The Second Hand of Destiny

Chapters 33-45

by Catgirl63

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Chapter 33

The whispered confirmation before his youngest brother fell back to sleep raised the goose bumps on the arms of the first son and shivered his body. His mouth was dry, his heart thumped in his chest and his eyes couldn’t be drawn from the face relaxed in sleep.

The sharp mind, cluttered with laws, precedence and other information used in the hallowed halls of Lady Justice’s court found itself considering the paranormal event. His natural inclination was to deny the father/son conversation which the blond hinted had taken place.

The event wasn’t tangible, it hadn’t happened in this world. It’d happened in a place where only Heath had ventured. A place where he’d gone when the fever consumed his physical body, draining the injured young man of the strength and power to make it back.

The attorney had heard people standing on death’s porch speaking of such events, relaying what he previously thought was a figment planted in their imaginations from either fever, sickness or dreams. The learned man in him found his vast knowledge useless in this instant and yet, he realized he believed the whispered words from his blond brother.

He remembered the dazed blue eyes looking past those right in front of him, seeking out the ceiling and smiling slightly. The unknown son had a chance to talk to his unknown Father. It couldn’t be denied, it couldn’t be argued against for it was one of those mysteries of life for which there was no explanation. It simply was.

Swallowing the lump tightening his throat, Jarrod closed his eyes and silently thanked their father for finding Heath, his son, in his moment of need. Jarrod sensed without the intervention of their father, Heath would have been lost to his family, lost until they’d met another day in another place.

Opening his eyes and moving to the bed, he reached out and brushed the blond’s hair with his hand and whispered, “Without you with us this past year, we’ve been living through our own hell on earth. A hell we created and deserved, Brother Heath. Spending an eternity to take away the pain we’ve caused is a punishment I embrace and look forward to.”

Bending, Jarrod brushed his lips across the cool forehead, his eyes filled with tears of gratefulness, tears of thankfulness and tears of a future. His gesture of brotherly love was an intrinsic gesture bestowed on his blond brother, just as he had bestowed it upon his middle brother when he was a child hurt by the words of others or the cruelties of the world.

Pulling the sheet up further on his sleeping brother, Jarrod sat, leaning his head against the back of the chair and smiling as he kept watch, guarding the young wrangler who stampeded his way into their lives and hearts.

The blond lying in the bed, resting and building the reserves of strength taken from his body, in sleep looked so much like an innocent child instead of a man of twenty one years of age. His boyish features still could be seen underneath the tanned skin of an outdoorsman and in the depths of his eyes in times of spontaneity and laughter.

The morning sun had managed to pull itself halfway up over the land when Victoria knocked quietly on the door before entering. Gray eyes crinkled at the corners from the smile raising her lips, her face tender and soft as it gazed upon her three sleeping sons in the room. The youngest surrounded on both sides by a dark haired brother, their eyes closed as they rested in their chairs. Walking into the room, the rustling of her dress stirred into Jarrod’s consciousness and he slowly woke, blinking the drowsiness from his eyes.

“Mother, morning.” whispered Jarrod, standing to kiss her cheek.

“Good morning, Jarrod.” returned Victoria, placing her hand on his arm. “I’ll stay with Heath, why don’t you wake Nick and get some breakfast.”

Jarrod stifled a yawn and shook his head at his brother sleeping on the other side of the bed. “I should’ve known he couldn’t stay away for too long.”

Smiling, Victoria nodded and reached up to place a kiss on the stubbled cheek of her oldest before moving to the head of the bed. Jarrod smiled and moved to the other side, shaking Nick awake and warning him to stay quiet.

Greeting his mother, Nick frowned at her soft command to eat breakfast, his scowl earning him a raised eyebrow, a silent challenge at the disobedience rising within him. Acquiescing, the brothers left their mother alone and went off to follow her biding, promising to speak with the cook about readying some broth for when Heath woke.

Victoria fussed over her sleeping child, straightening his sheet, feeling his forehead, exchanging the water in the bedside pitcher for fresh water before she moved about the room quietly. Her face reflected the tiredness in her body but she shrugged off the effects of the past days. For until Heath was up and out of the bed with a return of his strength, she would not rest undisturbed.

Satisfied with the room and its contents, the Barkley matriarch turned to see blue eyes watching her. Smiling at the clarity in his eyes, she neared and sat on the bed.

“Good morning, Heath.” said Victoria softly as she brushed his bangs off his forehead. “How are you feeling this morning, son?”

“Mother…” said the blond stopping at the pressure building in his chest, his heart physically hurt when he saw her gray eyes filled with love as they gazed upon him, the sting of saltiness in his orbs almost blinded him from the powerful mother’s touch of her hand.

The smile on her face disappeared and her lips trembled at the vastness in the pools of blue, the shimmering dampness couldn’t hide the emotions rampaging through her blond son. His struggle became hers and she was choked by the overwhelming display of deep feeling he invoked.

“Heath, I was wrong. So, so very wrong.” admitted Victoria, her words encumbered by guilt and distress over her past deed, her past unbending demand for allegiance to a man he never knew. “I understand if you cannot overlook what I selfishly ordered…”

“Don’t, Mother.” whispered the blond, grabbing hold of her small hand and squeezing. “I could’ve fought against what ya’ll wanted me to do. I could’ve but I didn’t cause it was easier to run. It was easier to say ya’ didn’t understand rather than face what I’ve been seeking escape from….”

Shaking her head, Victoria’s tears tumbled down her cheeks and fell upon the hand she held up to her face. “You shouldn’t have to fight against what I want… we should be fighting for the same things. I prayed for us to have another chance. I lost you once, Heath and I promise it won’t happen again. I promise you won’t have to fight to feel safe in your own family ever again.”

Chapter 34

“Mother.” stammered Heath, his body trembling over the expulsion of emotions kept locked away over the past year and several months.

“Shhh, Heath.” said Victoria releasing his hand to run her fingers through his hair and shaking her head. “We have so much to discuss, to work out between us. I only hope we can take away all the past hurt and replace it with love. For we do love you, son. So much more than we showed you on that dark day. You deserved so much more from us and we, I, didn’t give it.”

Reaching up and grabbing the tiny hand moving through his blond hair, Heath held it to his face for a moment and shuddered slightly, his eyes filling with thought, “I tried to forget…to force ya’ll outta my heart…but I couldn’t. Not really…not deep inside where it counts…no matter what I convinced myself ta think.”

Swallowing the constriction, Victoria leaned over and placed a kiss on his forehead, smiling tenderly into the light blue eyes. The past nightmarish days since his departure were shoved into the background as they stared into each other’s eyes, silently acknowledging their need in the coming days to fully delve into the painful events of the past to keep it from threatening their futures as a family.

“You must be hungry sweetheart.” suggested Victoria. “How about some broth?”

“Broth?” grimaced Heath, his boyish face looking so much like his brothers’ at the moment, she giggled and covered her mouth, gray eyes sparkling.

“There is no doubt whose brother you are.” smirked Victoria. “Just as I’ve told Jarrod and Nick in the past when they’ve been hurt, you need liquids first to rebuild what blood you’ve lost.”

Puffing with pride for a moment at being compared with his big brothers, Heath sighed, “I guess mothers know best or so they say. Even though I’d rather have steak and eggs right now.”

“Unfortunately son, even mothers can make dreadful mistakes.” said Victoria, her voice filled with regret before she shook her head and smiled, “However, I do know in this instance broth is the best thing for you. Rest and I’ll be back in a little while.”

Nodding slightly, Heath closed his eyes falling quickly back to sleep without so much of an effort to stay awake. His injured body needed the healing slumber and he allowed it to take him away. Victoria ran her fingers down his cheek and smiled at the young man before her, grateful for the renewed chance he was allowing.

Turning at the sound of the door, she smiled and waved Nick over, standing to place a kiss on his cheek. Instructing her more than willing son to keep a vigilance over his injured brother, Victoria headed downstairs to bring up a bowl of broth and some juice.

Nick placed a hand on the cool forehead before taking a seat in the chair by the bed, his face resting on his fist and his eyes closed, his lips curled into a smile and his dreams filled with a vision of togetherness beside his blond haired brother.

Carrying the tray into the room, Victoria stopped at the end of the bed, her eyes filling at her sons sleeping. Setting it carefully on the round table by the bed, she gently shook Nick awake to quietly give him instructions for the next time Heath woke.

Stretching and walking to the window, Nick stared down at the street watching the citizens of the small town move about in their daily lives. Leaning against the frame, he watched Jarrod stroll down the boardwalk and enter the sheriff’s office.

“Nick.”

Turning at his name, the tanned face broke into a wide grin and he moved to sit on the bed. “Hey boy, how ya’ feeling?”

“I’m okay.” said Heath automatically, trying to push himself upward and finding a large hand stopping him effortlessly.

“Just where do you think you’re going?” asked Nick softly.

Blushing, Heath groaned, “I got ta visit the closet, Nick. If you get me up on my feet, I can get there myself.”

“There’s no way you’ll make it under your own steam, Heath. I’ll help you get there without falling.” offered Nick with a wink at the red on the pale cheeks, his deep laughter filling the room before he sobered, “Didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to see you blush ever again.”

Turning even redder, Heath rolled his eyes at the increased chuckles as the larger man steadied him in a sitting position. Closing his eyes the blond fought against the moment of dizziness, his hand clenching onto the dark material of his brother’s shirt until he nodded he was ready.

