."

Sam and Toby's eyes widened. Toby said with a small smile, "Future 
son-in-law?"

"Yes, they're engaged, as I am sure you know," Mrs. Moss said.

Toby and Sam's eyes continued to widen. Sam spoke, "Engaged?...I mean, 
engaged...Yes, we surely know that."

Josh groaned just then, causing everyone to look over at him. He smiled 
shyly and patted his stomach, "Fried clams...I had fried clams for lunch. I 
don't think they agreed with me."

The Moss's nodded and then Mrs. Moss changed the subject, "So have you 
two set a date yet?"

Donna shook her head, "We haven't-..."

Sam nodded, cutting her off, "Three weeks from tomorrow."

Toby hid his smile, as both Josh and Donna shot Sam glares that would 
have made Hercules' knees wobble. He simply smiled at him.

Donna's mother shook her head in surprise, "Three weeks? Oh my, we have 
so much work to do while I am here, Donna. I wish you had told me it would 
be so soon."

Donna smiled weakly, "It must have slipped my mind."

It was Toby's turn to interject now. With a devilish smile he said, 
"Josh, Donna, why don't you tell Mama and Papa Moss how much fun it's been 
living together?"

Josh and Donna's mouths fell open, as Toby's eyes twinkled in delight.

Mr. Moss spoke, "You're living together? Donna, I'm not sure I like 
that...You two aren't wed yet."

Donna was about to respond, when Sam beat her to it, "True, but with the 
baby on the way and-..."

Josh's eyes widened, as he shook his head furiously and spoke nervously, 
"No, no, no...No baby...There is no baby."

Toby grinned, "Josh, it's really time you got passed this denial...It's 
not healthy."

Josh held up a silencing finger and spoke to Donna's parents, "We are not 
having a baby. Sam and Toby simply misunderstood something I told them about 
baby carrots, that's all...They are easily confused."

The Moss's nodded, seemingly believing him. Josh smiled slightly, 
thinking these people were very easily fooled and extremely naive. Donna had 
fallen far from that tree, he thought.

Mr. Moss shrugged, "Well, I suppose it doesn't matter if you are living 
together now, you will be married in three weeks anyway."

Both Josh and Donna sighed, as Sam said, "Yes, three weeks until marital 
bliss is upon them."

Josh finally held up a hand and waved it at them, "Okay, so I hate to end 
this little family...whatever this is...but I have that thing..."

"With the acrobats to tend to," Sam added, with a nod of his head.

"Yes...that one. So, I really must be getting back to work. It was nice 
meeting you two...Don't be strangers," Josh said quickly.

"Well, we *will* see you tonight at your apartment after work. We *are* 
staying with you two after all," Mrs. Moss replied, with a happy grin and a 
tilt of her head.

Josh smiled slightly and replied through clenched teeth, "Yes, of course."

With that, he ushered the Moss's and Donna out of his office. 

He then slammed the door shut and glared at Toby and Sam, "What the hell 
was that?"

"Ad-libbing," Sam replied with a smile.

"Improvising," Toby responded.

Josh moaned as he sat down behind his desk. "Well, congratulations, 
you've both made my list."

"What list?" Sam asked.

"The list of people I now hate, I'm starting it right now." Josh pulled 
out a piece of paper and began to scribble on it furiously, "Let's 
see...There's you two, Donna, the Moss's, who I indirectly loathe, and that 
guy at Dunkin Donuts who always sniffs his fingers and looks at me weird."

Toby and Sam both laughed. Toby shook his head at him, "You're involved 
in a fake engagement, Josh...You had to figure we'd have a little fun with 
that."

"Yeah, it's not everyday that your friend becomes fake engaged," Sam 
said. 

"Have I told you two recently how much I appreciate your friendship and 
undying support?" Josh asked with a scowl.

"Not recently," Sam responded.

"Shoot me if I ever do again," Josh replied, as he ran a hand down his 
face and sighed.

"What's this all about anyway?" Toby asked.

"Donna accidentally told her parents a stupid lie and got me all tangled 
up in it. Now, thanks to you two, I am getting married in three weeks and I 
have a new roommate," Josh muttered.

Toby smiled, "I really think that makes it much more interesting, don't 
you, Sam?"

Sam nodded, "Much."

Josh groaned, "Well, I only have to deal with this for a couple days. Of 
course, I could think of a million other things I'd rather do than have a 
slumber party with the Cleavers...Most of them seem to involve you two and 
bodily harm," Josh paused, as he grinned at them. "But they'll go home soon 
enough and then Donna will tell them we broke up," Josh said, as he let loose 
a relieved breath.

Toby and Sam nodded, smiling widely. They were about to leave when Josh's 
voice stopped them. "Acrobats, Sam? You couldn't have come up with something 
better than acrobats?"

Sam shrugged in embarrassment, "Well, I was going to prepare what I was 
going to say, but on a whim I decided to go with spontaneity instead....Turns 
out, I don't speak well spontaneously."

"You don't speak well period," Toby grumbled.

Josh smiled and then watched at the two of them left.

* * * * *

The Senior Staff, with the exception of Leo, had just concluded a late 
midday meeting in the Oval Office. They were about to leave, when the 
President settled back into his spot on the couch and spoke, "So, Josh, I 
guess congratulations are in order."

Josh had his back to the President and was two steps away from what he 
thought would be safety...Two more steps and he would have been home free. 

Josh squeezed his eyes shut, before turning back around to face the 
President. "Sir, I think you're mist-..."

CJ cut him off, her question relaying her curiosity, "Congratulations? 
For what?"

Sam responded quickly before Josh could, "He and Donna are engaged."

Josh glared at Sam, who then took a step back. CJ's eyes widened in 
shock, "You two are what?...When did this happen?"

Josh sighed, "It did not happen...Nothing happened."

The President smiled, "Josh, marriage is a wonderful and fulfilling 
thing, there's no need to be embarrassed."

"Yes, sir, you are correct. But I am not getting married."

The President feigned ignorance, "You're not?"

"No, sir."

"But I heard that you were a little while ago from two very reliable 
sources."

Josh scowled, as he turned to look at Sam and Toby. Sam was busily 
examining his right hand, as if he'd just seen it for the first time and Toby 
was suddenly finding his shoes extremely interesting.

Josh turned back to the President, "Toby and Sam have very active 
imaginations, sir...They misunderstood something I told them."

"And that would be?"

"Well...," Josh said his voice trailing off. He then spoke in a quick 
ramble, "Donna told her parents we're engaged and now we have to pretend to 
be for a few days. In addition, my former friends told them we were getting 
married in three weeks and living together."

The President nodded, as he hid his knowing smile, "I must say I'm 
disappointed in you, Josh."

"Sir?"

"Marriage is a sacred union between two people, I don't like the fact 
that you are mocking such a fine institution," the President said, barely 
able to keep a straight face.

Josh stammered, "I...I...I like marriage. I'm just not ready...and I 
really was just being a good friend...It's Donna who's mocking."

The President paused for a few moments, as if thinking, and then said, "I 
would like to meet them."

"Excuse me?" Josh asked, as he swallowed hard.

"I would like to meet Donna's poor, unwitting parents."

"Uh...You can't," Josh replied nervously.

"I can't? I'm the President of the United States, Josh. There aren't 
many things I can't do," he replied with a smile.

Josh ran a hand through his hair, "I mean, you can't...because...because 
they are...Amish...Yeah...Amish and it goes against their beliefs."

The President had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing, "Amish? I 
didn't realize Donna was raised Amish."

Josh nodded, as he shoved his hands into his pockets and lowered his 
eyes, "Oh, yeah. But then she bought an electric toothbrush and she was, as 
you can imagine, shunned...The rest is history, as they say."

The President smiled at him, as he shook his head, "I also wasn't aware 
that the Amish aren't allowed to meet Presidents."

"Well, sir, you can't know everything," Josh said with a shrug of his 
shoulders.

"You know what, Josh?...I'm going to throw caution to the wind and 
arrange a meeting with them."

Josh shook his head furiously, "No...No, they'll feel pressured to comply 
and then they'll be shunned...You don't want the Moss's to be shunned, do 
you?"

"You're right, I don't."

"Thank you, sir."

"So it looks like an 'unexpected visit' would be much more appropriate."

"No, no, it wouldn't," Josh said, as his voice cracked.

"Yes, Abbey and I will just drop by Donna's place for supper tonight," 
the President said with a nod of his head.

"You're the President, sir. You don't just 'drop by' anywhere," Josh 
replied.

The President grinned, "Watch me." 

Josh dropped his head into his hands and then listened helplessly as the 
President continued to the rest of them, "You're all invited and feel free to 
bring a guest." The President concluded, as he invited himself and the 
entire Senior Staff over to Donna's for dinner. Bartlet couldn't help 
himself. Josh had really gotten himself into a situation this time and he 
just couldn't let it pass without making him squirm as much as possible.

Josh lifted his head in a last ditch effort to avoid the embarrassment he 
knew the future held, "I'm sure the rest of you guys are busy tonight, so 
we'll understand if you decline."

CJ, Sam and Toby smiled and shook their heads. They replied in unison, 
as if they'd rehearsed their responses, "No, I'm free...Count me in."

Josh managed an insincere smile and then grumbled, "Lovely."

With that, they were dismissed and Josh stomped out of the office.

Sam and Toby approached Josh on either side of him as they walked down 
the hall. He held up a hand to stop any words they were about to speak, 
"Don't say a word. Just remember that I hate you. I hate you both with every 
fiber of my being. And, I swear, if it's the last thing I do, I will find a 
way to make you suffer as much as I have and will at your hands."

Sam and Toby smiled at him, as they suppressed their laughs. Toby said 
softly, "I'm shaking."

Josh said, "I mean it," before picking up his pace and leaving them in 
the dust.

Sam turned to Toby worriedly, "He looks pretty mad. What do you think 
he's going to do us?"

"Don't know. But I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you, Sammy boy."

"Me? What about you? He said 'us'."

"True, but you're the nice one, he'll be much harder on you. He expects 
this much from me."

"I'm not always nice. I've done some crazy things in my time," Sam tried 
to say with some conviction.

"Accidentally sleeping with a call girl doesn't count, Sam." 

"Oh." Sam said and then paused, as if thinking. He suddenly snapped his 
fingers and said in an excited tone, "Well, how about this for crazy and not 
nice. When I was six years old, I stole a pack of gum from a convenience 
store....Huh, how about that?"

Toby said as seriously as possible, "Oh yeah, you were a real rebel."

Sam sighed, "I can't help it if I'm a nice guy."

Toby nodded and placed an arm around his shoulders, "It's better this 
way, Sam...It's a good thing you got that rebel stuff out of your system 
before you hit the first grade...You're way too pretty to have lasted in 
prison."

With that, Toby left with a grin upon his lips, as Sam stood rooted to 
his spot.


* * * * *

"Okay, don't freak out," Josh said, as he came to stand in front of 
Donna's desk.

"Josh," she said warningly, her eyes narrowing at him.

"I am simply asking you not to freak out."

"Didn't anyone ever tell you to never preface a revelation with 'don't 
freak out', unless you want the person to freak out!" Donna said, through 
clenched teeth.

Josh ran a hand through his hair in frustration, "Now see, that bordered 
on freaking out."

"Joshua!"

He sighed and then held his hands up in front of her, "Okay, but before I 
tell you anything you have to remember that NONE of this is MY fault...I am 
blameless."

Donna glared at him, "I am sure that is not at all possible."

"Hey, you don't even know what it is yet," he said defensively.

"Yes, but I know you. And I should have known better than to involve you 
in this."

"You know, I am doing YOU a favor. A little gratitude wouldn't kill you."

"You always make a bad situation worse...You never fail, in fact. I am 
not about to show gratitude for that," she said.

"Name one time when I-..." Josh began and then stopped, as Donna shook 
her head at him. He sighed and lowered his head, "Okay, so there may be a 
few. But this one is in no way my fault. I defy you to find a way to blame 
this on me."

Donna shrugged, "Tell me what happened."

Josh lowered his gaze to the floor and spoke in a barely audible mumble, 
"The President and First Lady, as well as others, will be coming over for 
dinner tonight to meet your parents."

"Excuse me?" Donna said, her eyes staring holes into his head.

"Don't make me repeat it."

"The President is coming over for dinner tonight!...Joshua!"

"Look at it this way, most people would kill to have the leader of the 
free world as a dinner guest."

"Oh, I would kill...Just not in the way you meant," Donna said with a 
devilish smirk.

Josh frowned and took a step away from her, "Okay, I must return to the 
'this is in no way my fault' argument."

"Oh, really?" she asked, as she crossed her arms over her chest and 
settled back into her chair.

"Yes, really," he said weakly, her sudden calmness unnerving him.

"Well, who told the President that my parents were here, as well as, I 
assume, that we are pretending to be engaged?"

Josh smiled widely, "Ah, see, Toby and Sam did...Not me."

"And Toby and Sam found out when they came into your office this 
afternoon," she stated.

"Yes," he replied.

Donna nodded and then looked him in the eye, "And why exactly did both 
Sam and Toby come into your office at that moment?"

Josh swallowed hard, his eyes widening. He lowered his head and 
responded softly, "Because I told them to."

Donna smiled widely, "So the President is coming over tonight because you 
made it possible for both Sam and Toby to find out about this...Is that 
right?"

"That's right," he whispered hesitantly, as he swallowed hard again.

"And this is in no way your fault?"

Josh sighed, "You know, I really didn't see how you could make it my 
fault, but, alas, you have managed to do just that."

Donna smiled triumphantly, but her smile faded as Josh began to grin, 
"But two can play at this game. NONE of this would have happened had YOU not 
lied to your parents in the first place, Donna...Ha." Josh concluded with a 
proud smirk.

Donna sighed, as she placed a hand to her head, "Why couldn't Toby's name 
have popped into my head instead of yours?"

Josh smiled cockily and arched one eyebrow, "Because I'm the cat's meow, 
that's why."

Donna tried to hide her smile, "You are *a lot* of things, Josh."

Josh held his hands up in surrender, as he changed the subject, "All I 
want is a grateful smile from you, Donnatella."

"I'm grateful."

"I would like a grateful smile, please," he insisted.

Donna smiled insincerely at him. "Okay?"

Josh shook his head and ran a hand down his face, "When exactly did the 
line between boss and employee become so incredibly blurred for us?"

Donna shrugged and grinned, "What line? I didn't know there was a line."

Josh smiled tiredly, "Ah, so that's where we went wrong."

Donna nodded and then looked him over, "You're cooking dinner tonight."

"What?! Donna!" he exclaimed.

"I am not going to be responsible for cooking dinner for the President of 
the United States, Josh...What if I poison him?" she reasoned.

"Oh, so it's perfectly fine if I poison him," Josh said sarcastically.

"Well, it *would* be more expected of you," she replied with a smile.

"Donna, the confidence I feel from you is almost too much to stand," he 
responded, as he placed a hand to his heart in dramatic fashion.

"So, you'll cook then?"

He nodded arrogantly, his ego now consuming him, "You bet. I am going to 
whip up the best damn dinner this President and all before him has ever seen. 
It will be hailed...It will be studied by schoolchildren in history books 
for centuries to come."

Donna bit her lip to keep from laughing. She knew for a fact that the 
closest thing to dinner that Josh had ever cooked was a grilled cheese 
sandwich. Of course, his ever-ballooning ego was choosing to ignore this. 

He began to backpedal into his office, as he smiled at her, "Prepare to 
have your taste buds sing, Donnatella." He paused and then added, "The stove 
is the one with all the knobs, right?"

Josh allowed his grin to spread, as her eyes widened in horror. He then 
disappeared into his office.

* * * * *

Sam entered Toby's office and stood before him. Toby was busily writing 
and did not acknowledge Sam's presence.

"You know what I was thinking?" Sam asked.

Toby responded without looking up, "Sam, the day I know what you're 
thinking, is the day a padded room becomes my permanent home."

Sam smirked, "A simple 'no, Sam, I don't, could you please enlighten me?' 
would have sufficed."

"I'm sure it would have," he replied.

"You could try being nicer to me, Toby. I don't know what I ever did to 
deserve-..."

Toby sighed, sensing a famous Sam ramble. He dropped his pen to the 
desk. He then looked at Sam, as he picked up a paper clip and held it in 
between his fingers, "Sam, either tell me what you want now or I will be 
forced to use this paper clip in a way that I am sure it was never intended."

Sam swallowed hard, "Okay."

Toby nodded and allowed the paper clip to fall from his fingers, "Go."

Sam began, "I was thinking that we should bring something to give to Josh 
tonight. You know, as sort of a peace offering."

"What? Like an olive branch and a couple of doves?" Toby asked with a 
grin.

"Actually, I was thinking more along the line of things available at Stop 
& Shop."

"Stop & Shop?"

"Yeah, you know, the supermarket."

"I know what Stop & Shop is, Sam."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I didn't."

"You did."

"No, I did not."

"Yes-..."

"Sam," Toby said warningly, as he ran a hand over his head.

"Okay," Sam relented. He paused and then continued, "I was thinking 
maybe a pie." 

"A pie? That's your idea of a peace offering?" he asked in disbelief.

"It suggests a certain amount of peacefulness, yes."

"How exactly?"

"Well...," Sam said his voice trailing off. He began again after a few 
moments, his eyes brightening, "The Pilgrims and Indians supposedly had pies 
and they were at peace for the first Thanksgiving."

"Yes, well, I'm sure the Indians were very happy to accept those pies in 
exchange for the land that was rightfully theirs," Toby responded 
sardonically.

Sam ignored his comment and said, "I'm simply saying a pie has a 
'mom's-in-the-kitchen-baking-everything-is-right-in-the-world' tranquility to 
it, Toby."

"Do you know how I think Josh will see it?"

"How?"

"As an invitation to smash a pie into our faces," he replied.

Sam nodded, "Good point."

"Yeah."

"Cookies," Sam declared, "Cookies would be much safer."

"Cookies it is then," Toby responded unenthusiastically.

"Okay, well, I'll come by your office and pick you up around 7."

"Excuse me?"

"So we can go to the store together and buy the cookies."

Toby's eyes widened, as a small smile pulled at his lips, "It takes two 
people to buy cookies, Sam?...Isn't that the punchline to some joke?"

Sam sighed, "I think it would be a nice gesture if we did this together."

"Oh, you think it would be a nice gesture," Toby repeated with a hint of 
mockery.

"Yes, I do."

"Well, I think you have something wrong with you," he stated.

"Fine, don't come. I'll give Josh the cookies FROM ME and you'll just 
have to wait for your punishment from him...I heard him saying something to 
Donna about handcuffs and underwear, but I may have been mistaken...Be my 
guest, take your chances."

Toby rolled his eyes and sighed, "If I say I'll go with you, will you 
promise to leave now?"

Sam smiled, "Yes."

"Fine," he said reluctantly.

Sam nodded, "Good. I'll see you at 7 then."

Toby grumbled his response, as Sam exited the room.

* * * * * 

Danny appeared in the doorway of CJ's office. He casually leaned against 
its frame and crossed his arms over his chest. CJ was sitting at her desk 
reading a file and hadn't seen him yet. 

He began, "So, I was taking the White House tour, as I occasionally do to 
stay level-headed and remind myself that I'm just a normal guy working in the 
White House, and I-..."

CJ smiled, pulled her glasses off and looked up at him, "Level-headed?"

"Yes."

"Normal guy?"

"Normal guy," he repeated.

She chuckled, "I don't think that tour's doing the trick, Danny." He 
shrugged and then she continued, as she placed her glasses back on and looked 
down at her reading. "And as much as your daily travels interest me, I do 
have work to do. Go away now."

"You don't care to hear who I ran into?"

"I'm not sure I could care less."

"Okay," Danny said in a sing-song manner. 

She sighed and looked up at him, "Danny."

"Yes, CJ?"

"Who did you run into?"

"Now you care?"

"I'm very fickle," she said dryly.

"I've noticed."

"Danny."

He grinned, "Well, here I am enjoying the wonderful China Room, when I 
bump into this lovely older couple from Pennsylvania."

"Is this going to get interesting any time soon, Danny?"

"I assure you it is, CJ," Danny replied with a mischievous smile.

"Go on," CJ said, her tone a little worried now.

"So we started talking and it turns out they are just the sweetest 
people. I told them I am a White House reporter and they said that I 
probably knew their daughter and future-son-in-law." Danny paused and then 
said, "The Moss's ring a bell, CJ?"

CJ shrugged, "They are Donna's parents. I have yet to meet them."

"Yes, but what I found to be interesting was the future-son-in-law part. 
Are Josh and Donna engaged?" he said, trying to hide his knowing smile.

"Is that any business of yours?"

"Well, Mr. Moss invited me to the wedding, so I'd say it is," he said 
with a grin.

"What? He invited you to the wedding?" she asked in disbelief.

"I'm a very likable guy, CJ. You're the only one who has yet to succumb 
to my charms," he responded.

CJ shook her head, "They are only pretending to be engaged, Danny."

Danny's eyes brightened, "Ah, yes, 'pretending', I assumed as much...You 
know I enjoy pretending, too, CJ."

Her eyes narrowed, "Danny."

He continued, ignoring her tone, "Sometimes, as I am walking through the 
White House, talking to lovely older couples from Pennsylvania, I pretend 
that I am married to the White House Press Secretary."

CJ's eyes widened in horror and her mouth hung open, "You 
wha...wha...tell me you didn't."

Danny grinned and then stuck his head out her door. He gestured and soon 
two older people appeared in the doorway. CJ was beginning to hyperventilate, 
as she forced a smile at the Moss's. 

Danny smiled readily and placed an arm on each of their shoulders, 
"Honey, I'd like you to meet the Moss's."

They smiled warmly at her, as CJ struggled to breathe, 
"Nice...to...meet...you."

They returned her sentiment, although they weren't really sure what to 
make of CJ. Danny wagged his finger at her, "Buttercup, how many times have 
I told you that peanuts make your throat close up?"

Danny shrugged at the Moss's, "There's no talking to her, she's very 
stubborn. She's allergic to peanuts, but she insists on eating them 
anyway....Isn't that right, apple of my eye?"

Danny turned back to CJ, who was now breathing in and out as deeply as 
she could manage. 

Mrs. Moss spoke up now, "Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Larry here is 
allergic to macadamia nuts, but he never pays attention to what's in the 
things he eats. I always tell him to be careful, but does he listen to me?"

Danny nodded sympathetically, "I guess that's what we get for being 
married to headstrong people."

Danny heard CJ cough, but ignored her. He spoke to the Moss's, "Well, 
I'll see you two tonight then...And, Evelyn, thank you so much for that tip 
on how to get mustard out of a silk tie...I never would have thought of Cheez 
Whiz and then rinse....And, Larry, go Phillies!"

The Moss's smiled adoringly at him, as they said good-bye and turned to 
leave.

Once they'd left, Danny turned back to CJ, "Something wrong, dear?"

CJ finally managed to control her breathing long enough to say in a 
throaty, somewhat maniacal voice, "I'm going to kill you."

"Is that any way to speak to your loving husband?"

"I am going to physically wrap my hands around your neck and strangle 
you," she said, as she glared at him. 

"I love you, too, pumpkin."

"Get out!" she exclaimed, as she pointed towards the door.

"I'll pick you up at 8:00 pm. Here, right?"

"Go."

"8:00 pm, CJ."

"Now," she said through clenched teeth.

He grinned, "Okay." With that he turned on his heel and left. CJ sighed 
loudly and dropped her head to her desk.

* * * * * 

Toby and Sam stood in the bakery section of Stop & Shop. Toby was 
tapping his foot agitatedly in his place next to Sam. 

He finally erupted, "Sam, I swear if you don't pick out the cookies in 
five seconds, I'm going to beat you over the head with a loaf of French 
bread."

Sam pulled back from the case filled with a variety of cookies, "Toby, 
it's not that simple."

"You know what, it really is," he responded through gritted teeth.

Sam shook his head, gesturing to the cookies, "There are twenty different 
kinds, Toby. There's oatmeal raisin, peanut butter, chocolate chip, 
chocolate chocolate chip, sugar, white chocolate macadamia nut, chocolate 
macadamia nut-..."

Toby cut him off, as he ran a hand over his head, "Sam, you wore on my 
last nerve around 'chocolate chocolate chip', so either pick out the cookies 
now or you'll be eating them through a straw for the rest of your life."

Sam spoke, as if he hadn't heard him, "I can't decide. Maybe we should 
go with an assortment."

Toby moaned, as he ripped the bag out of his hand. He then proceeded to 
shovel two dozen of the cookies closest to him into the bag. He closed the 
door and shoved the bag into Sam's chest. Sam scrambled to grasp the bag 
before it fell to the floor. 

Toby grumbled, "There. Now I won't have to watch you choose, like some 
demented version of 'Sophie's Choice'.

Sam opened the bag and peered into it, "There's only white chocolate 
macadamia nut cookies in here, Toby."

"Yes, there is, Sam. Do you have a problem with that?" Toby asked 
menacingly.

Sam responded nervously, "No, no, not at all. I happen to like white 
chocolate macadamia nut cookies."

Toby smiled insincerely, "Good, I'm glad. Let's go."

Sam shook his head, "I have to get a grapefruit."

"Excuse me?" Toby said in a disbelieving tone.

"A grapefruit. You know a citrus fruit, grows in-..."

"I know what the hell a grapefruit is, Sam!" 

"Then why did you-..."

"Shut up." Toby replied weakly.

"Okay." Sam stayed silent for a few moments and then said softly, "It's 
just that I always start my day with a grapefruit, a bowl of corn flakes and 
a glass of cranberry juice."

"You sound like a commercial," Toby groaned.

"I do?" Sam asked proudly.

"It wasn't a compliment."

"Oh," Sam replied. They were silent again until Sam finally said in a 
whisper, "So can I-..."

"Get your damn grapefruit...Just make it fast," Toby relented 
begrudgingly.

Sam smiled and began to walk down to the fruit section, as Toby followed 
behind him, grumbling something about replacing Sam's head with a grapefruit.

They finally reached the fruit section and proceeded to the grapefruit 
stand. Sam picked one up and Toby nodded, "Good, let's go."

Sam shook his head, as he sniffed it and placed it back down, "Nope, no 
good."

"What?"

"No good."

"And you know that how?"

"I sniffed it. My paternal grandfather taught me that trick," Sam said 
proudly.

"Ah, never let it be said that Grandpa Seaborn didn't help make you the 
annoying man you are today," Toby muttered.

Sam ignored him and then proceeded to pick up and sniff, pick up and 
sniff, pick up and sniff grapefruit after grapefruit. After the thirteenth 
grapefruit, a seething Toby couldn't take it anymore, "I gotta tell you, Sam, 
every rejected grapefruit pushes me *that* much closer to replacing your 
Adam's apple with one."

Sam swallowed hard, as he brought a protective hand up to his throat. He 
held a grapefruit in the same hand and made a feeble effort to sniff it. He 
then smiled weakly, "This is the one."

Toby forced a smile and responded mockingly, "Hallelujah. All is now 
right with the world: Unemployment's down, tensions have cooled in the 
Middle East and Sam has his grapefruit."

Sam nodded and followed Toby to the checkout lines. They entered a 
'twelve items or less' line. Toby's eyes roamed, finally focusing on the 
woman in front of him and her carriage filled with a number of items. 

He cleared his throat, "You're in the wrong line."

Sam's eyes widened and he looked up from the Soap Opera Digest he'd been 
reading. 

The woman didn't acknowledge Toby, so he spoke again in a louder voice, 
"You're in the wrong line."

Sam whispered to him, "I really don't think we need to make something out 
of this, Toby."

Toby shook his head, as the woman turned to him. She was in her late 
thirties and strikingly beautiful. Her short dark hair framed her fair face 
nicely, while her blue eyes leant her an exotic look. 

Her stunning appearance caused Toby to lose his train of thought for a 
moment. He soon recovered and was about to speak, when she beat him to it, 
"Were you speaking to me?"

"Yes, yes I was. You're in the wrong line. The sign says 12 items or 
less and you clearly have more than that."

The woman's eyes narrowed at him, "Who are you? The checkout police?"

Sam tugged nervously on Toby's arm and whispered, "Toby, she looks tough, 
frightening actually...I say we let it go."

"Shut up, Sam", he muttered.

"Well?" the woman prodded.

"I am simply pointing out that you are breaking a rule, therefore 
inconveniencing me and my friend."

"While I do appreciate your inconvenience, the words 'kiss my ass' come 
to mind," she said with a smile.

Toby's eyes widened, "Are you always this rude?"

She grinned, "The supermarket brings out the best in me."

"Am I to assume that you are also illiterate?" Toby asked.

She smiled at Toby and then eyed Sam, "While I don't enjoy such fine 
reading as the Soap Opera Digest, I am a perfectly capable reader, thank you."

Sam's cheeks filled with red and he slowly placed the magazine back in 
its place. Toby replied, "So you can read the sign then?"

"Yes."

"But you choose to piss people off instead?" he inquired.

She nodded, "It is so much more amusing that way."

Toby shook his head, as he ran a hand down his chin, "It's people like 
you. It's inconsiderate people like you that have nearly crippled this 
society."

She laughed, "Who the hell are you? Some kind of politician?"

He nodded, "You could say that."

She nodded in understanding, "Now it makes sense. You're some politician 
with a bug up his butt, who feels it's his duty to right the wrongs of this 
world...Or at least make it appear that way."

Sam leaned forward and whispered, "You got the bug up his butt part 
right."

Toby glared at Sam, who then began to study the National Inquirer in an 
effort to avoid his wrath. 

Toby's eyes stared at her now, "Look, lady, the only bug up my butt is 
you. So why don't you take yours over to aisle 7 and have yourself a dandy 
of a day."

The woman's mouth tightened and she responded tersely, "No."

She then turned around without another word. Toby glanced at Sam in 
disbelief, "Can you believe that woman?"

Sam didn't hear him, his eyes and attention now focused on the magazine, 
"Hey, did you know that a two-headed dog who speaks German was discovered in 
Cleveland?"

Toby sighed and shook his head in defeat.

* * * * * 

"Joshua!" Donna screamed in his ear.

Josh had fallen asleep while reading a recipe book. His face was now 
resting on a Chicken Cordon Bleu recipe. 

His head jerked up when she screamed in his ear. He looked at her, as he 
wiped at the side of his mouth where he'd discovered some drool. "What?"

"What?!...You should be almost done cooking by now, Josh. The President 
will be here in less than an hour...I knew I shouldn't have left you 
unsupervised."

He rubbed at his eyes, "I should really demand an apology, you know. 
This is the second time today you've rudely awakened me."

"It's in your best interest not to," she replied.

He nodded with slow smile, "Yeah, I kind of got that from your foaming at 
the mouth."

Her eyes narrowed at him, "What are you going to do? They'll be here 
soon and you haven't cooked a thing."

"Don't worry about it. It's customary to keep the President waiting for 
his food. It's a sign of respect," he said as seriously as possible. 

"Do you actually believe the things you say or are you just good at 
faking it?" she asked with a slight smile.

He grinned, "I am very good at faking. Which should come in handy during 
this exercise of deception."

She sighed, "Just start cooking, okay?"

"Why don't you help me? It'll go faster that way."

"I can't, Josh. This place is still a mess. I have to straighten up. 
Plus, my parents are going to be back from the bakery any second now. 
Someone has to entertain them."

"Fine," he muttered, as she left.

Josh began to stretch and then looked at the recipe, "Defrost chicken. 
Easy enough."

He walked to the freezer and pulled out a few packages of chicken. He 
unwrapped them, placed them on a plate and then put them in the microwave for 
25 minutes.

He rubbed his hands together, "See, now this isn't so hard. Chicken is 
defrosting. Let's see, I'll do the vegetables."

20 minutes later, Josh had prepared a salad and broccoli. He grinned at 
his accomplishment, "I am good."

Donna walked into the kitchen and eyed the food with surprise, "Not bad, 
Josh."

He smiled, "I told you not to doubt me. I can do anything if I put my 
head to it."

Donna nodded and was about respond, when a loud pop from behind them 
gained their attention. It came from the microwave. 

Donna tried to remain calm, as Josh cringed beneath her glare, "What was 
in there?"

"Chicken."

"And what were you doing to it?"

"Defrosting it," he said softly.

"Did you press defrost?" she asked, her jaw tightening..

He swallowed hard and avoided her eyes, "You have to press defrost?"

"Joshua!"

She hurried to the microwave and flung the door open. Josh came to stand 
behind her, as she surveyed the damage. The chicken had 'blown up' and now 
pieces of it lined the walls of her microwave. 

She turned around and glared at him, "Thank you very much. My microwave 
now looks like the scene of a poultry massacre!"

"It's not that bad," he said unconvincingly.

"Not that bad? Josh, the President will be here soon and all I have to 
serve him is the remains of Big Bird!"

Josh held up a finger, "Now was Big Bird actually a chicken, because I 
was never clear on that."

Donna shot him a look that made his knees wobble. He responded softly, 
"Okay, we'll discuss that later."

"I should have my head examined. How could I allow you into my kitchen 
all by yourself?"

"It was an easy mistake...Could have happened to anyone," he countered in 
his defense.

"But it happened to you," she replied.

