Remembrance

By Lily B.

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author. Please don’t reuse or redistribute. Thank you.

Maggie awoke to whisper soft kisses on her cheek and her neck. She stretched her arms and legs out and rolled over to look at her husband leaning over her.

“Good morning,” she said dreamily. She lifted up her head and kissed him.

“And how are we feeling this morning” he asked with a smile.

“I’m doing just fine, but this one,” she pointed to her swollen abdomen, “is getting very restless, I should know better than to eat a big meal before I go to bed. He or she is kicking up a storm!”

Her husband pointed a finger at her belly, “now you heed your Mother while I’m gone and stop kicking her. There do you think that helped?” he gave a little chuckle. “I made you breakfast.”

“You made me breakfast?! And the house hasn’t burned down? I am impressed”

He gave her a look of mock indignation, “I’ll have you know that I can manage scrambled eggs just fine thank you, I dare say they are the best you will find in all of Stockton, madam.”

Maggie sat up and he gave her a hand out of bed. “Where’s Thomas?” She inquired.

“Well, do you even have to ask? He’s out brushing down his new horse that he got from his Uncle. I’ll go call him for breakfast, while you get dressed lovely lady.” He leaned down and gave his wife a long delicious kiss. “Just another month right?”

“Uh-huh” Her green eyes were still closed and she opened them slowly to look directly into his intense blue eyes. “I guess I should pack a few bags”.

“I already took care of that love,” pointing to the bags in the corner. “One for you, one for Thomas and this very small one for me.” Jarrod flinched and rubbed his left arm.

“Jarrod, is your arm still bothering you?” A worried expression crossed over her face.

“Just a little, it’s a bit numb again” before she could say anything he placed a finger over her lips, “yes, I will see the doctor as soon as I get back from San Francisco – only another three or four days.”

“Promise?”

“Of course and once I get back, David will start working with me and I’ll have a lot more time to spend right here.” Jarrod stroked Maggie’s cheek and down her flaming red hair. “Once he starts working with me, you better watch out, I’m going to have time to come home for long lunches while Thomas is in school.”

“Oh, and what about this one here” she smiled rubbing her belly.

“Oh, I do believe that will be his naptime won’t it?” he smirked.

The two of them finished dressing and when their ten year old son, Thomas, finally emerged from the stable, they sat down for breakfast.

Thomas wolfed down his breakfast, as Maggie and Jarrod watched with smiles. Thomas was a younger Jarrod in appearance; raven haired and blue eyes that you could stare into for hours. But, he possessed his Uncle Nick’s personality to the core. He was a source of agitation, frustration, humor and boundless love to his Father.

Maggie was a sharp contrast to the two of them, Irish with fiery red hair, green eyes and petite. She possessed the strongest of wills and was one of the most intelligent women that Jarrod had ever met. She was also a full ten years younger than Jarrod.

Jarrod had seen forty come and go a few years ago and although on the whole he was aging very well, with only crows feet and flecks of gray throughout his hair, lately he had seemed to grow more pale and tired. Maggie worried about her husband, but she looked forward to the near future when he would have a partner and his workload would be lessened.

Theirs was a happy family. Maggie’s only complaint, which she never voiced, was that Jarrod worked far too many hours. But their love had endured many things including a stillbirth three years earlier. The grief and the guilt had nearly torn the two apart, had it not been for Heath and his wife, Sarah and they were both forever grateful to the two of them.

After breakfast, Jarrod and Thomas loaded the buggy with the bags and Jarrod helped Maggie up inside. Maggie and Thomas were going to stay at the big house while Jarrod was gone. She had tried to tell Jarrod she would be fine at home but Jarrod insisted, he wasn’t taking any chances this time and the guilt of his being away when their baby girl died, weighed heavily on his mind.

They pulled up in front of the house and were immediately greeted by Jarrod’s Mother, Victoria. She was as lively and vivacious as ever. Jarrod helped Maggie down and Maggie hugged Victoria kissing her on the cheek. Victoria was close to her daughter-in-laws; she thought that Jarrod and Heath had both chosen well.

“How are you feeling dear?” Victoria inquired.

“We’re just fine Victoria, a little tired though”.

Victoria put an arm around her eldest son, “and you?”

“Everything’s fine Mother.”

Victoria nodded but eyed her son carefully; he didn’t look well to her at all.

Nick came up from the stables and walked over to them in long strides, “holy cow Maggie! I’ve seen houses smaller than you!” He laughed heartily. Nick stood with his hands on his hips, still trim, as ever; save for a small amount of gray in his sideburns, he hadn’t aged a day since Maggie first met the Barkleys.

“Oh, thanks very much Nick, you really know how to make a girl feel special!” She laughed back at him and he put an arm around her, kissing her on the cheek.

Nick turned his attention to Jarrod, scowling, “Jarrod.” He said plainly.

“Nick, good to see you. How’s the ranch?”

“Things are going well, small orange crop this year, but other than that things are going very well.”

Maggie and Victoria eyed both of them suspiciously. Clearly, they were angry with each other but neither of the women had a clue as to why.

Thomas carried the bags inside with his Father and as they brought them inside, Heath rode up. “Well, well am I in time for a family gathering?”

“You’re always in time for a gathering” Victoria said.

Like Jarrod had done years ago, Heath had built a house just on the edge of the ranch for his wife and family. But there was still rarely a day that went by that he wasn’t at the big house. It was just Nick and Mother at the big house now and Heath often worried about the loneliness at the house. Nick had never married and there were no wife and children for him to come home to every night.

“Good morning Heath,” Maggie smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “Where are Sarah and the boys?”

“Andrew has a cold and Sarah thought she should stay home with him”.

The Barkleys made their way into the house, Maggie and Jarrod stayed outside looking at each other.

“I’ll be back in a few days honey.”

“I know” tears began to well up in her eyes and she tried in vain to keep them back.

“Honey, what is it? I’ve gone on more trips than I can count, you’ve never cried before” he brought his hand underneath her chin and brought it up so that he could look directly into her eyes.

“I don’t know Jarrod, I just have a bad feeling. It’s just the pregnancy I’m sure, makes me feel a bit emotional.” She managed a small smile for him.

He pulled her as close to him as he could considering her condition. He rubbed her back, and then stroked her hair; “I’ll see you in a few days. I love you very much, you know that don’t you?”

“Of course I know it Jarrod and I love you too very much!” She brought her face up to his and they kissed passionately, not worried if anyone would see them in broad daylight.

Heath emerged from the house and climbed aboard the buggy, taking the reins. Jarrod separated slowly from his wife and got on. As the buggy pulled away, Maggie blew him a kiss and Jarrod mock caught it and held it tightly in his fist as the buggy slowly pulled away.

Heath and Jarrod rode together to the train station, it was a scorching hot day and Jarrod was clearly uncomfortable. His skin quickly became glazed with a thin layer of sweat and in an effort to cool himself down; he removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.

Heath didn’t feel nearly as uncomfortable in the morning sun, but he did take note of his brother’s obvious discomfort “It sure is a hot one today” Heath paused momentarily, glancing over at Jarrod. “Mind if I ask you something?”

“What is it?” Jarrod pulled out his handkerchief and wiped the sweat from his face.

“You and Nick seemed to be on the outs again, what’s going on” Heath had seen Jarrod and Nick argue plenty of times, but the lingering coldness between his brothers was something he hadn’t seen in quite awhile and it had him worried.

He saw the concern in his brother’s voice and the look on his face and Jarrod tried unsuccessfully to allay his worries, “The usual, we argued, he stormed out of the room. Nothing we haven’t done a hundred times before.” He replied nonchalantly.

“You want me to leave it alone?”

“Yes Heath, leave it alone for now, please. You know our brother, a day or two and he’ll cool off.” Jarrod turned his gaze away from Heath and onto the fields they passed by. The orange crop lent a heady sweetness to the air. It was a scent that both he and Maggie frequently enjoyed. Long after Thomas had gone to bed, they would sit on their front porch together, watching the stars and enjoying the sweet smell in the evening breeze. But on this morning the scent was overwhelming and Jarrod’s stomach churned violently at it. A wave of nausea swept over him and he buckled over in the carriage.

“Jarrod!” Heath grabbed his brother’s shirt just as Jarrod was about to tumble off the side of the carriage. Keeping one hand on the reins and the other on Jarrod’s shirt, he raised Jarrod so he was sitting straight up again. Heath then saw Jarrod’s face; it was stark white and soaked with sweat. “Jarrod? Jarrod, are you alright?”

“Wh..What?” He adjusted himself in the seat. “I must be getting that bug Thomas had, guess he decided to share it with me.” He smiled weakly.

Heath shook his head, “That was over two months ago, Jarrod, remember? My boys had it too, they were sick for a week. This ain’t the same thing and you know it! You know Maggie’s been worried about your health; she said something to Sarah about it the other day. You’ve been losing the feeling in your arm, you get dizzy and right now Jarrod, you’re white as a ghost. I’m taking you to see the Doc, right now!” He encouraged the horse on its way again.

“No! I have to go to San Francisco and finish this case. I’ll only be gone a few days and once I’m back, I’ll have plenty of time to take it easy.”

“Jarrod I don’t care what you say, you are not well, anyone can see that.” And everybody said that Nick was the stubborn one, Heath thought with a sigh, they have no idea.

“Heath, I promised Maggie I would see the doctor when I get back and I will. It’s only a few days. You know that Maggie gets emotional when she’s pregnant, she’s just overreacting right now, I’m fine really.”

Heath was unsure about all of this. He continued to press his case to have Jarrod see a doctor immediately, but Jarrod wouldn’t give in. He kept insisting to his brother that he was fine and had to get to San Francisco for the case he was working on. Heath finally gave in, he couldn’t drag his brother in there to see the doctor and he was only going to be gone a few days. At least, Heath thought, if he does get really sick, I know he’ll have the good sense to see someone in San Francisco.

“All right Jarrod, all right. But when ya get back, I’m going to pick you up from the train station myself and bring you right to the Doctor.”

Jarrod nodded with a small grin, “Okay Heath, it’s a deal”.

They arrived at the train station and Heath remained to see Jarrod off on his trip. He carried Jarrod’s bag onto the train for him when it arrived in the station. And he watched as the train slowly chugged from the station. As he got back into the carriage, he turned and watched the train again and hoped to heaven that his brother would be okay.

Jarrod found an empty seat on the train across from a young mother and her son. The heat on the train was almost unbearable to him and he brought out his handkerchief and wiped his face pushing his hat upwards. The young boy was looking at him and Jarrod smiled at him.

“Hello there”.

