by Catgirl63
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
The falling snow all around him
was mesmerizing. The flakes seemed to
be consistently spaced apart, none the same shape. The blanket it created on the ground was perfectly unmarred and any
other time would have been a sight he’d stop to gaze at with awe. But now, at this time, it was an enemy.
It was a cold, wet and blinding
enemy. One which required temperatures
capable of leaving a thin sheen of ice on his skin under the coat designed to
protect him from the elements. He was
familiar with this deadly enemy that didn’t talk and had no soul. It wasn’t the first time he’d met this
particular foe and he was well aware of the peril it carried.
Heath turned the collar of his
coat up higher and buried his face deeper into the sheep skin lining of the
sage colored jacket. His cheeks singed
each time the wind blew over his exposed skin and his face felt heavy with the
numbing cold. He stopped feeling his
feet in his boots a while back, the leather material couldn’t keep the icy
fingers of his natural enemy away.
Gal’s breaths lingered in the
air as she labored in the now knee high snow sensing the desperation in her
master to reach their home. The equine,
mountain bred and raised, kept her footing in the blizzard raging around
them. She didn’t know the danger they
were in…she could only feel the familiarity of the area….they were almost home.
Shivering once again, Heath
wondered if Gal would pay for his moment of not thinking. He should have stayed in Modesto where it
was warm. He shouldn’t have tried to
make it back but the guilt inside drove him across country. He’d have made it before the storm if he hadn’t
stopped to help a family with a broken down wagon. It’d taken longer to empty the worn wooden wagon and replace the
wheel than they thought. The delay had
been worth it when the small family’s grateful eyes glistened with tears
knowing they would be home in time for the holidays. They hadn’t been there able to make it home for the past ten
years and the anticipation on their faces warmed his heart before he bid them
goodbye and started on.
If he hadn’t been such a fool
before he left for Modesto with the three horses he was delivering, his heart
wouldn’t have badgered his head into trying to make it home. The small devil on his shoulder blamed him
for the pain he caused in Nick’s eyes before he left. Guilt was a powerful motivator to the insecure boy who still
lived inside of him.
In the months since he’d
arrived into the family like a whirlwind, his and Nick’s relationship had been
tentative at best. Sure they disagreed
but for the most part they were unsure around each other, treading lightly and
carefully choosing their words before speaking. He knew they were both striving to find a middle ground where
each would be comfortable.
Nick with the reminder their
father was only a man who was imperfect and he with the reminder of all he’d
yearned for in his lackluster days in Strawberry. Not the wealth but the man he longed to know, a father to guide
him during his tumultuous years with a hand on his shoulder and a word of
advice. He knew the yearning would
never fully disappear but in the months since he’d been taken in by his
father’s family, it had lessened. The
family had unknowingly provided him with a view of the man he never knew. He could see him in each of his siblings
their father left behind.
He was grateful and accepting
of the small information they showed to him, yet, he’d lashed out at Nick with
words meant to cut deep into his heart.
He knew the reason why he’d been moody and erratic the past weeks. Nick hadn’t done anything wrong, he was only
seeking answers to his brother’s change of disposition.
How could Heath tell his
brother of the crippling pain he felt this year? It had snuck up on him when he wasn’t looking, when he wasn’t
prepared. It had taken the wind right
from his sails and he wasn’t ready. The
longing to see his mother, to hear her voice and feel her warm hands holding
his sent him spiraling downward. He
could deal with the rugged physical life he lived but the grief he was reliving
in this first Christmas without her seemed insurmountable.
He wanted so much to tell them
about her, how much she meant to him.
How much she was the only light in his dark early years. Just as Tom Barkley had been the center of
their world and their rock, his mama was the same to him. She was courageous, unselfish and a
lady. She gave all she had to her son,
more than material possessions could ever provide.
He knew she was looking down on
him with reproach for the hateful things he said before leaving. He said them out of pain and disparity,
however, his behavior had no excuse. She’d
raised him to be a man of better quality than he’d shown to his brother a week
ago and it was slowly eating him up inside.
Jerking up his head, Heath
swayed in the saddle and fought to keep his heavy eyelids open. He knew to allow the cold which was sapping
his strength to put him to sleep was inviting death to place an arm over his
shoulders. Gal’s quick steps were now
laborious with each hoof lifted.
