Coming Back, Part 3

by dcat

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission.  No copyright infringement is intended by the author.  The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

 

 

 

 

Nick rode off after him anyway.  He couldn’t bear the thought of having something happen to him again.  How was he ever going to get his head right when it came to letting him go off on his own?  Maybe he just needed to tell Heath how he felt, get it out in the open and let him know exactly how he was feeling.  Maybe that would help.  If he could get him to understand, maybe they could overcome this thing together.

 

It was a gorgeous day, not a cloud in the sky, not too hot or not too cold, with just enough of a breeze to keep any man satisfied & cooled while he was putting in a full day of work.  Heath Barkley reveled in it.  He’d brought along everything he needed, tools, gloves, wire cutters, and he gotten to the task at hand right away.  No need to delay, work was what he wanted to do for months.  He was bound and determined not to let anything stand in his way.  To him working was a sign of independence, freedom and he’d not give that up no matter what happened to him.  It gave him a goal, a reason for living and he needed to get back to living.  He knew if he could, that he’d be able to overcome other obstacles, like speech and memory.

 

Heath had already repaired five posts when he saw the familiar rider approaching at full gallop.  Of all people, he thought Nick would respect his wishes to be alone, to work by himself.  Nevertheless, here, riding herd on him on this ‘perfect’ day was his older and much more volatile brother.  Heath just kept on working, maybe if he ignored him, he’d just ride on by. 

 

That didn’t work, in fact ignoring Nick usually just mad him more aggressive.   Nick quickly dismounted and stood beside a casually working Heath.  Heath nodded at him and kept about the work he was doing.

 

“So what’s the big idea?”  Nick began, “I thought we discussed this last night?  I don’t want you to be out here working alone yet.”

 

Heath gave him a look and walked down a few steps to pull the wire taught on the fence.  He’d let his work show Nick that he could do it.  He was tired of talking.  Nick hastily followed after him.

 

“Don’t walk away when I’m talking to ya,” Nick said, grabbing hold of the wire and helping to pull it with him.  “I thought we were gonna work together.”

 

Heath stubbornly yanked the wire from Nick’s hand and as he did it tore straight though the leather glove he wore and the palm of his hand started bleeding underneath.  Nick let out a yelp as the wire had ripped his flesh. 

 

“Now see what you’ve done?”  He shook his throbbing hand and shredded off the glove to reveal a fairly deep gash.  “I can’t believe the stubborn streak you have.”

 

Heath whipped out a neckerchief and tied it around Nick’s bleeding hand.  “Pppoott cccalllinngg kkkkeetttlllee bbblllaacckkkahh,” he said, locked in a stare down with his brother.

 

Nick was ready to have it out with him now.  The hand wound smarted and left him a bit miffed.  Heath’s comment didn’t help either.  “I might need stitches in that,” he said pulling the makeshift bandage back to have a look at it.

 

“Ttttoowwnnnsss tttthhhattt wwwayyy,” Heath pointed out the road to Stockton and went back to work, choosing to try to ignore his brother once again.

 

“I just can’t through to you.  I can’t make you understand,” Nick said, again coming up right behind him.

 

“Iiii ddddoooo Nnnnikkk.”

 

“Well you have a strange way of showing that you do.”

 

Heath took off his hat and wiped his forehead and placed the hat back, tipped up on his head.  “Yyyoouuu ssssaavvveedd mmmee frrrommmm dddrrwwoonnnninnngg,” he began.  “Sssaavveeddahh mmmyy llllifffeehh.  Ffffeellll rrrreeeessspppoonnssiiiblllee.”

 

Now it was Nick’s turn to not face him.  He spun around and got suddenly quiet.

 

“Rrrriiitttteeehh?” Heath asked perplexed by the Nick’s sudden stoic behavior.

 

“No,” Nick began, “It wasn’t me, it was Jarrod.  Jarrod saved your life.   All I did was insist we cross that blasted river in the midst of the worst storm I’d ever seen.  I don’t know what gets into me sometimes, making the three of us do that, what a stupid thing, a stupid decision.  It was my fault you almost died.  Don’t you get it?”

 

Heath watched him closely.  His memory of that whole day was gone.  He remembered none of it.  All he knew is what he had been told or what he had heard from them, that was that he almost drowned.  “Ttteelll mmmee,” he said.

 

Nick looked at him puzzled.  “What do you mean?”

 

“Ttthhhattt ddddayyy, ttttelll mmeee,” he repeated.

 

“You don’t remember any of it?”

 

“Nnnnooo,” he shook his head, “nnnooonneeeh ooffff ittttt.”

 

“Maybe it’s better that way.  Maybe you’re better off not remembering, not knowing,” Nick explained.

 

Heath took a couple of steps toward Nick and put his hand on Nick’s shoulder, “Nnnooottt  Bbbeetterrr fforrr mmmeee ooorrrr yyyooou.  Gootttaa llllettt itttt oouuuuttt.  Ttttteeellll mmmmeee.”

 

“We were on the last leg home with that new herd of cattle,” Nick started to tell him.  Heath nodded that he remembered the herd.  “When we woke up that morning, it was drizzling, and those cattle were the pokiest beasts on earth.  We did all we could to whip up into moving, but they weren’t having none of it.  They slowed us up.  Then it started raining harder and harder, and the wind came up, and it began to storm.  It was miserable.  The three of us just wanted to get home.  We were so close.”

 

“Wwhhhaattt hhhhaaaappppeennneeddaahhh?”  Heath persisted.  Now he wanted to know.

 

“We came up to Pine River.  It was the worst I’d ever seen, the river had crested and the storm was really raging, but you know me, I wouldn’t admit to that,” he said, giving Heath a smile, which Heath in turn reciprocated.  “Jarrod was leading and naturally you rode up and told me we should wait, at least till the storm passed.  I wouldn’t hear of it.  So then you said, at least don’t let Jarrod lead them across, that I listened to.  I took the point and Jarrod came across next and then you brought up the rear, I gave you the toughest job and didn’t even bat an eyelash.  I should have taken it myself, then it’d be me and not you.  And I wouldn’t be feeling like I do.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I guess I didn’t think at all,” he said sadly, dropping his head.

 

“Yyyyooouuu knnnneewww Iiiiii ccccooouuullddddaahhh ddddoooo iiittt?”  Heath asked the question.

 

“Of course I did, I know you’re the best at handling those kinds of situations.  You’d done it a million times, probably taught me a thing or too,” Nick said proudly.

 

“Ggggooo oonnnn,” Heath persevered.

 

“Like I said, it was bad, the worst I’ve ever seen, most of the cattle were barely touching bottom.  Jarrod and I made it over and when I turned back to see where you were, you had started off down river after some babies, they were getting carried off by the current.  I shouted at you to forget them and come across, but there was no way you ever heard me in that storm.”  Nick stopped talking.  Heath could see that he was reliving the whole episode in his eyes.  He was almost glad he had no recollection of it.  Nick’s eyes were full of fear.

 

“Nnnnniiikkk?”

 

Nick looked away for a moment and then made eye contact with him.  His eyes now, full of sorrow, sadness, fear and doubt.  “There was a flash of lightening that lit up the whole valley, I swear.  Everything was bright and white and then Charger bucked and started to loose his footing in the river and then you tumbled off and we couldn’t spot you.  I couldn’t spot you.  So I just rode Coco back in and dove in to where I had last seen you, over and over, again and again, it was dark and muddy and I couldn’t find you.”  He looked straight at Heath and said, “I couldn’t find you.”

 

“Tttthhheennnaahhh wwwhhatttahh hhhhapppeennneeddaahh?”

 

“Jarrod found you.  He had a strong hold on you, kept your head above water amidst it all.  When I came up for air one time, he had ya, we screamed something at each other  and somehow the two of us managed to get you to shore.  And then Jarrod went to work, you had stopped breathing and he brought you back.  He saved you and brought you back to life.”

 

“Wwwwhhheerrree wwweerreee yoooouu?”

 

“Just standing there, watching him, he kept begging me and screaming at me to help, but I froze, I just stood there.  Then I went after the horses.”

 

“Mmmmaaakkkesss sssseeennnsseeehh,” Heath said, understanding the terrifying experience they had been through a little bit better now.  He wanted Nick to know that it was ok, he understood and everything had worked out.

 

“No it doesn’t, don’t you see, I would have just let you die there, I froze.  I didn’t know what to do.  I just stood there.  What kind of man does that?  His own brother?  I just left you there and went after the horses.  It makes no sense to me at all.”  Nick broke down and started to cry.  He dropped to the ground in sorrow.

 

Heath sat down beside him.  “Nnnnooww yyyoouuu wwwonn’’tttaahh lllleettt mmmmeee  gggooo.”

 

Nick shook his head, “Yeah, now you know.  You understand.  I let you down once, I can’t ever again.”

 

“Nnniiikk, Iiii’mmm dddrrrrooowwnnninngg rrriiiittteehh nnnowww.  Yyyyoouuurrr hhhollldddinng mmmmeee ddddooowwnn.  Yooouu cccccannnn ssssaavvvee mmmmee nnnnooowwwaah, gggggoootttaaa lllllleettttt mmmmmeee ggoooo.”  Heath looked Nick right in the eyes.  “Yyyyyooouuu unnnddeeerrrssstttaannnddaahhh mmmme?”  He gave his older brother a smile.

 

“Yeah, I understand you,” he said, standing up. “I gotta let the past go and move on, you’re getting better every day.  You want to be independent like you’ve always been.  Right?”  Heath nodded his agreement.  Nick cleared his throat and changed his whole demeanor,  “I expect you to have this fence done by the time I ride back from town. Cuz I’m gonna ride back this way and check to see you did a good job.   I gotta go see the Doc about getting this hand stitched up.” 

 

“Tttteellll yaaa whhhhaaatttt, Nnnnniiikkk, hhhheelllppp mmmee fffffiinnnniissshhh aaannnnddd I’llll ggggoooo ttttooo tttttoooowwwnn wwwiitthhh  yaaaa annnnddd bbbbuyyy bbbbbeeeerrrr.”

 

Nick grinned, “You’re on!”

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

The first stop for the brothers was Doc Merar’s so that Nick could get his cut hand looked at and stitched up.  The two of them entered the familiar office/house at the edge of town.

 

“Doc, hey Doc, you in here?” Nick bellowed from the front room.

 

“Yes, yes, I’m back here, I’ll be right out,” Doc Merar called out from one of the back rooms.

 

“Hhhoww’ss ittttahh ffffeeelll Nnniiikk?” Heath asked him.

 

Nick tried to flex his hand.  It was stiff and sore.   “It’s alright, probably just need a few stitches that’s all, been hurt a lot worse than this, at one time or another.”

 

“Ssssoooorrrreeee,” Heath said, apologizing.

 

Nick tried to brush it off.  “No need for that now, it was my fault anyway.  Picking at ya like I was.  But we’ve been thru all that just forget it.  We’ll be having that beer in no time.”

 

Heath gave him a warm smile.  “Hhhhavvveennn’ttttaahh hhaaadddaahh tttthhhhhaaattt iiinnnnn aaa  lllooonngggaahh tttiiimmmeeehh.”

 

Nick grinned, “You didn’t forget the taste of a cold one, have ya?”

 

“Hhhhooopppeehhh nnnoootttahh,” Heath said as Doc Merar came out to greet them.

 

“Nick, Heath,” he said with a smile?  “Nothing wrong with you is there Heath?”

 

“Nnnnnootttahhh mmmeee Dddooccc, Niiikkk,” Heath said, pointing to Nick’s hand.

 

“We were riding fence together Doc and, well, I got cut by some of the wire.  It doesn’t hurt too much right now, but it bled a lot, I think I may need you to stitch it up,” Nick explained.

 

Doc Merar pulled off the neckerchief and looked over the wound.  “Hmmm, I’ll say you need stitches, maybe about 8 or 9.  Pretty deep, come on back and I’ll clean it out and sew it up.”

 

The two brothers followed him back.  Doc Merar started to work on it, first pouring some alcohol on it to clean it out.  Nick let out a yell.  Heath chuckled.   Next Doc Merar pulled out a needle and some thread.  Nick had to turn his head away, he didn’t want to watch.

 

“You want me to give you something for the pain?” Howard asked him.

 

Tough guy Nick glanced over at Heath and quickly thought about everything his brother had been through.  He hoped he had just a bit of the grit in him that Heath had.  “No, I’m alright, just fix it up,” he said.  He continued to focus on his brother.  Heath gave him a bit of a smile.

 

“So Heath, you look like you’re doing well?  Back working too huh?” Howard started up a conversation while he began to work.

 

Heath saw the lines in Nick’s face tighten as the doctor began to sew up the wound.  It had to hurt like the devil, but Nick would never show it.  To Heath, no one on earth was tougher than Nick  “Yyyyeeaaahhh Ddddooccc, bbbbeeennn woorrrrkkkinnggg ‘bbbbbouuutttaahh aaaa wwwweeekkkk.”

 

“That’s good, that’s real good,” Howard said, “Don’t forget about keeping up with your speech too, that’ll improve too, just like walking,” he added.