“Hi mister, my name’s David, what’s yours?”

“Jarrod. David, huh? I have a nephew by that name. You look about the same age as my son, he’s ten.”

“Me too!” the boy exclaimed, “but I’m going to be eleven in six days!”

“Eleven, you’re practically a man!” Jarrod smiled at the boy.

“Yep” he said beaming and sitting straighter in his seat because of the strangers comment.

The boy’s mother looked up and eyed Jarrod carefully. She didn’t like the looks of him, well dressed yes, but obviously sick. She tapped her son on the shoulder and whispered something in his ear that Jarrod couldn’t make out. The boy looked at Jarrod, suddenly afraid and his Mother urged him out of the seat. She grabbed the bags and they moved down the aisle away from them. Jarrod was offended and didn’t understand her actions; he was only talking to the child. He thought about going over to her seat and finding out what her problem was but he didn’t want to make a scene and decided instead to enjoy the extra space around him by stretching out his legs across the seat.

The trip was long and bumpy, the hot sun pounded in the windows. He felt he was baking in an oven. After what seemed to be an unusually long and uncomfortable trip, the train finally arrived in San Francisco. He disembarked and felt the cool salt breeze against his clammy skin. Jarrod raised his head and breathed in deeply. He gazed at the setting sun in the sky and went for a short walk up to the hotel he stayed in whenever he came to the city.

As he was walking towards the hotel, another wave of nausea hit him and then a sharp pain coursed from his chest down his arm. He couldn’t breathe. Another wave of pain and he dropped to his knees, gasping for breath. Voices surrounded him, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying, it all seemed so garbled. Jarrod squinted trying to see who was near and he thought he saw Maggie in front of him, he reached out for her. “Maggie….”

* * * * * * * * * *

The two men sat across from each other on the train, neither of them speaking, each deeply involved in their own thoughts. Heath pulled his hat low over his eyes in an attempt to catch some of the slumber that had eluded him over the past two days. Thoughts of his family weighed heavily on his mind. Thoughts of his wife, Sarah and their two boys, how much they meant to him and how much he loved them. And thoughts of Jarrod, his brother, Pappy. He closed his eyes as a memory from a long time ago came back to him so vividly.

Had it been fifteen years since Jarrod handed me that cigar, he thought to himself. He had a small grin on his face as he remembered how Jarrod had offered him a cigar and a smile after fighting the railroad and how it was an offer of so much more – a family, a home. Heath looked across at Nick, who was staring out the window and completely unaware of Heath watching him. Clearly, Nick was wrapped up in his own thoughts as well.

“We should be at the station within the hour”, Heath stated.

Nick continued to look out the window. “Nick?” Heath said again. He suspected Nick was not looking forward to arriving at the train station either. He could just envision what was waiting for them there.

“Huh? Oh yeah, right, shouldn’t be more than an hour”. He never once took his eyes off the window; Nick was clearly miles away. In actuality, Nick was more than miles away; his thoughts were firmly planted in the events of one week ago.

“How can you be leaving right now!” Nick yelled at his older brother, his hands planted firmly on his hips.

“Nick, stay out of this, Maggie my wife and she’s fine. She understands that I need to go on this trip.” Jarrod was infuriated with Nick, this trip to San Francisco was not his concern and Maggie was not his concern, either. He was getting very tired of his butting into his marriage and family, when would Nick get it into his head that Maggie belonged to him.

“Maggie’s going to have that baby any day now, nothing’s more important than that and you with your almighty work, putting it first before your wife, your son, everyone – how can you justify that?! I just don’t get it Jarrod. If it were me, I wouldn’t leave her alone again!”

Jarrod put his arm up on the fireplace mantle. Nick planted his feet firmly on the floor, thinking that Jarrod was taking his battle stance. Another fight between them, how many times had they argued like this?

In reality though, Jarrod had leaned against the mantle for stability. He was tired and his left arm was numb again, he tried to reason with himself that he was just getting older and it was nothing to worry about.

“Nick,” he sighed, “It’s not you, Maggie’s my wife. And besides, the baby’s not due for a month and Maggie’s stronger than I am. Don’t you remember how I had to practically chain her down when she was carrying Thomas?”

“It’s not the same this time and you know it Jarrod. Dammit Jarrod, have you already forgotten about the baby you lost? Have you forgotten that Maggie almost died too!” Nick pointed his finger firmly in Jarrod’s face and Jarrod’s temper finally flared.

“Have I forgotten?! How the hell do you forget something like that, tell me, how do I ever forget that! How do you forget your baby girl’s grave or forget the fact that the woman you loved almost died and I wasn’t there!” Jarrod’s eyes were glowing with fury, he was not going to put this on him, not going to lay this guilt on him – he had more than enough of that for all of them. “Now you look Nick, I have had it with your meddling in my marriage and my family. I am only going to be gone for three or four days and Maggie will be looked after well here, I’m sure you’ll take care of that! I..I don’t get it Nick, what is it you couldn’t find a wife and family of your own so you have to involve yourself in mine?!”

Nick’s jaw tightened and he balled up his fist; he was ready to strike on his brother. He took a long hard look at Jarrod, drew in a deep breath between his clenched teeth and turned storming from the room.

The train hit a bump in the track and jolted Nick back to the present day. He dreaded arriving at the train station and the job that awaited the both of them when they got there. But it was the thought of seeing his Mother and possibly Maggie there that made his heart pound. He just didn’t know if he could handle seeing the both of them right now.

Victoria stood at the train station and although she was clutching Maggie’s hand, she felt very much alone. She heard the sound of the train’s approach and slowly turned her gaze toward the track. Both women were dressed in black, huddled together in the cold and dense fog - they looked almost a part of the landscape. Maggie’s free hand rubbed her swollen belly, she felt ill and had trouble standing for any period of time. Victoria sighed deeply as she attempted to remain composed, yet at any moment she felt her legs would give out on her. Victoria looked over at her daughter-in-law and wondered how it was that she could hold up so well. Victoria remembered back to when Tom had died and how she had never allowed anyone to see her tears, no one until the day Jarrod had found her sitting at her husband’s grave – the day after Heath had moved into the house:

“Mother?”

“Oh Jarrod”, Victoria quickly wiped her eyes and looked up at her eldest son. “ I didn’t hear you coming”

“Are you all right?” Jarrod cocked his head and looked down at his Mother. He put his leg up on the bottom rail of the fence surrounding his father’s grave and gave a hand to his Mother as she got off the ground.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she stated softly as she got up from next to the headstone.

“You’ve been crying” His hand stroked an errant tear from her cheek. “I’ve been thinking about Father a lot myself lately.” He paused and looked down and spoke in a soft voice, “you know he loved you very much.”

“Did he? I just don’t know anymore.”

“He did love you. Anyone who knew the two of you knew it, you’re children knew it.”

Victoria looked down at the ground, her hands trembling in her son’s; “do you think he loved me when he went to Strawberry?” She looked up and met Jarrod’s gaze, tears welling up in her eyes.

Jarrod pulled his Mother to him and held her tightly. “I don’t know what he was thinking when he went to Strawberry, Mother, and I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive him for that. But there’s one thing I’ve always known and that was how much he loved you.”

The fog swirled around the black engine as it slowly made its way into the station and grinded to a halt

Nick saw his Mother and Maggie standing on the platform as the train came to a stop. It was a sight that tore his heart worse than he could ever had imagined. His Mother looked so frail so tired. And Maggie, she looked exhausted, her red hair tied in a severe bun and that large black dress could not hide her condition. Simultaneously, Heath and Nick sighed and stood up. Nick patted Heath on his shoulder as they made their way towards the back of the train. Nick waited as the conductor opened the door and he peered outside, spotting the ranch hands next to the station, he motioned for them to come over. He directed the ranch hands and then he and Heath stepped off the train.

Nick slowly walked to his Mother and gathered her up in his arms. She tried to choke back the tears, but it was too late, they were running down her pale cheeks. Heath put an arm around Maggie and kissed her softly on the cheek.

“Sarah’s at the big house with the boys and Thomas” Maggie volunteered.

“How are you feeling Maggie?” Nick inquired, his Mother still tightly wrapped in his arms.

“We’re fine,” she stated, patting her belly. She looked towards the train and saw the ranch hands emerge from the cargo area.

Maggie gasped when she saw the long wooden box coming off the train and onto the platform. Victoria emitted a small cry; Nick continued to hold onto his mother but watched Maggie cautiously as her husband’s coffin was loaded into the wagon. Maggie faltered slightly and Heath wrapped his arm around her tightly. She was grateful to have Heath to lean on and managed a small smile for him.

“C’mon Sis” Heath led her slowly over to the buggy and helped her on. The two of them glanced over at the wagon and its contents and he squeezed her hand.

With all of them in the buggy, Nick took the reins and led the silent trip home with the wagon following behind. When they arrived at the house, Nick helped his Mother down and Heath helped Maggie down, she was feeling very weak and tired; she didn’t know how much longer she would be able to maintain this false composure. The only thing she wanted to do was scream, yell at the heavens for taking her husband away from her – the only man she had ever loved, yell at Jarrod for leaving her and Thomas and the baby he would never know. Her mind screamed out over and over, but never audibly, to the rest of the family she would remain stoic, calm and composed, a model widow.

Sarah stood on the steps and watched silently when everyone had disembarked from the carriage, she came down the steps to greet them. Heath spotted his wife and he excused himself from Maggie and went over to her. Sarah didn’t say a word but stroked his cheek softly with her fingertips, Heath let out a hard exhale and drew his wife into his arms. He stroked her wavy chestnut hair and gave Sarah a small kiss on her soft lips.

“I missed you”, Heath whispered in her ear, not wanting to let her go.

Heath looked up as his two boys appeared in the doorway. “C’mere you two” he called to them.

His two sons, David who turned six not five days ago and Andrew, 4, came bounding down the steps and hugged their father tightly. Heath reveled in their hugs and their love.

“Where’s Thomas?” Maggie inquired in a whisper.

“He’s down at the stables Maggie, he hasn’t said a word all morning”. Sarah watched as Maggie made her way slowly to the stables, and then leaned in kissing her husband’s cheek.

The family made their way into the house to begin all of the preparations. Nick lagged behind and watched Maggie as she disappeared into the stables. Thrusting his hands into his pockets, he turned and went inside the house.

Soon, the parlor would be full of flowers, black cloth and the body of his older brother, ‘Pappy”. Nick avoided the parlor and turned right instead. He opened the doors and was confronted by Jarrod’s desk, seeming so large and so empty in the corner of the room. Slowly, he walked over to the desk and ran his hand across the top. He walked to the other side and tentatively sat down in his brother’s chair. Nick was overwhelmed by the sorrow and the guilt he felt and was no longer able to hold it back.

