Bittersweet Memories

by Leona (Heathisforme)

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

I apologize in advance for any discrepancies in this story. I have researched extensively on many different areas during BV time. I tried to make it as realistic to the time as I could get, but in certain circumstances I have used writer’s prerogative to enhance the story. No offense to anyone or anything intended. LMC

It was late October, round up was over and the cattle shipped by train to the auction in San Francisco. Most of the ranch hands had packed their things and moved south or went home to their families for the winter. The few hands that stayed, were ones that had been with the ranch for many years.

Heath was working around their property, mending the chicken coop, trying to devise a way to keep a coyote out that was stealing their chickens. Janine brought Leah out to get some fresh air and to see if she could lend a hand. Leah was crawling slowly around now, so they kept an eye on a lot these days. They never knew where they were going to find her. She stood back to look at Heath’s handiwork. “Think that will keep out the coyote, Heath?” She asked him. He came back to stand beside her and admired his work.

“It had better,” he stated confidently. Janine was tired and leaned against him. “You okay, Janey?”

“Can you keep an eye on Leah for a while? I need to rest for a while.” Heath put his arm around her, and kissed her lightly.

“Sure, my pretty. Leah’s a little busybody these days!” He bent down to pick her up as she was crawling after one of the chickens that had gotten loose. “Come here, lil one.” Leah in one arm and holding onto Janine with the other, they made their way to the house.

Janine lay on the sofa, groaning as she was getting big with child already. She was in constant pain, unlike with Leah. She couldn’t help comparing the two pregnancies. This one just didn’t feel right but she didn’t let her fears be known to Heath. He had enough to worry about with the ranch and their property. He didn’t need to be worrying about her. She lay on the sofa, watching her handsome husband play with their daughter. Soon her eyes grew heavy from fatigue, falling asleep soon after.

She woke up to the aroma of stew that was penetrating the air in the house. “Mmmm…that smells good,” she muttered to herself. She tried to get up but she struggled and lay back down. She closed her eyes, the odor making her stomach rumble. She awoke again to soft kisses on her face. She opened an emerald eye and saw that Heath was leaning over her, poised to give her another kiss. “I’m awake now, honey.”

“Hungry?” he asked her. She nodded and tried to get up. Heath grasped her arm, helping her off the sofa and to the table. He had cooked, set the table and put a vase with wild flowers in the middle. He held out the chair for Janine and she sat down. He dished up the plates for them then commenced eating.

“Mmmmm….this is good Heath. I may have to let ya cook more often!” she teased him. He grinned at her not saying anything. “Did ya make dessert too?”

“Nope. Sorry, Janey. I’m not good at desserts. I did see that there was some cake left in the icebox though.” She nodded, taking a drink of milk. They finished their meal and Janine cleared the table. “Did ya want some cake, my pretty?” Janine shook her head no. They did the dishes and Leah woke up, demanding her parent’s attention.

“Leah, must ya always wake up screaming like that?” chastised Janine. Heath chuckled then turned serious when he heard Janine gasp.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Janine looked up at him with tear filled eyes. “it’s just my back Heath. It’s been hurting a lot lately.” Heath took Leah, feeding her and changing her while Janine relaxed. She hated leaving Heath to do a lot of her work. He let Leah down on the floor and she crawled over to her mother, trying to pull herself up to a standing position.

“Hi Lil One,” greeted Janine giving her back a rub. Heath poured himself a drink and picked up his gun to clean it. He kept an eye on Leah, making sure she didn’t hurt herself on anything. Leah dropped down to all fours and made her way to where her father was sitting. Heath put the gun on the table beside him and picked his daughter up. Janine watched with a small smile on her face. Heath was such a good father, all that worrying when she was carrying Leah was for naught. Heath looked over at his wife and winked. She smiled shyly and blushed. After a year of marriage, she still blushed when he winked at her.

“I was thinkin’ maybe of a trip.” He started to say a little hesitantly

“Where to?”

“Do ya want to go see your parents, Janey?” Janine snapped her head up at the question.

“My parents? You mean New York?” She practically yelled. Heath chuckled at her surprise.

“Yep, if you’re feeling up to it.” Janine dragged herself off the sofa, groaning, and waddled over to Heath. She kissed him, thanking him for the idea.

“That’s a wonderful…..” she started to say then screamed in pain. Heath got up, holding Leah, and grasped Janine’s arm. “Heath! Something is terribly wrong!”

“Lie down here, Janine. I’ll put Leah in the playpen and go get Mother” He put Leah down quickly in the play pen and ran out the door. He was at the main house in record time, telling the family what was happening. Nick went to get the doctor while Jarrod brought Victoria over to their house. Audra was out with Fred, so Victoria quickly scribbled a note telling where they were.

Heath didn’t wait. He rushed back to his house where Janine was writhing in pain. Heath picked her up and took her up to their room. He brushed the hair off her face, and held her while waiting for help to come. He lay her back down on the bed and held her hand while Victoria checked her over. Victoria looked at Heath, worriedly, and tried to reassure Janine. Janine couldn’t relax. She was in tremendous pain, and she squeezed Heath’s hand with a steel grip making him wince.

“The baby is going to be born now. Heath, I need you to go boil some water and I need some sheets.” Heath nodded, gave his spouse a kiss and left to do his mother’s bidding.

“Janine, I need you to relax.” She said reassuringly to her daughter-in-law. Janine tried hard to relax, but the pain was too great. Heath returned a while later, with the items that Victoria requested. “Heath I need you to stay here till the doctor comes.” He nodded and grasped Janine’s hand. He used his other hand to wipe the perspiration off her forehead. He tried to calm her down while his heart was pounding so hard he thought it was going to burst.

Victoria worked over Janine intensely, worrying to herself. Heath kept glancing at the diminutive person who was nursing his spouse. “Leah, whose got Leah?” asked Janine in between the waves of pain.

“Jarrod does. Don’t worry honey. Everythin’ will be all right.” He said quietly, “Just relax and let Mother do what she has to.” Janine nodded and noticed that Doctor Merar had entered the room and took Victoria’s place at the foot of the bed.

“Janine when I say push, you push, okay?” instructed the doctor, knowingly. Janine nodded. “Push!” he instructed her when the wave of pain washed over her. Janine pushed and the baby slid into the doctor’s hands. He tried to get the baby to cry. He spanked the baby but no cry came forth. Janine grasped Heath’s hand in a viselike grip. Heath watched in horror as Doctor Merar wiped out the baby’s nose and breathed into his mouth. After five minutes, he turned silently to the couple and shook his head. There was no sound in the room. Victoria looked at the couple who couldn’t say anything. “I’ll take Leah home with us.”

She went to take the minute bundle that was their baby when Janine said quietly, “May I see the baby before you take it away?” Victoria brought the tiny bundle to them and Janine pulled the blanket away, she gasped when she saw the baby. It was so tiny. Heath observed the baby and silently kept his tears in check. She handed the baby back and said to Victoria, “His name was to be Heath Charles. That’s the name we will put on the marker,” she informed them quietly. Heath nodded in agreement. He kissed his wife and told her he would be right back. Dr. Merar wanted to make a thorough check of Janine before he left. It was so hard to deliver babies this way, he thought.

The doctor descended the stairs and saw the family gathered in the living room. “She will need rest, but I think she will be fine. Heath, can I speak to you privately for a few minutes?” Heath nodded and excused himself. When they were alone together, the doctor put his surgical hand on Heath’s shoulder. “I’m afraid, Heath, after examining your wife, she seems to be bruised and torn. I was afraid of this happening when she delivered your daughter.” Heath looked bewildered. “She was in the family way before Leah, was she not?” All Heath could do was nod. “Well losing those babies has made it difficult in carrying a child full term and having delivered this last baby still born has made it worse. She may not be able to bear more children. I’m sorry” Heath didn’t know what to say, so he thanked him for his help. “Please take her to a doctor who specializes in women’s medicine for a second opinion if you wish. Meanwhile, I want her to rest for a week or so.” Heath nodded again, unable to say anything. “I’m sorry Heath.” The doctor squeezed Heath’s shoulder then picked up his medical bag. He took one last look at the broken cowhand and left the house, unable to hold his tears back any longer.

Heath steeled himself and went out to talk to his family. Victoria offered to take Leah for the night and longer if they wanted. Heath nodded, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall.

“We will take care of the baby for you,” Jarrod told his brother with tears in his eyes. Nick nodded and placed his hand on his blond haired brother’s shoulder.

“I have to get back to her,” was all he said as he slowly made his way up the stairs. The others gathered Leah’s things and took her home with them for the night. It was a long night for all of them.

