Note: This is my version of a West Wing Thanksgiving 
this year. And if you know some of my writing, then you can probably tell 
this is gonna be a comedy. 


"Sarah Josepha Hale felt that Thanksgiving should be a national patriotic 
holiday. She was the editor of the women's magazine, 'Godey's Lady's Book'. 
She began her campaign in 1846. Every year, she wrote editorials and sent 
letters to the president, state governors, and other influential persons. 
For the date, she chose the last Thursday in November, because on the last 
Thursday of that month in 1789, George Washington had proclaimed a National 
Thanksgiving Day in honor of the new United States Constitution. Thanksg-..." 
The President's annual lecture on the history of Thanksgiving was interrupted 
by a loud groan from his Deputy Chief of Staff. Had the other members of the 
Senior Staff not slipped into comas, then they very likely would have 
responded in a similar way.

The President turned to Joshua Lyman, who sat slumped over in a chair, 
his elbow propped up on his knee and the palm of his right hand cradling his 
face. 

Josiah Bartlet fought his smile, "Josh, did you have something to add?"

Josh rubbed at his eyes and shook his head. "No, sir, I'm just sad 
because it seems like this always fascinating Thanksgiving history lesson of 
yours is nearing an end."

The President grinned, "Well, I'll be happy to tell you more, if you're 
interested. You can never know too much about this great holiday of ours, 
Josh."

Josh sighed and glanced over at his colleagues. Toby was slumped down in 
the couch, his head tilted into his hand. His eyes were barely open. CJ's 
head was leaning against the back of the chair and her mouth hung open for no 
apparent reason. Sam had made himself comfortable on a chair and had used 
its armrest as a pillow. He was sleeping soundly and Josh was almost 
positive he saw a small stream of drool strolling down Sam's chin. 

Leo was the only one who had escaped. He had discreetly ducked out 
around the time the Pilgrims had landed at Plymouth Rock. 

Josh now knew why everyone considered Leo to be the wisest of them all.

The President was just about to continue, when Josh glanced down at his 
watch and focused his eyes to be sure he'd seen the right time. It was 9:30 
pm already? He let out in an involuntary gasp.

The President closed his mouth and turned to him, "Something wrong, Josh?"

Josh nodded, "It's 9:30, sir. We were all booked on 9:00 pm flights 
home. We missed our planes." Josh said the last part through gritted teeth 
and a tad louder than he'd intended.

This, however, got the attention of the other staffers. They all sat up 
straight immediately and began to frantically check their watches. Groans 
spread throughout the rooms as they confirmed Josh's statement.

CJ shook her head sadly, "We'll never get on other flights. It's the 
night before Thanksgiving. They have to be booked."

Toby, Sam, CJ and Josh threw the President a glare. He looked at them 
innocently, "What are you all looking at me for? You could have excused 
yourselves hours ago."

"Yes, had we been conscious, we could have," Toby muttered.

The President sighed, "I try to educate you all on this holiday and this 
is the thanks I get?"

Sam attempted a smile, "I always enjoy it, sir."

CJ, Josh and Toby shot him looks of ire. Sam simply shrugged.

The President slowly got to his feet, "Well, I am sorry you all missed 
your flights. You are welcome to join the First Lady and our family at the 
residence tomorrow if you like.

Their eyes brightened, as their visions of turkey sandwiches faded away. 
They weren't particularly saddened about not being able to spend Thanksgiving 
with their families, since they weren't particularly fond of their families. 
They were, however, fond of turkey and all its fixins'.

"Really?" they all asked.

Jed nodded. "Of course," he paused and then added with a solemn shake of 
his head. "I'm afraid I must warn you though. My sister-in-law is here from 
Utah and she's insisted on cooking the meal. That means turkey-shaped tofu."

Their eyes widened at him and Josh responded, "That's just wrong. That's 
a crime against humanity."

The President nodded in agreement, "I know. Sometimes I just want to 
tell Sarah where to shove her tofu and bean sprouts. But then I remember 
that Abbey could very easily kick my ass...And I'd be in even bigger trouble 
if they ever tried to tag-team me."

A wave of laughs swept through the group.

When the laughter had subsided, the President looked at them 
questioningly, "So, what's it going to be?"

