The Rifle
by
Janet
Disclaimer:
The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the
creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without
permission. No copyright infringement
is intended by the author. The ideas
expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
“Jarrod,” five-year-old Nick said as he walked into the
barn, “you want to tell me why you are hiding out here. I looked all over for
you and I find you in here hiding. It’s not like you to hide from
anything. You haven’t done something
like this in a lot time.”
“I’m not hiding,” nine-year-old Jarrod replied looking up
from cleaning one of the stalls. “I’m
doing my chores. Can’t you see that? Why aren’t you doing yours?”
“You never want to play anymore,” Nick told him looking
sad. “You never want to spend any time
with mother or father. You’re always in
your room. Why? There has to be a
reason for you acting this way. Did I
do something to make you mad at me? Is
that it?”
“I don’t have to explain my every move to you,” he said
with more force than he had meant. “I’m
sorry Nick. I didn’t mean to yell at
you. I can’t tell you why. And no it’s
not your fault. You have nothing to do
with this. This is something that I have to work out alone.”
“Is it because of what happened in Denver Jarrod,” Nick
asked pointedly. “I bet it is. You’ve been very quiet since we came back to
the ranch. Are you mad at me because of
something I said or did in Denver? If I
said or did something to make you mad I’m sorry. Remember I didn’t exactly have
a wonderful time there either. Between you and father going at it, I was
ignored. The only one that did anything with me was Uncle Jim and I was lucky
to have had him.”
“No,” he answered trying to smile but failing. “I’m not mad at you. I have some things to work out in my own
mind. I don’t want to say anymore. I’m
sorry about the way things went in Denver.
If I had it to do over, none of that would have happened. I know you weren’t happy and I’m sorry about
that. I never meant for any of this to
hurt you Nick. You are very important
to me. I mean that. You’re more than a
brother to me. Sometimes you’re my best
friend and other times my worst enemy.
I love you very much and would never do anything to hurt you. You have to believe that.”
“You’re still afraid of father aren’t you?” Nick asked
detecting Jarrod’s nervousness. “That’s it.
You still think he’s going to get mad at you again and maybe hit you. I
can tell that you are very quiet when father comes into the room. You won’t look at him or talk to him. You know that you are hurting him
Jarrod. He’s not mean anymore. Why can’t you forgive him? Why can’t you just stop blaming him for
hurting you? Father is trying Jarrod
but you won’t give him a chance. You
just act like he’s not even in the room.
That’s not like you. Where’s my
brother? Where’s the caring boy I’ve come to respect? I don’t understand why you won’t talk it out with father. If you would, I’m sure you’d feel a lot
better. I know I would. I feel like I’m in the middle because I love
the both of you.”
“I told you not to ask,” he answered looking annoyed. “I’m not in the mood to discuss the matter
right now Nick. Please just let it
drop. You think you know me and how I feel but you don’t. I have feelings completely different from
yours. I don’t have to explain my
actions to anyone least of all you. Now
please just leave me alone.”
“I can’t,” Nick said looking at his brother. “I can feel your pain and your anguish. You know I can and you know very well that
you can’t hide it from me. So why don’t
you just tell me and maybe you’ll feel better. I want to help you Jarrod. Let me help you. OK?”
“All right,” he replied giving in. “You’re right. I am afraid of father. I
know that he loves me and I love him.
But I’m afraid of what he might do if I make him angry. I can’t take that again. So I figured if I
stayed away from him it would help. You don’t know what it was like for those
two years. I was living in fear of my own
father Nick. I didn’t know when I would
do something that would anger him and he would make me do chores or he would
strike me. I stopped laughing and
starting crying. It was so hard. That time I tried to run away I didn’t
realize you would tell them. I know
father says he’s changed but I’m not so sure.
I have to be sure. Can’t you see
that? If I give in to him and he hasn’t changed, I’m just setting myself up for
more hurt and heartache. I can’t handle
that again. So I have to be
careful. I’m sorry that you’ve been put
in the middle. I never meant to involve
you in the first place.”
“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” Nick asked
hoping to coax Jarrod into talking to their father. “I’m sure he’ll listen to what you have to say. I can understand
at my age how you feel Jarrod. But
father has feelings too. You need to
consider his feelings. Just remember
he’s hurting too because he knows you won’t have anything to do with him. Just think about that. He’s lonely for
you. Please give him a chance to show
you that he’s not the same man he was during that trying time. I haven’t
forgotten what he did to you. I know he
hurt you. But when does the hurt stop
and the healing begin? You have to
start somewhere and sometime.”
“No!” he cried loudly.
“I can’t do that. That will
really make him angry and then he’ll start all over again. You don’t know how it felt to be so scared
of everything you did for fear that he would yell or even... No I can’t do
it. No matter who it hurts. I just can’t.”
“Jarrod,” Nick said looking into the eyes of his brother,
“you said you love him. Are you sure
you still do? I mean are you sure you really love him? Maybe it’s you instead of father who can’t
deal with your own feelings. I think
you need to see how you really feel toward father. Once you can do that, you’ll feel better I’m sure.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked not sure of what
Nick meant. “Sometimes I forget just how mature you are. You don’t even act like you’re five. I can’t hide anything from you. That’s for sure.”
“I mean are you sure that you love him now,” Nick answered
still looking into Jarrod’s eyes. “You
saying you love him and you actually loving him are two different things. Are you sure?”
Jarrod turned his back on Nick. He wasn’t sure any longer.
He didn’t know just how he felt toward a man who had raised him.
“Come on Jarrod,” Nick said turning him around. “Admit it
to yourself. You aren’t sure are you?
You can’t be and act this way. You have
to admit it at least to yourself. Then you can admit it to father. I know he’ll understand. You’ll see.”
“No,” he replied letting the tears fall down his
face. “I’m not. I don’t know what else to say. I thought I had forgiven him but I’m not
sure any longer. I... I wish
grandfather was still here to help me deal with all this. If it hadn’t been for me, he would still be
alive. I killed him just as if I had
pulled him from that horse and thrown him down that ravine.”
Nick held his brother until he cried it out. Then he looked up at Jarrod.
“Come on,” Nick said as he pulled Jarrod toward the
house. “You’re going to see father and
mother. We have to get this out in the open now before it hurts you and father
for good. It’s the only way to fix this. You need father Jarrod. You need him to help you deal with the loss
of grandfather. I know you do and I
think father does too. So let’s go.”
“No,” he replied trying to stop Nick. “I can’t face him. Don’t make me. I’m not ready.
You don’t understand Nick. I just can’t do it. I can’t.”
“You have to,” Nick told him as he continued to pull. “Are you going the easy way or do I have to
get mean? I mean it Jarrod. I will pull
you kicking and screaming into the house.
Make up your mind.”
Jarrod finally gave in nodding. He knew what a fighter
Nick was even at five and he wasn’t about to get into it with his brother.
“All right,” he said as he walked toward the house. “I’ll talk to him or at least I’ll try. But
if this doesn’t work, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“That’s all I’m asking,” Nick replied leading the way. “It
will work out. You’ll see Jarrod. It will.”
The two boys walked inside where they found their parents
in the study.
Tom Barkley was hard at work sitting behind his desk in
the study of the Barkley home. He was
trying to do some important paperwork but he just couldn’t keep his mind on his
papers. It kept going back to his son,
Jarrod. He knew in his heart that something was bothering Jarrod and he was
afraid that he might me the problem. He
stood up and began to pace.
“Tom,” his wife, Victoria asked him from where she sat on
the couch reading a book, “what’s the matter?
You’ve been preoccupied for the last several days. I don’t think this is
coming from ranch matters either. Sometimes late at night, I hear you pacing
the floor. Is something worrying you?”
“I’m worried about Jarrod,” he answered stopping to look
at her. “There’s something odd about
the way he’s been acting that has me concerned. It’s like he resents me. I
guess he has a right to but I thought we had worked it all out. I guess I was wrong. I thought that when he
forgave me in Denver everything was going to be all right but it isn’t. Something else is there and I just can’t put
my finger on it.”
“I’ve noticed it too,” she said nodding. “He doesn’t ever spend time with you
anymore. It’s like he’s...”
“Afraid of me,” he finished for her. “I’m afraid that’s just what he is. It’s only been a few months since all that
happened in Denver. I can’t help but
think that father’s death hurt him more than anyone imagined. And I wasn’t a
whole lot of help either. All I did was
yell at him, make him miserable and physically attack him.”
“I think you’re right,” she said nodding again. “Tom, I wasn’t there when most of the tragedy
took place but from what I could see Jarrod was very close to Charles. In my opinion he had substituted Charles for
you because he couldn’t trust you. And when he lost your father, he lost part
of himself. He had no one to turn
to. He had no one to help him through
the death of Charles. I know you were
hurting too but Jarrod was hurting the most.
I could see it in his eyes. He looked
like he had just lost his best friend.”
Exactly,” he replied realizing what his son had gone
through. “Father told me that Jarrod
was hurting because of the way I had treated him. I didn’t realize just how much until now. If I had it all to do
over again, none of that would have happened.
I had no right to take my aggressions out on my own son to the point of
physically hurting him. Maybe he’ll
never speak to me again. And I can’t
say that I blame him. I wish father were here now to help me make it up to
Jarrod. I know he would know the right
words to say. I don’t.”
“Tom,” she told him, “he can’t still blame you for what
happened can he? I mean it’s been
almost four months since Charles died and he still hasn’t come to terms with
his death or the fact that he loves you. The first thing we need to address is
that his grandfather is dead. Jarrod
needs to accept that as fact. The other
thing we need to address is the fact that he loves you and you love him. I don’t know why he doesn’t come out and say
something but that’s always been his way.
He keeps everything locked up inside until it threatens to destroy him.”
“I know,” he said nodding. “I’ve noticed that Jarrod has been spending most of his time in
his room all alone. The only time he
comes out is to go to school, do his chores, eat or talk to you. It’s like I don’t even exist in his eyes. I
guess it’s going to take time for him to get over everything that’s happened to
him but I wish he would at least say something to me even if it is to yell.
Maybe if he would holler at me, it would make him feel better. I don’t know. The only thing I know is that what he’s doing now is not
living. He needs to be a normal boy
with interests. He doesn’t even play
with Matt and Frank any more. I need to
try to get him to admit how he feels even if he doesn’t want to. Maybe then he’ll be all right.”
“I’m afraid you’re right,” she replied realizing her
husband was speaking the truth. “How
can we help him? What can the two of us do to help him through this terrible
time? There has to be something we can
do.”
Tom walked over to the fireplace placing his right hand on
the mantle. He looked into the fire
trying to come up with an answer.
“I don’t know,” he said when he turned back to her. “I feel that if we could get him to open up
he’d feel a lot better but I don’t want to force him to do anything that would
make him feel worse. If he doesn’t trust me, I can’t ask me to do
anything. I have to leave him alone and
that’s what hurts the most. I want so much to hold him and tell him that
everything is all right. But I know
that I can’t. He wouldn’t believe me in
the first place and in the second place it just wouldn’t work. He has to make the first move. He has to come to terms with his own
feelings first and then I can help him.”
“Maybe we could talk to Nick about the situation,” she
suggested. “He knows how Jarrod feels
and maybe he could shed some light on the situation.”
“That’s possible,” he said smiling slightly. “If anyone would know, it would be Nick.”
There was a knock on the door. Tom and Victoria both stopped talking looking in that direction.
Nick lightly knocked on the study door. He looked over at Jarrod who was trying to
control his fears at the thought of confronting the man who had caused him so
much agony over the past two years.
Nick put a hand on Jarrod’s arm.
“It’s going to be all right Jarrod,” Nick said
smiling. “You’ll see. You can’t hide
from father forever. You have to face
him sometime. Now is as good a time as any to do it. Just walk in there and do it.”
“I know,” he replied looking scared. “It’s just that I’m not ready Nick. It’s too soon. I can’t do it. I can’t.”
“No it’s not,” Nick told him. “It’s now or never Jarrod. Come on.”
The door to the study opened and Tom stood face to face
with his two sons. Jarrod wouldn’t look
at him. Tom knew his fears had just been confirmed. He knew that his own son was still hurting inside and that hurt
would destroy him if it was brought out into the open and soon.
“Come in boys,” Tom said as he stood back enough to let
them enter. “I was just going to call
you here. I wanted to talk to both of
you. Actually, I wanted to have a word with Jarrod.”
“We want to talk to you and mother,” Nick replied walking
inside followed by Jarrod who still wouldn’t look over at his father. “You go ahead father. We’ll wait until you’re
finished.”