He found Janine staring off into space. She didn’t even look at him when he took his boots off and crawled in bed with her. She didn’t say anything when he gathered her in his powerful arms. She leaned her head against his chest and wept. Heath couldn’t keep his emotions under control anymore and wept with her. They stayed that way, holding each other till the sobs relieved themselves far into the early morning hours of the next day. Exhausted, they succumbed to the darkness that finally befell them.

The next morning they woke up, feeling emotionally drained. Janine asked for Leah and Heath told her that Victoria took her home with her for the night. Janine nodded and lay back on the bed, exhausted. She closed her eyes and thought about her dead baby. She knew there was something wrong, right from the beginning. Was there something she could have done to make the baby live? She wondered to herself. She blamed herself for the baby’s death.

Heath closed his eyes and had similar thoughts. He felt Janine lying on his chest, his arm around her shoulders. He fingered her hair and thought about what he could have done to make things easier for her. He took care of Leah, did all the heavy lifting for her. He did all he could, including making meals and letting her rest. He thought about the last few months. Because she was increasingly tired and groaned continuously, he knew something was wrong but was afraid to bring it up to Janine. Yep, he thought, maybe the trip to New York would do them both good. He succumbed to sleep once again enjoying the feel of her fingers running through his chest hair.

They woke up a while later, feeling ravenous. Heath rose from the bed, stating he would make them something to eat. Janine nodded and heard a door open downstairs. Heath dressed quickly and carried his boots while he descended the stairs. He looked around the corner and saw Nick carrying the eggs he had collected. “Thank ya Nick.”

“It’s the least I can do,” replied the dark haired Barkley. “Anything else I can do for you? I fed the animals, milked the cow, collected eggs.” Heath smiled at his ambitious brother.

“Nothing else, thank ya.” Heath took a look at his brother and tears welled up in his eyes once again. “Did you take care of little Heath?” his voice broke when he asked this.

“Jarrod did this morning. Buried him beside Beth and Father.”

Heath nodded, “When Janey gets strong enough we will have a proper funeral for him.” Nick nodded, putting his hand on his brother’s shoulder. He squeezed gently letting him know that he was always there when he needed to talk. Heath put his hand over Nick’s and squeezed. “thanks Nick. I need to make something to eat now.”

“I’m goin’ to go now, but I’ll be by later to make sure you’re all right.” Heath nodded and thanked him again. Nick showed himself out the door and Heath attempted to make some brunch for them. He put the food on the tray along with some coffee, carrying it upstairs to where his bereaved wife lay.

Janine was hungry but couldn’t eat. Her stomach was not accepting anything into it and she felt like vomiting. Heath understood and didn’t force her to eat a lot but instead tried to make her take just a bite or two.

“Janey, did the doctor talk to you after….after…the baby was born?” Janine looked at her husband but didn’t say anything. She couldn’t, there were no words to describe how she felt. “All right, my pretty, we won’t talk about it right now. But when you get better we are going to take that trip to see your parents.” Janine burst into tears and nodded.

“I love you Heath Barkley.” Was all she said to him. He held her tightly, his own tears rolling down his burly cheek.

A few days later, they made their way to the family grave site. All the Barkleys were there plus the Reverend. The married Barkleys held hands while Heath held onto Leah. The Reverend said a few words and blessed the grave then stood back to let them say their good byes. One by one they left the grave, solemnly, till all were dispersing to the main house except for Heath and Janine. Janine looked at the marker that was the head of the tiny grave,

Heath Charles Barkley

Gone but not forgotten

October 15^th 1883 - October 15^th 1883

Janine marvelled in the richness of the marble marker, placing her hands on it and whispering, “your grandma Leah and grandpa Tom will take care of ya till we are together again my son.” She placed her hand into his large callused one and walked slowly away from their son, tears in both their eyes.

The next week was spent in a daze. Janine gradually felt better, but they were emotionally drained. They devoured Leah with love and attention but it didn’t fill the gap in their hearts. They spoke of going to New York to see her parents and thought it would be good for all of them. They would go see a special doctor there, one that could hopefully give them the answer they so desperately wanted.

They boarded the train to New York two weeks later. The whole family was there to see them off and to wish them well. Heath and Janine were excited but nervous about the whole trip. Heath had never been further east then New Orleans and Janine hadn’t been home since she was sixteen. Janine was a little anxious as she was introducing her new family to her old family, and bringing Heath to a place he had never been. She smiled a shy smile at her husband as she put her petite hand into his large masculine one. She was going home.

It was to take just over a week to get to New York. They bought a whole berth, quite extravagant but Heath wanted his family to travel in style and comfort. I can afford it, he thought, for the first time I’ve got the money to do anythin’ in a big way and I’m going to enjoy it.

The first day, they sat in their berth, watching the scenery go by as Leah slept. Janine told Heath what it was like when her and Gary rode horseback out west. She remembered the thrill of the new scenery, the threat of Indian attacks and the many Army forts they had visited. It almost brought tears to her eyes realizing how much danger she was in. Heath put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She smiled, comparing him to Gary. She hadn’t done that in a long time. There would be no way that Gary would go by train. It would have been done by horseback.

Leah awoke, shaking Janine out of her reverie. Janine lifted her up and absentmindedly fed her a bottle. Heath watched, interested and thought about what Janine had told him about her trip out west. He couldn’t believe that she rode out, just her and her husband. No guides, just pure luck. They went from one military fort to another, taking their time to cross the country. She hadn’t told him everything, but she would inform him of different things. “Heath?” she interrupted his thoughts.

“Yeah, my pretty?” he answered, taking Leah from her so he could have a turn to feed her.

“This is a much better way to travel, though I do miss the quietness of the outdoors. I can’t believe it took a year to come out here, and now we are going back in just over a week! What progress!” Heath had to agree with that. She looked out the window again, picturing herself as a 16 year old girl, leaving home for the first time, with her husband. When she looked at her husband again, her eyes were tear filled.

“It’s been so long since I been home. I want to show you everything!” Her enthusiasm boiled over. Heath smiled. He wasn’t sure about being in such a large city but he would grin and bear it for his wife. He would do anything for her. “Mama told me they made a new bridge called the Brooklyn Bridge. We have to go check that out. I want to show you Central Park and Coney Island! I want to take you to the malt shop and …..and…..and….” she looked at Heath who had a big grin pasted on his face.

“Boy howdy Janine! We are going to need a year to visit all the places you want me to see!” They chuckled over that. “Let’s go see if the dining car is open. I’m hungry!” Heath picked up his daughter, who wanted no part of being carried. She squirmed and wiggled trying to get out of her father’s protective arms. He chuckled, and led the way to the dining car.

They sat down, and ordered their meal, enjoying their companionable silence. Heath handed Leah to Janine when their meal came. He wasn’t quite adept yet at combining eating with one hand and holding Leah with the other. He had to let Janine help once in awhile. The meal consisted of steak, mashed potatoes with gravy and steamed carrots with fresh rolls. Janine fed Leah a few bites of potatoes, which Leah loved. She slapped her hands against the table wanting more. Janine chuckled, “slow down, lil one. Mama’s gotta eat too, ya know.” Heath gave her a lop sided grin as he listened to mother and daughter enjoy the delectable food. The cook came out when he saw that there was a baby on board and gave her a hard cookie. “Thanks, Sir!” Janine said as she took the cookie and handed it to her daughter. The chubby little oriental cook bowed to them and hurried back into the galley, muttering, “a cute baby…..yes? Yes!”

They couldn’t wait till they changed trains in Omaha. They got out every few stops and got some fresh air. Heath wired the family at these times to let them know where they were. In Omaha, there was an overnight stay to transfer trains and finish their journey two days later. It was another three days till they arrived in the city. Meanwhile, they stayed in their berth, played cards, read and talked. Janine talked of her early days while Heath listened with rapt attention. He probably wouldn’t hear these stories again so he was listening with interest.

They were going through the prairies when Janine mentioned casually that she and Gary were attacked by a senile trapper. Heath was laying on the hinged berth, playing with Leah when he looked up at her in surprise. “A mad trapper? Here on the prairies?”

Janine nodded, continuing on with her story, “We were ridin’ through Kansas, mindin’ our own business, when out of nowhere, this old trapper came ridin’ up beside us. He was very upset about somethin’ we just couldn’t figure out what. He was blabberin’ about beavers and bears and people stealin’ his traps. I guess he figured we were the ones. He knocked Gary off his horse, intent on killin’ him.” Janine shivered inwardly, and continued, “This trapper was beatin’ Gary senseless and I had to do somethin’! So I picked up a rock and struck him with it, over and over again till he let go of Gary. I tell ya Heath, I had never been so scared in all my life. I thought he was gonna beat Gary to death. So I hit him. I’m unsure to this day if he died or not, but I wasn’t takin’ any chances. I somehow managed to get Gary atop his horse and rode off looking for a place to camp. When we finally did camp, Gary came to and I checked him over. He had bruises and a big lump but other than that he was fine. I knew he was fine when he demanded his flask.”

