Full Circle

by Leona (Heathisforme)

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Introduction

Life is funny. It begins with a birth, then a death. The past meets the future. Failure meets with success. It takes you down one road and down another till it meets somewhere making a full circle. The road can be very smooth or very bumpy depending what road you decide to take. This is a short story of Heath and his full circle.

Heath sat looking at the letter in his hand. He couldn’t believe it. After all these years, it couldn’t be true. He crumpled the letter wanting to throw it away, but something stopped him. He smoothed it open once again and read its contents:

Dear Mr. Thomson:

This letter is to inform you that one Susan Martha Quinn has made a request to find you. We have been hired by her to find your whereabouts. Reason unknown. If you would like her to know where you are located, please let us know by sending a letter back to us at the following address:

Pinkertons Agency

South Pacific St.

San Francisco, California

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Lee Hornsby, solicitor

Heath puzzled over the letter. Susie wants to see me? Why, after all these years? He remembered the girl from the hospital. The one that made his pulse quicken when he was near her, his first true love. She wasn’t a nurse but someone who came to see her brother, severely hurt in the war. He was in the bed next to his. She read to him every day and he listened. She had the voice of an angel. She even looked like one, he mused. Her beautiful light brown hair that flowed over her shoulders, her blue eyes that expressed every emotion. Her caring attitude towards her brother, while the nurses were frightfully rude to her, telling her to forget it, he wasn’t going to live anyway, why bother? She trudged on, loving her brother, and reading to him knowing that at any minute he could be taken from her.

While he slept, Heath called to her to help when the nurses were unavailable. They spent hours while her brother slept, talking and getting to know one another. It was then they fell in love with each other. The nurses didn’t bother them. It was a load off their mind, knowing that the young men were being taken care of. Her brother passed away, a couple of weeks later, from his extensive injuries and Heath was there to comfort her despite his many injuries from his time at Carterson. She appreciated it and spent more time with him till his release six months later.

They left the hospital together, engaged and full of plans to get married. They were so happy together, that he even took her back to meet his mother, who was very glad that Heath finally found happiness. They spent months looking for the right place to settle down, deciding on Sonora, even going as far as buying a small spread in which to start their own ranch. Then it happened. Their passions were getting the best of them and they lost control one night. “what’s the difference? We’re getting married anyway” they told each other.

A few nights later, Heath was walking down the street when a saloon girl grabbed him and kissed him seductively. Susan saw this as they kissed on the street. She was flabbergasted and left in a huff. She packed her things as Heath walked in the door and told him it was over. It was Heath’s turn to be shocked. He tried explaining, but she wouldn’t listen. She packed her bags and left. That was the end of that. He never saw her again until this note. Why would she want to see him again after all this time? He just couldn’t figure it out. He hadn’t forgotten her, just put her back in the recesses of his mind, pulling her out and mulling the relationship over in his mind. It confused him as much now as it did then.

He wrote back to the agency a few days later, not telling anyone about the letter he had received. He would meet with her, his curiosity getting the better of him. He had to get it cleared up and go on with his life. It bothered him that they parted on such terms.

A few days before the appointed date, Heath was getting nervous about meeting Susan. Was it a mistake? It was her that left, not me! She should come here and meet me! He argued back and forth with himself, making everyone a little uneasy with his mood. He was the same with everyone, friendly and played games but only spoke when someone spoke directly to him. He did not volunteer any information.

Victoria spoke to him when he was pacing about, something Heath never did. “What’s the matter son?” she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Nothing Mother.” He answered bluntly. She gave him an odd look then nodded.

“Okay Heath. You know I’ll always listen when you’re ready to talk.”

“Mother?” She smiled and looked at him. “I have business in Sonora, I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”

“Business or personal?”

“Personal” he replied. Arguing in his mind about the reason he was going.

“Okay Heath, but don’t stay away too long, all right?” She looked at him, trying to catch his eye, willing him to speak to her.

“I can’t promise that Mother. But I’ll be back. Don’t ya worry.” He kissed her cheek and held her close to reassure her that he would be back.

“Okay son. Just make sure you’re back soon.” He nodded and told the rest of the family about leaving in the morning. Jarrod nodded, but Nick raved and ranted.

“What about the ranch? Have you thought about the ranch?”

“All the work that needs to be done is done, Nick. This is important to me.”

“Why is it so important?”