 

Heath nodded, he knew his speech was at a standstill, and he was coming to the realization it might never get any better.  Doc Merar looked over to him and saw the defeated look in his eyes.

 

“Trust me Heath, I may not know everything about the type of injury you suffered, but I’ve seen people recover from them beyond where they were before, they’re stronger, healthier than ever.  Keep at it, don’t stop, it just might take some extra time, that’s all.”

 

Heath looked away from Nick, who continued to tolerate the pain that the doctor was inflicting on him and glanced over at Doc Merar, who now was back focused on Nick.  “Iiiii wwwwiilllll, ddddoooccc,” he answered.

 

“Ok Nick, there you go, I put eight in there, that ought to hold you.  Keep it bandaged for a few days and keep it clean.  Come see me next week and I’ll take them out.”

 

“Sure thing Doc,” Nick said, standing up.  “Let’s go get that beer, maybe a whiskey too,” he said, knowing he needed something a bit stronger to take the edge off.  He patted Heath on the back.

 

“Bbbbeee rrriiitteeeh ttthhhheeerrree,” Heath said.

 

Nick understood that Heath wanted to talk to Doctor Merar privately.  “I’ll be outside,” he said and left.

 

“What is it Heath?  Are you having a problem?”

 

Heath held his hat in his hands and nervously worked the edges of it with his fingers.

 

“Heath?” Doc Merar prodded.

 

“Hhhhaavvvviinngg aaaa hhhhaarrrrddaaahh tttimmmmehh rrrrreeemmmeemmmbbeerriinngg,” he said.

 

Doc Merar shook his head in understanding.  “Dr. Baker said that might occur.”

 

Heath walked over to a nearby window and continued to explain, “ffffooorrggggetttahh ttthhhattt ttthhhhiiisss iissss ccccaalllleddahhh aaa wwwiinnnddooowww.  Taaakkkkeessss ttttoooo llloooonnngggaah.”  He tapped on the glass for emphasis.  “Ccccannn’ttttaahhh rrreeeccaalll thhheee wwwooorrrddssaaahhh.”

 

Doc Merar went over to his desk.  “You will,” he picked up a small notebook.  “I read this little trick in one of Paul’s books,” he walked over and handed the notebook to Heath, “draw a picture and write down the word in here.  It’ll help in the meantime.”

 

Heath grabbed the book from him.  “Rrreeaaalllyyy ttthhhiinnnkkkahh iittt’llll wwwoorrkkk?”

 

“Yes I do and I promise you’ll remember everything soon enough, you just gotta have patience.”

 

Heath nodded, “Ttthhhannnkksss Ddddooccc.”  He opened up the notebook and pulled out a pencil from his pocket.  He drew a rough drawing of the window and wrote the word window underneath.  He turned the notebook and showed it to the doctor.

 

“Yep, that’s it, and it’s also going to help your writing too.”

 

Heath grinned, “IIIii nnnneeedddahhh alllll tttthhheee hhheelllllpppahh Iiiiii cccaannn gggeettttahh.”

 

Doc Merar started to lead him toward the door.  “Just listen to what this old country doctor is telling you, I’ve seen quite a few things in my day and I think you’ll be just fine.”

 

“Iiiii’mmm onnnnn mmmyyy waaaayyyy, tttthhhaaannkkkksss ttttoooo yyyyooouuuu aaannnnddddahhhh Paaaauuuulll.”

 

“You’ve done the hard part.  Let me know if I can do anything else to help.”

 

“Iiiiii wwwwilllll, tttthhhannnkkksss aggggaaaiiinnn Ddddooooccc.”

 

They waved and Heath shoved the notebook and pencil back in his pocket and walked down and met up with Nick

 

“Everything ok?” Nick asked him.

 

“Yyyyyyoooouuu wwwworrrreeeee ttooooo mmmuuuccchhh,” he teased and quickly changed the sentence,  “Bbbbbbeeerrrr?” he posed.   The two of them walked down the street toward the saloon.

 

“Beer for you, whiskey for me!” Nick said with a laugh.

 

Up ahead of them, coming in their direction was Emily Matthews.

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Nick spotted her first, as Heath was busy looking all around the town, a place he hadn’t visited in months.  He gawked at everything, trying hard to remember names, places and people, some were familiar, some were not.  He wore a dopey looking grin on his face, the kind a kid would have in a candy store.

 

Nick’s mind on the other hand was thinking of how to handle the approaching problem.

 

Emily Matthews was just a few steps away.  Her face was balled up in anger and she wasn’t being deterred by anyone or anything.  She was coming straight at the Barkley brothers with both barrels blazing.

 

Heath finally noticed her and gave her a smile.  He nudged Nick that she was coming toward them.  He seemed happy to see her.  Nick couldn’t figure out his response.  Nick thought seeing her would make him upset all over again.

 

And then suddenly Emily stood before the two of them, ready to tear them both apart.

 

“Hhhhiii Emmm,” Heath started to say with a grin, politely.

 

“You just hold your tongue Heath Barkley, both of you, I don’t want to hear anything out of either one of you, do you understand,” she started.

 

Nick stood there and held up his hands to show that he was defenseless.  He kept his eye on Heath, who didn’t seem concerned with her ‘aggressive’ behavior.

 

“Wwwahhhtttt’sssahh wrrrroooonnggg?” Heath asked her.

 

“Well,” she said in a huff.  “You act like you don’t even know!  Isn’t that just like a man?”

 

Nick didn’t quite understand it himself.  “Heath, you all right?”  He put his hand to his brother’s back.

 

Heath looked his way and shrugged off the gesture, “Yyyeaaahh,  fffiiinnnee.  Bbbbuuttttahh wwhhaattt’sss wrrroonggg Emmmm?” He asked her again.

 

“You Heath Barkley.  You’re what’s wrong.  I don’t even know you anymore.  You’re a whole different person.  First you scared me half to death at the ranch with walking and talking like you do and now this, you act like you don’t remember it at all.  Have you lost your mind?”

 

Nick took a step toward her.  “Hey, Emily, now wait just a minute.  Don’t talk to him like that,” Nick interjected.

 

Heath pulled Nick back, “Wwwhhhattt’ssss ssshhheee saaayyyyinnnggg Nnnniiikkk?  Ddddooonnn’tttttt ‘sssstttttaannnndddaahh.”

 

“You have haven’t you?”  Emily continued.  “Your mind, it’s completely gone.  And you,” she looked right at Nick, “You drove Paul out of town because of this?  He was trying to help.  Maybe if he would have stuck around it would have been better for him,” she looked at Heath who wore a look of unknowing confusion on his face, “and for me.  Paul was a good man.   I hate all of you Barkley’s, you hear me, I hate you all.”  She screamed at them and ran down the street.  A small crowd of onlookers stared.

 

Heath turned and started to go after her, “Emmmmm,” he called, but Nick now grabbed on to his arm and held him in place.

 

“Heath, no, let her go, let me explain.”

 

“Dddoooon’ttttt ‘sssttttaannndddaahh Nnnnikkk.  Yyyyooouuu tttttoolllddd Ppppaaauuuulll tttoooo lllleaaavveee?”

 

“Come on, let’s go get that beer, we both need it right now.”

 

“Nnnnnoooo, wwwwannnttt ttoooo knnnnoowww.”  Heath said loudly.

 

The crowd of people still stood around watching.  Most of them had heard of Heath’s accident, but didn’t know what lasting effects it still had on him.  The whispers and the pointing were out in full force.

 

Nick saw and felt their stares.  “Come on Heath, I’ll explain at the saloon,” he pulled his brother after him.

 

They walked in and all the eyes were upon them in there too.  “Two beers Sam,” Nick called out and led Heath over to a corner table.

 

“Nnniiikkk, tttteelll mmmeee?”  Heath said as they sat down.  People in the bar began to look at both of them too.

 

Sam brought over the beer.  “I haven’t seen you two in a long time, how ya feelin’ Heath?” Sam asked.  Heath didn’t recognize the portly fellow, but politely acknowledged him.

 

“Ggggggooodddahh,” he said.  Sam gave him a strange look and quickly went back behind the bar.

 

Nick scanned the bar.  Everyone was looking at them now.  He tried to keep his voice low.  “Yes Heath, I told Paul to leave.  You don’t remember any of it do you?” He asked him.

 

“Nnnnnoo,” Heath said.  “Tttttalllkkeedd tooo Dooccccc, sssaiiiddd ittttt wwasssss nnnnorrrmmmalll.”

 

Nick took a swig of beer.  “Maybe it’s better that you don’t.”

 

Heath pushed his beer away, he was angry and Nick wasn’t helping.  “Wwhhhyyy Nnnniikkk?”

 

“If you don’t remember any of it, it won’t hurt you,” he said.  “You’ve been hurt enough.  Now it’s time for you to heal.”   He pushed the glass of beer back in front of him, “drink up and we’ll head back.”

 

Heath picked it up and was going to drink it, but instead he flung the contents of the glass in Nick’s face.  “Dddddoooonnnn’ttttt ddddddoooo ttthhhhatttt, ddonnnn’tttt teellllll mmmmmmeee hhhoooowwww ttoooooo ffffeeeelll,” he said loudly.  He stood up from the table.

 

Nick tossed his head and flung & wiped the excess beer off.  He wasn’t getting mad at Heath, he understood his frustration.  “Just sit down will ya?  I’ll explain.”

 

Heath remained standing for a moment and then sunk dejectedly back down in the chair.

 

“Hey Nick,” someone from the other side of the bar called out.  “What’s wrong with your brother?  Someone said he lost his MMMMMMMIIIIIIINNNNNNDDDAAAH,” the loud mouth imitated Heath’s speech referring to Emily had said out in the street.  Word had traveled fast.

 

Nick looked over and noticed it was coming from a man he had fired.  He turned his attention back to Heath.  “Forget about him,” Nick said.  “Let me explain about Emily and Paul.”

 

Heath glared into the eyes of his brother.  He did remember some things and this wasn’t the Nick he remembered.  Nick Barkley would have gotten up and ripped that man apart.  Heath shook his head.   “NNNnnnoo,” he pointed at Nick, “bbbbeeeee wwwwhoooo yyyyooouuu aaaarrreee, ddddooonnnn’tttttahhh bbbbbabbbbeee mmmeee.”  Heath stood up and went over to the man who had made fun of him.  He stood over the man waiting for him to look him in the eye.

 

“Listen Barkley, maybe you should just check yourself into one of those, whatta call them, nuthouses?  Homes for the insane?”  He wouldn’t even glance at Heath.  “Hey Nick, you better check your half-breed brother into one of those places,” he called out again.  Some of the men in the bar chuckled.  “He’s nutso.”

 

It didn’t take long for Nick to stand up now.   He walked over and was right behind Heath.  Heath could feel him behind him and he turned and pushed Nick out of the way with all his might.  Nick was knocked backwards into a table.  “Dddddooo tthhhiisss mmmyysseeeelllfff,” he said looking back at Nick

 

“Oh Heath, come on,” Nick said, getting back up to his feet.  “It ain’t worth it.”

 

Heath turned his back to Nick.  “Gggeetttt upppp,” Heath said to the man at the table.

 

By now the whole town knew what had happened to Heath.  “Look Barkley, I don’t want to hurt you, you’ve been through enough.  You’re a sick man, like I said, your family ought to check you into one of those homes.”  The man got up slowly and turned to face Heath.  Heath balled up a fist and was ready to throw the first punch.  As he did, Nick came springing out of nowhere and started tearing into the man, defending his brother with all he had.  Four or five other men started to join in, none of them attacked Heath, they all began to work over Nick.  Even when Heath tried to help him, they pushed him away. 

 

Heath snuck away toward the door, watching it all, seeing Nick strongly defending him, holding his own against five comers.  Seeing all the eyes in the saloon as they stared at him, burn through him.  He pushed open the saloon door and ran toward Charger.  He mounted the horse and rode off.

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Heath Barkley rode hard and rode fast.  He had no idea where he was going, he just needed to be away.  The blackness and the darkness was all around him again, surrounding him, suffocating him, and drowning him all over again.

 

His cluttered mind was spinning and whirling, out of control.  The breeze slapped against his face, riding so fast his choked momentarily on his own breath.  But it did not slow him or his horse down. He was out on the open range, with nothing but grazing grass around him, he rode and rode, driving his beloved horse nearly into the ground. 

 

Finally realizing his foolishness, he eased up on Charger as he came to a grove of trees, the horse aching for rest, he as well, as he pulled up and dropped out of the saddle and into the cool, almost wet grass.  The horse trotted off a few steps away and Heath simply lay down in the grass and began to sob.

 

He hit himself achingly in the head trying to make some sort of sense, but everything he thought about was twisted.  People, places, ideas, concepts, memories, none it connected and none of it made any sense.  Why couldn’t he understand any more?  Why did someone always have to explain things?  Was it always going to be like this?  Other peoples head weren’t filled with this confusion and briefly he had a memory that his own mind wasn’t like it was now.  That frustrated him all the more.  Why couldn’t he go back to where he once was?

