On the morning of the fifth day, Elizabeth woke up feeling very excited. She lay beside Rebecca, who was still asleep, and just stretched out in the bed as she smiled broadly. Then she began moving around, trying to wake Becca up. Finally, she poked her in the side. 

“Wake up sleepy head,” she said with a grin. 

“Beth, go back to sleep,” Becca grumbled as she turned back over. 

“But it’s a great day. Come on you ninny, get up.” 

Becca sat up and rubbed her eyes. “What’s so great about today?” she asked as she yawned. “Ma’s still sick and now it looks like Pa is too. How can you be happy?” 

Elizabeth was instantly quiet. “Nothing,” she said suddenly dejected. “I just felt good this morning. Come on, I suppose we should get the others up and help Rachel with breakfast.” 

They got out of the bed and quietly dressed quietly, each girl for different reasons. Then Becca got Molly and Kate up and started them dressing, while Beth got Benjy up and dressed. During breakfast the riders started the daily routine of talking and laughing with the kids to distract them from being away from their parents. Becca found herself drawn into the conversation as well, only Beth was silent and absentmindedly pushed her food around her plate and followed the conversation with only a passing interest. Jimmy and Rachel looked at each other and then back to Beth as they saw her still sitting at the table while the three youngest ran out the door with the others. Becca began helping clear the dishes and paused when she saw Rachel’s gaze directed on her sister. Beth was holding her head up with one hand, while the other drew lazy circles in her food with her fork. A small frown tugged at her mouth. Becca stepped forward to talk to her, but Rachel quietly told her to go outside and check on the others. She, like Jimmy, knew that Beth would retreat into the motherly role she had with her siblings, if she realized that Becca saw her in her current state. When the door closed, Jimmy sat down next to Beth. “Beth?” 

“Huh?” she said not looking up. 

“Beth?” he said again, and laid a hand on her arm. She jumped at his touch and her eyes went wide as she realized that everyone was gone from the bunkhouse. She sprang to her feet and grabbed for her plate. 

“I’m so sorry Rachel. Guess I wasn’t payin’ attention. I’ll help you clear the table and clean up,” she said as she began gathering dishes from the table. 

Rachel stepped forward and took the dishes from her hand. “It’s alright, I’ve got them. Why don’t you go on outside?” With her eyes she motioned for Jimmy to go too and he placed his hand on her back to steer her out the door. He was surprised when she didn’t put up much resistance. When they stopped on the porch, she let her eyes sweep over the station and saw her brother and sisters engaged in various pursuits and she slowly walked over to a chair and sat down with a small sigh and blankly stared ahead. 

Benjy was following Noah around because Buck was on a run. Kate was helping Kid feed the horses, and Molly was watching as Ike repaired his horse’s bridle. Becca was laughing at all the appropriate places while Cody told her another story of his amazing adventures. Beth just sat quietly on the porch of the bunkhouse, hardly responding to Jimmy’s attempts to make conversation. 

After lunch she once again sat on the porch, and watched as the others played games of tag and ran three legged races. Then Cody suggested they play a game of tug of war. Getting a rope they quickly divided up into teams. Jimmy’s team needed an extra person so he called out to her, hoping she’d 
join in and not be as withdrawn. She shook her head no, but didn’t say anything. 

Lou came over and and talked to her, trying to get her to play, but Beth just kept sadly shaking her head. With an exasperated sigh Beth stood up and everyone smiled, thinking she was finally going to join them. But then she said, “No, I don’t want to. Benjy, Kate, you two need to lay down and rest now.” 

“Aw, come on Beth, just one game,” Cody said with a smile, trying to entice her to join. 

“No,” she said with an edge to her voice. “Benjamin, Kate, come with me now, please.” 

Ben and Kate followed sadly behind as she walked to the house. The others stood quietly in the yard; surprised at the cold tone she used with them. Rachel stepped off the bunkhouse porch and walked over to the group. 

“What’s wrong with her, I wonder,” she said with worry in her voice. Ever since breakfast, she’d been watching with concern and not knowing what to do for the young woman. 

“Who knows? Some people just spoil other’s parties,” Cody said. 

“She was happy this morning when she woke up,” Becca said, a bit puzzled. Then her eyes got big and she asked, “What’s today?” 

“Wednesday,” said Jimmy. 

“No, no. The date,” she said. 

“The twelfth,” Rachel said. 

“That’s it,” Becca said as the other looked at her puzzled. “Cody, she didn’t spoil our party, we almost spoiled hers.” 

“What?” he asked, his brow wrinkling in confusion. 

“It’s her birthday today and I almost forgot it.” 

“But why didn’t she say anything?” Lou asked. 

“I know I would’ve,” said Cody. 

“Not everyone loves to talk about themselves as much as you do,” Jimmy answered as he rolled his eyes. 

We should do something, Ike signed. 

“I couldn’t agree more,” Becca said after Buck translated for her. 