Fifteen minutes later, the blond fought to force the broth to stay in his stomach which was revolting from the foreign substance. Leaning his head back and closing his eyes, he felt the bed sink when Nick sat back down.

“Nick, what about…her?” whispered Heath, his voice quivering slightly.

“If you mean Martha Simmons, she died on the mountain.” stated Nick quietly.

Not opening his eyes, Heath took in a shaky breath and let it out. “I hated her and I hope she’s burning in the fires of hell.”

Reaching up, Nick squeezed the nearest shoulder in support and whispered, “I know you hated her, Heath. She can’t hurt you any more, ever!”

Nick watched as the blond’s hand reached up to swipe across his face, clearing the tears which trickled out of the corners of his closed eyes. Several minutes passed before the lids opened and Heath stared into the hazel eyes. “I’m sorry for taking your gun. I didn’t understand at first why you were helping…her…now I do.”

“Don’t feel guilty about it, Heath.” chastised Nick firmly. “Just don’t ever do that again!”

Snickering, the blond nodded and squeezed the hand which moved to pick up his. He could feel the urge to sleep calling him and the blond fought to keep it at bay, wanting to stay awake and talk to this man who he’d tried to shove out of his soul. His lids drooped down and reopened, his mind was becoming mired in exhaustion when a knock sounded on the door. In his state of tiredness, the blond forced his lids open, grinning warmly at the man standing by his bed.

“Frank.” slurred Heath, his body about to give in.

Nick pulled the door to close it and leave the two alone when the lawman placed a hand on the blond’s muscular shoulder and growled, “Henrietta misses you Heath.”

“I miss her too.” answered Heath, his eyes sliding closed along with the door to the room.

Nick stood outside the door he’d just closed, his heart pounding rapidly and his mind stampeding over the words spoken between the older lawman and his brother. Leaning against the wall and shaking his head, he fought the rising panic at the mention of the female name.

Chapter 35

Frank sat on the chair next to the bed full of questions and watching his young deputy struggle to keep his eyes open, trying to halt the inevitable.

“Sorry.” groaned Heath trying to sit up and finding the older man's wrinkled hand gently stopping him.

“What for?” asked the sheriff seeing the frustration in the blue eyes before teasing. “Leaving me with that cat who takes great pleasure in tormenting me when you’re gone?”

“No.” sighed Heath clenching his jaw and sinking into the pillows. “Finch got away cause of my….”

Those who spent time with the sheriff wouldn’t discount him as a man who kept his feelings separate from his role. They’d say he would be the first to step right up in your face and make a person toe the invisible line. Of all things he demanded owning up to a wrong were high on his list of personal responsibility, taking account for the consequences of your actions.

Perhaps that was the reason his relationship with his own son, Chad was strained, drawn taunt like the string of a guitar. He who valued owning up to one’s actions had found his own offspring unreliable in that area. He couldn’t understand his son’s lackadaisical attitude to responsibility and his desire to reap rewards without work, always seeking riches with quick schemes and golden coated dreams.

Standing and moving to the bedside of the deputy who filled the missing hole in his heart when his son fled his company, Frank Sawyer shook his head at the anguish overwhelming the blue eyes and the blond couldn’t continue.

“Finch’ll get what’s coming to him, don’t worry about that.” assured Frank gruffly. “It’s not your fault the snake had friends waiting.”

“Frank…” protested Heath the exhaustion in his face showing through his struggling emotions.

“Save it for later, deputy.” ordered Frank firmly. “Sheriff Jacobs is comin’ by later to find out exactly what happened. Time enough for it then.”

Rolling his eyes at the mouth which opened again and the stubborn zeal appearing across the pale face, Frank commanded loudly, “DAMMIT DEPUTY, I SAID LATER! GET SOME REST!”

Surprise flew into the blue eyes of the younger man and he promptly snapped his mouth closed, unsure if his boss was angry or concerned, unable to tell from the look in the brown eyes.

Frank ran a hand over his face and smirked. “Heath, stop being so damn muleheaded. Get some rest and when you’re stronger, you can tell me what you want. Okay?”

Nodding slightly the younger man let out a shaky breath and allowed his eyelids to close as ordered. Frank moved off the bed to sit in the chair stretching out his long legs and placing his hat on the table beside him.

Taking a deep breath, he leaned back in the chair and studied the relaxed face on the bed with eyes simmering with questions, unable to comprehend the youngster who showed up in their town and drowned his tormented soul in liquor was a son from one of the wealthiest families in California.

The lawman couldn’t piece together the who, what, where or whys and found himself dissecting those questions in his mind. It was obvious from the Barkley family members he met upon arriving in town they placed great value on their youngest male member. He could see the hunger in their eyes when they said his name. It was an insatiable hunger which could only be satisfied by Heath himself.

‘Does it matter how he came to be in Berlin?’ Frank asked himself before shaking his head negatively. It was no business of his why the young deputy left his family in California behind and didn’t return. If Heath wanted to tell him, he’d listen but he wouldn’t demand an explanation. A man had to be able to stand on his own two feet in this world and live with his own consequences.

The only thing concerning the lawman was the future he’d envisioned with his young deputy, a future of working together side by side. A destiny he once thought would be held by his son, a destiny changed by his son when he failed to measure up to the profession.

The blond head moved on the pillow and he muttered in his dreams.

“Nick.”

The name spoken from his lips left Frank sagging further into the chair knowing in his heart and soul, destiny was changing his own life again by taking away the youngster before him.

For never had the young man over the past year and a half mentioned the name he now spoke, not even in the drunken hazes had his lips loosened and let rip the torment hidden deep inside him. Never in his sleep had he spoken any names of his family members.

Frank Sawyer realized regardless if the youngster chose to fight against it, his destiny lay in California and not in the mountain town of Berlin, Nevada.

Chapter 36

Frank Sawyer stared into his coffee cup and waited for the questions he sensed in the undercurrent of the emotions within the two men sharing his table. The lawman had stepped out of the room leaving his sleeping deputy to his mother’s watchful eyes and headed to the hotel restaurant for coffee.

Sitting at the small square table, he nodded when the two brothers requested to join him and he waited for the inevitable inquisition to begin. For while he could see how much Heath meant to his family, he had a point he wanted to get across and he waited for them to make the first move.

Nick let out a soft sigh and leaned on the table, clearing his throat before asking, “So, Sheriff Sawyer how long has Heath been your deputy?”

“Bout a little over a year now.” said Frank before smiling to himself and shaking his head. “Even though he’s young, Heath’s shown himself to be a natural at the job. Man couldn’t ask for a finer deputy than your brother.”

Nick shifted in his chair and glanced over to Jarrod, hazel eyes shadowed suddenly with a new worry. Holding firmly onto the cup in his hands, the first born felt the same worry rising up within himself and he welcomed the warmth the porcelain left in his hands.

“Is Berlin a large town?” asked Jarrod looking up into the brown eyes across from him.

“Less than a thousand citizens.” informed the lawman, keeping his eyes on the blue ones. “It’s in the mountains and the winters can get kinda rough up there in the higher elevations.”

“This man Heath was bringing back…Finch…I understand the town was looking forward to his return so they could try him for murder.” stated Jarrod softly.

Frank sighed, “Yeah, the kid he killed was mighty popular and the mayor’s son. He never hurt anyone in his life. It’s a shame he had to run across that murdering Finch on his way home.”

Scowling, Nick growled, “You think your town’s gonna blame Heath for this Finch getting away?”

“I don’t but I can’t talk for the rest of the town.” answered Frank sitting back in his chair and shrugging. “When I hired Heath a lot of them were against it.”

“Because of his age?” questioned Jarrod.

“His age had nothin’ to do with it. Heath was somewhat of a mystery to everyone in the town when he first arrived.”

Stopping Nick’s question with a glare, Jarrod sensed the older man had something he wanted to relay without feeling he was perhaps being disloyal to the deputy who was sleeping upstairs. Nick snapped his mouth closed and returned his big brother’s glare, trying to remain patient while he found himself starving for information of the time Heath was gone from their lives.

“How is it our little brother was an enigma to them?”

Watching the faces of the men, Frank said quietly, “When he first showed up in town, he spent his nights sitting alone and drowning whatever was chasing him. Most nights he was so bad, the swamper at the Golden Hour saloon would either let him pass out at the table or haul him to the back room, that is iffen he was willing. Iffen he wasn’t in a willing mood…that’s when the real nastiness could come out. Many was a time he busted up the place and I had to drag him to jail. During the day, he was polite to everyone as all get out and always upset by what he’d done when the liquor got to him.”

The brothers at the table looked sick to their stomachs, their eyes tortured with guilt and their faces pale, shoulders hunched with the increased weight laying on them.

“Jarrod.” whispered Nick hoarsely, the anguish in the single word spoke volumes to the lawman across the table who watched as the hands of the large man shakily reached up to hold onto his head.

“I know Nick.” stammered Jarrod unable to control the quiver in his voice or the trembling of his own body.

“That was before he saved the life of our bank clerk held hostage during a robbery.” said Frank suddenly, his words turning the two sets of eyes to him. “Course that day, I think he actually had a death wish. Either that or he is the gutsiest person on the face of this earth.”

