Xander: "Dinner is served. And my very own recipe."
Willow: "Ooh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says 'popcorn'?"
Xander: "Actually, I pushed 'defrost', but Joyce was there in the clinch."

Tara: "You're not worried?"
Willow: "I never worry here. I'm safe here."
Tara: "You don't know everything about me."
Willow: "Have you told me your real name?"
Tara: "Oh, you know that."

Buffy: "The place is packed! Everybody's here! Your whole family's in the front row, and they look really angry."
Willow: "There's a production?"
Harmony: "Oh, somebody's got stage fright."

Riley: "Well, you showed up late, or you'd have a better part. I'm cowboy guy."

Giles: "Acting isn't about behaving, it's about hiding. The audience wants to find you, strip you naked, and eat you alive, so hide. Stop that. Now, costumes, sets... um, the things that, you know, um, you hold them, you touch them, use them, um..."
Harmony: "Props?"
Giles: "No."
Riley: "Props?"
Giles: "Yes. It's all about subterfuge. That's very annoying. Now, go out there, lie like dogs, and have a wonderful time."

Cheese guy: "I've made a little space for the cheese slices."

Buffy: "Oh, for god's sake, just take it off. That's better. Much more realistic."
Harmony: "See, isn't everybody very clear on this now?"
Anya: "Oh my god, it's like a tragedy."

Willow: "This summer I read 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.'"
Xander: "Oh, who cares!"

Xander: "You know, a man's always after..."
Joyce: "Conquest?"
Xander: "I'm a conquistador."
Joyce: "Are you sure it isn't comfort?"
Xander: "I'm a comfortador also."
Joyce: "I do know the difference. I've learned about boys."
Xander: "That's cool about you."
Joyce: "It's very late. Would you like to rest for a while?"
Xander: "Um, yeah. I'd like you."

Spike: "Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff."
Giles: "Spike's like a son to me."

Xander: "You gotta have something. Gotta be with moving forward."
Buffy: "Like a shark."
Xander: "Like a shark with feet and... much less fins."
Spike: "And on land."
Giles: "Very good!"

Cheese man: "I wear the cheese. It does not wear me."

Buffy: "I think I need to find the others."
Tara: "Be back before dawn."

Buffy: "Mom?"
Joyce: "Oh, hi honey."
Buffy: "Why are you living in the walls?"

Buffy: "I think they might be in danger."
Joyce: "I'm sorry dear, a mouse is playing with my knees."

Loudspeaker: "The demons have escaped. Please run for your lives."
Adam: "This could be trouble."
Riley: "We'd better make a fort."
Adam: "I'll get some pillows."

Buffy: "Are you quite finished. It's over, okay? I'm going to ignore you, and you're going to go away. You're really going to have to get over the whole primal power thing. You're not the source of me. Also, in terms of hair care, you really want to say, what kind of impression am I making in the workplace? 'Cause..."

Joyce: "I'm guessing I missed some fun?"
Willow: "The spirit of the first Slayer tried to kill us in our dreams."
Joyce: "Oh. You want some hot chocolate?"
All: "Yeah!"
Joyce: "Xander?"
Xander: "Yes, what, Joyce? Uh, Buffy's mom?"

Buffy: "Well, at least you all didn't dream about that guy with the cheese. I don't know where the hell that came from."