The Second Hand of Destiny

Chapter 17-32

by catgirl63

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Chapter 17

More than once Jarrod wished he hadn’t checked the pulse of Martha Simmons, wished he hadn’t felt the weak throbbing in her neck beneath his fingers. The first born warred internally with himself and silently fought to save the life of the woman.

While he knew morally trying to save her was the right action to take, he would have liked nothing more than to be able to act without his conscience whispering to him. How he would have liked to just step away and let her destiny be determined without his help, his assistance.

But he couldn’t and he wouldn’t. For it went against all he stood for, all he was raised to be and how to act. Working to stop the flow of blood from the knife in the woman’s abdomen, he couldn’t stop the questions in his mind. How was it she came to be on the mountain with their brother? Whose charred remains had Sheriff Tucker found in the hotel in Strawberry?

Would Heath understand his older brother’s reasoning, the moral dilemma his older brother found him in? What would the youngest say when he found out Jarrod was trying to save his aunt, the woman responsible for a past life of misery for the youngest son? Would he understand when he was aware enough? Would Heath see his actions as his oldest brother putting another source of his nightmares before him?

Just the mere thought of again seeing disappointment and betrayal in the light blue eyes stopped his hands for a moment. Would Heath use it as a reason to leave them again?

Leave them again?

Jarrod repeated the question in his mind and shook his head. Heath hadn’t returned yet so how could he leave again. They found him and Nick was taking care of him but it was still a long ways to Stockton.

Tying the bandage in place, Jarrod sighed and turned to watch his dark haired brother’s tender, gentle movements. Heath’s eyes were closed and his face pale and sweating, his head moving only slightly on the ground sheet under his body.

His blond brother mumbled while Nick’s voice soft as a gentle breeze spoke to Heath, the rancher’s hands moving, cleaning and bandaging. Jarrod tried to catch the words mumbled by Heath but was unable to. Was he still fighting his aunt? Were his thoughts in his fevered mind of the last time he’d seen his family and the step they’d forced him to take? Was he back in the war fighting as a child yet with the deadly skill of a sniper?

Where was Heath in his mind? Were they in his heart as he was in theirs? Was this the beginning of a new start or the beginning of the end for the family structure they desperately wanted and needed?

Here was their missing brother, finally they’d found him. Jarrod knew he should be overjoyed, elated, ecstatic but found he was afraid to feel those powerful emotions. The first born was afraid to lose his youngest brother again and for the life of him, the man who graduated top of his class didn’t know how to make Heath stay and take his place with them.

Letting out a shaky breath, Nick caressed the pale cheek before glancing up to check the progress of Jarrod. For several minutes, he studied his big brother, the man obviously in deep thought from the blue eyes staring out into a vast world in his mind. Hazel eyes watched the man who’d always seemed to be in control of his thoughts, his actions, his emotions…until now.

Nick felt a pang of guilt at the conflict waging in his brother’s eyes, the desire to proceed down the path of right was deeply engrained in all his family. His own lack of compassion for the injured woman was an automatic response born of protectiveness for the younger man lying on the ground beside him. Nick knew consciously he, like Jarrod, could not have simply let Martha Simmons die. No matter how vile she was, he couldn’t have done it either.

“Jarrod. JARROD?” called Nick, pulling his brother out of his reverie.

“Yes, Nick?” asked the older man moving over to his brothers and nodding in satisfaction at the first aid capabilities given to the injured blond.

“It’s gonna be dark soon and I think we should get them on the horses. We can make it over the ridge and partway down before finding a spot to camp.” suggested Nick.

“Alright.” agreed Jarrod, lowering his hand to the ground to push himself upwards. Stopping when Nick reached across and grabbed onto his arm.

“Jarrod, you okay?” questioned Nick watching the blue eyes fall to their injured brother and a shaky breath was released.

“I’m scared, Nick.” whispered Jarrod, closing his eyes and wiping a hand across his face.

“Heath’s strong, Jarrod. He’s been through a lot worse and made it.” offered Nick with a smile. “You’ll see.”

Shaking his head, Jarrod reached down and caressed the blond hair before looking into the hazel eyes. “He’s here with us and it scares me to think what’s gonna happen when he’s back on his feet. Does he want us for his family? Did he think of us when he was gone? Will he stay or leave? Nick, this past year has been hell for us. Not knowing where Heath was, if he was okay. Was he alive? Dead? Not knowing took our lives from us and if he decides he want to leave….I don’t know if any of us are strong enough to handle that again. It frightens the hell outta me.”

“Pappy, its frightening cause we love him so damn much.” choked Nick, his voice quivering before he took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Damn boy sure weaseled his way deep inside our hearts, didn’t he?”

“Nick…”

“Jarrod, I ain’t got no answers. Nobody knows what’s gonna happen in the future. But I’ll tell you one thing…I sure as hell am gonna do some groveling to keep him at the ranch, you can bet your boots on that!” stated Nick firmly. “This boy’s part of me, part of all of us and without him…well…I’m not even thinking about it. It’d be like tempting destiny and I’m not doing it!”

Chapter 18

Squeezing the shoulder of his older brother, Nick smiled, offering a semblance of strength against the darkness of the upcoming unknowns. Jarrod patted the large hand on his and nodded.

“I’ll bring the horses closer.”

Watching the older man make his way carefully up the wet bank, Nick knelt beside his shivering brother, checking his bandages and growling softly as he tucked the blanket around the feverish younger man. “Boy, if I gotta hogtie you to the bed when we get home we’re gonna jaw a lot and then you sure as hell ain’t going anywhere without me ever again.”

Glancing across his injured brother to the woman who lay still, the dark head shook and he let out a shaky breath. His mind assaulted with the image of the knife plunging down under the flash of lightning, the burst of nature’s light glistening briefly on the shiny blade.

He knew from the handle it was Heath’s own knife and shivered when he realized how close his brother’s psychotic relative had come to ending their refound brotherhood before they were able to even give it a go. Just a whisper of what could have been if Heath hadn’t somehow turned the tide back against her was enough to turn his inner being to ice.

Taking a deep breath, Nick looked upward to watch Jarrod leading the mounts down the trail and he suddenly realized his big brother may be right. They as a family may not be strong enough to survive if Heath didn’t stay. The pain when Heath left before was almost unbearable. Time hadn’t lessened it and hadn’t faded it.

When they lost him the first time, it was because of their own actions. They’d forced him into a position which he couldn’t see a way out. Now they were given a second chance, another chance to bring him into their family fold. How many can honestly say they’d been given a second chance to change their own destiny?

If they didn’t learn from their past mistakes and lost him this time, they didn’t deserve to have him in their lives. For not to learn from the past would mean they were too selfish or too self-important and didn’t deserve to have the blond youngster in their lives.

“Ready, Nick?” asked Jarrod after tying the horses to a low lying bush. “I wish we had time to make a travois. It’d make it a lot easier on both of them.”

“I know but we’re only going a little ways.” agreed Nick quietly, barely keeping the disdain out of his voice. “Do you need help with...her?”

Shaking his head, Jarrod frowned, “No, she’s not that heavy. I can manage.”

“Let’s get going then.” commanded Nick, grateful he didn’t have to put his hands on the foul female. Kneeling beside Heath, he smiled at the slits of blue appearing in the pale face.

“Hey, little brother.” greeted Nick warmly, holding his palm against the warm cheek.

Confusion mixed with pain could be seen in the light blue eyes as they moved around as if looking for a thought of reckoning, a dawning of what transpired. Coughing harshly, the pain in his chest exploded further and Heath felt a large hand lifting his upper body, the cool metal rip of a canteen was held to his lips.

Parched like the ground in the desert, the blond’s body wanted to drink every bit of moisture but was only able to take a couple small sips of the water. Luke warm in the canteen it may have been but to the man who was sweating a river it felt as cool as the water at the beginning of a mountain stream.

“Heath, we’re gonna be taking a short ride.” informed Nick, keeping himself in view of the blue orbs. “Over the ridge and down a ways before dark.”

It took several tries before a sound came out of the lips which opened, the word weak and puzzled, “Nniicc?”

“That’s right, Heath. Jarrod’s here too.” grinned Nick, the smile not able to erase the worry in his hazel eyes. “No more talking for now. We got lots of time for that later.”

“No…”

A flash of pain closed the blue eyes for a moment and Nick held his breath, the trembling of the smaller man clear by the movement of the blanket. Holding onto his undamaged shoulder, Nick swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes filled with uncertainty at the single forced out word before his little brother’s blue eyes closed.

“Heath?” queried Nick tentatively, watching as the eyes re-opened and slowly found his.

“No…horse.” whispered Heath, seemingly the weakness of his body transferred to his voice. “See…Gal?”

“She’s not here, Heath.” apologized Nick softly. “We’ll have to see if we can find Gal later, okay?”

Clenching his jaw, Heath nodded slightly and turned his head slowly, still unsure of how he came to be on a mountain side with his brothers, the men he hadn’t seen since that night. The men who’d been in his fevered thoughts, his tortured dreams. He moved his head and caught the view of his oldest brother’s back, kneeling in the mud.

“Heath, I’m gonna pick you up now. It’s gonna hurt like the devil.” sighed Nick, receiving only a nod for an answer.

Gently raising Heath up to a sitting position, Nick heard the sharp intake of breath and swore the beads of sweat increased on his little brother’s forehead with the movement. Apologizing, Nick felt Heath’s right hand grab his vest entwining the material in his fist, his breaths shuddering in his chest.

“Wait…sec.” groaned Heath, using the clenching of his fist in the black vest as a means to steady himself against the pain.

“Heath, I gotta check the bandage on your shoulder. You’re gonna have to let go for a minute. Only a minute, little brother.” stated Nick softly putting a hand over the clenched fist and moving it away, the hand finding the blanket and gripping it fiercely.

Supporting Heath with a hand on his back, Nick shifted behind his little brother and peered under the bandage, cursing when he saw the slight flow of blood, reaching across and grabbing another white bandage. Holding the new bandage over the wound, Nick pressed it against the gash, the hissing of breath leaving his brother’s pale form brought tears to the large rancher’s eyes.

“I know.” whispered Nick, holding his cheek against the top of the blond head. “I’m sorry. It’ll be over soon.”

Mired in a world of pain and fogginess, Heath somehow knew deep inside his big brother was telling him the truth. All those months of separation seemed to dissipate with the sight of the hazel eyes above his face. The fevered callings for the ones he left behind, the ones he longed to see had been answered.

“Good, it’s stopped again.” stated Nick with a huge sigh of relief.

A scream of pain startled both men and Nick kept his right hand entwined in Heath’s shirt, holding him up with the strength in his arm as he shifted to look over to the left.

“Jarrod!” called Nick as the screams continued. “What’s going on?”

“I’m just trying to pick her up, Nick!” yelled Jarrod trying to stop the woman’s cries.

The painful wail shook Heath to his core and he trembled with fear. His mind shifted back over the months, back to a man his family put before him. Back to the time when they held one of his worst nightmares over him.

The screams ceased as quickly as they started but not before they hid the whisper of noise from Nick’s keen hearing. The distinct sound of a hammer being pulled back stilled his every movement and hitched his breath in his chest.

