by Catgirl63
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
Ignoring the excited
conversation of his youngest siblings, Nick glanced at the blond sitting across
the table from him, his fork moving around the china plate but never raising to
his mouth. It had been a little over
six months since he’d allowed his newest brother into his heart.
Fighting against having another
sibling and thereby acknowledging his father had been a mere man, it had been
Nick’s bringing of an artificial Christmas tree into the house which caused
Heath to make the decision to leave the tension filled mansion after he
callously slandered Heath’s upbringing in the season of giving.
The sight of his blond brother
tumbling down the roof of the Baptist church could still give the dark haired
rancher nightmares. He could still
remember the horror he felt and the fear closing his throat as his brother
dangled thirty feet in the air above solid ground by one hand.
Hazel eyes turned sideways to
met the concerned blue eyes of the first born and the attorney frowned in
response to the unasked question before barely negatively shaking his
head.
“There’s going to be a dance
and then when it’s dark, Mrs. Clarion says they are planning the biggest
fireworks display Stockton’s ever had.” exclaimed Audra, her voice rising in
pitch with her excitement.
“That does sound exciting
Audra.” smiled Victoria reaching over to pat her daughter’s hand.
“The children from the
orphanage are busting in anticipation.” stated Audra, her light blue eyes
sparkling. “It’ll be such a grand time for everyone but more so for them.”
Nodding, Gene agreed, “I know a
few of them haven’t seen fireworks before.
I can still remember the first time I saw fireworks. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. Heath, do you remember the first time you
ever saw fireworks?”
Nick and Jarrod watched the
blond head which had been lowered for most of the breakfast raise slowly and
the blue eyes met the brown eyes angled down the table. The older men watched and their eyes
narrowed at the haunted look in the blue orbs before Heath forced a small smile
to his face and drawled.
“I expect everyone does,
Gene.” said Heath, pushing back his
chair and crossing over to the matriarch of the family. “Best get to work, Mother.”
“Have a good day, son.”
whispered Victoria holding onto the blue sleeve closest to her and studying the
eyes of her newest son.
Nodding, Heath turned and
walked out of the dining room, the family listening for the closing of the
front door before all started talking.
Holding up her hand, Victoria looked over to Nick and asked if he knew
what had put such a look in his brother’s eyes.
Nick sighed and admitted
quietly, “Sorry, I don’t know, Mother.
He’s been getting edgier over the past couple weeks. I tried to get it outta him, but he ain’t
spilling the beans.”
Frowning at a nagging memory on
the fringes of his mind, Jarrod suddenly looked up and asked, “Remember last
fourth of July when we couldn’t find Heath?”
“I don’t remember that.”
scowled Nick.
“That’s because you didn’t care
if he was there or not, Nick.” stated Gene simply. “That was before you wanted Heath for a brother.”
“Oh.” replied Nick in a guilt
ridden voice, his face turning crimson as he remembered those awful dark times
he’d put Heath through.
Looking at her red-faced
brother, Audra sighed, “Nick, you were having a bad time back then but you have
made up for it since. Gene didn’t mean
it like that.”
Smiling slightly at his
sister’s reminder of how much his relationship with the blond had changed and
flourished, Nick nodded. “Yeah, I
know. I was a jackass back then.”
“Just back then?” teased Jarrod
with a wink at his brother, receiving a growl of displeasure for the barb while
the others around the table snickered.
Waiting til the laughing
subsided, Nick frowned, “What do you mean you couldn’t find him? I remember I went to town ahead of you but I
saw him there later.”
“I remember after we had our
picnic lunch, Audra and I visited with friends during the afternoon while you
boys went off to watch the competitions.
I remember I thought Heath was with you and then found out when he
didn’t show up for dinner no one had seen him all day.” recalled Victoria.
“That’s right, Mother.” agreed
Gene with a nod. “When we got home that
night, he was already back and in his room.”
“I never thought to ask him
where he’d been all afternoon.” admitted Victoria with a deep sigh and puzzled
eyes. “I should have asked where he
went but I didn’t want Heath to feel he had to explain himself to me. Our own relationship was tentative at best.”
“It was new to all of us,
Mother. We were all walking on egg
shells especially since we were afraid to say the wrong thing or do the wrong
thing.” assured Jarrod with a frown.
“Well, it’s different now! He’s family and whether he likes it or not,
I’m gonna loosen that boy’s lips and make him spill the beans.” promised Nick firmly, before kissing his
mother’s silken cheek and heading out the dining room.
Jarrod looked down the table at
his mother and smiled, “I’d suggest we get prepared for a Barkley fireworks
display, brother Nick style.”
Independence Day. The celebration of the birth of a
nation. A time of freedom and a time of
joy.
Sitting beneath the lone tree
on the hill, Heath closed his eyes and fought the strong waves of despair
rising up within himself. It was five
years since that day and still he felt it like it was yesterday. He couldn’t shake the feelings which took
over at this time of the year. He often
wondered if others felt the same. Did
they hide from the memories of that day or not? Was he the only coward?
