Angel: "Is this a bad time?"
Buffy: "Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or yodel."

Buffy: "Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood."
Xander: "Well, it actually kind of turns me on."
Buffy: "I fear you."

Xander: "So this chair woman, we are talking Ms. Calendar, right?"
Giles: "What makes you think that?"
Xander: "Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her."
Buffy: "And she's the only woman we've ever seen actually speak to you. Add it up and it all spells 'Duh!'"

Xander: "Now is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?"
Giles: "You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business."
Xander: "You know, 'cause that whole stork thing is a smoke screen!"

Giles: "Grave robbery? That's new. Interesting."
Buffy: "I know you meant to say 'gross' and 'disturbing'."
Giles: "Yes, yes, yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn it."

Willow: "This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place."

Willow: "It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly. They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game."
Buffy: "You know what this means?"
Xander: "That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body count competition this year?"

Xander: "So we're set, then. Say, nine-ish? B.Y.O. Shovel."
Willow: "And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered donuts?"
Xander: "Me."
Willow: "Cordelia?"
Cordelia: "Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew you were gonna' be digging up dead people sooner. I would've cancelled."
Xander: "All right, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?"
Cordelia: "Oh!"
Giles: "Xander?"
Xander: "Huh?"
Giles: "Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living."
Xander: "Ha. Yeah, I know that, but did you see the look on her face?"

Angel: "We found some of them."
Buffy: "You mean, like, two of the three?"
Angel: "I mean, like, some of them. Like parts."
Cordelia: "It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm."

Cordelia: "I have to go home now. I have to take a bath and burn my clothes."
Xander: "You have to go? Aw, too bad. Keep in touch. Buh-bye!"

Willow: "Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooh! I haven't
read this one."

Willow: "Eric's was a bust. Nothing there."
Xander: "Yeah, nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a pornography collection so prodigious, it even scared me."

Xander: "Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. The vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world's a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped, and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?"
Willow: "All the time."
Cordelia: "Xander, I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there's anything I could ever do--"
Xander: "Do you mind? We're talking here. So, where were we?"
Willow: "Wondering why we never get dates."
Xander: "Yeah, so why do you think that is?"