CJ, Toby and Josh began to shrug, feeling they had no other choice, when 
Sam interjected enthusiastically. "No, sir, we will not be needing your 
hospitality. But we thank you very much."

The others threw Sam shocked looks. Toby managed to speak, "Did this 
lecture finally kill your last common sense brain cell?"

Sam feigned a smile, before continuing excitedly. "No, I have an idea. 
We can cook Thanksgiving dinner for ourselves!"

Once again, their mouths hung open in shock. CJ shook her head at him, 
"Sam, I know it's late and you're tired, but listen to what you're saying. We 
don't know how to cook...At all...We can barely figure out how to heat up our 
Lean Cuisines." 

Sam nodded, "I know, I know, but how hard could it be? I mean, we help 
run a country, I think we can manage to whip ourselves up a Thanksgiving 
feast, don't you?"

"No!" came the loud, unanimous reply.

Sam smiled unwaveringly, "Well, I do."

Toby shook his head, "One of these days that childish, idealistic naiveté 
of yours is going to bite you in the ass, Sam."

Josh chuckled, "It already did in the form of a call girl."

CJ and Toby joined Josh in his laughter, as Sam simply shrugged them off. 
He then stood up, "You'll see, everything's going to turn out great. I'm 
going to go scrounge around at the markets now for any Thanksgiving staples 
we need. I hope they have some stuff left. I'll see you all at 6 am sharp, 
my place. Okay?"

They simply moaned, which Sam took as an affirmative reply. The 
President smiled, as he placed his arm around Sam's shoulder and escorted him 
to the door. "I admire your gumption, Sam. I have faith that you will lead 
them to prepare a spectacular meal."

Sam smiled proudly, as he threw a look at the others over his shoulder. 
The President gave him a pat on the back and one last word of encouragement 
before sending him on his way.

As soon as Sam had left, Jed turned around and smiled devilishly, "So, my 
money's on grease fire. How about you guys?"

They all laughed in spite of themselves.

* * * * 

Josh strolled down the corridor and quickly entered his office, while 
tiredly rubbing at his eyes. He took two steps in, before his brow furrowed 
and he backtracked. He turned around and looked at Donna, who sat stone 
still at her desk.

"Donna, what are you still doing here?" he asked.

Donna's face was tight and her words were clipped as she spoke to him, 
"What am I still doing here? I am still here, Joshua, because you told me to 
wait for you to finish with the President, just in case you had any last 
minute work come up for me to do. *That* was three hours ago. I missed my 
plane, as did you."

He rubbed at the back of his neck, "Sorry."

"Sorry? Josh, I won't be able to spend Thanksgiving with my family 
because you made me hang around here with absolutely nothing to do," she 
responded sharply.

"Why didn't you come in and tell me you were leaving when it got late?"

"I tried," Donna stated through clenched teeth. "Mrs. Landingham 
wouldn't let me into the Oval Office. She said you were discussing important 
matters and the President had requested that you not be disturbed."

Josh sighed, "Important if you give a rat's ass about hearing every 
little detail about Thanksgiving...AGAIN."

Donna's expression didn't show an ounce of sympathy towards him, although 
she knew his borderline whine had been intended to elicit just that.

"You could have just left," Josh offered.

"Donna's eyes widened at him, "Oh please. Then I'd have to listen to you 
complain for the next week about how I left before you gave me permission and 
how I may have been needed to assist you in a matter of national importance 
that could have suddenly arisen."

Josh smiled slightly, "That's true." Donna didn't crack a smile, so Josh 
decided that the apologetic approach would be best. "I'm sorry, Donna. I 
really am." 

Donna's face softened and she seemed about to forgive him, when he 
unwisely chose to add, "But you should be thanking me. You always complain 
about your Uncle Lou getting drunk and passing out on the pumpkin pie anyway."

Donna's eyes flared, "So what?! That's what Thanksgiving's about, 
Joshua! It's about being with embarrassing, annoying family members. It's 
about putting up with them for one day and then thanking God you don't have 
to see them until Christmas. It's about pulling your hair out every time 
your mother says, 'No, Donna, still isn't seeing anyone, but she has a nice 
little job that supposedly makes her happy.' That's what Thanksgiving's 
about, Joshua! It's about family!"

