Last Train to the Fair

(An Alternative Story)

by Christy

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Part 1

September 1876

On a Train bound from Stockton to Sacramento

Heath Barkley figured that the tension in the Barkley car was so thick and hot, that if nitroglycerine had been on board, it would have exploded. He kept trying to ease his little sister’s suffering with his prayers, but all to no avail. Instead he watched the doctor giving Audra some laudanum for the pain. Standing up, the man joined the three Barkley brothers for a quick consult.

“Doctor, she’s in so much pain,” Nick Barkley railed. The tall dark cowboy was up against something he couldn’t control. Every time Audra cried out it was like a knife cutting into his very soul.

“Yes, the pain is escalating rapidly. I’m afraid we’re going to have to do surgery before we get to Sacramento. I don’t think she’ll make it otherwise.”

“Can you do the surgery?” Jarrod asked in a grim tone. The lawyer was still stunned by his sister’s sudden illness. She seemed fine when they left the house, excited about the pickled cucumbers she planned to enter in State Fair in Sacramento. After a short time on the train, she had given away the pain she was hiding. Since then her condition had deteriorated rapidly, making the lawyer wonder how much longer the little lady could survive. The question was torturing him. Dr. Travis, who had by luck been on the train nodded. He was of middle height with dark brown hair the same as Jarrod and Nick. His kindness and care for the men’s adored sister was exquisite and sometimes difficult to witness. None of the three Barkley boys had ever seen their sister so distressed in their lives. Dr. Travis didn’t miss the fear and concern in the brothers’ eyes every time he turned around. It was clear to him this was an extremely close family.

“Yes, I can do surgery, but we’ll have to stop the train first.”

“I’ll tell the conductor,” the blond brother said. He was gone in a flash while Dr. Travis checked Audra’s pulse and brushed back her blond hair as she slept restlessly. He wasn’t surprised to have the two other men breathing over him anxiously.

“She’s a brave woman your sister. Other women would be hysterical to realize they were stuck on a train with one lone doctor to save their lives.”

“Wait till she’s better, Doc,” Nick joked with little tact. “She can be as hysterical as the next woman…only not now.” The last three words were added on sadly. “I’m glad our mother isn’t here.”

“Well I for one, wish she was,” Jarrod said. “I think Audra would be more comfortable. Mother can help her relax better than us.”

“True, but seeing Audra like this would be tough, Jarrod. You know that.”

“Mother’s made of the same invisible steel as the rest of this family. She’d survive,” Jarrod Barkley said with a dry wit. Dr. Travis heard that last sentence, and hoped he’d get a chance to meet these boys’ mother. She sounded like a woman to be reckoned with. And she’d have to be to have children like these. He wasn’t kidding when he told the boys Audra was brave. The girl’s courage abounded when she let her brothers comfort her, and kept her pain inside instead of distressing them. He’d seen her bite her lip before she cried out. Appendicitis was extremely painful and she was doing a better job of dealing with it that he would have. He felt the car slow down finally coming to a complete stop just as Heath Barkley came through the door of the car and joined the family. Perhaps if their heads hadn’t been turned towards the open doors, the boys wouldn’t have been taken by surprise. As it was, they barely had a chance to move before two men burst into the car, their guns drawn. All three brothers reached naturally for their guns, only to remember to their chagrin that they weren’t armed.

“What the hell?” Nick yelled starting for the two men. One was a younger man still in his teens while the other was clearly a generation older. The older man pointed his gun at Nick.

“That’ll be far enough, Mister.” Nick froze. As if they were all thinking the same, the three men moved away from their sister who was awakened by the commotion. Even the doctor moved away from his patient knowing the danger of having a bullet fly towards the young lady. She moaned in pain but didn’t move at first.

“Who are you? What do you want? Can’t you see our sister is terribly ill?” Jarrod cried in rapid succession. The two armed men dressed more like farmers than bandits simply looked at the doctor. The older man pointed his gun at the man.

“We’ve come for him,” he spat out, his loathing for the doctor apparent. The Barkley brothers all turned to look at the doctor. Heath was standing a few feet to the right of the man. Just looking at the doctor’s face he knew the doc wasn’t surprised by this ambush. Heath didn’t care what the men wanted. He wasn’t letting the doctor go anywhere. Audra needed him. He couldn’t let his baby sister die, not for any reason that he could help. He quickly turned back to face the two men. He took two steps.

“Mister, if you move again, I’ll have to shoot you,” the older man said again.

“Look, we don’t know what you want,” Heath said. “But this man is a doctor. He’s helping our little sister. So why don’t you go peaceable like and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

“You tell him, Heath,” Nick added. Like his brothers, Nick watched the two men with an eagle eye ready to pounce at the first given opportunity. He could see his brothers’ bodies were as intent on the defense of the doctor and Audra by the stiff way they held themselves.

“Doctor!” Audra cried out. “Oh, please, Doctor.” Dr. Travis started towards his patient. What happened next was so fast, even Nick and Jarrod couldn’t move to stop it. Dr. Travis started to go to Audra. Heath saw the older man raise his gun aiming it directly at Dr. Travis’ chest. Unable to get close enough to stop the man from shooting, he turned to push the doctor out of harm’s way just as the firecracker sound of a bullet being fired roared in his ears. The red hot burning iron entering his back made him grab where the pain was. His stunned eyes met the doctor’s as the man leaned forward to catch him. The pain slammed from his back to his brain. The blond cowboy collapsed in darkness. The doctor caught Heath and gently laid him on the ground while, Jarrod and Nick moved in unison, wrestling the two men to the floor and taking away their guns. Jarrod and Nick were up and moving before the two men knew what hit them. Jarrod held a gun on the men while Nick rushed to Heath and Dr. Travis to still Audra’s cries.

“Heath!” Audra screamed. “Heath!” It was clear to Dr. Travis that the distraught girl had witnessed the shooting of her blond brother. He examined her quickly, eliciting a scream as he touched her swollen right side. Looking from Audra to Heath’s prone form, he wondered which patient needed him most. Nick stood up cocking his gun answering the doctor’s question for him. He aimed it at the older man’s head.

“Nick, No!” Jarrod cried.

“An eye for an eye,” Nick informed his brother. Jarrod’s blood ran ice cold at the sight of the frost in Nick’s eyes. At the same time the lawyer’s heart plummeted to the floor. There was only one answer for Nick’s actions.

“Nick! That’s not what he would want,” Jarrod told his brother. “You kill these men and you’ll destroy your life. Think, Brother, Think!”

“That man just killed our younger brother in cold blood, Jarrod and you want me to think. To hell with that.” Nick kept his gun pointed at his adversary. Something made him hesitate, but the dark haired cowboy wasn’t sure. His head was numb with the stark reality of Heath’s violent death. How could his brother be standing well and healthy and lying on the floor dead the next? It didn’t make sense. His hand trembled a little despite his rage.

“And now you want revenge, Nick. I understand, believe me I do,” Jarrod cried easing towards his brother, seeing that the two men were already under enough guard with Nick’s gun. Jarrod avoided looking at Heath’s dead body lying on the ground, blood oozing from his back. Dr. Travis started to move towards Heath if nothing else to put a blanket over the body to give it some dignity. After all the man had saved his life. He froze as Nick pointed his gun at the intruder.

“Nicholas Barkley, listen to me,” Jarrod begged. “Please for the love of God, don’t make this any worse than it already is.”

“He’s my brother, Jarrod,” Nick wailed. The younger intruder started to jump towards Nick. Nick fired. Jarrod jumped his brother and wrestled the gun away from him, but managed to turn towards the two men before they could move. Nick sat down, pulling his knees up to him sobbing his grief not caring who heard him. Jarrod kept his gun on the intruders and saw neither was hurt. He breathed a sigh of relief, knowing Nick must have fired high or low. He didn’t see a bullet hole anywhere but it was somewhere. Leaving Nick alone for a bit, he looked at Dr. Travers.

“Please check my brother, and then help my sister, please.” Jarrod’s voice was no less ragged than his heart. He watched the men with out saying a word. Dr. Travis went over to Heath, ready to pull the blanket over him. Nick was over in two shakes.

“Don’t you touch him,” he screamed. “Don’t you dare.” Nick Barkley was on the edge, and Jarrod wasn’t sure how to handle his brother. He nodded to Dr. Travis. Dr. Travis came over to him.

“I have to do surgery on your sister now,” Dr. Travis informed him. “When it is finished I will go with these men.”

“What do they want you for, Doc?” Jarrod wondered. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nick pulling Heath’s body into his arms. Rocking back and forth, he could barely hear his brother talking for the last time with Heath. The image was one the lawyer knew he would carry to the grave. His very soul screamed in silent anguish, but he had to remain in control, for all of them and for their mother. Pappy had to save this family or what was left of it Jarrod thought as Dr. Travis spoke.

“To make it short and sweet? I imagine they plan to hang me. The why or what for is not important. The truth is they have a right to their actions. I’m only your sorry your brother paid with his life for a sin that was done in another lifetime.”

“That doesn’t give me much reassurance,” Jarrod said. “My brother and sister and I are all depending on you. Heath…died so you could save our sister. You plan on doing that?”

“I just said I would. I’m going to move her to the back. There’s a table there. You better tie up these men. There’s no one to guard them and I’ll need your help.”

“Nick can guard them,”

“Excuse me, Mr. Barkley, but your brother is in no condition…”

“Nick will guard them,” Jarrod repeated, his voice rising. “So that you can operate on our sister.” Nick looked up. He stood up, then picked up Heath’s still warm body and took it over to the lounge chair across from Audra. Very gently he laid the body on the chair. Audra moaned at the same second, but Nick suddenly froze as he turned to get the blanket to put over his brother. Jarrod also heard the sound.

“Nick!” he cried. “Dr. Travis! I think…please check my brother again.” Dr. Travis, having also heard Heath’s moan as he was moved, was across the car in a second. He touched Heath’s neck looking for a pulse, then listened to his chest with his ear.

“He’s alive,” the man cried in evident relief and jubilation. “Thank God. Nick, help me examine him.” Dr. Travis lifted Heath’s shirt.

“Damn,” he swore.

“What?”

“There’s no exit wound, Jarrod. Let’s turn him over.” Heath’s moan of pain cut at the brothers’ hearts as Dr. Travis and Jarrod very carefully moved him. Lifting his shirt again, Dr. Travis examined the wound, smack in the middle of his back. Dr. Travis shook his head.

“What? What does that mean?” Jarrod cried.

“It means there’s nothing I can do. We can pack the wound and dress it frequently, and hope he lasts till we get to Sacramento. Otherwise he’ll die.”

“But you gotta remove the bullet. Iffin you don’t, he’ll die of the infection. Anybody knows that.” Nick cried. His agitation led him across the room. The two men took advantage and started out of their seats. Nick turned, cocking his gun again.

“Just give me a reason,” His guttural voice taunted. Jarrod closed his eyes at the sound.

“We’ll take care of his wound quickly,” Dr. Travis said. “Nick, you sit with him. Talk to him. Tell him to hang on. Your sister needs me more.”

“But that bullet,” Jarrod objected, torn by Audra who was starting to come around, her voice whimpering, and Heath’s obvious predicament. Was he going to lose both his brother and sister, the lawyer wondered. NO! He was not going to arrive in Sacramento to face his mother with both Audra and Heath...They had just been given a reprieve with Heath. They could not lose either of his siblings now. NOT NOW, he begged God silently.

“The bullet is lodged close to the spine. I think anyway. I’m not capable of that kind of surgery. If I do it, it’s likely your brother will be paralyzed for life, likely from the shoulders done, given where the entry wound is. You think he’d want that?”

“He’d be alive,” Nick choked out. Nick couldn’t believe this nightmare was unfolding in front of them. This morning they had been so jovial, so happy to be going to the fair. He could remember teasing Heath about the shooting contest and still hear his brother’s dry challenge.

“There’s one consolation for ya when you lose,” Heath had said, picking up his rifle while Nick was looking away from his brother. He heard the soft booted footsteps walking with long quick strides across the gun room floor, and could just see the suppressed laughter in Heath’s eyes as he spoke.

“Oh, it will all stay in the family.” Nick’s booming voice had followed his brother with Jarrod joining in the fray. And Audra, preening in the mirror, turning this way and that with her bright red dress just so and her hat placed to perfection, showing off the beauty that was so her.

“Oh, it happens every time,” she lamented.

“Now what’s that?” he had grinned.

“I turn out wrong.” Nick had laughed at her silliness knowing his sister seemed shallow like that but in truth, she would have shoved herself in front of the bullet that was in Heath now, if it would have saved his life. His siblings were the epitome of courage and love. This blasted nightmare was too much.

“Would he really want to live that way?” Jarrod asked with a somber note, his own torture in his eyes. Nick knew the answer. He just couldn’t admit it. Audra’s scream made them all turn. Dr. Travis ran to her.

“It’s now or never boys. What do you want me to do. I can operate on Audra and save her life or try and save your brother with no guarantees and likely paralyze him. Take your choice.” In the end there was no choice. Jarrod and Dr. Travis got Audra situated on the back table pulling a makeshift curtain around to cordon off the area, while Nick sat with Heath and guarded the two men who never had said why they shot his brother. Nick didn’t care. It didn’t matter. In a half hour, the doctor opened the curtain. Jarrod stood behind him.

“She’s going to be all right. We got the appendix before it burst. There’s a potential for infection, but for now she’s on the road to recovery.” Nick nodded his understanding. Dr. Travis turned to the men who had been waiting for him under Nick’s guard.

“I’ll go with you now,” he said.

“The hell you will,” Nick bellowed, standing up. “These men are going to face justice, for shooting my brother.”

“Then I should face justice too,” Dr. Travis said. “Because if it wasn’t for me, your brother wouldn’t have been shot in the first place.”

“And our sister would be dead,” Jarrod Barkley reasoned in his lawyer’s voice.

“The train will be back shortly. Your brother will get the care he needs in Sacramento if you can keep him alive. Keep changing that dressing. Gentlemen.” Dr. Travis was definitely ready to go with the men. They stood as Nick argued with his conscience, wanting nothing more than to shoot the man and the boy as coldly as they had shot Heath.

“Now just a minute,” he started again, moving towards the trio.

“Don’t you get it?” the older man said. “He’s a criminal. He killed my wife and others fifteen years ago at Colbyville. Sacked the town and killed seven men, women and children.” Nick and Jarrod’s eyes flew to Dr. Travis who hung his head. The boy was looking with muted hatred at Dr. Travis, but he was floundering, possibly still shaken by the shooting, Jarrod noticed. He looked back to make sure Audra was still asleep, then approached the men.

“Are you saying this man is Lucien Kelleher?”

“You knew about him?”

“My father was one of the men to bring him in, Tom Barkley.”

“I remember that. I was right grateful he got the scum.”

“Lucien Kelleher went to jail for thirteen years,” Jarrod went on. “He’s paid his price for his crimes.”

“He should have hanged,” the man said with contempt and hatred.

“The law said otherwise. Now gentlemen, you’ve already broken the law today by shooting my brother. He could die or be paralyzed for life. Do you really want to go to prison for that?”

“Jarrod, what are you saying? You aren’t going to let these mongrels go are you?” Nick blasted. “They need to pay for what they did.”

“Nick! We owe the doctor…”

“With Heath’s life?”

“It’s nothing to do with Heath’s life. As soon as Dr. Travis heard who we were, he could have refused to care for Audra. I’m certain he remembers the men who put him in prison, including our own father. Father was only doing his duty, but Lucien Kelleher would have refused to help Audra or Heath. He didn’t. What’s done is done. Unless we want the doctor to pay with his life to press our charges. Are you prepared for that?”

“Damn it, Jarrod.” Nick clenched his fists. They could hear the train coming back in the distance. Dr. Travis didn’t speak. He had learned long ago that silence was often a man’s best friend. The two men looked at each other, both a little shame faced, but also still wanting Dr. Travis.

“This is your choice, Gentleman. Either you get off this train now with your lives, or you take Dr. Travis, but I promise you, my brother and I will hunt you down like the dogs you are.”

“Now see here,” said the older man. Nick took a step forward, cocking his gun yet another time. This time, Jarrod did not stop him.

“And if I ever hear that Dr. Travis…”

“Lucien Kelleher,” the older man insisted. Jarrod stood in the man’s face, slapping it lightly several times with Nick enjoying the slaps. He couldn’t help it, thinking of Heath and what he was suffering.

“The man’s name is Dr. Travis. Lucien Kelleher has ceased to exist. He saved my sister’s life. He saves lives for a living which is more than you men do. If I ever hear about you hunting him again, I will kill you myself, and I’m certain both my brothers will help. Now get out of my sight before I change my mind.” Jarrod’s voice, usually quiet could raise in temperament as well as Nick’s. This time it was slightly raised with a very dangerous undertone. The two men fled the train. Jarrod turned to Dr. Travis.

“I stopped them for now,” he told the man. “But they may be back.”

“Maybe,” Dr. Travis conceded. They all felt the bump of the train being attached to go the rest of the way to Sacramento.

“Will you stay with us, Doc?” Nick asked. “For Heath and Audra?”

“I’ll stay with you boys.” At that point, Jarrod went to get his sister. She was still sound asleep. Picking her up off the surgical table, he brought her blanket covered self back to the lounge chair she had been resting on. He sat down next to her, making sure she was warm and safe. Nick sat with Heath while Dr. Travis changed Heath’s dressing again. Heath didn’t moan this time. His very silence frightened both brothers.

“Mother will be waiting at the train, Jarrod.”

“I know Brother Nick,” came the glum reply.

“How are we going to tell her?” Nick’s voice gave away his anxiety and fear for Heath. Jarrod shook his head as he brushed Audra’s blond hair away from her face, placing a kiss on her forehead, then coming over to stand at Heath’s feet. His sorrowful gaze met his brother’s tortured hazel eyes. He looked at Dr. Travis who wasn’t any more hopeful than before.

“Jarrod?” Nick asked.

“We won’t have to tell her, Brother Nick. She’ll know just by looking at us. Trust me, our mother will know.”

