FENCES

Parts 9-12

by Jojo

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Part 9

With the help of the ambulance attendants, they managed to transport Nick from the train to the ambulance without incident. He was obviously experiencing quite a bit of pain though. As there was only room for one more person to ride in the ambulance, Dr. Merrar went with Nick. Silas had hired two carriages for the rest of the family and luggage. He was going to go to Jarrod’s house and get them settled in before meeting them at the hospital.

When they arrived at the hospital, they were shown into a waiting room to wait for the doctor. After what seemed like forever, Dr. Ferguson finally appeared with Dr. Merrar in tow.

“Hello – I’m Dr. Ferguson." He said extending his hand to Jarrod and Heath. “I’ve had a chance to do a quick examination of Mr. Barkley’s legs and I agree with Dr. Merrar’s initial diagnosis. I am going to take him into surgery right away. You can expect it to take at least four hours so you might want to go to a hotel and freshen up and have something to eat.”

“Thank you doctor but I believe we will wait right here. My son needs to know that we are close by. Can we see him before you start the operation?” Victoria wanted to let Nick know herself that they were not going to be far away.

“I’m sorry but that’s not possible right now. He’s at present in the operating room and hopefully already under the anesthetic. He will be in the recovery room for at least a couple of hours after the surgery so it will be awhile before you can see him again. I’m sorry but I have to go now.”

Dr. Merrar came up to Victoria and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder before saying, “ Victoria, I’m not needed here anymore. I’m going to clean up here some and then head to train station. I should get back to Stockton. I have Mrs. Jennings first baby due soon and you know how unpredictable first babies can be. Don’t worry – Nick couldn’t be in better hands. Please send me a wire though to let me know how the surgery went.”

“Oh Howard, we can’t thank you enough for coming with us. It was a difficult decision to make but once made, it was a relief to know that you would be there. Of course, we’ll keep you informed of his condition. Jarrod – you know the train schedule best. What time does the next train leave?

“I believe the next train won’t leave for about three hours yet. Silas why don’t you take Dr. Merrar back to the house. Howard – you can get cleaned up there and perhaps have something to eat before leaving for the station." Jarrod offered.

“That sounds mighty appealing Jarrod. I’ll think I’ll take you up on that offer, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, not at all. I can only repeat that we are all very grateful for all you have done. We are in your debt sir."

“Well, I have to keep that young man alive. He’s been half my practice all by himself, hasn’t he?” Dr. Merrar laughed as he left with Silas.

And the waiting began. Heath left the room a few times and went outside for some fresh air when he felt the walls closing in on him. But it wasn’t long before he was rushing back to the waiting room. He did not want to miss anything.

Silas joined them after a couple of hours. He had brought a basket with food and refreshments to sustain them. He saw that although his efforts were appreciated, not much food was consumed. Their eyes continually looked to the doors of the operating room hoping for some news.

Finally, after more than five hours, Dr. Ferguson returned to the waiting room. The anxious family rose up to meet him. The doctor wiped his tired brow and gave the family a faint smile.

“The operation can be considered a success. We’ve managed to put his legs back together. It’s going to be a long hard road to recovery though. He’s going to need a great deal of therapy once he gets his strength back. He won’t be breaking any horses for quite awhile but if he works hard, he will walk again. I also removed the dressings on his back and stitched a few of the really deep gashes there. His ribs have been bound and we changed the dressings on his wrists from those rope burns and treated them with an ointment. Now folks – our biggest worry is infection and his reaction to the ether.”

This news had Victoria turning to Jarrod as he opened his arms to enfold her within them. Audra immediately started crying in relief. Heath moved closer to her to offer her comfort. She threw herself into his arms grateful for his attention.

Victoria found her voice first, “Thank you doctor. When can we see him?”

“The whole family - not for a couple of hours anyway but I would like to give him another transfusion. He lost blood he couldn’t afford to lose during the surgery and I would like to replenish it soon. Which one of you Mr. Barkley’s did not give blood last night?”

“My brother Heath did so I am at your disposal doctor." Jarrod answered quickly. “Mother why don’t you go back to the house with Audra and freshen up. Silas can take you. Heath and I will stay and if there’s any more news we’ll send for you immediately. “ He looked to Heath for confirmation of these plans and was rewarded with a tight nod. Jarrod knew that there was no way anyone would get Heath out of this hospital until he had at least seen Nick.

“Oh Jarrod – I don’t want to leave. We’ve waited this long – I don’t see why we just don’t wait it out." Audra said tearfully.

“Audra, I agree. Son, I know you are only concerned about our comfort but I am not leaving until I have a chance to at least see Nick. You go on now with the doctor and we’ll be here when you get back." Victoria proclaimed. She wanted to stay. For some reason, the anxiety she had been carrying all day had not gone away with the doctor’s words. No, she wasn’t budging until she saw her son with her own eyes.

Heath who had been quietly absorbing the doctor’s news had a question that he could not hold back. “Doc – don’t want to hold you up but could I ask what kind of reactions to the ether were you taking about?”

“In an operation of this length, we have to use a considerable amount of ether to keep the patient unconscious. There can be numerous different reactions to this. Some patients have extreme vomiting which I hope will be avoided thanks to Dr. Merrar’s foresight. Other side effects that could occur are violent headaches, disorientation and confusion or a combination of all of them in varying degrees. In rare cases, we have had trouble bringing the patient back to consciousness. Let’s not worry too much about that right now. We’ve had plenty of experience with this and we’ll do everything possible to make him as comfortable as possible. Now Mr. Barkley –let’s relieve you of some of your blood." the doctor replied obviously impatient to get back to work.

Jarrod left with Dr. Ferguson while the rest of the family settled down for another long wait. Heath like Victoria found that he could not relax just yet. He wanted nothing more than to leave this room and get outside for awhile but did not want to leave Victoria or Audra until Jarrod returned. He also did not want to discuss his concerns. He did not want to upset Victoria or Audra with what could be just his own anxieties. Trouble was this waiting business gave a man too much time to think and to worry. Maybe he should get Audra to get out that pack of cards she always carried and try to keep her occupied too.

“Say Audra – you got that pack of cards in your purse?”

“Oh Heath – you know I do. Do you really want to play cards at a time like this?”

“Well now, I reckon that it might not be the best game either of us has played but I surely need something to keep busy before I go stir crazy. Might as well try anyway. Come on – just get those cards out. Might be the best chance you’ll ever have to beat me.”

Victoria smiled gratefully at Heath. She knew what he was trying to do. She knew that playing cards was the last thing he really wanted to do but that he was trying to distract Audra for a little while at least. She figured knowing him that he’d like nothing better than to escape outside as the walls around him were probably closing in.

She sat quietly watching her two children while replaying the words spoken by the doctor. She knew Nick would overcome this. His sheer stubbornness alone would enable him to walk again. Dr. Ferguson did not know who he was dealing with here. If he wanted someone who was willing to work hard, he had the perfect patient in Nick. If he was expecting a cooperative patient then he was in for a rude awakening. Nick never had respected the limitations that being sick or injured might place on him. He was never one of those children who came running to their mother’s when they got hurt. Most of the time, he would try and hide it, usually because he didn’t want to give the explanation on how he was injured. She once again thanked her son’s guardian angel. She hoped the poor thing wasn’t too worn out from his adventures over the years and still had some strength in her wings to continue safekeeping her son.

Jarrod soon returned and reassured them that although Nick was very pale, he seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Knowing Jarrod was probably thirsty, Silas rushed over with a jar of lemonade and a glass which he gratefully accepted. After his thirst was quenched, Jarrod told them his impressions of Dr. Ferguson.

“I think we should be extremely grateful to Howard for making these arrangements and so quickly. I don’t think Nick could be in more capable hands. Dr. Ferguson seems to be well respected by his staff and is devoted to his patients. He frequently checked Nick’s pulse and breathing during the transfusion. He said he will not leave the hospital until Nick is settled in his own room. I asked him to put Nick in a large private room. He’ll be spending quite a while here recovering and we don’t want him to feel too claustrophobic. He’s going to check if there’s one with a window available." Jarrod looked at Heath as he said this and added, “I know it won’t be the same for him as a view of the ranch but at least he won’t feel so closed in.”

“Thank you son. Please sit down now. You need to recover your strength after that transfusion. Did the doctor indicate how much longer we would have to wait?” Victoria said as she sat down beside her son.

“All he would say was that it shouldn’t be too much longer. They just have to get the room ready for him. The bed has to be propped up as well. He concurs with Howard that Nick should be in a sitting position to take any pressure off his injured back. He is also grateful that he could find no internal injuries which he said he found nothing short of miraculous considering the extent of whipping Nick endured.”

Heath had heard enough and now that Jarrod was back, he had to get out of there. He told them he would be right back and quickly left the room. He headed outside and rolled a cigarette. He was thinking back to Carterson and the men he had seen whipped to death. He could still see them hanging there with the blood dripping from their mouths and ears. You soon learnt when you saw this that the man did not have much longer to live. He also knew how much pain that a whip could inflict and wished his brother would have been spared having the same knowledge. He often wondered how God could have created men that could take such pleasure out of inflicting pain on a fellow human being.

He returned to the waiting room once again and settled down to wait. He pulled a chair up to rest his feet on and got comfortable enough to go into a light doze. He sat up quickly when the doctor returned about an hour later.

“We have him moved into his room now. But I am starting to get concerned that he is showing no signs of coming out of the anesthetic. By this time, I would have expected some response from him especially when he was moved onto the bed. Maybe all he needs is to hear a familiar voice. Sometimes people react better to voices of their loved ones than strangers. Come along now and we’ll see if we can rouse him.”

Heath was the first to spring into action. He offered Audra his arm and hurried after the doctor. Victoria and Jarrod followed close behind. Silas stayed behind in the waiting room gathering their forgotten belongings.

They soon reached the room where Nick had been placed. They barely noticed how well appointed the room was. It was quite large with the requested window on one wall. The room had a hospital bed, night stand, two wing chair and a chaise lounger. Nick was propped up in the bed almost in a full sitting position. His face was almost as pale as the pillows supporting him.

Victoria rushed past the doctor and quickly put Nick’s hand in hers. “Come on sweetheart – it’s time to wake up. We are all here anxiously waiting to see those beautiful hazel eyes of yours. Come on Nick – wake up darling. We need you here with us." She pleaded.

The doctor had moved to other side of the bed and while Victoria continued to cajole her son, he opened Nick’s eyes himself. After he examined both eyes several times, he checked his pulse again.

“His pulse is as strong as can be expected right now. Actually it’s better than I hoped for. His breathing is not labored. He’s just not responding. Keep talking to him and my nurse will come and get me if there’s any change. To be honest – I need to freshen up and have something to eat. I haven’t had time for anything since first thing this morning. If no change occurs, I’ll be back within an hour to reexamine him. I’m sorry I can’t tell you anymore right now." The doctor looked exhausted as he left the room.

