Finding Grace

by Christy

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Part 1

I rode down the dusty road through the heat, wondering how much further it was to the Barkley ranch. There were so many questions going through my mind that I barely paid attention to the country side around me. My paramount thought was to get to the ranch and hug my brother to me. It had been so long since we had been together, too long. Would he recognize me? I had no doubt as to how he would greet me. His eyes would light up and he’d catch me in his arms and laugh, that golden laugh that always made our mother and I smile. He was our angel, we often teased, our protective angel who tried to keep the harshness of the world off our shoulders, often at the cost of his own self. I was so lost in memories of my childhood with my brother that I didn’t pay much attention to my surroundings. I’d forgotten how solitary the country can be, especially the range. Trouble found me before I realized it as three men caught up with me, surrounding me suddenly by their mounts and bodies. My heart hammered in fear. All three men were dressed in typical cowboy apparel, but they had cold leering eyes. Their intent was clear. These were not men I wanted to talk to. I tried to move around them, to no avail.

“Afternoon, Pretty Lady,” one of them said with a sneer on his evil face

“Excuse me,” I tried politely. “You’re blocking my path.”

“We are?” another man said. “Gee, we’re sorry. Where are you headed Pretty Lady?”

“Please, let me past.” I requested trying to hold on to my dignity, knowing this was not a good position to be in.

“You didn’t answer our question.”

“I’m going to the Barkley ranch,” I told them. What could it hurt, I figured.

“Well that’s a good five miles up the road. Maybe we should escort you, make sure no one accosts a pretty filly like yourself.”

“I’m fine.” One of them reached for my red locks. I pulled back with my horse only to come back against the third man. His hand brushed my shoulder. I reached behind me into my saddle bag, but before I could get my gun, one of the men in front of me pulled up beside my horse and pulled me onto his. I screamed as loud as I could, then ordered him to let me go.

“Oh no, Pretty Lady. You’re much too inviting to leave be.” He said, dropping me to the ground. I jumped up and ran. I was wearing pants and a shirt with boots and a hat, so it was easy to run. They laughed, riding after me. One of them rode up beside me again. This time something hit me in the head. My brain exploded in pain as I fell to my knees, then to the ground. Everything went dark. I felt one of them pick me up and throw me over the saddle of my horse like a bag of wheat. I tried to scream again, but there was no energy. He used a rope to tie me. The terror in my mind was distanced by the confusion and inability to respond to what was happening. Certain they would ravage and then kill me, I wondered what my brother would say when or if he ever found out. I had been so close, so very close, five miles away from the ranch I was told he worked at. Voices entered my consciousness, voices I did not recognize until I heard his.

“Hold it right there, Boys,” a man said. He had a deep authoritative sound. “Where do you think you are going?”

“None of your business,” came the sarcastic reply. “Unless you want some real trouble.”

“Looks like you’re making trouble,” a quieter voice said, his voice, the one I knew as well as my own. I struggled to move, but that only brought more pain. Helpless I could only listen, screaming his name silently to my self in agony.

“She’s just a trollop from town. We’re not hurting her.”

“The hell you aren’t. Now, I think we’ll just be going back to town to talk to the sheriff, after you let her go. Heath, why dontcha help her?” I heard the sound of a pistol being cocked. Shots filled the air until all was silent. I couldn’t see anything. All I could do was hear. I heard the deeper voice cry out in fear.

“Heath! Oh my God, Heath.” What happened, I wondered. What happened to Heath. I screamed then. I screamed his name.

“Heath! Heath, where are you?” Gentle hands untied the restraints that held me to my horse. Lifted down to lie on the ground, I tried to sit up, but the pain was too severe. I couldn’t open my eyes.

“Heath will be all right. You lie still. I’m going back to the ranch to get some help. Do you hear me?”

“Heath,” I whimpered. “Please, where is my brother?”

“Your brother? Miss? Miss, what is your name? Miss, can you answer me?” I shook my head, calling for Heath again. Then the pain became so severe that I couldn’t stay awake. I lost consciousness still looking for the man I had been seeking, still looking for Heath, for the missing part of my soul. The curtain fell and there was nothing left.

* * * * * * * *

Voices reached me again, soft caring voices. Someone had put a cloth on my forehead, a wet cool cloth that helped the pain. I had never felt such all consuming pain unless it was when I was being beaten. The hand that put it there then touched mine.

“What is your name, Child?” the woman asked. Her voice…her tone…was so like my mother’s I wanted to cry. I knew my mother was dead, had been for two years now, long before I came home to find her and my brother. For over twelve years I had missed that angelic presence in my life, twelve years. It was so long I had almost forgotten until I heard her voice.

“Mother, how is she?” the deep voice asked, the same voice I had heard come to my rescue with Heath. She patted my hand then stood up. I felt the mattress release as she stood. I tried to open my eyes, but there was something holding me down, something that would not let me move.

“Oh, Nick. Howard said she took quite a hit to the head. She’s still unconscious. I wish she would wake up and tell us who she is.”

“Mother, Heath will be awake soon. He can tell us I’m sure.”

“You both could have been killed,” she scolded. “But I’m glad you were there to help her. She must have been so terribly frightened.”

“They were animals, Mother. I shudder to think what they might have done to her if we hadn’t come along. We heard her screaming from the north pasture. If we hadn’t…” His words hung in the air. I could have smiled. That was Heath, always the knight in shining armor. He didn’t know it was me then that he had rescued. He would have rescued any woman in distress. But how did he fit into this family? They spoke with respect and caring about my brother. Had he charmed them with his handsome face and golden manners? I could imagine he had.

“Heath,” I mumbled. “Heath!” The picture of my brother’s face came to my mind. The mattress sank again as someone sat there. I felt the lady’s hand. I opened my eyes, looking for her, looking for him. It was dark. It was so dark.

“Hello there,” she said with a smile in her voice. “Are you all right?” I tried to focus, tried to find the light.

“Heath, where’s Heath?” I demanded. “Oh God, please.”

“He’s resting. I promise he’ll be here as he can.”

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” I cried. I don’t know where the thought came from. I just was sure I was too late to see him, too late to give him a hug even though they had just been talking about him.

“No, no,” she answered. “He took a bullet to the shoulder, but he’s going to be just fine. He lost a great deal of blood so he’s sleeping.”

“Thank God,” I breathed. “I looked so long for him. I’ve been to so many places.”

“Well you’re safe now,” the deep voice said. Nick? That was what the lady called him. I closed my eyes.

