'Till the Weeks Second Sunday

By: BVLindaG

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Chapter 49

Going to the lodge - day one...

"JARROD...JAAAROD!! C'MON!"

Nick's bellow assaulted his older brother's ears as he came from his room and made his way down the staircase.

"What are you yelling about Nick, it's barely six o'clock."

He placed his saddlebags on the foyer table and grimaced at the early hour he had been routed out of bed by Silas quietly tapping on his door at five-thirty and telling him Mr. Nick said it was time to get up. The sound of spurs followed him as he went down the back hall to the dining room.

"What have ya been doin'? We wanted to be on our way by now so we could get there by this afternoon."

They turned into the dining room and Jarrod went over to drop a kiss on his mother's hair. "Good morning lovely lady. I see all Nick's shouting woke you up too."

Victoria smiled as he went and took his seat at the other end of the table. "No, no. I wanted to be up to see you boys off and make sure you have everything you need. I don't know what there is in the way of canned goods up there so I had Silas pack some fruits, vegetables and a few other things so you won't be eating just fish and beans while you're gone."

"Ah, you do think of everything Mother."

He shook out his napkin and started to pour coffee as Nick stood at the door with his fists on his hips and a deep scowl on his face.

"Oh for cryin' out loud Mother, me and Heath are used to eating nothin' but rabbit, fish and beans when we're on the trail. We don't need all that stuff and besides that, there's no room on our pack horse for it either."

She picked up her teacup and eyed him with a frown, "make room for it Nicholas."

He was about to argue when Heath came through the door wearing a smile and clapped him on the shoulder. "I saddled the horses and we're ready to go Nick."

His irritated brother looked at him and made a tsking sound of disgust as he crossed his arms and jerked his chin towards the table. "Well we may be ready to go Heath, but the lawyer here isn't."

They watched Jarrod get up and start to fill a plate with bacon and eggs from the sideboard. He had just sat down again and picked up his cutlery when a loud voice cut across the room.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING JARROD??"

Jarrod waved his fork at his plate and looked over with raised eyebrows. "I'm having breakfast Nick, what does it look like I'm doing?"

The fists went back to the hips and Nick's voice once again rose in frustration. "IF YA WANTED BREAKFAST, THEN YA SHOULDA' BEEN UP AT FOUR-THIRTY LIKE ME AND HEATH HERE!! WE'VE ALREADY EATEN AND WE'RE READY TO GO. WE CAN'T WAIT AROUND ALL DAY FOR YOU."

Victoria shook her head in exasperation, "Nick, stop shouting and come over here and have a cup of coffee while Jarrod finishes his breakfast. I'm sure a few more minutes isn't going to make that much difference."

He went over to the table and threw himself into his chair as his mother put down her cup and rose. "If you'll both excuse me, I'm going to the kitchen to wrap some things for you to take with you."

She held up her hand as Nick started to protest. "Don't worry Nick, I'll have Silas take it out and put it on the pack horse."

Heath took her arm when she reached the door, "I'll help ya Mother. I have that extra set of saddlebags in my room, you can use them too."

He escorted his mother from the room and Nick poured coffee and glowered at his brother. "Would you hurry up with that Jarrod, I wanta' get going."

The deep blue eyes were amused as he glanced at the scowling face beside him and said, "you'll just have to be patient then Nick, because, unlike you and Heath, I'm not used to getting up at this early hour."

The coffee cup slammed onto the saucer and Nick leaned towards him, "WELL, YA BETTER GET USED TO IT JARROD, BECAUSE PRETTY SOON YOU'RE GONNA' HAVE TO START GETTIN' UP EARLIER AND HELPIN' OUT MORE AROUND HERE. YOU'VE HAD IT WAY TOO EASY NOT HAVING TO DO ANY OF THE RANCH WORK THE LAST FIVE YEARS."

He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth as Jarrod dropped his fork with a clatter and stared at him in anger. "That was uncalled for Nick. I never claimed to be a rancher, I'm a lawyer and I do my share on that side of the family business."

Nick took a deep breath and lowered his voice, "I'm sorry Jarrod, I didn't mean what I said. I know ya do your share and I know I've been losing my temper a lot lately."

He shook his head and shrugged as he fiddled with the handle of his coffee cup. "It's just that I feel like time is slipping away so fast and I want every minute with Heath to count. I hate wasting any of it and then I think about what it's gonna' be like without him here to help me and I get so angry."

His eyes darted around the room as he sought to explain what he was feeling. "It's not even the ranch or the work, I wouldn't care if he never did another minutes work ... I just want him to be here with me ... to be beside me every day and there's no way for me to make that happen."

Jarrod pushed his plate away and folded his arms on the table as he caught his brother's eyes. "I know that Nick. I know you're upset and I don't want to fight with you. Let's leave our anger and frustration here so we can go up to the lodge and just have a good time. All right?"

The dark head nodded in agreement, "all right Jarrod, but can we go now? I kinda wanta' get there sometime today."

Jarrod stood up and waved his hand towards the door, "lead on Nick, let's go get our baby brother and be on our way."

They made their way to the kitchen and as Nick pushed open the door, he stopped on the thresh hold and held up his hand to keep Jarrod from entering. They both had to swallow the lump in their throat as they watched Heath holding his mother tightly and murmuring soft words to her as she clung to him and cried. Nick shut the door quietly and they went back down the hall to wait in the foyer.

Jarrod picked up his saddlebags from the marble table and carried them to the front door as Nick sat down on the staircase to wait for Heath.

"I'll take these out and bring the horses around Nick."

"Get Mike to help ya, he's out in the barn."

The front door closed on Jarrod's, "all right Nick, we'll be out front in a few minutes."

Nick sat there and twirled his hat around until he heard footsteps coming down the hall. He stood up and took the saddle bags Heath handed him as his brother dropped his arm from around his mother's shoulders and turned to pick up his gunbelt from the table and buckle it on.

He glanced up as he bent over to tie the lace around his thigh, "you about ready to go Nick?"

Nick put on his hat and started for the door, "yeah I'm ready, Jarrod and Mike are bringing the horses around."

Heath followed him and turned to give his mother a final hug and kiss, "I love you Mother, and don't worry, I'll be back."

She nodded and gave him a weak smile through her tears, "I love you too, Heath."

He pulled his hat low, winked and gave her that lop-sided grin she found so endearing and would miss so much. As he went out the door and mounted his horse, Nick turned to her and cupped her cheek. A tear slipped from her eyes and he brushed it away with his thumb as she held onto the front of his vest and looked up at him.

"Please bring him home Nick."

He pulled her into a fierce hug and whispered in her ear, "I will Mother."

She stood on the veranda and waved as they rode through the wrought iron gate and away from her.

Nick had decided to give old CoCo some exercise and figured a nice relaxing ride in the mountains wouldn't be too strenuous for him. He had spent the last couple of months turned out in the home paddocks every morning and would stand at the fence and watch as his stable mate and working companion Charger went by without him every day. When he returned at lunch, CoCo would be waiting there to nicker a greeting. Nick and Heath could see he was lonely, so they started putting the big bay horse out with him for the couple of hours they were home in the afternoon. It brought a smile to their faces to see the two friends frolicking and playing together.

The old horse was happy to be under saddle again, snorting and tossing his head as they jogged along. The uphill climb when they reached the mountains was tiring though and they had to stop and let him rest every couple of hours or so. No one minded, it was a beautiful spring day and the view was spectacular as they climbed higher.

Nestled in the bosom of the Sierra Nevada's with a large stream running through the property, the lodge was really a rustic four-bedroom log home with a large open kitchen and living room. A long hallway ran off the main room and the bedrooms were situated two on each side of it. There was a root cellar under the pantry too.

Tom and Victoria had built it as a retreat when the boys were young. They wanted a place not more than a few hours away where they could go now and then to relax and be a family. Tom had spent so much time building up the family fortune, that he couldn't be with his wife and children as much as he would have liked. The lodge was the perfect solution and they would come up two or three times a year for a week or so and forget about all the cares and worries waiting for them at home. Jarrod, a man who enjoyed his creature comforts and a nice hot bath, had had a pump and boiler installed a few years before and added on a nicely appointed bathroom. Even Nick didn't complain about the expense.

They got there about four o'clock, dismounted and gave all the saddlebags to Jarrod. While he went inside to open the windows and air the place out, Nick and Heath unsaddled the horses and got them settled. They came in a half hour later to find a blazing fire and coffee already perking on the back of the stove.

It was much cooler in the mountains and, as the two warmed their hands in front of the fire, Nick gave Heath a smirk and nudged his arm.

"Looks like big brother will be some use to us after all."

Heath looked over to see Jarrod setting the table and putting out the supper Silas had packed them.

"Yep." He nodded and threw Nick a grin, "reckon he's not just another pretty face after all."

Jarrod's brows lowered and he plunked a platter of fried chicken in the middle of the table with more force than was necessary. "Keep it up you two and you'll find yourselves eating beans out of a tin can!"

They decided it would be in their best interest to keep their comments to themselves. Neither one liked cooking and other than something thrown in a pot over a campfire, they weren't much good at it either. Jarrod had agreed to do the cooking and cleaning if they caught the fish and game, chopped the wood and kept the fire going for the boiler. The thought of cooking for the five days they would be up here made both young men shudder and they couldn't agree to that arrangement fast enough.

After a filling meal, the three spent the rest of the day pulling dust covers off furniture, airing out mattresses and finding the bed linens and pillows. Victoria always left an old set of each, plus a few heavy blankets in a large chest in case of emergency and even though they were a little worn, they were a lot better than using bedrolls. Jarrod, of course, had packed a couple of nice thick comforters for himself.

Nick waved his hand at him and scowled, "now I know why that pack was so heavy when we took it off!"

The deep blue eyes twinkled at him, "just because I'm roughing it, doesn't mean I should have to suffer."

Heath shook his head in pity as Nick looked at his older brother with raised eyebrows. "Roughing it! ... you don't know the meaning of, 'roughing it' lawyer!"

The dark haired man started down the hall with his armful of blankets and tossed an answer over his shoulder. "Be that as it may, but I'll be nice and warm tonight and you two won't." He stopped at the thresh hold to his room and held up a finger as his voice took on his lecturing tone, "foresight gentlemen, you have to think ahead and plan these things out."

He ducked into his room as two throw pillows from the couch went sailing past his head.

As darkness fell, Heath went out to see to the horses while Nick brought in enough firewood to see them through the next day. It had been a long day and after a late meal of soup and bread, they each took a hot bath and decided to call it a night. Nick and Heath wanted to be up early the next morning to go fishing before breakfast while Jarrod intended to sleep late and he said goodnight as he closed his door and the two brothers went down the hall and pushed open a door on the other side. Even though there were four bedrooms, they had automatically put their things in the large room on the end that contained two big double beds and all the personal items that made the room theirs. They had shared this bedroom ever since the first year Heath had come to them and they saw no reason to change things now. Victoria, Jarrod and Audra each had a room of their own but it never crossed either man's mind to use one of the women's frilly rooms.

Heath undressed wearily and climbed into bed as Nick struck a match and lit the logs he had laid in the hearth. He got the fire going nicely and went over to sit on his brothers bed as Heath turned on his side and pulled the blankets up to his chin in the chilly room.

"It'll warm up in here in no time." Nick watched the blue eyes drifting shut and shook the blanket covered shoulder gently and asked, "where's your pills Heath?"

The blond head lifted from the pillow and Heath started to get up. "I forgot Nick, they're in my shirt pocket, I'll get 'em."

Nick pushed him back down and patted his back, "you stay there, I'll get 'em." He went over to the chair they had thrown their clothes over, got the small bottle and placed it on the night table between their beds as he sat down again.

Heath snuggled deeper into his pillow and yawned. "Thanks Nick."

Callused fingers ran through the blond hair once before the hand started rubbing his back slowly. "You close those eyes and get some sleep little brother, you'll need lot's of rest if ya intend to beat me out of catchin' that trophy fish."

A smile tugged at the corner of the firm mouth as the dark blond lashes lowered to fan across the tanned cheek and the quiet voice murmured drowsily, "told ya before Nick, ya couldn't beat me even if I was unconscious."

"Go to sleep Heath, you're already dreamin'."

Chapter 50

Going to the lodge - day two

The large window beside their beds faced east and both men woke early and laid there for a while watching as the sun slowly made it's ascent in a burst of orange fire above the snow capped mountain peaks surrounding them. It was their favorite time of day, as Heath was fond of saying, 'like a new page, just waiting to be written on'. The fire had burned down to a few embers and the room was past chilly. Heath jumped out of bed, threw a couple of logs and kindling on and used the poker to stir the embers back into a flame before diving back into bed and burrowing under the covers.

It was nice to have nothing to do and be able to just lay there for the next half hour while they waited for the room to warm up. They talked quietly about what they wanted to do that day and how much the bet would be this time for the biggest fish. It had been agreed upon the night before that only rainbow or steelhead trout would count and the contest would be the next day.

After the chill had been chased from the room, Nick put his hands behind his head and leaned against the headboard. He looked over as Heath turned onto his back and dropped the blankets down to his waist in the now toasty warm room.

"Ya know Heath, I was just thinkin'."

Heath rolled back onto his side and punched his pillow into shape, "thinkin' what Nick?"

"Welllll ... seems to me that it's been quite awhile since we've had any fun with that stuffy brother of ours."

"Has been awhile, now ya mention it. Wasn't the last time when we put the whipped cream in his fancy boots?"

"Uh huh." His eyes held a speculative gleam and he slid down and laid on his side facing his brother. "Time we did somethin' about that don't ya think?"

Heath thought for a moment then reached over and picked up Nick's watch from the night table. He flicked open the lid and nodded. "Hmmmm ... nearly five-thirty. I reckon it's past time for big brother to be up and about."

"Wait a second Heath, he was grumpy enough having to get up early yesterday. You heard what he said last night, he's on vacation and," Nick did his pompous lawyer imitation, "he 'doesn't want to be disturbed' before eight."

"So is that going to stop us?" Heath sat up and stretched before going over and pulling a shirt and clean pair of jeans from their dresser drawer. He got out a pair of pants for Nick and threw them at him.

"Get dressed while I go get our fishin' rods."

Nick ran his fingers through his sleep-tousled hair as he watched Heath tuck in his shirt and buckle his belt.

"We're makin' him go fishing at this hour? Kinda' cold for the soft lawyer isn't it?"

"Yep, real cold. And I'd be willing to bet he didn't bother lighting a fire in his room last night, just crawled right into bed with all his nice warm comforters he was so tired."

Nick looked baffled and asked, "what's that got to do with takin' him fishing?"

Heath opened the door and cold air wafted into the warm room, "we're not takin' him fishin'. Now hurry up, I'll meet ya outside his room."

Nick came down the hallway to find Heath crouched in front of Jarrod's bedroom door, their fishing rods beside him. The blond cowboy turned the knob slowly and pushed the door open a few inches. They looked over at the heavily sleeping form under the mountain of blankets in the freezing cold room.

Heath shook his head and looked over his shoulder with a grin, "boy howdy Nick, doesn't he just look comfy cozy layin' there all snug in his little bed. I do believe we should do somethin' about that."

By this time, Nick had figured out what they were going to do. He picked up the fishing rods and paid out a few feet of line from both while Heath attached the hooks. Nick took them from him as a wide grin creased his cheeks.

"I'll go first."

"Be quiet and stay low."

Nick pushed the door open wider, "he won't hear a thing, ya could set dynamite off next to him and he wouldn't wake up before seven."

He crawled over on his belly and slipped the hooks into the corner of the top two blankets before returning and taking a seat outside the door. Heath picked up the rod that had the hook attached to the top blanket and started slowly reeling it in. There were four blankets on the bed and Jarrod never moved as the first one slid off and was pulled out the door. Nick got the second one off without a problem and removed the hooks as Heath crawled over and attached the last two. This would be a little trickier.

"Ok, now we have to slide them off real slow so he doesn't wake up."

They had to stop for a moment when the third cover was halfway off. As the coldness in the room started penetrating into his warm nest, Jarrod mumbled in his sleep and pulled the last blanket up around his ears. They waited until he settled down again before slowly inching the third one off and out the door.