Part 2

Victoria Barkley was pacing. It wasn’t the first time she had paced when one of her children was ill or injured, but this time was different. She had been at the train station an hour already and it was getting dark. Her fine skirts made a swishing sound as she moved, terrified for her daughter. How often had the boys come home with broken bones, and shot up bodies? How often had Dr. Merar been called to the ranch to deal with their fevers and Pneumonia. Heath especially seemed to have a hard time of it He had frequent chest colds and had had two bouts of Pneumonia in the eight months since he had come to them. She put it down to a weak chest due to his time in the mines as a child and then in Carterson as a boy. What was she thinking? He was still a boy to her, and his brothers. Her thoughts went back to her daughter.

“Oh, Audra, please, Sweetheart, you fight. You show them some of Tom Barkley’s guts.” She used that phrase with the children more than she cared to admit. Audra had only been seriously ill once in her life, when she was ten years old and caught Diphtheria during an epidemic. Jarrod and Nick had been away since it was at the end of the war, but both Tom and Audra had come down with the dreaded disease. Victoria had managed to nurse the two through the worst of it, until she too had fallen victim to the Epidemic. A hundred people had died in Stockton, but thankfully her family was spared. Victoria would never forget how helpless she felt in trying to save her daughter as well her relief when Dr. Merar assured her that the child would live. Now her daughter was fighting for her life again. Victoria prayed with all her heart that Audra would come through. The only consolation was that there was a doctor on the train. Hopefully he could save her blond angel.

When the train arrived without the Barkley car on it, Victoria thought she would go insane with worry. The train station master came out to talk to her. He informed they had had to stop the car to do surgery. Victoria closed her eyes, her nails biting into her palms in her distress. She opened her eyes to see the man’s concern for her.

“Mrs. Barkley, is there someone I can get to be with you? The conductor is sending a train back to pick up your car, but it could be hours yet.” Victoria shook her head. There was no one she would call in Sacramento. In Stockton or San Francisco, maybe but the family had no close friends in Sacramento right now that she knew of. She continued to pace, wishing she was with her children at such a time. How would the boys react to their sister’s suffering? The mother smiled with knowing pride. She knew her sons and how they doted on the little girl who had grown into a woman they depended on for friendship and lighthearted teasing as well as emotional care and love. Heath had only known Audra a short time, but they were best friends, giggling together at the dinner table, coming up with ways to tease their brothers and laughing together after. As for Nick, he had had little patience as a boy for a tag along little sister, but woe behold anyone who dared hurt her. He was fiery with his protection for his sister and that protection went to Jarrod and Heath as well. Nick was a volcano, Victoria often thought ready to erupt. Would he keep his cool on this infernal trip? She was comfortable with the thought that Jarrod would take charge and Heath would do anything to help. She could always depend on her sons. She had to depend on them now to bring Audra to her safe.

“Oh, stop it!” she cried to herself finally sitting down just minutes before the sound of the incoming train’s whistle caught her ear. She was up again running into the train station to get the medics from the hospital who had accompanied her. There was a covered wagon waiting near by to take Audra to the hospital. Since the hospital needed its ambulances for emergencies, Victoria rented a buckboard and had a canvas put on overhead just in case it rained. She hired two medics from the hospital, telling them that she had to have medical help for her daughter. After hearing the mother’s story, and knowing the hospital wasn’t busy, two of the medics who were mostly orderlies were allowed to go with Victoria. A mattress with blankets and a pillow and some medical supplies was in the wagon. Victoria had insisted. It didn’t matter whether the surgery had been performed or not. She wanted her child cared for by the best. It was the least she could do. The train came to a halt with the men following her with a stretcher between them. Jarrod came off the train first with Audra in his arms. With a cry, Victoria hurried to her daughter.

“Jarrod, oh Jarrod. Thank God you are here. I was so worried.” Victoria saw under the candle lit lamps that hung from the stations ceilings that her son was very distressed. He looked terrible, his face gray, and his eyes bloodshot.

“Audra?” she wondered. “Is she worse? Did you do the surgery?”

“Dr. Travis did the surgery, Mother. Audra is going to be just fine.”

“Then I don’t understand. Where’s Nick and Heath?” Jarrod looked past his mother to the men with the stretcher. He made no move to deposit his sister on the stretcher. Instead he said something that sent chills of terror through Victoria Barkley’s soul.

“They need you inside for my brother. Please hurry. He’s hurt very bad.” Victoria’s hand went to her face. Jarrod’s blue eyes, dark and foreboding frightened her more.

“I’m sorry, Mother. We couldn’t telegraph you.”

“Is it Nick or Heath?” Oh, God did it matter, the woman thought. Which of her son’s was at death’s door? She ran inside to see Nick and a man she didn’t know carefully placing Heath on the stretcher on his stomach. The dark haired stranger was giving careful instruction.

“Whatever you do, don’t jar him. Mr. Barkley and I will need your help to support him in the wagon. I don’t want the bullet dislodged in any way.”

“Yes, sir, we understand,” one of the men dressed in white answered.

“Good, let’s go then.”

“Heath, Nick,” Victoria said softly as the men turned. The floor threatened to come up to meet the exhausted mother. Through the fog of her shock at yet another child’s injury, she grabbed onto the car door for support. Nick saw her as she trembled. With his typical walk, he was next to his tiny mother in two shakes.

“Mother, take it easy,” he begged her. “He’s strong. He’s going to beat this.” When she didn’t answer, Nick scooped his mother up in his arms taking her off the miserable train. The mother fought to gain control of her emotions. She was already worn with worry. Now this. She had to be in charge. She had to deal with this…Nick stepped out on to the platform of the station.

“Nick, put me down,” Victoria ordered. “Now!” Nick did as he was told, appreciating the stronger tone in his mother’s voice. The medics, their precious burden between them, and Dr. Travis came off the train next. Without a word, Victoria Barkley took her son’s hand, squeezing it tightly. The group walked quickly and quietly back to the wagon that Victoria pointed out to them. Jarrod let Nick hold Audra till Jarrod had positioned himself on the wagon, then let his little sister lay in her oldest brother’s arms. She was barely conscious. Her silence was a deafening roar to the brothers who, along with Dr. Travis were concerned because she was just rousing from surgery. Heath’s stretcher was laid in the wagon. One of the medics, and Nick and Dr. Travis positioned themselves to keep Heath from being jostled as much as possible in the wagon. A medic helped Victoria onto the front seat and climbed up himself.

“Hang on everyone,” The medic said. “It’s going to be a bit of a ride, but we’ll get there as fast as we can.” No one said anything. Only Nick’s voice talking to Heath and Jarrod whispering to his sister could be heard as the wagon hurried as fast as possible through the empty streets of Sacramento. It was late, past ten and most people were in bed. A few saloons and establishments were open, but it seemed to be a quiet night. Victoria watched her children eagerly, finding it difficult to see them sometimes despite the lit streetlights that provided a way for them to drive through the city streets. Her thoughts were so intent on all four of her children that she had barely realized how tragic the entire situation was before they arrived at the hospital. Jarrod carried his sister inside while Heath was whisked away before Nick even knew it. Dr. Travis took Audra from Jarrod and carried her into the dredges of the hospital that was brand spanking new. It was two stories tall built in an L shape. Jarrod took care of talking to the admissions people while Victoria and Nick went to the waiting room. There was nothing to else to do now, but wait.

“Oh, Nick, what happened?” Victoria finally was able to gasp as Nick stared out a window at a courtyard that was as black as the night outside. He turned to the petite silver haired lady who had been a rock to him all his life. If truth be told it was Victoria who kept her sons strong and proud. If they let themselves down, they knew they’d let her down, but she would always make sure they got up again, one way or another.

“Let’s wait till Jarrod comes,” he said. “It all happened so fast.” He turned back to the window. Nick heard the soft steps, his mother’s skirts rustling as they did, and then felt her hand on his shoulder.

“Nick, I don’t need to hear the story to know you did the best you could. You couldn’t have done any more.” Her wise words were more true than Victoria knew, but Nick turned with an angry cry.

“I could have done more. I could have killed the scum…”

“Nick, that’s enough,” Jarrod ordered coming over to his brother and mother. He hugged his mother, holding her protectively in his embrace then pulled Nick into the hug. The family sat down on the chairs that were empty at this time of night. Jarrod leaned forward to hold his mother’s hands in his while he told her about the whole sorry mess. Nick sat slumped in a chair, wondering if their family was about to be slashed in half with the deaths of both Audra and Heath. He didn’t think he could handle such a reality. In fact, he knew he couldn’t.

“You mean, Heath threw himself in front of that bullet?” Victoria gasped when Jarrod got to that part of the story. Jarrod’s blue eyes gazed into his mother’s horrified face.

“If he hadn’t the doctor would have likely been killed. At the very least he couldn’t have done the surgery. Basically Heath made an instantaneous choice. He threw himself in the face of danger to save our sister.” Tears rolled down Victoria Barkley’s face. A thought had occurred to her that hadn’t to Jarrod or Nick.

“He can’t die,” she sobbed.

“He won’t, Mother. He’s strong. He beats everything when he’s sick. He’s been down this road before and he probably will again. We just have to pray he’ll be all right,” Jarrod insisted.

“You don’t understand. If he dies, Audra will never forgive herself. Don’t you see? She’ll blame herself.” Jarrod sighed. He squeezed his mother’s hand again.

“Mother, you underestimate Heath.”

“What?” Jarrod knew he had caught his mother by surprise, probably the one and only time in his life.

“Heath saw that gun aimed at Dr. Travis. Yes, he saved the man’s life, but it wasn’t just for Audra. I know Heath. He would have done that for any man. There’s no way Heath would have stood by to see a man shot. I saw Nick make the same move, only he wasn’t close enough to get to the doctor. Neither was I.”

Nick didn’t say anything. He knew that Jarrod was right there. It was pure instinct to save someone from being shot, at least for Heath. Nick thought he could have got there. Maybe he could have. Maybe that’s why he felt so guilty.

“Go on,” Victoria invited, brushing away her tears with a dainty handkerchief she had taken out of her purse. Jarrod finished the story quickly. Nick noticed his mother’s eyes narrow when Jarrod told him he let those murdering bastards loose, but she nodded in the end, patting Jarrod on the shoulder and wiping away her oldest son’s tears with her handkerchief as well.

“Jarrod you and Nick did the best you could. You made choices no men should ever have to make.”

“I should have killed those cowards where they stood,” Nick mutter from his slouched position.

“Why so you could be as much of a coward as they are?” his mother snapped. Nick’s eyes flew open. He stood in a red hot fire of anger that he had never felt towards his tiny mother before. Jarrod almost stepped between the two as Victoria stood as well.

“Now see here, Mother. You weren’t on that train. You didn’t make the decision to save Audra and think that that same decision might kill Heath. You didn’t see those animals shoot Heath and you sure didn’t hold his body in your arms, thinking he was dead. Do you understand me?”

“Nick, don’t! Can’t you see she’s suffering enough?”

“BUT SHE THINKS I’M A COWARD INSTEAD OF A MAN DEFENDING THE PEOPLE I LOVE.” Victoria had put her hand on her mouth again, realizing some of the true torture her sons had gone through. Nick’s eyes blazed with his frustration and hurt. She took her son in her arms and hugged him close. When his strong arms didn’t come around her, she knew that she, Victoria Barkley had spoken without thought and hurt her middle son terribly in the process.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I’m so sorry,” Victoria apologized. “I just didn’t want my son to go to jail for defending the people he loved. You’re not a coward Nick. I never thought that. I’m as proud of you as I could ever be. You have to know that.” Nick could never be angry at his mother long. Jarrod smiled as the two brothers exchanged glances. Nick hugged his mother back. As they pulled away he too apologized.

“It’s not your fault, Nick. None of this is,” the mother said exonerating her son. She looked at Jarrod. “You either Sweetheart. I know you two. You’ll blame yourselves for something you could have or should have done. The truth is there was no way to know Audra would become ill or Heath would be shot. You couldn’t foresee it. The important thing now is to get Audra and Heath well.”

“Speaking of which,” Jarrod said standing up with his family. A man in a white lab coat was coming down the hall. He looked around until he spotted the three determined people coming towards him. He held out his hand to Jarrod, and gave a weary smile to Nick and Victoria.

“Jarrod!” Dr. Davis Worth called out to his friend. “Dr. Travis said you were out here. It’s been too long.”

“Davis! What are you doing here?” Jarrod cried. “What’s it been ten years?”

“I think so,” the red headed man said. “I was off to medical school and you were off to law school. That was only after we managed to cut up the college and barely keep ourselves from getting kicked out.”

“Er, Davis, we might want to hold off on the reminiscing,” Jarrod said, feigning discomfort, although he felt his mother laughing a little and saw a smirk on Nick’s face. “This is my mother, Mrs. Victoria Barkley and my brother, Nick.”

“Mrs. Barkley, I am truly privileged to meet you. I believe we have met once when you brought Nick and Audra up to the college to see Jarrod. Of course you haven’t changed a bit. I’m only sorry we had to meet in these circumstances.”

“It’s an honor to know you are caring for my children, Doctor. How are Audra and Heath?”

“Audra has been settled into her own room. Dr. Travis did a phenomenal job on her appendix. She’s still in some pain. I wonder though. She seems to be having difficulty waking up. She’s restless, but hasn’t spoken. Does anyone know why?”

“I think we’re waiting for you to tell us that, Doc,” Nick growled. Davis smiled. He remembered Nick as a boy, dark and temperamental, but clearly adoring of his brother and sister. He wasn’t at all offended by the man’s attitude.

“This is beyond me,” the doctor admitted. “We’ll just have to wait and see. I think she’ll be just fine if we can get her to wake up.”

“And Heath,” Jarrod asked, his heart in his mouth. Now Davis was confused. He couldn’t ever remember Jarrod speaking of yet another brother, but Dr. Travis had insisted the boy was Jarrod’s brother. Heath, now that was another story entirely. Dr. Travis had told him of the young man’s courage in taking a bullet in the back to save his life. Wherever Heath came from, he was definitely a Barkley. Davis had no trouble seeing Jarrod do the same thing for him.

“I need to talk to you all about Heath. Why don’t we sit down?”

“We don’t want to sit down, Doctor,” Nick announced, his voice rising several notches. “Just tell us how my brother is.”

“Nick, maybe it’s best,” Jarrod conceded. He took his mother’s hand and sat down next to her. He could feel her strength and courage as Victoria gathered herself. Nick didn’t sit. He simply paced as Davis sat down across from Jarrod and Victoria.

“Heath took a bullet to the upper back. The bullet appears to be lodged in the back, where exactly we’re not sure. He needs a specialist to remove that bullet, and I’ve already sent the doctor I have in mind for the surgery a telegram. He’s in San Francisco.”

“Why does he need a specialist, Davis?” Jarrod asked.

“Because the bullet seems to be lodged close to the spinal column in the lower thoracic, upper lumbar region of the back.”

“How do you know that, Doc?”

“Well, Nick, we know because Heath’s reflexes tell us so. Right now he can’t move anything below the waist.”

“But he’s unconscious. How can you know?” Nick cried again. Jarrod squeezed his mother’s hand. Victoria refused to cry again. But the thought of Heath being paralyzed made her want to scream in agony, not their Heath. He would go crazy in a wheelchair, insane stuck in a house all day. It wouldn’t do, not for a man like her son, not Heath.

“He’s awake enough for his reflexes to work. He’s also in a great deal of pain in his back. Now the question is, how do we get that bullet out without causing further damage? Dr. Raymond Watts from San Francisco is a top surgeon in this field. He’s the best there is. He’ll be here tomorrow to do the surgery.”

“Davis, you didn’t get our permission to do this,” Jarrod smiled. “Why did you send for the doctor?”

“If I remember correctly your family votes on decisions like these, don’t they?”

“We do,” Victoria conceded.

“Dr. Travis told me about Nick and Jarrod’s reaction to the possibility of his paralysis on the train. I know Jarrod and I think I know Nick a little too. If Heath is anything like the rest of this stubborn family, he’d want the surgery and so would Jarrod and Nick. Mrs. Barkley, you were the only one I wasn’t sure of. Since time is of the essence, I knew that even if Dr. Watts did come and you didn’t want him, he could be stopped from coming easily.”

“Mother?” Jarrod asked. “Nick.”

“Dr. Worth, if you don’t do the surgery, what will happen to my son?” Victoria asked softly. Davis Worth wasn’t a man to beat about the bush. He gave Mrs. Barkley the truth as he knew it.

“Either the bullet will continue to move and cause damage, in which case it is highly likely Heath will be at least partially if not fully paralyzed from at least the waist down with some effect in his arms or he will get an infection from the bullet and die. Either way, the story isn’t pretty.”

“And if he has the surgery?” the mother went on.

“He could die in surgery. Further damage could be done and he could be paralyzed worse. Or if the bullet is successfully removed, and there is no true damage to the spinal cord, only the swelling around the cord from the assault of the bullet, which is what we currently suspect, he could recover completely or somewhere in between. His recovery might take months but he would have a chance.” Victoria looked at her sons.

“Mother,” Jarrod started. He was about to say that Heath wouldn’t want to live half a man. If there was any chance at all, he would take it, Heath would. Victoria held up her hand as Nick nodded.

“Do it,” she told Davis. “Do it, Dr. Worth, but please, let us be with him.”

“Of course, Mrs. Barkley. We aren’t very full right now. In fact besides a few women in the maternity ward and some pour souls with fevers in the infectious ward, we’re empty. There’s 50 beds in this hospital but it’s so new, people haven’t realized it’s worth yet. When they do, I expect we’ll fill quickly. I took the liberty of putting Heath and Audra in rooms next to each other, so you all could be with them.”

“We won’t leave them alone, Davis,” Jarrod said. “We want to be with them around the clock. We’ll take shifts if we have to.”

“Now why would that surprise me, Jarrod Barkley? You protect your family like a mother lioness her cubs. I declare. Most hospitals have restricted visiting hours. Since my boss is out of town for the week, I’m in charge. Each room has a sink with towels and hot water. What I would ask is that you clean your hands well before entering the room and frequently while you are in it.”

“Why?”

“Well, Nick, we’re discovering that little bugs we really can’t see, called germs cause infection. Those germs can be on your hands. So if you wash, the chances of either Heath or Audra catching an infection are diminished.”

“That’s no problem, Dr. Worth,” Victoria said graciously. “When will Dr. Watts be here again?”

“If we’re lucky he’ll take the midnight train and be here by morning. He knows the urgency of getting that bullet out.”

“Thank you, Davis,” Jarrod said, shaking his old friend’s hand. “I can’t tell you what a relief it is to know a man like you is in charge here.”