Turning slowly on his haunches, his eyes widened at the barrel of his own pistol pointed at him and he smiled nervously, his loud words turning Jarrod around.

“Heath, you wanna point that somewhere else. Somebody could get hurt.”

Chapter 19

The late afternoon noises of mother nature’s environment lowered to a dull roar, the sounds of the mountain stilled under the heightened tension on the slick slope. Jarrod knelt on one knee, his hand pressed onto the muddy ground afraid to move, unsure of where the trembling blond was. Unsure if he saw his brothers or a ghostly haunting from his past torments.

Nick couldn’t remove his eyes from the black gaping tunnel pointed at him, the entrance wavering in the shaky hand which gripped its handle. The large man still held tightly onto the tan shirt, his muscles tensed from the cylinder capable of striking out with a small projectile of metal. The projectile if unleashed at this close range would leave a hole big enough in his body for a clenched fist to enter.

“Heath.” stated Nick calmly, his voice soothing and quiet as he held out his left hand. “It’s Nick. Give me my gun, little brother.”

Blue eyes moved between the two men and his denial came in the form of a slight shaking of the sweat drenched hair. The pools of blue confused and yet, no longer reflected pain.

“No.” was the weak hiss, the voice delivering the message lacking power to shout the word of negativity.

“Please, Heath.” stated Jarrod. “We’re here to help you. Give Nick the gun.”

Nick clenched his jaw, hazel eyes seeing the anger spring into the pools of ocean water. He thought of making a grab for the gun and pushing it away but the idea was cast aside. He could let loose his hold on the weaker man to let him fall over to the side but he couldn’t guarantee the pistol which was pointed at him would lose it’s target or the gun wouldn’t accidentally be discharged. If he let go, it could possibly injure Heath further or cause more pain. Nick knew he couldn’t let that happen and he couldn’t move faster than a bullet if his little brother pulled the trigger. Instantly their lives could forever be changed if he made the wrong choice, if he played the wrong card.

Taking a shaky breath, Nick felt the dryness in his mouth and swallowed against the constriction of fear in his throat. He wondered how long his injured sibling could hold onto the gun. Minutes? Half hour? Hour? Would the blond truly pull on the small piece of metal and harm him? Would he willingly shot him, his own brother?

Hazel eyes sparking with anger was unseen but Jarrod could sense the surge of temper rising up and if Nick were a wolf, the hackles on his neck would have stood on end with the powerful emotion speeding through his body.

“What the hell are you doing, Heath?” hissed Nick. “We’re trying to help you! Now, give me the damn gun!”

The fury in the words didn’t skirt around the fog in his head or the pictures his mind flashed. Blue eyes glistening with anger turned swiftly to betrayal.

“Like…Bentell.”

“Bentell? Heath, this is not the time to talk about that. We gotta get you to a doctor!” gruffed Nick.

For the blond, it were as if the months of agony rose up from where he’d shoved it down, his body shook from more than just fever and weakness. He could feel the stark pain over again, the pain freed from deep within and he couldn’t stop it from exploding.

“He’s…” stammered Heath, gesturing with the heavy weapon in his hand slightly. “Aunt…him...both...evil.”

Trying to comprehend what the stammered words meant, Nick frowned and agreed, “Yes, they’re bad people, Heath. We know. Now, give me the gun.”

The hand tightened on the grip and Nick watched the younger man’s eyes fill with tears, the pistol shaking more as he lost the control he worked for over the past hurt. Heath longed to feel the trust again, he wanted to scream how deep they’d cut into his heart and shattered him inside where no eyes could see.

He wanted to exercise the bitterness within him for good, make them understand what their demand cost him. He wanted to, he needed to but he couldn’t force the words out. He couldn’t muster the required energy to unleash the words waiting to stampede through his lips. He wanted to scream and ask why they were helping her, the woman who tried to kill him, the woman who’d tormented a small boy.

Nick watched and felt his stomach impact with the blow dealt by the mirrors in his younger brother’s face. He could see the workings of the youngster’s mind in the glimmering pools.

“We had to try to help her. Just like if it were a stranger we found laying on the side of the road. It’s not the same as Bentell, Heath. It’s not. You’re the same as us, you’d have done the same if you were in our boots. We didn’t want to but we had to. I wish she was dead but she wasn’t.” explained Nick, his voice pleading for the younger man to understand.

The realistic observation took the wind from his sails with the truth reaching through his anger and betrayal. His arm and body lacked the strength to hold the cannon any more. Lowering the weapon, he turned his head away. Jarrod let out a sigh of relief and watched Nick take the gun out of the opened hand as he made his way to his brothers’ sides.

Reaching over, Nick pulled the face of the blond back towards him, his hazel eyes needing to see the blue ones but not finding comfort in the closed lids.

“Heath, look at me.” ordered Nick, raising his voice each time he had to repeat the command until slowly the eyelids opened and the lost orbs glanced to the older man.

“Everything’s confusing now, Heath. When we get home, we’ll straighten everything out, okay?” suggested Nick.

“Not...goin’….home.” stated the blond, his voice emotionless, closing his eyes to shut out the wounded looks in the faces of his brothers.

Chapter 20

Opening his mouth, Nick glanced upwards when a hand gripped onto his shoulder and at Jarrod who shook his head slightly, blue eyes sending a warning. Letting out a sigh, Nick nodded, turning his eyes back to the blond whose pale face he still held in his hand with a palm cupping his cheek.

“Well, brother Heath…the only place we’re all going right now is over the ridge and down the trail.” stated Jarrod, his words slowly opening the younger man’s eyes. “Back to Dardanelle tomorrow to the doctor’s office.”

Nick felt a moment of sickness at the lost look in the light blue orbs, the confusion from Heath’s injuries and his fever helping to enhance the look in the pale pallor. He knew Jarrod’s silent warning was correct…talking to their reunited brother in his current state would be futile. No matter how much it was an option he didn’t want to exercise, Nick realized they’d have to wait til the blond was functioning without the other elements further disabling their efforts.

“Nick, I’ll, uh, be over there.” informed Jarrod softly, not looking forward to returning to the side of the woman who wasn’t aware of the emotional damage she’d caused by clinging to life, fighting to stay in this world.

“Let’s get over to Coco.” mumbled Nick, shifting to Heath’s right side and putting the trembling arm across his shoulders.

Nick placed his left arm around the back of his little brother before carefully maneuvering his right arm under the smaller man’s legs. Pushing upwards, he felt the quiver of pain throughout Heath’s body from the movement. The right hand of the injured man entwined in the sleeve of his dark shirt and his head moved to rest against his brother’s strong shoulder.

“Heath?” said Nick, cradling his shivering brother on the ground by Coco and staring at the white pinched lines around the lips drawn thin against the pain. Brushing back the blond hair, Nick tapped the flushed cheek until he saw blue beneath the slits. “I’m gonna see if Jarrod needs help.”

Clenching his jaw, Heath nodded slightly and was released to a sitting position against a rock. Kneeling beside the blond fighting the pain, physically and emotionally, Nick adjusted the blanket upwards on his chest and met the dazed eyes.

“You better be right here when I get back. If I have to come looking, you won’t like it.” warned Nick firmly before standing and making his way over to the oldest of the three.

Blue eyes watched the two from under half-opened lids, his heart warring with itself. One part wanting to forgive, the other part not wanting to open itself and perhaps encourage further harm to be inflicted upon it. He could almost feel his heart pulling in his chest cavity as if it were reaching out towards his brothers just as his thoughts reached outward while he was behind the waterfall curtain.

Had he really heard Nick telling him they were coming for him? Had they somehow reached across the miles and connected through their souls?

Unable to hogtie his scattered bits of thoughts, tired of struggling against the fog and preferring to shut out the vision of his older brothers kneeling beside the devil’s twin, Heath closed his eyes and gave into the black void where thoughts were nonexistent, hearts didn’t bear the scars and darkness was his comforting ally.

“I don’t feel it anymore.” sighed Jarrod, taking his fingers away from the older woman’s neck, her body stilled for eternity.

Snorting, Nick glanced back to where Heath was slumped against the rock and shook his head, “It doesn’t matter if she’s dead or not, Jarrod. She got to leave one more scar on our little brother before taking her well deserved trip to hell.”

Pulling the blanket to cover the dead unseeing eyes, Jarrod took a deep breath. “I know, Nick. Did you notice what Heath said?”

Puzzling, the hazel eyes studied his lawyer brother, going over what happened before negatively shaking his head and frowning, “What are you getting at, Jarrod?”

Smiling slightly, the first born stated, “Heath said he wasn’t going home.”

“That makes you happy?” seethed Nick. “What’s wrong with you?”

Rolling his eyes, Jarrod placed a hand on the tense broad shoulder and suggested, “Nick, he said he wasn’t going home. He didn’t say he wasn’t going back to Stockton or back to the ranch. If you grew up as Heath did and left under the same circumstances, would still consider it home?”

“No, I don’t think I would.” admitted Nick, hope springing into the hazel eyes and a slow smile spread across his face. “Yeah, he did say home, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he did little brother.” said Jarrod wrapping his hand behind the tanned neck and giving Nick a little shake. “The sooner we get off this mountain, the sooner we can start fighting to get him back, Nick.”

Standing, Nick looked down at the blanket covered body. “What about her?”

Pointing down the slope, Jarrod stated, “Looks like there’s a slight ridge there. Why don’t we see if we can cave in the bank over her since we don’t have a shovel? We can let the sheriff in Dardanelle know where it is and he can decide what to do with the body.”

“That’s fine with me.” agreed Nick quickly. “Sooner we’re rid of her, the better.”

Chapter 21

It’d only taken minutes to cover the body of their little brother’s aunt, only minutes to cave the bank over and cover the body of a person who’d lived more than just minutes. She’d lived years and had spent years creating a world of crippling pain and angst for a small boy. It’d only taken minutes to ensure this abomination of a woman without a soul was forever prisoned in a place far different than the breathtaking blanket of nature’s which surrounded them.

When finished with the chore of finality, both men turned as one and proceeded up the slope, walking away from the woman’s last resting place without so much a tinge of sadness or regret of a life which passed from this earth. No words were spoken as there was no desire to allow the spiteful being to steal any more time away from the brother they refound.

Nearing the blond who was slumped sideways onto the ground, Nick silently wondered if his big brother was correct in his assumption. When the youngster said home…was he referring to the ranch or perhaps, he’d made a home for himself in the period of their separation. Perhaps he was referring to Berlin where he worked as a deputy.

‘A deputy.’ A smile spread across Nick’s face as he knelt in front of the slumped blond checking the bandages, the badge catching his eye. For some reason he hadn’t paid attention to it before. The silver circle was dulled by grime and blood but nothing would ever lessen what the circle stood for in the minds of all whose eyes fell upon it.

With a mixture of pride and sadness, the older man could say with certainty the blond would make a fine peace officer. His past experiences with the darkest of human nature, the innate good and gentle spirit flowing through him and even his capabilities with weapons would all work together, like the spokes of a cog entwining and moving, working as one to move the gear.

Yes, he would make a fine deputy and he would be faithful to those who relied on his position to keep them safe. He would treat the citizens who paid his salary with the respect and fair treatment. He’d treat strangers better than his own family had treated him.

