He Called Me Brother
(Heath's POV)
by
Arkangel
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
To say I was shocked
would be an understatement. The fight, one of many in the last two months since
my arrival here, was nothing new but the outcome was far from what I had
expected. I could tell that Nick was gradually beginning to accept me, I could
tell this by the way he fought with me. Before, it was with hurtful words and
actions from both of us, this time, it was controlled, words were chosen
carefully and actions thought about before acted on. He was making an effort to
not hurt me.
We were arguing
about the placement of a crew, I thought they would be better used to repair
the fence in the south pasture, Nick thought they should help with the
branding. I stated my reasons, told Nick that if we split up the crews, we
could have both tasks done quickly and possibly save a day and a half. I could
see the rage start to boil, but then he seemed to calm. I was ready for another
fight, and he was standing there scratching his head. I couldn't figure out
what was happening, Nick actually stopped to listen to what I had to say......a
first indeed.
He made a week
attempt to find flaws in my reasoning, but I came back with an answer that
seemed to satisfy him. His final statement on the subject was to ask me who I
thought would be best for the fence job. I stood and stared at him for, what
felt like, hours, but was only a few minutes. It must have been a while,
though, because he snapped his fingers in front of my face to gain my
attention. "You still in there, boy?" Nick asked me. I know I had a
strange look on my face because he returned my gaze with a look of confusion. I
said the first thing that came to mind, I said, "You agree with me?"
I saw Nick shake his
head, he was shocked at my quiet statement. He seemed to think about it, trying
to form his answer, "Sure, seems like a good idea." Nick answered
then kinda grinned (?). We went about discussing the best workers for which job
and by mid morning, had the job assignments handed out.
I was still more
than a little confused at the turn the fight had made and decided to make my
way to the barn to think. Using the excuse that Gal needed a good brushing.
Nick didn't follow, he seemed to need his own time and we parted ways. I must
have been in the barn brushing Gal for a good thirty minutes or so when I heard
the jingle of Nick's spurs coming up behind me. I continued to brush Gal
because I was still a little shaky, I wasn't prepared to have another argument,
I didn't want to tear up the small bridge that had started to form between us.
I took a deep breath and waited for Nick to speak first. It didn't take him
long, he cleared his throat and said, "Heath, is there something
wrong?" What? I was expecting a lot of things, but not concern.
"Nope, just thinkin'." I said. He seemed to hesitate a little, then
came forward and slapped me on the shoulder. The action took me by surprise and
I dropped the brush I was holding. During my thirty minutes of solitude, I was
beginning to think that it was my unwillingness to see past the anger, Nick's
actions proved it. Nick had made efforts in the last couple of weeks to include
me in different areas of his job, but I think that my mistrust was pushing
those efforts back in his face with my own uncertainty. I was ready for a fight
when ever Nick was around, so I often returned any comment made with a sneer
and a sarcastic answer. I was the one sabotaging my acceptance by Nick, not the
other way around. I was so use to the arguing and fighting that it became a habit,
when Nick had obviously tried to stop his mistreatment of me, the comfort zone
was off balance and I was fighting, literally, to make everything as it was
when I first arrived.
Where Nick was
letting go of his anger and doing what any bright person would do, I was
holding on to it with a white knuckle grip. I was wrong, I should have seen the
signs and acted positively. My bitter thoughts and ingrained mistrust of anyone
trying to become close to me was something I learned from childhood. The thought
that the only reason anyone would want to be nice to me or be my friend was
that they needed something from me.
Nick sensed my
unease and gave my shoulder a squeeze. This was Nick, a man that would rather
show his respect for you in different way, not in words, but in actions. Asking
for advice cleverly hidden in a simple comment. Making a show of feeling
annoyed when I would say something but in reality was considering what I had to
say. I thought back to the half dozen or so comments in the last couple of
weeks and I realized that that's exactly what he had been doing. He was working
his way up to feeling comfortable in asking for my opinion were the ranch was
concerned. Acting as a partner, weighing each suggestion and deciding, more
often than not, in my favor. I wouldn't hear from him that he had decided to
act on my suggestion, I was so bent on keeping the friction between us that I
didn't realize he had heeded my advice. Oh, I would notice the changes, the
stallion he had bought because I stated that it would be a good investment, the
firing of a ranch hand that was obviously not pulling his weight, little things
like that. In my mind, he wasn't doing it because I had suggested it, I just
figured he was going to do it anyway and just wanted to see what I would say. I
really don't know how his mind works, but I do know he's a brilliant rancher
and a very smart man.
I decided to stop my
thinking because Nick was seeming to be a little uncomfortable at my silence.
He had removed his hand and was waiting for me. So I forced the mandatory sneer
from my face and tried to replace it with what I hoped was a smile. I was going
to make an effort to stop the pushing and start feeling, start seeing, start
hearing.
It all paid off.
Nick returned the
smile with a shaky one of his own. He understood what I was trying to do and he
seemed relieved that I was trying to take the first step. I saw him nod his
head as if making a decision. "You done?" Nick asked me. I nodded my
head. "Then I think we need to get to work." I nodded again and
followed him out the door. Some hands were loading a wagon with fence posts and
others were preparing to go and start the branding. Nick turned to me and asked
me, actually asked me which I would rather do, ride rough shod over the fencing
or co-ordinate the branding. Again I was taken back, I tried to make a quick
decision and finally answered, "Fencing." He seemed to accept that.
He walked over to the hands loading the wagon and spoke quietly to them. I
couldn't hear what was said, but the nods of the men's heads told me that they
heard and acknowledged what Nick said. I went back into the barn and prepared
Gal for our trip to the south pasture, getting her saddled, I mounted and rode
out as the last fence post was place in the wagon bed. Nick grabbed my reins
and looked up at me, "It's hot out there, don't overdue it." Nick
told me with a bit of concern in his voice. "I won't." I answered
with as much sincerity as I could muster. I gently kicked Gal's sides and followed
the wagon......that's when it happened, with the ranch hands all in ear shot,
Nick shouted the one thing that made all my walls crumble and my heart start to
feel again. He said, "Be careful out there, little brother."
I stopped Gal and
turned. I smiled the first genuine smile in a long time. Nick returned it with
a smile of his own. The ranch hands each began to show there own ease and
replaced neutral expressions with face cracking smiles of there own. I sat up
taller in the saddle, I was a Barkley, no more wondering or worrying. I tried
to convey my feeling but the words wouldn't come. Instead, I answered with a
wave and a "Don't worry, big brother. I'll be fine." It wasn't what I
had intended to say, but the words just came out as if I had been saying them all
along. Nick grinned wider, he obviously wanted to hear those words as much as I
did. Nick nodded and turned to the group that would be doing the branding. I
sat on Gal for a few moments more just watching this man. He must have sensed
me and threw a look over his shoulder as if to say 'we'll talk about it later',
the grinned still plastered on his face. I turned Gal around and caught up to
the wagon, the days events playing over in my mind. I patted Gal and leaned in
close to her where only she could hear, "He called me brother." Gal
gave her head a shake and I could swear I could see the joy in her eyes when
she turned her head to glance at me.
I never, in my life
thought one word could make such a difference. I've been called many a thing in
my life, some I wouldn't care to repeat, but that one word coming from Nick
Barkley made me the happiest man on the earth. That one word made everything
worth while. That one word made my whole life worth living. That one word laid
the foundation to a true work of art, a family.
He called me
brother.