Jimmy sat atop his horse paused at the edge of town and let his eyes slowly wander over the buildings, memorizing every detail.  The faded clapboard buildings, the sign over the assayer’s office hanging on by one chain, the lone dog roaming the street, barely visible in the thin pre-dawn light.  Lastly he let his eyes come to rest on the Pony Express Station at the edge of town.  These 
structures he knew by heart, but wanted to look at them one last time.  The corral contained just a few horses since not many were needed to cover the few remaining runs.  The Express had officially stopped carrying letters from the general citizenry, and was now used by the Army to transport particularly sensitive material.

Thinking of the Army forced him to deal with the thoughts of his friends, friends who had become so close they were his family.  Cody was gone already, joined up as a scout, looking for glory and adventure in a war destined to rip the nation apart.  It had already succeeded in doing that to his family.  Teaspoon had been greatly upset by Cody joining up and the two were hardly speaking by 
the time he left.  Buck and Ike, never feeling completely accepted in Rock Creek, decided to strike out together after the end of the Express.  They didn’t know where they were going when they left, but in a letter they just sent they said they were thinking of going to Alaska to try their hands at prospecting.  Jimmy shook his head slowly and silently wished them luck.  Jesse was off with his brother Frank, joined up with a band of Southerners running arms to the Southern Army.  Lastly, Noah and his bride Cassie left the week before and decided to head North to help with the Underground Railroad.  They felt it was their duty to help and certainly didn’t want to stay in Rock Creek with the war underway.

Five members of his family were already gone, leaving only Teaspoon, Rachel, Lou and Kid.  Rachel was still the schoolteacher, and grateful for the job since she was no longer needed as a den mother 
to the riders.  Teaspoon was still the marshal and would probably be for some time.  He had offered the position of his deputy to Jimmy, and for a short time, Jimmy had taken it.  Now he was giving it up.  Living in Rock Creek was becoming too oppressive, especially since he didn’t have Rosemary.  He commanded his head to stop before it completely turned to see the cemetery where she was laid to rest.  She died after riding into the middle of the shootout with the Pearson gang.  Foolish woman, he thought bitterly. Couldn’t stay out of the way and ended up getting yourself killed.  Even more than the memories of Rosemary, he was giving up his job for Lou.  If he left, then Kid could have the job and Lou wouldn’t have to watch her husband go off to fight in the war.

Lou.  Louise.  The hardest thing Jimmy had ever done was sit by and watch her get married.  She 
was so beautiful that day, and looked so incredibly happy, and so for her sake he tried to be happy 
as well.  Married life suited her, and she had really taken to it in spite of all her worries that she wouldn’t.  But watching her married to the Kid was becoming too much to bear and so he decided to leave, rather then be confronted with the two of them every day.  She would always be in his heart, and he would regret always that he’d never fought harder for her, but he hoped that in leaving he’d 
be able to end the constant pain he was in.

Jimmy took one last look at the bunkhouse and Rachel’s house and then turned his horse.  He knew that soon, the others would be up and find his note.  He hoped they would understand why he could never face them to say good-bye.  More than anything, he hoped that Lou would understand.
 

Chapter 1

Walker Mills, Idaho Territory - October 1866

Jimmy rode into the small town and let his eyes survey the sights.  Walker Mills was a town just on the edge of the boom from the gold discovered in Leesburg, not right in the action, but close enough.  It had obviously been established shortly before the gold was discovered just a few miles up the 
road, so it might just survive when the boom ended.  Being near the gold strike certainly hadn’t hurt the town though, and it was just what Jimmy was looking for right now.

In the five years since he’d left Rock Creek, he wandered wherever the wind blew him.  Never putting down roots, staying long enough to win some money at the card table and then pulling up and heading further down the road.  He’d done all right for himself at poker; well enough to dress comfortably, stay in nice establishments, buy some finer things of life, and have enough money to be a significant stake in most games.  He was gaining quite a reputation as a card player, someone to 
be reckoned with, but he was already someone to be reckoned with aside from his card skills.  He 
was “Wild Bill” Hickok and he wore his twin Navy Colts with pride, knowing that people would look at them and instantly show him the proper deference.

Of course there were always the gloryseekers, the ones looking to make a name for themselves by taking on “Wild Bill” Hickok and he was happy to oblige them.  The fact that they ended up some nameless makers in an out of the way cemetery was no concern of his.  He didn’t ask them to come, but he certainly wasn’t going to back down from them.  Sure, occasionally he would merely wound somebody, but you had to be careful with that.  Leave a man alive and he’d come gunning for you again.  It was like Sam Cain once told him, if you’re going to shoot, make sure you shoot to kill.

Jimmy stopped his horse briefly in order to determine where to stay.  The wind was picking up, stirring up the snow from the ground and causing the cold to bite at his face.  He wanted to find a room and get out of the impending storm he sensed was coming.  It was obvious to see that there were two sections of town to Walker Mills.  The part established before the boom was nicer, better constructed, whereas the part thrown together after the boom, looked ramshackled and prematurely dingy.  Not that he suspected the miners cared, but he did.  He would happily sit down to a game of cards in the saloon with the miners, but he had the money to afford him not to have to sleep in the same dingy establishments as they did.  He looked toward the older section, spotted a comfortable looking hotel and turned his horse in that direction.

As the wind increased and the clouds gathered and darkened, he decided to put his horse into the livery first, then go to the hotel.  His days from the Express had taught him to properly care for his mount, and he knew that Sundance had traveled far.

“Come on girl,” he murmured.  “Let’s get you fed and out of this wind.”

