A
Shadow from the Past
by Barkley Lady
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
The rain was pouring
down on the little group of people that stood around the grave waiting for
Father Michael to say the final words before the coffin was lowered down to its
resting place and they could leave to go home to the warmth. One by one they
let their flowers fall so that the two men waiting could start to pour the wet
earth over the oak chest, all but one that was. Nick stood there and just
couldn’t do it, feeling that if he let his bouquet drop she would be gone and
this time it would be forever. She could never come back to him and his dreams
about a life with her would have to end. His mother and Heath both supported
him and nudged him to let go and at last with one last look at the red rose and
forget-me-nots he dropped them and left before anyone could stop him. Family
and friends stood still and watched him leave the graveyard without even
looking back.
The sound of a door
being flung open in anger, spurs leaving the house in haste and the growl from
her middle son made Victoria run out of the kitchen towards the foyer. She
hurried out through the open door, just in time to see his back galloping away
from the ranch. Slowly she walked over to Heath who stood by the barns holding
Charger’s saddle, his eyes following his brother’s ride. Duke stood beside him
scratching his head.
"Heath, what …?
"I don’t know
Mother. We just got home and Nick went in to see if Jarrod was home. And the
next thing I know is that he is back on a horse cursing. Duke had just saddled
that horse to go to the South pasture. He just pushed him aside." Victoria
turned to the old foreman.
"Don’t ask me
Victoria. I don’t think I have seen him that angry for a very long time. I’m
just happy I didn’t have a meeting with his right fist. Perhaps you better ask
Jarrod." Duke nodded towards the oldest son coming out of the house.
"What’s all the
commotion about?" He looked at the small group of people standing outside
the barn. Heath sighed and went back in to saddle Charger again. He needed to
find his older brother and find out what had happened.
Nick rode in a fierce
pace towards the mountains in the east, making the horse work hard. First after
a few miles he slowed down as he felt the anger get replaced by questions, a
lot of questions. Realizing that his subconscious had taken him to a place he
hadn’t been since the day he got back from the war he gently halted the horse
and looked around. Slowly he steered the faithful animal towards the small path
he knew should be there somewhere, noticing the ground getting more and more
unsafe. Shortly it was so unsafe that he didn’t want the horse to go on any
further so he got off and led it to a small creek seeing to it that it got
watered before tying it to a tree. After having a cold drink himself he started
to climb up the path heading towards a cave. The climb was so difficult that he
had to keep his mind set on the task and for a while he forgot the reason that
put him in this disposition.
After an hours climb he
stood outside the cave looking over the valley and he realised that he had
forgotten how wonderful this place was and what a good view you had from here.
He could see Heath tracking not far from where he had left the horse and knew
that he was looking for him. Hoping it would take some time before his brother
turned up he sat down with his back leaning on the rock that formed the cave.
How could she? How could she come back and do this to him after 12 long years?
How dared she buy the land he wanted? Damn Jarrod for leaving the official
papers from the town council so openly that he had seen them and damn him for
not warning him about it. He could feel the anger rise inside him again and he
knew he needed to ride out to her ranch to get some answers or he would never
get any peace and yet there was the fear for the answers.
When he was back at the
bottom of the cliff once again, he found Heath waiting for him, sitting on the
ground with his back leaning against a tree. Nick joined him and quietly the
brothers sat together watching the horses munch on some green bits that looked
like grass. Heath was taken by surprise that Nick didn’t tell him right away
what had caused the outburst but he figured that his brother would do so in due
time so he sat there and waited. He knew that sometimes even Nick needed a
moment to gather his thoughts before letting the world know what was on his
mind. It was not until Nick stood up to ride back to the ranch that Heath
understood that this time, just for once Nick wasn’t going to say anything, not
a word about the reason or where he had been after he left the horse.
Nick continued to hardly
say a word for the rest of the day and evening. It wasn’t until it was time to
go to bed that he told the rest of the family that he was taking the next day
off. Surprised, his brothers looked at each other and then to their mother who
was looking back at them.
"Nick, if something
is bothering you, isn’t it better you let it out and let us help you. Perhaps
there is something we can do?"