“I..I’m sorry Jarrod, forgive me, please. Why didn’t you see the doctor, why!” Nick’s fist slammed into the top of the desk. His arms covered his face on the desk as tears began to run down his cheeks, silently.

The thought of going into the parlor sickened Victoria and she quickly ushered Heath and his family into the dining room. For what seemed like hours all was silent in the room, but the sounds of the setup being done in the parlor were almost deafening as Angus and several of the ranch hands fixed up the room for the viewing to be held the next morning.

Heath was the first to raise his head and speak, “Did you hear from Audra?”

“No, not a word. I would’ve thought she would have at least sent us a note by now.”

“Of course we haven’t heard from her! When was the last time, over a year ago? She’s clearly too busy being New York’s belle of the ball to be bothered with her brother’s funeral!” He slammed his coffee cup onto its saucer, almost breaking the china as he did.

“Heath, that’s enough, this is not the time or place.” Sarah spoke softly but sternly in a voice that made Heath regret his small outburst.

Heath looked over at his Mother and apologized “I’m sorry Mother.”

She nodded and tried to change the subject, “We’ve certainly had some interesting times at this table, haven’t we? So many memories right here in this very room”.

Sarah smiled and with a small laugh said, “Do you remember the look on Jarrod’s face last Christmas when he found out Maggie was pregnant?”

Maggie and Jarrod were the first adults to make it into the parlor Christmas morning. Their son, Thomas and Heath’s boys were all ready underneath the tree rummaging through the packages, looking for their names. The couple smiled to each other and Maggie went to the kitchen to make coffee.

Victoria, Heath and Sarah came downstairs together and gathered up their boys to sit at the table. Young Thomas dutifully walked into the dining room behind them. As he reached the table his father caught him and gave him a tight hug.

“Ohhhhhhh, Father come on you’re embarrassing me!” Thomas wriggled away from Jarrod

“What? Are we too grown up now for hugs? It is Christmas you know” Jarrod looked over at Heath and Sarah laughing, “Just wait, you’re next and you have two of them to go through this phase with.”

Maggie emerged with a pot of coffee and set it down next to Victoria. “Now what is all this laughing that I heard.”

Victoria was about to tell her about Thomas’s new aversion to hugs when Nick finally emerged in the dining room. His head was pounding from far too much revelry the evening before. He kissed his Mother on the cheek and sat down, waiting anxiously for hot coffee.

“Well brother Nick,” Heath said as he took the coffee pot, poured himself coffee and set the coffee pot down as loudly as possible, “Looks like some of us just refuse to grow up”.

“Oh, be quiet, just stayed up a little late that’s all. What in heaven’s name was all that racket I heard earlier”.

Victoria looked over her son’s sorry state, “Dear, its Christmas you know and I was just about to tell Maggie that her son thinks he’s outgrown the hugging stage. And Jarrod, he told Heath and Sarah this was what they had to look forward to, twice.”

“Ah,” said Maggie with a knowing smile to her Mother-in-law, “well, Jarrod I’m afraid they are not the only ones who will have to endure this twice.”

It took a moment for what Maggie had said to sink in, but then Sarah’s mouth dropped open and Heath smiled widely.

“Well, you’re right, Thomas will probably go through several..” Jarrod broke off in mid sentence and surveyed the faces of everyone at the table. He looked up at his wife standing next to him and then at her stomach. He rose slowly from the table, speechless, cupping his wife’s chin in his hands.

Slowly, it began to register in his expression, “Maggie, Ladylove, are you with child?” He stuttered at her and Maggie nodded at him.

“Oh God, what an incredible Christmas present, oh Maggie!” His arms went around her and he held her tightly, “I’ll be here everyday, no more trips, I won’t leave your side I promise.”

Everyone at the table remembered last Christmas and they all felt the pain and a degree of anger as they remembered the promise that Jarrod had broken.

Maggie slowly walked into the stables to find Thomas, her legs and back were aching. She found her son brushing down his new horse.

“You know, I think Lightning is the most well groomed horse I’ve ever seen,” She said, hoping to get a small smile from her son.

“Well, Uncle Nick said if I treat my horse right, he’ll treat me right.” Thomas spoke plainly, with no sign of emotion.

“Your uncle is right. Speaking of which, they’re both back home now.”

“I know, I heard you.” He paused then looked at his Mother. “Mother could I sleep out here tonight?” He asked softly.

“In the stables?” She was about to say no, when she thought about how he probably didn’t want to have to walk by the parlor. God knows, she didn’t walk by the parlor either. “Well, I suppose you could, it is a beautiful night.”

“Thank you Mother.”

Maggie went over to hug her son, but he quietly moved away from her to the other side of his horse. Maggie gazed at her son; he was building a wall around himself. The walls of Jericho she thought, well I certainly know this one. So much like Jarrod when they first met.

“Dinner should be ready shortly, will you at least come in and join us?”

“Can I eat outside?”

Maggie sighed, “all right, but Thomas, you’ll have to come inside eventually…. Thomas, I don’t think I can face those people tomorrow without you.” Her voice began to crack and she was close to crying, but she didn’t want Thomas to see her cry, not yet anyway.

“I’ll come in the house later Mother, but not right now, I just can’t.” He looked up at her, his intense blue eyes pleading with her.

“Okay, I’ll ask Angus to fix you a plate and I’ll bring it out to you later.” She smiled at her son; he was looking more and more like his Father everyday. And right now, his expression, his eyes made her heart ache for her husband.

“Mother?” He said in a small voice as she was leaving the barn.

“Yes honey, what is it?”

“Have you..have you seen Father yet?” Thomas asked shakily, it was something he didn’t want to do and hoped his Mother wouldn’t make him. He couldn’t and wouldn’t think about his Father lying in the parlor like that. How could he leave them now, how could his Father do that to all of them?

Maggie shook her head, knowing that it was something she had to do, but didn’t want to. “Not yet Thomas. But I think I’m going to try and sit with him for awhile.”

“And say goodbye?”

Maggie’s voice faltered as she spoke in a whisper, “Goodbye? I..I guess that’s what I’m supposed to do, isn’t it? I don’t know if I can.” She turned from Thomas and left the barn, the last thing she wanted her son to see was his Mother coming apart at the seams. And yet, that was exactly how she felt. Jarrod was gone, there would be no more long talks out on the porch, no more of his hand wrapped around hers, no more covering him with a blanket when he fell asleep on the sofa with a law book in his hand. And his arms would never curl around her in bed again, making her feel so safe and loved. It was all gone forever.

Maggie walked alone back to the house, the sun was beginning to set and beautiful hues of orange and pick streaked the sky. Sunset had always given her so much pleasure, the colors of the sky, the air cooling and knowing that Jarrod would be home soon. She swallowed hard, turned away from the sunset and went inside.

As she entered the house, the scent of flowers was overwhelming and it instantly made her head pound. Angus was just finishing up and she was surprised to see the parlor almost ready for the viewing tomorrow. Her husband’s casket was now open and sat in the middle of the room; she stood in the archway facing it, unable to move. For several minutes she stood there, seemingly frozen to the spot. Slowly, she took small steps into the parlor and towards the casket. She stopped inches from where her husband laid. Maggie was terrified to look down into the casket and at him, if she did, then it would all become very real. Her hands trembled and tears began to come down her cheeks. Holding her breath, she cast her gaze downward to Jarrod and couldn’t bear the sight.

Maggie turned away quickly, but as she did she was overcome with dizziness and fell to the floor, her heart pounding hard in her chest. Angus saw her fall and quickly rushed to her side, helping her into a nearby chair.

“Ma’am are you all right?” he inquired in his heavy Scottish accent.

At that moment, Nick emerged from the other room. Immediately he went to her side, kneeling next to her and taking her small hand into his.

“Maggie.” He brushed back a lock of her hair that had fallen in her face.

She was crying hard now unable to hold back the tears anymore. Nick handed her his handkerchief. He wished so much that he knew the right words to say, words that would ease the pain she was feeling, ease her broken heart.

“Nick, he looks…oh!.. Jarrod looks like he’s sleeping.” She put her head on Nick’s shoulder and soaked his shirt with her tears.

Nick spoke to her softly, “I know, I know. God, Maggie, I don’t know what to say or do. I can’t believe Jarrod’s gone. I am so sorry, sorry for all of us.” He took note of her pallor and felt her heart pounding so fast, he worried about the baby she was carrying. Jarrod’s baby. “Do you want to go upstairs and lay down for a while? You look a little shaky.”

“No no, I’ll be all right” she lifted her head up and met his gaze, “you’ve been doing a little crying yourself, haven’t you.” She looked at Nick, his eyes still puffy and bloodshot.

His eyes dropped down away from hers, not comfortable with the fact that someone had seen his emotions. “Yeah, I guess I have.”

Sarah came out of the dining room to let everyone know that dinner was ready and she stopped when she saw Nick and Maggie talking together. She suddenly felt as if she were intruding on the scene.

“Supper’s ready.” Sarah blurted out.

“Oh, thanks Sarah, I’m starving.” Nick turned back to Maggie, “Are you coming?”

“Not just yet Nick, I think I’m going to stay here for a little bit.” Slowly, she turned back to face Jarrod. “I told Thomas I would bring him out a plate, he’s going to sleep in the stables tonight. Seems he can’t bear to part from the horse you gave him.”

Nick let out a small laugh; “I was the same way when I got my first horse. Don’t worry, I’ll bring a plate out to him.” He placed his hand on Maggie’s shoulder for a moment then quietly left the room.

Maggie sat still for a moment, deep in thought, then sighed and brought her chair next to the casket. She looked down at his face, his eyes were closed and he looked to be in a peaceful slumber. She wanted so much to see those beautiful blue eyes again, the love that she could see so vividly in them when he looked at her. But those eyes, they would never look at her again. She closed her own eyes tightly and tried desperately to bring back Jarrod in her memory. Maggie's’ mind floated back to the evening she had gone to his office in San Francisco and confronted him:

“You’ve tried to push me away Jarrod, but I see something else in your eyes. You feel it too, I know it and you know it.” She was angry. Jarrod already had her heart; all he had to do was ask for it. They had grown close, she had felt it and then everything bad had happened and Jarrod slipped away from her, withdrew into his shell. She wasn’t going to let it happen, not to Jarrod. He was far too wonderful a man for her to allow him to shut himself off from the whole world. Even if he refused to admit that he loved her, somehow, she was going to bring him out from the walls that he had built around him.