Tom gestured them to the couch to sit down. Jarrod sat down stiffly beside of his mother
trying to keep the tears that threatened to fall from coming through. Nick sat down in a chair across from them.
“Father,” Nick said after he was seated, “I want to ask
you something.”
“All right, “Tom replied looking at Jarrod. “Go ahead. I’m listening.”
“Do you love Jarrod father?” Nick asked looking over at
Jarrod and seeing the anguish and hurt on his face. “I mean do you really love
him like you did before Denver and the agony you put him through?”
“Of course I do,” Tom answered nodding. “Jarrod is very important to me. I know I’ve
been very hard on him. I didn’t realize
just how hard until the day that I...”
“What I mean is do you really love him like you did before
this mess ever happened?” Nick asked again.
“If none of the hurt had happened, Jarrod wouldn’t be sitting here ready
to cry at any minute.”
“Now wait a minute,” Jarrod said speaking for the first
time. “I’m not going to cry. I don’t do that in public. I didn’t want to
come in here. I told you that. It’s too soon. I’m not ready that’s all.”
“Yes you are,” Nick replied looking at him. “I can see it. Mother can see it and father
can see it. You can if you want to
Jarrod. No one is going to get mad at
you if you do.”
“I’m not going to cry,” he told his brother. “Stop talking about it. Just let it drop. In fact, just let it drop altogether. I don’t want to do this.
It’s not the time. I want to leave and go to my room.”
Jarrod started to stand but Nick’s expression told him to
sit back down again which he did. Tom
saw it also and knew that his son was hurting.
“Of course it’s the right time,” Nick said nodding. “If you two don’t talk now you never will.
You will go on trying to stay away from each other. That’s no way for a father and his son to act.”
“Yes son I do,” Tom answered looking at his son and not
missing the words spoken between his two sons.
“Jarrod, I know that you are still afraid of me. And I don’t blame you for that. You have a right to be afraid. After all I physically hurt you as well as
mentally hurt you. There’s no way to
take that back. I also know that your
grandfather meant the world to you. I
know that you were completely devastated when he died. So was I.
But that’s beside the point. You are my son and I’m the one who caused
this rift between us. You don’t have to
ever say another word to me if you don’t want to. I’ll understand but remember this. You are my son and I love you.
I love you Jarrod. You are the
world to me.”
“I know that sir,” he said very low. “I don’t blame you any longer. I did at first but not now. I’m not sure of how I feel any more.”
Victoria had put her arm around him feeling him shake. She
held him close to her trying to make him feel more secure.
“I want you to know that what I did to you was wrong,” Tom
continued pacing the floor. “I had no
right to take out my frustrations and anger on you. After all you’re just a little boy who didn’t do anything wrong. Yet here I was slapping you, yelling at you,
making you do chores till all hours of the morning, ignoring you and finally
striking you. I had problems of my own
going on at the time. I’m not trying to
make excuses for what I did. I just want you to understand why I did it.”
Tom stopped pacing looking at his oldest son who still
wouldn’t look at him. He wanted to
reach out and hold Jarrod but he knew that his son would resist.
“Jarrod,” Tom went on, “the day that father died was hard
on me, your uncle, your grandmother and Nick.
But I know that it was the hardest on you. Father told me that he had begun to pull you out of your
loneliness for your mother. He knew
what had happened because I told him about what I had done. He wasn’t happy about the way I had acted
but he knew that I was hurting too.”
“Tom,” Charles said as they sat in the kitchen of the
farmhouse, “if you don’t try to fix what’s happened between you and Jarrod, you
are going to be torn apart forever. Is that what you want? I don’t think it is. That boy is very important to you. I know
that.”
“I don’t
know how father,” he replied looking for understanding. “I’ve hurt that boy too much already. He’ll never ever trust me again. And I can
say that I blame him. I’ve ruined his
trust in me. I can’t tell you right now how I’m going to fix it either. I don’t have a clue. I know I need to fix it but how?”
“I
wouldn’t say that,” Charles replied smiling at his son. “All children show anger and hurt toward
their parents and the same can be said of the parents toward their
children. You just carried it a little
farther that’s all. What you need to do
is sit down with Jarrod. Talk it all
out. Explain to him that he wasn’t the
reason for your anger. You were angry
because of another matter all together.
He needs to know that he’s not the reason. Once he realizes that it will
be better. I promise you.”
“I don’t
think I can,” he told his father. “I
can’t find the words that I need to express how I feel toward him. I feel like I’ve let him down. And maybe I have. He’s a wonderful and bright boy. He has a wonderful future ahead
of him. I almost kept that from happening
but I know in my heart that he will be famous.
I might not be a part of it but I know he will.”
“Tom,”
Charles replied smiling at his own son, “you have already taken the first
step. You’ve admitted that you are the
cause of the problem. You didn’t have
to say that but you did. The next step
is to tell Jarrod that he is not the cause.
He will understand. You don’t
realize just what a very compassionate son you have. Jarrod keeps his feelings inside until they threaten to
explode. You bring your feelings out
into the open no matter who they hurt.
Now all you have to do is channel that into love and caring for a little
lost boy.”
“You’re
right father,” he told him. “I should
have known you would understand. And lost boy is just the right name for him.
He’s so lost and alone. I want to hold
him and tell him that everything will be fine but I can’t do it. I’m afraid.
I know that sounds crazy. A
grown man afraid of his own son but it’s the truth.”
“I do,”
Charles said smiling. “I’ve been
through it before. Maybe not as intense
as you did but I’ve had my moments with you and Jim. This won’t be your last time with Jarrod or Nick for that
matter. They will try you from time to
time to see what they can get by with.
It’s your ability to handle that that makes you a good father son. You are a good father to those boys and in
time Jarrod will realize it. Maybe not
now, maybe not in the next few months but he will in time.”
“Thanks
father,” he replied smiling for the first time. “I’ll always remember that.”
“So you see son,” Tom said looking at Jarrod who had
finally looked up at him, “you are very important to me. I want to be there for you when you hurt,
are hurt, angry, happy and sad. You
don’t have to go through this all alone. I’m here. I always will be here.”
“It’s all my fault that grandfather died,” he replied very
low. “If it hadn’t been for me, he
would still be alive. The entire time I was there all I did was cry, complain
or run away. I worried him to
death. I know he hated me for that.”
“You don’t know that,” Tom told him, “and neither do
I. Your grandfather loved you very
much. He didn’t like to see you so
sad. I don’t either. You should be a happy nine-year-old boy
instead of mopping around the house. I
can’t take back what I did or said but I want you to know that I love you
son. You are one of the most important
things in my life. You are my son. You are my heir. I want to teach you so much so you will be able to help Nick on
the ranch. But I will understand if you
don’t want to do that for fear of my wrath. Your grandfather was never angry
with you. He knew that you were hurting
inside and he tried to help you cope with that. He tried to tell me that I was going to push you away if I didn’t
stop. I see that now. I hope in time you will see it too.”
“Father,” he said with a voice that was trembling, “I love
you. I do. I want to learn from you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I thought that if I didn’t speak to you I
wouldn’t make you angry with me. But it
only made me sad. I’m so sorry
sir. Please forgive me.”
“Oh son,” Tom replied squatting down in front of Jarrod,
“I know you do. Just give me a chance
and I’ll prove to you that I’m not the same man I was back then. I’ll treat you
with respect and love. I promise.”
“All right,” he told him crying uncontrollably.
Tom reached out holding his son who allowed Tom to pick
him up. He returned the hug and held
onto Tom until he was able to stop crying.
“Everything will be better son,” Tom said looking at his
son. “You’ll see. It will be better I
promise.”
Jarrod nodded and smiled for the first time in a long
time. He was finally at peace with his father and it felt good, really
good. Victoria and Nick both
smiled. They knew that the worst was
over.
A few days later, Tom found Jarrod standing on the bottom
rail of the corral fence near the barn watching some of the hands trying to
break a horse. He couldn’t understand why his son would be out here instead of
inside with his nose stuck in a book.
But after what had happened the other day, he knew that Jarrod was still
trying to recover from everything that had happened to him and he needed time
for that.
“There you are,” Tom said as he walked up. “I’ve been looking all over for you. I
didn’t realize you enjoyed watching the men work. I thought you were a book
worm like your mother.”
“What’s wrong father?” he asked looking up and
tensed. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” Tom answered smiling. “I thought it was about time that you learned how to shoot a
rifle. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I know in my heart that you’re ready.”
At the mention of a rifle, Jarrod became very quiet. He began to shiver even though it was hot
outside. Tom didn’t understand his
son’s reaction.
“What’s wrong son?” Tom asked concerned. “Are you ill?”
“I don’t want to shoot father,” he answered almost
crying. “I’m afraid of a rifle.”
“What do you mean you’re afraid of a rifle?” Tom asked not
understanding what his son had meant.
“Every boy loves to shoot a rifle. Your friends, Matt and Frank love to
shoot. Most boys your age already know
how. I just waited until you were
feeling better before I brought the subject up. And now you tell me that you’re afraid of it. Why?
I don’t understand son.”
“Not this boy,” he answered looking at Tom with fear in
his eyes. “I’m afraid I’ll shoot
something I’m not supposed to. I’m not
ready. I need more time before I have to tackle this. Please father.”
“Sure you are ready,” Tom said trying to be
understanding. “I won’t leave you alone
with it. I’ll be there the whole time.
You won’t get hurt I promise. It will be all right.”
“Father,” he replied with tears streaming down his face,
“don’t ask me to do this. I can’t and I
won’t.”
“Look Jarrod,” Tom told him anger growing inside, “I’m
trying to be patient with you. But you
are going on ten years old. It’s time
that you learned about guns. I don’t
want you to miss out on what other boys your age are learning. Most of them are
hunting by this time with their fathers.”
“I don’t care about the other boys,” he said looking
away. “I only care about what I’m
feeling right now. And what I’m feeling
is scared. You wouldn’t understand
that. You are a strong man and you’ve
never been scared before. I’m not that
way and I am scared. I just can’t
handle this right now. I’m afraid that
I will shoot someone.”
Tom stood there digesting what his young son had just told
him. He nodded at Jarrod. He decided it
was best just to back off and give Jarrod some time.
“All right,” Tom said looking at his son. “I understand what you are saying. I won’t say I completely agree with it but I
do understand. Would you consider doing
this much? Will you go with me on a
hunting trip to learn the fundamentals of using a rifle? I mean you don’t have to touch it if you
don’t want to. I only want you to learn
how to use one that’s all.”
Jarrod looked away again and when he turned back to Tom he
nodded very slowly.
“I’ll do that much,” he said nodding. “I won’t hold it or touch it but I will
listen to you.”
“That’s all I’m asking son,” Tom replied relieved that he
had won round one. “We’ll be gone
several days. I want to go to Big Bear
lodge up in the Sierra Mountains.
That’s some of the best hunting for miles around. They have bear,
cougar, moose, deer and mountain lion.”
“What about school?” he asked worried about his
studies. “I don’t want to get behind in
my lessons. I got behind a year ago. I
can’t afford to do that again. Mrs.
Moore will get angry with me. She won’t
understand. She thinks I’m the smartest
one in class but I’m not. I have
problems with some things.”
“You won’t,” Tom answered smiling. “I’ll talk to your teacher and get your
assignments for the days you miss and you can do the work before we leave or
when we return. How’s that?”
“All right,” he said nodding. “It might be nice to spend some time alone with you. It will be alone won’t it? I mean you’re not going to take Nick are
you? I’ll talk to Mrs. Moore sir. I
need to tell her myself. It will be better if it comes from me instead of
you. I hope you can understand.”
“No,” Tom replied smiling. “Nick’s too young and he’s a handful to watch. I’ll take him along when I feel he’s ready.
If that’s what you want to do, it’s all right with me. I believe you really like your teacher. She’s a fine woman and she cares deeply
about her children.”
“All right,” he told his father. “When do you want to leave? She is very nice father. I think the world of her. She’s been able to show me things I wouldn’t
have learned anywhere else. She is a
special lady. And she’s pretty too.”
“I was thinking about early Friday,” Tom said patting his
son on the shoulder. “That way you
would only miss two days of school. We could be back late Monday. Or maybe
earlier depending on how things go and how you feel.”
“That’s fine,” he replied nodding. “I’ll be ready. It’s not for several days.
I can talk to Mrs. Moore like I said earlier and get the homework I need
to do between now and then. I don’t
want to get behind.”
“I understand that son,” Tom told him. “I need to tell your mother. She will be
happy that we’re going to spend some time together. I promise you nothing bad will happen. You have my word on it.”