"Yes, it did. But let me draw your attention back to the salad and 
broccoli. Did you see how I cut those tomatoes." Her jaw tensed and he 
finished, his eyes lowered, "They're supposed to look like flowers...Saw it 
on Emeril."

Donna's face softened a little, as she looked at the salad. He had done 
a nice job on it...and the only reason he was even here was because of the 
mess she'd gotten him into. For some reason, she just couldn't stay angry at 
him for very long. 

She sighed, "Yes, you did a lovely job on the tomatoes, Josh."

He smiled, "Thank you."

"Now what are we going to do about this meal?"

His brow peaked, "I could make my specialty."

She shook her head furiously, "No."

"Hey, you know it's good."

"I am not serving the President a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, 
Josh."

He shrugged with a smile, "Fine, then I guess we'll just do a buffet. 
Everyone can just walk by your microwave and help themselves to a piece of 
blown to smithereens chicken." 

She shook her head, "If I had anything else to cook in this house I would 
not be agreeing to this."

He grinned, "So grilled cheese it is. If you want, I can cut the bread 
into the shape of an American Eagle."

Donna laughed, "I don't know, that might be a little too fancy for the 
President's taste."

He smiled, "You're right, I wouldn't want to overwhelm him."

Donna nodded, "Okay, get started."

Josh grinned and began to gather his ingredients, as Donna watched him.

* * * * * 

10 minutes later, Toby and Sam arrived were the first to arrive. Donna's 
parents hadn't returned yet.

Sam was speaking to an annoyed Toby, "See, now if we had taken a left at 
Grover, a right at Yancy, and a left on Hunter, then I definitely don't think 
it would have taken us forty-five minutes to get here and we probably 
wouldn't have had to swerve to avoid that squirrel."

Toby turned to him, "I never want to drive with you again. I will sooner 
pierce my ear and sing "We Are the World" than get back into a car with you 
again...That goes for supermarkets, too."

Sam shrugged, as Donna and Josh tried to stifle their laughter. Just 
then, Donna heard the doorbell ring. Sam thought it could be Mallory. She 
was meeting him there.

Donna answered the door and soon arrived back with a woman in her late 
thirties, who was strikingly beautiful. Her short dark hair framed her fair 
face nicely, while her blue eyes leant her an exotic look. 

Toby and Sam's mouths hung open, as did the woman's.

Donna spoke, "Toby, Sam, this is my older cousin, Livie. She moved here 
a few months ago. I invited her over to spend some time with parents and 
meet you all."

Her piercing eyes narrowed at Toby, "You."

Toby replied just as tersely, "You."

An uncomfortable Sam looked at Josh and Donna and said nervously, "Did 
you know that a woman in Chicago gave birth to a baby with a rat's 
head?...It's...It's true, read it in the National Inquirer." 

Josh and Donna looked at Sam in confusion, before turning back to the 
stare down between Toby and Livie with the same expressions. 

* * * * *
"Honey, I'm home," Danny said with a grin, as he poked his head into CJ's 
office.

She spoke without looking up from the work she was finishing, "A) I am 
not your 'honey' and the use of another term of endearment such as that will 
result in some kind of injury to you. B) This is not your home, it is my 
office and I am beginning to tolerate your presence here less and less...And 
C) You're late."

He nodded, as he plopped down in the chair in front of her and placed his 
feet up on her desk. "Yeah, sorry about that. I was helping Esmeralda and 
Merle with their homework...Merle's having a terrible time with math."

CJ looked at him in confusion, as she rose from her desk and knocked his 
feet down with a rough swipe of her hand, "I'm afraid to ask, but who are 
Esmeralda and Merle?"

"Our children," he replied matter-of-factly.

CJ shook her head at him, "Oh no, you've done enough damage. I'm not 
about to pretend to be the mother of your children, too...And Esmeralda and 
Merle? Would you really do such a cruel thing to children by giving them 
those names?"

He shrugged, "CJ, you have to get into character. We are now happily 
married with two kids, who have uniquely wonderful names, and a goldfish."

"I want a divorce," she stated, while pulling her coat on. 

He smiled, "Esmeralda and Merle will be devastated...And I don't have to 
tell you I'll get custody of the fish."

She smiled, "Gail's mine. You can have the kids."

"Where's your maternal instincts?" he asked with a smirk.

"It's being overpowered by my ever-growing dislike for you," she replied 
with a grin.

"Every marriage has its rough patches, CJ."

She chuckled and grabbed her pocketbook, "We better go before I give into 
my temptation to smack you."

"Okay, we'll work out our problems later," he said with a shrug, as he 
got up from his chair. He then added, "Just remember though, communication 
is the key to any long-lasting relationship."

"Communication, huh? Well, I'll remember that the next time I am sitting 
in my office silently cursing you. I'll save it for when I see you and can 
say it to your face," CJ replied with a smile.

Danny nodded with a grin, "Okay," and then followed her out the door.


* * * * *

"Amish?" Abbey asked, glancing at her husband's figure seated next to 
her in the limo. "Donna was raised Amish?"

Jed nodded, as he tried to hide his smile, "Yes. Apparently, she was 
shunned after buying an electric toothbrush."

Abbey grinned, shaking her head, "You are a terrible liar, Jed. You 
always have been."

He smiled, "I made your mother believe I liked her for all of those 
years, didn't I?"

She chuckled, "My mother knew you hated her, Jed. What did you think she 
meant every time she called you 'one of Satan's minions who stole her little 
girl away'?

He shrugged with a grin, "I thought she was flirting with me."

Abbey laughed and rewarded him with a gentle tap on his leg. When she 
had regained her composure a moment later, she said, "Have I told you yet how 
mean I thought it was of you to make Josh squirm like this?"

"Only three thousand times," he mumbled.

"Well, it warrants mentioning again. Josh is only trying to help Donna 
out, Jed. There was no need to make this any harder on him."

He sighed, "You never let me have any fun, Abbey."

"You can have as much fun as you'd like, just not at the expense of your 
staff, Jed."

He grinned, "But what else is there?...They give me so much to work with."

Abbey shook her head at him, a smile creeping onto her lips, "I seem to 
remember those same staff members being very supportive of you when you ran 
your bike into a tree, Jed."

"Mrs. Landingham said Leo called me a klutz and a geek....While in the 
Oval Office, might I add," he countered.

"Well, it wasn't one of your finest moments, dear," she said gently.

He shrugged and then declared, "I don't care, Abbey. I am going to have 
fun with this." He then muttered under his breath, "You can just sit back 
with that self-righteous look on your face and watch me."

"Self-righteous?" Abbey asked with mock terseness.

Jed feigned innocence, "I didn't say that...Where did you hear that?"

She smiled, "You're just as terrible a liar now as you were five minutes 
ago, Jed."

He shrugged and then leaned forward to speak to the limo driver, "Hey, 
Jerry, pull in there."

Abbey looked at him and shook her head, "Taco Bell, Jed? We are already 
late and dinner is waiting for us. You don't need to eat Taco Bell."

"It's an appetizer," he replied.

"I thought you don't like Mexican food."

"It's not Mexican food, it's Taco Bell," he replied with a smile. Then 
he added, "I want a Chalupa."

"Those things are terrible for you. I don't have to tell you that," she 
responded scoldingly.

"Yet you did anyway," he groaned.

"Jed, why can't you just wait to eat?" she asked.

"Because I don't plan on eating much when I get there."

"And why is that?"

He smiled at her, "Because Josh came into my office today and asked me if 
anyone had ever accidentally poisoned the President of the United States." He 
paused and then continued, "I'm pretty sure that wasn't something he was just 
casually pondering."

Abbey chuckled, "Okay, have your Chalupa."

"Thank you, dear," he replied insincerely. Then he added absentmindedly, 
"You know what I like about Taco Bell?...That little dog from the 
commercials. You know, the 'Yo quiero Taco Bell' dog." 

Abbey laughed, "Is that what you do while I'm away, Jed? You sit around 
and memorize commercials?"

He grinned, "That's not all I do, Abbey. In my spare time, I run a 
country."

Abbey smiled and laughed lightly, as she placed her head on his shoulder.

* * * * * *

Toby and Livie continued to stare at each other in silence, as the others 
looked on uncomfortably. Josh finally pulled Sam off to the side.

He gestured to them, "What's with those two?"

"They don't like each other," he replied.

"They know each other?"

"We met her today."

"And Toby doesn't like her."

"No, he does not."

"Why?"

"Because she's exactly like him."

"She's like Toby?"

"She's Toby with breasts, Josh," Sam replied with a wide smile.

Josh nodded, with a slight grin, and glanced back at Livie's figure.

He then turned back to Sam, "See, here's what I don't get. I was under 
the impression that Toby was very fond of himself. I would have thought that 
discovering a female counterpart would delight him."

Sam shook his head, "I think Toby was under the impression that he was a 
one-of-a-kind original."

Josh shrugged and they rejoined the others. 

Livie's jaw finally slackened and she spoke, addressing Toby, "So I see 
that you and your little friend survived the checkout line just fine. It 
doesn't look like those few lost minutes cost you anything."

Sam brought up a finger in objection, "Excuse me? Little friend?"

Livie ignored Sam, as Toby replied, "Actually, I am quite sure that much 
of sanity has been compromised because you forced me to spend five more 
minutes in line with my 'little friend' than absolutely necessary...And all 
that because you couldn't take your tampons, fifty cans of chick peas, 
endless assortment of yogurt and whatever the hell else you had over to the 
correct line." 

Livie took a step closer to him, her eyebrows peaking, "I should have put 
two and two together."

"Excuse me?" Toby asked with confusion.

"Donna told me she works with a pain in the ass, whose every word drips 
with an air of superiority that would knock the Pope off his feet...I should 
have put two and two together in the supermarket...After all, how many of you 
can there be?"

Toby focused his eyes on Donna for a moment, who stammered, "I said no 
such thing, Toby. My cousin just enjoys watching me squirm."

Livie smiled knowingly at her, "Precisely why I'm here tonight." 

Donna sighed, suddenly feeling that inviting her cousin over was a bad 
idea. She had told her of the day's events and had hoped that Livie's 
outspoken, brash personality might take the heat off of her and Josh for a 
majority of the evening. Now, however, she wasn't so sure.

Toby brought a hand up to interject, gaining Livie's attention once 
again. Their eyes met for a strangely exciting moment, before he continued, 
"Um, could we please get back to you insulting me and me insulting you?...I 
believe it was my turn."

Josh studied Toby and Livie carefully, his eyes suddenly widening. He 
pulled Donna off to the side, "Did you see that?"

"What?" she asked bewilderedly.

"That...That thing...Between them."

"You mean contempt?" she asked.

"Yes...I mean, no...I mean, yes, there is contempt, but no, that's not 
what I meant."

"What *are* you talking about, Joshua?" Donna asked with a touch of 
irritation.

He sighed, casting Toby and Livie a sideways glance, "They have a thing 
between them. There's this passion, some kind of raw attraction going on 
there."

She offered him an odd expression, "What? This isn't you. You don't go 
around studying people, detecting underlying emotions and actually making 
sense."

"I make sense," he said defensively.

Donna arched her brows.

"On occasion," he added softly.

She nodded, "So what if there is something between them?...Why do you 
care?"

A slow smile spread across his face, "Oh, because I am about to punish 
Toby and Sam in a most brilliant, enjoyable and ruthless way."

Donna looked at him in confusion, "I don't know what you're talking 
about, but what does Sam have to do with Livie and Toby?"

Josh grinned, "You'll see."

He took Donna by the elbow and guided her back to the group. They 
returned just in time to hear Livie say, "So, I see you and your little 
friend are still together. You two must be very close."

Sam once again raised an objection, "I would just like to reiterate that 
I take exception to the term 'little friend' being used to refer to me."

Sam was paid little attention, as Josh's voice nearly cut him off. With 
a devilish grin he said, "Oh, yes, *very* close."

Toby eyed him suspiciously, as did Sam. Toby shook his head, "We're 
really not close at all. I just fed Sam once and now he keeps coming back. 
He's like a cat."

Sam threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, "Did someone declare 
this 'Dump on Sam Day' and forget to inform me?"

Toby grinned slightly, as Livie studied the two of them. Josh shook his 
head, a mischievous twinkle dancing in his eyes, "Oh, they're 
close...Partners, in fact."

Toby and Sam widened their eyes at him, as they realized what Josh was 
implying. 

Toby stammered, "Writing...Writing partners...That's what he meant. We 
are writing partners."

Livie regarded him with a doubting look. Josh continued, even though 
Donna was now tugging at his arm relentlessly. "Toby, you really have to get 
past this denial...It's not healthy."

Toby scowled at Josh, angry that he'd used his own words against him. 
Sam's mouth was still hanging open and when he finally spoke it was to Josh. 

His voice emerged in a shell-shocked tone, as he held the bag of cookies 
up to Josh, "But...But we brought cookies...Peace offering...Cookies...White 
chocolate macadamia nut...Peaceful."

Josh smirked and wrinkled his nose, with a shrug of his shoulders, "I 
don't like macadamia nuts, Sam."

Sam's face fell even more at that statement. Livie finally spoke, as she 
looked Toby and Sam over again. Toby and Sam glanced uncomfortably at each 
other, before taking two steps in opposite directions. 

Livie spoke to Josh, "Oh, so they are-..."

"Life-partners," Josh confirmed with a satisfying smile. Two loud groans 
could be heard coming from his left. 

Livie smiled, her eyes focusing on Toby, "Ah, now that explains a lot."

"Excuse me?" Toby asked with more than a hint of irritation.

"That explains why you have so much pent up anger. You're tired of 
hiding who you really are from people who aren't close to you. Although I 
will say shopping together is a step in the right direction," Livie stated.

Toby waved a hand at her and spoke quickly, "I am not tired of hiding. I 
have nothing to hide. Josh was joking. That's what he does, he jokes. 
Occasionally, his jokes just go a little too far."

Sam stood silently by, wishing that he'd just kept his mouth shut while 
in Josh's office that afternoon. Never in a million years had he thought 
Josh's 'revenge', so to speak, would be *this*. Although, he had to admire 
his originality.

Livie shook her head, "It's okay, you don't have to pretend with me...I 
understand why you might feel the need to, but you don't have to."

"I'm not pretending," Toby grumbled, feeling as if he were sinking in 
quicksand and there wasn't nothing around to grab onto.

She shrugged and looked at Toby, "Although I must say I'm not sure I 
understand how *you* landed *him*."

Livie pointed at Sam, who smiled slowly, a strange sense of pride now 
washing over him. Toby's eyes widened, as he shook his head, "What is that 
supposed to mean?"

"It's just that he seems a little out of your league," she clarified with 
a tilt of her head and a tiny smile..

Toby spoke agitatedly, his words spewing forth without any thought, "My 
league? I'll have you know that not only are we in the same league, but I'm 
Commissioner of the damn league!"

Everyone's brows furrowed, as they tried to comprehend Toby's statement. 

Toby sighed, rubbed at his chin roughly and then added in a mumble before 
stomping off, "Sam's out of my league? Who the hell does she think she is?"

Sam watched as Toby disappeared down the hall and then grinned at Livie, 
as he suddenly found himself inexplicably playing along with this, "Well, I 
don't usually go for the balding, gruff type...So, I played hard to get for a 
while..."

Donna finally managed to pull Josh away, as he struggled to listen to 
Sam. He looked at her irritatedly, "Donna! I wanted to hear what else Sam 
was going to say!"

She shook her head at him, "I cannot believe you, Josh."

He nodded proudly, "I know, pretty good, huh?"

Donna's eyes were hard, "No, it was not pretty good! How could you do 
this to them?!

"Them? What about me? Did you not hear them this afternoon?" he asked 
in disbelief.

"Two wrongs do not make a right, Joshua," she stated, as if she'd just 
come up with this saying a moment ago.

"Gee, thanks, Donna...But that didn't work when I was five, so I'm 
thinking it won't work now."

"It was extremely mean," she declared, while crossing her arms over her 
chest.

"I know," he said with a smile.

Donna shook her head again, "What exactly does this have to do with your 
perceived attraction between Toby and Livie?"

He frowned, "You mean you don't get it?"

"I'm afraid not."

He sighed, "They have this great love/hate thing going on. Believe me, 
Toby likes this girl and he would have eventually put aside his pettiness to 
prove that to her. But *I* just made it so he has to pretend that he and Sam 
are together...Which, I'm thinking, is going to make putting the moves on her 
much more difficult." He concluded with a boastful smile.

"Putting the moves on her? Josh, I can't imagine Toby putting the moves 
on anyone," she replied doubtfully.

"Ah, but he has...I think." He paused, as if pondering this and then 
added. "And now he can't," Josh ended with a grin.

"And Sam is just an innocent victim in all of this?"

Josh shook his head, "No, he deserved a punishment, too. It just so 
happened that this is a perfect one for them both."

Her eyes widened in understanding and she said, "Mallory."

He smiled, "Exactly."

She shook her head, a little smile playing across her lips that she was 
trying desperately to hide, "This is just so mean-spirited...Even for 
you...It's horrible, inconsiderate, selfish-..."

He smiled, as he interrupted her, "And you love it, don't you?"

Donna finally allowed her smile to take over as she nodded. Josh 
chuckled and bobbed his head.

* * * * *

Toby had wandered into Donna's study after he had stalked away from the 
group. He was furious at the moment and all he could do was repeat, "Damn 
him," over again and over again.

Toby was now pacing back and forth, as he ran his hand over his head a 
number of times. He abruptly stopped, his mouth turning into a pronounced 
frown at who he saw standing in the doorway. 

His words were biting, "Are you really that stupid, Josh? Because I 
would think even you would know that *you* are the last person I want to see 
right now."

Josh shrugged, as he leaned against the door frame. "I can't begin to 
tell you how much I don't care."

Toby raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, "Hm, interesting. Do you 
think you'll care after I finish jamming the largest object I can find down 
your throat?"

Josh smirked, "Doubtful."

Toby sighed and shook his head, "You must have fallen and hit your head 
again. That's the only explanation for this."

Josh smiled, "You had your fun, now I had mine."

Toby groaned, "This hardly makes us even, Josh! All I did was say that 
you and Donna were living together. Poor Joshua, he has to live with a 
beautiful woman, who adores him for a few days because of 
me...Boo...hoo...hoo." 

Josh's eyes widened when Toby mentioned Donna adoring him. He had never 
looked at her in that way. Loyal, yes, but adoring?...Donna?

Josh shook free of his thoughts, as Toby went on, "But what did *you* do? 
Not only did you change my sexual orientation, but you managed to saddle me 
with quite possibly the most annoying human being I've ever met!"

Josh chuckled, "Ingenious, wasn't it?"

Toby growled at him, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't ring your 
neck right now?"

Josh smiled at him, "You're just angry because now you can't make your 
move on Livie."

Toby's eyes widened at him, "Livie? Are you insane?"

Josh shook his head, "No, I am perfectly sane and entirely right. You 
like her."

Toby rubbed at his chin agitatedly, "Let me make this as clear to you as 
possible, Josh. I like Livie about as much as I like you right now...Got it?"

Josh smiled and then brought a hand to his heart, "Aw, Toby, I had no 
idea you felt that way...But I could never do that to Sam."

Toby clenched his teeth and then pointed his finger at door, "Go. Now. 
Run."

Josh grinned, before spinning around and retreating. 

Toby shook his head and muttered under his breath, "Me and Livie? 
Ha!...We're nothing alike."

* * * * * 

When Josh entered the living room again, he found that Evelyn and Larry 
Moss had finally arrived. They were now engaged in a conversation with Sam. 
Larry was speaking, "I think it's great that you and Josh are so close."

Sam nodded, "Yeah, we're like brothers. I'm an only child, so it's nice 
for me."

Josh took his place next to Donna, and was just about to whisper to her 
when the doorbell rang. Donna walked to the door and opened it up. She soon 
returned with Mallory in tow. 

Mallory smiled at everyone and greeted them cordially. She then 
approached Sam and lifted herself slightly to place a kiss on his lips. Sam 
was about to return the gesture, when he suddenly remembered what Livie 
thought about him. He abruptly turned his face, just as Mallory's lips were 
about to touch his. Her eyes widened, as her lips brushed against his cheek. 


"Sam?" she asked in confusion and a hint of irritation.

"Mallory," he responded, his eyes not meeting hers.

Josh saw the awkward moment and Livie's questioning look. He interjected 
quickly, without giving his words any thought, "Livie, Mr. and Mrs. Moss, 
this is Mallory...Sam's sister."

Mallory's expression went from just plain confused to confused and 
shocked. She said softly, "Sister?"

Mr. Moss shook his head bewilderedly, as he looked at Sam, "Your sister? 
But you just said you were an only child."

Sam's mouth hung open and he was at a loss for words. However, Josh was 
not experiencing such a problem. 

He 'clarified' with a wave of his hand, "I meant Sam's Sister, as in nun. 
This is the Sister that Sam goes to for counseling...Sister 
Mallory...Actually, her name is Sister Mary Mallory, but she prefers simply 
Sister Mallory."

Sam and Mallory just stared at Josh wide-eyed. They had been stunned 
speechless. Donna was shaking her head at him, her face stern. Josh opened 
his mouth to say more, but Donna stomped on his foot before he could utter a 
word.

The next words he did speak were, "Ow! God dammit, Donna!"

Mr. and Mrs. Moss looked at Josh and then brought their gaze to Mallory. 
Josh smiled weakly, as he followed their eyes and realized what they were 
trying to say. 

He nodded and awkwardly half-bowed at Mallory, "I am so sorry, Sister. 
Please extend my sincerest apologies to your boss."

Donna had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at that one. She was 
just about to drag Josh away from the group, when Toby entered. 

He approached Sam and spoke in a quick monotone, "Look, Sam, we had a 
good thing, but the magic's gone. It's time to move on." He concluded by 
giving Sam a hard pat on the back.

By now, Mallory was so incredibly confused that she was ready to pull her 
hair out. She was just about to scream at the top of her lungs for an 
explanation when Livie cut her off. 

She spoke to Toby, "You don't have to do this, Toby. There's nothing to 
be embarrassed about. Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Larry have very open minds."

Toby moaned and ran a hand down his face. Mr. Moss shook his head in 
bewilderment and then wagged his finger at Toby and Sam, "Are you two...You 
know."

"Life-partners," Livie confirmed with a nod of her head. With that, Sam 
and Toby once again groaned, as Mallory gasped, in part disbelief and part 
puzzlement.

Mr. and Mrs. Moss smiled and shook their heads at them. Mrs. Moss spoke 
sweetly, "There's nothing to be ashamed of."

Mr. Moss nodded in agreement, "That's right. I know that a lot of people 
from our generation would have trouble accepting you two for who you are, but 
we're different...We watch 'Will & Grace'."

Toby's eyes narrowed at them and then he squeezed them shut. Sam, 
however, smiled and began to ramble, "Oh, I love that show. Jack is such a 
riot. That whole 'Just Jack' thing cracks me up. And the-..."

"Sam," Toby grumbled.

Sam smiled slightly and then whispered, "End...The end."

During all of this, Josh was having a wonderful time observing. He felt 
like a puppeteer. They were his puppets and he was pulling all of the 
strings. He had to admit, it felt good to be manipulative and deceitful...He 
never got to have this much fun.

The doorbell ringing again pulled him out of his thoughts. Donna walked 
to the door, wondering what disaster awaited her now. She opened it up and 
found Danny and CJ. 

She smiled at them and sighed in relief, "Oh, thank God. I don't think 
Josh wants to do anything to you two. Maybe you can restore a little 
normalcy."

CJ and Danny looked at her in confusion, as they entered. They had 
barely taken two steps into the living room, when Mr. Moss rushed towards 
them. "Ah, Danny, it's so good to see you again...And your lovely wife."

The mouths of Sam, Mallory, Toby, Josh and Donna all fell open at almost 
the same moment. 

CJ blushed, as she saw their reactions. She spoke softly to Danny 
through gritted teeth, "I hate you for this...You might as well not even show 
up for the briefings from now on." Danny simply smiled and didn't respond.

Donna finally recovered from her initial shock and elbowed Josh, "How did 
you do that?"

Josh shrugged and turned to her with a grin, "I didn't. Apparently, word 
of my work has spread and others have begun to take it up...I'm a 
trailblazer."

Donna's jaw tightened, "I can think of a lot of words to describe you 
right now, Joshua, and trailblazer wasn't even close to the top of the list."

Josh shrugged and then struggled to free himself of her grip as she 
dragged him to a corner of the room. He removed his arm from her and rubbed 
at it, "How is that you are so strong? You know that's abnormal, right?"

Donna sighed and took a step closer to him. "This has gotten out of hand, 
Josh. It started as one little lie and now it's taken on a life of its 
own...Thanks to you."

Josh nodded with a proud smile, "Yes, I know. In a short period of time, 
I have managed to take an underdeveloped plot and spin it into something 
exceedingly interesting and compelling."

Donna rolled her eyes, "Yeah, you're a modern version of Shakespeare."

Josh feigned embarrassment, "Well, I didn't want to be the one to say it."

Donna glared at him, "Look, Josh, this isn't a play and these people 
aren't characters. You can't just toy with them like this."

Josh shrugged, "Loosen up, Donna. I'm just having a little fun. We all 
spend so much time being our boring, frazzled selves, that I would think this 
would be a welcome change of pace."

Donna pointed to the group, "Toby, for example, does not seem to agree."

Josh focused his eyes on Toby, "Actually, that's Toby's 'happy face'. 
It's just hard to tell because we don't see it very often and there's only a 
slight change from his normal countenance."

Donna stifled a laugh as she rewarded him with swat on his arm, "Josh, 
things are out of control. We're 'engaged', CJ and Danny are 'married', Toby 
and Sam are 'life-partners' and Mallory is a 'nun'!...What's next? The 
President as the Easter Bunny?"

Josh chuckled and then shook his head, "Nah, he doesn't have the ears to 
pull it off."

Donna allowed herself a small grin, but tried to maintain her composure, 
"Joshua, I am serious. Look at what you've done?"

Josh nodded and then held his finger up, "Yes, but in my defense, I had 
nothing to do with the CJ and Danny thing."

"Josh," Donna said tiredly.

"And," he continued, a smile pulling at his lips, "I am once again 
compelled to point out that *you*, Donnatella, started this whole pretending 
thing we got going on here...So, you can just stop with the whole innocent 
act."

Donna smiled slightly, realizing he did have a point. Then she said, her 
eyes sparkling and meeting his, "That's true, Josh...I guess that makes *me* 
the trailblazer."

Josh laughed and shook his head, "No way, I'm the mastermind of this 
deal. You just came up with the idea, I fully developed it...Giving you 
credit would be like crediting Thomas Edison's Uncle Lou for inventing the 
light-bulb just because one day he said 'Hey, Tommy, it's dark in here. What 
do you think about that?' "

Donna laughed at him, shaking her head in defeat.

* * * * *

There was finally a long enough lull in the action for Mallory to speak 
to Sam. She brought her index finger up to his arm and began to poke him 
until he was forced to acknowledge her, "Sam," she repeated tersely.

Sam sighed and turned to her, "Mallory."

She smiled insincerely at him, "That's Sister Mallory to you."

Sam laughed nervously, "That's funny...Now if you'll excuse me."

Sam began to walk away, but Mallory grabbed his arm before he could get 
very far. She then took him by the hand, "Come with me."

Sam stammered and pointed behind him, as Mallory began to drag him down 
the hall, "Actually, there's this thing I have to do."

Mallory didn't respond. She finally stopped at the study and pulled him 
in. Once in, she slammed the door shut. Sam reacted with a start and he 
leaned uncomfortably against the door. Mallory stood closely in front of him 
and placed her arms on either side of him, palms flat against the door, so 
that he could not move. She was looking at him menacingly, or so Sam 
determined.

She remained silent for a few moments, which was increasingly unnerving 
him. He discreetly reached for the doorknob and tried to turn it. He smiled 
weakly when he realized it was locked and whispered, "Locked...Okay, now I'm 
a little frightened."

Mallory lifted her eyebrows to him, "What do you have to be scared of, 
Sam? After all, I'm a woman of God, what could I possibly do to you?"

He shook his head and said softly, "See now, I...I really wish you'd stop 
saying stuff like that...I'm beginning to think you're upset with me."

She tilted her head, "Ya think? Whatever for?"

He shrugged, "I honestly don't know."

Mallory shook her head at him, "Are you going to tell me what the hell's 
going on or am I going to have to beat it out of you, Sam?"

Sam swallowed hard and held a finger up to her, "First off, I really 
don't think a woman of God would say words like 'hell'. And secondly, 
violence is never the answer, Mallory." He then added softly, "I'd also like 
you to remember that I bruise easily."

Mallory's jaw clenched, "Sam, I'm waiting."

He nodded and then chuckled nervously before beginning in quick ramble, 
"It's actually very funny...Although, right now I can't think of why...But, 
you see, it all started with Donna telling her parents she was engaged to 
Josh. Then Toby and I sort of elaborated and that didn't sit well with Josh. 
To punish us, he told Livie, who I am pretty sure Toby likes even though he 
acts like he hates her, that we are 'life-partners.' That's why you have to 
be a nun...And then there's something with CJ and Danny that I haven't quite 
figured out yet...Oh and cookies...We brought cookies as a peace 
offering...Although ones with macadamia nuts, as it turns out, weren't the 
best of choices...Josh doesn't like macadamia nuts...Didn't know that." 
Sam's voice trailed off, as his eyes met Mallory's piercing stare.

Mallory shook her head at him, "I don't believe this. I am literally 
stunned."

He sighed, "It's not that bad, Mal."

She nodded, "Yes, yes it is. I cannot believe that you people are the 
ones running my country."

Sam bobbed his head in agreement, although that wasn't what he had 
expected her to say. "I gotta go with you on that one...We aren't exactly 
painting ourselves in the most flattering of lights right now."

"No," she replied sharply.

"I mean, deception, while frequently a part of an administration, isn't 
generally looked upon with a great deal of respect and admiration," he added.

"Right."

Sam nodded, "But, in our defense, I'd have to say that a lot of this is 
due to stress."

"Stress?"

"Yes, stress. We have a lot on our minds."

Mallory nodded and responded sarcastically, "Well, let me just say that 
it is very comforting to know that my hard earned money is paying the 
salaries of some of the brightest minds in the world, just so they can put on 
little plays whenever their big brains become overworked." 

Sam's brow furrowed, "Okay, it sounds really bad when you put it like 
that."

"It is bad!" Mallory exclaimed.

He relented, "Okay, okay, I agree. But I have to say that I really 
didn't do anything wrong. Well, one little thing, but compared to what Josh 
has done, it's really minuscule."

"Your point?" Mallory asked agitatedly.

"My point?" he said while raising his brow.

"Yes, your point. Do you have a point, Sam?"

He nodded hesitantly, "Yes...I'm simply saying that your beef's with 
Josh, not me."

"Not you," she stated.

"Not me," he repeated.

Mallory's eyes narrowed and Sam felt his stomach tighten. He said 
reluctantly, "You have a beef with me, don't you?"

She nodded, "Yes, Sam, I do."

"And it would be?"

"Well, if you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you."

Sam sighed in frustration, "Oh, don't do that. I hate when women do 
that...Like I could know what they're thinking when they don't even know half 
the time."

Mallory straightened up at that comment and placed her arms over her 
chest, "That wasn't an extremely chauvinistic and caveman-like comment, was 
it, Sam?"

Sam brought a hand up to his face and rubbed at his eyes tiredly, "I 
honestly don't remember what I said...But I can tell by your tone that it 
probably was."

"It was."

"Good. We agree." He paused and then added, "And since this conversation 
has never reached a level of comfort for me, I think I'm going to bow out 
now."

Mallory nodded, as he turned his back to her and began to open the now 
unlocked door, "Well, I guess this it for us then, Sam."

Sam groaned, rubbed at the back of his neck and then turned around to 
face her, "What?"

"Well, you don't care enough to know what it is you did that's bothering 
me, so I don't see how we could possibly go on."

Sam sighed again, his patience wearing thin, "Mal, it's not that I don't 
care, it's that I am tired. I've had a long, strange day and the last thing 
I want to do now is begin the impossible task of guessing what you're 
thinking."

Mallory placed her hands to her hips and shook her head, "You really 
haven't the slightest clue on how to talk to women, do you?"

"It's beginning to look that way, isn't it?" he responded with a slight 
grin.

"You don't know what's bothering me?" she asked.

"No," he replied.

"You really have no idea," she said as more of a statement than a 
question.

"This is what I'm saying," he responded.

Mallory rolled her eyes, "You are so dense, Sam."

"Nothing new there, Mal," he answered with a shake of his head.

She sighed and shook her head as she spoke, "Fine, I'll tell you. It 
bothers me that you don't feel that our relationship is important enough to 
defend."

He opened his mouth, confusion clearly etched into his features, "What?"

"You allowed Josh to say that you and Toby are together. You could have 
insisted that you and I are together. You could have stood up for our 
relationship, but you didn't," she added.

Sam's eyes were wide, as he asked incredulously, "You're jealous of Toby?"

Mallory groaned and shook her head, "You're an idiot."

He nodded, "I know you're right, I just wish I knew why." 

"I just told you."

"But I don't understand what you just told me," he responded.

