'Till the Weeks Second Sunday

By : BVLindaG

 

 

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission.  No copyright infringement is intended by the author.  The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

 

 

 

Chapter 29

 

Life on the ranch settled down into a routine. Nick and Heath rode out every day as they had always done, but now instead of working from sunup to sundown, Nick made Heath come home before lunch and take a two hour nap before heading back out to the range. He had noticed that as long as Heath got some rest in the middle of the day, he was perfectly capable of doing his share of the work much more easily than when he was overtired and, while his brother was sleeping, Nick used the time to catch up on paperwork.

 

After the talk with the men, word had spread quickly throughout town and to neighbouring ranches about Heath. Trips into Stockton were difficult for a while as he tried to ignore the awkward moments and pitying glances thrown his way. After a short while though, watching he and Nick going about their business as usual, everyone relaxed and started treating him as they always had, a good friend and neighbour.

 

They had come into town one day to pick up the mail and stopped at the saloon to have a beer where Harry passed the information on to them that Billy had been caught steeling again and Sheriff Madden had given him the option of a stint in jail or paying for what he had taken and leaving town. He had left town. Heath had just shaken his head wishing he could have done something more to help the boy. He put down his glass and walked out to mount his horse and head home as Nick followed him silently.

 

It was the middle of February and the wedding was less than two weeks away. Victoria, Audra and Silas spent the better part of each day with seemingly endless details while the three brothers made themselves scarce as the big day approached, lest they be asked to help. The house was in chaos most days and Jarrod spent more time at his office than normal. Nick and Heath rode out at sunrise and when they returned at noon, Heath started taking his naps in the bunkhouse and Nick hid out in the library, locking the door securely behind him against any unwanted intruders.

 

The place was being over run with their mother and Audra's women friends. They had come to help out with making dresses, decorating and planning a menu, but to the Barkley brothers, it seemed like all they did was talk non-stop, the younger ones giggling and batting their eyes every time one of the brothers ventured into the house and the older ones clearly not having much use for men around the place at all.. Nick had stormed out of the house one day, slamming the door as he went, when old Mrs. Mason, as she came down the stairs, had cast him an evil eye, looked down her nose at him as he crossed the foyer, and demanded to know why he couldn't take his spurs off when he came in the house. She had then turned her attention to Heath as he removed his dusty hat and went to lay it on the foyer table. Her disapproving frown had him picking it up with a sigh and following his brother out the door to eat lunch in the bunkhouse with the men. They managed to steer clear of all the fuss for the most part though and silently congratulated themselves on getting through the preparations relatively unscathed.

 

A few days before the wedding, Victoria cornered her two sons as they snuck in the back door intent on raiding the icebox. Silas had gone to the Andersons on an errand and wouldn't be back in time to make them anything for lunch, so they intended to slip in, grab what they could and slide out again before one of the women could ask them to help with something. They removed their hats and gunbelts and laid them quietly on the table before tip-toeing over to the ice-box. Their eyes lit up and their stomachs growled when they opened the door. Two pairs of hands reached greedily for the platter of fried chicken, slab of roast beef and bowl of potato salad that resided within.

 

"There you are!"

 

They both jumped as their mother came through the kitchen door and stood there with her hands on her hips.  They could tell by the look in her eye that she wanted something from them and had no doubt she was going to ask them to retrieve more decorations from the attic, get their opinion on flower arrangements, dresses or something else equally vile. They pushed the food back inside and started to back towards the door and their escape route. As they inched past the table, Nick snatched up his hat and gunbelt and handed Heath his then started pushing him towards the door.

 

"We gotta' go Mother."

 

His hand was just reaching for the knob when their mother’s stern voice halted their progress.

 

"Stop right there you two." Nick's hand dropped and they both turned around slowly, shoulders slumped in resignation as she walked over to the buffet cabinet and started getting out half a dozen cups and saucers. The china was arranged on a silver tray before she looked up and almost laughed out loud. They looked like two scared little boys, shifting their weight from foot to foot in nervousness as they watched her warily.

 

"I want you boys to do me a favor." She placed the silver teapot on the tray, "just let me finish getting this ready."

 

They looked at each other in horror before Nick threw his hat back on the table, waved a hand at the tea service and shouted.

 

"WE ARE NOT GOING TO SERVE TEA TO THAT BUNCH OF NATTERING WOMEN!!"

 

"Nick! Lower your voice, they'll hear you."

 

"I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY..."

 

She cut him off in mid-sentence, "I'm not asking either of you to serve tea Nick." She put her hands on her hips and looked at them in exasperation.

 

"Oh, well then..." He glanced at Heath who had breathed a sigh of relief.

 

"No, I want you to go into town this afternoon and pick up a parcel for me."

 

"We can't go into town Mother." The deep voice had taken on a distinctive whine. "Heath has to lay down for awhile and then we have to check some fence up at Sky Meadow. Why didn't ya get Jarrod to do it?  He was goin' to town anyway."

 

She crossed her arms and looked at him sternly, "Jarrod is busy working on a case and doesn't have the time. Now, you can go after Heath has his nap and that fence can wait till tomorrow."

 

 They knew better than to argue when she used that tone and Heath tugged on Nicks sleeve when it looked like he was thinking of arguing anyway.

 

"Come on Nick," he eyed the tea service. "It could be worse."

 

"All right, but those women better be gone when we get back." He pulled his black gloves on with short, angry movements as he continued to grumble. "A man can't even get a meal in his own house anymore without bein' asked to do something."

 

Victoria got out a pencil and paper and Heath patted him on the back in sympathy then buckled on his gunbelt and bent over to tie the lace around his thigh, "stop fussin' Nick. The wedding's in a few days then after that, everything will settle down again." He straightened up as Nick planted his fists on his hips and the dark brows lowered in an angry scowl.

 

"Well it better, because I'm STARVIN'!!"

 

Victoria finished writing and handed him the note, "you boys can eat in the bunkhouse with the men. Now here's where you go to pick up the parcel."

 

Nick shoved the note in his coat pocket without looking at it and snatched his hat off the table with a grumble.

 

Victoria cocked her head at the sound of voices coming towards the kitchen and said, "that's Mrs. Mason and Gertrude." She glanced down at Nick’s spurs with a worried frown and pushed her sons towards the door, "you boys better get going before they come in here."

 

Heath opened the door and steered his brother out with a firm hand on his back. He poked his head back in before he shut it, rolled his eyes and gave his mother a wink as a loud voice bellowed.

 

"STARVIN' I TELL YA!!"

 

 

Chapter 30

 

Nick groused all the way to Stockton, hands waving in the air, a deep frown etched on his handsome face as he loudly regaled Heath with his growing list of grievances. Heath watched him in amusement, a smile tugging at his mouth until Nick looked over at him quickly, hoping for once to catch him laughing, but with the ease of long practice, Heath had dropped the smile and his face was all seriousness as he nodded and commiserated with his brothers plight.

 

They rode into town mid-afternoon and pulled up in front of Annie's Saloon. Nick had run out of complaints shortly before they got to town and Heath more than welcomed the silence. As they dismounted and wrapped their reins around the hitching rail, he hooked his thumbs in his gunbelt and tilted his head at the saloon doors.

 

 "How 'bout I buy ya a drink Nick? Ya must be parched after all that talkin'."

 

Nick gave him a dirty look and poked him in the chest, "if you would hold up your end of the conversation, I wouldn't have to talk so much." He shook his head in frustration, "Heath, gettin' somethin' outa' you really is like pullin' up stumps."

 

He strode over and pushed open the door to the saloon and Heath swaggered in after him, his blue eyes dancing and a broad smile lighting up his face as he answered amiably, "I didn't know we were having a conversation Nick, I thought you were just complaining and didn't need an answer. Ya shoulda' said somethin'."

 

The bantering continued as they crossed to the bar and leaned on it.

 

"See, that's what's wrong with you Heath, ya don't know when you're havin' a conversation."

 

Harry came over wiping a glass with the apron tied around his ample girth and raised an eyebrow at them. "what'll it be boys?" The Irish brogue was in full force today and he could turn it on and off like a spigot.

 

Nick took off his hat and tossed it on the bar.

 

"Whiskey."

  

Harry put down the glass and started to pour as he glanced at Heath, "how ya feelin' Heath?"

 

Heath's hat joined Nicks on the bar and he nodded as Harry held the bottle over another shot glass. He reached inside his suede jacket, dug two bits out of the inner pocket and flicked the coin in the air as Harry deftly caught it.

 

"I'm fine Harry.

 

The bartender knew it was all the answer he would get for it wasn't Heath's way to complain about the hand he had been dealt, whether it be cards or life. He would miss this quiet, polite young man. He nodded and changed the subject.

 

"So, how's the wedding preparations going? I hear tell it's gonna' be quite the do."

 

Nick growled, tossed back his whiskey, slammed down the glass and waved his hand to indicate he wanted a refill.

 

Harry looked at Heath and tilted his head at Nick, "what's the matter with him?"

 

Heath gave him a wink, "oh, he's been havin' stomach troubles lately."

 

Harry looked at the dark haired cowboy with concern, "I'm sorry to hear that Nick. Any idea what's causing it?"

 

The hazel eyes glared at him, "yeah, THERE'S NEVER ANYTHING IN IT!"

 

Harry looked at Heath for an explanation and Heath looked at Nick. If he didn't think Nick would take a swing at him, he would have burst out laughing at his brother's exaggeration and the cranky look on his face.

 

He gave Harry a wink and said, "we've had a few of Mother and Audra's women friends over helping out with the planning." He shuddered in distaste, "the dressmakers have been there everyday for the last week too."

 

Nick grunted in displeasure and stared morosely into his empty glass.

 

Harry grimaced and poured him another drink as he looked at him with pity. "Don't tell me, Mrs. Mason and Gertrude?"

 

An inarticulate sound rose from Nick's throat and Heath patted him on the back and nodded, "yep, the old battle axe and her daughter." He took a bracing gulp of his drink, "those two sure are a might hard on the eye I tell ya. I swear they should be cross eyed the way they look down their noses at us when we come in."

 

Nick looked at Harry with raised eyebrows, "they seem to think we should come in after workin' all day, clean, pressed and bathed."

 

He clenched his teeth when Heath proceeded to mimic Mrs. Mason's strident tones, "I don't know why you two must come in this house covered in dirt and smelling," Heath looked down his nose in a faithful rendition of Mrs. Mason's pinched features, "like a barnyard."

 

"I don't know why Mother couldn't find someone else to make the dresses. I don't care if they are the best dress makers in town." Nick clutched his glass, "we can't even come in for lunch without them giving us a sour look. Supper's always late and we haven't had a decent meal in days."

 

Heath had to agree. By the time they got to the bunkhouse that afternoon, the men had already eaten and all that was left was a few spoonfuls of stew.  His stomach grumbled in protest. They finished their drinks and put on their hats as they said goodbye to Harry and went out to stand on the sidewalk looking up and down the street. Heath put his hands on his hips as he perused the shops up and down the sidewalk.

 

"Well, where we supposed to pick up this package Nick?"

 

"Hang on a second, Mother gave me a note." Nick searched through his pockets until he found the crumpled piece of paper with directions on it.

 

"It says," he smoothed it out a bit, " 'when you leave the saloon'."

 

He shot a look at Heath who shook his head and shrugged, their mother knew them too well.

 

Nick continued, "go past Wilson's Mercantile four shops and it's the one with the blue shutters on the windows."

 

"Never noticed it before, ya ever been there Nick?"

 

"Can't say as I have Heath." He tucked the note back in his pocket and slapped his brother on the back, "well, let's get goin'. This shouldn't take too long then maybe we can pry that fancy lawyer loose and go get a nice thick steak at The Cattleman's when we're done."

 

"Sounds like a plan big brother."

 

They made their way past Wilson's and stopped in front of the shop with the blue shutters where Nick put his fists on his hips and frowned at the sign in the window.

 

"I wondered why Mother didn't just give us the name of the place, now we know."

 

Heath shook his head, "I'm not goin' in there Nick."

 

Nick heaved a sigh and pointed at the door, "look Heath, we told Mother we'd pick up this package, now to do that we have to go in the shop to get it, understand?"

 

Heath backed up and crossed his arms, his stance radiating stubbornness as he said, "oh, I understand Nick. You go get it, I'll wait for ya here."

 

Nick leaned in until he was inches from his brother's face and growled, "if I have to go in there, then you're goin' in with me. Now get moving."

 

The look on Nick's face convinced him it would be prudent to give in, "all right, all right, I'll go. But I'm doing it under duress."

 

Nick grabbed a handful of suede jacket and pulled him to the door, "you've been reading too many of Jarrod's law books." He threw the door open and thrust his reluctant brother inside. "Now get in there."

 

 

Chapter 31

 

Nick ran into Heath's back when he came to a sudden stop just inside the door. They both looked around warily. Three young women who had been trying on dresses looked over at them and started giggling, apparently they found the sight of these two big, strong, handsome cowboys in this dainty shop quite amusing.

 

 The sign had said 'Madeline's Fashion Shop', and the brothers figured they were walking into a place that sold ladies dresses. Now to their minds, that would have been bad enough. Both had been dragged into women's dress shops by their mother or Audra a time or two to carry packages and they weren't comfortable around all the frills and lace. But this!! There were ladies unmentionables made up of skimpy little pieces of silk and satin scattered all over the room. No matter where they looked, their eyes were accosted by silk stockings, garters or frilly corsets.

 

Heath pulled his hat lower to try and cover the embarrassed flush he could feel creeping up his face as Nick prodded him in the back trying to get him to move. A more forceful shove sent him stumbling forward and he bumped into a mannequin that was set up in the middle of the shop. He reached out to right it before it could topple over, and the blush staining his cheeks turned deep red as he realized where his hands had grabbed the well-endowed form.  He let go as if scalded and more giggling ensued from the direction of the dress rack.

 

Nick came up beside him, glared and hissed out through clenched teeth,  "would you stop that, yer embarrassing me."

 

"You pushed me!"

 

A gentle cough interrupted their argument. "Can I help you gentlemen?" They turned as one to see a plump, middle-aged woman standing behind the counter staring at them with raised eyebrows.

 

Deciding to take charge of the situation, Nick strode across the room with an air of confidence and placed both hands on the counter. Heath looked out the window as he followed in his wake and his eyes opened wide when he spotted the Morton boys leaning against the wall of the gunsmith shop across the street.

 

Nick drummed his leather-clad fingers on the counter as the rosy-cheeked woman looked at him expectantly.

 

"We're here to pick up a parcel for our mother."

 

There, that was easy. Tell her what you want, get it and get out, simple.

 

Heath had come over and was tugging at Nick's coat sleeve.

 

"Nick."

 

"And what is your mother’s name, young man?"

 

Heath started plucking at the sleeve, "Nick."

 

Nick ignored him, "Victoria Barkley."

 

"Ah yes, the parcel for Mrs. Barkley. I have it right here." She turned and started rummaging on the shelf behind her as Nick continued to drum the counter impatiently.

 

Heath glanced out the window and began nervously twisting the sleeve in his fingers.

 

"Nick."

 

The woman tapped her lips with her finger as she perused the shelf, "I thought it was here." She turned back to the counter and smiled, "maybe I put it in the back, I'll go check."

 

"Nick!!"

 

The black-gloved hands smacked the counter in irritation as Heath started plucking at his sleeve again.

 

"WHAT!!"

 

"Those Morton boys are standin' across the street Nick, what if they saw us come in here." He went back to twisting the material of Nick's jacket as he watched the window, "ya know how much they hate ya Nick after ya won that five thousand off them at the rodeo.  They'll tell everyone we were in here, then we won't even be able to go to the saloon without gettin' laughed at." The blue eyes narrowed worriedly, "I betcha' they saw us."

 

He cast another glance out the window, "I TOLD ya I didn't want to come in here! Now we can't even go to the Saturday night poker game at Annie's."

 

Nick glared at him and wrenched his arm away from the fingers clutching his sleeve, "what is WRONG with you Heath?" He gave him a dirty look., "why would we care if those Morton boys tell folks we went in a dress shop?"

 

Heath moved closer until he was pressed against Nick's side, as if seeking comfort in this sea of femininity. He moved even closer and whispered, "those Morton's know this ain't only a dress shop Nick. They know it's...it's."

 

His eyes darted around, touching on one dainty item after another before skittering away until they landed on a satin confection hanging in arms reach. He thought it was what they called a teddy and he wanted to reach out and see if it was as soft as it looked. Muffled giggles had him turning around in embarrassment to face the counter and he slid his fingers into the top of his jeans and hooked his thumbs over his gunbelt.  Best to just keep these rough old workin' hands of his out of harms way, that way they wouldn't be tempted to touch anything they shouldn't.

 

Nick raised an eyebrow at him and prompted, "it's a what Heath?"

 

Heath's eyes opened wide and he muttered under his breath, "it's a ladies underwear shop Nick. We can't be seen in here, it ain't fittin'."

 

"OH FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD HEATH!!" He looked at him as if he'd lost his mind and lowered his voice, "you're twenty-eight years old for god's sake and there's nothin' here ya haven't seen plenty of times before."

 

Heath lowered his head and scuffed the floor with the toe of his boot, "I never claimed to be pure as the driven snow." He looked up and glared, "and you've seen your share too Nick."

 

"Never mind about that. I'm not the one who's scared to be in here." The dark brows lowered in a frown as the saleslady came bustling in from the back room.

 

"Here's your package Mr. Barkley." She laid the brown paper wrapped parcel on the counter and started to unwrap it. "I just want to show you the bodice so you can explain to your mother how we cut the material in a scoop neckline instead of empire. It will hang better that way."

 

The woman proceeded to start lifting a low cut, sheer silk negligee out of the box while she rambled on, oblivious to the strangled gasps coming from the other side of the counter.  Their mother would never wear anything that revealing!!

 

Heath just stood there, face flaming, staring at it mutely. Nick found his voice first.

 

"WHAT!!... IS THAT!!?"

 

She lowered the peach colored gown slowly and looked at him in confusion. He certainly didn't appear very happy and she secretly wondered how such a refined lady as Victoria Barkley could possibly be the mother of these two clearly rough and tumble young men.

 

"Why it's the negligee your mother ordered for your sister's wedding night. They came for the final fitting just the other day."

 

As the cowboy's dark brows lowered and his lips thinned into a hard line, she prudently decided further explanations weren't needed. She hastily folded the offending garment and quickly rewrapped it before shoving it across the counter and taking a step back.

 

"Here you are, I'll talk to Mrs. Barkley another day, good bye now." She made a shooing motion with her hands hoping they would leave quietly and never darken her door again.

 

Nick snatched the box off the counter and tucked it under his arm angrily and the woman winced as it was crushed against his side. Heath tilted his head at her and leaned over the counter causing her to take another step back.

 

"Is there a back way outa' here ma'am."

 

She pointed wordlessly at the curtain hanging over a door at the back of the shop. He tipped his hat to her and Nick threw her one more dirty look before stomping out the back door. They came out in an alley and made their way back to the street where they stopped and looked around warily. The Morton's were gone and they breathed a sigh of relief.

 

"I reckon we could use a beer after that brother Nick."

 

"I'm with ya Heath." He narrowed his eyes and said, "then I think we should go to Wilson's Mercantile and pick out somethin' more suitable for our sister to wear for her weddin' night."

 

"Somethin' long and flannel that buttons to the neck, Nick?"

 

"Yeah, that sounds about right, because I'm tellin' ya now, Mr. Carl Wheeler isn't gonna' see our sister in this." He held up the box then slammed it back under his arm. "Let's go get that beer Heath, and Harry can make us a steak while we're there."

 

They headed towards Annie's with long strides and Heath asked, "what about Jarrod and The Cattleman's?"

 

Nick waved the suggestion away irritably, "the heck with Jarrod, it's all his fault we had to go to that place. If the big shot lawyer had of taken a few minutes out of his day to pick this up, we wouldn't of had to do it."

 

The women friends had all left and Victoria and Silas were in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on supper while they waited for the rest of the family to arrive home.