“She’s going to be fine with the idea,” he said. “I know she worries but as long as I’m with
you she’s all right with it. It’s Nick
that’s going to be mad when he finds out. I believe you father. Just don’t push and we’ll do fine.”
“Do you want me to tell him?” Tom asked trying to soften
the blow. “I promise I won’t push you.
You tell me when you’re ready to do it and I’ll let you shoot the
rifle. OK?”
“No I’ll tell him,” he answered looking up. “It would be better coming from me. That’s
fine. I’ll do that. I promise.”
Tom nodded and walked toward the house to tell
Victoria. Jarrod went in search of
Nick. As Tom walked he thought about what Jarrod had said to him. He couldn’t understand why Jarrod would be
so frightened of a rifle but he promised himself that before it was all said
and done, that boy would learn to shoot and he would bring home something that
he killed.
Tom found his wife sitting in the living room
reading. He walked in and sat down in
his favorite chair.
“All right Tom,” she asked looking up, “what’s on your
mind? I know that look and it tells me that you have something to say so say
it.”
“Who said anything was on my mind?” he wanted to
know. “I just came in to rest.”
“In the middle of the afternoon during the busiest time of
the year,” she answered shaking her head.
“You have something on your mind.
Now what is it?”
“You know me pretty well,” he said smiling. “All right.
I’ve asked Jarrod to accompany me to Big Bear to go hunting.”
“Isn’t Jarrod a little young to go hunting Tom?” she asked
concern evident in her voice. “I mean he’s just a little boy.”
“I don’t think so,” he answered looking at her. “He’s going on ten and it’s time that he
learns to handle a rifle. Most of the other boys his age have been using a
rifle for a year or two. Jarrod is
going to be behind if he doesn’t and I don’t want that to happen.”
“Did you ask him about that?” she asked still very
concerned about her son. “I know Jarrod
and I believe that he’s afraid of certain things. Hunting may be one of them. He’s not like Nick. He doesn’t like the same things. I can see that when they are playing or
talking. Nick is an avid outdoorsman
but Jarrod is not. He is someone who
uses his brain more. I admire that in
him.”
“Not hunting,” he answered standing up to stare into the
fire. “It’s the rifle he’s afraid
of. I can’t for the life of me
understand why. He’s never held one so
why would he be so afraid of one. I agree with you about Jarrod and Nick being
different. I just want Jarrod to know
things that will help him as he grows.
A gun can be good protection against the elements and people or
animals. That’s why I want him to learn.
I don’t want to punish him by making him.
I want it to be a pleasure.”
“I remember when Jarrod was two Tom,” she said thinking
back. “I took him out to the barn to
see the horses. He became very afraid
and wouldn’t turn loose of my dress. I had never seen him that afraid before or
since as he was that day. It hurt me to see him that scared. I don’t want that to happen again.”
“I remember,” he replied nodding. “It took me over two weeks to get him up on
a horse. I never did understand why he
was so frightened. Sometimes I wonder
about that boy.”
“Tom,” she told him, “Jarrod is not like you. He’s more like me. I don’t mean that he’s weak but he’s not a go-getter like you
are. You and Nick are so much alike.
You both bust to do something and then after you’re nearly killed you think
about what could have happened. Jarrod
on the other hand thinks about the consequences of what he is going to do
first. Then if he doesn’t think the
reasons are good enough he refuses to do them.
It’s like with the horse. He
decided that it wasn’t worth getting hurt or even killed to ride a horse so he
didn’t and to prove his point he became scared of them. That’s the same way
with the rifle. He doesn’t think he
will ever need one so he’s in no hurry to learn how to use it. Give him time to get used to the idea. In time he may decide to do it. I don’t know.”
“Yes,” he said understanding what she was saying. “I can see your point. But he did finally learn. And he will learn
to shoot.”
“After you screamed at him to get up there with you,” she
replied looking into his eyes. “He was
more afraid of you than the horse.
That’s the reason he finally gave in.
Are you going to scream at him again until he learns to hunt?”
“No,” he told her realizing that she might be right. “I’m going to take it one step at a
time. I thought we could go up to the
lodge on Friday. Jarrod could look
around and then we would see what animals we could see. Then finally I will take him hunting and
hopefully he won’t be so afraid. If he still is I won’t push him to learn. I’ll let him decide what he wants to do.”
“I admire your thinking Tom,” she said smiling. “It might help to let him look around
first. But one thing, don’t push him to
do something he’s still not sure of.
Let him weigh the consequences in his own mind and come to a conclusion
before you push. Maybe he will agree
with you.”
“I knew there was a reason I married you,” he replied
smiling. “You know just the right thing
to say to make it easy on me. I’ll
remember what you said especially after what happened to him a couple of years
ago because of me. We just got him over
that and I don't want to do anything to hurt my relationship with Jarrod. He’s
a fine boy and I’m very proud of him.”
“You have your moments Tom Barkley,” she told him smiling
too. “I agree about being careful
though. After his near death experience
and the loss of his grandfather if you push you could just push him over the
edge. And we don’t want that to
happen. For the first time in months he’s
finally smiling and laughing. I don’t
want anything to ruin that.”
“I agree,” he said nodding. “I promise I’ll be careful
with him. I just want to teach him so
much.”
“You will,” she replied.
“You will.”
Tom nodded and smiled.
He felt more confident that he would be able to convince Jarrod to learn
to shoot a rifle before all was said and done.
Jarrod found Nick working in the back of the barn. He looked up when Jarrod walked over to him.
“What are you doing in here?” Nick asked as he looked up
at his brother. “It’s not like you to
be here when you don’t have to be. I mean wouldn’t you rather be reading a book
or doing something clean?”
“I need to talk to you,” he answered sitting down on a
bale of hay. “It’s very important Nick.”
“What about?” Nick asked as he walked over to stand in
front of Jarrod.
“Well,” he answered trying to come up with the right
words. “Father wants me to go to Big
Bear lodge with him this weekend alone.”
Nick just stood there staring at his brother. Jarrod
steeled himself in case his brother tried to attack him but Nick didn’t move.
“Why just you?” Nick asked not happy in the least. “What about me? I should be going with
you. It’s not fair.”
“You’re too young to go Nick,” he answered trying to be
gentle. “You should know that. You have to wait a few more years and then
father will take you.”
“I know a lot more about hunting than you do Jarrod,” Nick
said showing his anger at being left out. “I could be a big help to you and
father. I know I could.”
“I know you do,” he replied trying to calm his brother
down. “You are an outdoorsman Nick and
I’m not. But father wants me to do
this. He says I should learn how to use
a rifle but...”
“But what?” Nick asked sensing something was wrong. “Go on Jarrod. Tell me.”
Nick’s voice had softened because he sensed Jarrod was
hiding something.
“I’m afraid of a rifle Nick,” he answered burying his head
in his hands. “I know I will shoot
something I’m not supposed to.”
Nick realized that Jarrod meant what he had said. He felt for his brother. He sat down beside of Jarrod and put his arm
around Jarrod.
“You really are scared aren’t you?” Nick asked already
knowing the answer. “I never knew that
you were this afraid of guns. Of course, I should have known but I guess I’ve
been too busy lately to really notice. I’m so sorry big brother. Can I do anything to help?”
“It’s not the gun exactly,” he answered trying to come up
with an answer his brother could understand.
“It’s that I’m trying to please father and I’m still scared of him and
the rifle at the same time. I don’t
know if that means anything to you.”
“I think I understand,” Nick said nodding. “Right now you are afraid of anything
concerning father. You don’t know what
to expect from him even though he has promised that he will never hurt you
again. Is that right?”
“I don’t know how you do it,” he replied looking at his
brother. “But you’re exactly
right. After what happened a few months
ago I’m not sure of anything concerning father. I know he’s a wonderful man who loves me and cares for me. But I don’t know how he is going to react
when I do something that he doesn’t like.
I mean like not wanting to learn to shoot a rifle. I don’t want to kill. I love to watch things not kill them.”
“I can see how you would feel like that,” Nick told
him. “But father doesn’t kill deer or
moose for sport. He kills so we will
have something to eat. He could never
pick up a gun and shoot down a man unless that man was trying to shoot him. You
have to know that Jarrod. Father is not
a killer.”
“I understand that,” he said nodding. “I don’t think I could do that. I’d be too afraid.”
“You could if it was your life or his,” Nick replied. “I
believe in you Jarrod. You have a good
head on your shoulders. I know you
would do the right thing.”
“I hope I would,” he told his brother. “I hope you’re not too disappointed in not
going.”
“No,” Nick said smiling.
“I think you and father need this time together. I’ll stay here with mother. But you remember this, a gun can be your
best friend.”
“I’ll remember,” he replied also smiling. “You know.
I remember when I was about two.
Mother brought me out here to see the horses that father had. She was holding me in her arms and took me
close to one. I was so scared
Nick. To this day I can’t tell you why
I was but I was. I didn’t want to look at the horse or turn loose of mother
either. Then father heard about it and
made me get up on the horse with him. I
was so scared that I was shaking. But
finally I relaxed and enjoyed myself.
Maybe that’s what I need to do now.
Relax and enjoy. At least I’ll
try.”
“That’s the spirit Jarrod,” Nick told him. “You give father a chance and you won’t
regret it.”
“I hope so,” he said standing up. “I better let you get back to work. I need
to speak to Mrs. Moore about missing school on Friday too. I don’t want to get behind in my school
work.”
“You want me to go with you?” Nick asked as he too stood
up. “It’s getting late and father will be angry if you’re not back for dinner.”
“That’s all right,” he answered smiling. “I know you’re busy and I need to do this
alone. I’ll be home long before dinner, I promise.”
“All right,” Nick said and went back to work.
Jarrod walked out of the barn knowing that Nick wasn’t angry
with him any longer.
Jarrod walked into the schoolhouse later that
afternoon. He knew the children had
been sent home early but he needed to speak to Mrs. Moore. He had a feeling she
would still be here working. She looked up as he walked inside.
“Jarrod,” she asked looking up from her desk, “I thought
you went home hours ago. I was just about to leave myself. I had some work I wanted to finish up before
tomorrow.”
“I did,” he answered looking at the floor. “I had to come back to speak to you a
minute. It’s rather important.”
“All right,” she said looking at him and laying her pencil
down. “What can I do for you?”
“I wanted you to know that I won’t be in class on Friday,”
he replied still not looking at her.
“My father wants to take me to Big Bear for the weekend. Oh, and I may
not be here Monday either. I’m not
sure. I would have told you this morning but I didn’t find out about this until
just a short time ago. I’m sorry Mrs.
Moore.”
“I see,” she told him.
“What about your schoolwork?”
“I was hoping that you could give me my assignment now so
I can have it done before I leave on Friday,” he said shuffling his feet. “I don’t want to get behind. I wouldn’t
bother you but I feel that if I could get the assignment now, I could have it
done and even turn it in to you on Thursday but I’ll understand if you don’t
want to give it to me until I return.”
“I think that can be arranged,” she replied looking
through her papers. “I want you to know
that I’m going to miss you in class. You’re
one of the hardest working students I have Jarrod and I’m going to miss that in
class. Next to you, Matt Parker and
Frank Semple are the only other boys who even halfway listen.”
“I know what you mean,” he told her smiling. “Matt, Frank and I sometimes do our homework
together so we can use three heads instead of one. Other times I have to prod
them to do their work. They would
rather do other things instead of study. I want to make something out of myself
and I know to that I have to study real hard.
Book learning doesn’t come that easy to me. But I’m willing to try to do my best.”
“That’s a good idea,” she said smiling. “I’m also looking forward to your brother
Nick coming to school in the fall. If he’s anything like you, I’ll enjoy him
that much more."
“No you’re not,” he replied shaking his head. “You don’t know Nick. He hates books and he won’t sit still for
very long. He would rather be out
working and getting dirty than studying.
He’s also been known to fight too.”
“Well,” she told him shaking her finger, “he won’t be
doing that in my classroom or I will punish him.”
“I know,” he said laughing. “But Nick can be hardheaded.
Sometimes he will listen and sometimes he won’t. That’s just the way he
is. Sometimes father can’t do anything
with him either.”
“He’ll listen to me or else,” she replied also
laughing. “I do hope you have a good
time. Your mother told me about your
trip to Denver. I’m so sorry about your
grandfather Jarrod.”
“I know,” he told her getting quiet again. “It was a shock to lose him but I’m trying
to go on without him. It’s not easy but
I’m trying.”
“I know you are,” she said smiling at him. “Is there something else on your mind?”
Again Jarrod looked at the floor. He didn’t know if he could trust her completely.
“If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell
anyone else,” he said still not looking up.
“I don’t even want my parents to know that I told you.”
