by CamRose
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
Audra pressed her hands into the small of her back and
arched her shoulders, trying to stretch out the kink that had plagued her for
the last five minutes. It was
impossible to concentrate on the sheet of music in front of her when her back
kept trying to remind her just how long she had been sitting there on the
wooden piano bench.
She grimaced as the bone struts of the corset she wore dug
into her skin. As if it weren’t
punishment enough that there was no pillow to cushion the hard surface of the
bench, the corset reminded her yet again that her body was changing in a way
that was out of her control. She was no
longer allowed to wear her comfortable ranch clothes for her lessons; her teacher
had insisted instead that Audra be attired “as was proper for a young lady,”
which meant wearing a dress. She had
tried to persuade Mrs. Williams to change her mind, but the matter had been
settled when her mother stepped in and put her foot down.
That meant that she also had to wear a dress whenever she
practiced, for Audra knew that there was no other way for her to get used to
the long folds of material, which seemed to want to trap her feet whenever one
or both neared the pedals.
With determination, she gritted her teeth and turned her
attention back to the black and ivory keys of the piano. Her teacher expected her to know how to play
the piece for their next lesson, and she was determined to get it right, even
if it meant sitting there all afternoon and playing until her fingers
blistered.
* * * * * * * *
Victoria Barkley paused in the doorway that led into the
spacious parlor and watched, half hidden by the heavy brocaded curtains that
framed the arch, as her daughter Audra pounded away at the keys of the
piano. She winced when Audra hit a bad
chord, but with true Barkley stubbornness, her daughter kept playing, repeating
the sequence over and over…and hitting the wrong note each time.
Victoria studied Audra’s slender frame as she leaned closer
towards the piano, noting how hard her fingers were striking the keys. Time
to take a short break, she thought, with that wisdom that all mothers
shared.
Victoria whisked into the parlor, her purposeful strides
hidden by the long folds of the black crinoline skirt that she wore.
“Audra, I need your help, please. Would you mind if I took you away from your
practice for a few minutes?”
The relief on her daughter’s face almost made Victoria
smile.
“Oh, yes, Mother! I mean, I wouldn’t mind it at all.” Audra was grateful for the unexpected
interruption. Despite her resolution to
get the piece right, she kept hitting the same wrong note over and over as she
practiced a particularly challenging passage.
It had felt as if her fingers were disobeying her on purpose, which was
silly of course but still, she could feel the frustration welling up inside her
at the perceived mutiny.
“Well, come along then.”
Victoria watched as Audra slid along the piano bench to the end and
pivoted gracefully, rising to her feet almost in the same motion. When had her little tomboy grown into this
lithesome young woman? She slipped her
arm around her daughter’s waist affectionately and steered them both in the
direction of the staircase.
“Where are we going, Mother?”
“Upstairs to the attic.”
Victoria opened the attic door slowly as Audra waited
behind her on the landing, curiosity barely concealed. During the climb up the stairs, Audra’s
frustration with the piano faded as the old feeling of anticipation grew.
It had been a long time since she had been up in the
attic. When she and Eugene were
younger, they had often come upstairs to the attic with their mother to play
dress-up, until Eugene decided that he was too old for it, thanks to Nick who
had ribbed him unmercifully about it.
Mother would open a trunk or empty out a basket and
suddenly the room would become a wondrous ballroom filled with people dancing
or perhaps a king’s throne room in their imagination. They would play for what seemed like hours, until it was time for
Mother to return to her duties downstairs.
Then they would head down the back stairs to the kitchen, where Silas
would be waiting with a glass of milk for each of them and warm cookies.
Audra watched as her mother entered the doorway and turned
to her right, retrieving the oil lamp and matches that laid on a small table
nearby. When her father had built their
house, he included only a few windows in the upper level of the stately home. He had frankly thought that they would never
need to use the space. How wrong Father
had been! The attic now housed an
eclectic collection of items used and subsequently saved by the Barkley family
over the years.
As her eyes adjusted to the barely lit room, Audra
marveled at the treasures from her past that seemed to spring out at her…..the
golden haired doll that her Aunt Julia had given her for her eighth birthday,
whose eyes rolled side to side if she was tipped just so. She remembered how Father had laughed and
called them ‘flirty eyes’ the first time she had shown him her new doll. Over on the other side of the room, she
spied the Spanish guitar that Ciego had given her. She had heard him playing it one night, after the men returned
from round up; the next day, she had begged him to teach her how to play. Ciego presented the guitar to her as a gift,
and after receiving permission from her parents, tried to teach ‘the little
Senorita’ how to play the instrument.