 

They looked up when two disgruntled cowboys pushed open the kitchen door and Nick's spurs jangled as he stomped over and flung the mangled box on the table with a scowl.  He waved his hand at it as the one string left holding it together gave up in defeat and snapped with a half-hearted pop.

 

"There's your package Mother."

 

She cleared her throat and tried to keep a straight face as she looked at the box, "what happened to it Nick?"

 

The two made their way to the door leading to the hall and Nick turned and glared at her as he reached it, "you're lucky we brought it home at all."

 

He jerked the door open and went out grumbling and Heath turned before he left and shook his head in disappointment at the quaking shoulders and merriment in his mother's eyes as she held her hand against her mouth trying to hold back her mirth.

 

"We didn't think that was very funny Mother."

 

Nick met him outside the door, the sound of feminine laughter floating after them as they made their way down the hall.

 

 

Chapter 32

 

The day of the wedding finally arrived and the house had been transformed. Deep peach and cream bows made out of satin festooned the banister of the staircase. Fresh flowers in a rainbow of colors had been shipped from the south and were strategically placed about the foyer and living room, filling the place with their perfumed scent. Except for the grand piano, the furniture had been moved back and wooden benches, separated by a wide aisle down the middle, were now set up in neat rows on an angle so everyone could see the bride as she came down the stairs. Each seat on the aisle had a wreath of white and peach roses, intermingled with baby’s breath and silk ribbon, fastened to it.

 

An archway made up of white roses stood in front of the French doors where Father Davies would be performing the ceremony and a huge bouquet of peach, cream and white roses decorated the mantel of the fireplace where a cheery blaze warmed the room against the chill outside.

 

An army of caterers had arrived from Stockton and were currently in the kitchen preparing the mountains of food needed to feed the open reception. Silas would leave that part to them so he could be free to greet the arriving guests, take their coats and hats and show them to their seats. About sixty of the closest relatives and friends of the Barkley's and Wheeler's had been invited to the ceremony, while most who were acquainted with them were expected to attend the reception.

 

The ceremony was scheduled to begin at one o'clock, followed by the reception at five. That gave the caterers the time they needed to take away the benches and position the furniture around the perimeter of the room, leaving plenty of space in the center for dancing. Trestle tables covered in snowy white linens and sparkling silver and crystal were to be set up in the foyer for the food and drink. Jarrod had hired a small orchestra from San Francisco and they would be arriving from their hotel in Stockton at four to set up in a corner of the living room. All seemed to be in order for this long awaited day.

 

Audra's maid-of-honor, Caroline Winters, had just arrived from Sacramento that morning and the girls were busy catching up on what they had been doing since Caroline had moved away the previous year to teach school. They had been lifelong friends and missed each other terribly. Caroline had to return home on Sunday so she would be back in time for school on Monday morning but she had been thrilled to come and see her dear friend married.

 

Carl would be arriving about twelve-thirty when he would join the brother's in a nerve calming drink in the library.  Nick was to be his best man and escort Caroline while Heath escorted his mother.  Jarrod, as male head of the family, would give the bride away.

 

Victoria made her way down the hall at twelve to help Audra dress while Caroline did her hair and makeup. She herself had gotten ready early so she wouldn't have to rush later on if there were problems. The skirt of her silk lilac colored gown swished as she hurried to her daughters room.  Her step slowed as she approached Nick's room and heard raised voices from within.

 

"Would ya stop squirmin' or I'll never get this tied."

 

"Why can't ya stand in front of me and tie it?"

 

"Because it doesn't look the same, it's all backwards. I have to pretend I'm tying my own."

 

Nick jerked the ends of Heath's bow tie loose again and looked over the broad shoulder as he tried to see what he was doing.

 

"Can't ya crouch down a bit Heath so I can see a little better?"

 

"Ya can see fine, I just think ya don't know what you're doin'."

 

"I did mine didn't I?" Nick made a disgusted sound as he pulled the white silk material loose and started over once more.

 

Jarrod sat in a comfortable chair by the window, legs crossed, elbows propped on the arms of the chair while he puffed on a cigar and watched the two in amusement.

 

He gestured at them with the cigar and raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't it be easier Nicholas, if I did that? After all I do have a lot more experience at it than you."

 

Nick looked over at his brother and scowled. Jarrod was already dressed in his black tuxedo and crisp white shirt and as usual was impeccably groomed and polished. Nick couldn't imagine the lawyer's clothes would ever dare to wrinkle.

 

 He turned back to the task at hand with a grumble, "I could do it, if Heath would just quit movin' around." He crossed the pieces over and pulled them tight.

 

"ARRRRGH, what are you doin' Nick!" Heath reached up to pull at the hand at his throat as Jarrod sighed and shook his head.

 

Victoria pushed open the door and eyed them with a frown, "what is going on in here? You're supposed to be getting ready!"

 

"HE'S STRANGLING ME!!"

 

She looked down and smoothed an imaginary wrinkle from her sleeve, her voice preoccupied as she answered, "Nick, stop strangling your brother."

 

"He keeps squirming!"

 

"Heath, stop squirming."

 

"I would if Nick would stop strangling me."

 

She looked over at her eldest son and gave an exasperated sigh, "I don't know why you can't help your brothers, Jarrod."

 

She pulled the door shut and left as he opened his mouth to protest.  He closed it again with a shrug and went back to puffing on his cigar as he watched the struggle going on in front of the mirror.

 

All the guests were seated and the pianist from the Stockton opera house was playing some light background music as friends and neighbors greeted each other and chatted quietly, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

 

The three brother's had finally finished dressing and joined Carl in the library. They sat draped across chairs, jackets thrown aside, as they each cradled a small glass of whiskey and talked. None of them would admit they were nervous. Three were losing a sister, while one was gaining a wife.

 

Carl sat forward in his chair, forearms resting on his thighs as he looked at his future brother's in law seriously, "ya know boys, two years ago if someone had of told me I'd be marrying your sister, I'd of said they were crazy.  She never spoke a word to me after we broke up, what a wild cat she was. I swear she's as

hard headed and stubborn as any of you three."

 

 Nick threw him a smug grin, "get used to it Carl, she might be a Wheeler in another hour, but she'll always carry that Barkley blood."

 

Carl grimaced as he thought back on some of the spats they'd had, "don't I know it, but then again, it sure won't be dull!"

 

Heath reached over and slapped him on the back, "ya got that right brother."

 

Carl looked at him and thought, 'as much as I love Audra, I would gladly give her up if the reason for me coming to the house and seeing her again had never happened.'

 

Silas opened the door and hesitated.

 

"Yes Silas?" Jarrod put down his drink and straightened up in the leather chair behind his desk.

 

"Mr. Jarrod, Mrs. Barkley says it's time. She wants y'all upstairs."

 

"All right Silas, you go tell her we'll be right along."

 

"Yes sir Mr. Jarrod." He gave a small bow and left the room.

 

The four men got to their feet and put on their jackets, straightening and smoothing them into place.

 

"Guess it's time to go. Nick, you still got the ring?" Carl's deep blue eyes laughed at him as Nick started patting pockets, searching. He finally held up the thick gold band with a triumphant smile.

 

Heath laid a hand on Carl’s shoulder as they made their way to the door. "Jarrod, you two wait for me in the hall, I want to have a few words with Carl. I'll be there in a minute."

 

They looked at each other with raised eyebrows and shrugged. "All right Heath, but don't be too long." They went out and closed the door.

 

Heath put a hand on Carl's chest, gently pushed him against the door and held him there. Carl swallowed as the steely blue eyes bored into his and the quiet voice took on a menacing tone. "Audra's our little sister and we love her. If you ever do anything to hurt her in any way, you'll have me to deal with." He pushed a little harder, "and when I'm gone, you'll deal with Nick, understand?"

 

Carl swallowed and nodded, he knew better than to mess with either of the Barkley brothers. "What about Jarrod?"

 

The menacing look left and the blue eyes twinkled as a grin spread across his face. "Jarrod'll just talk ya to death, which might be worse than us beating ya to a pulp."

 

Carl reached up to grip the black clad shoulder. "Ya don't have to worry Heath, I love Audra and will do everything I can to make her happy."

 

Heath dropped his hand and stepped back, "I know ya will Carl, we're all glad to have ya in the family. Audra couldn't have picked a better man."

 

"Thanks Heath, and I couldn't ask for better brothers."

 

Heath pulled open the door, "now we better get goin' before Nick starts hollerin'."

 

Carl went to take his place in the living room while the brothers made their way down the hall to the kitchen and up the back stairs. Victoria took Heaths arm and they started down the grand staircase as the guests all turned to watch. They had reached the bottom and Heath was about to walk his mother to their seats for the ceremony when she stopped him with a gentle pressure on his arm and moved to stand to the right of the steps.

 

He looked down at her questionably as she turned to him. "I want to wait for her here, there's something I want to give her."

 

He knew it wasn't traditional but Victoria Barkley had always flown in the face of convention so he dropped a kiss on her hair and reached over to squeeze the hand she had wrapped around his arm. "All right Mother."  He gave her an indulgent smile as Nick escorted Caroline down and made their way to the front of the room to take their places on each side of the archway. 

 

The pianist started playing the wedding march, and a small gasp ran through the guests as Audra appeared at the top of the stairs, her hand lightly resting in the crook of Jarrod's arm. Her gown was white satin with a long train held on by a matching bow. The neckline was off the shoulder and demurely cut in a vee. Three inches of beautifully crocheted lace adorned the neckline, hem and train. The sleeves were tight before flaring at the wrists with more lace trim.  Her blonde hair was pulled back from the heart shaped face and twisted into an elegant chignon with baby's breath and tiny peach roses woven through the heavy mass and pins holding the short veil in place. A pair of small cultured pearls in her ears were her only jewelry.

 

Carl, standing with the minister, couldn't take his eyes off her. She was so beautiful. Like her mother, she had gone against tradition and not worn her veil over her face, she wanted to see everything clearly today. Nick, standing beside Carl, puffed out his chest with pride as a huge smile creased his cheeks.

 

Heath swallowed the lump in his throat as he watched Audra stop at the top of the stairs and look down at them. Victoria's eyes shone with tears as her daughter started to descend the stairs on Jarrod’s arm, carrying a bouquet of the same peach roses and baby's breath that adorned her hair.  She almost seemed to glide down the steps and everyone turned further around in their seats and watched her come to a stop in front of her Mother and brother.

 

She glanced at Jarrod and he smiled and nodded as he squeezed her hand and gently removed it from his arm as he stepped aside. Victoria slipped her hand from Heath's arm and moved over to take Jarrod’s as Audra went to Heath's side and wrapped her hand around his arm tightly. She looked up at her much cherished brother, her blue eyes glistening with tears as Heath looked at her in confusion.

 

"Audra, you can't, Jarrod should..."

 

"It's what I want Heath, I want my favorite brother to walk me down the aisle and give me away."

 

He glanced at his mother and brother and Victoria nodded to indicate Nick and Carl watching them from the other room then she looked up at Jarrod's smiling face and said softly, "we all agreed Heath, it's what we want."

 

Heath turned back to Audra and cupped her cheek. "Thanks sis, I'm honored."

 

Jarrod cleared his throat as he tried to break the tension and nodded towards the other room, "I think it's time our sister got herself married before Carl faints and Nick starts hollering."

 

They all turned to see Nick with his hands on his hips scowling impatiently as Carl fidgeted nervously.

 

Victoria nodded agreement, "I think you're right Jarrod." She reached up to give her two youngest children a hug and peck on the cheek before she took Jarrod's arm and he led her to their seats.

 

Heath smiled and straightened up proudly as Audra laid her head against his shoulder for a brief moment. The music swelled as they made their way down the aisle and came to a stop next to Carl. Audra handed her bouquet to Caroline and shot Heath a nervous glance as he patted her hand and gave her a wink. Her nervousness disappeared as his strong, quiet presence brought a calmness over her and she squeezed his arm in gratitude.

 

Father Davies opened his Bible and asked, "who giveth this women in marriage?"

 

Heath's voice answered deep and strong. "Her Mother and brothers do."

 

"Oh Jarrod." Victoria clutched Jarrod's arm and her tears started to fall as Heath placed Audra's hand in Carl’s.

 

Nick and Jarrod's eyes filled as they watched their brother reach out to brush his thumb gently over his sister's cheek and give her a lop-sided grin before stepping back to sit beside his family.

 

 

Chapter 33

 

The clock was striking two as the family gathered in the library after the reception. Victoria was sitting in a wing chair drinking a cup of tea, thoughtfully provided by Silas before she had sent him to bed, assuring him the mess could be cleaned up in the morning.  Nick and Heath were sprawled on the sofa, jackets and ties long dispensed with and shirts partly unbuttoned as they propped their feet on the coffee table and nursed small glasses of whiskey.

 

Jarrod took the chair beside his mother and sipped his brandy while he eyed his brother's rumpled state. "Well, you two certainly look like you had a good time, although I must say that your clothing seems slightly the worse for wear."

 

Nick looked at him sitting there still impeccably dressed. He smiled to himself smugly and thought, 'I knew his clothes wouldn't dare to wrinkle.' He raised his glass to him and nudged Heath's arm. "Yes we did brother Jarrod. Why I do believe we danced almost every dance while you spent most of the night talking politics with those stuffed shirts from the town council."

 

"Yes well, I'm a little more fussy about who I dance with than you two." He raised his eyebrows questionably and asked, "didn't I see both of you take a turn with Sarah Purdy? I could swear you said you'd never dance with her again after that dinner party at the Claytons last year."

 

 He frowned in thought, "what did you say again?" He nodded and held up his finger, "ah yes, I remember now. You said your horse could dance better than her AND he was better looking."

 

Victoria hid her smile by taking a sip of tea as Nick waved his hand in the air. "WELL HE CAN AND HE IS!!"

 

Heath nodded in agreement, "he's right Jarrod, I don't think my toes will ever recover. It sure was a great party though."

 

Victoria put down her cup and sighed wistfully. "It was a beautiful wedding, everything went so well but I still can't believe my little girl is married."

 

Jarrod reached over and squeezed her hand, "they make a lovely couple Mother, I know Carl will be a good husband to her and she'll be happy."

 

Heath smiled knowingly, "yes Mother, you don't have to worry about that."

 

She picked up her cup, "well we should receive a telegram from them sometime tomorrow. They told me when they left to catch the ten o'clock train to San Francisco that they'd wire us no later than tomorrow afternoon. I'm so glad they decided to go for a few days."

 

They all nodded in agreement. Audra hadn't wanted to take a honeymoon in case something happened while she was gone, but Heath had convinced her to go, telling her she couldn't live her life around 'what ifs?'. They would only be gone four days and when they returned they would still come over to the house often to have supper with the family and spend time with them just as though she still lived there.

 

Nick yawned loudly, closed his eyes and laid his head back, "Perkins said he'd send his boy out with the wire when it comes in, save us a trip into town."

 

He yawned again and Heath stood up and reached for his arm, "come on big brother, I think it's time for bed." He hauled him to his feet, "I reckon you've had too much dancin' and bubbly, you're all wore out."

 

Nick scowled at him, "you'd be tired too Heath if I hadn't of made ya take that nap this afternoon."

 

He hadn't wanted to take a chance of Heath getting overtired, knowing it was going to be a very long day, so he had sent him to the quiet of the bunkhouse for a two hour sleep before the reception.

 

Heath put a hand on his shoulder as they made their way to the door. "I know Nick, and while I was sleeping did ya get that little job we discussed done?"

 

Nick let out a snicker and patted his brother on the back, "yep, all done brother Heath. Won't Carl just be thrilled?"

 

"Uh huh..."

 

Victoria looked at them suspiciously, "what did you two do?"

 

They turned at the door, both wearing identical grins and gave her an innocent look. Heath spoke for both of them. "Nothin' Mother, just gave them a little present is all." He gave Nick a wink and opened the door,  "well goodnight Mother, Jarrod. We'll see ya in the mornin'."

 

Nick let out another yawn, "yeah, goodnight Mother, Jarrod."

 

Muffled laughter could be heard after they left the room and Jarrod turned to his mother with a frown, "what are those two up to now?"

 

She raised her hands, shook her head and gave him the 'I don't want to know' look she had adopted of late.  She found it so much easier on her nerves if she didn't know what they were doing until the deed was done.

 

As the brother's climbed the stairs chuckling, a newlywed bride in the honeymoon suite at the best hotel in San Francisco let out a shriek as she lifted the lid on the box she thought contained a beautiful silk negligee and instead found a long flannel nightgown covered in big pink flowers!!

 

Nick stopped outside Heath's bedroom door and grinned, "she's not gonna' be happy with us ya know."

 

Heath eyes lit up and he laughed, "what about Carl? Bet he ain't expectin' her to be wearin' THAT on their weddin' night."

 

They said goodnight, secure in the knowledge that their night's work was complete.

 

 

Chapter 34

 

March came in with milder weather and Carl and Audra returned from their honeymoon and settled in at his ranch.  Upon her return from her honeymoon trip, Audra had given her two brothers a frosty glare and refused to speak to them and when Victoria  found out what they had done, they were treated to another tongue lashing. Jarrod, fortunately, had found it amusing and so they were at least spared one of his long-winded lectures on acting like mature adults.

 

With March came spring calving and foaling and everywhere on the ranch it seemed like there was new life. Spring roundup would be starting soon and the ranch hands that had been laid off in the winter started to trickle back in and pick up where they had left off the season before. Charlie and Mike took each aside as they came in and explained what was going on. They all liked and respected Heath and were saddened by the news, but they were hardened cowboys, so except for a hardy handshake, slap on the back or a firm grip on the shoulder to show how they felt, they didn't talk about it. Charlie would watch these 'hardened cowboys' though and smiled, because anytime Heath even looked like he was getting tired, they were right there taking over for him and making him take a rest. If he argued, they quickly learned that all they had to do was threaten to tell Nick on him and he would give them a dirty look, ride his horse to the edge of the herd and sit quietly watching for awhile till he felt better. 

 

Heath knew if they told Nick, his brother would drag him home and make him go to bed. He had come downstairs a couple of times exhausted from a restless night and Nick had taken one look at his pale face and sent him back to bed with threats of dire consequences ringing in his ears if he didn't stay there. Heath knew he was in a no win situation, the men threatened to tell Nick on him and Nick in turn threatened to tell their mother if he didn't do as he was told.  Heath decided it was easier to just go back to bed than get on the wrong side of his brother's temper. The men had all had Nick's wrath come down on their heads a time or two for no apparent reason but they let it roll off, knowing he had to take his anger out on something or someone.

 

That someone happened to be in Annie's when Nick stopped in for a beer on his way home one day after going into Stockton to pick up the mail. Heath had just gotten up from his nap and was coming out of the barn with his horse when Nick rode up and dismounted.

 

Heath reached over, grabbed his jaw and eyed the bruise forming under his brother's eye. "What happened to you?"

 

The hazel eyes narrowed, "let's just say I ran into something."

 

"Uh huh, something like a fist Nick?" Heath released the jaw and shook his head. "Guess it can get pretty rough pickin' up the mail anymore." He swung into the saddle with an easy grace and winked, "hope the other guy looks worse big brother."

 

"They do."

 

"They Nick?" Heath frowned and tilted his head at the look of satisfaction on Nick's face.

 

"Just had a little disagreement is all. Nothin' to worry about, I took care of it. Now let's go." He hauled himself back into the saddle and wheeled around to follow Heath out the gate and back to the range as he thought about what had happened in town.

 

He had stopped at Annie's and was having a beer and talking to Harry when Emmet and Alan Kyles had come in and sat down at a table. They had bought a bottle of whiskey and were pounding it back as they glared at Nick standing at the bar.

 

"Hey Barkley, we hear tell that brother of yours is gonna' die soon." Emmett jostled his brother's arm and smirked.

 

Nick's finger's tightened around his glass as he tried to control his temper.  He knew those Kyles boys were just trying to get to him and he had no intention of playing their game.

 

Alan's voice cut across the room with a sneer, "can't be too soon for us after what he done to our brother Korby.  Rottin' in some jail 'cause of the lies that bastard whelp of your daddy's said 'bout him."