Heath looked over at her seriously, “You really had a hard time with him, didn’t ya?”

Janine nodded. “It was tough but now that I think about it, I’m glad I came west. It made me a better person and I’d never have met you if I stayed in New York.” She smiled serenely at him and their daughter. “I’ve been thinkin’ lots lately. Bout how much my life has changed.” She wanted to talk to him about their lost baby. It had been bothering her that they hadn’t talked about it. “Heath?”

“What is it, Janey?”

“I miss our baby so much.” She stated simply. Heath nodded, wanting to bring up the delicate subject but didn’t know how to broach it. Leah had fallen asleep so Heath lay her down in the bassinet and drew Janine into his arms. They held each other for a while till Janine looked at him, with tears in her eyes, “Why did we lose him? I feel so guilty, like I did something wrong.” Heath tightened his hold on her, slightly, thinking about the question.

“Dr. Merar said it was because of all the other miscarriages you had. Having a broken back didn’t help matters any either.” He stated. “I know its hard, Janey. I feel so bad, like I didn’t do enough to help you.” Janine gaped at her husband, realizing how much he really loved her. How much they meant to each other. She drew him closer to her and held him while the sobs racked his body. They sat like that as the gentle rocking of the train drew them closer to Janine’s family. He looked up at her after a while and posed the question he had asked once before. “did the doctor say anything to you about having more babies?” His drawl broke when he asked this question.

“Not really. Just told me to take it easy. Why is there somethin’ wrong?” She looked into his blue eyes and saw pain in them. “Heath? What is it?” The torment was too much for her to bear, she looked away from his pained expression and knew what it was he had to tell her. “I-I-I can’t have any more, can I?” Heath nodded slowly not looking at her.

“He said you may not Janey. There is a possibility you still can.” He tried to reassure her and himself.

She sighed, “It’s because of Gary hitting me while I was pregnant those times, causin’ the miscarriages. DAMN HIM ALL TO HELL!” Heath held her tightly, letting her scream her anger at her dead, unforgiving, husband. He would always be apart of their lives and they couldn’t get away from that.

Anger spent, they lay on the narrow berth, facing each other, and quietly talking. “We have Leah, she is our blessing.” Heath nodded in agreement. “We can adopt others so that she won’t grow up alone.”

He smiled and nodded. “There are always babies at the orphanage. When we get back we’ll look into it.” Janine caressed his cheek, and listened to the clacking of the train wheels. He drew her closer and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “I love ya Janine Marie Barkley.”

“I love ya too Heath Morgan Thomson Barkley.” With that they closed their eyes and fell asleep.

Finally after five days of being on the train, they made it to Omaha, Nebraska. It was a small bustling city, on the Missouri River. As they departed the train, they were told the train left early the next morning, and to be on time. Their luggage would be transferred for them. Heath thanked the conductor, grabbing their valises and started towards the hotel across the tracks.

“Boy howdy, it will be nice to sleep in a nice soft bed,” commented Heath. Janine followed along behind him, carrying Leah, the diaper bag and the bassinet. Janine looked around at the bustling city. There were wagons, and carriages hurrying through the street. They walked to the double doors of the Omaha Hotel and entered. It was the most luxurious hotel they had ever seen. Heath took a deep breath and looked around. There were three green velvet covered chairs in the sitting room with glass tables holding newspapers. There was even a green velvet covered settee adorning the room as well. They headed off towards the desk where the clerk was registering another couple off the train. They waited their turn, Leah getting heavy in Janine’s arms.

They gave their bags to the bellhop and followed him up the staircase to their room. The towheaded bellhop opened the door for them and deposited their bags into their room. Heath gave him a tip while the young man gave him the key. After the door closed, Janine placed Leah on the bed and sighed in relief. “That girl is getting heavy!” exclaimed Janine rubbing her arms as if they were going to fall off.

Their room was beautiful. There were heavy emerald green curtains adorning the big bay window that overlooked the street. There was a large, mahogany chest of drawers in the corner, and a dressing table. The double bed was made up with a heavy patchwork quilt.

There was another door leading somewhere and Janine opened it to see what was behind it. “Boy howdy Heath!” Heath came and stood behind her, whistling at what he saw. “I never saw anything like it!” They stood gaping at the room, marvelling in the richness of the bathroom. There was a ceramic tub with gold fixtures. There was a dressing table with a large mahogany mirror. On the dressing table was a beautiful pitcher and bowl for a quick wash. The walls were adorned with red and gold paper, making it all seem luxurious.

They sat down on the chairs that were also in the room, relaxing. It had been a long five days and they were going to enjoy the richness of this room.

“I think I’m going to have a bath. I need to wash some of this train soot off of me.” Heath nodded, he was thinking along the same lines but someone had to watch Leah so she didn’t roll off the bed.

Janine got out just as Heath opened the door. She stood with her back to him, drying herself. He closed the door quietly so as not to disturb her. She turned around to reach her clothes, smiling when she saw Heath staring at her. “Boy howdy you’re beautiful Janey!”

She took a step closer to him and kissed him passionately. “Is Leah still sleepin’?” Heath nodded. His hands wandered up and down her smooth back, her moans showed her appreciation. “You better have your bath Cowboy.” Heath nodded while Janine helped him undress. She kissed him seductively and pressed herself against him. “I’m going to leave you have your bath.” Janine gave him a lusty look, grabbing her robe, “oh by the way, I’m wanting something to eat soon!” She put the robe on, leaving Heath desiring more of her. She walked out of the bathroom, blowing him a kiss before she closed the door.

She checked on Leah making sure she was still sleeping. She lay on the bed, listening to her cowboy husband splash around in the tub. She smiled to herself as she closed her eyes. The next thing she knew, her robe was slowly being pulled open and seductive kisses were placed strategically over her body. She opened an eye and saw her husband gazing intently at her. She opened up her arms and drew him closer, letting him caress and kiss her. Their passions were getting the best of them when Leah woke up. Heath chuckled and Janine groaned. “I don’t want to….”

Heath trailed kisses across her throat. “let’s wait a minute. Maybe she will go back to sleep.” He nibbled on her ear. Leah cried an impatient cry, and Heath got up, speaking to his daughter. “Now, lil one. You know better then to interrupt Mama and Papa.” Janine giggled.

“Well I guess we should go get somethin’ to eat anyway.” Janine put her robe back on and found the clothes she wanted to wear. Heath changed Leah’s diaper and located her bottle, and fed her while Janine got dressed. Heath watched her as she dressed, passion stirring in him once more. Janine smiled at him in the mirror, “Later, honey.” He nodded, the mood broken. She finished dressing and was brushing her hair when Heath reached around her to get his clothes. She leaned against him, loving the feel of his manly body. He kissed her neck and she turned in his arms. Janine pushed her tongue through his lips searching for his. He groaned, muttering that she was a wicked woman. She giggled, and pulled away, letting him get dressed.

She picked up Leah and dressed her so they could go get a bite to eat then go to bed. They had to be in bed early so they could catch the train in the morning. They walked hand in hand to a restaurant when she heard a familiar masculine voice. “Janine? Janine MacGraw?” She turned to see who was calling her. She couldn’t believe her eyes. It was the army officer she had an affair with when she was with Gary.

“Henry? Henry Dubois?” The man nodded. “Wow! I can’t believe it!” She handed Leah over to Heath, hugging the man while Heath stood back and watched the reunion. “I want you to meet someone. This is my husband Heath Barkley. Heath this is an…..old friend of mine from Fort Sumner. Sergeant Henry Dubois.” Heath shook his hand warmly. “We are going to have a bite to eat. Wanna join us?”

“I already ate, Janine, but I will join you for a coffee and catch up while you eat. Oh who is this little bundle of joy?”

Janine took Leah from Heath and introduced her, “This is our daughter, Leah Victoria Barkley.” There was something about this man that Heath didn’t like but he didn’t say anything. They ordered their meal and watched as Janine engaged in conversation with this army man. Sergeant Dubois kept up a running commentary about what had happened to him since they last met and Janine filled in the missing details of her life. The man did not look at Heath once and more than once Heath found the man’s eyes straying to her bosom. He ate quietly and watched as his wife ate her meal. She fed Leah some potatoes and soft peas as well. Finally it was time for them to leave. “We have to catch the morning train tomorrow. We are goin’ to New York to see Mama and Papa.”

“Well I’m glad we ran into each other then. I hope you have a grand trip, maybe we will see you again.” They hugged and said their good byes. Heath thought that he had left his arm around her a little too long. With that, Sergeant Henry Dubois walked from the restaurant and out of their lives.