But try as she might, she couldn’t reproduce the intricate chords and
flowing melodies that he coaxed from it; her fingers just couldn’t reach all
the struts no matter how she held the guitar.
Finally, in her frustration, the guitar was banished to the attic.
But trying to learn how to play the guitar had ignited a
deep yearning in her to succeed with another instrument. She couldn’t explain the attraction that
music held for her; it would be like trying to explain why Nick liked to fish
or why Eugene liked to write. The
desire was just……there! All she knew
was that she had to keep trying, somehow.
And then one day, she found the answer….the piano that was in the
parlor.
The piano had been there as long as she could
remember. As a toddler, she had played
around and underneath it, oblivious to its heft and purpose, although she had a
vague memory of sitting on her father’s lap while he sat on the bench in front
of it. As she grew older, she paid it
no attention; it was just a cumbersome piece of furniture that had no apparent
purpose except to be dusted and support a lamp, as far as she knew. That all changed though the day her mother
invited one of her friends over for an afternoon tea and allowed Audra to join
them.
Initially, Audra balked at the invitation, but her mother
had been insistent that she join them.
So she grudgingly changed out of her everyday clothes into her Sunday
outfit and made her way downstairs to the parlor, sure that the experience
would be a miserable one. To her
surprise, she enjoyed the tea immensely.
The afternoon had been magical.
She sat there, a young girl barely over the age of eleven, sharing tea
and biscuits with her mother and her friend while they chatted, including her
in their conversation as much as they could.
Then her mother’s friend had noticed the piano. After asking her mother’s permission,
Henrietta Williams sat on the bench, lifted the keyboard cover and proceeded to
play music that sent Audra into a state of wonderment and awe. Before the afternoon was over, her mother
had arranged for Mrs. Williams to take Audra on as a student.
Audra would never forget the look of pride on her father’s
face when Mother told him of her desire to take piano lessons and the
arrangements she had made with Mrs. Williams to teach their daughter. Not even
Eugene’s teasing could diminish the joy she felt in return. It wasn’t long after that, that her father
announced to the family that the piano now belonged to her and promised woe to
any of her siblings who saw fit to lay a hand on it for any reason.
At first she found the lessons to be very hard, but her
father’s encouragement bolstered her spirits and her efforts. Although he spent the majority of his day
overseeing the operations of the ranch and expanding Barkley interests, he
always made it a point to ask her to play for him at the end of each day. He would sit there in his armchair by the
fireplace, smoking his cigar and listening quietly as she played. He was the perfect audience, never once
chastising her for even the slightest mistake.
Then there had come that terrible day at Semple’s ranch,
the day that her father was killed by the railroad’s hired guns. Audra thought that she would never play
again after that day. She couldn’t bear
to sit at the piano and see his empty chair.
But as time passed, she found that she could return to her lessons and
practice, especially after she looked up one night to see her mother sitting
there in her father’s stead, listening to her play.
Audra watched her mother now as she scanned the area and
objects that seemed to crowd around the two women, holding the oil lamp aloft
to see more clearly in the darkened room.
After a few minutes, Victoria slowly made her way over to a tall stack
of boxes, and then turned back to call to Audra.
“Sweetheart, come here please, and help me move the top
boxes away.”
Audra gathered up her skirts and made her way over to help
her mother as requested. Between them,
they moved two large boxes that sat squarely on top of a large trunk, taking
care not to disturb the oil lamp, now resting on the floor. Audra helped her mother unlock the brass
clasps of the trunk and lifted the heavy lid up and back. A musty smell arose from the trunk, and
Audra instinctively leaned away from it.
Her mother, on the other hand, dove into the trunk, carefully sorting
through its contents, apparently looking for a specific item…..but for what?
Audra was about to ask, when Victoria gave a little shout
of triumph.
“Ahhh!!! I knew it was in here!”
Victoria turned towards Audra, smiling at her as she held
up a small, flat box. Audra took it
carefully from her and studied it with interest. She didn’t recall ever seeing it before.
The box was slightly smaller than one of her books and
felt light in her hands. The lid of the
box was covered with velvet, its rich burgundy color offset by the black satin
ribbon that bound the box and lid together.
Audra looked at her mother questioningly.
“Go ahead, Audra.”
Victoria smiled at her daughter encouragingly. “Open it up while I close the lid; we need a place to rest the
lamp.” Victoria turned to her task,
knowing that Audra would do as she bid.
With care, Audra undid the ribbon and carefully lifted the
lid away, to see what object the box held.