 

Harry gave them a dirty look as he laid his hand on Nick's arm and felt it shaking with anger. "Ignore them Nick, they ain't worth it."

 

The Kyles boys were too stupid to know when to stop and Emmet got up, walked up behind Nick and hissed in his ear, "I hope the bastard rots in hell, it's all his kind deserves."

 

A black rage took control of Nick's mind as his fingers shattered the glass and all the weeks of anger, sorrow and guilt burst out. He turned so quickly Emmet didn't even have a chance to move as the black-gloved fist connecting with his mouth sent him staggering back three steps. Nick took one long stride, grabbed him by the shirtfront and threw him across the room as if he weighed nothing. He landed on a table that collapsed under him like matchsticks and he tried to stagger to his feet before another punch had him sliding unconscious amongst the debris. Nick stood there panting as Alan came up behind him, spun him around and caught him with a right hook that glanced off his cheekbone. Everyone still in the saloon moved to the side of the room as Nick let out a growl, grabbed Alan by the shoulder and pummeled him until he slid down and collapsed at his feet.

 

Harry shook his head and picked up Nick's hat from where it had fallen. He handed it to him as Nick stood there, his chest heaving as the black rage retreated and he was able to see clearly again.

 

He reached into the pocket of his vest and pulled out some bills which he handed to Harry. "Sorry Harry, this should cover the damage."

 

"It's all right Nick, if you hadn't of done it, I might of." He patted his friend on the back. "You go on home now," Harry looked at the two brothers on the floor with disgust, "I'll clean up the 'mess'."

 

It was near the end of March and spring roundup was in full swing. Hundreds of bawling steers dotted the pastures as the men gathered them to be checked and branded. Except for Nick and Heath going home for a couple of hours during the day, everyone worked from sunup to nearly sundown.  Long days spent in the spring sunshine had given Heath a deep golden tan that made him look the picture of health but Nick wasn't fooled. He noticed Heath rubbing his chest more often and getting tired faster, but when Nick asked if he was all right, Heath would assure him he was fine and it was just a little twinge.

 

Nick reined his horse in beside Heath's and took a long drink from the canteen his brother offered him. They sat for a few minutes in companionable silence watching Slim and Jesse throw and brand steer after steer as Nick tried to think of a tactful way to broach the subject he wanted to talk about. But Nick being Nick he didn't know how to be tactful so he just blurted it out.

 

"Heath, maybe you shouldn't come out here anymore," he waved a gloved hand at the scene in front of them. "Maybe you should stay home and do paperwork or somethin' easier."

 

Saddle leather creaked as Heath turned to look at his brother with raised eyebrows. "So, ya want me to die sitting at a desk..." he winked to let Nick know he was funnin' with him, "buried under paper work?"

 

Nick scowled and made a disgusted sound. He didn't know how Heath could joke about it this way, like it didn't matter to him. "No, I just don't want ya over doin' it is all."

 

"Nick, I'm a cowboy. If I have to go, I want it to be out here with the sun and the wind in my face, doin' what I love, not cooped up inside behind some desk." The blue eyes twinkled and he threw his brother a wide grin, "this is 'The Last Roundup' Nick, and I don't intend to miss it!"

 

Nick reached over and slapped him on the back, "all right Heath, but just take it a bit easy will ya?"

 

"I will Nick," He looked up as a shadow passed over them. "Looky there Nick, it's one of those golden eagle's from up at Lookout Peak." He smiled as he watched the bird dip and soar above them, "that's where I want my soul to go when I die Nick."

 

Nick gave an involuntary shiver as he remembered back three years before when Jarrod had shown him the new handgun he had specially made for Heath's birthday. It had a golden eagle on the stock and when he asked Jarrod why he had the eagle put on, he said it reminded him of Heath, golden, wild and free, with an anger inside that was tempered by intelligence and caring, but also courageous and loyal to a fault.  The shadow passed over them again and Nick pulled his coat about himself tighter to ward off the sudden chill.

 

 

Chapter 35

 

Nick was scared, he had never been so scared in his life.

 

He had watched his brother cut a steer out of the herd a few days later, drop his lasso around it's neck and leap off his horse to throw the animal so Steve could brand it. Heath had pulled his rope off when they were done and walked back to his horse as Nick nudged his grey mare forward to go over and tell them it was time for lunch.

 

He sat in the chair by the bed, elbows on his knees, clasped hands pressed against his mouth as he watched the steady rise and fall of his brother's chest as he slept. He closed his eyes as his mind replayed the scene from this afternoon in his mind.

 

"Hey Heath, Mike, time to take a..." He had been about seventy feet away as Heath reached for his saddle horn and started to mount his horse. He had stopped suddenly and his right hand had clutched at his chest as his left tightened on the saddle horn to hold himself up.

 

"HEATH!!"

 

Nick's heart slammed against his ribs and he spurred the mare forward and leapt off as he ran to his brother.  Mike turned from putting the branding iron back in the fire at the note of panic in Nick's voice and came running over when he saw what was happening.

 

Heath was leaning against the side of his horse, hanging onto the horn, his face twisted in pain as he laid his cheek against the saddle. Charger snorted and shifted a bit as Nick and Mike ran towards him and Heath's white knuckled grip on the saddle horn was the only thing that kept him from falling.

 

Heath knew if he let go he wouldn't get up again. The pain in his chest was an agony and he suddenly didn't have the strength to reach for his pills, all he could do was hang on. He dimly thought he heard Nick yelling at him, but all he could see was a great rolling blackness crashing through his mind.

 

Nick reached him and his face paled at the sight of his brother panting, eyes tightly closed as he gasped out small groans of pain. Mike took a hold of Chargers bridle and put a steadying hand on his neck to keep him still as Nick tried to help his brother.  He reached up to pry Heath's fingers off the saddle horn but he had a vice-like grip on it and wouldn't let go.

 

"Heath!" Nick stood behind him and put his arms around his waist to support him as he spoke urgently in his ear, "Heath, where's your pills?"

 

He wanted to answer him, tried to answer him but the searing pain snatched his breath away and the only sound Nick heard was the panting breaths and moans of pain. Beads of sweat had started to run down Heath's cheek from beneath the tan Stetson and Nick's heart was now pounding in fear.

 

Mike took a firmer grip on the bridle as Charger shifted again when Nick raised his voice in panic, "HEATH, WHERE'S YOUR PILLS?"

 

Mike knew they didn't have a lot of time, "check his pockets Nick, he must have them with him." 

 

Nick held him up with one arm while he frantically searched his brother's pants pockets before cursing and pulling open the buttons on the denim jacket. They had to be there. He forced Heath's hand away from his chest and reached inside to find the little bottle in his shirt pocket.  He used his weight to press Heath against the side of the horse and hold him up while his shaking fingers tried to get the lid off the bottle.

 

"DAMMIT."

 

He took a shuddering breath as the lid finally came off and he shook the pills into his hand. He picked one out and put the rest, along with the bottle into his coat pocket, his mind not even registering what he'd seen. Charger shifted again as Heath leaned more heavily against him.

 

"HOLD HIM STILL MIKE!"

 

Nick forced a pill into Heath's mouth and pushed it under his tongue, "now don't swallow that Heath, just leave it under your tongue like doc told ya to do."

 

Nick reached up and ripped one of the reins free of Heath's fingers and dropped it on the ground. Heath had trained the horse well and Nick knew he wouldn't move an inch now with the rein on the ground. His heart was racing in time with his brother's as he tried to hold back his panic, "Mike, the rest of the men are at the chuck wagon. Have someone go for the doc then come back here with help, we gotta' get him home."

 

Mike gave a quick nod, mounted his horse and raced off to the far side of the pasture where the chuck wagon was set up.

 

Nick wrapped his arms around Heath's waist again and laid his chin on his brother's trembling shoulder and whispered in his ear.

 

"Take it easy Heath, just take it easy, I'm here, I won't let ya go, shhhh now, just breath, come on now little brother, don't give up on me now, just relax and breath ... ya gotta' listen to me, it's gonna' be alright, I'm here."

 

It seemed like hours, but was in reality only a couple of minutes until the blackness started to recede along with the pain and Heath could hear Nick's soothing voice in his ear telling him to relax.  He felt the strong presence at his back holding onto him, giving him the strength he needed to fight back.

 

 Nick felt the bunched muscles in Heath's shoulder start to relax and he lifted his chin to look at his brother's face. "Heath, can ya hear me?"

 

His eyes were closed, cheek still pressed against the saddle and he took a shaky breath and nodded,  "tired Nick..." The murmured words were barely more than a breath of air and Nick tightened his hold as he supported more of his brothers weight and spoke to him quietly.

 

"I know ya are Heath. I'm gonna' get ya home and you can have a nice long sleep, but you gotta' stay with me, ya hear?" At the small nod, Nick took a deep breath to calm himself and reached up to pull Heath's hand off the saddle horn. "Let go now Heath, I've got ya."

 

Heath dropped the hand he was holding against his chest to cover the one Nick had around his waist as he whispered, his eyes still closed. "Don't let me fall Nick."

 

Nick laced his fingers through Heath's as he took them off the horn and wrapped both arms around the lean waist. He laid his cheek against his brother's shoulder as Heath's panting breaths slowed down and evened out and Nick closed his eyes in relief. "Just lean on me little brother, I won't let ya fall."

 

A small smile tugged at Heath's mouth and he squeezed his brother's hand and murmured, "I know ya won't Nick, ya always take care of me."

 

 

Chapter 36

 

Nick opened his eyes and looked up as the bedroom door opened and Doctor Merar approached the bed followed closely by Victoria who went to stand at the foot of the bed, her hands gripping the brass rail.

 

Howard put his medical bag on the night table and nodded to the haggard looking man in the chair, "Nick."

 

"Doc."

 

They spoke in low voices so as not to disturb the sleeping man. Heath had fallen asleep almost immediately after Nick and Mike had supported him to his room and helped him undress and he showed no sign of waking since then. Jesse had ridden ahead to warn Victoria that they were coming and she sent Silas up to turn down the bed as she waited. She had stood on the veranda, her heart pounding as Nick and Heath had galloped through the gate doubled up on Charger, Nicks arm the only thing holding his brother on his horse.

 

Howard pulled his stethoscope out of the bag and gently sat on the side of the bed. He glanced at Nick as he slipped the instrument around his neck and put the earpieces in. "Your Mother tells me Heath had a bad attack today and you were with him when it happened."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Tell me exactly what happened."

 

Doctor Merar listened carefully as Nick explained how bad the attack had been, how Heath hadn't been able to help himself. He nodded as he placed the stethoscope on the bare chest and lightly picked up the limp wrist to take Heath's pulse. As he finished he sighed and turned to Victoria who had moved over and now stood with her hand rubbing Nick's shoulder.

 

"Has he had many attacks Victoria?"

 

She shook her head as she watched her son sleep. "No..."

 

"Yes." 

 

Nick stared at the floor as he interrupted his mother.  She came around to stand in front of him and he raised his head to look at her.

 

Doctor Merar got up and came around the bed to sit facing him. "How many Nick?"

 

Nick reached for his coat that he had hung on the bedpost, pulled the small bottle of pills out and handed them to the doctor. Howard took the lid off and shook the pills into his hand. He stared at Nick hard before he put them back in the bottle and handed them back to him. Nick's fingers squeezed the bottle that held the difference between life and death for his brother and shook his head. He was angry, he was so angry he wanted to wake his brother up and scream his rage at him. 'Why didn't you say anything, why didn't you tell me, why did you carry this burden alone? Didn't you trust me?' 

 

He put the bottle on the night table and sighed deeply as his mother looked at Doctor Merar. "I want to know what's going on Howard. What aren't you telling me?"

 

He got up wearily and took her arm, "let's talk downstairs Victoria." He shook his head as she started to protest, "he'll sleep for quite awhile yet, he needs it and our talking might wake him up. Nick, you come too, you can get Silas to sit with Heath while we're gone."

 

Nick didn't plan on leaving Heath alone for even a second. "You go ahead, I'll wait here till Silas comes up." His mother nodded and followed Howard to the door.

 

"All right Nick, we'll be in the library when you come down." She closed the door gently as they left.

 

Nick stared at his brother, willing him to wake up and give him the answers he needed. He stood up as Silas came in and took the chair on the other side of the bed, his dark face creased with worry as he saw how pale Heath was beneath the tan.

 

Nick reached down and rubbed his sleeping brother's bare arm lightly before taking the work-roughened hand in his, squeezing it gently and murmuring. "You rest easy now little brother, I'll be right back."

 

Silas pulled his chair closer as Nick left and started to murmur quietly to the sleeping man. "Now y'all listen to yo' big brother, Mr. Heath, y'all gonna' be just fine. Ya just rest easy an' get better, 'cause ol' Silas he be a prayin' fo' ya now, ya hear? Don't ya be tryin' ta leave us, ya gotta be strong and fight back, that's what I always say." He sat back and said a silent prayer as he watched Heath sleep.

 

Nick came into the library to find Doctor Merar and his mother sitting silently on the sofa.

 

"Did you tell her Doc?"

 

"Not yet Nick, I'd rather do this all at once."

 

He looked over as Nick sank wearily into a chair opposite them. He crossed his ankle on his knee, propped his elbow on the arm of the chair and put his hand to his forehead, his fingers hiding his closed eyes.

 

"Did you know Nick?"

 

"No." His voice was low and ragged, worn out and he couldn't look at them, "he never said a word, never complained. I didn't know till I took them out of my pocket to put them back in the bottle."

 

Victoria snapped at them, "I want to know what's going on and I want to know now. He's my son, I won't have you keeping things from me."

 

Nick didn't say a word and Howard let out a sigh as he picked up her hands and started to explain. "This is far from Heath's first attack Victoria. The bottle was full when I gave it to him, now it's almost empty.”  He looked at her intently and tears welled in her eyes as his meaning became clear.

 

"How bad is he Howard?"

 

He shrugged as he watched her grey eyes pleading with him, begging him to tell her that her son was going to be all right, that it wasn't as bad as she feared.

 

"I'm not going to lie to you Victoria, this attack was severe and has done more damage." He glanced at Nick who was rubbing his forehead where a tension headache pounded unmercifully.

 

"It had nothing to do with him working, it would have happened even if he just sat around here all day. As a matter of fact it would have happened sooner because he wouldn't have been as strong as he is now. I'll be honest, I never expected him to hang on as long as he has. That son of yours is a fighter though, he's young and strong and he doesn't intend to go easily into that good night."

 

"Is there nothing you can do?" She shook her head as she tried to make sense of what he was saying, "a different medicine perhaps...something?"

 

"There's nothing Victoria, no miracle, no easy cure...I'm sorry." She looked so small and helpless, he hated taking away the hope in her eyes. He squeezed her hands gently. "I know it's not fair Victoria, but bad things happen to good people sometimes, and that's life. I believe there's a reason for everything and I would like to think that a good man like your son is needed somewhere more important than here."

 

Nick pushed himself out of his chair and strode from the room, slamming the front door as he left the house.

 

Victoria stood as the doctor rose to take his leave, he held her cold hands in his as she apologized.

 

 "I'm sorry Howard, Nick's just having such a hard time. He and Heath are so close and..." She stopped as her tears threatened to spill over.

 

He held her arms and bent down to look at her, "don't apologize Victoria, I know how hard this is on Nick, on all of you. Nick is angry and scared right now, don't let him blame himself because he didn't know about the attacks."

 

She shook her head in confusion, "why didn't he tell us, why didn't he say anything? We're his family, we have a right to know."

 

 His pale blue eyes held hers, "I'm sure Heath didn't say anything about this not because he doesn't care, but because he cares so much that he's trying to protect all of you from hurting anymore than you all ready are. Try to make Nick see that Victoria."

 

She straightened up and tried to pull herself together. Both her son's needed her, she would be strong for them when they couldn't be.

 

"I'll go talk to him Howard."

 

"Good, he needs your steady common sense advice right now." He put on his hat and made his way to the door.  "I want you to keep Heath quiet for the next forty-eight hours, after that he can do as he likes within reason. I'll have someone bring another bottle of pills out tomorrow. "

 

She looked at him hopefully, "what if we keep him inside, don't let him work so hard, maybe..."

 

He touched her arm gently as he interrupted her.  "Would he be happy, Victoria?"

 

The silver head gave a negative shake. "No."

 

"All right then, let him be happy for the time he's got left, it's his life after all."

 

At her nod he opened the door and crossed the veranda to his waiting buggy. She watched him go then closed the door and went to get her coat.

 

He was leaning on the corral fence watching a couple of yearling colts frisking in the late afternoon sunshine as she came up beside him and slipped her arm through his.

 

"Nick?"

 

His eyes never left the colts as he answered her, his voice filled with anger. "Why didn't he tell me, why didn't he trust me enough to let me know?"

 

"Oh Nick...you know why."

 

He looked down at her, his brow lowered in a frown.  "What do you mean?"

 

"What would you have done if he HAD told you?"

 

His hand waved in the air and his voice rose, "I WOULD OF MADE HIM STAY HOME AND TAKE IT EASY!!"

 

She searched his eyes as he looked at her. "Exactly, and would he have been happy cooped up in this house with nothing to do?"

 

The hand waved again, "it doesn't matter, this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't of been working so hard.  I told him just the other day he should be staying home and taking it easy, but he's so darn stubborn and pig-headed he wouldn't listen to me."

 

"Nick, you heard Doctor Merar, it's because Heath's been working and staying strong that he's still with us."  She squeezed his taunt arm, "oh Nick, would you really want your brother to be unhappy just so you could have him a little longer? All Heath wants is to be with you, spend as much time with you as he can. He loves you so much, don't deny him that, he asks so little of you."

 

He looked into his mother's pleading eyes and all the feeling washed out of him as his hazel eyes filled up and his voice became rough. "I don't know if I can do this Mother, I don't know if I'm strong enough."  He swallowed hard, "I don't know if I can watch him ... die."

 

She reached up and cupped his cheek, "you are strong enough Nick, I know you are. You've always been there for him, just as he's always been there for you. I know you won't let him down."

 

"I've been so angry at him today for not telling me about this." He took a deep breath, "and there's been times in the last couple of months when I've wished..."

 

He looked away and didn't finish his thought and she turned him back to face her as she searched his shame filled eyes.  "You've wished he had never come here? Is that what you were going to say, Nick?"

 

She stroked his cheek when he nodded.  "Oh Nick, don't you think we've all had the same thought? That if Heath hadn't come here this wouldn't be happening, that he'd be alive and well,  'somewhere' out there living his life?"

 

She held his eyes, so filled with hurt and sadness, "how do you know that Nick? You talk to Heath more than any of us do, you know what kind of life he led before he came here, how many dangerous jobs he had. You also know how fast he is with a gun, I believe that would have caught up with him one day, that and his temper."

 

Nick was quick to defend his brother, "Heath doesn't have a bad temper Mother, not like me anyways."

 

Victoria shook her head in disagreement, "oh, but he does Nick. All the Barkley men do, Heath's just better able to control his." She tilted her head and smiled up at him, "do you remember the first few months he was here, how angry he was? His temper showed then, didn't it."

 

At his nod she continued, "but as he settled in and came to realize that we wanted him, needed him in our family, he calmed down, put the bad things in his life behind him and became the good man his mother raised him to be."

 

Her eyes filled as she spoke to him urgently. "I'm so glad Leah sent Heath to us. He's brought so much happiness to this family and even though your father broke his vows, I wouldn't change things even if I could. Heath's my son and I couldn't love him more if I had born him. I wouldn't have missed knowing him for anything in the world and I don't think you would neither."

 

She reached up and held his face in both hands, "oh Nick, don't wish for things that are gone, Heath wouldn't want that. Just love him for the time he has left and be glad for the time you've had together."

 

He waved his arm to encompass everything around them and said, "this just doesn't mean anything without him by my side to share it with me...I...I need him." His voice came out rough and gravelly, "I did this once when Father died, I don't know if I can do it again." His hazel eyes held a lost look,  "how am I going to go on without him Mother?"

 

She dropped her hands to his arms,  "you will go on Nick, you must, and your brother WILL be by your side as long as you remember him."

