Chapter One: The Return

It was late afternoon by the time Buck found Jennifer by the stream.  The girl, who still thought of herself as Eagle Feather, found the sounds – the gentle lapping of the water against the rocks, the soft rustle of the grass against her bare legs – to be oddly comforting.  They reminded her of safety.  They reminded her of home.

Her father had abandoned them.  It didn’t matter that she and her mother had been taken by the Lakota; it didn’t matter that Thompkins didn’t know where they were.  He had abandoned them once, 7 years ago, when he gave up looking for them… and now he had abandoned them again, letting his racism and his arrogant disdain drive them away.  Jen’s Lakota spirit raged against the injustice.  Her soul searching at the stream had revealed one truth: she would find peace again, with Black Wolf and her people. 

Buck watched Jennifer silently for a time before dismounting.  She looked serene in repose; and despite the urgency, he was loath to disturb her communion with the spirits of nature.  Finally, he eased from his horse and approached her quietly, startling her despite his caution. 

“What are you doing here?”

Best to come straight to the point.  “Your mother and brother have gone back to the Lakota.”

Somehow, she knew what he was going to tell her, even before the words had left his mouth.  She searched her feelings, and could find no surprise there.  Her mother, above all, loved her children.  And her mother had seen the blind prejudice and discrimination that Buck dealt with on a daily basis. Sally would want more for Two Ponies.

Jen rose in one fluid motion.

“Where are you going?”

The question pulled her back to the present.  Turning to face Buck, she answered, “I belong with the Lakota, not my mother.  When I return to Black Wolf, they’ll let her go.”

Buck didn’t bother to argue against the illogic.  Running Bear wanted Sally and Two Ponies, and Sally would never leave her child.  Jennifer’s presence would change nothing.  As arguing would accomplish nothing; he’d learned enough of this girl to know her stubborn streak.  She might try to sound confident though, but he’d felt the division within her.  He determined to stand by her.

“I’ll go with you.”

Jen’s head gave a barely perceptible shake.  “Buck, this isn’t your problem.”

“No, but it’s partly my fault.”

Much as she wanted to, much as she understood the Kiowa’s motivations, she couldn’t refute the statement.  He had led the soldiers to her village.  She no longer blamed him for the events that followed, but perhaps, atonement was necessary. 

Wordlessly, she allowed Buck to join her, and together they began the long ride to Running Bear’s camp. 
 
 

Chapter Two: Decisions

It was dusk when they came upon the wagon.

She knew.  She knew what she would find, but still desperately hoped that she was wrong.  She had to be wrong.  Please gods, let her be wrong.

With leaden steps, sensing Buck at her side, Jen made her way to the wagon and looked down at the slain bodies of April and Peter Hurston. 

She pulled herself into the back of the buckboard, determined to face this with the strength of the Lakota.  For a long moment, she simply stared at the broken bodies.  When she finally spoke, she fought to keep her voice from breaking.

“Sometimes, when I’d run off with Black Wolf, my mother would get worried because she wouldn’t know where I was.  And April would lie for me, and say that she’d sent me to do some errands.”

Jennifer paused for a breath, stealing herself for what would come next… and pulled an arrow from April’s prone body.  She held the weapon out to Buck.

“This is his arrow.”

Buck stood silently at her side, trying to keep his face expressionless.

“How could he do this??  He knew how much she meant to me!!”  Squaring her shoulders, Jennifer stood quickly and jumped from the wagon.  Buck followed more slowly, glancing back at the still forms in the buckboard.  His thoughts turned to Matthew, April’s son.  Orphaned now.  The Hurstons had no other relatives in Sweetwater; he only hoped there was some other member of the family that would take the child in… 

He was pulled from his reverie as he saw Jen cross the distance between the wagon and their horses in three angry strides. 

“What are you doing?” he asked quickly, deliberately keeping his voice calm.

“Going after him!”

Buck shook his head.  “We can’t—“ 

Jen pushed past him, trying to pull herself into the saddle, ignoring him, lost in her own pain.   Buck reached out and grabbed her arm.

“Eagle Feather, you’re—“

“Let GO of me!”   Jen wrenched her arm free and spun to face the rider.  “What do you mean, ‘we can’t?” she yelled sarcastically.    “He KILLED them, Buck!”

“It’s almost full dark,” he explained patiently.  “I can’t—“

“He’s got my mother and Two Ponies!” Jen cried out, trying anew to mount her horse.  Buck reached out quickly, pulling her struggling form against his own.

