Family Ties 2 ~ A Family’s Struggle

by Leona (Heathisforme)

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Introduction

This story is about Dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease and how the Barkleys cope with such a disease. It has touched my family and probably has touched every person one way or another. It’s not a happy story but one that I feel needs to be told. I want to thank everyone who has helped me with the research, given me encouragement and just listened to my gripes when the story got to me. I hope you learn something from this story, be more sympathetic to the caregivers and the ones who have the disease. Thank you for continuing to read.

Prologue

The Barkley offspring watched their mother carefully as she went for a walk around in her beloved gardens. Heath and Janine had moved back to their own homestead and Jarrod and Jenny had built their own place on the ranch, about a mile away from the main house. Nick and Chelsea elected to stay at the main house so Victoria wouldn’t be alone.

Jarrod couldn’t believe that his mother had been diagnosed with such a horrid disease. There were a lot of different names for it, but what it boiled down to was that Victoria Barkley, the Queen of San Joaquin Valley, was slowly losing her mind.

The changes were subtle at first, they didn’t notice the mood swings. They just thought that she was having a bad day. They thought it was a little strange when she seemed confused at doing the things she had done everyday of their lives. They really didn’t become concerned until she started referring to Heath, her blond stepson, as Tom. At the time, there was a lot going on, with Heath and Janine moving in because Janine needed bed rest. Janine’s parents were staying too, helping out when they were needed and Marge Greene had developed Lung Fever. It was a terribly hectic time. Audra was having a child as well, and was constantly at the house.

Nick and Chelsea were also due to have a baby soon, in the spring. It was a bittersweet time for them. In February, Jarrod and Jenny had welcomed a baby girl into their lives, and now had gone straight from crawling to running all about the house. Heath and Janine now had five children, all under the age of three and had hired themselves a nanny with the help of Marge and Charles, Janine’s parents. Heath had gotten sick from worrying so much about everyone but was feeling back to his old self. He was still worried about Victoria, but he spoke of his fears only to Janine. He would not keep his fears inside anymore.

Chapter 1

Jarrod got himself up and kissed his sleeping wife. He loved his diminutive wife with a passion that deepened over time. It seemed everyday she was doing something special for him, fixing him special meals, making his work easier for him at home. He often asked her opinion on the cases he was working on, knowing that she would never say a word to anyone. He often got up before she did, to wake up and start on his day. Cat was often awake when he got up, so he enjoyed spending the quiet time with his daughter and leaving Jenny to sleep in just a little longer.

Jenny got up a little while later to find her husband talking to his daughter about Victoria. It was hard on him knowing that his mother was so ill and could do nothing for her. She went to Jarrod and wrapped her arms around him putting her head on his shoulder. “Good morning, love” she greeted him with a kiss on his cheek.

“Good morning, pretty lady. Coffee is ready” She nodded and headed off to her luxurious kitchen. It was a room off the dining room, sparsely furnished with Chinese memorabilia. Jenny enjoyed being queen of her little castle. She had it tastefully decorated mixing both western and Oriental cultures throughout the house. She went to the oak finished cabinets, opened the door and took out a cup. She filled it with coffee, filled Jarrod’s cup and brought them back to the dining room. They drank their coffee in relative silence, listening to Cat or Chan-Juan chattering away to herself. After coffee was done, Jenny fixed breakfast, setting it out on the table for them.

“Are you going to the office today Jarrod?”

“Yes. I have the Cawley case to attend to.” She nodded and fed some of the egg to Cat. “I’m going to stop by the house first. There are some books I need to get.”

“And to see Mother” she added.

He smiled and nodded. “ I worry about her, Jen” She grasped his hand as he stood up. She looked into his expressive eyes which filled with tears when he thought of her.

“I know you do, Ai ren.” Jarrod smiled through his tears at her use of her native language towards him. He was glad that she wanted to keep her heritage alive, teaching their daughter the pride she held for her people. He had to admit, he found the whole Oriental culture fascinating and he found himself learning along with his daughter.

Jarrod finished his breakfast, placed his hat on his head, and picking up his satchel, he started towards the door when he heard Jenny say to him, “Wait a minute, Ai ren. Aren’t you forgetting something?” He grinned and kissed Cat lying in her arms. He put his hand on the door handle, when he heard an exasperated sigh and “Jarrod Barkley, you aren’t going to go without saying good bye properly?” He laughed heartily at her expression, her petite hand at her hip still holding the baby. He leaned over and kissed her passionately.

When they finally broke apart, he grinned at her, tipped his hat, quietly saying, “Good bye Pretty Lady. Have a good day.” She smiled at him and watched as he saddled Jingo, leaving the yard.

Victoria was sitting in the parlour when Jarrod entered the house. Heath had come and gone with Nick, going out to work on the ranch, it was near round up time, but they had to ride the fence line. They were missing a few head of cattle and feared that the fence was down somewhere in Sky Meadow.

“Hello, Mother.” Greeted Jarrod as he kissed her cheek.

“Hello Jarrod,” she greeted back warmly, seemingly like herself. “What brings you here? Not that I mind you visiting, but don’t you have a wife and child to care for?”

“Yes I do, thanks for reminding me. I was off to the office but I needed some books for a case I’m working on.” He headed off to the study to find the books he needed. He ran into Chelsea rummaging through the bookshelf. “Hello Chelsea. Looking for something special?”

She jumped slightly when she heard his voice. She turned slowly, eyeing him, shaking her head. “No just wanted something to read. What brings you here?”

“I want to get a couple of law books and visit for a few minutes.” He went to the shelf standing beside his sister-in-law and watched as she pulled out book after book. He went to the top shelf and grabbed a couple of law books, flipped through them and put them into his satchel. “Got to get going now. Have an appointment soon with a client. Say hello to Nick for me.” With that he walked out of the room then stopped, “By the way I hear the book, Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens is a good book. I haven’t read it but its there. Ask Audra about it. She read it.”

Heath and Nick were out in Sky Meadow, fixing the gaping hole in the fence. They sent the hands out to find the missing heifers. The brothers different as night and day, but best friends, worked comfortably together. They worked in relative silence, each lost in their own thoughts. They both worried about Victoria, who seemed to be getting a little more confused these days. Nick came home to Chelsea telling him about the things Victoria had done that day. She left an empty pot on the stove, burning the bottom of it. She poured sugar into the milk bottle, causing Silas to cringe at the mess he had to clean up.

They worked in silence for a while longer until Nick took his black stetson off his head and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “Let’s break for a few minutes Heath.” Heath also wiped his brow, taking off his hat, smoothing his dirt blond hair and replacing it. He went to Charger and took a drink of water from his canteen, offering his older dark haired brother a drink. Nick took the canteen in his black gloved hand and took a drink. He wiped his mouth and handed it back to Heath. “I’m worried about Mother” Nick said bluntly, looking off into the distance.

“Me too.” Heath stared off into the distance as well, thinking about Victoria and all that she meant to him. As he often did, he thought about how lucky he was that she accepted him into the family. Surely he’s been a part of the family for quite some time now. She never showed it, showering him with love and encouragement. He smiled as he thought about how much like his own mother she was. He missed Leah, his own mother, but being around Victoria, it eased his own pain some. Heath wiped his own brow, wishing there was a way he could help her in some way.

Nick was also thinking about his Mother. She was his main supporter in all that he decided to do in his life. Nick had always been the most stubborn in the family, always taking longer to accept things than the rest of them.. Victoria was always stern in ways of etiquette and being a gentleman, but always let him follow his heart. His heart lied in the ranch and the work. His mother always admonished him about his loudness, and he tried to comply but sometimes he forgot that he wasn’t outside. Thinking this brought tears to his eyes and he watched as Heath pretended to wipe his brow. Nick didn’t miss the tear filled eyes and he was sure Heath saw his own. He slapped his younger brother’s leg with his hat, saying, “Break’s over! Back to work!” Heath nodded and stood up. The men picked up from where they left off and worked quietly fixing the fence.

Chapter 2

Victoria wandered outside and strolled around by the paddocks, admiring the horses. She was about to saddle one when a black gloved hand stopped her. “Mother I will saddle Misty for you. Those ones need to be put through their paces yet.” Nick picked up the saddle, heading towards the barn. Victoria was confused but nodded to the dark haired man who called her mother. “Okay Father,” she said.

Nick stopped, turned and stared at her. Never had she called him any other name but Nick or Nicholas when she was particularly upset with him. He didn’t say anything as he saddled Misty. He was confused by her illness. I think a talk is in order with the family he thought as he tightened the cinches on the saddle. “I think I’m about due for a ride. We haven’t ridden together for a while.” He watched as his mother mounted Misty.

“Well come on then Nick. Let’s go!” He smiled as he leapt up on Coco, going for a leisurely ride with his mother. They rode until they found a grassy spot by the river. Victoria dismounted and grabbed a drink from the quiet pool of water just below the waterfalls. Nick watched his mother and dismounted, walking over to her. He kneeled down beside her. She smiled at him and splashed him with the water. Nick was surprised but splashed her back. They played for a while back and forth, and then she sat on the ground, exhausted.

“Mother, ya okay?” Nick was concerned that maybe they had played too hard.

“Why do you keep calling me mother?”

“Cuz you’re my mother Victoria Barkley.”

“Barkley? My name is Victoria Eugenia Martin.” She said indignantly. Nick watched as she pulled grass from the ground and threw it at him. He smiled widely as he threw some back at her. He did not know what to think of her moods but he was enjoying this playful side of her.

They rode back to the ranch, happy and contented, yet Nick was still confused. It was time to have Dr. Merar come by and explain what to them what was happening with their beloved mother. She was saying things then forgetting what she told them. She was often calling different members of her children, members of family that have long gone. Heath was working at the blacksmith shop, making new horseshoes for one of the horses that lost a shoe out on the range. He came out when he heard Victoria’s laughter and Nick’s deep raucous laugh. They were galloping towards the barn, and pulled the horses to a stop in front of Heath. Ciego came out and took the horses into the barn, intent on taking care of them. Nick and Victoria were breathless after their galloping excursion. Nick dismounted from Coco and went to help Victoria off hers.

“Shall we do this again sometime, Miss Martin?”

“Certainly…” She looked at him confused, “Father”. The brothers glanced at each other, but didn’t say a word. “I’m going in now. Care to join me?”

“No, Mother. I’m going to help Heath here.” She nodded and started towards the house. The men watched as she left, humming an old tune.

“Heath, I think we should get Dr. Merar here to look at Mother. She is forgetting more and more every day. We have to make sure someone is with her all the time.”

“I was thinkin’ that Nick. She could get lost as confused as she gets lately.” Nick nodded, thoughtfully.

The men made small talk as Heath finished shoeing the horse. He wiped his hands on a rag and they made their way to the huge house. They were going to gather the family and have a discussion. They had to make sure someone was with Victoria all the time.

In the house, Victoria was chatting with Chelsea and Jenny about her house in Philadelphia. She told the girls that she was going home soon, to see her beau, Tom and they were going to get married soon. The girls amiably agreed with her all the while waiting for their husbands to show up. The door opened and in walked Heath and Nick.

“Chelsea! I’m home!” shouted Nick in his usual outside voice.

“Gee I wouldn’t have known that Nicholas. You should use your inside voice or do you have one?” admonished his wife after hugging him fiercely. Nick grinned and hugged her back.

Heath entered the parlour and headed over to the drink table. He poured himself a drink then told Nick that he would be back a little later with Janine. Nick nodded and poured himself a drink as well. They made small talk, then Heath excused himself to go home. He was eager to see his large family.

Heath entered his own home, filled with happiness when he saw his family waiting for him. Leah, now three, almost four as she was fond of telling him, screeched and hugged her father’s legs. The boys, David and Freddy, were playing on the rocking horse in the middle of the living room, looked up when they heard their big sister screech. They leaped off their beloved horse and ran to their father, laughing to see who got there first. Janine and Laura were sitting on the settee, feeding the twins, Little Nicky and Rachel. They were beginning to take on personalities of their own now that they were just two months old.

He hugged the children, strolled over to give each twin and his wife a kiss. “I’m going to have a bath and clean up a little.” He told her. She nodded and told him that supper would be ready as soon as he was done. She put Little Nicky in the play pen and motioned Leah to help her set the table. After a while, Heath came down the stairs, cleaned up, snuck up on Janine. “I love ya” he whispered into her ear. She smiled and continued stirring the gravy she was making. He nuzzled her neck, causing her to lean back into him. His arms went around her waist and whispered to her that they were going to the main house for a visit. Just the two of them. Janine nodded, knowing something was up, they usually didn’t visit in the middle of the week.

Laura agreed to keep an eye on the children for a couple of hours while they went to the main house. "I don’t mind Mrs. Jane, Misser Heath. I sho love your chilluns I do." The couple grinned, loving the way that Laura took care of their children, giving them time to spend together. Heath donned his white cowboy hat while Janine grabbed her shawl. He held open the heavy door for his wife and tipped his hat to Laura saying they wouldn’t be too long. She nodded as Heath closed the door behind him.

Nick and Chelsea awaited the arrival of the rest of the family. Jarrod and Jenny had gone home to change clothes and to bring back Audra and Fred. Chelsea sat on the settee while watching Nick pace back and forth, going over the events of the day. He was clearly worried about his mother. He had told Chelsea of Victoria’s playfulness today on the river, and how much he enjoyed spending time with her like that. But her forgetfulness was getting worse, and the family needed to know that someone needed to be with her.

Victoria lay in bed, pondering about her family’s attitude towards her. There were times that she felt confused, not knowing where she was. Victoria shook her head as she rose out of bed to find the book that she was previously reading. She picked up the hair comb that was lying on the bedside table. She studied it for a while, not knowing what it was, she placed it back on the table, then picked it up again. It was so pretty she thought and placed it in her boot. She went to the bureau and opened the drawers, picking out stockings, two cardigans and her housedress. She put them all on top of the housedress she was all ready wearing and crawled back to bed. The book had been forgotten.

Downstairs, the family gathered into the study, all concerned about Victoria. They talked amongst themselves till Jarrod, ever the leader in family matters, cleared his throat. They all looked to him expectantly. He started, “ Mother is upstairs, sleeping, I just checked on her a while ago so we can go on with this discussion, albeit quietly. We don’t want Mother to know that we are talking behind her back.” They all nodded, knowing if Victoria was well, she would hate her health being discussed among them.

Jarrod looked around at his brothers and sister. He watched as they watched him, expecting him to have all the answers, which he didn’t. He would try to soothe their fears, even though he was afraid himself. He didn’t know what to expect from Victoria. He continued, “We can’t all be here to look after mother, but yet she needs more care. We can not leave it up to Silas to look after her either.” They all nodded. “What I’m wondering is, should we hire a nurse? Chelsea, I know you’re home but with the baby coming soon, you won’t be able to keep an eye on Mother all the time, and I’m sure you want a life outside the home.” Chelsea, nodded, looking after her mother-in-law did not sound appealing. She loved her, but she was not a nurse. “Jenny is at home with Cat and come over once in a while to help out. Janine I know you are very busy with your family. Audra, you’re busy with Douglas and I can’t expect you to come every day.”

Audra looked at her brother, saying, “Why Jarrod, I come here every day to visit. You know mother and I always play cards. She just loves Doug and his antics. I think that’s the best thing we can do, let her play with the children. They seem to keep her mind off other things and out of trouble.” They all agreed with that assessment.

“Let’s hire a nurse!” interjected Nick, loudly.

“Yes Nick, I think we will. First though, we should decide how much time we can devote to mother. She’ll need us more then ever now.” Nick settled down beside Chelsea, listening to his older brother speak. “Mother is already beginning to lose her memory. She calls Heath, by father’s name. She often calls Nick, father. I, myself have found her wandering confused outside.” Nick nodded, remembering how she was going to saddle one of then newly broke horses. “Until we find a nurse, we need to work out a schedule so that someone is with her. We can’t let her know what we’re doing, you know how she gets.” He looked around the room at the teary eyed siblings. He almost lost control of his emotions when he glanced at Nick. Nick was teary eyed and holding Chelsea’s hand tightly. Nick was not the person to give into his emotions easily, but Jarrod knew that this was different. They were all starting to grieve for the mother they knew and loved.

Chapter 3

They woke up knowing it was another day, but it was a different day as it was Victoria’s birthday. It was her seventieth birthday, they were planning on having a party for her. Audra thought about all the other birthday parties they had for her. Some were lavish affairs, like her fiftieth birthday. They had invited all of her friends and neighbours. They had a band and dancing, it was wonderful, thought Audra, wistfully.

This year it would be a few close friends that knew what was happening to her. There wasn’t too many who knew, Elaine Baxter, the Miles family and the Merars. They were invited to the festivities. Victoria was excited, knowing it was her birthday. “Will there be a cake?”

“Yes Mother, there will be cake,” replied Audra with a smile.

“Presents?”

“Yes, Mother, there will probably be presents.”

She clasped her hands together. “Ooohhh!” Audra smiled as she helped her mother put on her dress for the party. It was nice to see her mother so happy.

Downstairs, the others were putting up decorations and chatting among themselves. They were trying to make it a happy day for all of them. Cat was running around the place, keeping Jenny busy. Heath and Janine would be over in a while bringing their children with them. Victoria loved having the children around. She was always playing games and reading to them. She was so much like a child herself these days.

They were still looking for a nurse, but having no luck around the Stockton area, they had to expand their search to San Francisco. They finally found one that was willing to move in and stay with Victoria for the duration. She wouldn’t be arriving until the end of the month. Jarrod was relieved that someone would be able to take care of her full time, with the family still sharing the main bulk of the care. They could almost resume their normal day to day living.