“Nick?” said Jarrod placing a hand on the broad back, the first born watched the emotions spreading across the tanned face of his brother, ending with a dark despair.

Looking sideways, Nick didn’t even try to conjure up the control to erase the tortured look from his face and eyes. He found comfort in the tender blue eyes searching his and the firm hand on his back which moved upwards to pull him into the older man’s side with a one armed hug.

The rancher, the man capable of bursting eardrums when angered allowed himself to be pulled into his brother’s side. This man who didn’t allow his vulnerability show to the outside world felt as if he were four years old again.

Just like the four year old who’d run into his big brother’s bedroom after a bad dream, the boy turned rancher sought out the presence of his older brother. Wrapping his arms around Jarrod, seeking the comfort and safety Nick knew was always there for him for it would never leave.

Jarrod returned the hug, his mind taken back to the small boy with unruly hair and wild behavior. The small boy was constantly moving, forever questioning, testing the boundaries of life and family to the max. The small boy turned into a man, loud and brash, caring and sensitive, proud and fierce. A large man whose even larger heart was somehow contained in his broad chest cavity.

This man in his arms was the small boy of so long ago. Placing a kiss on the head of dark hair, Jarrod gave what Nick was seeking without question, without words. He held onto the black clothed man releasing him only after he sensed Nick had regain control over his runaway emotions.

“We’d best get going.” stated Nick quietly, wiping his face before holding the back of his hand against the sweat laden forehead of the blond. “I think he’s hotter than before, Jarrod.“

Reaching over , Jarrod sighed and nodded in agreement. “When we make camp, we’ll see what we can do about lowering his temperature. He’s been through a lot Nick so a fever is to be expected.”

“I know.” admitted Nick squeezing his big brother’s shoulder before standing and mounting. “I’ll feel better when we can get him to a doctor though.”

Carefully lifting the youngest of the three, Jarrod handed the unconscious man over to his brother’s waiting arms. Untying the reins and placing them in the large hands tenderly holding the injured man back against the muscular chest.

The blond head rolled to the side and Nick laid his cheek against the drenched forehead watching Jarrod mount and turn Jingo towards the ridge. Nick would never be able to recall exactly what he’d said to his little brother on that ride. He simply opened the floodgate and let what was in his heart escape, rushing out and down a channel before spilling into the vast ocean.

All the man knew was he wasn’t going to lose the blond without a fight, without giving it his all. The ranch was where the younger man needed to be, needed to live the rest of his days, wrapped in the arms of family and the older man needed the youngest beside him. Perhaps the older needed him more than the youngest needed them but they were connected forever by their souls.

As they slowly topped the ridge and descended the other side, the two hearts of the younger men beat as one. Even in the comfort inky blackness, the younger could sense his soul felt complete as the dull roar which was a constant in his head didn’t let up. The pain would threaten each time he fought to rise to a higher level above the blackness. Nick grabbed the hand which was searching and could have sworn he heard his name sighed from the blond’s lips.

“I got you, little brother.” reassured Nick, brushing his cheek against the wet forehead. “Trust me, Heath. You’ll never have to question our love again.”

Chapter 22

Stepping down from the train in the gathering dusk, Victoria sighed slightly with exhaustion before finding a porter to take care of their luggage. Heading down the street to the hotel, both sets of female eyes scanned the faces hoping to see a familiar sight.

Entering the only hotel in the town of Dardanelle and obtaining two rooms, the Barkley women parted company to freshen up before partaking in the menu offerings within the hotel restaurant.

Putting on a fresh dress, Victoria sat on the bed running a brush through her silver hair and sorting out the thoughts in her mind. She and Audra had both felt it as soon as they stepped onto the platform of the depot.

It was a static charge in the air, a surge of electricity which turned both sets of eyes to the mountains and found the women holding hands. It was powerful, the tug of the hills in the horizon which were made smaller by their distance.

Holding the brush in her hands, Victoria wondered if her other sons had felt the connection when they disembarked from the train. They must have, otherwise they would have continued onto Berlin. It would make no sense to start the search if they weren’t even positive this man was their family member. However, there was no doubt within her the missing deputy was Heath and he must be injured or he wouldn’t have been reported as missing.

How was it she seemed to be able to feel this connection with the son from her husband and another woman? How could that be since she wasn’t a biological parent? Was it possible he could feel the same connection to her or had she severed his blossoming love for her as a mother? Had she destroyed him with her tunnel vision?

Shaking her head, she reached up to brush the tear which escaped from the corner of her eye onto her silky cheek. The powerful force calling to her was Heath. He was near and she prayed to find the words and the way to bring him home.

They needed him, he was the base to their foundation and without him, they’d been swaying from side to side, waiting for the final breeze of destiny’s wind to topple their family tower over.

“Mother?” called Audra twenty minutes later through the closed door after lightly knocking. The door opened and after sending a brief ray of sunshine smile her mother’s way, they walked to the dining room together.

Escorted to a table, neither woman could hold a conversation and neither wanted to. Both of their minds were on the blond member and wondering if his dark haired brothers had found him. Both returned to their rooms, entering their separate dwellings but together silently praying for his return.

The night in the hotel was torturous and their sleep was filled with dreams, uncontrollable tossing, endless turning. The morning woke the town with a glorious sunrise and a promise for the day. Sitting at the same table as the previous night, the mother and daughter discovered neither had slept restfully, their faces held a hint of exhaustion and worry.

“Audra, I’d like to speak with the sheriff.” stated Victoria suddenly as she sipped her cold coffee.

“Mother, you don’t think the boys were arrested do you?” puzzled Audra, her lack of sleep keeping a haze in her thoughts.

“No, dear.” smiled Victoria with shake of her head. “I’d like to talk with the sheriff and see perhaps if he found anything out since we left Stockton. It was too late for us to speak with him last night.”

“Okay, Mother.” agreed Audra setting her cup down. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

Frowning slightly at the uneaten food, Victoria reached over and held the hand of her beautiful girl. The older woman knew her gray eyes held the same concern and worry as the blue sapphire orbs across from her.

“Please Audra, you must try to eat something.” instructed Victoria. “Your brothers may need your strength when they return. You wouldn’t want them to worry about you, would you?”

Shaking her head, the blonde girl picked up her fork and her mother nodded in approval with each mouthful consumed. Victoria felt terrible using guilt on her youngest child when she, herself, didn’t feel like eating. Putting her cup on the table and picking up her utensil, Victoria’s eyes sparkled with amusement when Audra nodded her approval just as she’d done mere minutes before.

The town was slowly coming to life under the scorching sun in the sky when they entered the sheriff’s office and were redirected to the livery where the man they sought went. Walking down the boardwalk, the goods in the windows of the stores went unnoticed by the two women, the display of jewelry and clothes wanting to be claimed by someone didn’t deter them from their path.

Nearing the livery, Audra suddenly stopped and gasped, “Mother, look there’s Gal!”

“What!” exclaimed Victoria grabbing onto the arm of her daughter, running past the sheriff and the livery owner to stand on the bottom rail and peer into the corral.

“Hey!” called the livery owner as the women ran past and straight to the corral. “Stay away from that horse she’ll try to take a bite outta ya’!”

The man’s shouts were ignored and the sheriff ran to the corral with him, pulling the women away from the railing.

“Sheriff!” protested Victoria angrily.

“Sorry, ma’am but Joe here says that’s a wild one. You shouldn’t get so close, you might get hurt.” replied the sheriff firmly.

“That’s my brother’s horse!” exclaimed Audra. “He’s missing!”

“Your brother or the horse, miss?” questioned Joe skeptically.

Rolling her eyes, Victoria shushed Audra’s angry reply and took a deep breath, “Sheriff, my name is Victoria Barkley and this is my daughter Audra. We arrived from Stockton last night.”

Tipping his hat the sheriff remembered the name and asked, “Do you have two sons, ma’am?”

“I have three sons, Sheriff…” stated Victoria with a raised eyebrow.

“Jacobs. Macon Jacobs.” acknowledged the lawman before gesturing to the liveryman. “This here is Joe, he owns the livery.”

“Nice to meet you gentlemen.” stated Victoria before continuing. “Two of my sons arrived here yesterday and they were looking for their brother who disappeared. His name is Heath Thomson.”

“The deputy.” informed the lawman to the liveryman. “You say this horse belongs to the missing deputy?”

“Yes, he does.” stated both women emphatically.

“Sheriff, we can tell by her markings she belongs to Heath.” explained Victoria pointing out the distinctive blaze on the hindquarters.

“We have a devil of a time with her, she’s mean tempered.” grumbled Joe, his comment angering both women immediately.

“She is not mean tempered.” declared Victoria firmly. “She’s gentle as a lamb!”

“Can’t sell her if no one can ride her.” mumbled Joe defiantly. “You ladies are probably mistaken, is all.”

“Joe, where’d you get this horse?” queried the lawman, trying to redirect the conversation and stem the outrage in the two females.

“Dalton brothers sold her to me a couple days ago.” stated the liveryman. “Gave them twenty five dollars for her. I thought it was a steal til I tried to get near her.”

“I’ll give you thirty for her.” offered Victoria watching the wheels turn in the entrepreneur's head. “Twenty five to cover you for the loss and five dollars extra for boarding her the last two days.”

“Well, this horse must be pretty important to you and she does have some fine lines, and I was thinking more around the figure of….

“JOE!” growled the lawman in a threatening tone, turning the liveryman’s face red and he hastily agreed to the offer, taking the money and leaving the area promptly.

Watching the liveryman slither off to safer parts, the sheriff shook his head and scowled, “Joe’s not a bad guy but some people are just greedy, ma’am. Sorry about that.”

“There is no need to apologize, sheriff.” assured Victoria before asking. “Who are the Dalton brothers?”

“Couple of brothers who like to cross boundaries, ma’am.” sighed the sheriff. “I do believe I’ll have those two rounded up so they can answer some questions.”

Audra stood on the bottom rail, whistling as she’d heard Heath do so many times before. Victoria and the lawman watched the horse move around the corral for several minutes before making its way to the hand held out in friendship. The velvet nose sniffed the offering and moved to stand by the corral welcoming the familiar fingers which scratched behind her ears and rubbed her neck.

Chapter 23

Wiping the beads of water off the hot forehead, Nick methodically repeated the steps for dousing the fire inside the younger man with the instrument they had available. The water in their canteens from the cold mountain stream.

“Hot.” mumbled Heath, his blond head moving from side to side as he tried to push the blanket from his body.

Grabbing onto the searching hand, Nick soothed calmly, “I know, little brother. Just leave that blanket alone now.”

“mmm…hurts”

“Shhhh…it’s okay, boy. I’m right here.”

More incoherent mumblings mixed with flashes of pain on the flushed face tore into the heart of the man kneeling beside him. The features on the tanned face were haggard from a night of endless doctoring and no sleep. The sound of movement in the bushes stopped the cool cloth against the sizzling skin and Nick scowled when Jarrod reappeared from the forest.

“Where the devil have you been?” snapped Nick, irritable from his worry over the younger man was enhanced over their big brother’s disappearance into the early morning light.

Ignoring the snapped question, Jarrod knelt beside the fire pouring water from their canteen into a small pot. Nick glanced over between wiping the wet cloth over the blond’s body and murmuring to the man locked in a feverish world all his own.