Everyone took turns talking to the unconscious man. Audra told him about the long wait they had had and how he needed to wake up now. Jarrod talked about some deals they had in the fire that he needed Nick’s opinion on. Victoria just kept pleading with him to just wake up. Heath voice softly conveyed his worry and concern. Silas had silently slipped into the room and was quietly praying. But none of their efforts were rewarded. Nick continued to be unresponsive to their efforts.

Before they knew it, Dr. Ferguson was back in the room and repeated the earlier procedure. He looked solemnly at them and said, “I’m afraid I must tell you that he’s slipped into a coma. He should be showing some sign of consciousness by now.”

“A coma? What does this mean? For how long?” Victoria demanded.

“I can’t give you a specific answer on that. No one really knows why some people go into a coma or how they come back. Some doctor’s feel that it’s the body’s way of coping with an injury. It shuts down what it doesn’t need and focuses on healing where it does need it. The juries still out on that theory though. As for when he will awaken, with every individual it’s different. Some awaken almost right away – within a few hours. Others may take a few days or longer. I’m sorry but I just can’t give you a definitive answer.”

“Is there anything we can do to help him wake up?” Heath asked.

“Well, first of all, you should take shifts. This at it’s very worst could be a long haul. I’ve found in past situations that patients that have someone talking to them throughout their recovery seem to respond a lot quicker than patients who are left on their own. They have also told me that they remember some of the conversations that were said to them when they were unconscious. So if each of you take a shift being with him and talking, it would probably help him along. Also we don’t want him to get dehydrated or malnourished. I am going to get the nurse to bring in a jug of sugar water. If we can get one half of an eyedropper in every few minutes, it will help immensely. No more than that though. The swallow reflex is strong but we don’t want him to choke. If there’s no change by tomorrow, we’ll also try some chicken broth in the same manner." The doctor explained patiently wishing he could give them better news.

“Is there a possibility he won’t wake up?” Heath wanted to know.

“Yes, it is possible. But I’m hoping for the best here. His body had gone through an incredible trauma and may need this time to recoup. Again, I’m sorry that I can’t give you anything more definite than that. I know how worried and frustrated you must be but there’s still so much we don’t know yet."

The family thanked the doctor for his efforts knowing that it was dedication that had probably taken Nick this far. As soon as he left the room, Victoria declared that she was going to take the first shift.

“Jarrod – no arguments son,” she said as she saw him about to protest. “I need to be here. Audra and I did manage to get some rest last night but you and Heath did not. You have both given blood in the last twenty-four hours and you need to rest. What if he needs more and you can’t give it to him? You can decide the rest of the shifts amongst yourselves but I am not going anywhere for now." And with that said, she sat in the chair beside the bed and started talking to Nick.

“Well, I believe we have been dismissed. Let’s head back to my house. We can figure out our shifts on the way." Jarrod said as he tried to shepherd them out of the room. “Come on now Heath – you know Mother will not change her mind and she made it clear that she expects us to get some rest."

Heath wanted to linger but allowed himself to be pulled out of the room. One thing he knew for certain, he would be there for the second shift no matter what anyone else said.

The nurse came in with the jug of sugar water that the doctor had prescribed. She patiently showed Victoria how to use the eye dropper and where the bell was if there was any change whatsoever. She told her to watch for flickering eyelids and finger or toes twitching. These were the first signs that a patient was starting to respond. She gave Victoria a comforting pat on the shoulder and told her she would be back in an hour or so on her rounds.

Victoria picked up his hand again and began gently rubbing it between hers. Occasionally, she would reach up and run her hand over his forehead brushing back his hair. She continued to talk quietly to him hoping for signs of a response.

“Come on now son, we’re not used to having to wait for you. My darling Nick, you have been in a hurry since the day you were born. You know I was almost twenty hours in labor with Jarrod. I had no expectation that my second labor would be any different. But I didn’t know you then. Tom rode out for the doctor just as soon as I got my first labor pain. I argued that it would take a long time and he needn’t bother the doctor just yet. He insisted and I must say he was right. He and the doctor barely made it back in time. I was beginning to wonder if four year old Jarrod was going to end up delivering his new sibling.”

She paused rising to fill the eye dropper with the sugar water. She gently coaxed his lips apart the way the nurse had showed her. She sat back down and continued talking.

“You know you were my greatest trial as a child sweetheart but you were also my greatest joy. You may have kept us all on our toes with your unabounding energy but the rewards from you were priceless. I don’t think a day went by where I didn’t receive one of your big wet kisses at least ten times. Yes, you were my most demonstrative and affectionate child, darling Nick. That was of course until you became old enough to be embarrassed by such open shows of affection especially in front of your friends. You remind me so much of your father, son. You may look my side of the family but you’re pure Barkley in temperament. Oh Tom, please help guide your son back to us. Please dear, we need him so much.”

Victoria continued to pause at times to give her son the sugar water and kept up a steady stream of dialogue until her voice was almost hoarse. The kind nurse kept checking on Nick every hour or so and shook her head sadly that no change had occurred yet. She was surprised when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Mother – has there been any change?” Heath asked quietly.

Victoria’s voice quivered as she answered. “Nnno – he jjjust lies there like he’s peacefully sleeping. I’m so scared Heath. What if he doesn’t wake up? My heart is breaking at that thought." She through herself into Heath’s waiting arms and cried weakly for a moment. She then straightened her spine and looked Heath in the eye. She saw the same agony she was experiencing there and said, “No – we Barkley’s are not quitters. And we’re always accusing Nick of being the stubbornnest. We have to believe we were right. He will come back to us. HE WILL.”

“Yes – Mother – he will. You’re just very tired now. Silas is here to take you back to Jarrod’s. Why don’t you go back with him now and try to get some rest. Audra’s and Jarrod are sleeping now. Silas is going to relieve me later and give you all a chance to get some sleep. Audra will be here in the morning and Jarrod is going to take the afternoon. Don’t worry – we have it all arranged that someone will be here at all times and we’ll send word if there’s any change. “ He saw Victoria glance back at the bed and hesitate. “Come on now Mother, you heard what the doctor said. We need to do in this shifts if we are going to be able to do the most good."

“Alright – you’re right sweetheart. But just let me show you how to give him the sugar water. The nurse comes by every hour to check but she said to watch for twitching eyelids or his hands or toes moving. The bells right here if you see anything at all. Please send for us if there’s any change whatsoever."

After assuring her he would follow her instructions, he gently led her to the waiting Silas and returned to Nick’s bedside.

“Well now Nick – I reckon I’ve been telling you to rest easy so many times over the last few days that you are finally listening to me. When have you ever listened to me? Now’s not a good time to start. Come on Big Brother please wake up. You’re scaring me worse than I’ve ever been scared in my life and that’s saying something. Come on now Nick – please come back to me. I know that I’m not the most talkative fellow around but I sure hope you know what you mean to me. We’re a lot alike that way, aren’t we brother. We just don’t put into words what we are feeling. But I always know what you never said and I’m hoping the same holds true for you." He paused as he reached for the sugar water and gave Nick his eye dropper the way Victoria had shown him.

“I guess I never told you how it was you that finally made me feel like part of the family. Oh Mother, Audra and Jarrod were kind and supportive and you were hostile at first. But when we were in the saloon and that wrangler started in on me being the Barkley bastard and you up and punched him in the face, I felt those bands of anger around me start to snap. You know Nick, all my life I had everyone tell me to ignore the slurs and insults heaped on me. My mama, Hannah and Aunt Rachel were forever telling me to just pretend that I couldn’t hear them. But I did and got in a fight or two over it. Even the family said the same thing. I was in town with Mother when a lady walked around me and called me trash. Mother just said – ignore her dear, she’s not worth your consideration. Jarrod and Audra were the same. But you – you just up and knocked that fellow across the room and said that’s Mister Barkley to you. He’s my brother and you better get used to the idea. Somehow I just wasn’t the Thomson bastard anymore. I was Nick Barkley’s brother. I never had nobody do that for me before. Just proudly proclaim I belonged to them. I started to feel I just might belong and have a chance to really know what it was to be part of the Barkley family.”

He paused as the nurse came in to check on Nick. He asked hopefully if there was any change. She shook her head sadly and told him to keep it up as she quietly left the room. He took Nick’s hand in his again and continued where he left off.

“One by one those bands of anger have slipped away. This last time I went away, I spent a lot of time thinking about the past four years. I reckon I learnt a lot about being part of a family and it was mostly your example that I learnt from. You know the most important thing I think you showed me was that even though there’s fights or disagreements amongst us, nobody can break the bonds this family has. It’s comforting to know that no matter what I do in this life, I will always be a part of the Barkley family and your brother. I got a peace inside of me because of that. I never had that before. Just anger at the injustice of my life. I’m not saying that I have gotten rid of all of my anger because it’s not so. But it’s not ruling my life anymore. And everyday it seems to lessen some more. But I need you there to help me Nick so you just gotta try harder to come back to us. Please Big Brother I’m begging you to wake up.”

Heath stood up and paced around the room trying to bring himself back under control. He felt like he was going to lose it. These past few days had been a nightmare. He couldn’t sleep without seeing Nick hanging from that tree. He could barely get any food down his throat without choking on it. He kept seeing the similarities between what Nick went through and his experience in Carterson. Finally he took a deep breath and gave Nick his sugar water before continuing.

“Speaking of begging Nick. That’s another thing you done for me. You made me feel like I was worth something. Something without price. Remember that time Risley put me in that iron box. You got me out of there just in time too didn’t you? But it wasn’t that – it was what I heard at the trial afterwards. When those men testified that Risley told you that you could get me out of that box if you would only get down on your knees and beg, I thought it didn’t matter that you didn’t. I knew your pride was such an important part of you. Besides, you got me out anyways. But when he described how you did get down on your knees and beg, I almost jumped up to choke the life out of that piece of human scum Risley. I was outraged on your behalf that he played with you like that. But most of all, I felt humbled that I meant so much to you that you would throw away your pride to do that for me. I never felt anything like that. I tried to let you know how I felt that day but you of course, just brushed it off as something anyone would do. Well, now that I got your full attention, I gotta tell you it wasn’t nothing to me. It was the first time in my life that I could follow your example of telling the world that if they didn’t like what they saw – well they could go to hell. I had me a brother that thought, that thought I was worthwhile. Oh God Nick, please fight harder. I need you. I don’t know if I can do this without you.”

Heath finally gave in to the fear and agony he was feeling. He laid his down and started to sob. Heart wrenching sobs from deep in his soul.

The doctor was right. Nick could hear Heath. He was struggling as hard as he could to reach him. He’d seen Heath shed a tear or two before but never this total breakdown of emotion. He wanted to yell, “Yes you can do it if you have to but I’m trying to reach you boy. I’m trying as hard as I can.”