 

She shook his arms gently, "you and Heath have a bond that can't be broken, not by time or circumstance."

 

He wrapped his arms around her and held her for a long time as she rubbed his back. She felt him shaking and knew he was crying ... she hadn't seen him cry since his father's funeral and it broke her heart.

 

 

Chapter 37

 

Nick opened the door and stood for a moment watching Silas talking quietly to Heath as he helped him take a sip of water.

 

"Oh Mr. Heath, I knows y'all's just funnin' with me now." He put the glass on the night table and pulled the covers up higher against the chill in the room.

 

Heath looked at the elderly servant, the serious expression on his face belied by the twinkle in his eyes. "I'm tellin' ya Silas, that cook of the Anderson's has her eye on you. Don't think I didn't notice the way she sashayed around ya when she came to help serve at the weddin'." Heath winked as Silas stared at him, "and don't think I don't see how often ya offer to go to the Anderson's to pick up or deliver things for Mother."

 

Silas laughed out loud and slapped his thighs, "oh Mr. Heath, that woman's got to be as big as a bear and twice as mean. Don't y'all go hitchin' poor ol' Silas up with her now, ya hear?"

 

The jangle of spurs had both men turning to see Nick crossing the room smiling. "Why now Silas, I think you two'd make a perfect pair. We could hire her to do the cooking so ya could take it a little easier. Sorta retired like."

 

Silas shook his grey head violently as he stood up and made his way to the door. "Ol' Silas don't need to be retirin' Mr. Nick. No sir, an' I don'ts need that big ol' woman messin' 'round in my kitchen! No sir. All ready got one person in this here house yellin' all da time, don't need no mo'!" The mumbling continued as he left and closed the door.

 

Nick sank into the chair by the bed and reached over to pick up the bottle of pills from the night table. He leaned forward, forearms on his knees, head down as he turned the bottle over in his hands and let out a weary sigh.

 

Heath rolled onto his side and put a hand on his brother's knee.  "I'm sorry Nick. I shoulda' told ya. It's just..." He shrugged and bit his lip and Nick looked up and met his eyes. Heath could see he had been crying again and it hurt to know he was causing his family so much pain.

 

"I know Heath. You knew I wouldn't of let ya outa' the house if ya had of told me." At Heath's nod he gave him a small smile and put the bottle back on the table. "I was pretty mad at ya for awhile today Heath, but Mother explained why ya did it and once I thought about it, I knew she was right." He leaned closer and held his brother's eyes seriously, "just don't ever do that again. You tell me next time, ya hear me Heath?"

 

"I hear ya Nick." He squeezed Nick's knee and withdrew his hand to pillow it under his cheek as Nick pulled the blankets up over the bare shoulder and rubbed it through the blankets.

 

"So, how ya feelin' now?"

 

"I'm fine, just a little tired is all." He dropped his eyes, but not before Nick had seen the lie in them. Heath had never lied to him. He got up from the chair, sat on the side of the bed and gently pulled on Heath's shoulder until he rolled over onto his back again, his eyes downcast.

 

Nick placed a hand on each side of him and tried to get Heath to look at him. "Hey little brother, do ya trust me?" Heath wrapped his fingers around Nick's forearm and nodded, "then talk to me."

 

The blue eyes lifted to search his brother's face and Heath took a shuddering breath.

 

"I...I'm...scared Nick, I don't wanta' die."

 

Nick swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat as he saw the fear in Heath's eyes. He had never known Heath to be afraid of anything, his brother had told him that he had been afraid so many times in his life that he learned to ignore it. He reached forward and rubbed his hand up and down Heath's arm in a comforting gesture.

 

"I know ya are Heath. I am too and just between you and me, I've never been so scared in my life as I was today."

 

He picked up Heath's hand and rubbed his thumb over the callused palm, "I thought I was gonna' lose ya out there and that terrifies me Heath, not knowin' if I'll always be around when ya need me."

 

Blue eyes held hazel as Heath sought to still his brother's fears. "You will be there for me Nick, I know ya will. You've always been by my side, you're 'one man in a thousand' and I couldn't ask for more."

 

Nick looked at him questionably, "that's what ya had written on my watch, what does it mean?"

 

Heath threw him a lop-sided grin and said, "ask Jarrod, he'll be able to tell ya."

 

Nick moved off the bed and sat in the chair again, "I will, now you close those eyes and get some sleep before Audra and Jarrod get here and start makin' a fuss over ya."

 

Nick sat and watched Heath drift off to sleep and his heart ached as he thought, 'how many times did he go through this alone with no one to help him, be there for him?' He remembered the times Heath had come down in the morning, pale and tired or excused himself in the middle of checkers or card games, saying he had something to do. Nick vowed then and there he would always be there for his brother, he would be strong enough.

 

Jarrod had come home early when Doctor Merar stopped by his office after he got back from the ranch and told him what had happened. He had come through the door with barely a hello to his mother before running up the stairs and taking the chair on the other side of the bed. Heath was asleep and

Jarrod looked across at Nick and mouthed, 'how is he'? His stomach dropped when Nick just shook his head and kept watching the steady rise and fall of Heath's chest with fear in his eyes.

 

Audra and Carl arrived about five o'clock and Victoria told them what had happened. Audra spent an hour pulling herself together before going upstairs to sit with Heath and keep him company while the rest of the family had supper.  She came down just after eight and fell into her mother's arms weeping as she realized how close she had come to losing her brother that day. They left for home just before ten with the promise that someone would sent word immediately if anything should happen.

 

Nick came into the library to find Jarrod nursing a whiskey as he sat behind his desk and stared out into the darkness beyond the French doors. He poured one for himself and took a seat on the other side of the desk.

 

Jarrod turned his chair around and raised his eyebrows at the look on his brother's face. He could always tell by the scowl on Nick's face when he wanted to ask something but wasn't sure how to go about it.

 

"What can I do for you Nick?"

 

Nick waved his hand through the air, "I just wanted to know somethin' and Heath told me to ask you."

 

Jarrod sat back and sipped his drink, "Ok Nick, what do you want to know?"

 

Nick shifted in his seat and looked across the desk with a frown, "It's just something Heath said and I want to know what it means is all."

 

"Ok, what was it he said?"

 

Nick pulled his watch out and thumbed open the lid. He stared at it for a while before reluctantly handing it over to Jarrod who read it with a lump in his throat.

 

"'Till the weeks second Sunday' means till forever Nick." He gently closed the lid and handed it back to his brother.

 

Nick put the watch back in the pocket of his leather vest and waved his hand again, "I know that Jarrod, I want to know what 'one man in a thousand' means."

 

Jarrod got up and went over to the bookshelves, "it's a poem by Rudyard Kipling, Nick. I have it here somewhere if you want to read it."

 

He handed the book to Nick who nodded and stood up, "I'll just take it to my room and maybe read it later.  Thanks Jarrod." He stopped at the door and turned back , "I'm gonna' stay with Heath tonight so you and Mother can go to bed, I'll call ya if I need anything. Goodnight."

 

Jarrod didn't argue, he knew Nick was scared to death and wouldn't leave Heath alone tonight.

 

"Goodnight Nick."

 

Nick told his mother he would be in to relieve her at eleven and went to his room where he laid on his bed, opened the book and started reading...

 

THE THOUSANDTH MAN

 

Rudyard Kipling

 

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,

Will stick more close than a brother.

And it's worthwhile seeking him half your days

If you find him before the other.

Nine hundred and ninety-nine depend

On what the world sees in you,

But the Thousandth Man will stand your friend

With the whole round world agin you.

 

'Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show

Will settle the finding for 'ee.

Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em go

By your looks, or your acts, or your glory.

But if he finds you and you find him,

The rest of the world don't matter;

For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim

With you in any water.

 

You can use his purse with no more talk

Than he uses yours for his spendings

And laugh and meet in your daily walk

As though there had been no lendings.

Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em call

For silver and gold in their dealings;

But the Thousandth Man he's worth 'em all,

Because you can show him your feelings.

 

His wrong's your wrong, and his right's your right,

In season or out of season.

Stand up and back it in all men's sight--

With that for your only reason!

Nine hundred and ninety-nine can't bide

The shame or mocking or laughter,

But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side

To the gallows-foot--and after!

 

Nick closed the book, rolled onto his back and took out his watch to read the inscription he knew by heart...

 

To Nick, my best friend and brother.

'One man in a thousand'

I will always be by your side

'till the weeks second Sunday'

Love, Heath

 

...and the tears fell silently as he clutched the treasured memento to his heart.

 

 

Chapter 38

 

Heath stayed inside and rested the next couple of days but was in the barn saddling his horse the day after that when Nick came in and stood there eyeing him with a scowl on his face and fists planted firmly on his hips.

 

"Where do ya think you're goin'?"

 

Heath tightened his cinch and turned to face his brother, "goin' to work Nick." He took his stirrup off the saddle horn and backed his horse out of his stall and into the aisle.

 

Nick opened his mouth to argue, then threw his hands in the air as Heath tugged his hat lower and glared at him, his mouth set in a stubborn line. He wanted Heath with him so he could watch over him but at the same time he didn't want him wearing himself out.

 

Apparently a compromise was in order. "That's fine Heath," he stepped closer until they were nearly toe to toe and Nick poked him in the shoulder with every point he made, "you can 'go', but the only 'work' you're gonna' be 'doing' is 'watching' us from the back of your horse."

 

He stepped even closer and their hat brims touched as he narrowed his eyes and growled, "because if you so much as touch that lasso, I'm gonna' use it to hog tie ya and you'll find yourself back home in bed so fast it'll make your head spin."

 

The fists went back to his hips and his voice rose, "AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?"

 

Heath had been prepared for a fight. He thought Nick would refuse to let him go at all and he would have a big argument on his hands. Well, he figured something was better than nothing, so he decided to back down gracefully.

 

He ran his reins through his hands a few times and nodded,  "just watch, I can do that Nick."

 

"Hrrrrrrumph, yeah right, and I'm a trained bear." Nick went over and jerked his saddle off the saw horse and carried it over to the grey mares stall, grumbling the whole time. As he smoothed out his saddle blanket, he glanced over and the scowl dropped from his face at the lop-sided grin and happy look in Heath's eyes as he watched him.

 

"Mother was right," he thought, "he doesn't ask much of me, just this time together and I can give him that. I want him to be happy, I want him near me. I want to keep that fear out of his eyes."

 

Jarrod had started coming home at noon to join his mother, Nick and Heath for lunch telling them he could work on his current case just as easily at home as in town. Victoria knew he did it because he wanted to spend as much time with Heath as he could.

 

Silas poured the coffee as everyone laughed at Heath's account of Nick being dragged through cow patties that morning by a stubborn steer that didn't want to be branded. Nick, being as stubborn as the steer, wouldn't let go of the rope until he hit the forth patty. He had come home in a foul mood and soaked the smell away for an hour in the tub. Heath let out another chuckle and shook his head as he thought about the mornings entertainment.

 

Nick had finally had enough and he turned a glare on him and barked out, "IT WASN'T THAT FUNNY HEATH!"

 

Heath assumed his poker face and looked at him solemnly. "Not if you don't think so Nick."

 

Nick jerked a thumb at him and viciously cut a piece of steak, "ya coulda' helped me out ya know Heath."

 

The blue eyes opened wide at this statement, "you told me I was only allowed to sit and watch and if I even thought about helpin' out, ya would..."

 

Nick waved a hand at him, "all right Heath, all right."

 

They ate in silence for a minute or so before Heath added conversationally, "ya shoulda' let go of the rope." His only answer was the banging of cutlery and another nasty glare directed his way.

 

Victoria and Jarrod hid their smiles behind their coffee cups as Heath continued to try and keep a straight face.  Jarrod put down his cup and addressed his scowling brother as Nick stabbed a piece of beef and started to lift it to his mouth.

 

"You'll never guess who came by my office this morning Nick."

 

"Who?" He put the food in his mouth and started to cut another piece.

 

"Layle Johnson."

 

Victoria and Heath raised their eyebrows and exchanged a glance as Nick paused a moment before resuming cutting his meat.

 

"Ohhhhh..."

 

"Yes." Jarrod watched as Nick kept his head down to hide the flush that had come to his cheeks, "she's a widow now. Her husband was killed trying to bring in one of the Dalton Gang. Johnson was a bounty hunter as you no doubt recall."

 

"I remember."

 

Victoria held out her cup as Heath refilled it and asked, "what did she want Jarrod?"

 

"Well, it seems that Ed Dalton was killed in the gunfight and Mrs. Johnson was entitled to the five thousand dollar reward money as Johnson's wife. She wants to rent that farm they had before and came to me to handle the details."

 

Nick continued to eat in silence as his stomach churned. He didn't want her here, she had lied to him before by not telling him she was married. He had been in love with her then and still felt the hurt she had caused him when she decided to stay with her husband. Nick was almost certain that she had been in love with him too, but she wouldn't break her marriage vows. He had understood her reasons but it had taken him a long time to get over her and he wished she would have stayed away.

 

"She said to tell you Sir Lancelot has grown up to be quite handsome." Jarrod looked at Nick with a quizzical expression, "who or what is Sir Lancelot Nick?"

 

Nick threw his napkin on the table, pushed his chair back and quickly left the room as Jarrod looked at his mother and brother in confusion.

 

"What's wrong with him?"

 

Victoria sighed and put down her cup, "I believe he was in love with her Jarrod. As a matter of fact, I think Layle Johnson is the only woman Nick has ever really cared enough about to want to spend his life with. I quite liked her myself, I just wish she hadn't lied to him."

 

Heath added his thoughts, "yep, he had it bad for her. He gave her one of those collie pups of Lucy's as a present. That's Sir Lancelot."

 

Jarrod nodded in understanding and excused himself to catch up on some paperwork in the library as Heath sipped his coffee and ran a few ideas through his head. Hmmmm ... from the way Nick had just acted, he wasn't as over Layle as he had so staunchly claimed to Heath at the time. Nick had growled and stomped around in a bad mood for weeks after she left and Heath had tried to get him to talk about it, but Nick had said he hadn't cared that much for her and Heath had eventually let the matter drop.

 

He got up, gave his mother a kiss and wandered out to sit in the sun on the front porch as he made plans. It hurt him to know Nick was going to be alone, Mother had the house, her friends and charities to keep her busy, Jarrod had his thriving practice and Audra had a husband and new household, but Nick ... Nick wouldn't have anything except the ranch, and Heath didn't think that would be enough. Nick didn't have time to make close friends with anyone and Heath knew when he was gone, Nick would be pretty much alone again. Heath nodded to himself, he would talk to Mother and Jarrod and enlist their aid.

 

 

Chapter 39

 

Spring was in full bloom in the valley as the grass turned green and flowers struggled up through the remnants of frost still in the ground.  Mornings were still cool and the ground was covered in dew that was gradually burnt off by the warmth of the rising sun. The roundup and branding were almost finished and most of the new crop of calves were on the ground now cavorting in play at their mother's sides. The cacophony of sound created by the bawling of hundreds of steers was incredible and the men took to using hand signals to communicate.

 

Nick and Heath rode out every day and, while Nick wouldn't let him throw steers anymore, he did allow Heath to rope them while Jesse and Slim took them down and did the branding.

 

Nick rode his grey mare up alongside Heath's big bay as his brother flipped his lasso off a young heifer Jesse had just finished branding. She staggered to her feet and went bawling back to the safety of the herd as Nick took the canteen his brother offered and quenched his thirst. Saddle leather creaked as Heath leaned back and squinted at the horse and rider approaching them at a slow lope.

 

"Why looky there Nick, I do believe it's brother Jarrod come to check up on us."

 

Nick handed him back the canteen and crossed his forearms on his saddlehorn as he watched his brother approach.

 

"Why I do believe you're right brother Heath." Nick glanced over and raised his eyebrows.  "Now I wonder what could of made our big brother come out from behind his desk today?"

 

They knew Jarrod's thriving law practice rarely left him time to help out anymore and it had been many months since he had done any ranch work to speak of, he had even stopped going with them on the fall cattle drive.

 

He slowed his horse and swung in beside Nick who looked him up and down and frowned. Jarrod was wearing his working clothes and that usually meant he planned to play rancher for a few hours. While ranching was Nick and Heath's life, to Jarrod it was nothing more than a pleasant diversion. Something to do when he needed a break from his chosen profession.

 

Jarrod pushed his hat back a bit and looked at them with a twinkle in his eyes. "Hello boys, beautiful day isn't it?"

 

Nick grunted and cut to the chase, "what are ya doin' out here councilor?"

 

The eldest Barkley son nodded at the herd, "oh I decided it was such a nice day that I would leave the office early and give you two a hand."

 

"Ohhhhhhh...." Nick tugged his hat lower and frowned at him and Heath shrugged and spread his hands.

 

"What do ya have in mind to do big brother?"

 

Jarrod tilted his head and considered the question, "well Heath, I thought I might give you some help with the branding."

 

Nick glanced at Heath and smirked. The fancy lawyer was going to get his lily-white hands dirty and brand steers was he? They read each others mind and both looked over at their older brother with a speculative gleam in their eyes...time to add to the sock! While they were all hard, sinewy muscle with work roughened, callused hands and wind-burned faces, Jarrod was simply a lawyer who happened to live on a ranch.  His hands were soft without blemish and he didn't possess the strength that came from the hard physical labour his brothers put in day after day.

 

Heath hooked his leg around his saddle horn and rested his forearm on his thigh as he watched Jesse brand another steer.  Steve had taken over the roping while Heath took a little break and Slim was throwing them for Jesse.

 

"Hmmmmm ... that'd be mighty fine Jarrod, but what we need is someone to rope 'em. Steve's doin' it right now but we need him to get back to roundin' up the strays in the hills. Think ya can take over for him here?  I know ya haven't done any ropin' for quite awhile, so if ya don't feel up to it..."

 

He knew that was guaranteed to get his brother's back up and he smiled to himself as Jarrod picked up his lasso and shook it out.

 

 "I can do it Heath, I'm not that out of practice."

 

Heath had hooked him and Nick reeled him in, "I betcha' five dollars ya don't get a rope on one of 'em first try."

 

Jarrod pulled his hat down firmly and his chin set stubbornly as he nudged his horse towards the milling herd and called back to them, "you're on Nick, and make it ten. Get out your wallet, I'll expect payment in a very few minutes."

 

As he left, Nick reached over and slapped Heath on the back, "'betcha a dollar it takes him at least three tries to rope one."

 

Heath narrowed his eyes and ran his reins through his fingers thoughtfully as he watched Jarrod chase after a young heifer that veered off as the lasso dropped over nothing but open air.

 

He shook his head and sighed. "No bet."

 

Jarrod came back after about fifteen minutes, dusty, dirty and irritated to find Nick with his hand out and a huge grin on his face. He pulled his pocketbook out and slapped ten dollars into his brothers black gloved hand.

 

Nick slipped the money into his shirt pocket and nodded at Heath. "Go show him how it's done Heath."

 

The blond cowboy unhooked his leg from the saddlehorn, shook out his lasso and loped off towards the herd with an easy grace. He circled around, deftly cut out the steer he wanted and, with a quick flick of the wrist, lightly dropped the rope over it's head.

 

Nick glanced at Jarrod with a look of immense satisfaction and waved his hand, "now that's how a REAL cowboy does it brother Jarrod."

 

The terse reply Jarrod had been about to make was swept away when he saw the look in Nick’s hazel eyes as he watched Heath lead the steer over to be branded. It took him a moment to figure out what it was, but then he realized ... it was pride.

 

Easter was fast approaching and Audra invited the family to come to her and Carl's ranch for the holiday meal that weekend. Victoria glanced down the table as she heard a groan and, seeing the looks of horror her sons were exchanging at this piece of news, favored them with a reproving frown that convinced them they would be well advised to keep their thoughts to themselves. Carl, having made the mistake of criticizing his wife's cooking skills once, chose to remain silent on the matter.