Entering the stable, Jimmy gave instructions for her care and knew that they’d be carried out when he tipped the man generously and also dropped the name Hickok, “Wild Bill” Hickok.  Leaving the stable, he was hit with a blast of frigid air and turned the collar of his overcoat up and tucked his 
head down.  He strode quickly down the wooden sidewalk to the hotel and ducked inside, grateful to be greeted with the warmth from a large stove that was a pale red from the heat it was generating.

Kelly O’Brian sat at the front desk of the hotel, going over the ledger books.  She enjoyed doing them, and took a certain pride in the fact that her father had taught her well and her accounts always balanced.  Her father had been an excellent businessman who trained her in whatever business he worked in.  As the only child of her parents’ union, she was doted upon by both parents and worked hard to learn under their tutelage.  When her father decided to move to this town and start a hotel, Kelly had rolled up her sleeves and worked right along side him.  She was more his partner, than his daughter, and together they jointly made all the decisions for their new business.

When her parents suddenly died from small pox almost eight months ago, she ended up taking over the hotel completely.  People expected her to sell and head back to more civilized territory, but Kelly surprised them all by sticking around.  Her family had opened this hotel together, and while her parents were gone, she was going to make this hotel work in tribute to them.  The people in town 
soon learned not to underestimate her, despite her outward appearance.

When the door blew open and a man stepped inside, Kelly looked up ready to help him.  He stood by the door, brushing the snow off his black coat and hat.  He slowly took off his overcoat and 
smoothed down his frock coat.  Kelly immediately took notice of that, because nobody around here wore something so unreasonable.  He turned and started toward her and in the brief time it took to cross from the door to the front desk, Kelly sized him up.

He wore a black suit with exquisite hand tailored lines, a white shirt with pintucks down the front, a black and silver vest and a silver cravat.   His dark hair fell to his shoulders from underneath his black hat that still showed a little of the snow kicked up from outside.  He obviously had money, 
which made him a gambler, drifting through looking to cheat the miners out of hard earned money.  Probably never worked an honest day in his life, Kelly thought.  Then she spotted the twin revolvers he wore strapped low, set up in a classic gunfighter’s rig and she instantly knew that the man 
standing before her was no good.  But her father had raised her, and good business sense dictated that you never offended your clientele.

 “Afternoon,” she said smiling pleasantly.  “May I help you?”

“I’d like a room,” Jimmy told her.

“Certainly,” she replied.  “For how many nights?”

“Don’t really know, couple at least,” he said brusquely in a tone he hoped would convey to her to keep her nose out of his business.

If she noticed the tone of his voice she gave no indication.  “Alright.  Well, just sign the ledger here and I’ll be right back.”

Jimmy picked up the pen and dipped it in the inkwell as the woman stood up and picked up the other books sitting on the counter.  She gave him another smile and then walked to the office off to the side.  Jimmy watched her go and inwardly sniffed at her appearance.  Must be the only decent help the owner could find, Jimmy thought.  She certainly ain’t much to look at.  The woman was short, dressed in a simple blue dress so dark it was almost black, brown hair pulled back into a bun, with plain, nondescript features.  The only thing he really noticed, was a few pale freckles that ran across her nose and the top of her cheeks.  She certainly wasn’t anything like the women Jimmy was used 
to being around.  He quickly scrawled his name down as she walked out of the office.

“Alright Mr…” she quickly glanced at the ledger to find his name, “Hickok, you’re in room 23.  Up the stairs, second door on your right.”

“Thanks,” Jimmy said as she handed him the key.  In spite of her appearance, Jimmy found himself giving her a quick smile.  She was too polite and kind to just be flat out rude to.  “Oh, is there a restaurant ‘round here?”

“There’s Annabelle’s just up the street,” she said and gave a quick nod of her head in the direction.  “It’s got really good food, and then the saloons serve some meals as well.”

Jimmy paused for a moment before responding.  Why did she mention the saloons?  Was it because of the way he was dressed or who he was?  There was no disdain in her voice, and yet Jimmy felt 
that she was somehow looking down her nose at him. 

“Thanks,” he clipped out and then reached down for his bag and headed up the stairs to his room. 
The woman merely nodded and went back to work while Jimmy walked up the stairs lost in his own thoughts.

The town seemed decent enough, certainly nothing to write about, but he supposed it was good enough for the people living there.  He decided to get dinner at Annabelle’s, and then depending on the weather, maybe he’d stop at one of the saloons.  He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he was avoiding going to the saloons.  He’d been off his game lately at the poker table, and he was hoping that would soon change.  He would win a few games, but most of the time he lost money, or if he was lucky, simply broke even.  He never lost big because he always set a personal limit and when he reached it, he would quit.  He made sure he treated it like business, nothing personal.  But more and more he was walking away from games with his pockets lighter instead of heavier.  That was why Jimmy had stopped in Walker Mills, instead of heading straight to the towns closer to the gold rush.  He needed to get his game back and along with that his confidence, before joining a poker game with more at stake. 

Jimmy paused outside his room and stuck the key in the lock.  He heard the soft click as the 
tumblers fell into place and then he pushed the door open.  The room was small, but looked comfortable, like a bedroom instead of a hotel room.  He quickly unpacked his belongings, placing them in the hardwood bureau, and hid his money pouches in various places around the room.  He 
took his hat off and placed it on the bed before walking over to the stand holding a basin and pitcher of water.  He poured some water out and bent down, bringing the water up to his face in his cupped hands.  Finished washing his face, he reached out and grabbed the towel hanging on a small rod attached to the wall.  As he lowered the towel, he finally looked in the mirror hanging on the wall.

The water revived him, but he still felt tired, and he looked tired as well.  A few nights of sleeping on the trail, shivering in the cold made him extremely grateful for the warm room of the hotel.  He had a few lines around his eyes, along with faint circles underneath which indicated his lack of decent 
sleep.  He decided to skip the saloons that night and instead just get dinner and a good night’s sleep.  He picked up his hat, placed it on his head and grabbed his overcoat that he’d thrown over the chair near the door.  Unconsciously checking his guns in their holsters, he opened the door, stepped out into the dim hallway, made sure to lock the door behind him and turned toward the stairs.
 

