Till the Weeks Second Sunday

by BVLindaG

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Chapter 21

January started off with cold, rainy weather which continued day after day. Nick and Heath slogged around in it checking fences and dams, repairing things as they went. Elizabeth Trent had sent an invitation to John's wedding in Sacramento. The men couldn't get away so Victoria and Audra went by themselves and stayed with Elizabeth. They were gone for three days and came back full of ideas for Audra's wedding and waving the magazine with the article and some of the pictures John had taken. Mrs. Trent had sent along a basket full of pastries with a note saying, 'for my two favorite cowboys, love Lizzy'. Later that night as Victoria sat by the fire and flipped through the magazine to read the article about the ranch

once more, she smiled and shook her head. She didn't have the heart to scold Nick when she found the picture of CoCo and him had been neatly cut out of a page.

Heath kept Billy doing all the chores around the barns, they needed someone reliable and he liked doing it. He kept the tack rooms and barns clean and paid extra attention to anything Heath pointed out that needed repairing. He was still a little wary around Nick even after the big man had cornered him one day and gruffed out that he didn't blame him for the accident.

As Billy stood there wide eyed and trying to stammer out a response, Nick scowled at him and waved his hand toward the inside of the barn. The youngster jumped as he barked out, "those stalls aren't gonna' clean themselves ya know boy, now get goin'."

The sun finally broke through towards the middle of the month and Heath turned CoCo and Charger out together in the corral by the bunkhouse. With all the cold, wet weather CoCo had developed a bit of a cough and Heath thought the warm sunshine would do him good. Nick climbed up to sit on the top rail beside him as Heath watched the two horses stand head to tail, scratching each others back.

"They sure do like each other Nick." He laughed as Charger bit the chestnut back a little too hard and the old horse squealed and chased him across the paddock. They stopped at the far side where Heath had tossed a couple of flakes of hay and stood side by side pulling out wisps and chewing.

"Yeah, they've traveled a lot of miles together Heath, just like us." Nick's eyes narrowed as he watched them, "I never realized how small CoCo is, without the saddle he looks like a pony next to your horse."

Heath shrugged his broad shoulders, "he's managed to carry you all these years Nick."

"Hmmmmm."

The two horses wandered over to the water trough, then crossed the paddock to stop in front of the two cowboys. They nosed around hoping for a treat but were content with the good scratch they received instead. Charger leaned into Heath's hand so hard he almost toppled over when it was removed. CoCo had put his head in the air as Nick scratched him hard behind the ears. With his lip curled up showing his teeth and his eyes shut tight in ecstasy, it looked like he was laughing. Nick gave him a final pat and shooed them both away. CoCo coughed a couple of times as he walked away, his whole body shaking with the force of it.

"Cough isn't getting any better Heath."

"No... no it isn't Nick. The old horse is tired, he needs more than a few hours in the paddock to get better." He looked down at his boots, he had to try one more time. "Nick, he's twenty-three. Most horses don't even live that long...he deserves a rest." He shrugged again, "sometimes ya have to let go of the things ya love, even if it breaks your heart." He kept his eyes on the two friends standing shoulder to shoulder, looking over the fence at Mike coming down the road with a wagon full of supplies.

"I'll think about it." He climbed down and started over to help unload the wagon. The sound of spurs stopped for a moment as he turned around, "have Billy saddle that grey mare tomorrow, I'll use her till CoCo gets better." As Heath turned and looked at him, Nick pulled his hat lower and muttered, "she needs the experience."

"Ok Nick." He schooled his features into a bland mask as Nick put his fists on his hips and scowled at him.

"ARE YA GONNA SIT THERE ALL DAY, OR ARE YA GONNA HELP US?"

Heath smiled to himself as he jumped down...it was a start, and that was more than he had hoped for.

By the end of January, Heath was back doing a full days work. He rode out with Nick at dawn, stopping at lunch to eat the sandwiches Silas packed in their saddlebags and returning to the ranch just after five for supper. Their days were full of broken fences, straying cattle and picking up supplies. Nick turned CoCo out every day even after he recovered. He rode a different horse every few days, his reasoning being that they were green and needed the work. Nobody dared to question him. It was as though he thought if he didn't ride the same horse every day, then he couldn't get attached to them.

The front door opened and two weary cowboys walked over and threw their hats on the foyer table.

"MOTHER!! SILAS!! WHERE IS EVERYBODY?"

She came up behind him with her hands over her ears, "will you please stop shouting in the house!"

He spun around and looked at her, "where were you?"

"I was in the library reading, now why are you two home in the middle of the day?"

The black gloved hands rested on the black clad hips at the question whose answer should have been obvious, "WE'RE STARVIN'."

"NICK!"

He lowered his voice, "well we are, we all ready fixed nearly two miles of fence that was coming down in the north pasture and you know we left so early this morning we didn't have breakfast. We had to pick up more wire so we decided to come home for lunch."

"All right, I'll see if Silas can make something for you. Audra's gone to the orphanage so it'll just be the three of us, now you two go get cleaned up." She turned to regard her youngest son who was sitting on the edge of the table staring at the floor.

"Heath, are you all right? You look tired." She cupped his cheek and raised his face so she could see him better. He looked pale and her hand moved to feel his forehead as she checked for fever.

She dropped it as he stood up and bent to give her a kiss on the cheek, "I'm fine Mother, just a little tired is all."

Nick was now looking at him in concern as he too noted the pale features and dark smudges under the blue eyes. "Maybe ya should stay home and rest this afternoon Heath. I can take Slim and finish that fence."

"I'm fine Nick, I just need somethin' to eat is all." He started up the stairs and Victoria looked at Nick who shook his head and shrugged before following his brother up the stairs.

The sound of spurs coming down the hall had Silas bringing the platter of medium rare steaks to the table. That, along with fried potatoes, biscuits, gravy and lashings of hot coffee, would be enough to quiet the two men's hunger till suppertime.

Victoria watched them as they ate in silence. It always amazed her how much they could put away and how quickly. They slowed down a bit as they worked their way through their second steak.

Nick glanced up as Heath laid down his knife and rubbed his chest and Victoria watched him for a moment before she spoke.

"Heath?"

He dropped his hand and picked up his knife again as he looked over at her, "yes Mother?"

"Are you all right? Are your ribs still causing you problems?"

He gave a small shrug, "it's nothing Mother, it eases up after a few minutes."

Nick looked at him skeptically, "you've been sayin' that for over a month now."

"I'm fine."

"Hrummmmmph."

Victoria poured herself a cup of coffee and eyed her son as she sipped it, "I'm going into town tomorrow to pick up some dress patterns and I'd like you to drive me in Heath."

He finished his last bite of steak and pushed the plate away, "I'll get Billy to drive you Mother, me and Nick have work to do."

"The work can wait, I want you to see Doctor Merar. Those ribs should have healed by now, it's been three months."

The blond head turned quickly to stare at her, "I'm fine, I don't need to see the doctor."

She put down her cup and eyed the mutinous expression on her son's face, "nevertheless, you will drive me into town and you will see Doctor Merar ... am I making myself clear?"

Heath could see she wasn't going to take no for an answer and he gave in grudgingly, "Yes, Mother." He turned an angry glare on Nick who's shoulders were shaking with silent laughter as he shook his head at how easily their mother could get them to do what she wanted with little more than a stern look.

Victoria nodded in approval, pleased that he hadn't bothered to argue further, "all right then, we'll leave at nine. That way we can be back in time for lunch. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a book I want to finish reading."

Heath waited till she was out of the room before he came across with a balled up fist and rabbit punched Nick in the arm.

"Hey!! What was that for?" He rubbed his arm as he scowled at his brother.

Heath got up and threw down his napkin with a grumbled, "that's so maybe next time you'll learn to keep your big mouth shut."

Silas came in to clear the table as Nick pushed back his chair and headed out the door shouting at the retreating back, "I'M GONNA HAVE A BRUISE THERE NOW YA KNOW HEATH, YA DIDN'T HAVE TO HIT ME SO HARD!"

Silas shook his head as the sound of spurs faded and the front door slammed, 'those two,' he thought, 'it surely would be a might dull around here without them.' He secretly loved to listen to them argue and banter back and forth, it livened up the house and made it a home. He smiled and finished clearing the table.