Nick’s frustration level was rising by the second. He battled against the immobility that held him down. He felt powerless to help his brother from this void he was in. He prayed for help. He needed to help Heath. Couldn’t they understand that? All of sudden he felt a presence there with him. He turned and saw his father standing beside him.

Part 10

Nick hesitantly asked, “ Father – is that really you? Does this mean I’ve died?”

“Yes it’s me and no you haven’t died. You’re in the nether world in between right now. All of you have been asking me for help and I’ve been granted the privilege of guiding you back." Tom Barkley told his son.

Nick couldn’t believe it. Here was his father standing right beside him. How he had longed for this moment. Now it was here, he didn’t know what to say to him and he could still hear Heath’s heart felt sobs. He felt torn. He wanted to stay and spend some time with his father but Heath needed him now.

Tom saw his dilemma and said, “You’re not ready to return yet son. That decision has been taken out of your hands by a higher power. I promise you when you are ready you will return to him. But for now, you just have to take my word for it that you need this time here. I understand how hard that is for you to do nothing. You out of both my sons take after me that way." He laid a comforting hand on Nick’s shoulder.

Nick whirled around on him to say, “BOTH YOUR SONS – that’s your OTHER son sobbing his heart out at my bedside. You know the son you conveniently forgot about. The one who grew up in poverty and shame. The one who was fighting a war that he was too young to be in. My BROTHER Heath who should have never had to gone through any of that. He should have been with us.”

Tom looked sadly at his son with regret shining from his eyes. “Yes Nick you are right. I do have three sons and it is been my cross to bear here that I did not do right by him. I know it’s no excuse that I didn’t know he even existed. I made a mistake – no more than one mistake, I made several. First I should have never forsaken my wedding vows. Victoria and I were going through a bad patch then and I found comfort in Leah’s arms. I did wrong to both of those women. Two of the most wonderful women I ever had the privilege to know. Secondly, I should have checked more thoroughly after I left. In the back of my mind, I always knew there was a possibility that a child could have been conceived. I assumed Leah would let me know if she was carrying my child. I should have known what a courageous woman she was and that she would go it alone rather than interfere with my life.”

Tom tried again to put his arm around his son’s shoulder and sighed when Nick retreated again. “I know now that you’ve gotten so close to him that’s it’s hard to be objective and again, I make no excuses for what I did. It was wrong but I was not a perfect man, Nick. I had my moments of weakness just like any other man. Unfortunately my weakness cost that boy dearly. I also had the same habit you have son. Once I made a mistake – I tried to learn from it and then put it away and go on.”

Nick said, “Well, do you know how I felt when I found about him? First was total disbelief. I just couldn’t reconcile the father I thought I knew with the man who would abandon his wedding vows and conceive a child with another woman. Not only that – you did not provide for him. When I finally accepted that he was your son, I felt an all encompassing shame for what I had and he did not. Do you know how many times he went hungry? DO YOU? Do you know how many jobs that kid worked just to put food on the table and get medicine for his mother? A SIX YEAR OLD KID. How do you think that made me feel with all that I had? Have you been listening to him? Did you hear how he grew up being the Thomson bastard? He had the same right to your name that I did. He should have known who he was and where he belonged just like your other children. Most of all HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER FELT HE WAS ALONE IN THIS WORLD. Not when we could have been there for him. I would have protected him from the other kids. We should have been there for him Father. We should have." Nick wound down, emotionally exhausted at having got that load he’d been carrying off his chest.

Tom tried again to hold his son and this time Nick let him. He put his head down on his father’s shoulder while he regained his strength. Tom held tight to his son and spoke gently to him.

“I know all this now son. I know now. But I swear to you that I had no idea he even existed before I died. I have felt every shame under the sun since I did find out how hard that poor boy’s life was. If I could turn back time and change these events, I would. Unfortunately, I do not have that power. I can only sit back and watch with pride how my family has done what I should have done. I cannot express how proud of you I am Nick. I know you had a rocky start but that what self confidence and sense of belonging that boy has, it’s been from you and the family. I’m more sorry than I can ever tell you but I can’t change what’s been already done." Tom pulled his back to look into his eyes.

Nick felt the weight of anger he had been carrying these past four years start to lift. He’d thought he’d come to terms with what his father had done and didn’t realize what he buried inside all this time. He allowed his father to lead away to talk further.

Dr. Lara Collins stood in the doorway of the room of her next patient. She heard the sobs coming from the room and when she saw the blonde haired man openly displaying his grief, she did not want to intrude. She finally saw him bring himself back under control and get up to give the patient his eye dropper. She walked into the room as noisily as possible to alert him to her presence. He looked up at her with the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Collins. I’m on staff here at the hospital during the night.”

“Heath Barkley ma’am. I mean Doctor.”

She smiled to put him at ease. “That’s alright Mr. Barkley. I know there’s not many of us women doctors around. Many people get confused on what to call us. I answer to either. Now let me take a look at my new patient. Is he your brother?”

“It’s just Heath, ma’am. I mean Doctor. And yes, this is my brother Nick.”

“There doesn’t seem to be any change since Dr. Ferguson examined him last. Can you tell me a little bit about your brother?” she asked smiling again.

“Tell you about him, uh doctor? What do you want to know?” Heath asked genuinely puzzled at what information she wanted from him.

“Yes, tell me about Nick Barkley. Is he an active man or is he maybe a bit on the bit lazy side? Does he have a strong will or does he quit a project before he finishes it? What does he like to do best?”

Seeing his confusion, she added, “I find I can tell a lot about a patient’s recovery by the personality of the individual. In cases like these where the patient is unconscious, I have to rely on the people closest to them to fill in the gaps for me.”

Heath sat back down beside the bed and took Nick’s hand in his again before he spoke. In his quiet, melodious voice he began. “Well my big brother is one of kind. I don’t think you’ve met many like him. Active? He is like tornado. I get tired just watching him sometimes. He’s constantly in motion even when he’s just sitting down. He moves his hands when he talks and when he really gets going, he stands up and starts to pace. He’s got more energy than anyone I met in my lifetime. He’s no quitter either. He has a stubborn streak a mile wide and a temper to match. Nick loves to be a rancher best, I reckon. And all that goes with it." Heath paused and looked at the doctor hoping he gave her the information she wanted still unsure why she wanted to know these things.

“Well that’s good news. I have found that people that are strong willed and active are more likely to recover than not. They overcome obstacles that seem insurmountable. Of course, the body can only do so much but in this case, there’s still hope. Now if there’s any change I’ll come back right away, otherwise, if you don’t have any further questions, I’ll finish my rounds." She gently patted Nick’s arm as she answered.

“Thank you ma’am, uh doctor. Appreciate you looking in on him." Heath said and thought that she might have something there. Nick was no quitter. He would fight to come back to them with everything he had. He’d make it. He just had to.

Heath continued speaking softly to Nick. He spoke of some of the best times they enjoyed together. Every so often, he would urge his brother to fight and come back to him. He felt a presence and looked up to see Silas standing in the doorway.

“I come for my turn. There been no change at all Heath?” asked Silas sadly.

Heath looked forlornly at Silas and replied, “No Silas – no change at all. I hate seeing him so quiet and still like. Nick doesn’t even sleep like this. I don’t reckon I know how many times we have shared a bed where I didn’t end up on the floor with my bedroll.”

“He gonna do it again Heath – he is. Mr. Nick just needs some time to heal but he’ll come back to you. Just might take longer than anyone of us want, that’s all. You know Mr,. Nick – he’s on a schedule all his own. I’ll just keep on praying for him to speed it up a bit." Silas comforted Heath.

“Never thought I’d hear the day when we were trying to get Nick to speed up. I’m usually trying to get him to slow down. Boy howdy that man can move when he’s motivated, can’t he Silas?”

“Yes sir – he surely can. And he will again. You just gots to believe that Heath. He will again. I’m here now so why don’t you go back to Mr. Jarrod’s and have yourself something to eat and a rest. Everybody is finally sleeping right now and you could have some quiet time to yourself there." Silas urged.

“You’re right but I don’t want to leave. I’d just feel better if I was close by, at least for now. I’m going to find somewhere to freshen up and get a bite to eat and I’ll be back. Let me show you the instructions the doctor left with us before I leave.”

Heath reluctantly left the room but nature called and he was starting to feel a bit light headed from not eating. He knew Nick would be in excellent hands with Silas

‘Well Mr. Nick – here we be. Just like old times. I don’t know how many times I done sat by your bedside when you’d been hurt. Hardly ever sick though but you was always getting stitched up or a splint on a broken bone. You know Mr. Nick, I don’t think I told you how much you are like a son to me before. And I should have. Yes sir, I should have. Your father was the best friend I’d ever had in this life. He saved my life, you know and then brought me back to his home. Never treated me like a servant but more like a trusted friend. And I knew I had his trust because he done gave you children into my care. And the family, well it meant the world to him.”

Silas paused to give Nick his sugar water and wipe down his face. He sat down and continued, “And you know what Mr. Nick, it wasn’t there long before the family meant the world to me too. Now I loves you all but you always had a special place in my heart. Mr. Jarrod was so quiet and shy like, it was so hard to get close to him but not you. No sir, not you. You would be in and out of the kitchen like a little whirlwind, telling me about your day or what new discovery you had uncovered. Course, you ate a lot more than Mr. Jarrod too so your trips to the kitchen were more often. You accepted me as part of the family right off and it somewhat filled a hole in me. I’ll always remember the first time you done hugged me. You were so excited bout being included on an overnight trail ride and you raced into to the house to tell me all about it. Threw yourself into my arms and hugged me so tight and I felt a joy that I’d reckoned I’d lost forever. I never done told you that I had a son. He’d had been about your age if he would have lived. Lost my woman and my son on the same night and near about destroyed me. Would have too if I hadn’t met your father when I did. “ Silas took a deep breath as he remembered that night.

Tom remembered that night too. He was also glad that fate brought him and Silas together.

“What is it Father? What are you thinking about?” Nick asked.

“Oh just thinking about my friend Silas. I was real glad to have him at home while I was travelling. Could rest easy knowing that he was taking care of you.”

“He still is Father. He’s just gotten more sneakier about it now that we’re grown up. At least he thinks he is. I usually let him play his little game for awhile then I let him know I’m onto him. Can’t fault the man for caring though and he knows I appreciate it. Sounds like he does doesn’t it? Are you going to tell me the whole story of how you met?”

“No son, that’s his story to tell. I’ve always respected his right to tell that story if he wanted to share it with anyone. Let’s wait and see. He just might tell you tonight.’