“Miss? What is your name. Can you tell us your name?” I shook my head. It wasn’t that I didn’t know my name. It was the infernal blackness that was slowly exploding in my brain. I opened my eyes again.

“Where am I?” I asked.

“You’re at the Barkley ranch. This is Heath’s home.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“You have Heath’s eyes,” the lady said. Yes, yes I did. I knew that. We had the same intense blue eyes that our mother envied. Heath was blond while my hair was a dark red, almost brown, but we still had the same facial structure and eyes. Heath had been tall and thin, always thin as a boy. I wondered what he looked like now. Would I ever know I wondered.

“Heath,” I whispered. Tears fell from my eyes as I realized what I had been so loath to admit. I put my hand to my head, trying to stop the pain and find what I had lost.

“Sweetheart, don’t,” the lady said. Sweetheart? She didn’t know me. She only knew Heath. “Your head was hurt pretty severely. The doctor says you have a concussion.” Blinking I nodded.

“When can I see Heath?” I asked.

“He doesn’t know you’re here. He hasn’t been awake enough for that. I know he’ll want to see you right away.”

“We haven’t seen each other since we were children, since…since he went to war.” Nick whistled. The sound was rather pleasant. “Is Heath alone?”

“No, our sister is with him,” Nick informed me. “And the doc.” The woman rubbed my hand.

“Can you tell us your name, Sweetheart? Then we can tell Heath you are here.” The tears came again. I felt almost hysterical as the blackness surrounded me.

“Heath!” I screamed. “Heath, help me.” Sitting up, I felt stronger hands grip mine. They were Nick’s hands, had to be since he was the only one in the room who would have such large hands.

“Missy, it’s all right. There’s no reason to be afraid.” But there was. He didn’t understand. I was so afraid, terrified by the darkness around me. He pushed me back on the bed gently. I struggled until I couldn’t anymore. Once more I called for my brother, and then lost consciousness while her voice rang in my ears.

“Poor child. Nick...get Howard. Get him now.” And once again I was released from my torment, a torment that would not end for a very long time to come.

* * * * * * * *

“Mother, We have to tell Heath about her,” another woman’s voice was saying as I became aware of the world again. “He’s stronger now.”

“Audra, what is he going to do when we tell him that she’s in a coma, that she may not last the night?” I heard the rustling of skirts. The woman was still sitting on the side of the bed, her hand in mine. “It’s been two days and she hasn’t moved.”

“He asked about her. Nick told her she was resting. He admitted we don’t even know her name.” The gentle squeeze on my hand was warm and welcome. Why couldn’t I return the squeeze.

“He’s never mentioned a sister, but it’s clear she’s telling the truth. Why, Audra, why didn’t he tell us?”

“I don’t know, Mother.” I was puzzled by the anguish in the woman’s voice, and in Audra’s. She sounded like a soft soul, innocent, more innocent than me or Heath for sure. The woman sounded strong but vulnerable. They made me feel safe.

“Where has she been? How has she taken care of herself? Oh, Audra, I feel like I did when Heath first came to us.” The skirts rustling sat down on a chair, or so I thought for they were quiet and the voice was closer to my face. The woman’s movement told me perhaps they were holding hands or something. They were close, this mother and daughter, just as I had been with my mother.

“You’ve never spoken of those days,” Audra told her. “You accepted Heath as your own from the first time he had breakfast with us. Remember that silly steak that he and Nick almost fought over.” The musical laughter reminded me of my mother, just as the voice did.

“And Jarrod cut the steak in half so they wouldn’t come to blows over it. I don’t know to this day what would have happened if Jarrod hadn’t intervened.”

“They probably would have come to blows,” Audra giggled. “Heath can be every bit as stubborn as Nick.”

“No he can be more stubborn,” the woman said. “They get that from their father.” A jolt of electricity surged through my soul. Father? What were they saying? Heath and I, we didn’t have a father, not one that we knew of. Mama never said. She never said his name. I tried to tell them I was awake. I was awake, wasn’t I? Oh, why, why couldn’t I tell them they were frightening me?

“Tell me, Mother. What are you feeling?” Her hand squeezed mine again, then let go as she changed the cloth that covered my forehead. I could almost feel her eyes on mine. I don’t know how, but there it was, as if she were staring at me. It made the hair at the back of my head stand up or so it felt.

“Confused, angry, upset. When Heath came I was angry with your father. Oh, we know now he didn’t know about Heath…about either of them I guess. But I didn’t then. I couldn’t believe he would have left Leah with Heath to care for all by herself. Now I’m angry with Heath.”

“Why, Mother?”

“I know he must have a good reason. Your brother is one of the bravest men I’ve ever met. He would no more desert his sister than your father would have deserted his children. What happened, Audra? Oh God, I have to know.”

“Mother, have faith in Heath. From what you and Nick said about when she was awake, it’s clear she loves him. I’m certain Heath loves her. You know Heath. You know how he is with me. He’s…well don’t tell Nick or Jarrod, but he’s my favorite brother. He makes me feel special.” Their words were a mixture of revelation and pure torture. Heath’s father and mine was this woman’s husband? It had to be if Audra was our sister. So that was why Heath lived here. He had found our father. How, I wondered as I lay there. Had our mother told him before she died? Or had he found him, found this family on his own? Oh, Heath, I need to see you, I wanted to cry. But there were no words only the emptiness of a world I could not escape from. Time seemed to fleet and float around me. When next I was aware, I felt a strong hand in mine. It was his. It was his.

“Heath!” I cried out…and still no one heard.

Part 2

I didn’t see the woman on the horse, only her dark auburn hair silhouetted against the sun. With Nick at my side, I knew that woman was in trouble. When the first man drew his weapon, Nick and I fired, dropping two of them instantly. The third fired, and I felt the burning pain in my shoulder throw me off Charger. Hitting the ground stunned me. Nick’s voice cried out after me when two more shots were fired. He knelt beside me. I could barely move for the pain.

“Heath, My God. Heath!”

“Heath,” another voice cried suddenly. “Where are you, Heath?” It had to be the woman we’d been trying to help. I knew that voice. It was my mother’s voice, but my mother, my birth mother who had raised me till I went into the army was dead. I didn’t understand. I tried to sit up. Nick made me lay down. Time was elusive as I went in and out consciousness. I never did see the lady that day. When I was aware of anything, my sister, Audra was sitting with me, and Dr. Merar was digging in my shoulder for the bullet that hit me. My scream of agony must have ripped through the house because the next thing I knew Nick was sitting by my side holding me down.

“Nick, give him this. It’ll help with the pain,” Dr. Merar ordered. He gave Nick a glass with liquid in it. Nick took it and helped me sit up.