Chapter 22

Nick hung around the barn the next morning and harnessed the horse for them as they got ready to leave for town. He had sent Slim and Steve out to finish the north pasture fence saying that's what they paid hired hands for anyway. As Heath escorted his mother out the door, Nick was waiting there with the buggy. He helped her in and handed Heath the lines when they were both settled on the seat.

"What time ya gonna be back?"

"Oh, about noon I think, I'll go pick up the patterns then stop in to see Jarrod. He has some papers he wants me to sign. While I'm doing that Heath can see Doctor Merar."

Heath tugged the fleece lined collar of his winter jacket higher in irritation, "I'm tellin' ya I don't need to see the doctor, I'm..."

"FINE!" Two voices finished the sentence for him and they both laughed as he shot them a frustrated glare.

Victoria pulled on her gloves and patted his hand, "never mind Heath, we'll be back in plenty of time for you to help Nick this afternoon."

Nick crossed his arms on the side of the buggy and squinted up at them, "hey Heath, seein' as you're goin' to town any ways, why don't ya stop in and pick up those saddles we were gettin' fixed?"

"Good idea Nick, that way it won't be a total waste of time."

"Heath."

"All right Mother." He gave her a kiss on the cheek, "well I guess I'll take my favorite girl into town." He grinned down at Nick, "I'll see ya later."

Nick stepped back from the buggy, "I'm gonna' stay around here and move those feed bags to the other barn. We can have lunch when ya get back, then head out to check the fences in the south pasture."

"Sounds good Nick." He slapped the lines and they moved off towards town at a brisk trot.

Heath pulled up in front of the dressmakers shop, jumped out of the buggy then turned to lift his mother down. She smoothed her riding skirt and adjusted her hat before reaching up and pecking him on the cheek.

"I'll walk over to Jarrod's office after I'm done here then we can meet in front of Wilson's. I have some material to pick up there."

He climbed back in the buggy and picked up the lines, "all right Mother, I'll go over to the saddle shop after I'm done at Doc's."

As he made his way to the other end of town, he briefly entertained the idea of bypassing the doctor's office but discarded the idea quickly, his mother would know what he had done just by looking at him. She would ask what the doctor had said and he wouldn't be able to look her in the eye and lie, best to just get it over with.

He tied the horse to the hitching post in front of Doctor Merar's office, stepped up onto the porch and knocked on the door briskly. The blue eyes scanned the street as he put his cold hands in his jacket pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels waiting for someone to answer the door and hoping no one would. Maybe Doc wasn't home, maybe he was away visiting, maybe he wouldn't have to see him, maybe...the door opened and Howard pulled the young man inside when it looked to him as though Heath was about to take flight.

"Heath, come in. It's good to see you, how's the family?" Howard was pleased to see him looking so well again.

"They're all fine Doc." He took off his hat and twirled it nervously.

The doctor hooked his fingers in his vest pockets and bent his tall frame to catch the gaze that was darting around the room as if seeking an escape route.

"That's good Heath, so why are you here?"

"Mother made me come." He frowned as he blurted out the words.

"Oh...is there something wrong?"

"I just have a little pain in my chest, those ribs must not of healed just right. I'm fine though, no need to be here wastin' your time."

"Well," he took the hat from Heath's hands and hung it up, "let's let me be the judge of that all right?" He put his hand on Heath's back and guided him to the examining room in the back. "Take off your shirt and hop up on the table, I'll be right back."

Heath pulled off his jacket and shirt and sat on the table swinging his legs back and forth as he looked at the medical equipment on the shelves. He shuddered as he tried to figure out what some of it could be used for and fervently hoped none of it would ever be used on him.

The Doctor returned and had Heath lie down while he felt his way over the rib cage, "where do you have this pain Heath?"

"Right here Doc," he lifted his hand and placed it on his chest to the left of his breastbone.

"Hmmmm, that's where your ribs suffered the worst breaks." He continued to feel his way along each rib, trying to tell if they hadn't healed properly, "does it hurt when I press on them?"

He thought about it for a second, "no."

"Have you been over doing it Heath?" He reached into his medical bag and pulled out his stethoscope.

"The ranch doesn't take care of itself Doc, but don't worry, Nick hardly let me do anything for nearly two months." He jumped when the doctor placed the stethoscope on his chest.

"Ya might wanta' put that thing on ice awhile longer Doc, it's not quite frozen yet." He scowled as Doctor Merar shushed him and moved the stethoscope around, listening intently.

"All right Heath sit up and face me," he frowned as he moved the stethoscope around and instructed him to

breath deeply. He was about to move around the table to place the instrument on Heath's back to listen when Heath's hand came up and he started rubbing his chest.

Howard eyed him for a moment and asked, "your chest hurts right now?"

"Just a little, it'll stop after a bit."

The doctor stood behind him and listened carefully before dropping his head and closing his eyes. He took off his stethoscope and patted the muscular shoulder, "you can get dressed now Heath. I'll wait for you in my office." He left the room quickly and Heath dressed in record time and stepped into the outer room to find Mrs. Merar just coming in, a welcoming smile on her face.

"Well, hello Heath. What are you doing here? Is the family all right?"

"They're fine ma'am, Mother made me come for a checkup is all." He had picked up his hat and was inching towards the door and Emily watched the handsome young man with amusement. As many times as he had been here, he still got nervous and couldn't leave fast enough.

"Tell Doc I had some errands to do and I had to leave." He pulled open the door and Mrs. Merar followed him, stopping him with a hand on his arm.

"Doesn't he want to talk to you Heath? It'll only take a moment for me to go get him."

"Oh no ma'am, there's no need to do that, I'm fine." He tipped his hat to her and fled across the porch to jump in the buggy and drive away.

At the sound of the door closing, Howard came out and looked at his wife, "Emily, where's Heath? I have to talk to him."

She waved her hand at the door, "he left, said he had some errands to do and he had to go."

He shook his head and went back into his office where he sat in his chair staring out the window for the next half an hour until his wife came in to tell him Victoria was in the other room. He took a deep breath and slowly got up, he felt so old today. Victoria was chatting to Emily about the wedding when he came into the room. She turned to him with a smile and he once again thought how small and fragile she looked.

"Howard, how good to see you. I thought I could catch Heath before he left, but that's all right. I've been wanting to tell Emily about Audra's wedding plans anyway."

Her smile faded as the pale blue eyes looked into hers and he reached out to take her arm, "Victoria, come in my office, I need to talk to you..."

Chapter 23

He settled her in the chair in front of his desk then pulled another around and sat down facing her as he picked up her small hand from where it lay in her lap.

"Victoria, I want to talk to you about Heath."

She shook her head and sighed, "it's his ribs isn't it? They haven't healed properly. I told him he should have given them more time before he started working again, but he wouldn't listen. He's as stubborn as Nick, maybe more so." She smiled and patted the hand that was holding hers, "don't worry, I'll speak to him when we get home and make him slow down."

He tightened his hold on her hand, "it's not his ribs."

She looked at him and gave a small shrug, "well, what else could it be?"

"Do you remember when the accident happened?" At her nod he continued, "remember all the bruising he had across his chest and shoulder?"

Again she nodded while he gave his head a negative shake and grimaced, "at the time I wondered how his chest hadn't been crushed with those breaks as bad as they were."

She stared into the blue eyes holding hers and started to tremble, a sense of foreboding washing over her.

"I'm sorry Victoria, but when those horses stepped on him, the force of it pushed the rib cage down and it damaged the heart muscle. That's why he's having these pains. His heart is having to work harder to compensate for the part that is deteriorating."

She looked down at their clasped hands and shook her head before raising it to see him watching her with sympathy in his eyes.

"What are you saying Howard?" Her voice was little more than a raspy whisper.

'Victoria..."

She pulled her hands from his and stared at him as her eyes started to fill with tears and her heart pounded with fear.

"TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!!"

He held the tear filled grey eyes with his and sighed deeply.

"I'm saying your son is going to die Victoria and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

He hadn't wanted to tell her so bluntly, but knew there was no easy way to do it. This was the part of his job he hated, telling a mother her child was going to die.

"NO," she shook her head violently. "No, you're wrong it's just his ribs, they didn't heal properly." She searched the eyes watching her, looking for some sign that maybe he was mistaken, some small hope, but there was nothing and his quietly spoken words stabbed through her.

"I'm sorry Victoria."

He picked up the shaking hands and held them as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"He had a small attack while I was examining him. I've had many patients with heart problems, I know what it sounds like when the heart is struggling. I'm not mistaken, I'm sorry."