Josh fought his urge to smile at Donna's rant. He finally managed to 
say, "That was very touching."

Donna sighed and then allowed herself a slight smile, "I thought so."

Josh paused and then said, "Well, I know it's not the same, but you're 
welcome to join me, CJ, and Toby at Sam's tomorrow. We're all going to cook 
dinner together."

Donna's eyes widened, "You all realize that this can only end in 
disaster, right?"

Josh nodded, "We are fully aware of that."

Donna smiled, "Count me in then. What's Thanksgiving without a disaster 
of some sort?"

Josh grinned, "Well, we can't give you drunk Uncle Lou, but I'm sure we 
can manage an irritated Toby trying to bake Sam instead of the turkey."

Donna smiled and nodded at him, "That's better than nothing."

He nodded, before backpedaling towards his office. "Okay, 6 am tomorrow 
morning at Sam's then."

Donna bobbed her head, "All right, see you then."

Josh grinned before saying, "Bring your fire extinguisher."

Donna laughed, as her eyes watched Josh's figure disappear into his 
office.

* * * * 

Josh, CJ, Donna and Toby arrived at Sam's house at exactly the same time: 
6 am sharp. They gathered at the door and Josh knocked. Almost instantly, 
Sam appeared at the door with a bright smile. 

They looked at him scornfully, as he greeted them cheerfully. "Happy 
Turkey Day or, for those traditionalists among us, Happy Thanksgiving Day."

Toby shook his head as he walked past him, "How is it that it's 6 o'clock 
in the morning and you're still irritatingly cheerful? Seriously, there 
should be studies done on you."

Sam shrugged, as he closed the door behind him. 

They all walked up the stairs and then into the kitchen. Their eyes 
widened at the amount of food that was scattered across the table and 
countertops. CJ nodded, "Looks like you found everything you needed."

Sam nodded and then patted the turkey that sat on the countertop next to 
him. He smiled, "I had a helluva time with this little fella though."

Josh smiled, "Do tell."

Sam bobbed his head and began, "So, I went to my fourth store in a row 
and prayed they had a turkey left. I practically dropped to my knees and 
kissed the floor when I saw that they had just one lonely turkey left. But 
just as I stepped forward to pick it up, this old lady whacked me in the 
knees with her cane and I fell backwards."

At this point, it was taking all of their strength not to burst out 
laughing. They forced themselves to stay under control, as Sam continued. 
"So when I got back to my feet, she already had the turkey in her hands. I 
politely told her that I was just about to buy the turkey and that assault is 
a crime. She said something about seeing it first, like we're six and 
fighting over a toy. I said she was being childish and then I told the 
manager that the mean lady stole my turkey."

Sam's voice trailed off, as he realized how the last part sounded. A few 
soft chuckles escaped from their mouths. Sam went on, "The manager totally 
blew me off, so I went back to the old lady and started tugging on the 
turkey. By now, I was pissed and I wanted the damn Butterball. So I-..."

Josh interjected as this point, "You fought an old lady for a turkey?"

Sam shrugged, "She left me no choice. I did it in the name of 
Thanksgiving." Josh smiled and then listened as Sam continued, "Let me tell 
you though, this lady has the grip of Hercules. I couldn't pry the darn 
thing out of her hands. Finally, I resorted to my last line of defense."

Sam paused dramatically and eyed them, as if prompting them to ask what 
that might have been. 

Donna finally met his wishes, "And that was?"

Sam grinned, "I pointed behind her and said, 'hey, isn't that Frank 
Sinatra?' She turned around to look and I snatched the turkey away."

Sam smiled proudly, while Toby said, "Sinatra's dead, Sam."

He nodded, "Exactly why it'd be amazing to see him shopping in a 
supermarket."

The others laughed, as they shook their heads at him. Sam finished his 
story, "So then I hauled ass to the checkout. But let me tell ya, the old 
bat must only carry that cane as a weapon, because she can move like a puma."

The others joined him in his laughter, before turning their attention to 
the food. They surveyed the contents of the unprepared meal wearily.