Hazel eyes scrutinized as his big brother took off several leaves of the plant and parts of the stem, placing them carefully into the water which was heating up.

“This plant is called Chrysanthemum Parthenium. Two of its more common names are Feverfew or Wild Chamomile.” stated Jarrod, glancing upward and smiling after the parts of the plant were pushed further into the water with the blade of Heath’s knife. “It’s an antipyretic. It helps to reduce fevers.”

Nick felt another flash of irritation and grumbled, “Why didn’t you say you were going to get some herbs? I’m already worried about Heath here without needing to wonder where you took off to, Jarrod. One injured brother is all I can handle right now!”

“I’m sorry, little brother.” apologized Jarrod sincerely. “It was dark when we made camp and I wanted to look for it as soon as I could this morning. Besides, I wasn’t even positive I could locate it. I didn’t want to get your hopes up in case I couldn’t find any, Nick.”

Massaging the back of his neck, Nick sighed and shook his head, “I didn’t mean to bite your head off. Sorry.”

“I’m worried too, Nick.” replied Jarrod quietly before pulling the simmered mixture off the fire and putting it to the side. Pouring some of the brewed concoction into a tin cup, Jarrod set it to the side and moved over on the other side of the blond.

“After it cools down some, we’ll see if we can get Heath to drink it.” informed the first born reaching over and taking the wet cloth from Nick’s hand.

“I’ll do it, Jarrod.” said Nick holding out his hand for the cloth. “I’m not tired yet.”

Blue eyes pierced the hazel orbs but the cloth was not passed back. Hesitating for a moment, Jarrod let out a shaky breath before glancing down at the trembling young man.

“I missed him deeply too, Nick. Just like you, I need to let him know I’m here. I need to be by him, Nick.” suggested Jarrod, raising his eyes in a silent plea into the face of his younger brother which suddenly dawned with understanding.

“You never were any good at sharing and I see adulthood hasn’t changed it one bit.” teased Jarrod with a wink.

Despite the buildup inside of concern, worry and guilt, a grin flashed on the worn tanned face and a chuckle escaped. Snickering, Nick sat back and watched Jarrod’s hands follow the same pattern with the cloth as his and listened to the one sided low conversation spoken soothingly and tenderly to their shivering brother.

Nick studied the profile of both his brothers, one fair haired and the other dark. Both were good men, decent and caring, compassionate and sensitive to others. He was proud to be able to tell the world who they were and what they meant to him, what they meant to his heart and soul.

Blinking his eyes to fight the rising signs of emotion in them, Nick lowered his face and gazed at the ground, silently raising a thank you to the weaver of destiny who saw fit to give him these two men as brothers.

Wiping the back of his hand across his eyes, he took in a shaky breath and closed his eyes seeking the guidance of both fathers in the heavens, requesting both their strengths and wisdom to show him the path to helping his fair haired brother find forgiveness in his heart for their unjust action.

Jarrod glanced over and saw Nick struggling with his inner turmoil. His brother, the loudest man in the county was now quiet as a mouse and meek as a lamb. The man who others saw as tough as nails was pliable as putty when it came to those he loved, those who filled a large portion of his heart.

Allowing his younger brother the time to fight for control, Jarrod kept on with the cooling steps. Spending ten minutes using the wet cloth, he stopped and tested the temperature of the tea he had brewed.

“Nick, let’s get some of this in Heath before we start down the trail.” instructed Jarrod holding the cup. “You hold him up and I’ll try to get him to drink it.”

Moving to where Heath’s head lay, Nick gently lifted the blond’s upper body with his left arm, his right hand stroking the flushed cheek at the low moan of pain. Jarrod knelt beside the injured man and held the cup to his lips.

“Heath, you have to drink this.” said Jarrod loudly, moving the cup away when his left hand reached for it. Nick capture the moving limb and nodded to Jarrod when he had a firm hold of it.

“I’ll hold the cup, you just drink Heath.” commanded Jarrod gently.

The voices echoed through the fog in his head and he couldn’t seem to find the power to reply. He wanted to obey their wish for him to drink, his body wanted the moisture and was crying out for it. His mind was so hazy from pain and fever, he couldn’t hold a rational thought for more than a second. He fought to do as they asked but he wasn’t sure if he had.

Jarrod was relieved as the tea was slowly consumed by the youngest of them and the middle brother encouraged him on. He saw the movement under the closed eyelids slow as the contents of the cup were swallowed down. Every last drop was taken in and Nick smiled when the tea didn’t promote a coughing bout. A bout of coughing was torture on the injured man, the reflux motion tore waves of agony through the battered body and through those watching the stark pain.

After getting another cup of the tea into their brother, Nick quickly saddled the horses and broke camp. The sun had risen above the horizon an hour ago and both men knew because of the slower pace they’d be traveling, if they made it to the doctor’s office by nightfall they’d be lucky. The ride over the ridge and partway down the trail had been excruciating to their younger sibling the previous day.

Taking a deep breath, Jarrod brushed a hand over the blond hair and encouraged firmly, “Hold on, little brother. We’ll have you back to town in no time at all.”

Chapter 24

Glancing upward, Jarrod silently cursed the flaming circle in the sky, the heat from its rays reaching down and sapping away the moisture gained from the storm of yesterday.

After forcing two cups of the feverfew tea into the incoherent younger man, they quickly mounted and headed down the side of the mountain, the painful moans mixed with unrecognizable mutterings were overrode by his middle brother’s soothing words.

With each step of the horses, they were taken closer to the town of Dardanelle and closer to care for their injured brother. Anxiety rode on the older men’s shoulders urging them onward.

As he led the procession down the mountain trail, Jarrod couldn’t stop the fear of the future from stealing up within him. The unknowns of how Heath would react to them when his mind wasn’t cluttered with pain or a feverish fog frightened the first son.

It was easier to think he’d be glad they’d found and rescued him from certain death. It was easier to picture a wonderful heartfelt reunion with welcoming arms than the very reality which loomed in the background.

The reality was Heath could very well turn his back and walk away. If he did, could they truly begrudge their newest member if he did that?

For Heath hadn’t given his love to them and then demand they live up to a person they never knew. They demanded he show them some of Tom Barkley’s guts…a man he never knew, a man who never checked to see if he’d left his mark behind and was responsible for the life he was forced into by the lack of a father’s presence in his childhood.

In a way, Heath had shown what he was made of, the pride and courage he inherited as a Barkley, the traits deeply engrained in all of Thomas Barkley’s children from the time of their birth. Traits which transcended physical means, traits which passed from generation to generation within their genes.

Yes, Heath had these traits, he had guts…for his blond brother had taken the crippling, lonely path away from those he loved to save himself. Of this the oldest son was sure. Heath had no choice and to keep the inner demons of the time spent in Bentell’s prison from stealing his soul away, he sacrificed the love he yearned for and walked away.

They made their bed and now must lie in it. Had he and the rest of the family, save for Audra, willingly made their bed on broken glass, each chard cutting into them as they lay on it? Would they all lose because of their inability to comprehend at the time what they challenged him to do?

They would walk across fire for him…but would it make a difference when his mind was clear and the painful memories reopened?

“How’s he doing, Nick?” asked Jarrod stopping to allow Coco to halt beside him, taking his canteen off the saddlehorn.

Nick glanced down at the man leaning back against him and scowled, “I’m worried Jarrod. He hasn’t made a sound for a while and he’s still feverish.”

Reaching over, Jarrod held the back of his hand against the sweaty forehead and sighed. “I think his fever hasn’t risen any, Nick. Let’s try to get some water into him before we go on. Another hour and we should be there. Just one more hour.”

Nodding, Nick adjusted the blond in his arms and called as Jarrod uncapped the canteen. “Heath! Heath!” Tapping his fingers against the pale cheek, Nick raised his voice higher to reach through the darkness his brother was in.

Nick swallowed the lump of fear in his throat, his loud voice falling silent when his calls couldn’t rouse the blond. Leaning his forehead against the top of the drenched head, Nick whispered, “I just found you, Heath. Don’t leave me again, please. Wake up, little brother. I know you can do it.”

Jarrod bit the inside of his cheek to stop the sob wanting to escape at the despair and pleading in Nick’s whisper. The rancher was uncaring of who heard his pleas, the man needed comfort and it could only be gained from the blond’s wakening.

“Nick, tilt his head back over your arm. If we put water in his mouth, maybe he’ll swallow it by impulse.” suggested Jarrod, the tenderness in the movement of his well muscled brother amazing him as it always did when he took care of an injured being. Large calloused hands became soft as a feather in the duty he took seriously.

Moving the smaller man slightly as he sat in front of him, Nick moved the blond head to allow the back of Heath’s neck to recline in the crook of his arm. The unaware man’s mouth opening slightly from the position and Jarrod reached into his saddlebag and pulled out one of the tin cups.

Pouring a small amount of water in, he held it over Heath mouth. Both men let out sighs of relief when the droplets were forced downward into the injured body by the instinctive movement. Able to get a small amount of fluid into their injured sibling, Nick slid Heath upwards to recline back against his chest again.

The blond head moved slightly against the broad chest and a barely audible moan reached their ears. Jarrod studied the closed lids at Nick’s request and shook his head negatively when no movement occurred.

“Getting more fluid into Heath will help but a doctor would be the best thing right now. Let’s get back to town.” said Jarrod.

“Hold on little brother.” ordered Nick softly, nudging Coco forward and alongside Jingo.

Sheriff Jacobs shook his head and apologized, “Sorry, Mrs. Barkley. I had no choice but to let the Dalton’s go. I don’t have any reason to hold ‘em. Finding a loose horse isn’t against the law.”

Victoria nodded and moved to the window of the sheriff’s office to stare unseeing into the street. The morning had been fruitful in a certain way. She and Audra had groomed Gal in a manner Heath would be proud of and they retrieved his saddle from the ranchhand who had purchased it from the Dalton brothers. Now all they needed was a certain blond haired, blue eyed man to go with the horse and saddle.

“Mrs. Barkley?”

Turning, Victoria sighed slightly, “I’m terribly sorry, Sheriff Jacobs. I know you did what you could and I appreciate your efforts.”

Standing from his seat on the corner of the desk, the burly man frowned, “Wish I could do more, ma’am.”

Holding out her hand, Victoria smiled, “Thank you, Sheriff Jacobs. It would be best if I returned to my daughter at the hotel. If you see my sons before I do, I’d appreciate if you’d let them know where we’re staying.”

“I will, Mrs. Barkley. Just a moment and I’ll walk you back to the hotel.” offered the lawman grabbing his hat and opening the door to allow the silver haired woman to exit first.

The heat of the day met them full force as they stepped out onto the boardwalk and turned left, walking down the faded planks of wood. Victoria was startled from her reverie when a strong hand suddenly grabbed her forearm.

“Mrs. Barkley!” stated the sheriff, pointing to the riders coming up the street.

“NICK! JARROD!” screamed Victoria running towards the riders with the sheriff beside her not stopping til she reached the side of Coco, one hand covering her mouth and gray eyes filling with tears. “My god, Heath! Oh, Heath!”

“Mother, he needs a doctor.” declared Jarrod, dismounting and questioning the lawman. “Where’s the doctor’s office, Sheriff?”