Rachel said, “We could make a cake.” 

“I’ll help,” Molly volunteered with a shy smile. 

“Good, that’s a cake,” Becca said getting excited at the prospects of doing something for her sister. Then her smile fell as she said, “Molly, the gifts we made for her are at the house.” 

“But we can’t go there,” she said, turning sad at the thought of her parents. 

“No, but we can go to town,” Becca answered back with determination. Then she turned to the others, “Our parents ordered something for her at Mr. Tompkins’ store. We could pick it up.” 

“I’ll take you,” Cody offered, with a twinkling smile. 

“Maybe Teaspoon could get your things when he stops by your place tonight,” Lou said. 

“Do you think he would?” she asked with hope. 

“Can’t see why not. Just tell him where the things are,” Rachel said. 

“Great! Then when I get back, I’ll make her favorite dinner for her.” 

“Aren’t we forgetting something?” Buck asked. “How are we going to do all this with Beth around?” 

“One of could take her riding,” Kid suggested. “Lou?” 

“No,” Jimmy said with a shake of his head, forming a plan. “I’ll take her.” 

“Alright. Are we missing anything?” Becca asked. 

“I don’t think so,” Rachel said. 

“Here she comes,” Noah said as Beth walked out of the house. 

“Rachel, Molly, come to the bunkhouse with me. I should see if I need to get anything in town for the dinner,” Becca said with a broad smile, and the three moved off. 

“Come with me,” Jimmy told the others and quickly led them to the barn to tell them his plan while Beth stood on the porch sadly and watched everyone scatter. 
 
 

Chapter Seven

Beth saw everyone scatter when she walked outside and her shoulders fell. She knew in her head she overreacted to Becca forgetting her birthday. How could she expect her to with their parents sick and taking care of the younger kids? The constant pressure to be in charge and acting grown-up was getting to her. She wanted to be able to admit she was scared and let someone else take care of everything, but that just couldn’t happen. So fighting the desire to just run back into the house and hide from the others she squared her shoulders and stepped off the porch, knowing what she had to do. It was time to put aside her feelings and apologize to the others. 

“She’s coming!” whispered Molly who was keeping watch at the window. When Beth walked inside the bunkhouse, Rachel, Becca and Molly were sitting at the table looking at Molly’s book and talking. They didn’t look up except to say hi and seemed prepared to ignore her. Beth apologized for earlier, secretly hoping Becca would have remembered her birthday, but only ended up disappointed. 

“Well you should tell Cody you’re sorry,” Becca sniffed at her. “He was just trying to have some fun.” 

“I know,” she replied, every moment feeling more ashamed. “I saw him go into the barn with the others.” 

Beth walked outside, and stopped at the bottom of the porch steps. It seemed that the barn loomed before her, rejection and more disappointment waiting inside for her and she just couldn’t make her feet move forward. 

“She’ll be so surprised,” Molly said with a smile, as Becca crept to the window to watch Beth. 

Chiding herself for still standing at the bottom of the steps, Beth walked to the barn with determination and opened the door. She saw everyone gathered together, talking. Hearing her walk in, they looked up at her with serious faces and fell silent. She hated the way they were looking at her. They were her friends and it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen them have bad days before, so why was everyone mad at her for just one time not doing the right thing? Swallowing her pride, she faced them. 

“Cody, everyone, I’m sorry for earlier. I know you were just trying to have fun.” She wanted to say much more, but just couldn’t bring herself to beg for their forgiveness. She was feeling hurt and this time refused to play the part she always did, the placating peacemaker. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Cody said coolly. “Excuse me.” Then he walked past her followed by the others. 

They all barely looked at her as they walked past, and when the door was closed Beth felt like crying and screaming all at the same time. She kicked the dirt angrily, mad at them and herself. This day just wasn’t what she hoped it would be. She saw the pile of hay off to the side and she was suddenly struck with the impulse to crawl in it and hide like she used to do when she was little. Instead she walked over and flopped down on her back and flung her arm over her eyes. 

She heard the door open a few minutes later, but decided not to see who it was. Hoping whoever it was would still be angry with her and just leave her alone; she made no effort to move. Then she felt the toe of a boot gently prodding her leg. She moved her arm off her face and saw Jimmy looking 
down at her. 

“Yes?” she asked tentatively, figuring he’d come to lecture her or maybe even yell at her. 

“Get up,” he said. 

“Look, I’m sorry,” she said somewhat defensively. “I’ll just leave everyone alone and stay in here, alright?” 

He shook his head. “Rachel thinks you should go for a ride. Says you’ve been workin’ too hard and you’re worried about your folks and all. Figures the fresh air’ll do you some good.” 

“Alright,” Beth said guardedly as she sat up on the hay. She didn’t know what exactly he expected her to do or say. 

“Anyway, she wants one of us to come with you,” he said. “I drew the short straw, so I’ll saddle up the horses.” 