Chapter 2

Jimmy paused at the top of the stairs as he heard the voices from below drifting up.  One was the woman who’d helped him and the other belonged to a man who seemed upset.  Careful not to make any noise and stay unseen, he crept closer until he could make out what they were saying.

“Kelly, I don’t want to think you’ve lost your mind, but that’s the only thing I can think of,” the man said.  The woman, who Jimmy now knew was named Kelly, said something, but he couldn’t quite make out what it was.  As the man started speaking again, Jimmy moved closer.

“Do you know who you let sign into the hotel?” the man asked, clearly agitated.

“Yes,” Kelly replied calmly.  “James Hickok.”

“James Hickok?  He’s ‘Wild Bill’ Hickok!”

“I know that,” she replied just as calmly.  Jimmy was a bit surprised by that, because she certainly hadn’t acted like she knew who he was.

“Then why in tarnation did you let him stay here?” the man asked loudly.

“Because he asked for a room, he paid for it, and there were empty rooms upstairs.”

“Oh Kelly,” the man said, instantly changing his tone.  “Is the hotel having money problems?  Is 
that why you let ‘Wild Bill’ stay here.”

“No,” she snapped, finally no longer calm.  “The hotel is not having money problems.  I can run this business just fine Lance, and all my bills are paid.”

“Kelly, he’s a murderer, and a gambler and he’ll just bring a bunch of trouble you don’t want here,” Lance said, changing his tactic.

“I know that he’s a gambler, I knew it from the moment he opened the door, even before I knew his name.  And as for being ‘Wild Bill,’ well,” she said with a hint of wavering in her voice, “as long as 
he doesn’t cause problems I’ll let him stay.”

“I still say it’s a mistake.  Ask him to leave and tell him to stay over one of the saloons, ‘cause you know that’s where he’ll be anyway.”

“Lance, I’m not asking him to leave.  My father didn’t do business that way, and neither will I.  Unless he causes problems, I’ll treat him like any other customer.  And if he causes problems, then I’ll do what I always do in that case.  I’ll make him leave.  I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.”

“Kelly...”

“Lance, need I remind you that you work for me?  I listened to you and I told you what my decision was.  Now unless you can treat him with the same respect you give to all my other customers, I think you should go.”

“What?” Lance sputtered.

“You heard me, go home.  Come back in a couple hours when you’re calmed down and are ready to do the job I hired you for.  And if you don’t think you can do that as long as Mr. Hickok is a guest in the hotel, then stay home until he leaves.”

Jimmy stood up from his listening position as Lance stormed around downstairs gathering his coat and hat and then muttering loudly stormed out of the lobby.  Jimmy started down the stairs and saw Kelly standing defiantly in the middle of the room, her hands firmly on her hips, staring at the door.  She heard him walking down the stairs and whirled around, a mixture of emotions running across her face.  There was the defiance and anger left over from the argument that quickly changed to concern that someone had heard the exchange.  A calm, businesslike demeanor swiftly replaced both these, 
as if nothing had just happened.

“Mr. Hickok, is everything alright with your room?” she asked in the same pleasant voice she’d used with him earlier.

“Yeah, everythin’ is fine,” he replied.  Then adopting a smirk he continued.  “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard you talkin’ down here.  Just wanted to say thanks for stickin’ up for me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself Mr. Hickok.  I wasn’t stickin’ up for you, I was makin’ sure Lance knew that he worked for me and not the other way around.  He sometimes thinks I’m incapable of doing this 
job and that he has to take over for me.

“Make no mistake though Mr. Hickok, I meant what I said earlier.  I don’t care if you’re ‘Wild Bill’ so long as you don’t bring trouble to my hotel.  I won’t tolerate you treating my staff or me rudely, 
or any damage to my hotel, and one other thing,” she said.  “I don’t care what kinda woman you associate with, but you will not bring any saloon girls back to my hotel to cat around with.  Think of those as the house rules.  Follow them, and I won’t bother you.  But if you cause any problems, I’ll toss you out on your ear faster than you can blink.”

Jimmy’s eyes went wide for a moment and then he blinked his surprise.  Who was this woman to talk to him that way?  Nobody had talked to him in that manner in quite some time, and those who dared usually ended up on the receiving end of his wrath.  Jimmy opened his mouth to retort something to her, only to find that she’d turned her back and was exiting the room.  Angrily shoving his arms into his coat, he left the hotel and walked to the restaurant. 

“Who does she think she is?” he muttered to himself as he walked along the deserted street.  “No matter, I’ll only be here a day or two and then I won’t have to deal with that little shrew anymore.”

Kelly looked up from her position at the front desk as Jimmy walked down the stairs.  He was dressed, as always, in a clean suit, he himself freshly bathed.  No amount of grooming though, could disguise the red rimmed eyes that came from too much alcohol.  She knew from Lance, that Mr. Hickok stumbled in late every night, extremely intoxicated.  Even now, by the way he was gingerly placing his steps, she guessed he had a pretty bad hangover.  Shaking her head slightly, she turned her attention back to the paperwork she had on the counter.

“Hey,” she heard him growl.  She looked up again from the papers, and saw him standing at the 
desk, a mean scowl on his face.  For a moment she was intimidated and understood why people got out of the way of “Wild Bill” Hickok.  Then she remembered that this was her hotel, and she wasn’t going to have any guest, and certainly not this one, intimidate her.

“Yes, how can I help you, Mr. Hickok?” she responded pleasantly with a smile.  He stood there for 
a moment glaring at her, and she stood behind the counter, meeting his gaze, never wavering or 
losing her smile.