Nick crossed his arms over his stomach and leaned slightly forward, his breaths hissing at the twisting of the knife inside him. Jarrod shivered and shook off the hand of dread which clamped onto his heart from the older man’s words.

“Billy Traven was using Stan Fields as a shield when he came from robbing the bank. Somebody saw what was happening through the window and ran to get me up the street. Stan’s got four kids and a wife at home so he wasn’t none too happy about the situation.” relayed the lawman before continuing.

“When I started down the street, your brother was walking towards the two. It wasn’t the first time Traven robbed a bank but it was the first time he had someone calmly strolling up to him as if he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Traven yelled for Heath to stop but he just kept walking til he was only a few feet away. Heath told Traven they were both going to die that day unless he let Stan go.”

Staring into his cup, Frank’s voice lowered and he shook his head, “Stan said he’d never seen such a lack of life in anyone’s eyes before and it sure scared the beejeepers outta Traven. When he moved the gun away from Stan’s head to shoot him, Heath suddenly threw a knife. It went through Traven’s arm and pinned him to the post.”

“By the time, I got there Traven was swearing while he sat on the ground holding his arm. Heath had pulled out his knife and was already headed to the saloon where he took up an early residence at his usual corner table. After getting Traven in the cell, I went to the saloon and joined him. That night he was willing to allow himself to be dragged outta there.”

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” muttered Nick, the nausea of the scene painted in his mind rising up into his throat. They, his own family, sent Heath into a dark world of despair and inner torment. They’d scarred him so bad he didn’t care if he lived or not.

Jarrod ran a hand across his face, the moisture hovering behind his eyes threatened to spill over at any moment and his throat was thickened with his own inner sickness. How could they have tortured him like they had? What if he hadn’t let this man with them at the table drag him out of the saloon that night? What if destiny had played its cards differently that day on the street in Berlin? Would they have only refound him by a stone marking his grave?

Leaning forward on the table, Frank glared at the two sickly looking brothers and tapped the table with his finger. “I’m telling you this cause that boy upstairs means more to me than he’ll ever know. I don’t know what you did to make him leave but if you do it again, you’d best watch your backs. You got another chance and you’d better take care of him for me.”

Standing and pushing back his chair, the lawman left the two men to sit alone and made his way outside, crossing over to the office of the town’s sheriff and entering.

Chapter 37

“I drank then, too much. I was struggling to just make it through one day at a time and the nights were spent in saloons, drinking, playing cards and fighting with anyone over anything. A simple remark could set me off, I was so angry. I could’ve drank myself to death and would’ve if Jim hadn’t found me. With his help, I built the ranch and that’s why I’m a tea toddler today.”

The interior of the livery was dark and the smells familiar, comforting to a man tormented with guilt, reliving the words from the past of not so long ago. A time when he had vowed, promised to prevent a teenager who’d lived far too much of his young existence in the shadows of humanity’s darkness.

He had given his word to do whatever he could to keep the world’s ugliness from touching the younger man….he failed miserably…failed to shield the young teenager from further pain and torment.

Not only as a man or as a brother but as a champion for those oppressed, for those the world chose to scorn and turn its nose up at. Those whose plight, whose daily struggles reflected the true meaning of the words ‘strength lies within’. Those who only wanted to live in a world as others, be looked upon in a way same as the person next to them, treated with the same respect.

The youngest son of Thomas J Barkley was one of those people. Born into a situation far our of his hands, way beyond his control. Born into the world already labeled, carrying a scarlet mark on his forehead from the very moment he entered the world crying like everyone else but blamed for the sins of his parents.

Blamed for the actions of others months before. Blamed for the actions which brought him into the world, blamed and held to account for things destiny decreed long before their father had planted his blossoming seed.

Destiny was shaped by options and the choices made. If Thomas Barkley hadn’t gone to Strawberry, it he hadn’t fallen victim to amnesia and been nursed back to health by Leah Thomson….Heath, his brother, may have been born unlabeled and innocent of the stigma of his parents’ sins.

But the hand played by destiny for reasons unknown or unexplained was one which led the young man on a path, a gauntlet lined with the cruelties and hardships of life.

A path of obstacles, marked with raw wounds ravaging a person’s soul many would have succumbed to. Many would have given up and simply let death steal them away but he hadn’t, he didn’t and he forged forward with weight on the small shoulders that should have driven him to the ground.

He survived and somehow destiny brought him to their family, his presence healing their own wounds and rekindling the light within each of them. Then to repay all he gave to them, they tried to force the teenager to bend to their wishes, forcing him into a path where he was imprisoned mentally and only able to escape by fleeing.

Stopping his hand from moving the currycomb over the coat of the small modoc, Jarrod felt his body shake from what they’d done to the teenager turned a man. The words of Frank Sawyer rang through his mind and he buried his face into the neck of the equine, his shoulders heaving from the sobs wracking him.

Victoria stood in the doorway of the livery, her eyes filling with their own tears before she moved closer, the folds of her dress rustling in the quiet building. The sounds of the material grew louder and the first son raised his head, his agonized eyes seeing his mother who opened the stall door.

Stumbling through the opening he sought the comfort of his petite mother, his large body trembling uncontrollably for several minutes. The maternal love wrapped itself around and encased his guilt ridden being.

Victoria whispered and soothed her eldest child while she held in her arms. Her voice was soft and calming, her hands rubbed the strong back of her son. It was several minutes before he could find a sliver of calm and several more before he could raise his head from her shoulder.

Holding the exhausted face in her hands, Victoria placed a kiss on his cheek and sighed, “Don’t do this to yourself, Jarrod.”

“Mother…” protested Jarrod, suddenly stopping at the lump in his throat.

“No, listen to me.” commanded Victoria drying his tears with her silk hanky. “Nick told me how Heath came to be a deputy, what Frank Sawyer told you about how Heath was when he came to their town.”

“How could we cause him so much pain, Mother?” questioned Jarrod suddenly sitting on a bale when his knees threatened to give out. “We love him and we drove him away, drove him to find something to drown us out! We who were supposed to keep him safe, we did that!”

Standing in front of her tormented child and brushing her fingers through the soft dark hair, Victoria nodded and sighed, “Yes, we did Jarrod. We didn’t understand at the time what we were asking of Heath and now, we do. We lost so much that day and I wish I could turn back time. If I could he never would’ve left and we’d have never felt the pain of his absence.”

Reaching up and holding his mother’s hand against his cheek, Jarrod let out a shaky breath before looking upwards into the gray loving eyes of his mother, “I’m afraid, Mother. Afraid of failing him again, failing Heath now that we’ve found him. I’m terrified we’ll make another mistake and next time, we won’t get another chance.”

“Oh, Jarrod.” whispered Victoria her eyes not wavering from his fearful blue orbs, “Don’t let fear guide your heart. Don’t let it steal the joy of having Heath back with us. We have so much to learn as a family and together, I know we can move forward. We may make mistakes but learning how to keep mistakes from driving us apart will keep us together. Heath loves us and we love him. We have so much to thankful for, don’t look on the future with your brother in fear, sweetheart.”

Jarrod squeezed her hand and stood, his arms pulling his mother into his chest and he placed a kiss on her silver hair. “I just want to get him home, Mother. I want him away from here back home where we can spend our lives together, giving him what he’s never had….a family who loves him for who he is…simply because he is our brother and your son.”

Patting the strong back of her first born, Victoria sighed and kept her arm around his waist as they walked out of the livery, the lowering sun falling on their faces while they strolled to the hotel.

“I want that too, Jarrod but I also want to give Heath the choice. The choice to decide his own destiny.” replied Victoria quietly, her son agreeing with a soft sigh and subtle nod before she stopped in front of the door to the hotel and met his eyes.

“As much as we want him with us, we also have to understand Heath may not be ready and he may be just as fearful inside of allowing us close. I will not force him to come back with us. I will let him know that whatever he decides, we will love him either way.”

Chapter 38

Nodding as he jotted down the information in a small tablet, Sheriff Jacobs looked up into the blue eyes of the deputy, “So, you can’t give a description of the two men who were helpin’ your aunt and Finch?”

Shaking his head, Heath stated, “It was dark and I only saw them in the shadows, Sheriff. I heard one of them talking when I circled around the camp but no names were said and I’ve no idea who they were. Sorry, I know it ain’t much help.”

“Well, sometimes people like to brag and can’t keep their mouths shut.” stated the older sheriff with a shrug. “I’ll put the word out so if anyone hears something, maybe they’ll come forward.”

Reaching down with his right hand and trying to push himself upwards into more of a sitting position, Heath found the strong hands of his boss assisting him gently. Clenching his jaw, Heath nodded once to Frank before adding, “If I can recall anything else, I’ll let you know.”

Grabbing his hat and standing, Sheriff Jacobs crossed to the bed and held out his hand to the injured man, “You do that, deputy. Happy to see you doing better.”

“Thank you, sir.” said Heath as he returned the strong handshake before the town lawman left the room.

Running a hand through the blond hair, Heath let out a loud sigh of frustration and glanced over to the older man standing at the window. Frank turned and met the light blue eyes for a moment before walking to the chair beside the bed.

Sitting down he leaned his elbows on his knees and smiled, “Don’t lose sleep over it Heath. Those yahoos helpin’ her are probably long gone. Looks like they stranded her in the mountains to die when they couldn’t find you. That could be she was alone.”