Throughout the days, he’d found
Nick’s intense eyes on him, evaded his leading questions searching for an
answer and the microscopic scrutiny from his older brother raised the ire of
the blond’s usually dormant temper.
The tension inside him
increasing with the return of dark dreams stealing into his nights, the reason
for his pensiveness and introspection when he was alone or among family
lingered around him like a dismal curtain.
Sitting under the tree, he
shook his head ashamed he’d lost his hold on the tight rein of anger and lashed
out, landing the first blow on the tanned jaw of his brother who promptly
lashed back in response, an automatic reflex from frustration built up from
Heath’s apparent lack of faith in their bonds of brotherhood.
The punishment between the two
ranchers continued until they’d been broken up by Jarrod and Gene. Brushing off Gene’s hold on his arms, he’d
mounted Charger and ridden away seeking solace away from the worried eyes and
stolen glances from the family.
Shaking his head, Heath winced
slightly at the pain in his battered body and face before a soft voice
snickered, “You look like I feel, little brother.”
“What do you want, Nick?”
sighed Heath not opening his eyes but listening to his brother’s grunt of pain
as he lowered himself to the ground.
“Came to see where you’d run
off to.” said Nick quietly, watching the bruised face flash red at his words.
“I’m not running.” snorted
Heath angrily, keeping his eyes closed as he leaned against the tree. “I’m resting or I was til you came here.”
Staring at the profile of his
blond brother and realizing the blond was moving as slow as him after their
exchange of fists, the larger man took advantage of the blond’s inability to
escape like he had any previous attempts at getting to the core of the problem.
Nick said quietly, “Heath, the
best thing about having family around is you can talk to them. You don’t have to shoulder the weight of the
world by yourself, you know.”
“Nick…”
“Every one needs someone to
talk to. It doesn’t have to be only
about big things. It can be small
things, problems, wishes or dreams…it can be anything. Sometimes just getting something off your chest
can help with what a person’s feeling.
It can put it in prospective or just allowing someone to share the pain
and hurts. That’s what big brothers are
for, Heath. That’s what family is for.”
Several minutes passed before
the blond’s eyes opened and stared out across the lands of the Barkley
ranch. The open space so far from the
culprit whose anniversary was sneaking up on him again, the days on the
calendar of life crossed off, not stopping for no man, woman or child.
Nick could feel the battle
within the younger man and waited, wondering if the bond built over the past
months would help this quiet brother to open up. There were so many things he’d like to ask, so many questions he
wanted to know, so much he didn’t know about his blond brother.
True, when Heath first came
into their lives he hadn’t wanted to know one thing about him or even hear his
voice. Since then, he’d thirsted for
the knowledge like a man pulling himself across the barren desert by his
fingernails, seeking the oasis to sooth his shriveled body.
Who was he really? Deep inside. What was it who made him who he was? Why was a man who could hold his own in a fight bashfully nervous
around females? So many questions were
needed to explore the depths of his brother but how could he do that when
answers were either not given or evasive.
How to gain the knowledge when the trust in their bonds of brotherhood
obviously wasn’t there for Heath like they were for him?
“Nick, did you know fireworks
were discovered by the Chinese in the 9th century and Marco Polo is
the one who brought that discovery back from one of his voyages in the 13th
century?”
Surprised at the question, Nick
shook his head, “No. I never knew
that.”
“Yeah, when I was a kid after
I’d seen fireworks at the county fair for the first time, I went to the library
and read about their history.” replied
Heath with a small smile. “Course, the
town librarian didn’t want the Strawberry bas….no account… in there, so I had
to sneak in when she wasn’t looking and find the right book. Then I hid in the coat closet and read it.”
The face of his brother
darkened with anger before a muttered curse turned Heath’s eyes and he shook
his head, “Don’t worry about it, Nick.”
“I can’t help it.” snarled Nick
clenching two fistfuls of grass in his leather gloves. “That’s not right!”
“Right or not, it’s the way it
was.” stated Heath dryly. “Just a daily
facet of life.”
“Heath, what’s going on?” asked
Nick with hesitation. “Lately you’ve
been distant and I know you’re having nightmares. You haven’t had those in months.
Please Heath, what is it? You
can tell me…us…anything. I want you to
know I’m here for you just like for the rest of the family. Maybe more cause you’re not only my brother
and ranch partner but my best friend.”
The pleading tone turned the
blond’s face back towards his brother and he sighed to himself as he saw the
brotherly concern and love in the hazel eyes.
Heath mulled over his inner battle in his head, the loner still deep
inside and the need for independence pushing against one another.
There was so much uncertainty
in this thing called brotherhood at times and yet, he instinctively knew it was
a bond which could never be broken. For
once this family took you in and the man beside him especially, they didn’t let
go for any reason or would this be the exception to their unspoken Barkley
rules.
“On July 4, 1864...” whispered
Heath suddenly before he lost the burst of courage and his eyes lowered to his
hands which twisted a small twig unmercifully.
“What happened that day?” asked
Nick softly, reaching over to place a gentle hand on his brother’s right
shoulder. “Please, Heath.”
The hands stilled at the large
hand on his shoulder and Heath glanced over, the pain in the blue eyes unhidden
as he trusted finally to bare his darkest memories for his brother to witness.