Back in the hotel room, they changed Leah’s diaper and lay her in the bassinet. Her blue eyes closed almost immediately. Janine sang her a lullaby while Heath lay on the bed watching the tender moment between mother and daughter. He closed his eyes, deep in thought, when Janine climbed into bed. She reclaimed her position on him, unbuttoning his shirt and teasing him with lingering kisses. He groaned and returned the passion she was sharing. A while later, they fell asleep, hands clasped and happy.

They boarded the train the next morning, found their berth and settled in for another couple days journey. They were almost at their destination. They stopped in Chicago Illinois, then Buffalo, New York. Finally they were in New York City.

Heath marvelled at the size of the city as they rode the train into the station. There were buildings as high as the sky, he thought. The disembarked, walked into the waiting room of the huge train station. They searched around and found Janine’s parents searching the room for them. There was a tearful reunion and an introduction of their grand daughter who they thought looked like a lot like Janine.

As they drove through the city to Manhattan where the Greenes lived. They exchanged stories of their trip out and Marjorie informed Janine of all the changes around. Janine was overwhelmed at the differences in the city since she was last at home, ten years ago.

They pulled up to Janine’s family home. She gaped at it in wonder. Some things never change, she thought. Heath gave Leah to Janine then went to gather the luggage they brought with them. When they entered the house, Heath and Charles took the luggage up to Janine’s old room. Janine sat down on the worn settee that she remembered from her childhood. Marjorie took the baby from her and marvelled in the beautiful child who was her descendent. “Some things never change, Mama.” She remarked, reminiscent of the last time she was in this very room. A heated argument between parents and child filled her mind, bringing tears to her tired eyes.

“You hungry Daughter?” Janine shook her head no. “Do you want some coffee?”

Yes please Mama.” Marjorie rose from the well worn chair, taking Leah with her. She brought back a tray with delectable sweets and four cups of coffee. Heath had joined his wife on the couch and Charles took a seat across from his wife, taking the baby from her arms. Charles loved this little girl, she had the cutest little button nose, blonde curly hair and the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen.

“How old is she now?” Charles was looking lovingly at the baby gurgling and smiling in his arms. He pulled back the blanket and brought her up to his lips, so he could give her a grandfatherly kiss. Heath and Janine smiled at each other, clasping their hands, drinking the coffee that was offered to them.

“She is almost seven months old.” The elder couple smiled and couldn’t keep their eyes off the baby. “She may need to be changed if you give her to me, I’ll change her.”

“I’ll do it, Daughter.” Said Marjorie. Taking the baby from her husband’s protective custody, she went upstairs to change the baby.

“Well, Daughter, you’re looking good! Motherhood agrees with you.” Janine thanked her father for the compliment. Janine rose from the settee and went over to the pictures sitting on the mantel of the fireplace. She picked up one of them, studying it for a while and brought it over to Heath to show him.

“This is me when I was about six years old, Heath.” He took the picture, studying the little girl with a mass of blonde curls, giving his wife the lop sided smile. The little girl’s face told of being spoiled, the clothes affirming that thought. “Remember when this picture was taken, Papa?” Her father nodded, smiling. “That morning, I was havin’ a temper tantrum because I didn’t want to go shoppin’. Papa promised me if I behaved myself, I could buy one thing myself. He would give me the money and I could even pay for it. Well that did it, I was good all day. Till this picture was taken. Mama decided she wanted my picture taken to show my relatives. Well I cried, threw myself on the floor, had a good ole temper tantrum.” She looked at her father with a faint smile, and continued, “ Papa gave me a spankin’ right there in front of everyone.” Heath looked at the picture and could somehow see her doing that. He grinned at the thought of a young Janine, throwing herself on the ground, stomping her feet and yelling. Janine blushed at her husband. “I glared at him, got up on that chair and smiled pretty for the camera. After, I stomped out of the store, and went outside and stood in front of the store.”

Janine looked at her father and said, “I sure was a spoiled brat, Papa. I can’t believe I ever acted that way. I’m surprised I got away with half the stuff I did.”

“That was our fault Janine. After losing your brother to the war, you became the centre of our lives. So we spoiled you terribly.” Heath listened to the exchange between father and daughter with interest. He had some questions to ask her later on.

“You must be tired, why don’t you go up to your old room and lie down before supper? I’m sure your mama would love to be alone with her grandchild!” He looked at Marjorie who had just walked in the room with Leah.

“Yes Papa, I think I will. It was a long trip here.” Heath got up to follow his wife. She hugged her parents and went upstairs. She looked at all the rooms, noting that nothing much had changed. She went to the end room and opened the door. She walked in the room, astonished that it almost looked the same as when she lived in it.

She stopped dead in the middle of the room, making Heath walk into her. “Sorry Heath” she said and walked to the dressing table. She caressed the table lovingly, thinking of all the hours she sat in front of it, staring in front of that mirror, wondering about her future. Little did she know that her future included a hard-working, loving cowboy and a tow headed daughter.

Heath lay on the bed, watching his wife as she explored her old room, opening drawers and smiling. She opened the closet, fully expecting her old clothes to be hanging there, slightly disappointed when they weren’t. She yawned, and sat on the bed. She took her shoes off and lay beside her husband, who was watching her intently. She hadn’t said much to him. She seemed lost in a sea of memories. She lay her head on his chest, while he put his arm around her, holding her close. She snuggled closer, closing her eyes, unable to believe she was actually home. “Later on, I’ll take ya for a walk. Around the block. Show ya the neighbourhood.”

Heath nodded, sleepily, “K, my pretty. I want to see what New York has to offer. I’ve heard lots of things, and I want to see what I can while we are here. We have a month or so before we go home.” Janine nodded, a month. Could they stand the city that long?

They got up after a while, and went downstairs to find Marjorie bustling around the kitchen, humming a tune that Janine recognized from her childhood. Heath sat down in the chair nearest the door, while she went to help her mother. “Where’s Leah?” Janine asked her mother.

“She’s sleeping in Michael’s old room, Daughter.” Janine nodded. She looked at Heath bringing him a coffee, then going to the mantel, grabbing a picture off of it. Marjorie watched the couple with interest.

Janine handed the picture to Heath, “this was my older brother, Heath. Michael Armstrong Greene. He was just a young man but quite a lot older then me. He was just fifteen when he joined. I don’t remember him much, I remember him being happy and always playing with me. He took me places like the malt shop and the park. I remember the day that my parents were told about his death. I was only about five years old.” Heath looked at the faded picture he held in his hands. Her brother looked very distinguished dressed in his Union uniform, a determined look on his face. He looked up at her, waiting for her to go on. “He had a full Army funeral, I remember the uniforms, the buglers, the folding of the flag. He was only sixteen when he died Heath. It broke my parents’ hearts and in that regard, they spoiled me rotten, letting me get away with just about anything because they were afraid of losing me too.”

Janine glanced at her mother who was coming over to hug her daughter. She had no idea that Janine knew the reason behind their lack of discipline. She was proud of this daughter of hers and told her so in a whisper. “Supper will be in about an hour if you want to take Heath for a walk. I will look after Leah for you.”

“Sure Mama. That sounds like a good idea. How bout it Heath? Care to join me in a walk?” She extended her hand to him which he took willingly. “We’re just going around the block Mama. There are bottles in here as well as some milk in case she wakes up.” She handed Marjorie the diaper bag. “Be back shortly”

They walked out the door and down the walk to the street. The street was busy, horses and buggies driving at break neck speeds amazing Heath at their intensity of getting to where they were going quickly. He automatically put his hand in his wife’s, subconsciously wanting to protect her. Janine was a little nervous, having forgotten about the harried pace that people lived in the city.

“Boy howdy Janey! People sure are in a hurry around here, aren’t they?” She nodded, grasping his large hand tightly. Heath looked around at all the buildings around. They came to small general store, typical of other buildings surrounding it. They passed the store and came to an intersection, and made a right. They passed more buildings, stores, and a library. Heath looked around in wonder but as was his custom, he didn’t remark on anything, just took it all in. “People live and work in these buildings?” he asked her quietly.

“Yes Heath. Funny isn’t it? Now you know why I like California. This is too crowded. But it was home for fifteen years. I’ll take you out to the country sometime while we are here. But for now I’ll take you explorin’ around this huge city. Lots of things to see and do.” Heath tried to follow her chatter, but truth be known, she was talking too fast for him to understand. He smiled and nodded at her obvious enthusiasm and excitement of being home.

They came to another intersection and kept right. Heath just couldn’t believe the difference between the streets. This street they were on, even though it was just above her parents’ street, was quieter and more residential. There wasn’t nearly the people rushing to and fro. They saw people out on in their yards, talking to their families or neighbours, or sitting on their porches, enjoying the early evening.