Donna raised her eyebrows, as she looked at the turkey. "Uh, Sam, that's 
still frozen."

Sam nodded, "Yeah. So?"

"So, I think it takes quite a while to defrost a turkey before you can 
start baking it."

He shrugged, "No problem. I'll defrost it in the microwave."

CJ chuckled as she gestured towards the microwave, "There's no way you're 
getting that huge sucker in there."

Sam's forehead creased and he began to mutter worriedly, "The first 
Thanksgiving that I'm hosting and I already screwed it up. Mom would be so 
disappointed in me. She always said-..."

Toby rolled his eyes, "Spare us the Mama Seaborn words of wisdom, please. 
Don't worry, we'll figure something out."

They all thought for a moment, when Josh suddenly snapped his fingers. 
His eyes brightened and he stated boastfully, "I am brilliant. I mean, I 
always knew I was even more brilliant during a crisis, but I must say I've 
surprised even myself with this one."

Donna groaned at him, "Josh, will your ego be requiring its own seat for 
dinner?"

Josh feigned laughter and then mumbled, "Jealous."

He then turned on his heel, walked down the hall and returned a few 
moments later. They all eyed him in confusion, as they studied the object in 
his hand: A hairdryer.

Josh smiled widely, as he swung it back and forth in front of their eyes. 
"Brilliant, isn't it?"

CJ responded dryly, "I don't understand. Is your objective to defrost 
the turkey or give it a bouncy new hairdo?"

Josh sighed, "You are so creatively stifled, CJ."

CJ smiled, "Oh, yes, that's what I am. See I just thought I was more 
logical than you."

Toby and Sam chuckled at that one. Toby then gestured to the hairdryer, 
"We've got like a thousand degrees between us and this is the best we can 
come up with?"

"You got something better?" Josh questioned.

Toby shook his head. Donna smiled, as she crossed her arms over her 
chest. "This is amazing. You guys are the ones in charge of handling crises 
of national proportions and the only way you can think of to defrost a turkey 
is to blow-dry it?"

Josh smirked at her. "We'd be delighted to hear your idea, Donna."

Donna averted her eyes and began to twist her fingers. "Well, I don't 
have one...But I'm not a distinguished member of the White House Senior Staff 
either."

Sam finally spoke up, "I say we do it. We can't think of anything else, 
so we should just do this." He paused and then added, "If anything, I'll 
finally get to see if I could have cut it at beauty school."

They all laughed, as they rolled up their sleeves.

* * * * 

Sam directed the others, as he plugged the hairdryer into the wall. 
"Okay, Toby, you're on mashed potatoes. You've got to wash, peel and mash 
those in that bag over there. CJ, you've got yams and stuffing. Josh, 
you're on salad, corn and green beans. Donna, you're on cranberry sauce and 
bread. The cranberry can is on the counter and the Crescent rolls are in the 
fridge."

They all nodded and began to scurry in different directions, except for 
Josh. He held his hands up in the air in protest, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a 
minute. Why do I have to prepare three things, when everyone else only has 
to do one or two?"

CJ groaned, "Are we going to fight over who got more ice cream too, Josh?"

Josh ignored her, "And what's with Donna's jobs? Open a can and plop 
some of that cranberry blobby stuff on a dish. Then open another can and 
throw some Crescent things on a pan. She'll be done with that in five 
seconds flat. You have delegated unfairly, Sam."

Donna shook her head at him, "You are so immature. I wait on you hand 
and foot everyday and you still want me to do more work on my day off, a 
holiday no less."

Josh smiled, "Maybe if you'd bring me a coffee every once in a while, I 
wouldn't feel the need."

Donna rolled her eyes at him. Sam turned to him, "Josh, I am not 
changing Donna's assignment."

"Why not?" he whined.

"Because she is less of a pain in my ass than you are," Sam stated 
testily.

Josh looked at him in surprise, "When did you start talking like Toby?"

"When Josiah Bartlet was born and began his quest to ruin Thanksgiving 
2000," Sam stated through clenched teeth.

CJ smiled and then whispered to Toby, "I could be wrong, but I think that 
cheerfulness of his has vanished."

Toby nodded with a grin, "Yeah, as well as that phony Mrs. Cleaver smile."