"Ok, ok, real slow now."

As the last blanket came off, they quickly whisked it across the room and bundled it up with the others. They exchanged evil grins as they watched him bring his knees up and put his hands under his armpits. His dark brows drew down in a frown and he started muttering as he put a hand out and groped to pull the covers up higher against the sudden cold. He finally came awake when his searching hand found nothing but open air all around him.

"What the devil..."

The two culprits had left the door ajar a few inches and were kneeling on the floor, holding their breath as they watched him sit up and lean back on his hands as he looked around, then over the edge of the bed searching for his blankets. Finding none, a scowl to match one of Nick's came over his face as he caught the sound of muffled laughter outside his door. He threw a pillow at the opening and they beat a hasty retreat as his feet hit the icy cold floor and he caught sight of the time on the bedside clock.

"FIVE-THIRTY!!! WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU TWO ... BRING BACK THOSE BLANKETS!! IT'S FREEZING IN HERE!!"

They took their rods and grabbed their hats and jackets as they went out to feed the horses before doing a little fishing. Jarrod could hear them laughing all the way to the barn as he stomped around shivering and cursing, trying to find where they had put his covers.

The smell of bacon, eggs and fresh coffee made their mouths water when they returned three hours later to find Jarrod just sitting down to a plentiful breakfast.

Nick dropped the string of fish they had caught into the sink before he and Heath took their seats at the table and looked at their older brother expectantly. He ignored them and forked eggs into his mouth, washing them down with a sip of coffee. He shook out the three day old Stockton Eagle he had brought with him and Nick shifted irritably in his seat. It was hours past their usual mealtime and they were both starving after being out in the fresh air. They watched him eat and the smell of the bacon and coffee had their stomachs rumbling.

Nick cleared his throat, "well now, that breakfast smells mighty fine ... where's ours?"

Jarrod ate the last piece of bacon on his plate, finished his coffee and stood up as he put the paper down and went over to the pantry. Heath listened to him rummaging around for a moment and smiled in anticipation.

"Silas put ice in those extra bags and packed at least a dozen eggs and a whole slab of bacon."

Nick went over to the stove and brought the coffee pot to the table, "I sure am hungry, hope he makes plenty."

Heath nodded and called over his shoulder, "we wouldn't say no to a stack of flapjacks too, if you've a mind to make 'em Jarrod."

Nick slapped him on the back and poured them each a cup of coffee. "Good idea Heath." He could taste them already.

Jarrod came back into the room and stood behind them, "here's your breakfast boys." He slammed a dusty can of beans in front of each and threw two forks on the table. "Hope you've got a good sharp knife to open them with."

They watched as he went into the living room, picked up the book lying on the coffee table and settled down to read in the large armchair by the roaring fire he had built while they were gone.

They turned to each other with raised eyebrows and Heath shrugged, "he seems a might touchy this mornin', maybe he got up too early."

Nick nodded in agreement, "uh huh ... guess we're havin' fish for breakfast."

"Yep, you clean and I'll cook. Maybe he'll be in a better mood by lunchtime."

A disembodied voice floated to them from the depths of the chair their brother was comfortably ensconced in. "Don't count on it boys."

They played cards for the rest of the morning as Jarrod read and ignored them. Heath, ever the peacemaker, finally got up around one o'clock and made sandwiches with the leftover chicken from the day before. He made fresh coffee to go with them, then took a tray over and placed it on the coffee table in front of his older brother.

"I made ya lunch Jarrod. How 'bout after we eat, I saddle our horses and we head up to the hot springs for a swim?"

Jarrod put down his book and looked up into the contrite blue eyes watching him hopefully. He couldn't stay mad at these two, 'boys' for long, so he shrugged and gave in gracefully. "That sounds like a good idea. We should be able to get in a few hours up there before it gets too cold out."

Heath nodded and went back to the table to finish his lunch. "We're goin' up to the hot springs Nick, you comin'?" He winked to let him know they had been forgiven.

"Yeah." Nick put his hands on his back and stretched, "backs been a little stiff lately, a good hot soak up there should do it good."

The springs were about five miles away, but well worth the ride to get there. They unsaddled their horses and hobbled them so they could turn them loose to graze on the fresh spring grass. The air was a little cooler as they had gone higher, but the spring was surrounded by trees that cut the wind and Jarrod had brought a large blanket that he spread out in the warm sunshine. As he methodically undressed and folded his clothes neatly, his brothers stripped off quickly and tossed theirs anywhere as they whooped loudly and dove into the hot water. He shook his head as he watched Heath go underwater and pull his brother's legs out from under him. Nick's arms thrashed as the water closed over his head and he came up spluttering and growling insults. He pushed the hair out of his eyes and wiped the water from his face then whipped around looking for his brother. Spying him surfacing on the other side of the spring, he gave chase, but Heath , being a much stronger swimmer, was able to evade him easily.

Jarrod had started to edge his way into the water cautiously and Nick and Heath stopped fooling around for a moment to watch him.

"C'mon Heath, it's gonna be dark by the time he finally gets in. Lets go give him a hand."

With his head down watching for sharp rocks, he didn't see them coming until they each grabbed an arm and threw him head first into the middle of the spring. The ensuing water fight left all three gasping for air through their laughter. They spent nearly two hours in the steaming water before deciding to get out and lay in the sun for a while to dry off before heading back.

As the two younger brothers flopped onto their stomachs on the sun warmed blanket, Jarrod eyed them skeptically and said, "it would seem to me that you two, 'hard working cowboys' still find a little time to relax in your busy day."

Nick raised his head from his folded arms and squinted up at him. "What are ya talkin' about, we work from sun up to sun down. There's no time to relax."

Jarrod sat down beside them and looked them over. They were both tanned from head to toe, darker from the waist up, but the parts that should be pale from being covered all winter were also lightly tanned. He raised an eyebrow as Heath's drowsy voice spoke up too.

"Yep, no time for relaxin', it's a workin' ranch." His head popped up and he yelped as Jarrod's hand came down hard on his bare butt.

"Then how do you explain this, if you, 'don't have time to relax'?"

The broad shoulders shrugged and he put his head back down as Nick scrabbled for an explanation. "Well all right Jarrod, we mighta' gone for a swim a coupla' times this spring, it bein' so warm the last coupla' weeks an all. BUT, we only did it to save Silas some work."

"Really..."

"Yep, we get mighty dusty out on the range, so instead of us bringin' all that dirt into the house and makin' extra work for Silas, we stop once in awhile to wash it off at the pond. 'Course we can't get our clothes on when we're all wet so we have to lay around awhile till we're dry."

Heath flicked his gaze up at him and rolled his eyes at the outlandish story he was telling. It obviously didn't occur to Nick that while THEY might be clean, their clothes were still dirty.

"I see." Jarrod spread his hands and looked at him seriously, "so what you're saying is that you two go swimming sometimes in the middle of your busy day so you can save Silas some work?"

The white teeth flashed him a smile, "that's right."

He nudged Heath's shoulder before he laid his head on his arms again and closed his eyes, "aren't we thoughtful."

Jarrod shook his head and laid on his back, "yesss ... aren't you."

They got back to the lodge just before sunset and while Jarrod made supper, Nick and Heath took care of the horses then went down to the stream to watch the sunset. There was a large rock just at the waters edge and they sat on it side by side in companionable silence as the water rushed by, gurgling and churning over and around the boulders in its path. They stayed until the huge orange ball of fire dropped below the mountains and a few tiny pinpoints of light lay strewn across the dark, inky velvet of night sky.

Supper that night was a boisterous affair as each man talked and bragged about the fishing contests of years past. Heath was the leader with two wins against the other's one win apiece.

"Yep, I'm lookin' to make it two years in a row now."

Nick waved his hand at him and scoffed loudly, "you now full well I shoulda' won last year. If ya woulda' helped me when I hooked that monster steel head, my line wouldn't of broke and he wouldn't of got away."

Heath tipped his chair until it teetered on it's back legs and he looked at him with narrowed eyes and asked, " now why would I want to help you land a fish so's you could beat me out of a fifty dollar bet."

"Because," Nick crossed his arms and spoke seriously, "as my younger brother, I figure it's your duty to let me win and keep me happy." He shook his head sadly, "you failed that test last year Heath and I was very disappointed in you. I only hope you'll do better this year."

The chair dropped back onto all four legs as Heath leaned on the table and searched the rugged face next to him and asked wonderingly. "Are you really our brother, or did someone just drop you on Mother and Father's doorstep the first time you opened your mouth and run screaming into the night??"

Jarrod snorted and choked on the mouthful of coffee he had just taken and Nick stood up and glared down at his brother, "I've told ya before you're not funny Heath, now I'm gonna go get the crib board and we'll see how smart ya are then!"

He stomped away to the living room and started looking on the bookshelves for the board and Jarrod raised his eyebrows and spoke confidentially. "I've often thought Mother might have accidentally dropped him on his head a time or two when he was a baby."

Heath nodded in agreement as a loud voice bellowed across the room. "I HEARD THAT!!"

They played until nearly eleven before deciding to call it a night. Jarrod totaled up the scores and looked around the table in satisfaction.

"Well now, it would seem as though I'm the big winner."

Nick waved his hand and scowled at him, "all right, all right, just tell us how much we owe ya."

"You, brother Nick, owe me $247,780 dollars, while brother Heath's total is $321,000."

Heath took the pad and started re-checking the addition as Jarrod sat back in his chair and puffed on his cigar complacently.

Nick grumbled, "we'll owe it to ya," and the two stood up with a groan and made their way to their room, Nick's voice drifting down the hall. "Make sure you're up in the morning, we leave at eight, with or without ya."

The door closed then opened again and Jarrod smiled at the familiar bellow.

"AND WE WANT BREAKFAST, WE WERE STARVIN' THIS MORNIN'!"

Chapter 51

Going to the lodge-day 3

Jarrod managed to be up and about and have breakfast on the table when Nick and Heath came in from doing the morning chores shortly before seven. They ate quickly, packed a few sandwiches and saddled their horses for the two mile ride downstream to their favorite fishing spot. There was a section of the stream where a few small boulders had tumbled into the water and they provided a nice break in the fast running water for the trout to hide behind.

They each staked out a spot about a hundred yards apart and cast their lines. The morning wore on without any of them catching anything over five or six pounds and they were just about ready to break for lunch when Nick's line gave a quick jerk and he let out a whoop. A good sized trout leapt out of the water, body twisting in a sparkling display of olive green and silver, the red stripe down its side standing out vividly in the sunlight before he fell back into the water and took off running. Nick dug his heels in, desperately reeling in the line that was spinning out with a hissing sound.

He yelled over his shoulder with excitement. "THIS IS THE ONE BOY'S, THIS IS IT! GET YOUR MONEY OUT."

Heath was downstream of him and quickly pulled his line out of the water so the fleeing fish wouldn't get tangled in it. He sat down on a rock near the waters edge and Jarrod joined him to watch the pitched battle that was taking shape before their eyes. It was always a great source of amusement to them to watch Nick trying to land a fish. He always started out murmuring sweetly cajoling words to the fish as he reeled him in a few feet.

"Come on, little fishy, come to Papa Nick now." He reeled in another foot or so, "that's the way, nice and easy, no need to fight, just come to Papa."

At this point the fish, having rested a bit, took off with renewed vigor, leaping out of the water at regular intervals. Nick abandoned the softly spoken words he had been using and his voice returned to its usual loud timber.

"DARN YOU FISH! QUIT RUNNIN'"

He hauled in another few inches and his shout became louder when he saw where the fish was heading. There was a small pine tree that had fallen over and was laying in the water and the trout was heading straight for it. If he got under it, the line would become tangled, break and Nick knew he would have lost the bet again.

"DON'T YOU DARE GO UNDER THERE!"

He leaned back and strained as he tried to stop the headlong flight. The trout came out of the water again, twisting and thrashing before falling back and taking off again. He was getting closer to the tree stump and Nick started cursing him loudly.

Jarrod looked at Heath and raised his eyebrows. "What do you think?"

Heath watched the fish take a bit more line and shrugged, "I think the fish is winning."

"Hmmmmm."

Nick started moving along the bank quickly, trying to get a bit of slack in his line so he could maybe pull the fish up short.

Heath cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted at him, "HEY, NICK. WATCH OUT FOR THAT..."

SPPPPPLASH!

"Rock."

Jarrod let out a sigh, "should we go help him?"

Heath crossed his arms and his eyes narrowed in thought as he watched the place where his brother had fallen into the stream.

"Naw, let's wait a bit and see if he comes up." He nodded knowingly, "he's gonna' be mad as a wet cat when he gets out of there and I learned early on, ya don't get too close to a wet cat."

The dark head surfaced presently with a ferocious growl and, instead of climbing out, he picked up the fishing line that was lying slack on top of the water around him and followed it as he started swimming towards the half submerged tree trunk. He dove under the water and his brothers looked on with interest.

Jarrod pulled out a cigar and lit it before he spoke. "What's he doing?"

"No idea," the drawl deepened, "maybe that cold water's addled his brain."

Nick finally came back up and used the tree trunk to pull himself close enough to shore that he could stand up. He was carrying his fishing rod in one hand and in the other he had a fifteen-pound steelhead hooked under the gills. He climbed onto the bank and turned to the two men coming towards him. A huge smile brought out the deep dimples in his cheeks as he held his catch up.

"No darn fish is gonna' get the best of Nick Barkley I tell ya."

"That's a mighty fine fish Nick, don't know if we can top that."

Jarrod eyed his soaking wet brother and shook his head. "Heath's right, maybe we should call it a day so you can get home and get warmed up."

"No need, my work is done and I'll just get my saddle blanket and stretch out here in the sun to dry while you two try to beat me."

He favoured them both with a wicked grin, "BUT - I do believe I've used up all the, 'Barkley Luck' for the day."

They followed him as he made his way back to where they had staked out the horses, picking up wood for a fire as they went.

After lunch, Nick brought his saddle over next to the fire and leaned against it as he watched with a smug smile, his brothers futile attempts to hook anything over ten pounds. He held out his hand when they finally gave up and came over to sit by the roaring blaze. Heath pulled fifty dollars out of the pouch in his vest pocket and handed it over as Jarrod got out his wallet and counted out the other fifty with a rueful grin.

"Well brother Nick, we can't say you didn't earn it."

"Yeah, but the best part is, I've got this great story to tell everyone when we get home."

They spent the next two hours just talking and reminiscing about past adventures they had had together and things they had seen and done. Nick's brows lowered in a scowl as his brothers took great delight in recounting some of his less than satisfactory romantic adventures. The fire was dwindling down and the air turning cool when they decided it was time to head home.

They got back just after four and dismounted in front of the barn. Nick took Jarrod's reins, unhooked the bag of fish from his saddlehorn and nodded towards the house.

"We'll take care of your horse and clean the stalls if you'll clean the fish."

Jarrod took the heavy sack and grimaced, "all right, but supper's going to be awhile."

He walked away and his brothers led the horses into the barn and pulled their saddles off. Nick leaned on the partition between the stalls and grinned widely. "I gotta' tell ya Heath, that lawyer may not be much of a cowboy, but he sure knows how to fillet a fish."

"Yep, and don't tell him I said so, but he's a pretty fair cook too." Heath squeezed past his horses side and headed for the barn door.

"If you finish up in here, I'll go chop some wood. There wasn't much left in the wood box this mornin'."

He had just started to pull the door open when a large hand reached over his shoulder and slammed it shut again. The other hand grabbed his arm and turned him around.

"I don't want you choppin' wood Heath, I'll do it after I get the horses settled.."

The tan Stetson dipped as Heath dropped his head and scuffed the dirt with the toe of his boot. He sighed and shook his head.

"Nick..."

The hand tightened on his arm, "I said I'll do it, you just..."

Heath looked up and his mouth set in a stubborn line as he stared into his brother’s eyes. "Nick, I thought we agreed that ya weren't goin' to molly coddle me."

Blue eyes held hazel for a few seconds before Nick dropped his hand from the door, tapped the brim of the cowboy hat and gruffed out a warning. "All right, but don't over do it. Just do enough to stock the wood box and I'll do more tomorrow."

