Bound By Love

by Christy

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Nick watched the retreating back of his younger brother knowing he had just made a huge mistake. Grabbing the nearest thing at hand which was the horseshoe he had been working on in the forge, he threw it outside, narrowly missing his petite mother’s head. His horror at the near accident was reflected on his face as he ran towards Victoria.

“Mother! Oh my God. I didn’t see you. Are you all right?” he demanded. “Stupid, foolish thing…”

“Nicholas, what is the matter with you,” the mother scolded. She stepped towards her son, looking up at him angrily.

“I’m sorry,” Nick repeated. “It’s just that Boy makes me so damn mad sometimes.” With a sigh, Victoria took the rough calloused hands of her second son in her tiny ones. She was dressed for a ride with riding outfit and boots and a hat to keep the wind and sun off her lovely face. For a woman who was well into her fifties, Victoria Barkley was almost as beautiful as her twenty-year old daughter, Audra.

“Why must you two always go at it?” Victoria wondered out loud. “What happened this time?” Nick scrawled, retrieving the horse shoe he had thrown, and returning to the forge. He was about to work on it, when his mother put her hand on his arm.

“Nicholas?” The tone of her voice left no room for argument, not Victoria Barkley. He sighed and put the horseshoe down.

“I asked him about Bentell, and when he was going up to the logging camp again. He said he’d go when it was time. I told him I’d just asked him a question. He got angry and left on Charger. I swear I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

“You already said that, Nick. I thought this mess with Bentell was over with?”

“I thought it was too,” Nick answered. “Obviously it’s not. He’s like a kettle of water just waiting to boil over.”

“Go after him, Nick. Bentell isn’t the only catalyst for his anger. If the man upsets him that much, we can always get another logging manager up there. I’ve wondered several times if we did the right thing in making Heath work with Bentell. It’s causing him grief. Last time he came back, he had such a haunted look in his eyes. He refused to talk to me about it.” The gentle voice hesitated. Nick cocked his head, waiting.

“Nick, how would we feel if we had to work at any time with the man who killed your father?” she asked. The truth slammed into Nick like a freight train. Instant regret overflowed the big heart that beat inside the rough and tumble Nick. The only thing he ever felt for the man who shot his father to death in cold blood was contempt, rage and hatred. Unlike his mother, he had never forgiven the man for taking away the one man in the world who loved him for who he was and taught him by example everyday.

“You’re saying we were wrong?” he mustered out. Victoria looked again at her son. He planted a kiss on her forehead.

“I’ll go after him. If you’re right, I’ll transfer Bentell to our holdings in Oregon. Either that or he’ll have to hit the road. Heath is more important.”

“Heath is everything to us now, isn’t he?” Victoria asked. “Oh it seems like forever that he’s been here. When I only had two sons before, now I have three, to love, to be proud of and to worry about.” Nick chuckled, hugging his mother close.

“And you thrive on it,” he teased. Victoria smiled. She put her hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“Bring your brother home, Nick. I want him to know we made a mistake and we’ll do whatever it takes to make it right with him. We love him.”

“That we do, Mother. That we do,” Nick answered, leaving his mother behind while he went to the stable to saddle Coco. Victoria watched her son leave. His broad back and loud voice gave her such a feeling of peace and courage. Her son, Nick.

* * * * * * * *

In Stockton, Heath planned to ride straight to the saloon. The blond cowboy wondered all the way into town why he didn’t just tell the family about his hatred for Bentell. Every minute working with the man was pure torture. It didn’t take an educated man like Jarrod to tell him why he didn’t come clean. The truth was that the family wanted him working with Bentell. What the family wanted, they got. He loved them enough to swallow his pride, his anger, and anything else it took to make them proud of him. The problem was his hatred was burning a hole in him so that anytime Bentell’s name was mentioned he was like to blow up. Riding past Jarrod’s office, Heath found himself pulling Charger up short. Without really thinking, the youngest Barkley brother tied the reins to the post. He stroked Charger’s long expansive neck, soothing him with his voice to get up the courage to go inside. Charger’s wet nose on his neck made him feel a little better. Drawing himself up by his bootstraps, Heath Barkley walked into the building…seeking what even he didn’t know.

Jarrod Barkley was being rewarded with a headache for his tenacious work on a particularly ugly case when a knock on his door gave him a much needed reprieve. He stood up walking over to open the door, surprised, but happy to have Heath walk into the room.

“Well, well, Brother Heath, what brings you into town? I thought you and Nick were going to rustle up those cattle on the north range.”

“We were until I lost it with Nick. My fault, Jarrod. I just lost my temper.” Jarrod’s chuckle toned Heath down a little. The oldest Barkley knew how to handle both his younger siblings. Humor always gave Heath a bit of a relief with his intense emotions.