"Please," the trembling voice came out in a heartfelt plea. "Pleeease...he's too young, he's not even twenty-nine yet. He's got his whole life ahead of him...please."

"Victoria, there's nothing I can do, nothing anyone can do."

She jumped up from the chair and started to pace the room. When she reached the window she stood staring at the street as her thoughts tumbled over each other. This wasn't happening, it was all a bad dream and she would wake up soon. Anyone could see her son was perfectly healthy, he was out working every day, he ate well. No, he wasn't sick , he was just tired. She would make him slow down and rest, then he'd be all right.

"I'll take him to San Francisco, they have specialists there."

Howard got up, went over and placed his hands on her shoulders, "Victoria, come and sit down."

He gently guided her into her chair and waited while she searched for a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. He sat forward and took her hands in his again.

"Now I want you to listen to me Victoria. I've been a doctor for over forty years and I've seen a lot, I'm not mistaken about this, although I wish I was. Now, you can take Heath to another doctor, but the diagnosis will be the same. I'm sorry."

She looked into the pale blue eyes and knew he would never tell her this unless he was absolutely positive. He had been the family's doctor since she and Tom had come to the valley, he had delivered her children. He was more than their doctor, he was a good friend.

She lowered her gaze and shook her head, why, why, why?

"Victoria," he waited till she lifted her eyes to his. "Heath left before I could tell him," he shrugged , "maybe that was for the best. I can tell him if you want..."

"No," the silver head gave a quick shake, "he's my son, I'll tell him."

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Victoria took a deep breath and straightened her back as she approached Wilson's Mercantile. Heath was leaning against the hitching post in front of the store talking to a couple of the hands from a neighboring ranch.

"Heath." She put a smile on her face as she walked up to him, hoping he wouldn't notice how forced it was, how upset she was. She hung on to the front of his jacket as he bent to accept her kiss on the cheek. The two men he was talking to tipped their hats politely.

"Mrs. Barkley."

They turned back to Heath, "we gotta get goin' Heath, you and Nick comin' to town Saturday night for the poker game at Harry's?"

"We'll be there."

"Ok, see ya then."

As they walked away he placed his hands on her upper arms and looked down at her, "Mother, where have you been? I've been waiting for you for half an hour."

She continued to hang onto the front of his jacket as she shook her head in confusion, "oh, I picked up the patterns and saw Jarrod." She couldn't raise her eyes and look at him, "then I stopped at Doctor Merar's to see if you were still there."

He gave her a grin and dropped his hands to take her arm, "and the good doctor assured you I'm fine, so can we pick up this material you want and head home? Me and Nick gotta lot of work to get done today."

He started to lead her towards the entrance when she stopped suddenly and shook her head, "I can pick it up another day Heath, can you take me home?"

He looked down at her in concern as she stood staring at his chest.

"Mother?" She glanced up at him quickly. "Are you all right? You look a little pale."

"I...I...just have a headache, I'll feel better after I get home and rest."

"Maybe you should see the doctor."

"NO!... No, I just need to lay down for awhile." She gave him a smile as he helped her into the buggy.

"All right Mother, home it is then."

All the way home, she sat with her hands wrapped around his arm and her head leaning against his strong shoulder, trying to hold the tears at bay.

Jarrod came from the library as the grandfather clock was chiming midnight. He had been working on case notes and lost track of the time. As he was about to go up the stairs he looked into the living room and saw his mother sitting, staring into the fire. He walked into the room to say goodnight.

"Mother?"

She jumped, startled and looked at him. He could see she had been crying and he sat on the marble table in front of her and took her ice cold hands in his.

"Mother, what's wrong?"

He knew she had come home from town with a headache and gone to her room for the rest of the day. She had missed lunch and when she didn't come down for supper, Audra had knocked on her door to make sure she was all right. She had said she was fine and could Silas just bring her a tray.

"Are you feeling all right?"

"Oh Jarrod, I don't know what to do. I keep staring into this fire hoping to find answers, and there are none."

"Mother, just tell me what's wrong and maybe we can figure it out together." He gave her a smile and squeezed her hands, "now how bad could it be?"

She lifted tear filled eyes to his, "it's Heath."

He looked at her intently, "what about Heath? I thought he went to see Doctor Merar today?"

"He did."

"Well, what did he say?" His voice came out more sharply than he intended as a bad feeling washed over him.

Her head dropped as she looked down at their joined hands, "oh Jarrod, he said Heath..." she took a shuddering breath and raised her eyes to his, "he said Heath's heart was damaged in the accident and he's, he's..."

The silver head gave a negative shake as tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks.

He didn't need to hear the dreaded words to know what she meant, he could read it in the grief stricken eyes. He stood and pulled her up, wrapping her in an embrace and rubbing his hands over her back in a soothing gesture.

"Maybe he's wrong, maybe he's made a mistake."

She shook her head against his shoulder, "no Jarrod, he wouldn't say something like this unless he was absolutely positive, you know that."

She took a shuddering breath, "he said we could take Heath to a specialist in San Francisco, but the diagnosis

will be the same."

"Come sit here and explain to me just what he said." He led her to the sofa and sat beside her.

By the time she had haltingly told him what Doctor Merar had said, he knew it was true. The pain Heath was having wasn't due to ribs that hadn't healed properly, they were a series of small attacks that would eventually culminate in his heart giving up the fight one day and stopping. The doctor had been waiting for a supply of Nitroglycerine to arrive from San Francisco and would have it in a couple of days. It would help when Heath had an attack, buy him more time and make it easier for him, but it wouldn't change the eventual outcome.

Jarrod's sat there holding his mother and trying to make sense of what was happening. His thought's went back to supper that night, the picture so vivid in his mind of Heath laughing and teasing Nick as he related the story Billy had told him about Nick moving the bags of feed to the other barn that day. Nick had caught his spurs in a piece of baler twine on the floor , lost his balance and toppled over, the bag of feed landing on top of him and as he finished telling the tale, Heath had fallen back in his chair exhausted from laughing. The image of his brother laying on the barn floor like a squashed bug with the bag of feed on top of him, arms and legs flailing in the air as he hollered for help was just too much for him.

Nick had just glared at him and snarled, "it wasn't that funny Heath." He pointed his knife at him. "I could have been seriously injured ya know. Ya might wanta' show a little sympathy here."

Heath had leaned over, put his arm around his brother and laid his forehead on Nick's shoulder. The show of sympathy was ruined however by the shaking shoulders and muffled laughter near his ear.

Jarrod looked down at the silver head laying on his shoulder, "you haven't told him yet, have you?"

Fresh tears started as she lifted her head, "oh Jarrod, how do I tell my son he's going to die? How do I do that?"

He cupped her cheek as she looked at him in desperation, "he has to know and soon Mother. I'll help you, but we have to tell him. It's his life after all and we don't have the right to keep this from him."

"I know Jarrod, we'll tell him tomorrow after supper. I just want one more day to see him happy."

"All right Mother."

He got up and poured them both large glasses of whiskey which sloshed over the sides as his hand shook. He handed her the glass and asked, "do Nick and Audra know?"

She gulped a healthy measure, "no, I'll tell them after we talk to Heath."

He sat beside her and stared at the fire, "I can't believe this is happening. He's too young, he hasn't even had a chance to live yet."

He put his arm around his mother's shoulder's as they sat in numb silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

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Supper was over and Nick started to rise as he slapped Heath on the back, "we've got some work to do in the barn Mother, we'll be in later." He nodded at Jarrod, "have the balls racked up and ready lawyer, we need to add to the sock."

Jarrod looked down the table and raised an eyebrow at his mother as Heath stood up.

She placed her napkin down beside the plate of food that she had been pushing around uneaten and spoke quietly.

"Nick, you go ahead. Heath, I'd like to see you in the library for a moment please."

He looked at Nick and shrugged, "all right Mother." She wrapped her hand around his arm as he led her towards the door.

"I'll be out in a little while Nick."

"Ok, see ya out there."

Jarrod and Audra followed their mother across the foyer until she stopped at the foot of the stairs.

"Audra, I'd like you to go up and work on the guest list for the wedding if you would."

She looked at her mother in confusion, the tone told her it was not a suggestion. Obviously she wanted to talk to Heath in private.

"All right Mother, it is about time I started on it." She picked up her skirts and made her way upstairs.