“Heath, the doc is just trying to get the bullet out. Here, drink some laudanum.” The liquid was forced to my lips, and I did as my brother instructed.

“Nick, we have to continue. If we don’t get that bullet out, he’s going to bleed to death.”

“Doc, just give him a minute,” Nick pleaded. “He’s doing the best he can.” I looked at Nick.

“What happened?” I asked, my memory of getting shot foggy. There was a bullet in my shoulder. The last thing I remembered was facing some men on the road.

“We were trying to help a lady when you got in the way of bullet. I don’t know how you do that, Boy. If there’s a bullet flying around out there, it always seems to have your name on it.”

“Sorry…to…be…a…nuisance,” I stammered finding myself growing sleepy.

“Little Brother, I just wish you’d stay out of the line of fire. But I reckon that bullet could have found me as well.” I remembered then, the lady being taken away against her will, the dark auburn hair, the voice that called out to me.

“She…all right?”

“Well, they hit her pretty hard on the head. She’s not conscious, Heath, but she’s alive. I think if those animals had at her, she wouldn’t be.”

“Good thing,” I agreed closing my eyes.

“Heath, I’m going to go after the bullet again. It’s going to hurt like the devil,” Dr. Merar told me. I nodded half asleep. In a second I was jolted awake by the knifing sensation that turned my blood to fire. Bolting up, I was stopped by my brother’s hands again. The doctor didn’t stop digging, and the pain made my eyes tear.

“Heath, lay still. You don’t want me to get physical with you, do ya, Boy?”

“Hell,” I mumbled. “Hurts, Nick!”

“Doc, let me try something,” Nick said. He gently pulled me into his arms. Too weak to hold myself up, I laid my head on his left shoulder. He held me with his strong arms. Dr. Merar had clear access to my arm.

“Whatcha doing?” I demanded. “Hugging me?’

“Don’t you go telling people about this,” Nick answered as the doctor dug for the bullet again and my body arched in agony. “You’ll ruin my reputation.”

“Nick!” I screamed. He held me tight, my brother did. A dark cloud started to descend upon me. I felt myself give into the excruciating pain. I heard Nick’s sigh of relief as my head lolled against him.

“That’s right, Little Brother, sleep.” The darkness was a comforting friend and finally I was able to let go just as the doctor dug deeper and sent me into oblivion.

* * * * * * * *

I had a fever for the next few days, I’m told. It was hard to stay awake. Sometimes I’d hear my mother and sister or one of my brothers. Either way, every time I woke, someone was with me. Even Silas, our family friend and servant took his turn wiping down my body with cool clothes while I cried out. I remember calling for her, for my mother and for her…It had been years since I had allowed myself to think of her, to remember how she stole my heart with her lopsided grin and eyes that were a replica of my own. The memory was just too painful. I don’t remember calling her name. When I finally woke, it seemed as if it were all a bad dream. Feeling weak, I laid still listening to my brothers speak.

“What are we going to tell him, Nick,” Jarrod was asking with worry. Opening my eyes, I saw my brothers standing by the door of my bedroom. Jarrod was shorter and not as muscular as Nick, but then Nick loved teasing him about his lily white hands and lawyer’s easy life. Compared to the hard physical labor Nick and I did every day, Jarrod’s physical prowess might have been less, but I admired his lawyer’s mind and logic. Wished I had me as many brains. I moved a little trying to see how safe it was. My arm hurt like hell, but otherwise the pain was tolerable.

“Tell me what?” I asked. I almost laughed when the two of them jumped. Nick was by the bed first. I started to sit up.

“Don’t you dare move, Boy,” he ordered.

”Why not? I’m not dead, Nick, just hurt.”

“You coulda died.”

“I didn’t. Now can you please stop mollycoddling me? Where’s Mother and Audra? I’m surprised they aren’t here.”

“They’re in with our guest. She hasn’t wakened yet.”

“How long has it been?” I wondered.

“Two days. You’ve had a fever. We almost lost you.”

“Feels like I had a fight with a freight train.”

“Want something to drink?” Jarrod offered. I nodded. I moved to sit up again. With a growl of disapproval, Nick put the pillows to my back and helped me lean against them. I took the water with slightly trembling hands and drank it. Cool, refreshing and delightful was the feeling as it went down. I emptied the glass.

“Well, well, I do believe our boy has turned the corner,” Jarrod joked. “Want some broth, Son?”

“Son?” I chuckled. “Pappy, you need some sleep.”

“That I do, Brother Heath that I do. I’ll go down and get you a tray first though. Nick here has something to talk to you about.”

“Coward,” Nick grunted. Jarrod’s blue eyes twinkled.

“Right again, Brother Nick. Heath, I’ll be back.” He almost fled from the room. I knew something was up by the way the two of them were acting. I relaxed against the pillows, feeling exhausted, but hopeful. I hated being sick and Nick knew it. My thoughts were about getting out of bed and getting back to work. I wondered how long my mother would keep me in bed. As if reading my thoughts, the white haired matriarch we all adored appeared at my bedroom door gliding into the room with an angelic smile on her face.

“Heath! Jarrod told us you were awake. Oh, Sweetheart, we were so worried.” I gave her a grin back as she sat down beside me. Was I imagining things or was Nick relieved to have her come into the room? I knew my brother. He was.

“I’m sorry, Mother. I guess I have to watch out when Nick and I are trying to rescue ladies in distress. How is our friend?”

“She’s still quite sick, Heath, but we’re hopeful.”

“What happened to her?” I wondered. “Something with her head?”

“Those animals hit her hard,” Nick ground out. “They would have done worse if we hadn’t come along.”

“What was she doing out there by herself?”

“Heath. Audra goes out by herself all the time. So do I,” Mother put in. I sighed. That was true.

“Do you know her name or where she came from or where she was going?”

“Little Brother you have a lot of questions.”

“Well, what did you find out about her? If I know Jarrod, he’s already given her the third degree, even it was nicely.”

“We haven’t learned much,” Mother replied. “She’s been unconscious most of the time. Heath, she says she knows you. She was coming to see you I think.” I looked into the deep gray eyes of the mother I adored. Her beauty wasn’t just in her aristocratic dignified face. It was in her heart, the heart she had opened up to me when I entered her life. She had accepted me unconditionally, loved me as only a mother could. Now I could see. She was upset, worried that I was going to be hurt. I touched her face.

“Mother, tell me,” I encouraged. “Who is she? I heard her call my name. Her voice…it sounded…like my mother’s.” Mother looked back at Nick. He sat on the bed as well. Their eyes spoke volumes. Whoever the woman was, she must be a significant part of my past. There was so much the family didn’t know. Who was she?

