Buffy: "Vampires are creeps."
Giles: "Yes, that's why we slay them."
Buffy: "I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas and everyone's like, "Oh, look, a mini-pizza!" but I'm telling you, I am--"
Giles: "Uh, uh, Buffy. I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh...text."

Buffy: "Seeing my mother frenching a guy is definitely a ticket to Therapy Land."

Xander: "Ah, the dreaded five par cuckoo clock. Ha! So many have come, so few have conquered."

Xander: "Hey, Cordy! Nice outfit!"
Cordelia: "Oh, very funny."
Xander: "Not really."
Cordelia: "What are you saying?"
Xander: "Nice outfit?"
Cordelia: "Well, why don't you just keep your mouth shut?"

Ted: "So, from now on, you'll do what I say when I say, or I show this to your mother, then you'll spend your best dating years behind the wall of a mental institution."

Buffy: "You died."
Ted: "That's right, little lady, you killed me. Do we have something to say about that? Are we sorry?"

Willow: "So far, I've counted four marriage certificates."
Xander: "Any divorce papers?"
Willow: "Not a one."
Xander: "So either our boy was a Mormon, or--"
Willow: "Whoa, whoa, 1957! Ted must have married young, like pre-school young."

Joyce: "Do you wanna' rent a movie tonight?"
Buffy: "Sounds like fun."
Joyce: "Just nothing with horror in it. Or romance. Or men."
Buffy: "I guess we're Thelma and Louise-ing it again."
Joyce: "Mm-hmm. Good call."