Blinking at the wooden fence
line appearing suddenly before him, Heath stared in relief at the sign
indicating he was only one mile from the house. Gal sensed the nearness of the haven where her feed, fresh hay
and water were waiting. In a burst of
stamina, she lunged forward. Caught
unawares from the unexpected lurch, Heath’s numbed body was unable to react
properly. His nonworking fingers lost
hold of the reins and he tumbled from her back. Laying in the snow, the blond felt more than the cold of the
unusual blizzard running through his body, he heard the laughter of death in
his ears.
Self preservation and a fear
he’d never get the chance to make up for the pain he caused in the hazel eyes
rose higher than the exhaustion and cold.
Groaning the blond rolled himself onto his side and over onto his
stomach. He could barely feel any part
of his body but forced his stump of arms to raise himself upwards. His legs were trying to refuse to work but
somehow he managed to move the unwilling logs.
Sluggishly, he didn’t realize
it took his mind several minutes to determine the direction to head, the way he
knew was home. His clothes were wet
against his skin and he instinctively knew that was bad….not getting to Nick
and saying his apologies would be worse.
He couldn’t let things lay as he left them and if it was his last act on
this earth…his big brother would hear his heartfelt apology and he could only
hope he’d receive forgiveness in return.
Epilogue
Sitting beside the bed where
Heath lay still under mounds of quilts and blankets, Nick waited for his newest
family member to come around. The
physician had been there and gone, promising to be back tomorrow to check over
the exhausted now warmed man.
The hazel eyed rancher couldn’t
believe the miracle the family received this season.
The blizzard causing the valley
to stop in its tracks lifted and ceased as soon as Gal trotted into the ranch
yard without Heath on her back. The sun
broke through the sky, glistening on the white crystals covering the
ground. It’d taken only minutes to
saddle their horses and follow Gal’s tracks in the covering of newly fallen
snow. They topped a hill to see Heath
stumble only to push himself up again to stumble once more before lying still.
Nick ran a hand through his
hair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin on his
entwined hands. He internally scolded
himself for not recognizing the signs causing his little brother’s recent
strange behavior. The normally calm and
quiet man had been irritable and quick tempered. The words spoken by Heath before leaving had angered him and it’d
taken a couple days before his ebbing of fury cleared his mind.
He knew Heath hadn’t meant the
harsh words no matter if he said them or not.
Just as he came to that realization, he suddenly found the answer to the
mystery as to what was causing his brother to act like he was recently. The rancher had been guilt ridden at none of
the family recognizing the signs….it was Heath’s first Christmas without his
mother.
How could they have been so
blind? They’d been through the same
cycle themselves over five years before when they celebrated the first
Christmas without their father. He was
kicking himself for not seeing it before Heath left. He’d almost taken the train to Modesto but then decided to wait
until Heath returned home. He didn’t
want his little brother to feel he had to suffer through this difficult time
without his family beside him. That’s
what family was for and what their bond brotherhood was for.
A gasp of pain from the bed
brought him to his feet and Nick anxiously watched the movement beneath the
eyelids of Heath. A wide smile broke
out on his face at the small slit of confused blue he saw.
“Hey, little brother.” Greeted
Nick in a low voice, his hand reaching out to hold the side of the blond’s
face.
“Nick?” whispered Heath in a
tired weak tone.
“Yeah, you’re home.” Reassured
Nick as Heath blinked his eyes several times, clenching his teeth at the pain
throughout his body. “Take it easy
now.”
“Sorry…Nick…sorry.” Apologized
Heath, blue eyes filling with tears, lacking the strength to control his
emotions and allowing them free for the first time in front of the older
man. “I….didn’t…mean…what…said.”
“Shhh, I know you didn’t,
Heath.” Countered Nick in a soothing voice, tight throated at the profuse lack
of despair in his brother’s eyes. “All
that matters is you’re safe and you’re home.
I love you, little brother.”
The heavy lids on the blue eyes
struggled to stay open and a small smile warmed Nick’s heart before the weak
whisper unashamedly filled his own eyes with tears.
“Love…you…big…brother.”
THE END