CJ chuckled and nodded at Toby. They then got started on their tasks.

Sam turned the hairdryer on and began to move it slowly over the frozen 
turkey. He tried to smile, as he attempted to regain his cheerful attitude. 
He spoke to the turkey as he worked, "So, what's new with you? Not your 
favorite time of the year I'm guessing. Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

CJ glanced over at Toby as he worked on peeling the first potato. She 
smiled as he struggled. He was trying to do slow, long strokes, but they were 
only resulting in little pieces of skin being removed. "We could grow new 
potatoes by the time you finish with just one, Toby."

He looked over at her, "This is how Miss Julia Child peels potatoes, CJ."

CJ smiled, "No wonder she speaks so inarticulately. Who'd be able to 
speak coherently after peeling one potato for a whole year?"

"Please tell me you did not just insult Miss Julia Child's communication 
skills," Toby said with a small smile.

CJ grinned at him, "Being a Communications Director and all, I could see 
how that would be a sore spot with you."

Toby shook his head, "How dare you question the practices of Miss Julia 
Child, CJ. The closest you've ever gotten to preparing potatoes is 
Super-sizing your fries at McDonald's."

CJ laughed, as she shook her head in defeat.

Donna rolled the last Crescent and rubbed her hands in satisfaction. 
"Done."

Josh glared at her from his spot at the sink where he was attempting to 
make a salad. He returned his gaze to the head of lettuce he had been 
studying with a puzzled expression for ten minutes now. 

Donna walked over to him, as she watched him roll it over and over in the 
palms of his hands. She smiled, "It's not a Magic Eight Ball, Josh."

He turned to her and smiled slightly. He then said, "Will Donna ever 
receive a raise?" He then shook the head of lettuce and pretended to read 
it, "Don't count on it." 

Josh turned to her with a wide smile and shrugged, "I don't know, looks 
to me like it is...and a good one at that."

Donna feigned amusement and then gestured to the head of lettuce. "You're 
supposed to tear that into pieces, Joshua. It's a head of lettuce, commonly 
used in the preparation of salads."

Josh smirked at her, "And here I was thinking I had finally found the 
perfect bowling ball."

Donna chuckled, before removing the lettuce from his grasp and 
demonstrating what he should do. She then handed it back to him and he began 
to do the same.

Everyone's actions were halted by a loud slap. They turned around to 
find Sam assaulting the turkey. "Damn frozen bird. Thaw! For the love of 
God, thaw!"

Sam was using his left hand to apparently slap the turkey into 
compliance, while his right hand was wildly gesturing with the hairdryer.

Josh approached Sam and placed his hands out in front of him. He spoke 
slowly, "Sam, put the hairdryer down and step away from the turkey."

Sam blinked twice, before finally turning the hairdryer off and placing 
it down on the table. He shook his head, as he wiped at his sweaty brow. "I 
almost lost it there for a sec."

CJ raised her eyebrows and said softly, "Almost?"

Josh spoke to Sam, "It's not working?"

Sam shook his head, "Not really. At least not quickly enough."

Josh nodded and then snapped his fingers. "I've got another idea."

Toby spoke under his breath, "The question is will it be able to top the 
brilliance of the first."

Josh didn't hear him and began to tell them his idea. "We'll fill the 
sink with hot water and place the turkey in it. The hot water will help 
defrost the turkey."

The others nodded at that idea, feeling it had potential. Sam spoke to 
Josh, "Okay, but we need the kitchen sink right now."

"How about the bathroom?" Donna offered.

"It's not big enough," Sam replied.

Josh snapped his fingers again, "The bathtub! We'll use the bathtub!"

The others looked at him with wide eyes. Sam spoke slowly, "You want me 
to put a turkey in my bathtub?"

"Yup," he responded.

CJ groaned and rubbed at her forehead. "We are so stupid. Could it get 
any more idiotic than this?"

"Only if Josh suggested we dress the turkey up in a top hat and teach it 
to dance in order to raise its body heat," Toby replied in a monotone.

CJ chuckled, "Don't give him any ideas."

"Help me pick it up, Sam," Josh ordered. 