They came to another intersection, turned right, and found more businesses. Janine stopped and looked at a carriage shop. Heath gaped at all the different carriages, buckboards and surreys that were for sale. All different sizes and shapes. He had never seen anything like it. “Come on Heath!” she called to him as she wandered onto the lot. Heath hesitated at first, but followed her, admiring all the carriages. They wandered around looking, touching, almost tempting to get in but Heath said that it probably wasn’t a good idea. This was something he would have to tell Nick when they got home.

They wandered back to the house, laughing and teasing each other. They heard Leah fussing and walked in quickly. “I’ll take her now Mama” said Janine. Marjorie willingly gave up her grand daughter, she was not used to having little ones around. “She doesn’t like to be held much anymore, she is more into crawlin’ and makin’ us chase her now.”

Janine put her on the floor and she started crawling towards her father. She grabbed Heath’s pant legs pulled her self up. Heath chuckled and picked her up. “Well now, lil one. What say you?” His soft drawl was filled with love for his daughter and Janine couldn’t help but smile. He sat with her on the couch, and Janine gave him a bottle. She gave them both a chaste kiss and went back to help Marjorie with supper.

Everyone sat at the table where the meal was a lively one. Marjorie filling Janine in with details of people around the neighbourhood and Charles was asking Heath all kinds of questions about the ranch and their property. Heath looked over at his wife and winked at her. She blushed, giving Heath a cause to give her a faint smile. She fed Leah some of the potatoes and vegetables she was eating all the while talking to her mother about this person and that.

After supper, Marjorie and Janine did the dishes while the men had a game of checkers. They got along well, considering the heated argument about Heath’s heritage they had when they were in California for their wedding. “You’re looking good Janine. I’m so glad you came to visit.” Her mother put another dish in the rack.

“Thanks Mama, we had planned for this trip in the spring. Well, we had Leah and things got busy on the ranch.” Marjorie noticed that her daughter sounded wistful.

“Is there something wrong, Daughter?” Janine stiffened and shook her head. She wasn’t ready to talk about little Heath yet. The pain was still too great, too raw to mention. “Okay Janine, but I want you to know, that you can talk to me about anything.” Janine nodded and dried the dishes.

They finished the dishes and went to their spouses, watching the game. Leah was sitting on her Grandpa’s lap, trying to play with his beard. Charles laughed and handed the baby to Janine who was insistent on getting down. She was tired of being held by everyone. As Heath and Charles finished their game, the women brought them coffee and cake. Janine put Leah down on the floor, and let her crawl around a little before putting her to bed for the night. “I think she’s a little rambunctious from being on the train and being held all the time” mentioned Janine to no one in particular.

Heath and Janine went outside after Marjorie and Charles went to bed. They sat on the porch stoop, reminiscing about the trip. It was interesting so far, the scenery and the things that Heath was learning about his wife was overwhelming. As well, being in a city that he had only heard about, was his undoing.

At breakfast the next morning, Marjorie told them that she was planning a family reunion of all the New York relatives. Janine groaned inwardly, then replied, “Yes Mama, it would be nice to see everyone again.”

“I want to introduce my grand daughter to everyone,” she told them. Heath and Janine glanced at each other but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t their place to say anything. She went on to describe her plans, saying she was planning this since the couple told them they were going to come for a visit. It would be next Saturday so they would have time to do some visiting on their own and sightseeing. “What are your plans for today, Daughter?”

“Well Mama, I think that I’m goin’ to take Heath downtown and explore a little. Maybe do a little Christmas shoppin’.” They had already decided that they were going to check out a doctor that Dr. Merar suggested while they were there. They needed a second opinion and since they were in New York, it seemed like the right time. “Do the cabbies still run past here?” queried Janine.

Charles nodded, thinking, my daughter certainly is sure of herself. She is so confident, so…so….serene. He liked this new daughter of his and her husband. Even if he was a bastard, he was a pretty good man. He still couldn’t believe she married someone like him, but they are very happy together and very much in love. Heath’s heritage was becoming further and further back in his mind. He didn’t think about it much anymore.

They finished up breakfast, Heath took Leah while Janine helped with the dishes. “Heath, can you make up a couple of bottles, and put diapers in the bag?”

He nodded but Marjorie interjected, “May I look after her for the day? I miss having babies around.” Heath and Janine stared at her. A whole day to themselves?

“Are ya sure Mama? I mean we appreciate the offer and everythin’ but….”

“I won’t hear anything more, you two! You go, spend the day by yourselves, and have fun. Don’t worry about Leah. She will be in good hands.” Janine gaped at her in appreciation at what she was offering. The couple expressed their gratitude to her but Marjorie waved them off, saying, “that’s what grandmothers do. Now go you two before I change my mind!”

“Okay Mama. If you’re sure. Here are the bottles and the diapers are upstairs. Come on Heath before she changes her mind.” They kissed Leah and left the house missing their daughter all ready.

They hailed a carriage, got in and went downtown. Heath was nervous but he tried not to let Janine know. Being in such a big city was overwhelming. Janine grasped his hand and squeezed it reassuringly to let him know it was all right. She would try not to get them lost, she told him with a wink.

There was a lot to see downtown. Heath strained his head, looking this way and that, Janine observed him, smiling. He’s like a child, she thought, it’s so nice to see him relaxed and happy.

She had given the driver an address and he stopped in front of it a while later. Heath helped Janine out of the carriage, paid the driver and strolled to the address she had requested. She grasped her husband’s hand and he took hers gratefully.

She walked into the building after reading on the door and making sure it was the right place. Heath opened the door, and let Janine in before him. There were a lot of people waiting in the office, hardly any room for them to sit. She went up to the desk and told the secretary who she was. The hefty woman asked her a few questions and told them that the doctor would see them in a few minutes.

Just as they were sitting down, they were called to another waiting room. They were very nervous inside but appeared calm on the outside. Finally the doctor showed up. They were shocked to see that their Dr. Burns was a woman. Dr. Burns was mildly shocked at the striking couple. They were not what she pictured as westerners. Westerners were an uncouth, ugly from the land, bunch of people. Not this couple, the doctor thought as she asked them routine questions. He was a handsome man, with that sandy blond hair and expressive blue eyes. His wife was just as striking, having an air of authority around her, with curly strawberry blonde hair and emerald eyes.

“Dr. Merar from Stockton, California sent you here, is that right?” Janine nodded, tightly grasping Heath’s hand. “he sent you here for a second opinion?” Again she nodded. “Long ways to go for a second opinion.” Janine glared at her but didn’t say anything. “Anyway, Mrs. Barkley, if you follow me, I will examine you and see what we can do for you. I will call for you when we are done Mr. Barkley.” Heath nodded, reluctant to let his wife’s hand go. She released his hand and followed the uppity, lanky doctor out the door and into another room.

A little while later the doctor came back with Janine following behind her. Heath stood up, hat in hand, and waited till the ladies sat down before he sat down himself. He grasped Janine’s petite hand and caressed it lovingly, giving her a gentle squeeze. She smiled slightly at him, then turned to face the doctor. “Well doctor, we came for an opinion, may we ask you what it is?” she inquired, tired of the woman’s studying the charts.

The doctor looked up from the charts and gazed at the couple. “I’m afraid your family doctor is right, Mr. and Mrs. Barkley. You may never be able to carry a baby full term. The internal damage from repeated beatings and miscarriages have taken care of that. I’m sorry.” The doctor was sincerely sorry. She hated delivering news of this kind to couples, so hopeful in miracle cures. In this case, there was no cure, no hope at all.

“If I was to become in a family way, is there a chance that the baby would be born alive?” asked Janine hopefully, tightening her grip on Heath’s hand.

“Medicine is not an exact science, Mrs. Barkley. If you were to become pregnant, you may not carry it full term, or you may die from giving birth. Then again you may carry the baby full term if you are very careful and rest for the duration.” Janine stiffened at this news. She held back the tears that were threatening to fall. She dared not look at Heath, knowing if she did, she would break down.

“Thank you Dr. Burns for tellin’ us the truth. Is that all?”

“I am very sorry to break it to you this way, but I feel that the truth is the best way.”

“Yes Doctor, we feel the same way. Good bye and thanks again.” Heath followed Janine out of the office, stopping by to pay the bill. They strolled slowly out to the street, not knowing what to do next. They decided to go home and see their daughter. They would do Christmas shopping tomorrow.

They reached the Greene’s brownstone a little while later. Heath paid the driver, and helped Janine out. They walked into the house solemnly, finding it very quiet. Janine found the coffee still hot, so she poured them each a cup. She handed Heath a cup and sat beside him. “Heath, I’m scared,” she told him silently.

“Me too, Janey. What do we do now?” They gazed into each other’s eyes, putting their cups down on the coffee table. Janine put her arms around him and drew him closer. They sat there, holding each other, letting the tears run down their faces.

Marjorie came in a while later, finding them still on the couch, holding each other. “Grandma and baby in the house!” she called. Janine jumped as she didn’t hear the door open or close.