 

He turned over and stretched out on his back.  A tall, majestic evergreen hung its branches above him, giving him shadowed peeks at the blue sky overhead.  A bird flew into the tree, safely taking its place upon its nest, glaring down at the strange figure below.

 

“Sssssttttuuuuuppppiddd, Hhhhheatttthhhahh Bbbbbbbaaaarrrkkklllleeyyyy,” he said out loud, shouting though no one could hear him.

 

He sat up a bit and noticed the notebook that Doctor Merar had given him along with the pencil.  They had fallen out of his pocket as he tumbled off Charger.  He reached out and picked them up and began to make notes inside.  He drew the tree and next to it he wrote – pine.  He drew the bird and wrote – hawk.  He drew a nest and wrote – nest.  He looked at what he’d done and it sickened him with sorrow.  It was something a five-year-old would do.  He was a man.  Why couldn’t he act like one?

 

He angrily ripped out the page and tossed the notebook off to the side.  He held his head in his hands and screamed up at the sky, “Wwwwwwhhhhhyyyyyy?”

 

At the saloon, Nick had not only survived, he had managed to get in enough licks on the others to bring a teasing smile to his lips as the Sheriff entered and broke things up.  He looked around for Heath and didn’t see him.  He walked up to Sam and asked, “Where’d Heath go?”

 

“He left Nick, right after you started throwing punches.  I saw him leave town in a hurry about twenty minutes ago.  He headed back to the ranch.”

 

Quickly, Nick left and headed back to the ranch.  He hoped that’s where he’d be.

 

He stormed into the front door and screamed.  “Heath?  HEATH?” There was no answer but Victoria and Jarrod came into the foyer from different directions.

 

“Isn’t he with you?” Jarrod asked.

 

“No, he’s not with me, why would I be screaming for him if he was with me?” Nick shouted.

 

“Nicholas, please,” Victoria begged him to hold it down.

 

“Mother, we gotta find him.”

 

“Nick, what happened?” She asked.  “What happened to your hand, your face?” she asked seeing his bandage and bruises.  “Did Heath do this to you?”

 

He shook his head no, “We had it worked out, all of it.  Then I cut my hand on the fence and we went into town for a beer.”

 

“You took him into town?” Jarrod questioned.

 

“Yeah, he wanted to go.”

 

“Nick, of all the crazy, stupid things to do,” Jarrod was shouting now.

 

“I know, I realize that now,” he said, “but I needed to get this hand stitched up and he wanted a beer.  And then we ran into Emily Matthews.”

 

“Oh dear,” Mother said, realizing that seeing her could do him great harm.

 

“That’s not the worst of it though,” Nick said.

 

“You just had to push him even more, didn’t you Nick?” Jarrod went over and grabbed his gun and hat.

 

“Jarrod, wait,” Nick said.

 

“What else happened?” Jarrod asked as he stood at the open door waiting to go.

 

“The men in the bar, well they said some awful things.”

 

“Nick, how could you let them and why didn’t you stop them?” Victoria asked.

 

“That’s how I got the bruises, and when I got done fighting, he was gone.  Sam said he headed out toward the ranch.”

 

“He could be anywhere, we better split up,” Jarrod said.  “Don’t worry Mother, we’ll find him.”

 

Heath sat there for some time, trying to think, trying to see one thing clearly, trying to focus, but he couldn’t, not matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did.  He even tried to sleep, but it was no use.  He couldn’t organize, couldn’t see straight, and didn’t understand what was happening to him.  Faces of people filled his mind and he tried to sort them out, events cluttered up the far regions of his brain and he couldn’t connect them.  Nothing was where it was supposed to be. 

 

He picked up the notebook and pencil again and began to draw and write, hoping that what Doctor Merar had said to him about doing it would help.  After each picture and word he wrote, he just got more and more discouraged.  It made no sense.

 

He dropped the notebook and stood up and started walking.

 

Jarrod was right, the ranch was huge and Heath had about a good hours start on them, but if he had come off the road from Stockton, he’d be somewhere north or south of it, since if he’d gone straight, he’d have gone to the main house.  Jarrod headed north, Nick headed south.

 

Jarrod rode hard, looking for any sign, watching the distance for a lone rider.  There was nothing but endless grazing land and no sign of his lost brother.  A few miles ahead was a stand of trees and just to other side of the trees was the Pine River.  Jarrod got sick to his stomach as he noticed it.  He kicked Jingo hard and raced toward it.

 

He spotted Charger immediately and dismounted and went over to the horse.  He’d been ridden hard and left to stand.  “Whoa boy, where’s your master huh?” Jarrod calmed the horse and looked around the area.  “Heath?  Heath,” he called out.  No reply came.

 

He walked around the area and spotted Heath’s hat and a few feet beyond that he saw the crumpled up paper and the notebook and picked them up.  As he looked at the pages, it gave him another chill.

 

Heath had been drawing pictures and writing words.

 

Pine tree

Hawk

A stick figure of a woman

A group of men

A glass of beer

Men fighting

A stick figure of himself with the word STUPID written in big, bold letters.

 

And finally,

The river, and a stick figure in it, drowning.

 

Jarrod dropped the notebook and started to run.  Racing toward the river, he called out over and over again, “Heath!” for all he was worth.

 

He got near the banks and scanned up and down, looking in the water for any sign of him.  “HEATH,” he cried out again.

 

Jarrod was distraught.  Not again he thought, not again.  He screamed, “HEEEEEEEEEAAAATTTTTTTTTHHHHHHH!”

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Jarrod scampered up and down the banks, frantically looking for him, looking for a sign of where he was, as he ran he hoped and prayed he was wrong.  He heard a rustling noise among some nearby reeds and he squinted to see what was causing them to move about.  He saw a touch of blue, from a shirt perhaps and started running in the direction of it. 

 

“Heath?” he called out and again, did not get an answer.

 

He pushed back the reeds and there he was. Heath was slowly easing himself into the river.

 

Jarrod knelt down and dropped his voice.  Softly he said, “Heath?”

 

Heath turned and looked at him but didn’t answer, he continued on backwards into the water.

 

Jarrod scooted down and stepped into the water and he tried reaching out to Heath, but Heath shook his head in some kind of catatonic fear and stepped further back into the river.

 

Jarrod stopped where he was, not wanting to scare him or frighten him any further.  He didn’t want him to do anything foolish.  He’d have to think of something to get him to come out of the water.  He started by letting out a heavy sigh of relief.  “Thank God you’re alright,” he said.

 

There was silence between them, only the rushing water of the river below them and the gently breeze that blew around them.  Heath was up to his waist in water, Jarrod just a few inches lower.

 

“Nnnnootttahh alllllriigghhhtttahh Jjjjjaarrrroodd.” Heath finally spoke.  “Wwwwaannnnttttahh ttaaaa ddddiiiie. Lllllllllleaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvveeee mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeee bbbbbbbbbeeeeee.”

 

Jarrod carefully took another step or two toward him, all the while looking him straight in the eye.

 

“Heath, please, no, don’t say that, don’t even think it.  I know you don’t want to.”

 

As much as Jarrod wanted Heath to look him in the eye, the younger brother would not.  He stared into the rushing water, his eyes fixated on it.

 

“Heath, come on, come back to the bank with me,” Jarrod proposed.

 

“Tttttttrrrriiiieeedddaahh,” was all he said.  He shivered a little from the air and the wet clothes he wore.  “Cccccaaannnn’tttttaahhhh.

 

“Sure you can, want me to help you?”  He stepped closer again and Heath took another step back away from him, deeper into the water.

 

“Ggggggoooottttaaa ddddooooo ttthhhhhiiiisss.”

 

Jarrod was at a complete loss.   What could he say that might ease the mind of his brother?  These months had been hard on the whole family, but no one really knew or understood what it was like for Heath.  He had been such a young, strong, free-spirited man, with a powerful sense of right and wrong.  His heart and soul were nothing but good and kind.  And he’d been through so much in his short life.  A lot of pain and misery, and now this.  It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair.  Not for Heath Barkley.

 

“Heath, I’d give my own life if I knew it would help ease your pain,” Jarrod told him.

 

“Cccccannnn’tttt tttthhhhiiinkaahh ooofffff  wwooooorrrrddd,” Heath said.

 

“What word?  What word do you mean Heath, tell me, explain it to me.”  For now, Jarrod hoped that keeping him talking was the best way to help him, to prevent him from doing the unthinkable.

 

“Hhhhhoooowwww ttttaaa dddiiiieee,” he answered.  “Dddrrreeewww aaaa pppppiccctttuuurreehhh, ccccccccccaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn’ttttttttttt thhhhhhhhhinnnnnnnkkkkkkahhh offffffffffff wwwwwwwooooooorrrrrrrrrdddddaaaaahhh”

 

“You mean drowning?”

 

Heath nodded the affirmative.  “Yyyyyyyyeeeeaaaaaahhhhh, ddddddddddrrrrrrrrrrooooooownnnnnnnnnnninnnnnnnnggggggggahhh.”

 

“But why Heath?  Why do you have to drown?  I don’t understand.”

 

“Sssseeeeeee ittttttttaahhh hhhhhhheeerrrreeee,” he pointed to his head, using all his fingers to angrily pound on his forehead,  “dddaaarrrrrkkkkk aannnnnnddddd ccccllloouuuuddddyyy, ddddddoooonnnnn’tttttaahhh ‘ssssttttttannnnnndddd.”

 

“That was the accident Heath, you did almost drown.”

 

“Ddddddooonnnn’tttttttt ‘mmmmmmeeeemmmmbbbbberrrrrr, iitttttt’ssss nnnnnnnotttttttahhhh clllllllleeeeeearrrrrrahhh.”

 

“We can help you remember it Heath, I promise, if that’s what you want.  We’ll tell you all about it, everything we know, everything we remember.  Please, trust me,” Jarrod said imploring him to come back to shore.

 

“Wwwwhhhooollleeeee tttowwwnnnnahhh tttthhhhhiinnnnkkkkssss Iiii’mmmm ccccrrraaazzyyy.”

 

“Since when did you ever care what the whole town thought?”

 

“Ddddddooonnn’ttttt knnnnnooowwww, cccccaannnnn’tttttahhh ‘mmmmmeeemmmbbbeerrr.”

 

“Heath you’re being way too hard on yourself,” Jarrod started to explain.   “It’s just going to take time.”

 

“Iiiiisssss Nnnniiiikkkk ooookkkkaaaayyy?”

 

“Yes, Nick’s fine, he’s worried about you though.”

 

“Ccccuuuttttahh hhhhhiisssss hhhaaannnndaahhh annnnnddd tttthhhhhrrreeeewww bbbbbeeerrrrraahhh aaattttt hhhhhiiimmmm.”

 

“He’ll survive,” Jarrod said with a grin, which slowly left his face.  “And we want to make sure you do too Heath.”

 

“Jjjjjjjaaaarrrroooodddd, dddddooonnnn’tttttahh, nnnnootttt wwwwwooorrrrtthhhaaahh ssssaaaavvvvinnnnggg.  Iiiiii hhhhhhhaaatttteeeee tthhhhhiiiissss,” Heath was becoming more upset with the whole situation.

 

“That’s not the Heath Barkley I know talking.”

 

“Ttttttthhhhhattttt Hhhhheeeeatttthhhh Bbbbbbaaaarrrrkkklllleeyyyyy dddddiiiieeedddd iiinnnnnn tttthhhhhheeeee rrriiiiivvvvvveerrrrraahh.” Heath said, “Rrrrriiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhtttttttttaaaaahhhhh hhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrreeeeeeh iiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn wwwwwwwwwatttttttttttttterrrrrrrrrrrrrahhhhh.

 

“That’s funny, I recall pulling Heath Barkley up out of the water and rescuing him from dying,” Jarrod answered.

 

“Ssssshhhhoouuuullldddaahh lllllleeeettttahh mmmmmmeee ddddiiiieee.”  There was smugness to his voice.

 

Jarrod closed his eyes for a moment, transported back to that fateful day.  When he opened his eyes, the blueness of them pierced through Heath.  Jarrod stared right at him. 

 

“Nnnniiiikkkk tttooolllldddahhh mmmmmmeeeee, iiittttt wwwwaasssssss yyyyyooouuu, yyyyyyyyooooooooouuuuuuuuu ssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvvveddddddddaaaaahhh mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeee.”  He paused.  “Fffffffffffffoooooooooorrrrrrrrrr wwwwwwwhhhhhhhattttttttttttttttahhhh?  Llllllllllllllllooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkaaahhh aaaaaaaaattttttttttttt mmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeee, ssssssssssttttttttttttuuuuuuuupppppppiiiiiiiddddddd, uuuuuussssssssseeeeeeellllllllllllleeeeeeesssssssss,” Heath was angry and his voice was filled with sadness.  Tears poured down out of his eyes.  “Wwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhyyyyyy?”

 

“That’s right Heath, it was me and I don’t know why it was me, but we can find the reason together.  See I don’t understand it all either, but together, maybe we can.  Please come out of the water, let’s go home and talk.