“We’re not taking the wagon?” she asked, her head swirling from the bombardment of what he was telling her. 

“No. We’ll ride horses,” he said as he walked away. 

“Oh, I see,” she softly said to his retreating back. 

Beth thought he must really hate having to do this given his sullen demeanor. On horses he didn’t have to be near her or even talk to her. Jimmy meanwhile, was congratulating himself on seeing her dejected face. His plan was working. 

As he led her out on the horse, a few others were standing outside, but deliberately avoided eye contact with her. As soon as they were out of sight, everyone scurried around with smiles plastered on their faces. Molly and Rachel began working on the cake. Cody hitched the buckboard and Kid and Lou saddled their horses. The three of them and Becca then headed off to town. 

While Cody and Becca went to Tompkins’ store, Kid and Lou headed off on Jimmy’s mission. They all met back up at the Marshal’s office to fill Teaspon in on the plan, and Becca told him where they had hidden Beth’s presents. 

“You hid them where?” he asked Becca as he leaned back and arched his eyebrow. 

“The woodpile. She saw a huge spider there a few weeks ago. She absolutely hates spiders. She won’t go near the pile unless she has to, and then she just grabs one or two pieces from the top.” 

Teaspoon and the others all laughed. They had never seen her afraid of anything, and couldn’t imagine Beth running from a spider. 

“Alright, I’ll leave early and stop by your folk’s on the way home,” he told them. 

“Thanks, Teaspoon,” Becca said with a huge smile. “Come on Cody, I’ve got to cook dinner.” 
 
 

Chapter Eight

During the ride, Jimmy didn’t say very much to Beth. She was grateful for it because she was still hurt and didn’t feel like talking very much. At the same time, she was saddened by the thought that he was mad at her. All the uneasiness she had felt at the dance had suddenly returned over the last couple of days, and at times she didn’t know how to react to him. The last four days had forced them into constant contact with each other and they had spent a lot of time talking. If there were others around, she could handle things much better. But this trip and all the circumstances surrounding it 
just had her thrown and she wasn’t sure how to talk to Jimmy. 

Jimmy was unlike any boy she’d ever known. At first her mother didn’t want any of the girls around him because she didn’t like his guns and she’d heard the stories about his reputation. Her father told her that James wasn’t a bad man, he’d been given the reputation unfairly, and others now sought him out to fight. He knew Jimmy wasn’t “Wild Bill” Hickok and her mother eventually came to see it as well. Gradually her mother overcame her unease and now he was just another one of the riders. 

Beth had liked him from the moment she saw him, and he came to help them out with repairs. Cody was fun and he made her laugh and enjoy herself, but she felt he was better suited for Becca. Beth rarely gave it a second thought, as Cody seemed to spend the majority of his time with Becca. Jimmy was more serious, although he could laugh and joke as well as anyone when he felt like it. He didn’t feel the need to be the constant entertainer like Cody, and she felt more comfortable around him because he seemed to understand the long periods of silence she was prone to. Beth liked that she could talk to him about things she couldn’t to others. 

None of that really seemed to matter now as they continued to ride in silence. The disappointment of the day, the resentment of keeping up her big sister persona, all combined with her friends rebuffing her just hurt and the last person she wanted to be with was the boy she liked who didn’t seem to 
return the feelings. His cool demeanor towards her hurt more than she wanted to admit and she wondered how much longer they’d have to ride until they could just go home and they’d be free of 
each other. 

As they rode, Jimmy watched as Beth sank down in her saddle and hunched her shoulders forward, withdrawing into herself. The stress and worry of the past four days were weighing heavy on her. He thought of how she’d changed since he first met her. Her smile and laugh were extremely rare, especially around her siblings. 

Self-appointing the task of getting her to smile, Jimmy decided to break the silence. “You’re awfully quiet over there. What’ve you been thinkin’ about?” 

Startled by his voice, she brought her head up and stared at him. What was she thinking about? 

“Um…Lou,” she lied. She didn’t want to tell him she was thinking about him and what an awful birthday it was for her. She turned her head, looking back at her horse’s mane, hoping Jimmy wouldn’t continue talking. 

“Lou?” he asked puzzlement in his voice. 

She shrugged her shoulders but said nothing. 

“So, what about Lou?” he asked, trying to cajole her into continuing on. 

“I…was just thinkin’ I admire her,” she said trying to come up with something that would sound halfway believable. 

“How come?” 

“Being strong enough to do what she wants,” Beth replied. “I couldn’t do that.” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” he told her. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You weren’t crying when you showed up here with everyone. Most girls I know would’ve been.” 

“I wanted to, but I knew it would have scared Benjy and Kate.” Then her voice dropped as she continued. “But that night I cried myself to sleep. I’m so scared Jimmy.” 

“You don’t seem scared.” 