“Well I’m not quite in charge, Jarrod. Putting me in charge of anything, especially a hospital could be dangerous,” the man joked announcing a little levity into the tragedy by laughing at himself. Jarrod smiled despite his worry for Audra and Heath. He slapped his friend on the back.

“We’re just glad you’re here, Davis,” Jarrod said. Davis nodded. He took Victoria’s hand and shook it gently.

“We’ll do our best for Audra and Heath, Mrs. Barkley. I wouldn’t want to face Jarrod’s wrath if anything else went wrong. I know how you all feel about each other in your family. Just knowing Jarrod, hearing how strong and brave Audra was and now what Heath has done, I’d say you’ve raised an amazing family, Mrs Barkley.” Victoria waved off the compliment.

“Thank-you Doctor, but I think Jarrod, Nick and I are more interested in seeing Audra and Heath.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll take you to them.” Nick clenched his fists, wondering how he would feel when he saw his brother and sister, lying in hospital beds. Once again he wondered when this nightmare was going to end. He just wanted to get the family and go to the fair and if they couldn’t do that, then to go home. What did anything else matter except Audra and Heath? He felt his mother’s tiny hand steal into his, grasping him firmly, and saw her take Jarrod’s smooth one in her other hand. Victoria Barkley’s maternal instinct to protect her children flooded the dark cowboy’s heart giving him a solace of comfort which he would need to rely on plenty in the long torturous days to come.

Part 3

General Hospital

Sacramento, California

There was no doubt in Victoria Barkley’s mind that this night was one of the longest of her life. She could only remember two times in her life when she had been so distraught. Those memories involved the deaths of her baby son and her beloved husband. Sitting at Audra’s side, she willed her daughter to actually answer her while Nick and Jarrod sat with Heath, encouraging him to hang on through the darkest part of the night until the surgeon came. Victoria thought of those moments when she chose to see Heath first, knowing that Audra wasn’t in physical danger or so it seemed. She wished she were two people so she could be with both of her children at the same time. Stepping into Heath’s room, she found her son still positioned on his stomach. He was awake and moaning in pain. Nick stood with her. Jarrod had gone to his sister.

“Heath,” Victoria cried. “Heath, its Mother. Can you hear me?” She watched her son, saw his blue eyes scanning the room, and then setting on her, his cheek flat on the bed, his body lightly covered with a sheet. She touched his soft blond hair and tweeked his ear a little.

“What am I going to do with you, Heath Barkley? I can’t leave you out of my sight for five minutes and you get into some kind of trouble. This is the second time you’ve been shot in less than a year. Am I going to have to teach you not to walk into bullets?” Heath’s lips twitched. At first the mother thought she had upset him until he managed to gasp out a reply.

“Yes, Ma’am,” he quipped. Victoria’s tears fell. She relished her son’s teasing her back especially in his current condition. She kissed him lightly on the cheek.

“You saved your sister,” she told him, her pride evident. “She’s in the next room. She’s going to be fine. You hear me Heath. You saved Audra.”

“Mother…tell her…for me…” Victoria stood, a fierce beauty radiating from her heart and soul as she stood strong for her sons.

“Heath, if you want to tell your sister something, you’re going to have to do it yourself, do you hear?” He nodded wearily. Unable to find a comfortable position, Heath couldn’t help the cry that escaped him as his body betrayed him and knifed his brain in its anguish. Nick grimaced as he queried of his brother,

“Boy, tell me the truth. Don’t you need something for pain?” When the young blond didn’t answer, Victoria took his hand. She sat down with her son while Nick stood her behind her. Heath buried his face in the mattress to suppress his cry. He was suddenly very quiet. Victoria spoke, her heart hammering at her son’s trembling body.

“Heath, can you answer Nick? Heath!” For a second, the woman was frightened. Heath didn’t answer. The trembling stopped. Was he?? Dear God! She turned to Nick. He patted her shoulder. She looked back to see Heath turn his head so he could look at her with his watering eyes open again.

“Hurts,” he admitted. “Bad. Back.”

“Davis said you could have some morphine, Heath, He’s your doctor, an old friend of Jarrod’s. I’ll be right back.” Nick said. He turned to leave the room.

“No!” Heath cried with all the pathetic strength he had.

“Heath?” Victoria wondered. “You need something to help you sleep.”

“I’ll sleep…promise. No…no…morphine.” Nick and his mother exchanged glances. Nick saw his brother was intent on what he was saying. Secrets Heath had shared only with him reminded Nick of his brother’s former fight with morphine during the war. Nick understood Heath’s reluctance to take the drug if his mother didn’t.

“He doesn’t want morphine,” he confirmed.

“I heard. Why not?” Victoria replied with a little exasperation in her tone.

“No…good,” Heath said.

“For the pain?”

“Mother…for me.”

“Mother, let’s just listen to him. I know what he’s talking about and we need to respect his wishes.”

“But he’s in pain,” the maternal heart cried out loud. Nick kissed his mother’s forehead, and knelt in front of her.

“Mother, Heath knows what he needs. We can help him deal with the pain. I can ask Davis or another doctor if there’s something else we can use for Heath’s pain, but he has his reasons for not wanting the morphine. I know how much you want him to have relief, but he’s right.”

“Thanks…Nick.” With his eyes half closed, Heath could probably hear Nick better than he could see him, but that didn’t matter to the brothers. Nick stood again as the tears continued down the mother’s face as Heath’s back stiffened in a terrible spasm. Nick grabbed Heath’s hand. Heath may have been weak, but his grip was strong. Nick’s face paled as Heath squeezed the dark haired cowboy’s hand so hard it hurt.

“Heath, did the doctor tell you about the surgery to take the bullet out?”

“Just…woke,” came the answer. Heath grit his teeth and tried to release his hold on Nick. Nick sat on the bed and grit his own teeth as the blood receded from his hand.

“Heath, the bullet is still in your back,” Victoria explained to her son. She stroked his hand. He looked at her through half open eyes that tried to hide his predicament but they couldn’t not from the mother who loved him so.

“Out?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Victoria confirmed. “The doctor is optimistic.”

“Why not…now?” For a minute Victoria considered telling Heath anything other than the truth. Another spasm made her want to run from the room as her blond sons angelic face contorted in agony. She held his hand and noticed he didn’t squeeze it the way he was squeezing Nick’s with his other hand. Even now, he wouldn’t hurt his mother. She couldn’t hurt him either by lying to him.

“Heath, the bullet is lodged close to the spine. We need a special doctor to get it out without causing more damage.”

“How…bad?”

“Little Brother, you and Audra are going to be racing each other across the range in no time,” Nick blustered. Heath let his hand go, and Nick knew he had made a mistake. Heath wanted the facts, not reassurances. He looked to Victoria again.

“Mother…the truth.”

“Heath, we don’t have all the answers,” Victoria hedged.

“The truth.” Heath roared, using all the strength he had. For a minute it was as if Tom Barkley were lying on that bed, his face demanding only honesty from the woman he married. Closing her eyes for courage, Victoria leaned further towards her son. She scolded him gently.

“Heath Barkley. You have to settle down. I won’t have you inflicting more pain on yourself than you already have. And watch that tone with me, young man.” Heath flushed a little. He reached for his mother’s hand and held it.

“Please, Mother,” he begged.

“All right, Heath. I’ll tell you, but I don’t want you making excuses for yourself or giving up before you know the outcome, do you understand me?”

“No.”

‘She means that no matter what she says, you have believe you’re going to be just fine, you dunderhead,” Nick teased. Victoria glared at Nick with icy gray eyes. Heath’s chuckle broke the ice.

His amusement cost the blond as his legs straightened again in yet another spasm. Nick could have shot himself for causing his brother more pain. They waited till it was finished. Heath was having difficulty keeping his eyes open. Victoria spoke quickly but simply, hoping her son would understand before he fell asleep. She told him where the bullet was and how taking it out could cause side effects, even his own death. His eyebrows widened.

“Oh, Heath,” Victoria cried. “Please don’t look like that. You’re my son. If you give up, if you even think of leaving us I swear, I’ll find a way to make you wish you hadn’t.” The voice was slightly raised, the color of his mother’s face a little red, and Heath didn’t doubt a word she said.

“Believe, you…Mother,” He answered with awe. “Tell myself…fine.”

“Yes, you’ll be fine. You’re going to walk out of here, Heath, do you hear me? You are not going to be paralyzed. Do you understand me, Heath Morgan Thomson Barkley?”

“Yes…Mother…dear.” Victoria smiled. If her son still had a sense of humor, there definitely was hope. She brushed back his blond hair, and kissed his forehead, whispering in his ear,

“I love you, Sweetheart. You remember that. We all love you.” The blond nodded, exhausted. “I’m going to go and sit with Audra. Nick will stay with you. Do you mind?” Heath didn’t answer but gave his mother a slight wink. She smiled again. As Victoria slipped out of the room, she heard Heath speak again. She paused outside the door to listen, unable to resist.

“Nick?”

“I’m here, Little Brother. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Nick,” Heath’s voice turned from one of reassurance and understanding to a fear that gnawed at both his brother and mother.

“Heath. What is it? Want I should get the doctor?” Heath closed his eyes. A sweat broke out on his forehead. Nick was about to rush for the doctor when Heath spoke in a desolate manner that sent an icy cold feeling of fear over Nick and a shadow of terror over his mother.

“I can’t…can’t…feel…my legs…Nick!” Victoria resisted the urge to run back into the room. She peeked into the room to see Nick holding Heath’s hand and talking softly to him. She couldn’t hear what he said. Not knowing what to do, she turned to go to her daughter. Never in her life had she felt so completely helpless, never.

“Please, God,” she prayed as she entered Audra’s room. “Please help my son and daughter. Please give them strength and courage.” Jarrod stood as his mother came into the room, seeing her. He came over to her. Jarrod appeared close to tears as well.

“You heard?” the mother asked her eldest son.

“Parts of it. Nick’s easy to hear. You were more quiet. Heath was upset, wasn’t he?”

“Yes, but that’s good. If he’s upset he’ll fight.” Jarrod smiled.

“What’s so amusing, Jarrod?”

“You are Beautiful Lady. No wonder you put up with Nick’s loudness. That’s his spirit isn’t it?”

“Nick’s loudness is part of Nick,” came the sharp reply, maybe a little more sharp than intended. Jarrod ignored it. He knew his mother better than anyone in the family or so he liked to think. She was completely out of her league, having both Audra and Heath’s lives hanging in the balance. He was about to give her more bad news. If it was one thing Jarrod Barkley would have liked to have done that night was spare his mother more emotional strain, but there was no help for it. He took her small hands in his strong large ones.

“Mother, I think you should know that Audra isn’t recovering the way we would like.” Any color remaining in Victoria Barkley’s face drained away as she rushed to her daughter’s side with Jarrod following her.

“Audra, Audra, can you hear me?” Victoria Barkley pleaded with her daughter. The maternal instinct in her saw immediately that Jarrod was correct. Her child was lying in bed, pillows supporting her head and her right side. Her hair was brushed into a shinning yellow color, the color of a bright golden moon, the same color Victoria’s had been as a girl. She wore a nightgown that was hospital issued, a white cotton gown, made more for durability than comfort. The hospital bed had a rail on one side but was open on the other. Audra was awake, but completely unresponsive to her mother. She simply stared at the wall opposite her bed. Audra, who loved her family with all her heart, Audra, the darling of her brothers and her mother lying with an expression of emptiness in her usually animated face. She was lost to the family, lost in a world of her own making, or so it seemed. The girl’s sheer silence ripped into her mother with a vengeance as she realized her daughter was not much better off than her son. Victoria turned helplessly to her eldest son who stood next to her.

“She’s not responding, Jarrod. Please get your friend, Dr. Worth.”

“Mother, he’s aware of her condition,” Jarrod protested. “He said he wasn’t sure what was causing this.”

“Get him,” Victoria snapped. Jarrod pursed his lips, but hurried to do his mother’s bidding. She turned back to her beloved angel. Unable to obtain any kind of recognition from the sightless blue eyes, Victoria once more held back a scream of anguish. Her hands trembled on the bed as she leaned a little to support herself. She felt almost as dizzy now as she had when she first saw Heath being laid on the stretcher at the train station. This was turning into a nightmare beyond her wildest imagination.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” she crooned, her softness whispering maternal caresses to the girl. “What happened? Jarrod told me you were wonderfully brave with the pain. Even Nick said he admired your strength. What’s wrong, Audra. Please tell me.” But Audra didn’t respond. Her empty stare was enough to horrify any mother, much less a mother who was devoted to her children’s health and happiness. Dr. Worth and Jarrod came back into the room.

“Mrs. Barkley, I’m sorry. I thought I made myself clear about Audra’s condition downstairs. I don’t believe anything has changed.”

“She wasn’t like this at the train station,” Victoria objected.

“Yes, she was, Mother. You just couldn’t see. It was dark.”

“I don’t understand. The only time I’ve ever seen anything like this is when Nick was attacked by that wild cat that he eventually hunted down and killed. Remember, Jarrod? It was as if he was lost in his own world. We couldn’t get him to answer us for several hours.”

“I’ve been consulting with some of my colleagues. Two other doctors have seen her. They concur that she might be in shock.”

“But why?”

“Mrs. Barkley, we’re not sure.”

“I think I know,” Jarrod said. “She witnessed the shooting.”

“Oh my God,” Victoria whispered. “Audra.”

“She was crying out for Heath before Dr. Travis gave her more laudanum. Then Dr. Travis did surgery and she never really came back to us. We thought she’d get better given time.”

“But surely she knows Heath is all right.”

“Is he, Mother? We don’t know that,” Jarrod said with a bluntness that should have stunted Victoria’s hope for her son’s recovery. From deep within, Mrs. Victoria Barkley drew on what had given her fortification often in the past, her faith in the power of prayer, the healing power of love and her faith in the children she held more dear than life itself.

“I know that Heath will be all right,” Victoria returned.

“Mother,” Jarrod warned. Victoria turned to her son, her hands on her hips.

“Jarrod, I don’t want to hear another word about Heath other than that he is going to either walk out of here or have the potential to improve at home. Do you understand me?” Davis Worth was staring himself at the power of the woman in front of him. His own mother was a dynamo with her energy and commitment to her family and many charities, but this woman was beyond his experience. Victoria was a power to be reckoned with. Davis was certain the mother didn’t overtly control her sons because God knew no person controlled Jarrod Barkley. Still her influence was obviously something she expected her children to respect and pay attention to. Jarrod didn’t speak. He simply nodded. Victoria looked at Davis.

“Dr. Worth, we have to help Audra. What can we do?”

“The best thing is to make sure she eats and drinks. I believe she will do just that if you coax her. She’s awake, just unable to articulate her thoughts or needs. She’s running a slight fever, so if you can get fluids down her that would be helpful. Above all, talk to her. Tell her about Heath’s progress. I just heard he won’t take anything but laudanum for his pain. Is that true?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Well, Mrs. Barkley, I can’t say as I blame him. Morphine can be terribly addictive. I’m guessing that’s what Heath is trying to avoid.”

“But surely if he’s in such pain, Davis!”

“Doesn’t matter, Jarrod. I use morphine rarely myself for that very reason. If Heath knows he is susceptible to it, he should refuse it. He’s obviously a very responsible and…I’d have to say…stubborn young man.”

“A distinct Barkley trait,” Jarrod muttered. Davis patted his friend on the shoulder.

“Just like his brother,” Davis grinned. He walked over to the other side of Audra’s bed. Holding her wrist he took her pulse. He held it while he talked to her. He looked directly into the blue eyes that he remembered as sparkling with vivacious delight, but that was when she was a child, trying to keep up with two much older brothers on the Berkley campus. Seeing her now, he spoke to the young woman Audra was.

“Audra, we met downstairs. I’m Dr. Davis Worth, and you may call me Davis.” Davis touched Audra’s hand, stroking it gently with his free hand. Jarrod started to say something, but Davis’ slight shake of the head stopped him.

“Your brother Jarrod and I went to college together. I remember when you were a little girl. He told me he teased you unmercifully. Now if you’ll blink your eyes for me, I’ll tell you a story about him, a story that you can tell your brothers when you are well. It’s a doozy, Audra. I’d take me up on the offer if I were you.” For a second, Victoria and Jarrod dared to hope, but nothing happened. Davis hated seeing their crestfallen faces.

“Okay, Audra. You can rest. But listen to me.” The man was still holding Audra’ wrist, checking her pulse. “Your brothers are all here. Heath is here. Do you hear me, Audra? Heath is here. Your mother has been with him and I’m guessing he wouldn’t dare disobey her and die. That would be against Barkley regulations I’m sure.” Jarrod smirked while Victoria hid her own laughter. When mother and son looked at each other they burst out laughing. Davis joined them. Their laughter was short lived when Audra didn’t respond.

“Can’t blame a doctor for trying humor to heal,” Davis admitted. “But Audra I’m not kidding. Your mother is one formidable lady. How long do you think she’s going to let you lay in bed like this? We’re not going to give up on you young lady. I didn’t go to medical school to consider giving up an option.”

“I’ve never known you to give up on anything, Davis. I don’t plan to let you start with either Heath or Audra.” Davis didn’t reply to Jarrod’s comment though he appreciated the compliment from his old friend. He was a young doctor, only practicing for six years. It was clear he was a physician who was easily emotionally involved with his patients. He let go of Audra’s wrist. Motioning to Jarrod and Victoria, he took them out in the hall. In Heath’s room, he could see Nick sleeping with his brother. He addressed mother and son carefully.

“Mrs. Barkley, Jarrod. Audra is not responding to anything we say. I wanted you to understand that this could be far more serious than I originally anticipated.”

“What do you mean, Davis?”

“Jarrod, you may have noticed me holding Audra’s wrist while we spoke. What I was doing was monitoring her pulse. Normally if a patient can hear, but not respond, their pulse will go up in the presence of a loved one’s voice. Audra’s pulse was regular and steady, but it didn’t go up during the entire time we were talking in her room. Mrs. Barkley, if you would be so kind, talking to Audra, keeping her mind active is our only hope.”

“What if Heath was to talk to her?” Jarrod wondered.

“Maybe,” Davis concurred. “You think Audra doesn’t believe us, even if she is hearing us?” Jarrod sighed, closing his eyes against the sight of the shooting, of seeing Heath’s lifeless body, of Nick’s devastation and recognizing his own terrific loss.