“And he won’t ride with them after dark!” Buck shouted back, still fighting to hold the girl still.   Speaking rapidly, he continued, “Black Wolf is not a fool.  He’ll camp for the night; he’s not going to risk travelling in full dark with your mother, a reluctant companion at best and a prisoner at worst. The risks are too great.”  Encouraged by a slight release of tension in Jen’s body, Buck lowered his voice and relaxed his grip on her arms slightly. “And I can’t track them at night, Eagle Feather… at least not well enough.  We’ll ride as long as we can, then camp for the night.  Black Wolf will do the same.  Trust me.”

Trust him.  Still clutched in Buck’s protective embrace, Jen fought to control her emotions. 

Trust him.  Like she’d trusted her father to come for her?  Like she’d trusted Black Wolf?  How could she trust anyone?  Jen turned her tear-filled eyes upward to meet Buck’s composed gaze.   The Kiowa’s eyes showed only concern and compassion.  Had she always seen duplicity in Black Wolf? Or was that something she realized only now, when the truth about him was revealed?  There was no insincerity in Buck’s features; his deep brown eyes radiated warmth and patience, and he would probably stand here holding her for as long as it took for her to see his reasoning.  Trust him?  Yes.  She did. 

Buck felt Jen’s body relax against his own, and let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he’d been holding.  The wild chase and confrontation he’d been imagining faded away as if they’d never been.  Swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand, Jen dropped her gaze and eased out of his arms. 

“Let’s not lose what little light we have left,” she said as she turned back to the horse, gracefully pulling herself atop the feisty mount.  Buck fidgeted uncomfortably, as Jen fussed with the pony’s harness. 

“Eagle Feather, if you wanna—“

“Let’s ride, Buck.”

“If you wanna talk—“

Only when Jen glanced up from the harness did Buck see the tears that were still threatening to spill; yet, she met his gaze with grim determination.

“Let’s ride,” she repeated softly.

They rode.
 
 

Chapter Three: Belonging

The rabbit was crafty, but Buck was craftier, and in the end, Jen and Buck had rabbit stew for supper. 

Buck had been leery about leaving the girl alone, and was half-afraid that he’d get back to an empty camp.  When he returned, however, he found that Jen had spent her time gathering greens for their meal, though her eyes still looked haunted. 

The fire had burned down to a few dying embers.  Jen hadn’t said more than a dozen words throughout the meal, and Buck was hesitant to force the issue.  Taking a stick, he stirred the embers, coaxing the flames to reluctant life, while watching her from the corner of his eye.  Staring into the now-crackling fire, Jen had absently let down her hair, and now sat running her fingers through the long strands. 

She spoke without looking up from the dancing flames. 

“I want to thank you, Buck.”

Buck raised his head, confused.  Thank him?  “For what?”

Jen shifted uncomfortably.  “For… for standing by me… for stopping me from running after Black Wolf.”  She shook her heading, laughing ironically.  “I really thought I loved him, you know?  It’s like… I was honoured that he chose ME.”  She met Buck’s eyes.  “He’s the strongest brave in my village, the handsomest…” She smiled sadly in remembrance.  “All the girls wanted him.  But he chose me… and I felt proud of that.  Proud.”  Her mouth was drawn into a sneer at her own arrogance.

Buck shifted closer, dropping the stick into the fire.

“You shouldn’t be ashamed of that.  Black Wolf may not have turned out to be what you thought he was—“

Jen snorted at the understatement.

“—But that’s no reason to doubt yourself,” Buck continued, ignoring the interruption. 

The girl shook her head.  “How could I not have seen it, Buck?  I thought he loved me.”  She bent her head, the tears escaping despite her valiant attempts to hold them inside. 

Buck reached out tentatively, brushing a hand against her arm lightly.  Jennifer jumped back uneasily.   Frowning, Buck’s hand hovered in mid-air as Jen again brought her own hand up to swipe at the falling tears. 

“Damnit, I feel so weak!” 

It was Buck’s turn to shake his head, trying to find the words to comfort her. 

“There’s no reason to feel that way,” he began.  Jen shook her head silently, her long blonde hair falling into her face.  Buck reached forward again; this time when he grasped her arm, she let him.  Gently, he put a finger under her chin and lifted her face.  Staring into her eyes, he said softly, “You are the strongest woman I have ever met.”

Tentatively, he raised his hand to brush the hair from her eyes.

“You are beautiful.  Independent.  Intelligent.  Resourceful.  He should have been proud to have you on his arm.  Black Wolf is a fool to risk losing you like this.”   Buck looked at the fire, then back into the blue eyes opposite his.  “He didn’t recognize the gift he had. It’s a mistake I’d never make.”

Gazing into Buck’s deep brown eyes, Jen felt a stirring within her that she’d never felt with Black Wolf.  Softly, she said, “When I was promised to Black Wolf, I guess… I guess I knew then that I belonged.  I belonged to him.”