“Because I can’t show them,” Beth said as exasperation crept into her voice. “I’m the oldest and I have to be strong. If I’m scared, then they are. I hate that I can’t say what I feel. It’s this role that’s been given to me and I have to live up to it. 

“My parents always tell me that how I act affects my sisters and Ben. So I can’t show I’m disappointed or angry or sad,” she said with bitterness. “I have to keep everything hidden. I can never be who I really am.” 

“I understand,” Jimmy said wryly. 

Beth pulled her horse to a stop and ducked her head as tears sprang to her eyes. Misinterpreting Jimmy’s tone, she thought he was belitting her situation and worries. Sensing he’d stopped his horse near her, she looked at him with a scathing gaze. “Oh really? How kind of you to understand my situation. Don’t talk down to me Jimmy. I know my life doesn’t compare to yours and the reputation you’ve been saddled with. I’m sorry I said anything.” 

Then she gave the horse a vicious kick and sent him into a gallop. Jimmy was stunned for a moment at her sudden change. He’d never seen her angry, and surprised at the bitterness and resentment she’d shown. He turned his horse after hers and called out, “Beth, wait!”

Jimmy rode after her; amazed at her speed, but knowing he would catch her soon. Suddenly she jerked her horse to a stop near the stream and she flung herself from the saddle. He lost sight of her among the tall grasses and brush and he spurred his horse to reach her quickly. Stopping his horse near hers, he jumped down and ran toward the stream edge. He stumbled and looked down to discover he’d stepped on one of her shoes. The other was a short distance away and lying on its side. Puzzled, he looked up in time to see her stripping off her stocking. 

“Beth?” he asked as he took a step towards her. She ignored him and stripped off her remaining stocking. Then she stood up, gathered her skirts and began wading out into the stream. 

“Beth, what are you doing?” 

“Just go away Jimmy!” she yelled with her back to him. She was near tears, but she refused to let him see her cry. She continued on, desperately wanting to put distance between them. 

“Please stop. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.” 

She stopped and whirled around, anger masking her hurt. “I know I’m just a kid to you Jimmy, but these things matter to me. I thought you were someone I could talk to. Apparently I was wrong. What I was saying might not compare to everything you’ve been through, so fine, just go. You don’t have to baby-sit me anymore.” 

Having dropped her skirts when she waved Jimmy off dismissively, she gathered them again as she turned and started walking away. Jimmy stood and watched her go, and realization dawned that she intended to keep going. She began to struggle with the current so Jimmy waded out into the stream with long, purposeful strides, quickly closing ground between them. When he reached her he picked her up, ignoring her startled protests, and carried her to the edge. He set her down on the bank and she just stared at him, too surprised to speak. 

“Beth, I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I wasn’t makin’ fun of you. I’ve seen how you take care of your family. You’ve told me about your ma bein’ sick before and you taking over everything. I know you’re scared and you’re worried. When the younger ones aren’t around, I see how much you worry.” 

“I do. She’s been sick like this before, but this is the first time our father’s sent us away. What if she’s dying?” she asked through her sobs. 

Jimmy reached out and folded her into his arms. He held her and softly stroked her hair, until slowly, she stopped crying. Still holding her in his arms, he felt her begin shaking again. Prepared for more tears he was surprised to realize she was laughing. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked as she pushed away from his embrace. 

“I just thought how silly this must look. I was pretty silly, wasn’t I?” 

“Well, wading into the stream was a bit odd,” he answered with a hint of amusement in his voice. 

“I know,” she said as her cheeks colored with embarassment. Then she squared her shoulders. 

“Know what though? I liked it. I haven’t waded in a creek since I was a little younger than Molly. It wasn’t proper or ladylike,” she said imitating her mother. 

“And you missed it,” Jimmy said, truly understanding. 

“Yes. I thought I’d act like a little kid if you were going to treat me like one.” 

“But I wasn’t. It just came out wrong. I don’t think you’re a little kid, anything but,” he said tenderly. 

“I’m sorry for yellin’ at you. This day just isn’t what I thought it’d be.” 

Jimmy turned his head so she wouldn’t see the small smile that crept onto his face, and to prevent himself from telling her about her surprise right then. He looked back at her and saw her nervously chewing her bottom lip. He took a step towards her and she looked up at him expectantly, until he suddenly stopped. 

“We should head back,” he said. 

“So soon?” she asked a bit disappointed. 

“Sorry,” he said trying to conceal his reluctance to leave. “But Rachel will probably have supper ready soon. Don’t want to let Cody think he can have extra.” 

“Alright,” she said as she wathed Jimmy gather her stockings and shoes. She was so sure he was going to kiss her, and then he suddenly turned and went back to being distant from her. He said little to her as he helped her onto her horse and they headed back to the station, and Beth was left thinking once again that the day had taken another awful turn. 
 

Chapter Nine

Arriving back at the station, Beth noted sadly that the yard was empty. Nobody was in sight except for Rachel standing on the bunkhouse porch, with her arms folded across her chest, looking somewhat impatient. 