 

Audra was so excited to be planning her first big dinner that her brother's poorly disguised grimaces went unnoticed as she talked over the menu with her mother. As they listened to the chatter, all the brother's could think about was how they would have to pass up one of Silas's delicious holiday feasts to eat something their sister had cooked. Victoria went over after church Easter morning to help her daughter with the meal and, to the great surprise of the brother's, they had to admit their sister's cooking had improved a bit. It was actually quite edible.

 

Heath hadn't had another attack since that day in late March and the family started to relax, all except Nick, who watched his brother more closely than ever. They hadn't been there, they couldn't know what it had been like to watch it happen and feel so helpless. He had started waking up in the night and going to check on his brother, touching Heath's fingers gently to feel their warmth and see them move, to know he was still with him. Heath had woken up a couple of times in the night to find Nick curled up beside him, a spare blanket pulled over him and his hand wrapped around his wrist. He didn't mind, it made it easier for him to sleep knowing Nick was there to help him if he needed it.

 

Audra and Carl had stayed late one night after supper so Carl could discuss with Jarrod a business deal he wanted to make with a neighbor for the purchase of a section of land he had his eye on. Audra was helping her mother with a dress pattern and Nick and Heath had gone over to a corner to play chess.

 

Nick was bent over the board looking at his next move as Heath reached to pick up his pawn. His heart leapt as he watched Heath's fingers turn white as he held the piece tightly.

 

"Nickkkk..."

 

Nick's eyes flew to his brother's face at the softly spoken plea. He got up quietly, helped Heath to his feet and followed him from the room.

 

Audra put down her needle and thread and called out as they neared the door. "Where are you two going, I thought we were going to play gin later?"

 

"We've got some work to do in the barn." He threw the answer over his shoulder and Audra sat back with a huff when they continued on their way out the door and shut it behind them. Nick quickly put his arm around Heath's waist to help him up the stairs while reaching into his shirt pocket for his pills as they made their way down the hall. Nick's bedroom was closer and he didn't want Heath to go any further than he had to so he pushed the door open and crossed the room quickly.

 

His stomach was in knots as he eased Heath down on the bed and put the pill in his mouth. He turned up the lamp on the night table and said, "lay down now Heath." He pushed him down onto his side and lifted his legs onto the bed then sat down to rub the tense back as Heath's jaw clenched in pain and he closed his eyes tightly.

 

The pain eased off much more quickly than the last time and Nick let out a sigh of relief when he felt Heath start to relax. This hadn't been nearly as bad as the one before and didn't seem to take as much out of his brother. He continued to rub Heath's back as he rested for awhile trying to summon up the energy to move.

 

"Better Heath?"

 

Heath let go of the bedspread he had been gripping and took a deep breath as he nodded. He started to get up and Nick pushed him back down.

 

"We have to go Nick, they'll wonder where we are and I don't want anyone else to know. There's nothin' they can do and it'll just upset 'em. I don't want 'em worrying about me anymore than they all ready are."

 

Nick stood up, "you just stay there and rest awhile." He pulled off Heath's boots, tossed them aside and sat down again, "they think we're out in the barn working and you're not getting up till I see some color back in that face of yours, ya hear me?"

 

"I hear ya Nick." He rolled over onto his back and eyed his scowling brother, "ya been yellin' in my ear for five years now, it's a wonder I'm not deaf."

 

"I DON'T YELL!"

 

Heath raised an eyebrow as Nick pulled a blanket over him and grumbled, "never mind about that, I wouldn't have to yell so much if you would rub more than two sentences together now and then when I talk to ya." He tucked the blanket in and sat back down. "I swear ya don't listen to half of what I say."

 

Heath looked up at him with an earnest expression, "I listen to the important parts Nick."

 

Nick's hand waved as he answered, "everything I say is important Heath."

 

"Oh ... I didn't know that Nick. I'll try to listen more from now on." His lips twitched as he tried hard not to laugh at the irritated look on his brother's face.

 

"Go to sleep Heath, I'll wake ya in an hour." Nick got up and pulled a chair up close to the bed muttering under his breath about smart aleck brothers.

 

He sat there watching Heath's eyes drift shut and thought, 'I sure am going to miss having him to argue with me, he can get me so riled up sometimes! He thinks I don't know he does it on purpose just to get me going but I like to get into it with him. I've learned a lot about how he thinks and feels about things from what he lets slip sometimes in the midst of the bantering.

 

Everyone thinks he doesn't talk much and maybe he doesn't say a lot with words, but if ya know what to look for, if ya care enough to get to know him, you can read everything he thinks and feels just by the look on his face and the expression in his eyes.'

 

Nick qualified his thought, 'unless he's playing poker, then ya don't have a clue what the hell he's thinking!'

 

He smiled to himself as his thoughts wandered, 'how many times has he stared at me with those eyes when I've gone off half-cocked and said or done something wrong? He never says a word though, just looks at me with such disappointment that I feel guilty and realize I might have been wrong. Before he came here, I would never have admitted to being wrong about anything.'

 

Nick nodded to himself, 'he's changed me, made me stop and think about what I say and do now, and it's simply because I don't like to disappoint him'.

 

He watched Heath roll onto his side again and snuggle deeper into the pillow as his breathing evened out into sleep. Nick reached over, pulled the blanket up over the blue clad shoulder and ran his fingers lightly through the blond hair before turning the lamp down and settling in to keep watch over his little brother.

 

 

Chapter 40

 

Heath was feeling better the next morning and was up early to go into town with Nick and pick up supplies. They got what they needed and headed for home but, as they reached the fork in the road that would take them there, Heath started down the other way.

 

"Where ya goin' Heath?"

 

He flicked the lines to move the team into a slow gallop and gave a careless shrug. "Oh Jarrod asked me yesterday to drop some papers off for Mrs. Johnson to sign on our way home and see if she needed anything."

 

Nick scowled and shifted uncomfortably, "why didn't ya tell me that before we left? I woulda' stayed home and got Charlie to go with ya."

 

Heath eyed him and raised an eyebrow, "what difference does it make Nick, you got some reason you don't wanta' see her?"

 

Nick turned his head and watched the passing landscape and tried to squash the way his stomach turned over when he realized he'd be seeing her again.

 

"No, no, I got no reason I don't wanta' see her."

 

"Good."

 

They covered the remaining distance in silence and Heath smiled to himself,  'yep ol' Nick isn't as over her as he thought, so I'll just help him along to see that.'

 

Nick's mind was replaying the time he had spent with Layle, helping her fix the house, the moonlight supper, holding hands and talking and the joy on her face when he gave her the pup. He had fallen in love with her almost from the first time he had seen her in town. Then he had found out she was married. He hardened his heart as they approached the small farm, maybe she wasn't as young and pretty as he remembered her.  Maybe she had gotten old and worn out following her bounty hunter husband from place to place. Yep, I can see her again and not feel a thing for her, that's all in the past.

 

Heath pulled up in front of the well-kept little house and jumped down as Nick stayed where he was staring straight ahead. The door opened and Layle came down the path. She was careful not to look at the man sitting stiffly on the wagon seat as she held out her hand to the handsome young man in front of her. He tipped his hat, took her hand in his large one and shook it gently as she greeted him.

 

"Hello, you must be Jarrod's younger brother Heath. He said you'd be coming by sometime this week to see what repairs need to be done on the house." She smiled up at him as he let go of her hand, "I didn't get to meet you last time I was here, but he described you perfectly."

 

Heath tilted his head and gave her a lop-sided grin. "He tell ya to look for a dusty, dirty ol' cowboy did he?"

 

Her musical laugh had Nick whipping his head around to watch her smiling at his brother. She was as beautiful as ever, more so even. Her blond hair was loose around her shoulders and the smiling eyes were as blue as the sky. His heart gave a queer little lurch of feeling and he stamped it down ruthlessly.

 

"No, he said to watch for a big, tall, strapping young man with eyes of blue and a smile that could make a woman swoon. As I said, he described you perfectly."

 

Heath blushed furiously and waved his arm at the wagon, "you remember my brother Nick, Mrs. Johnson?"

 

Her smile faded and she nodded to the man scowling down at her. "Nick, it's good to see you again."

 

He just nodded back and answered shortly, "Mrs. Johnson."

 

Heath wanted to go over and strangle his pig-headed brother for the coldness in his tone but instead he pulled the papers out of his jacket and held them out to her.

 

"Jarrod needs you to fill these out and return them as soon as you can Mrs. Johnson. He said to see if ya needed anything too."

 

She laid a hand on his arm as she took the papers, "call me Layle, and why don't you come in and have a cup of coffee. I'll fill them out right away and you can take them with you, if that's all right?"

 

"That'll be fine Layle."  She nodded and turned to go back to the house.

 

Heath rested his hands on his gunbelt and jerked his head at Nick, "c'mon Nick, let's go in and get a cup of coffee while we wait."

 

He stared at him with narrowed eyes until his brother finally climbed down with a growl and started to follow them to the house. A whirlwind of black and white came racing around the corner and launched itself at the unsuspecting cowboy. Nick stumbled back and wrestled with the animal before Layle finally put a halt to the match by shouting in a scolding tone.

 

"Lance! That's enough, get down now you bad boy."

 

The dog left Nick and threw himself at Heath next, another tussle ensued and Layle threw her hands up and went into the house thinking, 'boys and their dogs!'

 

Nick and Heath gave him a final pat and he was off again chasing rabbits or anything else that dared to move. They went into the house and had coffee while Layle filled out the papers. Nick didn't have much to say as she and Heath talked about a variety of subjects. Heath had always been very observant though and he saw how Nick's eyes followed her as she moved around the room and his face flushed every time she looked his way.  As they were leaving, Heath told her he'd be by the next day to replace all the missing and broken shingles on her roof and fix a few other minor problems he had noticed. Nick just nodded and muttered goodbye.

 

Heath was out loading shingles into the wagon the next morning when Nick appeared at the barn door and stood watching him silently. This is just great he thought, Heath is goin' over there alone to fix that roof when I don't want him working so hard and what if something happens? Who's gonna' help him if I'm not there? Darn him anyways, why's he always gotta be helping folks? He heaved an irritated sigh and yanked the last bundle of shingles from his brother’s hands and threw them in the back of the wagon before climbing up and settling on the seat.

 

Heath pushed his hat back a bit and rested his hands on his hips as he looked up at him. "What'cha doin' Nick?"

 

"I'm goin' with ya, what's it look like?"

 

"But I thought ya didn't want to go there again, least that's what ya said yesterday on the way home."

 

Nick scowled down at him as he tried to think of a good reason why he was going. "Yeah, but it's my job to look after ya Heath, and I can't do that if you're there and I'm here, now can I?"  He thought that excuse sounded plausible and, for the most part, it WAS the reason he was going.

 

Heath pulled his hat back down to hide his grin, "nope, that would make it a might hard I reckon." He climbed up beside Nick and picked up the lines, "well let's go then."

 

As they got under way Heath let out a whistle and gave Nick a wink, "boy howdy Nick, it sure is a pleasure to be goin' to see a fine lookin' woman like Layle instead of all them dusty cowhands out on the range."

 

Nick narrowed his eyes at him and growled, "you just keep your eyes to yourself Heath. Ya don't need to be lookin' at anyone. We're goin' there to fix her roof, then we're leavin', understand?"

 

"Gotcha' Nick, fix the roof, then leave."

 

Heath shrugged after a moment,  "can I have a cup of coffee and  piece of apple pie before we go? Layle said she was gonna' make me a pie today." He glanced at the storm cloud he was creating beside him, "just as a thank you for fixin' her roof is all."

 

Nick gave in with ill grace, "ya can have your pie, but then we're leavin'. We've got enough work of our own to do, we got no call to be helpin' everyone who comes along."

 

Heath figured he'd push a little more, "maybe I'll ask her if she'd like to go to the dance in town with me Friday night."

 

"SHUT UP HEATH!!" Heath was sure he heard a thunderclap as Nick glared at him.

 

"Or maybe I won't."

 

 

Chapter 41

 

They arrived at the small farm shortly after eight and, after a wave in greeting to Layle as she stood in the doorway, they set immediately to work on the roof. They got most of the repairs done before Nick called a halt around eleven when he saw Heath was starting to get tired.

 

"We can finish this tomorrow Heath, it's time we were gettin' home anyways."

 

He waited for the argument he was sure Heath was going to give him, but none came. After washing up at the trough, they went to the house and knocked on the door to tell Layle they would be back the next day to finish. She pulled the door wide and invited them in with a wave of her hand.

 

"I made you that apple pie I promised you yesterday Heath and there's fresh coffee on if you'd like to come in."

 

When Nick started to tell her they had to be getting home, Heath shouldered him aside and took a seat at the table where a freshly baked apple pie resided.

 

"Layle made me an apple pie Nick and I intend to have some. If ya don't want your share, I'll eat that too."

 

One glance at the stubborn look on his brother's face had Nick heaving a sigh and joining him at the table. Layle smiled and put a large wedge of pie and a cup of coffee in front of both men. As he picked up the steaming cup, Nick tried his best not to watch her, tried not to remember how good she felt in his arms, how sweet she smelled. He had to get out of there. Heath ate the last bite of his pie and was about to ask for more coffee when Nick jumped to his feet.

 

"Let's go Heath."

 

He snatched his hat off the chair beside him and tugged it down low as he made his way to the door and jerked it open. Lance was sitting on the stoop and capered beside him all the way to the wagon trying to get him to play. Nick ignored him and climbed onto the seat with a grumble as Heath came out and walked with Layle to the gate.

 

He stopped out of earshot of his brother and looked down at her. "Do ya still care for him Layle? I don't want to see him hurt again." He was relieved when she gave a small nod and smiled at him.

 

"I love him Heath, I always did." She spread her hands in a helpless gesture, "things just got out of control so fast and I didn't know how to fix them. I can't blame him if he never forgives me."

 

He bent down and dropped a kiss on her cheek as he whispered in her ear, "it'll be all right, don't ya worry now. I know how to handle my big brother."

 

Lance came over and sat beside them, tongue lolling as he looked up at Heath hopefully. He wrestled with the dog for a minute before waving goodbye and taking his spot beside his scowling brother.

 

"We'll see ya tomorrow Layle, so save me a piece of that pie."

 

"I will Heath. Goodbye you two." She was hurt when Nick didn't even look at her or say goodbye. Heath just shook his head and gave her a wink. 

 

Nick was in a bad mood all the way home. He had felt an irrational stab of jealousy when Heath had kissed her and she had smiled at him. He told himself quite firmly that it wasn't because he wanted to kiss her himself and have her smile at him. No, that wasn't it at all. He pulled his hat lower and scowled as Heath settled beside him.  Heath decided he'd let him be for now. He could see Nick still cared for Layle but he was just so stubborn and pig-headed that he had to figure it out for himself. 

 

Heath had a little chat with his mother later that night and went to his room whistling a happy tune as Nick passed him on the stairs and gave him a suspicious look.

 

  bvbvbvbvbvbvbvbvbvbv

 

The front door banged shut as Nick crossed the foyer and looked around impatiently.

 

"HEATH??...HEATH??"

 

Heath came down the stairs buttoning the cuffs on a clean shirt and he shook his head at the frown on his brother’s face. "What are ya yelling about Nick?"

 

Nick made a disgusted sound, "I've been lookin' all over for ya, where ya been?" He didn't give him time to answer as he waved his hand towards the door, "let's get goin', I wanta' get that roof finished today and get back to the branding. We shoulda' been done by now."

 

Heath picked up his gunbelt from the table and started to put it on, "I'm not goin' Nick."

 

"What do ya mean, you're not goin'?"

 

Victoria came down the stairs and stopped in front of her glowering son, "I asked Heath to drive me into town today, so you'll have to go over to Mrs. Johnson's alone Nick."

 

Nick's waved his hand towards the kitchen, "get Silas to take ya Mother, I need Heath's help today."

 

She pulled on her gloves as he frowned at her, "you can manage on your own and I want to spend some time with my son." She stared at him, "or do you have a problem with that Nicholas?"

 

His eyes dropped to the floor at the mild reprimand. "No Mother."

 

"Good." She raised an eyebrow at him as he threw a pleading look at Heath, "hadn't you better be on your way then?"

 

His shoulders slumped and he nodded in resignation and went out the door.

 

 Heath put his arm around his mother and dropped a kiss on her hair, "he doesn't look too happy Mother."

 

Victoria rubbed his shoulder and smiled, "your brother is so stubborn, he just needs a little help to find his way sometimes. It'll work out, don't worry. He wouldn't be so reluctant to go if he didn't still care."

 

She picked up his jacket from the marble table and handed it to him, "well, we told him we were going into town, so that's exactly what I think we should do. We can pick up Audra and maybe get Jarrod to take us to lunch. What do you think Heath?"

 

He put on his hat and offered her his arm, "I think that's a mighty fine idea Mother, we wouldn't want to lie to him, now would we?"

 

Layle came out as Nick rode up and dismounted in front of the house. He tied his horse to the hitching post before going around, yanking his saddlebags off and throwing them over his shoulder. 

 

She leaned on the gate and looked down the road and asked, "hello Nick, where's Heath today?"

 

His reply was short and brusque, "he's spending the day with our mother."

 

He turned from her and strode angrily to the back of the house before she could say anything in response and she sighed in regret and went back inside, knowing now that he had no intention of ever forgiving her.

 

Nick finished up the roof just after noon and came to the door to tell her he was done and would be on his way now. She pushed a wisp of blonde hair behind her ear and his eyes followed the movement as he told himself to turn around, get on his horse and leave quickly.

 

"You look cold and I just made fresh coffee if you'd like to warm up before you leave.?" Her blue eyes looked at him hopefully and he couldn't say no.

 

He took off his hat and frowned at her as he came in and shut the door. "All right, one cup then I gotta' get back."

 

He threw his hat and gloves on the table as he watched her go over to the stove to fetch the pot.  She was nervous knowing he was watching her and her hand shook as she reached for the coffeepot. The towel she was using to pick it up slipped, and her fingers touched the hot metal.

 

"Owwww..." She shook her stinging hand as tears came to her eyes.

 

Nick was across the room in three strides to turn her around and pick up her hand to assess the burn. He didn't know why, but as he lifted her small hand and saw the angry red fingertips, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to lift them to his mouth and suck on them to take away the sting. She stared at the sight of her fingers in his mouth before she looked up and caught her breath at the look in his hazel eyes. He let go of her hand and she dropped it to rest against his chest as he pushed the loose wisp of blond hair back then cupped her face and rubbed his thumb over her soft cheek.

 

"Layle."

 

He couldn't help himself and his voice came out in a groan as he wrapped his arms around her waist and gathered her to him. Her arms crept up around his neck as his lips met hers and he plundered their sweet softness, drinking in her tiny mewls of pleasure as his hands caressed her back and her fingers twined in his hair. He tore his mouth away and shook his head as he took a heaving breath and laid his forehead against hers.

 

"I can't do this ... not now."

 

She felt sick, he didn't want her, was just punishing her for what happened before. She tried to break away from the arms that were still around her, holding her to him. "Let me go Nick, I won't let you use me."

 

He tightened his hold and waited until she looked up at him, her blue eyes full of tears. "Listen to me Layle."

 

She shook her head and pushed against his unyielding chest. "No."

 

He reached up to wipe away a stray tear with his thumb, "listen to me...please?"

 

She stopped struggling at the pleading tone in his voice and searched his eyes. He took a shuddering breath and kissed her again gently.

 

"I love you Layle. I did right from the first time I saw ya and I never stopped."

 

She stared at him intently, she had heard the 'but' on the end of his sentence. "I love you too Nick, but I couldn't be with you then, don't you understand?"

 

He crushed her to him before pulling back and taking her hands in his. "I know that, and I understood it then too." He shrugged and took a deep breath, "now I need you to understand why I can't be with you now, why I might not be back for a long time."

 

Nick knew he was going to need a long time to heal, knew he was going to be plunged into a dark hell soon. He remembered what he was like after his father died and knew this time would be much worse. The black moods, raging temper, the need to be alone and hopefully find himself again. He had done it once, but it had taken a long time and he didn't know if he could do it again. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to try. He had been twenty-two then, with a huge ranch and endless responsibilities suddenly thrust upon his shoulders. He had had no choice but to eventually pull himself together and go on with his life. Now he was thirty-three and all the joy and happiness he had finally found in work and play with Heath by his side was about to be cruelly snatched away from him by the hand of fate.