“We don’t have a doctor in this town.” stated Sheriff Jacobs, not liking the look of the deputy’s pale sweat ladened face. “Nearest one is in Pine Crest and the train won’t be here til morning.”

Chapter 25

“No! Dammit!” exclaimed Nick loudly wrapping his arms tighter around the unconscious brother in his arms, “That’s too long! He’s burning up!”

The distress in her middle son’s voice broke through the shock of seeing the pale imitation of her blond son with his flushed cheeks and raspy breathing signs. Quickly glancing up at Nick, the Barkley matriarch was sure not all the wetness on his cheeks was from perspiration. Victoria straightened her shoulders, turning to Jarrod and Sheriff Jacobs.

“Take Heath to my room in the hotel. Room six. Nick, go ahead of us and fill the bath tub with cool water.” instructed Victoria, watching as Nick reluctantly handed the limp blond down into the waiting hands of Jarrod and the lawman after the oldest son grabbed his saddlebags.

Seeing the liveryman on the fringes of the small crowd, the sheriff ordered him to care for the horses as he helped with the injured deputy. The two men struggling to carry the dead weight of the blond, following the tiny silver haired woman through the dusty street and into the hotel.

The sound of running footsteps, the jingling of spurs and the flash of black which disappeared into her mother’s room stunned Audra for a moment as she looked into the hallway before she rushed forward. Hurrying into the room, she headed for the watercloset where the sound of water splashing upon the porcelain covered cast iron tub could be heard.

“Nick!” gasped Audra at the sight of her dust and sweat covered brother filling the tub. Her smile quickly faded at the anxiety in the face darkened by the sun. Opening her mouth to ask questions, she stopped at the sound of their mother’s voice calling instructions and darted into the adjoining room. “HEATH!”

Victoria stopped her daughter from going to her brother, her small hands holding the beautiful face in her hands and capturing the tearing blue eyes.

“Audra, go to the general store and get bandages, liniment and any other first aid supplies they have. Get some clothes for your brother and have the desk clerk send up a bottle of whiskey. Hurry now!”

“Yes, Mother.” swallowed Audra running out of the room and down the hallway.

Sheriff Jacobs left the small watercloset, stopping when Victoria held his arm before instructing her sons to unclothe their brother and place his heated body in the cool water.

“Sheriff Jacobs, thank you for your help.”

Tipping his hat, the peacemaker nodded, “It weren’t nothing ma’am. I’ll check on your sons’ horses before I wire Pine Crest to let the doc know you’ll be coming tomorrow.”

Smiling gratefully Victoria shook his large hand before entering the room, moving to sit on the edge of the tub while her two older sons undressed the third. Picking up the younger man who how had only his under drawers on, Nick and Jarrod carefully placed him in the slow filling tub.

“Mother, how did you..”

“Not now, Jarrod.” said Victoria with a shake of her head, her eyes not leaving the blond as she wet a cloth and used it to clear away the dirt and grime, her voice quivering with fear as she asked. “Do you know what happened to Heath?”

Having moved to the other side of the tub and grabbing a washcloth to help with the cleansing, Nick scowled. “He’s got a bullet wound in his thigh and a stab wound under his collarbone. He’s been running a fever. Jarrod brewed up a tea for the fever and it seemed to be getting better til a little while ago.”

The layers of mud, dried blood and grime slowly turned the water in the tub muddy as the covering was washed away. Audra entered the watercloset unnoticed after gathering the items as told, standing against the wall and staring, watching silently as the water was for the third time drained and replaced with clean water.

A gasp from Audra filled their ears as the sets of eyes fell upon the dark purple bruise covering the right side of the blond. The crease going up his side was angry and inflamed.

Inhaling a shaky breath, Victoria ran the cloth over the wound, scrutinizing it before moving making her way to the knife and bullet wounds. The trembling of her injured son was torturous but signs of shaking and shivering meant his body was fighting the infected wound using the only resource it had.

Looking up at her dark haired sons, Victoria saw the guilt on their faces before her eyes turned back to the young man in the water.

“Boys, I need you here, your minds as well as your strength. When Heath is better, we have some serious talking as a family to do.”

“Mother, it’s our fault.” anguished Jarrod. “If we’d seen the crease, we could have taken care of it.”

Shaking his head, Nick replied in a low voice, “Not we, me Jarrod. I was checking Heath over. Not you. You had your hands full with her.”

“Her?” questioned Victoria, her head snapping up and her hands stilling for a moment. “Who?”

“Martha Simmons.” advised Jarrod draining the water and replacing the plug, filling up the tub again. “She’s the one who stabbed Heath. Probably the person who shot him too.”

Closing her eyes for a moment, Victoria squeezed the cloth viciously in her hands before pushing down the anger at the woman who could have raised a small boy with love, instead of hatred and foulness. The woman was given a blessing in the form of a child who desperately needed a mother and she twisted the honor into a vile form of cruelty with her diseased actions.

“My god, I thought she was dead.” whispered the silver haired woman, opening her eyes and running her fingers through the wet blond hair, speaking only to her unconscious son.

“Oh, Heath our prayers were answered for you’re here with us. But at what price? Please sweetheart, feel how much we love you. Let that guide you back. Don’t stay where you are, we need you.”

Chapter 26

Wounds were cleaned thoroughly with soap and whiskey then covered with a salve the desk clerk sent up from his last visit to the physician in Pine Crest and liniment applied to the bruised sections of the battered body while the refound piece of their souls battled away, unaware of those fighting alongside him.

Their battle was fought with water and forced moisture from tea dropped into the feverish blond while his battle was fought internally, away from the worried concerned eyes of his family. Deep inside his body where no human eye could see. Beneath the layers of outer skin, his physical being waged against itself and the fever continued climbing much to the horror of those in the room.

Coats made of solid colors, some splashed with brown, amber, black and white danced under the painted rays of the rising sun. The air was fresh and clean, the morning dewless and serene.

Blue eyes sparkled and glittered watching the herd of wild horses down in the valley, recklessly in the open for his eyes to find and appreciate, teasing him with their beauty and power, challenging him to capture them. Sitting on the small hill amidst the fluttering grasses, he startled in surprise when a voice spoke to him from the left.

“Morning.” greeted the pepper haired older man, his eyes watching the herd while he lowered himself to a spot beside the blond whose hat was pushed back onto his forehead and his right arm rested on his bent knee.

“Howdy.” replied the blond, hesitating before seeing the older unarmed gentleman appeared to only want to share in the early morning vision.

“Magnificent.” whispered the older man in awe, turning to find the blue eyes studying him intently. “With the sun shining on ‘em, it can fool your eyes by changing the colors of their coats. Almost like a kaleidoscope when you look into it.”

“What’s a kaleidoscope?” asked Heath curiously, unable to understand the calm spreading through him while he sat in place by this man’s side.

“Well, it’s a tube you look into. At the end you can turn it and see all different types of colors and shapes with each turn. There’s pieces of bright colored papers cut every which way and they tumble around in there. It’s never the same thing twice. Much like life I’d venture.” offered the older man using his hands to bring forth his description.

“Sounds interesting.” nodded Heath, turning his eyes back to the herd and absently chewing on a blade of brown weed. “I ain’t ever seen one. Is it a child’s toy?”

“I’ve always enjoyed them and I’m way past the age of a child.” smiled the older man, his face crinkling up with laughter watching as the younger man returned the smile effortlessly.

Winking, the older man sighed, “Course, my wife always said I was a kid at heart. She bought me my first one. Much like a sunrise, sunset or the sound of waves rolling into the ocean. She knew how much I would like it and appreciate it for the simplistic beauty it offered.”

“Sounds like a right smart woman.”

“She is.” admitted the older man before turning his eyes back to the herd which had moved further from the hill they sat on.

“Even smart people make mistakes, you know. Especially when they think with their hearts, allowing fear to take over and force them into making a dreadful mistake. Being a family is never without it’s hurts or fights, battles or wars. If you didn’t have those things, it’d be easy for everyone and never valued for all it means.”

Glancing sharply at the face turned forward, Heath frowned and pondered on the words, feeling uneasy at the voice which reached down into his soul, sparking a tingling of a memory, the elusive hint just out of his reach.

“Do I know you, mister?” demanded Heath brusquely becoming increasingly skittish.

The profile turned towards him and the older man stared into the nervous youngster’s eyes, negatively shaking his head before smiling slightly. “We’ve never met, son.”

“Don’t call me that.” hissed the blond surprised at the wounded reflection which suddenly appeared in the truthful sapphire eyes.

“They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Do you believe that, Heath?” whispered the older man, his voice almost hypnotic and the power exuded from his emotions reached across the span between them.

The piercing gaze held his, the intoxicating voice caressed his ears and the blond answered unaware of his own tortured voice, only aware of the pulling on his heart and the gaze he couldn’t break.

“Hell is hell, don’t matter what road takes ya’ there. It’s hell all the same.”

“How did you know about the shelf behind the waterfall?” queried the older man.

The blue eyes widened with surprise and shock but he was still unable to take his eyes from the older tanned face as he answered despite his desire not to.

“I found it on my last trip when I was taking a swim. You couldn’t…how did…you…you weren’t there.” gasped Heath suddenly, feeling his heart in his throat.

“I may not have been there on your other trips down hell’s road but I was this time. Can you remember my whisper to you? My warning?”

Trembling suddenly at the elusive sound ringing in his ears, Heath stammered from a mixture of fright and dread, “Who the hell are you?”

“Thomas Jonathan Heathrow Barkley. Your father, son.” stated the older man, his eyes filling with pride and love, glistening with moisture, his hand reaching across the expanse and touching his fingertips to the face which was rapidly paling.

Clenching his jaw suddenly, Heath groaned at the pain starting and turning to a full blown gale in his body, his eyes unable to move from the older man’s.

“Don’t...touch…me.” growled the blond between gasps for breath, bending slightly forward, shoulders hunched against the onslaught but those damn sapphire eyes still locked with his.

Ignoring the snarl, Tom took his son’s face in his hands and placed a kiss on the sweat laced forehead, stopping the pain with the simple gesture, moving one hand to brush the hair on the blond head.

“We don’t have much time, son. The pain will soon return.” informed the older man firmly stroking the cheek of the son he never knew, the youngster unable to move, forced into place by the paternal love wrapped around him.

“I loved your mother. You are so like her, your gentleness, your fierceness, your strength. Leah was an angel just as you are to all those who you touch with your nearness. You give so much simply by being who you are. Please son, don’t throw the love of your family away. They didn’t understand they were hurting you. Don’t let anger keep you on this road to hell. Fight for what you know is important, what you need.”

Unable to move or turn his head away, Heath could feel his tears building as he was forced to look into his father’s eyes. The sapphire eyes so much like his oldest brother, the truth and sincerity clear for him to see. Finally able to shift his eyes, he examined the man’s features, seeing Nick and Audra in the older face before finally seeing himself.

The pain started again and he gasped loudly, unable to stop the mutter with his mind, his heart overriding his desire to hate the person before him.

“Pppaaa.”

Taking hold of his son’s shoulders, Tom smiled through his tears and wrapped his arms around the blond whose face and body now reflected the injuries he’d suffered at the hands of others. Placing a kiss on his cheek, he gazed once more into his blue pained eyes and whispered.