“Mama! You scared me!” exclaimed Janine, wiping her eyes. Heath wiped his eyes and took Leah from his mother-in-law. Leah smiled at her father, gurgling and trying to pull his buttons. Heath placed a kiss on Leah’s cheek and held her close.

“Okay you two. Now I know there is something wrong. I can feel it. Please tell me Daughter.” Janine looked forlornly at her mother then at Heath. Heath nodded, telling her it was okay, she should tell Marjorie everything.

“Where is Papa? I want him here too.” Marjorie said that he was at work and wouldn’t be home for another hour yet. Janine sighed. She gave Heath and Leah one last look taking a deep breath. She told her mother everything, about Little Heath, about what the doctors told her, how she felt. Heath added how he felt too. It felt good to talk to someone about it. Marjorie held both of them in her little arms, knowing a little how they felt. It was hard, knowing that there was nothing no one could do for them.

“Janine, Heath, I can’t say I know how you feel. Its hard to lose someone so little, one that means so much. All I can say is hold your head up high. Just take it one day at a time. You have a beautiful daughter in Leah. Be proud of her. She is someone special. A real blessing. The doctor also said you may not be able to have babies. That means there is still a chance if you are very careful. There are babies in the orphanage, you can always adopt”

They nodded, Janine taking Leah from Heath and holding her close. “Yes Mama, we thought of that. We just weren’t expectin’ to lose little Heath like that.”

“No one ever expects to lose a baby. We don’t know what God has planned for us and we just have to accept what comes.” They took stock in the older lady’s words, knowing that she was right, but were having a hard time accepting it.

“Thanks Mama. We are havin’ a hard time adjustin’ to the fact that we lost a baby and we do a lot of blamin’ ourselves. We enjoy havin’ Leah around, she is real special to us. We don’t want her to grow up by herself, so we will just see what happens.”

Marjorie hugged her daughter then hugged her son-in-law who had become pretty special to this family. She remembered the heated argument back in Stockton they had about his heritage and hugged him tighter. He was shocked at the show of emotion that Marjorie was showing him but he returned the hug.

A while later, Charles walked in to the three of them playing with Leah, laughing and talking. “Well, well, well. What have we here? Is this a private party or can anyone join?” They invited him to join them. Janine and Marjorie got up after awhile to put supper on the table.

After supper, Heath and Janine decided to take Leah for a walk in the carriage that Charles purchased for her. They went to the park just up the street away, wandering through the trails made by other people. The weather was getting a little cooler at this time of year, Janine pulled the blankets up further around Leah, making sure that she was warm. Heath zipped up his coat while Janine decided to zip hers up too. “Brrrr! I forgot how cold the wind can be.” Remarked Janine. Heath nodded and they headed towards home. They talked of unimportant things, about the weather, what the family was doing back home, how fast Leah was growing. She was learning things at an alarming speed.

When they arrived back at the brownstone, Charles gave his daughter a loving embrace. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into her ear. Janine nodded and pulled away.

“Thank ya Papa.” She stated simply, tears forming in her eyes. Janine fed Leah, and let her play for a while before putting her to bed. Leah loved the freedom and made her way slowly to her grandfather. “I think she likes you Papa.” He nodded, then they all chuckled at her antics.

One by the one the sleepy family decided to call it a night. Tomorrow was another day and Janine had a few things planned that she wanted to do. They were going to spend the day in Central Park, it was a nice day, sun was shining but typical New York fall. It would be pretty this time of year with the leaves falling on the ground.

Janine and Heath lay in bed each lost in a turmoil of thoughts. It had been a pretty emotional day and they had a hard time getting to sleep. Heath rolled over on to his side, laying his head on her chest. She wrapped an arm around him and squeezed. He responded by caressing her cheek and snuggling closer. They lay like that, cuddling, reliving the events of the day in their minds. Eventually sleep claimed its rightful place over the sleeping couple leaving them in the darkness.

Janine woke up the next morning, feeling refreshed and happy. Heath was still sleeping, so she crawled quietly out of the bed to check on Leah. Leah was still sleeping, so Janine padded quietly back to her old room and slid back into bed. Heath rolled over on to his back, drawing Janine into his arms, and held her there. Janine placed her head on his chest, enjoying the feel of the soft hair that covered it. “Let’s get up and catch the sunrise, Heath.” He opened one eye and stared at her. “Okay, my pretty.” They both rose from the bed and quickly dressed. They walked quietly down the stairs and out the front door. They walked to the park where they had gone before and sat down on one of the benches there. The sunrise was beautiful, but they both missed the Western sunrise. They walked back quickly towards the brownstone, entering quietly, checking their daughter who was awake and wanting up.

After everyone was up and had breakfast, Janine dressed Leah in warm clothes, taking the diaper bag and filling it with what they needed for the day. They left, catching the train into the city, and walking to Central Park. It was pretty with all the trees leaves falling to the ground, almost gone from the trees. The breeze was nippy, but tolerable. They wandered around the massive park, Heath taking in the beauty and wonder of it. A park in the middle of a large city, full of trees and ponds. Still its not quite the same as the beauty from home. They spent the day looking at different things, admiring the statues and fountains that adorned the park.

The day over, they caught the train back home and entered the brownstone, very tired but happy. Marjorie took Leah from them and brought them coffee when they settled themselves on the sofa. “Supper will be ready in an hour, if you want to freshen up.”

The next few days passed in a blur. They were always doing something, going somewhere, checking this and that out that Janine found interesting. They found a library, a museum, another carriage lot. When they returned home at the end of the day, they were exhausted from all the running around. “Boy howdy, Janey! I’m never this exhausted when I’m out on the range all day!” Heath mentioned as they were getting ready for bed one night.

“I know. I’ll take our ranch life over city life any day!” laughed Janine, pulling the covers down on the bed. “Tomorrow’s the reunion. They’re combining the Christmas party and our being here into one.” Heath groaned inwardly, getting under the blankets. Janine welcomed Heath into her arms and they held each other, talking quietly. “you’ll meet… oh gee whiz! Uncle Mike and Aunt Gertrude, Grandpa and Grandma Macdonald, Granddad and Grandmom Greene, Aunt Hazel, Uncle Leroy and Aunt Sally. More cousins then you can shake a finger at. I forgot Uncle Jack and Aunt Trudy, Uncle Jim, and….and…..and…” Heath shushed her up with a deep kiss.

“Heath! What did you do that for? I was telling ya…” He chuckled at her.

“Yes, my pretty, I know what you were tellin’ me. Ya makin’ my head spin. I’ll meet a lot of relatives, I’ll feel like I’m on display and feel real uncomfortable…..” This time she shushed him up with a deep kiss.

“It’ll be fine, cowboy. Trust me. I love ya!” They wrestled on the bed , “Heath!” she hissed at him, “Gimme my pillow!”

“I don’t have it!” he whispered back. She felt under his head and found that he indeed had her pillow. She sat on top of him tickling him so he would loosen his grip on the pillow. All that got her was a tickling back of her own. They giggled quietly, if that was possible, then Heath relented, giving her the pillow. She smacked him with it and lay down on it. She turned her back on him in indignation. Heath wouldn’t leave her alone and was placing kisses seductively on her neck. Try as she might, she couldn’t ignore that. After a while, she relented to Heath’s kisses. They settled down after a while and succumbed to sleep, knowing that tomorrow was going to be another busy day.

When the morning arrived, Heath woke up and started harassing Janine first thing. “Gee whiz Heath!” complained a very tired Janine.

He pulled the blankets off telling her, “Rise and shine, my pretty, the days a-wastin’!” Janine groaned and got up. She mumbled something about cheery people and early mornings. He handed her a dress, and helped her to put it on. “you sure are miserable some mornings, Janey.” His lopsided smiled warmed her heart but she wasn’t really angry as she enjoyed his playfulness.

After checking on Leah and finding that she was all ready up and about with her grandparents, they went downstairs. Janine gave Leah a kiss grabbing a coffee for herself and Heath. Marjorie smiled at the couple, handing Leah over to Janine. Janine gave Leah her bottle, and drank her coffee. “What time is everyone comin’ Mama?”

“Pretty soon, Daughter.” Marjorie was busy mixing pancake batter. “Will you help me prepare some food after breakfast? I asked everyone to bring something, but we still need to provide a little ourselves.” Charles came down, saw his wife busy in the kitchen and turned to Heath motioning to him to follow.

Heath obediently followed his father in law outside and out to the carriage. “I have a list of things to do, but I wanted to get you out before she has a list of things for you to do. If she asks, you’re busy with me and my errands.”

Heath just nodded. “We do get to eat breakfast, though, right?” he asked seriously.

“Yes Son, but after breakfast come with me. I don’t want you swallowed up by the family that is.”