They both picked up an end of the turkey and carried it down the hall to 
the bathroom. Donna, Toby and CJ followed behind them. Donna turned the 
water on and let the tub fill sufficiently with hot water. Josh and Sam 
then dropped the turkey in.

They stood back and simply watched it. 

Josh smiled, "Aw, it's first bath. Donna, get the camera."

They all laughed and then returned to gawking at the turkey.

Toby broke the strange silence a few minutes later, "Does anyone else 
think it's weird that we're watching a turkey float in a bathtub?"

"Yeah," they responded in unison. They then continued staring at the 
turkey. 

Thirty minutes later, their patience had worn thin. 

"Just take it out. That'll have to be good enough," Donna said.

The others concurred. 

"CJ, hand me that towel on the rack," Sam said.

CJ handed him the towel and he and Josh proceeded to gently remove the 
turkey from the bathtub. They then carefully dried it off, as if it were a 
child. 

They looked at each other for a second, as they gently patted the 
turkey's skin dry. They said at the same time, "This just got creepy."

With that, they stood up and cradled the turkey in the towel. It served 
as a sort of stretcher as they began to walk down the hall. They had almost 
reached the kitchen, when Sam tripped over his own feet and lost his balance. 
This caused him to lose his grip on the towel and the turkey rolled off of 
it. 

It rolled down the hall a bit, bounced off a wall and then tumbled down 
the staircase leading to the front door.

They all watched with wide eyes, as the turkey hit the door with a thud 
and spun on its side for a moment, before coming to a rest. 

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "This isn't going nearly as 
well as I'd hoped."

Josh and Sam walked down the stairs, as CJ shook her head. "Aren't there 
laws against treating dead turkeys so badly?"

Toby shook his head, "There should be after today."

They retrieved the turkey and began to carry it back upstairs. They were 
one step away, when one of its legs tore away from its body and caused Josh 
to lose his hold on it. They both fumbled with the turkey, as they fought to 
keep it from falling. Unfortunately, their efforts were in vain and the 
turkey fell over the railing. It tumbled down the stairs that led to the 
basement and landed in the cat's litter box at the landing.

Sam groaned and shook his head, "Fluffy is not going to be happy."

Donna peered over the railing and shook her head in disgust. "That's it, 
I'm not eating that thing."

Toby shrugged and looked at the litter-coated turkey. "Think of it this 
way. The skin will have a little something special added to it for flavor."

They all gagged in disgust. 

A moment later, CJ declared, "It's over, guys. We gave it our best, but 
we have to know when to admit defeat. Obviously, we are not met to use our 
brains for cooking. We should just stick to running the country."

Sam shook his head defiantly and began to ramble, "No! This isn't over. 
That turkey still has life, damnit! A Seaborn never gives up. Not even that 
Christmas when all our presents were stolen did we give up. Nope, we just 
held our heads high and sang Christmas carols."

Josh whispered to Donna, "Sam didn't grow up in Whoville with a nasty 
green neighbor, did he?"

Donna had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. 

Sam continued, as he began to walk downstairs. "Thanksgiving isn't 
Thanksgiving without turkey. The Pilgrims and Indians had turkey. And do 
you think they had an easy time preparing it? No way. But they didn't give 
up and neither shall we." He reached the bottom of the stairs and knelt down 
beside the turkey. He solemnly leaned over it, shaking his head. He then 
picked it up and cradled it in his arms, "You still got some life in ya, 
don't you boy."

CJ whispered to Toby, as they all watched Sam. "At what point should we 
consider him completely unhinged?"

"When he tries to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and can't find a 
mouth. That won't be pretty," Toby replied.

Sam struggled to carry the large turkey up the stairs. He was met by 
Josh at the top of the stairs. Josh spoke soothingly to him, "Sam, it's time 
to let go. You've done all you can."

"No, it's not over. I won't accept that," Sam replied shakily.

Josh nodded, "You're in denial right now. That's to be expected. The 
loss of a Thanksgiving turkey is never easy. But you have to come to terms 
with it for your sake and his."

Sam looked down at the turkey breaded with litter and sighed. He slowly 
handed him to Josh. 

He looked longingly at it, "I thought we were meant to be, especially 
considering what we had to go through to be together."