"Yes boss."

The black-gloved hand swatted at him as he went out the door laughing.

"Smart aleck brother." Nick watched him swagger over to the woodpile and take his shirt off before yanking the axe out of the chopping block. The muscles in the broad shoulders and arms rippled as the axe rose and fell with steady rhythmic strokes and he thought, 'how can someone so big and strong be...' he couldn't say the word and shook his head as he went back inside to finish his chores.

He cleaned the last stall and threw each horse a couple of flakes of hay before going out and leaning on the corral fence. He watched his brother place another log on top of the tree stump they used for a chopping block and quickly split it in half, then quarters.

He knew Heath enjoyed chopping wood, he said he found it a good way to relax when he had something on his mind and needed to think it through. Nick had seen him split wood for hours on end and never get tired. He himself didn't find anything relaxing about it but he had to admit, it was a good way to work off his temper when there was no one around to yell at.

"Hey Heath," he left the corral and latched the gate then walked over and eyed his brother's sweat soaked body. "That's enough for now, you go in and get cleaned up and I'll stack this in the wood box and throw some under the boiler."

Heath picked up his shirt and nodded, "sounds good. Maybe I'll have a bath while we're waitin' for Jarrod to get supper ready."

Nick grunted as he stood up with an armful of wood and called out to him as he strode across the yard and stepped onto the porch.

"Tell him to hurry up, I'm..."

"STARVIN', I know!" He opened the kitchen door to find Jarrod had just finished cleaning the fish.

"Supper won't be ready for at least another half hour Heath."

"That's good, I'm gonna' go take a bath then." He hung up his hat on the peg behind the door and headed for the hallway.

"Oh, by the way, Nick says to hurry up, he's..."

A large skillet banged onto the top of the stove. "Starving. I know."

Heath bathed quickly and was just pulling on his shirt when the sudden pain made him sit down on the edge of the bed and start rubbing his chest. Sweat broke out on his forehead and he clutched the footboard and whispered through clenched teeth.

"Not today, please not today."

The bottle of pills was in his shirt pocket and he shook one out and put it in his mouth then sat there holding his breath, waiting to see if the pain got worse before he called Nick. He looked out the bedroom window and saw his brother picking up the last of the wood and bringing it to the house. The pain finally started to ease off a bit and he decided not to say anything. They didn't have much time to be together and just relax and have fun. No, he couldn't ruin it for them. He heard the kitchen door open and the sound of wood being dropped into the box beside the stove before footsteps started down the hall.

"HEATH?... HEEEATH!"

He bit his lip, took a shuddering breath and stood up slowly as the footsteps approached the bedroom door. His back was turned and he was buttoning his shirt with trembling fingers when Nick appeared in the doorway and waved his hand at him.

"C'mon, what's takin' ya so long? Supper's on the table, let's go."

He swallowed hard trying to keep his voice steady, "I'm almost ready Nick. You go ahead, I'll be right along."

"Ok, but hurry up before that big ol' trout gets cold waitin' on ya."

The footsteps receded and Heath sank back onto the bed, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep.

Nick stood at the bedroom door a few minutes later and smiled before crossing the room quietly, taking the blankets off his own bed and spreading them over his soundly sleeping little brother. Heath could have his trout tomorrow for breakfast and Jarrod could give up one of his nice thick comforters tonight.

It was just past eleven o'clock and Nick and Jarrod were sipping a particularly fine Irish whiskey and playing chess. Nick had been slouched in his seat when he heard the scream in his mind.

"NIIIIICK!!!"

He stood up suddenly and headed for the hallway, Jarrod's raised eyebrows telling him that he hadn't heard anything in the quiet room.

"What are you doing?"

They heard the crash just as the voice screamed in his mind again.

"NIIIIICK."

Chapter 52

Going to the lodge - day four

He came down the hallway early the next afternoon and crossed his arms as he leaned against the door jam leading to the living room and glanced around.

"Where's Nick?"

The quiet voice startled him and Jarrod put down the book he had been staring at for the last hour and sat forward in his chair.

"I thought you were asleep." He stood and looked over at his brother with a frown, "you shouldn't be up, you should be in bed resting."

"I'll be resting for a good long time soon enough, now where's Nick?"

Jarrod's stomach dropped at the bluntness of the matter of fact statement. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat before he answered. "He went for a walk, said he wanted to be alone."

Heath straightened up wearily, "the last thing he needs right now is to be alone."

He crossed the room with long strides, plucking his hat from the peg in the kitchen and settling it on his blond hair with a quick tug as he pulled the door open.

Jarrod followed him and laid his hand on the younger man's arm before he could leave. "Heath, it's no use. I tried to talk to him this morning before he went out, but he just brushed me off and left."

Heath turned to him and shook his head, "I don't intend to talk if he doesn't want to." He squinted at the snow-capped mountains in the distance, "but I promised him I would always be by his side and that's where I'm going to be."

Jarrod's brows lowered in a frown and he tightened his grip, "I don't think it's a good idea for you to be going out Heath, you should be in bed."

"Don't try to stop me Jarrod."

The determined look in the steely eyes staring at him made Jarrod drop his hand and Heath went out and closed the door firmly. Jarrod went back to the living room and stood at the window watching him make his way down the path to the stream. He hadn't gone to the barn to see if Nick was there or headed in any other direction, it was as if he already knew where he would find his brother.

He felt a moment of envy as he realized that while he had grown up with Nick and knew him, Heath understood him, knew instinctively what he thought and felt and what he needed.

He waited until his younger brother disappeared from sight around a bend in the path before returning to his chair and picking up his book. He read the same paragraph a dozen times before dropping the book on his lap and lifting his eyes to stare into the fire, remembering with startling clarity the night before.

"HEATH!!"

The door slammed back against the wall as Nick threw it open forcefully, his frantic eyes seeing the empty bed and darting around the fire-lit room, searching.

Jarrod looked in the room then started down the hall, "I'll check the bathroom."

He returned a moment later to find Nick had turned up the lamp on the bedside table and was kneeling on the floor between the beds frantically checking Heath's pulse before going through his shirt pockets as he lay curled on his side unmoving.

"HIS PILLS AREN'T HERE, CHECK ON THE BED!!"

As a lawyer, Jarrod had always prided himself on his self-control and ability to act under pressure while keeping a clear head. But, as he watched the nightmarish scene in front of him, he found himself rooted to the spot, unable to do anything to help until Nick looked up and shouted at him, his voice filled with panic.

"MOVE!!"

He gave a start, then pulled himself together and turned to yank the blankets off the bed. The small bottle of pills was lying up near the pillows where they had fallen out of Heath's pocket as he slept and he snatched them up quickly.

"I found them."

"GET ONE OUT."

He tried to turn Heath over onto his back so he could see what he was doing but, with the way he was wedged up against the side of Nick's bed with his knees bent, it was proving an impossible task in the cramped space.

He raked his hand through his hair in frustration, "we gotta' get him outa' here."

Jarrod moved to help but Nick waved him away as he stood up, moved out from between the beds, grabbed both ankles and dragged his brother out into the open before picking him up nothing and laying him on the bed. The usually tanned face was chalky white, eyes tightly closed, both hands pressed hard against his chest. He tried to roll onto his side and pull his knees up as he fought to take a pain free breath and Nick sat on the bed and pinned the straining shoulders down as he looked over his shoulder and barked at his brother.

"GIVE ME A PILL!"

His hands trembled as Jarrod took the lid off and handed him one of the pills. He laid his hand on his brother’s shoulder and watched him pull Heath's lower lip down with his thumb and press the pill against the tightly clenched teeth.

"Open your mouth Heath."

His voice was low and soothing as he pressed on the lip harder trying to get the teeth to open enough to push the pill in.

"Come on now little brother, it's gonna be all right, just open your mouth for me. The pain won't stop unless ya take your pill, now come on."

A small moan was his only answer as Heath took a quick shallow breath and held it as another wave of pain hit him. Heath's hands were now clutching at his chest desperately, his face a twisted mask of pain.

Nick's voice rose as the seconds ticked away and the teeth remained firmly closed.

"YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH BOY!!"

He knew he had to do something fast. He let go of the lip and grabbed the sweating face in his hand, his thumb on one side and fingers on the other as he squeezed on the cheeks at the hinge of the jaw as hard as he could until the teeth were forced open enough for him to slip the pill under the tongue.

Jarrod sank down on the bed behind him and Nick's voice returned to its soothing tone as he started rubbing his hand up and down the blue clad arm.

"It's gonna' be all right Heath, just try to relax. I'm right here and the pain'll be gone soon. Just listen to my voice and come back to me, I'm right here beside ya."

Over a minute had gone by and the pain wasn't easing off as Heath's breathing became more laboured and his lips started to take on a bluish tinge.

Nick stopped rubbing the arm and spoke urgently as he held his hand out, "it's not working, give me another pill."

He forced the jaw open again to get the pill in, then wrapped his fingers around one of the hands Heath still held pressed against his chest. Jarrod's heart was pounding in fear as he listened to Heath's short, panting breaths. When they stopped suddenly, his eyes darted to the white face.

"HE'S NOT BREATHING NICK!!"

Nick quickly let go of the hand he was holding and placed his fingers on Heath's neck. The pulse was there, weak, but still there. He could feel the muscles hardening with tension under his hands and he grabbed Heath's shoulders and looked into his face. The tightly closed eyes and quiver in the clenched jaw told him what his brother was doing.

"He's holding his breath."

"WHY??"

Jarrod watched him give Heath a shake as he answered gruffly, "because he says it doesn't hurt as much if he doesn't breath when the pain is real bad."

He shook him again, "Heath, you need to take a breath."

"NIIIIICK...HELP ME!!"

The dark haired cowboy recoiled as the terrified words slammed through his mind, accompanied by a great rolling blackness. He knew then that Heath couldn't fight back by himself this time, he couldn't make himself take a breath ... knew he was too afraid of the pain to breath.

Nick gritted his teeth as he raised his hand and slapped his brother's face hard.

"YOU TAKE A BREATH HEATH!"

Jarrod reached over and grabbed his arm in horror, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING NICK?"

The hazel eyes flashed and the deep voice hissed out an answer made all the more serious by the quietness of it. "If he doesn't get some air soon he's gonna' die and I don't intend to let that happen. If ya can't take it, then get out of here."

He shrugged off the restraining hand and raised his arm again, the sound of the slap echoing around the room.

"You better listen up Heath and breath."

Nick could feel his brother slipping away and he slapped him again, his voice rising, demanding and pleading at the same time.

"DON'T DO THIS TO ME HEATH ... DON'T YOU DO THIS ... I PROMISED MOTHER I WOULD BRING YA HOME SO YA BETTER TAKE A BREATH BEFORE I BEAT YA TO DEATH!"

He had laid his other hand on top of the one Heath was still pressing against his chest and his shoulders slumped when he felt it start to rise and fall again. He took a deep, quavering breath then bent over, one arm on each side of the blond head, forehead resting on the pillow, his lips close to his brothers ear as he started quietly murmuring encouragement to him.

"That's the way little brother, one breath at a time. Ya gotta fight Heath, fight hard. You're gonna' be all right, I'm here and I'm not gonna' let ya go. You hang on now, ya hear? Remember ya said ya wanted to go with the wind and the sun on your face? Well that ain't here and it ain't now."

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and his voice became rough, "don't you leave me, not yet ... I'm not ready."

Jarrod's eyes filled as he listened to the soft words. He knew under the loud, gruff exterior, Nick had a tender, caring side that he rarely showed to anyone outside his family. He had seen him nurse an orphaned kitten around the clock with an eye dropper, the little ball of black and white fluff cradled in his big hand as he coaxed the milk into the tiny mouth and, even though he had pretended it didn't matter to him, Jarrod knew he had gone to his room and cried when it died. That was the side of Nick Barkley that people who thought they knew him rarely ever saw. That was the side he was seeing now and it made his heart ache to know there was nothing he could do to make things right for him.

Minutes passed and Heath's laboured breathing started to even out, the blue tinge fading from his lips. Nick heard the change, straightened up slowly and smiled as the blue eyes opened a bit and he lifted his hand and gently ran his thumb back and forth over the angry red mark on Heath's cheek.

"Is the pain going away?" Both brothers breathed a sigh of relief at the small nod. "Ok then, I want ya to take a deep breath and try to relax for me. Can ya do that?"

Heath nodded again and took a deep shuddering breath. They sat quietly for a time, everyone too drained to say anything as they watched the lines of pain recede from Heaths face and his breathing become easier. It was over an hour before he finally had the strength to reach up and grip the back of his brother's neck weakly and gave it the little shake that was so familiar.

"Thanks Nick."

The words were barely more than a whisper but the lop sided grin that accompanied them meant everything to Nick and he smiled, shrugged and gruffed out a reply. "You're my little brother and it's my job to look after ya remember? Besides, we both promised Mother ya were comin' home and it wouldn't be right to lie to her ... now would it?"

Jarrod broke the tension in the room by patting Heath's leg and nodding at Nick, "our brother here learned the hard way what happens when you lie to Mother."

Nick looked over his shoulder at him and glared, "all little boys lie to their mother's so don't make out like you never did anything wrong."

Jarrod's eyes twinkled and he tilted his head at him, "how many wooden spoons did she break on you over the years?"

Nick scowled and waved his hand at him, "never mind about that."

A log falling in the fireplace brought Jarrod back to the present. They had helped Heath to the bathroom, then got him undressed and into bed. He had fallen into a deep sleep right away and Nick had built up the fire and pulled a chair up close to the bed. Jarrod offered to take the second watch, but Nick shook his head, telling him in no uncertain terms that he had no intention of moving from the chair he was in or going to bed so he might as well go to his room and get a good nights sleep.

Jarrod got up in the night to check on Heath and found Nick leaning forward, forearms on his thighs, staring at his brother ... almost as if he thought he would suddenly disappear if he took his eyes off him. He stood at the door silently and watched Nick pick up Heath's hand and spread the callused fingers out against his own before wrapping them in both his hands and lifting them to rest against his mouth.

Jarrod rubbed his stinging eyes and sighed. He didn't think he had the strength to go through something like this again. It had been the longest ten minutes of his life. Watching helplessly as Heath teetered between life and death, those few minutes had felt like an eternity. How many times had Nick and Heath been through that together? Had carried that constant fear around with them? A few days ago, Nick had told him that he didn't … couldn't … understand how he felt about losing his brother. He had been right ... until now.

Chapter 53

Heath walked slowly towards the bend in the stream and stopped for a moment when he rounded it. He knew he would find him here. It was where they came to sit and watch the sunset. He watched him sitting on the big, flat rock at the waters edge, his black hat tossed on the grass beside him as he aimlessly threw pebbles into the fast moving current.

Nick wasn't surprised when he felt the strong fingers squeeze his shoulder. Heath swung his leg over the rock and sat behind him, leaning against his back, long legs stretched out on each side of him. The brim of his tan Stetson shaded their eyes from the lowering sun and he wrapped his arms around his brother and rested his chin on his tense shoulder. He laid his cheek against Nick's and spoke to him gently.

"You all right?"

Nick dropped his eyes. There was no time or need for pretence or lying anymore and he shook his head and answered quietly.

"No."

Heath tightened his arms around him and pulled him back against his chest, "lean on me for awhile then big brother ... God only knows I've spent enough time leaning on you these past few months."

They sat for a long time in silence as the sun dropped lower, the wind in the pines and the churning of the rushing water the only sound breaking the stillness around them. Nick was trying to keep all the anguish he had been feeling for weeks now, inside. Heath had enough to worry about right now without him adding to it. As they sat there, the words to the poem he had read came back to him.

'The Thousandth Man he's worth 'em all, because you can show him your feelings.'

For him, Heath was that thousandth man and he knew he could tell him what was on his mind, what he was so afraid of. He lifted his legs and wrapped his arms around his knees as he settled back more comfortably against the solid chest behind him, the warmth emanating from it bringing him comfort.

"Ya know what bothers me the most little brother?"