“Nothin’,” he muttered and then dropped his gaze.  Putting his hat on, he slowly walked toward the door and then stepped outside.  Kelly watched him go, then shrugged her shoulders and went back 
to work.

Jimmy walked down the street towards the saloon with a black cloud hanging over him.  His luck had finally turned at the card tables and in the week that he’d been in town he increased his winnings substantially.  He kept telling himself that he should continue on, head to another town nearer the gold strike and play the tables there.  Yet something kept him in Walker Mills, and since he had his confidence back in his poker hand he couldn’t figure out what it was.

Kelly, the thought popped into his head.  The hotel owner was, for some reason, the force keeping him here.  It made no sense, their mutual dislike for each other was clear.  Why did it matter to him, “Wild Bill,” what this woman thought of him?  And yet it clearly bugged him that she didn’t like him.  He’d heard her talk with different guests, and there was a difference in her tone when she talked to him.  She was never rude or disrespectful, but the same genuine cheerfulness that she possessed 
with others wasn’t there when it came to him.  He asked himself, why should that matter?

Walking into the saloon, he nodded to the bartender and called out for a bottle of whiskey.  Then he sat down at the table, positioning himself next to the wall with a clear view of the door, and waited for the others to gather around him.  Soon enough, a few men came over and sat down, ready to join in a hand of poker.  The bartender brought over the bottle and a glass and Jimmy quickly downed the shot, before pouring another one.  When everyone was gathered that was going to play, he shuffled the cards in his hands and deftly dealt them out.

Half a bottle of whiskey later, Jimmy looked down at his cards and cursed whatever idiot had dealt him the hand.  He couldn’t remember much about the game, except he knew by looking at the piles 
of chips in front of the players, he was not doing very well.  He could not get his mind to focus on the game.  He laid his cards down, and watched with disgust as a little, pencil-necked man gleefully 
raked the pile of chips toward him.

“I’m out,” he said suddenly and pushed back his chair, causing it to scrape loudly against the floor.  The others looked up at his unexpected outburst, but wisely said nothing as he grabbed the bottle off the table and stumbled to a smaller table in the back corner.

Jimmy plopped down in the chair and raised the bottle to his lips, taking a large swallow.  He 
propped his feet up on the table and lowered his hat, shutting the rest of the room out.  His foul 
mood was getting worse, and while he didn’t want to play cards any longer, he didn’t want to go back to his hotel room. 

That’s when the thought hit him.  He didn’t want to go back to the hotel and see the disapproving looks from Kelly, much the same way he avoided going back to the station and see the same looks from Emma or even Rachel back when he rode for the Express.  That’s why Kelly bothered him so much.  Her same fierce determination, strong will, and ability to make it on her own reminded him of Emma, Rachel, and Lou.  The thought of Lou popped into his mind, unbidden, but he was unable to stop it.  He didn’t want to think of Emma or Rachel either, but remembering Lou was too painful, even after all these years.
 

Chapter 3

For five years Jimmy had valiantly tried to not think of his Express family.  He wandered from place to place, never contacting anyone.  He refused to allow the memories of them seep into his mind, because if he thought of just one of them, he would end up thinking of Louise.  He left because of 
her, and to let himself remember her would slowly drive him insane.  Not that he didn’t feel he 
wasn’t already teetering on the brink some days.

Sitting in the bar, the thoughts and memories broke free and refused to be shut away any longer. 
The whiskey that he once used to numb the pain and help keep the memories hidden, now unleashed them and caused them to run through his brain like wild horses breaking free of an enclosure. 
Jimmy closed his eyes and let his mind wander wherever it would, like dandelion seeds blown about 
in the wind.

He wondered where Cody, Buck and Ike were and what they were doing in their lives.  The War with the South was over, but was Cody still with the Army?  Had he been hurt, was he even still alive?  Jimmy thought for a moment and figured that he probably was.  Cody seemed to live a charmed life, and he just couldn’t imagine Cody dead.  He figured Buck and Ike were still alive, unless some terrible accident happened.  But with the two of them together, because he just couldn’t imagine one without the other, they’d look out for each other and keep the other one safe.  Were they still in Alaska though, had they ended up as prospectors, or what were they doing?

Then he thought of Noah and Jesse.  Two people on opposite sides of the recent war, so firm in their beliefs, it’s a wonder they used to live together.  Where were they now, what was happening in their lives?  His mind wandered to Sam and Emma, and guilt panged him.  Jimmy knew she would disapprove of how he was living his life.  She and Sam had tried to counsel him that his life didn’t 
have to wind up on the path he’d chosen, she’d especially thought he was so much better than that.  He took another long pull from the bottle and banished the thoughts of Emma.  Tonight he could not deal with her disappointment, even if it was only imagined.

Finally the flow of his mind turned to the family he left in Rock Creek.  Teaspoon, his friend, 
mentor, advisor.  He’d learned so much from Teaspoon, and while they disagreed on things occasionally, they really did understand each other.  Rachel, so different from Emma, and yet she’d become a friend and someone he could talk to.  She probably understood his conflicting feelings toward Lou, and he wondered if he should have talked to her more.  Lou...and Kid.  His two dearest friends, and yet the cause of so much heartache and misery.  Jimmy felt so guilty for loving his best friend’s girl, and that was why he’d never fought harder for her.  He just wanted her to be happy, 
and she seemed happy with the Kid.

He hoped she was still happy, that she was surrounded with love, because she definitely deserved it.  He prayed that Kid took the job as Teaspoon’s deputy and didn’t leave her to go off and fight.  He knew that if Lou was in his life, he would never abandon her.  He finished the bottle of whiskey and ordered another one as he thought of Lou’s life with Kid, and what she was doing.  Did they have children, did they look like her or Kid, so many questions ran through his mind.  Then he thought about what his life would have been like if he’d ended up with her.  Where would they be now, if only things had been different?