“Jarrod, what is it?” Victoria asked, her concern written on her face.

“The last thing Audra saw before that laudanum took effect was Heath’s body lying on the floor. Nick…Nick was ready to shoot the two men who did it. I don’t think she ever knew Heath was alive the entire time. Mother, she adores Heath.”

“Oh, Jarrod,” Victoria breathed. “My poor girl.”

“It was like a scene from Macbeth,” Jarrod concurred. “I know my sister. I’m guessing that seeing Heath is the only thing that is going to help her.”

“What about Heath?” Davis asked. “He’s sleeping now. If we wake him, he’s just going to have more pain.”

“I think Heath has already proved what he would go through to help Audra,” Victoria pointed out.

“Yes, but he needs his sleep. Mrs. Barkley, Rest before surgery will increase your son’s odds of survival. Waking him now could be the difference between life and death or his eventual recovery.”

“But what about…”

“Audra is no pain. She’s not sleeping, but she’s not feeling either. We’ve seen this before. It’s true, the sooner a person comes out of it, the better, but right now, I would say waking Heath is the last thing you want to do.” Victoria turned to Jarrod bursting into tears. Her oldest son’s strong arms comforted her. Why did she feel as though she were sacrificing one child for another? Why was this so difficult? Victoria knew why. She knew the answer. She couldn’t stand to see Audra or Heath in pain. It was as if her heart were being torn asunder.

“Mother, it’s going to be all right,” Jarrod assured her. “Remember what you told me? We’re going to get through this. You wait and see.” The lawyer comforted his mother the best way he knew how. The problem was, his own world was disintegrating around him. Would Heath ever walk again? Would Audra’s laughter ever reach his ears? And would any of them ever forget the terror they were feeling right now? In those dark hours as the night went by with Victoria walking from Audra to Heath and back again and trying to comfort her two older sons, nothing seemed as if it would ever be right again. Worst of all, to Jarrod, Nick, and Victoria, the world was suddenly a brittle piece of glass shiny and bright on the surface, but fragile and filled with cracks underneath. If they made one false step with Audra or Heath, it seemed as if that glass would shatter and they could lose one or both of them forever. The trick was to make sure the glass remained intact just the way the Barkley family was meant to be.

Part 4

General Hospital

Sacramento, California

Heath Barkley couldn’t see the first rays of sun that came into his room that morning, a morning he knew he would never forget. He lay on his stomach, his right cheek flat against the pillow. Through a slit of his blue eyes, he watched his brother Nick trying to sleep in a chair next to him. What he could see of the room he was lying in told him it was plain, but adequate for his needs. His attention was diverted to his back, and the hot poker that seemed to be branding him every few seconds. This he could live with. It was the spasms in his legs that left his gasping for breath. Every hour or so a heavy rope seemed to pull his legs taut, pulling until it seemed as though the leg bones would shatter right out of the femur sockets. With every spasm, Heath broke out into a sweat and every time he grabbed for his brother’s hand, knowing he was slowly going insane. Nick leaned forward as Heath grabbed his hand yet again and squeezed it so hard that his blood ran cold from the grip.

“Heath, for the love of God,” Nick begged with a ragged cry. “Let them give you some morphine.”

“NO!” Heath hissed. “Never.”

“Oh, Heath,” Nick sighed. Heath’s hooded gaze locked on his brother’s gray eyes.

“Promise…Nick,” the injured man begged. “Promise.” The silent communication between the brothers told Nick everything he needed to know. Heath didn’t want morphine, not under any circumstances, even if the doctors insisted.

“You’re sure, Heath. What if after surgery the pain is worse than it is now? You may need that morphine and not be able to tell us.” Heath’s blue eyes became if anything more panicked.

“Nick…Please!! Promise!” Slowly, Nick Barkley nodded. Heath squeezed his hand gratefully. Nick breathed a sigh of relief as his younger brother closed his eyes to rest. Nick Barkley couldn’t stand seeing Heath in such horrible pain. The fact that Heath had been shot saving Dr. Travis so the doctor could save their sister made the situation worse. How could Heath’s sacrifice have gotten him into this tragic situation?

“Heath?” Nick called out softly. The blue slits in his brother’s eyes told the dark cowboy he was awake.

“I’m glad you’re my brother you know.” Heath managed a half-grin through the fog of pain as he let his blue eyes linger on Nick’s gray ones.

“Reckon…I’m...right…glad…too…Nick.” Nick almost chuckled at his quiet siblings words. He would have said more except that Jarrod’s doctor friend, Davis came into the room with another man in a white coat and Jarrod and Victoria.

“Mother,” Nick cried in evident relief. He stood to hug the tiny woman close to him. Victoria Barkley might not be very big, but her strength was something she shared generously with her children.

“How is he, Nick?” Jarrod asked coming around to Heath’s side.

“I’m…here…” Heath answered. “Jarrod…Mother…”

“He’s in a lot of pain, but he’s a trooper,” Nick put in.

“Of course he is. That’s the typical word for a Barkley, especially one who puts his body in front of a bullet.”

“just…my…back…” Heath quipped. Victoria came over to kiss her son on the forehead. He felt warm to her. He grabbed her hand with free one.

“Audra? Where…?”

“She’s still sleeping, Heath. Davis says she’ll be fine,” Victoria lied. “It was quite an ordeal for both of you. I swear, Heath Thomson Barkley, I wish you hadn’t done that. I’m so proud of you, but you didn’t have to take that bullet.” After eight months of living on the ranch, Heath knew his stepmother. She was caught between scolding him and praising him. If he had died or if he did, she would never forgive herself, but if Audra had died because Dr. Travis wasn’t available to do surgery, Heath couldn’t have lived with himself.

“Wasn’t…a…choice,” He told her. “Be…all right. Promise.” Victoria nodded.

“We’ll hold you to that promise, Little Brother,” Jarrod said. Jarrod looked towards Davis who introduced the new doctor.

“Everyone, this esteemed gentleman is Dr. Raymond Watts. He’s a top surgeon is the field of neurology which is what we need right now to get that bullet out of Heath with as little residual damage as possible. Dr. Watts, this is Mrs. Victoria Barkley, and her sons, Nick, Jarrod and our patient, Heath.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” the red headed surgeon said. He was dressed in black slacks and a white shirt and tie with a white lab coat. He was a younger man, perhaps a few years older than Jarrod. His hazel eyes crackled with confidence. Coming over to Heath, he shook Mrs. Barkley’s hand.

“I’m only sorry we had to meet under these circumstances. Now, I need to examine Heath before surgery so I can see where the wound is and hopefully figure out my strategy before he’s under the anesthetic. We don’t want to keep him under any longer than necessary.”

“Doctor, I’m staying with him,” Nick said in a voice that brooked no refusal. Victoria lowered her eyes in pride for her son. This from the man who had originally fought against his brother staying at the ranch. Now Nick wouldn’t let anyone hurt Heath, not even a doctor if he could help it. Victoria had no doubt that, her middle son would take Heath’s pain and put it on himself if he could.

“I’ve been with him all night. I know about his pain and what’s been happening to him.”

“Good. You’ll be a big help,” Dr. Watts said. “But why don’t you go over and wash your hands in the sink there. I don’t want this young man getting an infection if I can help it. Mrs. Barkley? Your son and I will be out in a few minutes to talk to you.”

“Thank you, Dr. Watts,” Victoria said with her gracious charm. She leaned over and kissed Heath on the forehead.

“I love you, Sweetheart. Audra does too. You remember that.”

“Yes…Mother.” Heath ground out.

“Remember what I said about fighting. A Barkley never gives up.”

“Wouldn’t…dare…” Heath quipped. Again the young man’s courage seemed to fill the room. Even Dr. Watts got wind of it in the humor Heath gave his mother and brothers. This was indeed a special family. Jarrod murmured a few words of encouragement. Heath didn’t say anything. There was no need. The lawyer escorted his mother from the room, shutting the door behind him. Nick washed his hands in the sink and dried them on a towel. The two doctors followed him. Dr. Watts then opened a kit of instruments on the table next to Heath’s bed. The doctor was quick to earn Nick’s respect when his first words were addressed to Heath so that he could involve the injured man in everything that he planned to do in the next several minutes.

“Mr. Barkley, I’m going to examine your wound, and then I’m going to do a few tests on your reflexes. Davis has given me all the information he has, but I need to ask you a few questions, if you feel up to it.” Heath took a second to collect himself before he spoke. He closed his eyes, and then opened them. A sudden spasm overcame him. His legs were stretched so tight it was easy to see what was happening to his legs as they elevated on their own right straight through the sheets.

“Nick!” he cried. Nick brushed between the two doctors in haste, taking Heath’s hand in his, holding it tight. Davis and Dr. Watts did something Nick wished he’d known to do during the night. Dr. Watts threw up the white linen sheet to Heath’s knees. They each took one of Heath’s legs and started to massage the limbs. Within a few minutes, much faster than usual, the spasm abated. Heath breathed a sigh of relief as he visibly relaxed.

“Mr. Barkley, those spasms are the result of incomplete nerve impulses from the brain. I’m sorry you have to put up with them, but there’s not much we can do beyond the massage technique. That seems to help,” Dr. Watts explained. “Do they happen often?” Heath looked at Nick. Nick got the message. He spoke for his exhausted brother.

“Every half hour to an hour. They’re excruciating. He didn’t sleep much at all during the night.”

“Well, maybe the surgery can take care of that. We’ll have to see. Now, Mr. Barkley…”

“I’m Nick. You can call my brother Heath. It makes things easier and less confusing.”

“Hmm. Quite right. Thank you, Nick. Heath, we have to turn you over on your side. I know it’s going to hurt but I have to look at the wound.” Again Heath didn’t respond. Nick nodded for them both. Gently the men moved Heath onto his side. Dr. Watts lifted the bandage that covered the bloody wound. Nick saw the man’s eyes widen, but what caught his attention, Nick didn’t know. Heath’s eyes were closed tight, his hand still clenched in Nick’s.

“It’s okay, Heath. It’s only going to be a few more minutes,” Nick assured his brother. Heath couldn’t explain how moving had set his back to feeling as if it were being branded over and over again. He tried to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. As the doctors looked at the wound, palpating to find the bullet, the iron seemed to hit a nerve. Heath couldn’t help the animalistic cry that he emitted.

“Heath,” Nick cried. The doctors gently let the man lay back on his stomach. Heath’s body was bathed in sweat. He was barely conscious. Still Dr. Watts talked directly to him and Nick at the same time.

“I’m sorry about that, Heath. I truly am. But I could feel the bullet in the wound with my probe. We’re going to get that bullet out boy, and hopefully we’ll do it right.” Heath could no long speak at all. He grit his teeth, but remained silent. His silence was terrifying to Nick. Davis went to the door and stepped into the hallway. Nick continued to hold Heath’s hand. Dr. Watts went over to the sink and washed his hands again. He took his probe and washed it under hot water and then put it in the kit. While he waited, Nick talked to Heath.

“Heath, what are you doing, Boy? Wake up now. This isn’t the time to sleep. Heath!” Nick’s heart plummeted as he realized that Heath was unconscious, perhaps from the pain, perhaps from exhaustion. He wanted nothing more than to hug his brother to him, to breathe his own loud strength into his younger sibling. Instead he leaned across Heath and talked into his ear.

“I know you can hear me, Heath. Remember we’re fighting with you every step of the way. You aren’t alone. I promise, Heath. You aren’t alone.”

“Nick, we’ll be taking him to surgery in a minute. Davis went to get the nurse and a gurney. Would you like to wait outside with your family now? I think he might sleep till we get to surgery. That was pretty painful for him.”

“Please, Doc, do your best. Heath, he…well he’s awful special to our family.” Dr. Watts smiled and put his hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“I believe you, Nick. I promise we’ll do our very best. I wish I could tell you he’ll be fine and you could take him home tomorrow. But we know so little right now. Are you a praying man, Nick?”

“The family goes to church on Sundays and we support several charities in Stockton and San Francisco.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I suppose not.”

“Well, this might be a good time to renew those skills. Your brother needs more help than I can give, and having the Lord on our side could not hurt.”

“I get the message Doc. Thanks.” Nick took one last look at Heath’s still body, swallowed the bile in his throat and exited the room. He was confused when he shut the door behind him and didn’t find the family waiting there as he expected. Then he realized they would be in Audra’s room. He had been with Heath all night, barely moving. Now he stretched his legs a little going into his sister’s room, holding his breath because Jarrod had given him an update on her condition, and he knew it wasn’t good.

“Nick, Sweetheart, you look so tired,” Victoria Barkley told her son hurrying over to him. “Was Heath still awake when you left him? Are they taking him to surgery?”

“He’s unconscious. The doctor had to probe for the bullet. He’s been in so much pain, Mother. It was just too much for him.”

“Good thing,” Jarrod put in. “He needs a rest.”

“Like you care,” Nick yelled at Jarrod. Victoria and Jarrod stood simultaneously.

“Nicholas, lower your voice,” Victoria scolded while Jarrod spoke after her.

“Just what does that mean, Brother Nick?” Jarrod’s tone was low and rather impatient.

“You let those monsters go. They shot Heath and you let them go.”

“Nick, I am too tired and too upset to talk about that now. Audra and Heath are both suffering and I don’t intend to let your temper upset any of us more than you already have.”

“Jarrod is right, Nicholas,” Victoria chastised. “You will not bring your temper into this hospital, do you understand me?”

“Yes, Mother. I’m sorry.” Nick walked back out to the hallway. Jarrod put his arm around his mother as she started to sit down again. Her son’s strong arm was a welcome comfort. Nick stuck his head back into the room.

“They’re taking Heath now,” he informed the family. Victoria bent over Audra quickly.

”Sweetheart, I’ll be right back. I promise. I just want to be with Heath before his surgery.”

“I’ll stay with her, Mother,” Nick said. “I’ve said my good-byes.” Nick felt his mother’s squeeze in his hand and was grateful for the love conveyed therein. He sat next to his little sister, watching through the open door as Jarrod and their mother spoke to Heath’s unconscious self before the gurney and Dr. Watts finally disappeared from his view. Davis came back into the room with the family. He came over to check on Audra He looked at the brothers and Victoria standing around the bed. Audra’s angelic face was so empty, the doctor wondered how they could bear to look at her. He took her pulse, and checked her reflexes, but found nothing different. It was as if the girl had shut herself down. He wondered if she would ever come back.

“Davis? Any change?” Jarrod wondered although he already knew the answer.

“None that I can see. Is there anything else that could be bothering your sister or do you think it’s Heath?”

“I don’t know,” Jarrod answered. “Nick?” Nick Barkley shrugged his own uncertainty.

“She’ll have to see Heath,” Victoria put in touching her daughter’s forehead, rubbing the soft skin lightly to give her some stimulation. “When she sees Heath, she’ll get better.” The mother’s voice was so certain. Nick and Jarrod exchanged glances with David. He just looked down confirming what the brothers already knew. Heath might not come back from surgery, or if he did, he might not be able to help Audra, especially if he couldn’t help himself. How could they depend on Heath right now, Jarrod wondered while Nick thought to himself, how could they not…and Victoria continued to have simple faith that somehow all her children would get through this healthy and whole. They had to. They were her children and she would not contemplate any other outcome, not Victoria Barkley.

Part 5

With Heath in surgery, the Barkley’s were kind of at loose ends. Even for this close knit family, the tension in the air was thick, along with the fear of not knowing what was coming. Victoria took up her vigil at her daughter’s side while Nick and Jarrod stayed near by. The sounds of the hospital gave them a sort of small comfort. No matter what happened the people here had work to do, patients to take care of, and families to provide emotional support to. The hours passed, albeit slowly. Nick, finally unable to keep himself from exploding with frustration and anxiety suddenly bolted from the room as Victoria was reading to Audra. Their mother stopped reading as Jarrod got up to follow his brother.

“Let me, Jarrod,” she said softly. “Why don’t you keep reading to Audra? Any sounds that reach her have to help.” Jarrod bent down to kiss his mother on the cheek.

“Weave your magic, Mother,” he whispered with complete faith in her abilities. Victoria’s uncertain smile was something Jarrod wasn’t used to. He saw that she too was as nervous and worried as he and Nick were. Small wonder. The bond between his mother and her Heath was a privilege to witness, Jarrod thought, but then just being with his mother was a privilege. She was a true parent who always put her children's’ needs above her own. She had never let them down and he was certain she wouldn’t let Nick down now. Sitting down in the chair his mother had vacated, the lawyer picked up the newest book by Mark Twain which Audra had brought with her from home, and started reading out loud, hoping against hope his sister would hear him and fight to return to the life she so richly deserved. In the hallway, Victoria found her son.

“Nick?” Nick Barkley was pacing up and down the hallway outside his sister’s room. He barely heard his mother as he turned and started down the hall again.

“Nicholas,” came the insistent cry. Stopping, the dark haired young man turned back to face his mother.

“Mother, I just need some time to be alone,” he tried.

“Alone? What so you can feel sorry for yourself?” Nick stepped back surprised by the question.

”Me? I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m worried about Heath.”

“I can see that, but by isolating yourself, you just feel self pity. Isn’t that true?” Eyebrows raised and a crease in his forehead told Victoria her son was thinking. He leaned against the wall, letting out a whoosh of air as if he had been deflated. Shaking his head, he chuckled a little.

“You must be one of the wisest people I know,” he admitted. “Two seconds and you’ve got me rethinking my priorities.”

“Wisdom has nothing to do with it. Come here, Nick. I’ll tell how I know exactly what I mean about self pity.” Victoria walked down the hall to a waiting room where she sat in a wooden chair across from her son. Nick sat defensively, his arms across his chest. Victoria was rather amused by the stance.

“All right, Mother, I’m listening.”

“Good. Make sure you do,” she teased lightly. “Now this story begins almost a quarter of a century ago. You were so young; you probably don’t remember the year your father went to Strawberry, although obviously he did go. But I haven’t really told you why he went. Oh, I’ve admitted we had problems, and if we didn’t Heath probably wouldn’t be here now, but the truth is, if I hadn’t felt so sorry for myself, your father would never have left.”