She shrugged, "Well, I guess you're just going to have to think about it 
and get back to me when you've got the answer...Now, if you'll excuse me, I 
have to go use my apparent pull with God and ask him to give you a brain."

She smiled insincerely, as she maneuvered around him, opened the door and 
left.

He responded with a soft, "You bet," as the door closed in his face. He 
then ran a hand through his hair.

* * * * * *

"Okay, let me get this straight. Josh, you made everyone think that Sam 
and Toby are life-partners and that Mallory is a nun?" CJ asked.

"That's right," he confirmed, as Donna shook her head.

CJ smiled slightly, "Have you gone completely out of your mind?"

"I wouldn't say completely," Josh replied with a smirk. 

Danny smiled and patted Josh's shoulder, "I understand how you could lose 
your mind, Josh...But just wait until you actually marry a headstrong 
woman...Believe me, it only gets harder." Josh laughed and then Danny added, 
"Love your work, by the way."

Josh grinned, "Thank you, Danny." He then glared at Donna as he 
continued, "At least someone appreciates my effort."

CJ shook her head, as she chuckled and addressed Donna, "You must be 
fuming right now. I thought I was mad at Danny."

Donna nodded and smiled slightly, "Speaking of you two, what is this 
'married' thing all about?"

CJ shrugged, "I think it's Danny's way of wooing me."

Danny smiled at her, "Is it working?"

CJ grinned and tilted her head to the side, "Not unless working means I 
have a burning desire to see you suffer in as many ways as possible."

Danny raised his brow and nodded, "It could mean that."

Josh grinned and gave Danny a manly punch in the arm, "That's what I like 
to see. You saw an opportunity and you took advantage of it."

CJ sighed, "Joshua, don't encourage him. It's bad enough you got him 
started on this."

Danny smiled and took CJ's hand in his, "Come on, cupcake, let's mingle."

CJ rolled her eyes with a smile and allowed herself to be led by Danny.

* * * * * 

"Let me fix your tie, please, Josh," Donna said as she once again tried 
to adjust his tie. 

He swatted her away, "Stop it. I like it this way. It was pinching 
before." 

"You look like a slob. The President's going to be here any minute and 
you look like a slob," she complained.

Josh smiled, "I see the President everyday, Donna, and I always look like 
a slob. I don't think he minds."

"Well, I mind," she said agitatedly.

Josh took her by the shoulders gently, "What is the matter with you? 
You've been in the President's presence a thousand times before. Why are you 
acting so nervous now?"

Donna's eyes widened at him, "Why? Oh, let me think. Maybe because this 
is the first time the President will be in my home and I have to serve him 
grilled cheese sandwiches! Or maybe it's because my kitchen smells like dead 
bird! Or maybe it's due to the fact that almost no one here is who they 
appear to be!...It's madness, Joshua!...Madness!"

Josh raised his eyebrows at her, "Okay, I have to tell you that was 
really scary."

"Josh!" she groaned.

He held his hands up in an attempt to soothe her, "Look, whatever 
happened to my calm, cool and collected assistant, Donnatella Moss?"

Donna spoke through clenched teeth, "She's been replaced. You now have a 
crazy, close-to-a-nervous breakdown fiancee, Donnatella Moss."

Josh muttered under his breath, "I think I liked the old you better."

Her eyes narrowed at him, "Oh, really? Maybe you should have thought 
about that before you decided to turn my house into a three ring circus!"

Josh ran a hand through his hair and was just about to respond, when the 
doorbell rang. 

Donna's eyes widened at him, "Oh no, what am I going to do?"

"You're going to answer the door," he said calmly.

"I...I don't know how to greet a President in my home, Joshua. What do I 
do?"

"What are you talking about? You open the door, greet him and the First 
Lady, and then allow them entrance."

Donna nodded and took a deep breath, "Okay, I can do that...I can do 
that."

Donna walked to the door, with Josh following closely behind her. Donna 
opened the door and was greeted by the smiling faces of the President and 
First Lady. Donna froze, as she realized that the leader of the free world 
was standing at her door and was about to enter what could only be described 
as insanity. 

Josh noticed that Donna wasn't saying anything, so he spoke for her. 
"Thank you both so much for coming. Please, come in."

The President stepped back and allowed Abbey entrance first, then he 
stepped forward. It was at that point that Donna came out of her trance long 
enough to acknowledge the President. She awkwardly half curtseyed/bowed at 
him as he walked by. 

Josh moaned and shook his head, as the President smiled at her. "Why 
thank you very much, Donna. I feel like royalty." Then he paused and 
glanced at Josh, before adding, "Is that an Amish sign of respect?"

The President laughed, as he followed Abbey into the living room, with a 
few Secret Service agents close by. 

Josh ran a hand across his face, as Donna's expression twisted with 
confusion. She slowly turned around and looked at him, "What did you do?"

Josh took a few steps back, as he held his hand up in defense, "I was 
joking. He knows I was joking."

"Joshua!" she said through gritted teeth as she stormed off.

* * * * * *

The President entered the living room and greeted everyone, stopping at 
the Moss's last. "Josh has told me a great deal about you two. It's a 
pleasure to meet you."

The Moss's were dumbstruck. They hadn't actually known the President 
would be joining them. They thought it would just be a gathering of Donna's 
friends. 

Larry finally spoke, "The pleasure is all ours, sir."

The President nodded with a smile, "You're getting a good son-in-law in 
Josh." He paused and then added in an intentionally loud voice so Josh could 
hear him, "He's the most honest man I've ever met."

Josh chuckled nervously and then intercepted the President on his way to 
speak with Toby and Sam. "Sir, you're going to behave tonight, right?"

"Don't I always, Josh?"

He shook his head, "Actually, no...That's why I'm asking."

The President nodded and then leaned in closer to him, whispering as he 
changed the subject, "I looked up that question you had about whether a 
President had ever been *accidentally* poisoned...And it has happened, Josh. 
Turns out, Teddy Roosevelt was *accidentally* poisoned and hospitalized for 
five days. You know what they did to the person who *accidentally* poisoned 
him?"

Josh shook his head, so the President continued, "They hung her."

Josh swallowed hard and said softly, "Oh."

Then the President asked, "And do you know who that person was?"

Josh shook his head ever so slightly, "Who was it, sir?"

The President whispered with a well-hidden smile, "His mother."

Josh's eyes widened, as the President gave him a soft tap on the shoulder 
and then spun around.

Abbey was immediately at his side, "You made up every ounce of that 
story, Jed."

He smiled mischievously, "So?"

She shook her head at him, "So, that wasn't very nice. Look at the poor 
boy. I can tell he's trying to recall Pizza Hut's number right now."

Jed smiled and glanced back at Josh, who had a pained expression on his 
face. Then he spoke to his wife, as he tried to shoo her in another 
direction with his hands, "Oh, Abbey, go away and let me have my fun."

Abbey smiled and shook her head in defeat at her husband.

* * * * * 

Sam approached Josh from behind and tapped his shoulder rather roughly. 
Josh winced at Sam's poking and slowly turned around to look at him. 

"What?" he asked, his voice clearly irritated.

"I would like to take this outside," Sam said as bravely as he could 
manage, but his voice cracked on the last word.

Josh looked at him in confusion, "What 'this' would you be referring to, 
Sam?"

"This," Sam said gesturing with his hand between them, "This tension 
between us."

"What tension between us?" Josh asked with a slight smile.

"Oh, there's tension. You don't just declare a straight man, such as 
myself, gay without gaining yourself some much-deserved tension, my friend."

Josh chuckled. "You were playing along before."

Sam's eyes looked down at the floor in embarrassment, "Yes, well, I felt 
the need to play along. Oh and can I just say that I could land someone a 
lot better than Toby."

Josh fought the urge to laugh, "Oh, so the 'tension' between us is 
actually because you don't like the 'life-partner' I chose for you."

"No, no, I'm simply saying that I could do better. Preferably someone who 
doesn't dislike me."

Josh shrugged and grinned, "Well, I would have been more than happy to be 
your 'life-partner', Sam, but I got the old lady to think about."

"I'm going to tell Donna you called her your old lady."

"Of all the things I've done today, I'm thinking that will be the least 
of her concerns."

Sam nodded and then Josh motioned to leave, "So, we're good here. Tension 
gone?"

Sam shook his head vigorously, "No, we are not good here. How about the 
fact that you turned my girlfriend into a nun?"

"Nice touch, huh?"

Sam smiled slightly and then leaned closer to him to whisper, "Just 
between you and me: Yeah, nice touch. But if you tell, Mal, I'll hang you 
out to dry."

"You bet, buddy," Josh said and slapped him on the arm. He began to move 
away again, "Now we good?"

"No," Sam said agitatedly, "Mallory is angry at me now."

"Why? What did you do?"

Sam shrugged, "I'm not sure. You know I don't really understand her. I 
thought she was jealous of Toby, but she called me an idiot when I said that."

Josh smiled, "Yeah, that's a pretty dumb thing to say."

"Well, I was at a loss. She said something about defending our 
relationship...I didn't know it needed defending."

Josh shrugged, no longer interested in Sam's women troubles, "Yeah, 
that's a tough one there, Sam. Good luck with that."

"Do you know that you are of absolutely no help?"

"Yes."

"Do you know that there is still tension between us?"

"I do now."

"Well, let's take it outside," Sam said again. He really wanted to stand 
up to Josh...Let him know that he couldn't just jerk him around like that. 

Unfortunately, Sam's idea of standing up to someone basically means 
asking permission to be less than nice.

Josh laughed at him, "Will you stop saying that? What do you want to do? 
Take me outside and beat me up?"

"I could beat you up," Sam replied weakly.

Josh smiled, "Sam, you made Cathy kill a spider in your office last week. 
You were standing on your chair."

"Spiders and people are two different things, Josh," Sam replied, as he 
began to roll up his sleeves. He then added softly, "And you didn't see that 
thing. It was huge."

"Will it make you feel better if we go outside?"

"Yes, it will."

"Will it make you feel like a real man?"

"Well, I'm not looking for a miracle," he said with chuckle.

Josh smiled, "And what do you want me to do? Just let you give me a soft 
punch in the stomach?"

"Sure, what's a little punch between tension-filled friends?"

"And this would make you feel better?"

"Yup."

Josh nodded, "Okay, you go outside and wait for me. I'll be there in a 
sec."

Sam bobbed his head in compliance and headed towards the door.

Josh chuckled to himself and then turned back to talking to CJ and Danny.

* * * * *

Toby wandered out onto the deck off of the dining room. He couldn't wait 
to go home for quite obvious reasons. He took a deep breath of fresh air and 
allowed himself a long exhale. His eyes wandered across the sky and he found 
himself smiling at the stars. 

He suddenly started thinking about the time that he and Sam were sent to 
bail Justice Mendoza out of jail. Toby had wanted to kill Sam for using 
'celestial navigation', which caused them to follow an airplane for fifty-one 
minutes.

Toby laughed, as he shook his head at the memory.

A voice sounding from behind him ceased his laughter.

"Oh, so you do know how to make a sound other than a growl," Livie said.

Toby twirled around and faced her, his lips curled into a smirk, "If I 
were you, I'd watch out. My bite is considerably worse than my bark."

She smiled, "I don't doubt it." 

Livie then walked past him and stood at the railing. "So how long have 
you and Sam been together?" she asked, her gaze focused on the moon.

Toby sighed, "What is with you? Why do you care about me and Sam?"

She shrugged, as Toby came to stand by her side, "I don't know. I'm 
trying to understand you the best I can. I want to know why you're so 
ornery, so I'm asking questions."

Toby chuckled, "You want to know why I'm ornery?"

"Yes."

"And what? You're the Queen of Good Cheer?"

"I may not be delightful, but I'm not ornery."

"Hang around Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn long enough and you will be."

She smiled, "So you blame others for the way you are?"

"Of course. Everyone who is not me I consider annoying."

Livie raised her eyebrows at him, "Well, how positively open-minded of 
you."

"Yeah, that's me, open-minded." He paused and then turned to her, "So 
what about you? Why are you such a bit-...Well, you know what you are."

Toby turned to her with grin and she returned it before speaking, "I find 
that being a *bitch* gets me what I want in life."

"And that would be what?...A lifetime pass to the 'twelve items or less' 
line?"

She shook her head at him, while allowing a small smile to pass across 
her lips, "Not exactly."

"What then?"

"How about star columnist of an influential magazine?"

"What?"

"Was I not clear?"

"You're the star columnist of an influential magazine?" he asked with 
surprise.

"Yes."

"Which one?"

"'The Politician'," she answered with a self-indulgent smile, as she saw 
his eyes widen.

Toby stammered, "You're...You're Olivia Sanderson?"

"I prefer Livie."

Toby rubbed at his head and sighed, "You knew who I was as soon as you 
saw me in the supermarket, didn't you?"

"Of course I did." She said with a grin and then added, "And I assume 
you're familiar with my work?"

His eyes widened, "Familiar? Yeah, you could say that."

"Really?"

He nodded and spoke tersely, "I'm the Director of Communications for the 
White House, Miss. Sanderson. When a columnist for a magazine known for 
skewering politicians calls my boss a 'self-serving wimp, who backs down from 
any fight that runs the risk of getting his hands dirty and messing his 
hair', I tend to find out."

Livie laughed, "Yes, well, the original draft of that line had a few 
words that were much less flattering. My editor forced my hand. I'd consider 
yourself lucky if I were you."

"Oh, lucky? That's what I should consider your weekly condemnation of an 
administration I work for?" Toby asked with irritation.

"You're still a citizen, aren't you? I'm informing you, so you know how 
to vote come re-election."

Toby let out a caustic laugh, "That's funny, Miss. Sanderson. Maybe 
during our next term, I can convince the President to send that bill to 
Congress getting rid of that pesky 'freedom of the press' right."

Livie grinned, "I bet you wish you could."

"You have no idea," he responded with a smile hidden beneath his facial 
hair. 

"I suggest that you and your colleagues develop a tougher skin. 
Everything I say is the truth. If you took off your Bartlet-colored glasses, 
you just might see that."

"The truth? You don't know anything about the truth. You twist the 
truth until it's unrecognizable," he declared, his voice rising.

"Hmm, well, I'll have to see if the President agrees with me."

"I assure you he doesn't," Toby responded worriedly.

"We'll see," she said with a smile, as she turned to leave.

He halted her movement with his voice and she turned back to face him, 
"So what you said to me in the supermarket that whole 'You're some politician 
with a bug up his butt, who feels it's his duty to right the wrongs of this 
world...Or at least make it appear that way,' that last part was what you 
really meant. You think that all we do is try to make it *look* like we're 
making a positive impact on this country?"

She nodded, her eyes twinkling, "Yeah and I think you suck at it."

With that, she turned and left. Toby sighed and rubbed at his chin 
roughly.

* * * * * *

Toby left the balcony and grabbed Josh away from the table they'd set up 
for drinks. 

Josh glared at him, as he placed his cup down on the table before it fell 
from his hand. "Um, Toby, when we're done with our little conversation could 
I go back and get my arm where I left it?"

Toby continued to drag him, until they were in the hallway and out of the 
listening distance of others. "Where's Sam and CJ?"

"Sam's outside," Josh said with a knowing smile.

"What the hell's he doing outside?"

"He took our tension outside."

"What are you talking about?"

"Sam's waiting to fight me outside."

"Sam's waiting to fight you?"

"Yes."

"Is this the same Sam who injures himself on the stairmaster at the gym 
and once fell off a boat?...The same Sam who jumps three feet in the air when 
he sees a spider?" Toby asked.

"Same Sam."

Toby sighed, "All right, well, go get him. We have a situation."

"Situation? What situation?"

"I'll tell you when the others-..."

Toby's sentence was interrupted by Sam, who now stood behind them. 

"Oh Josh," Sam said in an irritated, sing-song voice. 

Josh turned around to face Sam and found him dripping wet in dirty, 
disheveled clothing.

"What the hell happened to you?" 

Sam glared at him, as he began to ring out a part of his shirt, "Well, 
apparently Donna's next door neighbor, the elderly Mrs. Wilmington, thinks I 
look like 'a suspicious hoodlum', who was mulling around outside, staking out 
the houses."

Toby and Josh had to bite their lips to keep from laughing. Josh 
responded with a barely in check voice, "So she what? Pushed you into a bird 
bath and let the birds beat you up?"

Sam spoke through clenched teeth, "Not quite. She turned the hose on me 
and then repeatedly hit me with a broom while I lay on the ground in the 
fetal position."

Toby and Josh couldn't help themselves. They allowed their laughs to 
emerge. 

Sam growled at them, "It's not funny. She's like 144 years old. This 
lady baby-sat the guy who invented the wheel. What was I supposed to do? 
Fight back?"

Josh grinned, "I bet she has a bad hip. You could have used that to your 
advantage."

Sam's eyes narrowed at him and he made an effort at a rebuttal by opening 
his mouth. However, he was cut off by Toby, "I too would like to stand here 
and make Sam feel as little like a man as possible, but we have a situation 
to attend to."

Sam's eyes widened at Toby, "A situation? That old bat didn't call the 
cops on me, did she?"

Toby rolled his eyes, "No, Sam, contrary to your belief, everything is 
not about you."

Sam nodded, "Okay. What situation then?"

"I'll tell you when we find CJ."

Toby walked down the hall, with Sam and Josh following closely behind. 
They entered the living room and spotted Danny. They approached him and 
pulled him out of his conversation with Mr. Moss.

Toby addressed him, "Danny, do you know where CJ is?"

Danny eyed them and his gaze focused on Sam, "Hey, Sam, correct me if I'm 
wrong, but I thought gay guys were very appearance conscious."

"That's a stereotype," Sam snapped a little too defensively.

Danny smiled, "I apologize."

Josh groaned at him, "Danny, mind answering our question?"

"Bathroom," he said, pointing down the hall they'd just come from.

They all walked back to the hallway and approached the bathroom door. 
Toby knocked on it a couple of times while saying, "CJ."

They heard her voice over the running water that she was using to wash 
her hands, "Hold on a sec. I'll be right out."

When CJ didn't emerge in a 'sec', Toby impatiently turned the doorknob 
and they all entered the bathroom.

CJ stared wide-eyed at them, as she dried her hands on a towel. "Okay, 
raise your hand if you know what the words 'hold on a sec. I'll be right out' 
mean...Anyone?"

They all shrugged and Sam pushed the door shut with his hand. 

CJ glared agitatedly at them, "Where are your manners? How did you know 
you weren't going to open the door and find me naked?"

Josh chuckled, "How in the world do you go to the bathroom, CJ?"

"As usual, Joshua, you've failed to see the point," CJ replied.

Sam grinned and spoke, "Actually, had you been standing here naked, I 
really don't see where I'd have a problem with it."

CJ now focused her ire on Sam, "Well, Sam, I bet your girlfriend the nun 
would have one." She paused and then studied him, "What the hell happened to 
you?"

Sam began to speak, but Toby beat him to it, "He got beat up by an old 
lady."

CJ had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. Sam threw Toby an 
unappreciative look and spoke sarcastically, "Thank you, Toby. Although I 
wasn't going to put it quite so delicately." He paused and then added, "There 
was a simple misunderstanding between me and a surprisingly strong and agile 
elderly, female neighbor."

Josh couldn't help himself and blurted out, "She turned the hose on him 
and then beat the crap out of him with a broom."

"And thank you, Josh," Sam replied through gritted teeth, as CJ chuckled.

They were silent for a moment, as they all tried to picture Sam engaged 
in a losing battle with a Senior Citizen, a female one, no less. 

Sam, who was busy trying to straighten his clothes and remove pieces of 
straw from the broom out of his hair, was the first to speak. "I gotta say 
I'm not feeling all that comfortable standing in a bathroom with you four."

"I couldn't agree more," CJ replied. "What exactly did you three want 
when you so rudely barged in?"

"There's a situation," Toby responded. 

"What kind of situation?" CJ asked.

Toby sighed, "Donna's cousin, Livie, is also The Politician's, Olivia 
Sanderson."

Their mouths fell open at Toby's revelation. 

He nodded, "My thoughts exactly."

Josh ran a hand through his hair, "Let me guess. She's not going to sit 
quietly through dinner and only ask the President polite questions, is she?"

Toby shook his head, "Not a chance...You've met her."

Sam shrugged, "Well, I don't see what we could do to stop her."

CJ groaned, "My work is never done." She paused and then continued, "We 
have to do something. We can't just let the President sit down to dinner and 
allow him to be ambushed...And, if we tell him, then he's bound to say 
something to her that will just make the situation worse."

Josh's brow furrowed, as a thought suddenly popped into his head, "Isn't 
Olivia Sanderson the one who called my fan club 'more childish than Bush's 
irrational hatred for broccoli or anything else that an administration's ever 
seen'?"

Toby nodded, "That would be her."

Josh snarled, "I hate that woman."

CJ sighed, "The fact that she does not give your fan club a ringing 
endorsement, Josh, is the least of our worries."

"I'm just saying," Josh grumbled.

"Back to the issue at hand. What are we going to do?" Sam asked.

CJ clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth while she thought and 
then shrugged, "Well, I think we have to make sure she stays quiet."

"Good luck," Toby muttered. "She chewed me out in the middle of a 
supermarket for no reason at all."

"Well, you were kind of being a nit-picking pain in the butt, Toby," Sam 
replied softly.

Toby scowled at him, before turning back to CJ as she spoke, "I mean that 
we have to monopolize all of the conversation so that she can't get a 
question in edgewise."

Josh grinned, "Why don't we just ask the President to tell us about the 
Grand Canyon, then sit back and relax for an hour as she slowly slips into a 
coma."

CJ smiled, "We'll call that Plan B, Josh."

Sam nodded at CJ, "So how exactly are we supposed to monopolize this 
dinner conversation, CJ?"

CJ smiled weakly, "Well, I suppose Danny and I could talk about our 
children. Josh and Donna could talk about their upcoming 'wedding' and you 
and Toby can talk about your blissfully wonderful life together."

Toby moaned, "Isn't there any other way?"

"No, we're going to do it this way, Toby," CJ said with finality, "We 
don't want to give Livie a chance to ask the President a question and this 
will make sure that doesn't happen. If she were to ask him a question, you 
know he'd feel the need to respond in that unique way he's so fond of when 
he's given the chance to be spontaneous. And then, in one week, we'd be 
reading her version of what he said and I'd be fighting off the press corps 
with a stick...Trust me, this is best."

"Okay," they all responded begrudgingly. 

Due to CJ's long ramble, however, they had failed to hear a knock on the 
bathroom door. 

Getting no answer to his knock and since their voices were blocked by the 
door, the President had assumed the bathroom was empty and had opened the 
door.

He now stood smiling confusedly at them in the doorway. He cleared his 
throat a bit, so that they all turned around to look at him. 

He waved a dismissive hand and then gestured to the sink, "Don't mind me. 
I'm just here to wash my hands. Carry on with whatever it is you were all 
doing before I interrupted."

Their faces flooded with red and they stammered incoherent bits of 
sentences. 

He held a halting hand up, "No, really, it's none of my business. What 
you choose to do on your own time is entirely up to you all."

Their brows furrowed and then Sam sputtered, "We were discussing 
business."

"In the bathroom?" the President asked with a small smile.

"Yes," Sam confirmed softly, as the others shook their heads at him.

The President raised his eyebrows, "Well, is there some kind of national 
bathroom crisis that needs my attention that I am unaware of?"

"No," Sam whispered.

"Phew, that's good to know," the President said, while wiping at his 
brow. Then he continued, "So you guys just prefer to discuss national 
matters in the bathroom now then?"

"Yes?" Sam said, as more of a question than an affirmative response. 
Josh elbowed him, as Toby and CJ rewarded him with 'will you please shut up?' 
looks.

The President nodded and then smiled, "Okay then. Well, I say we screw 
the Oval Office and have all of our meetings in bathrooms from now on."

The staff chuckled in spite of themselves and nodded. The President then 
proceeded to wash his hands and leave.

Toby let out a breath of air and turned to Josh with an irritated 
expression, "This is turning out to be some dinner party, Josh. Great, just 
great."

Josh smiled, "Just wait till you see the food."

They all groaned and then left the bathroom one by one.

* * * * *

Josh walked over to Donna and stood by her side, as she talked with her 
mother. He smiled at her, "Dear, do you think I could speak with you for a 
moment."

Donna glanced at him, her expression clearly indicating relief. "Sure, 
sweetheart."

Josh nodded and then brought his hand to the small of her back as they 
moved away. "Why did you look so relieved?"

Donna rolled her eyes, "My mother is driving me insane. She grilled me 
for a half an hour about our upcoming 'wedding'. She was just asking me what 
color I want my brides maids' dresses to be."

"I was thinking a lovely shade of sky blue," Josh responded with a smile.

Donna rewarded him with a swat on his shoulder, as she chuckled, "You 
were not!"

He shrugged and they kept walking, with no particular destination in 
sight. Donna finally sighed at him, "Josh, I've already had the tour of my 
house. It's beginning to feel like we're at work. Could we stop at some 
point and you could tell me what you want?"

Josh nodded and then stopped at the room on his right. He entered and 
Donna followed behind him.

He was about to speak, when he slowly realized what room he'd entered. 
His eyes studied the simply, but beautifully decorated bedroom. Her bed had a 
cast-iron headboard with what Josh termed a 'twirly' design. The bedspread 
was white, with tiny light purple flowers strewn about, which perfectly 
matched her curtains. The rest of the bedroom contained simple oak furniture.

"This is your bedroom," he finally stated, as he returned his eyes to 
her. 

"And people say you aren't observant," Donna said playfully.

Josh ignored her, as he shifted his feet uncomfortably. Her eyebrows 
raised at him, "What's the matter with you?"

He shrugged, his eyes staring at his feet, "I don't know. It just feels 
weird being in your bedroom, I guess. I've never seen it before."

Donna shook her head at him, "It's just your standard bedroom, Josh. 
You've got your bed, your night table, your dresser, your closet. Nothing to 
feel weird about."

He shook his head, truly confused by these sudden strange feelings. 
"Yeah, yeah, you're right."

She nodded and crossed her arms over her chest, as she waited for him to 
continue. His eyes, however, had found the bed again and they were having 
trouble leaving it.

She sighed, "Joshua. What did you want from me?"

He shook his again and succeeded in clearing it much more completely this 
time. His eyes finally met hers and he was now wearing his trademark smirk, 
"Do you know who your cousin is, Donnatella?"

She looked at him in confusion, "Yes, Josh, I believe we're acquainted."

"So you know her name is actually Olivia Sanderson?" he asked.

"Oh, it is? I guess I don't know her as well as I thought." Donna 
responded sarcastically.

"Don't start with the sarcasm. You know I hate your sarcasm," he 
replied, while rubbing tiredly at his face.

"Stop asking stupid questions and I won't be forced to use my sarcasm as 
a weapon," she said with a smile.

His eyebrows raised at her, "You know where I am going with this."

Donna sighed loudly, "Look, Josh, I just spent thirty minutes discussing 
with my mother whether pink or white tablecloths would be better for my fake 
wedding reception. Forgive me, but my powers to follow a conversation and 
deduce where you're going with it have vanished."

Josh smiled unsympathetically, "Does 'The Politician' ring any sort of 
bell, Donna?"

Donna's eyes widened at him, understanding finally dawning on her, "Oh, 
you know where my cousin works, I gather."

Josh nodded and ran a hand through his hair, "Yes, I do. She so kindly 
informed Toby that she expects to question our President during dinner. You 
know, the guy she referred to in her column as 'about as spineless as a rag 
doll'."

Donna smiled slightly, "She can be very critical, I know."

"Critical? Donna this woman has made a habit out of eating the President 
for lunch and then picking her teeth with his staff members, just for good 
measure!"

Donna laughed, but was quickly stopped by Josh's scowl, "Sorry," she said 
softly.

He took a deep breath, "Can I ask why you didn't tell me that your cousin 
is Olivia Sanderson?"

"You never asked," she responded matter-of-factly.

"And at what point during our aimless conversations would you have liked 
me to ask you whether your cousin was Olivia Sanderson, the anti-Bartlet 
she-devil?" he inquired incredulously.

"Any time would have been fine," Donna responded, while concealing her 
smile.

"Donna!" he growled and then continued more calmly a moment later, "I 
have talked to you about her articles in 'The Politician' before. I clearly 
remember saying something to the effect of 'I bet this woman even makes 
enemies out of family members'. *That*...*That* right there would have been 
a *great* opportunity to interject with a 'hey, Josh, my cousin is the woman 
who makes Satan look merciful."

Donna had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. She forced herself to be 
calm enough to speak, "Josh, I wanted to tell you, but I knew how you'd 
react. You would have wanted me to ask her to tone it down a little. You 
would have wanted me to use my pull with her."

"Damn straight!" he responded.

She shook her head at him, "Then I would have had to tell you that I 
wouldn't do it; that she's my cousin, but she can say whatever she wants to. 
And then I would have had to listen to you whine about it for the next week. 
I figured this was just best."

Josh groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. When he finally opened them up 
a few moments later, he spoke as calmly as he could manage, "Fine, I 
understand all of that. But here's what I don't understand. How, in God's 
name, could you invite her over here knowing that the President was coming?"

Donna averted her eyes and spoke softly, "Well...actually...I didn't 
think about it."

"You didn't think about it?! Donna!"

She shrugged and began to wring her hands together, "I know, I'm sorry. 
I was just so worried about having my parents here with the President and 
then having to pretend with you, that all I could think of was getting 
someone over here who could steal the spotlight and take the heat off of 
us...I kind of forgot the audience that she'd be addressing."

Josh moaned and shook his head, "Well, congratulations, Donna. You 
succeeded in not only giving her the spotlight, but in also putting the heat 
on us big time."

"What are you talking about?" she asked worriedly.

"We, and as in we, I mean all of us in this demented, little play, have 
to monopolize a dinner conversation with our made-up lives."

"Oh, great," she muttered.

Josh nodded and ran a hand through his hair again. Then he focused his 
eyes on her and spoke with irritation, "And what about that stuff she said 
about my fan club? You defended me and my girls on that one, right?"

Donna grinned devilishly, "Actually, I may have possibly suggested to her 
that she mention your fan club in one of her articles."

"Donna!" he exclaimed with wide eyes.

She spoke unconvincingly, "I told her to paint them in a positive light, 
Josh."

He scoffed, "Oh, you did not!" He paused and then added with a cocky 
grin, "You've always been jealous of my female following. Well, you don't 
have to be anymore. I'm all yours in a strictly pretend sense."

Donna smiled, as she shook her head, "That's for sure. As soon as I'm 
done, you can go back to melting the hearts of every Britney Spear-listening 
gal from here to Connecticut."

Josh laughed, "Hey! My girls don't listen to Britney Spears, Donna. 
They prefer the much more mature offerings of Cristina Aguilera."

Donna chuckled and nodded. She then spoke seriously, "I really am sorry 
for ambushing you guys like this."

He smiled, "I know you are."

"You think we can pull this off?" she threw over her shoulder as they 
left her bedroom.

Josh shrugged, "Well, if we can't, there's always Plan B."

"What's Plan B?"

Josh grinned, "Using the President's mind-numbing powers for good rather 
than evil for once."

Donna laughed and they continued down the hall.

* * * * *

Josh and Donna informed everyone that it was time to be seated for 
dinner. Josh entered the kitchen and removed two platters from the oven, 
which had been keeping the grilled cheese sandwiches warm.

He smiled as he entered the living room, one platter in each hand. "Okay, 
who wants white cheese and who wants orange cheese?"

The eyebrows of everyone in the room raised, as they looked at Josh 
holding his platters piled high with grilled cheese sandwiches. 

The President grinned and then whispered to Abbey, "Good thing I ignored 
you and had that chalupa."

Abbey swatted him gently on his knee, while hiding her smile.

* * * * *
Josh's brow furrowed at his guests, "So, what's it gonna be everyone? 
White cheese or orange cheese?"

Toby smirked and gestured to the platters, "Since the elegance of this 
meal and the variety of choices have rendered me unable to choose, would it 
be all right to have one of each?"

Josh scowled at Toby's tone. He then walked over to him and dropped two 
grilled cheese sandwiches from too high of a distance onto his plate. 

The President smiled at Josh, "I would like an orange cheese, please, 
Josh."

Josh nodded and placed a grilled cheese sandwich on his plate. He was 
about to serve the rest of the guests when the President's voice halted his 
movement, "Actually, Josh, could you cut this for me? I can't eat it unless 
it's cut."

Josh turned around to face the President, his eyes wide. Bartlet simply 
grinned at him. "Excuse me?"

"Cut," the President said while gesturing with his hand. Abbey shook her 
head at her husband and then squeezed his thigh beneath the table. His jaw 
clenched as his wife's nails began to dig into his skin, "Please?"

Josh shook his head in disbelief, "Correct me if I am wrong, sir, but you 
do know how to handle silverware all on your own, don't you?"

The President sighed, "Is it too much to ask that my meal be prepared in 
the way that I want? I believe even one of those fast food joints boasts 
something like 'Have it your way'."

Josh's face grew red. He knew exactly what the President was doing. 
This is what Josiah Bartlet does. He has his fun. Unfortunately for Josh, 
the President's fun was at his expense of late.