 

“Ggggggggggooooooootttttttttttaaaaaa knnnnnnnnnooooooowwww nnnnnnnooooooowwww, tttttttttelllllllllllll mmmmmmmmeeeeee hhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeerrrrrrrreeeeeehhhhh.  Mmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkeeehh mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeee ‘mmmmmmmmeeeeeemmmmmmmbbbbbbbbeeeeeeerrrrr.”

 

Jarrod took a deep breath and thought back, he began to detail what he remembered.  Thinking now how he had tried to block out the ugliness of all it himself.   “Nick and I were up on the bank, watching you, making sure that you’d make it across.  You looked so calm and steady as you went after the strays, with the storm that was raging all around.  And then the thunder and lightening came up, louder and brighter it crashed.  Charger got spooked and I watched you go down in the water.  We both raced into the water as fast as we could to reach you and before I could think, Nick had jumped off into the water and he was frantically searching for you, diving and surfacing and calling out your name over and over.  I just sat there.  And then, there you were.  It was like a miracle.  You had surfaced.   I saw you, your body was nearly lifeless and I thought on my God, what now and I jumped down myself and lifted your head up out of the water, I turned your body over in my arms and looked at your face.  The rain was pouring down in droves.  I couldn’t see straight or think straight.  But I just held you tight in my arms, waiting for Nick to resurface and help.  When the lightening flashed overhead, and I saw your face it was blue.  I was too scared to think.  What could I do?  I’d never seen anyone in that shape before, I’d heard about it, but this was my own brother, right there in my arms and I didn’t know what to do.   I had lost all sense of reality and time.  It seemed like forever.  Where had Nick gone?  Why wasn’t he there to help me?  The river raged against us, wanting to take us both under, but I held on tight for your life and for my own.  If you were going to die, I was going to die with you, that’s all I could think of and I waited for Nick.”

 

Heath stood there and listened to Jarrod, taking ragged breaths, the emotion of all that had happened was pent up inside now.  Jarrod’s eyes were filled with tears as well.

 

“I bent my head down, next to yours, to tell you to hang on, to tell you that you were going to be alright.  And as I did, the river surge knocked into me and we both got carried down river just a bit, but I held on and kept your head out of the water.  When I regained my footing, I looked down at you again and your hand was grasping onto my arm.

 

Heath slowly began to shake his head that he remembered.  He closed his eyes and he swallowed hard, continuing to listen to Jarrod.  Jarrod took a few steps closer to him now.

 

“I leaned down again and whispered in your ear, I said, that’s a boy Heath, hang on.”  Jarrod had reached him in the river, he stood right beside him, ready to grab onto him.  “And your eyes fluttered open for a just a second and you coughed up some water, but you, you looked right at me, I know you did and you said…..”

 

“Save me,” Heath whispered, perfectly.  His eyes still closed, but again, they fluttered open and he reached out to Jarrod and grabbed his arms and looking him right in the eyes he said it again, “Save me Jarrod.”  They both grabbed onto each other right there in the river and held on tight again. 

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

They walked out of the river together, after the ‘baptism’ of sorts, quiet both of them.  They both had a new understanding, and they shared something both that day months ago and this new day as well.

 

As they walked back to where their horses were and just before they were going to mount up and ride for home, Heath walked over to Jarrod and put his hand lightly on his brother’s shoulder and said, “Ttthhannkkss.”

 

“Any time brother, any time,” Jarrod reached up and touched his hand with his own and they rode off for home.

 

When they arrived at the house, Victoria met them at the door and saw that they both had been somewhere where they got wet.  All kinds of thoughts and images filled her mind.  She tried to maintain her composure.

 

“Jarrod, Heath?” she cried out with happiness at seeing them both, but her voice was also touched with some wonder at their appearance.  She gave them each a hug.

 

“We’re all right Mother, we’re both all right.  Is Nick back yet?” Jarrod said to her.

 

“No, he hasn’t come back yet, I thought maybe he’d have met up with both of you,” she asked.

 

“Nope, we didn’t see him at all, you might want to send out Ciego to find him and tell him we’re home though,” Jarrod was doing all the talking, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Victoria.

 

“Heath, is everything ok?” she questioned him.

 

He nodded and dropped his head a little, not using his voice.  He looked tired.

 

Jarrod interrupted into the conversation again.  “Mother, I think Heath just needs some rest, it’s been a long day, hasn’t it?” He turned and looked at Heath.

 

Heath gave him the hint of a smile and nodded at Jarrod and then he took a step toward Victoria and gave her a kiss on her cheek and slowly made his way up the stairs without speaking a word.

 

Victoria stood like a statue and watched him go up to his room, desperately wanting to call out to him, but instead she turned back to Jarrod who also watched his younger brother head up the stairs.

 

“Jarrod, what on earth happened now?”

 

Jarrod took a deep breath and walked into the sitting room for a shot of bourbon.  Victoria followed closely on his heels. 

 

“Jarrod Barkley, I’m waiting,” she said sternly.

 

Jarrod drank down the shot and poured himself another.

 

“Do I need to go up there and find out for myself?” she asked.  “Because I will.”

 

“Mother, everything is fine.  Trust me.  It’s just been a long day, for all of us, but especially for Heath.  He’s not so much physically exhausted as he is mentally exhausted.  But, he’s ok.  Just let him be.  He’s got some thinking and sorting out to do.  But I think we had a real break though as Paul would say.

 

“And you’re sure he’s ok?”

 

“Yes Mother,” he looked her right in the eyes and tried to assure her, just as he had done in the river with Heath.  “He’s just tired.”

 

“He was so quiet,” she said, glancing up the stairs, persisting in this conversation.

 

“Mother please,” Jarrod stopped her in mid-sentence.  “We’ve done everything that we were supposed to do and we’re here to support him, however he needs us now, but not only do we have to let him make it on his own, because he’s a man, but because he’s Heath, and that’s how Heath needs to come back.  If Heath had any other type of injury, we’d let him recover in his own way, well, we’ve got to do that now.  We can’t change him just because it suits us and because we want to protect him or shield him from things.  That’s taking away his life.”  He watched his mother for a reaction, she wore a look of confusion.  “Mother, Heath never liked being coddled.  You know that.”

 

She nodded her understanding and walked over to one of the sitting chairs and sat down.  He poured her a glass of sherry and walked over and handed it to her.  “You boys are all like your father in that regard.  Strong and stubborn, wanting to make your own way.  That’s his legacy in each of you.”

 

“He’ll be back Mother, I know it, please believe me,” Jarrod said solemnly.  “We’ve got to let him do it on his own.”

 

She nodded and sipped her sherry.

 

Next morning before the sun was even near to coming up, Heath Barkley rose.  It wasn’t unusual for him to be up before the rest of the family, it had just been months since he had been.  Only the ranch foreman, the ranch cook and Silas were up sooner.  Heath quietly got dressed and made his way downstairs.  He went out to the barn and took care of his horse, apologizing to Charger for the way he’d treated him.  He then saddled him up and off he went for a long day of work.  This became his routine.

 

In the meantime, Jarrod spoke to Nick, Audra and Eugene and told them the same thing that he had told Victoria.  Give Heath some time and some space.  Let him work around the ranch.  He knew his limits, but he also wanted to challenge himself in the ways he knew would be best for him.  Of course, hardest to convince was Nick, who reluctantly agreed to let him go.

 

Every evening Heath returned.  Quiet and yet content, he’d sit with them through dinner, listening to stories from their days.  Every day seemed to find him happier and more at peace with himself.

 

 They never really knew where he was working or what exactly he was doing on the ranch, but his calloused hands, dirty clothes and voracious appetite were proof enough to all of them that he was indeed putting in full days.  During this period of time Nick and Jarrod were out riding and they saw Heath working on one of the line shacks off in the distance.  He was repairing the roof.  They pulled up their horses in a stand of trees.  He hadn’t seen them approaching and Nick wanted to ride over and see how he was doing.  Jarrod held him back from going.  It was nearing lunchtime.

 

“Nick, let’s leave him be.”

 

“Oh for crying out loud Jarrod, what’s the harm in riding over and saying hello?” Nick wanted to know.  “We won’t stay.  We can eat lunch together, like old times.”

 

“Trust me Nick,” Jarrod said.

 

They watched him work for a few minutes and suddenly he stopped and sat down on the roof.  He had brought his saddlebags up to the roof with him, which in itself wasn’t unusual to carry supplies in, which he had in one of them.  In the other bag, he pulled out his lunch and several books.  He took a bite out of the sandwich he brought and reached into his pocket and pulled out the notebook and the pencil and set it beside him as well.

 

“What’s he doing?” Nick said, watching closely.

 

“Just wait, you’ll see.”

 

Heath opened up the book and began to read aloud, even from the distance they were at, and they could hear him clear, perfect like he’d spoken before the accident.  “Chapter One, A Young Battler.  Tom!  No answer. TOM! No answer.  What’s gone with boy, I wonder? You TOM!” he read plainly and without any hesitation.

 

“Well, I’ll be,” Nick turned and gave Jarrod a smile.  “What’s that he’s reading?”

 

“A new book I just picked up for him, Tom Sawyer, by a fellow name of Mark Twain,” Jarrod replied.

 

“Is it any good?” Nick asked.

 

“Don’t know for sure, but to Heath, I’m sure it’ll be a classic.”

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Several weeks later on a Wednesday morning, Heath joined the family at breakfast, something he hadn’t done in such a long time.  He generally got some coffee from Silas and was out the door on his way to some remote ranch location to work.  But on this warm, August morning, he strolled into the dining room as if nothing had ever happened to alter his life.

 

The entire family was gathered.  “Morning everyone,” he said, softly.

 

They all sat stunned.

 

“Good morning Heath, how are you feeling today?” Victoria was the first one to ask.

 

“Just fine,” he said, laying the napkin in his lap.  “What’s for breakfast this morning?  I’m kinda hungry.”

 

Audra sat smiling at him from across the table.  Jarrod set down the morning paper and watched Heath carefully.  Gene was in shock and Nick, who didn’t even notice, passed him the serving platter of bacon.   “Bacon and eggs,” Nick said, not bothering to even look up from his own plate.  He continued to wolf down the food that he had spooned out.

 

“Thanks Nick,” said Heath, grabbing the plate of bacon and spooning himself up a hefty portion.  “Jarrod, can you please pass the eggs down?” he politely asked.  Jarrod picked up the plate and was about to hand it the long way to Heath, when Nick intercepted it and passed it over.

 

“Here ya go,” Nick said, unassumingly.

 

They were amazed by Heath’s speech, all of them, except for Nick, who was too busy eating to notice anything.  He was acting just like Heath, as if nothing had ever happened.

 

Before Heath could ask for any more food, Nick butted in, “Audra, pass Heath the fruit.”

 

They all giggled at Nick.  He was finishing up his plate as they laughed and he looked up and said, “What’s so funny?  Do I have food on my face?”  He ended up looking directly at Heath.

 

“Nothing’s funny at all Nick,” Heath commented.

 

“Hey,” Nick began, “You’re talking, I mean, you’re really talking,” he said somewhat dumbfounded.  Now he finally understood.

 

“Yep,” Heath answered.

 

 No one else had broached the subject of his speech, in fear they might jinx it or Heath in some way, but they all wore happy expressions that he seemed to be back to normal. 

 

“That’s great, that’s wonderful,” Nick shouted.  “Isn’t it wonderful?” he shouted to the whole family.

 

“Yes, it is,” Victoria said.  “And even though Nick’s already eaten his first helping, I think we should say grace.  Heath, would you please?” she asked.

 

He smiled at her and nodded, “Dear Father, thank you for the food before us and for all of thy many gifts, Amen.”

 

They all said Amen in unison.

 

“Say Nick,” Heath began.

 

“Yeah?” Nick said, dishing up his second helping.

 

“Any chance you can give me a hand today?” Heath asked reluctantly.

 

“I’d be glad to help you Heath,” Eugene said from across the table.

 

“You got a job to do today,” Nick said, pointing his fork at him from across the table.  “And this time I expect you to do it right this time.”

 

Eugene was embarrassed.

 

“Don’t take it personal, those peaches just need to be packed up for shipping the right way, that’s all there is to it.”

 

Eugene nodded, “I know, I’ll get started right away, that means unloading them all and starting from scratch.”

 

Heath gave him a wink, “if we get done soon enough Gene, Nick and I’ll give you a hand. I did the same thing a few years back, it’ll be ok.”

 

“What do you need a hand with?” Nick asked him.

 

“I saw a stallion up near Sky Meadow, thought maybe you’d be the shagger, while I tie my rope around him?”

 

“You sure you’re ready for that?”

 

“Been trying for four days Nick, it ain’t killed me yet,” he laughed.  “He’s a sly one though, I could use an extra hand.”

 

Jarrod folded up the paper and stood, “Too bad I have to go to court this morning, I’d love to help you out too.”

 

“We’ll save the next one for ya,” Heath said to him as Jarrod walked behind them.

 

“You do that,” he said, putting his arms around the shoulders of both brothers.  “You boys have fun,” he added and left them to finish their breakfast.

 

“Whatta say Nick? You got the time?”  Heath asked again.