“So what did my rapscallion brother do today to raise your ire, Heath? Not that it takes much with you two,” The lawyer chuckled again.

“It wasn’t his fault, I said,” Heath snapped. He flopped down on the leather seat, then got up and paced again. “I’m sorry, Jarrod. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Maybe I should just go over to the Cattleman’s Club and have a shot or two or three or more…” Jarrod leaned against his desk watching the restless man. Clearly there was something bothering him, something deep inside.

“What exactly did Nick say or do?” he asked careful to keep his voice neutral. The lawyer was taken off guard by the answer.

“He asked me when I was going back up to the logging camp since I hadn’t gone this month. Told him it was none of his damn business.” Jarrod waited, his heart sinking, not at Heath’s words but at the emotional agony clearly written on his face.

Heath could see the calm face of the lawyer brother. If he didn’t know better, he’d swear Jarrod never got mad, but beneath the lawyer’s quiet sophisticated interior, there raged the hot Barkley blood that got all the brothers and even Audra in trouble at times.

“Hell, I don’t know if I should apologize to him, go up to the logging camp or just ride on out of here,” Heath burst out. Now a cold fear came to live with Jarrod. If Heath was thinking of bolting, then he was upset. Walking over to the cupboard on the side of the room, he took out some brandy and poured two shots. Giving one to his brother, he sat down on the leather sofa next to him.

“Want to talk about it?” he offered sipping on the brandy. Heath looked at the brandy, then at Jarrod.

“I think I just bypassed the saloon to avoid getting drunk.”

“It’s one shot, Heath. It won’t kill you. Besides you look like you could use it,” Jarrod encouraged. Heath drank the hot burning liquid. In a way Jarrod was right. The burning in his throat matched the burning in his soul, the burning hatred and anger he felt towards Bentell. The mangy coward who acted as if Carterson had never happened, who thought that Heath would forget the torture, the nightmares, the stench of death, and the young lives destroyed even if they did have the misfortune to survive the prison camp.

“So?” Jarrod encouraged. Heath put his glass down on the table. He put his head in his hands. He was surprised to feel Jarrod’s hand grip the scruff of his neck gently urging him on. The blond shook his head.

“I can’t, Jarrod. I can’t let you all down.”

“Heath? I don’t understand. How could you let us down?” Jarrod’s hand touched his brother’s knee. Heath’s head remained in his hands.

“Don’t!” he ordered. “Don’t touch me. I’m not…” Jarrod was puzzled. He didn’t remove his hand.

“Not, what Heath? What are you thinking?” A knock on the door made both brothers jump. Heath was ready to flee except there was no where to go. The door opened before Jarrod got there. Neither the oldest nor the youngest Barkley brother was surprised to see Nick come into the room, his spurs announcing his arrival.

“Jarrod, Heath. Heath, I figured you’d be at the saloon.”

“Yeah? What’s it to you, Nick.”

“WHAT’S IT TO ME? ARE YOU NUTS? YOU CAN’T JUST WALK OFF AND LEAVE LIKE THAT. YOU WORRIED ME, BOY, AND OUR MOTHER.”

“MOTHER? YOU TOLD HER ABOUT THIS? WHAT IN HELL FOR?” Heath was across the room, pushing Nick up against the wall. Nick didn’t fight back much to Jarrod’s amusement.

“Because she asked!” came the simple answer. “Now Boy if you’ve got something up your craw about Bentell, why don’t you just come out and say so instead of beating around the bush. You’re gonna drive yourself to an early grave at the rate you’re going and frankly I don’t intend to watch you kill yourself because of your stupid pride.”

“Me? Look who’s talking,” Heath retorted letting his brother go in apparent disgust. He walked away. Nick grabbed him and turned him around.

“Boy, I’m going to keep at you. I’m not going to let this go. Now something about Bentell is bothering you. Tell me what it is.”

“I already told you how I feel about Bentell,” Heath shouted. “DID YOU LISTEN? ANY OF YOU? NO! YOU JUST MADE ME SHOW YOU THE GUTS THAT BELONG TO TOM BARKLEY. WELL I’LL TELL YOU I’M ABOUT TAPPED OUT, AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THEN I’LL LEAVE.” Nick stepped back, not stunned, not hurt, only sad, sad to know that he had let his brother down just as his mother had suspected.

“She’s a wise lady,” Nick muttered. Heath and Jarrod exchanged glances.

“Er, what does that mean, Brother Nick?” Jarrod asked with a cautious air. He leaned back against the desk again, his favorite stance when talking to the clients who sought his services.

“It means after I told her what happened, she said she’d been thinking about Bentell. She told me in a way that maybe we were wrong about him and Heath was right.” Heath stared. To have his adopted mother take his side was not something he expected not after her fierce determination to get him to accept Bentell. He sank down on the sofa again.