He spoke in a tone edged with terseness, "No, sir, it's not too much to 
ask."

Josh bent down and hastily cut the President's grilled cheese from one 
corner to the other. He plastered on a smile and turned his head towards him, 
"Better?"

The President shook his head, "Yes...but..."

He allowed his voice to trail off and Josh rubbed at his face in 
frustration, "What? But what?"

The President's voice was sweet, "Well, I don't want to be a pain, Josh."

Josh smirked, "You, a pain? Sir, I don't think that's possible."

The President smiled, "Good then. I would like my grilled cheese without 
the crust...I hate crust."

Abbey leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Cut it out, Jed!"

Jed pulled his ear away from her and looked up at Josh, "Abbey says that 
she would like hers without crust, too."

Josh had to bite his tongue to keep from exploding. He tilted his head 
and smiled, "Two crustless grilled cheese sandwiches coming right up."

Josh had once again bent down to cut the President's sandwich, when 
Abbey's hand reached out and slapped his.

Josh's hand recoiled and he looked at the First Lady in confusion. He 
said softly, "Ouch."

"You will do no such thing, Josh," Abbey replied, while throwing her 
husband a quick glare.

Josh's eyes widened in surprise, "Oh, so you're on my side."

"Yes."

"See I didn't get that from your causing me bodily harm."

Abbey chuckled, "I apologize." She then looked at her husband as she 
spoke, "It's just that sometimes this husband of mine is so incredibly 
childish that he causes me to do things I normally wouldn't."

"Abbey," Jed groaned. 

"No, Jed, you were being an immature child. Josh has gone to all of this 
trouble to prepare this meal and-..."

"Trouble?" the President asked incredulously. "You call slapping two 
pieces of bread and cheese together 'trouble'?"

"Yes, I do. And you are going to sit there quietly and eat it...and 
you're going to enjoy it."

"And what about my crusts?" he asked with a small smile.

Abbey grinned and picked up his grilled cheese sandwich. She proceeded 
to carelessly rip off the crusts of his sandwich with her hands. She then 
allowed the sandwich to drop back down to his plate. "There you go, dear. 
All set."

The President looked at what was left of his maimed sandwich. He smiled 
and looked up at Josh, "Could I have a white cheese now?"

"No," Abbey responded before Josh could.

The President sighed and looked down at his sandwich, "But you tore off 
so much crust there's barely any sandwich left, Abbey."

"I guess it's a good thing you had that chalupa then, isn't it?" Abbey 
responded with a wide smile.

"Chalupa?" Josh repeated. "You ate before you came, sir?"

"It was an appetizer, Josh."

"You have that little faith in me," Josh said in a voice that feigned 
hurt.

The President nodded, "Yes, I do. And it looks like I was right. Now 
I'm a simple man, Josh, but I must admit that when most people invite me over 
for dinner, they serve something more than what prisoners receive in jail."

Josh shook his head and muttered, "Can we just discuss the meaning of the 
word 'invite' for a moment, please, sir?"

The President smiled and ignored his question, "So what happened to the 
original meal?"

"Nothing happened. What makes you think anything happened?" Josh 
replied, his eyes rooted to the floor.

Bartlet grinned, "Well, besides the grilled cheese, I can distinctly 
smell chicken that seems to have had some kind of mishap."

Josh smiled sheepishly, "I kind of blew it up." 

Donna groaned from her seat and shook her head, as she relived the 
incident.

The President laughed and nodded, "Been there done that. I once tried to 
defrost our Thanksgiving turkey in the microwave...You know, to speed up the 
baking process. After I spent all of that time forcing the big bird into the 
darn thing, it had the nerve to explode. So, for dinner we had all of the 
fixins'...Cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, stuffing, 
rolls...and Kentucky Fried Chicken."

The guests erupted into laughter, as the President patted his stomach, 
"Best damn Thanksgiving meal I've ever had!"

Josh smiled, as he shook his head. He then looked down at the President, 
"If you've been in my place before, then why did you feel the need to make me 
suffer?"

The President chuckled, "Because my mother-in-law made me suffer."

Josh laughed and then shrugged.

* * * * 

CJ elbowed Danny and discreetly whispered, "Talk about our children."

Danny turned to her with a surprised expression, "Oh, so now you're 
acknowledging their existence."

"There is no existence, Danny. You made them up," she replied.

"Then how can I talk about them?" he asked with a slight smile.

"Well, you pretend that I am in love with you all the time. Use that 
same creativity," CJ suggested, as she tilted her head and grinned.

"Why?"

"Just do it," she ordered.

Danny shrugged and cleared his throat, "So, Esmeralda said the funniest 
thing the other day."

The President's eyes widened and he whispered to Abbey, "Did we lapse 
into a discussion of "Bewitched" and I missed it?"

Abbey simply shook her head and regarded Danny with interest.

Danny continued, as CJ kept her eyes rooted to her plate, "I took 
Esmeralda and Merle to the circus last Saturday. And they had those clowns 
on stilts walking around. So Esmeralda pointed to a female one and said 
excitedly, 'Hey, that one looks like Mommy!'"

CJ moaned softly, as Danny laughed. "I told her that Mommy is tall all by 
herself. That she doesn't need stilts. Wasn't that cute?"

They all nodded politely and the President spoke up, "That really was 
very cute, Danny. But could I ask who Esmeralda and Merle are though? Did 
you buy two more fish, start taking them places and teach them to talk or is 
there a more plausible answer?"

Danny chuckled nervously, as he eyed Donna's parents and Livie. 
"Actually, Mr. President, they are our children...Mine and CJ's."

"Yours and CJ's?" the President repeated.

"Yes, sir."

The President turned to Abbey, "Did I take both of my back meds again or 
did you just hear the same thing?"

Abbey simply nodded, her expression indicating she was as confused as her 
husband.

Danny smiled weakly, "It's okay, sir."

"What's okay, Danny?"

"You forgot our children's names again. It's okay, I know you have 
problems remembering people's names. You called me Donny for four months 
after we met."

The President's brow furrowed and he muttered to himself, "The world's 
gone mad."

* * * *

Mallory smiled at the conversation that had just taken place. She 
figured that if everyone else was going to have fun with their assumed roles, 
she might as well, too. 

She glanced across the table at Sam and met his eyes before speaking, 
"Mr. President, since you are Catholic, I was wondering how you feel about 
priests and nuns not being allowed to marry, therefore making the vows of 
chastity possible?"

The President shook his head at her, "Mallory?"

"Sir?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, clearly perplexed.

"Please, sir, I must ask that you don't use such language in my 
presence," Mallory said softly.

Sam groaned, as the President asked, "And why not?"

"Because I am a woman of God, of course. A Sister of Mercy with the 
parish of St. Michael's," Mallory replied matter-of-factly.

The President's mouth hung open at her and he finally managed to say only 
a few words softly to himself, "My chalupa must have been laced with some 
sort of hallucinatory drug. That can be the only explanation for this 
craziness."

Mallory continued, "So how do you feel about this issue, sir?"

"What issue, Mallory?"

"Whether nuns and priests should be allowed to marry...Allowed to be 
'unchaste'."

"I honestly-..."

Mallory interjected, "I'll tell you where I stand."

The President sighed, "Please do."

She smiled widely at Sam, as she spoke, "I feel that priests and nuns 
should never be allowed to marry...I think they should remain entirely 
chaste. I know that I will remain chaste to my dying day, even if they were 
to change the rules of the Catholic Church. I simply don't feel that there's 
a man out there who would ever be worth soiling my purity for."

Sam swallowed hard, as Mallory's piercing eyes met his and her smile 
spread. 

Toby chuckled and whispered to Sam, "I think that was a subtle hint that 
you are not going to be getting any for quite some time, my friend."

Sam scowled at Toby before turning back to Mallory and replying 
nervously, "Well...um...Sister Mallory, what if you met a man that was worth 
'soiling your purity' for? Would you reconsider your position then?"

Mallory grinned, "Would that man bear the name 'Lord'?"

"No," Sam said weakly.

"Then he's not worth it," she replied sharply and with a grin. "I am 
married to the Lord."

Sam sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair

* * * * *

Due to the others, Livie had been forced to remain entirely quiet during 
the meal so far. However, a brief moment of silence allowed her a chance to 
speak.

She leaned forward in her chair and looked at the President, "Sir, I was 
wondering if having two homosexuals on staff has influenced your policy on 
gay rights."

Everyone's eyes widened and the rest of the President's sandwich that he 
was holding dropped to his plate. By now, he was so incredibly perplexed by 
everything, that he'd just accepted the fact that he had entered a Twilight 
Zone of some form and had resigned himself to simply playing along.

"Well, Miss...I'm sorry, I didn't catch your last name."

The staffers were holding their collective breath. They'd frozen with 
Livie's question. 

Finally, Toby was able to recover enough to turn to Sam and sputter, "You 
forgot the milk again, didn't you?!"

Sam turned to Toby with surprise and said softly, "What?"

"The milk, Sam. I have repeatedly asked you to pick up milk this week. 
How do you expect me to eat my Fruit Loops without milk? Really, I wonder 
why I stay with you sometimes."

The President shrugged and sighed in a loud voice. He then whispered to 
Abbey, "A lot's happened since Leo left for his California trip two days 
ago...I'm going to have to fill him on quite a bit."

Abbey replied softly, "What do you make of all this?"

He shook his head, "Well, I had resigned myself to the fact that this was 
some type of 'Twilight Zone'. But I think things just got too crazy for even 
that. I have now decided that my staff has finally cracked from all of the 
stress and have assumed different lives because of it."

Abbey chuckled and nodded. 

Sam swallowed hard and glared at Toby, "Oh yeah, well I'm tired of your 
surly attitude! I have given you some of the best years of my life and you 
have never appreciated me. How about all of the other things I do to keep 
our household in working order?"

"What things, Sam? You're about as good at running a household as you 
are at writing speeches!" 

Sam's jaw tightened, "Did you notice when I alphabetized the cans of 
soup? No! Did you notice when I re-lined the shelves of the linen closet? 
No! Did you notice when I left you a Post-It Note on the bathroom mirror, 
clearly outlining the best way to care for your teeth to ensure proper dental 
hygiene? No!"

"You're not a nut for dental hygiene, Sam! You're just a plain, old 
certifiable nut!" Toby declared.

The President cleared his throat, quieting Toby and Sam and gaining 
everyone else's attention. "Toby, Sam watching the deterioration of your 
loving relationship into this sad mess makes my heart ache. Please, promise 
me you'll work it out."

Toby and Sam glanced at Livie, who had fallen silent at their outburst 
and then shrugged. They said in unison, "We'll try, sir."

The President smiled slightly, "Good. If you two broke up, then I'd just 
about lose all faith in true love. As it is, I've barely recovered from 
Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's split."

Toby and Sam nodded, their faces finally flooding with red.

* * * * * 

During these exchanges, the Mosses had been very quiet, as had Josh and 
Donna. 

Mrs. Moss finally spoke up, "Donna, dear, since so many of your friends 
are here now, why don't we discuss who will be in the wedding party?"

Josh and Donna's eyes widened. Donna smiled warmly at her mother and 
shook her head, "I really don't see the need, Mom."

"Oh don't be silly, Donna, this is as good a time as any."

The President smiled and muttered to himself, "Finally, a relationship 
that I'm in on." He paused and then spoke loudly, "Yes, please, let's 
discuss this blessed event that will soon be upon us. I'm awaiting it with 
bated breath."

Donna and Josh smiled weakly at him. Mr. Moss now spoke, "How about we 
start with your best man, Josh? Who are you going to pick: Sam or Toby?"

Sam and Toby turned to Josh with small smiles and waited for his answer.

Josh nervously ran a hand through his hair, "Well...I 
really...um....Let's examine the title 'best man'. I mean, if we look at it 
purely in terms of who is the actual best man, then they're both out of 
contention."

Toby and Sam's brows furrowed at him. Sam shook his head, "Excuse me, 
Josh, but I don't see where there's even a decision to be made. I've known 
you longer than Toby...I've always considered you one of my best friends."

Toby snorted and pointed at Sam with his thumb, "You are not seriously 
considering allowing *him* to be your best man, are you? I mean, not unless 
you WANT him to lose the ring. His mind's got more holes than Swiss cheese."

Josh raised his brow at them. They both seemed to be speaking a tad too 
seriously. "You know what? This isn't a good time for this discussion."

Sam shook his head, "I think it's a great time. I really want to know 
where I stand with you, Josh. I mean, I quit my job for you!"

Josh chuckled, "What?! First of all, you were about two seconds away 
from being fired anyway. Second of all, I got you into the White House...You 
should be forever grateful to me. You should bring me coffee daily and bow 
to my superiority as a friend!"

Donna sighed and tugged at his arm. She whispered to him, "I think you're 
going a little over the top, Joshua." 

Josh shrugged and replied softly, "I think we surpassed over the top a 
long time ago, Donna."

Sam shook his head at Josh, "I cannot believe you even have to think 
about this. Toby doesn't even like you."

Toby mumbled, "I like him. He can be a screw-up to end all screw-ups, 
but I like him just fine."

Josh smiled and nodded, "And I can feel the love from here, Toby."

Sam sighed loudly and crossed his arms over his chest. Josh frowned and 
then gestured to them both. "Could I please speak with you two in the 
kitchen?"

They begrudgingly lifted themselves from their seats and followed Josh 
into the kitchen. He threw his hands up in the air, "What the hell is the 
matter with you two?!"

Sam shook his head, "Hey, I have every right to be upset. I should 
automatically be your best man."

Josh ran a hand down his face, "What best man, Sam? There is no best 
man. There is no wedding. We are pretending or have you forgotten?!"

Sam looked down at his shoes, "I'm simply saying that I didn't like the 
indecision on your part."

Toby interjected quietly, "I helped save your job, Josh. Remember the 
whole Mary Marsh thing. I helped saved your ass on that."

Josh groaned and shook his head. He spoke slowly, with his eyes squeezed 
shut, "Oh my God. Have you two totally lost it?"

Sam raised his index finger and began to speak, when Josh shook his head 
and left the kitchen. Sam and Toby followed after him. 

Josh entered the living room and sat back down. He grinned and pointed 
at Danny, "You're my man, Danny. You have the privilege of being my best 
man."

Sam and Toby's eyes widened in disbelief, as a smiling Danny pumped his 
fist in the air, "You won't regret it, Josh. Six years ago, I threw a now 
legendary bachelor party for my buddy, Lloyd. I don't like to boast, but 
let's just say in involved handcuffs, a stripper, whip cream, bungee jumping, 
a barn and llama."

Josh's face twisted into a somewhat frightened expression. He said 
softly, "I guess I picked the right man for the job then."

Danny nodded.

Mr. and Mrs. Moss were staring at Danny wide-eyed, as he simply smiled. 
They finally turned their attention back to Josh and Donna. Mrs. Moss spoke, 
"What about music for the reception?"

"DJ," Josh replied quickly.

Donna turned to him with a shake of her head and a small smile upon her 
lips, "Actually, dear, we've already discussed this matter. We agreed to 
have an orchestra." 

Josh shook his head, as he met her eyes, "No, sweetie, you agreed to have 
an orchestra. That was my voice screaming 'no way in hell' in your ear."

Donna spoke through gritted teeth, "But I've always dreamt of having an 
orchestra play at my wedding, *honey*. You wouldn't want to disappoint me, 
would you?"

Josh chuckled, "We're getting married, Donna. You might as well get used 
to disappointments."

Donna's eyes narrowed at him and she spoke tersely, "We are not having a 
DJ, Joshua. This is not some middle school dance, where you cling to the 
walls with all your pimple-faced friends and see who can catch the most M&M's 
in their mouths. It's our wedding reception. People will actually dance at 
it. They have to have decent music in order to do that."

Josh raised one eyebrow at her and smirked, "And you think some orchestra 
is going to provide decent music? Listen, darling, any wedding reception 
worth its salt has two things: Kick ass cake and the Hokey Pokey. Now 
unless your *orchestra* can manage to play the Hokey Pokey, then I think 
we're gonna have to go with the DJ."

Donna's jaw tightened, "You want to play the Hokey Pokey at my wedding? 
What the hell is the matter with you?!"

Josh grinned, "It's a classic, Donna. You haven't lived until you've 
seen my Aunt Bertha 'put her backside in and shake it all about'."

Sam chuckled and whispered to Toby, "It's true, I've seen it."

Donna sighed loudly, "A marriage is about making compromises, Josh. If 
we can't even do that now, then we don't have a chance in hell of making it."

Josh threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, "I compromised on the 
wedding cake!"

"You wanted a wedding cake made of donuts, Joshua!" she retorted.

Josh grinned, remembering the conversation he and Donna had with the 
Moss' an hour ago. "Not just any donuts, Donna. The chocolate Dunkin' Donuts 
with the coconut on them."

Donna crossed her arms over her chest, "I can't believe I ever agreed to 
marry you. You are an immature, arrogant jerk!"

Josh smiled, "Oh don't try to sweet talk me now, Donnatella."

Josh and Donna had become totally oblivious to everyone else. They'd 
become so engrossed in their 'pretend' argument, that they'd forgotten about 
the guests' presence. They were acting a little too much like a couple.

Mr. Moss cleared his throat and said softly, "It looks like we've started 
something between you two. It breaks my heart to see you like this. Come 
on, kiss and make up...Please?"

Josh and Donna's eyes widened at each other and then they quickly averted 
them. Everyone else was waiting with small smiles, as the President said, 
"Yes, please, kiss and make up."

Josh and Donna's eyes were rooted to their hands now. 

Josh finally spoke up and said with a grin, "We will...if Toby and Sam do 
the same."

Toby and Sam's eyes now widened, as Mallory threw Sam a little smile. 
Sam shook his head and waved his hands in front of him, "Actually, we're 
fine. Everything his hunky dorey over here."

Toby nodded and gave Sam a hard slap on the back, causing Sam to jerk 
forward into the table. "Yup, we're good. A-okay."

Donna sighed, relieved at Josh's quick thinking. She quickly jumped up 
from the table, hoping that the moment had passed. "How about desert? Sam 
and Toby brought some wonderful cookies."

Donna went into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. She took a 
deep breath and shook her head, as she desperately tried to rid herself of 
the feelings that had arisen in her when she thought she might have to kiss 
Josh. She had no idea where *those* feelings had come from and she didn't 
want to know.

Donna found the bag of cookies and opened it up. She then proceeded to 
walk back to the dining room. 

Her father smiled at her, as she passed the cookies around. "Those are 
some damn good cookies, Donna. I snuck one on my way to the bathroom twenty 
minutes ago."

Donna's brow furrowed and she peered into the bag. She pulled one out 
and examined it. Then she looked at Sam, "Sam, what kind of cookies did you 
say these are?"

Sam sighed and began to ramble, "White chocolate macadamia nut. I wanted 
to get a variety, but Mr. Attitude Problem wasn't willing to give me enough 
time to decide. There are so many different kinds. I mean, there's oatmeal 
raisin, peanut butter, chocolate chip, chocolate chocolate chip-..."

Donna's mouth hung open and she softly stopped him, "Sam."

Sam looked at her with bewilderment, but Donna's gaze had now left him 
and found her father. "Dad, you're allergic to macadamia nuts!"

Her mother shook her head worriedly, "Oh, Larry! How many times have I 
told you to be more careful?!"

He shrugged and spoke softly to her, "I'm sorry, Evelyn, but I was still 
so hungry. Two grilled cheese sandwiches doesn't go far for a man like me."

On the last few words, Donna noticed that her father's breathing began to 
become labored. She gestured to Josh and said calmly, "Call 911, my father 
is having an allergic reaction. His throat will close up, unless he receives 
a shot very soon."

Josh's eyes widened and he stood frozen for a moment. He didn't react 
well in an emergency; he never had. He finally went into the kitchen, 
retrieved the portable phone and dialed 911 as he rejoined everyone in the 
dining room. He spoke nervously, "Yes...um...we have an emergency. What 
kind? Um...macadamia nuts...macadamia nuts...macadamia nuts."

Donna rolled her eyes and yanked the phone from his grasp. She thought 
to herself, 'And this man helps make decisions on emergencies of national 
proportions.'

She quickly and calmly stated the emergency and her address. Then she 
hung up the phone and walked over to her father. Donna patted his cheek 
comfortingly, "You're going to be fine, Dad. Help's on the way."

Josh just stared at her in awe. Donna never ceased to amaze him. She 
had an uncanny ability to be so calm and collected. That's why Josh had been 
so surprised by her state this morning. It wasn't like her to be acting so 
nervous. But as Josh watched Donna with her parents, he realized that she 
simply didn't want to disappoint them in any way. He was glad he could help 
her with that and he was delighted to see the Donna that had he had come to 
depend on so completely back in form.

* * * * *

Sam was sitting at the dining room table in shock, as the EMTs worked on 
Donna's father. He said dramatically, "I...I killed Donna's father. It was 
supposed to be a peace offering and now it's resulted in a tragedy."

Toby rolled his eyes and gestured to Mr. Moss. "What the hell are you 
talking about, Sam? He's fine. He got his shot and he's breathing fine now. 
Trust me, I would like nothing more than to blame you for a tragedy, but 
there's just none to speak of."

Mallory smiled slightly and looked at Sam, "You're going to have to go to 
confession for this one, Sam. I see a couple hundred Hail Marys in your 
future."

Sam ignored her and spoke to Toby, "He could have died, Toby."

"He didn't," Toby replied while rubbing at his head.

"But he could have." Sam said and then turned to Toby with wide-eyes, 
"And it would have been YOUR fault."

"My fault?" Toby asked incredulously, "I was the one who informed you 
that a baked good was a stupid peace offering...How is this my fault?"

"You wouldn't let me get a variety. You had to be a jerk and shovel one 
kind of potentially lethal cookies into the bag!"

Toby groaned and then said with a small grin, "What are you allergic to, 
Sam? You know, for next time."

Sam threw his hands up in the air, "Fine, joke all you want. But if I'm 
going to down for this, then I'm taking you with me!"

Toby chuckled, "Going down for this? Who the hell are you, a character 
in a John Wayne movie?"

"I don't think you're taking this seriously, Toby," Sam stated. 

"I'm not taking you seriously," Toby replied with a smile.

Sam shook his head and exclaimed, "You know what you are, Toby? You're a 
spongolia!"

"What the hell's a 'spongolia'?" Toby asked with confusion.

Sam shrugged, "Okay, that may be another word that only my mother uses, 
but trust me, it applies!"

Toby chuckled at him and nodded. 

* * * * *

Toby, CJ, Josh and Sam congregated in the kitchen once the EMTs had left. 

CJ spoke to them with a smile, "Great job monopolizing the conversation, 
everyone. We successfully prevented a disaster tonight."

Toby crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at her, "Yes, CJ, I was 
particularly captivated by your silence during the entire meal."

CJ smiled at him, "Well, Toby, you were all doing such a marvelous job, I 
just didn't see the need to interject."

"Oh, but I do wish I could have heard you talk about your lovely 
children, CJ."

Sam and Josh laughed. Josh spoke, "Yeah, what was up with those names 
anyway? Esmeralda and Merle? Isn't that considered child abuse?"

CJ chuckled, "That's Danny for you."

Sam's attention left the group and was now focused on Mallory, who had 
entered the kitchen and was searching the contents of the refrigerator.

Sam approached her from behind and said with a smile, "What are you 
looking for?"

Mallory smiled, as she moved some items around. "Well, certainly not God. 
I already found Him."

Sam sighed, "Can't you just let this go, Mal?"

"Let what go, Sam?"

"This being angry at me some unknown reason."

"I know the reason."

"Then would you kindly tell me what it is?"

"I already told you."

Sam groaned and ran a hand through his hair, "Okay, let's just say for 
argument's sake that I don't remember what that reason was. Could you 
please...-"

Mallory interjected, as she held a carton of milk up to his nose, "Does 
this smell old to you?"

Sam chuckled and pushed her hand away, "Okay, if you could focus for a 
minute, that'd be great, Mal."

Mallory closed the refrigerator door and then turned to face him, her 
arms crossed over her chest.

"Guess."

"Guess?"

"Yes, guess why I am angry with you. It really shouldn't be difficult, 
Sam, since I already told you."

Sam ran a hand down his face and shook his head, "Mallory, I'm really not 
very good at games. I lose at Tic-Tac-Toe when I play against myself."

Mallory shrugged, "All right, that's fine. Just don't be surprised when 
you find out I'm dating someone else."

"Someone else?" Sam asked worriedly.

"Yes, since we are now over."

"Who is might this someone else be?"

"Oh, could be anyone. I am rather fond of the school custodian," she 
replied with a wide smiled.

"Jasper? You'd consider dating Jasper? That guys always creeps me out 
when I come to pick you up for lunch."

"That's because he doesn't like you, Sam."

"Why?"

"He thinks you look too cheerful."

"Too cheerful?"

"Yes and I tend to agree."

"You think I look to cheerful? How would you rather me look? Like 
Toby?" Sam asked in exasperation.

Mallory smiled, "I just think that you could work on looking tougher. You 
know, like Jasper."

"Like Jasper? That guy's got forearms bigger than my waist, Mallory. He 
also has three gold teeth and five tattoos," Sam said while gesturing wildly 
at different parts of his body.

"Yes."

"And you like this look?"

"Very much so."

Sam shook his head and muttered, "Then I must be a *huge* disappointment."

Mallory smiled at him and then exited the kitchen. 

She entered the living room, sat down next to Donna on the couch and 
sighed. "Men are so stupid."

Donna smiled, "Yes, I know. I work for Josh, remember?"

Mallory shook her head, "I mean, Sam is this great guy, but when it comes 
to understanding women he couldn't be more dense."

"I know what you mean," Donna replied.

Mallory continued, "I just said something to Sam that I know will result 
in him doing something very stupid. It's a little experiment."

"What did you do?"

"I told him that I'd consider dating someone who looks tougher than him." 

Donna smiled, "You did?"

"Yes. Now, what he should do is come to me and try to talk about why I 
am angry at him. Why I would consider breaking up with him and dating 
someone else. That's what he should do. What will he do?" Mallory met 
Donna's eyes and then replied, "Something that will only confirm how stupid 
men can be."

Donna laughed, as she shook her head.

* * * * *

Josh came to stand next to a frustrated Sam. He patted his back.

"Mal's giving you a hard time, huh?"

"Yes. She won't tell me why she's angry and now she wants to date a 
custodian."

"A custodian?"

"Apparently, I'm not tough enough for her."

Josh grinned at him, "You not tough enough? I bet that little old lady 
who kicked your ass would disagree."

Sam glared at him, "This is all your fault, you know. The least you could 
do is try to help me."

"What can I do?"

"Help me look tougher."

Josh chuckled and allowed his eyes to pass over him, "Sam, I pride myself 
on being able to meet the hardest of challenges, but this one seems 
impossible even to me."

"I can look tough, Josh," Sam said weakly.

Josh laughed and lightly punched his arm, "That's what I love about you, 
Sam. You have the optimism of a child."

"I *can* look tough!" Sam said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, yeah?" Josh asked, with raised eyebrows.

Sam nodded and swallowed hard. He said softly, "Yeah."

"Then get a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" Sam asked with wide eyes," You mean...like a...a permanent 
picture added to my...my body?"

"Yup."

"Using a...oh God...needle," Sam asked while swallowing around the lump 
in his throat.

"Uh-huh," Josh replied with a smile. He then asked, "You're not afraid 
of needles, are you, Sam?"

Sam shook his head and tried to speak in a strong voice, "Me? Afraid of 
needles? I love needles. When I go to the doctor, I ask for the sharpest 
needle they got."

Josh nodded, while hiding his smile. "Then it's settled. Tomorrow I'll go 
with you so you can get a tattoo."

"Tomorrow? Actually, I have some...uh...gardening that needs to be done 
tomorrow."

Josh pretended not to hear him and said, "That Mallory sure is a pretty 
girl. I bet about ten guys a week hit on her."

"The gardening can wait. What time tomorrow?" Sam replied quickly.

Josh simply grinned at him.

* * * * 

All the guests were now gathered in the living room. Abbey walked over 
to where Josh and Donna sat.

She gestured to the President and Mr. Moss talking, "Donna, you might 
want to think about doing something to liven this dinner party up. My 
husband has nearly induced your father into a coma with his lecture on the 
Sajara Desert."

With that, Abbey turned around and left.

Josh nodded and turned to Donna, "Yeah, this party is getting a little 
boring. Everyone's just sitting around and talking."

"It's called having conversations, Joshua. Civilized people typically 
engage in such behavior," Donna replied with a smile.

Josh grinned, "Then I'll take uncivilized any day."

Donna chuckled and then asked, "What exactly would you like me to do?"

"You could strip," he replied with a smirk.

Donna's eyes widened at him, "Joshua!"

He shrugged, "Sorry, it's just that stripping is a surefire way to get 
any party going."

"Well, if that's how you feel, then go right ahead," she responded with a 
smile.

Josh laughed and shook his head, "Nah, I don't have the legs for it."

Donna laughed and nodded. She then said, "Seriously, what do you think I 
should do to liven this party up. I have to admit, everyone does look kind 
of bored."

"Do you have any games? We could play a game," Josh suggested.

Donna nodded and gestured for Josh to follow her to a closet down the 
hall. They stopped in front of the closet and Donna opened it up. She began 
to dig through a variety of items, before finally pulling out a box. 

She smiled, as she held it up to him.

Josh raised his eyebrows, his forehead creasing, "'Twister?"

Donna nodded, "Yes."

"You want a bunch of grown people, many of whom are very distinguished, 
to play 'Twister'?" he asked incredulously.

"Sure, why not?"

Josh smiled, "Can I ask why you even have 'Twister'? You haven't been 
sixteen in how many years?"

Donna smiled at him, as she hugged the box to her. "This happens to be a 
classic game, Joshua."

Josh nodded with a grin, "Sure, classic if you're fifteen and trying to 
cop a feel on Josie Burns."

Donna's eyebrows peaked and she tilted her head to the side.

Josh smiled and shrugged, "Alice Freeman's Sweet Sixteen birthday party. 
I had to put my right hand on red." Josh paused and then added with a cocky 
grin, "I missed."

Donna laughed and slapped his arm lightly. "Well, not everyone 
participates in this game with such sleazy intentions, Joshua."

Josh grinned, "Every teen with raging hormones does, Donna."

Donna smiled and then nodded in defeat. Josh eyed the box for a moment 
and then asked, "So why exactly do you have this game? You never answered 
me."

Donna smirked at him, "Just in case the opportunity ever presented itself 
in which the White House Press Secretary, Director of Communications, Deputy 
of Communications, Deputy Chief of Staff, First Lady, President of the United 
States, member of the White House press corps, star columnist of a 
controversial political magazine, daughter of the Chief of Staff and my 
parents were at my house and in the perfect position to get to know each 
other a whole lot better."

Josh laughed and shook his head, "What a coincidence...That's the same 
reason I keep my Playboys around."

Donna chuckled and then Josh followed as she walked back down the hall.

Once they entered the living room, Josh took the box from Donna's hands 
and held it up over his head. He then asked with a wide smile, as everyone's 
eyes focused on him, "Twister anyone?"

Each head shook back and forth furiously. 

Toby, however, was the only one to speak, "No, no way, Josh. I am 
drawing the line. The line...has been drawn. If you think I am playing 
Twister like some prepubescent kid with braces then you are sorely mistaken, 
my friend."

Josh simply smiled and shrugged.

* * * * 

"Sam, I swear if you don't get your ass out of my face in two seconds 
flat, I am going to make it so you can't walk for the rest of the month," 
Toby grumbled at Sam.

Sam was bent over, so that his right foot was on red and his left hand 
was on yellow. His left leg and right hand hung in the air, so that he 
looked completely ridiculous. Toby was directly behind him with both his 
right hand on red and left hand on yellow. Due to this, Toby had the 
unfortunate (depending on who you ask:) position of getting a face full of 
Sam's rear-end.

Sam turned his head around as much as he could and whispered, "Stop 
distracting me or I'm going to fall, Toby."

Toby simply glared at him.

* 
The Moss's, who were the only ones not playing because of chronic bad 
backs, spun the wheel.

Mrs. Moss spoke to Danny, "Okay, Danny, left hand on blue."

Danny smiled at CJ. Her left foot was on green and her right leg was 
bent up so that she looked like the Karate kid. 

In order for Danny to touch blue, he'd have to cross over and under CJ's 
legs. 

CJ's eyes narrowed at him and he winked at her, as he placed his hand on 
blue. He was now positioned directly beneath CJ's bent leg. He eyed her leg 
and then grinned up at her, "It's a good thing we're married or this 
situation would be incredibly uncomfortable."

CJ spoke softly through gritted teeth, "If you look up my skirt, Danny, 
you're gonna find out what a mouthful of leather pumps taste like."

Danny smiled, "Trust me, I already do."

* 
Abbey groaned, as she bent down to touch a blue spot with her right hand. 
Her husband was directly below her, with this left hand on blue and his 
right foot on green. 

Their faces were mere inches apart, as Abbey barked at him, "Why did you 
have to insist that we all play, Jed? This isn't good for your back."

Jed smiled, as his face grew red. He spoke after a deep breath and said 
in between moans, "I feel like a kid again, Abbey."