Jarrod closed the library doors and went over to the table holding the decanters. He poured a liberal amount of whiskey and drank it in one gulp, the fiery liquid burning it's way down his throat and settling in his already churning stomach. He closed his eyes for a moment before he turned around and watched his mother and brother sit down on the sofa and he moved to sit in the chair facing them as Victoria held her son's hands and the tears started to fall.

Chapter 24

Victoria opened the door to her youngest son's room and made her way over to the bed. It was after three and she had tossed and turned until she couldn't stand it any longer. She had to see him, had to look at him, watch him sleep...be near him.

He had taken the news so quietly when, between her and Jarrod they had told him what Doctor Merar had said, how little time he had. He hadn't screamed and yelled, demanded another opinion. No, he didn't want to go to San Francisco, didn't want to see more doctors. In his heart he knew it was true. His mind had already been telling him something wasn't right, that the pain was more than broken ribs.

An elderly friend of his mother's in Strawberry had had a bad heart. He remembered her rubbing her chest when she had attacks, the same way he did. He remembered Doctor Merar saying to him after the accident how it was a wonder his chest hadn't been crushed. Yes, he knew.

Her eyes filled as she moved a few steps closer to her sleeping son, her thoughts casting back on one of the worst nights of her life. Only her Tom's death could compare to this ache she felt, the pain threatening to tear her apart.

He had just sat there for a few seconds in silence holding his mother's hands as she wept before he stood, pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her as he whispered in her ear.

"I'm sorry Mother."

He had held her for a few minutes as she cried before he stepped back and picked up her hands. His voice came out low and husky, emotion held tightly in check as he flashed them the half smile they had come to know and love.

"Guess I won't get to see Audra married." He lifted his hand and wiped away her tears with his thumb.

"I wish..." He dropped his hand and shook his head, "no, there's no sense wishin' for things that are gone."

He heaved a sigh and the broad shoulders slumped, "I need to be alone for awhile..."

"Heath."

"Please Mother, Jarrod, just let me have a little time."

Jarrod looked into the pleading blue eyes, glassy with unshed tears, and nodded, "all right Heath, for now, but we're a family and we're not going to let you hide away and try to deal with this on your own." He reached out and gripped his brothers shoulder, "talk to us Heath, that's what family is for."

"Thanks Jarrod."

He turned to his mother, she was hanging onto Jarrod's arm for support and he saw how suddenly fragile she looked.

"I'm gonna' go up now, I'll see ya in the morning." He kissed her cheek, gave Jarrod a nod and strode quickly from the room.

Nick had come in an hour later and slapped his hat and coat on the rack inside the library door.

"Where the devils Heath? He was supposed to help me."

He looked around the room as if expecting his brother to pop out from some hidden corner. Victoria turned from the window where she had been looking out into the darkness.

"Nick, sit down we need to talk. Jarrod, go get Audra please."

He nodded grimly and went to get his sister as Nick poured a drink and went to stand in front of the fire, "those two better not be breaking up again."

He scowled as his mother turned back to the window without answering him.

"And where's Heath?"

She spoke to the glass reflection, "your brother has gone to bed."

"BED?" He planted his hands on his hips, "IT'S ONLY EIGHT-THIRTY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

Audra came into the room followed by Jarrod, "Mother, Jarrod says you have something to tell us."

Jarrod went to his mother and placed his hands on her shoulders as he dropped a kiss on her hair. He led her to a chair and sat on the arm of it never letting go of the stiffly held shoulders.

"Nick, Audra sit down, there's something we need to tell you..."

She put the lamp she had brought with her on the round marble table as she crossed the room and sat on the side of the bed. The lamplight illuminated the room enough that she could see quite clearly the tear tracks on the handsome face. He was such a private man and it broke her heart to know that he had lain here, alone in the dark, crying. She held her hand to her mouth as she swallowed back the sobs that were threatening to overcome her.

He never stirred as she lightly ran her hand through his dark blond hair. He looked so young, he was so young and her eyes filled as she once again asked, 'why? why my son? Hasn't he been through enough in his short life? What has he ever done to deserve this? He is such a good and kind man, he is loved by so many. Why?

Her throat ached from holding back the tears. 'There are so many bad people out there, why not take one of them? Why do YOU have to take my son, whose family loves him so much. Tell me WHY?'

A tear slid down her cheek and she gently picked up his hand and held it. What were they going to do without him? She could still hear Nick's angry tirade when she told him what Doctor Merar had said. He had started yelling as Audra had started crying and Victoria had gone to sit beside her daughter and comfort her when Nick jumped up from the sofa and started stomping around the room, hand waving in the air as he shouted.

"DOC MERAR'S AN OLD FOOL, HE SHOULD OF RETIRED YEARS AGO, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT."

Jarrod had stood up and tried to calm him down, "now you listen to me Nick..."

Nick had slammed his fist on the desk, "NO!! I'M NOT LISTENING TO ANY MORE OF THIS NONSENSE. ANYONE CAN SEE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT."

He had stormed from the room as his mother tried to call him back. It was past one o'clock before she heard him come in. Everyone had finally gone upstairs around eleven, and Victoria had sat with Audra as she cried herself to sleep. She thought about going and talking to Nick but after discussing it with Jarrod, she had to agree that it wouldn't do any good. Nick was hard-headed and stubborn, he wasn't going to listen to anything

he didn't want to hear. They would have to give him some time, of all of them, this was going to be hardest

for him.

Breakfast the next morning was a strained affair. Nick came down last, gruffed out a good morning then filled a plate and threw himself into his seat beside Heath. Everyone was showing the signs of a restless night. Before Nick had come down they had talked about how to go about making him listen to reason. It was agreed that they would give him a few more days, then they would all sit down and talk to him together, make him believe what his mind was choosing to ignore.

"Get a move on Heath, we got that whole south section of fence to check today. I'll go saddle the horses." He drank the rest of the coffee in Heath's cup to help speed him on his way and left the room.

Heath looked across the table, got up and went around to Audra. He lifted her chin with his finger and smiled.

"Hey little sister, remember what I said this morning?" He had heard her crying early that morning as he passed her door and had gone in to talk to her.

"I want to see those pretty blue eyes of yours smiling at me. I don't want to see them lookin' at me with sadness, I couldn't stand that, please Audra?"

Victoria and Jarrod clutched their coffee cups in trembling hands as they watched Audra stand up and wrap her arms around his neck as the tears started again. He put his arms around her and buried his face in her hair as he hugged her tightly. After a moment he pulled back and brushed the tears away with his fingertips.

"Come on now, let's see that beautiful smile."

She took a trembling breath and gave him a tentative smile.

"That's better." His drawl deepened as he teased her, "why, I do believe you're going to be the most beautiful bride this valley's ever seen." He tilted his head and questioned her sternly, "I hope Carl realizes what a fine woman he's gettin'."

She reached out to caress his cheek, "he does big brother."

"Well he better. Now I best get goin' before ol' Nick starts hollerin' for me."

He went to his mother and dropped a kiss on her cheek, seeing the concern and worry in her eyes as she looked up at him, "don't worry Mother, I won't over do it."

He stopped on his way to the door and turned around to address his older brother, "I have to go into town tomorrow to pick up supplies and I'd like to stop by your office and go over a few things with you, if you can spare the time Jarrod?"

The broad shoulders lifted in a shrug, "I want to go talk to Doc Merar while I'm there too."

Jarrod nodded, "of course Heath and if it's all right, I'd like to go with you when you see the doctor."

Heath gave him a smile and nodded, "thanks Jarrod, I just might need a lawyer to untangle all that complicated medical jargon he'll be throwin' around. I'll see ya at supper."

Victoria waited till she was sure he was gone then reached over to lay her hand on her daughter's arm.

"Audra, there's a favor I'd like to ask of you and Carl."

"Oh Mother, if you're going to ask if we would move the wedding up, I was just about to say the same thing." She shook her blond head and dabbed at her eyes with her napkin, "I can't imagine getting married without Heath there, it wouldn't be right."

"Thank you Audra, it will mean so much that we will be able to give him this one wish." Victoria gave her hand a squeeze, "will Carl mind not having a big wedding?"

"No, he would prefer something smaller any ways. I'll go over and see him today. Do you think the end of the month will be enough time to arrange it? We don't know how long..." She wiped her eyes again.

Victoria patted her hand, "we'll manage dear and if it's all right with you, why don't we have the wedding right here instead of at the church. We have plenty of room for the reception, it'll be lovely. What do you think?"