Sitting behind his desk, he tried not to look up at her, instead he absent-mindedly shuffled papers about his desk. “I’m afraid you’re mistaken, Miss Lanigan. I’m far too busy to be involved with anyone right now, can’t you see that?” His voice was cold.

“Oh, I can see just fine. What I see is a man acting like a little boy that’s playing with the food on his plate. Trying to avoid the subject at hand.” She stood defiant directly in front of his desk.

Jarrod stopped shuffling the papers around his desk and looked up, “Oh, so now you are being the teacher? Well I have news for you; I graduated from school a long time ago. Good Lord, you are irritating! And what about Nick? Why aren’t you with him? You know he’s mad for you and you two really are very much alike.”

“I know how Nick feels about me, but he knows I don’t feel the same way, he knows you have my heart, Jarrod, he knows that. You’ve had my heart from the very beginning.” She sighed heavily and leaned across his desk. “Jarrod, the kidnapping wasn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself for that. If you need to blame someone, blame me! I am the one that practically forced you to take the case. If it hadn’t been for my meddling, none of that would have happened. So, you see none of it was your fault.”

Jarrod looked at her incredulously, “Blame you? How could I..never mind. Look I’m sorry if you feel that I’ve misled you and disappointed you but I just don’t feel the same way you do. I’m sorry but I just don’t have it in me to love again. Beth’s death took that away from me.” He tried to maintain coolness in his voice, but his blue eyes were giving much away.

“I am sorry that Beth is gone, but that was over a year ago.”

“So,” He started angrily, “Are you now going to tell me ‘its better to have loved and lost’? I’m sorry but I don’t believe that.”

She heard the pain and loss in his voice and a part of her felt sorry for him at that moment, but she wasn’t about to give up, not yet. She had come here to put everything on the line, to make him realize how much she cared for him and how much she knew he cared for her.

“Jarrod, do you really think that? What if Beth heard you say that? How do you think she’d feel if she knew you’d rather have not loved at all?!”

“Don’t you dare try to tell me what Beth felt or would feel. You barely even knew her!” Jarrod rose from his desk and went to the door, opening it. “I think its time that you left, Miss Lanigan.”

Maggie felt horrible; she had clearly overstepped her bounds and she knew it. She had lost. She began to walk towards the door and when she was inches from Jarrod, she spoke to him in a soft voice “There is one thing I know Jarrod”

“And what’s that?”

“You didn’t die with Beth, Jarrod, you’re still alive. You’re still alive and you’re still capable of love and being loved.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Maggie,” he whispered, his eyes downcast, “I did die with her.”

Maggie couldn’t help herself; she reached out to him and stroked his cheek with her hand. When she did Jarrod grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away. He gripped it tightly for several moments and then raised his head to look directly into her deep green eyes. Maggie stared intently at him as his facial expression softened. He released her wrist and brought his hands up to her face. His lips met hers tentatively, gently at first. He felt her respond to his kiss, her small frame melding into his and he became more wanting, hungry for her as their kiss deepened. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and brought her even closer to him. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her easily back inside his office and closed the door.

Maggie felt a hand on her shoulder and turned in her chair to see Heath standing next to her.

“Hey sis, are you okay?” Heath looked down at her, his voice filled with concern.

“Yes Heath, we’re okay. I’m sorry I just got lost in thought.” She looked at Jarrod once more then tried to stand; she hadn’t eaten anything all day and she found her legs to be weak and rubbery. Heath wrapped his arm around her and helped her up. “Thanks Heath”.

“Everyone’s headed to bed, there’s going to be a lot of people here tomorrow.”

“I know, I suspect almost everyone in Stockton will stop by to give their respects” Maggie dreaded the thought of all the people that would come to call the next day and she wished she could hide in Jarrod’s old room. But she knew that she couldn’t not with Jarrod’s reputation, there would be people coming from all over the state.

“C’mon, I’ll walk upstairs with you.” Heath extended his arm again.

Maggie shook her head, “I should go out and check on Thomas.”

“Thomas is fine, Nick’s gone out there to spend the night with him. I think those two will be rough housing and goofing off all night.” Heath smiled at her.

“I’m worried about him Heath, he’s building this big wall around himself and he’s not letting anyone in.”

“Kinda like someone I once knew” he replied. “You found a way to Jarrod’s heart, you’ll find a way to your son’s. Just give it time”.

Maggie nodded sadly and took Heath’s arm as they went up the stairs. Heath kissed her on the cheek as she went into Jarrod’s old room. Heath quietly went into his. His wife was already in bed when he walked in.

“The boys asleep?” he asked as he closed the bedroom door.

Sarah looked up at him from her book, “Almost. I don’t think they quite fathom all that has happened yet.”

Heath began to undress removing his jacket then boots and shirt. He walked over to the bed and sat down next to her. “I’m almost glad they don’t understand. They’re too young for this.”

Sarah leaned over and wrapped her arms around his bare chest. “I wish we were all too young to understand this.” Her eyes welled up with tears. “Were you able to get Maggie to come upstairs?”

“Yes, but she seems so lost, a bit like when she lost the baby – but worse this time, much worse.”

Sarah added, “and now she’s going to have a baby without Jarrod.” She clung to her husband, thankful to have him close.

Heath took Sarah’s hand, rubbing it gently “If I had just made him go see the doctor, Sarah, he’d still be alive” he spoke sadly, his mind filled with guilt. He had relived the ride to the train station a hundred times in his head, each time trying to reverse the events in his mind and convincing Jarrod to see Dr. Merrar right then and there.

“Oh Heath, you know the doctor wouldn’t have been able to help him. They said it was his heart, there wasn’t much that could be done.” She kissed his shoulder and held onto him even more tightly.

“A part of me knows that, but I should have never let him get on that train, never.” Heath was crying now, unashamed of his tears.

Sarah kissed him again on his shoulder then up his neck. He pulled her closer to him; he needed to be loved, to wash away the pain he was feeling. Through their tears he gently kissed the wet streaks on her cheeks. His lips found hers and he lowered her softly onto the pillow.

A few hours later, Heath continued to hold Sarah in his arms, kissing her forehead as she slipped into slumber. Heath’s eyes began to get heavy and he soon found the sleep that had eluded him for days.

In the late morning, the Barkley house began to fill with people from every corner of the state. Even the Governor of California made a brief appearance. He felt obligated to; after all if Jarrod hadn’t dropped out of the gubernatorial race three years ago, he never would have won the election. Judges, senators, everyday people that Jarrod either defended or assisted in some manner, they all came with their sympathies and to pay their last respects.

The viewing passed by in a blur to all of the family; there were just too many people there to make sense of anything going on. They couldn’t count the number of times they heard the words ‘I’m sorry’ or were forced to listen to stories about how they knew Jarrod. The parade of people coming and going continued, without stop, throughout the day. There were so many bouquets of flowers brought in and dishes of food from caring friends and neighbors that filled the entire kitchen and that would mostly go untouched.

Although her attentions were continually diverted, Maggie tried to keep a close eye on Thomas throughout the day. She watched her son standing so solemnly and so tall in his black suit, his head thoughtfully cocked to one side. So much like your Father, she thought to herself. She wondered about what the future held for Thomas, it was only a few months ago that he began to express an interest in what his father did for a living and she wondered if his interest in the law would still continue, without Jarrod to guide him. Nick never left Thomas’s side the entire day and she was grateful to Nick for spending so much time with him.

Maggie had endured the day fairly well, considering her condition. She spent most of the day seated near Jarrod’s coffin, often touching it to try and find some comfort. The stream of people that she talked to throughout the course of the day seemed endless. And as the door finally shut behind the last guests, she breathed out a heavy sigh of relief and believed that if she heard the words ‘poor dear’ one more time, she would run screaming from the room.

Victoria had managed to remain steadfast and calm on her exterior throughout the ordeal, but she was anything but on the inside. Her heart and head was reeling with a mixture of disbelief, anger and sadness. This isn’t supposed to happen this way, she thought angrily. I’m supposed to go before my children. A Mother is not supposed to outlive her son! Why God? With a new baby on the way, why did you take him from all of us?

Heath was always within arms distance of his Mother; keeping a watchful eye on her. He hardly spoke a word to anyone all day, mostly nodding as people tried to approach them. He stayed on the outskirts of the people milling about, quietly watching and listening to all the goings on. His wife, Sarah had enough to do trying to keep the boys in check, along with several other children that came and went with their parents.

Nick was not his usual talkative and animated self. He remained close to Thomas all day, making sure that the boy was all right and would have a shoulder to lean on, if he needed it. But one eye was always on Maggie. He watched her carefully. Nick had always admired her strength, something that her diminutive size had always belied. But no matter what the situation was, he knew that she would always find a way through it and come out even stronger than before. Now, he wasn’t too sure how she would get through this. Her normally bright green eyes were glazed over and distant. He watched painfully as she sat next to the coffin and would often lay her hand on the hard wood. And he worried about the baby, that tiny little life that was due to arrive in only a month and with no Father anymore. This was a very different Maggie before him now, so different than the strong young woman that had come with her husband and brother to save his life.

When the doctor left, Maggie squeezed Jarrod’s hand and went towards the bedroom where Nick laid convalescing and recuperating from the vast injuries that had come very close to ending his life. Knocking first, she waited until Nick called out to come in and slowly opened the door.

She peeked her head inside the bedroom, “Feel like a little company?” Maggie asked.

Nick smiled back at her and cleared his throat, “Sure do.” He watched her walk across the room and sit down on the bed, she put her hand in his and he folded his fingers around it. There were bandages wrapped around his ribcage and his broken arm was in a sling. Still, he was feeling much better than he had a few days before when they had gotten him out of prison.

“How do you feel this morning, Nick?”

“Bit like I’ve been attacked by a grizzly, but other than that – not bad! How about you, the ether all gone?”

“Mostly” She said with a smile, “But now I think I know what it feels like to have a hangover!”

Nick let out a small laugh then turned serious, “Maggie, I am so sorry for everything! He could’ve killed you, if it wasn’t for my stupidity, I..”

Maggie shushed him with a finger to his lips, “Nick Barkley you are the most stubborn, thick headed, pain in the neck that I have ever met in my life!” She said loudly, then abruptly changed her tone to a whisper, “But you are also my dearest friend, thank you for trying to rescue me. Even though we both know you were in no condition to do that!” Nick rolled his eyes at her and she leaned over and kissed his cheek, she felt his thick beard against her lips and pulled back, “Yuck!”