 

His father had been his idol, but Heath ... Heath was his heart and soul and life without him seemed to stretch before him like an endless black hole. He could see the confusion in her eyes, he had just said he loved her but couldn't be with her.

 

"I don't understand Nick."

 

He squeezed her hands as he tried to explain. "Layle, right now I need to be with Heath. All the love I have, I need to give to him." His voice was becoming rough and low as he thought about what was to come and his throat constricted. "I need to be with him every minute I can before he's gone."

 

He took a deep breath and shrugged,  "I just can't handle anything else right now."

 

Her heart dropped at his words and she asked the question she was afraid she already knew the answer to, "what are you talking about Nick?"

 

He told her and she held him tightly and grieved for the big, tough cowboy in her arms and the handsome young man with the laughing blue eyes and lop-sided grin who had brought them back together.

 

 

Chapter 42

 

 It was late afternoon when Nick rode up to the barn to find Heath leaning against the door watching for him. He dismounted and walked over as his brother came to meet him, a wary look in his eyes. Nick scowled as he stopped in front of him and planted his fists on his hips.

 

"Layle sent ya pie."

 

Heath jammed his fingers into his back pockets and nodded. "That was nice of her." Heath knew pie wasn't what Nick wanted to talk about.

 

Nick waved his hand at him and stated, "you set this whole thing up, didn't ya Heath?"

 

Heath just gave him a defiant look and said nothing. Nick already knew the answer though, Layle had told him as much as they talked the afternoon away. All of a sudden the pure goodness of what his brother had tried to do brought a lump to his throat and Nick didn't care that some of the hands were standing on the porch of the bunkhouse looking their way. He no longer cared what anyone thought about tough Nick Barkley showing emotion. He grabbed his brother by the shoulder and pulled him into a crushing hug that Heath returned wholeheartedly. The men, far from thinking Nick soft, turned away to allow the brother's their moment of privacy. They knew how close the two were and would never think of teasing either one about their open display of affection.  In their minds, it was almost like they were losing a brother themselves or, at the very least, a good friend.

 

Nick pulled back and gave Heath a smile that cut deep grooves in his rugged cheeks and he squeezed his brother's arms. "Thanks little brother."

 

Heath reached out, gripped the back of Nick's neck and gave it the little shake that had become so familiar. "I can't stand the thought of ya bein' alone." Blue eyes held hazel seriously, "you're a good man Nick, you deserve more than that, you deserve to be loved, and she does love ya." He gave him another little shake before dropping his hand, "don't let her go."

 

Nick reached out and slapped him on the arm, "don't worry Heath, I don't intend to." He looked down at the ground and scuffed his boot in the dirt, "I just need time though, and Layle understands that so she's goin' to live with her sister in Dallas for awhile."

 

Heath didn't need to know that Nick had asked her to go. She had come back to see if he still cared for her and now he was sending her away with no guarantee that they would ever see each other again. He knew he couldn't give his whole heart to someone again, part of it would always belong to Heath and he wasn't sure he could ask her to settle for less than everything. She had said she would wait for as long as it took and take what he could give.

 

Heath started to protest, "Nick, don't..."

 

Nick looked up and shook his head, "no Heath, no. I'm not gonna' argue with ya. This is where I wanta' be, right here, right now. Nowhere else. Do ya understand?"

 

Heath's heart swelled with love for this man most people thought of as rough, tough and unfeeling. Heath knew better. Beneath that loud, tough exterior, his brother had a kind and loving heart that was easily hurt.

 

He gave a sharp nod, "all right Nick, all right, I understand. But life is short, and I don't wanta' see ya waste it." His blue eyes were filled with worry, "promise me ya won't waste it Nick."

 

Nick pulled him into another hug as he gruffed out a promise he wasn't sure he could keep. "I promise Heath."

 

They tightened their hold for a moment before breaking apart and Heath nodded then tilted his head as he looked at him expectantly. "So ... where's my pie Nick?"

 

Nick went to his horse and opened the saddlebags he'd used to carry tools in to fix the roof. He pulled out a cloth wrapped bundle, walked over and handed it to his brother. "There's your pie Heath, enjoy."

 

Heath opened the cloth and rolled his eyes. Between the ride home and being shoved in with the tools, what had once been a lovely piece of apple pie, was now a more than slightly the worse for wear mess of squashed fruit and crust. He shook his head and wrapped the poor thing back up as he gave his brother a dirty look.

 

"Thanks Nick."

 

The sarcastic tone was lost on him as Nick picked up his reins and pulled his grey mare forward, "you're welcome Heath, now let's finish here and get cleaned up for supper. I'm starvin'!"

 

They headed for the barn side by side and Nick threw his arm over Heath's shoulder and laughed loudly at Heath's suggestion that he would be willing to trade his apple pie for Nick's dessert that night.

 

Their mother watched them from the dining room window and thought, 'they're so different my sons, in looks and personality. One is so dark and brooding, the other so fair and bright'.  Oh, she knew they both had a bit of the other's traits in them, but for the most part, that's who they were. Almost complete opposites - but somehow...somehow they had accepted those differences and made it work.  She smiled sadly when Nick playfully tipped Heath's hat over his eyes and pulled him close.  She would miss that sight most of all, the loving easy camaraderie of her two sons, talking, laughing and working as they went through life together. As they disappeared inside the barn, she knew with a sudden clarity that they wouldn't be together much longer.

 

Her hand went to her mouth to stifle the sobs that threatened to overcome her as her thoughts went back to the ride home from town after they had dropped Audra off at her place. Heath had driven the buggy up to Lookout Peak saying it was such a fine spring day that he thought it would be nice to stop for awhile and just relax, feel the warm, fresh breeze on their faces and maybe catch sight of an eagle soaring over the canyon.

 

He lifted her down and they sat beneath the towering pine tree near the canyons edge and talked for over an hour. Heath told her things about himself that she hadn't known before, some of the things he had done as a child and young man growing up. He gave her only the happy memories, never once mentioning any of the bad. He told her how glad he was that she had accepted him and made him part of her family, made him feel he had always been a part of it. How happy he had been when she asked him to call her 'Mother' and how proud he was to be her son. He had kissed her forehead and hugged her to himself as he looked into her eyes and thanked her for BEING his mother. He told her, as he had Nick, that the last five years had been the happiest of his life and he wouldn't have given them up for anything.

 

He had put his arm around her and held her tightly as she laid her head against his strong shoulder and he had dropped a kiss on her silver hair and whispered softly. "I love you Mother."

 

Her tears spilled over as she suddenly realized that he had been saying ... 'goodbye'.

 

 

Chapter 43

 

Audra came over to the ranch for lunch the following Monday with her eyes full of excitement. She had entered her Appaloosa mare in the first show of the season at the Anderson's Ranch that coming Saturday and wanted to make sure the whole family would be there to watch.

 

Heath went over to his sister's place every day and put the mare through her paces to refresh what she had learned while he gave Audra tips and advice on how to show her to her best advantage. Nick had been against the idea of Heath going there without him, but when Heath told him quietly that he wanted to spend some time alone with his sister, Nick had stopped arguing and nodded, knowing he had been smothering him and he had to let loose of him a bit. He would only be gone in the morning and Audra knew what to do if he needed help. When they came for supper that night, Carl had added his assurances that there would always be a ranch hand close by to help or come and get him if the need arose.

 

On Friday morning after they were finished, instead of Heath heading home to sleep, he and Audra packed up a few sandwiches and rode out to a pretty little meadow she had discovered at the far end of the Wheeler Ranch. They spent the rest of the day just lazing around, talking and reminiscing. Nick had loudly voiced his displeasure at their plans and had only finally agreed to it if Heath promised to rest and not be riding all over creation tiring himself out.

 

The sun was getting lower in the sky as Jarrod wandered into the library to pour himself a before dinner drink.  He found Nick looking out the French doors, muttering and grumbling to himself as he leaned against them, thumbs hooked in the back of his belt.

 

"What are you doing Nick?"

 

He glanced over his shoulder to see his older brother standing in the middle of the room, fingers in his front pockets and eyebrows raised questionably as he watched him.

 

"He should of been back by now." The scowl on his face grew deeper and he turned back to watch the path leading to the house. "I tell ya Jarrod, I've a good mind to ride over there and give 'em both a piece of my mind." He crossed his arms as he made a tsking sound and muttered, "... worrying Mother like this."

 

Jarrod moved over to the drinks table and poured two small glasses of whiskey. "You knew he was going to be gone most of the day Nick, and it's only a little after five. I'm sure he'll be back soon."

 

He went over and held out one of the glasses. Nick took it, threw back the contents in one gulp and handed it back as he crossed his arms again and went back to staring out the window, willing Heath to come riding down that path.

 

His hazel eyes narrowed and his stomach churned as he berated himself silently, 'I should never have let him go alone, I should of gone with him. He wouldn't of been happy about it, but so what? At least I wouldn't be standin' here, worryin' myself sick that something's happened to him.  Why isn't he back yet? Maybe he's having supper there ... no, he wouldn't do that without sending word. Maybe his horse threw a shoe and he's walking him back. Darn him anyways, if he's not here in the next five minutes I'm ridin'...'

 

He straightened up and stared hard as a familiar figure on a bay horse came loping through the iron gates and headed for the barn. Jarrod, sitting behind his desk trying to control his own worry, lowered the paper he had been pretending to read and watched Nick cross the room with long angry strides. He breathed a sigh of relief ... Heath was finally home and he was all right.

 

He smiled as the front door slammed shut behind his angry brother and thought, 'Heath my boy, you just might want to keep on riding before Nick gets a hold of you.'  He got up and was going to find his mother and tell her Heath had returned, when she appeared at the door to the library, one hand gripping the door knob while the other crushed her skirts to still her trembling. She had been in the kitchen when she heard the door slam and, knowing Jarrod and Nick were in the library, she had hurried to find out what was going on. Her eyes were fearful as her son came towards her.

 

"Jarrod?"

 

He stopped in front of her and put his arms around her and dropped a kiss on her head, "he's home."

 

She closed her eyes in relief and laid her head against his chest as all the worry of the past hour faded away. Her son was home and he was safe, that was all that mattered.

 

Heath pulled his horse up in front of the barn and was just about to dismount when he heard the sound of spurs approaching at a rapid pace. If it was possible for spurs to sound angry, these ones did. He let out a sigh and swung his leg over his horse's rump.

 

His feet had just hit the ground when he was grabbed from behind and yanked around to confront one very angry brother.

 

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN HEATH???"

 

 Nick took a hold of his upper arms and gave him a good shake to add emphasis to his question.

 

Heath cocked his head and looked at his scowling brother in confusion. "Cool off Nick, you know very well where I was."

 

Nick let go of the suede jacket and put his hands on his hips as he bawled into his brother's face. "DO YA HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS??"

 

Heath adopted what he thought was a reasonable tone and answered in a quiet voice that held a hint of amusement. "Well I didn't bring my watch, but my stomach's tellin' me it's gotta' be mighty close to supper time."  He gave Nick an encouraging smile thinking it would help calm him. It didn't.

 

"SUPPERTIME!! SUPPERTIME!!" He threw both hands in the air, "YOU GOT NO BUSINESS BEIN' OUT TILL SUPPERTIME!"

 

Heath was just about to shout back that he was a grown man and didn't have to answer to anyone when he suddenly realized that Nick wasn't angry. Behind the shouting, arm waving and scowling face, his brother was more scared than anything else. He reached out and patted Nick's stomach, "you're right Nick, I shouldn't of stayed out so late. I'm sorry I worried ya."

 

Nick shrugged, gave the front of Heath's jacket a nervous tug, and gruffed out, "I wasn't worried. It was just gettin' kinda' late is all and I thought maybe your horse came up lame or somethin'."

 

Heath gave him a lop-sided grin and nodded, "I know Nick."

 

They looked at each other a moment before Nick pulled him into a quick hug and growled in his ear, "don't ever do that to me again, ya hear?"

 

"I won't Nick." He patted the leather clad back before stepping away, picking up his reins and leading his horse towards the barn. Nick came up beside him and took the reins from his hand.

 

"I'll put him away Heath, ya must be tired. Go get cleaned up, it's almost suppertime."

 

"Thanks Nick."

 

Heath headed to the house and thought, once again, 'how did I get so lucky to have such a good man for my brother?'

 

His mother was there to greet him when he opened the front door.  The lecture she had been about to give him died on her lips when she saw him, he looked so tired.

 

"Heath."

 

"I'm sorry Mother. I didn't realize it was so late."

 

She didn't say anything, just wrapped him in a long hug that told him without words, that she had been deeply worried too.

 

The weekend arrived and the whole family turned out to cheer Audra on. Carl gave her a kiss and reminded her that it was the mare's first show and not to expect too much. Victoria and Jarrod gave her a few words of encouragement then followed Carl as he led them to their seats.

 

Nick and Heath had volunteered to get the mare ready for the show and by the time the little mare entered the ring, you could almost see yourself in her deep cinnamon coat.  She didn't have a hair out of place and the blanket across her rump was snowy white. Both brothers were well pleased with themselves when Audra came back with two first, and one third place ribbon.  The smile on her face stretched from ear to ear and she jumped down as she reached them and enveloped them in a hug before planting a big kiss on their cheeks.

 

"Wasn't she wonderful? I never thought we had a chance." She gave them another hug, "oh you two are the best brother's a girl could have, we wouldn't have won if you hadn't of trained her so well. You made her the best looking horse out there too."

 

Nick puffed out his chest and put his hands on his hips as he nudged Heath's arm. "Well she had to win, she had the best lookin' rider didn't she?"

 

Audra blushed at her brother's compliment as she stroked the mare’s neck.

 

"Nick's right, ya made a pretty pair." Heath reached out and cupped her cheek,  "ya spent a lot of time workin' with her yourself sis and a horse is only as good as it's rider. I'm mighty proud of ya."

 

She put her hand up to cover his and hold it against her cheek for a moment longer as her eyes told him how much his words meant to her.

 

Victoria, Jarrod and Carl joined them and added their congratulations as Carl swept his wife off her feet, twirled her around a few times, then set her down to give her a kiss. He put his arm around her waist and looked down at her, a frown on his handsome face. "Well now Audra, I suppose you'll be wantin' to go to shows every weekend and won't have any time to spare for your poor old husband anymore?"

 

She looked at him with a worried expression, "oh Carl no, I'll always have time for..."

 

His deep blue eyes were laughing at her and she slapped his chest in exasperation. "Oh you, you're as bad as my brother's for teasing me."

 

"Why thank you darlin'", Carl nodded towards Nick and Heath, who were standing there with big grins on their faces. "I've had the best teachers ya know."

 

The two brothers tipped their hats in acknowledgement and their mother took Jarrod's arm and started towards their waiting buggy. "That's enough now, it's getting late and Silas will be waiting supper." Jarrod handed her into the buggy and she turned to her daughter with a gentle reminder. "We'll go ahead while you thank the Anderson's for their hospitality and a very pleasant day."

 

"I will Mother."

 

The foursome waved as their mother and Jarrod went by them and drove out the gate and down the lane.  It had been a wonderful day, a day full of fun and laughter, with the whole family together.

 

 

Chapter 44

 

It was late Saturday afternoon, a week after the horse show when the front door burst open and two dusty cowboys dropped their hats and gunbelts on the table in the foyer. They poked their heads into the living room and threw a quick hello to their mother and brother before they ran up the stairs taking the steps two at a time. Victoria looked up from her book at the sound of bedroom doors slamming shut. She sighed, shook her head and went back to her reading.

 

Jarrod, comfortably ensconced on the sofa enjoying a leisurely afternoon, sat forward and his brows lowered in a frown as he slapped his newspaper down on the coffee table and asked, "what are those two up to now?"

 

Victoria put down her book and gave him a thoughtful glance, "you know Jarrod, I find it much easier if I don't ask."

 

He stared at her for a moment then picked up his paper and snapped it open again, "well let me tell you something Mother, those two are up to no good, you mark my words."

 

An hour later, Nick and Heath, freshly bathed and shaved came pounding down the stairs as quickly as they had gone up. They weren't halfway down when Nick's bellow had Victoria jumping and Jarrod throwing down his paper in exasperation.

 

"MOTHER?... MOTHER??"

 

She got up and made her way to the foyer where the two were buckling on their gunbelts. "Stop shouting Nick, I'm right here. Now where are you two going, it's almost suppertime."

 

Heath picked up his hat and handed Nick's to him. "We won't be home for supper Mother, we're going to town for the poker game at Annie's."

 

Jarrod had wandered out to see what was going on, and the suspicious lawyer in him made him question their motives as he stopped in front of them and crossed his arms.

 

"Why are you leaving so early? It's only five o'clock and that game won't start until at least eight."

 

Nick waved his hat at him, "yeah that's so brother Jarrod, but we saw somethin' in Wilson's yesterday when we were there picking up supplies and we wanted to use the sock money to buy it."

 

Heath took over the explanation before Jarrod could ask another question. "And seein's how the sock money is here, we couldn't get the thing we wanted yesterday so we have to go today and get it before Wilson's closes at six, see?"

 

Victoria looked at them in confusion, "but you both have plenty of money on you, why didn't you just buy what you wanted at the time?"

 

Both men opened their mouths to explain when Jarrod held up his hand, "never mind, I'll explain your sock story to her after you leave. Now hadn't you better be on your way?" He herded them towards the door, relieved that he was going to be able to enjoy a quiet evening at home for a change.

 

They turned at the door and gave their mother a kiss on the cheek. "Bye Mother, don't wait up for us, we might be pretty late."

 

She hugged them and returned their kiss, "you two have a good time and tell Mr. Wilson that I'll be in on Monday to pick up that dress material he ordered for me."

 

Heath nodded and pushed Nick out the door, "we'll do that Mother, see ya."

 

The two walked out of Wilson's just before six with Heath carrying a large round box. They stood on the sidewalk and looked at each other with evil grins. 

 

Nick tapped the top of the box with a black-gloved finger and chuckled. "Oh, this is going to be so goooood."

 

Heath nodded in agreement and went over to slip the carrying string over his saddlehorn. The two then made their way to Annie's to shoot the breeze with Harry for a while and get something to eat before the poker game started.  They got home a little after one and crept quietly in the kitchen door and up the back stairs with their purchase just in case anyone was still waiting up for them and wanted to know what it was.

 

They were already at the table Sunday morning when their mother and Jarrod came in and sat down to breakfast. They both looked up with bleary eyes and greeted them as Silas poured the coffee.

 

"Morning Mother, Jarrod."

 

Victoria shook out her napkin and eyed them as they drained their coffee cups and held them out to Silas to refill.

 

"Good morning boys, I see you're not going to church today." They were both wearing their everyday clothes and neither one had bothered to shave yet, a clear sign that the task required too much effort and more energy than they had at the moment.

 

Nick rested his elbows on the table while he yawned and sipped his coffee, "we're a little tired today Mother, think we'll just stay home and rest up a bit."

 

 Jarrod raised his eyebrows, "would this tiredness have anything to do with the late hour you two wandered in at last night brother Nick?"

 

"We weren't that late Jarrod."

 

Heath nodded in agreement, his eyes half closed and Jarrod's blue eyes twinkled as he watched both men blanch and wave away Silas's attempt to put sausage and eggs on their empty plates.

 

"I beg to differ Nicholas, because it just so happens that I went to bed at midnight and you two weren't back yet."

 

Nick looked at him with narrowed eyes, "you keeping tabs on us now brother Jarrod?"

 

Victoria cut in before the conversation could turn into an argument, "all right, that's enough both of you. You two boys stay home and rest and we'll go without you." She looked down the table at her eldest son, "we should leave soon Jarrod. The new Reverend is going to be there today and I'd like to meet him before the service starts. You finish your breakfast while I go get ready."