 

“Yeah, I can free some up.  This better not be a wild goose chase,” he said gruffly.  Everyone knew that inside Nick was beaming. 

 

“No geese on this trip, just a prize stallion,” Heath said, finishing his breakfast.  “I’ll meet you out in the barn brother.”  He stood up from the table and gave Victoria a kiss.

 

The two of them rode up to Sky Meadow as if nothing in their life had ever been disrupted.  Laughing and talking, discussing the ranch, all the things the two of them had talked about over the last few years.

 

They came up upon the black stallion.  Nick took one look and knew that Heath had been accurate in his description.  The horse was magnificent.  Wild and powerful and full of unbroken energy and spirit.  It serpentined its way in the grassy meadow.

 

“Well, if you’ve been tracking this beauty for four days, how are we gonna catch him?”  Nick asked.

 

“I’m figuring we chase him about a half mile over to that little gulch and I’ll swing around the other side and you keep chasing.  I think Charger will give him a good run for his money,” Heath described.  “I tried to do it myself, but every time I rode him into it and went around the back, the doggone horse was smart enough to turn around and put himself back out to pasture.”

 

“Smart horse,” Nick said with a grin.

 

“Yep, I told you that, so whatta think?” Heath asked.

 

Nick nodded his agreement, “Anytime you’re ready little brother, let’s try to rope him.”

 

They spent the better part of the day just trying to get the stallion to head into the gulch.  The lone time they did, Heath and Charger didn’t make it around the other end in time and the stallion bolted and headed back into the meadow.

 

“Boy howdy, that is one lucky horse,” Heath said, after missing the only opportunity he had at him so far in the day.

 

The stallion stood still, watching the two brothers and munching on some grass.

 

Nick pursed his lips, “Tell you what?  Let’s just do an all out surprise assault.  We’ll just sit here calmly and then we’ll just tear out and go for broke?”

 

“Think it’ll work?” Heath asked.

 

“There’s only one way to find out,” Nick said.  “5-4-3-2-1, go,” he said and both riders took off in full gallop.

 

The black stallion raced off for the gulch with Nick and Heath in pursuit.

 

Heath veered off and headed around the back of the gulch, while Nick pushed the stallion toward the small opening.

 

Everything was going according to plan.

 

The stallion headed in and Heath anxiously awaited him on the other side with rope in hand.  As the stallion came through, Heath tossed his rope and lassoed him on the first try.  The stallion bucked and jumped for all he was worth but Heath had a strong hold on him and he wasn’t going anywhere but back to a corral at the ranch.

 

Nick came riding up a few minutes later.  “Haha, you got him,” he called out to Heath.

 

Heath grinned from ear to ear.  He led the stallion and Charger over by Nick.  He handed the roped horse over to Nick.

 

“I got him for you.  I nicknamed him Chance, he’s all yours big brother.”

 

Nick was dumbfounded and at a loss for words for a split second, “Heath no, I can’t, you’ve been trying to nab him for days.  He belongs to you.”

 

“Nope, he’s yours.  You gave me a chance, now I’m giving one back to you,” Heath explained and started riding back to the ranch.

 

Nick quickly caught up to him.

 

“Hey Nick,” Heath began.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’m thinking of going into town tonight, to play poker, wanna come?” he asked.  “I think I owe you a beer too.”

 

“Sure, I’ll come,” Nick said with an everlasting smile.

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

 “Come on Nick, let’s go!” Heath called out from the hallway as he opened the door to Nick’s room.  “Get a move on, will ya?”

 

Nick was hurriedly buttoning up his shirt.  “Why are you in such an all-fire hurry?” Nick shouted.  “It’s not even dinner time yet.  The game won’t be starting for a couple of hours.”

 

“I thought I’d buy you dinner at the hotel,” Heath said.  “Come on, I just want to get out of here and go into town.”

 

Nick came to the doorway, “You know, I knew this was gonna happen, one day you’re not talking, not walking, everything’s peaceful and the next thing, we can’t get you to close your mouth or to slow down.”

 

Heath was heading toward the stairs, “well, take your pick I guess.  I can go either way.”

 

Nick grinned, “I think we’ll stick with this version.”

 

Mother met them at the bottom of the stairs.  “You’re leaving already?  But dinner’s not even prepared yet.”

“Mother, I’m taking Nick to the hotel and buying him dinner tonight, I hope you don’t mind,” Heath explained.

 

She gave him a smile, “No, I don’t mind at all.”  He smiled back.  “But please try to bring Nick home at a reasonable hour with a few dollars left in his pocket.”

 

“I’ll try,” Heath said as Nick came up behind him.

 

“The day I need my little brother to wet-nurse me is the day you can bury me out in the cemetery,” Nick explained giving Victoria a kiss on her cheek.  “I’ll be looking out for this one,” he said, jabbing Heath in the ribs with his elbow.

 

“Somehow I think you two will look out for one another, like you’ve always done,” Victoria said.

 

“Boy howdy, that’s a fact,” Heath began, “good bye Mother, see you later.”

 

“Goodbye,” she said to both of them.

 

As they saddled up and rode into town, Heath was in an all-fire hurry and Nick was poking along.

 

“Do you want to tell me now why you’re in such a hurry?” Nick asked him.

 

“Can you just get that mule of yours moving?” Heath asked.

 

Nick pulled Coco up to a stop.  “I will if you tell me what the rush is all about?”

 

Heath stopped Charger.  “I gotta make a stop in town before the store closes, ok?”

 

“What store?  Saddle?” Nick asked, both of them moving their horses again.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Boots?”

 

“Nah,” Heath said, kicking Charger to speed him up.

 

“New shirt?”

 

“Nick would you quit pestering me and just ride?” Heath turned and said right at him.

 

Nick looked over Heath up and down and the tone he’d just used at him.  “Well, maybe that quiet Heath wasn’t so bad after all,” he chuckled and slowed Coco down again.

 

Heath was exasperated by Nick’s behavior, but inside it felt good to be back riding with him again.  The pace was just fine.

 

As they rode into town, Heath suggested that Nick go ahead to the hotel and get a table at the restaurant, but Nick wanted to find out what exactly his little fair-haired brother was up to.  “I’ll just ride along with ya.  We can go together,” Nick teased.

 

“Really Nick, it’s ok, I’ll meet ya over there in ten, fifteen minutes tops,” Heath offered.

 

“You know, I want to see what’s got you all stirred up like this,” Nick continued to joke.

 

Heath finally gave up, it was hopeless to play this game with Nick.  “Alright, but you gotta promise not to say a word,” Heath said.

 

They rode up their horses to the hitch and tied them up.  “So where are we going,” Nick looked at the nearby stores, trying to pick out the one Heath was so set on going to.

 

Heath pulled him aside and held his arm, “Promise?”

 

“Sure, I promise, not a word.” Nick said, as Heath dropped his hold.  Nick held out his arm and said, “Lead the way little brother.”

 

Heath smirked at him and walked up to the Helen’s Women’s Store.  Just as he was about to go in, Nick burst out.  “You are kidding me right?  Is there something else you been meaning to tell me Heath?”

 

“Nick, you promised.” Heath started to turn around.

 

“Yeah, yeah, ok, let’s go in,” Nick said.

 

Together they entered the store.  A couple of elderly ladies were busy chattering as a clerk was showing them different types of fabric.  Heath headed back to the rear of the store and Nick followed behind, bumping into things as he went and apologizing about a half dozen times for knocking products on the floor.  Another clerk followed behind him picking everything up. 

 

“This better be good,” Nick mumbled under his breath.

 

They got to the back of the store and a young, pretty brunette turned around from behind the counter.  “Hhello, Mr. Barkley” she said, startled by the two gentlemen, “Can I help you men?”  She clearly kept her eye on Heath.

 

“Hi Jean, and please call me Heath,” he said, acting as if he’d met her before.  Nick was flabbergasted.

 

“Alright, Heath it is, what can I do for you?”  She looked over at Nick.  “Something for your sister again?”

 

Heath grinned, “Not exactly, oh and Jean, this is my brother Nick.”  Nick tipped his hat to her

 

“Pleased to meet you miss,” Nick said, politely.

 

‘Mr. Barkley,” she said giving Nick a pleasant smile and turned her attention back to Heath, “Your mother then perhaps?”

 

Heath cleared his throat and took off his hat, “Actually Jean, I was wondering if I could call on you tomorrow night, take you out to dinner?”

 

Jean’s eyes opened wide and she broke out into a beautiful smile.  “I would like that a lot, Heath.”

Heath smiled back at her.  “Say about 7.   I’ll pick you up when the store closes?”

 

“Seven would be fine.”

 

“I’ll see you then,” Heath said, turning and heading out of the store, Nick followed right behind him.  This time Heath was the one knocking into things and tumbling them to the ground.  Nick just grinned.

 

He quickly exited out the store and let out a deep breath just as he closed the door behind him.  Nick let out a laugh.

 

“And just when did you have time to meet her?” Nick questioned.

 

“I brought Audra in to town about a week ago.  You know how she is when she goes into a women’s store.  Two hours later I had to go in and drag her out before she spent the whole family fortune.”

 

“Uh huh, and you just what, bumped into Jean while you were insuring the family’s wealth?” Nick teased.

 

“Something like that,” Heath said, grinning to himself out of Nick’s eyesight.

 

They started to walk down the street.  “Just for that, you’re buying me the biggest steak on the menu,” Nick said, slapping him on the back.

 

“I was afraid of that,” Heath said.

 

A familiar voice called out to them from behind, “Heath, Nick?”  It was Emily Matthews.  Heath just kept on walking, while Nick tugged at him to stop and turn around.

 

“Ms. Matthews,” Nick said, tipping his hat once more.

 

“Mmmmisssssss,” Heath said.

 

Nick turned and gawked at his brother.  What had just happened?  He’d just been fine ten seconds ago.

 

“Wwhhhhhhhoooooo  arrrrrrrrrrreeee yyyyyyyyouuuuuuuuuuuuu?” Heath asked her with a perplexed look on his face.

 

“Heath, I thought you were improving,” she began sounding confused, “I, I heard,” she started, then looking at Nick, she stopped.

 

“Wwwrrrrroooonnnngggaahh,” Heath said.  “Gggggeeettttinnnggg wwwooooorsseee.”

 

“Oh dear,” she said.  She wished she hadn’t approached them at all.  Heath looked peaked and pale. 

 

“Nnnniiikkkk, ggggoonnnaaa fffffaallllll, hhhhheeeeeellllppppahhh mmmmeee,” Heath said, breathing heavily, shaking and collapsing into Nick’s arms.  Nick caught him and lowered him to the walkway gently.  Heath’s eyes began rolling back into his head.

 

“Oh God, Heath, Heath, hang on, I’ll get you over to the Doc’s right away,” Nick looked around for the quickest way to get him there.  “Emily, go get Doc Merar, right away,” Nick shouted, holding Heath in his arms.

 

Emily stood shocked, shaking her head, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t bear seeing him like this,” she ran off in the other direction.

 

Nick started shouting out for someone to help him, when Heath grabbed his arm and pulled Nick’s head down to his.  “Is she gone?” he asked.

 

Nick pulled away and looked at Heath, who winked at him.  Heath started laughing, happily and heartily.  Nick pushed him out of his arms and stood up, over at him glaring.  Heath still laughed.

 

“I ought to bust you for that,” Nick said with a touch of anger to his voice.

 

“I’m sorry Nick, but I had to do it.  I had to put her in her place.  Maybe she’ll start seeing people for who they are and not what they have,” he said, reaching up his arm to Nick, looking for his hand to help him stand.  Nick obliged.  “It sure felt good,” Heath laughed again.

 

Nick started laughing too.  “Just for that one, you’re buying me the biggest steak and the best lobster in the place.”

 

“You’re on Nick, it’ll be worth every penny and then some.”

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

The two brothers shared a tasty, yet quiet and uneventful dinner, choosing just to relax and let themselves fall back into the easy, loving relationship they had previously known.  Opposite in so many ways, but bound together by blood, they had learned over the years and months that the family blood that coursed through them was strong and unbreakable.

 

After dinner it was time to head over to the saloon for the poker game.  They laughed and joked as they made their way over to the familiar location.

 

Nick busted through the swinging doors and hollered out to Sam, “Two beers, Sam, for me and my brother.”

 

Sam started to pour them as Heath walked over to retrieve them and pay for them.

 

“Here ya go Heath,” Sam said, not having seen Heath since that last fateful time he’d been in.  He gave him a suspicious look.

 

Heath tipped his hat and tossed the coinage on the bar, “Thanks Sam,” he said, clear as a whistle.

 

Sam picked up the money, smiled and nodded.

 

Nick was busy scouting out the clientele and upon not being satisfied with who was currently in the bar, he chose an unoccupied table and sat down.  Heath walked over and set his beer in front of him.

 

“Here ya go, big brother,” Heath said, removing his hat and taking a seat.  “I said I owed you a beer, and here it is.”  He also scanned the room and didn’t see anyone that he’d want to play with either.  “It’s still early, lets give it awhile and enjoy the beer.  Someone’s bound to show up.  It’s Friday night anyway.”