"Oh Mother, that sounds wonderful, I'm sure Carl will agree."

Jarrod cleared his throat and frowned at them. The lawyer in him demanded that he point out any unforeseen problems to them.

"You realize what people will think when you move the wedding up over two months?"

Victoria looked at her daughter and, at her nod, she answered in the tone that no one would dare to question.

"We have been gossiped about before and will be again I'm sure. My only concern right now is for my son." She leaned forward and looked down the table, "what small minded people might think is irrelevant."

Jarrod inclined his head, "I agree totally Mother, I just wanted Audra to be aware of what is surely going to be said."

"It's all right Jarrod," Audra smiled at him, "I'm not worried about what people say, I just need to have my brother there." She bit her lip and cast a worried look at him, "Jarrod, there's something I want to ask you."

When they had finished talking he got up and came around to drop a kiss in her hair.

"I have to go now, I'll see you both tonight."

Chapter 25

Heath was out and gone before daybreak the next morning. He wanted to leave before Nick offered to go with him. It was too much to be around his brother all day while Nick pretended nothing was wrong. He seemed to think that if he didn't acknowledge the situation and went on with his life as if everything was normal, then the problem would just magically go away. They couldn't go on this way, Heath knew had to talk to him. He just didn't know what to say or how to say it. All he knew was that he needed his brother right now and even though Mother, Jarrod and Audra were there for him, it wasn't the same...he needed Nick.

The visit to Jarrod's office wasn't as hard as he thought it was going to be, Jarrod had made it so much easier by taking on the role of lawyer instead of brother. He went through everything in a professional manner, as though Heath were simply another client.

When they were finished they had a late breakfast together at The Cattleman's Club before heading over to Doctor Merar's office. This visit wasn't so simple. The doctor examined Heath again then led them to his office where he explained in minute detail what had happened and what was going to happen.

Heath got up part way through and went to stand at the window, looking into the street with unseeing eyes as Jarrod asked question after question. The doctor answered each one patiently...no, it wouldn't have made any difference if Heath had of rested more when it happened - no, he wouldn't do more damage by working, it would actually help keep him strong, maybe give him more time- no, he couldn't predict how much time he had - yes, he would have some pain, but he just had to take the medication and it would help - yes, he should...

"Will I know when it's time doc?" The quiet, soft-spoken voice interrupted them. He was standing with his arms crossed and his forehead leaning against the window, eyes closed. He didn't move as Jarrod came up behind him and rubbed his shoulders.

Doctor Merar let out a sigh, "I think so Heath, the pain will feel like a constant weight pressing on your chest and the drug won't be able to ease it. I've been reading up on it and in most cases this is what happens just before the heart gives out. I'm sorry."

He turned around and Jarrod followed him back to their seats.

"Can I keep working, I don't want to just sit around and wait to die."

The kindly blue eyes smiled at him, "I think the best thing the whole family can do is go on as you always have. Live your life Heath, don't sit around waiting. I've had many patients with heart problems and the ones that lived the longest were the ones that stayed physically strong and active. As long as you don't over do it, work will be the best thing for you."

He went to the cabinet on the wall and came back with a small brown bottle that he handed to Heath.

"Put one of these under your tongue when the pain starts and it should ease off almost immediately. Carry them with you at all times, but never take more than three in a space of ten minutes, any more than that will do more harm than good. Now, I don't want you overdoing it. It's all right to work, but I want you to stop when you feel tired. You don't want your heart having to work harder because you're exhausted."

"Thanks doc," they picked up their hats, shook the doctors hand and Heath opened the door and stepped out, "I'd better get goin' home Jarrod, Nick'll have my hide if I don't get back soon."

"All right Heath, I'll see you tonight."

Howard stopped the dark haired lawyer as he was about to leave, "Jarrod, I'd like to speak to you for a moment before you go."

"Of course."

He sat back down as Doctor Merar took the other chair.

"How is your family holding up Jarrod?"

He sat forward and rubbed his eyes, "as well as can be expected, it's just so sudden. We're all devastated, one day our lives are so normal and the next we're being torn apart. Audra has moved her wedding up so Heath can be there and Mother and I just keep praying he will."

"What about Nick? I know how close those two are."

"Nick...," Jarrod heaved a sigh, "I don't know what Nick thinks. He didn't believe us when we told him, he seems to think if he ignores the situation it will go away. We're going to give him a couple of more days then talk to him again."

"Would you like me to talk to him Jarrod?"

He stood up and went to the door, "we'll try once more then we'll see. I'd better be on my way, thanks Doctor."

Howard watched him go and thought, once again, how devastated the family was going to be. He had come to know Heath very well over the years as a patient and a friend and knew Victoria couldn't love him more if she had born him. His brother's and sister, they would also be terribly hurt...but it was Nick he worried about the most.

Heath pulled up to the barn and jumped down from the wagon as Billy came rushing out to help him.

"Heath, where ya been, Nick's been stompin' around all mornin' mad as a wet hen 'cause ya left without him."

The green eyes were huge in the thin face, attesting to the fact that Nick must have also been yelling quite a bit too.

"Where's he at now, young Bill?"

Billy started pulling feed sacks off the wagon, "he went out to the south pasture to start on the next section of fence." He stopped working for a moment, looked at Heath and shrugged, "he took CoCo."

Heath shook his head and started into the barn with a bag of feed. Darn that brother of his, he had to be the most hardheaded, stubborn man he had ever met. He hadn't ridden CoCo in weeks and Heath thought he had finally given in on retiring the old horse. He dumped the sack on the pile and went to get another. That Nick, there were some things he just couldn't or wouldn't see. Well, there was one thing he was gonna have to see no matter how much he didn't want to.

"Hey Billy, how 'bout we finish this and you come help us with that fence. I bet if we get it done today, ol' Nick just might let us knock off early tomorrow and go fishin'."

The boyish face lit up with pleasure before he frowned and shook his head, "can't Heath, don't got a fishin' pole."

Heath pushed his hat back and rested his hands on his hips, "no fishin' pole? Hmmmmm, ya know where I keep mine in the tack room?"

"Yeah."

"Well you go fetch it boy and ya can have it."

"I can't take yer fishin' pole Heath, what will you use?"

"Me and Nick got new ones, so I'm givin' ya mine. Sorta like a present."

Billy let out a whoop and headed for the tack room. At the barn door he turned and a big smile dimpled his cheeks, "I ain't never had a real fishin' pole before Heath, ya don't know what this means to me."

He disappeared inside and Heath whispered, "yes I do Billy, yes I do."

He was remembering a little boy who would have given anything to have a fishin' pole and someone to take him fishing.

They found Nick about three quarters of the way along the fence and in a foul mood. As they pulled up alongside CoCo and dismounted, they could hear him muttering and grumbling to himself . He smacked a nail into the post and turned as they greeted him.

"Where the devil ya been Heath? Ya should of been back hours ago to help me."

"I had some things to take care of in town Nick." He nodded at Billy, "Billy's gonna help us, so we should be done by today."

Heath pulled on his work gloves and wrapped the wire around the post as Nick hammered a nail in to secure it. Billy grabbed a shovel and started on the next posthole. They worked in silence for awhile until Nick called a rest break and they went to get their canteens. As they leaned on their saddles, Heath gestured at the fence.

"Hey Nick, looks like we'll be finished with this today. How 'bout we get our chores done early tomorrow and go fishin'? We can try out our new rods."

Nick hung his canteen back on his saddle horn and shrugged, "I don't know Heath, kinda cold don't ya think?"

Heath pushed his hat back on his forehead and shook his head, "well Nick, if it's too cold for ya, me and Billy here can go by ourselves. There's that nice little sheltered spot by the rocks, should be just fine."

Nicks brow lowered in a frown and he waved his hand in the air, "now hold on a minute Heath, I never said I didn't want to go, just said it might be a little cold is all."

Heath pulled his hat back down and stared at him with narrowed eyes.

"All right, all right, I'll go."

Chapter 26

They went. The threesome had a great day and Billy was overjoyed to spend the day with Nick and Heath. They had built a fire and cooked the fish they caught, then sat around talking and laughing until the chill in the air had them saddling their horses and heading home. Billy couldn't wait to get back to the bunkhouse and tell the other hands about the fish he had caught that, by the time he finished telling the story, had grown to

gigantic proportions.