Frowning, Heath closed his eyes for a moment as the face of his evil incarnate relative flashed in his mind. Wiping a hand over his face, he looked over into the brown eyes and asked, “Are you gonna ask me why I left Stockton?”

“Nope, it’s not my business.” replied Frank sitting back in the chair. “I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“Yeah.” mumbled Heath shaking his head to stop the painful memories from rising up again. “At the time it seemed the only thing I could do.”

Watching the light blue eyes fill with thoughtfulness, Frank shrugged, “Maybe it was and maybe it wasn’t. It’s been my experience there’s always another way or another option. There’s never a dead end, Heath. There’s sure to be a fork in the road and it simply depends on which one you’re up to taking or willing to undertake.”

Leaning back against the pillows, the injured blond nodded in agreement, “I took the easy way.”

Snorting, Frank retorted, “It sure didn’t look too damn easy for you when you first came to Berlin. If that was the easy way, I’d hate to see what the hard way would’ve been.”

Long fingers played with the sheet over his injured body and Heath smirked, “As ya’ probably guessed, liquor ain’t too good for me.”

Chuckling softly, Frank smiled into the light blue eyes before stating, “The Barkleys seem like real good people anyway. They sure wore the floors out worrying over you, I hear.”

Looking at the material holding his left arm against his chest, the blue eyes focused on the frayed edge while he silently wondered how he ever thought he could’ve forced them from his mind or heart.

The empty space he’d been trying to overfill with liquor and work during the time apart was no longer hollow, it no longer echoed deep within him. The realization of how much they meant, how much he’d come to need them was overwhelming and frightening.

“When ya’ leavin’ Frank?” asked Heath quietly, his voice subdued and pensive.

“Later today.” said Frank studying the downcast blond head. “Heath.”

Letting out a shaky breath and looking up, the blond deputy met the eyes of the man he called friend more than boss. “I appreciate your…helping me Frank. I know if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here.”

“I’ll always be around all ya’ gotta do is holler if you need me for anything.” offered Frank sincerely before standing and adding. “That family loves you, Heath. Take it from me it’s something to be thankful and grateful for. You’re lucky to have them but that don’t mean you have to take any crap from them. Stand up for yourself, Heath. You might be one of a group but you’re still an individual with an opinion.”

“I will.” assured Heath taking the hand extended hand in his and smiling. “You want me to come get Henrietta?”

Squeezing the blond’s shoulder, Frank winked, “Nah, the day after you left Sally McCracken came over to see the kittens and Queen Henrietta took a likin’ to her. Sorry to say I’m betting by now your place in her kingdom has been overthrown.”

Turning crimson, Heath shook his head, “Queen Henrietta? Well, we all know who the court jester is, don’t we?”

Laughing, Frank smiled and picked up his hat, walking to the door and opening it, standing aside to allow Nick entry before looking back to the bed.

“If you want it, the job will still be there.” winked Frank before scowling at the dark haired rancher and closing the door.

Heath frowned at the slightly nervous look on Nick’s face and his boss’ scowl at his brother before the door closed. Nick cleared his throat and smiled into the puzzled blue eyes before sitting on the bed.

“Nick, what was that about?”

“What?” asked Nick.

“That!” gestured Heath towards the door with his right hand. “Between you and Frank.”

“Ah, it’s nothing, Heath.” replied Nick with a wave of dismissal. “The Sheriff just thinks highly of you and wants to make sure we do too.”

“Hmmm.” mumbled Heath studying his brother’s eyes seeing an unasked question lingering in the hazel depths. “What?”

The broad shoulders slumped with the deep sigh coming from the bottom of the well and Nick opened his mouth several times before finally finding the words. “Heath, are you coming home with us? I mean…well…we want nothing more…but…well..it’s…ah…if you got someone…a girl…in Berlin…well…I can….”

“A girl?” repeated Heath his brow wrinkling at the stammering from his normal overly confident brother.

“Yeah, the girl you’re courting. Did you forget about her?” asked Nick in disbelief.

“Nick, I don’t know what ya’re yakking about. What girl?”

“Henrietta.” explained Nick swallowing the lump in his throat. “I heard you tell Sawyer you missed her.”

Biting the inside of his lip to keep from busting out loud, Heath ducked his head while he adjusted the arm strapped to his chest before shrugging. “Oh, Henrietta. Well, she is kinda special Nick. She’s got the most beautiful green eyes. Her hair is silky and soft. Man, she makes this noise when she’s happy to see you….sounds almost like she’s purring. Then there’s her perfectly shaped ears…”

“Her ears!” repeated Nick loudly. “You look at women’s ears? That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard!”

Laughing suddenly, Heath’s shoulders shook in between his moans of pain from his wounds as the tanned face of his brother deepened with a frown.

“What’s so blasted funny?” demanded Nick with a growl.

“Nick, Henrietta’s a cat!” chuckled Heath falling back onto the pillows, wiping his tearing eyes and taking several deep breaths. “Just so you know her ears are perfect, Nick!”

Rolling his eyes, Nick shook his head and couldn’t keep the smirk off his face at the sparkling blue eyes of the younger man, the laughter a sound he’d been waiting over a year to hear. Reaching over, he squeezed the blond’s shoulder and smiled evilly.

“Little brother, have you ever heard what they say about paybacks?”

Chapter 39

The large hand reached up to tousle the blond hair and the smile on Heath’s face faded slowly, his eyes turning somber. Nick frowned at the darkness on the still pale face and his hand moved from the top of the head to lay against the younger man’s cheek.

“What’s wrong?”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Heath reached up and squeezed the calloused hand against his face and pull it down before opening his eyes.

“I’m…uh…Nick….in some way…I’m afraid to go back…it’s gonna be the same as last time…the first time. The looks and pointing…at Tom Barkley’s…bas…other son.”

Clenching his jaw against the anger at the uncertainty in the blues of the blond and the label which almost slipped out, Nick put his other hand over the one holding his and sighed, searching for the right words like Jarrod before just deciding to be himself.

“Are you fevered again?” asked Nick reaching up to put his hand over the cool forehead.

Heath moved his head away and scowled, “Dang it, I ain’t fevered, Nick.”

“Then what’s wrong with you?” demanded Nick roughly.

“There ain’t nothin’ wrong with me.” stated Heath firmly. “Well, other than a bullet hole in my leg, a knife wound in my chest and a stiff hip from those ignited cartridges, I’m okay.”

Arching an eyebrow, Nick tilted his head and studied the younger man until he shifted slightly in his place against the headboard. Heath tried to ignore his big brother beside him but lost out when the intense scrutiny became too much.

“Stop staring for pete’s sake!” snapped Heath pulling his hand out of the larger man’s grasp and muttering, “Jeepers, what are ya’ looking for?”

“A horn, an extra eye or that hole that’s leaking out your brains.” replied Nick with a one shoulder shrug.

“WHAT?” shouted Heath, his eyes narrowing in anger and disbelief.

“Well, there must be some reason you think people are gonna stare. Hell, you used to live there remember! They know you, boy. You’re old news now.” chastised Nick, his voice softening as he continued.

“Don’t think of it like a death row walk, you had friends there and still do. Friends you left behind who can’t wait to see you again. Mason, Duke, Turly, Wally, Tim, Ciego, Helen Frankle, Terry and John Timmons. Silas. They all missed you as much as we did, little brother. You don’t have to stand alone, Heath ever again.”

Unable to see into the blue eyes which lowered during his chastising, Nick swallowed the lump in his throat and fought against the fear which overtook him. Standing, he walked to the door and looked back with his hand on the knob.

“We’re not gonna make you do something you don’t want to. Believe me, we won’t make that mistake again. Only you can decide now what you want, Heath. Whatever you think is best for you, we’ll stand by and support you like a family should.”

Stepping out into the hallway and closing the door behind him, Nick sagged back against the wall, his legs shaking from the unknown route the younger man would take and his heart pounded in his chest. Walking down the hallway, Jarrod saw his strong brother trembling and hurried his steps on the carpeted runner.

“Nick, is it Heath?” asked Jarrod, the concern in his voice sounding out while reaching for the door and stopping when a quick hand grabbed onto his arm.

Looking over, he was greeted with a negative shake of his brother’s head and he pulled his hand back. Closing his eyes, Nick slide down to the floor and rested his forearms on his knees, his head leaning back on the wall. Jarrod lowered himself in front of his dark haired brother and squeezed the closest forearm.

Opening his eyes, Nick wiped a hand over his face and let out a shaky breath before whispering, “He’s scared to go back, Jarrod. He’s afraid it’ll be like before. People pointing and talkin’ about him. I…dammit…I don’t know if I can be there to hear him tell us he’s not coming back. I can’t do it again, Jarrod. It hurts too damn much.”

The pain in the hazel eyes was almost too much to witness and Jarrod waited a few minutes before he spoke. “You will do it, Nick. You have to. Do you want Heath to think we’re not going to be there for him no matter what?”

“No.” whispered Nick harshly. “Course not!”

“It’s scaring the hell out of me too, little brother but I’ll be damned if I let Heath think he’s all alone again.” replied Jarrod firmly standing and holding out a hand.

“I betting Heath will decide to come home, Nick. He was in as much torment as us when we were apart. He’s part of us and we’re part of him. Trust me, okay?”