"Yes, a kid with a bad back and I need not tell you what else," she 
replied sharply.

Jed grinned at her, "Oh, Abbey, give me a break. My body hasn't bent 
like this since I was in my early twenties."

Abbey chuckled and her face softened, "Now those were the good old days."

Jed nodded and then lifted his head to give her a quick kiss on the lips. 
As he pulled back he whispered in her ear, "In fact, this takes me right 
back to our honeymoon."

Abbey laughed, as Jed pulled back and repeatedly raised his eyebrows at 
her.

* 
"Joshua, you couldn't have found any other way to get your right hand on 
yellow?" Donna asked through clenched teeth.

Josh craned his neck and looked up from his spot underneath her. Donna 
stood with her right foot on red and her left foot on yellow. Josh had 
crawled in between her feet, so that his hand could touch a yellow spot. 

He smiled up at her and tried desperately not to look up her skirt. 
Thoughts were beginning to run through his mind and that would certainly not 
help.

Unfortunately, he was still the same old Josh and he could not stop 
himself from blurting out, "Actually, I'm rather fond of the view from here."

Donna's mouth hung open and she discreetly rewarded him with a light kick 
in the shoulder using her right foot." 

He lifted his free hand and rubbed at it, "Ow. What was that for?"

"That was for being an even bigger jerk than I thought you could be," she 
responded curtly.

Josh grinned up at her, "Well, you know me. I'm never satisfied with 
being anything but the best."

Donna rolled her eyes at him.

* 
Mallory stretched her arm to red and found herself beneath the gaze of 
Sam. He smiled down at her, "Hello, Mallory."

Mallory wrinkled her brow at his voice, "What's wrong with your voice?"

Sam shook his head and responded in the same deep, throaty voice, 
"Nothing, this is my normal, tough-sounding voice."

Mallory had to bite her lip to keep from laughing, "Okay." She paused and 
then glanced at Toby behind him. "Oh, looks like you and Toby are getting 
even closer...And to think I thought that was impossible."

Sam sighed and spoke in his normal voice, except with a slight whine, 
"Please don't say that, Mallory. I'm getting queasy at the mere thought."

Mallory laughed and shrugged.

* 
Livie was now at Toby's side. Her leg was crossing over his arms, so as 
to touch a yellow spot. Toby's eyes found her shapely legs and were having 
trouble focusing on anything else.

"How long have you known you were gay?" Livie suddenly asked.

Toby tore his eyes away from her leg and looked at her with surprise, 
"What?"

Livie smiled slightly, "It's just that I noticed how you were looking at 
my leg just then. I thought maybe you had been with a woman before. You 
know, while trying to find yourself in college. So, when did you realize you 
were gay?"

Toby shook his head and muttered, "About three hours ago."

Livie leaned in closer to him, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

Toby sighed and then replied while concealing his rolling eyes, "Well, I 
guess on some level, I've always known. But that doesn't mean I haven't had 
my share of ladies."

Livie nodded and then glanced at Sam, "He's the one though, isn't he?"

Toby chuckled and shook his head, "The one who drives me crazy?...Yes."

Livie smiled, "In a good way, of course."

Toby rubbed at his head and grumbled, "Of course." 

* 
One by one, everyone began to topple over and, eventually, only Josh and 
Donna remained.

Josh looked at her from his position, which had only slightly changed. 
Donna was now bending over to touch a yellow and their faces were less than a 
foot apart.

He smiled, "Give up now, Moss. I was Twister champion four years running 
at the annual fair in elementary school."

Donna shook her head, "I'll take my chances."

He shrugged, "Fine, but you should know they even gave me a clever 
nickname."

Donna smiled and raised her eyebrows, "Oh yeah? And what would that be?"

He grinned at her, "Twister Josh."

Donna laughed at him, "That really was very creative of them."

It was at that moment that Josh shifted his position a little bit to make 
himself more comfortable. In his efforts, however, his body hit Donna's foot 
and caused her to lose her balance. She came tumbling down.

On top of Josh.

They stayed like that for a moment, theirs eyes locked and their bodies 
more or less tangled together.

Josh swallowed hard and said softly, "I guess that means I won."

Donna nodded slightly, her eyes unable to leave his. Finally, she rolled 
off of him and stood up.

Josh's eyes followed her for a moment and then he slowly picked himself 
up off the floor. He then met her eyes once more, before raising his hands 
in the air and declaring with a grin to the rest, "Twister Josh still has it!"

Donna simply shook her head at him, a smile upon her lips.

They both chose to ignore their racing hearts and sweaty palms.

* * * *

An hour later, all of the guests had gone home. Donna had just finished 
settling her parents in the guest room.

Donna found Josh in front of the couch in the living room. He was 
adjusting some of the cushions. When he heard her approach, he turned around 
and gestured at the couch. "If I could have a pillow and a blanket, that'd 
be great."

"No, Josh," Donna said with a shake of her head.

His brow furrowed, "No, I can't have a pillow and blanket?"

She smiled slightly, "No, you're not sleeping on the couch."

Josh groaned and rubbed at his face, "Donna, I really don't see why I 
should have to sleep on the floor, when there's a perfectly good couch right 
here."

"You're sleeping in my room, Joshua," she said with a hint irritation. 
He can be very slow, she thought.

His eyes widened at her and his mouth opened slightly. He stammered, 
"Your...Your room...As in the place where you sleep...the place with your 
bed."

She sighed, "Yes, Josh, that's right. Didn't we already go over the 
contents of my bedroom earlier?"

Josh took a deep breath, "Why do you want me in your room?"

"I don't *want* you in my room. But we are supposed to be living 
together. If you were on the couch, it'd make my parents suspicious."

Josh nodded in agreement and then hesitantly met her eyes, "Yeah, you're 
right."

Donna bobbed her head and then gestured for him to follow her. They 
entered her bedroom and she shut the door behind him. Donna walked to her 
bathroom and then turned around to look at him. "I'll be back in a minute, I 
just want to change."

Josh nodded and then watched her leave. He was suddenly very fidgety. 
Being in Donna's bedroom with her was making him very nervous...And he had no 
idea why. He wasn't about to analyze his strange feelings because he knew 
that they would more than likely cause him to become even more confused...Or, 
worse, have a revelation. 

Josh sat down on the edge of her bed and then quickly sprang up, as if 
he'd sat on a thorn. He began to pace back and forth, while muttering to 
himself, "Get a grip, man. You're cool. You're cool."

Just then, Donna emerged from the bathroom. Josh could actually feel his 
mouth drop open when he saw her. She was dressed simply in the shirt top of 
a lavender silk pajama set. The shirt stopped at her knees and was not 
revealing at all. 

However, Donna had still managed to take Josh's breath away. It was as 
if he were seeing her for the very first time. To add to her beauty, the 
light from the bathroom enveloped her figure as she stood in the door way, 
giving her an angelic essence.

Donna's brow furrowed at him, "What's the matter with you?"

Josh shook his head and responded with an articulate, "Huh?"

Donna waved a dismissive hand, "Never mind. Why don't you go get 
changed?"

Josh looked at Donna and then thought of his usual night attire, which 
consisted only of boxers. He shook his head, "You know what? I'm good."

She pointed at his wrinkled dress shirt and pants, "In that? You're 
going to sleep in that?"

Josh tried to respond nonchalantly, "Sure, why not? I always sleep in 
this stuff at work."

Donna laughed and shook her head, "You know, sometimes I don't even know 
what to make of you."

Josh grinned, "I like to remain a mystery."

Donna smiled and then walked around the bed. She got into one side and 
settled herself comfortably against the headboard. 

Josh stood uncomfortably in the middle of the room, before gesturing to 
the floor. "So, I'm just going to make myself at home here on your floor 
then."

Donna bit her lip and spoke hesitantly, as her eyes met his, "I don't 
think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

Donna sighed, "Because my mother is a busy body. She has a habit of 
checking on me when she visits and the lock on my door is broken. She 
doesn't give me any warning either. She's one of those annoying people who 
knocks on the door as she's opening it."

Josh swallowed hard, "So you're saying it'll look weird if she comes in 
and I'm sleeping on the floor."

Donna nodded. Josh took a deep breath and then stammered, "So then you 
want me and you...you and me...us...to sleep in the same...uh...bed?"

Donna bobbed her head in the affirmative, "Yeah, I think we have to."

Josh nodded a couple of times, as he prepared himself to get into bed 
with Donna. He slowly walked over to it and then positioned himself on the 
very edge of the bed, his back only half-resting against the headboard. He 
turned to her with a smile, "Comfy."

Donna nodded and began to read her book. Josh suddenly piped up after 
having been quiet for a few minutes. "You know what this is exactly like, 
except not really."

Donna smiled at him. She loved it when Josh said something was like 
something and then denied it all in the same sentence. "What?"

He grinned, "An episode of 'Three's Company'.

"Oh yeah?"

He nodded, "Yup, you're Janet and I'm Jack. You see, Janet *stupidly* 
told her parents she was married, so they'd stop worrying about her. But 
when they came to visit they had to keep up this whole charade. And then 
Jack was supposed to have this date with a girl, so that made it all the more 
complicated. Mr. Furley was funny too because he thought Jack was gay, so he 
kept making all of these insinuations and almost blew it. There was also this 
crazy bed-switching thing between Jack, Janet and Cindy...Good stuff."

Donna smiled, "That is kind of like this."

Josh nodded, "Yeah, kind of. Except I am so much more charming and 
handsome than Jack." 

Donna smiled and then added, "You know who I always liked on that show? 
The Ropers."

Josh shook his head furiously, "No way, Furley was much better. I loved 
it when he discovered something and his eyes would bug out like this."

Josh turned to Donna. He then proceeded to widen his eyes and make them 
bulge out at her. 

Donna laughed at him, "That's a wonderful impression, Joshua."

He grinned, "I know."

Donna then added with a chuckle, "Their theme song is also appropriate 
for my mother's meddling." She paused and then continued singing softly, 
"Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting for you..."

Josh laughed and nodded at her, "I'm sure Mama Moss is on her way right 
now."

Donna smiled and then silence fell between them. Josh grabbed the remote 
and turned on the TV, as Donna resumed her reading. 

Ten minutes later, she turned to him and said in a voice tinged with 
irritation, "You breathe loud."

Josh turned to her with surprise, "What?"

"You breathe loud," she repeated.

"No, by 'what' I meant do you have some kind of breathing standard to 
indicate that I have louder breathing than considered normal?"

"You breathe with your mouth open, so it's really loud. You have 
abnormally loud breathing."

"I do not!" Josh protested.

Donna shrugged, "Try breathing through your nose, with your mouth closed."

Josh rolled his eyes and then shut his mouth. He tried it for a minute 
or so and then exhaled loudly. "I'd suffocate to death breathing that way, 
Donna!"

Donna chuckled and replied, "You are so abnormal."

Josh scowled at her and then watched as she began to read her book again. 
A moment later, he interrupted her with a satisfied smile, "You're humming."

She turned to him, "I am not humming."

"You're humming. You hum while you read. You're abnormal," he stated 
matter-of-factly.

"I do not hum while I read, Joshua. And, even if I did, it wouldn't make 
me abnormal."

"You always hum while you read."

"And how would you know?"

"Because I've noticed at work sometimes as I am hovering around you. You 
hum while you read files."

"I do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

He grinned, "Do too. And, even more abnormally, you hum a theme song."

"What?"

"You hum the theme song to 'Growing Pains."

"I do not," she replied with a laugh."

"Yes, you do. And you hum it incorrectly, too."

Donna raised her brow at him, while smiling, "'Growing Pains' isn't 
exactly a show of your generation, Josh. How would you even know that's what 
I am humming?"

Josh smiled sheepishly, "They replay that show on the Disney Channel all 
the time."

Donna laughed at him, "Not only do you watch the Disney Channel, but you 
watch 'Growing Pains'?

Josh shrugged and grinned, "I'm a bit of a TV buff. And you gotta love 
Kirk Cameron."

Donna smiled and shook her head at him, "If you know it so well, then why 
don't you sing it to me."

He shook his head furiously, "No way."

"Come on. If you do, then I'll admit that I do hum and that I hum that 
song incorrectly."

"You'll admit that you're wrong and that I am right?" he asked 
incredulously.

Donna nodded.

Josh thought about this for a moment. She almost never admitted that she 
was wrong and that he was right. Mostly because he was very rarely right and 
she was almost never wrong.

He shrugged, "Ah, what the hell."

He turned to her and began to sing the song in a horribly off-key voice, 
"Show me that smile again...Show me that smile...Don’t waste another minute 
on your cryin’...We're nowhere near the end..nowhere near...The best is ready 
to begin."

Donna laughed and Josh noticed how her eyes dance in delight. Prompted by 
this reaction and probably the two glasses of red wine he had with dinner, 
Josh began to get a little carried away. 

He stood on the bed and began to use the remote as a microphone, as he 
bent down to sing to her, "Oooohhh. As long as we got each other, we got the 
world spinnin' right in our hands...Baby, you and me, we gotta be, the 
luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin’...As long as we keep on givin’, we 
can take anything that comes our way."

Josh flipped back down on the bed and then came closer to Donna. Their 
eyes met for a moment, as he whispered the last part of the song. "Baby, rain 
or shine, all the time...We got each other, sharin’ the laughter and love."

As he sang the last part of the song, Josh's hand accidentally brushed 
against Donna's cheek. He allowed his touch to linger there for a second, as 
their gaze remained locked. 

Josh's eyes widened, as he felt an incredible wave of electricity pass 
through his body as they made contact.

Surprised by this and the realization that it caused, Josh hastily moved 
away from Donna...and promptly fell off the bed. 

He landed on the floor with a thud. 

Donna's eyes widened and she laughed.

Josh's voice emerged muffled, as his mouth lay trapped against the rug, 
"I'm okay, I'm all right."

A waving hand peaking out over the edge of the bed, alerted Donna that he 
was indeed fine. 

She smiled and lay back against the headboard.

* * * * *
Josh slowly lifted himself up off the ground and faced Donna. She smiled 
at him, but he lowered his gaze before he could see the smile brighten her 
eyes. Then he carefully positioned himself on the very edge of the bed, his 
back against the headboard. 

Donna shook her head at him, "You're going to fall off again if you stay 
like that."

Josh shook his head in disagreement, as his hands smoothed the comforter. 
"Actually, I have very good balancing ability...I...I just underestimated the 
width of this bed before, that's all."

Donna raised her eyebrows at him and then watched as he surveyed the bed 
carefully. He nodded, "Yeah, that's better."

Donna chuckled and went back to reading her book. Josh began to flip 
through the television channels at lightening speed. This distraction caused 
Donna to lift her eyes up and briefly regard the television. Her eyes 
widened and she hurriedly gestured to Josh, "Go back! Go back!"

Josh went back one and then turned to her in confusion, "A blender 
infomercial?"

"Before that," she instructed.

Josh went back one more and then watched Donna as she excitedly 
responded, "That's it!...Stay on this one."

Josh tore his eyes away from her and viewed the screen. He sighed, " 'A 
Few Good Men'?"

Donna turned to him and her eyes narrowed, "Please don't tell me that you 
don't like this movie."

Josh hid his smile and responded, "Well...If you can't handle the truth!"

Donna laughed and returned her eyes back to the screen as she spoke, "Oh, 
so you do like it."

Josh shrugged, "Ah, it's okay."

She turned to him with a look like he'd just declared kittens aren't 
cute. "Okay? Okay? Josh, 'Look Who's Talking' was okay. 'A Few Good Men' 
was fantastic."

Josh snickered, "Yes, of course. And if Dom Deluise played the main 
character instead of Tom Cruise, I'm sure you'd be just as enthusiastic."

Donna turned to him with a slight smile and said unconvincingly, "Yes, I 
would."

Josh laughed, "Donna, that's like men saying they would still buy Sports 
Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition if they put Della Reese on the cover."

Donna chuckled, "Well, Joshua, maybe I am not quite as shallow as most 
men. Plus, it's the great writing that drives this movie. Aaron Sorkin is 
very talented."

Josh simply shrugged, "Yeah, he's okay."

Donna turned to him again, with her jaw clenched, "Don't make me say it."

Josh smiled, "I know, I know. You thought 'The American President' was 
really great, too."

Donna nodded emphatically, "Yes, I did. I also happen to think that 
Aaron Sorkin should bring his talent to television." She paused and then 
added with a grin, "He could do a White House drama."

This caused Josh to let out a loud snort, "Yeah, like that would work. 
Like *anyone* would even watch that, let alone enjoy it."

Donna shook her head, "I have an eye for these things, Joshua. People 
crave quality television. They would love to see the inner workings of the 
White House, get a glimpse into the kind of people who work there."

Josh smiled at her, "So you're saying that people would actually care to 
watch boring people like us?"

Donna grinned, "Speak for yourself. I would be highly entertaining."

Josh chuckled, "Yes, I am sure everyone would enjoy watching you follow 
me around the halls of the West Wing, as you dispense every useless fact 
known to man."

Donna smiled and tilted her head slightly, "See, I knew you'd agree."

Josh shook his head, "And I am sure that everyone would just love to 
watch CJ dodge Danny's advances, Sam get tongue-tied with Mallory, Toby be 
generally grumpy and the President bore people into submission."

Donna nodded with a wide smile, "Yes, they would. Throw some political 
stuff in there and you got yourself a hit show."

Josh smiled, as he met her eyes, "You have a very idealistic view of 
humans, Donnatella."

Donna shook her head with a smile, "No, Josh, I just happen to be one of 
them, unlike yourself, so I feel I have an excellent grasp of what they like."

With that, she turned her attention back to the television. Josh's eyes 
lingered on her face for a few moments, a grin upon his lips.

It didn't take long for Donna to point to Tom Cruise and then address 
Josh, "I see a lot of you in his character."

Josh raised his eyebrows, "Well, we are both devastatingly handsome."

Donna glanced at him with a smile, "Actually, I was referring to the 
oversize ego and unbridled arrogance you share."

Josh smiled, "That too."

Donna turned back to the television and then added softly, "You both can 
be pretty sweet, too."

Josh's eyes widened at her, as he wondered if he'd heard the near 
inaudible comment correctly. 

With one last look at Donna, he settled his eyes on the television, a 
smile brightening his countenance.

* * * * * 

Larry Moss sighed, "I don't know how much more of this I can take, 
Evelyn. I am not normally so agreeable for such long periods of time."

Evelyn patted her husband's hand, "Just hold on for a few more days, 
dear. You promised me you'd be nice to Josh and try to accept him."

"And I've been nothing but nice, even when he and his friends tried to 
kill me."

"That was an accident, Larry."

"I've also tried to accept him, but it isn't easy. There's something off 
about that boy."

"Don't be silly, Larry. Josh is a perfectly nice boy."

Larry shook his head furiously, "No, no there's something strange about 
him. It's almost like he's putting on a show for us...I think he's a bit of 
a freak."

"That's ridiculous," she said dismissively.

"And I don't like the fact that they are living together already, Evelyn."

"Well, I must admit I am less than happy about that, too. Maybe I should 
go check on them."

Larry nodded, "Yeah, do that. And bring me back some Yodels."

"No Yodels, Larry. You have to watch your sugar."

Larry groaned and waved his hand at her. Evelyn got out of bed and exited 
the room. She then walked to Donna's bedroom and placed her ear to the door. 
Her eyes widened at what she heard.

"Josh, come on. Give it to me," Donna giggled.

"No, you're going to have to do something for me first," Josh said 
through a chuckle.

"Please, I can't take it anymore. I know what I am missing it and I 
don't like it," Donna responded through laughs.

"Okay, fine. I'll give it to you."

Evelyn brought her hand to her mouth, as he eyes continued to widen in 
horror.

"Great, Josh. Now it won't go up." Donna said. 

Mrs. Moss glanced at the door in horrified confusion, as her face began 
to grow red. She tiptoed back to her room and entered. She closed the door 
and then addressed her husband. 

"Larry, do you know what is going on in that bedroom? I can hardly 
believe it."

"What?" he asked in concern, as he removed his reading glasses and looked 
up from his book. 

Evelyn respond with embarrassment, "You know...things...Actually, I'm not 
even sure I know...But definite things...Understand?"

"No."

Her eyes narrowed at him, "I think they are doing...You know."

Larry's eyes widened and he immediately sprang out of bed, "Not while I 
am under the same roof they aren't!"

Evelyn stopped his advance to the door, "What are you going to do?"

"Stop them."

"How?"

He shrugged, "Well, I could start by killing *him*."

Evelyn sighed and then followed her husband out the door. They both 
stopped outside Donna's door. 

"Josh, hurry up. I can't wait much longer."

"I'm trying, Donna. It won't budge."

Larry's eyes widened in anger. He quickly threw open the door and 
yelled, "Get away from my daughter, you freak!"

Josh and Donna just stared at him in confusion. Larry perused them, 
noticing they were fully clothed and in totally innocent positions. He then 
looked at the remote in Josh's hand. 

He said weakly, "So you two weren't....We heard...noises."

Donna smiled, as she began to realize what they thought. She gestured to 
the remote control. "Josh took the remote control away from me while I was 
watching my favorite movie. He kept changing the channels, until the channel 
changing button got stuck and wouldn't go up past the Discovery Channel. I 
was getting frustrated because I was missing my movie...That's all."

Josh glanced at Donna, who raised her eyebrows at him. He grinned, as he 
came to the same realization.

Larry and Evelyn began to back out of the room. Larry spoke, "Oh, yeah, 
that's what we thought. Well, enjoy your night...But not too 
much...Actually, just go to sleep."

With that, he quickly closed the door. 

Donna and Josh erupted in laughter. Josh recovered enough to say, "I 
think we almost killed your dad twice in one day."

Donna smiled and nodded at him.

Larry and Evelyn walked down the hall to their room. Larry grumbled as 
they entered it, "Well, I still don't like him. What kind of guy sleeps in 
his work clothes anyway?"

Evelyn shrugged, as they both climbed into bed.

* * * * * 

Josh awoke the next morning, feeling as if he couldn't breathe. At 
first, he thought it was just because Donna was in bed with him and she now 
had the habit of taking his breath away. However, as he opened his eyes and 
became slightly more lucid, he realized that he literally couldn't breathe. 
Donna had rolled over to his side and her arm had found its way over his 
mouth.

Knowing that he was incapable of breathing through his nose, but not 
wanting to disturb Donna's peaceful (and beautiful) figure, he briefly 
considered allowing himself to pass out from lack of oxygen. 

Briefly is the key word. 

Josh gave Donna's face a long perusal, before removing her arm from his 
face. He watched as her eyelids slowly fluttered open. She smiled sleepily 
at him and he readily returned it. 

"Sorry I woke you, but you were trying to kill me in *your* sleep."

Donna looked at him in confusion, so he clarified, "You somehow happened 
all the way over on my side and placed your arm over my mouth. Was I 
breathing too loud again?"

Donna grinned at him and said, "Sorry," through her yawn.

Josh nodded and suddenly realized that Donna's body was right up against 
his own. 

And there were those feelings again. Those feelings that he was trying 
his best to deny. He'd had an epiphany of sorts last night that resulted in 
a bump on his head. However, he was trying with all his might to ignore this 
troublesome epiphany.

Josh abruptly rolled out of bed and stood up. He ran a hand through his 
hair and rubbed at his eyes. "I...I have to go to the bathroom."

Donna's raised her eyebrows and then waited for him to leave. When he 
didn't and instead stood there staring at her blankly, she said with 
uncertainty, "You have my permission to go the bathroom, Joshua."

He looked at her strangely for a moment and then nodded, "Oh yeah. Yeah, 
I'm going."

Josh hurriedly left Donna's bedroom and walked down the hall. He was now 
realizing that he was still very groggy. Josh was not a morning person, to 
say the least. It usually took him till at least 12:00 pm to form any kind 
of attitude that would not result in his being snippy with every person he 
came in contact with. 

The fact that he was groggy and confused about the whole Donna situation, 
caused him failure to see the light filtering from beneath the bathroom door. 
He tiredly rubbed at his eyes and then flung the door open. 

Josh slowly removed his hand from his eyes as he became keenly aware that 
he was not alone. His mouth hung open as he got an eyeful of Donna's father. 
Feeling a breeze, Larry turned around and saw Josh.

They both stood there for a moment, regarding each other with mouths 
hanging open.

Josh finally brought a hand to his eyes and stammered, "I am so, so 
sorry, Mr. Moss...Larry...Mr. Larry...Mr. Larry Moss...Donna's father...I 
don't know what to call you now. I didn't see anything, I swear. Well, 
maybe a little...No, no...I didn't see anything...Okay, so I'll be going 
now...You take your time...And, again, I am so, so sorry."

Larry still stood there in his birthday suit looking entirely shocked.

Josh slowly backed out of the bathroom, his hand still firmly clasped 
over his eyes. Before he left, he groped for the doorknob and began to tug at 
it, while saying, "So there's no breeze...Wouldn't want you to catch a cold."

Josh finished with a nervous chuckle and then shut the door. He exhaled 
deeply and slowly removed his hand from his eyes. Then he walked back to 
Donna's room and entered. 

He smiled slightly at her, "Do you think it's possible to have almost 
killed your father three times in less than twenty-four hours?"

Donna's raised her brow at him, "Why? What happened?"

Josh shrugged, "Oh nothing. I just nearly gave your father a heart 
attack and he quite possibly scarred me for life."

Donna laughed at him, "Tell me what happened."

"Suffice it to say that your father and I just got acquainted a whole lot 
better."

"Josh."

He sighed, "I walked in on your dad while he was...um...in his natural 
state."

Donna's eyes widened at him and she laughed, "You saw my father naked!"

"Shhhh!" Josh ordered, "I'd prefer it if half of D.C. didn't know, Donna!"

Donna smiled, "I'm sorry...I'm just trying to picture your face when you 
saw him."

Josh squeezed his eyes closed and said in a pained voice, "I wish that's 
all I was picturing."

Donna chuckled and smiled at him, "Look at it this way. You are now 
officially a member of the Moss family."

Josh twisted his face at her and then grinned "So, every new member has 
to go through this initiation? Damn, if only had known that before I agreed 
to this."

Donna smiled at him, as Josh collapsed onto the bed.

* * * * *

A few hours later, Josh and Sam were wandering the streets of downtown 
D.C.'s less-than-nice areas. 

Sam's eyes darted around fearfully, "Josh, where is this place?"

Josh shrugged, "Not that much farther, Sam."

"Why couldn't we have driven there? Why did you make me park my car four 
miles away near those kids who snickered at me?"

Josh smiled, "They snickered at you because you don't look very 
streetwise."

"And you do, Mr. Connecticut?"

Josh shrugged, "I have a fierce aura, yes."

Sam laughed, "Oh please."

Josh stopped and turned to him, "Well, if you're so streetwise-looking 
then why are you getting a tattoo?"

"Point taken," Sam grumbled. He then said, "I still don't understand why 
you made me park the car so far away."

Josh was silent for a moment and then replied, "Because I wanted us to 
have a chance to talk."

"And we couldn't talk in my car with the doors safely locked and the 
windows securely rolled up?"

Josh grinned and nodded, "We could, but you're usually much more focused 
when you fear for your safety."

Sam glared at him, "What did you want to talk about?"

Josh stopped walking and said in a hesitant, embarrassed voice, "Have you 
ever had an epiphany, Sam?"

Sam nodded, "Yes, when I was thirteen and I realized that Santa Claus was 
really my parents. Actually, I didn't so much realize it as-..."

Josh interrupted him, as he fought the urge to laugh, "You believed in 
Santa Claus until you were thirteen?"

A blush began to creep onto Sam's cheeks as he responded hesitantly, 
"Well, I wouldn't say I believed really...I was more in denial. The kind of 
denial that comes with knowing that once you stop believing the quality of 
your presents diminishes."

Josh nodded, as he hid his smile, "So how did this epiphany come about?"

"Well, my mom and I were in the mall a few days before Christmas and she 
yelled, 'Sam, get the hell off Santa's lap and let the little kids have a 
turn. What's wrong with you anyway? Haven't you figured out that your 
father and I are Santa Claus yet?' Not only did she embarrass me, but she 
shattered the illusions of forty-five kids ages seven and under."

Josh couldn't help it and burst out laughing. Sam shook his head and 
avoided his eyes. He finished in a mutter, "She also told me to stop being a 
'kolpaliat'."

Josh curbed his laughter long enough to ask, "What's a 'kolpaliat'?"

Sam shrugged, "How the hell should I know? Apparently, I was being one 
though."

Josh chuckled once more before asking, "That really wasn't an epiphany, 
Sam."

"No, it wasn't."

"You could have just said no."

Sam smiled, "I could have, but I'd hate to ever deprive you of 
entertainment derived at my expense."

Josh smiled and nodded, before turning serious, "Well, I had one...And 
then I fell off the bed."

"You fell off the bed?"

"Donna's bed."

Sam's eyebrows raised and his lips curled into a smile, "Well, well, you 
little tiger."

Josh looked at him disgustedly, "It wasn't like that...And please don't 
ever call me that again."

Sam shrugged, "Okay." He paused and then asked, "So what happened?"

Josh took a deep breath before beginning, "Long story short, I touched 
Donna and felt this amazing spark between us. This caused me to realize I am 
attracted to her, so I fell off the bed."

Sam laughed, while shaking his head, "You *just* realized that you're 
attracted to, Donna?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Josh, have you ever seen you two together? There's so much attraction 
there, I'm surprised the bullpen hasn't blown by now."

"What? No. I would have seen it," Josh replied in disbelief.

"Not if you didn't want to." He paused and then added, "Or maybe you've 
been in denial."

Josh said softly, "Maybe."

Sam then tilted his head to the side and said, "So that's all you 
realized? Is that your attracted to her?"

"Isn't that enough for one day?"

Sam shook his head, "I think you're in the second stage of denial. You 
are now denying that you're in love with her."

Josh touched his arm and halted his movement, "Okay, answer me this. Why 
the hell are you advising me on my feelings for Donna when you're on your way 
to get a tattoo so you can look tougher for your girlfriend?"

Sam shrugged, "Think of me like this. I'm the baseball manager who 
sucked when he played the game, but makes a great manager."

"What?"

"I can advise on the game, I just can't play it well."

Josh rolled his eyes, "And I think you suck at both."

Sam nodded, "You may have a point."

"Unfortunately, you're all I got right now, so what do you think I should 
do?"

"I think you should go for it."

"I should go for it? That's your advice?"

"Yes."

"I was right, you do suck at this," Josh replied with a shake of his head.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Ideally, I want you to tell me to suppress my feelings for Donna because 
I will undoubtedly screw it up if I go for it with her and then I will lose 
my assistant and friend."

Sam looked at him thoughtfully before saying, "I'll leave you with this 
quote from Erica Jong: 'And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you 
risk even more.'

Josh contemplated these wise words, before forcing his head to shake and 
saying with a grin, "Why do I talk to you?"

Sam smiled and replied, "Because I am filled with such wisdom."

* * * * *

Donna turned to CJ, as they walked through the mall. "Do you know what 
Josh did last night?"

"What?"

"He sang to me."

CJ's eyes widened at Donna, "Joshua Lyman? Our Joshua Lyman?"

"Yes, that Joshua Lyman."

"He sang to you and he wasn't drunk?"

Donna chuckled, "Well, he did have that second glass of wine at dinner 
against my advisement."

CJ shrugged, "Well, that explains it a little, but not entirely."

"Then he fell off the bed."

CJ laughed, "Now that sounds like the Joshua Lyman I know."

Donna bit her lip, before she spoke next, "I think I may have...feelings 
for him."

CJ turned to her with a ready smile, "And you're just realizing this now?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Donna, I know it's hard to get past Josh's arrogance and to fit yourself 
into the same room with his ego, but once you did, how could you not have 
seen before now that you two have this attraction between you?"

Donna smiled slightly and then asked pointedly, "I could ask the same of 
you and Danny."

"We are not the issue."

"Why don't you just go out with the guy already?"

"Conflict of interests."

"Oh please, CJ. You are a total professional. It wouldn't be a problem."

"This isn't about me and Danny. This is about you and Josh."

Donna sighed, "I don't know what to do about me and Josh. I don't want 
to ruin what we already have."

"Here's my advice: Let things happen naturally."

Donna sighed and then smiled, "Really, CJ, I expected more coming from a 
Press Secretary."

CJ shrugged and flashed her a smile.

* * * * *

"Sam, how about this skull and cross bones?" Josh asked, as he turned his 
head to glance at him. 

"Oh, look at these puppies," Sam said sweetly, as he fingered the sample. 


Josh rolled his eyes and walked to where he stood. "Sam, I thought you 
wanted to go for tough, not wuss."

Sam turned to him and said tersely, "These are bulldog puppies, Josh."

Josh smiled slightly, "Yeah, ferocious."

Sam shrugged and then went back to viewing the samples. He spoke to 
Josh, without looking at him, "How did you even know about this place?"

"I went to Yale with the owner."

Sam turned to him with surprise, "You went to Yale with a tattoo parlor 
owner?"

"Yes."

"They have majors for that kind of stuff there?"

Josh smiled, "Electives maybe." Sam raised his brow, so Josh continued, 
"He was really into art. I guess it lead to this."