Everyone started arriving for her party later that day. Elaine Baxter was the first to arrive. Since arriving in town six years ago, she and her husband had their shares of ups and downs with running the general mercantile. A colleague of his, Frank Colter had tried to steal the Barkleys’ shipment of gold, involving her husband. Her husband realized he didn’t want to live that life but just last year her husband decided he had enough of the store business and left back east. Elaine didn’t want to go with him and stayed behind. She seemed a lot happier now. She ran the store by herself and was quite content.

The blonde lady swept into the room, greeting Victoria with open arms. Victoria hugged her back with a smile on her face. The birthday lady recognized her immediately as she hadn’t changed much since they were girls. “Elaine!” exclaimed Victoria, happily. “How nice of you to come. Did you come to help celebrate my birthday?” Audra was aghast that her mother would be so bold, but Jarrod put her hand on her arm, stopping her from saying anything.

“Yes Vicky I did! Happy Birthday!” Elaine lightly kissed the elder lady’s cheek. She stood back and looked at her, it had been awhile since they saw each other. Victoria was looking the picture of health. Her cheeks were rosy, her complexion clear, just by looking at her, you wouldn’t know that there was anything wrong with her. She had lost a little weight but otherwise looked the same, Elaine mused. She put on her best poker face, took Victoria’s arm and guided her into the parlour.

Heath and Janine arrived with Laura and the children. The twins were growing heavy in their parents’ arms. Rachel was looking like her mother while Little Nicky was looking more and more like his father but he was aptly named, he bellowed like his uncle. David was talking quite a lot now, but had his quiet times. Freddy was a very quiet little boy, all serious, only laughing when Leah was playing with him. Leah was a vivacious three year old. Her curly blonde hair was wild, Janine tried to tame it, but to no avail. She was the pride and joy of her parents and the apple of her father’s eye.

Wally and Jenny Miles arrived soon after Heath and Janine. They aged considerably since the death of their son, Evan. They forgave Victoria for shooting and killing their son, but haven’t forgiven themselves for trying to hide his illness. He had shot Heath in retaliation for a fight over property then turned his attentions to Audra. Victoria had shot Evan in defense of her daughter. The Miles did not speak to the Barkleys for a few years after the incident. One day, though, Jenny had enough. She missed her friend and went to visit. After that it was weekly visits but it brought comfort knowing that they cared so much.

Everyone had brought her a gift. There were bottles of perfume, an emerald dress with a white satin sash and a white pearl necklace from Jarrod and Jenny. Heath and Janine bought her a new book and Heath made her a jewelry box with roses engraved on the top. Inside the box was a family ring, adorned with a birthstone for each grandchild including the one that was to be born soon. They would change the stone when Nick and Chelsea’s baby was born. Nick and Chelsea had bought her a new sweater with a locket with each of the Barkley couples. Audra and Fred also bought her a new dress, but this one was a cornflower blue dress, that matched the colour of her eyes. It had lace around the neck, cuffs and hem. Everyone sighed when they saw the dress. It was beautiful. The others brought her books, perfume and a flowered lapel pin from the Merars.

Victoria opened every gift carefully and slowly much to the chagrin of Nick. He was impatient to see what she thought of their gift. When she finally got to the sweater and the locket, there were tears in her eyes. She appreciated the thoughtful gifts. The Barkleys had also gotten together to sit for a family portrait, wives and grandchildren included. It was hard to get everyone to sit still but it was worth it to see the look on her face.

Soon it was time for cake. Silas had gone all out and baked a huge Angel food cake with strawberry frosting with strawberries adorning the edges. On the top he had written with Audra’s help, Happy Birthday Mother. It looked almost too good to eat. They sang happy birthday to her and served the cake. While they sat around eating the cake, drinking tea, the men had something a little stronger to drink. They reminisced about days gone by. They remembered when they first came to the valley, telling their different tales of hardship, and heroism. How they conquered the valley and the lives and loves of each of them. The children ran around playing their games, till Heath sent them outside in the back to play.

Later it was time for all to leave, happy they spent the day with their special friend. She was a great lady who gave all she had to valley and asked for nothing in return. The guests left with smiles on their faces but pain in their hearts knowing that their friend would not remember them in the future.

The women cleaned up, making sure that all was picked up and put away while Victoria admired her gifts. The men watched as she fingered the jewelry and put on the ring. She looked at the picture and placed it on the mantel, smiling as she did so. The children all clung on to Heath wanting to go home. Janine held Little Nicky while she picked up the dishes. Laura took David and Freddy by the hands to wash them up. Leah helped pick up the papers on the floor and placed them into the fireplace. All too soon the day was over and they left to go to their own homes. They each departed with different thoughts but all had one thought in common, it was good to see their mother happy.

Chapter 4

The matriarch’s birthday over with, they went back to the normal day to day life but every day someone came by to keep Victoria and Chelsea occupied. Chelsea was growing large now with child and Nick couldn’t be prouder. Heath shook his head as Nick flew around the ranch, doing the chores and ran back to the house with a huge smile on his face. “I wonder if I was that happy when we were expectin’ Leah?” He grinned as he threw another bag of feed onto the pile.

Nick ran into the house, yelling, “Mother! Chelsea! Where is everyone?” Chelsea made her way, slowly, down the stairs. Nick ran up the stairs and met her halfway. He hugged her tightly but gently loving the feel of her in his arms. “Where is Mother?”

“She is upstairs resting, Nick. Just as I was doing before you came bellowing in here!” she scolded him gently, knowing that it was his way. He grinned at her, and tweaked her nose. “I’m hungry. Why don’t you get cleaned up and join me in a snack in the kitchen?”

“I have a better idea. Why don’t ya come help me get cleaned up, and then we’ll both get somethin’ to eat.” He grinned wickedly at her, as she agreed to his reasoning. “You’re so easy” he whispered into her ear. He chuckled as her face turned a bright shade of red.

“Quit it! Do you want people to hear us?” she whispered back and slapped his arm. He grinned, took her hand and led her up stairs to their bedroom. Chelsea got the basin of water ready while Nick pulled off his shirt. Chelsea took the cloth in her hand and washed his back slowly and lovingly. Nick leaned back into her ministrations and sighed. She turned him around and washed his front. He loved when she helped clean him up from being out on the range all day. She put the cloth down and picked up the towel, drying him softly but thoroughly. She loved this part of their day. “Nick?”

Nick shook his dark head and leaned towards her. “Yes, lady love?” he kissed her cheek, gently.

“I’m scared.” She pulled away from him and looked into his hazel eyes, searching for an understanding.

“Of what?” He took the towel away from her, putting it on the dressing table. He put his arm around her waist and guided her to the bed. She leaned her head against his solid chest and sighed.

“Of the baby. Of having the baby. Of being a mother. What if I’m not good enough? What if I drop her? What if….” She looked up at Nick and saw that he was smiling down at her.

He pulled her closer and placed his chin on the top of her head. “Oh Chelsea Meagan Barkley. Whatever am I gonna do with ya?” He thought for a few minutes before answering. He pulled Chelsea on to his lap and held her there, silently rocking her, “Chelsea you’ll be fine. Women have been having babies for thousands of years.” He looked down at her and saw that she had tears in her eyes. “You’re really scared, aren’t ya?”

“What if I lose the baby Nick? What then?”

“Chelsea, I refuse to think that way. We’re going to have a fine baby son and you’ll make a perfect mother and I’ll be the perfect father. Well….maybe not so perfect, but ya know what I mean.” She grinned at his little speech. “I told ya before, we can’t be borrowin’ trouble. Ya know I’ll be there for ya. I know you’re scared. I told ya I am nervous too. Let’s take this one day at a time. Besides its too late to turn back now, right?”

“You’re right Nick. I’m sorry.”

“Nothin’ to be sorry bout. I’m pretty sure every mother has felt this way. Why don’t you talk to Jenny, Audra or Janine?”

“Janine?”

“Yeah Janine. Somethin’ wrong with that?”

“No. I’m not sure.” Nick kissed her lips gently. “It’s just that….well…I am not sure I want to tell you. I feel ashamed even thinking this.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t think she likes me much,” she said quietly.

“Whatever gave ya that idea?” Chelsea lifted herself out of Nick’s arms and stood up.

“I don’t know Nick. Its just her attitude. Maybe its just me.”

“Has she said anything to you?”

“No. Its generally how she says it. Like she’s better then me…..Oh I should of kept it to myself.”

“Ya know what I think Chel?” She watched him as he ran his hand through his dark hair. “I think ya should talk to her. I’m sure you’re imagining it.” Chelsea thought for a few minutes.

“Maybe you’re right. She sure likes to get the best of you.”

Nick grinned, “Yeah. Don’t let it out, but I enjoy it. She is a good person and is good for Heath. Heath is so much happier since they met. Will ya talk to her about how ya feel?”

“I’ll try Nick. I think maybe its because when she was having all the trouble with the twins, she was moody and miserable. Maybe its all in my mind.”

“That’s my girl. Now let’s go get somethin’ to eat. Must be close to supper now.” He stood up and replaced his shirt. “I love ya Chel. We’ll get through anything together. Even you being fat.”

“NICK BARKLEY! That was not nice!” she shouted and tried to push him away. He grasped her around the waist and pulled her to him. They kissed passionately until there was a knock on the door.

“Ten minutes ‘fore supper Mr. Nick. Mrs. Nick.”

They chuckled and answered him, “ Be right down, Silas!”

When they descended the stairs, they were laughing and carrying on, Victoria watching them. It was pretty quiet in the house now that everyone had moved out into their own houses. It was just Nick, Chelsea and Victoria sitting at the large table now. They all loved Sundays when the whole family came to dinner. During the day, someone always came over, usually Jenny or Audra. Janine had her hands full with the five kids but they managed to come over at least once a week other than Sunday. It was times like this that Nick missed the bantering of his brothers.

They ate in relative silence, making small talk about the weather, the ranch and other matters. They complimented Silas on the food, to which he replied, "I have to make smaller meals if its only youse three eating." Nick smiled at the kindly black man who had been apart of the family since he was a little boy.

Victoria was like her normal self, talking about the things Audra was doing with the orphans and if Chelsea was going to help. Chelsea never gave it much thought, but it might be a good idea if she was around children more. Yep, she thought. Maybe I will.

The dinner done, they retired to the parlour for after dinner conversation and chores. Nick picked up the payroll and looked it over. Victoria and Chelsea picked up their mending, and all was quiet. They worked quietly all deep in thought. Nick was thinking about how to make the ranch more profitable. Lost in thought, he didn’t hear the matriarch yawn loudly. Chelsea giggled and asked, “Tired, Victoria?” The silver haired lady nodded and yawned again. “Maybe its bedtime?” She asked hesitantly. Victoria shook her head vigorously.

“I don’t want to go to bed!” she shouted, sounding very much like a three year old. Nick looked up from his papers and frowned. He despised it when his mother acted this way. It wasn’t that he despised it so much, it was more he was confused, he didn’t know how to act around her. He watched as Chelsea calmly explained to her that everyone had to go to bed soon and that she would go to bed if she did. Nick smiled, thinking, she is going to make a great mother for our baby.

After a while, Chelsea convinced her mother-in-law that it was time for bed. Nick put down his books and papers and helped Chelsea stand up. Then he went to his mother, and walked her up to her room, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Night Mother. See ya in the mornin’.” She gave him a confused look when he called her mother then nodded.

“Night,” she said simply and went to her room. Nick stared at the closed door for a few minutes and retreated down the stairs. He wanted to hold his wife and be reassured that everything was going to be okay.

Chapter 5

A few weeks later, Heath and Janine were beginning their day, with Heath making the breakfast and Janine and Laura getting the children up for the day. They were active and Janine was hard pressed to find things for them all to do. Leah was a big help in masterminding games for them outside. She loved being the mother to all and all the younger children tried to listen to their big sister intently. She was helping in waking up the younger children and managed to find the outfits and diapers the ladies needed.

They finally got the children up and dressed, herding them downstairs where Heath was just setting out the breakfast. Janine smiled appreciatively at him, setting the twins in the play pen. “Don’t know what I would do without you Love.” She told him as she sat down in the chair he held out for her.

“Me neither” he teased her kissing her cheek as she sat down. She gave him a look that sent his heart racing and he sat down himself, then commenced dishing up the eggs and fried potatoes for the boys. Janine let Leah get her own, and she filled her own plate. It was a busy morning all ready, and it was just beginning.

“You gonna ride the fence line today Heath?” She asked as she watched the boys eat their meal.

“Yes and gonna see if those mustangs are still out there. There is a stallion in the herd I want.” Janine nodded. “What are ya plans for today?”

“Laura and I are gonna do the chores then I want to get outside and work in that blasted garden. I haven’t been in there for a bit.” Heath gave her a lopsided smile, while he finished his breakfast. “Gotta run, my pretty. I won’t be back for lunch but will be back for supper. Can’t have the boss mad at me, can I?” Janine wiped her face with the napkin and walked him to the door. She followed him out the door and hugged him.

“I love you Heath. Be careful, k?”

Heath kissed her deeply and sighed. “I love you too Janey. I’d love to stay home and help ya but Nick needs my expertise.” They laughed at his little joke. “I want to check on Mother too.” He added quietly. She understood that matriarch was uppermost on his mind, all their minds. It was hard on them to watch the strong willed woman they knew and loved slipping away from them. She reluctantly let go of his waist and kissed his cheek.

“Have a good day, Heath. See you at supper.” He threw her a lopsided grin and caressed her cheek. She smiled demurely at him and watched as he leaped on Charger and left the yard. He looked back and waved, whistling as he did so. Janine waved back and turned back to go into the house. Life is good, she thought as she listened to Laura humming an old familiar tune.

Heath rode towards the main ranch thinking about his wife and how his life had changed since they met and married. They certainly had their shares of ups and downs. His thoughts brought him to his step mother, who was never far from his mind. He thought about her strength, her love and her goodness. When he first arrived, he was wild and free. He was angry all the time, angry at the way life treated him. She accepted him with no questions, he was, after all, her husband’s son. He sighed thinking that she must have had some trouble accepting his birth, but she never showed it. She accepted him as he was, and loved him as her own. He smiled as he thought of how she took care of him when he was sick. She certainly loved him and made him feel comfortable in their unreal world.

He rode up to the house and went in to see Victoria before he left for the range. He was happy to see that she was all smiles when he saw him. “Oh Tom, I’m so glad you came to see me! Father is raising a stink about us being together!” It always unnerved Heath when she called him Tom but he grinned and beared it. He kissed her cheek and yelled for Nick. “Nick? Who’s he?” Heath sighed and explained that Nick was her son as he was. She looked confused and told him, “Whatever you say, Tom.”

Nick came down the stairs with Chelsea on his arm. “Let’s go Brother Nick That fence ain’t gonna wait all day for fixin’!” Heath was impatiently fiddling with the buttons on his shirt cuff, wanting to get out of the house. He was a patient man but Victoria’s looks towards him were getting uncomfortable.

The door opened behind him and in walked Jarrod with Jenny and another lady whom no one had ever seen before. Heath and Nick looked to their older brother waiting for an explanation. It wasn’t long before he gave one. “This is Greta St. Leroux. Chelsea, she is a nurse for when you have the baby.” He said this as he watched the silver haired matriarch play with a music box. Heath went over to her and gently took it away so she wouldn’t break it.

Everyone welcomed the nurse who reassured them all that things would be fine. Jenny took Victoria into the kitchen to help Silas with the breakfast dishes. They watched them leave the room then the nurse began to speak. “First off, I know she is your mother. This has been tough for all of you, I can see that. Have any of you considered putting your mother into an asylum?”

All the Barkleys stared at her in amazement. Nick roared, “Why you…..That’s our mother and we will take care of her with or without your help!” The short lady with the dark graying hair that was pulled into a tight bun, stood her ground. She stared up at the tall angry man with menacing eyes.

“You don’t have to yell, Mr. Barkley! We are perfectly able to hear you. I was just asking a question, I wasn’t exactly suggesting that you put her there, though that may become necessary as time progresses.” She looked at the family who all had tears in their eyes. “But for now let me do my job. I will take care of her when you are not able to. Mrs. Barkley,” she turned to Chelsea, “I’ll assist the doctor in the birth of your child when the time comes. When is the baby due?”

“In February, Miss…Mrs. St. Leroux.” She took Nick’s hand and smiled at him. The thought of a baby entering their lives soon made them elated. Nurse St. Leroux smiled. It was going to be interesting working for this family she mused to herself as she busied herself with getting acquainted with the family and her surroundings.

Heath and Nick excused themselves and headed out towards the barn, both deep in thought. They worked silently, each saddling their mounts, heading out towards the mountains where the herd of horses were last seen. They were going to get that stallion that day they had determined to each other.

They rode into the mountains north of the ranch on the San Joaquin river. The herd had been spotted near there just the day before but in all likelihood had moved further up. It was their plan to surround the stallion and herd him up toward the crevices in the rocks. They had four hands with them as well so they were prepared for anything.

They rode upriver for a couple of miles and spotted the small herd munching on the green grass near the river. The magnificent black stallion was standing in front of the herd, its black coat glistening in the sun. The long mane shuddered in the morning breeze, its ears twitching at the sounds around him. He lifted his head, staring intently at the intruders. The group stayed still taking in the beautiful sight before them. Quietly and quickly, the six men surrounded the herd and drove them towards the rocks where they wanted to corral them. After a few hours they reached their destination and had the mustangs holed up in the rocks.

The brothers drew their ropes, each throwing a loop around the stallion’s neck and dismounted. The stallion reared up, coming dangerously close to Heath. The sandy blond haired man stepped back but kept the rope taut as he talked soothingly to the black horse. Nick kept the rope taut and slowly got close enough to the horse to pet it. The stallion was tired out and didn’t mind the petting it got. Heath smiled and looked to the hands who each roped a horse and were leading them out towards the ranch. Nick barked orders to take the horses to the paddock in the south pasture, they would break them there. The brothers smiled at each other, both happy that they had the stallion they both wanted. It was a silent agreement that Heath would break the horse and it would be used for breeding purposes. It would produce fine stock.