Staring at the outstretched hand, Nick reached up and allowed himself to be pulled upwards.

“Let’s go double team, little brother.” whispered Jarrod with a smile and wink. “Poor kid won’t know what hit him.”

Smirking at the twinkle in the blue eyes, Nick nodded and put a hand on the door glancing over and receiving a go ahead from Jarrod who motioned with his hand. Pushing the door open, Nick stopped and rushed to the bedside with Jarrod on his heels.

Heath lay on the bed, the jeans bought at the store on and his chest bare, sleeping soundly with one boot on and one off. Jarrod reached over and rested his arm across Nick’s shoulders, whispering in his ear.

“I can’t wait to tease him about falling asleep while he was getting dressed.”

Chapter 40

Standing for several minutes and staring down at the blond lost in a land of slumber who was breathing steadily and deeply, Jarrod whispered. “Heath looks so much younger when he’s asleep.”

Nick smiled and whispered his agreement, “Yeah, he does. Almost looks like he’s not old enough to shave yet let alone drink. He’s more drier behind the ears than lots of older men I know.”

Shaking his head, Jarrod frowned and felt more than saw Nick turn to look at him. Glancing to his brother beside him, the blue eyes were filled with a look of time lost and his words barely reached Nick’s ears.

“I wish father had known about him when he was born. He should have grown up with us on the ranch and not live as an indentured servant with those….monsters.”

Placing an arm over Jarrod’s shoulders, Nick squeezed his big brother and nodded. He’d wished the same thing so many times since the youngster had come into their lives. He was fairly certain the number of times he wished were as many as the abundant uncountable stars which dotted the sky at night.

“Wishing can’t change it Jarrod. I’m just thankful we did come to learn of our little brother here. I can’t imagine life without him now. That’s what gives me nightmares at night.” admitted Nick in a low voice moving his hand to pat his brother’s back before stating, “I’m gonna check on Mother and Audra.”

Nodding he heard, Jarrod kept his eyes on Heath while Nick reached down and smiled as he gazed upon the relaxed face. Moving a hand across the blond hair, the tall rancher straightened and walked to the door, quietly closing it behind him.

Jarrod picked up the extra blanket at the foot of the bed and slowly opened it, draping it across his sleeping brother’s form. A grin spread across his face at the foot which lacked a boot and he shook his head. The boy was almost able to pull off getting dressed in his weakened state without assistance. Yep, he sure was a Barkley and there was no doubt as to if he had or had not inherited the family trait of orneriness.

Turning his head when the door open, Jarrod smiled at the look of dismay in his mother’s eyes. The gray eyes spotted her blond son’s feet when she neared and her eyes rolled upwards as if wondering if she could survive battling with another stubborn son who appeared to want to escape his sick bed early.

A small hand reached for the foot which had the boot on and Jarrod stopped it, shaking his head and whispering, “Heath’s sleeping so soundly, Mother. Do you have to take his boot off? He might wake up.”

“He can’t be comfortable laying like this Jarrod.” whispered Victoria pointing to the injured leg which was hanging off the bed. “I’m sure he’ll regret his leg being in that position when he wakes.”

Looking into the gray eyes, Jarrod whispered, “I want to watch him sleep for a bit, Mother. I’ll wake him up in a little while, okay?”

Reaching up and brushing her fingers through the dark thick hair, Victoria smiled tenderly at her oldest son and nodded, bending to place a kiss on his forehead. “Just a little while, Jarrod.”

Nodding happily, Jarrod asked, “Where’s Nick and Audra?”

“They went to the livery to see to the horses.” informed Victoria, her soft voice quiet as she answered before she crossed around the bed and stealthily moved on the bed to place a kiss on Heath’s forehead, smiling at Jarrod before leaving the room.

Twenty minutes passed before Jarrod let out a sigh and moved to the bed, lowering himself and taking hold of his brother’s right shoulder, shaking him gently til the eyes beneath the lids began to move.

“Heath, time to get up little brother.”

The blond head turned and the lids on the eyes were forced open. The blond’s lips turned up in a grin at the smiling face of the older man leaning over him. Reaching up to rub the sleep from his eyes, Heath winced at the pain in the leg, the coarse denim material rubbing against the injured area. Jarrod put a hand under his back and helped his injured brother slowly rise to a sitting position, the movement painful from the telltale signs of perspiration dotting Heath’s forehead.

“Thanks, Pappy.” whispered Heath taking hold of his left arm and adjusting it against his chest. Looking down at his feet, the blond shook his head.

“You forgot half your clothes.” teased Jarrod with a smile.

“After getting the pants and one boot on, I thought I’d rest a little while.” admitted Heath with a soft chuckle. “Boy howdy, I wouldn’t have guessed dressing could wear a body out so much.”

“Were you planning on going somewhere?” asked Jarrod quietly.

“Home, Jarrod. I was planning on going home.” replied Heath with a wink and a grin. “Reckon if people are gonna stare and stuff, I may as well go where at least Nick’ll be handy to scare the daylights outta them.”

The relief at his words flashed in the blue eyes which suddenly filled with tears and Heath swallowed his own cascading of emotions. Jarrod drew the younger man to him and gently wrapped him in a hug while being mindful of the pained areas on the blond’s body. Heath wrapped his right arm around his oldest brother and closed his eyes, letting the security and love fill his frightened being.

Pulling back, Jarrod scowled, “Why Nick? I can be there to scare people for you, too.”

Smirking, Heath needled his lawyer brother, “Only time they’re scared of you is in the courtroom, big brother.”

“Brother Heath, I’ll have you know Nick learned all his grumpiness and foul temperament from me!” replied Jarrod puffing out his chest with pride before frowning, “Hmmm…maybe that really isn’t something to boast about.”

“We’ll keep it just between me and you.” promised Heath with a smile and a wink.

Chapter 41

Jarrod released his hold on the injured blond and suggested with a smirk, “How about if big brother helps little brother get the rest of his clothes on?”

Turning crimson, Heath blustered from the immediate embarrassment of the young child reference, “Jumping jackrabbits, I ain’t helpless. I’m…uh…just one-armed and needed a second to rest before I got done.”

Laughing at the stammering blond, Jarrod grabbed the shirt purchased at the general store, deftly opening the buttons and winking, “You’re lucky you didn’t fall over and smash your head getting into those pants by yourself. We would’ve helped if you asked, Heath. I don’t think you want to be the cause of another reason to stay in bed, do you? A concussion is the last thing you need right now.”

Grabbing with his only free arm at the blue garment, Heath growled, “For pete’s sake Jarrod, sometimes ya’ move as slow as a grandpa and ya’ worry like one, too.”

Arching an eyebrow and holding the garment just out of the younger man’s reach, the oldest asked, “A grandpa?”

“All talk and no action, old man.” replied Heath with a shake of his head, his blue eyes wide with innocence. “Nick would’ve just glared while he was helpin’ me with the shirt ‘stead of talking me to sleep again.”

“Hey now, I would not!” snapped Nick from the doorway, startling Jarrod who jumped closer to the bed and found himself relieved of the blue shirt in one deft move.

“Good lord, Nick!” retorted Jarrod angrily facing his middle brother. “You scared ten years off me!”

Snickering as he slipped his right arm into the sleeve, Heath frowned at the his inability to wrap the shirt around him by reaching around his neck. Letting out a disgusted sigh, he ran his hand through his hair and shook his head.

Leaning on the cast iron footboard, Nick smirked, “What’s the matter? Not enough arms, little brother?”

“I got enough arms. One of ‘em trussed up right now is all.” retorted Heath with a glare into the hazel eyes.

“Well, don’t look at me, Heath.” stated Jarrod crossing his arms over his chest, smiling into the clear blue eyes which turned his way, “Remember, I’m all talk and no action. Grandpa, I believe you said.”

“Alright, now help….”

“Grandpa, huh?” repeated Nick, cutting off Heath’s words and tsking the youngest of the trio. “Now, is that any way to treat your elders, Heath? My, my, what are we to do with you?”

“I know, Nick.” agreed Jarrod with a deep sigh. “Just because I was trying to help our poor injured little brother. It’s terrible, simply terrible.”

Rolling his eyes, Heath reached over to adjust his left arm and sighed, “Mother, Nick and Jarrod aren’t helping.”

“Nice try.” chuckled Nick, hazel eyes sparkling.

“I agree brother Nick.” laughed Jarrod. “It was a nice diversionary tactic.”

The sound of the brotherly teasing could be heard through the open door and she had stopped, closing her eyes and letting the music of the male voices caress her ears. The return of the gentle loving banter between her three sons made the separation disappear to the point of where it was hard to believe he’d been gone from them.

Folding her hands together, the silver head of the Barkley matriarch bowed for a moment in a prayer of thanksgiving. Opening her eyes, she stepped into the room and smiled at the blue eyes which found hers past his brothers.

Winking for her blond son’s eyes only, Victoria smiled quickly before throwing her shoulders back and replied to Heath’s tattling as she whisked by the two surprised men, “Boys, you are older than your brother.”

Placing a kiss on the grinning blond’s cheek, Victoria pulled the shirt around his injured body and shook her head while buttoning the small round pieces of ivory. “How can you let your brother get himself dressed? Can’t you see he’s injured?”

“But, Mother…” protested Jarrod and Nick at the same time before exclaiming. “He started it!”