“A day meant as a celebration
for independence became a day of imprisonment for me, Nick. A day I’ve tried to forget but don’t reckon
I ever will.”
“Heath, I don’t understand.”
admitted Nick gently, tensing slightly as he stared into the anguished
eyes. “Heath?”
Taking in a gulp of air, the
blond struggled to get the words past the tongue thickened in his mouth,
struggled to let his strong, confident and swaggering brother fully into his
inner self and force his hermit personality to depart forever.
“July 4, 1864 is the day I was
shoved through the gates of Carterson prison.”
The hazel eyes stared openly in
disbelief for several seconds before his mind catapulted over the wall of shock
and landed smack in the middle of all he’d heard about the infamous Confederate
prison. The facts laid out in the trial
of the warden, the conditions men survived through, horror stories of punishment
doled out on bodies gaunt and sunken from lack of nourishment, disease and
beatings. All the words intermingled
together weaving around each other before his math skills counted off the years
to come up with his brother’s age.
Heath eyes moved away from his
brother who sat staring at him as if he were sporting an extra eye in the
middle of his forehead. He wanted to
laugh at the voice in his head saying he couldn’t remember a single time the
boisterous rancher had been stunned beyond words but he didn’t find any humor
in the personal revelation of the moment.
When the blue eyes severed
their connection to his, Nick blinked and brought himself back to the lone tree
on the hill. His heart capable of
monstrous amounts of generosity, caring and love twisted inside his chest for
the barbaric brutalities he knew the younger man suffered in the prison while
barely a teenager. His stomach felt as
if it’d been caved in by a wild mustang and his throat tightened into
itself.
Reaching out and laying his
left arm across the broad shoulders beside him, Nick didn’t try to speak for he
couldn’t. There were no words to
cleanse such a wound, no words to smooth a coat of balm over the festering
experiences which lay hidden under the gentle, compassionate shell of this
younger man.
Pulling the smaller man into
his side, Nick wrapped his arm across the broad chest and rested his cheek on
the side of the blond head, giving what he had to offer to the man who crossed
past his own invisible line toed in the dirt and into the light of brotherhood. He gave that which lay inside himself, his
companionship, his empathy, his strength and more importantly the love of a
brother.
Heath stiffened immediately
when he sensed his brother moving, expecting the man to burst into a litany of
questions, demanding reasons or answers and he was taken back by the simple
strength in the brotherly hug.
Trembling slightly at the murky shadowy memories invading his head,
Heath found himself comforted from the haven offered by his brother’s strong
arms in the tranquil light of dusk.
Unconsciously releasing a
shuddered sigh and leaning more into the cushion of brotherhood, Heath closed
his eyes and allowed the given solace to push at his despair of the upcoming
holiday’s changed meaning in his life.
No words were spoken that long
night under the lone tree on the hill, neither man needed anyone to explain
what happened that fateful day for they felt it deep within themselves. They felt it the rest of their lives, their
souls merged to shoulder a burden of anguish too great for one but not too
large for the bond of brotherhood.
That day was a testament of the
true meaning of independence day. A day
of returned freedoms taken away by the
hands of others. A celebration of a
rebirth not of a country but of something more precious, the soul of a person,
the soul of a man.
Epilogue
Nick entered the ranch yard and
stopped at the barn, dismounting and waving to the children playing around the
large mansion, all girls except for one.
Smiling at the sight of the brood of the Barkley family, the next
generation was quickly growing and looking forward to leaving their mark on the
world around them and soon three more would be joining their family.
“Uncle Nick!” exclaimed
Jonathan Nicholas Barkley with a shout, blond hair moved by the wind as he ran
top speed to his worshipped godfather.
“Are they ready in town for the fireworks?”
Grinning at his eight year old
godson and tousling the blond hair affectionately, Nick chuckled at the boy’s
grimace as he pulled away. “Yep, it’s gonna
be a fine display.”
“I can’t wait! Can I ride with you and papa? Please, Uncle Nick.” pleaded the small sized
boy, fairly jumping up and down in anticipation of the answer, his blue eyes
wide and hopeful. “Mama said it’d be
okay.”
“What’s papa say?” asked Nick
tugging at his ear pretending to be in thought and unmercifully prolonging the
boy’s agony.
“Papa rode off before I could
ask. Mama said I couldn’t go look for
him cause I might make us late.” sighed Jonathan with a brooding look. “Boy howdy, we’re not leaving til tonight,
Uncle Nick. I could find papa by then.”
Smirking at the sight of his
little brother in the blond boy, Nick offered, “Tell you what, I’ll go find
your papa and ask him. Okay?”
“Thanks, Uncle Nick!”
Tying off his horse and
climbing the small hill, Nick lowered himself to the ground under the lone tree
and groaned at the bones which were starting to protest more and more each
day.
Heath smiled a lop-sided
greeting to his brother before turning his eyes to look upon the Barkley land,
his eyes closing at the arm which reached across his shoulders and pulled him
closer and a tanned cheek rested itself on the side of his head.
THE END