 

“I’m not worried, Pete shows up all the time, no matter the time or the weather.  There’s just something about poker that draws him here,” Nick explained.

 

“I think they call it an addiction,” Heath said, “I was reading about it in one of Paul’s books.”

 

Nick listened to Heath as he explained to him how the human mind worked.  Nick was amazed at Heath, who now seemed to have this newfound knowledge of brains and how they worked.  “I’ll be, you got all that out of reading a book?” Nick said as Heath finished explaining it to him.

 

“Several books actually,” Heath offered.

 

“Maybe you ought to think about becoming a doctor or something?” Nick said.

 

“Me?  Uh, nope, no way.  Being a rancher is all I’ve ever wanted,” he said, “but reading about other stuff is interesting.  I like knowing it.  It helps me understand people a whole lot better,” Heath explained.

 

Nick took a swig of beer, “I think we’re getting way too serious here,” he began, “let me get a deck of cards and we can play a few hands to warm up.”

 

Heath nodded as Nick got up and went and grabbed a deck of cards off another table.  As he came back to the table, Harv Jensen and a couple of his cronies walked into the bar.  Harv was the worker that Nick had fired that had made fun of Heath the last time the Barkley’s had been in the saloon.  Both Heath and Nick remembered it all too well.

 

The three men walked over to the bar and ordered their beer.  They each got their mugs and spun around to see what was happening inside the saloon.  Harv immediately honed in on Nick and Heath.

 

“Well, would you just look at that,” he said loudly, “Nick Barkley and his stupid brother decided to come back to town.  They must just like getting beat up and made fun of.  I guess that’s all those big, la dee dah ranchers can do on a Friday night.”  The two men that were with Jensen laughed and egged him on.

 

Nick and Heath both looked toward the bar to see where all the hot air was blowing from.  Nick was ready to pounce, but Heath leaned over and whispered something in his ear, so Nick casually sat back in the chair and took another swig of beer.

 

“Well, they must be deaf too, cuz I think I just insulted them and they’re still sitting there like a couple of little girls.  Hey, did you Barkley’s hear what I just said?”

 

Nick decided to do the talking for both of them.  “We’re looking for a game, loud mouth,” Nick said, “are you boys interested in poker or shooting off your jaws?”

 

Harv let out a cackle.  “This ought to be like taking candy from a baby,” he said, “yeah, we’ll play some poker Barkley.  Just don’t let that nutso brother of yours drool on the cards ok?”

 

Heath glanced over at Nick, who wanted more than anything to wipe up the floor with Harv Jensen.  Nick quickly looked back at Heath and saw the cool restraint that reflected in his eyes.  It’s what made Heath such a great poker player.  It took so much to get him riled.

 

“Like I said Jensen, you wanna play or jaw?”

 

Harv and his cronies sauntered over and sat down at the table.  Heath still had not spoken to them at all.  Nick shuffled up the cards and said, “5-card, nothing wild.”  Then he dealt the cards.

 

Then Nick sat back and watched his brother take charge.  Hand after hand, Heath bluffed and outplayed all of them.  It was more than a lucky streak, Heath pulled out every honest trick, bluff and emotion he could.  He knew poker better than just about anyone.  Through it all, he’d only spoken a few words, very softly, nearly inaudible.

 

And after being bluffed out of a pot containing $634, Harv Jensen finally had enough.  He stood up and turned the table over and shouted at the brothers.  “I don’t know what you two are up too, but I say something ain’t right here.  You two are up to something.”  He pointed directly at Heath and said, “You’re too stupid to play this game.  You lost your mind, I know that, everyone in town knows that,” he continued, looking to his friends and the others in the saloon for support,  “so your brother must have cooked up this little scam, how you doin’ it?  That’s what I want to know?  Just how you’re doing it?”

 

“We ain’t cheating Jensen,” Nick said, trying to mop up some of the spilled beer, ‘you and your friends here are just bad poker players.  Why don’t the three of you just run along to that rock you climbed out from under?”

 

Harv shook his head and spit in the direction of Nick, just missing him by inches, “You’re wrong Barkley and I’m going to get the sheriff and prove it.  He’s cheating,” he looked right at Heath and spit at him, hitting him right in the face.

 

That was the final blow.  Heath Barkley stood up and pushed back his chair.  “No one calls me or my brother a cheater and no one spits in my face.  I just taught you a lesson in how to play poker, and now I’m gonna teach you one about calling a man a cheater.”  He took slow calculated steps toward Harv and Nick stood up now and was right on back. 

 

“Gonna have your brother fight your battles again?” Harv laughed and said to Heath.  Harv’s friends had moved up closer to help defend him.

 

“No, he’s gonna take care of you Jensen all by himself and I’m gonna take care of your stupid, so-called friends,” Nick said.

 

And as Nick finished speaking, Heath busted loose with a right hand to the face of Harv Jensen.

 

Heath and Nick pounded them into the ground relentlessly, in the process, the bar patrons scattered and the inside of the saloon was left in shambles.

 

Heath walked over to Sam at the bar and pulled out the $634 and handed it to Sam.  “Hope this covers the damage, if not, let me know and I’ll pay for the rest.”  Nick came up behind him with their hats and handed Heath’s to him.

 

“No, let us know Sam, WE’LL cover the rest,” Nick added, putting his arm around Heath’s shoulder as the two of them walked out of the saloon together.  “Let’s go home.”

 

When they got to their horses Nick asked Heath, “What exactly did you say to me in there anyway, you were talking so quiet, I didn’t understand a word.”

 

“You didn’t understand what I said?  Then how’d you keep from tearing into them right away?”

 

“Well, I’d already tangled with them once, I sorta figured it was your fight this time,” Nick explained.  “I was just there as back-up.”

 

“Just what did you think I said?” Heath asked, intrigued now by how Nick had held his hot temper in check.

 

Nick cleared his throat and answered, “Err, um, something about ‘listen to me honey, we got all night.”  He looked to Heath and shrugged his shoulders.  “I don’t know, I figured you were gonna pull another one of those stunts like you pulled with Emily, so I held back.”

 

Heath busted out into laughter.

 

“Well, what then?  What did you really say?” Nick prodded, now he was annoyed, because he obviously hadn’t understood what Heath had said to him.

 

Heath still laughed, “What I said was, ‘first we take their money, then, we fight.’”

 

“Well I was close,” Nick said.  They both mounted up.

 

“Why would I ever call you honey?” Heath asked, still laughing as they made their way back to the ranch.

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Heath finished up his work early the next day as he wanted to get home and get ready for his upcoming date with Jean.  He came riding in as Nick and Gene were busy loading up some more of the peach crop for delivery.

 

They stopped their work and slowly strode over to him as he walked Charger into the barn.  As he unsaddled him and got him taken care of, his two brothers began to tease him about the upcoming evening.

 

“I tell ya Gene, you should have seen him yesterday, stumbling all over himself trying to ask this poor girl out.  I thought he’d had a relapse,” Nick started.

 

Gene couldn’t stifle a roll of laughter.  “Poor girl, what’s she in for tonight?” he remarked.

 

“Maybe he won’t be so nervous,” Nick added.

 

No amount of prodding or teasing was getting to Heath.  He knew it was all in fun and he continued to brush and rubdown his horse.

 

“As I recall, big brother, you were the one stumbling in that store yesterday,” Heath said, throwing a glance toward Nick.  “You should have seen him Gene, I thought he was going to give Mrs. Wilson one of those attacks she always has.  He knocked over everything in the store.”

 

“Well Nick, you didn’t tell me that,” Gene said, also eyeing up his brother.

 

“I think our older brother has something going for those older, widow types,” Heath added.

 

Nick rolled his eyes at the two of them, “It’s just not everyday I get dragged into one of them women stores.  And this ain’t about me, it’s about you and Jean,” he fired back.

 

“Where ya taking her Heath?” Gene asked.

 

“Thinking about the Colonial,” he said, “it’s not as big as the hotel, you know,” he tried to explain.

 

“More intimate,” Nick blurted out, “we know.  Say if you’re taking her there, you’re going to need some extra cash,” Nick pulled out his wallet and was ready to give his brother some extra money.  “After all, I still owe you some from that fight we got into last night,” he explained.  Heath refused to take his brother’s money.

 

“It was you two that busted up the saloon?” Gene asked.  “I was in town this morning and everyone was talking about it.”

 

“Yeah, it was us,” Nick answered.

 

“I need to play poker with you two more often,” Gene said, extolling a bit of big brother worship on both of them.  “There’s never a dull moment with you two.”

 

“Listen, I’d love to stay and chat with you fella’s, but I got a date with the bathtub, and then a real date with a real lady.  I’ll see ya,” Heath drawled, walking out of the barn.

 

“And you got peaches to pack,” Nick said to Gene.

 

“I thought you were helping me?”

 

“I gotta give this money to Heath,” he said following Heath toward the house.  “Say, hitch up that buggy for him too.”

 

When they were both inside, Nick hollered to him as he walked up the stairs, “Hey, you stubborn mule, would you just take this money?”

 

 “Nick, I’m fine, I got money, thanks, but I got it covered,” Heath said.

 

“Look, I just want you to have a real nice time, treat her good,” Nick said.

 

“We will, don’t worry Nick, we’ll have a good time, and I’ll treat her just fine,” Heath continued up the stairs toward the bathroom.

 

Nick came back down the stairs and mumbled, “he is such a stubborn, hard-headed mule, I can’t believe him.”

 

“Who are you talking about?” Audra said walking into the foyer.

 

“That brother of ours, Heath,” he said.  “I owe him some money from last night and he won’t take it.”

 

Audra walked over to the nearby table, next to Heath’s hat and gun belt, he’d laid out his wallet too.  “Why don’t you just put it in here?” she said, holding it up.

 

Nick laughed and walked over to it, “I’ll do that, that’ll teach him to leave his stuff lying around.”

 

Heath got all spiffed up and headed down the stairs.  He sported a new shirt and tie with a new jacket too.  He grabbed his hat and his wallet and headed out and just as he was ready to close the door behind him, Victoria called to him.

 

“Yes Mother?” he said from the doorway.

 

She came into the foyer with a beautiful bouquet of flowers from one of her gardens.  “I thought you might like to give these to your date.”

 

He smiled and dropped his head in shyness, “How’d you know I have a date?”

 

“Heath, anytime one of you boys take a bath at 4 ‘o clock in the afternoon, I know you have a date,” she explained.

 

He took the flowers from her.  “Thank you Mother, they’re lovely, I’m sure Jean will love them.”

 

“Jean Ralston?” she asked.

 

He nodded.

 

“That’s wonderful Heath, she’s a very wonderful young lady.  Have a good time,” she said.

 

“I’m sure we will, I’ll see you later,” he said.

 

He drove the buggy into town and pulled up in front of the store.  He jumped down off the wagon and reached back to the seat and grabbed the bouquet of flowers.  He climbed up to the walkway and entered the store.  Jean was waiting for him right near the front.

He quickly took off his hat and spoke, “Good evening Jean, I’m sorry if I’m late.  The whole family kept talking, it was hard for me to get away.”

 

“You’re not late,” she answered with a smile, looking at the flowers he was holding.

 

“Oh, uh,” he noticed her stare, “these are for you, from our garden,” he explained.

 

“They’re beautiful Heath,” she breathed in their sweet fragrance.

 

“Are you ready to go?”

 

“Yes, I’m all set,”

 

“I hope you like the Colonial, I thought we could go there,” he said, holding the door for her.

 

“I’ve never actually been there, but I’m sure it will be lovely,” Jean said. 

 

Heath helped her into the buggy and drove through town to the restaurant.

 

They rode in silence, each of them a little nervous about what to say to one another.

 

“Have you eaten there before?” she asked him finally.

 

“Yes, it’s very nice, I know Bill and Sue Bettis from a long time ago.  They used to run a place near San Francisco,” he said.  “I was surprised when I came to Stockton and found them here.”

 

“How long have you been here now?”

 

“Going on three years,” he offered her no other explanation.  Most people in Stockton knew his background by now.

 

“I think it’s wonderful that you were able to find your family,” she said, deciding to acknowledge how he had arrived.  She was truly happy for him.

 

He gave her a grin.  “Yeah, it’s been a long road, I’m a very lucky man.”

 

“They’re lucky they have you too,” she said as they pulled up to the restaurant.  Again, Heath helped her out of the buggy and they headed inside.  Bill Bettis greeted them and showed them to their table. 

 

“I’ll let Sue know you’re here Heath, I’m sure she’ll want to come and say hello,” Bill said as he shook Heath’s hand.

 

“Bill, this is Jean Ralston, Jean, this is Bill Bettis,” Heath introduced them to one another.  And to Bill he continued, “She’s never been here before Bill, hope you got something special on the menu for tonight,” he teased. 

 

“Everything’s special Heath, you know that, but I’ll tell ya what, I’ll bring out a bottle of champagne, my treat.”

 

“Thank you Bill,” Heath said.  Bill went off to tell Sue and to get the champagne.

 

“Champagne?” Jean asked with a question.