Heath rubbed his hand up and down the grey clad arm and shook his head. "Tell me Nick."

"I guess it's that I'm gonna' miss having ya to talk to. Won't seem right not havin' ya there to argue with me." He paused for a moment in thought, "ya know Heath, when ya manage to rub more than two sentences together at a time, ya can get pretty feisty."

He could feel the rumble of laughter through his back and it felt good. He liked to make his brother laugh, it didn't happen often enough to suit him and it was such a joyful sound, so full of life. Until he came to them, Heath hadn't had much to laugh about in his life and Nick would never forget the sound of it, the rarity of it making it all the more precious to him.

The broad shoulder behind him lifted in a shrug, "ya can come and talk to me anytime ya want Nick, it's not like I'll be able to get away from ya."

He slapped the black clad knee to let Nick know he was funnin' with him, "I figure you'll be comin' around chewin' my ear off for the next fifty years anyways."

The dark head dipped and Nick spread his hands as he shrugged, his rough voice telling Heath he was getting upset. "I can't go riding to Strawberry every time I want to talk to ya Heath."

Heath pulled back and looked at his brother's profile in confusion, "what are ya talkin' about? Why would ya...?

Heath grabbed Nick's shoulder and turned him enough so that he could look into the sad hazel eyes. What he saw there had him shaking his head quickly.

"No Nick, no."

Hope flared in the glistening eyes watching him. He closed his eyes briefly as he realized that Nick had been suffering needlessly because of the mistake he had made. He should have told him long ago.

"I guess I just assumed you'd know that I would want to be near ya, that I would want to be buried on the ranch. It's my home, it's part of you and me. My mama would understand, she has Aunt Rachel and I've arranged for Hannah to be with her too when her time comes. Mama always said it didn't matter where we were because we'd always be together in spirit. She would want it this way. I believe that Nick."

Nick swallowed hard and searched the blue eyes holding his, "you'll stay...you won't leave me alone?"

Heath laid his forehead against his brothers and rasped out the words that reached into Nick's heart and banished his most dreaded fear.

"I'll always be by your side Nick, always..."

Chapter 54

Victoria sat on the window seat in front of the French doors in the living room and listened to the grandfather clock in the foyer striking seven as she stared out into the gathering dusk.

Silas stopped at the entrance to the room and watched her for a moment before crossing the room and setting the silver tea service down on the marble table in front of the fireplace.

"Mrs. Barkley?"

His quiet voice startled her and she realized she had been so lost in thought that she hadn't heard him enter the room.

"Yes Silas?"

"I brung ya some tea and biscuits ma'am. y'all didn't eat much supper tonight."

Her eyes never left the road leading to the house as she answered distractedly, "that was very thoughtful of you Silas, thank you."

He poured a cup of tea and brought it over to her. "Here ya go Mrs. Barkley, nice and hot, just the way ya like it."

"Thank you, Silas." She took it from him and wrapped her hands around the cup to warm them.

He saw her shiver and hesitated a moment before speaking gently, "it's cold here by the winda', why don't ya come over by the fire where it's warm, ol' Silas can keep a watch out for 'em."

She rested her head against the window, her voice filled with worry. "They should have been back by now, Nick told me they'd be home today ... something must have happened."

Silas could see her eyes filling with tears and realized that she had been sitting here all this time thinking and imagining the worst. He shook his head and tsked as he sought to reassure her. "Now Mrs. Barkley, if Mr. Nick say they be home today, then they be home. It prob'ly ain't nuthin' mor'n Mr. Jarrod holdin' 'em up. Y'all knows how he don't like to get up real early."

She took a sip of the tea and snatched at the excuse. "You're right Silas, they probably had to wait on Jarrod. Even if they manage to get him up early, he always takes forever making sure everything is in order and closed up tight before he leaves the lodge."

"That's right ma'am, and Mr. Nick, why he be fussin' and stompin' around, yellin' at him the whole time."

Victoria could see them so clearly in her mind, "and my Heath will just sit down somewhere with that little smile on his face and wait patiently until they're ready to go."

They both looked out the window at the sound of hoof beats approaching and Victoria handed Silas her teacup as she got to her feet and hurried to the door. He set the cup down on the piano and followed her out onto the veranda where she stood, her hand pressed against her mouth and tears in her eyes as Jarrod came through the big iron gates alone. He pulled up in front of her and twisted around in his saddle to look behind him. Nick and Heath came loping into sight around a bend in the path and Victoria picked up her skirts and ran to meet them.

Heath leapt off his horse without even pulling him to a stop and in two quick strides he had picked her up and twirled her around before setting her down again and crushing her to him.

"Mother."

She wrapped her arms around him and looked up into the blue eyes she thought she'd never see again. All the tears she had been holding back for the past five long days spilled over and she reached up to cup his cheek gently.

"Heath."

She laid her head on his chest and he held her tightly as Nick sat and watched them for a minute, his throat tight, before he dismounted and walked over to stand behind her. He squeezed her shoulders and dropped a kiss on her hair and bent to whisper in her ear.

"I brought him home Mother, just like I promised."

She was too emotionally spent to do anything except close her eyes and nod. Heath looked up when Nick reached out and touched his arm lightly. Their eyes met over their mother's head and Heath nodded as Nick silently mouthed.

"Don't tell her."

He led CoCo and the pack horse over to where Silas was holding Jingo and Charger’s reins while Jarrod untied both horses saddlebags and pulled them off.

The elderly servant beamed with pleasure when Nick greeted him with a slap on the back and took the reins from him.

"Hello Silas. Audra and Carl not here?"

"I sho' am glad to see ya back Mr. Nick." He took the saddlebags Jarrod handed to him, "Miss Audra and Mr. Carl went home 'bout five, figured since ya wasn't home by then, y'all had decided to stay away another day. They be back tomorra'. Now y'all must be hungry, I'll go fix ya some supper, won't take but a minute."

"Thanks Silas, we'll be right in once we put these horses away."

He looked over to where Heath was still holding his Mother. "Let's give 'em some time." He handed Jingo and the pack horses reins to Jarrod and started for the barn. "C'mon, you can get those lily white hands dirty and help me with these horses."

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Nick and Heath were out and gone early the next morning, anxious to get back to work. They walked into the bunkhouse at five thirty and were immediately surrounded by a dozen ranch hands, all slapping them on the back and shaking their hands. They had been almost as worried as Victoria when the brothers hadn't returned on time.

Mike looked Heath over with a jaundiced eye, "for a man that's been doin' nuthin' but lazin' around, relaxin' and fishin' for the last five days, ya look a little the worse for wear."

He grabbed Heath's chin and turned his head from side to side, "how'd ya manage to get these bruises?"

Heath pulled away, assumed his best poker face and answered seriously. "Nick punched me."

All eyes in the room narrowed and swung to center on the man standing across the room pouring himself a cup of coffee. He slammed the pot down and scowled, his hand waving at his brother.

"I DIDN'T PUNCH HIM!!"

They all gave him a suspicious look and nodded agreement when Steve eyed him and muttered roughly, "ya better not have 'cause, boss or not, you'll answer to us."

They turned away and started gathering up their gear for the days work. Heath walked out with them and Nick could hear him telling them that his brother hadn't really punched him, he had gotten the bruises riding through some trees where the low lying branches had whipped back into his face. Nick smiled to himself when he heard the shared laughter as his brother regaled them with Nick's fish story. He was secretly pleased that the men cared about Heath so much that they wouldn't let ANYONE hurt him.

There had been a time when Heath first came to live at the ranch that the men wouldn't have given him the time of day. They resented him and didn't hesitate to let him know through word and deed what they thought of him. Oh, there were a few who had accepted him right away, Charlie, Mike, Steve and Jesse, men who had been here when Tom Barkley was still alive, who could see so much of Tom in the son, the same walk, the same eyes, the little familiar gestures - but mostly it was the laugh. Like Nick, they could have sworn it was Tom the first time they heard it, that sound alone telling them more than any words could that Heath was indeed a Barkley.

It had taken Nick a long time to realize that he had been responsible for the men's dislike of Heath. They had taken their cue from him, treated Heath as he treated him, with anger, dislike and a total lack of respect. Heath had taken it all and more for over two months, never once giving up trying to win his brothers respect and approval. He gave everything and asked for almost nothing in return, all he wanted was for this man who hated him so much to be his brother and his friend ... to accept him.

Nick took a sip of coffee and remembered the exact day that it had all changed for him. It had been the day Evan Miles had shot Heath. He remembered that day like it was yesterday, the fear that gripped him as he tried to stop the flow of blood pouring from the gunshot wound, knowing that Heath would have died if the bullet had of been an inch the other way. It was that day that he finally admitted to himself what his heart and mind had known for a while ... that Heath was his brother and he wanted him, needed him in his life. He didn't know how or when, but Heath, with his quiet ways, and infinite patience had somehow wormed his way into his life and, as he watched him work tirelessly from sunup to sundown without a word of complaint, Nick had gained a measure of respect for the young man. That respect had gradually turned into like and somewhere along the way that like had turned into love.

Charlie and Mike came back into the room after saddling their horses and stopped in front of him. Charlie pulled out a chair and straddled it while Mike crossed his arms and leaned against a bunk.

"Ok Nick, what really happened?" Mike held up his hand before Nick could answer, "and before ya say anything, that tan he's got doesn't hide the fact that them bruises on his cheeks look like finger prints. He's our friend, we want to know."

Nick stared at them for a moment then put down his cup and sighed wearily, "he had a real bad attack a coupla' days ago and we almost lost him."

He shook his head and shrugged, "he was in so much pain, it was the only way I could get him to open his mouth. I almost busted his jaw tryin' to get that pill in him."

They could see Nick felt guilty about hurting his brother and Charlie stood up to grip his arm and said, "ya did what ya had to do, Heath knows that." He patted the grey clad arm and jerked his head towards the door, "c'mon, let's go catch up to that hard headed brother of yours. Never know what he's gettin' up to when we're not lookin'."

They caught up to Heath and the rest of the men just as they were pulling up and dismounting in front of a large paddock in the north pasture. There was a lone chestnut stallion standing in the middle of it, snorting and tossing his head, ears flicking back and forth nervously as the men hauled themselves up to sit on the top rail.

Steve nudged Heath's shoulder and nodded at the horse. "Well, what do ya think boss?

Heath's eyes roamed over the strong chest and shoulders, powerful hindquarters and straight legs. He took in the wide forehead and intelligent eyes.

"He's a looker all right. Jim said we'd like him and he was right. He'll make a good stud horse."

Nick and Heath had purchased the horse sight unseen on the recommendation of their friend Jim North. He had been at a horse auction in Nevada and wired then two weeks before that he had purchased some green broke breeding stock and a well bred stallion that he didn't really need himself and intended to sell, but would give them first choice if they wanted him. They had wired back that they would take him, and Slim and Rory had gone over to Jim's and picked him up while they were away.

Nick looked over at the man sitting on Heath's left and gestured. "Steve, go throw a rope on him. He's supposed to be half broke so we might as well finish the job today."

Jesse and Slim climbed down and opened the gate for Steve and he brought his horse into the paddock and shook out his lasso. The stallion gave a snort and raced to the other end of the enclosure before turning back and trotting slowly along the far fence. Steve brought his horse alongside and maneuvered him into a corner, dropping the rope over his head and leading him to the center of the paddock where Jesse and Slim quickly threw a saddle on him and slipped a bridle over his head.

Nick waved his black-gloved hand at the horse, "well, who wants to give him a try?"

Heath hopped off the fence before anyone could answer and Nick reached down, grabbed his shoulder and jerked him to a halt before he could take a step.

"Where do ya think you're goin'?"

Heath turned around and his mouth set in a stubborn line as he looked up at the scowling face above him.

"Goin' to ride that horse."

Nick hung onto the tan jacket and slid off the fence to land beside him, his voice a low growl. "You're not riding that horse, so ya just get that idea outa' your head right now, ya hear me?"

The men watched the confrontation in silence, one of many they had witnessed over the years and they didn't hold out much for Nick's chances of winning.

"I hear ya Nick, but I wanta' do it." The blue eyes pleaded with him, begged him. "One last time Nick. I wanta' feel that rush just one more time before I go ... please."

Nick knew the feeling well, man and horse as one, alone in a world of your own with all that power surging beneath you, battling it out. There could only be one winner. He had hardly ever been able to say no to his little brother and knew he wasn't going to be able to say it now, especially when Heath wanted something this badly. He nodded and dropped his hand as he let him go.

"You be careful, ya hear."

Heath walked over and ran his hand over the glistening neck before unwrapping the rope from the saddlehorn and quietly settling into the saddle. Jesse looked up at him and let go of the bridle at Heaths nod.

The chestnut exploded into the air and landed with a jarring impact before putting his head down between his forelegs, humping his back and lashing out viciously with his hind legs. Heath went with the motion easily as the powerful body came off the ground again and again, enraged grunts and squeals accompanying each twist and turn the horse made trying to unseat his burden.

The dust was flying and the men were waving their hats and shouting encouragement as the blond cowboy raked his spurs across the foam flecked shoulders. The chestnut bucked even harder at each touch of the spurs.

Charlie shook his head, pulled out his tobacco pouch and rolling papers and observed to no one in particular.

"Seems like half broke mighta' been a bit of an exaggeration."

Nick grimaced and nodded, "yep. I'd havta' say that animal's never seen a saddle before today, hope Heath can stick."

Mike spared him a quick look, eyes alight with pride, "I've never seen the boy ride better, Nick."

With his heart in his throat, it seemed like forever to Nick before the bucking slowed down and the stallion finally stood there, ears flicked back, listening to the man on his back who was now speaking to him quietly. Heath ran his hand down the damp neck before gently nudging him into a slow gallop around the paddock. He spent a few minutes turning him this way and that, stopping and starting, using the pressure of his legs and subtle shifts of his body to guide and tell the horse what he wanted him to do. They came to a halt at the far end of the paddock and Heath looked across at the men lined up along the top rail before shifting his gaze to the mountains in the distance. He felt the coiled up power beneath him as the stallion bowed his neck and danced sideways with restless energy. He looked at the wide-open spaces beyond the fence and thought, 'why not?'

The stallion leapt forward at the touch of spurs, hooves pounding as he galloped down the paddock towards where the men were sitting. Nick watched Heath urging him on faster and turned to Charlie with a scowl.

"What's he doing?"

"Don't rightly know." He blew out a cloud of smoke, "but if he don't pull up soon, it's gonna' be too late, he'll be right through this here fence."

All of a sudden Nick knew what his brother was going to do and he cupped his hands around his mouth, his voice carrying a note of panic.

"PULL UP HEATH, PULL UP...YA CAN'T MAKE IT!!"

Everyone realized at the same time what he intended to do and they watched helplessly as Heath got closer and tugged his hat lower, a look of grim determination on his face. He aimed the horse at the nearly five foot high gate twenty feet down from where the men were sitting and leaned forward over the chestnut neck, controlling the headlong dash with voice, hands and legs.

Rory shook his head and muttered, "it's too high, he'll never make it, gonna' get himself killed."

Mike narrowed his eyes as he watched Heath approach the fence and check the horse a bit, steadying him, making sure he was set.

"He'll make it."

They held their breath as horse and rider never hesitated, the powerful hindquarters bunched and the back legs pushed off strongly, front legs tucked up tightly as they sailed up and over without an inch to spare.

Heath pulled up quickly and whirled the big stallion around, his blue eyes filled with happiness, a huge smile lighting up his handsome face. The chestnut reared up as Heath pulled off his hat and waved it in the air with a shout.

"Whoooeeeee!!"

He spun the stallion around and took off, giving the big horse his head as they raced away. Nick scowled, grumbling as he snatched off his hat and slapped it against his thigh.

"I swear that boy's making me old before my time."

He slapped his hat back on and his scowl turned to a smile as he watched them running with the wind, the stallion's long stride eating up the ground, his tail up like a flag, head extended as Heath bent low over his neck.

Nick jumped down, strode over to his grey mare and hauled himself into the saddle. He crossed his arms on his saddlehorn and smirked at the ranch hands still sitting on the fence.

"'C’mon boys, let's see if we can't run that brother of mine down."