Sam nodded and asked, "What's his name again?"

Josh grinned, "Tiny."

"Is that one of those names that is totally contrary to his actual 
appearance?" Sam asked with a hint of fear.

Josh smiled and then looked past Sam's head. "Tiny! How've you been?"

Sam turned around to find a very large man, with a bald head and tattoos 
covering the better part of his arms. 

Tiny smiled, "Josh Lyman. Long time no see." He paused and looked Sam 
over, "And you must be Sam Seaborn."

Sam smiled nervously, as he extended his hand, "Hello...uh...Mr. Tiny."

Tiny smiled and shook Sam's hand. "So, have you decided on a tattoo yet?"

Sam swallowed hard, "Um, could I maybe see the tattoo needle or tool, 
whatever you call it, first, please.

Tiny nodded and pointed at the large object on a nearby table. Sam's 
eyes widened and sweat began to drip down his face. He managed to say, "I'm 
gonna need a little more time to decide."

Tiny bobbed his head, "Sure, take your time. Holler when you're ready." 
With that, Tiny disappeared behind the curtain.

Sam turned to Josh and spoke quickly, "Okay, I can't do this. That thing 
is huge and sharp-looking. It looks like it could cause considerable pain. 
I...I don't care if Mallory likes tough guys. Let her have Jasper....In 
fact, I wish them well...At most, I am willing to get a rub-on tattoo...Let's 
go."

Josh grinned at him, "So you don't care if Mallory leaves you."

"It's not worth marring my body permanently."

"So how are you going to smooth things over with her and make yourself 
seem more appealing than Jasper then?"

Sam raised a finger, "I am going to go back to good old-fashioned 
courting."

"Good old-fashioned courting?"

"I am going to woo her," Sam declared with a grin.

"Woo her?"

"Yes."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I saw on some show the other day that the best way to win a girl's 
affections, if you're less than tough-looking, is to make a total ass out of 
yourself."

Josh grinned, "Sam, correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't you already 
tried that approach with Mallory?"

"Yes, yes I have. But I think I've grown better at it," Sam replied 
while nodding.

"And just what exactly do you plan on doing?"

Sam smiled and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. Josh smiled widely 
at him. "Really?"

"Yes. What do you think?"

"I think you're going to make a total ass out of yourself," Josh replied 
with a grin.

"Good."

"And I don't think it'll work."

"No?"

"No."

"Are you going to try to talk me out of it?"

Josh shook his head with a wide smile, "Hell no, I live to see you make a 
total ass out of yourself."

Sam shrugged and then smiled at him. 

* * * * *

"Bonnie!" Toby bellowed from where he sat at his desk.

Bonnie appeared in his doorway a few moments later and scowled at him, 
"Toby, I am not required to work on Saturdays. I came in today because you 
asked me to as nicely as you are capable of. However, I have no qualms about 
leaving right now if you keep screaming."

Toby rubbed at the top of his head and sighed. He then replied 
insincerely, "Bonnie, you are invaluable to me and I would very much 
appreciate you staying. I promise to lower the volume of my voice."

"Thank you. Now what is it you wanted?" Bonnie responded with a shake of 
her head.

"Is Sam in yet? I called him two hours ago and told him he had to get 
his butt back in here. We need to work on the speech. It still has some 
major problems."

Bonnie replied, "Sam came in an hour and a half ago. He's been in CJ's 
office the whole time."

"CJ's office?" Toby said suspiciously.

Bonnie shrugged and left his office. Toby grumbled something about Sam 
being an irresponsible pain in his ass, before getting up and exiting his 
office. He headed down the hall and stopped outside CJ's office door. His 
brow furrowed as he leaned his ear close to the door. He thought he heard 
music playing. 

Toby knocked on the door and Sam soon appeared in the doorway, his face 
red and his breathing ragged.

"Toby? Uh, what do you want?" Sam asked nervously.

Toby eyed him, "Did I hear music?"

Sam laughed, as if the mere suggestion was ridiculous, "Music? No, you 
didn't hear music."

"I distinctly recall hearing music, Sam. What's going on?"

Sam stepped out of the office and closed the door behind him, "Nothing. 
Hey, let's go work on the speech. My creative juices are really flowing 
right now."

Toby regarded him sternly, "Oh really. And where, may I ask, were these 
creative juices two hours ago when I asked you to come in?"

Sam paused, as if thinking, "They were...uh...not flowing quite so freely 
yet."

"So you visited CJ to achieve this free flow?"

"I visited CJ to achieve this flow," Sam said with a smile and a 
declarative wave of his hand.

Toby rubbed at his goatee and then sidestepped Sam so that he could enter 
CJ's office. Sam objected in vain and then followed him with head bowed.

Toby stopped in front of CJ's desk, where she sat reading.

"CJ, what is it you and Sam were just doing?"

CJ raised her eyebrows and looked over Toby's shoulder at Sam, who was 
gesturing wildly at her. Sam wasn't really sure what he was trying to 
indicate to CJ, so she, understandably, was at a complete loss. 

Her eyes narrowed, as she tried to interpret Sam's message. "We 
were...uh...practicing the Heimlich Maneuver on each other."

Sam groaned, as his arms dropped to the side. 

Toby rolled his eyes at her, "CJ."

"Oh all right," CJ relented.

"No!" Sam yelled. "Please, don't tell him. He'll ridicule me endlessly."

Toby smirked, "I do that now anyway, I might as well have a reason."

CJ sighed, "Look, I'm sorry, Sam, but I have work to do and I really 
can't be bothered by Toby breathing down my neck about this for the rest of 
the day."

Sam groaned and then said softly, "At least allow me the dignity of not 
hearing you say the words, CJ. I don't think I could handle it."

With that, CJ stood up and walked over to Toby. She whispered into his 
ear. She then stood back and watched as a slow smile spread across his lips.

Toby turned around and looked at Sam, "You're kidding, right? I don't 
see it."

Sam nodded sharply, his pride a bit wounded, "What are you talking about? 
I can pull it off."

"No offense, Sam, but you can barely put two feet in front of each other, 
if you get my drift."

"I am going to do just fine. CJ's been helping me."

Toby grinned and rubbed his hands together, "Well, I guess I'll see for 
myself, now won't I?"

A look of sheer mortification crossed Sam's face, "Wh...What?"

"I'll be there tonight for your little...performance."

"Oh no, no, no, you can't come," Sam replied worriedly.

Toby shook his head and patted his shoulder, "I wouldn't miss this for 
the world, Sam."

With that, he left CJ's office, as a miserable Sam collapsed onto CJ's 
couch.

* * * * 

An hour later, Danny appeared in CJ's doorway. He knocked on the frame 
and she slowly lifted her eyes to him.

Those same eyes widened, as her gaze gravitated to who stood in front of 
him. Staring back at her were two adorable children.

Danny smiled and gestured at the children as they came to stand in front 
of her desk. "Honey, I'd like you to meet our children, Esmeralda and Merle."

CJ's mouth hung open at him and she was barely able to speak, "Our 
children? Danny, what did you do? Kidnap a couple of kids?"

Danny brought a hand to his chest and feigned hurt, "I am astonished that 
you think I would do such a thing, CJ."

She sighed, "I apologize. So what exactly did you do?"

He grinned, "I bribed them."

CJ shook her head at him, "You bribed two children you've never met 
before to pretend to be our children."

"What kind of person do you think I am? I would never bribe total 
strangers, they're my niece and nephew," he replied with a smile.

CJ smirked at him, "Well, it's nice to know you have standards."

Danny smiled, "I'm kidding, CJ. They wanted to spend some quality time 
with their uncle and I couldn't refuse them."

"So they are willingly pretending to be our children, without any 
compensation from you?"

"They love spending time with me. They begged me to do this. They 
happen to think I'm a great guy."

With that, Danny nudged the boy, who was about seven and sported unruly, 
blonde curly hair. He spoke slowly, "My Uncle Danny is a wonderful man. I 
want to be just like him when I grow up. He's smart, handsome, and funny. 
He's also a very caring and ch...char..." The boy paused and looked up at 
Danny, who mouthed the word to him. He then continued, "...charitable man. 
He cooks for the homeless people at the shelter every Saturday and he visits 
orphanages on Sundays." The boy stopped and turned to Danny. He then 
whispered a tad too loudly, "Was that everything?"

CJ hid her smile, as Danny patted the boy's head and chuckled, 
"Kids...Where do they come up with this stuff?"

CJ shook her head at him and then allowed her smile to take over, "Do 
these children have names, Danny?"

"Yes, they do. He's Patrick and she's Maureen," Danny replied, pointing 
to the nine year old girl with strawberry blonde hair and freckles. 

CJ smiled warmly at them, "Well, it is very nice to meet you two. But I 
am afraid we won't been needing you to pretend to be our children. We've 
finished that little game."

Danny grinned and shook his head, "Uh, no we haven't. I took the liberty 
of accepting an invitation from Josh to attend Sam's little performance 
tonight. Larry and Evelyn told him to make me promise to bring our children, 
so they could meet them. I can't disappoint the Moss's, CJ."

CJ groaned, "You know, Danny, if there weren't young, impressionable 
children standing here right now, I'd let you know exactly how I feel about 
you." She paused and then added, "We are not doing it. This has already gone 
too far. I am not going to use these children like that. We are not doing it 
and it's settled."

Maureen sighed and looked up at Danny. She crossed her arms over her 
chest and asked tersely, "I still get a new bike, right?"

CJ raised her eyebrows at him and Danny laughed, "Of course, I'll get you 
a new bike for your birthday."

"You said I'd get it tomorrow! That was the deal," Maureen responded 
through gritted teeth, as she stomped her right foot.

CJ bit her lip to keep from laughing, "Tell me again you didn't bribe 
them."

Danny sighed, "Okay, so I'm not exactly their favorite uncle and they 
aren't exactly willing to help me without some prodding."

Maureen snickered, "We hate you."

"Hate's such a strong word," Danny replied.

"You never want to see us unless it's to help you do something. Grandma 
said you used me to score a date with some lady when I was just six months 
old."

Danny smiled nervously at CJ, before speaking to Maureen in a soft voice. 
"And that's why we say your Grandma can't hold her liquor, Maureen. She 
makes up things when she's had a bit too much to drink."

"Danny!" CJ said in a scolding voice. "You shouldn't be telling these 
children their Grandmother's a drunk."

He shrugged, "I think they figured that one out on their own last 
Thanksgiving when she tried to stuff the turkey with the cat."

CJ rubbed at her temples and then eyed the children, "You really don't 
like him?"

"I'm only doing this for the bike," Maureen replied.

"CJ, just this one last time. I don't want Larry and Evelyn to think I 
break my promises," Danny said.

"Yes, it's better that your niece and nephew hate you because you use 
them."

Danny smiled, "Exactly."

CJ sighed, "Well, all right, but this is the last time. After this, we 
are through pretending."

"Does that mean you'll stop pretending that you're not head over heels in 
love with me?"

"If only I were pretending," CJ replied with a wide smile.

* * * * * 

"You can't back out now, Sam," Josh said.

"I'm going to throw up," Sam replied, as his face began to pale.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not."

"Excuse me, but being the owner of this body for some time now, I think I 
am qualified to determine when I am or am not going to throw up!" Sam said 
and then brought a hand up to his mouth.

Josh grabbed him tightly by the shoulders, "Sam, there's no reason to be 
nervous. You've been on television before. This should be a piece of cake."

Sam removed his hand from his mouth and spoke shakily, "There's a 
difference, Josh. TV didn't involve making a fool out of myself in front of 
the student body and school personnel of Mallory's school...Not to mention my 
colleagues and, of course, Mallory."

"What happened to wanting to make a total ass out of yourself to win 
Mallory over?"

"It's not sounding so good anymore."

"I promise you that what you are about to do would melt any woman's heart 
and make her yours forever."

"What if I throw up on stage?"

"Make it look like a part of the performance," Josh offered.

Sam twisted his face at him, "Yeah, that should blend in nicely."

Just then, Josh and Sam heard the host speaking, "And to conclude this 
year's Talent Show, we have a special guest. He's not a student, but he has 
special ties to one of our faculty members. We are honored to present to you 
all White House Deputy Communications Director, Sam Seaborn, playing Elvis 
Presley singing 'All Shook Up'."

Mallory's mouth dropped open as soon as she heard Sam's name. She was 
sitting in the front row, with a look of shock and mortification spread 
across her features. She whispered to CJ, "What the hell does he think he's 
doing?"

CJ smiled at her, "He wanted to do something really romantic for you...I 
used 'The Jackal' to help him practice. Unfortunately, he won't be 
lip-synching."

Mallory shook her head and then watched as Sam was shoved on stage by 
Josh.
A grin appeared on Toby's lips as soon as Sam came on stage. Sam looked 
absolutely ridiculous in a white jumpsuit, that revealed quite a bit of his 
chest. He had a gold belt on and the suit was sporadically adorned with gold 
sequins. He had a red scarf around his collar and gold chains hung around 
his neck. His hair was styled so that it dipped forwards.

Toby was ecstatic, as he pulled out his camera and immediately began to 
snap pictures. Danny leaned over to him, "What are you doing that for?"

Toby turned to him with a smirk, "Blackmail, my friend. Never know when 
it could come in handy."

Danny grinned, "I knew there was something I liked about you."

Sam stood frozen on stage. He had yet to utter a word. Instead, he 
stood perfectly still, with his arm crooked and the microphone close to his 
mouth. He just kept staring at the lights that were now threatening to blind 
him. Josh stood off stage and was whispering loudly to him, "Start singing!"

Slowly, Sam began to open his mouth, but no words came out. A few moments 
later, he actually summoned some volume and he began to sing very softly, 
"Ah, well I bless my soul...What's wrong with me?...I'm itching like a man on 
a fuzzy tree...My friends say I'm actin' wild as a bug...I'm in love."

Sam began to loosen up, as the audience started cheering him on. His 
voice rose and he began to swing his hips ever so slightly, "I'm all shook 
up...Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!"

By now, the audience was going wild, especially the females. Sam got 
caught up in their enthusiasm and he suddenly morphed into the best damn 
Elvis impersonator any administration's ever seen!

He began to act out the words in the song, as his hips swayed back and 
forth, rivaling The King himself. "My hands are shaky and my knees are 
weak...I can't seem to stand on my own two feet...Who do you thank when you 
have such luck?...I'm in love...I'm all shook up..Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!"

"Please don't ask me what's on my mind...I'm a little mixed up, but I'm 
feelin' fine...When I'm near that girl that I love best...My heart beats so 
it scares me to death!"

Sam spotted Mallory and gave her wink, before jumping off the stage. He 
sauntered over to her and knelt down in front of her, as the spotlight 
settled on them. "She touched my hand, what a chill I got...Her lips are like 
a volcano that's hot...I'm proud to say she's my buttercup...I'm in 
love...I'm all shook up...Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!"

Mallory's face grew red from the attention, but she couldn't help but 
smile at him. Sam stood up and began to shake his entire body like he'd just 
been electrocuted. "My tongue gets tied when I try to speak...My insides 
shake like a leaf on a tree...There's only one cure for this body of 
mine...That's to have the girl that I love so fine!"

With that, the music slowly finished playing. Sam bowed to the crowd and 
said, "Thank ya...Thank ya very much." 

Before he left Mallory, he gracefully removed his red scarf and placed it 
around her neck. She grinned at him, as she fingered it.

He flashed her one last smile before running back on stage and then 
disappearing behind a curtain, while a thundering applause erupted in the 
auditorium.

Josh met up with him backstage and slapped him on the back, "That was 
great, Sam! I told you there was nothing to worry about."

Sam offered him a weak smile, before doubling over and throwing up all 
over Josh's shoes.

Josh looked down at his shoes in disgust, "You couldn't have thrown up on 
Mallory, you had to wait and throw up on me."

Sam shrugged and managed a small smile, "I feel much better now."

Josh groaned and muttered, "Well, that makes one of us."

* * * *

Toby wandered around backstage searching for Sam. He really wanted to 
get a close-up of him before he changed. As he rounded a corner, he 
immediately collided with another figure. They both stumbled backwards a 
bit, but didn't fall. It took Toby a few moments to regain his senses. When 
he finally did, he focused on the person he'd just come in contact with. 

He looked at her in surprise, "Livie?"

Livie looked up from her task of straightening her clothes, "Toby 
Ziegler. I should have known you'd be here to support your companion."

Toby sighed, as his hopes that that situation would never again be 
mentioned were dashed. 

"Yes, well, I do try to support him."

"Aren't you jealous that he lavished that nun with so much attention?"

Toby smirked, "It was all a part of the act. Plus, you heard her, she 
has no intention of 'soiling her purity' for any man. I don't think I have 
anything to worry about."

She smiled, "Ah, yes, but Elvis can cause some pretty strange reactions."

Toby shrugged, "So what brings you--..."

His inquiry was interrupted by a child's voice. "Mommy! There you are!"

Toby's eyes fell upon a six year old girl with short dark brown hair and 
piercing blue eyes. Livie spun around and bent down, as the little girl flew 
into her arms. 

The little girl began to speak quickly, "Did you see me, Mommy? Did you 
see me sing 'The Star Spangled Banner'?

Livie patted her daughter's cheek, "I sure did, you were wonderful!"

Toby watched them and then cleared his throat. Livie turned around to 
look at him and he spoke, "So you have a kid?"

Livie nodded, as she stood up and placed her hands on her daughter's 
shoulders. "That's a very keen observation, Mr. Ziegler. Yes, this is my 
daughter, Eva."

Toby bent down and extended his hand to Eva, "It's very nice to meet 
you...And you're patriotic, I like that."

Eva didn't return the gesture. Instead, she eyed him suspiciously, 
surveying his features. She then said bluntly, "You don't have much hair."

Livie smiled, as Toby's eyes widened. He slowly stood up and spoke to 
Livie, "Well, I see your daughter inherited your rude and blunt 
conversational skills."

Livie nodded, "She says what's on her mind, yes."

Toby looked down at the little girl again and then began hesitantly, as 
his eyes returned to Livie, "I didn't realize you were married."

Livie avoided his eyes as she replied, something that did not go 
unnoticed by Toby, "I'm divorced."

Toby nodded, as a strange feeling of happiness swept over him from that 
revelation. "I'm sorry."

She responded softly, "I'm not."

A few tense moments of silence followed, until Eva broke it. "You're kind 
of fat."

Toby raised his brow at her, as she looked up at him. He replied, 
"You're kind of short."

"I'm only six," she responded sharply.

"Exactly. Some things are understandable, even expected, depending on our 
age. You're short because your six. I'm balding with a spare tire because 
I'm forty-five," he stated.

She stared at him blankly before replying, "You talk funny."

"So do you," he shot back.

Her eyes narrowed at him and she said with considerable satisfaction for 
a six year old, "Your face is fuzzy."

Toby simply chuckled at that, as he found himself at a complete loss for 
a response. When his laughter subsided, he smiled at her, "You're all right, 
kid."

Eva smiled up at him, "You're not so bad yourself."

Livie smiled at them both, realizing that Eva may have finally met her 
match...and maybe she had, too.

* * * * 

Danny, CJ, Maureen, Patrick and the Moss's stood outside waiting for the 
others to emerge.

Evelyn reached down and gently pinched Maureen's cheek, "You are so 
adorable with those freckles."

Maureen's mouth turned to a frown and she immediately whipped her head 
around to face Danny. She whispered harshly, "Pinching's gonna cost you 
extra."

Danny smiled and patted her head, as the Moss's looked at them strangely. 


Larry spoke next, "You guys do make a wonderful family. Esmeralda, you 
look just like your mama."

Maureen wrinkled her nose as she looked at CJ. She then turned back to 
Mr. Moss and asked, "You think I look like a flamingo?"

CJ's eyes widened and she swatted Danny's arm. She then whispered in his 
ear, "How did you know about my code name that I despise?"

Danny grinned, "I didn't. Kid came up with that all on her own."

CJ's eyes gravitated to Maureen, who stuck her tongue out at her. CJ 
spoke through gritted teeth, "Esmeralda, honey, it's not nice to call people 
names."

Maureen sneered at her, "Why not? You don't mind when I call *Daddy* 
Raggedy Andy."

Danny frowned at her, "You call me Raggedy Andy?"

She shook her head and said so only he could hear, "No, I call you 
Raggedy Danny."

The Moss's were simply watching them with amused confusion. Just then, 
Patrick began to tug on Danny's shirt. He then said dramatically, "Daddy, 
daddy, can I have ten dollars?"

"What do you need ten dollars for?" Danny asked.

"So I can get some food out of the vending machine. You and Mommy 
haven't fed us since yesterday's dinner," Patrick replied with a tiny smile 
only Danny and CJ could see.

Danny laughed nervously, as the Moss's adopted expressions of horror. He 
leaned closer and whispered to Larry and Evelyn, "He likes to make up 
stories. The doctor says he may have more than one personality."

CJ groaned and began to rub at her forehead. Evelyn shook her head 
sympathetically and responded softly, "Poor thing, that explains a lot. And 
what about the girl?"

Maureen gave her a hard look, before Danny replied, "She has issues. 
We're not really sure what they are yet."

He'd barely completed his sentence when both Patrick and Maureen stomped 
on his feet. He began to hop up and down, as the pain engulfed them. 

"Damn kids!" he screamed through gritted teeth.

CJ smiled weakly at the Moss's, before throwing Danny a glare. "That's 
just a little pet name we have for them. A term of endearment, if you will."

The Moss's shrugged with eyebrows raised.

* * * * 

Mallory knocked on Sam's dressing room door. She'd made sure that he had 
enough time to shower and change before going to speak with him. 

He answered on the first knock and smiled at her widely. "Hello, Mallory."

"Sam," she replied, as she walked by him into the room.

He closed the door behind her and then came to stand in front of her. 
His smile continued to widen to the point of goofiness. "So, how does it feel 
to have been wooed?"

Mallory raised her brow at him, "How does it feel to have been wooed?"

"Yes."

"That's what that little performance was? You were wooing me?" she asked.

Sam nodded, as he placed his hands on his hips, "Yes and I do believe I 
did a fine job."

Mallory crossed her arms over her chest. "Let me ask you something, Sam. 
Why do you think I needed to be wooed?"

"Well, you wanted to break up with me to date that tough guy, Jasper."

"So was this the first idea you had to try to win me back?"

"No," Sam said with a chuckle. "I almost got a tattoo."

"*You* almost got a tattoo?" Mallory said with a laugh.

Sam responded weakly, his pride a little wounded, "Yes, I did."

"And what? You chickened out?"

Sam hesitated before shifting his feet and not meeting her gaze, "No...I 
didn't chicken out. I...I just figured that a performance would be a better 
way to win you over than some stupid macho act."

"You saw the needle, didn't you?" she asked with a knowing smile.

"It was a really big needle," he responded quickly while nodding.

"So you gave up on looking tough and decided to make a fool out of 
yourself by wooing me this way," she stated.

He nodded with a smile, "Yes, I did. I've gotta say, I think I am pretty 
damn romantic.

Mallory's face softened and she almost forgot the reason she was there. 
Truthfully, Sam's performance had melted her heart, just like Josh had said 
it would. But she needed to teach Sam a lesson and make a point, so she 
wasn't about to let that stop her.

"Sam, why am I upset with you? I mean, remember what started this whole 
thing in the first place? I was upset with you about something. I simply 
asked you to think about what that could be and try to discuss it with me. 
So, have you come up with anything?"

Sam's eyes widened in shock at her. Did she not remember what he'd just 
done? Why did anything else matter now? 

He rubbed at the back of his neck, "Um, Mal, I just dressed up like Elvis 
in front of a bunch of strangers and Toby, and shook my goods like I never 
have before. So why are you asking me that?"

Mallory sighed at him, "Because we need to communicate, Sam. I knew 
you'd do something stupid. You thought I wanted a tough guy, so you almost 
get a tattoo. Hello? What were you thinking? I hate tattoos."

"But you said-..." Sam began in confusion.

"When you discovered you were too much of a wuss for that, you decided to 
make a fool out of yourself to win me over. You know, because no woman can 
resist a guy who acts like an idiot in front of her colleagues," she said 
sharply.

"Okay, this isn't going nearly as well as I'd thought it would," Sam said 
under his breath.

"Sam, I don't want you to get tattoos and to sing Elvis songs to me. I 
want you to respect our relationship enough to talk to me about it. I want 
you to try to understand why I am upset, instead of concocting plans," she 
explained.

Sam's brow furrowed at her, "You set me up do something stupid? You knew 
I would? I almost got a tattoo, Mallory!"

Mallory sighed, "Did you hear a word I said, Sam?"

He kept speaking without acknowledging her, "I mean, I almost marred my 
body for you. A guy named Tiny, who, by the way, is misnamed, almost gave me 
a permanent picture, all because you wanted me to do something stupid to 
prove some point."

"Sam, you don't need me setting you up to do something stupid. You do 
just fine on your own," she replied.

"That is not the point."

"What's the point then?" Mallory asked with a roll of her eyes.

Sam hesitated, "The point clearly is...The point, as I've clearly stated, 
is...The point-..."

"Sam."

His face brightened, as he finally figured out his point. He grinned, 
"The point is that you weren't honest with me. You tricked me into doing 
something stupid. *I*, Miss. O'Brien, am now upset with *you*."

"What? You're upset with me?" Mallory asked with surprise.

"That's right. I don't think you're taking our relationship seriously. 
It's all a game to you," he clarified..

"Sam, I-..."

"No, Mallory, I'd like you to think about what you've done. And when you 
are ready to discuss our relationship then I will be here...Well, not here, 
because this is a dressing room in your school...But I will be 
somewhere...You know what? Call Cathy and we'll set up a time," Sam said in 
a coherent ramble.

"What? Sam?" Mallory said weakly.

Sam opened the door with a flourish of his hand, "Good day, Mallory."

Mallory eyed him and didn't move, as she tried to understand how things 
had fallen apart for her.

"Good day, Mallory," he said again, this time more forcefully.

"Good day?" she repeated.

"I've always wanted to say that," Sam admitted with a smile.

With that, Mallory shook her head and walked out the door.

Sam called after her, "This is me taking over, Mal!"

She kept walking, but yelled over her shoulder, "Yeah, like that'll work!"

Sam shrugged and closed the door.

* * * * *

Leo McGarry strolled through the corridors of the West Wing, whistling a 
happy tune. He never whistled. He hadn't whistled since...well...It had 
been a long time. But why shouldn't he be whistling a happy tune? He was, 
after all, a very content man right now. 

Leo had dispensed with the California business very quickly on Friday. 
He had to secure three votes for the education bill that had recently jumped 
the fence. Normally, he was not the one that would be sent, but these guys 
were not very fond of his staff. However, they liked him very much. Still, 
he had been amazed at how well it had gone. He catered to their egos, they 
came back over to his side. This quick and easy disposal had left him with 
the entire weekend to rest in the warmth of the California sun. 

Rest...When was the last time he had rested?...He vaguely recalled a nap 
in kindergarten.

Well, he had rested plenty that weekend and arrived home at a decent time 
the night before. Now, he was ready to enter back into the chaos of the West 
Wing...He only hoped he'd be allowed to maintain this jovial attitude till 
lunchtime.

Leo walked by Margaret's desk and gave her a warm smile, "Good morning, 
Margaret."

Margaret's eyes darted nervously to his figure and she returned with a 
quick, "Morning, Leo."

Leo continued into his office and walked over to his desk. He hadn't 
even had time to set down his briefcase when an object on the desk caught his 
eye. He picked it up and quickly examined its contents.

Then his brow wrinkled and he shouted, "Margaret!"

* * * *

CJ paced back and forth in her office, surrounded by Josh, Sam, Toby and 
Donna. 

"Is he in yet? Do you think he's seen it?" CJ threw out to no one in 
particular.

Toby ran a hand over his mouth and replied softly, "I think I heard the 
faint sound of him shouting, yes."

CJ brought a hand to her forehead and then focused her glare on Josh. 
Her jaw tightened and she pointed at him with her pen. "You...This is all 
your fault."

Josh's brow crinkled and he spoke innocently, "What did I do?"

CJ's eyes narrowed at him and she spoke through gritted teeth, "The fact 
that you even asked that makes me want to kill you even more."

Sam held up his hands and addressed the group, "Okay, going at each 
others throats isn't going to help anything. I propose we present a united 
front. We say we're all in this together. He can't chew us all out."

Toby shook his head and turned to Sam, "Have you met Leo, Sam?"

Sam ignored him and continued, "I'm simply saying that we should stick 
together when discussing all of this tomfoolery that's-..."

Sam's sentence was interrupted by a rumble of laughs from those who 
surrounded him. 

Josh raised his eyebrows, as he fought the urge to grin. He turned to a 
confused Sam. "I'm sorry, did you just say 'tomfoolery'?"

Sam nodded, "Yeah. I used the word in the proper context, didn't I?"

Josh nodded, as he lost the battle with his grin, "Yes, yes you did. I 
was just surprised because I thought one had to be, you know, British and 
fictional to say 'tomfoolery'."

The others signaled their agreement with another round of laughs and a 
nodding of their heads. Sam simply blushed and shoved his hands into his 
pockets.

Their few moments of levity were suddenly interrupted by a bang on CJ's 
open office door. They turned around and found a scowling Leo standing in 
the doorway. He held a certain magazine in his left hand, which he was 
holding up.

He glared at each one of them, before slowly walking in and standing in 
front of them. There was a strange moment of silence as he stood perusing 
them again.

Then his words emerged sharply, "Sit down. All of you."

They raised their eyebrows at him and then Josh unwisely chose to 
comment, "You want us to sit down? We're not a bunch of kids who got sent to 
the principal's office, Leo."

Leo turned to Josh, his eyes hard, "I would think that you of all people, 
Josh, would be choosing to crawl under the closest thing to a rock in this 
office and remaining as quiet as possible." 

He paused, as Josh's gaze now focused on his shoes. Then he continued, 
addressing them all. "If you're going to act like children, then you're going 
to be treated like children...Now sit down."

They all scrambled to find a seat and then looked back to Leo. He placed 
his glasses on his nose and held the magazine up to them all. "I figured I'd 
read you a little story, considering your new status as youths. This is a 
very good story, one that you are all intimately familiar with. It's 
entitled, 'Staffers Wing it with Make Believe' by Olivia Sanderson. It's a 
short story, since the author had to put a rush on it to be sure it made it 
into this week's edition."

Leo peered at them over his glasses, causing them all to quickly remove 
their eyes from him. He continued, now reading from the magazine:

"Rest easy, citizens of America. 

"Rest easy tonight as you place your head upon your pillow and shut your 
eyes. 

"Rest easy because your lives are in the hands of some of the brightest 
minds in the world. 

"Rest easy because they have proven that they are nothing if not 
consistent. 

"Consistency. 

"That's something that is seldom associated with the hypocritical world 
we call politics. 

"But you have to hand it to these guys, they *are* consistent. 

"They've been pretending to care about the well-being of this country 
since before they even strolled into the White House. 

"They haven't stopped pretending since. 

"And, now here's where the consistency will just blow you away: they 
don't only pretend during work hours, folks; they pretend in their personal 
lives, too. 

"There's the Press Secretary, who's pretending to be married with 
children to a member of the White House Press Corps. 

"There's the Deputy of Communications and the Director of Communications, 
who are pretending to be life-partners. 

"There's the Deputy Chief of Staff and his assistant, who are pretending 
to be engaged. 

"And we wouldn't want to leave out the Chief of Staff in this lovely 
little play, now would we? His daughter is pretending to be a nun. 

"And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that all of this pretending is 
done under the very eyes of the spineless man you call Mr. President. 

"Why are they doing this? For consistency, my friends. 

"So, rest easy, citizens of America. 

"Rest easy knowing that your lives are in the hands of a consistent bunch 
of liars."

Leo stopped, removed his glasses and then threw the magazine down on CJ's 
desk. He glared at them for a moment before saying, "What the hell were you 
all thinking?"

Toby sighed and tiredly rubbed at his right eye with his index finger, 
while muttering, "In our defense, I don't believe we were thinking." He 
paused and then added under his breath "Although my blameworthy role in this 
fiasco has always been minimal."

He finished by throwing Josh a look. Leo followed Toby's eyes and looked 
at Josh. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

He raised his brow at him, "Yes, I do. How do you know that I have any 
blame in this whatsoever?"

Leo scoffed at him. "You mean besides the fact that this has 'Josh Lyman 
makes a bad situation worse' written all over it?"

Josh nodded slightly, so Leo continued, "Margaret informed me of the 
whole thing."

"How did Margaret know?" Josh asked.

Leo raised his eyebrows and looked at an all-too-quiet Donna. Josh 
followed his eyes and turned to her. "Donna!"

"What?!" she replied.

"Why did you tell Margaret this is all my fault?" 

"I didn't tell her it was all your fault, Josh...I implied it," Donna 
explained.

Josh moaned and ran a hand through his hair. He then turned to Leo, 
"Okay, while I will admit that much of this is my doing, I had help. Sam and 
Toby had their fun. And, let's not forget, who started this whole 
thing...That would be Miss. Innocent over there." Josh finished, as he 
gestured to Donna with his head. Donna's mouth hung open. She couldn't 
believe that Josh would sell her out like that. 