“Mother, ya shouldn’t…”

“Let me finish, Nick. When your baby brother was born, I was one of the happiest women in the world. I loved my three sons, and my husband. I felt so blessed. And then the baby took sick, and before we knew it…” Victoria’s words came out in a choked emotion that Nick recognized well. Her heart was on her sleeve and she was having difficulty talking. The gruff cowboy’s defensive posture evaporated. He put his hand on his mother’s to give her comfort. She nodded before going on.

“Before we knew it, he was gone. My mistake came right then. Instead of turning to your father as I should have, I shut him out. I turned my attention to you children, coddling you, trying to make sure you didn’t have the opportunity to hurt yourselves. I refused to let you ride which caused more temper tantrums than I care to admit.” Nick chuckled again. He didn’t remember the time she spoke of but he could guess that keeping him from riding would have been difficult. Nick always figured horses were made for him. Like Heath, he felt that his horse was part of his right arm sometimes.

“You can laugh. Poor Jarrod had to put up with your screams. He wasn’t too happy either. I refused to let him go and see your Uncle Jim or leave the house any more than absolutely necessary. Your father tried to be patient. He told me I was smothering you two and you’d grow up to be sissies. Well I figured that was just the man in him and of course I knew better. Fool that I was.” Nick gapped at his mother. Never in his 30 years had Victoria Barkley insulted herself.

“Mother, you’re only human,” he commented. “How many times have you told us that?” Her sad acknowledgement made him wince in empathy.

“Well, you know me. I had to be perfect, so I told your father he didn’t care about you boys. Well that was when he went to Strawberry. Nick, he knew I was feeling sorry for myself, instead of admitting my grief and anger at God for taking my baby from me. I used worry over you boys as an excuse to not deal with those feelings. I don’t want that to happen to you.”

“I see,” Nick contemplated. “So what happened?’

“Your father came back from Strawberry. By the first night I knew he was feeling guilty about something. Then I had a bigger fear then my self pity. I was worried about losing your father because he was so distant, and yet so attentive with gifts. He wouldn’t talk about how he felt, but he showered me with jewelry and gifts. Finally I confronted him. He told me about Heath’s mother. He apologized with a great deal of finesse and sincerity. We talked all night. I finally had to admit that I had driven him into Leah’s arms, that if I had just been honest with him, and with myself, his affair would never have happened. I loved your father so very much, Nick. He never said anything about a child, and somehow I guess we just didn’t discuss the possibility.”

“So that’s why you accepted Heath so easily.” Victoria nodded, tears in her eyes. Nick sat in the chair next to his mother, hugging her lightly till she could finish.

“Heath must never know about this, Nick. I don’t want him to know I feel so guilty about that time. If it hadn’t happened he would never have been born. Frankly I think God works in mysterious ways. He took a terrible tragedy and gave us Heath. I can’t imagine life without him. He’s…” Now Victoria burst into tears. Again Nick held his mother, her body racked with her own fears for Heath.

“I promise, Mother. I won’t tell him. And I promise, I won’t isolate myself anymore, if you can stop crying.” Immediately, Victoria Barkley choked back her tears. She stood up quickly.

“Promise me something else?” she dared to ask of her middle son.

“Anything, Mother, you know that.”

“If Heath…if he can’t walk, never give up on him, Nick. We have to find a way for him to continue to work on the ranch. I’ve been thinking a great deal about this. I don’t want him to ever have a moment to consider his life is over. If it was you, I would insist on the same attitude. The ranch is everything to you two. I firmly believe he can be active and help you out even if he can’t walk.”

“But, Mother he won’t be able to ride.”

“Don’t tell him that,” she retorted sharply. “He can find a way and you can help him. I won’t have any son of mine taking to bed and staying there. It is not going to happen. Promise me, Nick, right now.”

“You going to ask the same of Jarrod and Audra?”

“Yes.”

“Well then there’s nothing to discuss.” Victoria was about to reply with some indignation when her tall, strong son bent down and kissed her again on the cheek.

“Of course I promise. I’d like to see how long Heath would stay in bed anyway.”

“It’s not going to be easy,” Victoria cautioned.

“What’s our saying, Mother? Nothing good in life is ever easy to attain. Heath is my brother, my partner and my best friend. I won’t let him down. I won’t let ya down either.” He took his mother’s hand. Together they walked back towards Audra’s room, just in time to see Dr. Watts, and Davis come walking down the hall with their lab coats still on. The two exchanged anxious looks. Victoria wiped a sweaty palm on her gray skirt. With resolution in her heart, the determined mother walked down the hall with her second son to face news that could be devastating, or hopeful, or anything in between.

“Please, God,” she prayed. “Please take care of Heath. Please don’t let him die. Please. We can handle anything but that. Please.” Her begging wasn’t heard by anyone but God…and if he heard, she couldn’t know. All she could do was face the inevitable and all the dire consequences to come.

* * * * * * * *

Meanwhile, Jarrod Barkley was sitting with his sister. Reading to her, he couldn’t help looking into her vacant eyes. It seemed as if she was awake, but in a world they couldn’t hope to enter. The whole concept of his sister retreating from the people who loved her most was one the lawyer had never considered. Putting the book down, he sat on the side of the bed, trying to see how he could encourage her to come out of her shell, anything to hear her voice and to see her innocence again.

“Did you see Nick rush out, Audra? I believe our mother has her hands full. He feels bad, but then our brother can be rather intense when it comes to the family. Do you remember when you were about sixteen? I told you, you were a hellion and if Father were here, you wouldn’t dare try to get away with what you did. I tried everything, spending time with you, talking to you, yelling at you, even locking you in your room. I only told Mother bits and pieces of what was going on because I didn’t want to upset her. I’m guessing she knew more than I gave her credit for, but she let me handle what was happening because I insisted. Finally after you slipped out of the house to go into town one too many times, I spanked you.” Jarrod chuckled at the memory. He took Audra’s hand in his stroking the smooth skin gently, wishing, praying she could hear him. He let his blue eyes meet his sister’s though they didn’t respond.

“You went indignant as you please to Mother. She put her hands on her waist, gave you this damning look and you backed off without saying a word. I suspect she saw the whole thing since I was standing by the door, waiting for you to come home. I didn’t wait for an explanation, just took you over my knee on the chair by the front door and spanked you. That night after supper you came to my room and we talked. Do you remember, Little Sister? Do you remember what I said that night? It’s not that long ago, surely. Can you tell me, Audra?” But the words didn’t come from Audra. They didn’t come from anyone. Jarrod sighed at the emptiness in the room. Finally he spoke again, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“You asked me why I spanked you. You wondered how I dared to lay a hand on you and what would Father say. I told you that Father would have reacted exactly the way I did. You were silent after that, didn’t say a word. I came over to my bedroom door where you were standing so nice and defensively I might add, and had you sit down on the bed for a minute. I don’t know if it was the spanking or if you were finally ready to listen to me. You were angry from the day Father died and I hadn’t been able to reach you until then.”

He thought of the pretty little girl his sister had been before Tom Barkley’s death. She was always happy, her laughter a magical gift to her brothers and her parents, secure in the love of both a father and mother and the boys who adored her. Then, at the vulnerable age of 13, already on the shaky ground called adolescence, the security she took for granted was completely destroyed. Jarrod would never forget the anguish the family suffered in those endless months after they buried Tom Barkley. But it was Audra who seemed to suffer the most. Jarrod was a new young lawyer, opening his practice in Stockton. Nick threw himself into the ranch, their mother into various charities and working on the ranch books, but Audra…Audra had no outlet except for school. Her grief almost ate her alive as she mourned by turning her anger inward. She told Jarrod he wasn’t her father and couldn’t tell her what to do. By minding her manners around their mother, she led Jarrod a merry dance until that night three years later when he was finally at the end of his rope.

“It’s hard to believe it was only a few years ago. You’ve grown so much since then. I like to think that by giving you that spanking and letting you know that being the daughter of Tom and Victoria Barkley was a privilege. I told you again how your family was there to give you all the support and love you needed if you would only let us. Then, I asked you if you ever thought how Mother or Nick or I would feel if anything happened to you when you were out gallivanting in town. You squirmed a little, but you did admit you hadn’t. I asked you to remember how you felt when Father died. I saw the tears in your eyes and kind of drove my point home when I said that Mother would feel a hundred times worse and she’d have to deal with her grief without Father. I’ve never seen your eyes get that wide. You burst into tears, and apologized, not just to me, but to Mother and Nick. You weren’t an angel after that, but at least I didn’t have to worry about you sneaking out of the house to go to Will’s or into town all night.” Jarrod smiled. He looked out in the hallway, still not seeing his mother or brother. So he went on with his reminiscing.

“I remember another night when this time I saw how much you had grown up. It was less than a week after Heath came. He and Nick were still going at it, each one trying to out do the other, still searching for that partnership they have now. Heath was angry, just like you when Father died. Only he was angry at a father he never knew. He was angry at Nick for not giving him a chance, and he was angry at the world for his past. I was late coming home from town when I saw you coming out of the house and walking towards the barn which is where I was headed anyway. Just as I got to the barn door, I saw you touch Heath’s shoulder. He was firing up the forge to do some work. When you touched our brother’s shoulder he whipped around and almost hit you. I could see his temper was just as volatile as Nick’s. I was going to interrupt when I saw you weren’t afraid of him, didn’t even flinch.

“Heath, talk to me,” you begged. Heath kind of glowered like he was going to go and sulk. You cocked your head the way Mother does and pleaded with him to trust you, and to come clean with his feelings. He kept working the fire in the forge, looking into the fire until he could finally look at you. You leaned back on the wall and he talked. I couldn’t help listening to his concerns and fears and anger. When he was finished, you were very quiet, then said something very wise.

“Heath, have you thought of talking to Nick about all this? You told me. Why can’t you tell him?”

“He wouldn’t listen.”

“Yes, he would. Heath, what you don’t know about Nick is that he’s the best friend you could ever have. Especially when he admits how much you mean to him. I can see he cares about you. He’s just uncomfortable.”

“Yes, with his father’s bastard son,” Heath spat out. I remember cringing at the venom Heath had in his voice. You walked right over to him and put your hand on his cheek. I thought you were going to slap him. Instead I think you melted him again with that pretty face of yours.

“Heath, Nick doesn’t think like that and you know it. None of us do. Heath, we want you here. We love you already and we’ll do anything it takes to help you realize you are as much a part of this family as Nick is. What Mother or Jarrod would say is you have to meet us half way. We can’t make you trust us. You have to give us a chance to prove to you that we are family. That includes Nick.” Well, Heath blushed a little and the two of you hugged. I came into the barn with my horse figuring I’d eavesdropped enough. But Little Sister, in my eyes you became a woman that night. I couldn’t call you baby sister anymore because you weren’t a little girl anymore. You made Heath feel more welcome than all of us combined. You became his friend before Nick or I could. Audra, your courage and strength are inspiring. Please, please hear me. It’s killing us to watch you like this. Please, Little Sister.” Jarrod sighed in defeat as his words seemed to be said to empty air. He was about to go back to the chair, letting Audra’s hand go when he felt his heart leap. A slight squeeze on his hand made the lawyer do a double take.

“Audra? Audra, did you hear me?” From wherever she was, Jarrod’s little sister was trying to come back. There was no doubt about it. She squeezed his hand again, but her gaze didn’t waver from the wall across from her bed. To Jarrod, it didn’t matter. He sat back in the chair, and started to read again with renewed hope. When his mother and Nick came into the room, he was about to share the good news with them when he saw Dr. Watts and Davis. Putting the book down, he walked over to the group, his heart beating faster for a different reason. Pure emotion welled up in the lawyer’s eyes when he saw Davis was looking at the floor telling Jarrod that all was not well with his brother…the question that stabbed him in the heart was if Heath was alive or if his life had just ended because he was going to be paralyzed permanently. It had to be one or the other. Heath…Heath…Heath…Jarrod screamed in silent agony as Dr. Watts started to talk.

Part 6

Victoria Barkley’s hand slipped into the rough work worn hand of her middle son and the broad comforting hand of her eldest son to provide a united front to Dr. Watts and Dr. Davis Worth. The two men stood in their white lab coats in front of the family, their faces stonily unreadable. The Matriarch stood firm, her fears for her golden son successfully hidden within her deepest self.

“Davis?” Jarrod asked. “How is my brother?”

“Well, Jarrod, I guess I’ll let Dr. Watts tell you the news since he and Heath are the ones who are the major players.”

“Dr. Watts?” Victoria queried. “Please tell us.”

“Why don’t we all go and sit down. The surgery was complicated. I’d like to explain it in detail.”

“Someone needs to stay with Audra,” Victoria objected. “We can’t leave her alone.” The lovely lady looked back towards her daughter who still sit up in bed, a shell of the woman she had been. Davis put his hand on her shoulder.

“I’ll stay with her. Dr. Watts is perfectly capable of telling you what you need to know. If I need to leave I’ll get a nurse for her,” he offered. Victoria flashed him a grateful look while Jarrod shook his hand. The family followed Dr. Watts down to the waiting room they were now very familiar with. Victoria sank gratefully into a chair with her sons on either side of her, straightening her skirts and folding her hands restlessly onto her lap. Nick leaned forward while Jarrod took his mother’s hand in his again to give her some much needed fortitude. Dr. Watts spoke clearly and concisely in plain terms that the family was relieved to understand. He was truly a kind surgeon.

“First of all I want to let you know that Heath came through the surgery with flying colors. I must admit he’s one of my more vocal patients.”

“Vocal?” Nick cried out. “Heath?”

“Well at least in what he wants. He didn’t say much, but he told me in no uncertain terms that I’d better make sure he walks out of this hospital or he’d give me what for, and if I couldn’t do that I’d better be damn sure I could tell you folks I did my best which I did.”

“Smart ass,” Nick muttered. Victoria slapped his hand but then gave him a smile as the doctor went on.

“Now for the bad news.” The family all held their breaths as one. “The bullet was lodged barely a few centimeters, about an inch from the spinal cord. I was able to take it out. It was a very delicate process. You have to understand that one false move right or left and I could have pushed the bullet further in and nicked the cord. That would have been the end of the road right there. The biggest problem was that there was a great deal of swelling in the area and there will be more because the tissue was disturbed. The human body does not like foreign instruments poking and prodding it.”

“What does that mean for Heath, Doc?” Nick ground out, his hazel eyes intense and upset. Dr. Watts looked right at Nick as he spoke, but somehow included Victoria and Jarrod at the same time, his empathy letting them down gently.

“The bottom line is that I can’t be sure what the damage is. For now Heath is paralyzed from the waist down.”

Victoria clenched her fists. She had known this could happen had tried to accept it, but hearing that her son was still paralyzed was far more disturbing to her than she had anticipated. Unable to hold her grief, she turned to Jarrod who held her close. Nick simply did what was natural to him. He hit his hand against his other hand, then stood up and paced. Dr. Watts waited a minute.

“Folks, I don’t want to dash your hopes. Far from it. Heath could walk again.”

“What do you mean? You just said…” Nick bellowed.

“Nick not now,” Jarrod ordered. Slumping back down in a chair, the dark rancher glowered at the doctor.

“I said there’s swelling around the spinal cord. What I didn’t see was that there was any damage to the spinal cord. If the swelling goes down, it is possible that Heath will get the feeling back in his legs.”

“Great, so it’s a game to see if he does or see if he doesn’t,” Nick sulked.

“Nicholas you are not making this easier,” Victoria snapped. Jarrod’s sharp gaze along with his mother’s straightened the middle son out. He sat up and forced himself to deal with what was happening.

“I’m sorry, Mother. I’m just so angry.” Victoria sighed.

“We’re all angry, Nick. Brooding about it is not going to help your brother.”

“No, its not,” Dr. Watts put in.

“What do you need from us, Doctor?” Victoria asked wiping away her tears. “We’ll do whatever it takes to help Heath.”

“I’m glad to hear it. There is one more thing.”

“Which is?” Jarrod wondered.

“Heath is going to be in a lot of pain. The spasms will improve, but he’s going to still have some, and he may have them the rest of his life. You cannot let him give into self-pity. Heath may go through a period of depression and anger about his condition. We know he won’t take anything more than laudanum for his pain which I disagree with, but I can’t change his mind, so I won’t try.” Nick smiled just a little glad he wouldn’t have to defend his brother against the morphine needle. Dr. Watts pressed on. “He’s been pretty positive but it’s going to be a discouraging process getting him back on his feet. My best advice is to treat him as though he will walk again, that he’s the same man he’s always been. Treat him no differently. Help him only when he needs it. We’ll teach him and you how to make him as independent as possible.”

“We could set up a bedroom on the ground floor in the study,” Jarrod said. “And make a ramp out front and back so he can get to wherever he needs to go. He’ll feel trapped if he has to stay in the house.”

“He sure will,” Nick answered, exchanging looks with his mother. He looked right at the doctor. “Doc, Heath rides. He rides well and he’s going to want to do that. Do you think he can?” Dr. Watts smiled.

“You figure out a way to get him on a horse and I don’t see why not. The human body is only stopped by what a person thinks they can’t do.” Collectively the family breathed a sigh of relief. Victoria most especially appreciated the doctor’s attitude.

“Dr. Watts, before my son leaves this hospital, will you please tell him exactly what you told us?” she asked. “I don’t want him to just think we’re patronizing him.”

“I already did. Heath is awake and though he’s still groggy, he’s fully aware of the surgery and the outcome. My concern was he didn’t say a word when I told him, just nodded.”

“That would be Heath,” Jarrod smiled. “Not as vocal as you thought, huh, Doc?”

“Well, no, but I had high hopes when we went into surgery. We’ll just have to see. I still think that boy has a lot going for him. If you folks don’t mind, that’s how I’m going to approach his case.”

“As if the cup is half full instead of half empty,” Victoria mused. Dr. Watts stood up. He assisted Victoria up as well, and shook her hand lightly.

“That’s exactly the stuff that Heath needs to hear. You’ll all do fine, I’m certain. You’re just the kind of support that young man needs and I’m sure he’ll respond in kind.”

“He’d better,” Nick snipped. Victoria rolled her eyes while Jarrod hid a snicker. He could just see Heath fighting with Nick over what he could and could not do. Jarrod and Nick shook the doctor’s hand, and walked with him down the hall. Heath was just being wheeled down the hallway. Victoria suddenly stopped next to Dr. Watts. Both Nick and Jarrod were slightly ahead of her, but stopped as well when they didn’t hear the swishing of their mother’s skirts. They both grinned seeing her put her finger to her lips as she watched Heath being rolled down the hallway.

