(Nick's
POV)
by
Arkangel
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No copyright
infringement is intended by the author.
The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
Another fight, that
seems like all we ever do. I try to keep my anger at a low rumble, but that boy
can just....well he knows how to rile me up. I had made my decision a month ago
to give the kid a chance. I was gettin' tired of the constant fighting, hitting
and name calling. It had to stop. It was tearing our family apart and I was
bound and determined to not let that happened. Even if it meant admitting that
I could have been wrong. Which I did. I thought about it long and hard one
evening and came up with the conclusion that Heath was indeed my father's son.
My blind furry at the situation was keeping me from seeing the truth behind the
veil. It was at that moment that I would make an effort to ease tension and to
not let the arguing get out of hand.
I was doing a damn
good job of it too, until the whole mess with the crew placement came up. I was
having a particularly bad day, so much to do and not the foggiest notion how to
get it all done. Heath walks up to me, the ever present sneer on his face and
states, "I think we should send a separate crew to work on the
fence." I was really in no mood to hear what anyone had to say so I
started to get angry, I answered him with "We need them on the
branding." I really didn't mean it to come out so harsh, I was upset and
would have probably bitten the head off anyone, whether it be Heath or one of
the hands. It was a general dislike of the day, not of the person standing in
front of me. He answered my comment with a sarcastic one of his own and the
fight was on. Not with fists, but with quiet words and looks. He hitched
himself up and went on to tell me the reasoning behind the suggestion. It would
save time, two crews doing two jobs. I yanked back my anger and listened to
what he was saying. It made perfect sense.
Oh I didn't tell him
that right out, I still have my reputation to consider, but I did listen. I
asked a couple of question, tried to find flaws in his thinking, just for show,
and decided that he was right. It was a good idea, why didn't I think of that?
So I asked him who he thought would be better to work on the fence. He stared
at me, he was looking at me like I had grown another head or something. I
waited a few minutes and decided that I'd better bring him back, he seemed lost
in thought. I snapped my fingers in front of his face and asked if he was still
there. He had the strangest look on his face. I really can't explain it, but it
was making me just a bit nervous. Heath seemed to come back into himself and
asked me, "You agree with me?"
I didn't know what
to say to that, I realized that his shock was my fault....in the past his
suggestions were never answered with a positive response, I decided to let him
know that it was a good idea. I even threw in a grin to let him know I was
sincere. That seemed to confuse him even more. He didn't say anything, just
kinda looked at me. We talked a bit longer to decide who would be good at what job.
Soon we had made our decision and went about telling the crews.
After that, Heath
seemed preoccupied, he made some excuse that Gal needed brushing, I saw it for
what it was, a need for solitude so that he could think about what was
happening. This was the first time that he actually heard my voice and realized
that I wasn't biting back, that I was keeping cool and making an effort to
listen to him, instead of the echoed voices in my head. I didn't follow Heath,
I knew that he needed time, I needed it as well, so I walked to the side of the
barn and leaned against the wall. My mind was racing, trying to figure out how
to fix this situation without causing any more confusion on Heath's part. He
was a member of this family, damn it, and he needed to understand that. Even
though I was hard headed sometimes, I'm usually able to see reason with a
little push in the right direction. That push coming from my Dear Mother, older
brother and little sister. They pointed out on numerous occasions that I was
punishing the wrong person, that Heath did nothing wrong. I was pushing away
the little brother I had wished for all those years ago. It took a good month
for them to get it through my head, but once the seed was planted it flourished
and grew. I began to really look at this young man, to listen to him, to
recognize him in a way that I wouldn't see before. He was so like father in
many ways, but he held his anger like a shield, protecting himself from those
around him. He fought fire with fire so it was only natural that he would
answer my anger in kind. Mother treated him with respect and love, so he
returned those feelings, Jarrod treated him like family, including him in
family discussion, Heath would speak to Jarrod and ask advice, and Audra
treated him like an older sibling, teasing and baiting him in the manner only a
little sister can do, which Heath would give as good as he got. So it was only
logical that he would return my feelings of betrayal and mistrust with feelings
mirroring my own. It was how he handled people.