That night Heath and Janine sat at the supper table with their large family while Heath told her all about the day’s events. “Jarrod hired a nurse? That sounds interesting. I will have to check her out. Is she nice?”

“Well I wouldn’t want to cross her.” Heath grinned as he remembered how she stood up against Nick. “She stands up pretty good against Nick. Kinda reminds me of someone.” Janine gave him a look as the children began fussing with their food. “Boy howdy, Janey, whose idea was it to have this many children?” he teased her, Janine was going to slap his arm but David spilled his milk and started crying. “Its all right Davey. We can clean that up lickety split.” He picked Davey up while Janine cleaned up the mess. Laura came into the dining room and took the kids upstairs to get them ready for bed.

The couple cleaned up the table and started the dishes. “Heath?” she started as Heath washed the dishes while Janine dried. Laura came downstairs saying the children were tucked in bed and were waiting for their parents to tuck them in. “We’ll talk later, k, Heath?” He nodded and took the dish towel from her hand. They clasped hands and went upstairs, saying good night to all the children, tucking them in.

They sat on their swing on the porch holding hands. Janine laid her head on Heath’s shoulder and sighed as they listened to the night sounds. The wooden swing was moving slowly back and forth with them, lulling them to peacefulness. “Heath?”

“Yes?”

“It’s sure busy these days, hey?” He pulled her closer.

“It sure is. I almost need an appointment to see ya!” He grinned and kissed the top of her head.

“I know what you mean. I never realized our house would be that busy!” She lifted her eyes to see her husband looking off in the distance. “What’s wrong, Heath?”

“It’s Mother.”

“I thought so. I know it won’t help to tell you that things will be okay. So I won’t.” Heath gave her a sideways glance as she continued, hesitantly, “ Things are gonna get much worse. We both know it. We just have to accept it and help the rest of the family to accept it. You are a strong family and your love for each other will pull you through anything, even this. You just have to stick together for Victoria’s sake, and make sure that even though she doesn’t know who you are, that you love her and you care for her. She needs you all Heath. Even you.”

“But Janey, I don’t know if I can handle being called Tom.”

“I know Heath. It’s a hard thing for you, knowing that you still have feelings about your father. You have to put them aside and remember your mother the way she was. How she accepted you, loved you like her own son. Always remember that, Heath.” Tears filled their eyes as they thought about Victoria. “The nurse is there now, it will be easier on all of you. You now know she is being taken care of and if anything happens, she is there to explain to you what to expect.” He nodded and pulled her onto his lap. He placed his head on her shoulder and sighed. “Sweetheart, cry if you want. Never be afraid to show your feelings to me.” He nodded as silent tears rolled down his cheek. She kissed his tears as they fell. They held each other for a long time till the sobs ebbed away and they were exhausted.

“I love you Janey.”

“I love you too Heath.” They kissed each other and went into the house. After the house was secured they grasped each other’s hands and went to bed. It was a long time before they fell asleep. The bottled up emotions flowed to the top and overflowed. They held each other as darkness overtook them, sending them to sleep.

Chapter 6

Jarrod and Jenny lay in bed talking about the new nurse. She was strict, not only on Victoria, who mercifully had no idea why this lady was telling her to keep quiet, but on the rest of the family as well. They were not allowed to do things for their mother. They could fluff her pillows, play her games and generally keep her happy, but they were to let her do things on her own till she was not able too. Jarrod kept quiet about it, knowing that she was a nurse and should know what was going to happen to their mother better than them.

“She is pretty strict. I think Mother would appreciate that. I can’t believe how much she has changed over the last six months. She has gone from the voracious, vibrant, strong woman to a weak child like form of herself. I don’t know how much more I can take, Jen.”

Jenny held her husband as he told her of his fears. She was afraid of what was going to happen to the family after the matriarch was gone. All of them depended on her for so much. She was always there for them, and guided them all to be good, strong, independent individuals. If she could raise her daughter with the same independence and strength, she would be happy. “Ai Ren, I know it’s tough to watch your mother slip away.” She held him as he lay his head on her shoulder. “But you have to think of your family. They will need you more then ever. I’ll always be here for you Ai Ren for now and always. Their wives and husband will be there for them but they need you to guide them and show them the way.”

“I know, pretty lady, but its Mother. My mother, my friend, my lifeline. What will happen to us, Jenny? What?”

“Jarrod, don’t worry about the future. Nick, Heath, Audra all need you now. They are looking to you for guidance and support, Ai Ren. They love you and respect your opinions.” Jarrod turned onto his stomach and drew her head down for a kiss. “I love you Jarrod Thomas Barkley and all that you are. Strong, passionate, loving, caring. We will always have each other, no matter what happens.”

“Jennifer Barkley, I love you!” With that they kissed and laid in each other’s arms, not worrying about what was to happen in the future. They fell into a sleep of lovers, and slept till the dawn’s morning light.

The next morning, Jarrod woke up first and kissed his still sleeping wife. He rose out of bed, putting on his robe and checked on their daughter, Cat, who was just waking up. He picked up the eight month old baby girl and cradled her in his arms. “You’re such a beauty, my angel. You got your mama’s cute little nose and wonderful eyes.” He kissed Cat’s forehead and smoothed down the unruly hair that insisted on standing up. She snuggled down into her father’s loving arms and gurgled. Jarrod chuckled and headed down to the kitchen to feed Cat and for his morning coffee.

Jenny arrived downstairs an hour later to find Cat in her play pen and Jarrod working on the Cawley case. There were books spread from one end of the table to the other. “Tough case, Ai Ren?” He looked up from his papers and nodded absently.

“Good Morning, Lovely Lady. Sleep well?” She kissed him lightly and headed off to the kitchen for a coffee, bringing back the pot. She poured each of them a cup of coffee and set the pot on the table. She went back into the kitchen, preparing to start the breakfast. Jarrod followed silently behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. She leaned back into him, loving the feel of his arms around her. She scrambled the eggs that he loved so much, then started frying the ham and potatoes as well. Jarrod stepped away and watched as his wife bustled around the kitchen. He loved to see her this way, in her own domain, queen of her castle. “I’m going to clean my mess up now, Jenny. Anything you want me to take to the table?”

She handed him the plates and glasses. “Set the table while you are at it, Ai Ren.” She threw him a grin that melted his heart and he kissed her lightly before accepting the dishes.

“Your wish is my command, my lovely wife.” He bowed to her causing Jenny to giggle.

“Be off with you silly man!” He grinned and sauntered off to the dining room, intent on setting it before breakfast was done. He loved mornings like these. He smiled as he set the dishes upon the table. He looked over to Cat and saw that she had gone back to sleep, thumb in her mouth. Jenny brought the food out in serving dishes, setting them out on the table. Jarrod held out the chair for his tiny wife then sat down to eat. They made small talk as they ate, talking of the family and what needed to be done around their home.

After breakfast was over and the dishes were done, Jenny noticed that Jarrod wasn’t making a move to leave. “Are you going to the office Jarrod?” Jarrod shook his dark head. “Why not?”

“Because, Lovely Lady,” he stated, pulling her into his strong embrace, “I have been spending way too much time at the office. I want to be here with you and Cat. I can do my work here at home.” At that statement, there was a knock at the door. Jarrod sighed and let Jenny go reluctantly.

He opened the door and there stood Chelsea, tears running down her cheek. Without waiting for an invitation, she walked into the house and sat down. Jarrod and Jenny looked at each other, then Jenny sat down beside the distraught lady. Taking her hand and holding it, Jenny asked quietly, “What is it Chelsea? What has got you so upset?”

Chelsea looked up at her sister-in-law and took a deep breath. “Victoria….” she started to say.

Jarrod looked startled but said softly, “What about Mother? Is she okay? Tell me Chelsea.” The urgency in his voice was so unlike Jarrod that Chelsea bit back a sob. Jenny shook her head at Jarrod, silently telling him to be patient. He nodded and put his arm around her shoulders and Jenny held her hand firmly.

“V-V-Victoria” she gulped and took a deep breath, “has wandered outside and we can’t find her anywhere!” With that she burst into tears.

Jarrod was stunned, he pulled his arm away from Chelsea and stood up. He paced the floor and decided he was going to help look for her. His mother, his lifeline, lost somewhere on the ranch and they didn’t know where to find her. “Nick, Heath?”

“They went out early this morning. They have been looking for a couple of hours now. I came here to get you and now need to get Audra.” Jarrod reached for his gun holster and put it on.

“Why didn’t they come get me?”

“Because we thought she had just gone outside. By the time we realized she was really gone, it had already been an hour. We thought she hadn’t gone that far. The horses are all there, no one has seen her around the ranch.”

“Jenny, you and Chelsea go get Audra and get back to the main house. Chelsea, which way did Nick and Heath go?” She told him that Nick went towards Oak meadows while Heath scouted out the north and south pastures. “Okay, I’ll check out Father’s grave site and that area around there.” They nodded , watching as Jarrod left out the door.

Jenny gathered up Cat and dressed her up in her visiting clothes. When everyone was ready they headed over to Audra and Fred’s to tell them of the horrible news. The news everyone feared. All of them proceeded swiftly to the main house, anxious to know what had happened to the matriarch.

Nick and Thunder galloped through Oak Meadows, the ground wet from the dam. The Jubal Tanner Memorial Dam was a hard fought. About ten years ago, when Heath first came, an old friend of Victoria’s, appeared out of nowhere to buy Oak Meadows. Unknown to Jarrod, he had fought hard to get the dam built on that piece of property, a piece of property was already spoken for. The dam brought much relief to valley and saved the San Joaquin valley from drought many times. Jubal Tanner and his mother fought hard against it for moral reasons and the town fought back, and a life was lost. Jubal Tanner died for his beliefs and was laid to rest beside his beloved wife on the edge of Oak Meadows. His grandson, Chad, decided that the dam could be named after his grandfather. Chad left the valley to go live with relatives but very often wrote the Barkleys telling them of his life back east.

Nick thought about all of this as he searched for his mother. He was worried and he pushed Thunder harder, searching and yelling for his mother but finding nothing. He searched high and low but he couldn’t find the beloved matriarch. Saddened to the point of crying, he rode towards the house, hoping Heath had better luck.

Heath wandered around the pastures checking around the trees and bushes. He rode close to the highlands searching and hollering for her but no such luck. He got off Charger, climbing the rocks to the highest point. He shielded his eyes from the morning sun and looked around, finding nothing. Sighing, he climbed down and mounted his horse, and slowly made his way back to the ranch. He looked left and right and listened for any sound. He was scared for Victoria. Heath stopped for a minute and rested. He fixed his hat and wiped his teary eyes. He was worried about his mother. He couldn’t keep his thoughts from crowding his mind. He remembered when he first arrived, how he had come to be in the family.

She gave him that speech about what he should do if he was her son. The speech went through his head. “If you were my son, I would fight for my birthright. I would fight for the name that belongs to you. That’s what I would tell you if you were my son.” He saw her standing there at the door way, saying her speech, telling him that she accepted his story. All he wanted was a family, a home and he found it in the Barkleys. Nothing could change that now. He was a Barkley through and through. He called her Mother and she encouraged it. Heath loved this woman as much as if she had given birth to him. He still missed his real mother but Victoria made up for it in more ways than just one. He wiped the tears from his eyes as he flicked the reins and headed off towards the house. Hoping that someone had found her.

Jarrod raced off from his house at a full scale gallop, then went to the site that Tom was buried. He looked around the grave site and into the trees. He stopped and listened but didn’t hear anything so he headed off on the trail. He had thoughts of his mother and all that she meant to him. She had always been there for him. Supported him against Tom when he wanted to become a lawyer and not a rancher. He walked Jingo down the well trodden trail, looking this way and that for any sign of the silver haired lady.

Jarrod thought about the strength that was his mother. She was a tower of strength in the days following the death of her husband. She had two adult sons and a teenage daughter. Jarrod wanted to break down and cry like Nick and Audra but he was the man of the family now. He had to pull himself together and be strong for them all. He would be like Mother, grieve in private and be strong for her. She had needed him to lean on, to take on the family business and help guide Nick and Audra. He did it for her and they often stayed up late at night talking and making plans for the ranch. He missed those nights with his mother. He wiped the tears from his eyes as he rode to the bridge crossing the stream that ran through their land. After a while, he rode to the house, hoping that someone had found her, their mother, the one that held the family together with her love and strength.

Chapter 7

The brothers arrived at the house at the same time. They looked at each other but didn’t say a word. They didn’t have to; it was written on their faces. Their mother was lost and they had no idea where to look. Nick lifted his black hat off his head and caressed his head. He sighed then replaced it before telling his brothers, “We have to find her and fast. There’s no tellin’ how long she has been outside.”

Heath nodded slowly as did Jarrod. “Let’s go towards the bridge, she may have followed the trail.”

“I was there all ready, Heath, no sign of her around there.” Jarrod’s voice was rising as he wondered, frightfully, as to where his mother would have gone. Heath looked up to his oldest brother and frowned. Their brother, the one they looked up to when times were tough was losing control. Nick watched as well as Jarrod tried to gain control of his emotions. Both brothers looked to each other and rode up along side Jarrod. They put their hands on Jarrod’s shoulders and squeezed.

“We’ll find her Jarrod. We will!” emphasized Nick with a tenderness that overwhelmed him. Wiping the tears from their eyes they nodded toward each other and sped off towards the bridge to see if Victoria had ventured there.

Heath shuddered at the thoughts that passed through his mind but he couldn’t shake the bad feeling that coursed through his veins. He was frightened but he didn’t let his brothers know just how much.

In the house, the wives and Audra banned together, discussing Victoria’s disappearance. They couldn’t believe that she had disappeared like that. Where was Nurse St. Leroux and why wasn’t she watching the elder lady? The uniformed nurse came downstairs and all eyes were on her. There was anger in each pair of eyes and Audra took it upon herself to yell at the lady. “Where were you? Why weren’t you watching Mother?” The portly lady stood still and stared at everyone gathered around the parlour.

“I’m sorry your mother is missing. I only turned my back for a minute to get her a clean dress.” She hung her head and was almost in tears. “When I turned back to get her dressed, she was gone. I am so sorry!” Janine watched the elder lady burst into tears. “How can this happen to me?” Janine got up and went to the woman, grabbing her by the shoulders.

“How can you think of yourself at a time like this? My mother-in-law is missing and all you can do is think about yourself?” Janine’s voice was rising and Jenny went to her sister-in-law and hugged her close.

“Shhh…Janine. We all are a little bit worried here and there is no need to be taking it out on Miss St. Leroux.” Janine clung to the smaller woman and let the tears flow. “Miss St. Leroux, I think it’s best you went back to your room and stayed out of sight. Our husbands are going to be very upset and angry when they come in.” Greta St. Leroux wiped her eyes and observed all the women banned together to form a protective barrier. She decided she had better listen; she could lose her job. She turned and slowly headed back up the stairs. She was visibly upset and hoped that they found the matriarch well.

The ladies in the parlour sat down in the parlour and asked Silas to bring some lemonade for them to drink. Silas nodded and went to the kitchen. He filled the pitcher up with water as he thought about his employer. She was more than just an employer; she was a friend. In the years since Tom Barkley’s death, they had grown closer. Silas thought about when he first came to the Barkleys so many years ago.

He was a young person when he first met the Barkleys. He was sent west by his parents so he wouldn’t have to live the same fate as his parents. It was late at night and he was snuck out in a wagon load of other slaves who were running as well. He was born into the world of house slaves, a much better position then the outside slaves. He had learned to read and write, and to do his numbers an unheard of privilege among slaves. He was coming of age to be sold, so he heeded his parents advice and left for the west. The land of freedom.

He met Tom Barkley on this journey. Tom had no prejudices and hated the world of slavery. He immediately befriended Silas and invited to work in his house for pay. His wife was due to have a baby any time soon, and they needed the help in their newly built mansion. Silas immediately agreed and loved his new found freedom. He took his new job seriously and never overstepped his boundaries. When his friend died suddenly several years ago, Silas took the role of house servant and friend to Victoria more seriously. He loved all of Tom’s and Victoria’s children as if they were his own and treated them as such. Now that the offspring were all grown and leading lives of their own, he and Victoria reminisced of the old days. It hurt him terribly that Victoria was ill and looked after his friend whenever he could. Now she was missing and they couldn’t find her. Silas wiped the tears from his eyes as he worried. “Things gonna be all right. They just gotta find her all right.” He composed himself and took the lemonade to the women. “they’s gonna need me to be strong,” he told himself.

Jarrod, Nick and Heath rode towards the stream, spreading out a little and calling for her. They were getting frustrated and tempers were getting short. They followed the trail and crossed the bridge. Heath smiled of that first day when he and Nick had met on the bridge then all that happened afterwards. Nick had similar thoughts and smiled as he remembered how angry he had gotten when he found out Heath was his brother. The matriarch told him that his father was an imperfect man but Nick refused to believe it. It took the loving hand of his mother to guide him in the right direction. Mother was good at that he mused to himself.

The brothers decided by a silent agreement to follow the stream. They didn’t know why but the stream held an attraction to their mother. They had taken her to the stream when she was out with each of her sons. Suddenly Jarrod stopped, and motioned Nick and Heath to stop. Jarrod slowly dismounted his horse and ambled unsteadily over to the bank. Nick gasped and flew off his horse, yelling, “MOTHER!” Heath, in his haste, ran over to his brothers, tears running down his face, and stopped quickly. She was face down in the stream. They looked at her tracks and realized what had happened. Their dearly beloved mother had tripped, coming down the bank and hit her head on a rock that was near her. She fell into the stream and drowned. The matriarch was no more.