 

Heath put his hand on her arm as she started to rise, "wait Mother, me and Nick here bought ya somethin' to wear to church today. That's what we picked up at Wilson's yesterday. We knew ya were meetin' the new Reverend and we wanted you to be the finest lookin' lady there." He looked at Nick and gestured with his head, "go get it Nick, it's on my bed."

 

Nick pushed back his chair and patted his brother's back, "I'll be right back. We sure do hope ya like it Mother, 'cause we used our sock money to buy it for ya."

 

As he left the room, Victoria looked at her youngest son in surprise and asked, "why would you buy me something with your sock money Heath? The way Jarrod explained it to me, you and Nick save up to buy something you really want for yourselves."

 

Heath shook his head,  "oh no Mother, we use it for something we really want, but it doesn't have to be for us."

 

"Oh ... I see."

 

She didn't see at all and was about to question him further when Nick came back into the room carrying the round box and set it down in front of her before settling back into his seat beside Heath. The two bumped knees under the table as they watched their mother's face.

 

Victoria looked at the box then at the two smiling faces watching her.

 

"It's a hat box."

 

They both nodded and Heath reached out and nudged it a bit closer to her, "that's what it is all right Mother. It took three weeks of our savin's to buy it for ya, but when we saw it in Wilson's the other day, we knew we had to get it for ya." His drawl deepened,  "you'll look mighty fine in it when ya meet the new Reverend today, won't she Nick?"

 

"She'll be the prettiest woman in Stockton, never mind church." Nick nodded at the box, "try it on Mother, we want to see what it looks like. Heath here thought it might not be to your liking."

 

Victoria started to take the lid off as she reassured them, "I'm sure I will love anything my sons were thoughtful enough to buy for me."

 

Jarrod watched the proceedings with interest from the other end of the table as she got the lid off and reached in to lift the contents out gingerly.

 

"Why it's...it's lovely."

 

Nick crossed his arms on the table and leaned against Heath's shoulder to get a closer look. "It's kinda fancy, but Heath thought it would look nice with that new dress you're gonna' wear today."

 

Heath nodded enthusiastically and his blue eyes opened wide as he gave her his most innocent smile. Jarrod raised his eyebrows and looked from the hat to Heath's sweet angelic face and thought, 'butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.' He mentally shrugged, 'well at least it's not me this time'.

 

Victoria could do little but stare at the concoction in her hands. It was a straw sun hat covered in large gaudy colored flowers with three purple ostrich plumes streaming from the back of it. As if that wasn't bad enough, affixed to the front and nestled in amongst the flowers was a bright red bird with beady little eyes that looked frighteningly real.

 

Nick's booming voice startled her out of her stupor, "WELL, try it on Mother, me and Heath here want to see how it looks."

 

She shook her head and the excuse she uttered sounded false even to her ears, "I need a mirror to put it on properly Nick. I'll just take it up with me and try it on in my room. I already have a hat that goes with my dress, but maybe I can wear this one when we go for a picnic ... or something."

 

She started to put the hat back in the box when she caught Heath's disappointed look and guilty feelings had her lifting it out again. "Well, I suppose I can try it on here." She was relieved when her sons’ faces both brightened with pleasure as she put it on.

 

Nick turned his snicker into a cough and Heath dropped his hand below the table to squeeze the black clad leg hard as his brother valiantly tried to hold back his laughter. Heath, being a much better poker player, gazed at the ugliest hat he'd ever seen and his face was all seriousness as he looked at his mother and spoke sincerely.

 

"It's beautiful Mother. I know ya already got a hat, but me and Nick here would be mighty proud if ya would wear our hat today. We got it for ya special."

 

She took the hat off and gave them a tentative smile. "All right boys, I guess it doesn't matter which hat I wear. I'll be happy to wear it today."

 

She calmly put it back in the box and stood up, "if you'll excuse me I better go finish getting ready. Can you boys bring the buggy around, I'll be down in a few minutes."

 

They chorused out, "yes Mother" and she picked up the hat box with great dignity and left the room in a rustle of skirts.

 

When they were sure she was out of earshot, they collapsed against each other in laughter, chests heaving as they tried to catch their breath.

 

Jarrod sat back and waited until they were done. He was having trouble trying to contain his own laughter but as the oldest and obviously more mature son, he felt he should be loyal to his mother and not encourage them anymore.

 

He cleared his throat to get their attention and waved his hand at them. "You're not actually going to make Mother wear that hat to church are you?"

 

They started laughing again as they got up and headed for the door. Nick turned back before they left. "We'll bring the buggy around Jarrod."

 

Victoria sat on the vanity chair in front of her mirror and adjusted the hat one more time. No matter what she did, it was still an eyesore. She took it off and examined it closely and thought about what to do with it.  'Maybe if I take some of the flowers off it'll help, or pull the feathers out. No, I can't do that, they'll know I changed it and be hurt. Heath looked so disappointed when I said I wasn't going to wear it today. They're such good young men and they spent their sock money to buy this hat for me so I'll just have to wear it the way it is. This might be the last present Heath gives me, so I'll wear it and cherish it ... no matter how ugly it is!'

 

She stood up, left her room and made her way to the staircase. Nick, Heath and Jarrod were gathered in the foyer and watched her come down, her head held up regally. The effect was ruined by the bird on the front of the hat bobbing back and forth drunkenly.

 

She stopped in front of them and pulled on her gloves. "I'm ready Jarrod, we'd better be going."

 

She took his arm and walked to the door that Heath was holding open for them and Nick came over and stood beside him, a big grin on his face.

 

They waited until they were almost at the door before Heath asked quietly, "you're not actually going to wear that ugly thing to church are ya Mother?"

 

She stopped in her tracks and turned to see both boys looking at her as if she'd lost her mind. "You mean to say you bought this on purpose and were going to have me wear it to meet the new Reverend?"

 

Nick put his hands on his hips and scowled at her. "Oh for cryin' out loud Mother. We wouldn't have let ya off this ranch wearin' that hat. That has got to be the ugliest hat we've ever laid eyes on."

 

Heath nodded and added, "yeah Mother, if we let ya ride around this ranch in that, it mighta' caused a cattle stampede."

 

She shook her head, "so you two were playing a joke on your poor mother." She gave them a stern look, "Why? And before you answer, don't forget you're not so big that I can't take my wooden spoon to the both of you."

 

Nick and Heath looked at each other with mock fear before turning to the tiny woman in front of them. Nick's fists went to his hips and he frowned at her. "Poor mother my eye. Does the name, 'Madeline’s Fashion Shop' ring a bell?  It took us awhile, but we finally figured out a way to repay ya for embarrassin' us by making us go into that, 'women's underwear shop'.  And don't think we don't know ya sent us there on purpose."

 

 "I didn't..." They raised their eyebrows and she decided to back down gracefully. "Well never mind, we have to go or we'll be late."

 

As she started out the door Jarrod coughed gently and pointed at her head.

 

"Oh yes, I have to change my hat. I'll be right out Jarrod."

 

She picked up her skirts and hurried up the stairs as Heath called after her, "bring the hat down with ya Mother. Nick and I'll burn it."

 

When Victoria and Jarrod returned from church, they found Nick and Heath playing a spirited game of checkers in the living room.  She smiled as she listened to them argue back and forth, they couldn't even play a simple game of checkers without competing over it.

 

She came over and stood beside Heath, absentmindedly rubbing his shoulder as she watched them for a few moments. He looked up and smiled at her and she took note of how tired and pale he looked. Despite the late hour he had come in at the night before, he'd been home all day and shouldn't look so worn out.

 

"How was the new Reverend?"

 

His question jerked her thoughts back to the present, "oh, he's a fine speaker, he'll do well I think." She squeezed his shoulder and turned to leave, "I'll just go up and change before I make you boys lunch."

 

Heath got up and followed her out of the room. He stopped her at the bottom of the stairs and gave her a hug.

 

"I'm sorry we teased you Mother."

 

She returned his embrace tightly and smiled up at him, "don't be silly Heath, you and Nick tease your brother and sister all the time. I was feeling quite left out actually and the fact is that Jarrod and I laughed about that hat all the way to town."

 

He kissed her cheek, "are you sure? Because I would never want to hurt you Mother."

 

The blue eyes looked at her seriously and she reached up to stroke his cheek and assure him truthfully, "I'm sure Heath."  She dropped her hand and started up the stairs, "now I'd better go change before your brother starts yelling that he's starving."

 

"Bring the hat down Mother, I'll get rid of it." She stopped and looked down at him. His handsome face was full of laughter and he looked so much like his father right then that her heart ached.

 

"I think I'll keep it Heath."

 

She hurried up the stairs and he went back to the game and finished a grumpy Nick off by jumping his last three checkers.

 

Victoria went over to her bed and looked down at the gawdy hat sitting there. There was a time when Heath would never have considered doing something like this and it made her happy to know how much a part of the family he had become over the years. She picked the hat up and held it to her chest gently. Even though it was done in fun, her sons had given it to her and she would keep it always. In the years to come, she would take it out when she was feeling sad and hold it with a loving smile, as she remembered a handsome young man with laughing blue eyes and a crooked grin who had brought so much joy and happiness to this house and brightened their lives for a brief moment in time ... her son.

 

 

Chapter 45

 

Spring roundup and branding were finished and the plowing had commenced as the final bit of frost finally gave up its hold on the fertile ground. It was heading towards the third week of April and the weather was improving every day. Though still a little cool until just after sunrise, by mid-morning there was a warm freshening breeze that combined with the heat of the sun to dry out the wet fields.

 

Heath hadn't had another attack since the one just after Easter when suddenly he had two in less than a week.  The first one was mild.  He had been out on the range with Nick, checking and repairing fences that had been damaged through the winter months. They had been stringing wire up on the north pasture when the first one occurred. He dropped the hammer he had been using to secure the wire in place and sat down, his back propped against the fencepost as Nick helped him get out a pill and slip it under his tongue.  This time it was little more than a brief tightening in his chest and he recovered quickly. He rested for a few minutes then, after assuring Nick he was fine, they spent the rest of the day just checking the fences and leaving the repairs for another day.

 

Four days later they were riding up near Sky Meadow looking for downed fence and straying cattle, when Heath pulled his horse to a stop and sat there rubbing his chest. Nick had been talking a mile a minute, his head turned away to watch for broken fence and it had taken him a moment to notice his brother was no longer riding beside him. He wheeled around and went racing back when he saw Heath slowly dismounting and sinking to his knees as he tried to get his pills out of his shirt pocket.

 

Nick was coming to know how severe the attacks were by the look on Heath's face. The clenched jaw, pale features and shaking hands told him this one was much worse than the one a few days before.  He jumped off his horse and knelt in front of Heath, taking the small bottle from his fumbling fingers and picking out a pill. He had to pinch Heath's lip hard to get him to open his mouth and he quickly pushed the pill in when the clenched teeth finally opened a bit.

 

He helped him over to a nearby tree and sat down beside him as he put his arm around the tense shoulders and murmured quietly, "it's all right Heath, just relax, the pain'll be gone soon. Shhhhh now, just relax, it's gonna' be alright."

 

Heath closed his eyes and nodded as he pressed his face into the crook of Nick's neck and clutched the front of his brother's shirt. Minutes ticked by and the pain wasn't lessening like it had the other times so Nick got out another pill and cajoled Heath into opening his mouth again to take it. The small groans of pain and tenseness gripping Heath's whole body made Nick unconsciously start to rub his other hand up and down Heath's arm and rock him gently as he continued to speak to him in a low, soothing voice. 

 

"Ya know Heath, this is starting to become a habit. Do ya wanta' know what I think?"  He felt the small nod against his neck as the panting breath's finally slowed a bit. Nick tried to keep his voice steady, he knew he had to stay calm, he couldn't expect Heath to relax if he was panicking himself.

 

"I think you're just tryin' to get out of goin' to the lodge this year, that's what I think. I think you're afraid that with that new fishin' rod of mine, I just might get that trophy fish I been after for the last five years AND, when I do, you and Jarrod will lose the yearly bet for catching the biggest fish."

 

Stay calm, stay calm, don't let him know you're upset.

 

"I think ya just don't want to admit that Nick Barkley is the best fisherman in the family. THAT'S what I think!"

 

He glanced down to see a small smile tugging at Heath's mouth as he took an unsteady breath and whispered, "I want to go Nick. Can we go for a couple of days?" He released the grip he had on Nick's shirt and put his arm around his brother's waist as the pain started to recede, "just the three of us?"

 

Nick heard the desperation in the soft-spoken words and he nodded and pressed his lips to the blond head as he blinked back tears, "sure we can go Heath, sure we can ... just the three of us."

 

The quiet voice was becoming slurred with weariness as Heath settled more comfortably against his brother's shoulder, "thanks Nick ... havta' go soon."

 

As he drifted off to sleep, Nick was content to just sit and hold him close. He laid his cheek against the blond hair and took a shuddering breath as he looked out across the meadow.

 

Wild flowers were dancing in the light breeze that bent the new grass and sent it swaying back and forth in rolling green waves. Birds sang in the treetops and bee's hummed as they zipped from flower to flower, pollinating as they went.

 

The sun shone down through the tree they were sitting under and dappled the ground around them in ever changing patterns as the wind fluttered through the leaves in the branches above them.

 

It was like something out of a painting. But, as he held his heart in his arms, Nick looked upon the scene before him and was hard pressed to see the beauty in it. He squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his hold as he started to gently rock again.

 

 

Chapter 46

 

Heath spent the next day at home on the sofa in the library, resting and reading one of Jarrod's law books. He enjoyed the verbal debates he and his older brother often got into when he came across a point of law he didn't agree with. Jarrod, although he would never admit it, was now and again left doubting his own stand on the subject when Heath was through arguing his case. He often thought that his younger brother, with his intelligence, would have made a a very good lawyer given the chance but, when he broached the subject to him, Heath had laughed and said, "I'm just a cowboy turned rancher Jarrod, you couldn't get me to wear a suit and sit in some stuffy courtroom all day, that's not my way."

 

Victoria had gone over to Audra's early that morning to keep her company while Carl was away at a cattle auction for a couple of days and the boys were relieved not to have to explain to her why they were staying home all day. The two had hung around the barn then come in through the kitchen door after they saw their mother drive away.

 

Silas was washing the breakfast dishes when they came in and turned to look at them questionably as they crossed the room. "Did ya need somethin' Mr. Nick?"

 

He turned to him as he and Heath reached the door to the hall, "we'll be staying home today Silas, gotta' lot of paperwork to catch up on."

 

"I'll bring y'all coffee Mr. Nick."

 

"Thank you Silas, we'll be in the library." He nodded and followed his brother out the door.

 

 They knew Silas could never lie to their mother, but at the same time, he wouldn't say a word about anything to anyone unless he was asked specifically. The elderly servant knew just about everything that went on in the house and that included the fact that Nick had brought Heath home early the day before and helped him up the back stairs to his room where they stayed until suppertime. They obviously didn't want anyone to know what was happening and it wasn't his place to question them. He knew they were only trying to protect their family from upset and he couldn't fault them for that.

 

Jarrod came home for lunch at noon to find Nick waiting for him in the barn.

 

"I wanta' talk to you about something after lunch Jarrod." He rested his arms on the partition while Jarrod unsaddled his horse.

 

"Can't it wait Nick, I have to go back to town today and finish up the paper work on that land Carl bought." He pulled his saddle off and carried it over to the tack room.

 

Nick followed him as far as the barn door, "Carl can wait, Heath can't." He pulled the door open and Jarrod stopped and turned to him with a frown.

 

"What do you mean by that Nick?"

 

"Just what I said. Meet me in the library after lunch." He walked away before Jarrod could question him further.

 

The three men sat down to lunch and, as Jarrod turned to him and started to ask him what he had meant in the barn, Nick cut him off with a look and kept the conversation centered around ranch business. When the meal ended, Silas came in to clear the table and pour coffee. As he picked up Heath's still full plate, he shook his head in worry. Nick and Heath both worked hard and had big appetites, they never failed to clean their plates and ask for more. He shook his head again when he caught Nick's eye. Nick hadn't failed to notice that his brother had done little more than push the food around his plate and had been more quiet than usual even for him. So, despite his protests that he had been resting all day, he told him to go upstairs when he was finished his coffee and have a nap.  Jarrod raised his eyebrows at the comment and thought, 'Heath has been resting all day?' He was about to ask why, when Heath pushed back his chair, stood and glared down at the dark head beside him.

 

"I'll go lay down Nick just so ya stop nagging at me, but I tell ya I'm not tired, and ya can't MAKE me sleep."   The two older Barkley's both grinned as he stomped out of the room muttering under his breath, "I wish I had a younger brother so I could order HIM around!"

 

Nick called over his shoulder, "I'll wake ya in a couple of hours Heath." 

 

He laughed at the stubborn reply that drifted back to him from down the hall.

 

 "I WON'T BE SLEEPIN' I TELL YA!!"

 

Jarrod looked at his brother and frowned as the sound of footsteps receded. "All right Nick, tell me what's going on."

 

The smile faded and the dark haired cowboy sat there cradling his cup and staring at the table. "We'll talk in the library. You go ahead, I'll be there in a few minutes."

 

Jarrod nodded and stood up, he could see his brother had no intention of talking about anything until he was good and ready. He left the room and Nick continued to sip his coffee and stare at the table for a few more minutes before getting up and heading for the kitchen. He went up the back stairs, quietly opened the door to Heath's room and smiled at the sight of his little brother curled on his side, sound asleep.

 

'Not going to be sleeping eh Heath?' He crossed the room, gently removed the tan boots and picked up a blanket from the chair by the bed. He pulled it over the sleeping form and lightly patted the broad shoulder before making his way to the door.

 

He never knew what made him look back at that precise moment, but when he did, his heart slammed against his ribs and he went weak as the blood drained from his face.

 

It had been a dull, cloudy day with the sun peaking through only occasionally and Heath hadn't bothered to draw the curtains. Nick could only stare as a beam of sunlight slanted through the window and spilled across the bed. At that exact moment, from where he was standing, the golden ray was broken by the wooden framework on the window to form a cross on the wall above the bed.

 

His heart was pounding as he ran across the room and jerked the curtains shut. Heath flinched at the sound but didn't wake and Nick slid slowly down the wall to sit on the floor facing him. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his elbows on them as he raked shaking fingers through his hair and pressed his hands hard against his head. His face twisted in anguish and his breath hitched painfully as he tried to hold back his sobs. He watched his brother sleeping so peacefully and his eyes blurred with tears as what he was about to lose hit him hard.

 

With the tightness in his throat threatening to choke him, he sniffed back the tears and whispered to the silent room, "don't take him away from me ... pleeeeease."

 

 

Chapter 47

 

Jarrod was immersed in paperwork by the time Nick entered the library a half hour later. He threw down his pen in irritation as his brother went over, poured a large whiskey and went to stand at the French doors, staring out at something only he could see.

 

"It's about time you showed up, where have you been? You said you'd only be a few minutes."

 

He watched the rigid back and waited for an answer. When none was forthcoming, he sat back with a sigh. "All right then, can you tell me why you and Heath were home all day? I was under the impression you two had the whole north pasture fence to repair."

 

Still no answer from the dark, brooding presence looking outside. Jarrod slapped his hands on the arms of the leather chair and his voice took on his lawyer's questioning tone. "I want to know what's going on here Nick, now you had better start talking to me."

 

He was surprised when his brother finally spoke. He had expected the usual loud voice that the big man considered normal, but instead, he had to strain to hear the quiet, almost tired answer as Nick didn't turn around.

 

"Heath wants to go up to the lodge for a few days, just the three of us."

 

Jarrod stood up and came around to lean on the front of his desk. "Mother hasn't said anything about opening it this year Nick, but I'll certainly ask her about it. It's still too wet to get a wagon up there right now, but maybe in a couple of weeks..."

 

"I want to leave in a couple of days Jarrod. We can take our horses, there's enough supplies up there to last us for a few days anyways."

 

He shook his head, "why do you have to go now? Why can't you wait until we can get proper supplies up there?"

 

The deep voice held an angry edge, "if ya can't rough it for a few days councilor, then stay home. Heath and I'll go up alone."