 

“Well, if that’s ok with you?” Heath said.

 

Jean giggled, “I’ve never had that before either,” she admitted.

 

“It’s like grape juice with bubbles,” Heath explained.

 

She laughed again.  The rest of the evening went by and they fell into a casual and easygoing relationship.  Heath found out just how smart Jean was, when she told him how many books she had read and how much she had studied.  She was equally adept at talking about politics, dressmaking, ranching and even medicine.  She even had worked as a nurse at an army post during the war.  Her stories rivaled those that Heath told about his own storied past.  And they also shared the love of their families and the bond that kept them both grounded in Stockton.

 

Time flew by as their conversation continued.

 

And then into the restaurant came Emily.  On this evening, she was with Paul Baker.  Heath noticed them both as they entered.  Bill Bettis seated them on the opposite side of the restaurant, but sure enough Emily spotted Heath and whispered something to Paul who also turned and saw his former patient.  Before Heath could usher Jean out, Emily and Paul came walking toward them.

 

“Evening Heath,” Paul said.

 

Heath nodded, “Evening Paul.  Didn’t know you were back in town?”  He didn’t even bother to acknowledge Emily.

 

“Last time I checked Heath, I wasn’t reporting to your family anymore.  I come and go as I please now.”

 

Heath was a bit taken aback by Paul’s snotty attitude, but with Jean around he didn’t want to get into anything.

 

“Seems to me you’ve had a sudden improvement since yesterday Heath,” Emily said snippily.

 

Heath grinned, “Yeah, being around spiteful folks seems to make me relapse,” he told her with about the same amount of disdain.

 

“That was an awful thing you did to Emily yesterday Heath.  I never thought you’d stoop to such a level,” Paul added.  “I think you owe her an apology.”

 

Heath had had it with both of them, they were ruining his wonderful evening.  So up he stood and started to speak directly to Paul.  “You know what Paul?  I can tell you a few more awful things too.  Things a doctor and friend should never do and this is one of them.  But I don’t have time for this right now and quite honestly, I’m moving ahead with my life, not looking back.  Thank you for all you did for me, and” he chuckled, “I guess thanks for showing me what kind of people you and Emily really are.   And you are right, I do owe Jean here an apology for ruining a nice evening.”  He pushed his way past them and went to Jean’s side and helped her rise.  “Now if you’ll excuse us, we were just leaving.”  And with that they left the restaurant.

 

Heath helped Jean into the buggy and they both rode along in silence for a while.  Both of them were afraid to say anything.  Just outside of town, Heath pulled the buggy to a stop and got out, leaving Jean to wait.  She knew he was upset, so she decided to get out herself.  She came up behind him.

 

“Heath, if there’s anything you’d like to talk about, I’m a good listener, and I promise I won’t say a word to anyone. 

 

Heath turned around.  “I’m sorry you had to witness that in there.  I didn’t mean to spoil your evening.”

 

“Spoil?  The first time at such a wonderful restaurant, champagne, good conversation?  You didn’t spoil anything.”

 

He refused to believe her.  “Not that part, the part with Emily and Paul.”

 

Well,” she paused, “I thought you handled yourself perfectly.  Very gentlemanly and very nobly.  The two of them were out of line.”

 

Heath was surprised.  He thought she’d be angered by the whole situation. 

 

“I know you and Emily dated, everyone in town talked about it.  I just didn’t know the whole story.  But what she and that man said tonight was very rude.  I wouldn’t have minded if you’d have hit him.  You showed great restraint, very admirable.”

 

Heath took her hand and led her over to a nearby rock where they could both sit down.  Then he told her the whole story, about the cattle herd and the storm, the accident and the recovery, all of it, everything he remembered.

 

“I had no idea you’d been through so much.”

 

Heath nodded, “yep, I just feel like I’m just starting to come back now,” he explained looking into her eyes.

 

“I’m glad you told me,” she said.  “And I’ll be glad to listen anytime too.  I mean that.  You’re a very special man Heath Barkley.”

 

“And you’re a very special woman, Jean Ralston,” Heath said as he leaned in and gave her a long and lasting kiss.

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

That very night, after dropping Jean off safely at her home and upon returning to the ranch, the nightmares began.

 

The house was quiet when he arrived, everyone was asleep as it was nearing 12:30am.  Heath snuck up the stairs as quietly as he could, only stopping at Nick’s bedroom door, where he opened up his billfold and passed back the money that Nick had tried to give to him.  Then he went on to his own room.  It took him forever to fall asleep as his mind replayed everything that had happened this evening, particularly the time he spent getting to know Jean.  His life was getting back on track, he was nearly 100 percent healthy again and certainly 100 percent happy.

 

But sleep wouldn’t come to him on this night, no matter how much he tried to relax.  He’d close his eyes and get to thinking and before long his eyes would open up and he’d be staring into the moonlit filled room.

 

He got up for a short time and went to the window and looked out.  Nothing moved, everything was quiet and still, except the gnawing restlessness that was growing inside of him and he didn’t know why.

 

He went back and lay in bed and tried to sleep once again.  It must have worked because until the nightmare hit, time had passed and sleep must have overtaken him.

 

This first nightmare woke him and left him in a pool of sweat.  He tried as hard as he could to remember what he had been dreaming of, but the memory of the haunted dream eluded him.  Though it was only around four in the morning, he couldn’t get back to sleep at all.

 

The next day he didn’t think much of the nightmare at all.  He’d had some bad dreams over the years, like after he got out of Carterson, after his mother died and again after Rio Blanco, but he’d had them once or twice after each of those things had taken place and then he’d get back to normal in his sleeping pattern.  He didn’t remember having any nightmares after his latest accident, but some memories from back when it had first occurred were still fuzzy and unclear to him.  He brushed off last night’s nightmare as just one of those things.

 

At breakfast that morning he came down, looking tired and unrested.  Nick and Gene teased him that it was because of the date he had had.  He smiled and agreed with them, not wanting to worry any of them with a dream that he couldn’t even remember.  It was only one nightmare.   He went out to work with Nick and Gene in the peach grove and the day went by rather uneventfully.

 

After dinner Audra begged him for a game of checkers and he obliged.  Uncharacteristically, she beat him 3 out of 4 games.  She thought he’d just let her win, even though he insisted she didn’t, she didn’t believe him.  Nick then started to pester him to play a game of pool, to which he politely declined, begging off saying he was going to turn in early.

 

“Well now, we didn’t work you that hard today, picking peaches isn’t even work at all,” Nick jabbed.

 

“I’m just tired Nick,” he said, standing.  “Maybe tomorrow Nick.”

 

Eugene piped in, “I bet he’s still tired out from that date last night,” he began, “what on earth did that girl do to you anyway?”  Gene and Nick laughed.

 

“Yeah, what is it you’re not telling us?”  Nick chimed in.

 

“Nothing, we had dinner, we went for a ride and then I took her home,” he explained.  “Not that I owe you two any kind of reasoning anyway, I’m just tired and I’m going to bed.”

 

“Leave him be,” Victoria said smiling at her boys ribbing, setting down her book as Heath walked over to her and gave her a good night kiss.

 

“Good night Mother,” he said.

 

“Good night Heath.”

 

He went upstairs to his room and the whole pattern began again.  Though he was tired, he could not fall asleep and when he did finally let go to sleep, he woke up again, dripping with sweat, having had another bad dream that he could not recall.

 

He got up, grabbed his tobacco pouch and made his way downstairs and outside to have himself a smoke.

 

When he stepped out onto the porch, a chill from the cool night air and his still sweaty body, sent a shiver through him.  He slowly smoked the cigarette he’d rolled and forced himself to take some deep breaths and try to remember something about the dream.  Nothing came to him.  He sat down and leaned against one of the pillars, staying like that for several hours, before making his way back up to his room. 

 

The same pattern continued on for days and turned into several weeks and it began to affect his eating, his work and his relationships with all them.  His temper was short, he was becoming uncommunicative and he snapped at the smallest things.  Then he’d quickly realize what he’d done and he’d apologize.

 

During one of the weeks, Jean had gone back east on a buying trip, so he wasn’t able to see her.  Nick thought maybe that was his problem.

 

“You must have a real bad case of love for that gal,” he began as they rode up to North pasture to drive some cattle down.

 

Heath was lost in his own world and didn’t even respond.  He spent most of his time trying to recall just a small part of the nightmare he kept having.

 

“I say, you must be in love with that girl, huh Heath?” Nick said again.

 

“Uh, what?  What did you say?” Heath shook his head and looked at Nick.

 

“When does Jean come back?” Nick said with a smile.

 

“Tomorrow,” Heath answered.

 

“Uh huh, and it’s been what, a week since you last saw her.  Tell you what, take tomorrow off and go on a picnic or something like that with her,” he offered.

 

“I gotta finish up that fence you’ve been after me about,” Heath replied.

 

“The fence can wait, true love can’t,” Nick laughed.

 

“I’m not in love with her Nick, we’re just friends.  We hardly know each other at all,” Heath explained getting annoyed with Nick’s playful attitude.

 

“Coulda fooled me, just look at ya, you can’t concentrate, you snap at everyone, you’re tired all the time.  I think it’s a classic case,” Nick added.

 

“You don’t know nothing Nick,” Heath said, wanting to drop it.

 

“I know she’s been gone about a week and every day you get a little worse for wear,” Nick said.

 

“Like I said Nick, you don’t know nothing,” Heath repeated, kicking Charger to move faster.

 

Now Nick got annoyed that Heath was riding off, he kicked Coco and caught up to him. When he reached him, he veered in front of him, causing Heath to have to rear up and bring Charger to a stop.  “Then tell me what I don’t know?” Nick shouted.

 

“Just leave it be Nick, I didn’t mean it,” Heath said, just wanting to forget the whole conversation.

 

Nick pursed his lips, he knew something was on Heath’s mind.  “You know Heath, you can talk to me, about anything, anytime.  That’s what brothers are for.”  He offered, thinking maybe something else was on his brother’s mind.

 

“Yeah, I know,” he said with a grin, “but I got nothing to tell ya.”   He explained, knowing deep down that he couldn’t tell him about the dreams, since he didn’t even know what they were about.  “Let’s just get this herd in and I’ll take your advice and take tomorrow off and go see Jean.”

 

Nick smiled back.  He hoped that seeing Jean was all that Heath needed.  Heath started riding Charger again, never looking back toward Nick, who waited and watched his brother ride ahead.  Nick hoped that was all.

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Heath waited at the train station for Jean to arrive.  This time, he’d picked his own flowers and held the bouquet in his nervous hands as the train pulled up to the depot.  He spotted her sitting on the train and waved.  She smiled and waved back.  He walked a few steps down the walkway and met her as she got off the train.  He gave her a hug and handed the flowers to her.  “Welcome home, Jean, I missed you,” he said.

 

“Oh Heath, they’re beautiful,” she said, taking the flowers in her arms.  “I’m so glad to be home.  I do enjoy going on these trips, because I think I appreciate being home all the more,” she laughed.  They both walked down to retrieve her luggage.  “I didn’t know you’d be here today,” she said with a question in her voice.

 

“Well, I thought maybe, I could talk you into a picnic or something,” he began.  “I figured maybe you’d like to relax a little and it’s such a beautiful day, whatta ya say?”

 

“That’s so sweet,” she began, studying his face.  He looked really tired and drawn.  “It looks like you could use some relaxation as well,” she said, showing her concern.  “Is everything going alright?”  She wondered if he’d had some kind of a setback.

 

“Who me?” He grinned, “I’m fine, just been working hard while you been away, that way I don’t miss you nearly as much as I really do.  Nothing like work to make a man tired,” he added.  She looked beyond his grin and heard between the lines.  But for now, she held back her own thoughts.

 

They came upon the luggage area and Jean pointed out her suitcases to Heath who retrieved them and set them in his nearby rig.  Then he helped her up and they were off to drop off here things at her house and then on to the picnic.

 

He drove her out to the ranch, out to one of his favorite spots and there he set down a blanket and brought out the picnic basket, full of food, and also a bottle of Barkley wine.

 

He opened up the basket and brought out so much food, Jean laughed herself silly when she saw it.  “What’s so funny?” he asked.

 

“Who is going to eat all this?” she began, “there’s enough food here for an entire town,” she laughed even harder.

 

He gave her a scowl and kept on setting everything up.

 

“Did you make all this?” she wondered.

 

“Sure I did,” he decided to tease her right back.  Silas had actually prepared everything based on Heath’s suggestions.  “I’m a man of many talents,” he added boastfully.

 

“You never told me you cooked?” she kept after him.

 

“You never asked,” he fired right back.  “’Sides, when we’re out on the trail, who do you think cooks?”

 

“I thought you hired one for a trail drive,” she said.

 

“Yeah, for the big ones, but if I’m out there alone, I gotta know how to cook, so I can keep up my strength.”

 

She reached in and got herself a piece of chicken.  She tasted it and asked him, “so what’s your recipe for chicken, I taste something in here, but I’m not quite sure what it is,” she prodded him.

 

He continued to play along, “You tell me what it is you think you taste and I’ll tell you if you’re right or wrong.”