Nick let out a blood curdling scream as he realized that his mother was gone. Jarrod and Heath went to him but the middle brother pushed them away. Nick picked up the small woman and brushed the hair out of her eyes. The tears rolled out of Jarrod’s and Heath’s eyes as Nick carried his mother home. Jarrod and Heath followed along behind, leading all three horses. They were all numb and shocked beyond belief. Victoria Barkley, Queen of the San Joaquin Valley was gone. The family and all that knew her would mourn her loss and miss her strength terribly.

Chapter 8

The procession went into the house. The ladies were drinking lemonade as the brothers went inside. The women turned and stared at the brothers and the small woman in Nick’s arms. Nick laid her down on the settee and told Silas to send for the doctor and for Fred.

Audra looked to her brothers and noticed the tears in their eyes. She looked to her mother and put her hand to her mouth, “Nick?” she asked quietly, not wanting to ask but needing to, “Nick, is she….is she….?” Nick lifted his hazel eyes and looked at his sister then to his brothers. He couldn’t say the words as Jarrod and Heath ambled unsteadily towards their siblings.

Jarrod took Audra into his arms and held her as he quietly said to all of them, “Mother is gone”

There was a collective gasp from the women as the words sunk in. Janine went to Heath and put his arm around him, drawing him away from the crowd. He shook his head, wanting to stay with Victoria. Another mother gone from his life, gone before he had a chance to tell her how much he loved her, how much he appreciated her. Heath was having a hard time holding the tears back and left to go outside. Janine followed him outside wanting to comfort him.

They walked over to the paddock, not saying a word. All of a sudden, Heath grabbed Janine abruptly and held her in a crushing hug. He sobbed for several minutes while tears ran down Janine’s cheeks and mingled with his. She had loved Victoria as he did, and cherished her greatly. When the tears were spent, they saw Fred and the Doctor arrive at the house and followed them inside. Heath kept a close watch on the family. Chelsea had finally gotten Nick away from the matriarch, and Jenny was comforting Jarrod. Fred went over to Audra and took her gently into his soothing arms. He stroked her hair as she sobbed violently into his chest.

Chelsea gently but forcibly got Nick to his feet, guiding him to the corner of the parlour. He sat down in a chair in the corner of the room and Chelsea sat upon his lap, wrapping her arms around him. She drew his head up to her level and looked deeply into his eyes. “Nick! Oh Nick! I’m so sorry!” He let out a sob and crushed Chelsea to him. They sat there in the overstuffed, yellow chair and held each other while Howard Merar examined Victoria pronouncing, officially, her demise.

Jarrod and Jenny held each other while Dr. Merar stood up. They looked to the kindly doctor and family friend, who had visible tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He choked out. The elder man choked back sobs as he regained his composure and said in a monotone voice, “Send for the undertaker and for the priest.”

“We want to bury her next to Father,” said Jarrod, clearly taking charge while his siblings just nodded. Jarrod swallowed back his tears while Jenny squeezed his waist in support. He would have time to grieve later, right now his brothers and sister needed him to be strong and supportive. He had to keep the family together. There was a lot of legal work to cover and it would keep him busy for the next little while.

Howard Merar accepted a drink from Heath and watched the family deal with their loss. The Merars and the Barkleys had been friends for many years. They settled in the valley at the same time. Howard had taken care of the Barkley offspring, treated various broken bones, gunshot wounds, and other battle scars. He helped them through sickness and through deaths. This was by far the hardest thing he had to deal with.

Down the stairs, crept the nurse, hoping to escape the wrath that was sure to come. Nick looked up and noticed the elder lady standing at the door, and was about to open it when Nick stood up quickly and bellowed, “Where were you? Why did you let mother wander out by herself?” Greta flinched at his hurting words and the tone of his voice. She was a good nurse and she knew she made a mistake. She didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything. This infuriated Nick more. Nick was pacing furiously back and forth, and running his fingers through his black mane.

“Nick,” said Chelsea quietly. “Nick, calm down!” she was a little bit more forceful as she tried to lure him away from the shaking woman.

“I’m sorry! I only turned my back for a moment. I was looking for a dress. Yes I made a mistake and I am so sorry! I will leave now!” Nick’s eyes flew quickly to her and Dr. Merar came to her rescue.

“Miss St. Leroux, I’d like you not to leave town just yet. Go to my house and wait for me, I want to speak to you privately about this matter.” He was gentle yet vehement in his wishes. She nodded and picked up her bag. She couldn’t leave the house fast enough, the slender man, this middle son, was not someone she wanted to tangle with.

After she left, the family went back to mourning their loss. The undertaker came and went taking the beloved matriarch with him. After the undertaker left, Padre Michael stayed to console the grieving family. He said a prayer, trying to give words of comfort to help ease their broken spirits. They nodded as he spoke to them, but he wasn’t sure if they were hearing them. The family was in shock, so once he saw that they were comforted, he bid them good bye and left them to deal with their pain.

After the padre left, the family talked about what they were going to do. There was Victoria’s will and other things that needed to be taken care of. They all agreed that she was to be buried beside Father, and they would have a celebration of her life after a private funeral for the family.

Heath and Janine left soon after to get their children and Laura. They would come back later on to spend the night and be with the family. Jarrod and Jenny decided to stay so that Nick and Chelsea wouldn’t be alone in the great house. It was going to be a long night.

Chapter 9

Heath and Janine stopped on the porch of their house and hugged each other. It had been an emotional day for them. They had yet to tell Leah that her beloved gamma was gone.

“I love you Heath.” Janine said softly.

He nodded and took her hand as they entered the house. The children ran to their parents happy to see them. Heath picked up David and Freddy, sitting down on the couch with them. “Miss you Papa” said David. Freddy, always copying his older brother, mimicked his “Miss you Papa.” Heath hugged them close and looked to Janine.

He set the boys down beside him and picked up Leah. He hugged her close and kissed her cheek. Leah turned around in his lap and caressed her father’s cheek. “What wrong Papa?”

Heath looked to his wife and she nodded. She picked up the boys and sat them on her lap. Laura came by with the twins and sat down on the other settee. Janine hugged the boys close as her husband spoke.

“I’m very sad, lil one.” He hugged her close trying to stop the tears from rolling down his tanned cheek.

“Why Papa?” Leah hugged her father as Heath tried to struggle with his emotions.

Janine took a deep breath. “Grandma Victoria went to heaven, Leah.” Janine said quietly. All was quiet in the room. Leah looked to her father, whose eyes filled with tears. He lost all struggle with trying to keep them contained and let them roll down his cheeks.

Leah struggled to be brave. Her grandmother was gone. “No she’s not. She is at her house with Unca Nick and Aunt Chelsea making cookies.”

Heath regained his composure and hugged his daughter tightly, “Leah, she is with Baby Heath.”

“But why Papa?” She was trying to understand.

“Because she was sick, Leah. That’s all you need to know for now.” Leah’s arms reached around Heath’s neck. She buried her face into his neck and cried.

“I don’t want her to go, Papa!”

“Me neither, honey. But it was Grandma’s time to go. Baby Heath, Grandpa Tom and Grandma Leah all need her with them. Don’t you think we could share Grandma Vic with them?” Leah thought about this for a few minutes then looked to her father.

“I go with Gama Vic?” Janine looked to Heath then to Laura. She was at a loss for words on how to comfort her daughter, she too wanted to go with her mother-in-law. Heath didn’t know what to say either, but held his daughter.

Laura stood up and gently took the little girl from Heath’s arms and hugged her close. “Honey Chile, you know you canna do that.” The couple watched as Laura whispered comforting words to her but loud enough for them to hear. Laura was a godsend and her comforting soul was one that they all needed at that moment.

They somberly packed a few things for their stay at the mansion while Heath hitched up the buggy. He threw himself into the work, and tried to put the events of that day to the back of his mind. When he found that he couldn’t put the events back, he found some more work that needed doing before they left. Janine found him this way, throwing feed from one end of the stable to the other, seemingly getting more upset as he heaved the heavy bags. “Heath.” she said quietly. He ignored her as he kept throwing the burlap bags into the corner. She walked closer to him and touched his arm. “Heath, we are almost ready to go. How are you doing?”

He stopped what he was doing and Janine was shocked at the look on his face. He was angry. She had never seen such a look before. She stepped back as he roared at her, “How am I doing? HOW AM I DOING? I JUST LOST MY MOTHER AND YOU ASK ME HOW AM I DOING?” As he angrily threw a bag of feed in the corner, Janine stood closer to him and grabbed his muscular arm.

“Heath, I know you are upset. Please, talk to me. She meant a lot to me too.” He dropped the bag he was picking up and it fell with a thud to the floor. The bag split open and feed poured quickly out of the hole in the bag. Heath looked bewildered at the bag and saw that his wife’s hand was on his arm. He clasped her hand and drew her into a tight embrace as his body wracked with sobs. Janine held him as he sobbed and they fell to the floor holding each other. They sat like that for a long while then Heath lifted his head to look at his wife.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“Why Heath? Because you’ve lost the most important person in your life? There is no reason to be sorry for your feelings. You can’t keep them bottled in. It’s not good for you. It’s okay Heath.” Her voice soothed him as she caressed his hair. “You ready to go now? Laura is inside with the children.” Heath couldn’t say anything so he nodded. She kissed the top of his head, helping him up.

“I’m scared, Janey. What now?” Janey looked up at him and grasped his large, tanned hand.

“Shhh…Heath. It’ll be all right. Whatever happens, we will get through it together. Let’s just get through today, all right?” He nodded and hugged her close.

“I love ya Janey.”

“I love you too. Now bring the buggy to the house and I’ll gather everyone up.” She hugged him back and kissed his cheek. She placed her small hand on his cheek and caressed it lovingly. She gave him a small, sad smile, turning to go back to the house. Heath watched her as she left then he brought the wagon out to the front of the house. He sighed as Laura and Janine brought the children out. When they were all settled in, Heath flicked the reins and headed towards the house that he came to know and loved.

Nick and Chelsea had gone to their room to gather their thoughts and to be by themselves. They knew that once word got out, there would be people coming around to give them their condolences and they had to be strong.

It was a tough for Nick. He loved his mother with such a passion. He would miss her, “Nicholas, must you always shout when you enter the house?” speech every time he entered the house. He would miss her regal presence at the dinner table and would especially miss her advice. It was tough when his father died, but he had the ranch to carry on in his father’s legacy and that helped ease the pain. But his mother, her very presence was enough to stop him in his tracks. She always knew what he was up to, even when he thought he was being sneaky.

He put his hands on his face and sobbed. Chelsea sat beside him on the bed and soothingly rubbed his back. She pulled him to her bosom, holding him as he sobbed furiously. She whispered words of comfort to him while streams of tears rolled down her cheeks. He held her tightly until the sobs were over, then sat up. The baby chose at that moment to kick making its parents smile. In the midst of pain and sorrow, there was a glimmer of happiness and they knew that Victoria Barkley would be proud of this new little one.

After they regained their composure, they washed the tear stains off their faces and hugged each other tightly. “I’m here for you now and always, Nick. Take comfort in the knowledge that your mother was very proud of you. The way you run this ranch, the way you protected her in the years since your father died. Remember the woman she was Nick. Not the woman she became.” Nick caressed his wife’s back and held her gently, the baby interrupting any kind of intimacy between them.

“Thank you Chel. I’m gonna miss her terribly.”

“I know, Nicky. I am too. She commanded attention when she entered a room. For such a small lady she was pretty spectacular.” Nick grinned and nodded. With their arms around each other, they went down stairs to meet up with the rest of the family and to have a drink.

Jarrod and Jenny were in the library with their daughter Cat. Cat was wandering around the library while Jenny watched her and Jarrod. Jarrod had yet to shed any tears, to show any emotion at all. She went over to her husband and put her arms around him. “Ai Ren. Are you okay?” She asked quietly. He nodded and placed his arms around her waist, pulling her into his lap.

“I’m going to miss her terribly, Jen.” His voice was choked up with emotion but he wouldn’t let the tears fall. He had a responsibility to the remaining members of the Barkley family and he wasn’t going to let them down. He would shed tears in private. Just like the matriarch did when their father died. His brothers and sister needed him, so he had to wait to grieve.

“It’s okay to cry Jarrod. Your family won’t mind if you shed a few tears, I’m sure.”

“But they need me Jen.” His voice broke. He struggled hard to hang on to the tears but he wasn’t succeeding. He hugged Jenny tighter as the tears came viciously rolling down his cheeks. After a few minutes he composed himself and gathered his thoughts. He couldn’t concentrate on her legal affairs yet, but he knew he had to. There was the matter of her will, going through her personal belongings, something he was not looking forward to. He held Jenny a while longer until Cat tugged on his pants, wanting in on the hugging as well. Jarrod picked her up and hugged both of them, while they sat on his lap. “I love you Jennifer” he said through his tears.

“I love you too Jarrod. I know how you feel Jarrod, I lost both my parents too. Its an empty feeling, you will always miss them, but time makes it easier. There are times where I still want to go tell mama something, but then remember she isn’t here. Hasn’t been around since I was fifteen.” Jarrod heard the wistful tone in her voice and hugged her tighter. “I know that didn’t make you feel better, but I am here for you Ai Ren. I will be by your side now and forever.”

Audra and Fred stayed at the house and went upstairs to Audra’s old room. They had little Doug with them. They sat on the bed, Audra in shock. “Mother’s gone, Freddy. What am I going to do? What are we going to do?” Audra wanted to cry, scream, yell but she didn’t do any thing. All she could do is sit on the bed and look forlornly at the door. She got up, opened the door, and went to the matriarch’s room. Fred followed quietly behind her and said, “She’s not here, love.”

“I know sweetheart.” She replied as his arms encircled her and she leaned back into him. “I just don’t know what to do. I miss her so much. She always knew what I was doing, it was like she could read my mind.” Fred drew her closer as she closed her eyes, and she silently wept for her beloved mother.

Being the only girl in the family, Audra was spoiled by her brothers and by her mother. Victoria made sure that she knew wrong from right, and when Tom Barkley was taken away from them suddenly, Audra drew strength from her mother. She had no parents now. What was she going to do? She thought about her brothers as she entangled herself from her husband’s arms. She walked over to the dressing table and picked up a picture of her parents. She clutched it to her chest and sat on the bed. The tears rolled down her face in torrents as Fred sat beside her, holding her and moving the hair off her face. He drew her head close to his chest, mumbling words of comfort. Eventually she calmed down and put the picture back on the dressing table. She wiped her face then took her husband’s hand. They went slowly down the stairs to meet the rest of the family.

Chapter 10

The week passed by in a blur. People came by to offer their condolences, and they accepted gracefully. Laura consoled the family including Silas who seemed lost at the loss of his good friend. He did things, like cook the meals, clean and wipe the silver without any emotion. It was only a shell of a house, and very lonely without the silver haired woman wandering around placing flowers in her vases or talking over ranching business with her sons.

Jarrod, Heath and Audra all stayed at the house, consoling each other and making arrangements for the funeral that was to be held this day. They had decided to have a private service then after allowing friends and acquaintances to say their good byes after.

Heath and Nick tried to keep themselves busy with ranching business, but kept close to the house. They only went out to the range when absolutely necessary. Duke McCall and his wife helped the grieving family, Duke by taking on the duties that were usually carried out by Nick or Heath. The numbness of Victoria’s death started to wear off and they were feeling the affects of the grieving process. The more they felt it, the harder they worked. Now, on the day they laid their mother to rest, they felt the emptiness more then ever.

Jarrod closed his office and tried to go through his mother’s affairs. There was the will, the mines, the lumber camps, the ranch itself. On the ranch there was the fruit crops and the winery. Decisions had to be made but there was time enough for that. Jarrod put his pen down and closed the bottle of ink. He rose from the mahogany desk that belonged to his father, found his container of cigars. He took one out, bit off the end, and lit it. He walked over to the French doors and watched his brothers work on one of the ranch buggies. He decided to join them and lend them a hand, hard work may keep his mind off of things.

After a while, the brothers came in and dressed for the ceremony. Their families had already gotten ready and were getting the children ready. Finally they were ready and they proceeded to their father’s grave site. The padre was there all ready with the undertaker. The brothers went to the hearse lifting their mother out and carried her to the newly dug hole. They placed her in the grave and stood back while the padre said the prayers for the ceremony. When it was over, they threw the dirt on the coffin saying their final good byes. The siblings each said a little something about their mother and stood back. When they all had their say, they left the site and let the others that had gathered in the distance to say their good byes. There wasn’t a dry eye in the valley.

The Barkley offspring went to the mansion to get ready for the mourners that were sure to come. They were all hoping that this day would end soon and they could get on with their lives. They had no sooner gotten in the house when there was a knock on the door. Silas opened the door greeting Howard Merar and his wife. The women had set out food and drinks. For the next few hours the people of San Joaquin valley came through the house and talked to the family, reminiscing about the queen of the valley and her life.

Finally the parade of people ended, the food and drinks gone. The family was tired, the children having gone to bed hours before. They lingered down in the parlour for a while longer speaking quietly to each other. It had been a mentally exhausting week and the weekend would prove to be no better. They just had to get on with their lives, but they all felt a large void in their lives.

The next morning they rose up one by one and joined at the breakfast table. Laura had all the children up and fed by the time the adults had gotten to the table. Silas had prepared the usual breakfast of scrambled eggs, ham, bacon, and hash browns. Nick and Chelsea had been the last to sit down as the others had filled their plates with the food. When they sat down to eat each one looked to the empty spot at the end of the table and smiled. “We had better say Grace. Mother would have insisted on it.” mused Jarrod, bowing his head. The others smiled and bowed their heads as they asked for the blessing on the food and to keep their mother safe.