Kelly was in her house, preparing for bed, when she heard the first shot.  She stopped for a moment and listened.  Gunshots were not uncommon here, but hearing one so close was.  Usually the chaos was located at the other end of town near the saloons and hotels frequented by the miners and drifters.  Not hearing anything more, she turned her attention back her nightly rituals, walking through the rooms, and checking to make sure everything was secure before heading to her 
bedroom.

Sometimes she felt stifled in her house, but most often she enjoyed it.  Her mother never wanted to live in a small room or family apartment attached to the hotel, so her father built a small house a short distance from the hotel.  Detached enough so that they could have their privacy, and yet close enough to watch over their business.  The house had become Kelly’s sanctuary.  A place she could escape to and be alone with her thoughts, to not always have to be in charge, to remember her parents and grieve their death.  She was lost in looking around the room at her mother’s belongings when she heard the gunfire again.

She walked to the front window and looked out, wondering where the disturbance was.  Then another shot came and she looked toward the hotel.  The only place near enough for her to hear a gunshot was the hotel.  Instantly alarmed, she stopped only long enough to put on a coat before she picked 
up the candle again and rushed out into the cold night.  She didn’t take the time to button the coat, only holding it closed in front of her as she ran quick as she could to the back entrance.  She rushed through the office and into the lobby, out of breath and her bare feet red from running through the snow.

The yelling stopped the moment she entered the lobby, her long hair hanging down her back in a loose braid, bare feet peeking out under her nightgown, her coat clutched together with one hand, 
the other holding the candle.  Her face instantly hardened, and her mouth set in a firm line as she 
saw the melee before her.  Lance turned toward her and instantly began speaking.

“Kelly, everything’s under control.  There wasn’t any need for you to rush over here.”

“Everything’s under control?” she asked, nearly yelling, but never taking her eyes off Jimmy.  “There were gunshots in MY hotel, and looking around it appears there was more happening than just ‘Wild Bill’ giving marksman lessons.”

Her voice dripped with bitter sarcasm as she said this.  Jimmy brought his dark eyes up and locked into hers.  Somehow hearing her say “Wild Bill” greatly irritated him, and yet he felt a little guilty 
for the mess in her lobby.  Furniture was broken and overturned, and there was splintered wood 
from the gunfire.  He holstered his gun, but didn’t take his hand off it, as he continued to stare at 
her.

“What happened here?” she demanded of both men.

Jimmy said nothing while Lance rapidly explained how Jimmy returned to the hotel drunk with a saloon girl.  Lance told him that the girl wasn’t allowed in his room, but Jimmy ignored him and started with her toward the stairs.  Lance blocked the way up the stairs, angering Jimmy who let go 
of the woman in order to throw a punch at the clerk.  The girl ran out as the two men began battling it out.  Kelly looked around as he said this, taking in the damage.  Then Jimmy had pulled his gun and fired at Lance, and then a few more shots around the room.  By the time Lance was finished speaking, the lobby was full of hotel guests awakened by the fight and frightened.

“It’s all right folks,” Kelly said to them.  “I’m sorry you were awakened, but everything’s fine now.  Please, go back up to your rooms, there won’t be anymore disturbances tonight.”

Slowly the guests made their way back their rooms, and Kelly was grateful for the brief moment she had before turning back to Jimmy.  When the last guest was out of the lobby, she spun and advanced on Jimmy.  Her green eyes, which had been soothing, suddenly snapped with anger and disgust.

“Is that what happened?” she demanded of the gunfighter.  He said nothing, but merely shrugged his shoulders and gave her a drunk, lopsided smirk.  This completely enraged her and she opened her mouth to unleash her fury.

“Is this funny to you ‘Wild Bill’?  Do you think it’s a game to destroy my hotel, beat up my clerk 
and threaten his life?  Does the law not apply to you?  I thought I made it very clear that there were certain rules you were to follow in order to stay here.  You’ve broken everyone of them, and yet you stand there smirking like a bully in a schoolyard who doesn’t care that the teacher caught him.”
Her voice became low and hard as she said, “You disgust me.  You know why?  Because you chose this life.  I refuse to believe that you were always like this.  Once there had to be someone who tried to teach you how to be a decent human being, and not the drunk, gambling gunfighter you’ve 
become.  You think you’re hot stuff because you’re ‘Wild Bill’ and you think people respect you.

“Well people don’t respect you.  They fear you, because nobody respects a hotheaded thug with a gun.  And you may think it’s alright that they fear you, but pretty soon someone’s gonna come along who doesn’t fear you and he’s going to kill you.  Maybe you want to die, who’s to say?  But if it’s respect you’re seeking, you have to earn that.  And you get it by not always turning to the gun, and 
by doing the decent and honorable thing.  But you’re not decent, and you’re certainly not honorable.”

She turned and walked over to a broken table scattered on the floor.  With her back still toward him she said, “Get out of my hotel.  I told you what would happen if you broke the house rules.  Well you broke them so I want you to pack your bags and get out.”  Then slowly turning around she 
continued, “And don’t ever come back.  I never want to see your face again, ‘Wild Bill.’”

She stared at him with eyes hard as glass until he turned and stumbled up the stairs.  He fumbled 
with the key to the door, but finally opened it and entered his room.  Grabbing his bag, he 
haphazardly threw his belongings inside as his shocked brain replayed the words she said to him.

When Kelly heard the door close she turned and faced Lance.  “You’re fired.  Get out of my hotel.”

“What?” he exploded.  “I’m fired?”