"No, I need to go
somewhere tomorrow, alone. I’ll be back in the evening."
"I’ll come with
you."
"No Heath, I need
to go alone."
"You are not ill
are you?" His mother remembered with horror the time he had left them
without a clue, left them to die alone. He gave her a small smile.
"No Mother, I’m
well. Just need to get some answers, that’s all."
It was early morning
when he rode through the rusty gates of the old ranch. He saw some men working
in something that once had been a lovely garden, several others working on the
buildings and from a coral he could see some good horses. At least the ranch
was been taken care of after ten years of neglect he sighed to himself. When he
reached the main building he slowly dismounted and then tied Big Duke to the
hitching rail before walking up to the large oak door. There he hesitated
before he raised his hand to the door knocker. With a deep breath he got hold
of the knocker and with three hard knocks made a request to enter. After, what
seemed to him, a long moment he turned to go out and ask one of the men if
anyone was at home when a suit dressed man opened the door. The man was about
his own age, with a scar that ran over the right eye and had a stiff
appearance. He didn’t look too happy about being disturbed.
"Yes?" Nick
hesitated before tipping his hat to the man.
"I came to see
Catherine."
"Does she know you
are coming?" When Nick hesitated the man continued with a smirk. "No,
then I’m not so sure she will see you sir." He looked Nick over with a
face clearly showing his disgust over the cowboy clothes.
"Ask her if she has
time to see Nicholas Barkley." After another look over the man showed Nick
into the foyer.
"Wait here."
He went up the stairs and disappeared in a hallway leading to the back of the
house. Nick looked around in the room. It didn’t look as it did in the old days
when the old general and his wife lived here. He noticed an old painting of the
stern couple and walked over to have a better look. He felt the shiver run down
his spine as memory flooded over him. Those two had not been very nice, to put
it in a kindly manner, to the children in Stockton. His patience started to
fail and he walked over to a chair, placed his hat and gloves on a table and
sat down. Restless he sat moving on the chair until an older nurse came walking
down the stairs. Surprised he quickly stood up and walked towards her.
"Miss Catherine
will see you now but if you upset her I’ll have you chased all the way to where
you came from." The nurse’s grey eyes bore into his hazel and he felt like
a little school boy standing in front of his teacher having to admit that he
hadn’t done his homework once again.
"Follow me, Mr
Barkley." She turned making her dress swipe along his legs. He followed
her closely, wondering if this really was such a good idea. The anger he had
felt yesterday was gone and all he now wanted was the answers to his questions,
then he would leave as fast as he could and never bother this place or her any
more.
The nurse opened a door
that led into a dark room but instead of staying in it she walked straight out
on the balcony and towards a bed that was placed in the shade. The man was
standing by the balustrade with an irritated look in his eyes when he noticed
Nick and the nurse. With a few harsh words he quickly left moving the other
way. Nick could see that under a heavy blanket, sitting up with the help of
several pillows was a tiny body.
"Catherine, your
visitor." The nurse walked over to a chair close by and sat down.
"Please Mary, leave
us alone." Nick heard the tiny voice that didn’t sound at all like the
voice he heard in his dreams. "Please Mary, it’s important. You know I
wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t." The fragile person in the bed turned
slightly towards where Nick was standing. "Nicholas, please take the chair
and sit next to me. My sight isn’t as good any more." The nurse had hardly
got up from the chair before he took it and moved it to the side of the bed.
The sight of the woman laying there was breathtaking even if she apparently
wasn’t well. Her hair was thinner and without the glow as were the eyes but the
hair was still dark red and her eyes still clear green.
"Hello,
Kitten." He fought the urge to pick her up and hold her tight against his
body.
"Mary, see if the
kitchen has anything that we can serve a guest, please." The sound of the
skirt leaving told him that the older woman was gone. He waited for a moment as
he noticed that she was trying to focus in on his face. He moved slightly so
that she wouldn’t have the sun directly in her eyes.
"Why are you back
in Stockton and why did you have to buy this place?" Suddenly the anger
rose in him again and he stood up and walked to the balustrade. As he leaned
against it he looked over the buildings and over to the mountains in the
horizon. Standing with his back towards her he tried to regain his self
control, reminding himself that she clearly wasn’t well.