That day, Nick, Jarrod, Heath and Audra went upstairs into their mother’s bedroom and decided to sort out some of her things. Audra opened the drawers of her personal desk and gasped. Inside were letters addressed to each of them. Their names written on the front of the envelopes in her luxurious handwriting. She looked to the envelopes then to her brothers. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” asked Jarrod, noticing Audra’s face.

“Jarrod, she….she….she left us something.” She somberly handed him the envelopes. Jarrod looked perplexed as he looked at the names on them. There was one for each of them. He handled his mother’s legal affairs but he knew nothing of these. Each one looked at the envelope being given to them and quickly put them away to be read in their own private time.

They very slowly and very methodically went through the matriarch’s things. Nick and Jarrod chuckled at some of the things that they found she had kept. Nick’s drawing of his first horse, Jarrod’s first poem dedicated to her. Audra’s first sampler. They brought tears to their eyes then they found something that Heath had no idea that she had. Heath reached out and touched it, tears springing fast and furious down his cheeks. He caressed the brown hat and put it on. Why she had kept that old ugly thing, he had no idea, but she had.

They took all her dresses and placed them on the bed. “We will take these to the church. They will give them away to whoever needs them.” They nodded in silent agreement. Their spouses came to tell them that lunch was ready so they took one last look around the room and closed the door after them. It had been a trying morning. They spent the lunch hour reminiscing, laughing at some of the crazy stunts they had gotten away with. Their spouses shook their heads and made comments like, “Good thing your mother didn’t know! But she does now!” There were smiles all around the table as they rose up and continued on with the cleaning of the room.

Later that night, after the bedroom had been cleaned out and aired, they trudged down the stairs feeling much better that something important had been accomplished. Nick poured everyone a drink, standing by the fireplace staring at his father’s portrait on the wall. All of a sudden, he turned and faced everyone, saying quite loudly, “Now what, Jarrod?” Jarrod looked up, startled, as he was deep in thought as to when to announce the will reading. He had been preparing the paper work, going over the ranch’s finances and making sure everything was taken care of before reading the will.

He took a deep breath and said, quietly, “Tomorrow, I want everyone here so I can read the will.” Everyone looked expectantly at Jarrod, and nodded. One by one, the couples headed upstairs and to bed.

Heath and Janine checked on their children and silently left their rooms. They dressed for bed and climbed in, but sleep wouldn’t come. “Heath?”

“Yeah, Janey?” Heath rolled over onto his side and snuggled closer to his wife. She moved closer and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly.

“Are ya okay?” He kissed her back and nodded. He sat up suddenly and lit the lamp. He got out of bed, and went to his shirt, placed ever so neatly on the chair beside the bed. He fished around till he found the pocket and pulled out the envelope that was there. He smiled, sadly and crawled back into bed. “What’s that you have Honey?” She sat up beside him and he put his arm around her.

“Audra found these in Mother’s desk drawer. There was one for each for us. I reckon she wrote these before she got really bad.” His voice cracked as he caressed the envelope in his hands.

“Are ya gonna open it?” He squeezed her shoulder and pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head.

“K Janey. I will.” Ever so slowly he opened the envelope and unfolded the paper inside. He couldn’t believe what she had written, so much like his beloved Mother.

My dearest Heath:

When you read this, you will know that I am gone. I am in a better place but in the years since your arrival, my life has been richer for knowing you. I cannot picture life without you, my son. Yes you are my son in every way. I may not have given birth to you but you are my husband’s son so that makes you my son. There are so many things I wanted to tell you but I see in your eyes that I don’t have to. You are like your father in so many ways. I see it in the way you treat your wife and family. I see it in the way you pour yourself into the work that needs to be done. I see your father in your loving smile that just seems to light up your face.

Take care of them my son, they are the strength and joy of your life. Your wife is a beautiful woman, full of spirit and happiness. It makes me happy that you are now a happy man. Look out for your brothers and sister, they depend on you more than you think.

Thank you Heath, my son, for coming into my life and loving me like your Mother. I am very proud of you. I know you will miss me but remember me in happiness, not in sadness.

I love you,

Mother

Heath couldn’t hold back the tears as he read this last letter from her. Janine held him as they both cried silently. After a while, they turned off the lamp and fell into an exhausted sleep.

Nick and Chelsea were awake talking quietly together. Sleep was slow in coming and nothing they did made them tired. Eventually the talk returned to the silver haired matriarch. Nick slowly crept out of the bed and found the letter that his mother had written to him. Chelsea looked at him in wonder at the paper he had furiously ripped open and read his mother’s last words to him:

My dearest Nicholas:

Don’t cry for me, my good strong son. Remember me in happiness. I am very proud of you Nick. The way you took over the ranch when your father was killed. The way you fight for people who are in trouble. The way you love your wife. The way you accepted Heath into our family. Yes my son I am very proud of you. You are a man of action but you need to be careful Nick. Watch your temper and think before you speak. I know it sounds very motherly of me, but please indulge me in my last wish for you. May you have the happiness you deserve my son.

I love you,

Mother

Nick wept unashamedly, but quietly, as Chelsea held him. The letter fell from his hands and unto the floor. Finally the tears subsided and he lay down on the bed, falling asleep. She found the letter that had fallen out of his hands and smoothed it out. She folded it and placed it back into the envelope, setting on the beside table. She blew out the lamp and fell into a light sleep, the baby moving in her belly.

Jarrod and Jenny were also having problems getting to sleep. They made love passionately, and lie in their bed, holding each other. Like his brothers, he needed to see what his mother had written in the letter she left. He had no idea when or that she had done this, but was happy she did. It meant that she knew what was going to happen. She knew on her good days that she didn’t have long left and that saddened him. At least she isn’t suffering anymore, he thought as he quickly but carefully ripped open the envelope. He sat on the edge of the bed, putting his arm around Jenny as he read the contents.

My darling Jarrod:

You have been my rock. I am very proud of you, Jarrod, my son. I am proud of the way you brought this family back from complete sorrow when your father was killed. I am proud of the way you guided Nick and Audra to adulthood. You are such a good brother and son. You will do well in raising your own family. Please don’t grieve for me long, my son. Let your wife be your guide. She is a wise woman and will be a good help for you in years to come. Enjoy life Son, you deserve it.

I love you,

Mother

Jarrod looked to his wife, pulling her closer. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him while he pondered the letter, letting the tears roll down his cheeks. He would keep this last letter from his mother. It was a show of the depth of her love for him.

Audra and Fred were in Audra’s old room, where Audra was having a hard time settling down. She, too, thought about the letter which she had found, addressed to her. She was frightened to read it. Not really frightened, just feeling a little awkward and sad about reading her mother’s last words to her. But she felt she must. Fred watched as she paced about the room, looking at the letter and sighing. “Fred, I want to read this letter. But I am scared.”

“Read it when you’re ready Darling.” He told her gently, getting up to stop her from pacing. He placed his arms around her and held her tightly, noticing that she was shivering. “Come sit under the blankets, Audra. You’re shaking.”

“I’m not cold!” retorted Audra, letting her husband guide her to the bed and putting the blankets on her. She looked at the envelope she clutched in her hands and carefully opened the envelope. She unfolded the white sheet of paper and read its contents, tears stinging her eyes as she read.

My dearest Daughter:

You are my light and my sunshine in my darkest days. You have made me very proud and I know that your brothers are proud of you too. I have raised you to be a caring and a kind woman and it shows in everything you do. You have a wonderful son, who will bring you the kind of joy that you have brought me. I know you will miss me, but I have instilled in you values that I hope you will pass on to your children. Don’t remember me in sadness my darling, but remember all the happy times we had together. You are my only daughter and my friend. It makes me so proud to say that. May you always be the kind and caring person you are today. May God bless you and keep you always, my daughter, my friend.

I love you,

Mother

When she was done, she handed it to her husband. They held each other as the sobs wracked her body, eventually she quieted down and fell asleep.

It was a fitful sleep for all of them, but the night sounds soothed the grieving family telling them that things would be all right soon.

Chapter 11

The next day brought laughter and sorrow. They ate their breakfast and readied themselves for Church. There was to be a special church service dedicated to Victoria with a remembrance tea afterwards. Heath and Janine glanced at each other as they gathered all the children and loaded them into their buggy. Nick and Chelsea got into theirs with Jarrod and Jenny, heading to the church.

The service was long, but nice. They sang all of Victoria’s favorite hymns, recited all her favorite verses and the padre spoke of what a special woman she was. After the service, the parishioners left the building, teary eyed and headed towards the picnic grounds where she loved to picnic. The family followed along behind, only wanting to go home. They put on their best faces, and accepted the condolences once again. They reminisced with people the family hadn’t seen in a long time. Whenever this happened, Heath stood off to the side. Even though he had been an accepted member of the Barkley family for several years, there were still those that made him feel uncomfortable.

Janine noticed this, and took his hand. “It’s okay Heath.” she told him in a soothing voice caressing his hand with her thumb.

He looked up at her and nodded, “I know it will. I miss her so much, Janey.”

“I know you do. Nick, Jarrod and Audra all do as well. Let’s say we go over and be with them. They need you as much as you need them.” He let her guide him back to his brothers and joined in the conversations. He held his wife’s hand while they kept an eye on their active children.

They went home after the services, and the men went upstairs to change out of their Sunday best. After they changed, they decided to go play some pool while the women decided to help Silas in the kitchen. He shooed them out of the kitchen saying he could do it himself. But he would need help with setting the table a little later.

The women left to be with the men while Silas set about making the meal. He thought about Victoria and how much he missed her. With her gone, it seemed to be very empty even with all the offspring looming about. She was diminutive in stature, but her presence filled every room in the house. He cut onions to hide the tears that unashamedly fell from his dark eyes. He was glad for the silence in the kitchen. No one to witness his grief.

The next day, Jarrod announced he wanted everyone gathered in the study for the reading of the will. He was not looking forward to this, but it was his duty and responsibility to do as his mother wished. Heath and Nick told him they would join them in the study in an hour after breakfast. They had the ranch to be responsible for and make sure that Duke knew what there had to be done for the day. Jarrod nodded, knowing the ranch needed taking care of, even though there were other things going on.

When they were all gathered in the study, Jarrod looked up from the desk full of papers. He was having a hard time concentrating on his cases, but he knew that life goes on even through the roughest of times. This was no exception. He took a deep breath and set his eyes upon his wife, who was sitting beside him. She nodded in encouragement. “As you all know Mother made me executor of her will. I will read what she wanted and if you have any questions, ask me. I will answer to the best of my lawyer and brother abilities.” They all nodded as Jarrod sat on the edge of the great desk that once belonged to his father.

He read the will, stating that Jarrod, Nick, Heath and Audra divide up the assets and distributed them up evenly among themselves. She left some personal possessions for them all, jewelry for Audra, her favorite saddle for Nick, her favorite pen, a gold tipped quill pen set that Tom had bought when their first mine succeeded. For Heath she had left something odd. Jarrod handed him a key and told him it was a key to a safe deposit box. All that she left him would be in there. Heath looked perplexed but accepted the key.

Jarrod read on. Each of the grandchildren got a substantial amount of money to be held in trust for them until they were of age. Any unborn children also received money as well. The money left over would go to the churches, orphanage and other charity.

At last Jarrod was done reading and he looked to the family. He saw the eyes of his family fill with tears. It was done; they had done the last of her bidding. It was time to say good bye and move on to the next phase of their lives. They only had each other to rely on and they would get to each other through the good times and bad times of their lives.

Chapter 12

Heath and Janine moved back to their place after staying at the mansion a couple of weeks longer. Jarrod and Jenny also went back home, leaving Nick and Chelsea to roam the large house. It did seem empty without their mother’s presence and they often found themselves trying to keep busy with the running of the ranch. Sundays always found the family together, enjoying each other and going over the ranch details for the week.

Thanksgiving was coming up and everyone was busy preparing for that. It would be the first holiday since Victoria’s passing, and they were looking forward to it with trepidation. They prepared the menus and decided to invite the orphans to the house for a thanksgiving meal as well. They made themselves busy making centerpieces for the tables. They set up a smaller table for all the children, setting up with a centerpiece that the children made.

The women started baking pies and cakes for the upcoming holiday while Silas went over what food they each wanted. There was to be the turkey, glazed ham, potatoes, gravy, the plum sauce, apple sauce, steamed vegetables, salads, pickles, and other preserves. It was to be a lavish meal. For dessert they were to have pies, pastries and other baked goods.

Leah helped out where she could, stirring the pudding, pouring flour for the cakes and cookies. She enjoyed helping her mother and aunts, and she told them so. “Is this how, Mama? Am I doin’ this right?” The women chuckled as they watched her busy herself around the kitchen, gathering everything they needed.

The night before the festivities Heath and Janine sat on their front porch on their swing, enjoying their peace and quiet after the hustle and bustle of the day. They held hands and talked quietly.

“I can’t believe thanksgiving is here already,” remarked Janine snuggling close to her cowboy. He nodded, absently, lost in thought. “What’s wrong, Heath?” He placed his arm around her and hugged her close.

“Just thinkin’ my pretty. Just thinkin’.” He placed a kiss on the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and squeezed.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, Cowboy? Hope its about me.” she snuggled even closer to him.

“I went to town today and checked out the safe deposit box that Mother left.” She sat up suddenly and searched his face. He was pokerfaced and stared straight ahead. “She left me something that obviously meant a lot to her.”

“What was it Love?” She reached up and caressed his face then pulled him to face her. She saw the tears well up in his eyes as he spoke quietly.

“I opened the box and inside was a pocket watch. Nothing fancy, but it was his, Janey. It was my father’s. Inscribed inside it said, “You are my life, my love. Janey, I remember this watch. My own mama had it while I was growing up. How I wondered who that watch belonged to. Mother must have gotten it when she went to Strawberry, to find out the truth about Mama and him.” He looked so sad that Janine held him to her as he wrapped his arms around her, sighing deeply.

“Heath!” He lifted his head to face his wife, as she spoke the words, “Both your mothers loved you very much. You hang on to that. Your father too, would be proud of you if he had known you.” This made Heath smile slightly. He had long ago forgiven his father for his indiscretions and mistakes where he was concerned. Victoria Barkley, the matriarch of the Barkley family chose to let Heath come into their family and there were no regrets. She loved him as her own. He would hang on to that.

They went to bed, after checking on all their children and fell almost instantly to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a trying day as it was Thanksgiving Day. They had a lot to be thankful for.

Everyone arrived at the Barkley mansion, full of happiness. They were laden with food, and decorations. Once everything was in the kitchen and the decorations were put up, Heath and Audra went to pick up the children from the orphanage. He was back in record time with ten children. He smiled as he led them in and sat them down on the settee while Audra poured them punch. Chelsea sat at the piano and played music while the others tried to sing along.

After a while, Silas announced that dinner was ready. They all filed into the dining room as the scent of supper greeted them. The children’s table had a homemade paper mache turkey that Leah had made with the help of her brothers. Each place had a name tag showing each child where to sit. There was a flower cut orange at each flowered plate. The children sat at the appointed places while the adults filled their plates with food.

The adults' table was adorned in much the same way as the children’s except the centerpiece was the six-tiered candelabra. Name tags lined each plate. Flower cut oranges were placed on the earthenware dishes. They filled up their plates from the serving table and sat down. They said Grace, and began their meal. They went around the children’s table asking them all what they were thankful for. Each child’s answer was typical, “I am thankful for being here, the food, for God, my dog,” and the most precious, “I’m thankful for my friends.” It was Leah’s turn and she turned to her parents and said, “I thankful for my grandma. I miss her and wish she was here to help us eat.” With that the children began to eat their meal.

The adults began their thanks as well. They were each thankful for their family and friends. They each were thankful that they had the time with Victoria. They were finished their meal by the time they had said their piece and went on to dessert. Silas had cleaned off the serving table and brought out the cakes, pies and pastries that everyone had made. It made their mouths water, even though they were stuffed from dinner.

When they were sufficiently filled, they took the children into the parlour and played games with them. They played charades, and guessing games. Afterwards, they sat around the piano singing songs. Soon it was time for the orphans to go back. Fred and Audra said they would return them on their way back home. “Good bye everyone! Thanks for supper. Happy Thanksgiving!” the children said as they went out the heavy door. The women helped the children with their coats while the men helped them into the buggy. They waved as they left the house talking a mile a minute about the wonderful day they had at the Barkley Ranch.

Heath and Janine’s children fell asleep upstairs. They decided to stay the night and go home in the morning. It was an exhausting day, and all were glad that the day was over. Mother would have been proud of them if she was there. “I think she was watching from Heaven.” remarked Jenny, taking Jarrod’s hand. “Let’s go home, Ai Ren.” Jarrod nodded, kissing her hand and took Cat from her. He turned, looking at his brothers, and tipped his hat.

“Good night brothers. See ya tomorrow.” He opened the door for his wife and left, leaving an emptiness. Heath and Nick went into the library and poured themselves a drink while Chelsea and Janine straightened up. When it was almost picked up, they joined their husbands in a glass of sherry and yawned widely behind their hands.

“Time for bed soon, I think.” Janine said in a middle of a yawn. Heath grinned his lopsided smile and nodded. He sat down beside her on the arm of the chair and placed his arm around her. She leaned into his lap and smiled as Chelsea did the same with Nick.

Chelsea was getting large with child, groaning and moaning as she moved around. Janine smiled remembered how she felt with the twins. “Well I think I’m gonna take lil mama here to bed before she wrecks Mother’s favorite chair.” Remarked Nick, earning him a slap in the arm.

“Remember Nick. You’re the one that made me this way!” She retorted, feigning anger.