“All right,” she replied realizing that whatever he wanted
to tell her was very important to him.
“What is it?”
The time I was in Denver,” he began walking around the
room, “I had another problem other than my grandfather’s death.”
“I remember your father being very hard on you about a
year before you left,” she told him remembering how far behind Jarrod had
gotten for over a year. “I thought the
trip took care of that. Was there something else that happened that I didn’t
know about?”
“It did,” he said turning to look at her. “But...”
“But what Jarrod?” she asked very concerned for him. “What is it Jarrod? I want to help you.
Please let me help.”
“My father did something to me while we were in Denver
that I’ve never told a sole about,” he answered looking again at the
floor. “He whipped me with a belt. I
still don’t know to this day why he was so angry with me. I tried to be good but everything I did or
said was wrong and I began to be very afraid of him. Then when the whipping happened I lost all respect for him. I was so glad grandfather was there to help
me through that. I’ll never forget what
he did and then he died. Sometimes I
believe I am responsible for his death and other times I know I’m not. He was such a caring man. I’ll miss that.”
Jarrod cried after he told her. It had taken a great deal of courage for him to admit what his
father had done to him and now he couldn’t contain his emotions no matter how
hard he tried.
“Jarrod,” she said wanting to hold him, “I had no
idea. I knew that he had been riding
you pretty hard but I never dreamed he would beat you. You didn’t deserve that
I’m sure. You’re not a bad boy. In fact, you are one of the smartest boys I
know. And I’m not just saying that
because I’m your teacher. I really mean
it. You’re going a long way in your
life if you study hard and apply yourself.
”
“I guess I deserved it,” he replied trying to hold himself
together but failing. “I couldn’t do
anything right then. Everything I did back then was wrong. I couldn’t do my
homework because I was working so late and because I was so tired. I know my grades dropped. But I tried to do the work Mrs. Moore. I did try.”
“How are things now?” she asked very concerned about her
pupil. “I know you tried and your grades have improved dramatically in the last
six months. You’re back to being an A
student.”
“They’re a lot better,” he answered nodding. “After the whipping father disappeared. I guess he spoke to Uncle Jim and
grandfather about whatever was bothering him.
He never told us. After that, he
was different. He was the caring man
that I remembered. I am just having a
hard time trusting him not to get angry with me if I do or say something he
doesn’t like.”
“Jarrod,” she said smiling at him, “your father loves you
I’m sure. He’s been under a lot of
pressure what with running the ranch.
Maybe you just bothered him at the wrong time. I’m sure he never meant
to become that ill with you.”
“Yeah I know,” he replied. “The reason he wants to take me to Big Bear is to spend some time
together alone. Hopefully, according to
him we can have fun and get reacquainted with each other.”
“I think that’s a marvelous idea,” she told him. “The time you two spend together will help
you both heal. I know it’s been very
hard on you but you have to realize that your father loves you with all his
heart. He never wanted anything to
happen to you. He’s a good man and
father.”
“Yes he is,” he said smiling for the first time. “I’m glad you understand. Please don’t tell anyone that I told you.
It’s not something that I want everyone to know about. Father didn’t mean to go that far. It’s just that his temper got the better of
him. And I want to put that behind me
and go on.”
“I won’t,” she replied nodding. “You have my word. Now,
if you’ll just sit down beside of me, I’ll show you what we’re going to be
doing on Friday and Monday.”
Jarrod sat down beside of her and the two of them worked
for the next hour together. When Jarrod
stood up to leave he was more relaxed.
“You have a good time,” she said smiling at him. “I’ll see you when you come back to school
on Monday or Tuesday. Try not to
worry. Just relax and enjoy. I think you need this trip as much as your
father does.”
“All right,” he replied also smiling. “Thanks for listening. I’ll have this done
by Thursday.”
“Any time,” she told him as she watched him leave. “Oh and
Jarrod if you don’t get it finished before you leave, you can do it when you
get back.”
Jarrod nodded as he walked out of the schoolhouse heading
for home.
It was getting late and Victoria looked for Jarrod. It was
nearly dinnertime and she didn’t know where he had disappeared off to.
“Tom,” she asked when her husband walked in a few minutes
later, “have you seen Jarrod? He’s not
in his room and I can’t find him anywhere. It’s not like him to disappear
without telling me where he’s going.”
“No,” he answered smiling at her. “He’s probably in the barn with Nick or at
his favorite spot on the ranch. You
know he likes to spend time alone.
Don’t worry. He’ll be home
soon.”
“I just wish if he is going to go off he would let me know
where he was going before he went,” she said showing her frustration. “I should have known he’d want to be alone
after all he’s been through.”
“He’s going to be fine,” he replied smiling. “The trip to the lodge will help him I know
it will.”
“What about the rifle?” she asked looking at him
seriously. “If he’s still afraid of it,
he won’t be having much fun.”
“I’m hoping to change that,” he answered nodding. “Jarrod is going to have to face his fears
and if he is indeed afraid of a rifle the best way to deal with that is to face
that rifle so he can use one if he has to.”
“I hope you’re right,” she said shaking her head. “You know how stubborn Jarrod can be. I just hope he won’t try to fight you on
this. I still remember the horse and
how upset he became.”
“Until he got on the animal and started relaxing,” he
replied smiling. “He really had a fun
time riding that horse. That will
happen again. I’m sure of it. I have faith in Jarrod that he will use that
brain of his to realize that a rifle is a tool to be used only when
needed. I don’t expect him to go out
and shoot everyday. I only want him to
learn so that if he is ever confronted with a situation that he needs to use
one he will at least know how.”
“I understand,” she told him. “Now where is Nick?”
“He’s in the barn,” he said smiling again. “You know he spends most of his time in
there.”
“Oh how well I know that,” she replied nodding. “His clothes smell like manure and so does
he. Then he argues with me about taking
a bath. I don’t know if I can live with
that boy for the next ten years at least.
He’s going to run me crazy.”
“You know Nick is just like me,” he told her. “He’s got a flare for horses and
cattle. I know he will be a wonderful
rancher when he is older. And if I can get him to listen to me, I’m going to
teach him all that he needs to know.”
“I agree,” she said shaking her head again. “It’s getting him to that stage that is
going to be the death of me.”
Nick came in slamming the front door and then walking into
the study where his parents were. He
was covered from head to toe with dirt and manure.
“Nicholas Jonathan Barkley!” she cried when she saw
him. “How dare you come into this house
looking like that! What have you been
doing?”
“My chores,” he said looking down at his clothes. “One of the horses had messed in his stall
more than the others so I had to give it a good cleaning.”
“I wish you would do that to yourself,” she replied
shaking her head at him. “Go on
now. I want you to take a bath and change
your clothes for dinner.”
“Do I have to take a bath?” he asked very unhappy. “Jarrod doesn’t have to take a bath every
day of the week. Why should I?”
“Your brother doesn’t look like you do either,” she
answered looking sternly at him. “Now
go.”
“Oh all right,” he said turning to leave.
“Nick,” Tom asked before his son disappeared, “do you
happen to know where Jarrod is?”
“Yeah,” he answered turning back. “He went to see Mrs. Moore about getting his
lessons for this weekend.”
“How are you about the trip?” Tom asked concerned about
Nick’s reaction. “I mean do you mind if
I only take Jarrod?”
“I’m fine about it,” he answered smiling. “I was mad at first but something about the
way Jarrod looked and acted told me that he needed this trip.”
“What was wrong with him?” she asked very concerned. “I
thought he was feeling better about everything. What could be wrong with him now?”
“He was very quiet and he didn’t want to say much about
learning to shoot,” he answered looking at her. “I got the feeling that Jarrod is a little scared about the trip,
father and the rifle.”
“I thought so,” Tom said nodding. “That’s why I wanted to just take him. He needs to know that I’m not going to get
angry with him at everything he does. I
know that it’s going to take some time for him to realize that but I feel that
this trip is going to be good for both of us.”
“I agree,” he replied heading out the door.
“So he’s still not over everything,” she told him. “I didn’t think he was completely back to
normal. He’s good at hiding his emotions or keeping them inside. But he needs to get this out. If he doesn’t he might self-destruct. You have to help him Tom.”
“He’ll be a different boy when we get back from the
lodge,” Tom said smiling. “You’ll see.
I’ll try my best to help him with everything if he will let me. I’m not going to push him to open up if he
doesn’t feel like it. Forcing him would
be the wrong thing to do.”
“I hope so Tom,” she replied. “I hope so. No, you don’t want to force him to open up to you but
maybe he will.”
Jarrod walked into the house about the time the family was
sitting down to dinner. He quickly went
and washed his hands. Then he
straightened his clothes and combed his hair.
He walked into the dining room a few minutes later sitting down beside
of his father and mother.
“Young man,” Tom said as he looked at his son, “you went
off without telling us where you were going.
Your mother has been very worried.
I want an explanation.”
“Father,” Nick replied speaking up, “I told you where
Jarrod was.”
“Nick,” Tom told him turning to look at his younger son,
“I didn’t ask you. I want Jarrod to
tell me where he was.”
Nick sat there watching his brother. He knew how hard his father could be until
he got the answer he was looking for.
He felt for Jarrod. But he knew once Jarrod gave him that answer
everything would settle down.
“I went to see Mrs. Moore sir,” he said looking up at his
father. “I guess I forgot to tell you.
I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I promise.”
Jarrod tensed afraid of his father’s wrath. It didn’t go
unnoticed by Tom or Victoria. They both
looked at each other.
“Son,” Tom said smiling, “I’m not going to get that angry
with you. We were only worried about
you that’s all.”
Jarrod visibly relaxed when he heard his father’s tone of
voice soften.
“I’m sorry sir,” he said smiling too. “I wanted to speak to her in person. I just forgot to tell you and mother. I didn’t mean to make you worry. I guess
I’ve just had a lot on my mind the past few days.”
“Just don’t do it again Jarrod,” she replied looking at
him. “I don’t want you to get in the
habit of forgetting to tell us where you’re going. Something could happen to
you and we would never know it.”
“Your mother is right son,” he remarked. “We’re only looking out for your welfare.”
“I won’t mother,” he told her. “I got my assignment for Friday and Monday. I hope to do it tonight or tomorrow night so
I can hand it in on Thursday. I know father.
I just didn’t think after I got through talking to Nick. I’m really sorry.”
“That’s very nice Jarrod,” she said nodding. “I think that was very nice of your teacher
to give you your work to do ahead of time. I understand that you’ve had a lot
on your mind as of late but not telling us where you’re going is not safe. Something could happen to you and we
wouldn’t have any idea where you were.”
“She really likes me,” he replied eating and talking at
the same time. “She says I’m one of the
smartest students she has. I realize that now mother. It won’t happen again.”
“Big deal,” Nick told him. “You’re going to make it hard for me aren’t you Jarrod? I already hate school and I haven’t even
started yet and it’s all because of you.”
“How is it my fault Nick?” he asked not sure what his
brother meant. “Just because I try to
do my best in class you think I’m going to make it hard for you. I happen to like school and I want to learn
everything I can. I have to study hard to grasp everything and sometimes I
can’t but I don’t give up.”
“Yeah I know,” Nick answered with a smirk. “Now when I start in the fall I will have to
live up to you. I can’t! I’m not that way!”
“Nicholas,” she said looking at him with a stern look, “do
not raise your voice at the table. And you know perfectly well that Jarrod
won’t be the cause of any of your problems at school. You will. You are a
headstrong boy and I want you to remember to listen.”
“Well,” Nick replied turning to look at her, “it’s all
Jarrod’s fault. If he weren’t so smart
I wouldn’t have to get mad. I understand what you mean mother. But I don’t have to like it.”
“Don’t blame it all on me,” he shot back. “I can’t help that you hate school. I knew it was going to be this way and I
told Mrs. Moore about you. I’m the one who’s going to be driven crazy not
you. I’m the one who’s going to have to
listen to the other kids telling me what a hotheaded brother I have. I’m the one who’s going to have to listen to
Mrs. Moore as she asks me why I have a brother like you. You are sure going to make it hard on me.”
“That’s just great,” Nick said shaking his head. “She will be on me from day one thanks to
you. One of these days Jarrod you’re
going to do something that is going to make me real mad and I pity you when I
do. I mean it big brother. You are asking
for it.”
“You can’t hurt me,” he replied smiling. “I’m bigger than you and I know how to
handle you.”
“Oh really,” Nick told him looking him in the eye. “Says you.”
“That’s right,” he said smiling even wider.
Tom shook his head and finally put his foot down.
“That will be enough out of both of you,” Tom said very
sternly. “Why is it when we sit down
for a meal or to enjoy each other’s company, the first thing you two do is
argue?”