"I have my reasons,
Nicholas, I have my reasons. How did you find out? I have seen to it that
Stuart has been responsible for all the needed contacts, covering all the
tracks." She frowned as she tried to fix her eyes on the dark tall man
standing not too far away from her. Nick listened to her voice. He had always
loved that she called him Nicholas instead of Nick; in fact she was the only
one he wanted to be called that from, just as he had always called her Kitten.
"Jarrod brought
home the papers from the sale yesterday. I saw them and recognised your
signature. Why? You know my family always wanted this land. And I know how much
you hated it."
"And it shall be
yours Nicholas, but only yours not the Barkley’s. The land that is. The house I
have other plans for." She let out a raw cough. He turned around and
looked at her.
"Mine? But …?"
"Nicholas, I’m
dying. And I sort of wanted both revenge on Stockton and to turn the fortune I
made over the years into something good. It took Stuart a few years to get the
owner interested to sell the ranch and then she got greedy and decided to
auction it out."
"How long?"
"Well, it must have
taken him …"
"No, how long have
you been ill?" Nick moved the chair closer to her bed and sat down, taking
one of her hands in his. He let his fingers touch her face. Those cheeks that
always had been so rosy where now sunken in and pale.
"It’s the second
time I have cancer. Somehow I managed to survive last time." She tried to
smile.
"Then you can do it
again!"
"No, it has gone
too far and besides I don’t think I can gather the strength to fight it again.
It will be over soon. I just feel sorry that you had to find out."
"Why did you
leave?" Nick quickly changed the subject feeling very disturbed by the
news she had given him. "It has been twelve years, years that we could
have spent together if you hadn’t left like you did." She swallowed and tried
to breathe calmly as she saw the hurt in his eyes. How could she explain why so
that he would understand without getting more hurt?
"Your
parents." She coughed once more. "Nicholas, Mr Barkley offered me
more money than I had ever seen if I kept away from you and if I didn’t and we
got more involved he said he would disinherit you. What else could I have done
but leave?" Her eyes pleaded to him to understand.
"So you took …? His
voice turned cold.
"No, I didn’t take
the money." How could he even think that she could have done that? She
felt the pain run through her mind and at the same time her body. Gathering her
breath she continued. "I dropped the money on the ground and left him
standing there. Nicholas, I knew how much the ranch and your father meant to
you. I loved you too much to have you lose that."
"You didn’t give me
a chance to even choose. I would happily have left Kitten. I still would. You
meant more to me than the ranch. We could have started over some where
else." He felt so hurt that she hadn’t even asked him about his choice,
just made her decision and left.
"Nicholas, don’t
you see. I wasn’t good enough for you. I was just an orphan found on the street
as a baby. You were born with everything that a person could dream of. Every day
you told me about your plans for the ranch and how much you love it and the
valley. How could I possibly …. I knew you too well; I knew you would come with
me."
"We were together
and had been so for, well we had known each other for over ten years, did you
really think that ... I knew you Kitten or at least I thought I did. I got
angry, so disappointed when I understood that you were gone that life lost its
meaning and I joined the military to get away from the ranch."
"Me too."
"Me too what?"
"Joined the
military."
"But you were a
girl?"
"Nothing a haircut,
bandages and male clothing couldn’t change. You had taught me how to use a
rifle and gun. Hard years." She tried to smile but the memory was painful
and she shut her eyes. Suddenly she felt his hand gently caress her face and
she leaned into it.
"I missed
you." Tears fell down her face and through the drops her eyes searched for
his. He cupped his hands around what was left of her face and gently kissed
her. He leaded his forehead against hers.
"I missed you too.
I used to dream about the life we could have had and that I turned my back
against. That dream kept me alive." Her coughing got worse and her body
shivered with the exhaustion. He looked at her as he stroked away the thin locks
from her face. As he noticed that her shawl had glided off her shoulders he
reached around her and saw the scars on her shoulders. He bent her forward
towards his body as he gently slid a finger along the familiar lines, lines he
had seen on his younger brother’s back too.