Smiling down into the light blue eyes, Victoria brushed her fingers across the pale cheek and suggested, “The next train leaves in a couple hours, Heath. If you’d like to leave here.”

Staring into the gray eyes in her small face, Heath smiled back and drawled, “That’s good, Mother cause if I gotta get myself there…it’ll take me that long.”

The shaking of her small shoulders gave away the amusement of the mumbling sons behind her. The happiness in her gray eyes at his agreement filled her heart and thrust all the lingering darkness into the background.

Holding his face in her hands, she placed a tender kiss on his forehead and whispered, “I love you, sweetheart.”

Blinking back the strong emotions flaring in his eyes, Heath found his voice suddenly lacked any strength and he reached up to squeeze her left hand against his face, “I love you, Mother.”

Jarrod and Nick smiled at each other before turning their faces back to the mother and son who’d forgotten for a moment the rest of the world. Straightening the collar on the blue shirt, Victoria nodded, “I’m going to have your sister pack our things. Your brothers can help you downstairs. Do you think you can handle some soup before we leave?”

“I’ll try, Mother.” promised Heath in a soft voice, before the woman who was his mother in every sense of the word turned and walked out while his mind went back to the day on the hill and the words she spoke that had taken him by surprise.

“Heath, if you were my son, I’d tell you fight for your birthright. Fight with everything you’ve got. No one, NO ONE, can deny you what is rightfully yours. A family who loves you and all which comes from being Thomas Barkley’s son. If you were my son, that’s what I would tell you to do.”

“Heath?”

Shaken from his thoughts at Nick’s voice, the blond looked up into the hazel eyes and flashed a lop-sided grin. “Sorry, Nick.”

Nick pulled a tan boot from behind his back and smirked at the scowling face as he held the footwear just out of the blond’s reach while Jarrod laughed, “Does little brother want to wear two boots today?”

Muttering a word of unrecognizable structure, both dark haired brothers could surmise its meaning from the flashing eyes of the blond who glared at them unsuccessfully before his face melted into a smile. Rapidly donning the second boot onto the waiting foot, they held onto their youngest member after they raised him to his feet.

Heath’s legs trembled from the lack of strength in them and he unconsciously sucked in a quick breath at his protesting body as he walked between his brothers, one foot in front of the other. Jarrod and Nick glanced at each other over the blond whose face was a mask of concentration and perspiration by the time they reached the bottom of the twelve step staircase.

Lowering Heath into a seat, Nick took the chair beside his little brother and steadied him with a large hand on his shoulder. Closing his eyes for a moment, Heath took in several breaths before glancing over.

“Boy howdy, Nick. I feel rode hard and put up!”

Winking, Nick agreed with a smile, “Sorry to tell you, Heath but you kind of look it too.”

Smirking at the dark haired man, Heath drawled, “Your jokes haven’t changed any, I see.”

Chapter 42

Leaving his two brothers seated at the table, Jarrod headed out the door to purchase tickets on the departing train, the spring in his step lighter with the agreement of their newly found brother to go home.

Nick leaned his forearms on the table watching the blond fight his way to devouring only half the bowl of beef broth. The larger man frowned when a shaky hand reached up to push the bowl away before taking a drink from his glass of water.

Glancing into the light blue eyes, Nick winked, “Not sure if that’ll pass the mustard when Mother comes down to inspect, little brother.”

Rubbing his hand over his face, Heath sighed, “Been a long time since I felt this drained but there ain’t no way I can force any more into my stomach.”

Reaching over and grabbing the blond by the back of his neck, Nick smiled tenderly and nodded, “Been there myself, Heath. Soon you’ll be up and getting around fine.”

“Not soon enough.” replied Heath leaning back in his chair and covering a yawn with his hand.

“Heath, is there anything you need to pick up in Berlin?” asked Nick suddenly. “We’re so excited about going home with you, I plumb forgot to ask. One of us can head over there. It’s not a problem.”

“No, there ain’t nothing there I need. I can write a letter from Stockton and close my account at the bank there. I only have a few dollar in there cause for the first few months, I…..” shrugged Heath staring into the clear liquid in the glass before setting it down on the table. “Nick, I…uh…gotta tell you something.”

The blue eyes filled with shame and the blond head lowered slightly, studying his finger rubbing over the lip of the glass, the circular pattern continuing for several minutes.

“What?” questioned Nick in a low voice, concerned at the far-away repentant look in the pale man’s eyes. “Heath? What is it?”

Shaking his head slightly, the younger man let out a forced breath and whispered, “Sitting here now it don’t feel like we’ve been apart. I now know it’s the place I should be. It feels so right, it scares the hell outta me that I wanted to…tried to….push myself into oblivion…try to force you and the rest of the family outta my heart. If it hadn’t been for….her wanting to kill me…I’d have never come back Nick. I would’ve kept away forever.”

Swallowing the blockage stirred up by the words he knew to be true, Nick’s voice quivered from the moment of truth or dare, “I know, little brother, I know. Cause of what we did with Bentell, you had every right to leave and stay away.”

“No, Nick.” protested Heath, glancing up into the turbulent hazel eyes. “It weren’t right to run. I was a coward inside. If I hadn’t been, I could’ve refused but I didn’t. Maybe deep inside, I was just looking for a reason.”

Squinting in confusion, Nick repeated, “Looking for a reason for what?”

“Sometimes at home…before…I’d lay awake and wander what was gonna go wrong. It’s hard, Nick. Tryin’ to find a way to make it work when you never had it before…I mean…I don’t know how this family thing works. I mean, I think I do but if I truly and honestly did – none of us would’ve went through hell this past year or so.”

“I don’t know about that, Heath. They say everyone’s destiny is predetermined but I don’t believe it. I think a person makes their own destiny.” replied Nick with a negative shake of his head.

“Nick, I’m not talking about destiny.” scoffed Heath squeezing his temples and sighing. “I’m talking about what happened with Bentell…that day in the study.”

“Heath, look at it this way.” suggested Nick waiting til the blue eyes met his before continuing. “If we hadn’t thought having you work with Bentell was right, then we’d have fired him that day. You’d have stayed on the ranch instead of us forcing you to feel you had no choice but to get out in order to save yourself.”

“Reckon so.” admitted Heath softly after a moment of hesitation.

“If none of this happened…us demanding you do what we asked…then you wouldn’t have somehow found your way to Berlin. You wouldn’t have met Frank Sawyer and not saved the life of that bank clerk when he was held hostage. The man could be dead right now and he’s not. His family still has him in their lives. If after we demanded you go with Bentell and you did like we asked….when you got home things would’ve went on like normal. But they wouldn’t have been normal.”

Scowling, the tired blond tried to decipher the trail his big brother was laying out for him and he sighed loudly, his frustration of his not understanding loud in the room.

Leaning closer, Nick’s eyes pierced into the confused blues and he let out a shaky breath. “I think it would’ve festered inside you, Heath, it woulda stuck in your craw more and more each day. You wouldn’t have said anything but one day it’d have driven you away eventually. I’m sure of it. I’m not saying I was glad you were gone all that time cause I sure as hell missed you something fierce. When we tried to force you to do something you didn’t want, we changed all our destinies for the worse. We could’ve easily lost you forever and maybe never have met up in the future.”

Thoughtful blue eyes studied the tan face beside him before nodding slightly in silent agreement and understanding. Smiling, Nick picked up the new tan hat and rested it on the blond hair, standing and helping his little brother to his feet.

“Let’s take a walk and get the horses.” suggested the rancher watching excitement at the prospect of leaving the dreary hotel fly into the blond’s eyes before a tinge of sadness appeared.

“Sounds good.” agreed Heath forcing a small smile to his face, his heart plummeting to his feet at the realization Gal was lost to him.

Jarrod grinned widely at his two slow moving brothers heading towards the livery and easily cut down the distance between them, taking his place at the left side of his injured brother.

“Jarrod.” smiled Heath, his face perspiring but his eyes twinkling at his regained freedom and partial mobility.

“How’s my littlest brothers doing?” teased Jarrod with a wide smile. “Won’t be long Brother Heath before you’re besting Nick again at everything.”

Grunting his displeasure at the older man’s words, Nick mumbled into Heath’s ears, as they stopped just inside the door of the small livery. “Big brother’s hands are as smooth as a baby’s bottom, little brother. Don’t you listen to a thing lawyer man says.”

The lop-sided grin on the pale man’s face disappeared and he stared at the equine in the first stall. Brown eyes rolled at the men, only seeing the one in the middle and a long neigh filled the livery.

“Gal.” choked out Heath, unaware his tears were trickling down his face or the hands which grabbed him when the shock of seeing his companion almost buckled his legs. Jarrod glanced through tear filled eyes at Nick who was fighting himself to keep the salty droplets from escaping.

They walked Heath over to the stall where he found an explosion of strength and pulled out of their hands, his free hand running over the silky curried coat before he stood beside her, his hand entwining in her mane, his face buried in her neck. Gal stomped and shook her head continually whinnying before turning and nudging her friend in the chest gently, her ears twitching at the whispered words meant for her only.

Chapter 43

Nick quietly opened the door when his knock went unanswered and smiled as he leaned his shoulder against the frame. The sight of the blond in the room next to his was a picture he gazed upon each night since they’d arrived back in Stockton five days ago.