“Because it is. Leave it alone Nick.” Nick heard the tone in his voice. “I can’t tell you anymore.” Victoria went to Nick and put her arm around her middle son.

“Leave him be, Nick. He will be back.”

Nick backed off, complaining to the air, “He’d better be back before roundup!”

Heath smiled and said goodnight to everyone. He was leaving after breakfast. He went upstairs and thought about Susan. It had been a long time since he did. He still loved her, that he was sure. With thoughts of a younger Susan and Heath imprinted firmly on his mind, he fell asleep.

The next morning he picked up his valise putting his shaving supplies and a change or two of clothes neatly into it. He looked around to see if he should take anything else, but he didn’t see anything. He exited the room and went to the dining room for breakfast.

After breakfast he hitched a ride with Jarrod to the stage stop. He wanted to take his time getting there, to ponder what he was going to say when he saw her. He smiled when he thought of her beautiful face. What would she be like now? He placed his hat over his eyes and closed his eyes. It was going to be a long trip.

The stage arrived in Sonora two days later. He grabbed his valise and went to the hotel to get a room. He couldn’t believe how nervous he was. He decided to get a room with a bath and clean up a little. He was to meet her for supper at the local restaurant. He was both excited and nervous about the meeting. After all it had been ten years. He had girlfriends, a couple very serious, but something always happened and he never did settle down.

He got to the restaurant a little early and sat down, his hands pouring sweat from them. He had never been this nervous before. He was sipping his coffee when he heard her voice. He looked up and saw her standing there, looking so much like an angel. He stood up and held out a chair for her. That’s when he saw the child. He was taken aback by the little girl, who looked to be about ten years old. “Hi Susie! I was so surprised to hear from you!”

“I thought you might be Heath. I have been looking for you for a long time.” Heath was staring at the little girl, at a loss as to what to say. “Heather, please stop fidgeting. You’re making Mr. Thomson very nervous.” She smiled at Heath as she said this.

“It’s Barkley now, Susie. I found my father’s family.” It was Susan’s turn to be stunned.

“Hmm…Heath Barkley. I like it. I am so happy for you Honey…I mean Heath.” Her face reddened at the use of the endearment.

He grasped her hand, “Its been a long time, Susie.”

“It has Heath. I wanted to talk to you about that day.” At that moment, the serving girl came by wanting their orders. They ordered, barely remembering what they wanted. Heath and Susan talked of old times while they ate their meal. They finished their meal, paying for it and left the restaurant. Heath walked them home, but no mention of that fateful day. He understood that she didn’t want to talk in front of her daughter. They reached her small cabin and she asked him in for coffee. He agreed and held the door open for them. “Heather, time for bed, sweetie.”

“Aw mama!” she complained. Susan threw her a look, “Goodnight Mr. Barkley. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet ya too, Heather. G’night.” She strolled off to her bedroom, leaving the couple to silence.

“We need to talk Heath.” She said quietly, pouring them coffees.

“Yes I reckon we do.” He waited for her to speak. He was getting nervous about what she wanted to say to him after all these years. “You ever get married, Susie?”

“No Heath. There was a couple of men but they weren’t you. You?” He shook his head and topaz eyes looked into sapphire ones. She licked her lips and asked him, “You know what I remember about us?”

“No, what?” He was full of desire for her, falling in love once again but he waited for her to speak.

“You were always there for me. You listened to me and loved me. We had fun together.” He nodded, waiting for her to continue. “Do you remember that one special night when we got carried away Heath?” He nodded and tensed. No! He screamed inwardly, please no! “Heather is the result of that. She’s your daughter, Heath.” He let go of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“Mine? Why didn’t ya tell me?”

“As soon as I realized, you were gone. I didn’t know where to find you. I wanted to apologize to you Heath for ever doubting you. I spent a long time regretting my decision in leaving you. I hated myself and when I found about Heather, I wanted you to know.” Heath felt an inward anger towards her. He was stunned. He had a ten year old daughter. One he knew nothing about! “I even went so far as to write your mother, but she didn’t know where you were either.”

He thought about that. He loved his mother, sending her money all the time, showing up every now and again to tell her he was still thinking of her. No one really knew how to get hold of him. He felt sad that he had missed out on his daughter’s early years. “I’m sorry Susie.”

“No Honey. I’m sorry. I should’ve never left like that. That was pure stupidity. I was angry and hurt. I wanted to hurt you back. I guess I did.”