* * * * * * * *

Silas saw to Nick’s needs before continuing, ‘Yes, sir – your family done give me a purpose again. Kept me on my toes too. Still do for that matter. I was so happy when Mr. Heath came. Saw right off that he was something special. I knew too that you two boys would become close. Missus Barkley was so worried about you at first and I told her not to worry. Those boys will find their way I told her. You’ll see before you know you’d never know that they hadn’t been together all of their lives. I was right too.”

He stopped as he saw two nurses come in the room.

“Hello – I’m Doctor Collins. I’m just doing my rounds and thought it was time to check on Mr. Barkley again. Have you noticed any changes? Anything at all?” the doctor asked.

“I surely wish I had doctor but he just been lying there. It’s not like what we’re used to with Mr. Nick." Silas answered.

“Ah yes. I was talking to his brother earlier. He actually compared him to a tornado. Well, his pulse is still even and his breathing is good so we just have to play the waiting game right now. I know it’s hard on his loved ones but it’s all we can do for now." She hated cases like this where she felt so helpless. All they could do right now was make sure he did not dehydrate or get malnourished. It seemed so little when you had the family anxiously waiting for you to do something.

She was just going to leave when she saw the brother coming back into the room. He looked like he had gone some place to clean up but still looked tired beyond belief. He quietly asked if there was any news and she felt terrible when she had to say no. The sorrow in those blue eyes was almost unbearable to behold. She mouthed the usual platitudes and quickly left the room.

“You go on back to Jarrod’s Silas. Get some rest yourself. I know you gonna be bustling around taking care of them when they wake and you need to get some sleep. Reckon I won’t sleep either place so I might as well be here. I can’t leave just yet. So you go on now, you hear." Heath coaxed Silas who looked reluctant to move.

“You got to some rest too Heath. Won’t be no good to anybody if you don’t.”

“I will Silas but not just yet. I’ll go for a nap when Audra gets here but not before then. You understand don’t you? I just have to be near him right now. I can’t explain it but I have to." Heath implored Silas.

“Yes sir, I do understands. I’ll leave you be then." Silas said as he went over to Nick and gently placed a kiss on his forehead before he left.

Heath took his place and quietly started in on his conversation with his brother from where he left off.

When Silas got back to the house, he started to prepare breakfast for the family. He knew they would be anxious for news first and he was not going to find a bed for himself until they were properly taken care of. One by one the family came down the dining room and heard the news. Audra hurried through her breakfast so she could get to the hospital. Jarrod made arrangements for her transportation and ordered Silas to bed. Victoria and him went into his study to have coffee.

Victoria still looked very tired and worried. Jarrod tried to reassure her even though he felt the same.

“Mother – he’ll pull through. You know Nick – he bounces back so fast that we often wonder how he does it. He’ll do it again. You’ll see.”

“I don’t know son. I’m trying to be positive but it’s so hard seeing him like that. Just lying there so quietly. And Heath. I’m worried about him too. I hope he does comes back here after Audra gets there. You heard Silas – he wouldn’t leave. I didn’t want to leave either and I almost didn’t. But I told myself if Nick needs constant attention, the only way we can do it properly is to take shifts. I have to think of what’s best for him not for myself. When he wakes up, he going to need constant care and I want to be there to give it to him. Oh Jarrod – how could this happen? A couple of days ago, we were so happy that those two had finally mended their fences and now – now, they could lose each other, only for good this time." Victoria started to cry, finally able to let go and release some of the emotions she had been holding in.

Jarrod went to her and held her in his arms. He felt like joining her but knew this was not the time. His mother needed him to be strong for her right now. He had seen how she had tried to hold back the tears throughout this whole ordeal and she needed to let go. Her sobbing finally subsided and he saw her bring herself back under control. He knew her inner strength had taken over and she would muster her determination to bring her son back to her.

Audra arrived at the hospital to find Heath still taking quietly to Nick. His voice was hoarse from his non-stop monologue. His blue eyes were so red and puffy that he was hardly recognizable. She was determined that he was going back to Jarrod’s if she had to threaten to take him there herself.

“Any change Heath?” she asked first.

“No – nothing. The doctors and the nurses had been by regularly and say he’s holding his own right now but he’s not showing any signs of coming around yet." Heath told her wearily.

“Well, Big Brother – I’m here now and you are going back to Jarrod’s right this minute and I don’t want any arguments. You have to rest up that voice of your if you want to take a shift tonight." Audra stated firmly. She went over to him and rested her hand on his shoulder and squeezed softly.

“Guess you’re right Little Sister. I’m powerful tired and I got to do what’s best for Nick. He’s what counts. Just let me show you the routine and I’ll take myself off." Heath tiredly answered. The only reason he was leaving was because he thought he might fall asleep and Nick would not get the sustenance he needed. After he showed Audra what to do, he went to the doorway and paused there. He looked back at his brother and came back into the room. Audra was already to chase him out when she saw Heath bend over and kiss Nick on the forehead before he left the room.

With tears streaming down her face, she began to talk to Nick. “Oh Nick – you just have to come back to us. Who will vet my suitors for me if you’re not there to do it? Always so protective. Even when I get mad at you, I know you are only trying to protect me. Do you remember – Jimmy Hanson? Oh I was so mad at you over him. I was only fifteen at the time and Jimmy tried to kiss me. You saw what he was up to and picked him up like he was light as a feather and dropped him into the horse trough. He wasn’t the only one you did that too either. I can get so mad at you sometimes but I no matter what I always remember the times when you let me be me. We would take the horses and race the wind not caring who won. You always intervened with Mother when she would take me to task over my recklessness. You and I have that in common don’t we Big Brother? We both act before we think and that sometimes leads us into sticky situations.”

Audra looked up to see the doctor come into the room. She watched anxiously as he checked her brother over. He asked if she had seen any of the signs that might indicate he was coming out of the coma. She tearfully answered him and asked if he had any idea when Nick would wake up.

“I’m sorry Miss Barkley but I can only repeat what I told you last night. There is no definite answer to that question. Each patient that I have treated in these circumstances has a different story. I wouldn’t even presume to try and predict what your brother’s will be. But I can tell you this, the ones that have been treated with the care your family is providing had a higher recovery rate than those that didn’t. You just keep doing what you’re doing. I also find a little prayer doesn’t come amiss."

“Thank you doctor. I know you’re doing all you can but it’s so hard to see him like this. You know he once got attacked by a cougar. Roughed him up badly but he was up a few days later hunting it down. This is just not like him at all.”

“Well miss, you just hang on to that thought. If he’s as strong and determined as you say, then if it’s humanly possible, he will recover soon. Now I have to see to another patient but I’ll be back later.”

After the doctor had left, Audra started her conversation with Nick again. “Do you remember my first day of school Nick? Remember how Mother and Father wanted to take me in the wagon? You said what for? I could just ride up front on Coco and you get me there just fine. And you did. I felt so secure riding into that school yard with you. I’d been so nervous the night before and I thought I was going to throw up that morning but once I was seated in front of you, all I could think about was how exciting it all was. You made sure everyone there knew I was YOUR little sister and that they better treat me right or they’d answer to you. I felt so safe as I knew no one would mess with you. Do you remember when you finished school and I was going by myself? Bet you never knew I saw you making sure I got there safe and sound. I never told you that I saw you because deep down, I don’t think I wanted you to stop. I wanted to think I could do it by myself if I had to but it was so nice to know you were hovering in the background just in case.”

Audra kept up her trip down memory lane as she spoke to her brother. She had so many memories of the two of them together. Jarrod had left for college by the time Audra had started school so it was Nick that she shared most of her childhood memories with.

“She sure has turned into a fine lady, hasn’t she Father?”

“Yes, son. She certainly is a daughter any father would be proud of. She’s so unspoiled especially considering her natural beauty and wealth. You and Jarrod still remember when we were starting out and did not have the wealth we later accumulated. But by the time your sister was born, we were well on our way. I have watched in amazement at her generosity to the orphans and children of Stockton.”

“Yes, Father she gives both every spare moment that she can. She’s also great with animals. The ranch supports so many stray dogs that I had to build her a kennel and dog run to keep them out from under foot. She has a large and tender heart and I try to protect her from those who would take advantage of that. She sure is worth it though."

Time swiftly passed for Audra. The doctor and nurses kept checking on Nick and kept being cautiously optimistic about his recovery. Before she knew it, she saw Jarrod entering the room with a question in his eyes.

“Oh Jarrod – there’s been no change. No change at all. I keep talking but there is no response. Jarrod – I’m sca – scared. What if he doesn’t wake up? How will we survive without him? He’s always seemed so invincible to me. Jarrod – how can this be happening?” she said as she through herself into his arms.

This was the second time today that Jarrod had been put in this position and he knew he still had to be strong. This time for his little sister. “Audra honey – we have to have faith that Nick will recover. Just remember all the times we have accused him of being the stubbornnest creature on this earth. He’s a fighter and he’ll come back to us. He just needs a little time to gather his strength. You’ll see Sister Audra, in no time at all, we’ll be complaining that his is the worst patient that has ever entered this hospital.”

“Oh Jarrod – I hope you’re right. I just can’t stand the thought of losing him.’

“I know I’m right. Now you show me what we are supposed to do and then you can go back to the house. I have a driver and carriage waiting at the hospital entrance for you. “

Audra quickly showed Jarrod how to use the eye dropper and quietly left the room. She quickly came back and went up to Nick to place a kiss on his forehead and smooth back his hair. She turned her tear filled eyes to Jarrod who then escorted her to the waiting driver. He hurried back to the room in case he missed any changes that might occur.

“Well, Brother Nick – I am have been contemplating what we would discuss today and it occurred to me that for once I have the floor entirely to myself. This is not an opportunity to miss. You know over the last several weeks, I have been reviewing our relationship and have come to the sad conclusion that somewhere along the way I have the lost something very important to me. Your trust. I also realized that you had every right to withhold it. In my zeal to do the right thing, I overlooked – no dismissed any feelings you might have had regarding my actions. That was wrong of me. Your feelings are important to me and I should have been more empathetic to your sentiments. It also occurred to me that I have not totally gotten over the sibling rivalry of our youth.”

He gave a deep sigh and as he leaned over to use the eye dropper before he continued. “I wonder if you realize how jealous I actually was of you Brother Nick. It wasn’t until I went away to college that I felt like I came into my own. You ran head long into every situation with no fear. I cautiously looked every which way before I made a move, sometimes missing opportunities because of this. You sailed through school with a B average without making any effort while I applied myself and had to work so hard to get the marks I did. I remember almost every parents day at the school where the teacher would pull Mother and Father aside to tell them that if you would just make an effort, you would be an A student also. When we would go to a social function, you would jump right in and have many friends inside of the first hour where I would stick close to our parents until you would drag me into one of the games that you had organized.’