“Yes.  You’ve been itching to confront him ever since he signed into the hotel, and while he broke 
the rules I laid down by bringing a saloon girl back here, I still can’t help feeling you’re also to 
blame for what happened tonight.  I told you that any person staying in this hotel was to be treated with respect, and I’ve watched you with him.  You’ve been rude and I won’t keep any employee around that can’t follow the directions I give.  So get out.  Come by tomorrow and I’ll give your salary, but I want you gone.”

“I can’t believe you’re firing me when that no-good drunk was the cause of this all.”

Kelly heard the door open upstairs and knew it was Jimmy coming back downstairs.  She held up her hand to silence Lance and with a determined jaw told him firmly, “Leave now.”

Jimmy reached the bottom of the stairs as Lance was opening the door to leave and the two men glared at each other.  Lance slammed the door, causing the panes of glass to rattle in their frames. 
Jimmy turned to Kelly who was standing behind the counter and walked forward and dropped the 
key on the counter.

“What-“ he started to say, but she cut him off.

“Leave.”

Jimmy put his hat on and walked to the door.  He closed it gently, and weaving slightly, started walking toward one of the hotels near the saloons.  Then he stopped and changed directions. 
Instead he walked to the livery stable and retrieved his horse.  He attached his bag to the saddle 
and then led the rested horse outside and swung up in the saddle.  He gave one last look at the 
town, not completely able to avoid the sight of O’Brian’s Hotel, before spurring his horse and riding out of town.

Kelly stood in the middle of the lobby unsure where to begin, when she heard the footsteps coming back on the boardwalk.  She saw the form of Jimmy walk back from the direction of the saloons and feared for a moment that he would come inside again, but instead he continued on.  She didn’t care where he went, she was just happy he didn’t return.  Her knees were now shaking and she found it hard to stand.  Sinking down onto the floor in a small heap, she gave way to the fear, anger and despair at the broken furnishings, and cried bitter tears.
 

Chapter 4

“Merry Christmas, Lou.”

A soft tickle on her cheek caused Lou to stir, then burrow deeper in the warm covers.  A gentle 
laugh escaped the man beside her and he once again leaned over and softly breathed against her cheek.  “Wake up, Lou.”

Turning toward the comforting voice, she slowly opened her eyes.  “Morning, Kid.”

“’Bout time you woke up, sleepyhead.  Teresa and Jeremiah are already awake and she’s started breakfast.  Polly and Teaspoon’ll be here soon.”

“Alright, I’m awake,” she said with a tired smile.  Throwing back the covers she was hit with a blast of cold air and desperately scrambled for the warm blankets.  Kid held them back and then laughed good-naturedly when she stood up, grumbling.  “It’s not funny, Kid.  Least you coulda done was warned me it was so cold.”

“You’ve gone soft, Lou.  Remember how cold those bunkhouses were sometimes?  Married life’s gone and made you soft,” he replied, his voice light and his blue eyes twinkling with merriment.

“I’ll show you soft, Mr. ‘It’s-Too-Cold-To-Go-Milk-The-Cows.’”  She tried to act indignant and aimed the pillow at Kid’s head.  He easily deflected it, caught it with his other hand and sent it back her way.  Lou screeched and ducked under the projectile, then grabbed the other pillow off the bed and lobbed it at her husband.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Teresa and Jeremiah heard the laughter and the good-natured banter and rolled their eyes.  Their sister, for all the times she lectured them on how to act proper, sure could 
be quite an embarrassment to two teenagers.  Jeremiah huffed, as he set down the fresh milk in the storage room off the kitchen, “Don’t they ever get tired of acting like that?”

“They’re in love, silly,” his younger sister replied.  “I think it’s sweet.”

“You sure didn’t think it was sweet when Kid kissed Louise in the middle of Tompkins’ store yesterday,” he shot back.

In a most horrified manner she told him, “Well, no, that’s because everyone else could see them.  This is different.”

“Well, all I know, is somebody better go up there and tell them Teaspoon and Polly just showed up,” he said, a wicked gleam crossing his eyes.

“It ain’t gonna be me,” Teresa protested.  “I went up there two days ago.”

“Well, I went up there yesterday,” he shot back, right as Polly and Teaspoon breezed into the front room.

“Merry Christmas,” Teaspoon called out.  “And what are you two goin’ on about in here?  This here’s Christmas, and it ain’t too late for Santa to take back your presents if you’re gonna start bickering this morning.”

“Silly, Kid and Louise put them out already last night,” Teresa said with a shake of her head.  “We tried peekin’ in the parlor this morning, but Kid came down the stairs before we could see anything.”

“Speaking of your sister and her husband, where are they?” Teaspoon asked with an arched eyebrow.  A burst of laughter could immediately be heard from upstairs and in unison, Teresa and Jeremiah rolled their eyes in embarrassment.

“I see,” Teaspoon replied, as Polly nudged him in the ribs to keep quiet.

“We were just trying to decide who was goin’ to go upstairs and tell them you were here,” Jeremiah explained.

“Oh, that won’t be necessary,” Polly said.  “I’ll go up and tell them myself.”

With a quick peck on Teaspoon’s cheek, she turned and headed up the stairs.  With a relieved drop of her shoulders, Teresa headed back to the kitchen to finish up breakfast.  As long as she didn’t have to go up and deal with Kid and Louise, she was happy.  Jeremiah shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets, while Teaspoon shifted uncomfortably on his feet. 

“Think we should go check on your sister?”

“Sure,” Jeremiah replied, and the two men quickly headed off to the kitchen and out of the middle of the foyer where they could easily hear everything going on upstairs drifting down the staircase.

Later that afternoon, they all sat gathered in Kid and Lou’s house.  Christmas dinner was eaten and the remains put away.  Lou and Polly declared that dishes could just wait, because it was Christmas and it was time for family to be together.  It had become a tradition, from their one Christmas together as riders, to have Teaspoon tell the Christmas Story.  He never told it from the Bible, just his own, simple words, but to Lou and Kid it didn’t matter.  It reminded them of their friends and loved ones that were now so far away.