“Ya did.” That was all that was said about it. “What do we do now?”

“I was hoping you would tell me. I just wanted to let you know about Heather. She knows about you, but I never gave her a name. She is starting to ask questions now and I was desperate to find you. So I hired Pinkerton’s and they found you. Shoulda done it years ago.”

He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t as he was speechless. Finally he found his voice and it cracked as he said, “Can we tell her tomorrow?”

She nodded. “Tomorrow’s Saturday, so we can. We’ll go to the place where we had picnics before.” Heath nodded, and stood up.

“I should go now. I’ll see ya tomorrow at eleven?” she nodded. He took her hand and squeezed. “I missed you Susie.” His voice was barely audible.

“I missed you too Heath.” They stood like that for a few minutes, gazing into each other’s eyes. He was reluctant to leave. It had been too long and the feeling was still there. She walked him to the door, shaking visibly. Heath turned and smiled at her.

“See ya tomorrow, Susie.” He let go of her hand, and touched her cheek. He sighed and set his hat on his head. Susie smiled shyly and nodded.

“See you tomorrow,’ she whispered, closing the door behind him, leaned against the door and sobbed for the missed years.

Heath tossed and turned at the turn of events of today. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that their one night of indiscretion would lead to a child. A child whose life he had no part of. Ten years I missed, I’m just like my father, he thought angrily. Suddenly he realized what his father would have felt like if he had known about him. His life would have been different, and Heath thought that his daughter’s life was going to be different too. No longer would she live life as a bastard. Feeling comforted in what he had planned to do, he fell asleep.

He met her the next morning at the appointed time. She was beautiful with her light brown hair swept up with a red bow. Heather looked as her miniature twin. They looked more like sisters than mother and daughter. They had the same sculpted face. Except when Heather smiled, why, that was his smile! She had his same smile! He watched as he helped Heather into the carriage he had rented from the livery. She sat in the back and Heath helped Susan in. She sat down and watched as the cowboy jumped into the wagon and flicked the reins. They were off to their favorite spot. It almost seemed like old times.

Heather helped Heath and Susan with the picnic things. When it set out, they sat down to eat and made small talk. “Remember when we came down here the last time Heath.” Heath smiled at the memory. “You told me…..” she stopped and looked at their daughter who was busy eating her sandwich. “that this is where you always wanted to be. Where you wanted to build our house.” She added quietly, tears in her eyes. Heather looked up quizzically at her mother, whose voice was cracking.

“You all right Mama?” she asked.

“Yes Sweetie, just a little sad.”

“Why Mama?” Heath looked at Susan as she took a deep breath. He was curious about the answer too.

“Because I didn’t get that house I wanted. I made a big mistake and lost everything I dreamed for.”

“Mama?”

“Its okay Sweetie. I got something I need to tell you.” She paused looked to Heath, and looked to her daughter, her reason for living, her pride and joy. He nodded as she began, “Heather Jane, a long time ago, I was to marry Heath here.” Heather nodded, and Susan took a deep breath. “About ten years ago, Heather.” She paused and watched as her daughter raised one eyebrow just like Heath. Susan saw her going through the emotions of what she was trying to tell her. “Heather, Heath is…..your father.” She spat out finally.

Heather stood up and gaped at her mother then stared at Heath. “HE IS NOT MY FATHER! MY FATHER IS DEAD!” She screamed. Heath watched as Susan patiently waited the tirade out. When she settled down, Susan began to speak again.

“I never told you your father was dead. Where did you get that idea?”

“You never talked about him, whenever I asked about him, you changed the subject.”

“I know I made a mistake, I shouldn’t have hid the truth from you. I wanted to tell you but I wanted Heath to know first and it took me a long time to find him.”

Heath chose this time to speak, “Heather, I’m just learnin’ about ya for the first time. How about ya and me get to know one another?” Heather looked at her father and smiled faintly.

Nodding, she looked at her mother, “I wish you had told me sooner, Mama. I don’t know what to say to you.” Looking at Heath, she said, “Yes…..I’d like to get to know you. What do I call you? Father? Papa? Daddy? Heath?” She tried them all but all the names didn’t sound right.

“I reckon Heath will be just fine for now. What do I call you? Heather? Daughter? Child?” She smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood.