Jarrod hesitated before continuing, “ But most of all, I think the jealousy that consumed me foremost was your relationship with our father. I always felt you were the son he had always wanted. You were born for the ranch – I wasn’t. It was clear the first time Father put you up on his horse. You just sat in front of him squealing in delight not showing an ounce of fear. You even demanded he go faster. Here you were – maybe two years old and loving every minute of it and I at six was still frightened. I could see the delight in Father’s eyes when he looked at you and the slightest disappoint when he looked at me. I know he eventually came to terms with who I am but I always felt I had to prove myself to him. Like I said, I have been doing some much needed soul searching and I have come to the conclusion that I have been still trying to demonstrate that I am the better man at your expense. I am not very proud of that verdict and hope now that I am aware of it that I can be a better man or more importantly a better brother.”

“Father, how could he possibly feel like that and I never knew? I was always jealous of him. I was the one who was always getting into trouble. I was the one always being punished. I don’t know how many times I heard – why can’t you be more like your brother? - you should follow your brother’s example more often – look at Jarrod marks – why don’t you apply yourself like he does? Why can’t you be more like your brother? I always felt like I didn’t measure up to him and here he is telling me, he felt like he didn’t measure up to me in your eyes. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Yes son – I’m afraid it does. You are two totally different people and have your own strengths and weaknesses. Where both of you are the same is the drive to be the best at what you do. As children and even as young adults, what you did not realize is that you cannot be strong in every respect. You have to be yourself first. But Jarrod is very perceptive. I admit that I was disappointed for a time that my first born was not the rancher I wanted him to be but I was very proud of his accomplishments all the same. I had hoped that I had conveyed that to him." Tom thought what a difficult task it was to be a parent. A child’s outlook could be so easily changed with one wrong word or glance.

“You’re seem different Father." Nick said puzzling over the change he sensed in his father.

“Different how son?” Tom asked startled by this observation.

“I don’t rightly know. I guess you seem more approachable than I remember you. You always seemed larger than life to me and I felt like I had to be the best at whatever I did just so you would be proud of me. I guess I don’t remember us ever being able to talk like this before.”

“Well son, I don’t think we ever did. I guess we’ve both changed. You’re not looking at me through the eyes of a boy anymore but the eyes of a man. And I’m not driven the way I was. I’ve had a lot of time to really see what’s important in my life. It’s easier to see things clearly once you have all the time in the world to examine your life in detail. I have many regrets and I think one of the most important one was not taking more time to spend with my family. I was so busy trying to build a fortune that I missed out on many of things in your life that I shouldn’t have. That’s probably why I seemed like a larger than life figure, as you put it, in your life. I was always coming and going and did not spend the time I should have with you children. Don’t make the same mistakes I did son. When you have your family, cherish your time with them. If it’s a choice between rebuilding a fence or taking them on a picnic, go on the picnic. You now have the resources to have someone else do it or let it wait for another day if you must do it yourself. The fence will still be there but the opportunity to do something with your family would be lost. Before you know it, they are grown up and you can’t turn back the clock."

Jarrod observant eyes watched his brother carefully looking for any sign that he was waking up from the coma. He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. The family was looking to him for strength and he did not know how much more he had to give. He felt defeat closing in on him and wanted nothing more than to be able to give in to the emotions overwhelming him. He shakily filled the eye dropper and waited a moment to steady himself before giving it to his brother. He had heard everyone tell him how hard it was to see Nick like this but it hadn’t really sunk in until he spent this time with him. For the first time, he truly understood Heath when he said he felt like the walls were closing in on him.

Part 11

The doctor came into the room with a couple of nurses and asked Jarrod to leave for awhile. He said they were going to change Nick’s bandages and check for any sign of infection. One of the nurses directed him to a family lounge where he could get a cup of coffee or tea. He went into the lounge to wait and saw his mother rushing in after him.

“Mother – is it that time already?”

“No I’m a bit early. I couldn’t stay away any longer. I was worried when I saw you come in here. Has something happened?”

Jarrod explained what the doctor was doing and offered to pour her a cup of tea while they waited.

Victoria sipped her tea and told Jarrod what was going on back at the house.

“Heath finally went to bed. I checked on him before I left and he was finally sleeping soundly. I told everyone not to wake him but let him get up on his own and get some rest himself. Audra also has orders not to let him out of the house before he has something to eat. He looks so lost Jarrod. And haunted. It broke my heart when he came in this morning. He’s been like that since the first night. Something happened when you were telling us what Nick had said to you in town. I saw it in his face. The way he jumped and dropped his glass – why it was like he’d seen a ghost. No – I know there’s something he hasn’t told us." Victoria looked to Jarrod for confirmation.

“You’re probably right Mother. I must confess I wasn’t looking his way until he dropped his glass but his expression at that time certainly conveyed his fear of something. Now that I really think about it, I realize that he probably knew about Nick’s dream and was worried that it had come true. As it happens, he had every right to be worried.”

“I talked to Silas about that today. He admitted that he knew Nick was having a disturbing dream but that he didn’t know many of the details. He feels awful that he didn’t push Nick sooner into visiting his friend. He feels that maybe this could have been avoided if he had gotten to visit this Sally May sooner. I tried to reassure him that the only ones that were at fault were the men that did this to my son and no one else. It never ceases to amaze me how much cruelty there is in this world.”

“I know Mother. I see it almost everyday in court. What people can do to their fellow man sometimes has me questioning my beliefs. Then you meet someone who inspires you to try to change the world. There’s just not enough of them. I do believe I see the doctor coming this way.”

Victoria’s heart lurched as she saw the doctor coming towards them with a worried expression.

“Mrs. Barkley – Mr. Barkley, I’m sorry I haven’t any better news for you. Nick still shows no signs of coming out of the coma and now his temperature has started to rise. I don’t know if he has the strength to fight off a high fever. I have the nurses giving him an alcohol rub right now and have ordered some ice to pack around him. We’ll do everything possible to keep this fever down. I’m sorry – I wish I had better news.”

Victoria rushed past the doctor to get to her son’s room. She saw the nurses were just finishing up and starting to place ice packs around his body. Nick still looked the same except his face was now flushed. She immediately grabbed a cool cloth to place on his forehead and asked the nurses to let her take care of him now. The doctor and Jarrod had followed her back to the room.

“Mrs. Barkley – you may keep wiping him down. You also should increase his water intake. We don’t want him to get dehydrated. I am also going to try something new from Europe. It’s called aspirin and I find it quite effective in reducing fevers. I should warn you it’s still considered experimental here but I must say I have not had any bad side effects from it’s use yet.”

“Please doctor – use it. If it’s going to help him, I have no objections." Victoria mentally dismissed the doctor and turned her full attention to her son. She kept talking softly to him as she wiped him down.

Jarrod indicated to the doctor that he wanted to talk to him privately. Once in the hallway, he asked, “Doctor, realistically with the extent of my brother’s injuries, what are his chances of survival?”

“Mr. Barkley – I have tell you again that I have been completely honest with you. We are doing all we can medically to assist him. I cannot give you the assurances you want. The reality is that it could go one way or the other at this point. I’ve seen people come back from the brink and make a full recovery. I’ve also seen it go the other way. He’s still alive and we are going to do everything humanly possible to keep him that way.”

Jarrod thanked the doctor for his honesty and returned to Nick’s room. He saw that his mother was in full battle mode. Determination was written in every line of her body. He felt an incredible weariness dragging at his spirit. He felt drained from his conversation with Nick having bared his soul to him. He also felt he needed to get away to replenish his strength or he would not be the rock his mother and sister needed him to be.

“Mother – I’m going to go back to house now. I will update the others on Nick’s condition. Do you need anything before I go?”

“What? Oh no – Jarrod – I’m fine. Yes, you go on back now. I’m going to stay right here. We’re not going to lose this fight, are we Nick? No – by God – we’re not." She turned her back to Jarrod and was soon totally absorbed in her mission to save her son.

“Nicholas Jonathon Barkley if you can hear me then you’d better listen well. None of us and I mean none of us are giving up on you so you shall not give up on us. Do you hear me Nicholas? You SHALL not give up. We’re going to win this battle together. Oh yes we are.”

”She’s quite a woman that mother of yours. Never gives in to defeat. Wouldn’t have made it to where I did without her by my side, that’s for sure.”

“I know it Father. That’s one of the reasons I couldn’t understand how you could be unfaithful to her. You two always seemed like a perfect team together like you could read each other’s thoughts. How could you do that to her? “

“Well, son, I can only tell you we were at a very low point when I met Leah. We had lost baby Eugene a couple of months before I left for Strawberry. We had lost our first child right after he was born but Eugene’s death surprised us both. He seemed such a healthy baby. He was a cheerful, chubby fellow who was the image of me. Then one morning when he was about four months old, Victoria got up to go feed and change him and he was dead. What a shock for both of us! It really hit us hard with no warning like that. The doctor couldn’t even tell us why. Your mother withdrew totally away from me and we started drifting apart.

When I left for Strawberry, I felt relieved to be away from the situation. I thought that maybe your mother just might need some time to heal and that this trip had come at a very opportune time. You know what happened next. I was injured and the very lovely Leah nursed me back to health. You know how special Heath is? It’s Leah’s eyes you’re looking at when you look at him. I was injured and feeling very sorry for myself when she came into my life. I honestly just couldn’t help myself.

When I got back home, I realized what a fool I had been. How could I ever think that I could live my life without your mother? No matter what feelings I had for Leah, they did not compare to what I felt for your mother. I wrote to Leah and told her my feelings. Victoria and I both realized how much we meant to each other during that separation. Our relationship seemed to move to another level after that and we were closer that we had ever been.

I thought if I put the whole episode out of my mind, it would disappear. Of course, I was wrong on all counts. And both Leah and Heath suffered because of my foolishness. I never wanted your mother to find out and now I’ve caused her pain also. I admit that I should have handled things differently.”

“Yes, Father, you should have. Mother went through a bad time after she found out about you and Heath’s mother. She even went to Strawberry to find out about your relationship with Leah. She read the letter you sent and it seemed to console her some. She wouldn’t tell us what was in the letter exactly but both her and Heath seemed to find the answers they were looking for. It looked like she forgave you after that.”

“I told you she was a remarkable woman. Her strength is a formable thing to behold. I am grateful that I had the years I did with her.”

When Jarrod arrived at the house, he was informed that Audra and Silas were napping. He went off in search of Heath and found him sitting quietly in the study.

“Any change Jarrod?” Heath asked hopefully.

“Well, there’s no change as far as the situation with the coma but now his temperature has started to rise." Jarrod motioned Heath to continue sitting as he had jumped up looking ready to run to the hospital. “The doctor believes he has it under control and Mother is determined that we will win this round." He recounted his conversations with the doctor and hoped he conveyed it positively to his brother.