“Yuck! Mrs. Barkley! Ladies have said many things when they kissed me, but never yuck!” He bellowed at her.

Maggie wiped her mouth and laughed, “Well I doubt any lady would want to kiss you with that nasty thing, it looks like a possum’s nesting on your face!”

Exasperated, he sighed at her, “A possum! It doesn’t look that bad, actually, I was starting to kind of like it!”

She folded her arms to her chest, ‘If you ever plan on getting kissed again, by anyone especially a pretty young lady, I would strongly urge you to shave!” Maggie got up off the bed, but Nick caught her hand and held onto it. She looked back down at him, still wearing a grin.

“Maggie, umm thanks.” He said.

“For what Nick?”

“For everything, for nursing me back to health and for what you did to save me.”

Maggie lightly squeezed his hand and then brought it to her lips and kissed it quickly. “You would have done the same thing for me, Nick.” Standing up, she let go of his hand. “I’m going to go make you some soup. And while I’m out there, I think I’ll ask my husband to come in and give you a shave!”

“Nag, nag, nag!!” Nick laughed.

“Uncle Nick?” Thomas said for the third time.

“Huh? Oh, Thomas, sorry kid? What is it?” Nick asked as he was thrown back into the present.

“Could we go outside now that everybody’s gone? There’s too many flowers in here!”

The women began to put away the dishes and tried to sort through the vast amount of flowers and dishes of food that had been left. Nick and Heath adjourned to go outside with the boys, they had been cooped up in the house with everyone for too long and the three children were filled with pent up energy. Even Thomas, seemed to be feeling better after everyone had left and he managed to rough house with his two younger cousins for a little while.

Jarrod was buried the next morning, next to his daughter. It had been a quiet service, with just Father Michael and the family. Maggie had cried again when she watched Thomas scatter dirt on the top of his Father’s casket and heard him whisper that he missed him.

Maggie lingered behind, standing quietly next to his casket and watching as four men lowered it into the ground. Heath had loaded up their carriage with his family and his Mother. Nick was going to bring Maggie and Thomas back to the house. He stood in the background and watched as she knelt down in front of her daughter’s grave.

“You know, Leah, she’s not alone. She’s got her Grandfather and her Father now, to look after her.”

Maggie looked over towards the hole in the ground and then at the small gravestone for their baby girl, Leah Madelaine. She brushed fallen leaves from the headstone and then finally, looked up at Nick. “Thank you. That’s a lovely thought. I hope you’re right.”

“Course I am Maggie. They are all together now, I’m sure of it.” Nick extended his hand to her and she accepted it, allowing him to help her off the ground. “C’mon, let’s go home.”

As the family arrived back at the house following the burial service, a third carriage pulled in behind them. The family disembarked from the two carriages and turned their attentions towards the lavishly covered carriage and the willowy figure that slowly emerged from it.

“Audra!” Her Mother cried. She rushed over to hug her and took her tall, blonde haired daughter into her arms. It had been three years since she had seen her and tears flowed freely down Victoria’s cheeks as they hugged one another.

Audra was dressed in the finest haute couture, fresh from Paris, but very inappropriately from head to toe in bright red. “Mother” She released from her embrace, “I am so sorry! Jarrod just can’t be gone! When is the funeral?” She looked around at her two remaining brothers and saw the angered expression on both their faces, “I did get here in time, didn’t I?”

Her Mother was about to respond when a tall, slender gentleman emerged from the covered carriage behind her. He was equally well dressed, but far more appropriately than his lovely wife.

“Mrs. Barkley, I am sorry about your loss.” He spoke coolly but took Victoria’s hand and kissed it briskly, bowing slightly as he did.

“Hello, Langley.” Nick took a long stride towards him and looked at him with some measure of disgust, had it been a different day, Langely may have well become acquainted with Nick’s fist. But it had to suffice for the moment, that Langely had previously been introduced to Jarrod’s fists, twice. He then looked over at his sister and her gaudy costume, “Hello, sis. Must say, mighty nice of you to stop by! But I’m afraid you’ve missed your brother’s funeral.” His voice along with his eyes was icy cold to the both of them.

“What?! But we got here as fast as we could. I’m sorry we didn’t get your wire earlier, but we were out in the country.” Audra was hurt at the thought of missing Jarrod’s funeral, but chose to try and ignore her brother’s coldness towards her.

“Hello, Audra” Maggie came around the group and hugged her, with Sarah not far behind. Although Maggie certainly had reason to hold a longstanding grudge against her sister-in-law, she chose not to as she found it to be neither the time nor place for it.

“Maggie! My goodness, haven’t you had that baby yet?” She looked over her sister-in-law carefully; slightly jealous of her condition, but not missing the fact that Maggie was very pale and looked like she hadn’t slept in a week.

Heath stood in the background quietly. He was seething inside at Audra and Langley. They hadn’t even made it for Jarrod’s funeral and now they were waltzing in like belles of the ball yet again. He had never understood what happened to Audra, she used to be caring and warm, but ever since she hooked up with that man – it was party after party, with no sign of settling down or behaving anything like a normal couple. He detested what his sister had become, a socialite with no concept of the world around her.

Audra and her husband, Langley, informed the family that they could only stay in California for a few days and her Mother was sorely disappointed and hurt. It had been slightly over a year since she had even received a letter from her daughter and she missed her terribly, despite what Victoria thought, was an extremely poor choice of husbands. And although she adored both Sarah and Maggie, her two daughters-in-law, it just wasn’t quite the same as having and being with her own daughter.

Audra and Langley had eloped three years ago, leaving California and her family behind, without so much as a note to anyone. And her brothers had taken off looking for her, not knowing the reason for her sudden departure from the ranch and thinking the worst.

Eventually, Jarrod had followed Langley’s paper trail and found the two of them in Carson City, Nevada, already married. Almost immediately, he wired his family back home and informed them he was going to stay for a while and try to talk some sense into his baby sister. He wanted to try and convince Audra to get an annulment and come back home.

When they received the wire about Audra the family was both relieved to hear that Audra was all right, but infuriated at her for her actions. Victoria wired Jarrod back to tell him that Maggie wasn’t doing well with this pregnancy and he should come home. There would be time enough for Victoria to have a talk with her daughter, later.

Jarrod never got the message, unbeknownst to him; the wire message was tucked neatly away in Langley’s pocket, he had intercepted the message from the telegraph operator and fearing that it was more information on his business dealings, he had kept it without reading the message. Jarrod arrived home three weeks later, after having unsuccessfully trying to convince Audra to come home. He had shown her documents, proof, that Langley led a disreputable business, but she had refused to believe her big brother – she was blinded by her love for Langely and the allure of high society life on the east coast.

Jarrod had walked into his house and tossed his hat on the table. He wore a small smile on his face and he was so glad to finally be home. He called for Maggie and Thomas but they were nowhere to be found. Jarrod walked over to the barn and was surprised to find the buggy and the horses all still there. He mounted Jingo and headed to the big house.

The house was quiet when he entered; he unbuckled his gun belt and removed his hat, placing them both on the hall table. “Mother, Maggie?” he called.

Victoria emerged from Jarrod’s old room and hurried downstairs to him. Her eyes were filled with tears as she placed her hands on her son’s chest. “Oh Jarrod, I…where were you?”

Worry and dread filled his mind and his eyes darkened “Mother, what is it? Where’s Maggie and Thomas” he could feel his throat tighten as he spoke. Fear consumed him.

“Thomas is in school, its Maggie.” She struggled to tell him, “the baby’s gone, Jarrod, she was stillborn.”

“What!” He cried, breaking from his Mother he started to go up the stairs.

Victoria moved quickly in front of him, stopping him in his tracks, “Jarrod, Maggie’s lost a lot of blood. Dr. Merrar…” she paused.

“No, no” “Maggie!” he yelled, his own worst fears being realized. He dodged Victoria on the stairs and stormed into his old room.

What he saw stunned him, Maggie laid on the bed, her skin nearly as white as the sheets and her hair was soaked with sweat. Nick was sitting besides her, reading to her from her favorite book. When Nick saw him, he spun around in the chair and got up, closing in on Jarrod.

“Where were you!” Nick demanded. Nick was ready to pounce on his older brother. He had never been so angry with him.

“I was with Audra, you know that”. Jarrod didn’t bother to look at Nick; his eyes were firmly fixed on his wife lying so still in bed.

“Why didn’t you come home when Mother sent you the message.”

Jarrod turned and looked at him, “message? I never got a message from anyone. I would’ve come home right away, don’t you know that?” Jarrod spoke to him through clenched teeth, he was more than capable of moving Nick aside, if need be.

“Jarrod?” his wife’s voice was weak and quiet.

Jarrod brushed past his brother and went to her bedside. He sat down on the edge of the bed, taking her small hand in his. “Maggie, my love, you’re going to be just fine.” He brought her hand up and kissed it tenderly.

“Our daughter, she’s dead. Why weren’t you here?” her eyes stared at him, empty and devoid of emotion.

“Maggie, forgive me, I didn’t know.” Jarrod’s voice broke as he spoke.

“Jarrod?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Get out.”

Her words stung him to his soul. She was right for being angry with him, he thought, when she most needed him – he hadn’t been there. He let go of her hand and removed himself from the room. Going downstairs, his Mother stopped him.

“She’s got a fever Jarrod. An infection. She’ll be alright, give her time and she won’t be angry with you.”

“Can you blame her? I haven’t been there for her or for my son in over two years. Then, when she needs me the most, when we lose our girl…” Jarrod choked on his words, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill down his cheeks, “She almost died Mother and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me the most. Can you blame her for being angry?” he asked.

Nick’s angry voice brought Victoria back into the moment.

“Oh, so you can only manage to stay a few days? Well, that’s awfully nice of you, especially considering all that Jarrod’s done for you.” His voice was filled with anger, almost hatred for what his sister had become. “Why don’t you do all of us a favor and end your trip right now, go back to New York.”

“Nick, don’t you speak to me like that! You know I’m very busy. Heath, you tell him to stop.” Audra looked over at Heath, hoping for an ally.

Heath took Sarah’s hand and spoke softly, “maybe Audra, it would be a good idea if you went to the hotel. We’re all pretty raw right now.”

Audra’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. She looked at her Mother, waiting for her to say something, but no words came.

Langley put his arm around Audra’s waist. “Come honey, we know when we’re not welcome.”

Audra and Langley left the house and boarded their carriage; she turned and saw her Mother standing in the window. It would be the last time she would ever visit the house again.