Supper in the Barkley household that night was more lighthearted than the previous two evenings had been. Nick had rushed through the meals then gone to his room to work on paperwork he said was piling up and the rest of the family had just shaken their heads as they tried to come up with some way to make him listen to what his mind refused to accept, frustrated that anytime one of them tried to talk to him about it, he got angry and left the room.

Tonight though, Audra was chattering away about Carl agreeing to move the wedding date up and the plans they were making. When Nick asked why they were rushing it, she told him it was because she was going to be too busy in the spring showing her new horse. Nick had nodded and agreed it was a good idea. While Jarrod discussed his latest case, Nick and Heath told tall tales about the fish they had caught that day, their new fishing rods playing a vital role in the number and size of the catch, something their old rods couldn't have done. Victoria for her part was pleased to just listen to the conversations flowing around her, the light-hearted bantering and laughter making the meal seem almost normal.

Heath had managed to talk Nick into a few games of checkers after supper instead of doing paperwork in his room again and the family made their way to the library, intent on a quiet evening at home. Victoria and Audra sat on the sofa and continued making out the guest list for the reception, while Jarrod settled himself comfortably in the leather chair behind his desk and immersed himself in his new book.

Silas entered the room about eight-thirty and set the silver coffee service down on a side table, "I thought y'all might like some coffee Mrs. Barkley, an' I brung some apple cake too."

"Why thank you Silas, that was very thoughtful of you." Victoria laid aside the list and rose to help serve the coffee as Heath jumped three of Nick's checkers and slapped his hands on his thighs in delight as his brother frowned at the board where he was about to lose his fourth game in a row.

The blue eyes twinkled and he smiled as he watched his brother's bent head scowling down at the board, "boy howdy Nick, who ya gonna' lose to when I'm gone?"

Victoria's cup rattled in it's saucer and Silas took it from her with a worried look. Audra closed her eyes and bowed her head as tears welled and Jarrod stared at the page in front of him as he held his book in a white knuckled grip.

The dark head lifted slowly and Nick frowned across at his brother, "you're not going anywhere."

The lop-sided grin faded as Heath held Nick's eyes with his and answered quietly.

"Yes I am Nick."

Everyone jumped as the fist came down on the board and the checkers bounced. "I SAID YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!"

"Nick...listen to me." Heath stood and reached for his brother's arm.

"NO!"

He pushed his chair back violently and headed for the door with long angry strides, snatching his coat as he left.

"NICK..." The plea fell on deaf ears and Heath's shoulders slumped as the front door slammed shut.

Jarrod came over to sit with Audra as she cried while Victoria went to Heath. He stood there, fingers in his back pockets, staring at the floor as the silence grew. She reached up and cupped his cheek as she lifted his head and forced him to meet her eyes. His were filled with hurt and sadness and her heart ached for him.

"Heath, he had to face it sooner or later." She stroked his cheek and gave him a small smile, "I'll go talk to him."

He held onto her arms as she went to go around him, "no Mother, it's up to me to talk to him." His blue eyes pleaded with her, "I NEED to talk to him, please?"

Jarrod came over and placed his hands lightly on her shoulders, "Heath's right Mother, he's the only one who can help Nick right now."

She patted his hand, knowing what he said was true, "all right Jarrod." She looked at her youngest son, "do you know where he went?"

He nodded, "I know."

He grabbed his jacket and went out the door as Silas looked at his employer and asked in a tentative voice, "Mrs. Barkley, is Mr. Heath goin' somewhere?"

Heath crossed the corral in front of the barn and opened the door quietly. He didn't need a lantern, there was a half moon shining through the windows tonight and he knew the way by heart. The rungs on the ladder creaked as he pulled himself up slowly.

Yes, there he was, sitting in the open door of the hay mow, his coat laying beside him, long legs dangling over the edge. Heath knew Nick always came up here when he was upset or angry and needed to get his temper under control or just think about things. He crossed the straw covered floor quietly.

The hazel eyes continued to stare out into the darkness as Heath sat down, wrapped his arms around his upraised knees and leaned back against the door jam watching his brother's profile. Neither said a word, the still night broken only by the sounds of crickets chirping and Nick picking up pieces of straw, shredding them and throwing them away. Heath could wait, he was good at waiting. It seemed he had spent most of his life waiting, he hadn't known for what until he came here. Then the waiting was over, he had finally found what he had been searching for, something he hadn't known he needed...a home...a family. Yes...he could wait.

Thoughts and feelings tumbled through Nick's mind as he sat there staring out into the night. He heard Heath walk over and sit down, knew he was watching him, knew he would wait there patiently until he was ready to talk. His eyes looked at the star filled sky and his mind screamed over and over...'WHY? WHY is this happening to him...to me, WHY??' Everyone knew Nick Barkley could yell really loud. Maybe if he yelled loud enough, maybe then the fates would hear him and spare him this most beloved brother.

He took a trembling breath, there was so much he wanted to say, but could say none of it, the pain in his heart stabbing through him like a knife, choking him. Pick up a piece of straw, shred it, throw it away. Pick it up, shred it, throw it away. The hazel eyes staring into the night, moonlight highlighting the clenched jaw, hair falling forward from the trembling hands raked through it. Minutes ticking away relentlessly as the little voice in his head spoke to him urgently.

'Talk to him, tell him how you feel, tell him before it's too late. You'll always regret it if you don't. He needs you...don't turn away from him.'

Heath knew his brother was struggling. He would have given anything to be able to help him but Nick had to accept what was happening first before either of them could deal with it. He continued to watch the play of emotions crossing the rugged features. Twenty minutes dragged by but Heath didn't mind. It was actually quite cozy up here, the loft filled with fragrant bales of hay and straw keeping it warm against the cool night air. He waited.

"When..." Nick cleared his throat, "when I was a little boy," the softly spoken gravelly voice jerked Heath's wandering thought's back to the present and he watched his brother continue to search the darkness as the throat worked to force the words out.

"I used to come up here when I was in trouble or upset about something." The gruff voice was barely above a whisper. "I was up here every Christmas and Birthday because I hadn't gotten what I wanted. I was maybe four when I first started asking for a little brother," he let out a chuckle and shrugged.

"I actually thought all I had to do was ask, and a little boy about my age would be under the tree on Christmas morning."

Pick up a piece of straw, shred it, throw it away.

Heath listened carefully, a small smile tugging at his mouth as he pictured a miniature Nick searching under the tree for a little boy.

"Mother and Father tried to explain that wasn't how it worked but that Barkley stubborn streak was all ready in me. I wanted someone to play with, I guess I was lonely. We were kind of isolated out here, miles from the nearest ranch. Father was away a lot, and even when he was here he was so busy building the place up he didn't have a lot of time for me. Mother tried, but it wasn't the same and Jarrod wasn't interested in the ranch much, he was always reading or studying."

He cleared his throat and shrugged, "I would have given anything for a little brother, someone to go fishin' with, take riding, play cowboys and Indians." He shook his head, "just be my friend. I finally stopped asking when I got to be about twelve. Jarrod was away at boarding school and I was helping out around here a lot. I had gotten used to being alone." He gave a slight shrug, "guess I figured I didn't need a little brother anymore."

He never looked at Heath as he spoke, knowing if he did he knew he wouldn't be able to continue. The gruff voice stopped for a moment and he looked up at the moon and blinked furiously, willing back the tears. Tears were for women and children. The chirping of the crickets song rose in crescendo in the sudden silence.

"Then you came, but I was big, tough Nick Barkley then and I didn't need anyone. I didn't want to accept the fact that father wasn't perfect, that you were my brother. So I tried to drive you away."

The hazel eyes narrowed as they searched the darkness, "it would have been the worst mistake of my life if I had of succeeded. You're the best thing that ever happened to me Heath." He swallowed hard, "you're my best friend."

He reached into the pocket of his black leather vest and pulled something out. Heath saw the glint of gold as the moonlight hit it. It was the watch he had given him for Christmas. Nick flicked open the lid and studied the inscription inside.

He took a shuddering breath, "you said this would always be true and...and it's not."

Heath took a deep breath and forced the words out past the lump in his throat, "what does it say Nick?"

Nick didn't need to see the words to know what they said, he had memorized them the first time he read them.

"It say's,

“To Nick, my best friend and brother.

'One man in a thousand'

I will always be by your side,

'till the weeks second Sunday'

Love, Heath"

Heath spread his hands and asked quietly, "do you know what the 'weeks second Sunday' means Nick?"