“Mother?” Now she squeezed my hand, her eyes never leaving mine as her voice cracked with emotion, with a sound of love that she reserved only for her children, a sound that made me want to help her until I realized what she had said.

“Heath, she said she’s your sister. She said you’ve been separated since the war.” The crackle of words from this woman, this woman who would never hurt me cut through my heart as sure as any knife. I shook my head in denial, the anger and the rage growing within me.

“No!” I blurted out in denial. “No it’s not true. It’s a lie.” I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to swim through the rising tide that was drowning me in grief. “No!”

“Heath, I don’t think she’s lying,” Nick told me. “Do we have another sister?” Nick’s hazel eyes never lied either. My brother was a man of honor and courage. I saw the hair, that dark reddish brown hair, the slender smaller figure in pants and shirt that had been slung over the horse. It couldn’t have been her, could it.

“You’re serious?” I asked then, more in shock than not.

“Heath!” Nick exploded. “Yes or no?” I looked past my mother and brother, conjuring up the sister I had lost so long ago. With a nod, I wondered what kept me in the bed, why I didn’t bolt to go to her. Mother squeezed my hand again.

“Heath, you never said. Why?” Her voice cracked again. It was easy to see how difficult this was for her. I knew what she was thinking. If it was true, if my sister was here, then I had left her, deserted her, forgotten my responsibility. I shook my head again.

“Has she said her name?” I demanded. “What is her name?”

“She can’t tell us, Heath, but she has your eyes. She has your father’s eyes.” I closed my eyes then. Yes, Grace did have my eyes. Her real name was Grace Ann, but when we started to talk as toddlers, I called her Grace and Mama followed suit. Grace was small and the name fit her. Mother and Nick waited till I could control my emotions and tell them the truth, tell them what they needed to hear, and why…why Grace had to come to me instead of the other way around.

“We always protected each other, Grace and me. You know it was good to have each other against the town. I never thought we would ever be separated, because there was always the three of us…until that day Grace insisted on taking a job in Sonora, working as a nursemaid for a rich man’s children. We were only thirteen. Grace knew I was thinking of going to war. We talked about it. I didn’t want her to go, but she’s so stubborn.” Nick couldn’t hold back a chuckle. Mother smiled. I rolled my eyes a little and went on. “There was a stagecoach wreck, and all the passengers were killed, or so we were told. I was only thirteen. I should have checked but they told us…Oh God, what have I done? We never recovered her body. I ran away as soon as I heard the news.”

“Heath,” Mother breathed. I burst into tears. I couldn’t help it. She held me in her arms, this tiny woman whose heart was part of mine. If I ever had a wife, I always hoped she would love our children as Mother loved hers. Her hand rubbed my back. I sobbed until the tears were gone.

“Heath, why? Why didn’t you ever mention her? We could have helped you,” Nick offered. “She was our sister.” My eyes blazed at my older brother.

“She was my sister,” I snapped.

“No, Heath. She was our sister. We had a right to know her, to know about her anyway, what she was like, what she meant to you, what she could have meant to us,” Nick scolded. I sat back. He was right. Yes, he was.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “It was so painful. When she died, I was so angry and so hurt. I couldn’t believe she would leave me. Now I find out, I’m the one who left her. Oh, God. I have to see her Mother. Now, right now.” For once my petite parent did not argue with me. She looked to Nick. He nodded.

“I’ll help him. Don’t plan to argue with him anyway, but Boy if you feel faint or tired, you damn well better tell me.”

“Nick, your language,” Mother scolded.

“Now, Mother,” Nick interceded. She stood up, hugging Nick a little then looking back at me.

“I have to go and let Audra know you are coming. Heath, Grace, is that her name?”

“Yes.”

“Grace is in a coma. She hasn’t been awake for two days. You have to understand. She may never wake up.” I stared at her in horror. My heart sank to the ground. Had she found us only to leave us? She didn’t know, did she? Did she know of the family that I had found. No, this could not happen.

“Oh, Heath,” Her ache was evident. I could see Mother had already accepted Grace as her own child, just as she had with me. Knowing she might lose that child was already killing her.

“Mother, if Grace got this far, we’ll help her make it the rest of the way. We have to,” I insisted, mostly out of desperation. Grace! The very thought of her sent me to remembering the past. I shook my head to come back to the present. Mother nodded as she left. Nick stepped forward to help me get out of bed.

“Little Brother, you sure are full of mysteries,” he teased. “A little sister. What a surprise.”

“For you and me both,” I muttered. “Nick, are you sure it’s her.”

“Well, Boy, how many people have Father’s eyes and call themselves your sister? All she’s done from the moment we found her is call for you. If she’s an imposter, she’s a pretty good one.” My heart leaped from the floor to the ceiling. My sister was alive. Grace. I wouldn’t believe it until I saw her.

“Hurry up, Nick, let’s go.”

“Take it easy, Little Brother.” He helped me put on some sleeping pants and a robe and slippers. I was dizzy when I stood. Leaning against Nick, I followed him down the hall. We went to the bathroom first, then into the guest room where Mother and Audra were waiting. Audra hurried to me.

“Heath! You look so much better.” She hugged me lightly, probably afraid to break me. Audra’s innocence and caring was her most enduring trait beyond her beauty. I grinned at her.

“Thanks, Sis. I love you too.” I looked over to the bed where Grace lay. Nick and I walked over to the bed. Mother stood near by. I didn’t know where Jarrod was. My first glimpse of her face was one of awe. I stumbled a little in my shock.

“Steady there, Boy,” Nick encouraged holding me up. I nodded, mute, unable to put into words the sense of amazement I felt at that moment. Her face, her hair, her eyes, albeit closed, were all Grace. Her tiny figure and small form were covered by blankets, but it was clear to see she was a little thing. She probably hadn’t grown much since I’d seen her last. In fact she looked quite young, barely grown. At the same time she had matured, come into her own if you will. Sitting down on the bed, I felt the tears in my eyes again.

“What have I done, Grace? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Heath, it’s not your fault,” Mother reminded me. I shook my head at her.

“I should have found her. I should have known. She’s my twin!” The anguish in my soul was something I hadn’t felt since the day I thought she died, since a part of my heart died with her.

“Heath, don’t,” Nick pleaded.

“How can I not?” I cried back. My gaze returned to the pale color of my sister’s face. Her laughter, her secrets, her soul pounded me with recrimination, though if I knew Grace, she would never blame me for this. She never blamed anyone, not even our father for her suffering. It wasn’t that she was unselfishly brave or anything, more like realistic.