They mounted their horses quickly and took off with loud whoops. Heath slowed down when he heard them coming and let them catch up before all eight raced across the open meadow together, the ground shaking beneath the pounding hooves as they ran flat out for a mile before pulling up just below the north ridge and dismounting to let their horses blow and get their wind back. They sat for awhile talking and smoking before the days work beckoned and they mounted up again.

Heath looked at Charlie, "you and Jesse are headin' into town for supplies this mornin'." He gestured towards the paddock in the distance, "can ya pick up my horse and take him home for me?"

"Sure thing Heath." Charlie nodded at the chestnut shifting restlessly under the firm but gentle hand, "yer not thinkin' of usin' him when the boys move those cattle to the other pasture are ya?"

"No, no. I'll take this boy home later." He glanced at the man beside him, "I just wanta' talk to Nick here for awhile."

Nick heard the seriousness in his brother's voice and waved his hand, "you men go ahead and get started, we'll be along later."

Heath turned his horse around, "c'mon Nick, let's go up to the top of the ridge."

Nick swung in beside him and they galloped up the slope, stopping at the crest and gazing over the valley spread out below them. Barkley land as far as the eye could see, green pastures, orchards, forests and streams, herds of cattle and, in the distance, the ever present vast solidness of the mountains towering over it all.

Heath spread his arm out to encompass the beauty before them, his tone reverent as he spoke. "This is it Nick, this is what it's all about - the land."

Nick watched a far away look come into Heath's eyes, his voice deep, soft and gentle as he continued. "The land is everything, it gives life and it takes it, it can beat you down and break you, but it can also build you up, give you hope and make you strong. Even after we're all gone, the land will still be here."

He turned his head and Nick caught his breath at the look in the blue eyes holding his. Heath reached over and laid his hand on his arm. "Don't lose it Nick, we've worked too hard for it and our father paid for it with his blood and sweat, it's our life, don't let it go."

Nick frowned and shook his head, "I don't know what you're talkin' about Heath, I don't intend to let it go."

The strong hand tightened on his arm, "Nick, listen to me. You've got a duty to this land, to this ranch and the people on it, they're depending on you. When you're gone, what will become of it all?"

That thought had crossed Nick's mind more and more frequently as he got older. He knew Jarrod had no interest in ranching and he showed no signs of ever remarrying anyway. Audra had her own place and, even though he didn't want to think about it, their mother was getting on in years and when she was gone, there would be no one left to carry on. He hadn't worried about it too much after Heath came, figuring eventually one of them would have children to take over. But the hand of fate had stepped in and the burden had shifted to him alone once again.

He shrugged and shook his head, "I don't know Heath, I can't think about that right now."

"You have to Nick, you need sons to help you run this ranch, to keep the Barkley name alive." He pulled his horse closer and searched the rugged face scowling at him from under the dark hat. "You made me a promise Nick, ya promised me ya wouldn't waste your life. You've got a good woman who loves ya and I know ya love her, don't throw it all away and spend the rest of your life alone. I want ya to be happy Nick ... that's what I wish for you."

Nick held his brother's eyes with his for a moment, then reached out and gripped the back of his neck. "I know ya do Heath and I'll keep my promise to you, I've never broken any promise I've ever made to ya and I never will."

The smile that crossed his brother's face at the words brought immeasurable joy to Nick's heart and he knew he had done the right thing and would keep his promise. It might be awhile, but eventually he would be telling his children about their Uncle Heath, keeping his memory alive for himself and them through words.

They returned to the ranch so Heath could change horses before riding out again to help the men move some cattle to another pasture. Steve and Mike pulled up beside Charlie and sat for a bit, watching Heath chase down a stray, circling around in front of it, cutting off it's escape route. The steer stopped and shook his long horns before trying to dodge around them. Heath went with the motion smoothly as his cutting horse wove from side to side, anticipating the steers every move before he made it until the beast finally gave up and turned back to the herd with a bellow.

Steve pushed his hat back and said, his voice filled with admiration. "Heath sure did train that big horse up right, ain't a better cutting horse in these parts. I'm gonna' miss seein' them two out here workin' together."

They watched Heath gallop past, riding with the smooth, easy grace that made him recognizable even from a distance.

Charlie leaned back in his saddle, "we'll all miss him. He may live in the big house, but he's still one of us, just a hard workin' cowboy that's seen more than his share of hard times."

Mike nodded and gave the highest compliment one man could give another.

"Yep, he's a good, honest man ... and I'm proud to call him my friend."

Nick and Heath came into the house at lunch and tossed their hats on the table in the foyer.

"MOTHER??... MOTHER!! WE'RE HOME, WHERE'S LUNCH?"

Nick waited for an answer and when none was forthcoming, he planted his hands on his hips and threw back his head.

"MOTHER ... SILAS ... WHERE IS EVERYBODY??"

Heath winced and whacked him on the arm, "would ya stop yelling for a second, they're not here."

"I wasn't yelling and what do ya mean, they're not here?"

"Mother left a note, see?" He waved the notepaper in front of Nick's eyes for a second before dropping it back on the table, "Silas drove her over to Audra's this morning and we're supposed to go over there for supper tonight at six."

"Hrmmmmmph. That means Silas isn't here to make us lunch." He followed Heath down the hall towards the kitchen, grumbling as he went. "I sure do hope he's doin' the cookin' for little sister, 'cause it's the only way we're gonna' get a decent meal today."

They arrived at the Wheeler ranch shortly after six and handed their horses over to a ranch hand. Nick didn't bother with the formality of knocking, he just threw the door open and proceeded to announce their arrival in his customary way.

"MOTHER??... AUDRA?? WE'RE HERE!"

Heath rolled his eyes in exasperation as Nick looked around the empty living room with a scowl.

"Where the devil are they? They wanted us here at six and it's past that now, I'm starvin' and I wanta' eat."

Heath patted him on the back, "don't get yourself all in a lather Nick, we're a bit late, maybe they started without us. Let's go check the dining room."

Nick ran into Heath's back when he stopped suddenly at the scream that went up as he opened the dining room door.

"SURPRISE!!!"

Victoria and Audra rushed over to him and planted kisses on both his cheeks, while Jarrod and Carl shook his hand and patted him on the back.

"Happy Birthday Heath!!"

Nick scowled and waved his hand at them, "it's not his birthday, his birthday's not for two weeks yet."

Even as the words left his mouth, he wished them unsaid at the look of sadness they brought to his mothers eyes. She hadn't asked about the bruises on Heath's face when they had returned yesterday, and he realized it was because she already knew what had happened. Her mothers instinct had told her that, despite their assurances that everything had gone well, she knew the truth. She put a smile on her face and spoke lightly as she wrapped her arm around Heath's and led him to the table.

"We decided to combine it with your homecoming and celebrate it early this year."

Nick back-peddled furiously trying to make things right, "actually this isn't a bad idea. Remember two years ago me and Heath here were at that cattle auction and ran into bad weather comin' back? We were two days late gettin' home for his birthday dinner, 'course we had a little party of our own in this back water town we stayed over in. I tell you, there was this..."

Jarrod raised his eyebrows and held up his hand, "thank you Nick, but I don't think the ladies need to hear about how you two celebrated. Let's just sit down and enjoy the fine feast Silas has prepared."

Nick sat down quickly and nudged Heath's arm, "did ya hear that, Silas did the cookin', we're not gonna' starve or be poisoned!"

"NICK!!"

Victoria and Audra both reprimanded him and gave him a sharp glare. Carl hid his chuckle behind his hand and Jarrod cleared his throat as Silas entered the room and put a large covered platter on the table. He laid his hand briefly on Heath's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

"Happy Birthday Mr. Heath. I made all your favorites and a big ol' chocolate cake for desert, I knows how you and Mr. Nick likes it."

Heath looked up at him and grinned, "thank you my friend."

The words brought an ache to his heart until he remembered what Heath had told him, 'only think of me with happiness'. He gave the shoulder one more squeeze and started serving.

Carl dimmed the lamps after supper leaving the room in near darkness until Silas pushed open the door and wheeled the birthday cake in on a trolley, the flickering candles casting a warm glow around the room. Heath's eyes lit up at the sight of it and Nick let out a low whistle. There were four layers, ascending like steps with colorful toy horses and riders set in amongst the candles on each of the bottom three layers and one lone candle on top. The whole thing was covered in thick, gooey chocolate icing with the words, 'Happy 29th Birthday Heath' written in yellow icing across the top.

Audra was nearly bouncing in her seat with excitement. "Make a wish Heath."

Almost everyone watching thought they knew what he would wish for simply because it was what they wanted, but just before he blew out the candles, Heath looked up and held his brother’s eyes. Nick could read the thought almost as if Heath had spoken the words aloud, 'there's no sense wishin' for things that are gone'. Heath gave him a lop-sided grin and blew out the candles and Nick knew with a certainty that Heath hadn't used the wish for himself, but for someone he cared about more than himself.

Chapter 55

Nick came awake suddenly in the early hours of the next morning, sensing the familiar presence even before the mattress dipped. He rolled on to his back to see Heath sitting beside him in the fire lit room, his hand pressed hard against his chest.

"I want to go see the sunrise Nick."

"Heath..."

He watched his brother take the small bottle of pills out of his shirt pocket and look at them for a moment before setting them on the night table with an air of finality.

"It's time Nick."

The quiet words were said with conviction and all he could do was nod and accept them, knowing in his heart that time had run out for them.

"I'll get dressed and go saddle the horses."

Heath squeezed his arm and stood up, "thanks Nick."

He moved to the chair beside the bed and watched Nick get up and cross the room to his dresser. He knew how hard this was going to be on him and, just for a moment, he had been tempted to go alone. The thought was gone even as he considered it - they needed to be together right now, they needed each other. He couldn't do that to himself or Nick.

Heath felt an irrational burst of anger at life, fate...whoever or whatever was responsible for his brother's pain.

'Why does this have to happen to him? Why does he have to suffer? He's such a good man, he doesn't deserve this.' He looked over at the big, tough, gentle man who meant everything to him and remembered all the good times, the laughter and companionship they had shared through the years. Oh, there had been some bad times and angry words, but they had been few and far between, quickly forgiven and forgotten.

He smiled and remembered the day Jarrod had climbed up on the corral fence beside him to watch Nick trying to break a horse. They had hooted and hollered and laughed along with the rest of the hands when Nick came flying off for the third time and landed on his backside in the dirt. He had gotten up slowly, whacking the dust off and grinning sheepishly, rubbing his hands over his sore butt. Jarrod watched him climb back on and he turned to Heath with a smile.

"You know Heath, there was a time when Nick wouldn't have let anyone laugh at him or make fun of him that way. He would have just lost his temper and used his fists on them. He was a hard man our brother."

Heath looked at him in confusion, "what do you mean?"

Jarrod held up his hand, "don't get me wrong Heath, he still loved and cared about his family, but after father died, he was all business. He had a ranch to run and nothing else mattered to him. He was barely twenty-two then, far too young for that much responsibility, he had to grow up too fast and didn't take time to enjoy life. All he did was work, all day, every day, trying to keep up what Father had built. He pushed himself and everyone around him hard. I don't know why the men stayed, unless it was loyalty to Father."

His eyes narrowed in thought, "I hardly ever remember him laughing or having fun back then. He's changed so much since you came."

Heath watched Nick finally get the horse under control and ride him to the opposite side of the corral where the rest of the men were sitting on the fence. He gave them a smug smile and waved his hand at them.

"See? I told ya. You should'a placed your bets on me and not the horse!"

Mike rolled his eyes at him and jeered, "it took ya four tries!! He was all bucked out!"

Nick tipped his hat at them, "doesn't matter, I'll collect my winnings later boys."

Heath shook his head at his older brother's words, "Jarrod, I don't think..."

The deep blue eyes looked at him seriously, "it's a simple fact Heath, he's changed for the better since you came into his life. He's happy and enjoying his life now and he hadn't for a very long time." He slapped Heath's thigh and his eyes twinkled, "you know those little pranks you two pull on me?" He raised his eyebrows at the innocent look his brother gave him, "Nick would never have done anything like that before, he wouldn't even have taken the time to consider it."

They watched Nick jump off the horse and Jarrod turned to his youngest brother and spoke sincerely, "I'm glad you came Heath, you've made our family complete." He nodded at the man coming towards them, spurs jangling and grinning like a little boy who had won all the marbles, "and he needed you most of all."

Heath laid his head back with a smile and closed his eyes, his hand rubbing his chest, the motion making no difference to the feeling of a heavy weight pressing down on it. It was just as Doc Merar had said, it wasn't the stabbing, debilitating pain like all the other times. No, this time it just felt like a big old steer was sitting on him and the three pills he had taken before he came to Nick's room hadn't made any difference. He had somehow known when the dull aching pain had started that all the pills in the world weren't going to help him this time. It wasn't all that painful really, he could still function and for that he was grateful.

Nick stripped off his pajamas quickly and pulled on his socks and pants while trying to keep his mind blank.

'Don't think, don't think, don't think. Just get dressed, you don't have time to think. That's it Nick, buckle your belt and get a shirt out.'

He opened a drawer and pulled out a light grey shirt, 'that's the way, one step at a time, keep going, don't think, just do it.'

He pulled his shirt on and glanced back to see Heath rubbing his chest, his elbow propped on the arm of the chair, his hand covering his eyes and he faltered for a second then clenched his jaw and turned back to face the wall, 'don't think about it, just do up the buttons. C'mon now, you can do it. He needs you to be strong right now, he's counting on you, don't let him down.'

As he lifted his chin to straighten his collar, his eyes fell on his gold pocket watch sitting open on top of the dresser, the treasured words inside bringing an ache to his heart. His thoughts took control and he went back to the day before when Heath had jumped the fence and turned around with a huge smile on his wind burned face, blue eyes sparkling with happiness and a boundless love of life and he knew that soon he would never see that crooked smile again.

His hands started shaking as he tried to get the button through the first hole and he looked up at the ceiling and took a deep shuddering breath before trying to do up the button again. He fumbled with it, his eyes blurring and he scrubbed his arm across them angrily.

'DON'T THINK!!'

Heath's eyes flew open at the sound of a sniff and he looked over at the rigid back. He got up and went to stand beside his brother, rubbing his hand over the quaking shoulders as he spoke to him gently.

"Nick, don't."

"I'm fine."

The deep voice was low and raspy and he shrugged off the comforting hand, immediately regretting the loss of warmth and support.

He sniffed again and cursed the buttons that refused to co-operate, "DAMMIT."

Heath came around in front of him and pushed his hands away, "let me do that."

He didn't argue, just dropped his head and watched Heath's sure, steady fingers doing up the buttons before his strong hands took a hold of his forearms.

"Nick, look at me."

He waited patiently until the dark head lifted, the hazel eyes glistening with tears, the breath coming in choking gulps.

Heath gave him a little shake, he couldn't stand to see him hurting this way, "it's going to be all right Nick."

Nick shook his head and his dark hair fell forward across his brow as he swallowed hard, his throat tight and aching. He looked into his brother's eyes and two big tears spilled over and ran down his rugged cheeks.

"No ... no it isn't Heath, it's... it's never going to be all right again."

Heath reached up and gripped the back of his neck, "yes it is Nick. Yes it is. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but someday. You have to trust me."

He pulled him into a hug and Nick wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his neck, breathing in his familiar scent greedily. He stored it all away and squeezed his eyes shut as Heath whispered in his ear, "it will get better Nick ... I promise."

bvbvbvbvbvbvbvbv

They rode side by side through the crisp, early morning hours, old CoCo pressed up tight against Charger as they galloped along, Nick wanting to be as close as he could get in case anything happened. Heath had insisted that he could ride, so Nick had saddled CoCo. It just seemed right that the four friends who had traveled so many miles together should be together again for this final trip. Both horses knew the way and their steps were sure in the darkness surrounding them. Heath looked up into the inky blackness above him and thought, 'it really is darkest before the dawn'. He felt Nicks leg bump against his and was reassured by his solid presence.