The moonlight was reflecting off the tears Nick was desperately trying to hold back as he nodded his head and lifted his legs from the open door to turn and sit beside his brother, facing him, arms around his bent knees.

"It means 'till forever and beyond'."

His voice was little more than a raw whisper as he looked into the blue eyes that said so much. They truly were the windows to the soul and they were telling him something now, something he had always known but needed to hear.

Heath scooted closer and reached out to grip the back of Nick's neck and give it a little shake. He needed him to understand how much he meant to him, how much he cared about him.

"That's right Nick, till forever and beyond. As long as ya carry a part of me in your heart and remember me, I will always be with ya ...always Nick."

Heath gave him another shake as a lone tear slid down the rugged cheek, "you ARE my best friend Nick. You've always been there for me. Even at the start, before ya would admit I was your brother, I know ya stood up for me. These have been the best five years of my life Nick. I found a home, and a family who loves me and it's more than I could ever have wished for."

He sighed and lifted one shoulder in a slight shrug, "I been wonderin' sometimes lately if it might not have been better if I hadn't of come here, y'all wouldn't have to be going through this now."

Nicks brows lowered in anger at the softly spoken words and his hazel eyes flashed, "don't...don't ever say that again. These have been the best years of our lives too and I can't even imagine going' through them without ya."

The tear filled eyes were full of regret as he thought back to when his brother had first come to them and how he had treated him. He had to tell him, had to explain, "ya know Heath, I knew you were my brother almost from the beginning. I remember walking by the barn about a week after ya came and I heard ya laughing. I got all weak inside because, for a moment, I thought it was Father. You sounded just like him."

The deep voice became more gruff, "but I was too stubborn and hard headed to admit it. I wasted nearly two months trying to hate ya, but I couldn't ... ya were already a part of me."

Heath looked down and shook his blond head as he searched for the words to take away the hurt. He dropped his hand to clutch Nick's arm and looked up, his voice low and intense.

"Don't ya see Nick? I don't think we would be this close, care so much, if it had of been easy. It's because we had to work so hard to like each other, to be friends first before we could be brothers, that we appreciate what we have so much more."

He held the hazel eyes with his as he spoke from the heart. He had to make him see.

'I'm so grateful for this time I've had Nick. I've always thought of it as something extra, something special. I should never have walked out of Carterson, I should have died there, you know that. I used to ask myself, 'why was I spared when so many others weren't' ?"

He rubbed the grey clad arm, "I've stopped asking that. I'm just so glad I did walk out because otherwise I would never have found you, Mother, Jarrod and Audra. I'm thankful every day for that Nick. You have to believe me."

Nick's chest was heaving as he searched the familiar features of this brother he loved so very much. He held the blue eyes with his and his lower lip started to tremble, finally realizing how much this man had brought into his life and how empty it would once again be without him.

His voice was raw with emotion as he begged, pleaded ... willing to do anything to keep him, "please don't leave me Heath, I don't want to be alone again." The raspy voice broke and another tear slid down his cheek. "I waited so long for you, please don't go, I...I need you."

Heath wrapped his arms around his brother's shoulders and pulled him close as Nick's arms came around his waist and he buried his face in Heath's neck.

The deep voice was barely audible as it whispered next to his ear.

"I love you little brother."

Heath ran his fingers through the dark hair in a soothing gesture as he tightened his hold in desperation and the tears spilled over.

"I love you too, big brother."

Chapter 27

They came in as the grandfather clock was striking eleven to find their mother sitting in front of the fire. She had asked Jarrod and Audra to go upstairs, knowing her two sons would be upset and emotionally spent, unable to deal with anything more that evening. They tossed their coats on a chair, crossed the room and bent to kiss her cheek before sitting on the marble table shoulder to shoulder, black clad leg pressed against tan as they faced her.

"Are you all right?" The question was addressed to both of them. She could see they had been crying, blue eyes and hazel both bruised looking and filled with sadness.

They both shrugged and grimaced and Nick cleared his throat before answering, his voice rough and low.

"We talked, about a lot of things. We've decided to just live each day as it comes." He glanced at Heath who nodded.

"We don't want to go around miserable, waiting for..." He waved his hand and left the words unsaid.

Heath reached out and picked up his mother's hand, "I want to go out and work every day just like I always have. I don't want to be treated like an invalid and have everyone coddling me. I...I couldn't stand that Mother."

Her grey eyes filled with tears as she looked into the pleading blue eyes of her youngest son and nodded. She would do anything to make him happy... she loved him, he was her son and he so rarely asked for anything.

"All right Heath, if that's what you want. But I'm your mother so you'll have to put up with some coddling. That's what mother's do, it's our right."

He squeezed her hand and gave her a lop sided grin, "ok, but just a little, and I promise I'll stop when I'm tired and rest."

He nudged Nick's arm and gave him a wink, "I'll have brother Nick here watching me like a hawk, anyways."

Nick picked up his mother's other hand and looked at her intently, "don't worry Mother, I won't let him over do it. He's my little brother and it's my job to look after him."

She reached out and cupped his weathered cheek, "you can't take this all on yourself Nick. We're a family, we're all in this together and we'll help each other, all right?"

He lowered his head and nodded, "we talked about Heath maybe backing off a bit so I'm gonna' tell the men in a couple of days."

He glanced at Heath who nodded his head in agreement, "we figure they should know."

Trying to lighten the sombre mood, he flashed them a grin, "we can't have them thinkin' I'm lettin' my partner here slack off none, now can we?"

"No Nick, we can't have that." She looked at Heath and he winked as they both said it together, "THIS IS A WORKING RANCH!" and they both laughed as Nick scowled at them.

Victoria knew they were both exhausted and hanging onto their emotions by a thread, so she sat back and changed the subject.

"Heath, we were going to tell you tomorrow but now seems like a good time."

He raised an inquiring brow as she smiled at him and said, "Audra and Carl have decided to move their wedding date up, it will be at the end of this month."

He started to protest, "Mother, I don't want them rushing the wedding on account of me."

Victoria caressed the back of his hand, "it's what she wants Heath, she wants her brother there."

Nick cleared his throat and added, "it's what we all want."

Heath smiled, "it's what I wanted too, I'll thank her in the mornin'." He stood up and slapped Nick on the back, "I'm about done in big brother, time to call it a night. You comin'?"

Nick stood up and stretched his back, eyeing the lines of tiredness around his brother's eyes. Heath wanted to live a normal life and Nick would abide by his wishes, to a certain extent.

"Yeah, we gotta' finish roundin' up them strays tomorrow. Then later, after you have a nap..."

"A NAP!"

"We'll head into town for that poker game at Harry's."

"A NAP!"

"Yeah, a nap. Now let's get goin', we gotta be up early." He bent and dropped a kiss on his mother's hair as Heath placed one on her cheek.

"Goodnight Mother."

"Goodnight boys."

She watched them as they strode out of the room and wearily climbed the staircase side by side.

Heath came down the back stairs earlier than usual the next morning to find Silas sitting at the kitchen table, his hands clutched around a bowl of eggs. He walked up behind him and laid a hand on the old servants shoulder before taking a seat beside him.

"Silas?"

The elderly black man stared straight ahead and spoke slowly, his voice filled with despair as Heath turned sideways to look at him.

"Mrs. Barkley says you gonna' die Mr. Heath. She say you got somethin' wrong with yo' heart."

"That's right Silas."

"It ain't right Mr. Heath, y'all just a boy." His tone betrayed the anguish he was holding inside and he turned to look at the young man who had brought such joy to this house. "How this family gonna' go on without ya? Tell me that. An' what 'bout Mr. Nick? Why, this gonna' break his heart."

Heath's stomach twisted as he looked into the sad dark eyes, "I know Silas, but we can't pick when it's our time, ya know that." He shrugged, "it'll be like when my mama died. I missed her so much, I didn't think I'd be able to go on without her, but I did. And, after awhile, the pain got better until all I had were happy memories of her. I hope everyone will remember me with happiness, I don't want them to be sad when they think of me."

The dark eyes opened wide, "no one could ever think of y'all and be sad Mr. Heath. Ya brung such joy to this here house." He laid his hand on Heath's arm, "I'll miss ya Mr. Heath, and I'll be sho' and only think of ya with happiness."

The half grin Heath flashed him warmed the old man's heart.

"Thank you Silas."

"HEATH!"

The sound of spurs coming down the stairs had Silas squeezing Heath's arm and rising to pour their coffee as Nick reached the bottom step.