“How about Heather?” Susan smiled, knowing that she did the right thing in getting father and daughter together.

The next few days Heath and Heather spent together without Susan, getting to know one another. Heather had a good eye for horses and was an excellent rider. She took him riding to all her favorite spots and before long they were friends. Heath spent many late nights talking to Heather, tucking her in and then spending time with Susan. It just felt right to be there with her.

One night about a week later, they were talking late into the night. Heath was mentioning that he had to get back home to the ranch. Susan looked surprised. She was having a good time with him. “Home all ready Heath?”

“Yes Susie. I promised I wouldn’t stay away too long. Why don’t you and Heather come for a visit? Mother would love to meet you.” She looked at him with bright eyes. Then her eyes darkened.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I need to know about us.”

“Susie, I’m still very hurt about what you did.”

“I know Heath. I still care greatly about you. I learned a lesson and I want to be with you.”

“Susie, I still care a lot. But you hurt my feelings deeply. I want to be near Heather. Get to know her better. You did a good job with her.”

“Thank you Heath. That means a lot but I have a job here, I can’t just take off. There is school for Heather in September.”

“Can’t you come visit for a week before school starts?” He looked imploringly at her. He wanted to get to know Susan again. “Please?” He took hold of her petite one and caressed it lovingly. When he looked at her, she had tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Heath, I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of you. Of us. Of what what’s going to happen to Heather. I don’t want her shifted between your house and mine.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that, Susie.” She looked up at him puzzled.

“What ever do you mean?” He didn’t say a word, just leaned in and kissed her lips gently. She returned the kiss and threw her arms around him. The kiss deepened leaving them both breathless and speechless when they finally drew apart.

“I mean, Susie, I want to try again. Do you?” She didn’t know what to say. She wanted to try again for Heather’s sake. “Susan?”

“If we get together, we must consider Heather. I don’t want her hurt Heath. She is my pride and joy, my reason for living.”

“I am considering her. Let’s just go back and forth for a while. I’ll come and visit when I can. Ya come to the ranch and stay when ya can.”

Thus the decision being made, they continued seeing each other back and forth. When Heath first arrived home, he told the family of his reason for leaving. They were shocked of course, but accepted Heather as one of their own. She loved the ranch. Heath showed her the horses, taught her how to care for them and soon she was caring for the horses on her own when she came to visit.

Heath and Susan spent a lot of time together. They learned a lot from each other and often found around the ranch holding hands, arms around each other or kissing. The others looked the other way but were very happy that Heath was so happy. They genuinely liked her and Heather.

After a few months of going back and forth between Sonora and Stockton, Susan decided to move to Stockton. Heather loved the ranch, loved the horses and loved spending time with her father. She was calling him Daddy Heath and he couldn’t have been happier. He loved Heather, he regretted missing her first ten years but he was making up for it now.

Heath and Susan were spending more and more time together. They were having a picnic by the river discussing trivial things. They were sitting close together talking, arms around each other. “Susan?” He said and kissed her hand, gently.

“What Heath?” She shuddered at the sensations he was emitting.

“ I love you” She smiled. She waited a long time for him to tell her. “I want to ask you somethin’.” She held her breath, knowing what he was going to ask. He fished around in his pocket and brought out a small box. “Will you marry me?”

She gasped and nodded. She had been waiting for this day but never thought it would come. She was willing to be near him just for Heather’s sake but didn’t want him to marry her just for Heather. She knew that would be the one reason he would marry her. Now after spending several months together, she knew it was her he wanted. That made her very happy. Heath smiled his special smile, his life complete, as he placed the ring on her finger.

They married soon after, on Valentine’s Day, a small affair with just the Barkley family. She had no parents as they had passed away a few years ago. They spent a week trail riding in the lowlands where it was cooler. They had no destination in mind, just enjoying the wilderness and spending time together.

One night around the campfire, they were talking about the past and the future. They promised never to get angry with each other, so angry that one of them felt they had to leave. That would never happen again. They snuggled into their bedroll, kissing and caressing each other. Each night was special for both of them. They had spent so many years apart and they destined never to be apart again. “I love you Susie”

“I love you too, Heath.” Their kisses were passionate, savoring each kiss and caress. They had come full circle, having been found, lost, then found again. They had created a beautiful child together and hopefully they would have more. They made mistakes, learned to live with them, and learned forgiveness. They were happy and that was all that mattered.

THE END