Leo rubbed at his face, "Yes, I know, she lied to her parents and 
unwisely chose you to help deceive them. Sam and Toby had a little fun, 
Danny got in on the act. But you, Josh...You were the one who turned this 
into a three ring circus and you are the reason that we are once again fodder 
for Olivia Sanderson. Oh and I'll add that I don't appreciate you changing my 
only daughter into a nun."

Josh smirked nervously and replied, "Yeah, sorry about that."

CJ, who had been silent for far too long, suddenly piped up. "I would 
just like to point out that I had nothing at all to do with this, Leo."

Leo turned to CJ and offered her a wry smile. "The White House Press 
Secretary takes part in an improvisational play, while leaving this 
administration open to skewering, and she had nothing at all to do with it?"

CJ nervously ran a hand down her neck, "Well, I...I mean I...I tried...It 
all happened so...I don't-..."

Toby whispered to her, stopping her stammering, "Conjugate a sentence, 
CJ, then get back to us."

An uncomfortable silence hung over them, until Josh suddenly blurted out, 
"Donna invited her bloodsucking cousin over, knowing full well who she was. 
Throw some blame her way."

Donna's eyes widened at him and she smacked his arm, while saying, 
"Joshua!"

Leo shook his head at him, "Josh, I am sure Donna realizes that wasn't 
the best of choices. However, if you hadn't elaborated, then she wouldn't 
have had to worry about Livie writing anything damaging."

Josh sighed, as he searched for a silver lining of some kind. He finally 
returned with, "We successfully prevented Livie from questioning the 
President. We knew that he would hate being ambushed. We also knew that he 
wouldn't let an opportunity to say something pass and that undoubtedly 
colorful something would have ended up in her column anyway. Gotta give us 
some credit for that save, Leo."

Leo's eyes narrowed at him, as his brow crinkled considerably. "So you 
had the wisdom to realize that Livie questioning the President would be a bad 
idea, but not that the show you put on for her would leave a lasting 
impression and surely prompt her to write about it in her column?"

Josh squeezed his eyes shut while he responded, "Okay, so we dropped the 
ball, Leo. I screwed up. Okay? I'm sorry. I screwed up and I'm sorry."

Leo nodded, "You know what, Josh? I think we should dedicate a room in 
the West Wing to you. We'll call in the 'Lyman Screw-up Room'. We'll hang up 
detailed descriptions of all of your screw-ups. It will have to be a room of 
considerable size, of course. Deputy Chiefs of Staff for years to come will 
visit that room and aspire to meet such standards."

Josh ran a hand down his face and said softly, "Well, that was just the 
shot in the arm I needed."

Leo ignored him and turned to CJ, "Well, CJ, you now have the pleasure of 
dealing with an exceedingly hungry press corps. It's fitting that you now 
have to fend off the very people you couldn't manage to before, isn't it?"

CJ rubbed at the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, "What would you 
like me to say?"

Leo allowed a slight smile to emerge, "Improvise...I'm sure you've grown 
quite good at it."

CJ sighed, "Leo, they're going to have a field day with me out there. I 
don't have any answers to give them...Surely none that will satisfy them."

Leo shrugged, "I don't care what you say, CJ. The damage is already 
done. We just have to hope that most people will think that Olivia 
Sanderson's opinion about us is as biased as you can get. Still, it's never 
good for an administration to be blatantly referred to as liars...No matter 
how true it may be. Your job is to somehow get the word out to the public 
that we are not liars, that we do care about this nation's well-being and 
that play time is officially over. You think you can handle that?"

CJ reluctantly nodded, as she swallowed hard, "Uh, yeah...Yeah, no 
problem."

Leo nodded and then looked at the others, "Let me just make something 
clear to you all. You are representatives of this administration. Whatever 
you do, good or bad, will reflect upon it. So, I suggest you quit drama 
class, stop playing dress up, and get back to work." Leo paused and then 
shook his head with a small smile, "You guys are so lucky I had a relaxing 
weekend. If I had come in here pissed this morning, I wouldn't have let you 
off so easily."

With that, Leo exited the room. Sam let out the breath he seemed to have 
been holding for quite some time. "So, that was us getting off easily?"

Toby nodded, "I'd say so."

Josh sighed, "You know, I'm actually kind of angry that Livie saw right 
through us."

CJ raised her eyebrows, "You're kidding, right? I've seen better acting 
at Miss. America Pageants."

Josh chuckled, "Hey, what have I told you about doubting the sincerity of 
Miss. America contestants, CJ. If Miss. Texas says she wants to cure world 
hunger and fight for world peace, then who are you to say she doesn't really 
mean it?"

CJ shook her head at him, "Oh, you're right, Josh. I guess she can just 
team up with Miss. Alabama and Miss. California and form some sort of team to 
fight for such causes. Since they do, after all, aspire to the same goals."

* * * * *

Leo entered the Oval Office, "Sir, I-..."

The President interrupted him without looking up from the task he was 
engaged in at the coffee table. "Leo, what's a six letter word with the 
second letter L and the fourth letter Z?"

"What?" Leo asked in confusion.

The President ignored his tone, "While bearing in mind that I only have a 
R, Q, E, B, A, J, and K."

Leo approached him and shook his head, "Sir, you're playing Scrabble?"

"Yup, slow day. Just killing some time until that luncheon thing."

"You're playing Scrabble against yourself?"

Jed took off his glasses and smiled at him, "Yes, I find I am the only 
opponent worthy of playing me."

Leo chuckled, "It amazes me that some people think you have an ego 
that's just a tad too large."

The President grinned and raised his eyebrows, "Me too." He paused and 
then added, "So, you got a word or what? Come on, I want that triple word 
score, Leo."

Leo sat down across from him, "Actually, I'd like to discuss something 
with you."

"Okay."

"Have you seen this week's edition of 'The Politician'?"

The President nodded, as he rearranged some of his tiles. "Yup. Not a 
good picture of me, wouldn't you say?"

"I didn't notice, sir. What I did notice is Olivia Sanderson's article. 
Did you?"

He nodded, as he leaned forward and perused the board, "Yeah, interesting 
piece."

"Yes, yes it was. I happen to think that this article did not paint our 
staff in the best of lights. I also happen to think they fed themselves to 
the lioness."

"Yeah, they sure did."

"Sir, don't you think you should speak to them?"

Jed finally met his eyes again, "Why? I'm sure you scolded them 
sufficiently and sent them to bed without dinner."

"Yes, but I think a little scolding from the President couldn't hurt."

He shrugged, "Nah."

"Mr. President, I don't know if you realize the damage they've done. 
They gave Olivia Sanderson the ammunition to call us liars."

"Leo, Olivia Sanderson always calls us liars. Everyone knows she doesn't 
like this administration...I seriously doubt they'll take her word as 
anything more than supported name-calling."

"Sir, it's never good for the polling numbers when the public sees a 
columnist blatantly refer to us as liars, with evidence to support her."

"We're politicians, Leo. The public already believes we're liars whether 
or not we actually are."

"Up until now, I think we've done a pretty good job of showing that we 
aren't like some of the guys who came before us, Mr. President."

"You're making too big a deal out of this, Leo. She didn't say much that 
wasn't true anyhow, except that we pretend to care about this nation and that 
I'm spineless. Plus, I think we're more of an inconsistent bunch of liars, 
don't you?" Jed offered Leo a smile which he did not return.

Leo sighed and waited a moment before speaking, "Mr. President, can I ask 
why you allowed them to do all of this right under your nose?"

The President shrugged, "Well, I got in on the Josh-Donna thing because 
it was too good to pass up. The rest just kind of unfolded around me. More 
than once, I thought I had happened upon some sort of alternate universe."

"You never thought about putting a stop to this with the whole Josh-Donna 
thing?"

"Nah, it all seemed pretty harmless to me, Leo. Who knew it would get 
blown out of proportion like this?"

"The fact that Josh was involved should have tipped you off, sir."

The President laughed, "I suppose. I actually think this was good for 
them. They all work so hard and so long, that they barely have any social 
lives to speak of and they never get a chance to blow off some steam. This 
may have been the release they needed."

Leo shrugged and then stood up, "Well, I've informed them that play time 
is over." He paused and then eyed him, "You really enjoyed their little 
performance, didn't you?"

The President nodded with a smile, "You bet...I hadn't been to the 
theater in ages."

Leo smiled, while shaking his head. He watched as Jed kept moving his 
tiles and then studying the board. He muttered to himself, "I don't think 
there is one."

Leo walked to the door, then turned around and said with a smile, 
"Blazer."

The President's head shot up and his eyes narrowed, "What?"

Leo gestured with his head to the board. "Blazer. Triple word score."

The President looked down at the letters and smiled slightly, "Well, I'll 
be damned." He then looked up and said a bit sheepishly, "I would have 
gotten that eventually...I *am* my worthiest opponent, Leo."

Leo smiled and then returned with, "Scrabble Tournament Champ, 1965."

He threw him one last grin, before exiting. The President simply shook 
his head, as he placed the tiles on the board.

* * * * 

"Donna!" Josh yelled from his desk, as he continued to write.

Donna came in a few moments later and stood silently in front of him. He 
spoke without looking up, "Get me that file on-..."

He stopped abruptly and raised his eyes to her. "Why haven't you said a 
word yet?"

She simply looked at him, lips pursed. He eyed her before continuing, 
"You never enter my office without your mouth flapping about something, even 
if it's just an annoyed 'what, Josh?'. So what's this? The silent 
treatment?"

Donna walked over to Josh's blackboard, picked up a piece of chalk and 
wrote on a blank section. "Yes."

"Oh, so you have not stopped communicating with me all together, just 
verbally."

"No," she scrawled on the board.

He sighed, "Donna, writing your responses on a chalkboard is still 
communicating with me."

She shrugged and tilted her head. Josh rubbed at his face wearily and 
asked, "Not that I don't enjoy the absence of your constant chattering, in 
fact I've often wished for it, but I am now finding it disconcerting and a 
tad uncomfortable."

Donna wrote "Tough" on the board in her signature distinctive penmanship.

Josh's brow furrowed, as he studied the near illegible word. He then 
asked, "Tofu? What does tofu mean?"

She rolled her eyes and accidentally blurted out, "Tough!"

Donna brought a hand up to her mouth, as her eyes widened. Josh smiled 
at her lapse. "Are you going to tell me why I am receiving the silent 
treatment?"

Donna nodded and proceeded to write a rather lengthy reason on the board, 
considering the small space she was using.

Josh groaned at her. When she'd finished, Josh studied the words 
carefully and attempted to translate them. He spoke slowly, "You...bloomed 
me for everything, Doshuo. That was...merry...neon-sprite and...umsubortive, 
not to...men on totally...elf-swerving." 

Josh's brow furrowed at the nonsensical sentence and he looked at her, 
"I'm an educated man, Donna, but I have no idea what 'elf-swerving' means."

Donna's eyes narrowed at him and she let out a loud sigh. She then 
quickly said what she'd just wrote on the board, "You blamed me for 
everything, Joshua. That was very mean-spirited and unsupportive, not to 
mention totally self-serving." 

Josh's eyes widened at her, as he glanced back at the board. "That's what 
that said? Gotta love that distinctive penmanship of yours, Donna. Although 
I will say I'm disappointed I'll never get to try a neon-sprite...It sounded 
intriguing."

Donna didn't crack a smile, although Josh was grinning. "I'm serious, 
Joshua. You sold me out."

"And you didn't do the same to me when you told Margaret?"

"Yes, but the difference is my mistakes were made by accident and I felt 
bad about them. Yours were made deliberately and with glee."

He shook his head, "Firstly, I never do anything with glee...And 
secondly, just because yours were made by accident doesn't mean you shouldn't 
be held accountable, Donna. You started the ball rolling."

Donna huffed at him and then scribbled furiously on the board. He 
studied the words, "Scr-..." He stopped and smiled at her, "Okay, I can read 
that one just fine."

With that, Donna turned on her heel and stalked off. Josh sighed and 
leaned back in his chair. "Great," he mumbled.

* * * * 

CJ softly sighed, as she opened the briefing up to questions. She could 
see the hunger in their eyes. This story was almost too good to be true. 

"Katie," she said.

"Does the White House have an official comment regarding Olivia 
Sanderson's column in this week's 'The Politician'?"

CJ removed her glasses and rubbed a hand across her eyes. "The White 
House is not in the habit of commenting on opinion pieces of the press."

"But she stated several interesting pieces of information," countered 
another reporter.

CJ smiled sardonically, "Yes, she did. We do not comment on her opinions 
about this administration. If we did, then I'd never get to comment on 
issues of national importance...There just wouldn't be enough time. Now what 
would be the fun in that?"

"Are you saying that the information stated in her column was 
fabricated?" another asked.

"I don't believe I even implied that," CJ said with a shake of her head.

She paused and then added, "This administration would simply like to 
remind the public that we are committed to the betterment of this nation and 
that we have never represented our intentions as otherwise." She stopped and 
then continued, "That statement served only as a reminder, not as a response 
to Miss. Sanderson's column."

CJ surveyed the room for any other hands. Danny had been raising his for 
quite some time now, but she'd carefully avoided allowing him any chance to 
speak. 

"Anyone have any more questions?" she asked.

"I do, CJ," Danny replied.

"Anyone besides Danny?" CJ said tiredly.

Everyone shook their heads, happy to give Danny the floor. He grinned at 
her, "Looks like I'm it."

"Fine. What's your question?" CJ asked reluctantly.

"CJ, is there any truth to the rumor that the member of the White House 
Press Corps that you were pretending to be married to is ruggedly handsome, 
incredibly witty, amazingly intelligent and undeniably charming?"

CJ allowed a slow smile to spread across her lips, "I can say with 
absolute certainty that, no, he is none of those things."

With that, CJ picked up her notepad. "Thanks everybody. See you at 
tomorrow morning's briefing. Have a good day."

She then left the podium and exited the room. Danny was soon right 
behind her. "That was fun for you, wasn't it?"

"And asking that beyond ridiculous question wasn't fun for you?" she 
returned.

He smiled, "Oh, no, it was. I was just hoping to have more fun with it 
than you."

"Beat it, Danny," CJ shot over her shoulder. 

"You know, CJ, you better stop flirting with me. I don't know how many 
more ways I can think of to say no."

CJ rolled her eyes and then turned around to face him. "Danny, some 
women might find your relentlessness charming, even sexy if they require 
therapy, but I am not one of them."

"Not even a little charming?" he asked with crooked grin.

CJ fought the smile that threatened to overtake her lips, "Not even a 
little."

Danny tilted his head and then said, "Has anyone ever told you you're a 
terrible liar, CJ? Yeah, not good for someone involved in politics." He 
paused and then added, "Rest easy, CJ...Olivia Sanderson could not have been 
referring to you."

With that, Danny flashed her one last grin before turning around and 
walking away. CJ sank against the nearest wall and ran a hand across her 
forehead. She muttered to herself in a less than convincing tone, "I wasn't 
lying."

* * * * *
 
Toby grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and pulled it on. He 
hurriedly left his office and practically collided with Sam as he 
rounded the corner.

Sam took a step back and eyed him, "Where are you going?"

"To lunch," Toby replied a tad too quickly.

Sam's eyes narrowed at him, "You never go to lunch."

"I'm trying something new."

"You never try something new."

Toby sighed, "Do you want something, Sam?"

"No...Can I come with you?"

"No, because I would like to have a quiet lunch."

"I can be quiet."

"Sam, you being quiet for any significant amount of time would require 
the removal of your tongue."

Sam smiled slightly, as he realized how true that was. He then eyed Toby 
suspiciously again. "Where are you really going?"

"To lunch," Toby said through gritted teeth.

"I've never even seen you eat lunch before."

"And I've never seen you be anything less than annoying, but I assume 
that, at some point in your life, you have been."

Toby tried to sidestep Sam, but he blocked his path. "I'm coming with 
you," he declared.

"No, you're really not."

"I'm hungry. I'm really, really hungry. How does Chinese sound?"

"I'm not going to lunch, Sam!" Toby blurted out in irritation.

"Aha!" Sam said with a satisfied smile.

Toby rubbed at his eyes tiredly and muttered, "Don't you have to be 
Sherlock Holmes or something to say that?" 

"Where *are* you going then?" Sam asked.

Toby smirked at him, "I am going to the pound to rescue a litter of 
kittens."

"Really?" Sam asked with delighted smile.

"No!" Toby barked at him.

"So where are you-..."

"Finish that sentence, Sam, and I swear I'll strangle you with your own 
tie."

Sam swallowed hard and nodded weakly. "So...okay then...have fun on 
your...top-secret mission."

Toby replied in exasperation, "It's not a big deal! I am going to go see 
her and I'll be back in a half an hour."

"Aha!" Sam said again, which was rewarded with a low growl from Toby. 
Sam continued, "You're going to see a 'her'. And who might this 'her' be?"

"Laurie, the former call girl, Sam. I've had a very stressful day and 
she gives it out for free now," Toby replied stoically

Sam's eyes widened at Toby and he stammered, "Laurie...my Laurie...You're 
going to see my Laurie?"

Toby smiled slightly, "Your Laurie? I wonder what Mallory would have to 
say about that."

Sam tried to recover, "I didn't mean-..."

"Yes, what would Mallory have to say about that?" came a voice from 
behind him.

Sam's mouth hung open, as he instantly recognized that voice. His gaze 
focused on Toby, who was looking very amused. "Mallory's standing right 
behind me, isn't she?"

"Yup."

"And you saw her coming and felt that I don't insert my foot into my 
mouth nearly enough with her on my own?"

"Bingo," Toby replied with a grin. 

Sam slowly spun around and faced Mallory. He managed a semblance of a 
smile, "Mal! What a pleasant surprise! I had no idea I'd see you here 
today."

Toby quietly slipped away, as a devilish smile played across his lips.

Mallory glared at Sam, her hands placed on her hips. "Well, I made an 
appointment with Cathy, just like you told me to do when I was ready to speak 
with you. You know, during your macho 'good day, Mallory' thing."

"An appointment? Well, that just never stops being cute, now does it?" 
Sam said nervously. 

He then flagged Cathy down as she passed him by, "Why didn't you tell me 
Mallory made an appointment to see me today?"

"Because you made fun of Regis Philbin yesterday. I love Regis."

"I didn't make fun of him. I simply said injecting a little variety into 
his wardrobe wouldn't kill him," Sam responded quickly. He paused and then 
spoke sternly to her, "That does not give you the right to help Mallory 
ambush me."

He stopped abruptly, immediately realizing his mistake.

"Ambush you?" Mallory asked tersely.

"I meant in a good way."

"Oh, right, because being ambushed is everyone's dream." She paused and 
then added, "Who am I, one of Custer's men?"

"No, you're far sexier than they were, I'm sure," Sam said with a wide 
smile.

Mallory rolled her eyes at him, "Nice try...But not nearly nice enough."

She then grabbed him by his tie and began to drag him into his office, 
"Come on, we have to talk."

Sam nodded, as he struggled to breathe. He managed a whisper to Cathy 
before the door slammed in his face, "If I'm not out of here in an hour, 
assume that something has gone terribly wrong and alert the authorities."

* * * * * 

Toby approached the receptionist's desk, "I'm here to see Ms. Sanderson."

The older woman eyed him. "You look a lot like-..."

Toby grinned slightly, "Tom Cruise? Yeah, I get that a lot."

The woman shook her head so vigorously that Toby thought it would fall 
off. "No, no, I was going to say Toby Ziegler...You know the White House-..."

"I know who he is," Toby replied, strangely pleased that the woman 
recognized him to some degree.

She then shook her head and wrinkled her nose disagreeably, "But he's 
much heavier than you are."

Toby's eyes widened and he mumbled softly to himself, "I don't know 
whether to feel insulted or complimented."

"Excuse me?" the woman asked.

He offered her an insincere smile, "Please let Ms. Sanderson know I am 
here."

"What's your name?"

He smiled at her, "Toby Ziegler."

The woman's eyebrows raised slightly and she began to blush. "Oh dear, I 
am terribly embarrassed. I am so sorry if I insulted you in any way."

Toby shrugged, "That's okay. It seems all employees of this establishment 
are hell-bent on insulting me and my colleagues in every way possible."

The woman looked taken aback by Toby's comment, but she recovered 
quickly. "I'm sorry, but you do not have an appointment with Ms. Sanderson 
today."

"Tell her I'm here...I'm sure she wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to 
spar with me," Toby said.

The woman shrugged and picked up the phone. She told Livie that Toby was 
there and instructed him to enter the office. Toby walked over to her door 
and let himself in.

Livie offered him a warm smile, as she came from behind the desk. "Ah, 
Mr. Ziegler, I can't say I'm surprised to see you."

"No, I can't imagine you are."

"Read anything interesting today?" she asked with a tiny smile.

"Only a bit of trash of little or no consequence."

"Trash of little or no consequence? If that's how you feel, then why are 
you here?"

Toby averted his eyes from her suddenly piercing stare. "I just thought 
that you should know that we are not the least bit disturbed by your 
comments."

Livie eyed him and took a step closer, which made Toby very nervous. 
"That's all. Nothing else?"

Toby finally met her eyes and spoke hesitantly, "So...You knew I wasn't 
gay the whole time, but you never let on."

Livie smile widely at him, "Actually, I was under the impression that you 
really are gay, just not life-partners with that annoyingly cheerful 
subordinate of yours."

Toby's eyes widened at her, "I am not gay!...I...I've been married...to a 
woman!"

Livie responded without hesitation, "So was Rock Hudson, Elton 
John...Need I go on?"

Toby sighed, "And I am neither of them."

"You're not gay?" she asked, taking a few more steps towards him.

"No, I am not. I am completely heterosexual," he said.

She took two more steps, until she was standing right in front of him. 
Then she leaned forward and said softly, "Then prove it."

Toby raised his eyebrows and he stammered, "Pr..Prove i-.."

His sentence was cut off by Livie grabbing him by his jacket's lapels and 
bringing her lips to his in a kiss. 

Toby's eyes remained open in shock, until Livie finally removed her lips 
from his.

She stumbled ever so slightly backwards and then said weakly, "I'm not 
convinced."

Toby tried to speak around the lump in his throat. He said softly, "I 
wasn't ready."

Livie allowed her lips to curl into a slight smile, "I'm willing to give 
you a second chance. You know, because I treasure the truth."

Toby smiled, "Yeah, me too."

This time, Toby stepped forward and pulled Livie to him in an awkward 
embrace. Their lips met in a passionate, yet strangely soft kiss. 

Toby slowly pulled away and asked, "How about now?"

Livie smiled widely at him, "You're a very persuasive man, Mr. Ziegler."

Toby grinned proudly and was about to exit the room, when Livie's voice 
stopped him.

"I hope you don't think this new...relationship...of ours will stop me 
from delivering my weekly condemnation of your administration."

Toby's brow furrowed, "It'll be a conflict of interests now, don't you 
think?"

"No," she replied quickly.

"So you expect me to see you and try not to think of all of the nasty 
things you say about my colleagues every week?"

"I don't care what you think of, just don't expect me to change for you. 
I've done that before and I won't do it again. I won't ask you and your 
colleagues to start acting in the interest of the people, if you won't ask me 
to stop telling them the truth," she replied sharply.

Toby rubbed at his head in irritation and sighed, "Here we go with that 
word again: Truth. You may treasure it, but you haven't a clue what it 
means!"

Livie snickered, "And you do? Need I remind you of your little 
make-believe escapades?"

Toby shook his head, "That has nothing to do with the other garbage 
you've been spewing about us since we took office."

"I call it like I see it."

"Then I suggest you get your eyes checked." Toby replied quickly. He 
stopped and then added tiredly, "I just don't get you, Livie. You're all 
over me one minute and the next you're as cold as ice."

Livie removed her eyes from him and said softly, "I have work to do."

Toby sighed, shook his head and then stormed out of her office.

* * * * *

Josh came to stand in front of Donna's desk. "So I'm sensing you're upset 
with me."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" she responded, without looking away from 
her typing.

"I'm a very perceptive guy," he replied quickly with a bit of a smile. 
His smile widened, as he continued, "Ah, so you're talking to me again I see."

She nodded and finally turned to him, "Yes, I figured my being silent was 
not punishing you, but rather rewarding you. However, it was punishing me 
because I have trouble being silent. Therefore, I have decided to speak to 
you more than usual."

"Is that even possible?" he asked with a well-hidden grin.

Donna didn't crack a smile, "You're skating on thin ice, Joshua. Better 
watch it."

Josh sighed and pulled an object from behind his back that he was hiding. 
He presented it into her eye-line with a flourish and a gallant smile.

Donna studied the object distastefully for a moment and then raised her 
eyes to his. She said unenthusiastically, "It's a mug."

Josh nodded, as he gestured to the mug with his other hand in Vanna White 
fashion. "Yes, but not just any mug...A White House mug. It's a peace 
offering."

"Did you learn nothing from Sam and Toby's peace offering, Josh?"

He shrugged, "What? This is a nice thought...A nice gesture on my part."

"You give me a mug I could get for free and I am supposed to be 
impressed? You give me the same gift that you gave Joey Lucas and I am 
supposed to swoon?"

"I think a little gratitude's in order, yes."

Donna snatched the mug away from him and turned it over to look at its 
bottom. She then looked up at him. "And I see it's a used mug. How very 
thoughtful of you."

Josh raised and eyebrow, "How did you-..."

Donna turned the bottom of the mug to his eyes. "The initials J.L. were a 
dead giveaway. I wonder who they belong to?"

Josh swallowed hard, "Me...They belong to me. Joshua Lyman. That's my 
mug...My favorite mug. I can barely stand to part with it. This is very 
kind of me."

Donna rolled her eyes, "For a politician, you're a crappy liar. J.L. 
equals Joey Lucas. You gave me Joey Lucas's used mug. You *really* 
shouldn't have."

Josh snatched the mug away from her, "Okay, so I gave you her mug. She 
didn't take it with her when she left. I found it in my office and was 
struck by what I thought would be a nice gesture of peace. But apparently 
Miss. Donnatella Moss is too good for used coffee mugs. She does not care 
that there are thousands of mugless people in this world, who would trade 
their styrofoam cups in an instant for a White House coffee mug. Are you so 
far removed from those people of this world that you cannot see how this is 
even the smallest of gestures?"

Josh finished with a sad shake of his head. Donna watched him and 
couldn't help but smile.

She tore the mug away from his hands, "Oh just give me the damn mug and 
go away."

"Does that mean I am forgiven?"

"No, it means that I don't feel like listening to you anymore."

Josh sighed and then eyed the mug. He spoke reluctantly, as he pointed 
to it. "Is there any way I could get you to bring me some coffee in that mug?"

Donna looked at him and responded sharply, "If I bring you coffee in this 
mug, you can be sure it will land in your lap."

Josh raised his eyebrows and said softly, "Ouch." He paused and then 
added with a slight smile, "I'll take that as a maybe."

He then turned on his heel and headed back into his office, as Donna 
shook her at him and warded off a smile.

* * * * *

Sam banged his head against his desk for the fifteenth time in a row. 

Mallory rolled her eyes, as she watched him from her seat. "You really 
think you have enough brain cells to spare in order to do that much longer?"

Sam stopped and lifted his head to her, "I'd rather be a vegetable for 
the rest of my life than engage in this conversation for one moment longer."

Mallory shrugged and began to examine her fingernails. "Fine, suit 
yourself."

Sam resumed his activity, but then stopped again a few moments later. He 
rubbed at his forehead, "Okay, blurred vision is not a good thing, right?"

Mallory sighed and leaned towards him, "Sam, I didn't ask you a difficult 
question. If you answer it, then I can leave and you can stop causing 
yourself bodily harm."

"I don't know the answer, Mal," he replied weakly.

"It's not a hard question."

He nodded his head furiously, "Yes, yes it is. It is a very hard, unfair 
question."

Mallory picked up her pocketbook and began to get up, "Well, I guess 
you're free to be with 'your Laurie' now, because we are quite obviously 
done."

Sam groaned, "Just sit." He paused and then said, "Okay, ask your 
question again because I think my head injury has caused me to forget what it 
is." 

"Where do you see us in five years?" she said with a certain amount 
sharpness in her voice.

Sam reflected for a moment and then said with a small smile, "And you're 
sure Disney World is the wrong answer?"

"Yes," she replied through gritted teeth.

"Then I'm guessing Disney Land is wrong, too."

"Sam."

Sam sighed loudly at her, "Mal, I don't know what you want from me."

"I would like to know how serious you are about our relationship. You 
were right about me the other day, I didn't take our relationship seriously 
and I am sorry. But I also think you do the same thing sometimes. So, I 
would like to know just how serious you are about us because if this is going 
nowhere, I'd like to know. I can go nowhere with someone who gets paid much 
more," she concluded with a smile.

Sam's brow furrowed and he replied defensively, "I'll have you know that 
one does not need a lot of money to take a relationship nowhere." He stopped 
and then said in a slightly embarrassed voice, "That sounded a lot better in 
my head."

"Sam, answer the question."

"What was it again?"

"Sam," she said through clenched teeth.

He took a deep breath and then began, "Well, Mallory, in five years I 
see...well, I see you...Yes, I see you at your...your school, doing a 
wonderful job molding the minds of America's future. And I see me...well, 
hopefully still sitting in this office helping to run a country." He stopped 
and offered her a smile, "So I think that sufficiently answers your question."

"Your little deflection of the question ceased being cute an hour ago, 
Sam," she said tersely.

He nodded and then held up his index finger, as his eyes brightened. 
"Okay, okay, I got ya. Here's what I'm thinking: the question is too broadly 
defined. 'Where do you see us in five years?' can be answered in a number of 
different ways. So, I propose a multiple choice format. Give me some 
options."

Mallory crossed her arms over her chest, as her jaw tightened, "A) You're 
an idiot. B) You're a moron. C) You're an imbecile."

Sam smiled slightly, "I'm sure those are answers to some question." He 
paused and then added softly, "I'd also like to point out that they all mean 
the same thing."

"One more chance, Sam."

He moaned, before asking in a last ditch effort, "How about a true or 
false format? I've always been good at true or false."

"Good-bye, Sam," Mallory said as she got up from her chair and offered 
him an insincere smile.

He yelled after her, as the door slammed shut, "Okay, how about fill in 
the blank? Matching? Essays?...I shine in essays...Come on, Mal, work with 
me."

Sam sighed and then began to bang his head against his desk once again.

* * * * *

Josh was jolted from his unscheduled nap in his office by the slamming of 
his door. He picked his head up and looked at Donna, who stood in front of 
the door looking very nervous.

"What is it now?" he asked.

She approached his desk, "My parents are here."

"So?"

"So, I don't know if they've seen or heard anything about Livie's 
article. If they found out I lied to them, I am so completely screwed."

Josh nodded, "Yeah, you are."

"A little help would be great right about now, Joshua!" Donna replied.

"What do you want from me? They're here, you have to face them."

Donna shook her head, "No, they're waiting down at the guest's 
registering desk. I have to approve them before they can be let up to the 
West Wing."

"Then how did you even know they were here?"

"Because George from downstairs just called and said my parents are here. 
He wants me to verify that they are indeed my parents and then clear them."

"And you stalled him how?"

Donna bit her lip and said softly, "I'm a really terrible liar. I'm even 
worse when I have to be spontaneous."

"What did you say?"

She averted her eyes as she replied softly, "I said I'd never met my 
birth parents."

"What?! Donna!"

"I know, I panicked!"

Josh shook his head at her and began to grin. "Well, if you don't want to 
face them right now, you can say that they're actually terrorists disguised 
as a lovely older couple from Pennsylvania. Sure, they'll be detained and 
publicly humiliated, but it'll be worth it, right?"

Donna's eyes narrowed at him, "You are not helping!"

Josh shrugged and responded through a laugh, "I don't know what you want 
from me."

"I want you to come up with a reason why I would lie to them, just in 
case they do know the truth."

"And 'you were insane' isn't good?"

"Josh!"

He shook his head, "I got nothing."

Donna groaned and then fell into the seat across from him. 

A moment later, the door to Josh's office swung open, revealing the 
Moss's. 

Josh smiled weakly and then spoke to Donna, "Look, sweetie, it's your 
parents."

Donna slowly turned to them and offered a weak smile. 

Larry and Evelyn came to stand behind their daughter and Evelyn 
immediately launched into a ramble, "The funniest thing just happened. That 
lovely man downstairs just asked us when we adopted you. He said you said 
you never met your birth parents...Isn't that funny? He must have 
misunderstood, because why would you say something like that?"

Donna sighed, as she realized her lie had been even worse than she 
imagined. George had simply assumed they were her adoptive parents and sent 
them on up. She shook her head, thinking that George wasn't the best guy to 
be ensuring the safety of the building and its occupants.

Donna shrugged, "Well, George is what we call a bit of a nut. He likes 
to make things up."

Josh smiled, "Yeah, I hate people who make things up, don't you Mr. and 
Mrs. Moss?" 

Donna through him a glare, as Larry and Evelyn nodded. 

Evelyn replied, "Oh yes, I've always said honesty is the best policy."

"Neat saying," Josh commented with a small smile.

Donna eyed her parents and then spoke hesitantly, "So, Mom, Dad, what 
brings you here? Shouldn't you be packing? Your plane leaves in a few 
hours."