“I seem to remember ya didn’t object at the time.” Chelsea, red faced, couldn’t even stammer out a reply. She slapped him playfully again as he helped her out of the chair. “G’night Heath. G’night Neen.” they mouthed together and chuckled. Nick guided his wife out of the library and up the stairs, sneaking kisses along the way.

Heath and Janine sat up for a while longer, nursing their drinks and talking quietly. They enjoyed being together when the rest of the house was sleeping. They sat out on their porch swing at home but being in the library in the mansion served just as well. They snuggled together, finished their drinks and decided it was time for bed. They secured the house, then went up the stairs to the bedroom that used to be Heath’s. They snuggled together as sleep grudgingly came to them, talking quietly and giggling under the covers. Soon their eyelids grew heavy and they fell asleep as night gave way to morning all to soon.

Chapter 13

With Thanksgiving over, Christmas was just around the corner. Nick brought down the Christmas decorations for them to go through. Since it was winter, there wasn’t too much work to be done on the ranch, so Nick helped Chelsea with the decorating. Silas went about his daily chores, cleaning, polishing and started with some Christmas baking and cleaning.

Jarrod and Jenny came over to help out with the decorating as well as Heath and Janine, who had started decorating their own home. Jarrod and Jenny decorated their home as well and Cat kept getting into the ornaments. She loved the shiny decorations and was pulling them down. They started buying their gifts and Jenny decided to make some Chinese delicacies for the big day. Jenny told Jarrod that they would invite the family to celebrate the Chinese New Year. Jarrod had heard of this celebration but never really understood it. It was going to be a wonderful time.

Heath and Janine’s children were a handful and Laura was helping them build some decorations of their own. They were planning on doing some baking as well. Around the Barkley homes, there was a feeling of the Christmas and they couldn’t help feeling happy. The children tried to be good, knowing that Santa would fill their stockings up with coal if they weren’t. Leah looked quizzically at her parents as they told her this, but she really didn’t know if they were joking or not. “Betta be good,” she told her little brothers. “We don’t want Santa to think we bad.” Janine smiled as she listened to her admonish her brothers time and time again. The twins were still small enough that they didn’t know they had to be good for Christmas.

Audra and Fred also had their house decorated and came over to help Nick and Chelsea with the mansion. They were all going to spend Christmas day with them, but they had their own celebrations to attend to as well. Little Douglas was crawling and getting into everything, keeping them on their toes. Audra never knew that motherhood could be so exasperating at times and really missed the wise words of her mother at this time. She spent the days deciding what each member of her family wanted. Audra was becoming an excellent cook, so she decided to bake some Christmas delicacies that she remembered her mother making at many Christmases.

The husbands decided to each get a tree for their own homes and get one for the mansion. They spent every day for a week looking for the perfect trees for everyone. They found smaller ones for each of the families and a taller one for the big house. Each of the families decorated it with their own special decorations. It was beginning to look like Christmas.

Jarrod came home from his office in Stockton, loaded down with gifts that he tried to secretly bring in. He looked around to make sure that Jenny was somewhere else and quietly went upstairs to hide his surprises before she found them. Then he would go downstairs, finding her making supper. He put his arms around her and kissed her neck, while she leaned back into her, saying “I’m home, pretty lady.”

“I see that Ai Ren. How was your day?” she made sure the meal was all right before she turned in his arms and kissed him. “I missed you” she whispered, passionately.

“Did you? I’m glad to hear that. My day was busy but every spare moment was thinking of my wife at home, slaving away to feed her hungry husband.” She went to slap his arm when he grabbed her hand and held her against him. He covered her lips with his own, locking them in a passionate kiss. The food was momentarily forgotten as they were lost in a moment of passion. There was a squeal from the living room, where Cat was in her playpen. She had heard her father’s voice and wanted out to see him. They sighed and pulled apart. Jenny went back to cooking supper while Jarrod went to rescue Cat out of her playpen.

Jenny set the table for them and called them to eat. They compared their days while they ate. Jarrod said that the Cawley Case was finally over. Jarrod was glad the case was over, as it was a tough one. He had won, and now wouldn’t take any more cases till after the holidays. That way he had a lot of time to spend with his family. She smiled when he said this. She loved that he put his family before anything else. She had married a wonderful, caring man.

Nick and Chelsea were getting ready for bed, talking quietly. They still weren’t used to the silence of the big house. When Nick came in from outside, he missed his mother asking him not to yell. He missed how she would sweep into a room, tell him something and then sweep out of the room again. He still felt her presence all through the house and even sometimes smelled her perfume permeating in the house. Chelsea could sense when Nick missed her and kissed his worries away. The growing baby created out of their love, stopped them from making love physically but their love grew stronger by the day. Nick rubbed her belly and talked to the baby constantly. Chelsea smiled when he did this, knowing that their baby would be well loved when he joined them.

The Barkley clan was busy with the wrapping of their many gifts, planning the big day and having a blast. Heath stayed home with his family and helped out around the house. He did the outside chores as well as going over and helping Nick with the many things that needed doing there. When he came back, he relieved Laura while she took a much needed break. They were grateful for having her around, having so many young children was hard but it was enjoyable. David and Freddy were very close and did everything together. They got into a lot of mischief, and very often, Laura could be heard telling them, “Boys! Yo oughten not to be doin’ dat.”

“Let’s give Laura a vacation for Christmas” said Janine to Heath one night when they were sitting on their swing, drinking their hot chocolate.

“Janey, that’s a great idea!” answered Heath putting his arm around Janine. They sat like that for a while, just enjoying each other’s company. It was a companionable silence, one that needed no words. Soon, they were done with their mugs and went inside, securing the house behind them. It was bedtime and the children would be up bright and early.

The month passed quickly, so much had been done, and soon it was Christmas Eve.

Everyone had spent the day with their own families, knowing that they would spend the next couple of days at the main ranch.

Heath and Janine gave Laura their present early, a trip back to New York for a month. Laura didn’t want to accept the generous gift, but they insisted and she relented. In all reality, she was elated, her mother was ill, and she wanted to see her. “Yo sho is good ta me! Mr. Heath, Mrs. Heath, are yo sho yo wanna do dis? Five kids is lots to take care of.” They nodded vehemently, knowing they had help when they needed it. Laura smiled widely and hugged Rachel and little Nicky to her large bosom. “I’se goin’ back to New Yoke. Gonna see my mammy and my pappy. Yo sho made me happy.” She picked up the children, saying it was time for baths and bed. The couple grinned at each other, knowing they did the right thing but the same thought popped into their heads. Boy howdy, all five of them! Should be an interesting month! Heath winked at his wife, grasping her petite hand assuring her that they did the right thing.

Chapter 14

Christmas morning came a little too early for the adults, Leah ran into their room, bouncing them out of sleep. “Mama! Papa! Wake up! Its Cwistmas!”

“Leah, what the…..” yawned Heath, blinking hard to adjust to the almost lighted room. “Do ya know what time it is?” He asked her when he looked at the clock.

“Is it too earwy, Papa?” Her blonde hair all askew. Janine woke up then and groaned when she saw what time it was.

“I’ll say its too early Leah!” admonished Janine. “It’s four in the morning. We don’t get up for at least another hour yet!” She grabbed Leah and tickled her. “But since its Christmas morning, we can make an exception. This time!” Leah was giggling so hard at the tickling that her blonde curls bounced onto her face and hid it. Heath rose out of bed to gather the rest of the children who were all sitting up in bed. Janine giggled as she watched Heath come out of the boys' bedroom with a trail of children following him down the stairs. Leah followed him as did Janine.

Heath and Janine stood behind the children as they squealed in delight at the goodies that Santa left them. “Open dem?” asked Davey.

“Open dem?” copied Freddy. Heath smiled as Janine brought him a coffee.

“Let’s get the stockings, k? Then we’ll have breakfast and open whatever is left.” The children sat together on the settee while Heath played Santa by handing out their woolen stockings. The children dived into their stockings while the parents watched. Laura watched as they opened their many tiny gifts. There was a little bag of candy for each of the bigger children. There were little wagons and toy soldiers for each of the boys. Leah received a homemade doll with blonde curly hair from Laura. She also received homemade jewelry from Janine.

Laura started breakfast while the family opened the stockings. Heath and Janine opened their stockings that were laden with small little trinkets for her. In Heath’s there was a penknife, a billfold, a folded up piece of paper that made him smile as he read it:

Dearest Heath:

This is a gift letter stating that you have one free day to do what you want. Use it wisely and you will be rewarded with happiness.

Your Pretty,

Janey

He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She grinned up at him as the twins played with their stockings, not caring what was inside. When the stockings were opened they filed to the table and ate breakfast. Soon they would be going to Nick and Chelsea’s for the day.

Jarrod and Jenny got up early to open their gifts they got for each other. This was only the second Christmas she had spent and they made the most of it. She watched as Jarrod opened her gift to him, a new work folder with his initials inlaid in gold thread. He handed Jenny his gift to her, considerably smaller in size and smiled as she opened it. Inside was a ring with three small emeralds with two diamonds between the emeralds. He handed her another box, observing her as she opened it quickly. Inside was a matching necklace and broach. She thanked him by kissing him passionately then handed Cat her gifts. Jarrod showed her how to open the gift and she had no trouble ripping open the paper. The proud parents laughed as she played with the paper but ignoring the present inside.

Once the gifts were opened, Jenny went to the kitchen and started breakfast. Jarrod played with Cat and read to her from her new books. Jenny came to the living room, watching the father and daughter scene, smiling to herself. She had done right marrying this man. He loved his family and it showed in everything he did. “Breakfast Ai Ren.” He stood up, holding Catherine and followed his wife to the dining room.

Nick and Chelsea sauntered into the living room and opened their stockings. There were gifts under the tree for the family but that would wait until everyone arrived. Chelsea gave Nick the gift she had picked out with Heath’s help. It was a colt pistol, with a Hereford engraved on the butt. Nick whistled when he saw it and asked how she knew how to pick out such a nice pistol. She smiled, telling him that she had her sources and he didn’t need to know. She handed him another package which he tore into and saw that it contained new spurs.

Nick handed her his gifts which contained perfume, a new dress which he picked out with Audra’s help. She opened a smaller box and found that contained a gold link bracelet. She squealed in delight when she saw it and threw her arms around Nick’s neck. “Thank you so much Nick. I love it all.”

A few hours later, the others started arriving laden with food and gifts. The children came running in throwing themselves at their overwhelmed aunts and uncles. The women took the food into the kitchen while the men put the presents under the tree. Once everyone arrived they began opening more presents. There were more squeals of delight and thank you’s as the gifts were ripped open in excitement. They sat around admiring all their gifts as the women left to help Silas in the kitchen.

The children played with their toys quietly in the parlour while the men went to play a rousing game of pool before supper. They could be heard laughing and carrying on while the women could be heard doing the same in the kitchen. Laura kept an eye on all the children and straightened up the parlour as the children played their games.

Leah got up from the sofa where she had been playing with her dolls and went into the kitchen to see what her mother and aunts were doing. “Mama?” she said, trying hard to stay out of the way.

Janine stepped backwards onto Leah’s toes. “Leah! what are ya doin’ in here?” exclaimed Janine as she bent down to make sure she was all right.

“Can I help? I’m sorry Mama. Wove you.”

“I love you too Sweetie. Here take these and set them on the table.” She handed the little girl some dishes. Audra followed along behind the little girl, carrying glasses and silverware. Together the two of them set the large table and the children’s table. Jenny entered the dining room, bringing the pickles, cranberry sauce, cranberries and rolls. One by one, they brought the food as it became ready. Soon it was time to eat. Silas announced to all that supper would be ready in a few minutes. The children went upstairs to wash up with their fathers, while Laura prepared the twins. She took them to the table where the high chairs had been set up and saw the table with its tree centerpiece and smiled. It was nice to be working in such a close family, she told herself. She looked to the children’s table and saw that it was decorated in much the same way. There were the same name tags that were used at Thanksgiving at each plate on both tables.

Soon the dining room was bustling with the family collecting their food on their plates. Jarrod said the blessing at the table and cut the turkey. It was a lively table that Christmas, with them remembering other Christmases. They sobered as they remembered the matriarch.

After supper, the men helped clear the table while Laura and the women cleaned up the children. Laura managed to get them to the living room and read them out of the book she brought with her. When the dining room was cleaned and the dishes washed, they filed into the living room where they sat around the piano singing Christmas carols. They all had eggnog, laughing as they sang the carols that were so familiar to them.

One by one, they headed upstairs to bed as the night grew late. They carried the children to bed, tucking them in, closing the door slightly. Heath and Janine stood at the doorway, hand in hand and smiling as they watched their children sleeping. They had a very long, glorious day. The couple walked to their bedroom, and lied on the bed, talking of the excitement of the day. Soon their eyes closed with the heaviness of sleep, snuggled together, they gave in to it and slept soundly till the rooster crowed early the next morning.

Chapter 15

New Year’s Day came and went without much fanfare. They rang in the New Year among themselves, at their own houses, thinking about the past year and hoping that this new year would be a prosperous and happier one. They reflected on the past year, all its happiness and sorrow. Happiness in that children were born and the ranch was more prosperous due to their hard work and ingenuity. Sadness in the loss of the beloved matriarch, but each offspring learned something from the grand dame.

They all learned strength, willingness for hard work, and love for all people from her. They learned etiquette, laughter, and how to get the most out of life from her. They all missed her but her presence was felt in the ranch. It was felt in the mansion, where her artistic hand was seen in the decorating, the paintings, and in her family. They were all testaments to her life and they were trying to live up to her standards. For such a diminutive lady, she had large shoes to fill.

Nick and Heath worked together, getting the ranch ready for spring round up. They rode the fence lines and found several sections of the fence down, so they took note of it. They would send men out to fix them the next day. They rode in silence to the far end of the fence and looked to the hills. Heath rode close to Nick, pointing up the hill. Nick sucked in his breath as he observed the sight before him.

They saw a herd of wild mustangs, all different colours and sizes. There were colts, mares and stallions standing still watching the two men. The lead stallion stood stalk still, then bent down to eat the fresh green grass below him. Heath nudged Nick as the stallion ate the luscious green grass and they admired his beauty. He was an albino and was very rare. Both the men wanted to capture the horse, but they bided their time following the herd along the fence line. The albino pricked up his ears and all of a sudden took off, the herd following him into the hills. Nick wanted to follow them but Heath told him they should wait till the next day as they didn’t want to spook the herd by chasing them. Nick reluctantly agreed and followed his younger brother back to the house.

When they arrived at the house, they found Jarrod and Jenny there waiting for them with an invitation to their place for the Chinese New Year dinner the next weekend. There were to be celebrations in town which they were going to partake. There was to be a parade, fireworks, dancing and singing plus a lantern festival.

Chelsea already accepted for them while Heath readily agreed. It would be fun to celebrate a different kind of holiday, he reasoned. He asked if there was anything they could bring and she shook her head no. They would take care of all the details.

Nick, Chelsea, Jarrod and Jenny talked late into the evening, while Heath went home to his family. With Laura gone on her vacation, Janine had her hands full with their large family, but she enjoyed every minute of it. By the time bedtime rolled around for the children, she relaxed completely in Heath’s arms. They sat out on the swing enjoying the company and quietness of each other.

“Jarrod and Jenny invited us for Chinese New Year dinner at their place.” Heath casually mentioned as he pulled her closer.

“Chinese New Year? That sounds interesting. You did accept, right?”

“Yes, I’m fascinated with the holiday and it would be fun to celebrate with them. There are also celebrations in town that we can all go to.” She snuggled more into his arms and sighed deeply. “Tired, my pretty?” He asked as he hugged her tightly to him.

“Yes Heath but its a good kind of tired. I like this kind of tired, as I am looking after our children, our house and you. I love my family and I love you.” He caressed her hair and kissed the top of her head. He loved the smell of lavender that permeated from her body.

“I love ya too, Janey.” With that they went inside the house and went to bed.

The next week passed by quickly. Heath and Nick spent the week chasing the illusive stallion. They were having a hard time catching up to it. They followed the tracks, but it was like the stallion could read their minds. The tracks stopped in the rocky mountainside. The brothers were getting frustrated and told each other so.

“I want that stallion. He would make a good addition for breeding, wouldn’t ya think Heath?”

“I’m not sure. I reckon he’s special. He sure don’t wanna be caught.” Heath glanced at his older brother, hesitating before he spoke again. “I reckon we should leave him Nick.”

“Leave him alone? Leave him ALONE? After spending all week chasing that beauty and you want to leave him ALONE?” Hazel eyes stared into sapphire ones with a look of confusion.

“Yep Nick. I reckon we should. Its obvious that he doesn’t wanna be caught.” Heath wiped his brow and pushed his hat back on his head. “We spent a week searching him out. That’s more then long enough, I reckon. I want him just as much as you but a horse that gives us this much trouble is better off running free.” He searched the dark haired man’s face as he spoke. He watched as Nick opened his mouth to say something then closed it again as he changed his mind, realizing this brother of his was probably right. If they couldn’t catch him, chances are, no one else could. They would let him run free. They flicked the reins on their mounts and headed off towards the ranch house, without the stallion who watched them from high in the rocky crevice of the mountain behind them.

Janine visited Chelsea during the week. They really didn’t know each other that well, so they spent the time together, enjoying each other’s company. They got to know each other and spent many hours talking about everything. It was during this time, that Chelsea was brave enough to speak to her about what was bothering her.

“Janine.” Janine looked up from her knitting and looked to the children who were all sleeping except for Leah, who was busy playing with the checkers, trying to play herself a game.

“Yeah Chelsea?”

“Can I ask you something?” She asked hesitantly, not quite sure on how to broach the subject. She suddenly became shy.