“I’m going back to the hospital. I can’t sit here another minute or I’ll go stir crazy. I had me a sleep and something to eat and now there’s nothing to do but wait. I’ll feel more easy if I’m close by and I can give Mother a break or two if need be." Heath stated firmly leaving no room for further discussion on the matter. “Oh by the way, your office sent over a package of correspondence. I left it there on your desk.”

After Heath left, Jarrod wearily sat down at his desk. He put his head in hands and took a moment to just sit quietly. He decided to open the package sitting there hoping it would take his mind off current events. He noticed that there was a rather large envelope with a return address from Willow Springs. Willow Springs now where did he know that town from? He curiously opened the envelope to find a letter attached to another large envelope. After removing the letter, he saw the large envelope was addressed to him in Nick’s handwriting. Curiouser and curiouser – he thought. What could this be all about? Well, if I read this letter maybe I’ll find out.

The letter was from an attorney in Willow Springs who was handling the estate of Po Hsien. This envelope was found in his effects and since it was addressed to Jarrod the attorney had forwarded it to him. Jarrod quickly opened the large envelope and found five separate envelopes addressed to each member of the family. Willow Springs - that’s why that town seemed familiar. He remembered that Nick had said he had written a letter to each of the family when he had stayed with Julia during his rabies convalescence. Mr. Hsien must have held onto them for all this time. Jarrod pondered what to do with them. Should he wait until Nick’s future was more certain or would the contents of these letters comfort his family? He sat there for a very long time trying to think it through.

He finally decided to read the one addressed to him and decide from there. He opened the envelope and began to read.

Jarrod,

I guess you know the whole story by now. I’m sorry that I left without telling you but I thought it was for the best. I didn’t want to give you the chance to talk me out of what I had planned and I knew you could probably do it. You usually could.

I just wanted to let you know that I couldn’t have asked for a better brother. I know you and me are as different as night and day but that never mattered to either of us. You’ve always been there for me Pappy whenever I needed you most. Especially in the dark days after father died. I don’t think I would have recovered in the same way I did without you brother. I was stuck in that dark place that kept sucking me in and you kept pulling me out. I know I’m not one for speaking of these things so I hope you knew it anyways from my actions.

I know you will go on to do great things with your life. I have been so proud to call you my brother. I know we’ve not always seen things eye to eye over some of the choices you or I have made but I never ever questioned your dedication and integrity. You have always been my shining example of what an honorable man should be. I know one day you will be a remembered as a great politician who held his position with honor and dignity.

I can also rest easy knowing that you will continue to look after the family. You stepped in and filled father’s shoes just fine. It couldn’t have been an easy role for you and I wanted you to know that I appreciated the way you handled things. I know that mother and Audra will be able to lean on you for support when they need it. Heath, well, I’m not too sure about him. He’s not too used to looking to anybody for help when he needs it. I hope he realizes he couldn’t have a better brother than you in his corner and reach out to you when he needs to. He couldn’t find a better person to trust than you counselor.

I’m not much for letter writing so I hope you understand what I’ve been trying to tell you. I just wanted you to know how much being your brother has meant to me.

Love, your brother Nick

Jarrod shakily placed the letter back on his desk and once again buried his face in his hands. He felt his shoulders begin to shake and finally let go the emotions he had been holding in for the past couple of days.

* * * * * * * *

Heath arrived at the hospital to find Victoria still wiping down his brother and continually cajoling him to fight. No matter how many times he saw Nick lying there, he couldn’t get used to the statue-like brother he saw before him. The fear that had been his constant companion over the last couple of days rose up sharply and made in weak in the knees for a moment. He struggled to conquer it and went into the room.

“Mother – how’s he doing?”

“Heath Barkley – you were supposed to be getting some rest. What are you doing back here so soon?”

“I did get me some sleep but I couldn’t rest no more. I couldn’t stay away anymore than you could. Has his fever risen?”

“No – thank God it hasn’t. The doctor has been giving him something called aspirin at regular intervals and between that and the ice packs, he seems to be holding it down. In fact, he’s felt cooler in the past half hour or so. He still isn’t showing any signs of waking up though."

“Why don’t you take a break Mother now that I’m here? Go have a sit down and drink some tea.”

“Thanks for offering sweetheart but I’m not leaving this room until I’m sure that a fever isn’t going to develop. If you want to help, come over to the other side of the bed and start wiping down that side and I’ll work on the other. That way we can keep more of him cooler at the same time.”

Grateful for some activity, Heath eagerly went to his task. The two of them worked in tandem, quietly directing comments at Nick, and frequently checking his forehead for any signs the fever might be getting out of control. The nurses also checked at regular intervals bringing fresh ice packs when needed. By early evening, it seemed that their combined efforts had paid off. Nick’s fever was almost nonexistent and everyone gave a sigh of relief.

Victoria finally took a much needed break and went to the family lounge. Jarrod saw her leaving the room and followed her there. Victoria was relieved to see him and quickly told him the good news. Jarrod sat down across from her looking grave.

“What is it son? We’ve finally had some good news. Why do you look so solemn?”

“Well Mother – I have been wrestling on the horns of a dilemma all afternoon and finally came to a decision. I received a packet of correspondence from my office this morning. In the packet, there was a envelope and letter from an attorney in Willow Springs. It seems Brother Nick was not just ranting nonsense when he told us he had written letters to all of us when he thought he was going to die. The attorney found them when he was settling Mr. Hsien estate and since my name was on the packet, he forwarded it to me. There is a letter addressed to each member of the family including Silas. I honestly don’t know if I did the right thing but after reading my letter, I left Silas and Audra’s for them to read and I brought yours and Heath here. I think that if all the letters are like mine that we all will get a much needed lift to our spirits. “ Jarrod explained to her hoping she would agree with his actions. After the dam had burst, he had felt his heart lightened. He felt this was a sign to remember that if his brother could beat rabies all on his own, he could certainly pull out of this situation with all the family united behind him.

Victoria thoughtfully handled the letter her son had handed her. Did she want to read it now or wait until she was alone with Nick? Did she want to read it all? She kept turning it over and over in her hands as if the answer would appear on the envelope.

“I think I will save this for later." she decided. “Thank you for bringing it by though. Maybe you should give me Heath’s and I’ll sound him out on whether he wants his now or not. I think it best you return to the house in case Audra needs you. If she’s read her letter, she might feel the need to come back here. She shouldn’t right now. With Heath and I both here, you both need to save your strength for later when he’ll need you most.”

* * * * * * * *

Audra had just woken up and had wandered down stairs in search of a cup of tea. She saw the letter addressed to her with a note of explanation from Jarrod sitting on the dining room table and sat down to read it.

My dearest sister Audra,

I know you are probably upset that I left without saying goodbye but I just couldn’t. It was hard enough to leave and I know it would have been almost impossible to make it look just like any other trip if I had to say goodbye to you

.

You know I was very disappointed that you weren’t the little brother I’d always wanted. But that has been the only disappointment you have ever given me. Your loving spirit and gentle nature have always been a source of pride to me. I’d always hoped that I would find a woman like you to marry. Someone who was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. I also hoped she would have your fire and passion.

Don’t let anyone stifle that in you. Don’t believe those old biddies that you are close to being considered on the shelf. What do they know about who you are? You should wait until you find the perfect life mate for you. Someone who will appreciate your inner self and not try to remake you into something you are not. Don’t ever settle. You are worth far more than that. I know that I have been a pain where your suitors are concerned but I have always figured that you deserved the very best.

You and I have been alike in that matter, haven’t we sis? Not much luck in the love department but I know that you will eventually meet the right man for you. Look to Heath if you are unsure of someone’s character. He is pretty shrewd when it comes to judging someone’s worth and will always be on the look out for your best interest.

I just wanted to let you know how much it has meant to me to have you as my little sister. I have worn the role of your big brother with great pride, dear sister.

Love, your brother Nick

Audra laid the letter on the table and smoothed it out slowly. She kept repeating the motion as if she could absorb the words right off the paper into her heart. Her big brother had always been her hero and she thought he really understood her but since he wasn’t big on words, she never really knew for certain. Now she did. As the tears poured down her face, she nevertheless felt a lightness in her heart. He was going to be okay – she knew it for certain now.

Silas came hesitantly into the room. He had watched Audra open her letter and left her to her privacy. He didn’t want to intrude but he needed her help. He had Mr. Nick’s letter in his hand and he surely wanted to know what it said. He could read some but never really learned properly. He didn’t want to not be able to understand what Mr. Nick had written him. He hoped Miss Audra wouldn’t mind.

“Miss Audra – got the same letter as you. Would you mind reading mine to me? I don’t want to miss any words and I thought you could help me some.”

‘Oh Silas – of course, I’ll read it to you. If your letter is anything like mine, it sure comes at the right time. It really made me remember what a strong and courageous man he is. Let me see it now.”

Dear Silas,

I always had a hard time hiding anything from you so I expect you already know what’s happened. I had to get away quickly before I hurt anyone in the family. This includes you. I know you would have insisted on your turn to take care of me and I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting the man I had grown up to love and respect as I do you.

It seems like you been a part of this family from the moment you walked in the door. Your calm wisdom has always been appreciated even when I didn’t want to listen. You made me look at situations from a different angle and pause to think about taking a different path from the one I was headed on.

You take such good care of all of us that I think we tend to forget how much you do. My father would never discuss your past with us but I do hope you found what you were looking for with our family. I know he was lucky to find you as you have played an important role in our lives.

Not being much of a letter writer, I have struggled to find the right words to put down on paper. I think I found your letter one of the hardest to write. As I examined my life, I feel that I did not ever let you know how important you were to me and I’m sorry about that. Talk to Jarrod after you read this. I have left you something in my will which I hope you will use to have or do whatever your heart desires. I figure you deserve it for having put up with me all these years. I know it’s not enough and it’s only material but I hope after you read this letter that you realize how I enjoyed our relationship.

Love, Nick

“Oh Miss Audra – what that boy said. Doesn’t he realize I already have all what my heart desires right here with this family? My oh my. You was right though. It does my heart good to hear his words. I have every faith that he will get better. He will, Miss Audra, you’ll see." Silas said as he indicated that he would like to have his letter back. He folded it neatly and put it in his breast pocket to keep it near his heart.

They heard the front door open and soon saw Jarrod entering the room. He saw their eyes shining with unshed tears but with an almost peaceful expression on their faces. He knew they had read the letters and had the same uplifting experience he had had when he had read his.

* * * * * * * *

Back at the hospital, Victoria kept fondling the letters in her pocket and trying to gauge what Heath’s reaction would be to it. Heath had noticed and finally asked, “Mother – you look like you’re trying to decide on whether to tell me something or not. Best get it spoken and ease your mind.”

Victoria told him that Jarrod had met her in the family lounge and explained the letters she had in her pocket. “Sweetheart – I have been trying to decide when to give you yours and when to read mine. Here it is. I’ll leave it up to you now what you want to do. If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to be alone with Nick for awhile when I read mine. If you want to do the same, I’ll trade places with you when I’m finished. What do you think?”