Buck let his fingertips trace along her jaw, and Jen closed her eyes, her breath soft against his skin.   Slowly she leaned against him, rubbing her cheek against his hand gently. 

Buck knew about wanting to belong.  He’d found the riders, and they were his family now; they could embrace his Kiowa spirit.  He belonged to them, and he’d tried to make that enough.  He’d tried to ignore the burning need within for something – for some*one* -- more.  He’d tried to rejoice as each rider found love – and empathize as each love was lost.  He’d tried – he’d tried so hard to pretend that he didn’t ache with loneliness, that he didn’t cry out at night for someone to whom he could truly belong. 

Buck closed his eyes and breathed in the sunflower scent of the woman in his arms. 

Maybe, with Jennifer, he would stop trying to pretend.  Maybe he could truly belong. 

“No,” he murmured against her skin.  “You belong to yourself.  No one can change that.”

Jen felt a shiver make its way up her spine as Buck shifted slightly, his lips brushing lightly against her own.  His kiss was gentle, a delicate pressure that made her knees go weak.   Black Wolf had always been quick and forceful, his lips bruising and painful, demanding in his need for her attentions…

But this… this was tender.  Unhurried.  Buck, Jen realized with a start, was everything that Black Wolf was not.  And it hadn’t taken the death of April Hurston to kill her love for Black Wolf.  The longer she had known Buck Cross, the further her heart had fled from the Lakota she was promised to.

Buck’s kiss became more passionate, his lips capturing her own with a deepening intensity.   Jen felt a rush of light-headedness as her own desire overtook her, emotions she’d never felt before crashing within her.  Her ardour matching his, Jen felt her body pressed closer as she drew her arms around Buck’s neck, running shaking fingers through his long hair.  Smoothly, Buck moved his attentions to her neck, trailing butterfly kisses along her jawline, causing Jen to gasp with surprise and delight. 

Buck pulled back suddenly, mistaking the cry for something other than pleasure.  Eyes downcast, he forcibly pulled himself away from Jen’s trembling form.  “I’m sorry… I thought…”

“Buck—“

“I would never…”

Jen reached forward and placed a comforting hand on Buck’s arm. The rider froze in mid-sentence.  Staring at the hand for a moment, he then raised his eyes in surprise to meet Jen’s smiling face. 

“Buck,” Jen whispered, “Don’t stop.”

Realization dawned.  Slowly, Buck raised a hand to brush Jen’s long blonde hair from her face, as he leaned forward for another gentle kiss. 

They belonged together.  Together, they belonged. 
 

Chapter Four: Changes

Once they found Running Bear’s camp, things had happened so quickly – too quickly for Buck’s mind to follow, it seemed.  When Black Wolf had raised his hand to Jennifer, had actually struck her down, all conscious thought left Buck’s mind.  He had claimed himself as her protector before he’d even thought of the consequences.  Not that the consequences were of any concern to him anyway.  Despite Jen’s protests against it – her words, “No.  He’s lying,” still ringing in his ears – he felt that the love they had shared was enough.  No, she hadn’t formally approached him for protection.  That didn’t matter.  As he had held her in his arms throughout the night, he had promised himself that he would face her final decision with honour, even if she decided to return to the Lakota.  And he’d also promised himself that no one would ever hurt her again. 

He knew that the fight was to the death, and could accept that.  His arm was raised to deliver the final blow to Black Wolf, when suddenly the downward motion was stopped, his justice – or was it vengeance? – denied by Running Bear.  Again, it didn’t matter.  The victory was enough.  He couldn’t keep the look of contempt from his face as he stared at the fallen brave.

Running Bear turned to him, face inscrutable.  “She is yours,” he said simply.

Buck shook his head.  Jennifer already dwelt in his heart.  Nothing could change that.   “No,” he answered the chief, “she’ll go with whoever she chooses.” 

Running Bear’s eyes were drawn to Sally.  He came to a decision.  “The women will be allowed to choose for themselves, whoever they will live with.”

Buck fought to hold in his emotions.  It wasn’t fair of him to influence Jennifer in any way.  The decision had to be hers alone, and she’d already been through so much.  He glanced at Sally.  She looked trapped.  The situation hadn’t changed, for her.  She still wanted to be with her son, but now was being offered the opportunity for a life among her own people.  Buck felt a surge of pity and compassion for the woman. 

His gaze was drawn back to Jennifer.  Her eyes took in each of the people she loved.  A decision that should have been simple – leave Black Wolf – was complicated by her mother and brother, and by her kinship with the Lakota who had raised her and loved her.  Finally, she lowered her head and walked back towards her horse.  She had chosen.  She had chosen freedom.  She had chosen independence.  She had chosen Buck. 