“It’s just the way it is, Heath. Why must you rail so at everything?” She would ask, then work to calm me down so I would be less resentful towards the old man who had left our mother to struggle so in raising two children on her own. There was peacefulness about both my mother and Grace, as if they accepted life, not half empty as I did, but 3/4^th full. Their faith and hope got us through many a difficult day…until that dark day I thought my twin was gone. I took her little hand in my own, the hand that was like our mother’s, and squeezed it.

“Grace? Grace, it’s Heath. I’m here. I’m not leaving you. I promise, I’m never going to leave you again. You’re home now. Grace? Grace, please wake up.” She didn’t move, didn’t respond. I laid my head down on the bed, sobbing my pain. I couldn’t lose her now. I couldn’t.

Part 3

“Heath!” Oh what a relief it was to hear my own voice again. No longer trapped in the body that wouldn’t respond, I tried to find Heath’s golden head, to reassure him as he sobbed his fears at my bedside.

“Heath! She’s awake,” the lady’s voice informed him with evident relief. He moved, his hand touching my cheek. Leaning into it, I wanted nothing more than to meet his gaze, to read his emotions as we always did with each other. Instead I had to be content to know his love was in the tears and the hand that comforted me.

“Grace? Gracey can ya hear me?” his voice asked. Heath! It was Heath. Oh God, my brother, my twin. I forced a smile on to my face.

“I hear you, Brother of mine. I’m awake. Heath! I never thought I’d see you again.”

“You never thought...Sisi…” He wasn’t much of a one for words, Heath wasn’t. For a second neither of us could talk. I could hear Heath start, and then stop. I didn’t know what to say. It had been so long.

“I’m sorry, Sisi. I should have known…I should have looked for you, but I thought…Uncle Matt said everyone was killed in that stagecoach wreck, that they buried all the passengers quickly because of the heat. He brought back your bag. I left the next day for the war. I’m sorry. If it wasn’t for me, you would never have been on that stage.”

“Heath Thomson, what are you talking about?” I demanded, cringing back as my head sent slivers of pain shouting to me.

“Grace? Take it easy.”

“Help me sit up, Heath,” I asked him.

“Are you sure?”

“You going to argue with me?” I dared. I heard the lady giggle behind Heath. Together, Heath and I got me to a sitting position with pillows supporting my head. Suddenly Heath grabbed my hand.

“Mother…Mother get Dr. Merar quick.”

“What is it, Heath?” she asked with concern. Heath’s voice turned to my direction.

“Gracey?” He knew. In that instant I could tell he had guessed what I was keeping from him or maybe just wasn’t admitting. “Can you see me? I just flashed my hand over your eyes and you didn’t blink.”

“Dear God,” the lady breathed. Her fear hung in the air, mixing with mine. Heath called her Mother. I remembered the girl, Audra talking to her. Audra said Heath was her brother. I was confused, confused and frightened. Heath’s grip on my wrist tightened.

“Grace!” I shook my head, unable to speak, unable to put into words the horror that ate at me each time I had awakened since that man had hit me over the head. I felt Heath hug me to him. His strength broke down my own defenses. I couldn’t keep in the devastation I felt anymore.

“Hold me,” I begged. “Oh please Heath. It’s so dark and empty.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he demanded. “Mother!”

“Heath, Dr. Merar is due back in a little while. By the time one of the hands goes to town, he’ll be here. You need to calm down.” His body trembled along with mine. We held on to each other for dear life.

“Don’t leave me, Heath. Please don’t leave me. I’m so scared.” I was suddenly exhausted. The pain in my head was becoming overwhelming. “It hurts.”

“Mother, give me that medicine that Dr. Merar left,” Heath ordered. The skirts moved effortlessly, and Heath handed me a glass. He held it in my hands, helping me find my lips. His hands trembled still. So did mine. The intensity of our reunion and this…this infirmity was affecting us dramatically and small wonder. I drank the water in the glass down. It was bitter, probably with the medicine that Heath mentioned. I trusted Heath implicitly. He would never hurt me. He took the glass when I was finished, then gathered me in his arms again. I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“Oh, Gracey,” Heath moaned. There were no words to say. I heard the swish of the skirts again. The mattress moved as the lady sat down, behind my brother. I could feel Heath relax a little as he held me. Her hand touched my hair, then went down and I think she was rubbing his back. That’s what it sounded like. I wondered about her among other things as I let the medicine take affect. She was so kind, so caring to Heath. Her love for him was evident and she won my heart just by her actions.

“Don’t leave me, Heath,” I begged again. “I’m afraid.” The vulnerability in my heart and the logic in my mind were at odds. Those moments were scary, hopeful, devastating and loving all at the same time. Heath’s hand brushed my hair gently.

“I’m here, Sisi,” he said, his tone warm, surrounding me with his love. His nickname relaxed me further. Sisi. How long had it been since I heard that name? I fell asleep in his arms, in my twin’s safe haven. Heath’s words gave me the peace I needed to sleep.

“I’ll never leave you, Sisi. I promise. I’ll never leave you.”

* * * * * * * *

“Heath!” I screamed waking up, sitting up in bed. “Heath!” Where was he? Where was my brother? His arms around me held me close as I screamed.

“Heath, hold me. It’s so dark. Where are you?” The nightmare was real. I was blind. I was never going to see my brother’s rugged lopsided grin again. I didn’t cry. I only leaned against him.

“I’m here, Grace. It’s gonna be okay.” I heard footsteps running, and again the swish of skirts.

“Heath?”

“She’s okay, Mother. It was just a nightmare,” Heath explained.

“I thought you were gone again,” I cried, holding back the tears.

“I just found you, Sisi.”

“Sisi. You’re the only one who ever used that name,” I mused.

“How do you feel, Grace?” the lady asked. I pulled away from Heath. The pillows magically appeared and I laid back on them. Closing my eyes for a second, I assessed my body for pain.

“The headache is still there,” I admitted. “But I feel stronger.”

“Could you eat something, some broth and toast?” she went on.

“Yes, I think so. I’m a little hungry.”

“Good Girl,” she complimented. “I’ll go downstairs and fix a tray.”

“Mother, can you tell Jarrod she’s awake. I think he might be able to help her more than we can.”

“Of course, Sweetheart,” she answered simply. I heard her kiss, and then was amazed to have her kiss my forehead as well.

“You’re home now, Grace,” she assured me. “We’re going to help you all we can, and you’re going to be just fine.” She was gone so quickly. Heath chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” I demanded.