The sky was just starting to pearl with a pinkish glow when they pulled their horses up at the edge of the canyon at Lookout Peak. It was eerily silent save for the sound of the horses champing their bits and the creak of saddle leather. They talked quietly for a time, laughing and reminiscing about the good times they had shared. The sky continued to lighten across the horizon and Nick looked over and studied Heath's face, trying to commit it to memory, so afraid as time went on that he would forget.

His stomach dropped when he saw Heath reach forward and grab his saddlehorn in a white knuckled grip, biting his lip and dipping his head, trying to hide the pain on his face below the brim of his hat.

Nick dismounted and dropped CoCo's reins on the ground. He walked around and removed Heath's foot from his stirrup before grabbing a handful of the big bay's mane, putting his foot in the stirrup and hauling himself up behind his brother.

He wrapped his arms around the lean waist and Heath took a deep breath and relaxed back against him, his head resting on Nick's shoulder as they watched the huge orange ball of fire peek above the horizon. There was a thick bank of dark clouds in the distance and the sun's rays shot underneath them in rippling waves of orange, crimson, yellow and deep pinks, spreading across the deep blue sky in gossamer streaks. Nick looked around at the sunlight touching the dew wet grasses and wildflowers. Heath was right, it really did look like millions of tiny diamonds dancing across the meadow.

They watched a golden eagle take flight from a rocky crag on the canyon wall and soar above the rim, the rising sun glinting off his outstretched wingspan. He felt Heath stiffen a bit and lift his hand to press against his chest, the weight now crushing as his heart pounded furiously trying to do what it no longer could.

"Niiick..."

He put his chin on his brother's shoulder and pleaded with him, "hang on Heath, keep fighting, don't give up. C'mon now, listen to me, you're gonna' be alright if ya just fight harder."

Heath shook his head wearily against the strong shoulder he was leaning on. He didn't have the strength to fight anymore.

"Tired Nick..."

CoCo snorted and rubbed his head against Nick's leg and he glanced down at him, seeing clearly for the first time, the greying muzzle and sunken eyes of his old friend. Heath's words as they had sat together on the corral fence and watched the old horse coughing as he walked away from them came back to him forcefully.

'Sometimes ya havta' let go of the things ya love, even if it breaks your heart.'

He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath before he reached forward and put his hand over the one Heath was clutching around the saddlehorn. He laced their fingers together and gently murmured the words that he knew would break his heart.

"It's all right Heath, ya can let go now ... I've got ya, I won't let ya fall."

Heath lifted their entwined hands and held them to his heart, his voice the merest whisper as he struggled to get the words out.

"Don't forget Nick ... when ya need me, I'll be right by your side."

Nick rubbed his thumb over the back of the work-roughened hand in his, "I know ya will Heath because you'll always be in my heart."

Heath turned his head and Nick looked into blue eyes that were full of happiness, eyes that had always spoken to him, told him things without words. They spoke to him now and he heard the words before Heath said them aloud.

"I love you big brother."

Nick pressed his lips to the bruised cheek and held him tightly, keeping him warm and safe against all that would harm him.

"I love you too, little brother ... till forever and beyond."

He looked down to see the lop-sided grin and he smiled and laid his cheek against his brothers. He was finally ready to let go, knowing in his heart they would be together again some day. They relaxed into each other and watched the bird soar above them, wild, golden and free. Heath took a deep breath and gripped Nick's hand hard for a second before his fingers loosened. The shadow of the eagle passed over them...

...and he was gone.

Chapter 56

Victoria stood silently, listening to Father Davies speak but not hearing the words. She leaned heavily on Jarrod's arm, it was the only thing keeping her on her feet. He had been her rock, taking charge, making all the arrangements and seeing to all the little details just as he had when his father had died. Mr. Beckett had been horrified at the clothes Jarrod had picked out for his brother to wear but one stern look from the lawyer soon had him agreeing that the selection was a sound one.

Jarrod could still see the grin on his brothers face when they had talked things over back in January and Heath had told him he wanted to wear his everyday working clothes.

'I'm just a cowboy Jarrod, I don't want to be buried in some itchy suit and tie. That's a might too long for a man to be uncomfortable!'

Anyone looking at the eldest Barkley son would think him stoic and composed, the man of the house. They couldn't know that inside he was crying, his heart aching for the loss of his youngest brother. He would mourn later in private, but right now his family needed him to be strong.

Audra stood beside her mother, clinging to her husband and Carl held her to him, murmuring soothing words as she cried for her favorite brother. Silas stood on the other side of Jarrod, Victoria having told him in no uncertain terms that he was a part of the family and would stand with them. The tears ran down his face and he said a silent prayer to his maker to take good care of his Heath.

The past three days had been a blur for Victoria, an endless stream of visitors offering their condolences, asking how they could help. Didn't they understand that they couldn't help? Didn't they understand that her beautiful son had been taken from her and all she wanted was for them to leave her alone so she could go to her room and cry until she had no tears left? Didn't they understand that her heart was broken? She looked at all the familiar faces, people who had come from miles around to pay their respects. Most were friends and neighbors, although some were just people whose lives Heath had touched with his quiet, gentle ways. She knew they came, not because of who her son was, but because of what he had been ...a good man.

The Barkley ranch hands stood in a solemn group near the gate of the Barkley family cemetery, heads bowed and hats clutched in their hands. Nick had come to the bunkhouse that morning and given anyone who wanted to attend the funeral the day off, telling them the work could wait. They were there to a man, none of them ashamed of the tears they shed for this man they had respected and cared for, their friend.

Father Davies finished his prayer and nodded to Jarrod. He put his arm around his mother's trembling shoulders and cleared his throat before starting to speak.

Victoria listened to the carefully chosen words until the sound of hoof beats approaching had her looking up, her heart pounding. She had started to think he wasn't going to come. He had left the house early that morning and ridden out after talking to the men. He hadn't returned by the time the family was ready to leave and no one had seen him. She knew everyone was wondering where he was and why he wasn't attending his own brother’s funeral. She watched him pull up and dismount slowly.

He hesitated a moment before entering the gate and walking past his fathers grave to stand under the willow tree where his brother would rest. They had discussed it that last day at the lodge, Heath telling him and Jarrod that he had always liked this particular spot, it was a quiet, pretty location facing the rising sun.

Victoria saw that he had gone home and changed and it didn't surprise her that, instead of wearing a suit and tie, he had put on black pants and a crisp white shirt under his black leather vest. A tear ran down her face as she watched him standing there by himself ... he looked so lonely.

He had hardly said a word to anyone the past three days, leaving early every morning to ride out before anyone else was up. He would come in dusty and dirty after nightfall and go to the kitchen to eat the supper Silas kept warm for him before heading up the back stairs, bathing, and retreating to his room, closing the door quietly. She had been waiting for him Monday night when he came in the back door and she held his arm when he tried to brush by her. Her eyes were filled with tears as she looked up at his scowling face.

"Nick, I think you should be here when people come to pay their respects. You shouldn't be..."

"I have a ranch to run Mother, the work doesn't stop just because ... just because..."

His jaw tightened and his face set in a hard mask. He pulled away from her, picked up his supper plate and wearily climbed the stairs. He had done the same things when his father had died, except then she had been able to talk to him. She sat at the kitchen table for a long while trying to compose herself before going upstairs and knocking on his door.

"Nick? Nick, I want to talk to you. May I come in?"

Her only answer was the sound of the key turning in the lock.

She listened to Jarrod finish the beautiful eulogy to Heath he had written last night with her and Audra's help. He had known both his mother and sister were too distraught to speak without breaking down and so he had spoken for them, the love Victoria had for her son and his and Audra's for their brother coming through clearly in his voice. Nick refused to even talk about it and Jarrod didn't feel it was his place to speak Nick's thoughts for him.

A number of Heath's dearest friends came forward to honor him and when they were done, Father Davies looked towards Nick and asked if anyone else had anything they would like to say. Victoria watched him standing beneath the tree so still and silent and her heart begged him to come forward and say something, anything to acknowledge what Heath had meant to him.

She had just about given up hope when she saw him start to walk forward slowly. He came to a stop and Victoria held onto Jarrod’s arm tightly and leaned her head on his shoulder as Nick knelt down and placed his hand gently on top of the burnished redwood casket.

He spoke his thoughts silently, they weren't for anyone else to hear.

'Hey little brother, I wasn't gonna' come ya know.' He mentally shrugged, 'guess I figured if I ignored it, then it wouldn't really be happening. Besides, I couldn't stand the thought of them putting ya in this cold dark ground. I know how much ya hate small, dark places after the mines, Risley and Carterson...'

The very word evoked images of the horrors he knew Heath had been put through there. He pushed them away and rubbed his hand over the satiny wood.

'But I finally told myself that it's only your body that's here, that ... that your soul, that part of you that made you Heath Barkley has left and is flying free somewhere...'

He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed the lump in his throat, 'I have to believe that Heath ... I have to or I'm not gonna' make it.'

A single tear splashed onto the red roses his mother had picked from her garden and placed on top of the casket, her message of love to her youngest son. Nick stared at the flowers then lifted his hand to his mouth and used his teeth to loosen his black gloves. He pulled them off slowly and laid them beside the roses.

'Something to remember me by Heath.'

He rested his forehead on the polished wood for a moment, his lips moving in a soundless quote.

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,

Will stick more close than a brother.

And it's worthwhile seeking him half your days

If you find him before the other.

'I found him Heath, it took a long time, but I found him.'

He stood up and Father Davies looked at him and reached out to touch his arm, "is there anything you'd like to say Nick?"

There was so much he wanted to say and couldn't, so he closed his eyes and said all that he needed to say. All the love and heartbreak he carried inside expressed in the few clear words that he spoke, words that said everything.

"He was my brother."

Victoria's tears spilled over as she watched her son take a shuddering breath and lovingly caress the deep redwood top for a moment before he turned away and went over to his family. He hugged his mother hard, then stepped back and picked up her hands.

"I have to go Mother. I can't stay here and watch them..." He shook his head trying to explain his feelings, "they're going to put him ... and I can't ... I can't..."

She reached up to cup his cheek, her heart aching at the lost look in his eyes.

"I know Nick, and I do understand." She dropped her hand, "you go now, but just remember, we'll always be there for you when you need us."

"Please understand Mother, I have to get through this my own way." He hugged her again and nodded to Jarrod, Audra and Carl before walking out the gate and mounting his horse. He sat there for a minute saying goodbye to his brother, then wheeled his mare around and rode away.

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He laid his head against the door jam and looked out into the clear, cool night sky with unseeing eyes, shredding pieces of straw and throwing them away, over and over, mindlessly. He had ridden for hours, wandering aimlessly across the ranch, trying not to think because thinking only made the hurt worse. If he could keep his mind and body numb the pain wouldn't be so bad, it wouldn't be able to take over and tear him apart.

When he had gotten home just after eight, Jarrod had come out and met him at the corral. He had put his arm around his shoulders and asked him to walk with him a bit.

"I want to read Heath's will tonight Nick, it won't get any easier if we wait. Mother agreed with me and as Audra and Carl are already here, it seems like a good time."

Nick shook off his arm and turned to face him, "fine Jarrod, but I won't be there."

"Nick..."

The dark head gave a negative shake and he went over and crossed his arms on top of the corral fence.

"No Jarrod, I can't do it. It's too much, I can't handle any more right now. The past few months..."

Jarrod heard the catch in his voice and went over to stand beside him. He tilted his head and considered his brothers profile before speaking.

"All right Nick, how about if I just tell you now what he left you?" He leaned on the rail beside the dark brooding man and waited for the small nod before proceeding.

"He was very specific about what he wanted when we talked this over. He had thought everything out very clearly, looked at every angle. He was a smart man our brother."

Nick glanced at him, hearing the admiration in his voice before he turned away to stare across the corral again.

"First off, I'm not going to list the smaller things, the personal mementos. I'll just give those to you later."

Nick gave a quick nod and scuffed his boot through the dirt, looking down at the trench he was digging. Jarrod took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"As you may have guessed, he left you his horse and, in his own words, I quote, 'and he damn well better not use those spurs on him!' unquote."

He didn't get the chuckle he had expected as Nick just kept his head down, not saying a word. "He also left you his fishing rod."

Jarrod touched his arm and when Nick lifted his head to look at him, he hooked his thumbs in his vest pockets and indicated with a jerk of his head that he wanted Nick to follow him.

They walked down past the paddocks until they were out in the open whereupon Jarrod stopped and Nick stood with his hands on his hips and scowled at him, "why are we out here Jarrod?"

"Because Nick, this is what Heath left you." He swept his arm across in front of them, "he left you ... this. The land. The land that you and he have sweated, laughed, nurtured and worked for. The land you both love."

The hazel eyes looked at him in confusion, "don't you mean he left it to all of us Jarrod?

"No Nick, I mean he left his share of the ranch all to you. Like I said, our brother was a smart man. He wanted the Barkley Ranch to stay together, just as it is. His share now gives you controlling interest simply because we all know Mother will vote with you. She'll never let any part of this ranch go, she and Father worked too hard for it. Heath wanted to make sure you own two-fifth's of it and he wanted it that way so no part of the ranch could be sold without your permission."

Nick shook his head and shrugged, "none of us would ever sell our share so why would he feel the need to do that?"

Jarrod looked at him with raised eyebrows, "because brother Nick, all those times you made fun of him for reading my, 'dusty old law books', he was learning a thing or two. Like the fact that if something, God forbid, happens to Audra, Carl inherits her share of the ranch. The same with Mother, her share would be divided between us and therefore Carl would inherit that through Audra too. Now, even though Carl's our brother in law and we think a lot of him, there might come a time when he'll want to sell his share. Heath made sure that wouldn't happen. He also knew I had no interest in running this ranch, so he has left all his stock and any profits from the ranch and all our other interests to all of us, divided equally, which is another incentive to keep this ranch growing."

Jarrod reached over and squeezed his arm, "Heath also left you his share of the sock money and he told me to tell you to buy something YOU really want with it."

Nick looked up at the clouds scuttling by the bright disc of the moon and heaved a sigh. The sound of crickets chirping brought back painful memories of the last time he had sat here in the open mow doorway shredding straw and trying not to cry. He was trying desperately not to cry this time too and his hazel eyes searched the darkness again, just as they had that night - looking for answers that weren't there.

The difference tonight though was that he was alone, there was no familiar presence by his side, no one there to listen to him, no quiet voice offering him comfort ... no Heath.

He lifted his legs and wrapped his arms around his upraised knees and the tears slid slowly down his cheeks.

Chapter 57

Victoria spent the next day in her room, doing what she had longed to do for nearly four days. She went to her closet and removed from it's box the ugliest hat she'd ever seen and sat on her bed holding it close while she read the beautiful, loving letter Heath had written to her.

"Dearest Mother,

Have I ever told you how very much I love you? How very privileged I've been to have had two such wonderful and loving Mother's in my life? You helped make me the man I am today and I thank you for it. You didn't have to accept me or love me Mother, but you did, right from the start, and you can't know how much that meant to me..."

There were two pages, pages that were full of her son's loving thoughts, feelings and happy memories. Reading it made her feel like he was there with her and when she was done, she laid down and cried until there were no tears left.

Jarrod went up a little after three to make sure she was all right. He had given her the letter the night before and she had put it aside while she consoled Audra who had decided to read hers right then and there knowing she would need the comfort of her family around her afterwards. He stood outside her door for a moment listening and when his light knock wasn't answered, he opened the door and went over to the bed to find she had finally fallen into an exhausted sleep. He watched her for a moment, she looked so pale and fragile, not like the strong resilient woman he knew and he picked up a quilt and gently spread it over her, bending to drop a kiss on her silver hair as he removed the letter from her hand and placed it on her night table.

"Sleep well lovely lady."

He made his way back downstairs and stopped in the foyer. Audra and Carl had stayed over night after the reading of the will but Victoria had insisted that they go home this morning. She wasn't up to any company, family or not, all she wanted was to be left alone for awhile, to not have to be strong for once.