“Sure, anything.” Replied Janine, absently going back to her knitting, making sure she didn’t drop any stitches.

“I don’t know how to ask this. I feel so silly bringing it up.” Janine put down her knitting and looked to her new friend.

“Friends can ask friends anything. No matter how stupid it may seem to you, it’s good to get it out so it doesn’t fester inside of ya.” Janine looked to Chelsea expectantly but the question that popped out of her mouth took her by surprise.

“Before we became friends, did you…ummmm…..did you……did you like me?”

Janine opened her mouth and shut it again. Leah looked up from her game and stared at her mother but didn’t say a word. “Well, of course I did. Whatever gave you that idea?”

Chelsea reddened, and tried to explain how she felt. “When you were living here before Victoria passed away and the twins weren’t born, you hardly said a word to me. You were pleasant enough, but you really didn’t talk to me much.” she said this so quietly, Janine had to lean forward to hear.

“Chelsea! I had no idea you felt this way. I’m sorry. I was so preoccupied with my life, my problems, I just didn’t think I what I was doing to other people.” She smiled, and asked her, “You really felt I didn’t like you?”

“I thought maybe….nah…..I don’t want to say it.”

“No go ahead. Say it. I am strong. I can take most anything except if you say that ya don’t wanna be my friend any more.” She smiled at her as she said this.

“Well, okay. I thought maybe you thought you were better than me. Nick told me that I was being ridiculous, and maybe I am. I’m sorry I thought this about you. I feel really bad now.”

“Don’t worry Chelsea. I’m sorry I made you feel this way. I really didn’t mean to. You think I would be better at making friends, but sometimes, I do a lousy job. Forgive me?” Leah watched her mother and aunt hug each other in earnest, glad they discussed their feelings out in the open and they could continue to be friends. They promised each other they would never keep their feelings about each other to themselves.

The ladies were taking care of the children when their husbands walked in. Leah ran to her father, yelling, “PAPA’S BACK MAMA! AREN’T YOU GONNA SAY HEWWO?” Heath looked bewildered as Janine and Chelsea laughed at Leah’s outburst.

He picked up Leah and said loudly, “Yeah Mama! Aren’t ya gonna say howdy to your hard workin’ husband?” He threw her a lopsided grin as the boys ran to him and wanted to be picked up. He picked David up and hugged him then picked up Freddy and hugged him. Janine watched as he greeted each of the twins as well. Finally he kissed her, holding her tightly. He loved this part of their day. He loved the way she smiled when he walked in the door. He loved the way she took care of the family. It was a life he wouldn’t trade for any other. He couldn’t picture life without her. He kept his arm around her as the children begged for attention.

Nick and Chelsea smiled as they watched the family scene unfold in front of them. He whispered into Chelsea’s ear, “See that’s what family is all about. I’m so excited that our baby will be born soon.” Chelsea grinned at her husband as he rubbed her stomach making the baby kick as he did so. He took her into his arms and held her snugly. “I love you Chel.” he whispered huskily. She wrapped her arms around his waist, placing her head on his chest, listening to his strong heart beat.

“I love you too Nicholas.” she whispered back, sighing as they stood there.

Heath and Janine stayed for supper that Silas prepared with Chelsea’s and Janine’s help. Silas was happy to see the house busy with family. Even without the matriarch around the offspring spent a lot of time together. They went their separate ways at night but always at dinner, it was a full table and at holidays, everyone gathered at the mansion. “ya would be proud Missus Barkley. Your chillen are good ones and their chillen are good. Ya would love dem. Yes ya would Missus Barkley. I take good care of them till we meet again.” Silas wiped a lone tear that escaped his dark eye and served the supper.

That night as Nick and Chelsea lay in bed waiting for sleep to overtake them they spoke quietly about their day. Nick snuggled close to her, feeling the baby kick between them. Chelsea told her loving husband about the chat she had with Janine. He smiled as she told him what she said. “See. I told ya she liked ya.”

“I know you did, Honey. Sometimes my mind gets carried away.” She ran his fingers through his dark hair as he caressed her stomach.

He lifted his head and looked at her, “Just your mind, milady?” He was rewarded with a swat on the top of his head. “What did I do?”

“Sometimes, Mr. Barkley, I really don’t know why I married you. You’re just too much for me.” He answered with a kiss on her stomach and worked his way up to her lips. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. “But I love you anyway Nicholas Barkley.”

“I love you too, Chelsea Barkley. Now let’s go to sleep.” With that he took her in his arms and stroked her hair as she snuggled into him, loving the feel of his body next to hers. They fell asleep soon after, with smiles upon their faces, waking up only when the baby moved around making her uncomfortable.

Chapter 16

When Nick left to go out on the range that day, Chelsea had a stomach ache. She didn’t say anything as it went as quickly as it came. At breakfast, Nick kept up a steady stream of conversation, telling her of his plans for the day before they went to Jarrod’s and Jenny’s for supper. Chelsea nodded, not paying attention. Nick ate the hearty breakfast of eggs, steak and potatoes, quickly and drank his coffee. Soon he was done, and headed out the door, kissing his wife. “I’ll be home at lunch, my lady, so make sure you have a big lunch ready for me. I’m gonna be hungry!”

“Oh, you’re always hungry, Honey. That’s no big surprise!” She teased him. He gave her a toothy grin and opened the door. “Bye Nick! I love you,” she called after him. He turned around, quickly, and grinned at her, almost tripping on his boots. His face reddened as he sped off to the barn, saddling Thunder. He had some fences to mend. Heath wouldn’t be there that day as he was taking his family to the celebrations in town.

Chelsea lay down on the settee, deciding to take it easy before making lunch for her husband. She thought about her life before him and realized just how much her life had changed since she married her cowboy. She was very happy and soon they would be adding an addition to their family. She was worried at the beginning about carrying and having the baby but the talks with Janine helped her see that her fears were unfounded. When Chelsea told her of her fears of going through a pregnancy like Janine, Janine explained about her former husband and the accident she had that made having babies difficult. Nick had explained this to Chelsea earlier, but still she worried. She only felt better when Janine told her that she was feeling all the fears that new mothers always feel when they have babies for the first time. With this thought in mind, she fell asleep on the settee, not waking up until she felt her loving husband kissing her lightly on the lips.

“Where’s my lunch, wife?” he quietly teased her. She opened her eyes and gasped. She had slept the morning away. Nick helped her sit up, and held her as she woke up. She yawned then giggled as Nick watched her. He loved to see her wake up, she was like a child. Stretching, rubbing her eyes, then brushed the hair out off her face. He held her hand.

“I’m sorry Nick, I guess I fell asleep.” She told him with a yawn.

He cupped her chin and kissed her lightly. “That’s all right my lady. You needed the rest. I noticed ya were pretty tired this morning. Do ya still want to go to Jarrod’s tonight?” He asked her.

“I’ll be fine, Nick. I’ll just rest quietly until its time to go. Do you want to rest with me?” She said with a gleam in her eye.

“Nothin’ I’d like better Chel.” He replied, smiling tenderly at her. She smiled back at him, taking his hand. “Silas! Silas!” he yelled. Chelsea jumped at the sound of his voice, and slapped him.

“Inside voice, Nick. Inside voice.” He grinned then tears formed as he remembered his mother saying, “Nicholas, must you always shout?” Chelsea watched her husband struggle with his emotions, as Silas entered the room.

“Yes Misser Nick?”

“Is lunch ready, yet?”

“Yes, sir, Misser Nick. I’ll just set it out.” Nick nodded and pulled Chelsea up from the settee. “Let’s have some lunch then go rest for the afternoon. Chelsea nodded as another pain waved through her middle. It didn’t hurt much so she didn’t say anything.

All the Barkleys arrived at Jarrod and Jenny’s place in time for the Chinese New Year Dinner. Jenny had spent all day preparing all the dishes they needed. They all took in the festivities, the parades, the street dance. All through the day and night, the Chinese people were heard to say , “Gong Xi Fa Cai!” When they asked Jenny what it meant, she smiled and told them it meant “Happy and Prosperous New Year.”

She patiently answered all their questions about the New Year and explained to them about the traditions surrounding the festivities. Jarrod had heard the explanations earlier in the week, and had a few questions of his own. He was proud of his wife and her culture, he loved learning all about the traditions, and language that made up his wife. She never failed to amaze him. He listened to her explanations once again, smiling at her, encouraging her on as she stumbled on a few words that were difficult for her.

The children were quietly playing with the toys they brought with them but Leah sat on her father’s lap, listening to every word. She loved coming to her “unca” Jarrod’s and Aunt Jenny’s house. She loved the red and gold decorations that adorned the windows and doorways. Leah tilted her head, her blonde curls falling in front of her eyes as she listened intently to her aunt. She blew the hair out of her eyes, but never stopped listening.

“This is the Year of the Boar,” she was heard explaining. “The Chinese Calendar is a yearly one, with the start of the year being based on the cycles of the moon and because of this, the beginning of the year can fall anywhere between late January and the middle of February. This year it falls on February 12th. A complete cycle takes 60 years and is made up of five cycles of 12 years each. Our calendar names each of the twelve years after an animal. Legend has it that the Lord Buddha summoned all the animals to come to him before he departed from earth. Only twelve came to bid him farewell and as a reward he named a year after each one in the order they arrived. The Chinese believe the animal ruling the year in which a person is born has a profound influence on personality, saying: "This is the animal that hides in your heart." She looked around at her husband’s family, smiling as she did so. They were hanging on to every word. “A person born in the Year of the boar will be honest and intolerant of others. They will make good friends and will expect the same from others.” She looked to Nick and Chelsea as she made this last statement, knowing their child was due any day.

“We celebrate the New Year or the Spring Festival with dances, fireworks and the lantern festival. We float lanterns down the river at night signifying good luck to all that see them.” They looked around their eldest brother’s home and saw that it was decorated in traditional red and gold banners, origami ornaments and other decorations with Chinese symbols on them. When Janine asked what it said, Jenny answered simply, “Happiness and prosperous New Year.” She went to another and said “This one says good luck.”

Janine nodded and said to her, “Gong Xi Fa Cai!” very slowly and deliberately, trying to get the pronunciation correct. Jenny patiently taught them all how to say it properly, laughing quietly when Heath and Nick couldn’t get it right. Their faces reddened and said that they would leave the Chinese learnin’ to their wives. She smiled and headed off to the kitchen.

Soon it was dinner, and she called them to the dining room. On the table was all the traditional dishes for the celebration. There were prawns, for liveliness and happiness, dried oysters or ho xi, for all things good, raw fish salad or yu sheng to bring good luck and prosperity, Fai-hai, Angel Hair, an edible hair-like seaweed to bring prosperity, and Jiaozi, dumplings boiled in water, signifying a long-lost good wish for a family. She explained all of this as she passed the food around. There was also the ever present rice and won ton soup. She also included egg rolls in the menu. Nick wrinkled up his nose at the affair, but Chelsea kicked him under the table. He rubbed his shin while she silently told him to eat up and not make a fuss.

They politely ate what was put in front of them and went into the parlour, talking amongst themselves. They looked up when they saw that Jarrod and Jenny were holding red envelopes. She explained that the tradition was to give unmarried adults and children gifts of money, an ancient custom called Hong Bao. They then wished every one peace and happiness for the new year. As Jarrod and Jenny handed out the red envelopes, Chelsea gasped loudly. Nick was at her side instantly, asking if she was all right.

“Chelsea, what’s wrong, my lady?” His voice wracked with concern.

“I have been having these pains all day, Nick. It’s just gotten worse.” Janine, Audra and Jenny all looked at each other knowingly.

“I think Chelsea, its time for the baby.” Nick sat down, unsteadily. Jenny took charge telling someone to send for the doctor as they guided Chelsea up the stairs and into the guest room. Heath left for the doctor as Jarrod tried to keep the pacing Nick calm. It was going to be a long night.

Chapter 17

Nick wanted to race upstairs and tend to his wife. Jarrod stopped him time and time again, telling him that Audra, Jenny and Janine were looking after her. “But they aren’t doctors, Jarrod!” Nick looked up the stairs just as a loud scream came crashing down on their ears.

“I know, Nick, but women were having babies for thousands of years.” Started Jarrod.

“BUT NOT MY WIFE!” bellowed Nick who had started pacing the floor. Jarrod shook his head and smiled, remembering how he felt when Cat was born. He felt the exact same way. He put a reassuring hand on Nick’s shoulder to stop Nick from pacing. “I’m scared Jarrod.” Nick admitted. “If Mother was here, I wouldn’t feel so scared.”

Jarrod poured Nick a drink and handed it to him. He thought about what Nick had said. Victoria had been there for the birth of Cat, Leah, the twins, and Douglas but she wasn’t there for the birth of Nick’s first born.

“Mother would want you to quiet down Nick, so that your wife could concentrate on having your baby. YOUR baby Nick. What a wondrous gift. Chelsea will be fine. She is a strong lady and can handle anything put to her.” Nick stopped his pacing and looked to his older brother. “Nothing is going to happen, I promise you that. Remember, those ladies up there, including our sister, have all had babies of their own. They know what to expect, and know how to help her better than you or I.” Nick seemed somewhat comforted by his words but starting pacing again.

“I want to go up there and hold her hand, Pappy. I want to wipe the sweat off her brow. I just need to be there for her.” Jarrod smiled as he watched his brother pace. Sometimes Nick could be exasperating with his quick words and actions, without thinking first but when his family was involved he was the most thoughtful and considerate. Jarrod often wished he could be more like Nick, reacting first then asking questions later.

“We can’t Nick. It’s the man’s lot to stay out of the birthing room. I know how you must feel. I have been there, Heath has been there, we understand.” Another scream pierced the air followed by some words that Nick didn’t believe she knew and yelling for Nick to be cursed for putting her through all this pain. Jarrod chuckled at Nick’s expression, “Do you really want to be with her?” he teased his younger, tensed brother.

“Where did she learn those words?” asked a bewildered Nick just as Heath opened the door, bringing in the trusted family doctor. Dr. Merar took one look at Nick and rushed up the stairs, hoping he wasn’t too late with the birth. Just then one loud scream came thundering down the stairs then silence permeated the tension filled room.

They all breathed a sigh of relief as a baby’s cries filled the air. The brothers chuckled as they watched Nick spring up the stairs, throwing open the door to the guest room and flinched as they heard it slam against the wall.

Nick saw his wife laying on the bed, breathing a sigh of relief. She was all right. He quickly strode over to the bed, kissing his wife. “How are ya my lady?” He asked quietly. She opened her eyes and stared at him.

“I’m fine,” she replied, sleepily. Nick looked to his sister and sisters-in-law who were cleaning up. Doctor Merar put his instruments away with a caution to Chelsea about resting for a couple of days. She nodded, and Audra put the baby into Chelsea’s outstretched arms. Audra looked to her brother, smiling, as she picked up the towels and sheets they used and threw them in the basket to be cleaned. They left the room to leave the new parents to get to know their new baby.

Chelsea uncovered the baby so that Nick could see the baby’s face which looked very much like himself. The baby had lots of dark fuzzy hair, and a loud piercing scream when he lost the source of his food. “Just like his father,” remarked Chelsea, waiting for Nick’s reaction.

It didn’t take long for her words to register. “Just like his father? I have a SON?” Chelsea smiled as the realization crossed his face. “I have a son.” He looked down at his son, taking hold oh the tiny hand. “So tiny, my lady, you did good.” He sat on the bed next to his wife and put his large around her. She snuggled against him as they watched their tiny baby suckle at his mother’s bosom. “What should we name him, Chel?”

“I was thinking Paul Victor Nicholas.” Nick thought about the name and nodded. They both sighed in contentment as the heaviness of their eyelids took over and they fell asleep with Paul Victor Nicholas Barkley fast asleep in his mother’s arms.

A little while later, Nick took his son and talked quietly to him as Chelsea slept. “We gonna be good friends, you and me. I’ll teach ya how to ride, how to rope, even how to sweet talk the ladies when you’re old enough. Ya were born into a wonderful family with lots of aunts and uncles to keep us both in line. I’m sorry ya couldn’t meet your grandmother, but she would be so proud of you, son. I hope I make as good as a father as my brothers and as my own father. If I can live up to their standards then I’ll be happy. Son! I can’t get over that word! That word means so many things to me. I want ya to be able to come to me for anything, and I’ll be there for ya. Help ya through the tough times in your life and share the happy times with ya. Already ya made me and your mama so proud. I love ya my son!” Nick wiped his wet eyes and saw that Chelsea was listening to him. He reddened slightly at being overheard but she held out her arms and hugged her husband to him.

“Take your son out to meet everyone, I’m sure that they are eager to meet their nephew. I’ll help you dress him.” Together they dressed him in an outfit then the proud father took him carefully down the stairs to meet the family. One by one, the family met their new nephew. Jarrod patted Nick on the shoulder and poured him a drink.

“Congratulations, Brother Nick!” They raised their glasses in a toast and nodded their congratulations as the baby was passed around from aunt to aunt. The children wanted to see their new cousin. Leah smiled as Janine let her hold him with her help.

“He cute.” She told everyone. She went to Nick and tugged on his sleeve. “I wove him Unca Nick. He cute.” Nick bent down to hug his niece while she kissed him on the cheek. “Tell Aunt Chewsea I see her soon.”

He smiled at his blonde haired niece, so much like her parents and told her, “Thanks blondie, I’ll tell her.” He ruffled her hair while Janine handed Paul back to Nick.

“Better take him back to his mother, I think he may be hungry.” Paul was eagerly sucking on her finger. Nick gingerly took his son and held him close to his chest. To all that watched him, there was no doubt that Nick would pour all the love he had into this little boy of his. He turned, walking up the stairs, heading to his wife who was still in bed.