“Supper’s almost ready. Why don’t you go wash up Beth,” she said with a terse nod toward the house. 

Beth slowly slid off her horse and walked toward the house, feeling like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs. She was not looking forward to dinner since she was certain everyone would still be angry with her. 

Jimmy walked up to Rachel and leaned against the porch rail and asked quietly, “Everything ready?” 

“Yep,” Rachel replied with a huge smile. “Everyone’s inside. You best wash up too.” 

When Beth finally emerged from the house, she paused for a moment to weigh the merits of suddenly claiming to be sick. She just didn’t know if she could sit through supper after all the day’s disappointments. Rachel and Jimmy were nowhere in sight, nobody saw her come out of the house, 
and she could just go back in and wouldn’t have to go through the agony. But duty called and so she slowly headed across the yard to the bunkhouse. She’d quickly changed her clothes so she wouldn’t have to explain to the others about her little wading adventure. Still thrown by the whole exchange 
with Jimmy, she didn’t want to have to relive it with everyone else. She paused outside the bunkhouse door and smoothed a stray piece of hair back into place. ‘At least I’ll look nice for dinner, even if no one else remembers it’s my birthday,’ she thought. 

When she opened she was greeted with a chorus of excited voices. “Surprise!” “Happy birthday, Beth!” and other greetings were shouted at her all at once and several people gave her enthusiastic hugs. She was stunned, and stood rooted in the doorway, trying to take everything in. Tears started 
to fill her eyes as she took in the bunkhouse decorated with flowers, paper streamers and a beautiful dinner laid out on the table. Everyone was smiling broadly and laughing at her, seemingly well pleased with their efforts and her surprise. 

“Happy birfday Lizabef!” Benjy said as he ran up to her, throwing his arms around her legs. She bent down to hug him and he presented her with a fistful of flowers. 

“You thought we forgot didn’t you?” Becca asked Beth who was still wide-eyed with surprise. Beth silently nodded. “We almost did, but when we remembered we planned this. That’s why Jimmy took you riding.” 

“Drew the short straw?” she asked, finding her voice and looking over at him. 

“Nah, volunteered,” he said smiling. Their plan had worked and he couldn’t help but smiling at the fact. ‘Now if only Lou got the right thing,’ he hoped. 

“Thank you, everyone,” was all she could say. Her younger siblings swarmed her with hugs, pulling her to the table. She smiled and laughed at their exuberance, overjoyed that her friends and family had given her such a wonderful surprise after she was so disappointed earlier. 

As the dinner was ending, Ben began to fidget in his seat and tug on Noah’s arm in excitement. He’d seen the cake Molly and Rachel made and couldn’t wait any longer. When there was a brief pause in the conversation he ignored Noah, who’d told him to be patient, and with a huge smile on his face blurted out, “Lizabef, there’s a cake.” 

“A cake?” she asked, a grin tugging at one side of her mouth. 

“Uh-huh, I seen it,” he said proudly. 

“Molly made it,” Rachel informed her as she stood up to bring the cake over. 

“You helped,” Molly said shyly, suddenly embarrassed by everyone looking at her. Ike gave her arm a comforting squeeze. 

“Only a little,” Rachel said wanting to keep the praise on the quiet girl. “Want to help serve it?” 

Rachel and Molly brought the cake over to the table, and served everyone a piece. When they all finished, Lou, Kid and Kate began whispering to each other and looking over at Beth. 

“What?” she asked them. 

“It’s a surprise,” Kate said. 

“Another surprise?” 

“Yes, so close your eyes,” Lou instructed. Beth did as instructed and heard people moving and the soft rustle of paper. 

“Alright,” Kid said. “Open ‘em.” 

Beth opened her eyes and Kate and Benjy were standing in front of her with a package. Opening it, she found a book with blank pages. 

“It’s so you can write down all the stories you tell them,” Becca explained. “Ma thought you’d like it.” 

“I do. Thank you Benjy. Thank you Kate,” she said giving the beaming children big hugs. Benjy ran and climbed back up on Buck’s lap while Kate went back and sat beside Lou. Molly and Rebecca then gave her a small package. She opened it and found a white handkerchief trimmed with lace. In one corner were her initials and a small rose. 

She ran her fingers over the tiny red stitches and looked up at Molly and Rebecca. “Thank you, it’s beautiful,” she said. 

“Becca embroidered it,” Molly said. 

“And Molly trimmed it with lace.” 

“This is from me and Teaspoon,” Rachel said handing her a small, flat package. Beth opened it and found the book of poetry Rachel had loaned her once before. 

“Oh, Rachel, thank you so much.” 

“Well, I knew how much you liked it.” 

“This is from us,” Lou said handing her the gift Jimmy had told her to get. Beth unwrapped the box and saw a pair of delicate silver teardrop earrings. She looked at them in surprise, and couldn’t believe that Jimmy had remembered them. He had come upon her and Becca looking at them 
several weeks ago, and was the only one of the riders who knew about them. 

“Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much,” she said to them all, but looking mostly at Jimmy. 

“And this is from your parents,” Teaspoon said handing her another gift. “They send you their love. They wish they could be here, but were glad when I told them about the party.” 

“How are they?” she asked, her face falling slightly. 

“Doin’ better,” he told her with a comforting smile. “The doc says your dad was just tired. He’s back up, and your ma is improvin’.” 

“I’m so glad,” she said, her shoulders sagging with visible relief. 

“Come on, open it,” Becca said anxiously with a huge smile. 

Beth laughed at her sister’s excitement and opened the package Mr. Tompkins had wrapped. Inside was a small wooden box that had been painted and polished, and a rose was carved into the lid. Beth opened the box and a waltz began to play. 

“Oh, a music box,” said Rachel. 

“It’s lovely,” said Beth, her voice catching. Tears formed in her eyes and slid down her cheeks. 

“Is she sad, Buck?” Benjy whispered to his friend. He didn’t understand why she was crying when she had a smile on her face. 

“No, she’s happy.” 

“Then why is she crying?” 

“Sometimes people cry when they’re happy,” Jimmy told him. 

“Then she must be really happy,” Benjy said. 

“I think she is,” Buck said looking over at Jimmy, who was smiling while looking at Beth. 

Later that evening Jimmy walked outside and saw Beth sitting on the corral fence watching the sunset fade. She turned when she heard him approach, and smiled as he climbed up beside her. He looked over and saw she had put the earrings on. 

“They look nice,” he said brushing the hair away from her face. 

“Thank you,” she said blushing slightly. “I can’t believe you remembered them. It was so long ago that Becca and I saw them.” 

“I remembered. I saw the look on your face, how much you admired and wanted them. I understand now why you tried to hide your excitement. It’s alright, you know?” 

“What is?” 

“To show your emotions, let people know how you’re feelin’.” 

“Maybe you should listen to your own advice,” she said giving him a nudge with her shoulder. 

“I do, when it’s important.” 

“So do I. I just don’t wear my feelings on my sleeve.” 

“They look nice,” he said again, turning to admire the earrings, catching the glimmer of the moonlight. 

“You already said that,” she said smiling. 

“It’s still true. I knew you’d like ‘em.” 

“I do,” her obvious pleasure clear in her voice. “But you didn’t have to.” 

“When I heard it was your birthday, it was the perfect excuse to get them for you. I wanted to, but couldn’t find a way.” 

“Why?” 

“Why what?” he asked back with a smile. 

“Why’d you want to get them?” 

“There’s a dance in two weeks. I thought you could wear them then.” He paused for a moment, then hesitantly asked, “And maybe I could take you?” 

She turned and looked at him, her eyes searching his. There was a look on his face she’d seen a glimmer of at the last dance, and earlier by the stream. Her head began to swim as she tried to catch her breath. "You wanna take me to the dance?” was all she could think to say. 

“If that’s fine with you. I’ll ask your pa too, if you want.” 

“Yeah, I’ll go, if he says I can,” she said. She shivered slightly as a cool breeze blew in with the promise of rain. 

“You cold?” 

“Not really, but I guess I should get inside. Rachel or Becca will come lookin’ for me soon if don’t I.” 

He jumped down off the fence and then turned to help her down. She put her hands on his shoulder and he put his lightly on her waist as she jumped down. They stood there, not moving away from each other and seemed to even step closer together. Jimmy looked intensely at her, her hair stirring 
lightly, inviting him to touch it. He took another step and began to lower his head when somewhere in the background a door opened. 

“Beth?” Rachel called out. “Beth? Are you out here?” She finally caught sight of the two near the fence and smiled, “Oh, there you are.” 

Seeing Jimmy quickly move his hands away and the two step apart, she realized she’d interrupted something. She quickly turned and called over her shoulder, “Just wondered where you were, Benjy was asking for you. I’m gonna head back in, and tell him you’ll be inside in a few minutes. G’night Jimmy.” 

“’Night Rachel,” he said, stifling a groan, as she walked away. 

“I’ll be right in,” Beth called to her, but Rachel pretended not to hear. She turned to Jimmy and said, “I should go. Thank you for today, Jimmy. I’m sorry for what I said.” 

“You’re welcome,” he said, ignoring her last comments. It was over and forgotten and all he wanted to remember was the smile on her face and her joy at seeing the earrings. She turned toward the house, and he reached out for her hand. “Beth?” 

“Yes?” she asked as she turned. 

“Happy birthday,” he said and drew her into a gentle kiss. He released her and smiled as he stood there and watched her go inside the house. 
 

Chapter Ten

“Where’s Jimmy headin’” Buck asked as he came out of the bunkhouse and saw his friend leaving the station on his palomino. 

