Whisper
My Name
by Bonnie
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
This is a short story about the relationship between Nick and his daughter through the years; inspired from a song performed by Randy Travis.
Nick Barkley sat in the rocking chair in his
bedroom holding his newborn daughter.
The little one slept contented in the safety of her father’s arms. His large calloused hand gently caressed her
soft skin. He had counted her toes and
fingers, and traced every part of her, to make sure she was all right. A head full of raven hair was a large
contrast to the white blanket that covered it.
His wife was finally sleeping after a difficult birth that lasted nearly
all night. Nick’s chest was beating
with pride for his lovely bride. She
was so strong as she brought their daughter into the world. The delivery
had been difficult from the moment she woke him up. Midway through the night it was learned the baby was a
breech. Dr. Merar and Victoria worked
frantically to save both mother and child.
He still winced at the thought of the excruciating pain his wife
suffered when the baby was turned to the proper birthing position. His mother had wanted him to leave, stating
it wasn’t appropriate for the husband to be present. But his wife wanted him to stay and he could never deny his wife
anything. Besides, he wouldn’t have
missed a second of his daughter’s birth.
He was so deep in thought that he didn’t realize
his wife’s gaze was now upon him. The exhausted woman smiled at her
husband. Throughout the time she was carrying
their baby he kept telling her it was going to be a boy. But when he was told he had a daughter a
look of surprise crossed his face. He
smiled now because he never considered the possibility of his son being a
daughter, but when the little girl was placed in his arms all reservations were
immediately forgotten, and he became her protector for life.
“I believe our daughter is
going to have a time of it,” she smiled at her husband. She thought about the
suitors who would have to deal with the girl’s father.
Nick looked up from the rocker
and gently chided his wife. “You should
be asleep. This little one hasn’t cried in awhile, you should take advantage
before it’s time to feed her.”
“I know, but I couldn’t help
watching the two of you together,” his wife said, lovingly.
“Well I was thinking she might
be the first woman rancher,” he looked at his wife in jest. Her laughter rang out and he joined her.
“Well she is her father’s
daughter. Whatever she does, she’s going to have her Papa wrapped around her
finger,” she paused, “and she will drive you mad the entire time.”
Nick looked down in pride at
the little bundle in his arms and smiled.
He let the one word roll off his tongue; the one word he couldn’t
believe had finally come true.
“Papa.”
I heard a freight train out across the way
I heard a woman sing Amazing Grace
I heard a night bird call to its mate
When I heard you whisper my name
It had been a long day for Nick
Barkley. He and Heath had to bring the
horses down from the mountains and work at breaking them. There was one particular horse that was most
ornery. No matter what either brother
did the horse simply wouldn’t cooperate.
They were covered in dirt and bruised from head to toe when they walked
into the house exhausted. Nick turned to the side table to remove his gun belt.
He smiled when he heard two small feet running towards him.
“Papa!” The five-year old little girl with raven
curls ran towards him. Nick turned
around and scooped his little girl up in his muscular arms. “Papa’s smelly,” she winkled her nose
causing her Papa to laugh before he nuzzled his nose into her neck. The laughter coming from father and daughter
echoed throughout the house.
I heard freedom break its chain
I heard a heart beat where once no sound remained
I heard angels rise and praise
When I heard you whisper my name
Nick and Heath loaded the wagon
with bags of grain under the scrutinizing blaze of the afternoon sun. By the time the wagon had been loaded it was
time for school to let out. Nick’s long
strides swallowed up the space between him and the schoolyard. He stopped in
his tracks when he saw his daughter.
The little girl of twelve was talking to a boy and they were laughing.
The boy was nervous and he looked around to make sure nobody saw before he
planted a small kiss on the girl’s cheek.
Once he kissed her he ran off, leaving her to stand there in shock
before she smiled. She let her finger trace her cheek where she had been
kissed. Nick’s heart cracked when he
realized he was losing his little girl.
The child was holding her books
in her arms and the raven hair bounced behind her as she walked away. She stopped in her tracks when she heard his
booming voice.
“How was my favorite girl’s
day?” Nick’s smile filled his face as
he hoped his broken heart wouldn’t be noticed.
His daughter’s smile, matched his own, and filled his heart with joy.
She ran towards him throwing her arms around his shoulders.
“Papa!”
Chorus:
I heard music bring a heart of stone to tears
I heard peace ring like an anthem through the years
And I heard hatred fall from grace
When I heard you whisper my name
“I SAID NO AND I MEANT
IT!” Nick’s voice thundered through the
study. The rest of the family silently
watched the intense fight between father and daughter.
“HOW CAN YOU BE SO
UNFAIR?” It was no surprise that Nick’s
teenage daughter of sixteen could match his voice in volume.
“YOU ARE NOT GOING AND THAT IS
FINAL!”
“You just don’t want me to go
because you don’t like HIM!” The tears streamed down her face in hurt and
anger. “I HATE YOU!”
She spat out the angry words
before running up the stairs to her bedroom.
Nick’s heart shattered into pieces as his daughter’s words echoed in his
ears. He slumped into the chair,
defeated and buried his face in his hands. His wife’s arm snaked his shoulder. His hazel eyes met hers. “Should I have let her go to the party?”
Nick quietly questioned his wife.