Josh nodded, "I know, I know." He turned to Donna, "Why don't you bring 
Sam to the couch and let him rest?"

Sam shook his head and his eyes began to roam wildly, "No, we have to 
make the rest of the food! We can still make the best of it."

Donna smiled at him, "Trust me, Sam. That could only lead to more 
disasters. We'll just have to make do with food that cannot be ruined in any 
way."

Donna sat with Sam on the couch, as Toby, Josh and CJ walked into the 
kitchen. Josh dropped the turkey into the sink, unable to think of anything 
else to do with it. He then looked at CJ and Toby. "Okay, let's try to find 
some food that we can't kill."

They began to search the cabinets and refrigerator, but only came up with 
three items. They guessed that Sam hadn't done any normal grocery shopping 
in a while. 

They walked out to Donna and Sam and each held up their item.

"Turkey Jerky as the entree," Josh said.

"Ruffles Potato Chips *with* ridges as a side," Toby stated.

"And six marshmallow Peeps leftover from Easter for dessert," CJ said. 
She then added, "Just like the Pilgrims and Indians had."

Sam stared at the items in shock, before shaking his head and burying his 
face in Donna's shoulder. Donna sighed and patted his back soothingly. 

She whispered harshly to the others, "Thank you very much. I just got 
him calmed down and now I have to start all over again."

Josh shrugged, as he began to gnaw on a Turkey Jerky. 

Just then, the doorbell rang. Josh hurried to go answer it. He was 
surprised to find the President smiling back at him. 

Jed rubbed his hands together and spoke excitedly, "Okay, where's that 
turkey? I snuck out to get a taste of a real Thanksgiving meal. I draw the 
line at eating a turkey-shaped leg of tofu. Abbey would kill me if she found 
out. I already had to bribe my agents not to talk," he said, as he gestured 
to them standing behind him. "Abbey and Sarah think I went to the store to 
get soy ice cream or something...So let's make this fast. Point me in the 
direction of the bird."

Josh smiled weakly at him and then held out his Turkey Jerky stick. 

"Turkey Jerky, sir?" he offered.

The President eyed him worriedly. He then shook his head, "Oh, don't tell 
me."

Josh nodded, "The turkey had an accident...Well, a couple of accidents to 
be accurate."

The President sighed, as he walked passed Josh into the house. He 
entered the living room and found CJ on a the couch eating Peeps, Toby next 
to her eating potato chips and Donna rocking Sam back and forth, while 
repeatedly saying, "No, Sam, I'm sure...He didn't feel a thing."

The President ran a hand through his hair and then turned to Josh. "What 
happened?"

"Well, it all started with the turkey still being frozen. I came up with 
the idea to use a hairdryer to defrost it," he replied.

"And that didn't work," the President stated in a condescending tone.

"No, it didn't. So then we decided to put it in a bathtub filled with 
hot water. That worked pretty well. But then we dropped it twice and it met 
its demise in Fluffy's litter box," Josh finished.

The President couldn't stop shaking his head at them. He finally spoke, 
"And it never occurred to any of you geniuses that maybe the best way would 
be to stick it in the oven on a low temperature for a while, just to thaw it 
out? That would have been my first thought and it sounds a lot less moronic 
than yours."

Toby interjected just then, "Actually, sir, they were both Josh's ideas."

The President shrugged, "Well, at least he had ideas, Toby."

Toby nodded in agreement and popped a potato chip in his mouth.

The President shook his head again and then flashed them all a smile. 
"Well, I guess I'm thankful that we run a country, not a kitchen."

They all laughed and nodded in agreement, except for Sam who simply 
whimpered.

The President then said with a wide smile, "Turkey Jerky for everyone!"

Josh passed the Turkey Jerky out and then held his in the air. "I'd like 
to propose a toast." 

He paused, as the others raised their sticks of Turkey Jerky into the 
air, too. Josh then continued, "To you all. I am grateful to be sharing 
Thanksgiving with you. After all, as a wise woman once said, this is what 
Thanksgiving's about, it's about family."

Josh finished with a soft smile, as he met Donna's eyes. 

Then they all came together and 'clinked' their sticks of Turkey Jerky 
together.




THE END

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