“I don’t know,” Nick replied shrugging. “I like to get under Jarrod’s skin. I like
to see him sweat. It’s fun to watch him get mad.”
“You don’t get under my skin,” he told him showing his
aggravation. “I know how you do
remember?”
“I said that will be enough,” Tom said quieting both
boys. “Now, I’m glad you spoke to your
teacher Jarrod. I know that you will
finish your work before we leave on Friday.
As for you Nick, I expect you to act like a gentleman at the table. Is that understood?”
“Yes father,” Nick replied looking at his plate. “But it’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair sweetheart?” she asked not sure of what
he was talking about.
“The way you and father always take Jarrod’s side against
me,” Nick answered looking at his brother with a look of pure hatred. “I want to be treated the same as him.”
“You are,” Tom said looking at both of his sons. “You just tend to get in trouble more that’s
all. I wish you would be civil to
Jarrod at the table Nick. He’s going to
be gone for a few days and I bet you’re going to miss him.”
“No I won’t,” Nick replied smiling. “It will be nice around here without him.
I’ll have the whole house and ranch to myself.”
“Nicholas,” she told him, “you don’t mean that. Jarrod is a very important part of this
family. And you know he is. He’s your
big brother who’s looked out for you since you were a very small baby. He didn’t have to but he wanted to.”
“I know that,” Nick said.
“It’s just that I’m not like Jarrod.
I’m proud I’m not. I want you to
treat me like Nick and not another Jarrod.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way son,” Tom replied shaking his
head. “I didn’t know I was treating you
any different. I know you two boys are
different as night and day. I don’t
deny that. I’m very proud of both of
you.”
“Thank you father,” he told his father. “That’s very kind of you to say. I know that my grades are just now getting
back to normal after all the trouble but I am trying.”
“We’re not worried about your grades son,” Tom said
smiling. “I’m just concerned about how
you are doing. I want to make sure you can handle any situation that arises.”
“I’m doing better sir,” he replied also smiling. “I really am. You’re talking about the rifle
aren’t you? I thought you were. I want you to know it has nothing to do with
you. It’s just something I have to work
out inside of myself. I can’t help that
I’m deathly afraid of a rifle. I didn’t
mean for it to happen. It just did.”
“I understand son,” he remarked nodding. “I’m not going to sit here and lecture you
about it either. All I’m going to say
is that this trip will do us both good.”
“That’s wonderful Jarrod,” she told him.
Friday morning dawned clear and warm. Tom was up early. He had packed what they would need the night before but he let
Victoria put together what clothes she thought Jarrod would need.
“Victoria,” he said as he stood in their bedroom, “I think
you better put together his clothes.
I’m not a real good packer of clothes.
I’ve got some supplies, ammunition and the rifles. The horses are ready.”
“I’ve noticed,” she replied smiling. “I’ll put in warm clothes for him since
you’ll be in the Sierras. I know it’s
really getting warm here but it might be cooler up there. Do you want Silas to
prepare some sandwiches?”
“I appreciate that,” he told her also smiling. “You are the best. No, we should get there
about noon and we can get lunch at the lodge before we go out hunting. I want to show him how to use a rifle
first. Then he can shoot at game
later.”
“Tom,” she said looking into his blue eyes, “be patient
with him. Give him the time he needs to
come to terms with everything that’s happened.
He will come to you. I know he
will. Don’t push him about the rifle.
Let him decide when he feels comfortable with using it if he ever
does. I don’t want you to push him away
again like before.”
“I will,” he replied smiling. “I know how hurt he’s been and most of it is my fault. I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it
up to him but I have to try. This trip
is part of it. I want to show him that
he’s no different than Nick. He’s my
son and I’m very proud of him. And like I said if he doesn’t want to mess with
the rifle, I’ll let it pass and take him hunting anyway. He can at least learn to clean an animal
before we pack the meat. I don’t know
if I’ll even have any luck but we’ll see. Jarrod needs to learn this now. He’s going on ten years old and it’s high
time he learned. Most of the boys his
age are already shooting game. I don’t
want Jarrod to be left out.”
“I know you are,” she told him. “You have a right to be proud.
Right now Jarrod is very unsure of everything. He doesn’t know what to expect from you or what to expect from
himself. He needs time to decide about
what he wants to do with his life even though he is only nine. We need to give him that time. As for the
rifle and hunting, let him decide what he wants to do there too. He has a mind Tom and he knows how to use
it. Jarrod will come around but it may take some time. He’s gone through so much over the last two
years. I know you want him to learn but
let him tell you he’s ready before you make him.”
“You’re absolutely right,” he said nodding his
understanding. “I’ll be gentle with
him. I promise. He’ll be fine on this trip. I bet he’ll even
bring back a deer or maybe a moose. Who
knows? I might be left out in the cold
by him.”
“Oh Tom,” she replied smiling. “You couldn’t be outdone by him or Nick and you know it. But I’m glad you’re going to give Jarrod the
time he needs.”
Jarrod was also awake lying in bed staring at the
ceiling. He hadn’t slept much that night
and he was still worried about everything. He didn’t know what he was going to
do but he knew that he couldn’t use that rifle no matter how hard his father
pushed him to. He was still very uneasy
about the whole situation. He knew his father only had his best interest in
mind but he didn’t feel comfortable with his father yet or a gun.
“I’ll just have to tell him the truth,” he said to
himself. “But he might not like to hear
the truth. Oh well, it’s the only thing
I can do.”
He got up, dressed, picked up his small bag that he had
packed a few of his most prized possessions in and walked down the stairs. He
had decided to take a couple of his books as well as a picture of the whole
family to keep next to his bed. He was
really going to miss his mother but he knew that his father was trying. He
noticed two bags sitting beside the door and decided that his mother had packed
what clothes he would need. He set his
small bag down beside of the other two. He met his mother and father in the
dining room already eating.
“Son,” Tom said as Jarrod sat down at the table, “you
sleep well? Are you ready to go? I hope
so. It’s going to be a beautiful day.”
“All right,” he replied but Tom could tell he was
lying. “I dreamed a lot. I guess so.”
“What about?” Tom asked concerned about his son. “I don’t want to pry if you’d rather not
tell me. I was just wondering if they were nightmares.”
“It’s no secret,” he answered looking down at his
untouched food. “I dreamed about the
trip. I dreamed that we were hunting
and you yelled at me to pick up the rifle that I had dropped on the
ground. I hesitated and you grabbed me
by the arm forcing me to pick it up. I
finally did and then you...”
“Jarrod,” Tom said looking at his son, “I’m not going to
be angry with you if you don’t handle the rifle. I only want to show you what to do if you ever need to use
one. I wouldn’t ever do that to you
again. I don’t expect you to believe me but it’s the truth. I’ve even decided
to take you hunting even if I’m the only one carrying a gun.”
“I believe you sir,” he replied looking up with tears in
his eyes. “I don’t know why I dreamed
such dreams. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t
stop thinking about all the things that could happen. I guess I’m not going to be much fun on this trip.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Tom told him. “I love you son. You are not alone in your pain and suffering. I’ll help you wherever I can. All you have to do is let me.”
“Thanks father,” he said smiling slightly. “I really appreciate that and it means a
lot. I’ve never meant to hurt you. I
always thought I was making you proud until the day you were so angry with
me. I guess I’ve never completely
gotten over that.”
“You’re going to have a good time,” Tom replied smiling
again. “Did you get your homework done
last night?”
“Yes father I did,” he told him. “I worked until after midnight and finally finished it. Mrs. Moore should be pleased. I’m glad I
asked her to give me the assignment. I
learned a lot last night.”
“I’m sure she will,” she said smiling. “You have a teacher who really cares about
you. You are a very lucky boy.”
“I agree mother,” he replied smiling. “I think she’s the best and she cares about
me. I feel that I can talk to her and she really listens. I told her something the other day and she
was genuinely hurt. I could tell she
was.”
“What did you tell her honey?” she asked wondering.
“I told her about what had happened in Denver,” he
answered looking at his father for some kind of expression of anger but he
didn’t see any. “She knew about what
had happened here when my grades went down.
She was very concerned about me then.
Now she truly understands why they did.
She told me not to let it eat away at me. She said that my father loves me and cares about me. What he had done was not really aimed at me
but at something he was mad at. I had
never thought of it that way. It made
sense.”
“I’m glad son,” Tom told him. “You deserve the best. She was right son. It was something that had happened that made
me so angry and I took that anger out on you.
I know I shouldn’t have but I just couldn’t stop. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. Then when that happened at father’s, I
realized that if I didn’t deal with the anger it would not only destroy me but
you also.”
“Father,” he said looking at his father, “the day that you
hit me you disappeared. Where did you go?”
“I went to an old shack that Jim and I used to play in
when we were boys,” Tom replied remembering the good times there. “I felt so ashamed at what I had done to you
that I cried. Father and Jim found me
there. We talked. Actually I did most of the talking. They just listened. Afterward, I felt like a gigantic weight had
been lifted off of my shoulders.”
“Is that why you looked relieved when you spoke to me in
the living room?” he asked trying to figure it all out. “I remember your face
looked at peace. It hadn’t before that
day.”
“Yes son,” Tom answered smiling. “Your grandfather was a very big help in helping me to realize
what I had done to you. He told me to
go and make it right with my son.
That’s why I was down on my hands and knees asking you for
forgiveness. I never meant to hurt you
son.”
“I know that now father,” he said smiling. “I was just wondering about several things.”
“Did what I told you help any?” Tom asked hoping that it
had.
“Yes sir,” he answered still smiling. “I understand it all now. You were under a lot of pressure from your
work and the ranch. I just got in the
way and made you angry.”
“Now wait a minute,” Tom said looking at Jarrod. “The first part is right. But you didn’t get in the way. I just took it out on you.”
“Sorry sir,” he replied looking sad. “I didn’t mean to anger you.”
“You didn’t make me angry,” Tom told him smiling. “You have made me the proudest father in
Stockton son. No father could ask for
more than that. I want to take you to
the lodge to spend some time with you and so you can have fun.”
“I appreciate that,” he said smiling. “I will.
I promise.”
They finished eating and the good-byes were said.
“Jarrod,” she said hugging him tightly, “you have a
wonderful trip. I hope you relax and
enjoy yourself. Try not to worry.
Everything will work out. You’ll
see.”
“Thanks mother,” he replied returning the hug. “I’ll try.
Nick, I’ll see you when I get back.
You be sure and help mother.”
“OK Jarrod,” Nick told him smiling. “You take care of yourself and come back
safe.”
Tom and Jarrod headed out the door.
The two of them arrived at Big Bear lodge about lunchtime.
Jarrod was exhausted from the long ride up the mountain. Tom decided that they needed to rest awhile
before they did anything else.
“Mr. Barkley,” Sean O’Bannon said as he greeted his old
friend. “It’s so good to see you
again. It has been too long. Who is this?”
“Sean,” Tom replied shaking hands with his old friend,
“it’s good to see you again too. This
is my oldest son, Jarrod. We’ve come up
here to do a little hunting. I hope you have some animals left for us. We’re looking forward to bagging several before
we head back to Stockton.”
“Hunting now,” Sean told him smiling. “Aye I can understand why. You know several of the other guests said
they saw cougars, mountain lions, moose, deer and even bears out in the
woods. You shouldn’t have any trouble
getting whatever you’re looking for.”
“This is Jarrod’s first time hunting,” Tom said looking
down at his son. “I wanted to bring him
to the right place.”
“That you have mate,” Sean replied laughing. “Boy, ye are going to have a great
time. I’ll guarantee it.”
“I hope so,” he told the man. “I am looking forward to spending some time with father.”
“Yer father is an old and dear friend of mine,” Sean said
looking at Jarrod. “We go back a long
ways. I could tell ye some stories too.”
“Not that long,” Tom replied smiling. “Take it easy with the stories Sean. I want my son to be able to believe them if
you don’t mind. We need a room for a few days.”
“Coming right up,” Sean told him handing him a key. “Room sixteen. Top of the stairs; first room on the right. Tom, ye know I
wouldn’t lie to the boy.”
“Thanks Sean,” Tom said as he and Jarrod headed toward
their room. “I know you wouldn’t
exactly lie but you might blow it up some. And I would never be able to live it
down either. I want him to believe in
me not be told stories of things I’ve never done.”
“Aye,” Sean replied smiling. “I would.”
Once they were in the room, Jarrod looked up at his
father.
“Father,” he asked, “where did you meet Mr. O’Bannon? I
mean if it’s not a secret or anything. He doesn’t talk like you and me. Where did he come from?”