 

"Now you just hold on a second here Nick." He walked up behind his brother, "why are you in such a hurry to leave? And while I'm at it, I'll ask you again, why were you two home today if you have so much work to do?"

 

He grabbed Nick's arm when he didn't answer and turned him around to face him as he tilted his head to try and catch the downcast eyes. "I asked you a question Nick, now I want an answer."

 

The dark head lifted and Jarrod caught his breath. 'So', he thought, 'that's why he kept me waiting'. The red rimmed eyes and clenched jaw told him all he needed to know.

 

"How many Nick, and don't lie to me."

 

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "three."

 

His shoulders slumped and he went over, sank into a chair and put his hand over his eyes as he rubbed his forehead. "Yesterday was bad."

 

Jarrod came over to stand in front of him and hooked his thumbs in his vest pockets. "Why haven't you said anything to Mother or me Nick?"

 

Nick pushed himself out of the chair and paced around the room as he waved his hand at him, "what good would it do Jarrod?"

 

The eldest Barkley sat on the arm of the chair his brother had vacated and spread his hands, "you don't need to take this all on yourself Nick, we can help."

 

He stopped pacing and shook his head with a weary sigh, "there's nothing anyone can do Jarrod, not you, not Mother, not Doc Merar ... no one."

 

Jarrod tried to reason with him calmly. "it would have taken some of the burden off of you if we had known."

 

The dark brows lowered and Nick crossed his arms and sat on the edge of the pool table. "So you think if we spread the hurt and pain around a little more it'll make it easier to take. Is that what you think Jarrod?"

 

Jarrod opened his mouth to answer and Nick cut him off with a wave of his hand and got up to start pacing the room again in agitation.

 

"Well let me tell you something Jarrod, it won't make it easier. It would be just that much harder. Heath has more than he can handle already without having to worry about the rest of the family being upset all the time. He asked me not to say anything, especially to Mother, and I agreed. He doesn't want everyone watching him and worrying and neither do I, it's enough that we worry about each other. He's scared Jarrod, we both are, and we can't deal with anything else right now, can't ya understand that?"

 

Jarrod watched the distraught man as he stopped in front of the windows and looked out again. "I do understand Nick, believe me I do, but he's my brother too and I care about him just as much as you do."

 

Nick spun around and lashed out, "IT'S NOT THE SAME JARROD!! YOU DON'T KNOW HIM THE WAY I DO, YOU COULDN'T. YOU HAVEN'T BEEN BY HIS SIDE ALMOST EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS. HE'S NOT YOUR PARTNER OR YOUR BEST FRIEND! HE'S MINE!"

 

Jarrod spread his hands and nodded, "I know that Nick and I DO understand how you feel."

 

"YOU DON'T..."

 

His chest was heaving and his voice became rough, his hazel eyes glistening with unshed tears. He looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes tightly, taking a deep breath to calm down before going over to sit on the edge of the desk.

 

"You don't understand how I feel Jarrod."  His gaze was intense as he tried to explain, "I waited all my life for a little brother, a brother who would be my friend and stay by my side through the good and the bad. A man who would love this ranch and the work just as much as I do. When Heath came, it was as if all my wishes had come true. He's everything I could ever have wanted or needed in a brother and more."

 

He shook his head, "you'll always have your younger brother but I'm losing mine, and it ... it hurts Jarrod. It hurts so much..."

 

Jarrod swallowed the lump in his throat as he watched his brother struggling to keep it together. He got up, went over and laid his hand on the tense shoulder.

 

"Nick, listen to me..."

 

He shrugged off the comforting hand, "no Jarrod, all the talking in the world won't change things. I held my brother in my arms yesterday not knowing if it was going to be for the last time and it almost tore me apart. I won't put Mother through that kind of pain, she doesn't need it and Heath and I don't want it."

 

"Nick, we have the right to know."

 

"No Jarrod. What good would it do to have the whole family hurting all the time? All it'd do is make Heath feel guilty and I won't have that."

 

The rustle of silk had both men straightening up and turning towards the door where Victoria stood with her hands clasped tightly in front of her. Her pale face and the handkerchief she was holding told them she had heard a good part of the conversation.

 

"Jarrod, would you leave us please." The tone told him it was not a request. "I would like to speak to your brother in private."

 

"Mother..." His protest died on his lips when he caught the look in her eyes. "All right Mother, I'll be in the living room if you want to talk later."

 

She nodded as he went out and shut the door quietly behind him. Nick had gotten up and gone to stand in front of the fireplace. She watched him as he raked a shaking hand through his hair then put his hands on his hips and stared at the flickering flames in the hearth. 

 

He took an unsteady breath and his deep voice came out rough. "I'm sorry Mother."

 

He heard her cross the room and braced for the anger he knew she was feeling, knowing he had kept things from her, whether right or wrong and deserved her anger.

 

She came up behind him and touched his arm gently. "Nicholas Jonathon Barkley."  She never used his full name unless he was in trouble and he took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he turned and looked down into her tear filled eyes.

 

She put a hand up to caress his cheek. "Have I told you lately how very much I love you son?"

 

"Mother?"

 

"It's all right Nick. I understand why you and Heath didn't tell us and I love you both for trying to spare us this pain. You're a good man Nick and I've always been proud of you, don't ever forget that."

 

He shook his head as he tried to explain. "It's just..."

 

She hugged him and laid her head on his chest, "I know how hard this is for you, for both of you, so you and Heath do what you think is best and we'll accept it."

 

He dropped a kiss on her hair and said, "thank you for understanding Mother."

 

She lifted her head and looked up at him with a smile. "I'm a mother, it's my job to understand my children and their needs." She dropped her arms and went to the door before turning back, "is your brother sleeping?"

 

He nodded, "I should go wake him up now, he gets cranky if he sleeps too long during the day."

 

"I'll go Nick, I need to have a little Mother and son talk with that young man and you need to start getting ready to go up to the lodge."

 

He gave her a worried look, "we won't go if you don't want us to Mother."

 

Her smile held a hint of sadness, "you go Nick, I think you three need the time alone together to talk and just be brothers."

 

He came over to where she stood at the door,  "but what if..."

 

Her small hand rubbed his arm gently, "it's all right Nick, my son has already said goodbye to me and to Audra too. He needs to be with his brother's now and if..."

 

Victoria squeezed his arm and tried to hold back the tears as her voice caught, "and if something happens, I'll know he couldn't be with anyone who loves him more than you do. You go Nick, enjoy this time you have together and remember it, because believe me, it'll help you later on.  The happy memories are what got me through when your father died, they will help you too."

 

He felt a gentle hand stroking through his hair and smiled before opening his eyes. He knew it wasn't Nick, his brother always banged open his door and, if the sound of spurs crossing the room didn't wake him, the loud voice next to his bed telling him it was time to get up did.

 

He rolled onto his back and his smile vanished as he looked into his mother's eyes. She knew, he didn't know how, but she knew.

 

"How are you feeling Heath?" She rubbed his arm lightly and he dropped his eyes. He couldn't look at her and lie.

 

"I'm fine Mother."

 

"Heath Barkley," she put her fingers under his chin and forced him to look at her. "We both know you're not 'fine', don't we?"

 

"How did you..."

 

"I'm your mother Heath, I know when you're not feeling well, and you haven't been for the last couple of weeks have you?"

 

He picked up her hand and tried to reassure her, "we didn't want to worry you Mother.  It's bad enough that Nick has to be put through this, I don't want everyone else to be upset because of me."

 

The grey eyes flashed with anger as she pointed a warning finger at him. "Heath Barkley, you listen to me and you listen good. You are a member of this family, we love you and care about you and I will not have you feeling guilty about something you have no control over. Do you understand me?"

 

The blond head nodded contritely, "yes Mother."  He enfolded her hand in his and rubbed his thumb over the back of it.

 

"Good."

 

She studied his handsome face and suddenly her anger was gone as tears filled her eyes. She tried to smile, she had vowed to herself that she would be strong and not upset him by having him see her cry. Her voice held a tremor as the words she wanted - needed to say came out softly.

 

"I love you Heath, you're my son and I just can't bear to lose..."

 

A tear rolled down her cheek and splashed onto their entwined hands. She tried to stand up, 'I will not let him see me cry', but he wouldn't let her go. He put his arms around her and she laid her head on his chest, the tears she had tried so hard to hold back coming silently as he rubbed her back and comforted her.

 

 

 

Chapter 48

 

Nick and Heath took the wagon into town the next day to pick up supplies for the ranch before they left for the lodge in the morning.  Jarrod would be at his office all day, clearing up paperwork and rescheduling appointments and would meet them for lunch at The Cattleman's. They stopped in at the feed store and placed an order, then made their way to the post office to pick up the mail. They were striding along the sidewalk heading for Wilson's Mercantile when Nick grabbed Heath's arm and jerked him to a stop

 

"Well looky here, if it isn't Madeline's Fashion Shop. Would ya care to go in and have a little look around Heath?"

 

"No thanks Nick, but if you wanta' take a peek, you go right ahead." He crossed his arms and nodded, "I'll just wait right here for ya."

 

Nick had just opened his mouth to answer when the little bell above the door tinkled and a woman came out with a broom to sweep the step. She stared at the two men for a moment ... she would never forget them. They were those rough, uncouth sons of Victoria Barkley and they looked like they were thinking of invading her shop once again! She gave them a dirty look then bustled inside, shot the bolt on the door, flipped the closed sign around and quite firmly pulled down the shade.

 

Nick scowled at the door and Heath grinned at him and made an observation, "guess ya didn't leave her with a very good impression Nick."

 

The black gloved hand waved at the window where the woman peered out at them waiting for them to leave. "What did I do? I was a perfect gentleman the whole time we were in there Heath. That woman was just embarrassed to have two men in her frilly little shop is all."

 

"If you say so Nick." Heath turned and started to walk away, "c'mon, let's get what we need at Wilson's and then ya can buy me a beer at Annie's before we meet Jarrod for lunch."

 

A dark scowl crossed the rugged face as Nick planted his fists on his hips and raised his voice. "I'M NOT BUYIN' THIS TIME HEATH ... YA HEAR ME??"

 

The woman was making shooing motions at him from the window and he threw her a final glare before hurrying to catch up with his brother. They gave Mr. Wilson their list, then made their way to the saloon for a drink while they waited for the storekeeper to get their order together. They were just about to push open the swinging doors when a voice hailed them from across the street.

 

"Nick, Heath."

 

They turned to see Doctor Merar getting out of his buggy and stopped to wait for him as he came over and shook their hands. "I haven't seen you boys for a while, how are you feeling Heath?"

 

"I'm fine doc."

 

Nick was standing behind him and gave the doctor a quick negative shake of the head.  The family didn't notice because they saw him every day, but Howard could see the slight weight loss and tired look around the young man's eyes.

 

"I'd like to see you today if you can spare the time Heath." He wanted a better idea of where things stood and he knew this patient wouldn't come to him voluntarily.

 

The blond gave him a lop sided grin and patted him on the arm, "no need Doc. Besides, me, Nick and Jarrod are heading up to the lodge for a few days."

 

Howard nodded and said, "all right Heath, but I want to see you when you get back." He shook both men's hands again and was surprised when Heath held his grip a little longer.

 

"Goodbye Doc, and thanks." 

 

Howard looked into the expressive eyes watching him closely and reached out to squeeze the denim clad arm. "Goodbye Heath."

 

He nodded at Nick and crossed the street to his buggy where he sat for a few minutes after watching the

two push open the saloon doors and disappear inside. He heaved a weary sigh and drove home with a heavy heart.

 

"Coupla' beers Harry."

 

"Right Nick."

 

Harry set the frothy beers on the scarred oak bar and looked back and forth between the two brothers to see who would be paying.  Heath picked up his mug and inspected the deep amber color of the brew before quaffing down half of it, then turning to face the room, elbows leaning on the bar behind him. He nodded to a few acquaintances playing poker at a table across the room and winked at Meg when she ran her eyes over him coyly as she picked up her drink order. He pointedly ignored the frowning eyes staring at his profile, waiting for him to pay.

 

They played this game nearly every time, and Nick was more often than not, the loser. Well, not this time. He settled in for the long haul. He wasn't paying this time, no how, no way. His eyes narrowed in thought as he perused the tanned cheek beside him looking for a twitch ... anything. 'Well little brother, they don't come any more stubborn than Nick Barkley and I intend to stare at ya until ya crumble and hand over that two bits.'

 

As usual, his plan was faulty. While he was staring at Heath, Harry seeing no sense looking at the back of the tan Stetson, was now staring at him.  Heath started whistling nonchalantly as he ignored the man beside him. Nick's mouth thinned into a hard line and he tried not to blink as Harry leaned closer to him and raised his eyebrows.  It was too much pressure and Nick slapped his hand on the top of the bar and gave an inarticulate grumble as he jerked a coin out of his vest pocket and tossed it to the barkeeper.

 

He threw the grinning blond man beside him a dirty look and drained his beer. "One of these days I'm gonna beat ya Heath and you'll have to shake loose some of that coin ya got in there." He flicked his fingers at the rattlesnake tail attached to the coin pouch his brother always carried in his pocket.

 

Harry whipped a towel off his shoulder and started wiping down the already clean bar. "I don't know why ya keep trying to best him Nick. There' ain't a better poker player in these parts. I'd think by now ya'd know there ain't nobody can stare him down."

 

The black-gloved hand waved him away, "it's your fault Harry, ya threw my concentration off. I woulda' had him in another five seconds."

 

"Uh huh." The portly barkeeper walked away shaking his head as Nick pushed his empty glass across the bar and picked up his hat.

 

"You about ready Heath?"

 

Heath turned back to the bar and picked up his glass, "you go ahead Nick, I'll just finish this and meet ya at Wilson's. I wanta' talk to Harry for a bit."

 

"All right, but don't be long. We gotta meet Jarrod in an hour."

 

"I'll be there."

 

Heath waited till the jangle of spurs faded into silence before reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a wad of bills. He called Harry over and laid the cash on the bar.

 

"Nick doesn't pay for another drink until that's gone ok?"

 

Harry picked up the cash and counted it.  He looked at Heath in amazement. "There's a hundred dollars here Heath."

 

"I know Harry. I figure after five years of ol' Nick buyin' most of the time, it's about time I paid for him."

 

The bartender could read the sober blue eyes looking at him and he knew what his friend was saying without words. He also knew Heath wouldn't want to dwell on it, so he just nodded and put the money in the cash box.

 

The Irish brogue came out as Harry leaned on the bar and smiled, "why didn't ya buy for himself today then lad?"

 

Heath gave him a grin and shrugged, "I guess I just wanted to get to him one more time."

 

Harry laughed and slapped him on the arm, "I still remember the first time ya did it to him. You two came in here one day just after you came to live here."

 

"Yeah, I remember that. He hated the sight of me, wanted nothin' more than for me to ride out and never darken his doorstep again. Mother had made him go with me to see Doc Merar after I cut my hand on some barbed wire. He wouldn't even tell Doc who I was. You should of seen the look on his face when I introduced myself as Heath Barkley. Thought he was gonna shoot me right on the spot."

 

"Yep, then you two came in here and ordered beers. Nick just ignored ya like ya wasn't even standin' beside him."

 

Harry slapped his hands on the bar and laughed, "I asked who was paying and you gave him that innocent look and told him that your money was in your right pants pocket, and with your right hand all bandaged up, you couldn't get it out. That was the first time he ended up paying."

 

Heath joined in the laughter, "I can still see him lookin' at me like he wanted nothin' more than to beat on me again. We still had bruises from the first time we had gotten into it and I reckon that was a step backwards in our relationship that day."

 

Harry let out a sigh, "it took awhile Heath, but things sure did change. I think it was maybe a month later that someone bad mouthed ya in here and Nick busted him up good. He still insisted he didn't like ya, but no one was allowed to talk bad about ya."

 

The work roughened hand cradled the beer glass, "I've heard he stood up for me a lot back then, it couldn't of been easy for him. I didn't know it then, but the day I met Nick Barkley, was the day I found my best friend. I couldn't have wished for a better man to be my brother."

 

Harry nodded in agreement, "that ya couldn't lad."

 

Heath drained his glass and shook Harry's hand, "I gotta' get goin', goodbye Harry."

 

"Good bye Heath."

 

 Nick was helping Mr. Wilson load up the supplies when Sheriff Madden walked up to him and shook his hand in greeting.

 

"Hey Nick, Heath not with ya today?"

 

"He's over at Annie's havin' a beer." He tossed a bag of flour onto the pile in the back of the wagon and went back inside to settle up the bill. Fred followed him and leaned on the counter as Mr. Wilson pushed the receipt across to be signed.

 

"How's he doin'?"

 

The black hat dipped to hide his expression as Nick shrugged and signed the book. "Not so good Fred."

 

The big man sighed and shook his head, "I'm sorry to hear that Nick. Heath's always been a good friend." He didn't bother to say more, he knew how hard it was for Nick to talk about, so he changed the subject and asked casually, "you ever see Billy Watkins around town?"

 

Nick turned to him and frowned, "no, we haven't seen him since he left the ranch awhile back. Why?"

 

"Just wonderin' if he's been back to see his pa or anything. I was over Hagersville way a couple of weeks ago and stopped in to see Sheriff Forrest. He says he run Billy outa' town last month. The boy's been stealing from shopkeepers and getting into fights and such like. Rick told me he put Billy on his horse and told him if he ever shows up there again, he'll arrest him."

 

The dark eyes narrowed, "you think Billy might come back here Fred? Me and Heath would like to talk to him if he shows up."

 

"I'll keep a lookout Nick, but I don't think he'll be back. Told Forrest he was goin' to be headin' down Mexico way." Fred straightened up and pulled his hat down firmly, "I'll tell ya now, if he comes around here causing trouble, I'll be running him outa town too."

 

Nick leaned his arms on the countertop and his thoughts went to a fair-haired boy with light green eyes. He remembered the happiness in those eyes the day the three had gone fishing, Billy sitting beside Heath and admiring the fishing pole Heath had given him.

 

 Mr. Wilson handed him his copy of the receipt and added his opinion to the conversation. "I told Heath when he first took him on, that that Watkins boy was a bad apple. Always stealing off me and the other shop owners, breaking windows. Nothing but trouble that kid."

 

Nick didn't answer as he pushed away from the counter and headed for the door. The shopkeeper called after him, "that boy never cared about anything or anyone in his life."

 

Nick stopped at the door when he saw Heath across the street, talking to old Mrs. Randall and laughing at something she said before he bent down to her tiny stooped frame and planted a kiss on her wrinkled cheek.  Nick smiled to himself as the old lady giggled like a school girl and swatted his brother's arm in a, 'get on with you now, young man' gesture.

 

Just before he went out the door he looked over his shoulder at the glowering store clerk and said quietly, "that's where you're wrong Wilson, that boy did care about something ... someone ... once."

 

They met Jarrod for a leisurely lunch, then headed for home. The miles fell behind them and Heath kept the horses at a slow trot while he enjoyed the warm sunshine. He was lost in his own thoughts when Nick nudged his arm.

 

"Hey Heath, I forgot to tell ya, I was talkin' to Fred while you were at Annie's."

 

"What about?"

 

Nick kept his eyes trained straight ahead, he knew he couldn't look into those eyes and lie. "He says he just come back from Hagersville and heard tell that Billy was there for awhile."

 

Heath's fingers clutched the lines tightly and he turned to look at him and asked eagerly, "where is he now, does he know if he's all right?"

 

Nick put his hand on his brother’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Fred says he heard Billy got hired on by a big ranch down Texas way. They were in town for a cattle auction and were lookin' for ranch hands too."

 

Heath voice held a worried tone, "do ya think they'll keep him on? He's so young."

 

The black gloved hand patted his back, "'course they will. Wasn't he trained by the best cowboy in these parts?"

 

"I don't know about that Nick, but I'm glad he's doin' all right. I've been real worried about him."

 

"I know Heath, but he's fine and he'll do well there, don't worry."

 

"You're right Nick, thanks for tellin' me."

 

The blue eyes were twinkling with pleasure and, as Nick finally looked into those eyes and saw the relief and happiness expressed there, he could never find it in himself to regret the lie.