“Dr. Watts, how long will Heath need to stay here?”

“Here in the hospital? Oh, about a month, enough for the incision to heal in his back and for us to teach him how to help himself. I’m guessing he’s not going to want to stay in bed too long and there’s no reason for him to. In fact, the sooner he’s up and around, the better.”

“I know this may seem unusual, but I wondered if Heath could share a room with Audra. It would be easier on the family to have the two of them together, but even more important, I think it will do them good as well. We don’t know how long Audra will be…ill.” Victoria’s voice cracked a bit at the thought of her daughter not responding or coming back to them, but she hurried on. “What do you think?”

“Now, Mother, Heath isn’t going to like that. You know how he is about privacy. They don’t share a room at home,” Nick objected.

“We’re not at home, Nick.”

“Mrs. Barkley, I’d have to agree with your son. Heath is going to need round the clock care. He might be embarrassed…” Dr. Watts started.

“I think that’s a splendid idea,” Jarrod said. “Don’t you see, Doctor? We can pull a curtain around Heath’s bed if he needs privacy, but being in a room with Audra will make him work harder and it might bring our sister out of her current state. When she’s better, Heath can have a room of his own again, if he wants.”

“It’s rather unusual. We’ve only done that for couples when they are both in the hospital.”

“Why don’t we just ask, Heath?” Victoria suggested. Reluctantly Dr. Watts nodded. The bed carrying Heath was about to be taken into his room when his family reached him. Victoria gasped at the sight of her son’s pale face. He looked terrible. Lying on his back, the young man had his eyes closed, and his lips pursed together against the pain. For a second the matriarch hesitated as she called to her son.

“Heath,” she breathed. “Heath, can you hear me?” At the sound of his mother’s voice, Heath Barkley turned his head. His baby blues took in her concern and fear.

“S’ Okay, Mother,” he whispered. “Don’t worry.”

“Oh, Heath! I can’t help but worry.” Heath didn’t speak but did nod. Nick touched his mother’s shoulder. She knew what he was going to say, that she was wrong, that what she wanted wasn’t right for Heath or Audra. But Victoria knew better. Her two youngest children needed each other. She ignored her son.

“Heath, I want to ask you a favor,” Victoria started.

“Hmmmm,” Heath murmured, his eyes closed again.

“Heath, you need to listen. I need your help.” The blond cowboy heard his mother, but after surgery it was hard to listen, especially when he had so much else on his mind, namely his paralysis. But he’d do anything for his mother. He forced his eyes open. The silver haired lady was holding his hand, her need coming through loud and clear.

“Yes, Mother?”

“Audra isn’t responding to any of us. It’s as if she’s shut herself down. We think it happened when she thought you were killed on the train. Heath, I know this is asking a lot, but I want you to share a room with her.”

“Mother…no. It won’t…help her.” Heath managed to gasp. “I’ll upset her.” Heath was horrified by the idea of sharing a room with his sister, not out of selfishness, but because if he cried out from a spasm or something else he couldn’t foresee, Audra would be captive audience. He couldn’t put his sister in that position.

“Heath, she needs to be upset. She needs something we can’t give her. She needs you! Please, Heath. I don’t know how else to reach her. I think you’re our last hope.”

“Don’t want…to…hurt…her,” Heath went on. The pain in his back was excruciating. How could he keep that from Audra, even if she wasn’t responsive?

“Heath, please,” Victoria begged one more time. The proud son was about to shake his head one more time when he saw tears slipping down the face he so loved. Reaching up with a hand, he brushed away the wetness. Taking her hand in his, he kissed it lightly.

“All right,” he consented. Nick rolled his eyes. Jarrod smiled while Victoria bent down to kiss Heath on the forehead. She squeezed his hand with her own.

“You won’t be sorry, Sweetheart,” she insisted. “Just think, now the whole family can be with you and Audra all the time.” Heath groaned in mock terror this time making the entire family laugh. He grit his teeth knowing his privacy was about to be completely invaded. What the cowboy didn’t know was that his recovery was going to be far from the lonely trek he imagined it would be. His bed was rolled into his sister’s room. Heath Barkley began working his way down a road he never dreamed of traversing…at least not with the Barkley family by his side. He had no doubt that it was going to be one very bumpy road. The question was how much could he trust his family and the sister who needed him so desperately to help him find the man he had been before that fateful train ride, and the loss of his legs.

Part 7

“Nick, why don’t you go take a rest,” Heath asked his brother. “You been here since yesterday.”

“I’m not going anywhere either till the therapist comes. He’s supposed to do your first treatment this morning. I want to make sure you mind your manners like Mother said.” Heath’s groan of frustration made Nick chuckle.

“If I didn’t love our mother so much, I’d probably send her packing back to Stockton,” Heath muttered. Nick, sitting on a chair between his brother and sister’s beds snickered.

“I’d like to see you try, Little Brother.” Heath gave him a weak attempt at his lopsided smile, a slight twinkle in his eye, something he really hadn’t done much since surgery two days before.

“Well you got me there. She’s like a dog with a bone sometimes. Gets something in her head and never changes her mind. She’s going to smother me, Nick.”

“Don’t look at me, Heath. That’s what mothers are for. You’re just lucky Jarrod took her back to the hotel last night for a rest.”

“I kind of wish Jarrod hadn’t had to return to San Francisco today.”

“Yeah, but he’ll be back next week.”

“He was making progress with Audra, getting her to walk around and working with Mother to get her to eat. Now if she’d just recognize us.” Nick and Heath were both silent as they watched their little sister. She hadn’t spoken or apparently recognized anyone since Heath’s shooting, but she did seem to be improving. The family’s worst fear was that this was as far as she would go and they would never see that sparkle in their sister’s eye or hear the excitement of young innocence in her voice again.

“All joking aside, I’m glad we got Mother to go back to the hotel. She looked like hell.” Nick burst out laughing.

“You better not repeat that, Heath. If Audra repeats it to Mother, you might get more than you bargained for.”

“Maybe, but I was getting worried about her.”

“Changing the subject are we?” Nick asked.

“What?”

“Well, you’re the one we’re worried about Heath. You’ve been awfully quiet the last few days.”

“Nick…I was shot. That kind of takes priority.”

“I know it hasn’t been easy, but you keep shutting us out.” Heath closed his eyes. Nick was about to go on when they were interrupted. He wished he could tell the man to go away, but at that particular time, Heath needed the therapist more than anything else, even a heart to heart chat with his brother.

“Mr. Barkley? Mr. Heath Barkley?” a man’s voice asked. The two men turned their attention to the stranger standing in the doorway. A tall, stocky man with reddish hair and a matching moustache walked into the room, coming to stand by the foot of Heath’s hospital bed.

“Well I’d guess that’d be me.”

“Well, Mr. Barkley, I’m Patrick. I’m here to do some therapy for you. We want to strengthen your legs. Tomorrow we might be able to help you sit up.”

“Gee, I’m making progress,” Heath said sarcastically.

“Better to do something than nothing I always say.”

“Sound words,” Nick agreed. He put out his hand. “I’m Nick Barkley and this is Heath. Our mother said if he gives you any trouble, you’re to see her.” Patrick hid a smile as Heath blushed to the roots of his blond hair and Nick snickered.

“I’ll remember that. How is your sister?”

“She’s improving.” Heath wasn’t forthcoming which didn’t necessarily surprise Patrick. He simply proceeded with his job.

“What I’d like to do first this morning is massage your legs, get some circulation going. Nick, if you watch, I can teach you to do the same thing.”

“They’ve been doing that, three times a day,” Heath said turning a little red. “One of the nurses showed my brothers and my mother.”

“I see.” Patrick answered. He stole a glance at Audra whose blue eyes in her angelic face seemed to pierce through him. Her case was well known in the hospital, and it saddened him to think she might never come out of her catatonia. He pulled the curtain around Heath’s bed, giving him privacy from both Audra and anyone in the hallway. Nick joined them. Pulling down the sheet and blanket that kept Heath covered, Patrick started his work.

“What I need from you, Heath is to work with me. I want you to concentrate on complete relaxation.”

“Relaxation? You mean resting?”

“No. I mean go to a place in your mind where you can be completely calm and relaxed so that you can work with me.” Heath nodded.

“I’ll give it a try.”

“Relaxing will help you feel what I’m doing. And when you are totally relaxed, then we’ll be asking you to use your energy to help me work on your legs.” Heath didn’t reply. Patrick took his silence as an assent to what he was doing. Heath closed his eyes, trying hard, maybe too hard to let his body calm down. What his mind kept saying to him was his wish to feel Patrick working on his legs. The only thing he really felt was pain in his back when Patrick lifted his leg as if it were pulling on the back which it was. That was not the kind of feeling Heath was looking for.

“Nick, I’ll show you the best way to massage Heath’s legs. Then, I can show you how to encourage him to use his legs.”

“Use his legs, but he can’t…” Nick’s voice fell off.

“There’s nothing he can’t do…hopefully in the future anyway. Dr. Watts told us before he left that there’s no permanent damage to your brother’s back. When the swelling around the spinal cord goes down, he should be able to feel his legs and walk. The point is that it won’t be easy. It’s going to be a lot of hard work on the whole family’s part.”

“It’s my problem,” Heath put in.

“There he goes again,” Nick sighed. “Heath, how many times do we have to tell you, you aren’t in this alone?”

“Heath, you can’t learn to walk on your own. You need help.”

“So I should make my mother cry because I can’t walk?” Heath was obviously feeling sorry for himself. Nick punched him in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Being a fool,” Nick bellowed. “You got into this predicament saving Audra. Do you think we’re going to sit back and let you do this alone?”

“Nick, you can’t make my legs work again. I can’t even make them work.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Patrick put in as he started working on the right leg after finishing massaging the left.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Heath, part of this massage is to keep the circulation going in you legs. We also want to keep the nerves alive so they continue to take messages back from your legs to your brain. Now if the spinal cord had been severed, this would be more of a way to keep your legs from becoming what we call atrophied because we’d never be able to get them to work again.” Heath grimaced at the hopelessness of that situation. Patrick hurried on.

“In your case, we need to keep the legs strong and ready for when the swelling goes down. You won’t just wake up one day and feel your legs. The feeling will come back gradually, maybe a week from now or a month or even a year”

“A year?” Nick asked doubtfully. Heath raised his eyebrows.

“A year? It’s only been four days and I can barely move. What’s it going to be like in a year?”

“Heath, you aren’t listening. We aren’t going to let you sit around doing nothing. If you work hard you can do almost anything you did before, even without the use of your legs.”

“I work on a ranch. How do you think I’m going to do that?”

“You let me worry about that, Little Brother,” Nick said. Patrick raised his own eyebrows, but didn’t say anything. A sudden spasm made Heath’s legs go taut. He gripped the bed sheet beneath him, his face turning white with the pain. Patrick kept on massaging.

“Nick, take the other leg. Massaging will help the decrease the spasm.” Nick didn’t need to be told twice. He watched Patrick’s hands and followed his movements with his own. Heath’s reaction to each spasm he had was like a knife stabbing the gruff cowboy as he witnessed his brother’s torture. He was relieved to be able to do something. Together, he and Patrick worked on the young man. Finally the spasm abated. Heath’s sigh of relief was audible in the room.

“Heath, you really should let the doctor give you some morphine for those spasms,” Patrick suggested.

“No,” Heath answered in a short tone.

“Okay. How about some laudanum? It will help you sleep and you need some rest after this session. I’m just about done now.”

“No laudanum either. You’re done already? That’s it? Boy howdy, it’s not near enough. I need to get up so I can talk to my sister. She needs my help.”

“Heath, you haven’t even sat up yet. It’s going to be a few days before we can get you into a chair,” Patrick objected.

“Heath, she can hear you. Maybe Mother should just have her sit by your bed and you can read to her,” Nick suggested. “Remember she is getting better.”

“She’s not back to being Audra,” Heath answered.

“She’s tried to talk. We’ll help her Heath. I think you sharing the room with her is making the difference.”

“It better.” Nick laughed.

“What’s so funny, Nick?”

“You are. I swear if we took you up on a mountainside and left you, you’d get well just to show us you could do it by yourself.” Patrick couldn’t help a smile as he pulled the sheet and blanket over his patient again. He pulled back the curtains so that Heath could see Audra again and she could see him. Again Heath was quiet. Nick shook his head in frustration as Patrick spoke.

“I’ll be back this afternoon, Heath. You get some rest. We’re going to progress little by little. You wait and see. By the time you go home, you’ll feel much stronger.” Heath simply closed his eyes. Patrick left the room with Nick following him.

“Patrick?”

“Yes, Nick. Can I help you?”

“Yeah. You saw my brother. He’s pretty angry about all this even though he won’t say. Is there anything we can do to help him?”

“You know, Nick, I’ve heard from most of the staff here how supportive your family has been to Heath and Audra. What you all have been doing is just right. Heath seems like a pretty independent man…”

“There’s an understatement,” Nick agreed.

“Use that independence to get him moving. We’ll try and sit him up tomorrow. After that we can get him in a chair. His anger can be used to help himself, but we have to keep that anger directed towards helping himself, not the other way around.”

“Easier said than done. Thanks, Patrick.”

“You’re welcome, Nick. I’ll see you later.” Nick watched the man walk off down the hall towards more people he would help. He wondered what it would be like to help people for a living, instead of running a ranch like he did. Nick Barkley worked with men every day. He tried to help those who were less fortunate. Dedicating ones life to helping other must feel good he thought. He observed Heath who was sleeping again. He wasn’t sure if Heath was tired all the time or depressed, but he did sleep a lot. He sat down in a chair near the window of the room. Looking outside the dark cowboy’s mind wondered back to the ranch. He wished more than anything they were home, that Heath and Audra were well, and that life was back to normal. Leaning his head against the sill he soon lost himself in riding across the range and roping steer, mending fences, and doing the work he loved so well…

In his sleep, Heath was riding his Modoc pony racing the train. With his head bowed low against the wind, he could feel his legs not quite taut, urging the pony on with a restless insistence that the horse could feel. It should have been an exhilarating run, one filled with the exuberance of the chase. Instead, Heath felt a dread of what was to come. Pony and rider raced next to the train, the horse’s feet keeping pace with the lumbering machine at first, then gradually overtaking it and crossing the track. They were almost clear when the horse’s hoof caught in a hole. Heath’s heart lurched in resigned terror as the horse hearing the leg break. Horse and rider fell to the ground. He rolled out of the way to keep from having the Modoc land on him. He found himself rolling uncontrollably down a hill that appeared out of no where until his back hit a tree, sending him in to horrific spasms of pain. His scream reached out from the depths of his soul. He was alone, the train speeding past. There was no one to help him, no one at all. He tried to get up, tried to move his legs. They wouldn’t move. Nothing moved below his thin waist. Nothing at all! Audra! He could see Audra. His little sister, dressed in a brown riding skirt with a white blouse and brown vest and brown boots knelt in front of him.

“Heath? Heath. I’m here. I’m here.” Her voice was so gentle. Still Heath didn’t believe her. He was alone. He was going to lie here and never get the help he needed. He screamed in sheer panic.

“Audra!” he cried. “Audra help me!” Nick was jolted out of his reverie by his brother’s yells. He was about to bolt over to Heath’s side when his breath caught in his throat in shock. Audra, dressed only in her nightdress was up and out of bed floating like a silent ghost to her brother’s side. Sitting down on the bed, her hand touched his face. Nick froze waiting to see what would happen between his siblings, hoping against hope.

“Audra, help me!” Heath cried again. This time Nick saw that Heath was making contact with his sister. His brother had awakened from the dream. Talking soft steps to the end of the bed, the dark haired brother waited. Audra’s hand continued to touch Heath’s face. Heath struggled to pull himself up as Nick gapped again. Using his hands on the bed, Heath managed to sit up. The blue eyes locked on to the little sister’s.

“Sis? I need your help,” he repeated much more quietly. She did what came naturally. Without saying a word, Audra hugged her brother close. It couldn’t have been easy for her, Nick figured because Heath wasn’t strong enough to hold himself up for long. He saw she was struggling and hurried to hold Heath up, letting the two hug for a minute. Heath drew back. Tears fell down his cheeks. Audra’s finger brushed them away.

“Audra?”

“Heath? Oh, Heath. I…I…thought. I thought…” Now Audra broke into tears. For once the sound of their sister crying actually gave Heath and Nick cause for celebration. Nick hugged both his brother and sister close. No words were needed between the three siblings. The healing in their hearts came from each other. The power of hope and love was in the invisible bond between them. Together they were going to make it through. None of them saw Victoria Barkley standing in the doorway. She had come back to the hospital, just in time to witness a scene that would always tug at her soul with pride. The mother’s heart overflowed with joy.

Part 8

Five Weeks Later

The Barkley Ranch

Heath Barkley sat in his wheelchair on the verandah of his home. His eyes were closed, and he appeared to be sleeping, except for the sweat that lined his forehead and the fact that his face was slightly red from the effort he was putting out. Taking a deep breath, he let out a huge sigh.

“Boy Howdy,” he muttered.

“Heath, did you say something?” Audra Barkley asked her brother. She came out of the double doors that led from the parlor carrying a tray with a pitcher of lemonade and some sandwiches. Heath whistled at the low cut pretty white linen dress his sister wore.

“Wow. You’re sure planning to turn heads with that get up aren’t ya, Sis?”

“Me?” Audra asked with feigned innocence. “Why Heath Barkley, whatever gave you that idea? I’ll have you know this dress is the latest fashion from back East. Of course we’re probably behind the times, but I like it.”

“We’re always behind the times, Sis,” Heath laughed. “Unless you’re up in San Francisco.”

“They are pretty knowledgeable in the city,” Audra agreed. She had finished pouring the lemonade into glasses for her and Heath. Heath took a turkey sandwich and started eating. There were some apples on the tray too.

“Where’s Mother?” he asked between bites of the sandwich.

“She went into town to do some shopping for Nick.”

“For Nick? What’s that about?”

“Heath, since when does Nick confide in me when he’s up to something?” Audra smiled. “How’s the sandwich?”

“Fine. I’m still not very hungry.”

“I know. That’s why I made sandwiches. One, you couldn’t tease me about my cooking and two, I could be sure you ate something. Mother’s right. You’re all skin and bones.”