“No. There will be no
chaperones at the bonfire, just a group of teenagers. You are doing what’s best
so she doesn’t get hurt. She’s too
young to understand that, but she will in time.” His wife knelt down and,
kissed him. She wrapped her arms around his defeated frame and felt his strong
arms come around her waist. She knew
how the words spoken in anger broke her husband’s heart. She softly whispered
in his ear. “She didn’t mean it, honey, she adores you. No matter what, don’t
you ever forget that, my love.”
Beating softly against the waves
Fell a sound of an early morning rain
And though the lightning and thunder came
I still heard you whisper my name
The church filled up with
people from all around. Nick shook
hands with guests before making his exit.
He walked towards the small room in the back of the church and knocked. His sister-in-law let him into the room. He gasped when he saw his daughter dressed in
white. The other women in the room left
to give father and daughter time alone. Nick stood in front of his little girl
all grown, a bride.
“You are so very beautiful,”
Nick spoke as his roughen hand caressed her cheek. “I am so proud of you.”
“Oh, Papa…” The young woman of
twenty started to cry. Nick wiped away
the tears and drew her into a hug.
“Now, none of that!” Nick ordered as he choked back the lump in
his throat. “There will be no crying on your wedding day!”
As father and daughter stood at
the back of the church, they waited for the queue for them to begin the march
down the aisle. The organ began to
play, the preacher nodded his head, and those present stood from their
seats. Everyone watched as Nick proudly
escorted his daughter to the front of the church, and to the man who was about
to become her husband. As they walked
slowly together down the aisle, Nick was fighting back threatening tears. His smile grew wider when he heard the soft
whisper of his daughter and he cleared his throat once more.
“I love you, Papa. I’ll always be your little girl, no matter
what, Papa.”
Chorus:
I heard music bring a heart of stone to tears
I heard peace ring like an anthem through the years
And I heard hatred fall from grace
When I heard you whisper my name
A woman of forty-five was
sitting in the car that drove through the valley of her family’s ranch and she
sadly looked at all the changes that had taken place. Her husband continued to stare at her as he drove, he knew she
wanted him to drive faster, but the roads were muddied over from rain and he
feared they would get stuck.
He started to feel a pang of
guilt in his chest. When they married he moved them away from her childhood
home. But he knew that no matter where she went in her life she never felt the
same as she did when she saw her family’s ranch. The ranch her father and uncle loved with all their being.
The car stopped in front of the
large white pillared house and he took his wife’s hand. They walked to the big
oak door and were greeted by her Uncle Heath.
“Uncle Heath,” she rushed into
her uncle’s arms just as she had when she was a little girl. His arms wrapped around her and his soft
voice soothed her just as it did when she was young. “How is he? I came as
soon as I received your telegram.”
“He’s still holding on, he’s
been waiting for you.” Heath quietly told her as his wrinkled hand pushed a
raven curl from her face. “Go see your
father, little one. The time has come
and you must let him know that he can go.”
“I…I…don’t know if I can.” The
grown woman felt like a little girl again as she stood in front of her beloved
uncle and started to sob. She had
always refused to entertain the thought she would lose her father and she
wasn’t prepared for this moment. “I never should have left here. I should have stayed.”
“Shhh…none of that!” Heath’s
voice was stern. “Your father only wanted you to be happy. Go to him, he’s waiting.”
Assisted with a cane, Heath
slowly escorted his niece up the grand staircase. The staircase she had loved
to play on as a little girl. She turned
to her right and stood in front of her parent’s bedroom. She opened the door and was greeted by her
siblings and cousins. Her Aunt gave her
a fierce hug and then let her go to her father.
Nick Barkley was no longer the
strong powerful man he once had been.
The combination of age and a series of strokes had robbed his body of
what it once was. He still had a head
full of hair, but it was now snowy white instead of black. His breathing was raspy, as his wrinkled
hand rose up, and beckoned her to his side.
She knelt beside him with tears freely falling. His mind went back to the night she was
born.
“The day you were born, I
wanted a son. When I found out I had a
daughter I didn’t know what I was going to do with you. Although I figured you could become the
first woman rancher.” Nick started to
laugh, but it turned into a cough. His
daughter helped him take a drink. “I
love you, my sweet one.”
“I love you, too, Papa. With all my heart, I love you,” she cried.
”I wish this day never came.”
”I know, my daughter, but it’s
time now. I just wanted to see you once more before I go. Your Mama is waiting for me. I miss her.”
Nick spoke sadly.
“And Uncle Jarrod, Aunt Audra
and Grandmother, they’re waiting for you too, Papa,” she said choking back
sobs.
Nick turned to stare
at the family gathered around him. “I’ve been blessed with a good
family. Heath?”
“I’m here for you, big brother,
like always,” Heath’s voice choked as he stood on the other side of the bed and
squeezed his brother’s hand. No words
were necessary between these two men who grew old together. The time lost to them in childhood had
been made up tenfold as adults.
Nick’s heart skipped and slowed
down. He looked in front of the bed and
saw his family that had gone before. They beckoned him. He knew it was time to go. Before he took his final breath he heard the
word that brought him an overabundance of love…the word that could cause him to
experience both pain and happiness…the word that he forever cherished…the word
that carried him home.
“Papa? Papa, I love you.”
And I heard angels rise and praise
When I heard you whisper my name