“You are a man anyone would be proud to call son or brother. I love you, son. Let them help you find your way back, Heath. You need them as much as they need you. All of your souls are lessen when you’re apart. You don’t have to travel down hell’s roads anymore, son. Trust me, trust them but most importantly, trust what is in your own heart.”

The serene valley they’d been in exploded away, the older man disappearing before his eyes and a wall of flames taking his place. Jarrod and Nick held onto the thrashing blond, his strength moving his older brother’s and frightening his mother and sister who stood locked in each other’s arms, staring wide eyed at the scene before them.

The man they thought had been stolen through death’s door came back with an explosion of power moving his stilled muscles and body on the bed reaching out and screaming before his riveted family moved to stop him from opening his wounds.

The sound of her husband’s voice in her head telling her to go to him rushed Victoria to the bed and she took his moving face in her hands, her tears falling onto his flushed face as she called out to him.

“Heath! HEATH!” screamed the matriarch, all in the room watching as his thrashing slowly lessened and he struggled to open his eyes. It was several minutes of calling and brushing her fingers through his drenched hair before he succeeded in bringing forth the power needed to lift the lids keeping him in darkness.

Confused blue orbs looked past their faces, his pained eyes seeking out the translucent form looming in the background, hovering close to the ceiling for a moment before smiling and vanishing.

Smiling slightly, Heath felt the lack of power in his body and the exhaustion nipping at his heels to drag him back into sleep before he slowly ran his eyes over the anguished faces all around him.

“Family.” whispered the blond weakly before his eyes closed and his sleep turned to one of healing, the fever residing after it crested.

Chapter 27

The momentous effort and the whispered word filled the air of the small room. The witnesses held their breaths, hearts beat furiously within their chests and their souls filled with longing and hope.

The single word meant so much to those who gathered around the unaware blond. The longevity of its meaning spoke to them, yet, each stifled slightly their hope. For only when Heath was aware only then would their destinies be revealed.

Would he consider the word family as they did? Would he allow them back into his small circle of trust? Would he recognize their desire to replace what they’d taken from him?

The tiny hand brushing over the drenched blond hair moved to the forehead dotted with beads of perspiration. Gray eyes filled at the cooler skin beneath the delicate skin of her fingers. Exhaustion was immediately replaced with thanks and her children watching saw her grand smile. Their collective sighs of relief and thanksgiving filled the room.

They’d been given another chance, another hand dealt to them in this game of life. Heath hadn’t folded his cards, he’d brought himself back from the brink of losing everything, slowly rebuilding the pile of colorful chips in front of him.

His return from the brink of disaster raised the value of the pot in the middle of the green felted table. He’d anted all he had and silently they vowed to ensure they were all winners. All present would split the rewards and relish the spoils handed to them by the turn of the cards.

“Let’s get your brother into dry clothes.” said Victoria brushing her tears away with trembling fingers. “Audra, please see if the hotel restaurant has some broth for when Heath wakes. He’ll need nourishment to rebuild his strength and the blood he’s lost.”

Nodding, the golden haired young woman moved to the side of the bed and placed a kiss on her sleeping brother’s cheek, whispering in his ear. “I’ll be right back, big brother.”

Exchanging hugs of gratitude with each of her family members, Audra glanced back towards the bed once more before leaving the room to follow her mother’s instructions. Working together after Audra left, the bed was quickly stripped of the soaked rectangles of cloth. Efficiently, dry sheets were placed and the body of the blond dried of the remnants of fever before he was gently dressed in a nightshirt two sizes too big. The garment dwarfing the youngster, enhancing his youth and vulnerability.

Taking advantage of her deeply sleeping son, Victoria unbandaged his injuries, the salve wiped away and three sets of eyes thoroughly examined the crease, the fever inducing culprit. The angry line had been tempered and where there was once red inflammed skin was now a light pink color.

Satisfied with the appearance of the beginnings of healing, Victoria reapplied the ointment spreading it liberally before accepting a new covering from her first born. Only after the medical necessities were taken care of did the silver haired lady exhale a deep sigh, her body slumping and partially giving into the fast paced demands of the past eight hours.

Nick’s large hands held onto his mother’s shoulders, pulling her backwards to lean against his chest. He placed a kiss on her fine hair as they both watched Jarrod needlessly straightening the sheet covering his youngest brother.

“Mother, should I see when the train’s coming today or will we stay a few days longer?” questioned Nick quietly, his cheek resting on the side of her small head.

Jarrod ceased fidgeting with the sheet and ran his fingers down the pale cheek before turning to faces the others on the side of the bed. The toll of the ordeal was easy to see on the faces of his mother and brother. The battle fighting for Heath had seemed never ending, never stopping for a second until he had gasped a breath and his feverish body stilled.

The oldest shook as a shiver crawled up his spine and he relived for a moment the dark sense of loss and denial which overshadowed everything else in the room. They’d lost him for eternity for a brief moment of time. They’d felt for that brief moment, a sadness unparalleled and unexperienced before. Not even when the head of their family had been taken prematurely by an act of cowardly brutality had they felt such a thing.

The darkness was a sharp contract to the brilliancy of the light each saw when Heath suddenly reappeared on this earth again. The gutteral scream coming from deep within the blond had wretched at their own hearts jolted back into beating by the startling reawakening.

The first born wasn’t positive but he could’ve sworn upon his little brother’s waking, the injured man was looking past them and offering a smile to someone only he saw in the room.

Taking a breath to calm the emotions within him, Jarrod frowned and shook his head, “Mother, I don’t think we should make any plans until Heath is more awake, more aware of what’s happening around him.”

“Jarrod, he needs to have a doctor look at him.” protested Nick meeting his brother’s eyes. “The nearest one is in Pine Crest and the sooner we get him there, the better.”

“I understand the geographic challenges, little brother. You don’t have to convince me it’s important but do you think Heath will understand? What if he only sees us taking away his choices again? What do you think will happen then?” queried Jarrod firmly, his words bringing confusion and hesitation into the hazel eyes.

Torn between her maternal instincts and her desire to forego inflicting her own strong willed wishes again on her blond son, Victoria sighed and straightened her shoulders.

“You are both correct. Heath needs a doctor, Nick. However for the time being since the fever is broken and he is resting peacefully, Heath would more than likely appreciate the chance to be given a choice.”

Scowling, Nick stated tersely, “I’ll head to the depot and check out the schedules for the next couple days.”

Seeing the anguish in the hazel eyes, Victoria reached up and placed a kiss on her son’s whiskered cheek, “Resting will help your brother heal quicker, Nick. The quicker he heals the sooner we can work towards being a family again.”

Closing his eyes for a second, the large rancher nodded, “Of course, Mother. I, uh, I’m just worried about him is all.”

“We all are, Nick.” assured Jarrod walking over and clapping the larger man on the back. “We took care of him on the mountain and we’ll take care of him here.”

Smiling slightly, Nick gazed at the slumbering blond before turning to his mother and puzzling. “Mother, how is it you and Audra came to be here? You were in Sacramento when this whole thing started.”

“It’s a long story, boys. When Audra gets back, we can discuss it over breakfast in our room.” suggested Victoria. “I think we can all use some food and coffee.”

“First, I’ll check on the horses then the train schedule.” replied Nick heading to the door stopping with his hand on the metal knob at his mother’s voice.

“Nicholas, please check on Gal while you’re at the livery.” commanded Victoria holding up her hand to ward off the questions springing into the eyes of her sons. “Later boys, later.”

Chapter 28

The day passed without a sign of waking from Heath, his body weakened from the exposure to the elements and the traumatic injuries kept him deep in slumber. The sleep was healing to the youngest son but a time of frantic and wayward thoughts to those gathered in the room.

There was no doubt to any of them, the resting blond was an integral part of their family unit. The bond they held for each other transcended time and space. It was evident by the experience each of them had when they heard him calling in their dreams and from the presence they felt when they were near him. Heath was a part of each of them and separately but together they all prayed he’d feel the same when he was able to hold a cohesive thought.

The first sensation was one of an object preventing his leg from moving. His mind sluggish with exhaustion and pain couldn’t recall the surroundings his eyes of blue fell upon. The dingy faded walls, the cracked painted ceiling was all he first saw.

It was an effort of gigantic proportions to open the curtains over his orbs and allow the darkness to diminish, slowly subsiding and in turn replaced with a constant throbbing of pain in his right leg and chest.

The sight of a dark haired head turned sideways in a chair to his right, the body beneath it spread out in a reclined position was the first person he saw. Jarrod.

Moving his eyes past his oldest brother he saw a silver haired figure wrapped in a blanket lying on a small settee. Mother.

Slowly glancing down, he saw a foot propped against his lower leg, the foot weighing more than his leg could move at his body’s current strength. Moving his eyes upward from the foot, he saw the tanned profile of his brother’s face as he leaned his head backwards against the chair, his arms crossed over his chest. Nick.

To the right of Nick, his eyes met the teary eyes of his sister, Audra. Holding a finger to his lips when he tried to speak, she leaned down and brushed her lips across his forehead, resting her cheek against his.

Slowly raising his right arm, he brushed his hand over her soft blonde mane, his own eyes tearing as she moved back to gaze upon him.

Smiling tenderly, Audra caught the fingers brushing against her cheek, holding the larger hand in hers before resting it against the side of her face, thankful for the simple gestures between them.

The blue eyes of the girl told him of her love and sisterly devotion. They told him of his place he held in her heart even though he’d left her behind. She shook her head negatively at the regret which appeared in his emotive eyes for he had never told her goodbye. He had regretted that one action ever since he’d left the ranch and the family behind. For she had no part in what had happened and he’d hurt her in his flight from the challenge of his mother and brothers when he hadn’t said goodbye.

His family.

They were all there, surrounding him as he slept, keeping a vigil because he was one of them. But was he really? Would he ever feel he was one with them again?

The question sprang into his consciousness quick as the jagged lightning had cut across the darkened skies. The flash of brilliancy, the sparking of scattered bits and pieces of moments, conflicting emotions mixing with the fever of past hurts, past pains stole into the room, closing his eyes. Shutting out those around him and his sister who seemed to understand and squeezed his hand in support.

He needed time to shuffle through the pictures, shuffle through the words appearing in his mind. He needed time to contemplate what cards he held before deciding which ones he would discard.

Heath was conflicted internally, waging against the desires to belong in their inner circle. He was confused and disappointed in the war within himself. Why did he want to open the door to light the dark recesses of his soul and heart with hope?

Could he afford to venture down the gloomy dark covered hallways of his mind? Would he want to chance once again?

Many would think he was a fool.

A fool to consider throwing away the destiny which was decreed to be his. He could have so much and yet, he could lose so much. He could lose himself if he became enveloped in this family structure again.

Wealth was more than just money and prestige. One could have unfathomable amounts of wealth, piles of gold and silver at their disposal and yet they could go through life without having satisfaction or comfort in their inner security.

The inner security of knowing yourself, knowing your limitations and self-decapitating traits. Only when was one secure could they then find sanctuary with others, family or otherwise.

His upbringing was his downfall in a sense. It was the blight on his soul which kept him waiting for the wind to leave his sails. It kept him standing on the outer edge of the circle. He’d stepped into their circle once and the reminder of what happened knotted his stomach.