“Audra, I’ve only been home two days. It takes some getting used to after almost five weeks of hospital food.” Heath shuddered at the thought of the meals the hospital had called food. He’d barely eaten anything. If Victoria hadn’t brought goodies in with her when she was visiting, the blond would have lost more weight than he did.

“I can see you already chomping at the bit. You’re supposed to let us help you with your therapy, Heath.”

“What did I do?”

“Oh, I saw you trying to do some exercises on your own,” Audra scolded. Heath didn’t reply. He simply nibbled on the sandwich, his azure eyes taking in the rolling hills and golden countryside in his view. The men were out rounding up cattle for the Fall cattle drive. Heath knew he wouldn’t be going this time and that fact was disheartening to him. He’d seen some of the men breaking wild horses yesterday. Though he couldn’t feel his legs, he still itched to be out with them, taking his turn.

“Heath? Did you feel anything?” Audra asked in a soft tone. Heath shook his head.

“Well, you just have to give it time,” she told him.

“It’s hard, Sis. I feel like a damn cripple.”

“Oh, but you’re a handsome one,” Audra came back, teasing him delightfully. The young man had to laugh at his sister’s innocence. She had teased him unmercifully over the last weeks, treating him as if he were still the same Heath, and not half a man as he often felt.

“Brat,” he shot back.

“I aim to please. You ready to go in? Mother thought you should be out only for an hour or so. If you’re out here when she comes back, she might be upset.”

“Sis, if I spend one more minute in the house than I hafta I’m going to jump right out of this chair. Well I wish I would. I think the sun and the fresh air is good for me. I’m going to stay out all day and keep on trying to move these stubborn legs of mine.” Audra shook her head, unable to stop the tears that slipped down her lovely cheeks. Heath put down his sandwich.

“Sis? What did I say?” he cried with evident anxiety. He leaned over to brush the tears away, not knowing how kind and gentle his gaze was which only made Audra feel worse.

“Sis? Talk to me, or I swear…”

“Heath, stop,” Audra laughed. “You look so fierce.”

“Well you were crying!”

“You’re so brave,” she murmured, her admiration undeniable.

“You think so, huh?”

“I know so.” Again Heath was quiet. He didn’t feel brave, but he knew if he objected further Audra would just say otherwise. When she had her mind made up about something, well it was hard to dissuade her just like Mother. Audra’s own blue eyes remained on her brother. Heath closed his eyes and started to move his legs again or at least that was what he was trying to do. Suddenly, he felt soft, slender fingers pushing his pants legs up and then massaging the right leg. He knew exactly who was helping him.

“Now push,” Audra encouraged.

“Thank-you, Audra,” Heath told his sister. “You’re a God-send.”

“Heath Barkley, you’re too funny. Don’t you realize that by putting yourself in front of that bullet, you saved my life?” Heath’s eyes shot open. He saw his sister kneeling in front of him doing her work selflessly.

“Sis, it was pure instinct. I thought we had discussed this.”

“We did. It doesn’t change the fact that you risked your life to save mine and Dr. Travis’. You saved two people that day, Heath. I’d call that pretty heroic.” Audra didn’t expect a reply nor did she get one. She went on working as Heath closed his eyes again. He tried. He tried so hard to push, to move, to do anything, but there was nothing. Audra had taken off his boots and worked with him to try and help, but she was almost as discouraged as he was.

She was also distressed by the fatigue that was quickly overtaking her brother.

“Heath, that’s enough,” she said after a half hour. “You’re going to make yourself sick.” She handed him a glass of lemonade.

“Drink it,” she ordered taking a glass for herself. Heath meekly drank some of the liquid down. It was cool and tasty if a little bitter, but he didn’t tell his sister, not after all she had done for him.

“Oh, it’s too tart,” Audra told him, making an awful face. Heath burst out laughing, splattering his water on Audra’s new dress. Audra looked down, then laughed harder. She collapsed on a nearby chair.

“What…what’s…so…funny…?” She gasped. Heath fought to catch his breath, but then laughed again. Audra joined him until the two were out of breath. They took a minute to calm down.

“Boy howdy, that felt good,” Heath commented.

“It sure did. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that. But Heath what was so funny?” Heath cracked a smile again.

“Your face!! You looked like a raw lemon yourself!”

“I did not! Did I?” Heath’s nod was enough to make Audra laugh again. The familiar lopsided grin looked so good to the young woman she bent over and kissed her brother’s cheek. For a second, her hand lingered on his face.

“Oh, Heath, if you had died for me, I would never have forgiven myself,” she said so softly Heath wasn’t sure he had heard her.

“Audra, is that why you couldn’t face what happened? You felt guilty?” Audra sat back in her chair, a puzzled expression on her pretty face. She shrugged.

“I don’t know, Heath. I kept hearing Mother’s voice and Jarrod and Nick. They were all promising you were all right, but it was as if I were far away. I just couldn’t come back. It’s the funniest feeling to hear people around you and not being to respond.”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Heath urged. Audra’s eyes rested on the landscape before. Heath saw she wasn’t there. He leaned forward, touching her arm.

“Sis?”

“I…I saw those men…” Her gaze reflected the terror at the memory. “I was having so much pain, but I was trying so hard not to upset you boys…I just wanted to feel better and go to the fair. Then the men were there. I don’t remember much. I heard the shot…Oh Heath when you fell, Nick held you. He said you were dead. I thought…I thought…” Tears fell down the girl’s cheeks.

“Audra, you have to let it go,” Heath soothed. “It’s over now.”

“It’s not!” Audra cried. “You can’t walk. What if you never walk?” Audra’s hand over her mouth almost made Heath smile. Audra was so blunt sometimes, just saying what she thought. He wondered briefly if their mother had been like his sister as a young woman, if time had given her the wisdom to hold her tongue and speak when she wouldn’t hurt or blurt things out. He could see it, and it was amusing.

“Sis, I can’t think that way.” he admitted. “I have to believe that someday I’m going to get out of this chair and get on a horse and ride across that range all by myself.” Silence vibrated between the brother and sister for a minute. Audra knelt down in front of her brother again.

“Want to try again?” She asked.

“Only if you promise not to feel guilty about what happened. You had no more control over it than anyone else. I need your help, Sis, not your guilt.” Audra’s love glistened in wordless testimony as she lifted Heath’s pants legs again and started massaging.

“I promise, Heath, if you promise not to give up.”

“Ouch, that’s not fair play,” Heath objected.

“Promise, Heath!”

“Oh heck. Cross my heart, Sis. I’ll do the best I can.”

“You better or Nick will give you what for.”

“Nick? Who’s afraid of our brother? It’s your husband I worry about. He’s going to get himself one heck of a woman.”

“Now that’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever heard from you, Heath. Thank you!!”

“You’re welcome.”

“Now…work, Brother! Work!”

Part 9

Every bone in Jarrod Barkley’s body ached. The raven haired Barkley brother hadn’t spent a day in the saddle rounding up cattle in a long time. His brother, Nick’s chuckle made him cringe at the taunts he knew were coming. He was surprised instead by Nick’s words.

“You impress me, Brother Jarrod.”

“Really, Brother Nick?”

“Really. Think if I spent a day in the courtroom how silly I would look. You did your fair share and then some.”

“As good as Brother Heath?” Jarrod jested knowing instantly that was the wrong thing to say. Nick’s silence hurt Jarrod as much as his usual hot headed retorts.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I didn’t mean to joke about Heath. I just meant…”

“I know what you meant, Jarrod,” Nick barked. Jarrod remained quiet. They were about five miles out from the ranch. Jarrod figured it was going to be a long ride home.

“Hell, Jarrod, I’m sorry,” Nick apologized. “I didn’t mean to take out my frustration on you.”

“I understand, Nick. Believe me I do. I’d give anything to get Heath out of that chair.”

“You, me and anyone else who loves Heath. Way I figure it, that’s a lot of people.”

“Yes, it is, Brother Nick.”

“Well, I’ve got me an idea and I’m going to work on it tonight.” Jarrod gave his brother a curious look.

“What’s that?”

“I’m going to get Heath up on Charger or at least a horse he can handle for now.”

“Nick, don’t be crazy. He’s barely been home a few days. What if he falls off?”

“He knows how to fall,” Nick returned.

“Not now. Not in the condition he is in.”

“Then we’ll teach him. We’ll help him figure out a way, but he’s not going to fall anyway.”

“How’s that, Brother Nick. He can barely hold himself up for more than a half hour at a time. How’s he going to do it on a horse, especially Charger? And if he does hold himself up, how long do you expect him to remain in the saddle.”

“I dunno, Jarrod. I haven’t gotten that far. I just know that Dr. Watts said he could ride if we could figure out a way. I think I have. I want him back, Jarrod. I want him back the way he was.”

“He’s not going to be the way he was, Nick. If he started feeling his legs tomorrow, that wouldn’t happen. Have you stopped to think of all the complications that can occur if he doesn’t take care of himself, Nick?” The two brothers riding side by side were both on different tangents, Nick, damn the consequences and full speed ahead, while Jarrod was cautious and trying to look at Heath’s condition from every angle. Nick’s glare at Jarrod was smoldering enough to cause the man to burst into flame. Jarrod did not back down. Not with Heath’s pride and health at stake.

“Davis was clear with Heath and with us, Brother Nick. You have to consider Heath’s health carefully.”

“Do you think I’m not?” hissed the younger man. “What kind of fool do you take me for? I love him!”

“I know you do, Nick, I know, but you want him to walk so bad.”

“You’re wrong, Jarrod. It’s not the walking I want.”

“The hell it isn’t.” Nick sighed. He looked around the ranch then turned back to his brother.

“Jarrod, what does the ranch mean to you?”

“What?” Jarrod’s face reflected his surprise at the question. How had the fences gotten turned on him, he wondered.

“You heard me. What does the ranch mean to you?”

“That’s not a real tough question, Nick. It’s home. The ranch is home.” Nick’s smile told the lawyer he had just stepped into quicksand. He rolled his eyes as Nick gave his own oratory. The more the man spoke, the more Jarrod listened to his own amazement.

“Ya know, Counselor, I believe the ranch is home to you, and so is your fancy house in San Francisco.”

“So?”

“So, Father built all this, all 10,000 acres with sweat and blood and tears. Our little brother is buried not far from here, not just because he had fever, but because there wasn’t a doctor close enough to help him. Father and Mother came when the valley was barely settled and Indians still roamed the hills. You remember the stories Father told? Do ya?”

“Of course I do, Nick, but what has that got to do with the tea in China?”

“Father loved the land. He passed that love on to Heath and me. The ranch isn’t just our home or a place to live. It’s the sweat we pour into it, the fences we put up, the cattle, the vineyards, the orchards, the calluses on our hands and the dirt under our fingernails. The land isn’t just part of us, Jarrod. We’re part of the land. It’s the air we breathe, the reason we get up in the morning and go to bed at night so dog tired we’re asleep before our heads hit the pillows. It’s kind of like those law books are to you. This ranch is our life blood. Got it?”

“Your point being?” The lawyer queried.

“It doesn’t matter if Heath walks again or not. What matters is that he can continue to be part of this ranch. It’s a working ranch isn’t it? How many times have I said that?”

“Too many to count,” Jarrod cringed. Nick grinned.

“I won’t make Heath work too hard, Jarrod. I won’t let him, but I will encourage him to give what he can to the land so it gives back to him. It’s the land that’s gonna save him, Brother. You wait and see.” Jarrod shook his head.

“What, you disagree with me?” the dark haired rancher blustered. Jarrod just shook his head again.

“Brother Nick, I’m in awe. You’re right.”

“I am?” came the incredulous reply.

“Definitely. You win that round. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank-you…I think.” The two men were close to the gates of the ranch as Jarrod acquiesced gracefully with his next question.

“So tell me, Brother Nick. Just how do you plan to get Heath on a horse again…cause that’s one stunt I want to see.” Nick grinned and gave Jarrod the bad news or good news or whatever it was he had on his mind. Either way, he was bound and determined that his brother, Heath was going to ride again. One way or another…and riding was just the first step on the road to recovery because no matter what Nick Barkley told his lawyer brother, he was never going to give up till Heath walked out of the house on his own two feet and mounted Charger on his own. That was a fact that Nick had promised himself and his little brother long ago and one promise he had no intention of breaking.

Nick Barkley stepped back from his work in the barn with a satisfied grin. The saddle in front of him was completely finished. He only hoped his brother wouldn’t take offense to the stirrups, or the seat. God help him if his brother fell off, but Nick didn’t think Heath would, or at least he hoped he wouldn’t. Putting the saddle into a cupboard to keep it from curious eyes until he was ready to unveil it, the dark cowboy walked across the yard to the house. He knew he couldn’t just ask Heath to get up on a horse. If he didn’t discuss it with Heath and the family first, he’d be in very sad circumstances indeed. The front door slamming behind him preceded his thundering voice as Victoria Barkley appeared at the top of the stairs with her daughter.

“MOTHER! JARROD? HEATH?” Victoria rolled her eyes as she descended the grand staircase.

“Nick, your voice,” she scolded as usual. “Jarrod and Heath are in the billiard room. What is so urgent?”

“Nothing much. I wanted to call a family meeting.”

“About?”

“Mother, with Nick that could be a loaded question,” Audra teased lightly. Nick scowled at his sister, ignored his mother’s question and strode in to the billiard room where Jarrod and Heath were in a heated game of Chess.

“There’s Brother Nick, Heath. The thunder arrives,” Jarrod laughed.

“Boy howdy, you got that right. I think the windows rattled that time.”

“Now see here, Brother Mine,” Nick retorted as Audra snickered and Victoria and Jarrod exchanged smiles. “Just for that I think I’ll keep my little surprise to myself.”

“Do tell, Nick,” Heath encouraged. “Your surprises are always…er…different.” This time the entire room was filled with laughter while Nick simply flopped down on a chair at the table where Jarrod and Heath were playing. Victoria and Audra sat together on a red covered settee near the three brothers. The women wore their usual fine dresses, Victoria in a purple silk and Audra in white. Nick got up and poured himself a drink.

“Heath? Jarrod? Wouldn’t want to drink alone.”

“Sure, Nick,” Jarrod answered. “Mother?”

“No, thank you, Jarrod. Heath?”

“No, Mother. I guess I’ll have to get used to something different. Doctor said alcohol wasn’t something I should be drinking too much. Said I need to drink lots of water, and juice. Guess I’ll do that until I’m back on my feet.” To his surprise, Nick put his drink down. Jarrod concentrated on his game and didn’t ask for the drink. Victoria knew exactly what was going on, but she too was surprised to see Nick disappear momentarily from the room.

“What’s got into him?” Heath wondered out loud. “You folks don’t have to quit drinking just cause I do.”

“I think Brother Heath, that Nick figures if you aren’t drinking, neither is he. I for one can do without as well. For the duration anyway.” Victoria was just getting over that sentence when Nick came back into the billiard room with a tray, five glasses, and wonder of wonders, a pitcher of cold water. He set the tray on the table. Audra got up, and hugged her brother, whispering to him, “I love you,” then helped him pour the glasses. When everyone had a glass, Nick held his up in the air.

“To the day when you do get out of that chair, Brother Heath,” Nick said.

“Hear, hear,” Jarrod answered. Heath blushed a deep red. He drank his water sensibly, only half a glass so he wouldn’t have to wake someone up to help him to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He was supposed to drink the water during the day, but Nick didn’t know that. Heath was trying to do as much for himself as he could. Getting to the kitchen to get water was one of those things. Victoria, sensing her youngest son’s discomfort spoke up.

“Nick, you had a surprise?”

“I did, Mother. For Heath, but I thought I’d better run it past you all first.”

“Does this have to do with the odd materials you asked me to pick up in town?”

“It does, Mother, that it does. I been working on those materials since before dinner, and I must say I think I’ve finished a fine piece of work.”

“Now what would Nick be working on besides work rosters and lists of supplies, Jarrod?”

“Beats me, Heath. Mother?” Victoria shook her head.

“I was mystified when I ordered the supplies. Audra?” Audra’s blue eyes sparkled mischievously. She shook her head demurely though she was the one person in the family Nick had confided in. She knew exactly what her brother had done.

“Tell us, Nick, tell us,” She encouraged almost jumping up and down in excitement.

“Well, Little Sister, I better ask Heath and Mother about it first.”

“Tell us!” Heath urged. “You’re killing me here.”

“I want to get you up on Charger tomorrow.” Heath’s blue eyes went down to his lap in disappointment. He knew he wasn’t ready for a ride yet. Much as he would have loved one. Riding on Charger across the range, herding the cattle, branding, even mending fence posts meant everything to him, but if he got on Charger now, he’d just fall off.

“Nick, that’s cruel,” Victoria said. “Its too soon.”

“No, its not, Mother. Dr. Watts said Heath could ride.”

“When its safe,” Victoria said, standing up. “I won’t take the chance of Heath being injured anymore than he already is.” Nick walked over to his mother. The tears in her eyes reminded him of the pain they had gone through during those dark hours and days at the hospital. He hugged her, but she pulled away.

“Nicholas?”

“Mother, what if I tell you I have a fool proof method for Heath to get up on Charger.” Victoria’s puzzled glance went around the room. Her gray eyes fell on her youngest son who looked up with a bit of hope, hope she hadn’t seen since before he’d been shot. It was as if a light was suddenly coming to life within him. Quelling the mother’s urge to protect her child, she walked over to the table where Jarrod and Heath sat.

“Heath? This is about you. You’re a grown man. What do you want to do?”

“Mother, I…I don’t want to hurt you or the family, but if Nick says its safe, I’m guessin it is. I’d like to give it a try iffen you don’t mind.”

“Figures,” Victoria drawled. “Why did I have to have such stubborn children? Between the four of you, I just can’t figure it out.” Heath was about to apologize when he saw the glint of delight in his mother’s eyes. He reached out and took her hand.

“You thrive on our stubbornness, Mother. You’d be bored silly without it.” Audra came over to her mother and hugged her. Jarrod’s blue eyes glinted with amusement. Nick looked at the group.

“Does this mean Heath is going to try riding tomorrow?”

“Try and stop me, Brother Nick,” Heath answered. “But if I fall…” The words hung in the air. Nick waited.

“You better be right there to help get up again.” Nick let out whoop of laughter.

“I guarantee you won’t fall, Little Brother, long as you don’t mind doing something a little different.”