 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was nutmeg,” she said, knowing that she’d trap him.

 

“You’re right, it is nutmeg,” he said, not catching on at all.

 

She began to laugh again.

 

“Now what’s so funny?” he asked her.

 

“You didn’t make this, no one puts nutmeg on chicken,” she explained.

 

“Ok, ok, you got me, Silas made it alright?  He made everything,” he finally confessed.  “Can we just enjoy it now that you know I’m not a cook?”

 

“I’ve been enjoying it all along,” she said, siding up to him and giving him a kiss, which he returned equally.

 

They enjoyed the food and the company and shortly after finishing eating, he stretched out with his head in her lap and proceeded to fall asleep.   He had looked and sounded so tired during the whole time they had spent together that she decided to let him sleep right then and there because he looked so peaceful.  She reached over and grabbed the book that she had brought along on the train ride and read to herself while he slept.

 

A little over an hour had passed, and suddenly, the peacefulness that was drawn upon his face changed.  She could tell he was beginning to have a bad dream, just from the emotion that was sweeping across his sleeping face and he also began to toss and turn a little from whatever it was he was dreaming about.  His face became tense and he began to perspire.  He called out a couple of times, saying, ‘no, it’s cold, I’m trapped, help me.’  And then all of a sudden he sat straight up and took in a deep, labored breath.

 

He looked around, still breathing heavily and sweating profusely.   Jean waited for him to speak.

 

“I, uh, must have fallen asleep.  I’m sorry about that Jean,” he said, hanging his head, a little shamefully.

 

“It’s ok, I knew you were tired, and I had my book to read anyway,” she waited for him to bring up the dream.

 

“Guess I must have been dreaming,” he said, taking his neckerchief and wiping his brow with it.

 

“Do you remember it?” she asked.

 

He shook his head no.  “I never do,” he said.

 

She gave him a puzzled look.  “How long has this been happening?”

 

“A couple of weeks now I guess,” he said, still not looking at her.

 

“Did you talk to Dr. Merar?” 

 

“Nah, I’ve had nightmares before and they’ve always gone away on their own,” he explained.

 

“This many?” she kept asking.

 

“No, usually only one or two,” he said.  “And I always remembered them when I woke up.”

 

“Heath you talked in this dream,” she offered.

 

“Really?  What’d I say?”

 

“You said, ‘No, it’s cold, I’m trapped, help me,’” she repeated what she had heard.

 

He gave her a tiny hint of a grin.  “Ok Nurse Ralston, what do you think it means?”

 

She gave him a condescending look.  “You’re making fun of the work I did in the war,” she started,  “But I’ve seen it so many times Heath.  I thought of it when you first told me about the accident.”

 

“And I told you, the river doesn’t scare me.  I told you what happened with me and Jarrod.  I wasn’t scared to go into the water.”

 

“I think you’re wrong.  I think what happened that day between you and Jarrod was entirely different.  It served it’s own purpose, this is entirely different.  I think you have to go back to Pine River, back to that exact spot and face it, head on.”

 

“I wasn’t at war with Pine River,” he tried to make excuses.  “This is completely different from what those men suffered from after the war.”

 

“No it’s not, trauma is trauma Heath.  The sooner you accept it and face it, the better off you’ll be.”

 

He didn’t want to listen to what she was saying any longer.  “I think I better be getting you back to town,” he said, changing the subject.

 

She wasn’t ready to back down either, “Fine, and I’ll stay there until you decide to come to your senses and listen to what I’m telling you.”

 

“If that’s the way you want it?” he answered.

 

“It’s not the way I want it, but I’ve seen too many men destroyed by the same kind of dreams you’re having.  I love you too much to watch it happen to you Heath Barkley,” she said with emotion pouring out of her voice.

 

He took her back to town in silence.

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Several more days passed and the nightmares were not only going away, they were getting worse.  Sleep was becoming his enemy.  The whole family saw how his disposition had changed and they were ready to offer their help.  He refused to tell them about the dreams.  They too suggested he go see Dr. Merar, but he stubbornly refused.  Nick questioned him about Jean, had the two of them had a fight or some kind of misunderstanding?   They were trying to find some reason why Heath was such a changed person.  Heath wouldn’t tell any of them what was going on.  He reverted into himself, even more than usual.  Victoria even rode into Stockton one day and brought Dr. Merar back out to the ranch with her, under the guise of dinner.  The minute Heath saw him, he bolted and stayed away until he knew the doctor was gone.

 

He was a hard man to help when he out and out refused everyone’s offer to be of assistance.

 

The final straw for Nick came when the two of them were out in the corral working with Chance.  Heath was so exhausted from his interrupted sleep pattern that as Nick was working at breaking the wild stallion, he leaned up against the fence and quickly drifted off to sleep and slumped to the ground.  Nick thought something had befallen his brother and there was something terribly wrong.  He dropped the rope that held Chance in place and raced over to Heath.  The sudden movements and Nick shouting out his name, spooked the horse and Chance came charging over at both of them.  Nick barely got to Heath and dragged him out in time.  When he found out that Heath had merely fallen asleep, Nick wanted to beat the living tar out of him.  His anger shot through.

 

“What in the blazes is going on with you?” Nick shouted.

 

Heath was still semi-awake and surprised by Nick’s shouting, “I, uh, I don’t know Nick, I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re sorry?  That’s all you got to say?”  Nick had a hold of him by his shirt.  “What do you mean you don’t know?  You nearly got us both killed in there, that’s a wild stallion.  He could have beaten us both to death.   What happened?”

 

Heath pulled away from his grasp.  “I musta dozed off.”

 

“You fell asleep Heath?  I thought something happened to you, I thought you passed out, you scared the living daylights out of me, you know that?  And now you’re telling me you fell asleep?   He couldn’t believe it.   Nick got right up into his face, “Brother or not, Heath, I’d fire any man on this ranch that pulled that stunt.  If you need rest, go up to the house and sleep.  I’d rather have you do that than kill someone.”

 

Heath wasn’t backing down either, “Are you firing me Nick, you want me to leave, is that what you’re saying?  I’ll just pack my things and be off.”

 

This was a showdown of epic proportions.  They both glared at each other, neither giving an inch.

 

Finally Nick spoke, “You know I don’t want you to leave, and I can’t fire you, you’re my brother for crying out loud.  I just want you to get some help, or let us help you,” he started to cool down, Heath wasn’t, so Nick turned things back up a notch.   “But until you figure out what your problem is and get it straightened out I’m not letting you work around here anymore.  We all have to put our lives in each other’s hands at one time or another and right now, I can’t trust your hands.  And I’ll not let one of our hands work with you either.  So no more work, is that clear?”

 

Heath broke his stare and didn’t respond at all, he turned and coolly walked away.

 

Nick was beside himself, watching him walk away.  What was it going to take with him.  He called out after him, but Heath kept walking.

 

Heath went up and took refuge in his bedroom.  He knew Nick was right, he was unfit to work on the ranch the way that he was.  If he could only sleep without having nightmares.  What were they about?  Why couldn’t he remember?   As much as he didn’t want to believe Jean, he kept hearing her voice over and over again, telling him he had to go back to Pine River and finish the job he had started so many months ago.  He had to cross the river by himself.  As he sat on his bed and let all the thoughts invade his mind, he began to drift off to sleep.

 

In the meantime, Jarrod came home from Stockton to see Nick taking his frustration out on some of the men.  He wondered what had happened to set off his brother this time, so he casually walked over to him.

 

“Nick, my boy, what seems to be the problem,” he began.

 

“Not now, Jarrod, I gotta finish taking care of this,” he said, walking away.  “I’m doing the work of two men right now.”

 

Jarrod went after him, “Hold on there Nick, where’s Heath, can’t he lend a hand.”

 

That made Nick stop and talk.  “Normally I’d say yes, but I basically had to ‘fire’ him before.”

 

Jarrod chuckled, “You fired your own brother?  What on earth for?”

 

“You can start with the fact that he nearly got us both killed.  I don’t know Jarrod, something is wrong with him and he won’t admit it and he won’t ask for any help.  I don’t know what to do anymore.  It’s tearing Mother and Audra apart the way he snaps at them.  He’s not seeing his girlfriend.  He’s like a thermometer with you and I.  I just don’t know what to do.”

 

Jarrod shook his head in agreement.  “I know, it’s been bothering me too, I even wired Paul and his associate for any help.”

 

“Did they have any ideas?”

 

“Nope,” Jarrod said, “but then I ran into Jean Ralston.”

 

Nick’s curiosity was piqued.  “What’d she have to say?”

 

“Well, it seems that our baby brother has been experiencing some nightmares.”

 

“You don’t say?”

 

“She seems to think it has something to do with the drowning, but brother Heath doesn’t want to listen,” Jarrod said.

 

“There’s a surprise,” Nick said.

 

“Well, it does run in the family,” Jarrod began, “Where is he now?” Jarrod asked.

 

“Up at the house,” Nick answered.

 

“Let’s go talk to him.”

 

As they entered the house and made their way up to his room, Heath was in the throes of a nightmare.

 

He called out for help, saying that he was drowning and everything was cold and dark.

 

At first Nick and Jarrod stood in the doorway and watched him toss and turn and cry out, until finally Nick had enough and went over to him and began to shake him awake.

 

Once again, Heath woke up in a drenching sweat, panting for air and unaware of the dream he had just had.

 

This time he was more than a little mad that Jarrod and Nick were in his room when it occurred.

 

“Usually when someone’s door is closed, you’re not supposed to enter,” he said, glaring at both of them.

 

“Heath, obviously something is wrong here, you had a nightmare?” Jarrod said.  “And judging from the last month or so, I’d say you’ve been having them for quite awhile.  Why didn’t you tell us?”

 

“Maybe cuz it’s none of your business,” Heath said angrily.

 

“When it affects all of us, it is our business,” Nick interjected.  “Surely you must see that it’s hurting all of Heath?”

 

He looked away from both of them.

 

“Heath, let us help you,” Jarrod said.

 

Heath stood up and headed out of the room, “there’s nothing you can do, I gotta do it myself,” he said, looking at both of them.  He was heading for Pine River.

 

 

 * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Jarrod and Nick wondered what that meant.  They watched Heath saddle up Charger and ride out and didn’t quite know where he was going.  But they knew who would.  They mounted up quickly and rode into Stockton to have another talk with Jean.

 

Jean told them about her work with wounded army men and also about the talk she had with Heath, when she encouraged him to go back to Pine River, to the exact spot of the accident and to cross the river once and for all.  It was a common prescription for trauma patients, she explained.  Many doctors were now employing the concept.

 

Nick and Jarrod thanked her and quickly left Stockton for Pine River.  Out to the west the storm clouds were brewing.

 

Heath, tired and weary from the past month, moved slowly along the trail.  His faithful horse seemed to instinctively know the way and kept both of them safe.  Heath didn’t even notice that it had started to drizzle.

 

Nick and Jarrod did.

 

“He would have to pick today of all days to do this,” Nick said, pulling out his rain slicker and putting it on as the drizzle turned into a light, but steady rain.

 

“I don’t think he gave much thought to the weather Nick, let’s just get there quick and make sure he’s alright.”

 

Heath rode parallel to Pine River, working his way upstream to where he, Nick and Jarrod had attempted to cross on the fateful day.    As he rode, the dream played itself out in his mind.  He was reliving that day all over again.  The rain beat down on him and the thunder began to roll off in the distance.

 

Jarrod and Nick rode hard and could see the river off in the distance.  As they got closer they saw him sitting in his saddle right at the river’s edge.  The storm was bearing down on all three of them.

 

Nick called out to him first.  “HEATH,” he shouted.

 

Heath ignored him.

 

They quickly rode up and stopped one on either side of him.

 

“Go away,” he said, staring at the river, not looking at either one of them.

 

“No, we’re not going away,” Nick said.

 

“Jean was right, I had to come back here.  I gotta put it all behind me, all of it,” he said.  “Right here and now.”

 

“We understand Heath,” Jarrod said.

 

“Then go home, leave me be to do it,” Heath said, the rain pouring over his hat, drenching his face. 

 

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Nick said.

 

“In the dream, I’m alone Nick, it’s just me.”

 

“But you weren’t alone on that day Heath,” Jarrod began, “and you’re not alone today either, you can count on us, just like you did that day.”

 

“If you’re doing it, we’re going across with you,” Nick added.  “It’s all of us or none.”

 

Heath took a deep breath and nodded his acceptance of their offer to help.  Together the three of them crossed the river.

 

Thunder, lightening and rain all around, so loud they couldn’t hear each other shouting from just a few feet away.  Slowly and steadily they plodded through the icy, murky water.

 

Up onto the far shore, they made it, Nick first, followed by Jarrod and then Heath, just like it should have been on the fateful day.  They pulled their horses up under the small grove of trees, to take some shelter from the passing storm.  Looking back to the west, the clouds were already breaking, the sun began to peak out and a rainbow spread across the sky.  Heath gave his brothers a smile and a grateful nod.

 

Coming back, indeed.

 

 

 

THE END