How could he consciously embrace those who’d twisted what he’d gave in the past? How could he overcome the depths of terror over the challenge they wanted him to undertake? Would they understand the depths of persecution perceived by a man whose inner child never had a chance to grow? He’d never had a chance to nurture the youth in him, find joy in the world around him, delight in the small pleasures others took for granted.

Opening his eyes when she moved his head up and held a glass to his lips, he gratefully took a few sips of water, the moisture cascading down his parched throat. Weakly squeezing the small hand holding his, Heath allowed sleep to take him to escape as he waged against the old fears and insecurities rising up from within, threatening to choke him. He waged against himself to find the soothing balm needed to coat the wounds no one but him could see.

Audra had watched his eyes move from one family member to another as they finally rested after the events of the past hours and days. Slowly, he took them all in, his expression appeared happy before it turned to haunted. When his eyes fell upon her, the haunted look disappeared.

Neither had spoken a word during the brief time he was awake, for no words could express what she felt for him. She simply let her eyes tell what was in her heart as she held his hand.

Audra saw the despair and uncertainty overtake the love and welcome in the blue eyes of her blond brother after she had given him a drink. His thoughts shone in his eyes and after he fell back to sleep, she kept a hold of his hand, using her grip as a lifeline so he would know she were there with him.

Studying his pale face, Audra felt a relighting of her anger at those resting in various places in the room. They put the uncertainty in his eyes. They had shattered what comfort level he had built up since their brothers had brought him back from his ranch in the mountains.

All he fought for, struggled against was gone like a thief stealing away into the darkness of the night shadows. They’d virtually stripped his trust and unity, leaving him ripped open and vulnerable. The time he spent away from them hardening the cement of the inner walls he once again erected.

The previous strides made in acceptance were gone. Where he had gone forward twenty miles over the desert sand couldn’t be seen. Their challenge wiped his tracks from the sand, his path was unclear and distorted. If they’d only taken the time to step back and understand the terror inside of him caused by what they demanded.

‘If only’ thought Audra, her free hand reaching up to squeeze her temples as the anger started a throbbing in her head.

Nick woke when he heard Heath moan slightly in his sleep, the hazel eyes squinted and looked out the window trying to gage the time of day before he pushed himself upward and moved to his sister’s side.

“Audra, I’ll watch him while you get some rest. Don’t worry I’ll let you know when Heath wakes up.” whispered Nick quietly, his voice lowered so he wouldn’t disturb anyone else in the room.

Jutting out her chin and glaring up at her middle brother, Audra hissed, “Heath was already awake so don’t concern yourself about it.”

“What do you mean don’t concern myself?” demanded Nick angrily, the tone of his sister’s voice raising the hackles on his neck as well as the loudness of his voice. “Why the hell didn’t you tell us Heath was awake?”

Chapter 29

“Nicholas, please lower your voice or leave the room.” stated Victoria grabbing onto her middle son’s sleeve for emphasis.

Jarrod shoved down his own anger when he’d been startled awake by the Nick’s raised voice at the missed opportunity with his little brother and Audra’s denying the rest of the family a chance to speak with their injured member.

The first born felt cheated by his sister, cheated out of a moment with the person who’d become so crucial to their very existence. Taking time to calm his own inner anger, he made a conscious decision to not intervene in the sibling squabble.

“Mother, it’s not right!” protested Nick angrily, lowering his voice only slightly. “He’s important to all of us, not just Audra!”

Sending her daughter a look which left no doubt as to her own displeasure, Victoria nodded. “I understand how upset you are but please calm down. Heath needs his rest, Nick. I’m sure your sister won’t let another incident like this happen again.”

“Yes, Mother.” answered Audra gulping at the disappointment and anger in her mother’s eyes, not apologizing for the stolen treasured moment with her brother but well aware she’d have consequences to face because of it.

The past days of turmoil was only a culmination of the past months of emotional torture the family had been enduring. The strain of not knowing had given away to the strain of fighting for the youngster’s life.

Where once there may have been understanding, patience and communication was now a stormy sea of crashing waves against rocks. From sailing the endless sea of despair to the shores of hope, they now found themselves filled with trepidation.

Trepidation, a driving desire, a heart stopping need to regain what they’d lost so long ago by their own actions. Anxiety and panic over the uncertainty of Heath’s reaction was taking its toll on the three oldest people in the room. The three whose guilt was palpable, flowing off in waves encasing their body in its aura.

Shaking his head at his mother’s suggestion for her dark haired sons to go downstairs for breakfast, Nick snorted, “No way am I leaving Audra alone with Heath. No telling what she’ll try to hide this time.”

“Well, I’m not sorry Nick for having a few minutes alone with my brother! You and Jarrod got to talk to him when you found him!” declared Audra, thrusting her chin out in defiance, ignoring the flames in the hazel eyes.

“Stop it both of you.” snapped Jarrod, unable to stay neutral any longer, his voice stilling the rest of his family into silence.

His expression previously haggard with exhaustion disappeared to be replaced with his Pappy mask. A mask capable of making his younger siblings feel as if they were mere children again and the two wondered for a split second if they’d be sent to their rooms without lunch or dinner.

The moment of quiet passed and Victoria groaned to herself when the Barkley tempers engrained in all her children flared again, the three of them oblivious to anything around them. They were unaware it was the lost time with their sleeping brother the previous year which was truly driving their anger towards each other.

The sounds penetrated into the comforting void, the pitch blackness slowly lessening as the sound grabbed his attention. Even in the healing sleep he could hear fury mixed with a tinge of pain and indignation.

It took time for his sluggish mind to trudge through the thick deep mud and to recognize the sounds were words, muffled and unrecognizable. The vocalizations had no structure, they were shapeless and lacking in consistency.

The pitch and tones raised along with his slow climb out of the bog, his body excruciatingly struggled through the sticky mess towards the bank. The effort nearly took him back under but doggedly he kept on his path.

He could feel the pain in the words slowly taking shape and it tore into his heart. For some reason instinctively he knew he was the only one who could quench the fiery rage and ease the pain.

“You’re fighting over Heath like he’s a toy or something.” scolded Jarrod loudly.

“We are not!” protested Nick and Audra together, directing their anger towards the first born as if they were fighting a common enemy.

“Not another word!” commanded Victoria firmly, challenging each of her children to object the order with gray eyes filled with disbelief and exasperation.

Clenching the bedsheet with his hand, Heath struggled to speak, coughing as his words constricted in his dry scratchy throat. Biting back a groan of pain and tightening his jaw, he held onto his chest, the pain from the knife wound rippling through his upper body with each cough.

His thigh was engulfed with fire, the throbbing intensified, his body trembled from the pain and he was barely aware of strong hands holding onto him. The tone of the voices speaking were pleasant and serene. He felt a cup held to his mouth and a vague order to drink.

Trying to obey the words, he wasn’t sure how much he drank but he could feel how much of the life sustaining moisture escaped his attempt by the wetness on the cloth covering his body.

“That’s it, Heath. Easy now, little brother.” soothed Nick, his hand held tightly by his brother as he fought against the pain, positive the blond wasn’t aware he had pulled the limb away from the wound in his chest.

Brushing her fingers through his hair, Victoria crooned softly to her son, hoping to ease his pain away with the gesture while Audra stood by Jarrod who was trying to get some liquid into his parched brother.

The blond head settled back onto the mound of pillows and half opened eyes filled with guilt were seen, his words finally forced out. “Don’t…fight...please…no more.”

Smiling and shaking her head at the mumbling young man who welcomed his pain to push them back to focusing on what was important, Victoria leaned over into his line of sight, her fingers caressing his cheek.

“Shhhh, Heath. I promise there will be no more discussions til you’re better. Rest now, sweetheart. Shhhh.”

Chapter 30

Salty droplets trickled out of her eyes and fell upon the pale face, his lids dropped closed as her fingers stroked his cheek. Her heart swelled with pride and love for this youngster who found his way into their lives by destiny’s hand, yet, she was also filled with guilt. Guilt for what she challenged in the past. Guilt for taking his recently acquired place in their family, his free spirit and demanding he conform to her wishes.

She hadn’t given him any other recourse, his departure was the only way the teenager had to deal with her rigid demand to be molded to what she thought was best. Sometimes it seemed mothers do not always know best, sometimes even the best person erred while they sought to do the right thing.

Looking down, she closed her own eyes and sent a silent message to the man and woman she felt were watching from above. ‘Thank you Tom and Leah for Heath. I promise to find a way to bring him back to us, not just physically but also spiritually. I promise to find a way to fully bring him back.’

Nick knelt by the bed, gripping the relaxed hand and holding it to his forehead. His shoulders shook with shame and guilt. Shame for wanting to deny his sister a moment with the brother she hadn’t seen for so long. Guilt for being jealous of the quiet moment Audra shared with the boy he helped drive from their lives over a year ago.

The strength of the emotions prevented his body from moving, stopped him from climbing to his feet. He’d give anything to have been able to replay the last hand dealt to him, anything to take away the look in the blue eyes that day in the study. Anything to take away the doubts his little brother may have as to how important he was to them, to him. He needed this younger man, he needed him beside him. He needed to see forgiveness in his eyes and a promise for a future.

Jarrod wiped a hand over his face, his shoulders sagged from weariness and shame. He was tired and emotionally spent. The physical pain experienced by his youngest brother tormented the first born, twisting his heart in his chest. He was shamed to hear the weak plea for a cease fire from the injured boy’s lips.

He was ashamed the blond they loved so much had to witness the depths of their disrepair when he should have heard only positive thoughts and encouraging words. Heath wasn’t to blame for the disrepair threatening to split their family apart, disrepair from how they played destiny’s last hand. He wasn’t responsible for how they chose to play the cards and the pain when they realized they’d lost something far more important than riches.

For all his higher learning, it’d taken Heath leaving the ranch to truly open his eyes and see how sanctimonious he acted over a year ago. He thought he knew what was needed for the teenager to purge himself of his anger, his torment. How could he so blatantly suggest he knew what went on inside another person when he hadn’t walked that mile in his boots? How could he when he hadn’t experienced the hallways of life’s hell and come through on the other side? How could he have had a part in driving him away from those he called his family?

Audra wiped her tears and hung her head in shame. The pain in her brother’s blue eyes speared into her and his whispered request shook her deep into the recesses of her heart.

How could she have said those things to her other brothers? How could she have taunted her anguished brothers with the moment she selfishly shared with him? They found Heath and brought him back to safety, brought him back to all of them.

He wasn’t only her brother, he wasn’t only loved by her. They all loved him and while mistakes had been made in the past, mistakes were a fact of life. One grew by learning from mistakes made and no family member was above hurting another, whether purposely or innocently.

She’d hurt Nick, Jarrod and her mother because of losing the past year with Heath in her life. She’d hurt them willingly and she was ashamed he’d seen the depths to which she had sunk in her own anger.

Lifting her head, Audra took a shaky breath and whispered through a sob, “I’m…so sorry…I…I…”

Jarrod stood and pulled his crying sister into his arms, his own tears fresh on his face as he stroked her hair, murmuring and trying to sooth her pain away. Victoria placed a kiss on Heath’s forehead before moving to Jarrod and Audra, taking her daughter in her arms. Nick squeezed the hand he was holding before shakily pushing himself up and moving to the trio gathered together, not speaking just wrapping his arms around them.