“Well,” Tom answered smiling, “that’s a very long story.
And it’s not a secret.”
“I have time to listen,” he said smiling too. “I’m kind of tired and don’t feel like going
hunting today. I hope you understand. I
don’t want to spoil your fun if you’d rather go out I’ll understand.”
“Are you feeling all right son?” Tom asked worry evident
in his voice. “I mean I wouldn’t want
you to get sick up here. No, I don’t want to go without you. You are the reason I came. I want you to enjoy with me. I don’t want to do this all alone.”
“I’m not sick sir,” he answered nodding. “I’m just tired from the long trip up
here. I wanted to rest. I don’t think I
can keep my eyes open much longer.
Maybe a nap would be the best right now.”
“All right,” Tom said pointing toward one of the two beds
in the room. “You lie down and I’ll
tell you how I met Sean.”
Jarrod lay down on the top of the bed. He turned toward his father so he could hear
him.
“It all started about ten years ago,” Tom said smiling at
remembering the meeting like it was yesterday.
“I was in San Francisco on business.”
“Good day mate,” Sean said as Tom walked into a saloon in
San Francisco. “What can I get for ye?”
“I would
like a whiskey please,” he replied smiling at the man. “Where are you from sir? I don’t believe
I’ve ever been called mate before.”
“I was
born in Scotland,” Sean told him handing him his drink. “I grew up in Australia and then moved here
about five years ago. I’m a partner in
this place. I’m hoping to one day open a lodge up in the Sierras. I want to save a bit more money before I
do. This lodge will be a special place.
It will have hunters by the droves up there to hunt till they drop. Or at least that’s what I’m hoping will
happen. Nothing is set in stone.”
“What’s
your name?” Tom asked curious. “I mean if I’m going to possibly invest in such
a gallant effort I want to know who I’m investing with.”
“Sean
O’Bannon,” Sean answered shaking Tom’s hand.
“Who ye be?”
“I’m Tom
Barkley from Stockton,” he said taking the hand and shaking it. “I come here on business quite often. I have
a ranch outside of Stockton actually. I raise cattle and horses plus I’ve been
known to invest in riverboats, newspapers, etc. I’m not usually wrong when I invest in someone’s dream and yours
sounds like it might actually work.”
“Ye
don’t say,” Sean replied listening to Tom.
“Well now are ye in the habit of investing money with strangers?”
“Not if
they are going to be my friends one day,” he told the man. “At least I’m hoping you will. I love to hear you speak of your home and
would love to see a lodge in the Sierras.
I also love to hunt. I would spend a great deal of time with you when I
could get away from the ranch. Maybe if
I have any boys I could bring them up there too.”
“There
ye be,” Sean said laughing. “It seems
like we are going to be good friends Tom.
I like ye a lot even though I just met ye. Ye have a good head on yer
shoulders mate.”
“You
don’t have to worry about me,” he replied smiling. “I can judge a person just by talking to them and I’ve already
figured out you’re a fine gentleman.”
“Thank
ye Tom,” Sean told him.
“Sean and I talked for over two hours learning as much as
we could about each other,” Tom said smiling at his son who had fallen
asleep. “You rest son. We’ll have plenty of time to do some
hunting.”
Tom covered Jarrod up and quietly left the room. When he walked downstairs he ran into Sean
again.
“Where’s yer son?” Sean asked looking around for
Jarrod. “I thought ye two might get
some hunting in before dark. Ye couldn’t have asked for a better day to hunt.”
“Jarrod’s pretty tired,” he answered smiling at his
friend. “He fell asleep so I decided to
wait until tomorrow for the hunting.”
Sean just looked at Tom sensing something was not just
right with him.
“Ye got something on yer mind mate,” Sean said gesturing
at a nearby table. “Ye look like ye
could use a friend.”
“I can and you know me better than I thought,” he replied
sitting down. “Sean, I brought Jarrod
up here to try to repair the damage I caused to him. I want him to know that
what had happened over the past two years was not his fault. It was my fault entirely. I’m to blame for everything.”
“What are ye talking about?” Sean asked curious. “Ye look like ye beat him or something and I
can’t believe that. Ye’re not that kind of man. I know ye just as well as I know myself.”
“I did,” he answered nodding. “I guess I had better start at the beginning. Two years ago, I went to a small mining town
to do some business. I was attacked and
nearly killed along with being robbed.
A young woman took me in, took care of me and in the time I stayed there
I fell in love with her. God, I didn’t mean to fall in love with her. It just happened. I wish it hadn’t but it did and that’s what caused all of this.
Her name was Leah. She was the
prettiest girl I had seen in a long time.
For a time I forgot about Victoria and the boys. But then I realized that I still loved my
wife and that I had to end the relationship with Leah. It wasn’t easy but I did. But after I returned to the ranch I was
different.”
“Oh dear,” Sean said shaking his head. “What about yer wife? Does she know?
Different how?”
“She doesn’t know and she’ll never know,” he replied
looking at his friend. “And don’t you
tell her either. Please Sean I mean it.
You can’t tell her. I’m not sure myself. I was very confused over how I felt for both Victoria and
Leah. I guess you might say I loved
them both. And that’s where the problem
started.”
“Ye know I won’t,” Sean told him smiling. “Although I can’t understand why ye won’t
tell her. But go on.”
“Anyway,” he said looking around to make sure Jarrod
wasn’t listening, “I finally realized that I needed to get home so I left. But I couldn’t stop thinking about her and
about what I had done. I was very
distant from Victoria and the boys especially Jarrod who reminded me so much of
his mother. Every time I looked at him,
I saw her and I would get angry mostly with myself for allowing myself to fall
in love with someone else. So angry
that I took it out on him. I had him
scared to death of me. I had him doing
chores until all hours of the morning.
I yelled at him over nothing. He stopped laughing and talking for that
matter. He hardly ever left his
bedroom. I had him so scared of
me. I didn’t want to do it but I
couldn’t stop myself from continually fussing at him. I slapped him at least
once at the ranch for no reason really.
Other than I was just angry with myself and he just got in the way.
Finally, we went to Denver where my parents lived. I was hoping that they could
help me deal with all this. I needed to talk to someone and I thought father
would be the best choice. The day we arrived, Jarrod knocked Nick down by accident. That’s my other son. I knew it was an
accident and that Jarrod didn’t mean to do it but I went mad. I grabbed him by the arm and just berated
him unmercifully. I had him crying and very upset. Then I whipped him with my
belt. To top it all off I backhanded
him twice. He tried to stand up to me but he was just too small. I never dreamed I would ever raise a belt to
one of my own sons. I just lost it
Sean. I knew I had hurt Jarrod beyond repair.
But I didn’t know how to fix it.”
“I can’t believe that,” Sean replied shocked. “Ye’re not that kind of man. I mean ye would
never do something like that for no reason.”
“I may not have been but I did it,” he told his
friend. “I had a long talk with my
father and brother who were not very happy with what had happened. They were
more concerned about Jarrod’s welfare.
They didn’t want me to take out any more aggressions on my son. I knew
that I had to stop what I was doing or I would kill that boy. I never meant to hurt him Sean. I didn’t.
Father told me to fix what I had destroyed with Jarrod. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to
do. I went into the room where he was,
got down on my knees and begged him to forgive me. He said he saw something in my eyes that made him believe that I
really meant what I was saying. But
it’s taken a long time to get him to trust me again. Then to top it all off, father died in a riding accident and
Jarrod tried to kill himself out of guilt.
It’s been a long hard road but I hope this trip will mend the fence between
us.”
I don’t know what to say,” Sean said shaking his
head. “If it’s within my power, I’ll
make sure ye two have a wonderful time.”
“I appreciate that,” he replied smiling. “Jarrod is afraid of a rifle but more than
that I still believe he is still afraid of me.
I can’t really blame him for it either. His grandfather was the one who
helped him overcome what I had done to him. I know that the day he died, Jarrod
couldn’t deal with it. I can still
remember him asking me or rather begging me to take him back to where father
had died. At the time I never dreamed
what he had in mind. He loosened a
large rock and let it roll into him.”
Tom had to stop to compose himself. Sean put a reassuring hand on his arm.
“I watched him struggle to live,” he said continuing. “I watched him and begged father to help him
come back to us. Somehow he heard me
and Jarrod recovered but I don’t believe he has never completely gotten over
his grandfather’s death. I didn’t help matters the way I acted toward him. I want to make things right but I’m not sure
how. I want Jarrod to be able to relax
around me but I don’t know if he ever will.”
“It will take time,” Sean replied smiling, “but he
will. He has ye and I know ye as well
as I know myself. He will come around
Tom. Ye believe that.”
“I want to Sean,” he told him. “I need that boy. God, I never realized just how much Jarrod
means to me. He’s very important in my
life and I can’t lose him. I can’t.”
“I don’t think ye will Tom,” Sean said smiling. “Jarrod will come around and realize just
what a wonderful father he has.”
Jarrod woke up a short time later. When he didn’t see his father he went
looking for him. He found Tom sitting
alone at a table.
“Jarrod,” Tom said as he spotted his son coming down the
stairs, “I was wondering if you were going to sleep the night away.”
“I’m sorry sir,” he replied sitting down opposite his
father. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Tom told him smiling. “I knew we wouldn’t be able to go hunting
today. It was a long and tiring trip up
here. I don’t blame you for falling
asleep.”
“I was hoping to talk to you a minute sir,” he said
looking serious. “I mean if you have
the time to spare.”
“For you son I have all the time in the world,” Tom
replied leaning forward to look at Jarrod.
“What’s on your mind?”
“I wanted to talk to you about the hunting tomorrow,” he
told him very serious. “I will go with
you but I won’t carry a gun sir. I’m
not ready to learn yet.”
“I understand son,” Tom said nodding. “I’m going to take your rifle along just in
case you change your mind.”
“I don’t think I will,” he replied shaking his head. “I’m
afraid I would shoot something other than what I was aiming at.”
“That’s why I want to show you how to hold the rifle as
well as aim it,” Tom told him. “It
wouldn’t hurt to listen would it?”
Jarrod sat there thinking about the question his father
had asked. Finally, he looked up.
“No sir it wouldn’t,” he said smiling. “I guess I need to learn sooner or later but
I’m just not sure now is the right time.”
“Son,” Tom replied putting his arms on the table, “I
believe that if you keep putting it off you’re never going to learn. You need to learn. I want to teach you but I don’t want to push you into it. So tomorrow we’ll go and I’ll carry both
rifles. If you decide you want to use
it, I’ll show you how.”
“Agreed,” he told his father nodding.
The next morning both Tom and Jarrod were up early. Tom waited patiently for his son to finish
dressing and then the two of them walked down the stairs to the dining room to
eat a good breakfast.
“It’s going to be a beautiful day son,” Tom said as they
sat down to eat. “I’m looking forward
to the hunting trip.”
“I am too sir,” he replied looking out the window. “I want to spend time with you. We haven’t done that in a long time.”
“No we haven’t,” Tom told him smiling. “I’ve been working so hard at the ranch and
with Nick getting him ready for his role when he’s grown that I’ve let you
down.”
“You haven’t let me down father,” he said nodding. “You’re the best father a boy could have.”
“Do you really mean that Jarrod?” Tom asked hoping that he
really meant it. “I mean you’re not just saying that just to make me happy are
you?”
“I do,” he answered smiling. “I know we’ve had our bad times recently but that’s all behind
us. I’m trying to trust you again
sir. It may take some time but I feel
that it will come.”
“I’m so happy son,” Tom said smiling wider. “You have made me the proudest father. You are going to be a famous man someday.”
“I don’t know about that sir,” he replied shaking his
head. “But I am going to give it my
all. I do want to make something out of
myself.”
“I’m glad son,” Tom told him. “You deserve the best.”
After they finished eating, they retrieved the rifles, a
canteen, food and headed out. About
five miles from the lodge Tom stopped.
“This is as good a spot as any to show you the
fundamentals of shooting,” Tom said as he picked up his rifle and leaned
Jarrod’s against a nearby tree. “The
first thing you do is to load it.”
Tom loaded his rifle showing Jarrod where to put the
bullets. Then he continued.
“Next, “ Tom said as he brought the gun up to his right
shoulder, “is to position the butt of the rifle against your right shoulder.
That makes it kick less when it fires so that it won’t hurt you as much. Hold the barrel or stock with your left hand
to balance it and hold it steady. Then
you sight down the barrel. You see the sight at the end of the barrel. That’s what you line up your target in. You
have to look a little bit up from the sight but it usually puts you in line
with your intended target. Next, you
squeeze the trigger gently so as not to kick so hard. Then you go and get
whatever you have just shot. Now, if
you were facing a man, you wouldn’t have that much time. He would have probably put a lot of holes in
you by the time you got ready to shoot.