* * * * * * * * * *

It had been a little over a week since the funeral and although Maggie felt the baby would be arriving soon she knew it was time to return to their home. She needed to get home, the home she had shared with her husband. Each member of the family had tried to talk her into staying until after the baby arrived, but she had to return to the house that she had shared with Jarrod no matter how much it pained her. Nick and Heath vowed to come see her every day. She had insisted that it wasn’t necessary, but the brothers would not relent and she finally consented.

Maggie boarded the carriage with some assistance from Heath and took a seat next to Sarah. Heath’s wife held her hand throughout the short ride to her home. Thomas sat in the back without a word to anyone. He had so many feelings about everything that had happened and about returning home. A part of him wanted to stay at the big house forever. He adored his Uncle Nick and his Grandmother, wanting to spend as much time with them as he could. But, the other part of him wanted to be in his own house, his own bed and be closer to his Father. He felt that in their home, he could be closer to his Father, sit at his desk and read his books, the closer he was to him the clearer his Father would stay with him.

Heath pulled the carriage to a stop in front of the house and helped both Maggie and Sarah down from the carriage. Thomas grabbed their bags from the back and went towards the door.

“Mags?” Heath asked, “Do you want us to stay for awhile with you?”

She shook her head, “No, we’re fine Heath. But thank you.” She hugged both Heath and Sarah quickly then looked towards the house, looming so large in front of her. It wasn’t a big house, as Jarrod had said back when they first moved in, it was the perfect size for them.

“Remember, we’ll be here everyday to check on you. Either Heath or Nick or me, we’re going to be here and don’t you forget it!” Sarah had tears in her eyes as Heath helped her into the carriage. She couldn’t imagine what her best friend was going through and she wrapped her arm around Heath’s as he got the horse under way. Maggie had been her best friend since childhood and it was Maggie that was mostly responsible for bringing Heath and herself together.

Slowly, Maggie opened the door to their home and went inside. Thomas went to the stable first to look in on the horses, which Nick had been taking care of while they stayed at the big house. Maggie surveyed their front room and the small parlor on the right. She straightened her shoulders and attempted to gather her strength. She walked around the other rooms of the house in a daze, feeling numb inside.

She stopped in front of what would soon be the baby’s room. The crib stood alone in the corner and Maggie smiled to herself as she remembered how hard Jarrod had tried to build it for her, but he finally had to ask for Heath’s help in completing it. A brilliant lawyer yes, she thought with a smile, a woodworker, no.

She walked away from the baby’s room and went down to the hall the rest of the way to her own bedroom, their bedroom. She tentatively pushed open the door and walked inside. Her hands shook slightly as she put her bag down on the floor. Maggie felt something brush the back of her shoulder and she whirled around to see Jarrod’s robe hanging from a hook on the back of the door. She ran her fingers across the deep burgundy velvet and down the satin trim. A small sob escaped her lips and she wiped away the tears welling up in her eyes.

Lying in the middle of the bed they had shared for so long was the bag that Jarrod had brought with him to San Francisco. Nick had brought it back earlier in the week, with Jarrod’s personal effects still tucked inside. She went over to the bed and sat down, uneasily.

“Mother?” Thomas popped his head in the doorway.

Startled, Maggie nearly jumped off the side of the bed and put her hand to her chest as she tried to catch her breath.

“I’m sorry,” he giggled. “Mother, I’m going to bed, kind of tired. And I have school tomorrow.”

“That’s fine, are you feeling okay? We usually have to drag you to bed.”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I think I just want to be in my own room again.”

“I understand completely” she nodded, then after a short pause added “Thomas, I love you very much you know.”

Thomas smiled back at her, turned to leave the room then stopped. “I love you too.”

When was it he turned from a boy into a man, she asked herself. “Jarrod, he’s amazing, our boy, you’d be so proud.” She whispered to the heavens, “but somehow I think you’re already proud.”

Maggie turned her attentions back to Jarrod’s bag and she opened it with a loud exhale. Inside, sitting on the top was the shiny gold pocket watch. She had given it to him for their fifth wedding anniversary and had it inscribed inside the front cover. ‘Always, M.” It was a match for the gold heart necklace he’d given her the day before they were married. She fingered her necklace around her neck.

“Maggie, you still awake?” He asked, caressing her hair.

“Mmm, yes?” She asked not wanting to open her eyes.

“Wait. Stay right here.” Jarrod got off the bed in a hurry and started to put his slacks on.

“Jarrod? Where are on earth are you going.” Maggie was disappointed to see him get out of bed and begin to dress.

“I’ll be right back love, stay right there.” He kissed her forehead before sliding his robe back on. “Stay right there and don’t get dressed. You’re far too luscious for clothing right now.”

He tied his robe and made a quick exit out the door. Maggie pulled the sheets over her, wondering what he was up to. He returned in a few short minutes.

“Now what was so important?” She asked.

“Just this,” Jarrod sat on the bed and opened his hand. Resting on his palm was a small gold heart pendant on a delicate chain. “Merry Christmas, my love.” Jarrod lifted the necklace and put it around her neck.

“Jarrod, it’s lovely, but Christmas was awhile ago.”

“I know honey, I’ve kept it with me since Christmas.” Jarrod held her from behind his arm wrapped around her bare shoulders. “On the back of the heart, there’s a small inscription.”

“Wait, let me get my glasses. I want to see it.”

“You don’t wear glasses, when did you start?” Jarrod gave her a quizzical look, then he remembered. Heath had mentioned something about her having problems with her vision since she was brought home. “Don’t get up” he wrapped his other arm around her small waist. “It says simply, Always, J.”

“Always? Do you mean that Jarrod?” She asked him as she kissed the forearm wrapped around her shoulder.

“How do you feel about being Maggie Barkley?” Jarrod turned her to look at him directly.

“It has a nice ring, I must say. Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.” She smiled.

“What?! What do you mean think about it? Jarrod rolled his eyes in mock indignation. “Why I’ll have you know that I think Maggie Barkley is a fine name.” He lightly pushed her back down on the bed and moved over her; he took her wrists in his hands and moved them above her head.

Laughing, Maggie agreed, “Okay, okay Maggie Barkley does sound very nice. I could get used to it I think!”

“You think?” He kissed her lightly and released her wrists. Turning serious, he looked down at her, “marry me.”

“Yes.”

She gently picked the gold watch up out of the bag and held it to her ear, hearing nothing; she wound it and listened again. The soft ticking sound was soothing to her. Underneath the watch laid his meticulously folded clothes – he had always done a much better job of packing than she had. She began to remove the clothes and put them in his dresser as if he would use them again someday. Stopping, she brought his white shirt up to her face and breathed in. She let out a small cry as she caught his scent still permeating the fabric.

She got ready for bed and crawled underneath the covers. She lay there for several minutes, uncomfortable being alone in their bed. Maggie rose out of bed and went to the dresser, retrieving one of Jarrod’s shirts from the drawer. Slipping it on over her nightgown, she immediately felt more comfortable and at home. She smiled to herself when she tried to button it, and it hadn’t even come close to fitting around her. Crawling back into bed, she pulled Jarrod’s pillow close to herself and as she caught his scent again, she cried herself to sleep.

As promised, someone was at her house everyday. Nick made a point of being there, if even for a short time, everyday. Thomas returned to school, even though he was not quite able to concentrate on his schoolwork yet and Maggie didn’t mention it to him when she noted his faraway looks as he tried to study. It would all come back in time; somehow she just knew that Jarrod’s son would come back around in time.

On Saturday, Nick arrived early in the morning to check on the two of them. Maggie was in the kitchen making breakfast and Thomas was out in the barn taking care of the horses.

“Good morning!” He boomed with a wide grin as he entered the house.

“Good morning, Nick” she smiled back at him.

“Mmm, is that eggs and pork I smell.” He leaned over her shoulder looking into the frying pan.

“It certainly is, hungry?”

“You know I’m always hungry. Where’s Thomas?” he inquired.

“He’s in the barn taking care of Lightning no doubt. Breakfast is still a few minutes off, why don’t you go say hello.”

“I think I will” he stole a biscuit off the plate next to the stove as he left and Maggie swatted him with the spatula, they both laughed as he headed out the door to the barn.

Nick and Thomas came back in a short time later for breakfast and she watched as the two of them raced to eat all of their plates. They both rose as soon as they were finished and headed out the door.

“Hey wait, where are you two going?” Maggie asked. “I thought you would both spend some time with me this morning.”

“Uncle Nick brought some hay over for the stalls and we have to get it put away.” Thomas stated, excited at the idea of working with his uncle.

Nick and Thomas took to getting the bales of hay from the wagon and spreading it on the floor of the stalls. The air was hot and sticky and they both eventually removed their shirts as they worked in the hot sun.

After several hours, Nick asked Thomas if he would go persuade his Mother to get them some cool drinks.

“Sure! That sounds real good, I’ll be right back, Uncle Nick.” Thomas hurried into the house and slammed the door as he went inside. “Mother!” he yelled.

“Goodness, I’m right here Thomas! You know, you are beginning to sound more and more like your Uncle Nick everyday.”

“I’m sorry Mother, but we were wondering if you had anything to drink? It’s pretty hot outside.”

“Well” she said looking about the kitchen, “Oh good, the lemons are still fresh. How about some lemonade?” Maggie reached up to get the sugar from the cabinet and as she did the first pain of labor shot through her like a tidal wave.

“Mother what’s wrong?” Thomas took hold of her arm.

Another pain shot through her, “Oh no, this is too fast, something’s not right. Oh God.” The room was swimming around her and she was beginning to feel very light headed.

“Uncle Nick, Uncle Nick, help!” Thomas cried out desperately. He was absolutely terrified while he continued to hold onto her and shouted again for his Uncle.

Maggie saw Nick come into the room, “Nick..”

Nick filled with worry at the sight of her, “It’s okay Maggie, I’ve got you.” He quickly gathered her into his arms and lifted her, carrying her towards the bedroom. “Thomas!” He shouted. “Get to town now, get the doctor!”

Thomas stood frozen, dumbfounded by what he was seeing.

“Thomas! Now! Go!” Nick yelled again as he went into the bedroom. Gently, he laid her down on the bed and stroked her cheek. “Maggie, it’s gonna be alright honey.”

“Nick, I’m scared..” She whispered to him and then her eyes shut.

“Maggie?” He whispered at first, when he received no response he wrapped his arms around her and said her name again more desperately, “Maggie! Maggie, come on, stay with me.”

An acrid smell stung her nose and she jolted herself back into consciousness. The doctor was standing over her with a small vial of smelling salts. “Oh what is that?” She asked meekly.