“You are. You should see your face. I can tell Mother took you by surprise.”

“She sounds just like Mama.”

“So do you,” Heath told me.

“Do I?” This was a surprise. I’d never thought of it. I took pleasure in the compliment.

“More than you know.” He went on.

“You called her Mother, Heath. I heard a girl. Her name was Audra. She said you were her brother.” I commented. “I don’t understand.” Heath’s sigh was heavy in the air.

“You heard that?” he wondered.

“Yes.”

“I’m not sure how to start,” he hesitated. “There’s so much to tell.” More than anything I yearned to see his face, to be able to know what he was thinking. Heath was a complex person, filled with a configuration of pride, anger, and hate. In between was the love he showered on Mama and me. Leaning forward, I found his smooth cheek. There was a calmness about him, something different, something that had been missing from him when we were children. With a shock I realized how my brother had changed.

“You’re happy,” I accused with delight. “You’re actually happy. I never thought I’d see the day when Heath Thomson was anything but angry and hurt. Oh, tell me, Heath, tell me quick.” I clapped my hands in hope. He laughed.

“You still wear your heart on your sleeve, Sisi,” he teased.

“Hush,” I told him. “Tell me the story.” So he told me how Mama confessed our father’s identity on her death bed and how he came to the ranch. He told me how angry he was and how Nick was suspicious of him. I remembered Nick’s voice from before. I nodded encouraging him to go on.

“That brother of ours. He sure didn’t expect me to tell him I was Tom Barkley’s bastard son. He dragged me into the house yelling for brothers Jarrod and Eugene. They came spilling down the stairs in the middle of the night. I broke a bottle of liquor and flashed it at them, telling them this was going to be peaceable or else.” I laughed, unable to contain myself.

“You’re impossible,” I scolded. “I can just see you, your hair a little wild, your body all askew and daring any of them to touch you.” Heath’s chuckle made me giggle again.

“That about sums it up,” he admitted. “Well they about kicked me out. Jarrod offered me $400, and I sunk the money into a glass of scotch.” I laughed again. That was Heath, angry and sullen, yet so sure of what was right and wrong. From the time we were little he wanted a real family. I wondered if the Barkley’s understood that. As if reading my mind he confessed to the truth.

“They didn’t know, Grace. They didn’t know how much I wanted to belong, to be Tom Barkley’s son, not because of the wealth or the ranch or the name.”

“You wanted them,” I told him. “I know, Heath. I know. When I arrived in Stockton, I heard the Barkley’s had a large spread. Heath, I thought you were working for them.”

“He does work for us,” Nick Barkley’s voice bellowed. “He works damn hard and earns his keep too, dontcha, Boy?” Heath chuckled.

“Reckon I do, Nick. Reckon I do. Grace, this big lout is our brother, Nick. He’s loud and blunt, but he’s my best friend as well as our brother. Nick, this is Grace, and if you don’t treat her with the same respect you do, Audra, I reckon we’ll need to have us a tussle in the barn.”

“Little Brother, you know me better than that, and I can beat you any day of the week. Little Sister, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I bet I’ve got me a hundred questions to ask about our brother.” The big hand in mine was warm and friendly. He was a big man I could tell and loud as Heath said, but it was clear Heath adored him.

“You can beat me?” Heath challenged. “You and who’s army? That’s like saying you can beat me at poker.”

“Oh, Heath, you don’t still play poker do you?” I wondered. “Nick you shouldn’t encourage him.” Half of me was teasing. Half of me was scolding. Heath loved to play poker. He played every spare minute he had with me, sure that someday he’d make a fortune at the game. Thing was, Mama didn’t approve of gambling and if she caught us, we’d both have to memorize bible verses.

“Now don’t go starting, Sisi,” Heath replied before he could think.

“I wouldn’t dream of it…Sassy,” I teased back. Heath stiffened next to me.

“Brat,” he hissed. I laughed.

“Sassy? She called you Sassy? You? This I gotta hear,” Nick hollered.

“Not from me,” Heath retorted. “And not from Grace either. Sisi, you are in big trouble.”

“From you and who’s army,” I grinned.

“Little Sister, I think we’re going to get along just fine,” Nick assured me. He was standing not far away, his voice high in the air. I nodded to him.

“I hope so, Nick. I’m kind of stunned, so if you’ll bear with me.”

“Not a problem. Heath, I’m going out to Sky Meadow to work on some fence posts. You better get your lazy butt back to bed before Mother gives you what for.”

“Soon as Mother comes back with Grace’s broth. As for lazy butts, you’re the one who’s lounging about.” Heath gave Nick as good as he got. Nick grumbled and said good bye with a snap. I shook my head.

“Is he always like that?”

“Usually. He’s got a heart of gold, Grace and he’d do anything for us.”

“They don’t know me, Heath,” I reminded him. “Besides which…I’ll be a burden.” I could be honest with him. I had supported myself all these years, since I turned sixteen. I didn’t want to be anyone’s responsibility. That’s not why I looked for Heath. I only wanted to be with my brother again. Heath’s hand touched my cheek again.

“Sisi, you could never be a burden, never to me, and I know you won’t be to them. You’re going to see again, you wait. As for Nick, he took the longest to accept me, but once he did, well he’s like the rock of Gibraltar that Mama used to tell us about. He never breaks.”

“I’m so glad you found him, Heath. I’m glad you found them. I don’t have to see you to know how good they are for you.”

“Grace, remember how I used to talk about having a big brother and how I wanted you and Mama to have a fine home and people to take care of you.”

“Course I do. You were the most intense little boy. You were bound and determined you’d find a family some day, but only one that would accept you for who you were.”

“The Barkley’s are that family, Gracey. They don’t just care about ya, they smother you in love.” Smothering Heath in love, something he so desperately needed. Mama tried to give him the love he needed. So did I. In the end, I knew we both came up short. He needed a father. Now he had Jarrod and Nick and Eugene, a name I hadn’t heard yet. He went on to tell me a little more about each one of the family members. He was so sure of them. I wasn’t. Heath was a boy, a son to carry on the Barkley family name. He was a charmer a person you couldn’t resist. I was just a girl, Tom Barkley’s bastard daughter. Mama never let us think of ourselves as bastards. Heath was her golden child. I was her little princess. Even with our hardscrabble existence she made us feel so special and always wanted. But here…what would the Barkley’s think of me, I wondered. I wasn’t as special as Heath and I definitely didn’t have his charm.