The train ride had been exhausting and brutal on the injured young man causing them to stop the first night in Pine Crest amidst Heath’s weak protests which were squelched with one arched eyebrow from their mother. After taking her injured son to the physician’s office she had not been surprised when the toll on his body sent him into a deep sleep while the medicine man thoroughly checked his injuries.

The next morning after a stop at the sheriff office to thank Brad Tucker for his wire which was the catalyst for their finding their missing family member, the family was off again on the train headed west. This time the leg of the journey went smoother and mostly unnoticed by their injured member due to the laudanum administered by the physician.

Heath’s head had rested on Nick’s shoulder the whole trip and her lion hearted middle son wouldn’t move from his spot. Nick was simply thankful for the renewed opportunity to be by his little brother’s side and his other siblings sat close by keeping their eyes on the sleeping blond.

When they reached their destination, the youngest of the men roused just enough from his medicinal sleep to be whisked over to the wagon and the bed in the back. His lack of protest and his sigh of heavenly pleasure as he sank on the softness before he fell back to sleep caused Nick and Jarrod to look at each other with worry.

Duke caught the eyes of the Barkley matriarch as he leaned over the side of the wagon and squeezed the hand of the returning son who’d fallen back into a slumber. The foreman’s smile of happiness shone brightly and Victoria reciprocated in kind before turning her love filled eyes downwards on her son.

When they returned to the ranch and Heath was taken upstairs to his room, Silas took one look at the thin man’s frame and shook his head in censure. Looking into the eyes of his elderly friend, Heath swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat and drew the surprised gray haired dark man into an one-armed hug.

Silas whispered into the trembling man’s ear for several minutes before everyone watched a lop-sided grin flash on the blond’s face.

“I’s bring ya’ up some fixin’, Heath. Ya’s wastin’ away!” stated Silas as he lowered the injured man onto the bed, unaware he’d forgotten the title of mister he used for all the sons of Tom Barkley in his elation of the younger man’s return.

Latching onto the small wrinkled hand, Heath sighed wearily, “Thanks but ya’ don’t have to trouble yourself.”

Patting the right shoulder of the blond, the dark eyes sparkled with a sheen of wetness and he shook his head, smiling tenderly. “T’aint no trouble. Ya’ rest now.”

Nodding to the gentle man, Heath smiled and closed his eyes, holding the darkened hand until his grip relaxed. Victoria and the others wiped the tears from their eyes, leaving the two friends alone.

The news of the youngest son of Thomas Barkley returning back to the valley spread through the town like the wildfire which could sweep the land. Those who’d taken the time to open their minds and hearts sent thoughts of speedy recovery to their returned community member.

Heath sat in the overstuffed chair deep in thought as he gazed out into the night through his open window, his hand holding a piece of paper. The feel of eyes upon him turned his head slowly and he waved his big brother into the room.

Nick crossed over and sat on the bed, his dark hair wet from the bath he’d taken after coming in from the range. Gesturing to the paper, he smirked and teased, “Love letter, little brother?”

Turning a light crimson, Heath snorted and pulled the paper out of his brother’s long reach, “Like you’d ever read one to even know.”

“Oh, please Heath, I’m older than you.” scoffed Nick lightly. “You’re just a kid, barely outta diapers!”

Blushing brightly, the blond grinned and shot back, “Yeah, you’re old alright, Nick. Pretty soon we’ll have to put you out to pasture.”

Laughing loudly, Nick reached over and grabbed the back of the muscular neck, gazing into the light twinkling blue eyes. Setting the paper in his lap, Heath reached up and squeezed the strong forearm before letting out a deep breath.

“Did you find him, Nick?”

The moment of levity passed with the question and Nick’s shoulders dropped, along with his large hand, hazel eyes filled with defeat. “No, I didn’t Heath. I’m sorry.”

The lids on the blue eyes closed for a moment before Heath picked up the paper and held it up. “Frank wrote says the a bounty hunter caught up with Finch in Reno. Brought his dead body in to claim his reward.”

“Damn.” whispered Nick rubbing a hand over his face. “Now, we won’t know who else was on the mountain that day.”

Shrugging, Heath laid the paper on the nearby table and turned his eyes to the darkness hovering outside his window. “I heard one of their voices. I might know him if I heard him again.”

“Slim chance that’ll happen.” muttered the larger man, his voice almost tentative with the day’s failure.

“It’s okay, Nick, you did the best you could.” assured Heath with a small smile before turning away. “I reckon Charger was angry like me and maybe confused.”

“I got everybody watching for him, Heath.” explained Nick studying the profile of his younger brother. “He’ll turn up soon. I never would’ve let him go if I didn’t have a good reason, Heath. Setting that horse free was like loosing another piece of you but I didn’t want to have to shoot him. He was out of control.”

“Weird, ain’t it?” asked Heath after several minutes, turning his face back to the larger man. “I was out of control too for a while til Frank offered me the job as his deputy. Maybe Charger found someone to help him, calm his anger after a little while.”

The large heart inside the older man was breaking at the sadness in the light blue eyes which couldn’t be forced down. He’d do anything to take that look out of the younger man’s face and yet had to find the way to erase it. A soft knock on the door interrupted both their thoughts and they nodded at Audra’s announcement of dinner.

Heath pushed himself to his feet and grabbed the cane Dr. Merar had left. Hobbling to the door, the blond stopped and looked into the hazel eyes.

“Nick, I would’ve done the same thing if I’d been in your spot.” said Heath.

“Heath, I…”

“No more guilt about it, Nick.” interrupted Heath firmly before allowing his lip to curl up slightly. “You can’t go looking all day for a horse who don’t wanna be found, Nick. Let it go now and it’d be best if you remember this is a working ranch, big brother.”

Shaking his head, Nick tousled the blond hair and smirked at the scowl he received, “Boy, I’m not the one laying around all day getting fattened up by Silas!”

Chuckling, Heath groaned suddenly, “At this rate, I’ll forget what hard work is.”

Putting an arm around his cane using brother’s shoulders, Nick winked, “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ll be happy to show you what you’ve missed.”

Chapter 44

The sun hadn’t risen when Destiny watched the door of the mansion open and close quietly behind the blond. Stepping off the porch and crossing the expanse of openness to the barn, a slight limp was the only remnant of the injury in his leg. Reaching up, Heath held onto his left shoulder as he moved it slightly, the stitches had been taken out but the muscles were still healing and would stiffen overnight.

Opening the barn door and leaving it ajar, the young man crossed to Gal’s stall and entered, greeting his faithful friend before saddling her. Adjusting the saddle and quietly speaking to the modoc, Heath jumped slightly when Duke’s voice spoke.

“Morning.”

Red-faced at being startled by the other man, Heath turned and nodded, “Morning, Duke.”

“Heading out kinda early, Heath.” stated the older man watching the blond’s hand stop for a moment before he finished tightening the girth. “Running from your shadow?”

Chuckling softly, Heath shook his head and backed Gal out of the door held open by the longtime foreman of the Barkley ranch.

“Reckon ya’ could look at it that way.” stated Heath with a small shrug.

“He’s gonna be madder than a wet hornet.” pointed out Duke quietly. “You sure you’re recovered enough for that?”

Flashing a lop-sided grin, Heath clapped the older man on the back before mounting and looking down, “Probably not, Duke. I can already hear the bellowing.”

“Yeah, me too.” stated Duke with a grimace before looking up with a smirk, “Damn, can I come with you?”

“Nope.” chuckled Heath, nudging Gal and rode out of the ranch yard with Duke leaning against the post watching til he couldn’t see the youngest Barkley son.

Smiling to himself, Duke glanced up at the house and his smile faded when he wondered how Nick would be today knowing his younger brother had escaped from his watchful eyes. The older brothers of the blond hadn’t let Heath out of their sight since his return. The blond was thankful and accepting of the family’s need to keep him close but also needing the space to be free from the sometimes stifling bonds of love.

The soft breeze on his face in the early hours of the morning swept away all feelings of suffocation from the blond as he rode. He’d barely slept the night before, his anxiousness at the trip sneaking into his every thought affecting his concentration on the evening’s pool game. Nick groused about his pool partner’s lack of focus as they handed their bills over to Jarrod and Mason who had come to dinner and was leaving the mansion with a few dollars more.

Audra and Victoria sat watching the competition between the four men, smiling at the teasing flowing back and forth and providing the nightly entertainment for the ladies of the house. When it was time for Mason to head home, the others watched as the smitten Mason was escorted to the door by their fair haired sister.

Heath extended his goodnights to his brothers who protested it was too early in the evening. The wise gray eyes studied her blond son as he leaned down and saw no sign of pain or discomfort on his face, no reason for his early retirement to bed. The blue eyes held a sparkle in them and he smiled his okay to her before leaving the room after placing a kiss on his mother’s cheek.

Pushing Gal to a gallop, Heath leaned forward and enjoyed the moment of exhilaration and unbinding freedom. In the weeks since he’d returned, he’d come to realize how much he needed this family around him, how much his heart and soul had missed them when he’d left.

It was true. One didn’t realize what they had til it was gone.

Even though they’d all made mistakes, they all realized unless they worked together as a family, the future would be rocky and rough. Only by not putting one’s needs above all others and listening with both their hearts and minds would they succeed in times of strife.

By the time the blond was nearing the southern most part of the Barkley range, the sun was up and if he listened carefully, Heath could’ve sworn he heard his brothers raised voices on the wind. Of course, the one was a tad louder than the other.