But I don’t think you need to worry about that now. Do you think you’re ready to do it for
yourself?”
“That’s very interesting sir,” he replied as he watched
every move his father had made. “I hope
you will show me how you can get an animal sir. I’m not quite ready yet
father. I might be by the time we’re
ready to head back. I hope that I never have to face a man father with a
gun. I don’t think I could.”
“I will,” Tom told him smiling. “Take your time. We have
plenty of time. You come over here and I’ll show you how to reload. I want you
to get a bird’s eye view. Son, the only time that you may be faced with
shooting a man is when you’re a lot older.
I haven’t done it very much but I have had to face a few men and I’ve
had to kill them. It’s not pleasant but
sometimes there is no other way.”
“Father,” he asked looking up, “what’s it like to kill a
man?”
“Well,” Tom answered trying to come up with the right
words, “it’s not fun I can tell you that.
Your heart is usually pounding in your chest and you are quite scared.”
“I can’t believe that you would ever be scared of anything
sir,” he said shaking his head. “You
are the bravest man I know.”
“I was when I faced those men,” Tom replied looking over
at Jarrod. “I first tried to talk to
them. I thought if I could get them to
listen they would back down but that didn’t happen. They were bound and determined to go through with it. And they lost.”
“Were you happy afterwards?” he asked curious.
“No son,” Tom answered shaking his head. “It’s not a pleasure for me to kill a
man. I felt sorrow for the man that he
hadn’t listened to what I had said and walked away. If only he had walked away.
Anyway, come on over here to see how I load the rifle.”
Jarrod walked toward his father not paying attention to
the rifle leaning against a tree. He
accidentally kicked it over causing the gun to go off. Tom cried out as the bullet tore into his
left front thigh. He dropped to the
ground holding his leg.
“Father!” he cried as he ran to his injured father. “I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to shoot you. What
do I do? How can I help you? Please!
Tell me what to do.”
“The first thing son is to calm down,” Tom said very
gently through his pain. “We need to
get back to the lodge so I can get this leg tended to. And we need to stop this
bleeding. I’m not blaming you for what
happened. You just forgot the rifle was
propped up against that tree. I guess I shouldn’t have left it loaded but I
just didn’t think it would cause a problem. It was an accident that’s all.”
“Yes sir,” he replied trying to stay calm but
failing. “I’ll get the rifles. I don’t
think I could carry you sir.”
“I don’t think you need to even try,” Tom told him
remaining very calm for Jarrod’s sake.
“I believe I can walk but it will be a slow trip back to the lodge. We may even have to rest along the way.”
Jarrod picked up both guns throwing them over his
shoulder. He also took the canteen and food from his father.
“Here,” he said as he helped his father to his feet, “you
lean on me. I’ll get you back to the
lodge if you tell me the way to go. I’m
not sure. I’m not that good with directions sir. Please help me to get you back father. I want you to be all right.
I’ve done it again. Every time I
get close to someone they end up dead or hurt.
I guess I should stop loving people.”
“Go west son,” Tom replied leaning heavily and fighting
the urge to pass out. “Before we go,
tie my bandana around the wound to slow the bleeding. Jarrod, you listen to
me. It was not your fault. This was an accident pure and simple. You do not cause people to die or be
hurt. You are not to blame son. You have to believe me.”
“I’m trying sir,” he told his father, “but it’s hard. Look at grandfather and now look at you.”
“It wasn’t your fault what happened to father,” Tom said
looking into his son’s scared eyes.
“Your grandfather knew what he was doing. It was just an accident just like this was.”
“Yes sir,” he replied shaking his head. “But I still feel like I caused it.”
Tom shook his head realizing that once again Jarrod was
blaming himself for a random accident.
He knew that he would have to try to convince him that it wasn’t his
fault but first they needed to get back to the lodge. Jarrod quickly tied the
bandana around the gunshot wound noting that there wasn’t an exit wound.
“Father,” he said as he looked up at Tom, “there isn’t an
exit wound. The bullet’s still in
there. Does it hurt bad? I don’t know
how to help you.”
“I know,” Tom replied trying to walk but limping very
badly. “We have to get back to get it
out. Son, you have to stay calm. I’m
going to need your help desperately.
When we get back, I’ll have the bullet removed and I’ll be fine. I promise.”
“What if we can’t make it back?” he asked beginning to
panic. “I don’t think I could take it
out. I’m not brave enough for that.”
“We’ll make it son,” Tom answered again trying to calm his
son. “Just breathe normally and help me
the best you can. You can do this Jarrod.
You have to.”
“Yes father,” he said as they started back. “I’ll do my best.”
They began their trek toward the lodge. They had to stop every few minutes for Tom
to rest. On the third rest, they heard
a loud cry.
“Son,” Tom said after hearing the cry, “there’s an animal
close by. It must have smelled the blood from my wound. It’s been tracking us.”
“What do I do?” he asked very worried. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Keep your rifle handy,” Tom answered again very
calmly. “You may have to shoot it.”
“I don’t think I can sir,” he said looking down at the
rifle. “I don’t think I have the
nerve.”
“You’re going to have to face your fear Jarrod,” Tom
replied looking around. “It may be our
lives or that bear’s. You have to make
up your mind.”
“Yes father,” he told him holding the rifle in his right
hand. “I’ll try. Bear sir. You mean that’s a bear. They’re big and they can hurt you. Maybe we better head off.”
“I know you will,” Tom said nodding. “I know you will. Some are not that big
son. We can’t run. I can barely walk. Just try not to let it get to you. We’ll be all right.”
Jarrod heard that awful cry again and turned to be face to
face with a medium sized bear. It
wasn’t a big bear nor was it a small one. It probably weighed about five
hundred to six hundred pounds. It was a black bear and the only reason it was
close to Tom and Jarrod was because of the scent of blood it smelled. It was a
she bear and had babies. She was afraid
the two of them would hurt her babies so she had been following them. The bear
came toward him, causing Jarrod, who had quickly stood up, to back up falling
and hitting his head on the hard ground.
Dazed Jarrod was an easy prey for the menacing bear. She needed food for
her young and Jarrod was going to be the food. The bear grabbed onto his left
shoulder and arm. He cried out trying to get away from her but to no
avail. He was trapped with no where to
go. The rifle was only a few inches away from him having been knocked out of
his grasp by the fall. He knew if he
didn’t try to use it, she would kill him for sure. But he was still frightened of the rifle and hesitated in
reaching for it.
“Son,” Tom cried, “the rifle! Use the rifle! Don’t think about anything but getting the bear
off of you. I would shoot it but you
have both rifles and I can’t get to my rifle with this leg. If I try to move,
it will probably try to kill me. Although I would gladly give up my life for
yours. Please Jarrod use it. Shoot!”
Reaching out with his right hand he grasped hold of the
rifle bringing it in to him. The pain he was having was unbearable but he knew
what he had to do. Then he pointed it at the bear’s midsection and fired. He continued firing until there were no
bullets left. He must have fired at least four or five times. Then he dropped
the rifle and reached for his left arm, which he could feel, was bleeding
profusely. He didn’t know what condition the arm and shoulder was in but he guessed
it was very bad by the amount of pain and blood. He was lucky that the bear
hadn’t gotten a good lock on a vital part of his body. As it was his arm and
shoulder seemed to be the only casualties. He looked over at his father who had
crawled to him. Tom pulled him clear of the injured bear. Then he picked up his own rifle; aimed and
fired a total of five more times to make sure the animal was dead. Then he looked down at Jarrod who hadn’t
moved.
“Easy son,” Tom said holding him down. “Don’t move. You’re hurt really bad.”
Jarrod barely nodded before his eyes closed. Tom knew that he had to somehow get himself
and his son to the lodge or they both would wind up dead. He didn’t know if his
injured leg would carry them both but he knew that he had to try or Jarrod
would surely die.
“I’ve got to try to get you to the lodge and help,” Tom
said as he eased his arms under Jarrod’s limp body. “You’ll die if I don’t.”
He gently carried his son careful of his injured shoulder
and arm toward help. He became covered in blood from the wounds on Jarrod. He didn’t take time to wrap them up. He just put a cloth on the worst part of the
wounds so they wouldn’t bleed too much until he could get back if he could. Tom
began to limp toward the lodge. He knew that neither he nor Jarrod would
survive much longer without help. He had retrieved the rifles as well as the
canteen. He left the food beside of the dead bear. He looked back as he moved to look at what his young son had done.
He was amazed that Jarrod had somehow fought his own fear and used the rifle to
safe not only his father’s life but also his own. He knew that Jarrod would be all right around guns. He was becoming weak himself but he kept
pushing himself to keep moving.
Finally, he couldn’t go a step further.
He collapsed to the ground with Jarrod still in his arms.
“Help me,” he cried as he lost consciousness.
When Tom opened his eyes, he was lying in bed and Victoria
was standing over him. He was confused about why she was there. The last thing he remembered was passing out
on the trail back to the lodge.
“What are you doing here?” he asked very confused. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the lodge Tom,” she answered smiling at
him. “You’ve been unconscious for the
past two days.”
“Two days!” he cried trying to come up out of the
bed. “Jarrod. Where’s Jarrod? Is he all right?”
“He’s in the bed on the other side of you,” she said very
calmly. “The doctor has done the best
he can to repair the damage to his shoulder and arm. He was amazed that Jarrod
survived what had been done to him. He was lucky that arm wasn’t completely
ripped from the shoulder by whatever it was.”
“How is he?” he asked very concerned. “I mean is he going to be all right? I have
to know. Please Victoria.”
“We’re not sure,” she answered looking toward their
son. “The doctor doesn’t know if he’ll
ever be able to use his left arm again.
The animal that attacked him did a lot of damage to that shoulder. He
said there was tissue damage, as well as damage to the skin but he doesn’t know
about muscle or ligament damage at this point. He won’t know until Jarrod is
awake and tries to use it.”
“Has he been awake?” he asked looking in the direction she
was. “Has he said anything? Does he
know?”
“No,” she answered looking back at Tom. “The doctor has kept him full of pain
medicine. He said it’s best this way. I
didn’t want Jarrod to suffer if he was awake so I let the doctor keep him asleep
so he could heal. What happened Tom? What attacked him? Who shot you?”
“Jarrod and I were sitting on some rocks,” he replied
looking away from her. “We had stopped to rest and I was showing him how to use
the rifle. I had leaned his loaded
rifle against a nearby tree. I guess it was stupid of me to leave it loaded but
I was hoping that before we came back he would use it. We both had forgotten
about it while he listened to me explain the fundamentals of using the rifle. I
told him to come over to me so he could see how to load the rifle. He did and accidentally knocked the gun over. It went off hitting me in the leg. He became
hysterical. I was able to calm him down
but it took a while. When I did, we
began the trek back to the lodge.”
“So you started back,” she told him. “How did an animal get to Jarrod? Did you
see anything prior to the attack?”
“We had to stop every few minutes so I could rest,” he
said looking up at her. “I guess the
bear smelled my blood and trailed us. It wasn’t a huge bear by no means. It probably weighed around eight fifty to
nine hundred pounds. It might have been a mother. I couldn’t tell. It was
very vicious. It came after us on its
own. We didn’t do anything to
antagonize it. I swear. Jarrod turned around and was face to face
with it. He fell trying to get away
from it and the bear attacked him. I
told him to shoot it because he had both of the rifles. His was only a few
inches away from him. I think he was dazed by the fall because he took a few
seconds before he reacted. He did finally shoot. I know he was scared but he shot it and I finally killed it. But the damage had already been done. He was bleeding badly. I knew I had to get
him to help but in my weakened condition I wasn’t able to make it back. I guess I passed out.”
“Two hunters found you and brought you both in,” she
replied shaking her head. “I was
notified and brought here with Nick.
We’ve been here waiting to see if you would live. The two men told the
owner of the lodge that the bear had cubs.
They saw them around the dead body.
That’s why the bear attacked.
Tom, if they hadn’t come along, I shudder to think what might have
happened.”
“I’m sorry Victoria,” he told her. “I never meant for anything like this to
happen. I would have given my life for
Jarrod. I figured it might be a mother.
I guess it was probably looking for food for her young. I wish I could have been the one the bear
attacked instead of Jarrod.”
“I know that Tom,” she said nodding. “The first thing we need to do is to get
both of you well enough to go home. The doctor doesn’t want either one of you
up and around as of yet.”
“How long do you think that will be?” he asked not
knowing. “I mean do you think he’ll let
Jarrod leave?”