“Nick, I don’t care what you have to do to get me up on Charger. I’ll be only too happy to look like a fool up there.” Heath had an idea of what Nick had done. His brother would have had to adjust the saddle or do something to make sure he didn’t fall off. Didn’t matter. Heath was going to ride Charger. He was going to ride! The young man’s face shone with an anticipation he hadn’t felt in a long time. Nick saw the faith in his brother’s face. He only prayed he didn’t let the boy down, cause if he did, there’d be even more hell to pay.

Part 10

Morning came early to the ranch. Heath was up before dawn, waiting in bed for Nick. He wasn’t disappointed when his brother snuck in while it was still dark. Lighting a lamp, the older brother came towards Heath quietly.

“Mornin, Nick,” Heath said with a grin. Nick jumped backwards.

“Whoa, Heath, ya scared me. I thought you might still be asleep.”

“Not hardly. Come on. Let’s get moving. Days a wasting.”

“Sure, Heath, Sure. You can say that now. Wait till we’ve got you back on your feet…”

“Now Nick. You know being older, you get tired right faster than I do…” Heath chuckled.

“Why you low down mangy,” Nick laughed. He got Heath’s clothes and the two men did Heath’s exercises. They’d have to do them again during the morning, afternoon and evening and anytime in between that Heath could manage. Heath sat on the edge of the bed and dressed. Nick helped him get his pants, socks and boots on. Then Nick lifted his brother into the wheelchair. Together they went down the hall to the bathroom where Heath did his necessary morning activities with Nick only helping where necessary. Back down the hall again they crept certain that the rest of the family were still asleep. At the top of the stairs, Nick picked Heath up again and carried him down the stairs. Heath was heavy, but by holding onto Nick, all his weight wasn’t on Nick’s arms. Downstairs he put Heath in the wheelchair they kept down there. Then he raced back upstairs, grabbed the blanket off the chair and put it near the back stairs and raced downstairs.

“You ready?” he grinned putting the blanket on Heath’s lap.

“Boy howdy, that’s a dumb question,” Heath returned with a grin. “Let’s go.” Outside, the men went to the barn. Nick brought Charger out. Charger whinnied at Heath’s whistle, his big nose sniffing Heath as Nick stood nearby.

“Well what are you waiting for?” Heath demanded. “Charger’s not going to run off. Hurry up.”

“Bossy aren’t ya?”

“You’re dilly dallying, Nick. Move it,” Heath cried.

“Humph,” Nick grinned back. He went to the cupboard taking out his creation still covered. He brought it over Heath and set it in his lap as Charger bit the cloth.

“Charger, it’s not time for breakfast,” Heath laughed. He took the cover off the contraption, staring at it with a look of disbelief and wonder. His azure eyes examined every inch of the piece of equipment then went to his brother.

“Where did you learn to make something like this?”

“Me? Oh, I’m just a jack of all trades. Kinda like my little brother.”

“I coulda helped ya, Nick.”

“Yeah, you could have, but in this instance, I wanted this to be a gift from me.”

“Boy howdy,” Heath answered, giving out a low whistle. Charger’s ears went up. He nudged Heath again.

“Come on, Nick. You better put this here contraption on or Charger’s going to go off on a ride all his own.”

“Heath, you can’t just take off on him. You’re still not that strong and Mother will have my hide.”

“I know that,” Heath returned with exasperation. “She’ll have both our hides. I want to see how it works.” Heath watched in fascination as Nick took the saddle, throwing it over Charger. He couldn’t help admiring the leather back, complete with a leather strap to hold him in. The backing was reinforced with wood. The stirrups also had leather straps to hold his feet in. Two small steel poles went up either side of the stirrups to the saddle to support a soft leather for Heath’s legs to rest in. Heath could see it might be hard to hold himself up, but Nick had thought it out carefully and he was game.

“Can you get me up there yourself?” Heath asked. Nick looked from Heath to Charger. He had to admit that might be difficult.

“No worry, Brothers. Pappy’s here to help,” Jarrod answered coming into the barn.

“Jarrod? You up this early?”

“Well, Nick, you two aren’t exactly quiet in the morning. I had a feeling you would be out at the crack of dawn. So why don’t we saddle Jingo and Coco and then get Heath up on Charger. We can go for a short ride.”

“I don’t want him up in that saddle by himself, Jarrod, till I know for sure it’ll work.”

“Nick, if he falls, he falls. He’s fallen off broncs plenty. Heath, the way I see it, that strap there will keep you from falling, but if it comes loose you grab it and put it back on. If you fall you think you know how?”

“I think so. Nick, he’s right. You can’t molly coddle me. Either this is gonna work or it’s not.” For once Nick was silent. He shook his head wondering if he had gone too far. He worried that Heath would fall, but he knew how important this was for him. He went to saddle Coco while Jarrod took care of Jingo. Minutes later they tied to the horses to the fence outside, coming back into help Heath. Heath was petting Charger talking softly to the animal. Charger was nodding a little and still nudging him. Nick grinned.

“How do you do that, Little Brother? I swear that horse understands every word you say.”

“Of course he does, Nick. Why wouldn’t he?” Jarrod’s chuckle was infectious. Nick couldn’t help joining him while Heath’s lopsided grin lit up the barn. For a minute the brothers tried to figure out how best to get Heath up on Charger. In the end, it was easier for each of them to support Heath’s back and legs and have Nick throw one leg over the side and have Heath grab the horn to steady himself and lean back into the leather seat. It took them two tries before it worked, but finally Heath was sitting up in a saddle on his own horse. He closed his eyes to steady his spinning head. Charger stood absolutely still as if he understood the gravity of the situation.

“Heath?” Nick asked seeing his brother’s pale face. Jarrod waited patiently.

“Just a sec. Little dizzy.” Nick stood on one side while Jarrod stood on the other. Nick resisted the urge to pull Heath off the animal, wondering at his second thoughts. This was what they both wanted, wasn’t it? Finally Heath let go of the saddle horn and tied the strap around his waist, tight enough to hold him in. Jarrod and Nick made sure his legs and feet were strapped in as well.

“That too tight?” Nick asked.

“Nick, I can’t feel the straps on my legs. You’ll have to tell me.”

“Oh. I forgot. They look all right to me, Brother. How’s the saddle feel.”

“Boy Howdy Nick, I coulda used one of these for years. My back feels like it’s in heaven. How come you didn’t think of this before?”

“Did you hear that ungrateful no good…”

“I heard, Brother Nick. You two ready to go?’

“After you, Jarrod,” Heath said. The brothers went outside and mounted. Heath wished he could bend down to Charger’s ear as he usually did, but then thanked his lucky stars he was even riding. He was in motion, real motion. It felt like complete freedom. Resisting the urge to let Charger have his head, he joined Jarrod and Nick in the yard.

“A short ride, Heath,” Nick said. Heath’s eyes glistened mischievously.

“Just a short ride, Nick.” He slapped Charger’s rump and the two were off.

“Heath!” Jarrod and Nick yelled simultaneously. As their younger brother tore past the house, Victoria and Audra came running outside.

“Nicholas, stop him,” Victoria called after her son.

“Right away, Mother,” Nick yelled back. “Soon as I catch that foolhardy boy and tan his hide!” Jarrod laughed as he followed his brothers. He tipped his hat to his mother and Audra. The two women collapsed into each other’s arms laughing and crying at the same time while Jarrod, Nick and Heath disappeared into the horizon of the rising sun which was bringing them all hope for a new day for Heath.

Riding with the wind and his brothers at his back, Heath Barkley was one with his horse. For once it didn’t matter if he could move his legs or not. He was in the saddle, riding the range that meant the world to him. Burning the road beneath them, Nick and Jarrod Barkley finally caught up with their brother. The blond slowed Charger to a light trot while the two older men fell in on either side of him.

“Heath, I ought to bust your chops,” Nick grunted with an angry tone.

“Go ahead and try, Nick.” Heath challenged.

“Now, boys is that anyway to act on such a fine day?” Jarrod smiled with his sardonic grin playing the peacemaker as usual. “Nick, what did you expect him to do, keep Charger to a walk? You know Heath better than that.” Nick’s boisterous laughter made the other two smile in relief.

“Reckon you’re right at that, Brother. But you can explain Heath’s wild ride to Mother.”

“I can explain myself to Mother just fine,” Heath mumbled. Jarrod and Nick exchanged amused glances. The three brothers drew up on a hill overlooking the ranch. They could see some of the men working in the corral on some of the wild horses, and the white columned house with Silas out picking some flowers. Heath could imagine his mother and sister talking about him in the house. He couldn’t help wondering if they’d be mad or happy for him or maybe both. He took in a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh.

“Got something on your mind, Brother Heath?” Jarrod wondered.

“Just thinking. Gotta hand it to the old man. He sure knew how to pick the prettiest spot to build a house.”

“He worked hard,” Nick commented. “Sunup to sundown and more.”

“Taught ya this is a working ranch, huh?”

“Something like,” Nick agreed with a grin.

“I’m still sorry Father never got to know you Heath. He would have been proud,” Jarrod said. Of all the siblings he was the one who knew Heath was still sensitive about “the old man,” seldom calling him Father.

“Jarrod, it’s not important.”

“Yes, it is Heath. It would have been to him. I also know its important to you. You’ve worked your tail off, gotten yourself beaten and shot to prove to this family how loyal and how much you care about us.”

“Never did anything I wouldn’t have done for anyone else,” Heath muttered. He was blushing, his face and neck turning a deep red.

“That’s the point, Boy. That’s what Father would have admired about you. Not that you do things just for the family, but for everyone. You know we keep congratulating you for stepping in front of Dr. Travis to save Audra’s life, but I’m guessing you would have done that no matter what. You just couldn’t stand to see a man get shot. Rather take the bullet yourself. Isn’t that right?”

“Well now that you mention it, Nick, I was kinda hoping to avoid the bullet all together,” Heath returned with a wink which set Jarrod off and took the heat off the blond. Nick plopped his hand on Heath’s shoulder.

“Boy you are something else,” he said with pride. “When you say Father’s name without hesitating, and someday you will, just remember no matter where he is, I know, Heath, I know that he would love you as much as any of us. You keep that in mind.” Heath looked again at the house then at the two men he respected most in the world, from one to the other, a tear in his eye.

“Thanks Brothers.”

“Don’t mention it, Heath. We gotta do something to make sure you know you’re wanted. Now who wants to race back to the ranch?” Jarrod wondered out loud, knowing Heath’s aversion to topics of this sort. Heath took off without a reply. His head turned back a little.

“Days a wasting, Brothers!” He yelled.

“That boy deserves whatever he gets,” Nick hollered following his brother again. Jarrod chuckled following at a more sedate pace. He had no doubt his brothers would get home safely. He relished the picture of the two men, one dark and one fair racing towards the ranch on their mounts, both as comfortable on the horse as they would be sitting in a chair. Their friendship was inspiring. So were Nick’s words. Sometimes Nick got into trouble with women. He got nervous and didn’t always say the right thing but when Heath was hurting, he knew exactly the words to use a balm to soothe his brother. Jarrod wondered what it was about the two. More importantly, he hoped Heath and Nick had years ahead of them to be together to enjoy their close friendship. It was a rare miracle to witness, and Jarrod knew he would always cherish this picture of his brothers.

Epilogue

Four weeks later

“Jarrod! Mother! Audra! Where’s Heath,” Nick hollered coming into the house, slamming the door behind him. He carried the daily paper folded in his right gloved hand. Throwing the paper on the table, he took off his gloves, putting them on the brown maple table that separated the foyer from the parlor.

“MOTHER!” he yelled more loudly. Heath coming out of the study in his wheelchair almost beat Audra and Victoria who had been in the kitchen. Silas followed them.

“Where’s Jarrod,” Nick demanded of his long suffering family. Victoria pointed up the stairs as Jarrod started down.

“Nick, what is so all fired important?” Jarrod demanded. “Brother Nick you make more noise than a band in full regalia.” Audra’s giggle blurted forth. Victoria stood with a frown. Both women wore aprons over their dresses since they had been making lunch in the kitchen.

“I’ve got something I’d like ya all to hear,” Nick said. “You especially, Heath.”

“Well lunch is ready. Do you want to do it in the dining room,” Victoria offered. “After I stop hearing your voice echoing in my ears.” Her gentle scolding made both Jarrod and Heath smirk while Audra only giggled again.

“I think lunch can wait. This is important,” Nick stated. His tone worried the family. Heath rolled his wheelchair into the parlor while the rest of the family followed Nick into the room. Audra and Victoria sat together on the Settee. Jarrod sat in a chair across from them. Heath position his chair near Nick who leaned against the fireplace. They all faced the dark haired cowboy curiously.

“All right, Brother Nick,” Jarrod invited. “You’ve got the floor.” Nick bowed his head in mock deference opening the paper. He waved it at them, and then smiled. Victoria let out a breath of relief, knowing whatever was in the paper must be good news.

“I picked up the paper since I was in town this morning. Imagine my surprise when I read the title on the lower front page with a picture of one Heath Barkley covering up a quarter section.”

“What?” Heath and Jarrod cried simultaneously.

“Heath, what do you know about this?” Victoria asked with concern.

“I swear, Mother, I haven’t done anything,” Heath protested. “I have no idea what’s in that article.”

“Oh, Nick, read it quickly,” Audra begged.

“The title of the article is “Mr. Barkley Rides Again.” Heath closed his eyes wishing he could just wheel his chair away. He had a feeling he knew what was coming, but with the family sitting here, there was no means of escape.

“Everyone in the valley knows the Barkley Family,” Nick started. “They are active in public service and own one of the biggest ranches in California. Not long ago, a new Barkley emerged on the scene. Most of the good citizens of Stockton sat back to watch what he would do. It was the most vulnerable of our people who learned the most about this newest Barkley. Without being asked he started helping them through difficult times. He became a silent angel to those in need, using his own funds to help others. Well a tragedy befell Heath recently when he was paralyzed from the waist down saving the life of a physician who went on to perform surgery on his sister, Miss Audra Barkley. With his selfless act, Mr. Barkley saved two lives. This paper wants to let Heath know that this Editor is behind him. Since his accident, Heath has continued with his good deeds. While he cannot walk, amazingly he has been observed performing errands for sick folk and the elderly in town by riding his horse to and from homes. Storekeepers and the padre at the church have been able to help him complete those errands. He takes the children from the orphanage on rides, and has home projects to work on for people that can’t do such things for themselves. If a wheelchair doesn’t stop Heath Barkley, it’s unlikely anything will. Stockton is indeed fortunate to have a friend in such fine upstanding young man. Thank-you Mr. Heath Barkley.”

Stunned silence met the end of Nick’s speech. Audra clapping broke the quiet that permeated the air. She jumped up running to her brother hugging him in delight. Heath’s embarrassed azure gaze went over his sister’s shoulder to meet the glowing grey eyes that were set on him with pride. His natural instinct to turn away was replaced with his own pride at the look on his mother’s face. Tears of joy fell from her eyes. He hadn’t set out to impress anyone, but if he had it would have been her. For a moment it was as if he could see his own mama, her maternal happiness overflowing at the extolling of her son’s accomplishments.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Jarrod exclaimed. “So that’s where you’ve been when we thought you were out riding.”

“Heath, why didn’t you tell us you were riding to town every day?” Victoria chastised her son. “You are the most stubborn, obstinate, and…wonderful young man.” Heath’s face broke out into a grin that shined for the whole family. Victoria came over to him, hugging her son close.

“Guess I’ve been shown up,” Nick barked. “Boy, how come you get me good every single darn time?”

“Don’t know Nick. Maybe ya need to work on that charm of yours,” came the laughing reply. Victoria stood up and returned to the Settee, smiling herself at Nick’s reply. Audra’s hand slipped into hers in excitement.

“Why you smart aleck, Kid,” he chuckled, hitting Heath with the now folded paper on his tan clothed thigh.

“Ow,” Heath snapped. “Nick, so help me, when I get out…” Heath’s words trailed off as the entire family realized what he had just said. Nick’s hazel eyes almost popped out of his head in his own shock.

“Heath, did that really hurt?” he demanded.

“Do it again,” Heath ordered.

“Heck no.”

“Nick, do it again.” Nick shook his head in apparent refusal.

“Boy, I tell ya.” He made to turn away, then came back, hitting Heath a little lighter on the leg, but still hard enough. Heath’s whoop and holler echoed through the parlor, rattling the windows harder than Nick’s voice ever did. Nick joined him. Jarrod slapped Heath on the back while Victoria and Audra hugged each other.

“Seems like that horseback riding has done more for you than get your name in the paper, Heath.”

“Ya think? I’ll tell ya, I love riding. If Charger has anything to do with this, he’s going to have enough apples and sugar to last a lifetime.”

“Like he doesn’t already?” Audra teased in delight.

“Not you too, Sis.” Heath grinned. “Charger’s a good animal. He deserves the best.”

“So do you, Heath. We are so happy for you. Now what do we do?” Heath touched his leg. He could actually feel his hand touching it. When had it happened he wondered? He looked at his family. Taking the paper from Nick, he flashed them all a wink and a smile.

“Well, I just might keep this paper. And that’s the end of the subject.” Jarrod and Victoria rolled their eyes while Nick and Audra just gave wicked grins. “Then after we have lunch and I run some errands in town that I promised to do,” He answered. “I reckon it’s time for me to put in some hard work. Nick, Jarrod, are you game at helping me try and stand later?”

“Later? Later?” Nick roared. “Boy, you just try and stop us. We’d do it right now if you’d let us. Remember this is a working ranch. I need you back on your feet.”

“Yeah, Nick, I know! Since Mother and Audra went to all the trouble to make lunch, I reckon we just ought to eat. And if I don’t do those errands, someone’s sure to think that article went to my head. Sooooo…”

“Let’s go to lunch,” Victoria said. Nick went on one side of the wheelchair with Victoria on the other. Jarrod walked behind pushing the chair with Audra at his side. The family chattered in happiness and relief. They knew. They were certain Heath would walk again soon. Nothing was going to keep that boy in a chair as long as he had a hope and a prayer of getting out of it. On top of that, any concerns they had about Heath’s reputation in the valley was put at rest. On the day when the last trains sauntered through the valley, people would still talk about the blond cowboy who gave of himself selflessly. They might not remember the name Barkley, but they would recall the quiet blond angel who made their lives richer in deeds that would never be forgotten. They would never forget Heath.

THE END