Nick hadn't come in that morning until after one but was once again out and gone before anyone else was up. Silas had gone to town to pick up the mail and Jarrod found the silence in the big house deafening. With his mother upstairs sleeping, he was as much as alone in the house and he listened to the ticking of the grandfather clock and thought, 'this isn't the same silence as before. This is different'. Before it was an expectant silence, a warm, welcoming silence, as if the house was just waiting for it's occupants to return and fill it full of life again. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but now it almost seemed as if the whole house was as sad as the people who lived in it, the life had gone out of it ... it felt cold and empty.

"Mr. Jarrod?"

He turned to find Silas approaching him from the back hall carrying a small wicker basket that he set on the foyer table.

Jarrod looked at the contents and raised his eyebrows. "What's all this Silas?"

The dark eyes opened wide, "why it be the mail Mr. Jarrod. I never seen so much of it b'fore! Mr. Perkins over the telegraph office done stopped me and give me a whole bunch of telegrams to bring back so's he don't havta' ride out here again today."

Jarrod wasn't surprised, word of Heath's death had traveled fast, to the surrounding area by word of mouth and further by the newspaper article published Monday morning. The Barkley family was influential and well known and the story was front-page news. Jarrod picked up a few telegrams and read them. Some were from friends and acquaintances who lived too far away to make it to the funeral while others were from people Nick and Heath had met on one of their many and varied buying or selling trips. All said what a fine young man he had been and they were saddened by the news. He dropped the papers back in the basket and picked it up.

"I'll take these to the library Silas and go through them before my mother comes down."

"Yes sir Mr. Jarrod." He had seen how much the telegrams that had come in the past few days had upset Mrs. Barkley and knew her son would just tell her who had sent them without her having to read them. "I'll bring y'all some coffee in a few minutes."

"Thank you Silas."

Victoria took a supper tray in her room that night and Jarrod had Silas prepare him some sandwiches to eat at his desk in the library. He had read his letter from Heath after checking on his mother that afternoon and was secretly glad no one was around, the words alternately making him laugh and cry in turns. Heath had known him much better than he had ever thought. As he had told Nick, their brother was a smart man.

The sound of the door opening at nine thirty had him swiveling his chair around from where he had been contemplating the darkness outside the windows. He watched Nick cross the room, pour a healthy measure of whiskey and knock it back quickly before pouring another.

"Where have you been?"

Nick's hand jerked at the unexpected voice behind him, he had thought he was alone. He gulped down his drink and poured another, slamming the crystal decanter down before turning around and crossing his arms.

"Where do ya think I've been?"

When his brother didn't answer, Nick waved his hand towards the window, "I've been out running this ranch, that's where I've been. You seem to forget there's a lot more work for me to do now."

Jarrod sat forward and clasped his hands on the desk, he could tell by Nick's belligerent stance that he was just looking for a fight. He had no intention of getting into a confrontation with him though, so he just nodded at the piece of paper sitting on the edge of the desk.

"There's a telegram there for you."

Nick stared at him for a moment then crossed to the desk and snatched the paper up angrily, the printed words bringing back his promise to Heath. No, he couldn't think about it, it was much too soon, he needed time.

Jarrod watched his face turn pale before he crumpled the telegram and turned to him with fury in his eyes, his voice a low growl as he asked, "did you send her a telegram?"

"No."

"Then how did she find out?"

Jarrod shrugged and spread his hands, "I would imagine she read it in the paper, although YOU should have sent her a telegram and told her yourself."

Nick tossed the crumpled up ball on the desk and leaned his hands on the surface, his face close to his brother's, his deep voice guttural.

"I don't need you telling me how to run my life councilor. You wire her and tell her not to bother, I've got enough to deal with already, I don't need that too."

He slapped his hands on the desk, straightened up and strode across the room with long angry strides, slamming the door as he went out.

Jarrod picked up the paper and smoothed it out, reading the words again:

"Dear Nick, I am so sorry to hear about Heath. Please accept my condolences and know I am thinking of you and your family. If you want me to come, I can be there by the fourteenth. Love, Layle."

He sat back in the leather chair with a sigh, knowing his brother felt he didn't deserve to be happy now, knowing he intended to punish himself for something he had had no control over.

He read the telegram again, seeing the date she had wanted to come and realizing that was what had upset Nick more than anything.

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Slim had just finished saddling the big bay when Nick came out a little later than usual the next morning. The rest of the men stopped what they were doing and watched the dark look that came over his face as he barked at the tall, lanky cow hand.

"WHAT DO YA THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Slim shrugged and looked at him in confusion, "we figured you'd wanta' ride this big guy today so I thought I'd get him ready for ya."

Nick glared at all of them, his fists planted on his hips, an angry scowl on his face, "I DON'T PAY YOU MEN TO THINK. NOW UNSADDLE HIM AND TURN HIM OUT."

Slim looked over his shoulder and hurriedly started to undo the cinch, "turn him out where Nick? Ya want him in with the remuda horses?"

"No." He lowered his voice and looked around while he waited for Slim to get his saddle off the horse, "put him in that paddock over there." He waved his hand at the enclosure on the far side of the barn, "and I don't want anyone touching him from now on. Ya just feed and water him, that's it, ya hear me?"

The men looked at each other warily and nodded as he snatched his saddle from Slim's hands and started for the barn. Steve reached out and grabbed his arm when he went to go by him, pulling him to a stop, "that's the finest cutting horse in this valley Nick, ya don't intend to leave him out there do ya? Heath wouldn't have wanted that."

Nick wrenched his arm away and his lips set in a hard line, "don't question my orders."

He looked around at the rest of the men who were standing around in groups and shuffling their feet, "get to work all of you."

He came out of the barn fifteen minutes later leading the grey mare and issued the days work assignments before mounting up and riding out alone.

Charlie looked at Mike and Steve and shrugged, "we all better stay out of his way for awhile I'm thinkin'."

"Yep." Mike watched him gallop away and nodded, "I reckon it's gonna' be a rough road for quite a spell without Heath here to settle him down."

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The days passed with everyone going their separate ways, Victoria spent all of her time in her gardens or at Audra's while Jarrod immersed himself in a complicated case and didn't come home from his office in town until suppertime each night. Nick threw himself into his work and never arrived home until very late, always missing the meal, leaving Victoria and Jarrod to share the dining room alone every night.

She was waiting in the kitchen for him one night knowing he never used the front door anymore, as a matter of fact, she had hardly seen or heard him since the day before Heath died. He came in and threw his hat on the table when he saw her, the closed look on his face precluding any pleasantries she might have offered.

"Nick. Audra and Carl are coming for supper tomorrow and I expect you to be here. Am I making myself clear?"

"I have work to do Mother..."

"You will be here for supper Nicholas."

Her tone and the look in her eyes told him it wasn't a request and he nodded sharply before going up the stairs.

He arrived home the next night with just enough time for a quick wash before entering the dining room and throwing himself into his seat with a muttered greeting to his family. The conversation around the table was stilted and forced, the usual light hearted banter and arguing that used to accompany a family meal, gone. Victoria and Audra drifted into talk about a fundraiser for the orphanage while Jarrod discussed his latest case with Carl. Nick sat there silently, trying to get through this ordeal, his mind miles away as he thought about the strays he had seen in the hills that morning. He moved his arm to nudge the one that was always beside him.

"Hey Heath, we better round up them..."

The sound of cutlery dropping had him looking up to find everyone staring at him with a mixture of shock and sadness, his mother pale and trembling. It was then that he realized what he had said and he slammed his chair back and left the room as Audra burst into tears and Jarrod went to his mother and put his arms around her while Carl tried to calm his wife down. It was the last meal Nick would eat in the dining room for a very long time.

He laid on his bed staring at the ceiling, just as he had done every night for the past two weeks, willing sleep to come and knowing it wouldn't until the early hours just from sheer exhaustion. He was running on two or three hours a night, dragging himself out of the house before anyone else was up just so he wouldn't have to see or speak to anyone more than he had to. He knew what he was doing, but couldn't stop himself. Everywhere he looked reminded him of Heath and it hurt more and more every day, knowing he would never hear that quiet voice again over the chess or checker board, at the pool table or sitting together by the fire relaxing after a hard days work, talking and laughing.

Today was going to be an especially bad day, a day when he definitely didn't want to be anywhere near this house, didn't want to hear his mother or Audra crying. He finally gave up on getting any sleep and slipped down the back stairs and out to the barn, saddling his horse and leading her out to the yard. A quiet nicker had him looking across the paddocks to see a dark shape standing in the pre dawn gloom watching him over the fence. He turned away and hauled his weary body into the saddle, ignoring the lonely nicker that followed him as he rode off.

Nick made his way to Sky Meadow taking the long way around, making sure he gave Lookout Peak a wide berth, unable to go anywhere near the canyon physically or emotionally, the pain of what had happened there too raw and real, keeping him far away from it. Keeping him from remembering all the good times.

He ended up at the cemetery hours later, sitting beside the black marble headstone. It was the first time he had come here since ... the thought skittered away. He had to come, today of all days ... he had to.

"Hey little brother, I come to talk to ya. Remember ya said I could always come and talk to ya and you'd listen? Well I been tryin'. Every day and every night I been tryin'." He held his hand over his heart, "but you're not here." He ran his hand over the marble, it was cold and hard, like his heart was becoming, "where are ya Heath? Ya said you'd always be there for me when I need ya and I need ya now."

His only answer was the fluttering of the willow leaves in the wind and his heart grew colder and harder.

Victoria stopped her buggy a short distance away and watched her middle son sitting with his arms wrapped around his legs and his dark head resting on his knees. She knew he would come here on this day, how could he not? It was his brothers birthday and they had always spent it together.

Her heart ached as she watched him, he was growing so far away from everyone and everything he loved and she didn't know how to help him. He had said he needed to get through it in his own way, but that way obviously wasn't working and she didn't know what to do. All she knew was that this was far worse than when his father had died. Back then, he had screamed and raged, letting his feelings be know to one and all. This time though, he was retreating into himself, keeping everything inside, refusing to talk to anyone. Victoria watched him sitting there alone and realized what the difference was this time ... this time a part of him had died with Heath.

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A sound woke him from the restless sleep he had fallen into just after midnight on this warm night in early June, his ears straining to hear in the silent room. It came again, soft and faint through the open window and he got up and went over to stare out across the darkened paddocks to the shadowy figure walking back and forth along the fence in the moonlight.

The big bay stopped and put his head over the fence, the sound of his lonely nicker drifting up to the equally lonely man standing at the window watching him.

Chapter 58

Jarrod stopped at the open French doors in the dining room and watched his mother for a moment, sitting on the bench in her rose garden staring at nothing, an open book lying forgotten on her lap. He put a smile on his face, plucked a fragrant deep pink rose from a bush beside the doors and walked over to sit down next to her.

"Good morning lovely lady."

She gave him a wan smile and he picked up her hand and placed the rose in it gently. "A beautiful rose for a beautiful rose."

She wrapped her arm around his and laid her head against his shoulder with a sigh, "thank you Jarrod."

He tilted his head to look down at her, "want to talk about it Mother, it might help."

Victoria glanced up and met the understanding blue eyes watching her, he was so smart this oldest son of hers, he always knew when she needed to be alone and when she needed company. She thought for a moment, lifting the rose and breathing in it's delicate, sweet scent, trying to sort out what she was thinking and feeling before she spoke hesitantly.

"I don't know what to do anymore Jarrod, I don't know how to help him. I've tried to talk to him so many times, but he just brushes me off or gets angry and leaves. It's ironic isn't it, that the one person who could talk to him, isn't here."

Jarrod rubbed her hand and shrugged, "I know Mother, and I've tried to talk to him myself enough times, but I just don't have the patience with him that Heath had, I end up getting frustrated with him when he tells me he's fine and to mind my own business."

Victoria took a shaky breath and straightened up, turning to look at her son intently, "oh Jarrod, he keeps saying he's fine, but he's not, you know he's not." The silver head gave a small shake, "it's been seven weeks Jarrod and I've hardly seen him in that time. He's getting so far away."

"I know Mother, but maybe he just needs us to back off a bit and give him some more time to get things straight in his head. We knew how hard this was going to be on him, Heath was his companion, his confidant, his best friend, his whole world and now he's gone and Nick hasn't been able to accept that yet. Let's give him awhile longer, there's really nothing we can do until he decides to come to us anyway."

She nodded and laid her head back on his shoulder. He could hear the tears in her voice as she whispered, "I never knew a house could feel so lonely. I miss Heath so much, and with Nick gone all the time, I can hardly stand to be inside anymore." She sighed again, "as much as I was always telling him to stop shouting in the house, I would give anything to have him come through that front door again and yell, 'Mother!!'."

Jarrod patted her hand and pulled her close, "has he answered any of Layle's letters yet?"

"No. He doesn't even read them." She shifted uncomfortably, "he'll be angry, but I've taken the liberty of replying to her a few times - just so she doesn't worry you understand."

The blue eyes twinkled and he dropped a kiss on her hair, "oh, I understand Mother, and who says you can't correspond with a friend?"

Victoria smiled up at him, "my thoughts exactly."

She settled against him again and he cleared his throat, "I have to go to San Francisco next week for this trial I've been working on, why don't you come along? Nick's never home and I don't like the idea of you being here alone. I think it would do you good to get away for awhile, what do you think?"

Victoria thought about it for a moment, "I don't know Jarrod, I hate to leave him here alone."

"Nick's going to be alone whether you're here or not Mother."

She looked towards the barns and saw Nick mount his horse and ride off and wondered where he could be going this early on a Sunday morning, "let me think about it for a few days Jarrod."

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"C'mon old boy, let's go see your friend."

Jesse led CoCo out of the barn and headed across the yard towards the far paddocks where Charger was standing in a corner dozing in the warm sunshine. He raised his head, ears pricked at the sight of his companion approaching, then gave a squeal and raced across to stand at the fence and nicker a greeting as Jesse lifted the latch on the gate and started to pull it open. The sound of hoofbeats approaching accompanied the angry voice of his boss as he pulled his grey mare to a sliding halt and dismounted.

"WHAT DO YA THINK YOU'RE DOIN'?"

Jesse closed the gate again and took a deep breath before turning around, "I was just gonna' ..."

The black-gloved hand waved through the air, "I DON'T CARE WHAT YA WERE GONNA' DO, NOW PUT HIM AWAY!! I TOLD YA TO STAY AWAY FROM THIS HORSE."

As Nick's voice rose, Charger tossed his head and backed up nervously from where he and CoCo had been snuffling each other over the fence.

Mike was sitting on the porch of the bunkhouse, lazing his Sunday away when he saw Nick ride up and start shouting. He shook his head and got up wearily. This had gone on for long enough and after losing two of the newer hands to Nick's temper in the past week, he figured it was time to settle a few things. He had discussed it with Charlie and Steve before approaching Jarrod one night after he had come home from his office in town. He wasn't surprised when Jarrod told him the whole family had been trying to talk to Nick and weren't getting anywhere.

Maybe it was going to take someone outside the family to get through to him. He strode across the yard, caught Jesse's eye and jerked his head towards the barn. "Put him away Jess and head on in, Cookie's got lunch almost ready."

Jesse nodded, ignored Nick and led CoCo back to the barn as Charger followed them along the fence until he ran out of room then stood there calling frantically until they disappeared inside the barn. He trotted back and forth along the fence, watching the barn door, just as he had been doing every day for nearly two months.

Mike grabbed Nick's arm as he turned to mount his horse and spun him around, "you hold on there Nick, you and me are gonna' have a little chat."

Nick tried to pull his arm free, "I got work to do and we got nothin' to talk about."

"Oh yeah we do and you're gonna' listen to me one way or another." He dropped his hand when Nick brought his fist up and held it in front of his face, his voice menacing.

"I said we got nothin' to talk about, now you better drop it or..."

"Or what? You'll take a swing at me?" He looked the black clad body up and down derisively, "the shape you're in right now, I reckon you'd have trouble winning a fight with a rag doll, but go ahead and hit me if that'll make ya feel better."

The older ranch hand crossed his arms and stood his ground. He could see that Nick was exhausted and weakened by lack of sleep and overworking. He wasn't afraid of the scowling man, he was as big and strong as Nick, ten years older than him, but lean and tough and he had helped guide the younger man when his father died. He wasn't about to back down, not if he wanted to save his friend. He silently wished Heath were here, he could have straightened his brother out with little more than a look and a few quiet words.