“I don’t know at this point,” she answered shaking her
head. “Jarrod is still very weak from
loss of blood. His shoulder is badly damaged.
My opinion is that he won’t let us leave until he sees what Jarrod can
do with that arm.”
“Did anyone give him any?” he asked very concerned. “I could if he needs it. I’m not that weak.”
“It’s all right Tom,” she answered nodding for him to stay
calm. “Nick gave him some.”
“Nick!” he cried.
“Why on earth would Nick give Jarrod blood? He’s too small.”
“He’s the only one other than you that could,” she said
very calmly. “Jarrod’s life hung in the
balance. Nick knew his brother was hurt
and he wanted to help.”
“How is Nick?” he asked concerned. “I mean is he all right?”
“He’s fine,” she answered smiling. “He was a real trooper. He did everything just like the doctor
asked. I’m very proud of him.”
“That’s great,” he said nodding. “I just wish none of this had happened. It was my entire fault.
If I had just waited until Jarrod was ready he would be fine right now.
But I had to push him into this. I
should have known it was wrong. And to top it all off, he blamed himself for my
shooting. He told me that everyone he
loves either ends up dead or hurt. I
tried to reassure him but I don’t know if he accepted it.”
“Tom,” she replied looking at him, “stop it. You are not to blame for any of this. Jarrod is going to recover. We have to have faith in him. He’s a strong boy. That’s the way he was
when Charles died. He blamed himself. I’ll talk to him about it all when he’s
stronger. But for right now, he needs
both of us Tom.”
“I hope he’ll be all right,” he told her. “I don’t think I could handle it if he can’t
use that arm. I would blame myself for the rest of my life.”
“That’s something we’ll have to wait and see about,” she
said looking over at her son. “He
doesn’t know how bad it is either. In the first place, he’s not been conscious
and in the second place I don’t think he needs to know right now. It would only worry him.”
“I want to see him,” he replied getting up out of
bed. “I have to talk to him. I have to
tell him what a brave boy he was. I
have to tell him that it wasn’t his fault.
He has to know that I’m very proud of him for what he did out there.”
“Tom,” she told him trying to stop him, “if you do you
could start to bleed again.”
“I’m not concerned about me,” he said standing up
gently. “I’m worried about my son.”
Knowing her husband well, she knew that he wouldn’t take
no for an answer. Slowly, with her
help, he made it over to the bed and a chair.
Sitting down, Tom looked down at his young son. Jarrod was lying in bed with a bandage
around his head as well as a huge bandage around his shoulder and upper
arm. His left arm from the elbow down
was lying on his chest. He had some
bruises on his face and arms but he looked like he had come through the
incident with the bear pretty well considering.
“Son,” he said as he picked up Jarrod’s right hand in his
own, “you were a hero out there. You
risked your own life to save mine. I’m
very proud of you. You rest and get
well. The shooting wasn’t your fault.
You are not to blame. I
shouldn’t have put a loaded weapon next to a tree for you to knock over. I’m the one who’s to blame not you.”
Tom noticed his son’s eyes trying to open. He looked up at his wife.
“He heard you,” she said looking back at Jarrod. “Talk to him Tom. See if you can get him to
respond to you. I’ve tried but nothing
happened. He needs you.”
“I love you son,” he replied turning back to Jarrod. “You were a real trooper out there. I bet you’ll tell Nick all about it when you
get better. If you want me to, I can get that bear’s head to mount in the study
when we get home. You should be very
proud of yourself.”
“I’m glad you’re all right,” Jarrod told him so low he had
to press his ear to Jarrod’s lips. “I
was afraid you would die.”
“I’m too tough to die,” he said smiling. “You just rest and we’ll talk later.”
Jarrod’s eyes eased back closed. He looked up at her.
“He doesn’t feel any pain right now,” he said as he looked
back at Jarrod. “He didn’t say anything
about hurting.”
“Mr. Barkley,” the doctor asked irritated with Tom, “what
are you doing out of bed? You will lose
blood if you don’t rest.”
“I had to see my son doc,” he answered looking at the
doctor. “How is he really?”
The doctor walked around the foot of the bed where he was
standing in front of Tom.
“Jarrod has a concussion from the fall,” the doctor said
as he helped Tom back to bed. “He has a
great deal of damage to the left shoulder and upper arm. I won’t know the complete extent until he
tries to use it. He does have some
abrasions and bruises but I’m not really concerned with them. I have him sedated right now because of the
enormous pain that he would be in if he were conscious.”
“What are his chances?” he asked very concerned for his
son. “I mean do you think he will be
normal again?”
“I can’t answer that at this point,” the doctor answered
examining Jarrod as he talked. “Your
son will have to wear a sling and his left arm will have to be kept immobile
for at least several weeks. Your own
doctor will be the one to determine what extent the damage did when he tells
Jarrod to use it.”
“I see,” he said shaking his head. “None of this should
have happened. It was supposed to be a
happy time for him. Now look. Jarrod is lying in that bed fighting to
survive. It’s all my fault.”
“Jarrod needs time to heal,” the doctor replied. “Let’s give him a week and then see what
happens. You don’t need to keep blaming yourself. You are healing too. You
need to concentrate on that.”
Tom nodded but he wasn’t convinced Jarrod was going to be
all right.
A week had gone by and Tom was healed enough to be allowed
up as long as he took it easy and didn’t overdo. He had to walk with a
cane. Jarrod had come to and was
sitting up in bed. He was annoyed at
not being able to move his left arm at all. He was still in pain but he hid it
pretty well.
“How long do I have to sit here and not move my arm?” he
asked very annoyed. “I don’t understand
what happened to it.”
“You were hurt out in the woods,” she answered very
quietly. “You and your father were both
hurt.”
“No,” he said shaking his head. “I shot father in the leg.
I did that. But what happened to
my arm?”
“What do you remember happening?” Tom asked speaking for
the first time. “You did not shoot me in the leg. It was an accident. That’s all. I don’t want you to blame
yourself Jarrod. It was an accident.”
“Well,” he answered thinking about that day so long ago,
“I remember knocking the rifle over and it going off. You dropped to your knees with red coming through your
pants. I remember you yelling at me to
calm down. I remember helping you head
for the lodge.”
“Do you remember the bear?” Tom asked looking at
Jarrod.
“Bear,” he repeated trying to remember. “Yes!
I do! Oh God! I killed it! I shot it!”
“Calm down son,” Tom said trying to calm his son
down. “Getting upset will only make you
hurt worse.”
“You don’t understand sir,” he replied still very
agitated. “I killed a living, breathing
thing. I didn’t want to take a
life. I don’t believe in killing.”
“Son,” Tom told him, “you listen to me. You had no choice. It was either the bear or us.
There was no middle ground.”
“I don’t believe you,” he said shaking his head. “You’re just saying that.”
“Jarrod,” Tom replied with more authority than he had used
in quite some time, “stop it right now.
I want you to listen to me. The
bear was attacking you. It was killing
you. It would have succeeded if you
hadn’t fired. You did the only thing
you could.”
Jarrod just laid there listening and fighting
himself. He didn’t want to kill
anything.
“I just don’t like hurting anything,” he said very
low. “I just don’t.”
“I can understand how you feel,” Tom replied smiling and
placing a hand on his son’s shoulder.
“But sometimes you don’t have a choice.
I don’t like to kill either but it was necessary in this instance. Your life was at stake.”
“I understand sir,” he told him very quietly. “I guess I over reacted. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
Tom looked at his son smiling. He knew what an effort it had taken for Jarrod to admit that.
“Certainly son,” Tom said smiling wider. “You are just a caring and considerate
person. I wouldn’t want you to be any
other way.”
“Thanks father,” he replied smiling too. “Was it a mother bear?”
“I don’t know son,” Tom told him shaking his head. “I didn’t have time to see.”
“What will become of her cubs if she was a mother?” he
asked genuinely concerned. “I hope they
won’t die because she’s dead. I did it again.
I took something away that was loved. What’s the matter with me?”
“I don’t know son,” Tom answered looking at Jarrod. “We can’t worry about that right now. We have to get you well enough to go home
first. You did not cause this to happen.
It just did. I want you to stop
blaming yourself. It wasn’t your
fault.”
“When can we go home?” he asked curious. “We’ve been here almost two weeks. I’m going to be so far behind in my lessons
that Mrs. Moore won’t let me back in her class.”
“Jarrod,” she answered speaking for the first time, “I
spoke to her before Nick and I came up here.
I explained what had happened to you.
She was very upset when she heard you had been hurt. She wanted me to tell you that she would
save your work for when you got back.
You will have a chance to catch up before the end of the term.”
“Oh mother,” he said relief evident in his voice, “thank
you. I was so worried about my grades.”
“I knew you would be so I decided to take care of it
before I left,” she replied smiling. “I
know my son pretty well.”
Jarrod smiled at her.
“Son,” Tom asked, “are you all right about the incident
with the bear?”
“Yes father,” he answered nodding. “I understand what happened and what had to
be done. I might not like it but I
understand.”
“That’s good son,” Tom said smiling. “I’m glad.”
Jarrod continued to heal over the next week. When the doctor decided it was time to test
the shoulder, Jarrod was a little nervous.
“You’ve healed faster than I thought,” the doctor said
looking at Jarrod’s arm and shoulder. “I believe it’s time to see if you will
be able to use it. Now, this is only to
see. Then I’m going to put it in a
sling for a few more weeks and then you can try it again with your own doctor
present.”
“Yes sir,” he replied looking at his parents. “I’m a little bit scared to use it but I’ll
try sir.”
Jarrod stood up from where he sat in a chair beside his
bed. He hadn’t left his room and his
father knew why. The doctor handed him
a book and Jarrod took it with his right hand.
“No son,” the doctor said. “Use your left.”
Jarrod shifted the book to his left hand wincing slightly
from the effort of not using the arm for two weeks but he was able to hold
it. He wiggled his fingers and tried to
move the entire arm but the pain from his still injured shoulder prevented
that.
“Very good,” the doctor said smiling. “You don’t have any ligament damage or
muscle damage although it’s going to take time to build the strength up in that
arm. I want you to use the sling for at
least two more weeks to allow that shoulder more time to heal.”
“Yes sir,” he replied also smiling. “Father, would you take me out to where the
bear died? I want to see if the cubs
are dead too.”
“How did you know the bear was a female?” Tom asked
wondering how Jarrod had known. “I
didn’t tell you.”
“I guessed from what you had said earlier,” he answered
nodding. “I need to know sir. Please.”
“All right,” Tom said knowing he wouldn’t get any rest
until he did. “We’ll go now.”
Tom, Jarrod and Nick walked the three miles to the spot
where the attack had taken place.
Jarrod looked at the ground where the mother bear had died. He became very sad. Tom watched his young son knowing that he was
hurting inside.
“It wasn’t your fault son,” Tom said putting a hand on his
son’s shoulder. “It had to be
done. If it hadn’t we wouldn’t be here
now.”
“I understand that,” he replied looking up at his
father. “It’s just that she didn’t have
to die. Why didn’t she stay away? Why didn’t she just run instead of having to
die?”
“I can’t answer that Jarrod,” Tom told him. “No one can.”
Nick had gone a little further up the narrow path. He spotted several bears. He motioned for his father and brother to
join him.
“Look,” he whispered when they joined him. “There are two cubs there.”
Jarrod looked at where Nick had pointed. He saw two black cubs with several grown
bears.
“Father,” he asked hopefully, “do you think they are
hers?”
“I don’t know son,” Tom answered looking for himself. “It’s possible.”
“I want to believe that they are alive and doing well
without their mother,” he said still looking at the cubs. “But I guess we’ll
never know for sure.”
“I’m sure they are son,” Tom replied smiling. “Try not to worry about them.”
Jarrod nodded and the three of them walked slowly back to
the lodge.
“Father,” he asked when they went inside, “would you teach
me how to shoot? I know I’ve been a
problem but I believe I’m ready to learn.
I want to learn. Maybe it’s time
to prove to myself that I’m not afraid of guns any longer.”
“I’d love to teach you son,” Tom answered smiling. “Are you positive? You haven’t been a
problem to me. What happened was an
accident and I want you to believe that.”
“Yes sir,” he said also smiling. “I know now that a gun is something to use as a tool. I hope I never have to use one on a person.”
“I hope you don’t either,” Tom replied. “As soon as we get home and your arm is
ready to hold the rifle I’ll teach you.”
“Agreed,” he told him.
Jarrod learned how to shoot but he never forgot about
killing the bear. He always tried to talk
his opponents out of shooting at him.
Sometimes he succeeded but other times he didn’t.