“South, where else?” Cody said, turning back to the chores he couldn’t believe he’d let Jimmy convince him to finish by himself so that he wouldn’t be late for his date with Beth. 

In the three months since he’d begun seeing Beth, every spare minute of Jimmy’s was spent with her. The summer had been filled with socials, dances, picnics and rides together. 

“He sure is payin’ proper court,” Noah said, a smile brightening his face. 

“Never figured him for that kinda thing,” Cody said. 

“Well, a man can sure act different when he’s in love, ain’t that right Kid?” 

“What? Yeah, I guess, Noah,” he answered absentmindedly while getting on Katy and heading out of the station. 

“Where you headin’?” Cody asked, not believing another rider had skipped out on their chores leaving him with more. 

“West, where else?” Buck said with a laugh. They all knew he was heading out to the land he and Lou had purchased. Their wedding was two weeks away and he was hurriedly finishing up the house for them to move into. Lou was out on a run on of the few remaining routes, and he was anxious to complete the tasks before they left to pick up Theresa and Jeremiah. 

The Express was slowly ending, and they all knew that soon they would have to move on. Cody was talking of joining the Army, and Kid and Lou were staying in Sweetwater to try their hand at ranching. The rest didn’t know what they were going to do, but everyone figured Jimmy would be sticking around as long as Beth was here. 

Jimmy was so preoccupied as he rode up to the Thorne house that he didn’t even realize that Sundance had stopped. Suddenly he brought his head up and realized that he was at the corral by the barn, his mount having lead him right to their usual place. Jimmy smirked and thought to himself that she probably considered this her second home. He scratched her neck and slid to the ground, casually looping the reins around the post before turning toward the house. 

He stepped up onto the porch and knocked lightly. He waited, and then heard soft footsteps walking to the door. 

“Jimmy,” Beth said with a smile as she opened the door. “I wasn’t expecting you here.” 

“I wanted to see you before tomorrow, are you busy?” he asked, twisting his hat nervously in his hands. 

“No, I was just finishing up some things, you want to sit down?” she asked as she stepped out onto the porch and motioned to the swing. 

“Sure,” he nodded and then looked around, realizing the house was very quiet. “Your family’s not here?” 

“No, they headed into town for some supplies, I decided to stay here. Is everything alright Jimmy?” she asked, noting his quiet manner. 

“Huh? Yeah, everything’s fine,” he answered. “Actually, there was somethin’ I wanted to talk to you about.” 

“Alright,” she replied, curious and a little nervous. His serious and distracted demeanor had her wondering where this conversation was heading. They sat on the swing and Jimmy absentmindedly pushed his toe against the porch, setting them in motion. Beth sat next to him, her hands fiddling with her apron while she waited for him to speak. She looked up when he nervously cleared his throat and turned to her. Unfortunately she never got to hear what he was about to say because when he opened his mouth to speak, the only thing she heard was. 

“Jimmy!” 

They both looked up and saw her family pulling into the yard, her younger siblings waving excitedly from the back of the wagon. As soon as their father stopped, they all jumped out and swarmed up to the porch, clamoring for Jimmy’s attention. Each one had tales of their trip to town they were eager 
to share with their sister’s beau. Jimmy shared an apologetic look with Beth, but she just smiled and shook her head indicating they could talk later. 

Later that evening as Beth walked Jimmy out after he stayed for supper, he seemed nervous again but said nothing. They stopped next to his horse and Jimmy gathered the reins in his hand. It was late and Beth knew she should be getting back inside, but neither one wanted to say goodnight. Instead they lingered, talking until Beth knew if she didn’t head back her father would come out and not go back inside until Jimmy left. 

“Goodnight, Beth,” he said, drawing her into his arms for a kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back passionately. 

Reluctantly he pulled away and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

She smiled and nodded. “Goodnight Jimmy.” 

Mrs. Thorne was working in her garden when she heard the buckboard enter the yard. She looked up from her weeding and smiled to herself as Jimmy’s familiar figure sat on the seat. Lizzie hadn’t said anything about Jimmy stopping by today, but it wasn’t an unusual occurrence for him to show up unexpectedly. 

“Afternoon, Mrs. Thorne,” he said, smiling to her. 

“Afternoon, James. Lizzie’s inside.” 

“Thank you,” he said, climbing down off the buckboard. He stepped up on the porch and gave a quick staccato knock. Becca answered the door and over her shoulder he saw Beth look up from the shirt she was mending. 

“Jimmy. I wasn’t expecting you this afternoon,” she said smiling. 

“Could you join me for a ride?” 

“Sure,” she said putting the shirt into her mending basket and walking to the door. There was something in his manner that made her nervous, but she knew it was useless to ask about it at the house. She walked outside with him and looked for her parents. 

“Ma, may I take a ride with Jimmy?” she asked, spotting her mother walking back from the garden. 

“Yes, just don’t be gone too long.” 