There, nestled in a piece of white silk, was a miniature cameo.
The cameo was oval shaped and framed in metal that
appeared to be gold. The features of a
woman rose from a delicate pink background of shell, her hair pulled back in a
simple fashion and festooned with delicately carved flowers. Around her neck, she wore a simple chain,
but the carver had accentuated it with a small diamond which caught the light
from the oil lamp, causing it to sparkle.
The cameo was attached to a golden chain that lay pooled at the bottom
on the box.
Audra was entranced.
She had never seen anything like it in her life.
“Oh, it’s wonderful, Mother…..May I hold it?”
At Victoria’s nod, Audra put the box down and carefully
removed the cameo, taking care not to tangle the chain that hung from it. She studied the features of the woman’s face
intently.
“Why, she’s lovely!!
Who is she, Mother?”
Victoria smiled knowingly at her daughter.
“She’s your namesake, Audra.”
Audra stared at her mother in confusion.
“My namesake? But
I thought Father named me??”
“He did, Audra,” Victoria explained patiently. “He named you after his great-aunt, Audra
Rose Tulane.” She pointed towards the
cameo that Audra held cradled in her hand.
“That cameo belonged to her, before she gave it to him…. along with the
piano.”
“She gave this and the piano to Father?” Audra had always assumed that her father had
purchased the piano himself. It had
never even occurred to her to ask him where it had come from.
At Victoria’s nod of confirmation, Audra continued
questioning her mother, her interest now fully engaged.
“But why? He
didn’t know how to play….did he?”
Victoria shook her head once, regretfully.
“No, your father didn’t know how to play. You have to remember that back then, as now,
it was frowned upon if a man pursued an interest that was considered to be
womanly in nature. But before she
married Alexander Tulane, Audra Rose Barkley was a well known pianist in
Boston; your father used to attend her recitals with the rest of his family
when he was a young boy. They were very
close….she even loaned him money when he informed his family of his plans to
marry and move West.”
Audra was fascinated by this hitherto unknown piece of
family history. “How did they get to be
so close, Mother? And did you know her
also?”
Victoria shook her head sadly. “No, Audra… I only met her once, and she was well into her sixth
decade by then. But your father lived
with her for awhile, after her husband Alexander was killed in a tragic
accident. He was struck by a train
while trying to save a mother and child who wandered onto the tracks.”
She paused to see how Audra was responding to her
recitation, and satisfied that her daughter wasn’t distressed by what she was
hearing, continued on.
“Audra Rose was devastated by the loss, as you can
imagine, and never re-married. In fact,
for awhile she became a recluse, never leaving her house. This alarmed her immediate family, and since
there were no children from the marriage, it was decided that your father would
live with her for a year.”
“Father lived away from his family, with his great-aunt?” Audra had never heard about this part of her
father’s life before.
“Yes, Audra….he did.
Your father was nearly fourteen years old and not much younger than you,
when he went to live with her. He
helped her by performing chores and running errands, as well providing her with
companionship. Eventually, she came out
of grieving for her husband, and resumed giving recitals on the piano. Your father told me once that her playing
could bring tears to the eyes of those who heard it.”
Seeing that she had her daughter’s rapt attention,
Victoria finished her tale.
“Your father also said that it was a turning point for him
in his life. For one thing, Audra Rose
Tulane was also a composer of music. It
was unheard of back then for a woman to be a composer and was unaccepted by
some. By defying convention, she showed
your father that one didn’t always have to follow the obvious or expected
path.”
Audra moved the cameo nearer to the oil lamp, so she could
inspect the image it bore more closely.
She traced her fingers over its surface, noting how cool it felt to the
touch. She tried to imagine the warm,
living woman the cameo portrayed, but found that she couldn’t. She looked back up at her mother then.
“I wish I could have met her, Mother….she sounds like a
remarkable person.”
Victoria nodded slowly, in agreement, struck once again by
the maturity that Audra was showing.
“I wish you could have met her too, Sweetheart. She was a true lady and a wonderful
musician………just like you’re going to be someday.”
Audra blushed at these words of praise coming from her
mother. “But that still doesn’t explain
why she gave her piano and cameo to Father, Mother.”
“No, it doesn’t.
But I’ll tell you what your father always believed. He was of the opinion that she gave the
piano to him for sentimental reasons because he was her favorite grand-nephew
and truly appreciated her talent.”
Audra considered what her mother said but also didn’t say.
“But what do YOU think, Mother? And what about the
cameo? After all, it’s hardly the kind
of gift that a woman gives to a man, even if he IS family.”