Since they knew they couldn’t all get together, they had taken to writing letters to each other, that they would then save and read on Christmas day as their presents to each other.  This was the part that everyone looked forward to the most.  Reading the letters out loud was a way of having their friends in the room with them, making those left in Rock Creek feel like everyone was still together.  Each one had a letter and one by one they’d go around the room, reading them aloud as they sat 
near the fireplace. 

They started with Rachel’s letter, since she’d just recently left Rock Creek.  She’d married Dennis Hartwell, who’d been working at the Plains Courier, two years ago.  The past summer, once school was done, they decided to head to Denver.  Dennis had dreams of working for a larger paper and becoming an editor, and he and Rachel were excited for the chance to start a new life and share an adventure.  She told of Dennis’ new job, and new things in the city.  Rachel said how much they missed everyone, and even though the couple was beginning to find new friends they’d never take 
the place of those left behind.

When Polly finished reading Rachel’s letter, Teaspoon opened up the letter from Noah.  He and his family had lived in Boston during the war, working on the abolitionist movement and helping 
runaway slaves escape.  They were now trying to figure out what to do, now that the war was over, 
but that wasn’t what Noah was most interested in talking about.  Cassie had given birth to their third child recently, and Noah was ecstatic that after two boys, they’d had a little girl.  He gushed about how tiny, but healthy, she was and said her brothers weren’t quite sure what to make of her.  ‘Little James commented one morning after she’d had a particularly wakeful night that all she does is scream and then sleep and they can’t have any fun during either time.’  As Teaspoon finished the letter, they could all imagine Noah’s children and how they were growing, from the vivid descriptions he’d written. 

Kid then read the letter from Ike and Buck.  They were doing well, working hard and trying to 
survive the winter.  Alaska hadn’t panned out for them and they’d ended up in Washington the year before.  They were now working as lumberjacks and were spending the winter marking the trees to 
be cut in the spring and sent down the river.  Buck and Ike were hopeful that they could accompany one of the loads down river and then maybe get a month off to come visit their friends.  When Kid finished, Jeremiah read the letter from Cody.  With the war over, he’d decided to head off on his own and do a little scouting and see the country.  He still was keeping up on his writing and was thinking 
of publishing some of his accounts of the war and promised to send them all a copy when he did.

When Jeremiah finished, Louise opened up the letter she was holding.  Emma and Sam sent 
everyone their love and filled everyone in on the children and the latest adventures and scrapes.  Then Emma wrote that they were planning on moving back to Sweetwater in the spring.  Sam had recently been wounded, and was expected to fully recover, but he was tiring of the politics involved 
in being a Territorial Marshal.  They had inquired about Emma’s old property and learned that it 
was for sale.  It seemed like a sign from Providence, and they felt it would be the best thing for their family.  She promised to write more soon, and invited everyone to come out and visit them once they got settled in.  It had been years since they’d all been together and she thought that a reunion at the first way station would just the thing for everyone to come together.

When the letters were all read, everyone sat silently, listening to the occasional pop of a log in the fireplace.  They always were happy to read the letters, and yet there was a sense of disappointment as well, because there were family members missing from their lives.  Jesse had never written once he’d left and joined up with his brother Frank.  News reports and letters from Cody brought a piece 
of news every now and then, and Teaspoon was deeply saddened by Jesse’s involvement with Quantrill’s Raiders.  He’d always hoped that his brief time with the boy would have done more good, but he knew that everybody had to make their own way in life.  He only hoped that at some point in the future, Jesse would remember the things they’d tried to teach him.

The biggest sense of loss though was Jimmy.  There were sporadic letters through the years, usually with no return address, or a town name, but they knew that by the time they’d received the letter 
he’d already moved on.  Whispers and gossip floated into town about “Wild Bill” and the gunfighter and gambler he was becoming.  J.D. Marcus was certainly getting enough fodder to fill a dozen books, but they could never bring themselves to read the drivel.  They knew he was out there somewhere, but they never knew where or how he was doing.  Now, they figured that as long as they didn’t read in the newspaper about his death, that they would have to be content with the infrequent letters.  It was difficult on them though, that he chose to not contact them, and it was harder still to hear the reports of men that he’d killed. 

Teaspoon gruffly cleared his throat and looked around the room.  “I think it’s time that we head on home.  Kid, Louise, thank you as always for inviting us over, and for the wonderful meal.  Teresa 
and Jeremiah, enjoy your stay and remember to write.”

Hugs were given and Merry Christmases were exchanged again and Teaspoon and Polly left.  Kid, Lou, Teresa and Jeremiah headed off to their rooms, happy and content to spend the time together.  Alone in their bedroom, Kid and Louise crawled into bed and held each other.  The letters from their friends had cheered them, but it was the letters that were absent that saddened them every year.  There in the dark, they each said a quiet prayer and asked that Jesse and Jimmy would be kept 
safe, and that eventually they’d write them, and remember their ties to everyone.

Alone in his room above a cheap saloon in Leesburg, Idaho Territory, Jimmy poured another drink for himself.  He’d passed on the card games that night and bought a bottle of whiskey from the bartender and headed up to his room.  He raised the glass in one hand, and in the other, he held a picture.  It was a picture of everyone on the stagecoach, the same one that Teaspoon had sent to Amanda O’Connell.  He’d ordered an extra one from the photographer, and had kept it tucked 
away.  For five years it had remained in the bottom of his bags, hidden, but tonight he’d pulled it out.