“I’ll have her back soon,” Jimmy assured her while helping Beth up onto the seat. He climbed up beside her and flicked the reins, heading west toward the stream. 

Jimmy drove in silence, sending quick glances toward Beth. She was getting worried, trying to figure out what was on his mind. The day before the wedding he’d seemed nervous and uneasy and then at the wedding and afterwards he was quiet and withdrawn. Now he seemed to have a desperate anxiousness bubbling just beneath the surface. 

“Jimmy?” she asked, no longer able to wait for him to speak. “Jimmy, what’s wrong?” 

He stared straight ahead and answered, “I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do when the Express ends.” 

“Oh, what are you thinking about?” 

“The Army.” 

She was not prepared for that answer at all. She struggled to keep her voice even as she asked, “You’re going to join the fighting?” 

“No, I’ve been thinkin’ about scouting for them with Cody.” 

“Oh,” she said quietly. She was relieved and disappointed all at the same time. He wasn’t joining up for actual fighting, but he would still be helping the Army. She was worried for him, but most of all she didn’t want him to leave Sweetwater. 

“Cody’s supposed to report soon, and I can leave with him,” Jimmy continued on. 

“Before the Express even ends?” 

“It’s only a matter of time before it ends,” he told her. “We’ve already cut the number of our runs. And with Kid, Buck, Ike and Noah still around, there are enough to cover the few remaining runs that are left.” 

“When would you leave?” she asked trying to keep her voice from choking up. 

“Week after next.” 

Beth clutched the seat of the buckboard and tried to breathe. She felt like a vice was being tightened around her heart, squeezing tighter and tighter. She loved Jimmy and didn’t want him to leave. She wasn’t expecting a marriage proposal, but couldn’t understand how he could talk about leaving so casually. Had the last three months meant nothing to him? 

Sensing her thoughts, he pulled the buckboard to a stop. He turned toward her and took her face in his hands, wiping a tear that had managed to escape away with his thumb. He leaned forward and kissed her softly. 

“Beth, please don’t think I’m leaving you.” 

“But you are.” 

“I feel I need to do this. Please understand.” 

“Understand what? Why do you have to do this?” 

“Because Beth, I feel I can help the cause this way.” 

Her head felt like it was wrapped in a fog, and she shook it slowly trying to clear it away. Jimmy was leaving, and she didn’t think she would ever be able to understand. 

He kissed her again and pulled her close against him. “I love you,” he murmured into her hair. 

“Then stay.” 

“I can’t,” he said, pleading for her understanding. “Beth, I’m not going to ask you to wait for me. That wouldn’t be fair to you.” 

“But leaving is?” she cried, the tears falling freely now. 

“No, but I can’t ask you to wait. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.” 

She looked at him through her tears and wanted to beg him not to go, to stay with her and not leave. But she knew it wouldn’t be fair to ask that of him, and she wouldn’t, no she couldn’t, do that to herself. 

“Please stay.” The words were whispered before she could stop them, and she hated herself the moment they came out of her mouth. 

“I’m sorry, Beth.” 

“Take me home,” she said, turning away and blinking rapidly to stem the flow of tears. 

“Beth?” 

“Take me home Jimmy. You promised my ma I wouldn’t be gone long.” 

“Beth, please don’t be mad.” 

“Take me home Jimmy, or I’ll walk home,” she said, staring away from him. Jimmy flicked the reins, starting the horse and headed the buckboard back to Beth’s home. They didn’t speak on the way back and when they reached the yard she jumped down and ran inside, slamming the door behind her. Jimmy stared at the door sadly for a moment and then slowly turned the horse toward the waystation. 

As he passed by the barn Mr. Thorne called out to him. “Are you stayin’ for supper tonight, Jimmy?” 

Jimmy reluctantly looked at the older man. “No, Mr. Thorne. I…I better be getting back. I came to tell Beth I’m goin’ to be a scout for the Army. Leaving week after next.” 

“Oh,” he said, just imagining how his daughter reacted to the news. “Well, good luck to you then James.” 

“Thank you sir,” Jimmy said, then slowly headed back to the station. 

When Jimmy and Cody left two weeks later, the Express and Thorne families were there to say goodbye. Jimmy and Beth had only seen each other a couple of times since the day he told her he was leaving. She cried herself to sleep every night, crushed at the thought of Jimmy leaving, but whenever they met, her face was stoic, only hinting a trace of sadness. Now as she watched him ride away, her heart was in her shoes, but her eyes were dry. She refused to let him see how hurt she really was. 

Beth stood on the porch of the bunkhouse, watching until the two riders were longer visible. Then she stepped off the porch and walked past the others heading for home. Her eyes finally began to fill with tears and she desperately wanted to escape the surroundings that were filled with memories of Jimmy. She walked blindly, not able to see through the overflowing tears. In the opposite direction, Jimmy put his trust in his mount to follow the path he was unable to see himself.