Victoria looked at Audra approvingly, pleased that she
didn't miss her mother’s omission.
“I believe, Dearest, that she hoped that one day her
grand-nephew’s daughter and namesake would carry on the musical legacy of the
Barkley family, and if she couldn’t be there as a mentor, then at least she
would provide the opportunity….and inspiration. And now, I’m going to give her cameo to you, Audra. Your father always planned to give this to
you on your sixteenth birthday, but I think you deserve to receive it now, to
remind you of the potential that you carry within you in this and all endeavors
that you seek out in life.”
With that, Victoria reached out and closed Audra’s hand
around the cameo. Then she drew her
daughter into her arms, and rocked her gently as the tears that followed
overwhelmed them both.
After their sojourn to the attic, Victoria and Audra found
themselves back downstairs in the parlor.
Audra wasn’t quite ready to resume her practicing, so they settled into
the two armchairs by the fireplace.
Victoria then called for Silas to bring them tea and a plate of sweet
rolls.
As Victoria poured the hot tea into one of the china cups,
her gaze went briefly to the cameo which Audra now wore around her neck. She had given her daughter permission to don
the cameo for the rest of the afternoon, after which time it would go into
Victoria’s jewelry box for safekeeping.
The cameo came to rest just above the bodice of the dress
Audra wore, neither too high nor too low.
The golden chain almost matched the color of her hair, and the diamond
sparkled brilliantly in the light of the parlor. But not even the diamond could match the sparkle of happiness in
Audra’s eyes. She practically glowed,
giving Victoria a glimpse of the woman her daughter was becoming.
They sat together, sipping their tea in companionable
silence, until Audra spoke.
“Mother, do you believe in…..spirits?”
Victoria was slightly taken aback. “Spirits?
As in…ghosts?”
Audra blushed furiously and nodded her head shyly, afraid
to say anything else for fear her mother would chastise her. But instead of admonishing her daughter,
Victoria considered her question seriously.
“Do I believe in spirits or ghosts? In all honesty, Sweetheart, I’ve never
really given the matter much thought.”
“Not even when Father died?”
“No, not even when your father died. Why do you ask?”
Audra slowly stirred her tea with her spoon.
“Well, sometimes when I’m playing, I can almost imagine
that Father is sitting in his armchair as he used to. The sensation is very strong, especially when I play one piece in
particular.”
Victoria’s face took on a far away look.
“Almost as if you’re playing for the angels…” She murmured softly to herself.
“What did you say, Mother?” Audra wasn’t sure that she had heard her right.
Victoria pulled herself back from her thoughts, focusing
her attention back on her daughter.
“Audra, when I told you that your father didn’t know how
to play, that wasn’t completely true.
Your father had enough of an ear for music that he could pick out a
single melody on the piano. In fact,
when you were a little girl, he used to sit before the keyboard, with you on
his lap and play one or two melodies over and over.”
“I asked him once what he was playing and he told me that
he was playing his mother’s and great-aunt’s favorite songs ‘for the angels,’
for he truly believed that Audra Rose was in Heaven, along with his mother, and
could hear what he played.”
Audra nodded her head eagerly.
“Why, yes, Mother!
That’s exactly how it feels!”
“Your father always said he played their songs to let them
know that they were not forgotten. Of
course, as the ranch grew, he found less time to sit down at the piano, until
one day, he stopped completely. After
that, the keyboard lid stayed closed, until the day Mrs. Williams played for
us.”
“And now I play for him, so he knows he isn’t forgotten
either……..” Audra sighed
contentedly. That felt…right somehow.
Victoria took note of the far away look in her daughter’s
eyes, and decided it was time to bring her daughter back to earth.
“Speaking of playing, I think it’s time that you got back
to your practicing, Audra. Why don’t
you go upstairs first though, and change into more comfortable clothes.” She stood up, drawing Audra with her.
Victoria leaned closer to her daughter and whispered into
her ear in a low tone of voice, as if they were conspiring.
“I think it will be permissible if you don’t wear a dress
while you’re practicing today."
She raised the index finger of her right hand in a warning gesture.
"But just this once, mind you!
What Mrs. Williams doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” And she winked at Audra.
Audra beamed back at her.
“Whatever you say, Mother.” She gave Victoria a quick hug and then flew
out of the parlor and up the stairs to her room, to get rid of the dreaded
corset and dress.
Victoria watched her go fondly. Oh, Tom, I wish you could see
her! You’d be so proud of her! Her gaze fell on the piano and she
slowly walked over to it. Just maybe…
She reached out, and with trembling fingers, played a
simple tune.
THE END