He raised the glass in salute to the photograph and drained the amber liquid in one swift motion.  Wiping the corner of his mouth with his cuff, he set the glass down and gripped the picture in both hands.  He stared at the faces, seeing them for the first time in some place other than his memories.  Tears pricked the corners of his eyes and he quickly blinked them back, then poured another drink.  Raising the glass once again to the photograph, he whispered, “Merry Christmas, everyone.”
 

Chapter 5

Raucous laughter and tinny Christmas carols played on an out of tune piano floated up to Jimmy’s room, but they barely penetrated his mood.  Memories, long since buried and tried to be forgotten, forged to the surface and danced across Jimmy’s mind.  As he looked at each face in the 
photograph, more and more memories charged forward, but tonight instead of being disjointed and fleeting like his dreams, they were sharp and in focus and he reveled in each one.  From their very first meeting to the time they all said good-bye after Rosemary’s funeral, the sights, sounds, and smells of those lost moments filled and surrounded him.

He closed his eyes and he could hear them sitting around the table in the bunkhouse, laughing, talking, and sometimes arguing.  They’d grown close in their year and a half together; it was inevitable when they’d put their lives on the line for each other.  Even though they may have disagreed, they’d never remained mad for long.  Living in a small bunkhouse tended to bring about quick resolutions to whatever problems they might be facing.  There simply wasn’t enough room for them to avoid each other.

He wondered what they were all doing, and he thought of each one of them.  But tonight his thoughts were drawn to two people in particular in the photograph and one who wasn’t, but was always in his heart.  No matter how he tried to think of someone else, Lou, Emma and Rachel were most 
prominent in his mind.  He could see them; he could hear them, and the things they were saying to him were not pleasant.  They definitely were disapproving of his lifestyle he was leading.  Living by the gun, gambling, drinking, and being the man J.D. Marcus wrote him becoming. 

He raised the glass to his lips and swiftly drained the whiskey it held.  He set the glass down and picked up the bottle to refill it, but the disjointed voices of Emma, Rachel and Lou chastising him caused him to falter and set the bottle down.  He pressed his hands to his head and slowly shook it back and forth.  The voices and memories were now unwanted and he wanted to drown them out, but they were too loud and he suddenly found himself unable to perform a simple task like raising a bottle.  Not able to stop the feelings of disappointment and disgust that were washing over him, he stood abruptly, sending the chair clattering to the floor.

Jimmy paced the room, slowly at first, and then in an increasingly frenzied speed until he caught site of himself in the mirror.  He walked over and stopped in front of it, leaning his hands on the bureau and studying his reflection.  He hadn’t shaved in several days, and it had been nearly a week since he’d seen the inside of a tub.  After all, who was really going to care about his appearance if all he was doing was sitting at a card table, passing out the cards and raking in the chips?  His cheeks looked sunken, and his eyes were red from the smoke, alcohol, and not enough sleep.  Tucking his hair behind his ears, he stared at himself until his vision started to blur from such intense scrutiny.

He could only imagine what the others would say if they could see him now.  They’d be disappointed, they’d be saddened, some would be put off, but one voice pierced through his brain and dripped with disgust.  He was startled at first, because it wasn’t the voice of any of his friends and he couldn’t think why this, of all the voices from his past, should be coming into his mind at this particular moment.

“You disgust me.”

Jimmy slowly shook his head, trying to force the voice out.  “No…”

“You disgust me.  You know why?  Because you chose this life.”

“No, no I didn’t,” he whispered to the voice in his mind.  He could see her there, standing in her 
hotel after he destroyed it.  “I didn’t choose this life.  You think I wanted to kill those people?”

“You chose this life.  You became ‘Wild Bill’ and you liked it.”

“No,” he said stronger, standing up and pushing away from the mirror.  “I am not ‘Wild Bill,’ I’m Jimmy.”

“Look at yourself ‘Wild Bill.’  You’re alone, drunk in a hotel on Christmas.”

“No, no more.  I don’t have to listen to you and your judgements.  You don’t know me, you don’t know my life, you don’t know who I was.”

“How could I?  All I saw was ‘Wild Bill.’”

Jimmy pressed his hands over his ears, hoping that he could keep the voice away.  Why?  Why 
should he care what she thought of him?  For five years he’d lived this life and did like it.  He liked the comfort and the clothes and the respect he got from people.  And one woman who had enough courage and gumption to tell him that he was acting like a fool had totally thrown him off his game.  She was petite like Lou, her eyes snapped with determination like Emma, and she was straightforward like Rachel.  She had said everything to him, that he’d only imagined the others saying.  That’s why she got under his skin and wouldn’t give him a moment’s peace.

In a moment of self-loathing, Jimmy picked up the half empty bottle of whiskey and walked to the window.  He didn’t feel the blast of frigid air or notice the snow swirling around, as he opened the window and dropped the bottle outside.  No more whiskey.  No more drowning and hiding in a bottle hoping to numb his conscience so he wouldn’t have to deal with the man he’d become.  It was time to face what he’d become and recognize it, so he’d never be that person again.

Exhausted, he collapsed onto the bed and pulled the heavy quilt around him.  He reached out to turn out the lamp on the table, but he paused and got out of bed.  He picked up the picture from the 
bureau where he placed it, and carried it back with him.  Leaning it against the oil lamp on the table beside the bed, he turned out the lamp and fell in a mercifully dreamless sleep.

In the morning when he woke, Jimmy moved gingerly, but with determination.  He ordered a bath 
and soaked in the hot water until it began to cool.  Cleaned and shaved, he dressed in a simple shirt and pants and headed down the stairs.  Already, a few people looking for a game were starting to 
drift into the bar, but Jimmy ignored their requests to join in.  When his bill was settled, he left without a backward glance and headed off to get his horse. 

Not sure where he was going, but certain only that he had to leave, he climbed on his horse.  He paused, studying the trails and determining which way to go.  After a moment, he turned his horse away from the river and the gold fields and headed off.