As he quietly opened the door, Chelsea turned towards her husband and son. Son, she thought with a small smile. What a wonderful word. Husband, son. Family to call my own. Happiness. She watched as Nick strolled towards the bed, sitting softly beside her. He handed her their son, watching mother and son as they bonded together.

After the baby was fed and laid down in his bassinet, husband and wife lay together in the comfort of their arms. They spoke quietly together before sleep claimed them. “I love you Nick.”

“I love ya too, my lady.”

A few days later, they moved back into the mansion, the matriarch’s absence even greater now that there was a baby in the house. When the other children were babies, she was always found to be picking them up, playing with them, even feeding and changing them. Nick silently cursed the fact that his mother was not here to enjoy his child.

“I feel so cheated, Chel!” complained Nick bitterly. Paul was sleeping so they were talking quietly in their room.

“You still miss her a lot, don’t you Nick?” He nodded as the tears flowed down his cheeks.

“She isn’t around to see our first child. She won’t see him take his first step, say his first word or even see him ride for the first time.” She held his head to her breast as he told her of his concerns.

He told her that he missed her voice telling him to be quiet. He missed her at dinner and her teasing. He missed her sweeping into a room, her stubbornness when he challenged her authority. Her belief in family and friends and how she stood up for them. He poured this out to his wife who understood. When he was done he sat up and searched his wife’s face.

She kissed his burly, tear stained cheek saying to him, “She was proud of you Nick. When your father was killed, you took to running the ranch with the same determination as him. She told me how proud she was of you. She was proud of you when you accepted Heath as your brother. You fight your way into accepting things but when you do, you do with all you got. That’s something your mother instilled in you. Remember that Nick. She isn’t here to see Paul but know that she was proud of you for other things.”

His hazel eyes looked unbelieving at his wife and kissed her lightly on the lips. “Thank ya Chelsea, my lady. Ya don’t know how much that meant to me. You’re right of course. Mother wasn’t much for words but her actions proved strong and true. She loved Father, Jarrod, Audra and I without reservation. Accepted our faults and loved us despite our many mistakes. When Heath came to us, she loved him without question. Accepted Father’s indiscretion without any argument. I was proud of her for that. She was quite the woman, my mother.”

“Yes she was Nick. You remember that and instill those same values in our children. She would be proud of him….of all her grandchildren.” Nick took Chelsea into his arms and kissed her passionately. “I love you Nicholas Jonathon Barkley. And I am very proud of you!” With that they undressed and went to bed. They fell into a deep slumber after a while, dreaming of their life together.

Chapter 18

As Jarrod and Jenny ate their supper, Jarrod suddenly had a sense of deja vu. He was transported back in time when his world was perfect. His mother, his father, his brother and sister were all sitting around the table, eating their supper. Jarrod had just gotten back from San Francisco, on a summer break from school. His father was speaking about the running of the ranch and how much it meant to him to have his sons take over when he wasn’t able. Jarrod shook his head out of his reverie and finished his meal. He didn’t have time for such foolishness he told himself irritably.

Since his mother had passed away, he kept himself busy and tried not to let himself think about the events leading up to his mother’s death. In the process he cut himself out from the grieving process. Jenny worried about him taking so much upon himself. He spent many hours at the office, building up his caseload and came home tired and irritable. She did not like this Jarrod.

She cleaned off the table while Jarrod played with their daughter. Cat was almost a year old now and an apple of their eyes. She had a mop of raven hair that Jenny had put into a small pony tail. She was dressed in a child’s traditional kimono and had a sense of humor. She loved Jarrod and was always calling him Diedie (di-e-die). Jarrod smiled at Cat and taught her to say daddy as well. He read to her out of the nursery rhyme books he was always picking up in Stockton when he was supposed to be working. They played while Jenny did the dishes and set the kitchen right.

When Jenny was done the dishes, they took Cat upstairs and put her to bed. Jenny said “woanan” while Jarrod said, goodnight. They both hugged and kissed her forehead while she snuggled under her many blankets. They held hands as they left the room, leaving the door open so they could hear any noises coming from her room.

Downstairs, Jenny sat on the settee and picked up the mending she was working on. Jarrod sat at his desk, shuffling papers around and muttering under his breath. Jenny put her mending down and watched as Jarrod angrily swept the papers into a pile at the edge of the desk. “Ai ren, what’s wrong?” she asked moving closer to him.

She placed her hand to reassure him that she was there and would help him through anything. He rose from his desk and went to the liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of scotch. He poured himself a large drink and downed it in one big swallow. “I can’t find the paper work for an important case. The trial starts next week and I need to prepare.” Jarrod placed the shot glass on the desk and sighed heavily as he rifled through the papers again.

“No. Jarrod. I don’t think that’s it. Talk to me Ai ren! I don’t like you like this. Have you given yourself time to miss your mother?” Jarrod threw up his head, and glared at his diminutive wife. His demeanor should have scared her, she had never seen such a wild look on anyone before but she stood her ground. “You have been there for your brothers and sister, Jarrod. But who looked after you? I wanted to, but you have been too busy at the office. Or you brought your work home and buried yourself in it here. Jarrod, I’m scared you’re going to work yourself too hard! Please Jarrod, talk to me!” She was near tears as she said this.

Jarrod heard the pain in her voice as she spoke. His demeanor changed as he saw her standing there. She looked so beautiful with her raven hair flowing down past her shoulders. Her oriental countenance filled with love and concern that he almost cried at what he was putting her through. She was right. He thought of everyone but himself. He buried himself in his work and tried to forget but he couldn’t. His memories kept invading his waking hours. Memories of his mother confiding in him about her dreams for the family. Mother helping him tell his father about wanting to be a lawyer.

Tears filled his eyes as he fell into her waiting arms. “I’m sorry I hurt you Lovely Lady. I have been so busy thinking of my brothers and sister I forgot about myself. I didn’t want to think she was gone. I still can’t believe I can’t go to her and talk out my problems. When I can go to the house, she won’t be there, arranging those blasted cut flowers. Always those flowers. And that perfume. I can still smell it. Jenny, I miss her so much. Will the pain go away?” He pulled out of her arms and searched her face while he waited for an answer.

“Ai ren.” She cupped his face with her hands and watched as he struggled to keep the tears from falling. “I lost both my parents at the same time. It was the hardest thing to get over. I still have times when I want to go tell Woanan about something that Cat did. Or I want to tell Diedie about you. Then all of a sudden, I remember, I can’t. You will never forget her, Jarrod but the pain lessens as time goes by. It’s okay to cry Ai ren. The tears help cleanse the soul of the pain we feel. The more we cry, the more the pain goes away and only happy memories remain.” Jarrod let out a sob as he listened to his wife’s words. They sat on the sofa and she rocked him, soothing his pain away.

A while later, Jarrod lifted his head and she wiped his tear stained face with her kisses. “I love you Jarrod. Please don’t hide yourself away in your feelings. It’s not good for any of us.” He nodded. “Your mother would be very proud of you Ai ren. The way you are keeping the family together, the love she gave so freely to all of you is still with in you. Maybe we can do something to remember her by. Maybe build a hospital in her name to accept all people, not just whites. Your mother was a giving and a proud woman and she raised some proud children. If we instill these things into Cat, our children, then your mother will live on.”

Jarrod listened intently to her, nodding. “I love you Jenny. I’m so happy you are in my life. I’m sorry that I haven’t been a good husband lately.” A fresh bout of tears threatened to fall but he blinked them back. Jenny wiped the fallen tears with her thumb and kissed him tenderly. They hugged each other, stood up and headed up the stairs. They checked on their daughter who was sleeping peacefully in her crib. Jarrod covered her up and placed the rag doll that Victoria had made for her when she was born beside her and left the room. They undressed and fell into bed, exhausted, sleeping a dreamless sleep.

Chapter 19

The days passed quickly and soon it was busy on the ranch. The ranch was the one thing that hadn’t changed. It grew larger with Nick and Heath’s management and became more prosperous than in the years of the Thomas Barkleys. The vineyards and orchards became more prosperous. They were shipping their wines across the country and their fruit was being shipped out of state. Things were looking good for all the Barkley offspring. Jarrod was becoming well known for his lawyer abilities throughout California and the western states.

Heath’s own property was becoming well known for the horses he broke and bred. Janine, too, was becoming well known for her fruit. The little orchard she and Heath planted together was growing quickly. Heath was proud of Janine and what they had accomplished in the few years they were married. They had chickens, and rabbits. Rabbits, he chuckled. He thought about how defensive Janine got when he teased her about her rabbits. The rabbit herd grew rapidly, and now she had expanded her warren into a popular business. They also had an area where they brought orphaned and wounded animals. They had a mutual love and admiration for the animals. The children also gained respect for the animals and were often found helping their parents, feeding and watering their many animals.

Heath and Janine loved the time they spent together, basking in the love of their marriage and their family. They had little time to spend together so they enjoyed their quiet times at night. It was during this quiet time that they reflected on their lives together. They snuggled together on the porch swing that Heath had so lovingly made when he built the house. They spoke of their hopes and dreams, of memories of loved ones that have left the earthly world. This night was no exception.

“I sold those five bushels of plums for a dollar a bushel. They want more fruit next summer. Isn’t that great?” Heath nodded as he placed his large muscular arm around her shoulders. She snuggled closer, loving the feel of his well-toned body near hers. “Heath?”

“Yes, my pretty?”

“I saw Ted and Trudy Carson at the store today.”

“How are they?” He asked absently, moving the swing gently.

“They are good. They have that spread just north of town.” He picked a thread off his trousers and tossed it away. He then kissed the top of her head.

“Oh that’s right. The old Martel place.” She nodded, inhaling his scent of pine soap. She sighed and placed her hand on his chest.

“They raise pigs. Oh Heath, do ya think we can have pigs? We can raise them for meat and sell the piglets.”

“Janine, don’t ya reckon we have enough animals all ready?” she chuckled at his remark.

“No I don’t reckon we do, Heath. Please say we can have pigs! Please?” Heath hugged her closer but didn’t say anything. “Heath, are ya ignoring me?”

“No, I’m not, my pretty. Its called hesitating.” She sat up, turning herself to face him. He smiled, touching her nose, saying, “Why pigs, Janey?”

“Because, Love, no one else has pigs and I thought it would be nice to watch them grow and the children would enjoy it and….and…..and…..” She stopped because she realized she really didn’t have a reason why she wanted pigs. She just wanted them. Heath chuckled as he watched her struggle with her thoughts. He enjoyed teasing her. He had no qualms about her having more animals, he enjoyed them himself. “Oh you are horrible!” she told him when she realized that he was teasing her.

“I know, but ya love me, anyway, right?” he kissed the tip of her nose.

“Yeah, but sometimes, I really don’t know why!” she said as she snuggled back into his arms, making the swing move gently. He chuckled and hugged her tightly to him.

After a while she said, “Heath?” She shifted her body so that her head rested on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

“Hmmm?” he answered her, shifting his body so he was more comfortable.

“Are ya all right, love? You seem a little distracted.”

“Thinkin’ is all, my pretty.” She snuggled closer caressing his chest while listening to him drawl out his words.

“What bout?” She absently picked at a piece of lint on his shirt and played with his shirt buttons.

“Just thinkin’ bout the past. Thinkin’ bout how much life has changed since Mother has left us.”

“It sure is different, isn’t it? You had good times with her. You have a lot to be grateful for because of her. She accepted you and loved you as one of her own when she could have easily turned you away. She was proud of you Heath. It wasn’t what she said, it was more in the actions towards you.” He listened to her speak. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t told himself over and over. Even after so many years of being accepted as one of the Barkleys, he couldn’t believe it. He remembered his own meager beginnings, scrimping and scraping to earn a few dollars to help his mama out. Sometimes he expected people to taunt and tease him as they did when he was a boy. He would never forget the pain and anger that came growing up without a father and he never really forgave his own mother for keeping the truth from him.

“I miss her so much Janey. She treated me like her own son, never gave it a second thought. She yelled at me when I deserved it, she hugged me and loved me like she did to her own. She was a powerful lady Janey. For being such a small person, she could throw a look at ya and you felt horrible.” Janey understood, after having felt the wrath of Victoria herself on occasion.

“Remember Heath, before we got married and Gary had tried to hurt us both?” He nodded. “Remember, how Victoria kept telling us to stay in bed? And we didn’t?” She smiled at the memory. “I remember how compassionate she was towards the Indians…Remember the Yakis at the reservation. How she used to bring medical supplies to help them. She knew there was danger but still she brought supplies.”

“I remember how stubborn she could be. If she wanted to do something, like drive the wagon, there was no way any of us could stop her. I tried when I first arrived, and boy howdy did I catch it from her! But she knew how I was when I was hurt or angry. I’d get real quiet and stalk off by myself. Nick or Jarrod would want to chase me and knock some sense into me but she wouldn’t let them. I was so grateful to her for that. She understood me. I miss her for that.” Janine listened to his memories, some she had heard before, and some she hadn’t. “She was lost in the earthquake that one time. We sure had a time searching for her. She never let the situation get her down, even though she trapped with that drunk, and the Indian woman who gave birth. I was so scared we had lost her then. But when we blasted that old mine shaft opening, there she was. Alive and well.”

Heath wiped the tears from his eyes while Janine snuggled closer, trying to console her husband. He missed the matriarch very much and she was still very much a part of their lives. They sat there on the porch swing, fireflies swarming in the darkness, and listened to the horses whinnying in the stable. It was a comfortable silence, each lost in a sea of memories of the beloved lady.

After awhile they each stood up, wordlessly, hugging each other. They entered the house, securing it. They stood by the door for a while, just holding each other, feeling the love they had together. Out of that love, they created a family, enjoying each and every passing day they had together. They undressed and fell into bed after checking their family. They held each other as they waited for sleep to overtake them. “I love ya Heath.” she told him quietly into his ear.

He kissed her tenderly then passionately as he whispered back, “I love ya too, my pretty. To death do us part.”

Epilogue

It was a day to look back on the changes that occurred during the past year. They had a myriad of happenings. The ranch was doing well, Jarrod’s career was thriving, Heath’s horse ranch was gaining popularity. Audra’s family was growing, expecting her second child in the late summer. Victoria Barkley would be proud of her descendants.

They dressed up in their Sunday best and they all rode up to the cemetery to talk to their mother. It had been a year since she passed away. They went through a lot of changes and finally accepted her death in the graciousness that she deserved. They all missed her regal presence in the big house but she was still felt in their lives. Every once in a while, they would be arguing about the running of the ranch, then would stop, expecting Mother to be running in to give her advice. Nick still missed hearing her tell him to quiet down when he was inside the house. Jarrod still missed their late night chats and found himself sometimes wandering to the house wanting advice on something before remembering she wasn’t there. Heath once went to the house expecting her to come greet him like she always had with a hug and kiss then realized it wasn’t to be. Audra often came to the house just to wander and reminisce to who ever about her. Audra missed her mother’s presence especially with raising Douglas, a rambunctious little boy who was now running all over the place.

The Barkley offspring, Jarrod, Nick, Heath and Audra stood by the grave with their families and laid flowers on top of it. They each thanked her for her presence in their lives and hoped that she was proud of them. The children also laid flowers and said some words to their grandmother. The women watched and placed even more flowers on top of the growing pile. They said a few words and turned to leave. Jarrod, Nick, Heath and Audra stayed behind while the others took the children back to the buggies. They wanted to give the sons and daughter some privacy with their mother.

Jarrod kneeled down beside the headstone and said quietly, “I love you Lovely Lady. Your presence is missed greatly but you live on in my heart.” He caressed the gravestone lovingly. With tears in his eyes he turned to face his family. Heath and Nick placed reassuring hands on his shoulders while Audra grabbed her oldest brother and hugged him tightly.

Nick walked to the grave, kneeling and murmuring, “I miss ya Duchess. I can still hear ya tellin’ me to keep quiet. I love ya so much. The house misses ya and Silas misses ya. Someday we will meet again and when we do, I will hold ya and never let ya go.” Nick looked at the gravestone and wiped his eyes before rising. He turned and received the hug from his sister and the reassuring squeeze from his brothers. He smiled at them and watched as their sister took her turn.

She rearranged the flowers on the mound in front of the headstone. She murmured words that only her mother could hear. She told her mother that she would be back to plant real flowers, roses, her favorite. Audra told of Douglas and of the new baby that was growing inside of her. She told her mother that she missed her and hoped that she was proud of her only daughter. Audra wiped the tears from her eyes and rose up from the ground. Nick helped her, giving her a reassuring hug as did Heath and Jarrod.

Heath swallowed hard and kneeled down in front of the grave, saying quietly his own words. He thanked her for taking him in and giving him a name and a heritage. He told her the words that she always wanted to hear, but never said, “I love you Mother. You were special to me and I will always carry your strength and love in my heart.” Hearing these words from him made them weep and they stood together around the grave, loving the woman who was more then just a mother. She was a friend, a confidante, a safety net for when things went wrong. They had to be the net for their own children. This they could do for their mother. They would show the world that they were Victoria Barkley’s children.

They turned from the grave when suddenly a little voice cried out, “Gama Vic, I miss you so much. I will make you happy! I will be the goodest girl. I will make you cookies and when I start school, I will learn to print and I will write a story about you. I love you Gama Vic. And do what God tells you to do. He is boss over all of us!”

Heath smiled, went to his daughter, who was the exact image of her mother and picked her up. “That was very nice Lil One. Let’s go home. I’ll help ya bake those cookies.” Leah put her arms around her father’s neck and hugged him tight.

“Aw right Papa. That be good.” With that they headed over to the buggies and headed towards the home. Life was going to be different but knowing that they each found love and happiness within their families, it would be all right. They each carried a piece of Victoria in their hearts. They would never forget her.

THE END