“I expect that’s the right way to go about it. I’ll go freshen up a bit and then have me a walk outside. I’ll wait in the lounge after that if you need me." Heath told her grateful to have some time to himself to absorb the gesture of the letters.

Victoria sat down beside her son and readied herself to read the letter. She almost felt like she was invading his privacy by reading this now but from what Jarrod had said of his, it might be just what everyone needed right now. She opened it to read.

Dearest Mother,

I know that I should have told you what was wrong but I knew that you would not stand for what I wanted to do. I had to protect you from me. I just couldn’t stand the thought that I might hurt you or one of the family in a fit of rage. I also wanted you to remember me as I was not what I have become.

I have written every member of the family a letter like this and I think I found this one the easiest to write. There was so much I wanted to say to you that I had trouble writing as fast as I am thinking. First, I guess I just wanted to tell you how much you gave to us. Your time and patience seemed unending when I was a child. I know that I was a trial to you, always getting into trouble and causing you grief but you never let me feel unloved for all of that. You always rejoiced in my accomplishments and made me feel like I could do anything.

You probably never realized how jealous I used to be of Jarrod’s relationship with you. I don’t think I was as a child but as a young adult, I saw how close you two were and felt that you probably loved him best. That was alright too because I figured that he was the better man. It wasn’t until Heath came along and we got really close that the jealously faded and I really understood things better. Now Heath and I have a lot in common and have become a lot closer than Jarrod and I ever were. But that doesn’t take anything away from the love I’ve always had for Jarrod. Heath and I just share the same interests and work together that makes that bond tighter. I figure that’s the way it is between you and Jarrod. Before I’d see the two of you chatting the night away and I’d feel excluded in some way. Don’t no more now. I realized that I worked a long, physical day and I would fall asleep if I had to stay up just talking the night away. I don’t have much interest in society in San Francisco or the opera and such. I would have been bored. But you’re not and neither is Jarrod. That makes your bond tighter but I rest easy knowing that it did not take anything away from your feelings for me.

Oh Nick, she thought, when did you get so wise and I never noticed. She continued reading.

You also taught me that women didn’t have to be fragile and helpless. I’d pit you up against almost any man I know and put my money on you to be the winner. I know I’ve made some poor choices where women are concerned but you know me, always in a hurry. I just wanted to have what you and father had and I guess I always tried with the wrong woman in my usual rush of acting before I think.

You always stood tall in my eyes but with the situation with Heath, I have truly seen what a remarkable woman you really are. Not many women would have accepted their husband’s bastard into their family the way that you did mother. You have always treated him as the victim he is in this situation and not as the shameful reminder of your husband’s unfaithfulness. I know it took me a while because of my hard headedness but I have been thankful everyday since that you are the woman you are. He is the brother of my soul and I am truly ashamed of my behavior towards him. I figured you knew better than anyone how hard it was for me to accept that my father could have done what he had done and I later realized that you had to be going through the same doubt and confusion I was. I’m sorry that I did not take your feelings into consideration when I was being so obstinate. I made what was a difficult situation for you even harder. You acted with the grace and strength of character that I have the highest admiration for and wish I could’ve better followed your example.

You have been the best mother a man could ask for. I’m sorry that I could not tell you this in person but it is probably better this way. I figure I would just stumble over the words and not say them right if at all the way they should be said. It has been my pleasure to be your son.

Love, your son, Nick

Oh Nick thought Victoria. I never give you enough credit, do I? I do have these long talks with Jarrod and know his every opinion but I don’t think I even scratched the surface of yours. I’ve always known you are an honorable man with the highest principles but don’t think I’ve ever recognized how perceptive you are. She went over to the bed to gently move the hair off of his forehead. Even in this state, his hair seemed to have a mind of it’s own and continually flopped down. She lovingly kissed that forehead and gave thanks to God for giving her this wonderful man as her son.

“Nicholas – I just read your letter that you wrote when you were with Julia. It will always be one of my most prized possessions son. I want you to know how proud of you I am. Your observations are those of a compassionate, mature adult into which you have grown. I’m sorry that I have not given you enough recognition in that area. Parents tend to view their offspring as children for their entire lives and it is hard for me to accept that you are now a grown man and not my little boy anymore. Sometimes when you come bounding full speed into the house, all excited about something, I see my eight year old coming to show me the Indian arrowhead he just found. I must keep reminding myself that you are no longer eight years old and I should look beyond the obvious. You should never feel that you have been a trial to me. Your passion and enthusiasm are such a large part of you darling and one of your most endearing qualities. You remind me so much of your father that sometimes my heart aches but joyfully. You have always given me glimpses of what he was like in his youth. But you are your own person, my son, and a fine person you have turned out to be. It has been my pleasure to be your mother. Now come back to me son. I do need you so." She tenderly caressed his face before once again placing a kiss on his forehead and went in search of Heath.

Part 12

Heath was sitting in the family lounge with his letter between his two hands, almost as if in prayer. Victoria approached him and asked if he was ready to read it with Nick.

“I don’t know Mother. I think I’ll just sit a spell with him and then decide.”

“Sweetheart – I think you should. You know Jarrod told me that after he read his that he felt such an uplifting of his spirits. I didn’t fully comprehend until I read mine. I think you will too. We haven’t lost him yet Heath and we won’t. He will fight to come back to us and conquer this adversity he faces. He’s too strong to just give up. Although I’m positive his fever is under control, I’m not going back to Jarrod’s just yet. I’ll wait right here for awhile just to make sure. You come and let me know if there’s any change, alright son?”

Heath nodded his agreement and went back to his brother’s room. The pretty doctor from last night was standing over Nick checking his heart. He quietly went to the chair beside the bed not wanting to disturb her. She looked up at him and gave him a brief smile before she returned her attention to the patient. She gave a sigh of relief that his temperature seemed almost normal. She decided to give him another dose of aspirin just to be on the safe side. As she made up the mixture, she couldn’t help noticing how still the man in the chair was. He seemed to be drawn all into himself except for the concentration he gave his brother.

“Hello – Mr. Barkley. He seems to be holding his own still. I’m just going to give him another dose of aspirin to make sure the fever stays under control. I’d like to change his dressings later tonight also to make sure infection doesn’t set in. So far, we seem to be winning that battle and I’d like to keep it that way. I know the waiting is hard but his heart is beating steady and that’s a good sign. Hopefully, it won’t be much longer." She tried to ease his suffering as much as she could. He looked up at her and mumbled his thanks. He really had the most remarkable blue eyes she had ever seen. She felt they were of the eyes of an old soul and not the young man he appeared to be. She reluctantly left the room feeling he needed some time to himself right now but wanting to stay to comfort him.

Heath barely noticed the doctor leaving. He was still trying to decide if he wanted to read this letter or not. He looked at his brother lying before him and wondered what Nick would want him to do.

“Father, we really haven’t talked about Heath yet. You keep avoiding this conversation. Why?”

“Your mother was correct in praising your perceptiveness. You really have matured, haven’t you son?”

“You’re still doing it. Every time I mention him, you change the subject. You’re very good at it but enough is enough. We seemed to have covered everything else under the sun except the man at my bedside. I’ll ask again, Why?”

“ Probably because I feel very unsure of what I should say. He’s everything a man could want in a son. I liked to say I was proud of him but do I have that right? To my deepest regret, I had no hand in shaping that young man. His core was molded by Leah and to some extent, her friends Rachel and Hannah. The man he is turning into is the result of you and the family. These bonds have strengthened him. All I gave him was a person to direct his justifiable anger at. There’s no question that he is a Barkley but I can’t claim to be his father, can I? I wasn’t there for him when he needed me most. And now, there’s no way I can ever make amends." Tom shook his head sadly.

“I walk softly in that area myself. I try not to talk about you to him unless he asks. And if you been watching him, you know he doesn’t do too much asking. How do things work here? Do you get to see the past? Did you see exactly what he went through as a child?” Nick ever curious asked.

“Yes, I have seen everything. And I wish I didn’t as I couldn’t even have imagined the life that boy had. I think it was my penance to bear that I had to see it all. Just like Silas though, it’s his story to tell when he’s ready but let me tell you that he’s skimmed over what most people could never recover from. I have watched with relief though that the life he has now is finally what he deserves. I was worried when he first arrived at the ranch. He seemed to need your approval before he would even think about making the ranch his permanent home. He sensed right off that it was your relationship that would bond him into the family. He was right too – wasn’t he?”

“Yes Father – he was right. Having him there has made such difference in my life. Can’t really put it into words but I feel like a piece that was missing is there now. But this bond thing scares me a little. And the dreams. I felt for a while there that maybe we were too close. I had this bone shaking terror when I thought he might be dead. But I realized that I got to take what life gives me. If I push him away – who wins? No one that’s who. I met this lady that told me that you got to take the good with the bad and I guess that’s what I gotta do. Cause I made everyone miserable especially myself when I tried to distance myself from him. That ain’t gonna work so I’ll have to find a way that will.”

“You will son – you will."

Heath gently took Nick’s hand in his again and held it up to his forehead as if he could absorb his brother’s thoughts. It seemed so strange not to be able to know what Nick was thinking. The only time Nick’s face was a blank piece of paper was when he played poker and even then Heath could always see the tell tale signs when he had a good hand. Finally he starting talking to Nick.

“Nick – I have your letter in my hand. I don’t know what to do. Should I just leave it and have my memories of our time together stay the way I remember them? Or should I look and possibly have to learn that you saw them different? I guess I should have a little faith in you. Deep in my heart I know what our bond has been, don’t I? I reckon that maybe you do too." With that said, he slowly opened the envelope and began to read.

Dear Heath,

I know I put you between a rock and a hard place with the family. I’m sure even with that poker face of yours that they figured out that something was up and you knew about it. I’m sorry I put you in that position but I knew that I could trust you to keep our secret until you thought you would have to tell them. It was for the best. I couldn’t stay with the threat I was to them and you. I could’ve killed you that last day Heath. I knew that it was a matter of time before I tried again and possibly hurt the others in the family or worse. I couldn’t have lived with that.

I am not very good at words and you use yours so sparingly but I hope you know what you have come to mean to me. I figure you have a pretty good idea because if I can sometimes read your mind, I have had the feeling that you can read mine also. I have never had anyone understand what I am or what I do like you do.

I’m ashamed of the torment I put you through when you first arrived at the ranch. One part of me recognized the truth of your words right off but another part kept denying it as it would mean having to take our father off the pedestal that I had placed him on. Father was always a larger than life figure to me. Someone who’s high standards must be met or exceeded. Suddenly my life seemed a sham. I spent my whole life trying so hard to measure up to his expectations and all of a sudden he wasn’t measuring up to mine. I felt so torn as I was drawn to you right off but felt I had to deny your existence to save my own. It was wrong of me and I hope you know that I now know that you were the innocent victim in these circumstances and should’ve never been placed in the position of having to find your heritage. You should have been part of it all along.