“Welcome back young lady, you gave all of us quite the scare. "The doctor smiled," But now I'm afraid you've got some work to do

“Work?” Maggie’s eyes widened. “The baby!”

Victoria sat down on the bed and took her daughter-in-laws hand, “It’s alright now Maggie, everything’s fine..” She smiled warmly at her, trying to ease the fear she saw in her eyes.

“But, what happened? I was going to make some lemonade and that’s the last thing I remember.”

“You just fainted Maggie, everything’s going to be just fine. It’s no wonder you fainted with all that’s happened and now the baby coming.” Victoria allowed Maggie to grip her hand tightly as a labor pain shot through her like a knife. “Now, dear the doctor’s right, you have some work to do.”

The doctor left the bedroom and Maggie was filled with worry, she was so afraid of another stillborn and the thought of having a baby without Jarrod frightened her even more. Her fears were eased only somewhat by Victoria and Sarah’s presence.

“Don’t worry, everything’s going to be just fine,” Victoria whispered, sensing her fears. “We’re all here for you and we always will be. Every one of us.”

Nick, Heath and Thomas waited in the parlor for news. Heath sat in the loveseat, while Nick and Thomas endlessly paced about the room.

“Boy howdy Nick, you’re worse than I was when my boys were born!” Heath couldn’t help but laugh as he watched them anxiously pace back and forth in the room. “Pretty soon Thomas, you’re gonna have a little brother or sister to help your Mother with.”

“I know, Uncle Heath do you think Mother’s okay in there?” Thomas asked, looking down the hall towards the closed bedroom door.

“Course I do, kid. You think the doctor would leave if she weren't? It’s all up to your Mother now.”

“I just can’t..I can’t lose her too!” Thomas choked on his tears and hung his head down.

His Uncle Nick was the first one to his side and drew his nephew into a tight bear hug. “You listen to me now Thomas. Your Mother’s a strong woman and she’s gonna come through this just fine and like your Uncle Heath said, pretty soon, you’re gonna have a little brother or sister around the house to make you crazy.” Nick looked down into Thomas’s brilliant blue eyes and he was reminded of Jarrod so much that he nearly gasped with the knowledge.

“I guess you’re right. She wasn’t nearly as sick as the last time.”

“You’re right about that. Fact of the matter is, your Mother was so healthy that you’re Father could never get her to slow down. He worried about her all the time, but you’re Mother, she’s got a lot of fire in her. You wait, she’s going to be up and about again in no time flat!”

After several hours, Thomas finally wore himself out with his pacing and took a seat next to his Uncle Heath. Nick leaned against the wall with his arms and legs crossed, trying to give the illusion of a calm demeanor. The sun set and evening came, Nick set about lighting every lamp and candle in the house that he could find, anything to keep himself occupied. Heath still sat quietly, reading a book.

“How can you be so calm right now?” Nick finally bellowed at his younger brother, exasperated that he appeared to be the only anxious male in the household.

“I’ve been through this before, twice if you recall, nothing much we can do except wait.” Heath had resigned himself to being patient in these matters several years ago. But like Nick, he had been anxious and nervous and when his brother wasn’t looking, he would glance up from his book and towards the bedroom door.

Nick finally gave up on wearing a hole straight thru the hallway rug and took a chair. Just as he did, his head shot up at what he thought was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. The sound of a baby crying.

The three male Barkley’s turned to look at the bedroom door as they heard it finally and slowly open. Sarah emerged from the bedroom carrying a small bundle in her arms. Nick, Heath and Thomas immediately went over to check out the newest member of the family.

Sarah pushed back the blanket to reveal a pink and plump-faced little baby with a shock of red hair peeking out from underneath the blanket. They couldn’t help but smile at the little new life that she held so carefully in her arms.

Heath looked up from the baby to his wife. “Well?” He asked with a grin.

“It’s a girl, her name is Caitlin Marie.” Sarah was beaming as she told them.

The three men smiled widely, proud as peacocks and cooing over the littlest Barkley.

Heath held out his arms and took the little package from Sarah, into his arms.

“Mother, is she alright?” Thomas asked, he looked directly at his Aunt Sarah, his voice filled with worry.

“She’s fine dear, a little tired, but just fine. Do you want to see her now?”

Thomas nodded and she took him by the hand and led him towards the bedroom. The older Barkley men attempted to follow the two of them down the hallway. “Oh no, “ she said, “She’s tired – one at a time okay?”

Nick and Heath nodded submissively and went back into the parlor, Heath still holding Caitlin in his arms. He cooed and talked lovingly to the little bundle.

Nick watched them intently. He extended his arms and asked, “May I?” He asked. Heath carefully placed Caitlin into Nick’s strong arms. Nick cradled Caitlin so gently in his arms, he talked to her in a soft baritone voice, amazed at the little life he held.

“I don’t think I heard you Nick, was that coochie coo you just said?” Heath laughed as Nick rolled his eyes and looked at him with complete exasperation. At the same time, Heath felt a bit sorry for his brother; fatherhood was something Nick had never experienced and he wondered if Nick ever would know the joys of it. “So, how’s it feel to be an Uncle again, big brother?” he asked.

“It feels great, my first niece.” He gazed upon the newest Barkley, his heart filled with love and then held her up in the air, “Jarrod look at your baby girl, she’s just as beautiful as Maggie, isn’t she?” He suddenly felt sadness overwhelm him and tears coming down his cheeks. “I’m going to tell you all about Pappy, little one, I’m so sorry he’s not here.”

Heath came over to his brother and put his hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll all make sure she knows who her Pappy was.” Heath smiled at Nick reassuringly.

Thomas emerged from the bedroom, with a wide grin. “Who’s next?” he asked.

Heath nodded at his brother and Nick made his way down the hall, carrying Caitlin gently in his arms. He opened the door slowly and peered inside. Maggie was lying on the bed talking animatedly with his Mother and Sarah. She looked strong and healthy. It was a big change from when Nick had spent endless sleepless hours at her bedside when she had lost the last baby.

“Nick! Isn’t she beautiful?” His mother exclaimed.

Maggie reached out her arms for Caitlin and Nick softly laid Caitlin next to her mother. He was beaming, proud as an Uncle possibly could be.

“She’s beautiful all right! She’s going to have all the boys in town chasing after her.” Nick thought for a moment then said, “I should probably go clean my shotgun now!”

Laughter filled the room at his jokes. But knowing Nick, Maggie thought, he’s probably half serious!

Sarah and Victoria both excused themselves from the room, they were both exhausted and elated. Victoria was hoping she could find Jarrod’s sherry somewhere in the house. I’m getting way too old for this, she thought with a smile.

Nick sat down on the end of Maggie’s bed. “How do you feel, Maggie?”

“I’m actually quite well, a little tired, but considering everything I’m quite well.” She yawned and put her hand over her mouth.

“I should go, you need your rest.” Nick started to get up, but Maggie’s hand touched his arm as he did.

“Stay for a little while? I’m glad you were here, I’m glad all of you were here.”

Nick took her hand and lightly squeezed it before releasing it. “Okay,” he said as he sat back down, “how about I read to you for a little while, until you fall asleep.” Nick retrieved a book of poetry from off of her nightstand and began reading to her in the most gentle of voices.

She listened intently and as she watched Caitlin nod off, Maggie closed her eyes.

* * * * * * * * * *

She awoke just as the sun was starting to rise; it was going to be a beautiful day she thought to herself. She stretched out like a cat that just awoke from its nap and rose from bed. As she went to her closet, she caught herself briefly in the mirror and smiled. Maggie had on Jarrod’s white shirt, and she smiled at all the buttons being done up, she had managed to get her figure back.

In the last six months since she’d come home after the funeral, she had worn one of Jarrod’s shirts to bed every night. It brought her a sense of comfort and security; a feeling that she was somehow closer to him when she wore it. His pocket watch still sat on the nightstand and Maggie wound it every night; it was a ritual she had maintained since Caitlin was born.

Caitlin’s cries from the other room startled her Mother and she went to her; lifting her and cradling her gently in her arms. Neither mother or daughter had slept much in the past week, Caitlin was cutting her first tooth and she was very fussy about it. Maggie sat down in the rocker and softly sang to her, coaxing her back to sleep. She tried to be very quiet; she didn’t want to wake Thomas, not just yet. It was going to be a very long day today and she wanted him to sleep another hour or so before rousing him.

Maggie looked down at her daughter, still fussing, but the little girls eyelids were beginning to grow heavy. There was really only one person that Catie never ever fussed at, her Uncle Nick and he was spoiling her terribly. At such an early age, her baby daughter already had her Uncle Nick totally wrapped around her chubby finger and Nick adored little Catie. Rarely a day went by that Nick hadn’t come to the house and almost always bearing gifts for the children. Maggie spent a lot of time at the big house, with Victoria and Sarah. She really didn’t know how she could have made it without all the love and support she received the family; they all meant everything to her.

It was slightly cool in Caitlin’s room and she wrapped an extra blanket around her, at some point Maggie dozed off.

“Where is everyone?” A voice bellowed from the front, jarring a startled Maggie and Caitlin awake. Caitlin instantly began crying again.

Maggie rubbed the sleep from her eyes and rose just as Nick came in the room. “Nick, good morning, I’m sorry I must’ve fallen asleep – what time is it?”

Nick didn’t say a thing for several moments; he was far too involved with taking in the sight before him. Maggie was only clothed in Jarrod’s shirt, her legs were bare to her knees. Her red hair hung loosely down to the middle of her back, and her green eyes fairly glowed in the morning light. Caitlin was wrapped up in a blanket in her arms, as her Mother gently rocked her.

Maggie became intensely aware of the silence and Nick’s clear hazel eyes staring at her; she felt her cheeks flush hot red. “I..I better get dressed,” she stammered. “Thomas isn’t awake yet, would you mind waking him up for me?”

Nick offered out his arms and Maggie passed Caitlin to him. He gave Caitlin one of his leather gloves to play with; she joyfully wrapped her little fist around the soft leather and immediately began gnawing on one of the fingertips. “Hey, what’s she doing?” He asked quizzically.

“She’s teething, Nick” Maggie answered as she closed the door to her bedroom and started to dress.

“What?”

Maggie peeked her head out the door, laughing, “She’s teething Nick, she’s getting one of her first teeth in.”

“Well, I’ll be darned, already?” Nick lovingly played with Caitlin as her Mother was getting dressed. “You sure are something little one!” Caitlin giggled and smiled at him. “Are you smiling at me? He was amazed at every new movement, every little milestone that Caitlin had.