"There ya are. Why ya up so early?" He slapped his gloves and hat down on the table and eyed him closely. "Ya all right?"

"I'm fine Nick, just wanted to talk to Silas for a minute."

"Oh."

Silas brought the two cups over and set them down, "y'all sit down, I'll have yo' breakfast ready in a few minutes, Mr. Nick."

"Thanks Silas, I'm hungry as a bear."

Nick looked at Heath and made a motion with his head to indicate Silas who had turned away and was breaking eggs into a skillet. He silently mouthed the words, 'does he know?'

Heath gave an affirmative nod as he picked up his cup and sipped the fragrant brew.

Jarrod stopped at the partially open door to Nick's room late that night and sighed as he watched them sprawled across the bed, adding their poker winnings to the amount they had dumped out of the sock. Maybe their way is best he thought, just go on as before and be glad for every day you're given. He watched the two for a moment longer, dark head and blond bent close together as they counted their money and bantered back and forth about what they would spend it on. He closed the door quietly and made his way to his room with a heavy heart.

Chapter 28

The men were all sitting around the bunkhouse after supper Sunday night, playing cards or talking when the three brothers came in and said they wanted to speak to them.

Heath singled out Billy and jerked his chin at the door, "Billy, come with me, I want to talk to you in private."

The youngster looked at his friend with worried eyes, and thought, 'have I done somethin' wrong? Why does Heath want to talk to me alone instead of with the other hands?' He put on his coat and hat and followed Heath out the door and over to the barn.

The men all looked at each other as Jarrod crossed his arms and leaned against the big table in the middle of the room. Nick sat on it, put his feet on the seat of a chair and rested his forearms on his thighs, his black hat hiding his face as he stared at the floor.

Jarrod nodded at the men and said, "everyone take a seat, Nick and I have something to tell you."

Eyes darted around the room as the men took seats on bunks and chairs knowing it must be something important because Jarrod rarely came out to the bunkhouse. He left the running of the ranch and the handling of the men strictly to Nick and Heath.

Nick waited until everyone was settled then cleared his throat and raised his head to look at them, "we've got somethin' to tell ya and it won't be easy." He cleared his throat again, "when Heath got trampled by them horses, it did more damage than we first thought."

A murmur started amongst the men until Jarrod raised a hand to quiet them.

Nicks hands spread in a helpless gesture, "it damaged his heart." His deep voice was getting rougher as his throat started to close up and the men all looked at him wordlessly, hoping he wasn't saying what they thought he was saying.

Jarrod gripped his shoulder and Nick dropped his head to stare at the floor, his fingers laced tightly together to still their shaking as he tried to go on, "and...and Doc Merar says he's gonna'... he's gonna' ..."

His voice broke and he jumped off the table and strode to the door, yanking it open and slamming it closed as he went out.

The men all looked at Jarrod, none of them capable of saying a word until old Charlie got up and came forward.

"Mr. Barkley, was Nick tryin' to tell us Heath is gonna' die?"

Jarrod heaved a sigh and nodded, "I'm afraid so Charlie. Dr. Merar isn't sure how long he has but it could happen anytime and we thought you men should know."

"But how can that be, Heath's as strong as a bull. He can out work any of us." The men all nodded in agreement, none of them willing to believe what they were hearing. "Why just the other day he was throwin' around hundred pound sacks of feed like they was feathers. He can't be sick."

Jarrod shook his head and tried to explain, "he's not sick Charlie, his heart has been damaged. He'll be as strong as he ever was right up until the end. He'll just get tired more quickly and that's why we wanted you men to know what's going on. Heath doesn't want anyone's pity and he won't put up with being molly-coddled, but we want you all to help us keep an eye on him. Don't let him work too hard. Make him stop when you see him getting tired. He wants to keep working and Doctor Merar doesn't think it will hurt him, as a matter of fact it'll be good for him. It'll help keep him strong, maybe give him more time. We just don't want him to over do it to the point where he's exhausted."

His gaze took in everyone in the room, "as you saw, Nick isn't handling this very well and you've all been with us long enough to know what happens when Nick is upset about something." The men all grimaced and nodded.

"All right then, you know what to expect. His temper is going to flare up for no reason and he'll spend a lot of time hollering and yelling." They nodded again, "I'm asking you to be patient with him because as much he's losing his brother, he's also losing his best friend and partner."

Heath walked into the barn and sat down on a bale of straw, motioning Billy to take a seat opposite him. He pushed his hat back a bit as he tried to find a way to start.

Billy took his off and crushed the brim as his green eyes looked at Heath worriedly, "have I done somethin' wrong Heath? 'Cause if I have, ya just tell me and I'll fix it."

Heath waved his hand as he shook his head, "ya ain't done nothin' wrong Billy, I just have somethin' to tell ya and I want ya to listen to me carefully before ya say anything."

Jarrod had left the bunkhouse and was crossing the corral in front of the barn when the door burst open and Billy came racing out and sped past him. Heath came over to stand next to him, hands in his front pockets, hat pulled low as he looked at the ground and scuffed his boot in the dirt.

"I take it that didn't go too well?"

Heath shrugged and said, "ya could say that, he's blamin' himself and I can't make him see it was an accident."

"You can talk to him again in the morning, maybe he'll be ready to listen then." He slapped him on the arm and tilted his head to look under the Stetson, "I don't know about you, but after this night I'm more than ready for a drink!"

Heath lifted his head and gave him a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "yeah, me too."

Monday morning saw a sombre group of ranch hands gathered in front of the bunkhouse as Nick and Heath gave out the work assignments. Charlie came out of the barn and stepped up onto the porch next to Heath.

"Heath, Billy's gone."

"What do ya mean gone?"

Nick planted his fists on his hips and demanded, "GONE WHERE?"

Charlie shook his head, "don't know Nick. He musta' left during the night, bed hasn't been slept in and his horse and gear are gone. All he left was that fishin' rod ya gave him Heath, it was layin' on his bunk."

Heath stepped off the porch and headed for the barn with purposeful strides as Nick hurried to catch up to him.

"Where ya goin' Heath?"

He stopped and gave Nick a look that dared him to interfere, "I'm gonna' find him and bring him back."

"All right, all right, but I'm goin' with ya."

"Fine."

They rode into Stockton and began their search at the shack on the edge of town. One look inside showed them old man Watkins passed out drunk across the bed and no sign that Billy had even been there. They went to the livery stable and found Mac in the end stall and when Heath asked Jeb

when Billy had come in, he said he hadn't seen him. Mac was there when he came in that morning and there was a dollar for his board tacked to the partition.

They checked every store and were about to give up when they spotted him crossing the street

"Billy!" They dodged a loaded wagon as they ran across the street calling his name. He was about to slip down an alley when a strong hand grabbed his upper arm and jerked him to a halt.

Heath pulled him around to face him as Nick stood there, thumbs hooked in his gunbelt, a scowl on his face.

"Billy." Heath tightened his hold as the boy jerked his arm and tried to pull away. "Billy, I want to talk to you. Now how about we get Mac and go back to the ranch.?"

He jerked his arm again and kept his head down, "let go of me," he spit out in a low voice.

Nick made a disgusted sound and came over to stand beside Heath, "now you listen to us boy, you go get your horse and..."

His words were cut off as Billy lifted his head, stared at Heath and enunciated each word slowly through clenched teeth.

"Take your hands off me...NOW!"

Heath's hand dropped and his stomach twisted as he looked into the green eyes staring back at him. Where once they had been sparkling with life, now they were just cold and empty, devoid of feeling. He couldn't give up, he had to try again

"Billy, just let me talk to you."

"We got nuthin' to talk about, now leave me be." His thin shoulders hunched forward and he turned away, "I don't ever want to see ya again, ya hear?"

As he started to walk away he paused and looked over his shoulder. Heath's stomach twisted again as the green eyes touched his. For a brief moment all the blame and regret he now carried with him was there for Heath to see before the cold, closed look once again hardened his features.

"I'm sorry I ever met ya."

He started across the street, away from this man who had meant so much to him, had taken a chance on him and now was going to die because of him.

Heath was about to go after him when Nick grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Let him go Heath, there's nuthin' ya can do. Just give him some time, maybe he'll come around."

The broad shoulders slumped as he watched the boy who reminded him so much of himself at that age, cross the street and disappear around a corner.

"No he won't." He stepped off the sidewalk with a sigh, "let's go home Nick."