Heath chuckled, “Yes sir!”

After breakfast, Janine put Leah into the playpen and helped Marjorie in the kitchen. Heath and Charles went on a few errands and a couple of mysterious ones and wouldn’t be back till a little later. The women nodded, hands flying with the making of the supper meals that would take most of the day to prepare.

Heath and Charles climbed into the buckboard, as they need to go grab some chairs at the local church. “We’ll grab the chairs then go for a drink”

“Sounds mighty fine, Charles.” Answered Heath, a little nervous about all the relatives he was about to meet in a few hours.

“Its okay Heath. I was a little nervous when I first met the family too. They are a loud bunch. Much like your brother Nick.” Heath groaned at the comparison. Charles chuckled, telling him, “it will be noisy and they are all good people. Just watch out for Hazel, she’s unmarried and latches herself on any good looking man, married or unmarried.” Heath gave him a sideways glance to see if he was joking, but Charles looked serious.

They stopped in front of the church and went inside. They walked to the pastor’s office and loaded up on some chairs. “I think we will need about two dozen.” Heath nodded, grabbed a stack of chairs and loaded them up on the wagon. When they were done, they headed towards the saloon.

It was typical of saloons, only more people. They ordered a beer each and sat down to drink. They sat, talking about unimportant things, about life in California, the ranch, the trip out. Heath answered all of Charles’ questions and asked a few of his own. They finished their drinks and headed back to the brownstone, where the family was sure to be arriving anytime.

Sure enough when they reached the brownstone, there were carriages starting to line the street. Heath sighed and braced himself for the meeting of the relatives. He did not like large groups and hoped he could fade into the woodwork. He took a stack of chairs, following Charles into the house. He put the chairs down and looked for his wife. She was busy in the kitchen cooking. He went over to her and gave her a hug. “Hi honey, I’m home.” He whispered. “Boy howdy, there are a lot of people here!” he told her quietly.

She nodded, “I’m almost done here. I’ll introduce you in a few minutes. Wanna give me a hand?” Relieved that he could do something, he took the tray of snacks and set them on the table. She had another plate and set them down as well. She took Heath’s hand, gripping the large hand firmly, she gave him a reassuring squeeze. “Leah is with Mama. She is playing the part of a proud grandmother.” She told him. He smiled at her and followed her out to the crowd.

Heath met so many relatives, he couldn’t keep them all straight. He watched as Janine spoke to this person and that, loving the fact that she was so outgoing this way. She didn’t like big gatherings but she was the perfect hostess with all of these people. He realized that his father-in-law was right about Aunt Hazel. She kept following him around, asking questions about his life out west. He answered all her questions politely as he could.

Janine came to him after a bit, giving him a hug. “How ya doin’ cowboy?” She was concerned that he wasn’t having a good time.

“I’m fine, Janey. You do have some interesting relatives.” She took his hand and led him to an elderly couple who were holding Leah.

“Heath, these are my grandparents, Mr. and Mrs. Macdonald. Grandma, Grandpa meet my husband Heath.” Mr. Macdonald held out his hand, shaking it firmly.

“Pleased to meet ya sir.” Greeted Heath warmly. He shook Mrs. Macdonald’s hand as well.

“You have a fine baby,” stated the slender lady. Heath thanked her and they talked awhile about the weather, how he was finding New York. While they were talking, one of Janine’s uncles was getting a little belligerent. He had too much of the spirits which was handed out freely, showing his true colours against his wife. Heath clenched his mouth watching the scene unfold. Janine stood beside him, putting her hand on his shoulder. He patted her hand and stood to his full height.

“Excuse me Mr. and Mrs. Macdonald.” Heath sauntered over to where Uncle Jack was berating his wife, Aunt Trudy. Heath’s very presence was intimidating and Uncle Jack stopped for a minute and looked at him solemnly. “Don’t do that again.” he said simply. Uncle Jack observed the six foot two man, ignoring him. The others watched with interest as the shorter man took another drink and turn back to his wife. Janine stood away, watching as her husband stood there, knowing that when he spoke quietly and calmly that he was upset. She wanted to go to him and draw him away, but Uncle Jack always was belligerent when it came to his family, drunk or sober. He needed to be taught a lesson.

“What are you staring at?” The drunken uncle slurred his words, weaving slightly.

“I just wanted to let ya know that I don’t like the way you’re talkin’ to your wife.”

“She’s my wife and I’ll talk to her anyway I want!” Heath didn’t say anything as he turned away from the drunken man, walking back towards Janine. He didn’t see the glass that was thrown at him. “This isn’t the west Boy!” The glass hit Heath in the middle of his back. He turned around, slowly, and glared at the man who stepped back.

“No if this was the west, I woulda shot you by now. But since this is the East and more civilized, I will give ya a warning. Don’t do it again.” Heath was more apt to talk his way out of situations then actually shoot them unless provoked, but Uncle Jack didn’t know this. “We are amongst family so behave like one!” there was an audible gasp among the group but Heath ignored it. Janine gathered her wits and went to her husband putting her arm around him. “let’s go get some punch, Honey.” She said to him quietly. He nodded and let Janine lead the way to the table.

She gave him a hug, then handed him a glass of the delectable punch. “Thank ya Heath. Someone had to put him in his place.” They watched as Uncle Jack sat down by himself and drank some more of the spirits that was passed to him.

The evening passed quickly, there was dancing, singing, the talents of everyone coming out. Heath and Janine enjoyed themselves. Leah was sleeping in Marjorie’s arms, so Janine took her and put her to bed. Charles took Heath aside more then once to talk with him and introduced him to the other male members of the family, indulging in some of the spirits himself.

One by one people started leaving as the hour grew late. Janine was hugged more then once, people congratulating them on their marriage and beautiful baby. The couple were exhausted by the time the last one left. Marjorie started cleaning up, but Charles took her hand and told her to leave it till tomorrow. He put his arm around his wife, told Janine to make sure the house was secure when they went to bed. Janine bid them good night. They went to sit out on the stoop before going upstairs to bed.

“That was fun, but I sure couldn’t do that all the time” Janine put her arms around Heath and leaned her head on his shoulder. Heath automatically put his arm around her and drew her closer.

“It was fun.” Agreed Heath.

“But?”

“But your Uncle Jack leaves a lot to be desired.” Heath stared out to the street while Janine removed her arms and took his hand.

Janine sighed, caressed his hand, telling him, “I know. He is the pain of the family. I’m glad you stood up to him. No one else in this family has. Aunt Trudy just puts up with his meanness. Uncle Jack is Papa’s older brother and I think sometimes he would like to smack him upside the head. But Papa is so passive, he would never do it. Mind you, if he tried the same thing to anyone in his family, I’m sure he would have something to say!”

Heath smiled at her and stood up. “Let’s go to bed, my pretty! It’s getting late.” He helped her up, entering the house quietly. Securing the door, they ascended up the stairs and into their room. They dressed quickly for bed and fell asleep almost immediately, not waking up till Leah wanted attention the next morning.

The next week passed by quickly, they explored New York as much as they could, saw the new Brooklyn Bridge, went to Coney Island and one day went for a drive out to the country. The country was beautiful. The snow covered hills rolled out to more hills. They stopped at a lake and saw the winter birds walking on the icy water. They bundled up warmer and decided to drive just a little further into the country before turning around. They drove through farmyards, seeing the cattle, horses and other livestock the country offered.

It started to snow lightly so they decided to hurry home before it got any worse. Leah slept most of the way and woke up when she started feeling cold. Janine held her closer, bundling her up with another quilt. Heath glanced at mother and daughter, flicking the horses’ rein to make them go a little faster towards the city.

They drove through the city just as the snow fell harder. Heath pulled up in front of the brownstone, Janine and Leah got out, rushing into the house. Heath drove to the garage, looking after the horses and carriage. He came in shortly after and accepted the steaming hot mug of coffee while warming up in front of the roaring fire.

The time had come to catch the train to go home. The night before they were to leave, there was a small get together with both sets of Janine’s grandparents. They came early in the day to say their good byes and to regale Heath of Janine’s childhood escapades. Heath chuckled, thinking about Janine as a child, getting into as much trouble as her grandparents and parents were telling. Janine told them to stop, but as parents so often do, they wouldn’t. Heath captured Janine’s eyes and knew that she was enjoying the stories as much as they were telling them.

They told stories of her climbing trees on the farm that the Macdonalds’ owned. They told of stories of her famous temper tantrums, her friendships with people of all ages, races and how thoughtful she was towards her family. They told of her rebellion when she ran off to be married and how hurt they were. Janine had tears in her eyes when they spoke of this. She never realized how much she hurt her family when she decided to act up in the schools causing her to be expelled. She only thought of herself at the time, and apologized profusely for the pain she caused them.