Nick was a wonderful Uncle to his three nephews, but he had always maintained a little bit of distance. The ranch was his first priority and the family had prospered greatly because of it. But Caitlin was different. He had kept his promise to Maggie, along with Heath, and one of them always came to visit each day. He had been around Caitlin since the day she was born and his heart was filled with a new kind of love that he had never experienced before.

Nick suddenly remembered that he was supposed to wake up Thomas. He carefully placed Caitlin in her highchair and pointed a finger at her “now you, don’t go learning how to walk while I’m gone, you hear” Nick kissed her on the head, which gave Caitlin the giggles and he walked away smiling and down the hall to wake up Thomas. He flung the door open to Thomas’s room, “Happy Thanksgiving!” He yelled.

“Uncle Nick, ohh!” Thomas moaned and threw a pillow at his Uncle. “Can’t you talk in a normal voice like everybody else!”

“Oh,” Nick said as he caught the flying pillow. “So you want to fight, eh?” He went over to Thomas and promptly hit him across the chest with the plump feather pillow.

Maggie finished dressing and retrieved Caitlin from the highchair. Walking to Thomas’s room she could hear the two of them laughing hysterically. As she opened the door, she was greeted by a flurry of feathers around the room. Nick and Thomas froze under Maggie’s steely gaze.

She tried to keep the steely gaze on her face but, couldn’t do it for long and she broke out into a fit of laughter, “Um, having fun boys?”

Nick stuttered, “ I’m sorry, I was just trying to get him out of bed.”

“Oh is that what you were doing Nick?” Maggie shook her head, “Never mind, c’mon you two, we should be leaving now. Your Grandmother’s waiting Thomas.”

The two obediently put down the pillows, now half flat for the lack of feathers and after Thomas dressed in a rush; they followed Maggie out the door and to the waiting carriage.

Nick helped Maggie into the carriage as she plucked a few rogue feathers off his gray suit and in his hair. He handed Caitlin up to her and she wrapped a blanket around her for the ride. Caitlin was dressed in the same colors as her mother, green and cream-colored gingham. Maggie had tied her hair back with a matching green bow and had made a small green bonnet for Caitlin. Thomas was positively dapper in a navy suit and looked so much like his Father that it made Maggie’s.

When they arrived at the house, Heath and Sarah were already there with their boys. Thomas went to play with David and Andrew in the back as soon as he got out of the carriage. Nick helped Maggie down from the carriage as she watched her son run off.

“Thomas!” his Mother called, “take off your suit coat, we want to leave something clean for dinner.”

Nick snickered to himself.

“What?” she asked indignantly.

“You sound just like my Mother did.”

“Did? That’s how she probably sounds now.”

“Hey, you know I’m an adult now, all growed up” Nick stood in front of her, his hands on his hips.

“Adult, yes, grown up? Nick, you’ll never really grow up.” She giggled at him.

They both shared a laugh as they went inside the house. Maggie carried Caitlin in her arms. Nick, without thinking anything about it, put his arm around Maggie’s waist as they went inside.

As the family gathered in the parlor, Heath immediately noticed Nick’s arm around her waist and decided that it was high time for having a talk with his brother.

Victoria had the day completely planned out, games and conversation for two hours, Thanksgiving meal promptly at 1p.m, Thanksgiving service at 4p.m and then the Thanksgiving day dance at the Tomlinson’s – an annual event that brought out nearly everyone in the rapidly growing town of Stockton. Victoria had decided that she was not going to attend the dance this year, but had volunteered to watch David, Andrew and Caitlin.

This year, Thomas would make his first appearance at an evening dance and he was more than slightly nervous about it. His Uncle Nick had spent several hours with him teaching the boy how to dance and he hoped he wouldn’t forget everything and step on someone’s toes.

The family chattered happily together, discussing the ranch, the upcoming feast and the dance. Sarah, Maggie and Heath all talked animatedly about the children. Nick listened and hung onto every word spoken about their lives and the children. He never said anything over the years, but in a way he was envious of everything they had. Oh he loved seeing his brothers so happy and with families, but he couldn’t help but envy them, especially Jarrod.

“Nick, heard you picked up a new mare last week, care to show me?” Heath gave his wife a knowing glance. Heath had wanted to talk to Nick about his growing closeness to Maggie, but always found a reason to avoid it. This time they were going to discuss it, it was too soon for Nick to be making his feelings known to her, it had only been six months.

The two men walked out to the barn together and Nick proudly showed Heath the new mare. The resemblance to his old favorite horse, Coco was uncanny.

“You were right Nick, she sure is a ringer for Coco. She looks mighty strong too, good stock.” Heath stroked the mare’s mane; admiring the new horse.

“Yep,” Nick replied, “she was a good buy.”

Heath fidgeted with a set of reins hanging on a post next to him. He looked down at the round and kicked the dirt in front of him.

Nick knew that look on his brother’s face all too well, “got something on your mind?” he asked.

“Yeah Nick I do.” Heath paused for a moment, now he knew how Jarrod must have felt whenever he had confronted Nick about something. “I was thinking about Maggie and the kids ‘specially Thomas.”

“What about them? Thomas is growing up so fast and did you know Caitlin is teething…”

“Nick,” Heath interrupted, “It’s only been six months, don’t you think it’s a bit early to..”

“To what?!” Nick demanded, Heath could see the anger building in Nick’s expression, he was getting defensive; even Nick’s posture displayed his sudden turn. His brother’s hands had balled into tight fists.

Heath thought for a moment before he spoke, it was very obvious to him that he had struck a nerve in his brother. “Maybe it would be a good idea if you take a step back for now. Let the wounds heal. Give them time to adjust to everything that’s happened.”

“Now you wait just a minute there Heath! I’m not sure what you’re accusing me of, but you’re the one who better take a step back and do it now!”

“I’m not accusing you of anything. But, Nick, ya can’t just step in and play husband and make like nothing’s happened. She married Jarrod, Nick, not you. She didn’t fall in love with you, she fell in love with your brother. Look Nick, you can hide it from some but not me. I know how you feel about her, how you’ve always felt. I guess, I always thought over the years that your feelings for her would eventually fade, but they haven’t, have they? In fact, I’d say you love her more now than you ever have.” Heath tried in vain to reason with him. He felt it was too soon to allow Nick to share how he felt with Maggie. It’s not that everyone didn’t already know how he felt; but it was too soon to discuss it or bring it into the open. The wounds from the loss of their brother and Mags’s husband were still too fresh.

Nick wasn’t about to listen to Heath anymore; he drew his arm back and was about to swing at Heath when he spotted Thomas out of the corner of his eye. Nick dropped both his arms. Both men instantly regretted raising their voices. Young David and Andrew were standing behind their older cousin, Thomas.

“Uncle Nick, Uncle Heath what’s going on? Why were you fighting?” Thomas looked at both them; the anguished look on the boy’s face stung both brothers like a slap to their faces.

Nick went immediately to his nephew’s side and gave Thomas a big hug, “it wasn’t anything really, brothers fight sometimes that’s all. Don’t you worry about it. It’ll all blow over soon, right Heath?”

Heath looked at Nick and then went over to his boys and quietly led them out of the barn and back to the house.

Nick started to walk with Thomas back to the house; Thomas stopped and turned to his Uncle. His blue eyes staring intensely at him; Nick was acutely aware of how much he looked like his Father.

“Did you and Father fight a lot?” Thomas asked.

Nick’s eyes widened at Thomas and he smiled, “boy did we ever fight sometimes. You’re Father was one of the most stubborn men I’ve ever known, next to me of course. Why I could tell you some stories about that." He laughed and put his arm around his shoulder.

“Will you tell me the stories sometime? I’d like to hear them.”

“You betcha.” Nick looked at his nephew and saw Jarrod. He grew more and more like him everyday, his appearance, and his personality – even the funny little way he tilted his head when something was on his mind.

The Barkley’s all came together at the dining room table, Victoria at one end and Nick at the other. They held hands and gave thanks before they feasted on a spectacular Thanksgiving dinner. Following the sumptuous meal, they adjourned back to the parlor, where Sarah and Maggie served coffee to everyone. The female Barkley’s could sense tenseness between Nick and Heath, but Maggie was the only adult in the room that didn’t know the reason for it and it made the time they spent there more than just a bit uncomfortable.

After the prayer service at church, Heath took his Mother and the young children back to the house; he would meet the others at the party in a short while. Nick, Sarah, Maggie and Thomas got in the other carriage to go to the Tomlinson’s annual Thanksgiving Day Dance.

“Can I ride up with you Uncle Nick?” Maggie’s son asked.

“Sure you can Thomas. As a matter of fact, why don’t you take the reins tonight.” Nick smiled.

“You mean it?” Thomas’s eyes were wide with surprise.

“Course I do,” Nick propped his feet up and stretched out his arms across the front seat. “Well? C’mon now boy, we haven’t got all night!”

“Yes, sir!” Thomas said excitedly. With that, he coaxed the horses and with a small jolt, they were underway.

Back at the house, Heath got both of his boys tucked into bed and kissed them good night. Victoria put the sleeping Caitlin in her crib as Heath joined her in Jarrod’s old room.

“She’s a little angel, isn’t she? Look at that red hair, just like her Mother.” Victoria whispered with a grin.

“She’s going to have all the boys chasing after her that’s for sure.” Heath agreed.

Victoria nodded, “I seem to recall when half the men in town were chasing after her Mother.” She looked up at Heath, “especially Nick, he really fell for her in a big way. But from the moment Maggie and Jarrod met, there was something there, something very special.”

Heath spoke honestly with his Mother, he always had, “I don’t think Nick ever stopped loving her, Mother.”

Victoria nodded thoughtfully, “No I don’t think he ever did. And right now, it’s bothering you isn’t it.”

“You know me too well.” Heath’s arm went around her waist and he kissed her forehead. “Its just that it hasn’t been very long, it don’t feel right that Nick has stepped in the way that he has.”

“Maybe,” she sighed and looked at her son, “maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be Heath, have you ever considered that.”

“You mean like there’s some higher force at work here or something like that?”

“I don’t know if that’s what I mean exactly, natural order of things perhaps? Thomas and Caitlin need a Father, Maggie needs someone in her life too and Nick, he’s never had a family of his own.”

“But it’s not his family Mother.”

“No, you’re right Heath, but it is our family. Keep in mind though, that we don’t know where Maggie’s heart is in all of this, she may not be ready herself. I don’t know. What I do know is how much Maggie means to Nick and always has. ” She softly kissed her son’s cheek, “I don’t know what’s in store for the future Heath, but I do know that no matter what happens, Maggie and the children will always be a part of our family, they will always be Barkleys.”

THE END