by Arkangel
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
Dear God,
I have a son. No
matter what anyone thinks of him, he's my pride and joy. So sweet and caring,
you could not have blessed me more.
Thank you God.
He works so hard
..... had since he was six ..... a never failing ethic to do what he can to
help his family ..... me.
I love him, God.
Sometimes I feel I
should talk to him, tell him who he is and what he will have if I let him go,
but I can't, I would be lost, he's my strength, he's my heart ..... my lovely
little boy and all I can say is .....
Help me, God.
His father is a good
man, a fair man and would provide all that I could not ..... a nice home,
brother's and a sister ..... money, food on the table every mealtime ..... an
education ..... doors would be open to my little boy that are closed up tight
here. Am I being selfish?
I ask you, God.
Do I deny him his
future by holding onto his past, do I keep his life close to my breast or open
my arms wide and let him soar. I see him, cocooned in doubt and wonder, feeling
less than whole and not knowing what will become of him ..... or me. Inside
that cocoon, he could be so much ..... do I have the strength to help him break
free and become the butterfly he was meant to be.
I'm pleading, God.
The answers, I know
will come. I fear for his safety, his very life at the hands of those I call
family. He's so very strong for one so young. I can't bare to hear him cry when
he thinks that I am asleep. I can't bare to see his questioning eyes as we walk
down the street and spy a father and son walking happily by. I can't bare the
blisters his small hands have suffered as he toils, I can't bare this weight
I've placed upon myself.
What do I do, God?
I know his father
would be proud to call him son, as much as I am. I know that his father's
family would welcome him if I should let him go. One letter, words scratched on
paper would seal his fate to a life without want. My hand shakes at the
prospect, I start to write and my thoughts drift to life without my little boy
..... and I cry.
Guide my hand, God.
If I should see his
father again, I would tell him of his little boy ..... that I know to be true,
but, will I see him? Would he venture into my world again?
Lead him, God.
I don't know if I
can give him up, but I would do anything ..... even die for my little boy. I
would miss him terribly, but I would know that he was taken care of and I could
be at peace.
Please, God, help me
make the decisions that I cannot make on my own. For my son ..... for my light
..... for the love of my life ..... for
Heath Morgan Thompson Barkley.
Amen
Then she wept.
THE END