When all the tears had been shed, all the words retracted and replaced with words to take away the recently opened wounds, did they break apart. Squaring her shoulders with a new resolve, Victoria chased her children out of the room sending them off to find food and get some rest. The protesting was squelched when she informed her brood the rest would do them good and replenish their strength for the battle ahead.

For the next battle was soon to start in this war with destiny.

The battle to bring the boy they scarred back to the ranch, back to the place they wanted him to freely call home once more. Back to the home they prayed he’d never leave again. Reluctantly, the three children left their mother alone with Heath knowing they’d be back in a few hours and her loving hands would be caring for their injured member.

Destiny watched the players, tapping its hand on the deck of cards, waiting for someone to bid or fold. Which player would win this hand?

The family keeping a vigil on the blonde.

The next man riding the train from Berlin Nevada who’d arrive within eight hours.

Or the pair huddled together keeping their cards close to their chests for only their eyes to see.

Chapter 31

The day passed and the hours crept slowly as Heath slept soundly, without interruption. His worn out body took the healing sleep it needed, uncaring of the anxious people hovering around the bed throughout the day.

His pale pallor regained some of its color with the replenishing of the liquid he’d lost in his struggle with the environment and his enemies. He didn’t stir even when his wounds were cleaned and redressed, the infection in his body had disappeared.

The family took shifts by the bedside, each waiting for him to wake. The desire to make plans to transport the injured blond to the family ranch was a powerful demon in each of their hearts. They wanted to take Heath home but knew they would be taking away his choices and each one was afraid of upsetting the young man they had refound.

Around noon, Sheriff Jacobs came by to take statements from the Barkley brothers and had hoped to find out from the injured deputy what had transpired before his brothers found him in the mountains. The lawman stated he’d send someone to fetch the body of Martha Simmons from her shallow grave.

Before leaving the sheriff informed the gathered group of the pending arrival of Heath’s boss from Berlin. The family spent the day torturing themselves, silently wondering if the blond would decide to return to his profession as a deputy and take away their chance of rebuilding a future by his side.

A low moan from the bed sent Nick from his place in the chair where he’d been reading the weekly newspaper by lamplight. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he waited while the blond head turned slightly, his large hand took hold of the right hand which raised slowly towards his left shoulder.

“No don’t touch your shoulder.” chastised Nick softly.

The low deep voice pushed aside the cottony darkness inside Heath’s head and he realized his pain was not nearly as great as it had been. Honing in on the male voice, he forced his heavy eyelids open and blinked several times to clear the sleep away.

Nick saw the clarity returning to the light blue eyes and let go of the hand he held, flashing a grin before leaning over and pouring a glass of water. Lifting the blond head, he held the glass up for his brother and smiled as it was consumed.

“Thanks.” said Heath gratefully, feeling weak but immensely better and glanced down, catching a partial glimpse of the wide bandage cross his chest and around his leg before meeting the hazel eyes.

“How you feeling?” asked the larger man, tapping his fingers on his jeaned leg, his boot bobbing up and down.

Staring into the concerned hazel eyes, Heath sighed, “Like I’m almost one of them mummies.”

Laughing, Nick nodded in agreement, “Few more bandages and you’ll be one, little brother.”

Closing his eyes for a moment at the pang the title caused in his heart, Heath grinned slightly and met the hazel eyes above him. He hadn’t realized until that very moment how much this man sitting on the bed meant to him, how empty he’d been inside without his presence in his life. The realization of what he felt was tempered by what happened before.

Nick watched the expressive eyes send the younger man’s inner thoughts to him and he reached over to needlessly straightened the sheet covering his little brother.

“Damn, I missed ya’ boy.” stammered Nick suddenly, his emotions bursting forth in an uncontrollable tumble. “I was wrong and I can’t blame you for leaving like you did. I want you to know how sorry I am, little brother. I let you down when you needed me the most.”

“Nick.” whispered Heath in a trembling voice.

His eyes filled with wetness before he turned his head away, trying to get himself under control. The longing rising from deep within and the remorsefulness of his brother’s voice threatened to drown him. His father’s face flashed in his mind and he heard a voice within his head.

“You are a man anyone would be proud to call son or brother. I love you, son. Let them help you find your way back, Heath. You need them as much as they need you. All of your souls are lessen when you’re apart. You don’t have to travel down hell’s roads anymore, son. Trust me, trust them but most importantly, trust what is in your own heart.”

It was several minutes before the blond head slowly turned back and met the hazel guilt filled eyes of his brother. Reaching out with his hand, Heath nodded slightly before swallowing the lump in his throat and choking out. “I missed ya’, big brother and I’m sorry too.”

Biting back the sobs welling up from within him, Nick clasped onto the hand extended towards him, unable to keep his grateful tears from falling down his cheeks.

Chapter 32

Reaching upward with his left hand, Nick wiped the tears from his face while his right held onto the relaxed hand, his eyes not leaving the face of his injured brother on the bed. Both sets of eyes had stared into the other’s until the depleted strength in Heath’s body allowed sleep to take over and his lids closed, shutting out the blue orbs from the hazel ones.

Nick didn’t move from his place on the bed, almost afraid to release the hand he held, needing the physical connection to accompany the emotional reconnection. The large man startled slightly at the hand which appeared on his shoulder and he glanced upward.

“Nick?” whispered Jarrod softly, concerned at the red eyes of his middle brother.

Taking a shaky breath, Nick flashed a smile to his big brother before gently placing Heath’s hand on the bed. Standing, he wrapped his arms tightly around Jarrod who could feel the emotion shaking the larger man.

“He said he missed me too, Pappy.” whispered Nick, his throat catching with the renewed rushing of emotion before he broke his hug and grabbed onto his brother’s shoulders, grinning widely into his blue eyes.

“I apologized, he apologized. Dammit, Jarrod I tell ya’ it was better than…than…hell, visiting Sassy at the Golden Nugget!”

Raising an eyebrow at the comparison and smiling at his brother’s bliss, Jarrod grabbed the back of Nick’s neck, grinning as he whispered, “Brother Nick, I can see that whoop of joy fighting to be released, maybe you’d best do that outside so you don’t wake Heath. It’s my turn to keep watch of our little brother and you need to get some sleep anyway. Morning’s just a few hours away.”

The grin hadn’t left the larger man’s face, his hazel eyes sparkled with a light that had been missing over the past year. Nodding to his big brother, Nick turned and bent over the slumbering man on the bed, his fingers brushing over the blond hair which was strewn in all directions.

“I’ll see you in the morning, little brother.” whispered Nick with a sigh of pure contentment. Straightening, he squeezed Jarrod’s shoulder as he passed to the door, the wood panel closing quietly behind him.

Jarrod placed his palm on the forehead of his youngest brother and smiled down at the blond who’d just given their brother back his inner glow. Satisfied with the coolness of the skin beneath his hand, he straightened the sheet on the bed before picking up the newspaper on the chair as he listened to the deep breathing from the bedside.

Sitting down and opening the paper, he started scanning the news when a loud shout from outside the hotel could be faintly heard in the room.

“YEAH! AIN’T LIFE GREAT!”

Smiling at the joyous voice, Jarrod shook his head when several shouts back protesting the boisterous midnight declaration could be heard from various citizens of the town. Jarrod chuckled at the quieter apologies called out from his middle brother before returning to the paper in his hand.

Sitting upright in the chair from his previously slumped position, Jarrod blinked his eyes and glanced out the window through the small opening in the no longer white curtains. The night was still upon them, evident by the darkness of the outside. Wiping a hand across his face, he froze at the sound he heard, the sound which had woken him from the light sleep he’d fallen into.

The hazy fog of sleep lifted and Jarrod suddenly remembered where he was, his eyes fell upon his youngest brother whose head was moving in his sleep and he was mumbling softly. Moving to the bed, Jarrod sat down in the spot where Nick had been, the older man watching as the younger man was caught up in his dreams. Heath’s face was sweaty and Jarrod reached upwards, lighting touching the blond, relieved the droplets were not from a fever.

Keeping his eyes on Heath, he was drawn back to the nights on the ranch when he or Nick would watch over the teenager during the nights his slumber was tortured and restless. The nightmares experienced by the youngest would shake them as much as they’d shake Heath. Both older men had often marveled over how someone tormented so much throughout his life rose above everything to be the kind of person he’d proven himself to be.

Jarrod grabbed onto the moving hand and soothingly shushed the blond whose head movement had quickened with the rising of the dream only he could see, his breaths becoming faster in his agitated state.

“Shhhh…it’s okay, Heath.” cooed Jarrod, holding onto the sweat laden hand while he spoke softly. “It’s just a dream, little brother. Shhhhh. You’re safe now.”

Several minutes passed while Jarrod spoke to his youngest brother, his words mixing in the blond’s head, pushing the nightmare back into the deep crevices of his mind. The breaths of the sleeping man slowed and his head stopped moving uncontrollably.

Jarrod smiled and squeezed the hand he held as the eyelids of Heath crept open, the first born was rewarded with a blinking of lids before a lop-sided grin appeared.

“Pappy.” whispered the blond, weakly returning the grip on the hand holding his.

“Brother Heath.” responded Jarrod in a quivering voice, his blue eyes as full as his heart at the whispered title. “We have a lot to discuss, little brother. I hope you’ll give me a chance to right the wrong I did.”

Staring into the eyes of the older man, Heath’s heart stopped slightly at the anguish and guilt plain for him to see. Squeezing the hand holding his, the blond shook his head negatively.

“No, Jarrod...” choked Heath, swallowing the lump in his throat which was keeping all his words from coming out, the emotions almost strangling him.

Jarrod flinched unconsciously at the denial of the chance he needed to take away the pain he’d caused the younger man and his face drained of all its color, unaware he lost his grip on the hand he was holding.

Struggling to sit up at the face which paled suddenly, Heath stammered, his blue eyes pleading as he grimaced in pain from his movement and he felt his brother’s strong hands holding him as he gasped. “Not…what… I mean...Jar’d.”

Shaken, Jarrod held onto Heath’s trembling body, the pain causing him to gasp as he fought for control. Laying Heath back onto the pillows, Jarrod poured a glass of water and held it to his lips. Taking several sips, Heath nodded and closed his eyes against the pain, feeling the sweat being wiped off his forehead.

Reaching up, the younger man grabbed onto the larger hand and took in a deep breath, staring into the first born’s tormented eyes. “Meant there’s no need to hope for a chance, Jarrod. We all got one cause I was wrong too. It was me as much as anyone. I shoulda stayed but I…I…just…I…”

Heath struggled against the raging turmoil, his eyes squeezed shut to keep his tears from falling out. Forcing the lumps out of his throat, Jarrod cupped the cheek of the blond in his palm, his touch opening the watery blue eyes as he shook his head.

“Father used to say ‘being a family is never without it’s hurts or fights, battles or wars. If you didn’t have those things, it’d be easy for everyone and never valued for all it means’. I know what you mean to me, Heath and you’ll never have to wonder again.” promised Jarrod with a gentle smile, his eyes puzzling at the blond’s whisper before he fell back to sleep.

“I know, he told me.”

To be continued…