Slowing Gal to a walk, Heath took off his hat and wiped his sleeve across his forehead before replacing his covering and studying the ground. Today, he knew would be the day. He’d sensed it when Turley told him about the tracks he’d seen on his way back to the ranch.

Concentrating on the tracks covering the ground, Heath was taken by surprise when Gal suddenly lurched to the side and bolted with a panicked scream at the connection with the immovable object, sending him down onto the ground.

Hitting the hard dirt, Heath groaned a curse from the impact and pushed himself to his knees. Glancing around for the reason for the unexpected throw, Heath dove to the side when the angry red stallion charged at him. The ground underneath trembled from the pounding hooves, the shaking felt like an earthquake.

The sun glistened down on the fiery coat of red and the large equine’s eyes were kept on him as he pushed himself upwards. Gal had escaped to a safe distance and Heath felt the moisture leaving his mouth at the fury coming off the stallion he’d ridden in the past.

Taking a soft breath to calm the unexpected volcano of adrenaline from having to dodge the large dangerous hooves, the blond spoke softly and watched the stallion display the power within his muscular frame. Rising up and kicking out with his forefeet, the blond again dove to the ground, knocking the wind out of his lungs when he impacted with the hard earth.

Rolling to his feet, Heath straightened, taking in air and speaking softly. Keeping the stallion in sight, the blond wondered if too much time had gone by and his hopes of bringing the horse home where he belonged began to wan. Slowly moving so he was cutting the distance between himself and his modoc, Heath cursed before diving out of the way of the rushing animal again.

An hour had passed since the first unexpected rush of the stallion which dislodged him from his saddle and Heath was finding his strength being depleted from the dodging game. The movements to stay out of the path of the deadly hooves on his still recovering body were taking their toll.

Sighing with relief at the cluster of rocks within his sight, Heath waited and dodged again, this time running to the rocks and diving over, registering his mistake a split second before darkness fell down.

Chapter 45

Long legs strode into the dining room and a deep voice exuberantly announced his presence with greetings to the family present.

“Good morning, Mother!” smiled Nick bending and placing a kiss on her soft cheek, taking his place at the table. “Audra, Jarrod. Fine day, isn’t it?”

Jarrod arched an eyebrow down the length of the table to his mother and smirked, “The day has barely started Nick. Ask me in a few hours.”

Victoria ducked her head to hid her smile and Audra snickered out loud, glancing to the empty seat beside her.

“Nick, couldn’t you sleep last night?” queried Audra.

After taking a sip of his coffee, Nick looked over with a puzzled look on his face, “I slept fine, little sister. Why’d you think that?”

“Because you beat Heath down for breakfast. You NEVER get up earlier than Heath.” pointed out Audra.

Chuckling, Jarrod agreed, “She’s got you there, little brother!”

Scowling at the two smiling siblings, Nick leaned back in his chair and shrugged, “I’ll have you two know I was up just as early as our fair haired brother.”

Victoria tilted her head and asked, “Then where exactly is your fair haired brother and why isn’t he here yet for breakfast?”

“He rode out already this morning, Mother. Couple of hours ago.” informed Nick offhandedly, returning to his breakfast.

Setting his cup down on the saucer roughly, Jarrod growled, “Why didn’t you stop him, Nick! Heath’s still recovering!”

“Jarrod, we can’t keep Heath on such a tight rein. It bothers him.” stated Nick firmly and softly.

“It’s not a tight rein, Nick. It’s…it’s….for his own good!” snapped Jarrod leaning his forearms on the table and glaring into the hazel eyes.

The ladies at the table watched and found themselves witnessing a reversal of roles in the men before them. Jarrod usually the voice of reason and calmness was blustering with his concern and renewed fear of losing the youngest of his brothers. Nick simply smiled into the glaring eyes and took a stance of controlled emotion and level headedness.

“Pappy, I realized last night we can’t watch him twenty four hours a day, no matter how hard it is for us. Besides, he’s not leaving permanently. Remember how last night he couldn’t concentrate during the pool game?”

Jarrod thought back and nodded slowly. “He was a bit distracted.”

“He was a lot distracted. Duke told me Turley told Heath about some tracks of wild horses down at the Summit. He’s gone to see if Charger’s with that herd. He needs to do this Jarrod, I saw it in his eyes last night. He loves us but we can’t keep such a strong chokehold on him.” explained Nick with a small sigh.

The shoulders of the trained legal man drooped and he ran his hands over his face before resting his chin on his fists. “I didn’t realize we were stifling him. I guess I let my fear of losing Heath run me.”

“All of us have, Jarrod. This morning when I watched him ride out, I had to practically sit on my hands so I wouldn’t get dressed and follow. He’s a man, Jarrod and he’s just as stubborn as you and me.”

The family sat and contemplated the change in the young man who was with them now from the teenager who’d left in the heat of the night, driven away by their lack of understanding. He’d grown in so many ways, physically and emotionally.

Victoria closed her eyes for a moment and relieved the admission in the darkness by her blond son on one nightmare invading night the previous week. He’d spent time in a profession of honor and danger, a job where his own knowledge of man’s humanity against others gave him an insight into the pain those who relied on his title would feel in times of despair. His past gave him an inside track to the depths of brutalities and cruelties. It gave him the opportunity to see he wasn’t the only child who’d suffered by the hands of those who couldn’t touch with love.

Ironically, until he’d taken the job as Frank Sawyer’s deputy, he hadn’t wanted to confront the tendrils of darkness grabbing at him from behind. The daily responsibilities of the badge forced Heath to face his own inner fears as he witnessed the downside of goodness. It forced the young deputy to deal with the memories and what his relatives cost him in his soul. It more than anything made the blond realize even in darkness there is a sliver of light, a reason to go on.

Smiling at her other children, Victoria’s eyes cast upon each one and she agreed, “Nick is right. We can’t cage Heath with our love. But that doesn’t mean we can’t worry for we’re a family and that’s our right. We simply have to do it without hog-tieing him.”

Nodding in agreement, the remainder of the breakfast was eaten in silence. Standing and moving to the end of the table to place a kiss on his mother’s cheek, Nick winked.

“Think I’ll mosey down to the southern part of the ranch and check out the grazing. Maybe I’ll meet Heath coming home at the halfway point.”

Victoria smiled and shook her head when Jarrod jumped up, “I feel like a ride myself, brother Nick. I’ll help you.”

Audra shook her blond head and smiled as she grabbed onto her mother’s hand. “At least they’re not heading right down to the Summit. Do you think Heath will mind?”

Patting her daughter’s hand, Victoria smiled, “No, I think Heath will have a pleasant surprise when he realizes his brothers didn’t rush right down there and they let him handle it alone.”

Waking with the beating of the sun on his face, Heath squinted and slowly raised an arm to shield his light eyes as he rolled onto his side. In his haste to avoid the angered stallion, his dive took him over the rocks and his miscalculation of the space in the gathered rocks sent his head to skim the side of another.

Groaning softly, he reached up and gently felt the side of his face, his fingers touching the semi-dried thin trail of crimson flowing down the side. Taking a moment, he smiled with relief at the lack of dizziness and nausea which would indicate a concussion. He’d merely knocked himself silly in his haste and hadn’t seriously injured himself.

Lying on his side, he stilled when he felt the air from two nostrils on his neck and he heard the stomping of an impatient hoof. Unconsciously, he waited for the large teeth of the stallion to sink into his flesh as he slowly raised himself to his knees and turned.

The muscles of the powerful equine quivered under the coat of red and his velvet nose was only a breath’s hair away from the blond. Looking up and staring into the round eyes, seeing past the anger in the horse and down into his wounded soul, Heath quietly stated.

“I’m sorry, boy. I’m sorry I left you behind. I won’t ever do it again. I missed you too.”

Letting out a snort, the stallion suddenly turned and slowly moved away from the rocks. Stopping he turned and looked back, shaking his head and whinnying.

Heath pushed himself to his feet and walked out of the rocks, moving past the red stallion who shied away when the blond’s hand reached towards him. Nodding at the show of reluctance, Heath sighed and realized he’d hurt Charger as much as the others when he’d left.

Seeing Gal munching on some grass in the horizon, the blond angled his path towards the modoc, aware of the plodding of hooves behind him. Heath smiled when he felt a familiar nudge in his back and after the second one, he turned.

With tears in his eyes and talking softly, his hands caressed the soft nose and he ran them over the long neck before taking a handful of mane and swinging up onto the back of the large statuesque animal.

Nudging the side of the stallion gently, Heath let out a held-in breath when the muscles bunching under his legs didn’t explode in a released fury of bucking. Stopping beside Gal, he climbed down and spoke with the modoc for a moment before switching the saddle and mounting.

The happiness in the light blue eyes didn’t diminish at the sight of his brothers idly waiting by the side of the trail in the shade. His wide smile greeted the two men who’d met him half way and rode on either side of him back to home.

Epilogue

Looking at the two who decided to not play another hand and cut their losses, Destiny nodded once and picked up the cards, skillfully moving the cards into a neat pile and placing them on the table. Tapping the deck once with it’s gnarled finger, the cards disappeared and the game was over.

Perhaps at another time, the last two players would like to try their hand against the blond man, the winner of this round. Perhaps.

The End.