"What happened?
Kitten who did this to you?" He felt the muscles in her body tighten and
with a control he didn’t think he had he looked deep into her eyes, leaning her
back against the pillows.
"Kitten? Please
tell me." He wasn’t used to beg. He could feel that he wanted to shake the
answer out of her but something held him back just as a thought struck him.
"It has to do with
the war, hasn’t it? My younger brother gets the same reaction as you have right
now when memories of it haunt him."
"Eugene?"
"No, Darling, a few
years ago I got another brother, four years younger, Heath. You haven’t
answered my question and I still want to know. Please."
"I once met a
Heath, a young boy." The pain got hold of her body and she bent forward.
Nick quickly stood up and gathered her up in his arms before he sat down on the
bed. He sat holding her close to his chest waiting for the pain to let go.
Slowly it got easier for her to breathe again and he gently caressed her body
as he kissed her head. When her breathing was back to normal, even if it was
weak he leaned back a little and studied her face. The pain was still in her
eyes and he felt the hopelessness run through his body. For twelve years he had
longed for her and at the same time done his best to forget her and now when
she was back…Someone touched his shoulder and he looked up into a pair of grey
eyes.
"Here, let her have
this. It takes the pain away and relaxes the tight muscles a little."
"What is it? No, I
don’t think I want to know." He leaned back so that the nurse could give
Kitten a spoonful of morphine. They sat quietly together waiting for the pain
to disappear for the moment.
"Shall we exchange
Heath stories or is that too painful?"
"I met him in
Carterson. He was just a kid of 15. The others used to take every chance to
hurt the young ones, and so did the guards too. I just felt close to him, like
a brother, remember Joshua, just like that. I just had to do my best to keep
him safe and at the same time I couldn’t do it openly knowing that …"
"They didn’t know
you were a woman, did they?"
"Not at first,
after a few weeks they did." Nick sat quietly musing to himself.
"You know, my
brother Heath was in Carterson."
"Hmm, how did you
get one more brother?" She tried to move so that she could look into his
eyes but he held her close to his chest, leaning his cheek against her head.
"Father had a …
Think your Heath is the same as my Heath?" The nurse came up to check on
them again.
"Catherine. Perhaps
Mr Barkley should see to it that you get back into bed."
"Please Mary; I
would want to stay here if Nicholas doesn’t mind, just a little longer
please."
"I don’t mind,
sweetheart. I can sit here for as long as you want. Perhaps Madam Nurse can get
me some paper and have a message taken over to my ranch."
"I’ll get what you
need Mr Barkley and it’s Mary or Miss Mendis." She left them.
"I have got so many
questions Kitten; I don’t know where to start."
"Father Michael is
supposed to come this afternoon. If you don’t mind, I know he wants to know
too."
"I’ll wait even if
it’s hard." They sat together on the outdoor bed. Now and then Nick
straightened the thick blanket, now and then she got a new dose of morphine to
ease the pain. The nurse had brought Nick what he wanted and a rider had left for
the Barkley Ranch and someone had taken care of Big Duke. Stuart and Mary
checked on them regularly.
Hours later, as two more
visitors arrived from Barkley Ranch, the buggy with Father Michael stopped by
the oak door. Victoria looked at her friend from the orphanage.
"Father, how nice
to see you."
"The same Victoria,
even though I’m surprised to see you here considering the circumstances."
Victoria gazed at her
friend. "What I mean is you and Tom never approved of Catherine …"
"And from what Nick’s
note said it’s too late to take back what we did wrong back then. Are you here
as …"
"I’m here because
she did belong under my wing and because she sent for me. From what I know, she
is very ill." He was just about to turn to the door when it opened.
"We heard you. Come
in." Stuart let them in and showed them to the parlour. Kitten was laying
on a settee with Nick sitting next to her. He put down the book he had been
reading to her as his family walked into the room. Heath’s blue eyes lit up as
he recognised the girl he had called sister during the months he spent in
Carterson but the light suddenly disappeared when he noticed how very ill she
was and his big brother’s pain filled eyes.