“I can’t do it anymore,” he finally admitted. “I can’t work with that man.” Nick Barkley, tall, strong, stubborn Nick Barkley didn’t sit next to his brother, his best friend, his partner. Instead he knelt in front of him. Jarrod sat next to the man.

“Heath, why? Why didn’t you tell us how you felt?”

“Tell you how I felt? You all were so fired up about him. How could I tell you I can’t stand the man, that every time I see him I feel like I’m being whipped in Carterson again, that I’d sooner…sooner…” Tears fell from Heath’s blue anguished eyes. He angrily wiped away the tears with his eyes.

“You’d sooner what, Little Brother?” Jarrod wondered.

“There’s no reason for it. He works hard. He’s loyal to the Barkley’s. He’s good with the men. He’s given me no reason here for how I feel. I just can’t help it.”

“Heath, answer me,” Jarrod pushed. “You’d sooner what?” Blue eyes locked on sapphire eyes, refusing to give way. Nick waited.

“I’d sooner be back in Carterson than spend one more day with that man.” The words came out in a mixture of shame and rage. Heath got up ready to leave again. Nick jumped up grabbing him so he couldn’t get to the door.

“Let me go, Nick!” Heath lashed out.

“Or what, Boy? What are you going to do to me? Hit me? Well go ahead. You’re right you know! Mother saw it before I did but you’re right.”

“I agree, Heath,” Jarrod added. “We were wrong. Don’t let our mistake hurt you anymore.”

“The hell you say,” Heath hissed. “You’re just trying to placate me so I’ll keep on with this dirty work.”

Nick tried to pull Heath back to the sofa. The blond brother brushed him off. He had his hand on the door again.

“All right, Heath,” Nick conceded. “If you want to leave, go right ahead, but don’t blame us when you realize what you’re looking for is right here.”

Heath froze. Jarrod walked up behind him. He put his hand on the young man’s shoulder.

“We love you, Heath. There’s no excuse for what we made you do with Bentell. Maybe we didn’t know you well enough. Maybe we didn’t understand the depths of your feelings or maybe we just didn’t appreciate what a strong, courageous man you are. Maybe it was all three of those reasons, but we know you now, and we should have listened to you. Please give us another chance. You mean the world to us, and I know two lovely ladies who wouldn’t ever get over it if you left.” Heath was quiet for a moment. Nick waited almost holding his breath. Slowly their sibling turned around. His face was non-readable, set in stone as if he were keeping his feelings inside, as if he had got them all back together and locked them up far far away so no one could read them.

“You shouldn’t bring Mother and Audra into this,” he said with apparent fatigue.

“Why the hell not?” Nick exploded. A small smile cracked on to the stone face, a twinkle appearing in the sapphire eyes.

“That’s blackmail, pure and simple.” Jarrod’s laugh echoed in the room, to be followed by Nick’s and then Heath’s. Nick pulled his little brother in a hug, slapping him on the back.

“Boy, you scared me to death,” he hollered. “Don’t do that to me.” Jarrod hugged Heath next. The three men stood back, gazing at each other.

“What Nick means, Heath is that next time you have a problem like this, come and talk to us. That’s what big brothers are for.” Heath shook his head.

“Aww now what is that for?” Nick bellowed.

“You two have no idea how difficult it is to spew my guts in front of you.” Jarrod laughed again while Nick glowered facing his brother head on.

“Boy, getting you to say anything about you feel is like talking to a brick wall. Believe me it takes all our combined Barkley blood to get you to talk. We appreciate how hard it is, but you gotta get rid of that mistrust. Jarrod and I are brothers, your brothers. You have a family now, Boy. If you can’t trust us to respect your feelings and help you, than you’re in for one hard lesson.”

“I got that, Nick. But you wouldn’t listen to me before. Why should this time be any different.” Nick hesitated then threw up his hands in defeat. The boy had a point. He waved to Jarrod.

“Counselor, you’re up.” Jarrod took the floor, his common sense trying to help Heath deal with the fact that he wasn’t alone anymore, that he did have people he could lean on…even though they did make mistakes.

“Heath, you’re right again. We didn’t listen last time. But even I can see how this is tearing you up inside. Do you honestly think that the family would chose Bentell over you?” The look of horror on Nick’s face was only matched by the mental torture of Heath’s. Jarrod had hit it on the nose in one sentence. This then was what Heath was afraid of. His very silence was all the answer that was needed.

“Oh, Heath,” Jarrod moaned. Heath turned the doorknob, ashamed, his face red, his tears just under the surface again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry I hurt you all. I’ll…I’ll be gone by morning.”