Evelyn shook her head and looked about to bubble over with excitement. 
Josh, not one to get overly excited, rolled his eyes at her. 

"That's why we're here, Donna. We've come to tell you that we extended 
our stay."

"Extended your stay," Donna repeated solemnly.

"Yes, we've extended our stay until the wedding! Isn't that wonderful?!"

Josh and Donna both groaned softly and exchanged looks. Donna was 
pleased about one thing though: Her parents did not know the truth.

Josh chimed in, as he feigned happiness, "So you'll be staying with us 
for a few more weeks...Until the wedding...Well, that is 
just...wonderful...Yup, you used the right word, Mrs. Moss. It's downright 
wonderful."

Evelyn smiled and waved a hand at him, "Oh, please call me Mom. We are 
about to be family."

Josh grinned at Donna before saying sweetly, "Okay, *Mom*."

Evelyn then turned to Larry, who had been avoiding all eye contact with 
Josh. In fact, he hadn't looked at him since their little meeting a few days 
ago.

Evelyn began to speak to him in a whisper that was a tad too loud, "Say 
it, Larry. Tell him he can call you Dad. Just do it!"

Larry sighed and slowly lifted his eyes to meet Josh's. He spoke 
reluctantly, "And you can call me D-..." He paused, as Josh gave him a grin 
and what he swore was a wink. He then finished abruptly, "You can call me 
Mr. Moss."

Josh smiled, as Evelyn shook her head and swatted Larry's arm. 

She then turned to them both and adopted a wide smile. "We have more 
wonderful news."

Josh fought to keep smiling, "More wonderful news? I don't know if I can 
stand so much wonderful news in one day. I usually like to pace myself. How 
about you, honey?"

Josh asked, as he turned to Donna. She ignored him and looked at her 
parents. "And what would this news be?"

Evelyn was so excited again that she looked about ready to jump up and 
down. "We are throwing you an engagement party tomorrow night!"

The color drained from Josh and Donna's faces. They were literally 
speechless. 

They would be the laughing stock of D.C. now for sure. How could they 
have an engagement party when everyone knew they were only pretending? 

Donna smiled slightly, "You shouldn't have."

"I can't go," Josh said quickly.

Donna turned to him and gave him a stern look. "What do you mean you 
can't go, dear?"

Josh raised his eyebrows. "Well, for one, it's a Tuesday night. I mean, 
who has an engagement party on a Tuesday night. People are tired from working 
and they have to get up early." He paused as he saw the disapproving looks of 
the Moss's. "On the other hand, Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week." 
He swallowed, "However, I...I have to...um...I have a commitment already."

"What committment?" Evelyn asked.

"Yes, what commitment, Josh?" Donna asked with a slight smile.

Josh took a deep breath, "Well...uh...I...I have to stay home because I 
am...I am a friend's lifeline on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' You know, 
gotta be ready, just in case. I'm his political specialty."

Donna's raised her eyebrows, "And who might this friend be?"

Josh's brow furrowed, "Who?" Donna nodded and he stammered, "Well, his 
name is, I mean his friends call him...Bob...His name is Bob."

"I wasn't aware you knew any Bobs."

Josh smiled, "We still have a lot to learn about each other, sweetie. 
Marriage is going to be a blast."

Donna grinned at him, "How do you know B-...What's his last name?"

"Last name?" Josh asked. Donna nodded and he began to fumble, "His name 
is Bob...Bob Barker."

"The Price is Right guy?" Larry asked.

"No, different Bob Barker," Josh replied quickly, as he prided himself on 
his fast response.

"And how do you know Bob, dear?" Donna asked.

"He works here," Josh responded immediately. He realized his mistake as 
Donna began to smile. 

"I've never heard of him....What department is he in?"

Josh shrugged, "He works in the...uh..cafeteria. He's known as Bob the 
Sloppy Joe Guy'. He always gives me two helpings of Sloppy Joes, instead of 
one."

Donna nodded, "And you two have become close."

"Very close. You know how meat can bring men together," Josh replied.

Donna shrugged, "You know what? I have a solution. We can just ask Sam 
to be the lifeline instead, since it is *our* engagement party. I'm sure he 
won't mind."

Josh managed a smile, "While that's very thoughtful of you, Donna, I 
really think this is my responsibility. I made a promise." He paused and 
then whispered, "And I'd hate to see the guy lose because of Sam. You know 
how he reacts under pressure."

"Then Toby can do it," Donna replied quickly.

Josh groaned, dropping his head into his hands. The Moss's looked at him 
strangely. 

Josh sighed, as he realized that Donna would go through every White House 
employee, before she gave up and let him off the hook. "Okay, I'll get 
someone else to do it. I'll be there."

Evelyn clapped her hands together and smiled widely, "Oh, that's 
wonderful. Well, we must be going. We have to go make some more 
arrangements."

With that, the Moss's hurriedly left. 

Donna then turned to Josh with a glare. "What the hell was that?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You tried to get out of this, so I would be forced to go all by myself 
and feel like a total idiot. I would have been left all alone to shrink 
under the snickers of all the West Wing employees who now know about this 
charade. And, trust me, my parents have invited everyone that works in the 
West Wing. I know them."

Josh shrugged and leaned back in his chair, "Honestly, I wasn't thinking 
that in-depth about it. I just hate dressing up."

Donna stood up and shook her head at him, "You are impossible. You are 
always trying to sell me out or bail on me. See if I help you the next time 
you're lying on your floor with a hangover."

"You're angry with me again, aren't you."

"I never stopped being angry with you."

"And I'm thinking a White House pen won't do the trick," he said with a 
slight smile.

Donna simply rolled her eyes and stomped out of the room. 

Josh smiled, thinking she was even more beautiful when angry. 

Of course, the fact that she was angry with him didn't help him gather 
the courage to attempt a deeper relationship with her. 

He knew that Donna felt something more for him too, but she had a funny 
way of showing it, he thought.

Josh shook his head, realizing that he would never understand women...And 
Donna wasn't your run-of-the-mill, ordinary woman, so his chances of 
understanding her were less than encouraging.

* * * * *
 
Toby walked briskly down the halls of the West Wing, hoping to avoid Sam. 

He didn't think he'd have to avoid Josh.

"You went to see her!"

Toby twirled around awkwardly and faced Josh, who was coming towards him 
with an outstretched, accusing finger.

"Her who?" Toby asked innocently.

Josh shook his head as he stopped in front of him. "You know who! That 
she-devil who's bent on destroying this administration."

Toby rolled his eyes at Josh's dramatics. He was about to respond when he 
heard Sam's voice from behind him. "You kissed her!"

Toby swung his body around and looked at Sam with a perplexed expression. 
"You know, Sam, sometimes you're downright scary."

Sam took that as a compliment and gave him a small smile.

Toby sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "Yes, I went to see the she-devil 
a.k.a. Olivia Sanderson."

"And you kissed her!" Sam provided. 

Toby shrugged, too tired to argue about his right to privacy. 

Josh shook his head disapprovingly. "So, you, of course, went there to 
tell her off because of her skewering of us in her article today and, 
somehow, you ended up tripping and landing on her lips instead? Is that 
about right?"

Toby smirked, "No, Josh, you've got it wrong...That last part's how you 
accidentally sleep with a hooker."

"Call girl!" Sam shouted, as he glared at Toby.

Toby groaned and then turned to Josh. "Look, nothing's going to happen 
between us anyway. She refuses to lighten up on us and I think it's a 
conflict of interests to be involved with someone who denounces this 
administration every week."

Josh smiled, "The she-devil won't change for you, huh?"

Toby shook his head, "She's determined to do what she wants. I don't 
know how to accept that and still be with her." 

Sam smiled slightly, realizing that Toby really liked Livie. "There's 
nothing wrong with being involved with a woman who opposes this 
administration, Toby. I-..."

"Yes, there is!" Josh said.

Sam threw a warning look to Josh that said just what it needed to say. 
Sam turned back to Toby. "You just have to figure out a way to let her be 
who she needs to be."

Toby smiled, "Sam, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not the most 
accepting guy when it comes to people who disagree with me."

Sam nodded, "I noticed." He paused and then added, gesturing with his 
hand to all three of them, "I think we need help with women."

Josh shook his head, "Speak for yourselves. I am doing fine when it 
comes to women."

"Donna still not speaking to you?" Sam asked with a smile.

Josh shook his head sheepishly, "Not only is she speaking to me, she's 
taken to yelling at me quite frequently. She's angry about something...Says 
I always try to bail on her." 

Sam nodded, "And I'm in deep with Mal, too." He paused and then declared 
again, "We need help." Sam thought for a moment and then his eyes 
brightened, "Let's go ask the President for his advice about women."

Toby groaned loudly and then muttered, "Sam, I really don't care to hear 
yet another story about how he stole the First Lady away from Skippy."

Sam shrugged, "That's a price worth paying, Toby. The man's been married 
for over thirty years...He's obviously doing something right. Maybe he can 
help us."

Josh nodded, "I agree."

Toby sighed and shrugged, "Fine, let's go." Then he added to Sam, "But 
one word about Skippy and I'm going to shove a letter opener down your 
throat."

* * * *

Josh, Sam and Toby approached Mrs. Landingham's desk. 

Josh spoke first, "Is the President busy, Mrs. Landingham?"

"Yes, Josh, he is...He is extremely busy being an obstinate pain in the 
butt."

Josh grinned, "He's refusing to eat his salad again?"

Mrs. Landingham nodded, "He runs away from every green vegetable like 
it's Kryptonite."

Josh smiled, "Well, I'll see if I can convince him to take a bite or two."

Mrs. Landingham smiled at Josh and gestured to the cookie jar on her 
desk, "Would you like a cookie, Josh?" He nodded and helped himself to one. 
Mrs. Landingham turned to Sam, "Would you like one, Sam?" He nodded and also 
removed one. 

Toby followed Sam's lead and tried to dip his hand into the jar. But Mrs. 
Landingham was too quick and she placed its top back on so swiftly that Toby 
just narrowly missed losing a finger. 

He frowned at her. "Mrs. Landingham, may I have a cookie?"

"No, you may not, Toby."

"Why?"

"Because Sam told me about your trip to pick out cookies at the 
supermarket's bakery. I was not pleased to hear that you did not allow Sam 
time to decide on which cookies he wanted out of the wide variety available."

Toby threw Sam a glare, who quickly looked away and continued to nibble 
on his cookie. 

Toby cleared his throat and then spoke, "Mrs. Landingham, I had to do 
something. We'd still be there if I hadn't taken matters into my own hands."

"What you did was very rude, Toby. In the future, I hope that you will 
show not only Sam, but cookies, much more respect."

Toby raised his eyebrows at her, "You want me to respect cookies?"

"I do," she said with a sharp nod of her head.

He nodded and then said softly, while not meeting her eyes, "Well, I will 
certainly give it my best." She smiled, seemingly in satisfaction, as he 
raised his eyes to her and asked hopefully, "May I have a cookie now?"

Mrs. Landingham smiled at him, "No, you may not."

"But I just said that I would try to-..."

"But you didn't mean it," she said scoldingly.

"Damn it," Toby muttered to himself.

Mrs. Landingham smiled widely and turned to Sam, "Another cookie, Sam?"

Sam grinned at Toby, as he reached for the jar. "Don't mind if I do."

Sam retrieved his cookie and walked beside Toby as he sampled it. He 
spoke enthusiastically, "Mm, mm good. That chocolate just melts in my mouth."

Toby groaned and then halted Sam by placing a hand on his forearm. 
Before Sam even realized what he was doing, Toby had snatched the cookie from 
Sam's hand on its way to his mouth. Sam's mouth hung open invitingly, but 
nothing entered it. 

He turned to Toby, who smiled triumphantly as he held his fist up and 
proceeded to crush the cookie in his palm. Then he leaned forward, held 
Sam's shirt pocket open and gingerly allowed the cremated remains of the 
cookie to slide into it. 

Toby gave Sam a small smile, as he patted the pocket, "Enjoy the rest of 
your cookie, Sam."

With that, Toby continued into the Oval Office. Sam stood frozen in 
place, his eyes rooted to the burial place of his delectable treat. 

He frowned and called after Toby, "Mrs. Landingham was right! You didn't 
mean it!" He then shook his head and muttered to himself, "Such disrespect 
for me and the cookie."

All three finally entered the Oval Office and stood before the President, 
who sat at his desk staring distastefully at his salad. 

He looked up at them and gestured to the salad in front of him. "Every 
damn day...Every damn day that woman tries to shove this leafy healthy crap 
down my throat...I'm the President of the United States, the most powerful 
man in the world, and I can't arrange to have whatever the hell I want for 
lunch. I can solve crises occurring halfway around the world, decrease the 
national debt and pass bills that will save lives, but I'm powerless to get a 
pastrami on rye in here."

Toby, Josh and Sam wore amused expressions as they looked at the 
President. 

There was a few more minutes of vegetable ravings provided by Bartlet, 
before he finally sighed and looked up at them all questioningly.

His eyes fell upon Sam, who was studying his pocket.

"Is there something extremely interesting about that pocket of yours, 
Sam?"

"No, sir," Sam replied, a bit of a blush creeping up into his cheeks.

"Then why are you staring so forlornly at it?" 

"My cookie is in there," Sam said softly, more than a hint of 
embarrassment in his voice.

The President raised his eyebrows and then asked as seriously as 
possible, "And has something terrible happened to it?"

"Toby killed my cookie," Sam said his voice rising just a bit and his 
eyes turning to Toby.

The President's eyes lit up as an idea suddenly came to him. "May I 
please see your cookie, Sam?"

Sam looked at him with surprise, before digging into his pocket and 
removing the pieces of the cookie. Then he walked over to the President and 
dropped them in his waiting hands.

The President stared longingly at the shattered cookie, as the others 
watched him with strange expressions.

The President spoke softly, almost as if to himself, "Do you have any 
idea how long it's been since I was allowed to have one of Mrs. Landingham's 
cookies? Hell, any cookie at all, for that matter. This...this is 
wonderful."

Josh cleared his throat and spoke hesitantly, "Uh, sir, you don't plan on 
eating that do you?"

The President grinned, "I most certainly do plan on eating it, Josh. In 
fact, I'm looking forward to it."

Josh pointed to the cookie, "But, sir, there's some lint on it."

The President looked at the cookie pieces coated with bits of lint. He 
suddenly shook his head and sighed, "What was I thinking? Look at what that 
woman's reduced me to. I am now a man who seriously considers eating a 
broken cookie that's been in someone's pocket."

The President shook his head and then dropped the cookie into the waste 
paper basket beside his desk. Then he looked up at the three of them, "What 
can I do for you guys?"

Josh began hesitantly, "Well, sir, we would like to ask you for some 
advice regarding women. You see, we need help understanding them and-..."

The President's eyes lit up immediately and he cut Josh off with a wave 
of his hand. "Say no more, Josh. You've come to the right man. I was quite 
the ladies' man back in my younger days."

Toby rolled his eyes, while Josh and Sam bit their lips to keep from 
laughing. 

The President continued without noticing their reactions. "I'm going to 
tell you a story that I think-..."

Three groans quickly filled the ears of the Commander-in-Chief. 

He raised his eyebrows at them, as Toby spoke, "With all due respect, 
sir, I'm really not in the mood for one of your stories."

The President's eyes narrowed at him, while a small smile pulled at his 
lips. "If I waited until you were in the mood, Toby, I'd die with a thousand 
stories untold."

"And that would be a bad thing?" Toby muttered softly.

Sam and Josh heard him and struggled to disguise there chuckles with 
coughs.

The President shook his head at them and said firmly, "You'll listen to 
my story and you'll like it...That's an order."

They all sighed with exaggeration and then walked over to sit on the 
couch. The President followed and sat down in front of them.

Bartlet leaned forward and began, "There was once a very happy couple. 
They were very much in love and never fought. One day, however, they got 
into an argument. The husband decided to leave before he said something he 
didn't mean and wouldn't be able to take back. He walked along the beach in 
front of their house and thought about the argument. While he was walking, he 
came upon a beautiful bottle. He picked it up and rubbed off some of the 
sand that was on it. Suddenly, a huge purple genie popped out and stood 
before him. The man was shocked, but listened as the genie spoke. He thanked 
him for letting him out after more than a thousand years of captivity. He 
then agreed to grant him any wish to express his gratitude. The man thought 
for a moment and then decided to ask the man to do something that would make 
his wife happy again. He requested that the genie build a bridge from 
California to Hawaii. You see, his wife always wanted to go to Hawaii, but 
she was afraid to fly or go by boat. The genie shook his head and told the 
man that it would be a very difficult wish to grant because the bridge would 
have to be very long and the water, among other things, could cause many 
problems. He asked the man if there was anything else he wanted. The man 
thought for a moment and then asked the genie to grant him the ability to 
understand women, so that he could help make his wife happy again." The 
President paused for dramatic effect and then continued, "The genie smiled 
and shook his head. Then he said to the man 'how many lanes of traffic did 
you want on that bridge?' "

The President grinned as he concluded, but the staffers just stared at 
him blankly. 

Sam cleared his throat and asked softly, "Excuse me for asking, sir, but 
how exactly is that story supposed to help us?"

The President laughed, "It's not, I just love telling it!"

Toby, Josh and Sam moaned and shook their heads. 

The President smiled a moment later and then wagged his finger at them. 
"The point of the story is that it's impossible to truly and completely 
understand women. They are complex creatures. What's important to a woman 
is that her man tries to understand her the best he can, that he makes the 
attempt. Show an interest and always respect her...That's how it's supposed 
to help you." 

To their surprise, they found themselves nodding in understanding and 
appreciation. 

Josh smiled, "Thank you, sir."

The President waved a hand. "Anytime, Josh." The he added with a wink, 
"Trust me, it'll work...How the hell do you think I wrestled Abbey away from 
that damn Skippy?"

Josh and Sam laughed, while Toby simply shook his head and eyed the 
letter opener on the President's desk.

As they exited the Oval Office, Sam turned to Josh and Toby. "That's good 
advice he gave us, but I've already tried to understand Mallory and failed 
miserably."

Toby and Josh nodded in agreement. Then Josh's eyes lit up, "CJ."

* * * *

Sam and Toby marched into CJ's office, led by Josh.

CJ looked up at them curiously, as they stopped in front of her desk. 
"What can I do for you boys?"

Josh spoke, since he had apparently been named spokesperson for the 
group. "We need women advice. We need to know how we can show women that we 
respect them and are trying to understand them."

"And you came to me," CJ said.

Toby nodded and then commented softly, "You're practically a woman, CJ."

CJ glared at Toby, who immediately averted his eyes. 

She then spoke to them all, "Why should I help you guys? You three are 
the reason that I had to deal with a far too smug press corps today. And 
don't even get me started on Danny."

Josh discreetly glanced at Sam, silently indicating that it was time for 
him to do his needy guy impression. Sam had grown quite good at this; he'd 
had a lot of practice while dating Mallory. 

He smiled at CJ and then began, "CJ, we need your guidance. We are just 
stupid, immature men. What we did with all the pretending proves that. We 
need you to help us for we cannot help ourselves."

Toby rolled his eyes at Sam's overly dramatic ending. 

CJ chuckled, as she shook her head, "I'm not sure I've ever heard a 
bigger load of crap, but I'll help you anyway."

Josh, Sam and Toby's eyes immediately lit up. 

CJ began to study each one of them closely and muttered to herself, 
"First, we need to figure out what each one of you is lacking."

Her eyes focused on Sam, "The way you look just about screams suavity, 
but you just don't have it, Sam."

Sam shook his head, "I disagree. I am suave. I...well...I've often been 
compared to Cary Grant."

CJ, Toby and Josh had to bite their lips to keep from laughing. 

Josh said under his breath, "Jerry Lewis I'd believe...But Cary Grant?"

Josh's attempts to prevent Sam from hearing his words failed and Sam 
threw him a steely look. 

CJ turned to Toby now and smiled, "You...Well, I've encountered more 
charm at a trucker's convention."

"You've attended a trucker's convention?" Toby countered quickly, 
seemingly unfazed by CJ's assertion. 

CJ lowered her eyes and spoke in an unconvincing tone, "I wasn't speaking 
from experience, I was simply making an educated guess."

Toby shrugged and watched as CJ focused her eyes on Josh. Her lips 
curled into a wide smile as she began, "Chivalrous, Josh...You aren't."

Josh's brow furrowed, "Now wait just a minute. I thought chivalry was 
dead."

CJ nodded with a grin and said dryly, "Yes, Joshua, chivalry is dead and 
you killed it."

A smile pulled at Josh's lips and he nodded. "Okay, so we could use some 
fine tuning. But we don't have years to work on this, CJ. We need a quick 
fix. Preferably something that doesn't involve personality transplants."

CJ studied them all for a moment and then her eyes lit up as a wicked 
idea came to her.

She was about to make the men pay for the trouble their recent antics had 
caused her.

CJ smiled and then shook her head, "Well, I have a foolproof idea, but 
you guys would never want to do it."

CJ watched as their interest was piqued. Sam said, "What is it?"

"Nah, it doesn't matter."

"Please tell us, CJ," Josh pleaded.

CJ smiled widely and tried to sound reluctant, "Well, if you insist."

CJ quickly related her idea to them.

Toby immediately shook his head and said sharply, "No way."

Sam spoke next, "CJ, I tried something similar with Mal and it got me 
nowhere."

CJ shook her head, "Mallory loved it, Sam. She was just messing with 
you."

Josh shrugged, "I'll do it. I've got nothing to lose."

Sam nodded, "I'll do it, too."

All eyes turned to Toby. He shook his head stubbornly and said 
determinedly, "I'd rather be trapped for an eternity on the 'It's a Small 
World' ride at Disney World."

Josh grinned, "I'm sure that can be arranged." He then added, "But CJ's 
thing may get you the girl...Yours will only make you suicidal."

Toby closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead. He spoke softly to 
himself, "I must be out of my mind." He slowly opened his eyes and shrugged 
ever-so-slightly. "Fine, I'll do it."

CJ smiled and then Toby added, "BUT I will only do it in front of Livie, 
Donna and Mallory...Not all of the guests. Assure me of that or I'm out."

CJ grinned and nodded, "Your wish is my command."

* * * *

Josh, Toby and Sam were jammed into a small dressing room the next night. 
Josh and Donna's 'engagement party' was taking place at a dinner theater 
restaurant. They would be 'performing' on a small stage at the front of the 
dance floor.

The dressing room was so small that they could barely move. 

Josh groaned as his face came within inches of Sam's rear-end. "You 
know, Sam, I'm really not interested in getting to know you that well."

Sam quickly moved out of Josh's way...and into Toby's.

"Sam, what did I say would happen if you blocked my view of the mirror 
once more?"

Sam responded softly, "You said I'd find out what a mouthful of glass 
tastes like."

Toby nodded, "Very good."

Sam moved out of Toby's way and sat down in a chair across from Josh. 

He smiled at Josh as he struggled to pull up his panty hose. 

Josh groaned and grumbled, "How the hell can women wear these things? I 
liken it to trying to squeeze Marlon Brando into leather pants: It's just 
plain wrong and unnatural."

Sam and Toby laughed and nodded in agreement. 

Sam looked at Josh's panty hose and pointed to them with his finger, 
"Those are a lovely shade of black though, aren't they?"

Josh nodded, as he ran his hand against them, "They're charcoal. I 
snagged a pair from Donna's mother. She's more my size. She needs control 
top, I need control top."

Toby looked at them both like they were completely insane, but continued 
to simply listen.

Sam nodded, "I hear you. I had to borrow my Aunt Myrtle's girdle. My 
waistline has gone to hell lately. I've only been to the gym three times this 
week. This outfit exposes my problem areas."

Josh nodded, as he tugged on his panty hose. His eye caught ahold of 
Sam's nail polish, "Hey, that's a great color. It really brings out your 
eyes."

Toby's eyebrows raised, as he looked to Sam for his response. 

Sam smiled slightly, "Thanks. It's called 'Frosty'. I stole it from 
Mal's purse. I wanted something that would really stand out."

Josh nodded, "Yeah, that's why I picked this green silk blouse to wear. 
It makes my eyes kind of pop."

Sam's eyes caught a glimpse of Josh's high heels and gestured to them, 
"Great pumps. Where did you get them?"

Josh was about to respond when Toby's booming voice stopped him. 
"Ladies! Ladies, please!"

Josh and Sam looked up at Toby in confusion. "What's the problem?" they 
both asked.

"What's the problem?" Toby exclaimed. "The problem is you two sound like 
a couple of women at the beauty parlor. Have you completely lost your minds? 
We are going to be performing...Pretending to be women...We aren't supposed 
to actually become them!"

"What are you talking about?" Josh asked. "We are behaving like normal, 
average men."

"Oh, you have a piece of hair that's flying away. Here, let me get it." 
Sam said to Josh, as he began to lean forward.

"See!" Toby shouted, stopping Sam's action.

Josh and Sam exchanged awkward looks and then proceeded to blush. Sam 
sat back down and averted his eyes. 

Josh smiled sheepishly, "I guess we were getting a little carried away."

"Getting? Two more minutes and you both would have grown uteruses," Toby 
stated dryly. 

Josh and Sam laughed at that, as they both nodded. 

Ten minutes later, all three nervously stood behind the curtain waiting 
for their cue. 

Sam looked Josh and Toby over. He shook his head at Toby and said, "Your 
bosom's crooked." Then he reached towards him and added, "Here, let me."

Toby's eyes widened and he took a quick step back. He held his hands up 
in front him as a barrier. Toby spoke through gritted teeth, "Touch my 
bosom, Sam, and I'll suffocate you with yours."

Josh laughed, as Sam stepped back and shook his head. He addressed Josh, 
"That tough Brooklyn attitude of his is showing its face more and more 
lately."

Josh was about to respond, when they heard music begin to play. "That's 
our cue," he said.

Toby sighed and muttered, "Thank God I'll only be embarrassing myself in 
front of three people."

With that, they stepped through the curtains and onto the stage.

However, at least a hundred pairs of eyes froze them in their places.

Donna, Mallory and Livie were sitting at a table in the front and 
immediately brought their hands to their mouths to keep from laughing. 

Josh, Toby and Sam were dressed up as Donna, Livie and Mallory 
impersonators. Josh wore a gray suit and a long blonde wig. Toby wore a 
short black wig and a black suit. Sam sported a red wig and a navy suit.

This was CJ's idea: Have the men sing a song, while pretending to be the 
women. It would be a funny way to show them that they cared enough to go 
through the trouble to try to understand what women do to make themselves 
look beautiful. It would be a simple way of saying that they wanted to try 
to understand them on a deeper level. The women would have no choice but to 
melt.

The only reason they agreed to do something so completely embarrassing 
was because they thought it would be in front of three women, not more than a 
hundred people they see each and everyday. 

CJ was sitting right in front of them. Toby, Josh and Sam threw her 
glares, but were only rewarded with a devilish grin and a thumbs up.

All three were silently cursing CJ to hell, as the music played. 

Josh spoke to them without moving his lips. "Let's just do this and get 
it over with. Think of it this way, it couldn't possibly get anymore 
embarrassing."

Josh had barely finished his sentence when three male mannequins were 
shoved on-stage from off-stage. They looked in horror at the mannequins that 
lay at their feet. 

All three, were designed to look like each one of them. Their mouths 
hung open and they slowly lifted their eyes to CJ.

She simply smiled and shrugged.

At this point, Toby, Josh and Sam sighed in defeat and decided to make 
the best of it. They knew exactly what CJ wanted them to use the 'dummies' 
for. 

They also decided that the 'dummies' were more than just physical 
representations of them. CJ was sending a symbolic meaning too, and her wide 
grin confirmed it. 

They slowly picked up their own dummies and began to lifelessly lip-sync 
the words.

"What you want, baby, I got...What you need, you know I got it...All I 
askin' is for a little respect...When you come home, baby...When you come 
home, respect. 

It was at this point that they realized, to their astonishment, that the 
guests were enjoying their performance immensely. Donna, Livie and Mallory 
were already on their feet cheering them on.

Confidence soared in them and they suddenly became very animated.

They swung their dummies around to face them and adopted an assertive 
stance. Then they poked the chests of the dummies and lipsynched the words, 
"I ain't gonna do you wrong while you gone, I ain't gonna do you wrong 'cause 
I don't wanna. All I askin' is for a little respect...When you come home, 
baby...When you come home, respect...I'm out to give you all my money, but 
all I askin' in return, honey, is to give me my proper respect when you get 
home, yeah baby, when you get home...Ooh, your kisses sweeter than honey, but 
guess what, so here's my money. All I want you to do for me is give me some 
here when you get home, yeah baby, when you get home."

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me."

Josh, Toby and Sam pretended to slap the faces of the dummies, as they 
lip-synched the final lines, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, take out TCP...A little 
respect..."

The song slowly ended, as the guys finished by pushing their dummies to 
the floor and then placing a high heel on the chest of each one.

The crowd roared and rose to their feet. They gave them a long applause 
and the three men bowed.

Sam's wig fell off when he bent over, eliciting a round of good-natured 
laughter from the guests. 

Sam, whose initial reaction was to blush in embarrassment, simply smiled 
and joined them in their laughter.

Then they waved to the guests and disappeared behind the curtain.

They breathed in relief, as they collapsed into some chairs backstage. 
Josh wiped tiredly at his brow, "I think we're a hit."

Toby and Sam nodded. Toby added, "I never thought total embarrassment 
and destruction of one's dignity could be so much fun."

Sam bobbed his head in agreement and said, "I think we showed CJ. She 
wanted to ambush us and prove that we are just dumb men."

Josh smiled, "Although we recovered nicely, I think she still proved that 
point."

Just then, CJ appeared from behind the curtain and smiled at them. "You 
are three of the ugliest women I have ever seen."

Josh shrugged, "I'm choosing to take that as a compliment."

Sam, however, frowned and said, "I disagree wholeheartedly. Do you have 
any idea how long it took me to put this ensemble together?"

CJ laughed, as Toby closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead. "Give it 
a rest, Samantha."

Sam's eye widened and his mouth hung open at Toby. He struggled to find 
an appropriate and witty retort, but came up empty. In defeat, he slumped 
down in his chair and adopted a grumpy expression.

Josh spoke to CJ, "That was a very mean trick you pulled on us."

CJ snorted, "Please, you guys made it too easy. I couldn't even believe 
that you were dumb enough to think that this stunt would convince the women 
in your lives that you are trying to understand them."

Josh grinned, "The joke's on you, Claudia Jean, because not only did Mal, 
Donna and Ms. Sanderson eat our little performance up, but the guests went 
wild...We're taking our act on the road. I already booked us at a bar 
mitzvah for next weekend." He paused and then added, "We've decided to call 
ourselves the 'Wingettes'."

CJ laughed at him and was just about to respond, when Danny appeared at 
her side. 

He grinned widely at her, "You know, CJ, I would have been happy to 
impersonate you. All you had to do was ask. Sure, I'd have to use stilts 
for accuracy's sake, but that simply demonstrates how devoted I am to you."

CJ groaned and rubbed at her temples. She spoke reluctantly, "If I 
finally agree to go out with you will you stop hounding me?"

His eyes lit up. "That depends. Do I get to pick where we go or do you?"

"You get to pick."

"And you won't refuse to go if I pick midget wrestling?" he asked with a 
grin.

CJ smiled in spite of herself. "I'll still go."

Danny nodded, "Okay, then it's deal." He paused and then added in a 
whisper, "But I can promise you this, one date with me and you'll be the one 
doing the hounding."

CJ chuckled, as Danny raised his eyebrows up and down at her. 

Mallory, Livie and Donna suddenly appeared backstage and stood in front 
of the men. They smiled at their impersonators. 

Mallory crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head at Sam. "So, 
this is your way of avoiding my question."

Sam shook his head, "Nope, I can answer your question right now." 
Mallory raised her eyebrows in surprise. Sam continued with a grin, "In five 
years, I'll be doing incredibly stupid things and you'll still love me 
anyway."

Mallory smiled slightly and Sam's eye widened. "Was that the right 
answer?"

She shook her head with a grin, "No, but you're starting to get warmer."

Livie grinned down at Toby and then gestured to his face. "Correct me if 
I'm wrong, Toby, but I don't have any facial hair."

"But you should," he returned with a straight face.

Livie laughed and shook her head, "I never expected you to do something 
like this."

Toby gave her a small smile and then responded softly, "I never expected 
that a woman could drive me to something like this."

Livie smiled warmly at him and then gently took his hand in hers, "Come 
on, we've got some talking to do." 

Donna stood in front of Josh and smiled, "Green really isn't my color, 
Joshua."

He smiled back, "Well, it makes my eyes pop."

Donna held her hand out to him, "Come on, we've got an engagement party 
to attend."

Josh accepted her hand and rose to his feet. He stood before her and 
said softly, "You promise to save me a dance?"

Donna smiled and replied, "I don't know, your dummy impersonator looked 
like he could really move."

Josh grinned and threw his hands up in the air, "And who do you think he 
learned those moves from?!"

Donna laughed and grabbed his hand. Josh resisted a moment and asked, 
"Does this mean you are no longer angry at me?"

Donna tilted her head and smiled, "You're getting there."         

TBC. . .

Main Page