I decided that he's
had enough time so I walked back into the barn and toward Gal's stall. I know
he heard me, my spurs alerting him to my presence. He looked so lost, at each
stroke of the brush, he would shake his head and sigh. I didn't want to start
another argument, so I quieted my voice and asked him if there was something
wrong. I tried to convey to him that I cared and was just a little bit
concerned. He didn't turn around, he just stiffened a little and answered,
"Nope, just thinkin'." I tried to think what I would do if this were
Jarrod, feeling a little bit out of sorts, I agreed on acting naturally, so I
walked up to him and slapped him on the back. Not a hard slap, just a
reassurance that I understood. I think I startled him because the brush fell
from his hand. We stood silent for a good five minutes or so, my hand still
resting on his shoulder. I could feel small tremors in the rigid muscles in his
back. He was fighting his own battle, he was trying to collapse the shield of
anger and let me in. No small feet, I'm sure. I had hoped that he would
understand that I wanted this to happened, I wanted us to get past the
barriers, I wanted him to see that he no longer needed his anger, that he could
let it go and start to feel. I had been trying for a month to show him in
little ways that I was wrong, but I never came right out and said it. That, I
realize, was a mistake on my part. I should have told him buying that stallion
was a good idea from the start, but I said nothing. I bought it, it was indeed
a good investment and the ranch will be better for it, but did I tell him that
in words. No. I should have let him know how I felt, I'm sure his track record
with trust was not a good one. I could only imagine what could have happened in
his short life to make him feel the need to protect himself in any way
possible.
The minutes
stretched on and I was beginning to think we was going to stand there all day.
I removed my hand, but not before I gave his shoulder a light squeeze. Finally
he turned and what I saw was a young man trying to mentally wipe the angry
scowl off his face and replace it with a crooked smile. It was a sight to
behold. Heath had never directed a smile, crooked or otherwise, in my
direction. He was making the effort and I was glad.
I returned the smile
with a small smile of my own. I knew a lot had happened in the short time we
were apart, but I think the final decision was made in the five or so minutes
sense I entered the barn. I nodded my head to let him know that I appreciate
his efforts and said, "You done?" Heath nodded, then I stated
something to the effect that we better get to work. He answered with another
slow nod and we left the barn. I saw the separate crews each preparing for the
day, the order to tell Heath to oversee the branding was on the tip of my
tongue when I bit it back. I would ask him which he would rather do. So I did,
he answered me with a short, "Fencing." and I accepted that. I walked
to the hands and informed them that Heath would be in charge of the fencing job
and that they were to follow his orders to the letter, I would expect nothing
less. Some of the hands smiled, and others just nodded, but they all understood
what I was saying and they seemed relieved. I turned and noticed that Heath was
heading back to the barn, I assume to get Gal and prepare for the trip. Duke
McCall came over to me once Heath was in the barn and placed his hand on my
neck. No words were said, just a silent communication that he was glad things
were finally right and as they should be. Heath came out of the barn a few
minutes later and headed for the wagon as the men loaded the last post. I
reached up and grabbed his reins, wanting to say something but couldn't find
the words. We made eye contact and I could see that he was as unsteady as I
was. So I told him, in as gentle a voice as I could muster, to not overdue, it
was gonna be hot out there and the last thing we need is for him to get sick
from the heat. He told me he wouldn't, and I let go of the reins. He gave Gal a
light kick and followed the wagon toward the gates. I knew in my heart that I
needed to say something, but my mouth wouldn't co-operate. Finally, I said the
first thing that came to mind, I said, "Be careful out there, little
brother." I saw the hands each look up from the loud declaration.
Heath stopped Gal
and turned, the look on his face was priceless, worth more than any gold or
precious gem. He was smiling a smile that I had never seen on his face before,
he had never directed such a look of pure happiness at me in the two months
sense his arrival here. I couldn't help but smile back, a big goofy grin that
felt comfortable, felt.....right. The men around me were smiling too, they knew
what had just happened. Heath sat on Gal a moment as if he were trying to
decide what to say. I saw him straighten up a little in the saddle and hold his
head up a little higher. Finally he waved and replied, "Don't worry, big
brother, I'll be fine." I didn't think it could, buy my smile got even
wider. He said it, he feels it too. We had bridged the gap with one simple word
and it felt good. I gave him a nod and turn to the crew I was to supervise. As
we discussed the plan for the day, I could feel Heath, he was still in the same
spot staring at me. I threw him a glance over my shoulder, his smile mirrored
my own. We made eye contact and he gave me a short nod. He and I are going to
have a long talk when we return.
I watched him ride
off, I saw him lean forward as if he were talking to Gal. Gal gave her head a
shake and they went on, a little faster, to catch back up to the wagon. For a
moment I was lost in my own thoughts. I just stood and stared until all I could
see was a speck on the horizon. I felt a presence beside me and turned to see
Duke, a silly grin on his weather worn face. I couldn't help it, I put my hands
on his shoulder and turned him to face me. With a bit of emotion in my voice I
said, "He called me brother." Duke nodded, I couldn't contain my joy
any longer, I had heard the one word that I had been striving to hear for a
month. I told Duke I would be back and ran towards the house hollering for
Mother, Jarrod, Audra.....any one who would listen. The front door to the house
flew open and the family came out with looks of concern and dread. "HE
CALLED ME BROTHER!!" I yelled as loud as I could. I stopped at the first
step and sat down heavily, I felt my family make there way to set beside me,
Mother's hand resting gently on my back. I put my head in my hand and repeated.
"He called me
brother."