Buck successfully kept his elation inside, casting only a disdainful glance at Black Wolf before turning towards his own mount.  Jennifer looked so beaten, so tired.  They would have a rough road ahead.  He knew that.  He also knew that she was worth it.  Trying to concentrate on the present, Buck busied himself with rebuckling his gunbelt.  Then he’d find out what Sally’s decision had been.  If Sally chose to return, he’d ask Teaspoon and Rachel about keeping them at the way station until they could find a place.  Or maybe even reconcile with Thompkins.  He’d be courting Thompkins daughter.  Buck smiled inwardly at the thought.   Now that would be a sight!  He was so lost in thoughts of the future that he didn’t hear Sally’s cry until it was almost too late.

Black Wolf’s rifle was aimed squarely at Jennifer’s back, Sally desperately trying to block the shot.  Jennifer turned – it all felt like slow motion to Buck – but didn’t see the danger.  Buck’s gun was gone, fallen in the scuffle.  His knife… yes, it was still there… but there was no time to get to Black Wolf before he fired.  Either Sally or Jennifer would be killed. 

With a desperate cry, Buck launched himself at Sally while in the same fluid motion, flung the knife at Black Wolf.  The knife embedded itself in the young warrior’s arm with a satisfying ‘thunk’, just as Buck’s body collided with Sally, pushing her out of danger.  Detachedly, he heard the report as the rifle discharged, and Jennifer’s terrified scream. 

When his eyes opened, his first sight was of Jennifer kneeling over him, her tear-stained face filling his vision.  He tried to smile, to reassure her that he was all right, and only then felt the gnawing pain in his chest, and realized what had happened. 

“No, no, no, no…” The words were tumbling out of her, eyes darting from the spreading wound on Buck’s chest to his half-shut eyes.  It wasn’t fair.  No, please, stop this… 

Buck struggled to open his eyes, fighting against the black dots swarming against his vision.  “Sssh,” he murmured, hoping that she could hear him.  All he could hear was a drumming against his skull, seeming to drown out all other sound. 

“No… Buck, don’t die… please, you’ll be okay…” Jen brushed at his hair with her hair, reaching down to kiss his lips lightly.  “Don’t die… I love you, please don’t die…”

Buck reached up to tug feebly at Jennifer’s braid.  He could feel it tickling against his cheek, and concentrated on that feeling.  He opened his eyes, taking in what he knew would be his final sight of her, and smiled reassuringly.  “Sssh,” he whispered again.  So beautiful.  She was so beautiful.  He reached up blindly, wanting to touch her; Jen bent lower so that their faces were inches apart.  He felt her breath, soft and gentle against his skin, and sighed.  “Be strong, Eagle Feather,” he whispered.  “Know that you will always belong.”

He tried to keep his eyes open as long as he could. He wanted to carry the sight of her with him to the spirit plain.  He would wait for her there.  It was enough. 
 

Chapter Five: New Life And…

Six weeks later, Jennifer sat at the stream, looking expressionlessly into the distance.  The sound of the water still comforted her, though the low grasslands could no longer tickle her legs.  The girl, who no longer thought of herself as Eagle Feather, spread her long skirts around her more comfortably.  She still felt constricted in them.  That would change, she mused.  Just as everything else she knew had changed.

“Well, we leave tomorrow,” she said aloud.  “I’m not sure if they have any places like this in Boston.  I’m going to miss it.”  Jen sighed and settled back more comfortably on her haunches, picking idly at the grass.  “Aunt Mary’s letter arrived yesterday.  She said she’d be happy to take us in.”  She smiled.  “Well, that she’d be happy to take me in.  She doesn’t know about you yet.”  Jen’s hand rubbed at her stomach absently, ever aware of the new life within her. 

“Don’t you worry about that, though,” she said with a glance at her still-flat stomach.  “If Aunt Mary has a problem, we’ll find somewhere that doesn’t.  Somewhere, where I can raise you to be strong.  Somewhere, where you’ll be proud to be Kiowa, just like your father.  I’ll teach you all about him, little one.”  She sniffled slightly, but held back the tears.  She had cried enough.  She would be strong too.  It was what Buck wanted. 

Pushing herself up from the grassland, Jen made her way back to her horse, stopping for one last look at the verdant meadow and the bubbling stream.  “I’ll take good care of him, Buck,” she whispered, knowing that he would hear her.  “He will always belong.”
 

Chapter Six: ... New Hope

150 miles away, in the smoke-filled tent of the great Lakota medicine man Flying Hawk, Buck Cross opened his eyes.