“Time to eat,” Mrs. Barkley announced flowing in to the bedroom again as Heath stopped talking. I heard a tray being set on a table. Movements I might not have noticed before suddenly told me where people were. It was as if my ears were showing me how to acclimate to a world that I was lost in. The thought was a little comforting. Heath stood up. I heard more footsteps come into the room.

“Mother, Heath? I heard my new sister is awake and talking,” a gentle voice said. I tried to place it with Nick and Heath. Heath was quieter. Nick was blunt. This man sounded not neutral, but just in between the two. I was suddenly shy.

“She’s awake. This is our sister, Grace, Jarrod. Gracey, Jarrod is the oldest. We call him Pappy cause he takes care of us, all of us, right, Mother?”

“Every day,” his mother said. “Jarrod is our wise one.”

“Sometimes, Lovely Lady,” Jarrod chuckled. “I make my fair share of mistakes. Don’t listen to them, Grace. I’m just your average mortal man.”

“Spoken from the lips of a fancy lawyer,” Heath teased. I giggled again at my twin. He was so obviously thrilled to be a part of this family, it made my heart overflow. Even if they never accepted me, my happiness would be in knowing that my twin had the family he deserved.

“That’s a happy sound,” Jarrod observed.

“Yes, it is,” Heath agreed. “I’m so glad to hear it.”

“Flatterer,” I told him. “Didn’t Nick tell you to get some rest?”

“What does he know?”

“He knows when you are exhausted,” Mrs. Barkley scolded. “Off to bed with you. You’ve been up all night and you’re not well yourself.”

“Aw Mother! I’m fine.”

“Heath Barkley, you are not going to argue with me, are you?” The surprise in the mother’s voice was so stunning, I smothered another laugh. She did sound just like Mama.

“No Ma’am,” Heath muttered in resignation. “Not an argument I’d win.”

“Good night, Brother Heath,” Jarrod joshed. Again I heard a kiss being given to someone. I’d guessed it was Heath kissing his mother. Then he bent down and kissed my cheek.

“I’ll be back, Sisi. I promise you won’t be alone as long as Mother or one of our siblings is here. They’ll take good care of you or else.”

“Heath,” Mrs. Barkley blurted with indignation.

“Just kidding, Mother.”

“I love you, Heath,” I told my brother, reaching out for him. He took my hand, and kissed it.

“Of course you do, Sisi. I love you too.” His roundabout way of admitting he cared for me were words that again went back to childhood. We were so sure of each other. There was comfort in knowing that had not changed. Nor would it I knew as I sat there. My brother, my twin was still part of my soul. He left the room, his footsteps slow and heavy.

“He’s still hurting,” I said.

“Yes, he is,” the mother admitted. She sat down on the bed with me. She took my hand and gave me a cup. It was warm, but not too hot.

“This is some broth. I put it in a cup so it would be easier to drink. I asked Jarrod to come in and talk with us because he was blinded in an accident about a year ago.” I almost dropped the cup in my surprise.

“Jarrod?” I wondered.

“Oh, I can see now,” Jarrod assured me. “I was lucky, and I’m hoping you will be too.” His empathy choked me in fear. I drank the broth careful to not spill on the bed, avoiding an answer.

“Grace, I know how you feel,” he said. “I know how scared you are.” I still didn’t want to answer. “Dr. Merar, our family doctor was here while you were sleeping. He doesn’t know if the blindness will be temporary or permanent, but either way, I’m going to help you all I can.”

“You don’t understand,” I tried. “You got your sight back.”

“I do understand, Grace. I didn’t know I would see for a while. I had to accept that I might be blind forever. My mother and the family taught me if I couldn’t live with that, well then it didn’t matter if I saw again or not.” I still sipped at the broth.

“It’s all right, Little Lady. You don’t have to say anything. We’ll talk later. Just so you know you aren’t alone in this. Don’t fight it the way I did. I was so angry and hurt and afraid, I wouldn’t let anyone in for awhile.”

“He was very brave…,” his mother complimented. “He even tried a case in court.”

“While you were blind?” I asked in surprise. “You could do that?”

“After Nick and Heath helped me learn the courtroom. They made me memorize every inch of it. Two cowboys dressed in fine suits in a “La de da,” courtroom as Heath called it. I still wish I could have seen what they looked like.”

“I’d like to see Heath in a suit,” I admitted. Jarrod was very sincere in what he said. His words were more reassuring than he knew, but they didn’t take away the infinite black that surrounded me.

“Jarrod?”

“Yes, Little Lady?”

“How do you…get used to the…there’s no light. It’s like there’s this pit that’s swallowed me up and no matter how I try, I can’t crawl to the top.” I heard the lady gasp. Jarrod patted my hand.

“That’s exactly how it feels, doesn’t it? I don’t know if it’s a matter of getting used to it, or letting the world around you bring you the light.”

“What do you mean?”

“Light doesn’t come from your eyes, Little Lady. It comes from your heart and the people around you. It comes from what your senses tell you, what you hear, what you smell, or taste or most importantly feel. Our family surrounded me with love and support. They dared me to face my blindness head on instead of wallowing in my self-pity. So I learned to let the light in through them. Do you understand?” I swallowed hard. Heath and Mama had always been my light. I knew what he meant, but that didn’t change how I felt.

“If I said I was terrified, do you think Heath would be ashamed of me.” His hand touched my cheek. Like Heath, he bent down and kissed my forehead.

“Not at all, Little Lady.”

“Why do you call me that?” I wondered out loud. Jarrod’s chuckle joined his mother’s laugh.

“It’s an automatic nickname I gave Audra. Is it all right?”

“Yes. I guess I like it.”

“I’m going to leave Mother with you. We’ll talk later. I promise, Little Lady, we’ll be here.” They knew. They knew how important it was for me to not be left alone in the dark. It was so lethal to me, or so it seemed. If I was left alone I would fall into that abyss.

“Thank-you, Jarrod.”

“You’re welcome, Grace.” Mrs. Barkley came to sit where Jarrod had been. She took away the empty cup and put it on the tray. She handed me another one.

“This is some iced tea. I thought you might like some.”

“I’m full,” I answered a little petulantly. I don’t know how it came out that way, but it did.

“Drink it anyway, for me,” she pleaded nicely. What could I do? I drank it as I had the broth, sipping a little at a time, and holding it, an object I couldn’t see.

“Are you tired, Grace?” she asked, the musical voice filling my mind making me think my mama was sitting in front of me. I nodded.

“A little, but I’m afraid to go back to sleep.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I wish Heath were here.”

“Oh, Sweetheart. He needs his sleep.”

“I know he does. I’m not selfish. At least I try not to be. When I can, I’ll get back to my job in San Francisco, or something. I just came to find Heath.”