You don’t speak much of your life before coming to us but from the snippets I dragged out of you, I want you to know how sorry I am that you had to live with the hardships you endured. That you have survived them and gathered the strength you have, is a tribute to the true strength of character you possess. Now I’m sounding like Jarrod but I didn’t know any other way to put it. It’s how I feel. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met and have somehow retained a generosity towards the people around you. I don’t think I could have been as forgiving as you are.

I’m sorry our father did not do right by you. I hope he did not know of your existence but I don’t want to make excuses for him. He had a responsibility that he did not fulfill. I always longed for a little brother and feel somewhat cheated that we did not have the chance to share our childhood.

I also hope that you know that after our rocky start that you have come to be the little brother I always wanted and then some. It’s been a great experience having a brother work side by side with me. I finally had someone my age to share the joys and trials that made up my life. It was like having a best friend and a brother all rolled into one. You made my life easier by just being there.

Now I’m going to give you a piece of advice that I hope you won’t ignore. I know you’re used to being a loner but that’s all changed now. You’re part of this family now. And being part of this family means that you have someone to lean on if need be. Don’t shut them out. You don’t realize that they need you to need them too. They love you boy and that means a part of you is close to their hearts. Don’t push them away.

I’ve always felt protective towards them and I need you to fill that role now. I can rest easy knowing that your calm wisdom will keep them from danger like you did for me so many times. I know I didn’t always listen to you the way that I should have but I always recognized afterward that you were right. Probably never thought you’d hear me admit that, did you?

‘I’m not much for letter writing and I have just put down my thoughts as they occur to me so I hope they make sense to you. I’m having a hard time ending this letter as it means I have to say goodbye to you and I don’t want to do that. I was hoping I would have the time to spend with you that we were cheated of. One last piece of advice I thought of. Just remember to keep your chin up and look people straight in the eye. Never be ashamed or guilty of what has been done to you. You’re only responsible for your own actions. And from where I’m sitting, you have everything to be proud of. Never doubt who you are or where you belong.. You are for certain a Barkley through and through and there’s no where else on this earth that will ease your soul like the ranch. You’re finally found your way home little brother and I’ll always be grateful that you did.

Love, your brother Nick

“I’ll try Nick but you must try too. Where is that Barkley backbone you keep harping on? Where is your fighting spirit when we need it most? Come on now Big Brother – where are you?” Health pleaded.

“Father – I have to go back right now. I need to be there with them. He needs me.”

“Son – if you go back now, you will experience great pain. Why don’t you wait a bit longer and give your body a chance to do some healing?”

“I can handle the pain. I can’t handle seeing them suffer they way they are. Not if I can help it." Nick said with that familiar stubborn look on his face.

Tom looked proudly at his son. What a fine man he had turned out to be. He knew he was being partly selfish by trying to keep him here. He had been granted this time with his son and now it was coming to an end. Tom realized that the task he had come to do was finished and he had to let his son go back to his family.

“Yes, son, I believe it is time for you to go back to them. It has been an enriching experience for me to have this time with you and now it’s time for you to return to your life. I’ve been told the memories of this experience will quickly fade but the release of your anger will not. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me my mistakes and remember that you and the rest of the family mean the world to me." Tom looked hopefully at his son.

Nick wanted to give his father the absolution he seemed to need but he still had a hard time understanding how he could have not seen to Heath. “Father – I figure I’m not mad at you anymore but I still feel the shame that Heath did not have what he should have.”

“You wouldn’t be the man you are if you did not. Your sense of justice and fair play is the part of you that I am the most proud of and hope you will never change. We can’t go back and change the past. All you can do son, is to continue what you have been doing. He needs the friendship and love you share. He will continue to release those bands of anger one by one and will eventually find the peace of mind he deserves." Tom went up to his son and embraced him one final time before they parted.

Nick concentrated on returning with all of his strength and started to fade away from his father. Tom sadly turned away when he felt another presence with him.

“Well, Tom it went exactly as we planned. You were right when you said that it would set him off if you said both of my sons. What fireworks that young man can produce!” the presence said.

“Yes, he can – can’t he? Such passion and fire. A son any man would be proud of. Now if he’d only temper that with a bit of caution. What happens now?”

“Oh there’s a plan in the works you might want to hear about………………………………………………”

* * * * * * * *

Heath had put his head down on the bed. He felt incredibly weary. The letters from Nick seemed to have boosted the rest of the family’s spirits but he felt drained. He felt fingers stroking the side of his head and thought his mother had returned. He put his hand over hers and realized this was not his mother’s hand. He lifted his head quickly to see that it was his brother’s hand moving. He grabbed Nick’s hand with one of his own while reaching for the bell with the other.

“Nick – Nick – come on now. You can do it. Come on back now you hear. Nick can you hear me? Come on brother – we’re all waiting for you." Heath frantically called out to Nick as he continuously rang the bell.

“Father……..didn’t……know." Nick whispered.

Heath bent closer as he wasn’t sure what Nick had said. “What was that Nick? Did you say something?”

“Father……..didn’t……know." Nick tried again.

Heath saw Dr. Collins run into the room followed by his mother and several nurses. “His hand moved. Look it’s still moving. He tried to talk too. Boy howdy – he’s waking up. Come on Nick.”

Victoria rushed to Nick’s bedside and echoed Heath’s entreaties to him. The doctor held the other hand and checked his pulse. She then opened his eyelids one by one.

“He’s definitely coming out of it. Keep talking to him. Come now Mr. Barkley how long are you going to keep your family waiting here. They’ve been more than patient with you but that’s all over now. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." She paused while she waited to see if he responded. She felt the fingers move over hers and though it was weak, it was definitely a squeeze. She smiled over at Victoria and Heath. “He heard me. Okay that’s a good start. Now come on open those eyes. You can do it. Your handsome brother here is going to have all the pretty nurses spoken for if you don’t hurry up." She was amazed when saw Heath start to blush and then heard.

“Don’t….have….to…worry. He…..don’t…..speak…..much." Nick weakly replied.

“Oh Nick darling – you’re back with us. Come on son, open those eyes of yours." Victoria cajoled.

They all held their breath as they saw the eyelids twitching with effort. Finally those hazel eyes gazed upon them and they collectively gave a sigh of relief. At first his eyes seemed almost glazed over but gradually they sharpened to alertness. He managed a weak grin at Heath and then looked at his mother.

“Mother……hungry." Nick almost pouted.

Victoria burst into laughter and hugged Heath before returning her attention to Nick. “I’m sure we can get you some broth son.”

“Broth? … Want steak.”

“Steak? Mr. Barkley I have to concur with your mother. You are going to start out with a light broth and maybe a bit of custard for the next few days and we’ll see after that. Steak? My word you just had major surgery and spent the last couple of days in a coma. There’s definitely no steak in the near future for you." Dr. Collins scolded him. She watched the blue eyes twinkling brightly from across the bed. He was enjoying every moment of this.

“That’s baby food. Can’t expect a grown man to eat that stuff. What are you doing?” Nick asked panic stricken as that woman he was arguing with started to lift the cover off of his legs.

‘I’m examining you Mr. Barkley, Just as I have done several times over the past few days. Now calm down, I am a qualified doctor even if I am a woman." Dr. Collins retorted.

Heath was having a fine time. Nick had been awake for all of five minutes and already he was arguing with the doctor. Everything was going to be back to normal now. He watched the lady doctor slap Nick’s hands out of the way as he kept trying to cover himself up. She was amazed that even in his weakened state how strong his hands were.

“For pete’s sake, my mother’s standing right there and I’m naked under this blanket." Nick argued.

“Mrs. Barkley – would you mind stepping out to the hallway while I examine your son. His modesty is preventing me from accomplishing that task.”

Victoria had covered her mouth to stifle the giggles that were threatening to erupt. “Uh no. I dddon’t mind.”

Heath quickly went to her side to escort her from the room. They looked at each other in the hallway and let the laughter escape. The pressure they had been under seemed to evaporate through their giggles. Heath held Victoria in his arms as they let the warm feeling of relief wash over them. Victoria reluctantly pulled back smiling broadly at Heath.

“I should send a messenger to Jarrod’s to let the other’s in on the good news. It’s too bad they missed the show in there though. Oh Heath – he’s back. I know he has a lot of hard work to do to recover but at least he’s here to do it." Victoria hurried down the hallway in search of a messenger, her footsteps lighter than they had been lately.

Heath stood outside the room for a moment savoring the relief he felt. He wondered what Nick had meant about their father when he woke up but he figured he now had lots of time to ask him about that. He went back into Nick’s room hoping he hadn’t missed too much. He heard Nick still arguing with the doctor and giggled again. The doctor looked over at him when she heard those giggles. They seemed so out of place with the solemn young man she had previously seen. The joy that sparkled from those beautiful blue eyes took her breath away.

“Heath – help me. Tell her I’m fine and don’t need any more examining." Nick entreated his brother.

“Can’t help you there big brother. Just relax some. She’s been looking at you for the past couple of days now. I expect there’s nothing you got that she hasn’t looked at yet. Probably be done before you know it if you just cooperate." Heath grinned back at Nick.

“He’s right Mr. Barkley or should I say Nick. There’s too many of you Mr. Barkleys around not to use your first names. Now come on and just let me finish. We were going to change your bandages tonight but I’ll leave you some time with your family before we do that. I just have to make sure the restraints on your legs are secure now that you are awake." Dr. Collins explained patiently.

“Restraints – what restraints? What do I need restraints for?”

“To keep your legs as still as possible. We were waiting until the sutures had a chance to heal properly before we put a proper cast on. Your legs are only splinted for now. You’re not showing any signs of infection and it looks like the sutures are closing nicely. We should be able to put the casts on in about a week. By then you should be able to have some limited movement.”

“A week? What do you mean a week? Are you telling me that I have to lie still in this bed for a whole week?”

The doctor looked over at Heath and rolled her eyes. Heath grinned back at her and said, “Well now doctor, I don’t expect you took me too seriously when I described him to you. I reckon he was at his best while he was in the coma. It’s going to be all up hill from here on out."

“What do you mean – all up hill ……..”

Victoria stood in the hallway listening to the familiar banter between those two. The sound was music to her ears. She leaned up against the wall for a moment feeling weak in the knees at the sense of relief she felt. She knew that there was still a long hard road to follow before Nick would be back in the saddle again but she also knew they would persevere. She gave a silent prayer of thanks for the return of her son. Thoughtfully she added, Thank you too Tom – I just feel it in my bones that you had a hand in this.

The End