“It’s all ancient history now, Janine.” Replied Grandmom Greene. “You have a beautiful life now with this new husband, and your baby daughter. Cherish them while you can, time goes by way too fast.” Janine hugged each of her grandparents, telling them that she was going to miss them very much.

Grandma Macdonald reached behind her chair bringing out a large package and handing it to her grand daughter. “What’s this? asked Janine quizzically.

“Open it, Sweetheart.” Janine glanced at her husband then opened the large package. She gasped when she saw what was inside. Heath leaned forward to see what was in it.

“Grandma! The Macdonald quilt! You shouldn’t have!” Janine held it up for Heath to see.

“Sweetheart, I meant to give this to you on your wedding day. Your first wedding was a hurried affair and I felt you didn’t deserve it. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Then when Marjorie told me your husband died and you married this wonderful man, I was so happy. So this is my gift to you. Handed down from Grandmother to granddaughter for four generations. This is my legacy to you Janine. I want you to give it your granddaughter.” Janine’s eyes were filling up with tears when she gave her grandmother a hug. She knew then she was forgiven for her past transgressions. Heath, who was overwhelmed at such a generous gift, gave Janine’s grandmother a peck on the cheek and hugged her lightly.

Grandmom Greene, not to be outdone, had a gift for the couple as well. She handed Janine two gifts a small one just for her and a larger one, for the both of them. Janine opened the small gift first, her eyes misting over again. She took out a dainty gold chain with a heart shaped pendent. “Oh Grandmom. It’s beautiful!” she held it up for everyone to see.

“Mother!” said Charles, “Is that the pendant that Father gave you when you got married?” The elderly lady nodded.

“I can’t take this Grandmom.” Janine put it back in the box and gave it back to her. “Its much too special for you.”

“Nonsense, child! I want you to have it because Granddad gave it to me. He said that it was meant for a happy and fruitful marriage. I was blessed many times with happiness. I hope you will be too. Now don’t worry, Marie. You two seem very happy together. I had decided when you came back for a visit I wanted to give you this gift.”

“Thank you Grandmother. I will cherish this always.” She hugged her grandmother lovingly.

“Now Marie, open the other one.” Janine opened the second gift and gushed over the lovely lace tablecloth. “Do you remember this?”

Janine nodded. “It’s the tablecloth you always used whenever you had special company. The one you told me would be mine one day. The one your mother made for your wedding.”

The grandmother nodded, “The day has come my child, it is yours.”

“Thank you Grandmom, Grandma for the wonderful gifts.” Heath watched all of this in rapt silence. He had never been involved in any family situations like this and was at a loss as to what to do. So he kept quiet, realizing that he had married a very special woman.

The elderly couples took their leave after awhile, refusing the offers of rides from Heath and Charles. The grandfathers shook Heath’s hand and told him to take good care of their grandchild. “We’ll come after you if we hear you have mistreated her, boy.”

They sounded serious but when Heath looked into their blue and gray eyes, he saw a twinkle in them. He hoped he sounded contrite when he answered them, “yes sir”.

The grandmothers hugged Janine and gave Leah a kiss. She was given some gifts of clothes and toys as well from them. Janine hugged her grandfathers as well, who in turn had given her some money to help out on their journey back home. “We really don’t need this” she told them both sincerely. They shook their heads and said it was the least they could do for them. Janine nodded and thanked them for the gifts. “I’ll keep in touch” she said honestly. The grandparents were secure in the knowledge that their granddaughter was indeed very happy. They were pleased in her choice of a second husband.

The Barkleys went to bed that night with mixed emotions. Janine put the gifts away in their trunk and sat on the bed. She went around the room, memorizing every nook and cranny. Heath watched her as she caressed the chest of drawers and the dressing table. He went to her, placed his arms round her waist, kissing the back of her neck softly. “I’ll be glad to go home, but I will miss it here too.” She leaned into him, enjoying the feel of his loving embrace.

“Yeah, I can’t wait till we get home. We have a lot to tell the family.” Janine nodded and turned around to face him. “I love ya Heath.” She kissed him passionately then led him to the bed.

“I love ya too Janine.” They held each other close as they waited for sleep to overtake them to morning.

They rose early, and got Leah out of bed. They went downstairs, Heath made coffee while Janine gave Leah her bottle. Charles and Marjorie came down when the aroma of coffee floated up stairs. Heath went upstairs, grabbed their trunk, valises and diaper bag, setting them by the door. Charles went out, bringing the carriage to the front of the brownstone. He helped Heath put the luggage away, while Janine and Marjorie looked after breakfast and Leah.

They were at the train depot, standing on the boardwalk. Marjorie had tears in her eyes, as did Janine. Heath and Charles spoke about a spring trip to the ranch. They heard a sorrowful whistle in the distance. The train was about to arrive, and the Barkleys were anxious to begin the long journey back home.

The train pulled up to a stop in front of the depot. The steam from the engine nearly covered them all, making it difficult to see one another. Heath shook Charles’ hand, thanking him for the visit and hoped to see him in the spring at their place. Charles hugged Janine long and hard. He was going to miss his daughter, they were closer then ever before. Marjorie hugged her daughter, while Janine thanked her for the great time they had. Both parents held on to Leah, giving her hugs and loving kisses. Yes, they thought, we will be out in the spring.

They had their luggage loaded and made their way to their berth. They looked out the window and waved to the Greenes. They were missed all ready. But it wouldn’t be so long in between visits. The train left the station, slowly at first, gaining speed when it got through the city.

The train ride seemed a little faster going home. Heath and Janine found ways to make the trip go faster. They played cards, read, played with Leah, and talked. They relived the things they saw, the people they met, the things they were going to do when they arrived back at their home.

When they arrived in Omaha, they spent the night at the same hotel and had supper at the same restaurant. They ran into no one, which suited Heath just fine. He didn’t want to see that Army friend of Janine’s again. They left again in the morning, excited that they would be home in five days.

They passed through the prairies, the mountains of Colorado, the heat of Arizona then finally California. They arrived in San Francisco, where they decided to stay the night before returning home on the morning train. They took a hotel room near the train depot. After they settled in for the night, they wired home to tell the family to expect them in the early afternoon. Janine breathed in the salty air and held her husbands hand while he carried Leah. They enjoyed the feel of being close to their beloved home.

The next morning they caught the train and arrived in Stockton four hours later. When they departed from the train, they saw that Jarrod was waiting for them. Janine hugged him tightly, saying how much they missed being at home. Heath was excited seeing his elder brother, pumping his hand and patting his shoulder at the same time. “Welcome home Heath, Janine. Mother says for you to come to supper tonight.” Janine nodded, while Heath went to gather their baggage. Jarrod helped him put it into the boot of the wagon and off they went home. Heath felt re-energized knowing that they were home. Back on familiar ground, and a familiar setting.

They dropped their luggage at home, cleaned up while Jarrod went home to tell Victoria they would be over in a while. Janine was so happy, she wandered all around her house, seeing if everything was all right and to memorize it. Heath came downstairs, refreshed. He placed a kiss on Janine’s ready lips. She put Leah in the play pen and went upstairs to clean up.

They arrived at the Barkley mansion an hour later. They were greeted at the door by Victoria and Audra who gave them excited hugs. “You just have to tell me about New York! Tell me about the things you saw, the people, the clothes. Tell me everything!” gushed Audra excitedly.

“Yes Audra. I will tell you everything and more!” promised Janine who missed her sister-in-law’s enthusiasm more then anything. They were good friends and missed each other.

Nick came in, “Mother!” Victoria scolded him good-naturedly, knowing whatever she said he wouldn’t listen anyway. He spotted Heath and Janine standing by the fireplace, “Heath!” He shook Heath’s hand vigorously, “Bout time you came back, ole boy! The dams need fixin’, the fences need mendin’, there are some broncs that need bustin’!”

Heath laughed, “Janey, I reckon we need another holiday. Nick’s been savin’ all the work for me!” They all laughed at the look on Nick’s face.

Supper was a happy affair. Heath told Nick about the carriage shops they went to. Janine told Audra about the stores they visited. They told about Central Park, about the drive out to the country. Victoria looked around the table at the happy family. Her family was complete. Heath and Janine would go home, but they would be back to visit many times during the week. She missed them while they were gone.

That night Heath and Janine lay in their own bed. They had a hard time going to sleep, being so wound up from their trip, they talked far into the night. They had decided they wouldn’t tell anyone about their visit to the doctor in New York. Whatever happened, happened, they decided and not to borrow trouble. As they waited for sleep, they thought about the memories that drove them to New York and felt no misery in their hearts. They would always miss Little Heath and what might have been but they wouldn’t dwell on it. It was a bittersweet trip, but they had learned more about each other and the love that bound them together was stronger then ever before.

THE END