“You sound like Heath did when he first came,” she observed.

“I don’t want to be a burden. Heath is happy here. He loves you all so much. It’s clear as day. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.”

“How long have you been looking for him?” I gave her back the glass, the tea half gone. I was too queasy to drink more. She didn’t object. Leaning back against the pillows, my head felt more comfortable and my stomach settled a little. I fiddled with the soft sheets.

“I knew my mama and Heath probably thought I had died in that stagecoach accident. It’s a long story, Ma’am, one better saved. I finally got up the nerve to go to Strawberry about eighteen months ago. I found my mama’s grave and the marker they put up for me. I was physically sick. It finally hit me how wrong I had been not to go home to her before. I should have. I should have…” I burst into tears. There was so much they could never understand. The accident that wasn’t, the life that I had endured, the nightmares that haunted me. The mother Heath loved hugged me close until I was calm.

“So you want to run away again?” she asked. My head shot up. I could feel my temper raising. What did she know? What did she know about anything.

“I’m not running away. I’ve taken care of myself since I was thirteen. I don’t need help.” The musical laughter rang out. I wasn’t offended by the laugh though I should have been. I put my hands over my chest in a defensive motion, wishing I could just go to sleep.

“Grace, you sound just like Heath when he first came to us. Oh, he wanted to be part of this family. He fought his way into the family with a stubborn tenacity that he could only get from your father. Then when he was part of the family, he fought accepting our support and love. He was so independent, he almost left us a few times.”

“What made him stay?”

“His own desire, I think. He wanted so badly to belong.”

“He’s very special,” I commented.

“I have a feeling you are as special as he is. We love him, Grace. We love him more than we ever thought possible. Now, we’ve been down that road of fighting to bring Heath into the family. We’ll do the same with you if we have to.”

“Why does it matter so?” I wondered. “I’m not your child.”

“Good Lord. You are a Barkley. Stubborn, prideful and determined to do things your own way. Sweetheart, you are my child as much as Heath is, as much as Jarrod, Nick, Audra and Gene. There is no argument. It’s just the way it is.”

“I can see you are a very forgiving woman.”

“Forgiving? No, Grace. Forgiving has nothing to do with it. You and Heath seem to carry blame for what happened between your mother and my Tom. The truth is you are no more to blame than the other children. You were born of a love that I think was meant to be. Tom had amnesia when he was with your mother. He didn’t know who he was. He loved her, Grace, and you children were born of that love.” I couldn’t help my hand going to my mouth to stifle a gasp.

“I didn’t know. Mama never said.”

“Well now you do. You and Heath are innocent. Each of you carries part of each one of your parents and you should be proud of that. From what Heath has told me your mother was a very brave and strong woman.”

“Yes she was.” I agreed.

“Grace, please don’t think of leaving here. We don’t know if you are going to see again, but no matter what happens, this will always be your home. You deserve to be here as much as I do or your brothers and sister. Do you understand me?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“Mother, you’d better nip that in the bud or it’s going to be a long time before you get her to say Mother,” a happy voice interrupted. I heard more skirts swishing into the room. I didn’t really hear footsteps. I wondered if these women just glided everywhere and how they came to be so graceful.

“Audra,” Mrs. Barkley stood. Her tone with her daughter was as warm and caring as it was with me or Heath or Jarrod. This lady was a true mother. I knew I couldn’t doubt her words, but I was still afraid.

“Hello, Sister,” Audra said. “I checked in on Heath. He actually is sleeping.”

“Good. He needs it.”

“Mother, I’m going to the orphanage. Is there anything I can get you in town?”

“No, Sweetheart. You might check with Silas.”

“I already did. He gave me a list.” A soft hand touched mine comfortably.

“Sister, you have no idea how thrilled I am to welcome you home. I can’t wait to hear about Heath and you. I’ll be back later this afternoon.” She was gone before I could reply. The children all reminded me of Heath and myself, always on the go, always busy. Even now, sitting in bed was getting on my nerves, but I didn’t have much choice. Much movement still gave me a headache.

“You are very fortunate,” I murmured.

“Indeed,” Mrs. Barkley agreed. “Sweetheart, you look as though you’re about to fall asleep. Why don’t you lay down?” I nodded too tired to argue. There was so much to think about. She helped me position myself in bed. Then she sat next to me again.

“I won’t leave till you go to sleep,” she promised.

“I was wondering. Audra said she was going to an orphanage. Where is that?”

“In Stockton. Audra and I are involved in raising funds and taking care of about thirty children there. Audra volunteers at least once a week. Heath helps when he can.”

“I bet he’s good with the children,” I guessed. “He was always good with horses.” Mrs. Barkley giggled again.

“Horses and children. Yes, Heath is good with the children and he has a way with horses that stumps even Nick.”

“Sometimes,” I admitted sleepily. “Sometimes it seems so long since Heath and I were together that I was afraid I wouldn’t connect with him, but I did. He’s still my twin. He’s…part of me.”

“We’re all part of you, Sweetheart. You’ll find that out.”

“I could help,” I said, reaching out with my hand again into the dark void that actually seemed to shed some light when Mrs. Barkley took my hand.

“You could help? With what dear?”

“The orphanage. I’m a teacher. That’s how I earned my living. I could teach…after someone teaches me.” Her hand squeezed mine.

“I think Leah Thomson raised the finest children I’ve ever met,” she complimented.

“I think you raised some fine ones too, Ma’am.”

“Grace, Audra’s right. Heath called me Ma’am forever. I’d appreciate it if you would call me Mother or Victoria. I want to be your mother, if you’ll give me a chance. I like to think your mother already approves.” I smiled snuggling into the bed, still holding on to her hand.

“If Heath is happy, she approves,” I assured her. “Thank-you…” I couldn’t quite call her mother at that moment. I wanted to. She still held my hand as drowsiness took over. Mrs. Barkley’s love was like a blanket warming the cold apprehension that still gripped me. Jarrod’s words and her presence gave me comfort, along with the knowledge that Heath was down the hall. Somehow, despite the tragedy that had befallen me, this family hadn’t lied. I had come home. After all the years of wandering, of not having anyone to call my own, I was home. There was a light in the corner of my eye, a light that Jarrod assured me would grow, not so that I would necessarily see again, but so that I would survive and maybe, just maybe be myself again. In finding my brother, the other half of my soul, I had found a home. I fell asleep more secure and happier than I had been in twelve years. The Barkley’s had saved my life…and in the end they had helped me to find myself through God's Grace that could even light my way in a world of darkness.

THE END