“Whoa! Hold it right there, Boy.” Nick took the door handle from Heath shutting it slowly. He turned around, blocking Heath’s retreat from the family who loved him. Nick shook his head. Over Heath’s shoulder hazel eyes met blue. Jarrod’s brief nod encouraged him to go on.

“Heath, before I left the ranch, Mother and I had decided that Bentell could be transferred up to our holdings in Oregon, or he can take a hike. Frankly, I don’t care which. We don’t owe him anything.”

“You don’t owe me either, Nick.” A resounding hit in the jaw landed Heath on the floor as Nick’s temper flared. Heath was on his feet again, Jarrod pulling him back by the arms. Heath fought to get free of his oldest brother, but Jarrod held him back.

“None of that, Boys,” Pappy ordered. “Not in my office. You want to fight, take it outside. Nick, apologize.”

“The hell I will.”

“Heath, you apologize.”

“Let me go, Jarrod. I promise I won’t hit him, not yet anyway.” Jarrod released the blond. Heath stood face to face with Nick.

“What was that for?” he demanded.

“Owe? You think we don’t owe you? You’re wrong, Heath. You’re dead wrong.”

“Why’s that?”

“We owe you the same way you owe us, each of us. You owe us your trust, your love and your loyalty. You’re family, Heath Barkley. We owe you no less. Remember Mother’s words when you started to leave cause you thought Charlie Sawyer was your father? She said we were bound by love and hard work. Heath, you gotta learn that if you don’t win one fight with the family, there’s always another time and another place. You gotta keep trying. Running away doesn’t work. You owe us that and we owe you no less. I guarantee you, Bentell does not fit into that equation. He hurt you, Heath, hurt you badly. Your nightmares since he came are proof of that. Heath, we’re sorry, all of us. It’s not like we’re perfect or something. Cause if you looking for perfection, you might as well just walk away right now. You won’t find it here.”

“I reckon I know that,” Heath smirked a little.

“Brat,” Nick snapped. Jarrod grinned seeing that the firefight was over.

“You two proved your point,” Heath admitted. “I just didn’t know I could tell you how I felt.”

“Next time could you just fess up and save us this little charade,” Nick tried. “I’m getting too old to force you to talk Boy.”

“Well if you’d open your ears and listen once in a while,” Heath teased.

“When you’ve got something worth while, Little Brother, I’ll listen,” Nick shot back. The brothers all laughed again. After a round of hugging and back slapping, they decided to get lunch at the Cattlemen’s club. The storm blew over quickly. After lunch, Jarrod got his paperwork and joined his brothers for a leisurely ride home.

“Boys, I think the best way to make Brother Heath feel as though he has as much to speak his mind in this family is to go to the lodge for a few days. I need a break from this ugly case and could use a cool day of leisurely fishing in the mountains.”

“I’ll second that,” Nick put in. “Sounds like heaven to me.”

“Well I don’t rightly know about that, Nick,” Heath answered. “Don’t we got cattle to brand and broncs to bust and the north section to fence?” a wicked grin on his face. Nick gave him a cockeyed look.

“Boy, are you looking to work instead of fish?”

“Not me, Nick, but I know how you always say this is a…”

“Working ranch,” all three siblings laughed.

“And when I say we can take a few days off, we can,” Nick yelled.

“I’ll remember you said that when I catch the biggest trout that river has to offer and you mumble about being back home and working.”

“Jarrod…maybe we should have let him go to the saloon. He’s less cheeky when he’s drunk.”

“He’s just fine, Brother Nick. You leave him be. This is one brother I don’t intend to let out of my sight until I give him a cold dunking in the water so I can knock some sense into that thick head…yours too if I get the chance.”

“Dreamer,” Nick scuffed as they cantered through the gates of the Barkley ranch. Victoria and Audra came running out of the house as their men disembarked. Ciego came to take the horses away. Heath found his sister running into his arms as Victoria hugged Nick and Jarrod.

“Heath!” Audra cried. “I’m so glad you’re home. I made you your favorite dessert and it turned out just fine. Mother said so.” Heath laughed and twirled his sister around before setting her down, letting her know that he was feeling much better compared to when he left.

“Sis, I’ll try it if Mother does first,” he teased. Victoria hugged her youngest son next.

“I’m sorry, Heath,” she apologized. “I’m so sorry.”

“Never you mind, Mother. My big brothers taught me a thing or two today. I’m better now.”

“I love you, Heath,” she told him, touching his face with her tiny hand, drawing him down to kiss his cheek. He kissed her back, hugging her close. Heath felt as secure and happy as he had ever been. His family was learning more about him. No matter what bad things they learned, they still held him in their hearts. Next time he had something to say, he’d be more willing to take a risk, because he knew Nick was right. He had found what he was looking for all his life right here on the Barkley ranch with a family who would never give up on him. He had found a family that really was bound together…by love.

THE END