"Boy Howdy, who
would have thought I would get to met you once again." He quickly walked
over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You know Big Brother, if it
wasn’t for this girl I would probably have starved to death." He winked
his eye hoping to easy the tension he felt was in the air. Victoria came up to
her and exchanged a few words before she accepted a chair. Nick stood up to
offer his chair to the priest and went to get another one for himself. He had
been informed by Stuart and Mary during Kitten’s rest, what it was she wanted
to talk about with Father Michael and somehow he felt a relief that his family
was there too so that he didn’t have to tell them. He went over to the hearth
and without thinking took the same position he would at home. Heath walked up
to him and touched his shoulder.
"Sorry, for taking
so long. I had gotten up to the north pasture and then without telling anyone
moved over to the east. It took Duke some time to find me."
"It’s alright you
are here now."
"I know it’s
strange to read the will before the person is dead but I wanted Father Michael
to know. I think its good that you are here Mrs Barkley because I’m afraid
Nicholas will be needing his family’s support soon. I had hoped this could have
been avoided but since he found out that I bought this place we are all here
now. Stuart will you please?" Kitten’s poor sight searched for Nick and he
left his place and sat down on the settee beside her.
"My name is Stuart
Miller and I’m Miss Catherine’s lawyer and close friend. We have known each
other for about ten years and I have seen her fortune grow. More than once I
have been the front man for her, since this country isn’t too happy with women
doing business, not even when they are as smart as this woman. I have also
watched her fight the illness once and survive and can say today that she won’t
manage that this time. It’s not a secret between the two of us. Nurse Mendis
joined us during the first time five years ago and has also been a close
companion. Only once have Mary and I had different opinions to Cathy and tried
to talk her out of a deal and that has been about this ranch but even so I have
followed her instructions." Kitten twisted as a spasm of pain went through
her body. She had hoped that the morphine she had taken before would have
prevented that. Nick didn’t bother about the others and picked her up. He knew
that Stuart would do the talking and all he wanted to do was to ease her pain
as much as possible. Stuart looked at Mary and decided to cut the story short
and he walked over to the desk and got an envelope. "As it is we think
that Cathy only has a few days left to live. A doctor told us last week that
her life can be over in a few hours or a month. Mary and I can see that in just
the last days she has worsened rapidly. If it had been up to us we would have
stayed in San Diego but Cathy wanted to come here." He opened the
envelope. Everybody was quiet and the room was filled with tension. Victoria
sat thinking of the decision she and Tom had made and how impressed he had been
that she hadn’t taken the money, but not enough to call her back when she had
left. Heath’s mind travelled back to the war and Father Michael to the new born
baby that had been put in his arms nearly thirty years ago. Stuart’s eyes
searched for Mary’s once more before he started to read.
"These are my wishes of how my belongings
shall be divided. I, Catherine, assure everybody that when this is written my
mind is sane. I have chosen lawyer Stuart Miller to be the one to handle my
belongings and see to it that everything goes to the right person or foundation.
Note one: I want Mary Mendis to have the cottage in
Sierra Nevada. She has always loved that place as much as I have.
Note two: I want Stuart Miller to have the building
in San Diego.
Note three: A foundation has been created to help
young single mothers to bring up their children. To ease their situation even
more three buildings have been bought in San Francisco, San Diego and
Sacramento. These buildings have been turned into homes. Contracts have been
taken with several schools and professional institutions about education and
work. All documents are in the safe.
Note four: Granger Ranch has been bought in
Stockton. The buildings on it and 100 acres of land shall go to Father
Michael’s Orphanage. It’s important to note that this property does not belong
to the church and never shall. Money is put aside to restore the buildings to
their former glory.
Note five: The land that belonged to Granger Ranch
with the exception in note four shall go to Mr Nicholas Jonathan Barkley but
shall not be included with the Barkley Ranch. I leave it up to him to decide
what shall be done with the land.
Note six: All the rest of my belongings shall be
sold at an auction and together with the rest of my banknotes and money go to
the orphanage."
Stuart folded the paper
and put it back into the envelope. "The will is dated as of
yesterday." He looked over to the couple on the settee and saw Nick’s
tears and realised what had just happened.