Nick slowly lowered his hand and shrugged, "all right talk then if ya have to, but don't expect an answer."

Mike turned his dark brown eyes towards the horse pacing up and down the fence line and nodded, "I want to know why you're tryin' to ruin that good horse. Why ya got him out there. Ya never even look at him never mind give him any care. Heath would never have left him to ya if he had any idea ya were gonna' do this. He set a lot of store by that horse, trained him himself from when he got him as a three year old. Hell, if I thought for a second you'd sell him, I'd buy him myself 'cause there ain't a finer horse in this here valley."

The hazel eyes flashed, "he's not for sale and he's fine out there."

Mike pulled his hat off his dark blond hair and slapped it against his thigh in frustration, "HE'S NOT FINE, OPEN YOUR EYES BOY!!"

The rugged face took on a closed look and the lips thinned into a hard, stubborn line as Nick growled, "I don't know what you're talking about, he gets fed and watered and he doesn't have to work."

Mike grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the fence, pointing to where Charger was now standing in a corner, head down, dejection in every line of his body, "look at him, he's miserable and lonely. See that trench there along the fence? That's from him running along there all day after we head out in the morning. He's used to going out to work every day Nick, he doesn't understand why we leave without him every day."

The big bay nickered softly and Nick turned away from the sight of the horse watching him with intelligent dark eyes, eyes that said he was as lonely as the man on the other side of the fence, a fence that kept them separate.

He hardened his heart and tugged his hat lower, his scowl deepening, "I have fence's to check, I can't be standin' around here all day yammerin' with you."

Mike pulled the reins from his hand, "I'm not done with ya yet. I've got a pretty good idea why you're doin' this Nick."

The fists went to his hips and Nick snapped at him, "I'm not listening to any more of what you think Mike, now give me my horse and let me be on my way."

"No. It's Sunday and there's no pressin' need for ya to be workin' so you're gonna' listen to me if I have to hog tie ya."

Nick could see Mike wasn't going to give him his horse until he said his piece so he backed up against the fence and waved his hand, "all right, go ahead."

Brown eyes held hazel and Mike shrugged, "I think I know why ya won't let us put CoCo out with him. I think it's because in some strange kinda way ya figure if ya can't have your best friend with ya, then he can't neither."

Nick stiffened and crossed his arms as Mike continued, "you don't even know it, but you want that poor horse to be as lonely as you are, to hurt as much as you do. You're blaming that horse for being here when Heath isn't."

"You're crazy..."

"Heath left ya that horse 'cause he cared about what happened to him, he'd be mighty upset if he saw what you've done to him."

Nick glanced over his shoulder at the cutting horse who had again begun walking along the path he had worn in the dirt. "I haven't done anything to him, he's fine."

"Well maybe ya better take a closer look. He hasn't been shod in near two months. His shoes are loose and he's carryin' so much toe now he's back on his heels and his legs are all filled up."

He finally handed the reins over and put his hands in his back pockets, "you're gonna' lame that good horse Nick and I won't stand by and let ya do it. I'm bringin' him out and shoein' him right now. Ya try and stop me and we'll be havin' that fight you've been itchin' for."

Nick could see the resolve on Mikes face and nodded before mounting his mare and wheeling her around, "fine, you shoe him but then ya turn him back out. He's my horse and I decide what I do with him ... understand?"

Mike opened the gate and Charger raced over and put his head on the tall cowboys shoulder as Mike patted his neck heartily and slapped his chest before leading him out of the paddock and over to the barn. Nick watched them go with a closed, hard expression on his face, his mind refusing to accept what Mike had said. He wasn't punishing the horse, he just didn't need another one. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was Heath's horse and to him, he would always remind him of Heath.

A tiny voice whispered through his head, 'wouldn't you both be a little less lonely if you had each other, if you had something tangible that would bring Heath closer to you?'

He stamped the voice down viciously. Heath was gone and as much as he begged, he couldn't bring him back. How many nights had he lain awake trying to find him in his heart, trying to talk to him and getting no reply? No, he didn't want any more reminders of what he had lost and that horse was a constant living reminder.

He spurred his mare towards the distant pastures while his mother watched him from the dining room window. She turned back and went down the hall to the library where Jarrod was reading at his desk. There was a time on a Sunday afternoon like this when the room would have been filled with talk and laughter as the family got together after a hard weeks work.

Loneliness enveloped her like a shroud as she looked around the silent room then left quietly to go to her room and cry for both her lost sons.

Chapter 59

"Nick?"

Audra approached her brother as he was loading fencing materials into the wagon outside the barn a couple of days later.

He looked up briefly and nodded, "what are you doin' here Audra?"

She leaned on the side of the wagon and watched him throw a roll of wire on top of the fence posts, "I just thought I'd come over and see if you wanted to go riding with me. You're always so busy, I never see you anymore."

He scowled at her and slammed the tailgate shut, "I've got a ranch to run and I spend enough hours in the saddle every day, I don't need any more. Why don't ya get Jarrod to go with ya, he's home today."

She scuffed her toe in the dirt and gave him a hurt look, "I wanted to go with you."

"Well I don't have time." He went back into the barn and she wandered over and crossed her arms on top of the corral fence, watching Charger in the next paddock over. She could see he was filthy, his coat dull with dust and dirt, mane and tail matted with mud. She picked up a brush and currycomb that were laying on the fence rail and made her way over to him.

She had just bent down to slip through the rails when a hand grabbed her arm and pulled her upright.

"What do ya think you're doin'?"

Her blue eyes looked into his angry face and she shook her head, "I was just going to brush him up Nick, he's so dirty."

He gave her a little shake, "you stay away from that horse, ya hear me?"

"I won't, Heath would never have let his horse get into this condition. He'd be ashamed of you if could see this."

His jaw tightened and his words hissed out through clenched teeth, "well Heath isn't here is he? Now you do what I tell ya."

She stamped her foot and glared at him, "I'm going to brush him whether you like it or not Nick!"

"I said stay outa' that paddock " He tightened his hold on her arm as she tried to duck under the rail and she winced at the pressure.

"Let go Nick, you're hurting me." Tears sprang to her eyes as she tried to twist out of his bruising grip.

"I own that horse and you don't touch him, understand?" He shook her again and she felt a frisson of fear go through her at the hard look in his eyes. He finally let go of her when she nodded and she backed away from him, rubbing her arm, then turned and ran to the house.

Jarrod came out as Nick was climbing onto the wagon seat and he stopped beside it and looked up at his moody brother with a dark frown, "Mother wants to see you in the house ... now."

"I have work to do."

Jarrod reached up and stopped him as he was about to flick the lines and set the horses in motion, "NOW."

He waited until Nick gave an aggravated sigh and wrapped the lines around the brake, then he turned and strode away, the sound of spurs following behind him.

Victoria was waiting in the foyer when they came in and Jarrod went to stand near the library doors, fingers in his front pockets, staying close by to lend support if she should need it as Nick came to a halt in front of her. Her hands were clasped tightly in front of her and her grey eyes were angry as she looked at him.

"What did you do Nicholas?"

He waved his hand, "nothing, she was going to..."

She cut him off, "nothing!! Audra is upstairs in her room crying and her arm is black and blue and you say you did nothing!"

The black gloved hands went to his hips and he shrugged, "all right, all right, I mighta' grabbed her a little too hard, but she was..."

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" She took a deep breath and lowered her voice, "there is no reason in the world for you to ever hurt your sister and it will never happen again, do you understand me?"

He nodded sharply, "yes Mother." He tugged his hat lower and grumbled, "but if she had of stayed away from that horse when I told her to, she..."

"I said that's enough." Victoria shook her head and searched for the words to try and make him see what he was doing to the family, "Nick, we know how hard losing Heath has been for you and we've all tried to be patient..."

He could feel the dark anger welling up inside him as she spoke. They didn't know, they couldn't begin to imagine the black hell he was in. His hazel eyes narrowed as his mother continued. "But you have got to realize that it's been hard for all of us. You have to realize you aren't the only one who is suffering, Jarrod and Audra have lost their brother too and I've lost my son..."

"HE WASN'T YOUR SON!!"

His head snapped to the side as the crack reverberated around the room. Victoria dropped her stinging hand, tears glistening in her eyes as she stared at him, trembling, her face pale.

"How... dare... you."

His chest was heaving with the force of his emotions and he couldn't speak as he watched her lift her head and give him a cold look before picking up her skirts and hurrying up the stairs. Jarrod listened to her bedroom door slam shut and walked over to stand in front of his brother, his brows lowered in anger.

"I think you'd better leave Nick, it seems to me you've done more than enough damage around here for one day." He poked the black leather vest with his finger, "and I suggest that while you're gone you think about what you've been doing and start trying to pull yourself together because I for one am not going to put up with you hurting this family any more. We're hurting enough already without you adding to it. Heath is gone and you're going to have to accept that sooner or later and get on with your life."

The dark haired cowboy opened his mouth to say something but at the look on Jarrod's face he just shook his head and went out the door, closing it quietly behind him. He went to the barn and unhooked the team of horses from the wagon and put them away before going over and saddling CoCo. He had to get away from his problems, just for a while.

The miles fell away behind him as the two loped across the open pastures, Nick so lost in his thoughts he didn't realize where they were until CoCo slowed down to a walk and his heart gave a jolt when he looked up and saw they were at the base of Lookout Peak. He jerked the chestnut around harshly and dug his spurs in, heedless of the direction they were going, just so long as it was away from the place where he had lost his brother.

They had gone nearly two miles and the old horse was labouring badly but Nick kept digging his spurs in, trying to outrun the demons chasing him. CoCo finally staggered, stumbled and went to his knees tossing Nick over his head before regaining his feet. He stood there, head down, sides heaving, the sweat running off him in rivulets and foam flecking his deep liver coat.

Nick shook his head and a wave of dizziness swept over him as he pushed himself up onto his hands and knees. He sat back on his heels with his hands on his thighs and closed his eyes, waiting for his head to stop spinning before he looked up and saw CoCo standing a few feet in front of him, blowing hard, his knees skinned and blood dripping from his deeply flaring nostrils.

Nick rocked back and put his hands over his eyes in agony. He knew it was just some ruptured blood vessels, but it was his fault. He had ridden him into the ground, uncaring of the horse's welfare, only caring about what he needed. What was wrong with him? He knew he was hurting everyone around him, his mother, Audra, Jarrod, his friends ... even his horses. Where would it end?

He dropped his hands and looked up at the clear blue sky, his voice raspy and pleading, "Heath where are ya? I need ya brother, I can't stand this, I can't stand to be alone any more."

The only sound that came to him was CoCo's harsh breathing and he watched as a drop of blood splashed onto the dirt and was soaked up by the dry earth. Despair gripped his heart in it's icy tendrils and his hand went to his side and he pulled out his gun, cradling it in shaking hands before pulling back the hammer slowly. The wind made an eerie moaning sound as it blew through the pine trees around him, it sounded as lonely as he was.

His rugged face crumpled in pain and tears tracked slowly down his cheeks as he raised the gun towards his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "I hate you Heath, I ... I ... I ... hate you ... I hate ya for making me love ya so much..."

His voice was a tormented whisper as he finally let go of the anger that had been festering inside him for so long and laid bare his heart, "why did ya have to go? Why did ya have to leave me here all alone? I loved you little brother ... I loved you ... do ya hear me?"

He felt a shadow pass over him and looked up through his tears to see a golden eagle swoop low above him and a quiet, gentle voice lightly caressed his mind.

"I hear ya Nick."

Chapter 60

There was no one around when Nick finally walked through the iron gates and led CoCo over to the water trough in front of the corral to drink his fill before leading him into the barn. It had taken hours to get back and he knew his feet were covered in blisters, but to him, every one of them was no more than just penance for what he had done and he would not complain. He stopped inside and pulled off his saddle and bridle before slipping a halter over the old horses head and cross tying him in the aisle. CoCo stood there patiently as Nick got a bucket of warm soapy water from the bunkhouse and washed the dried blood from his muzzle before kneeling down beside him and cleaning the skinned knees. The chestnut shifted and snorted at the sting as Nick patted them dry and applied some bluing to the abrasions.

He stood up when he was done and CoCo nuzzled his chest in affection. Nick looked into the trusting eyes and slipped under his neck, wrapping his arms around him and petting him soundly.

"I'm sorry old boy."

He gave him a final pat then went and got brushes, spending the next half hour cleaning the sweat off the chestnut coat before putting him in his stall, making sure he had fresh water, hay and an extra ration of grain.

Nick took a deep breath and squared his shoulders as he made his way to the house. He had had plenty of time to think today and knew he had a few apologies to make, starting with the person he had hurt the most.

Jarrod heard the front door open and came from the living room to see Nick crossing the foyer, throwing his hat on the table on his way to the staircase.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Nick stopped on the bottom step and turned to look at him, "I'm going up to talk to Mother."

Jarrod crossed his arms and gave him a hard stare, "I think you've said enough for one day, don't you Nick?"

He watched his brother lower himself to sit on the step, shoulders slumped in weariness as he shook his dark head.

"I have to talk to her Jarrod. I know I can't take back what I said and I know I can't make it right, but I still have to talk to her."

"I can't stop you Nick, but if you say anything to hurt her again..."

"I won't, I promise." He stood up and reached out to touch his brother's arm, "I'm sorry Jarrod ... for everything."

The blue eyes studied him for a moment, gauging his sincerity. Jarrod could see the change in him, it was there in his eyes, an acceptance of what had been and what would be. He didn't know how or why but he was relieved to see it because it meant that now the healing could begin ... for all of them.

He tilted his head, the lawyer in him not quite ready to forgive and forget, "I'll take your apology under consideration Nick."

The dark head nodded and he went up the stairs slowly and stopped outside his mother's door. He was almost afraid to go in, not knowing what he would say, needing forgiveness and knowing he didn't deserve any.

He tapped gently, his hand on the doorknob, "Mother? Can I come in? I...I want to talk to you."

"Go away Nick."

He leaned his forehead on the door at her words but refused to leave, "Mother? I'm coming in, I have to talk to you."

She was sitting on the chaise lounge in front of her window, staring out at nothing, a well-used handkerchief balled up in her hand. He sat down beside her and turned to look at her, the red rimmed eyes and pale features telling their own story of the hurt he had caused her.

"Mother?"

"I said go away Nick, I have nothing to say to you. I don't even know who you are anymore. All I do know is that the son I knew would never have said those hateful words to me."

"Mother, please."

His heart sank when she continued to ignore his presence, her stiff posture telling him plainly that he wasn't welcome but he knew he had to try and his voice came out hesitantly as he sought for words.

"I'm sorry Mother. I had no right to say that to you. I don't even know why I said it." He rested his forearms on his thighs and spread his hands as she turned further away from him, "that's a lie, I do know why I said it. I said it because I wanted to hurt you, I wanted you to hurt as much as I do and ... and..."

"Do you think I don't hurt as much as you do Nick?" His stomach dropped at her quiet words and he watched a tear slowly trickle down her cheek. "Do you think just because I didn't give birth to him that Heath wasn't my son as much as any of my children, that I didn't love him as much as the rest of you?"

She turned to him, more tears spilling over in her grief, "is that what you think Nick? That I couldn't love him as much because he wasn't a part of me?"

He reached over and picked up her hand, "no Mother, not ever. I know Heath was your son in every way that matters ... I know that, and you were his mother. He was so proud to be your son and so am I, you have to know that."

She pulled her hand away and wiped her eyes as he raked his hand through his hair, "I did a lot of thinking today Mother and I finally realized why I've been so angry, why I've been hurting everyone around me. It's Heath I've been angry with and he wasn't here to take it out on, so I took it out on the people who are here."

Victoria shook her head in confusion, "why would you be angry with Heath?"

He shrugged and his lips twisted in a wry grimace, "because he left me, because he went away and left me alone. He took my best friend, my brother, my partner...and he left. I guess I figured if I stayed angry, no one would be able to hurt me like that ever again and in doing that, I had closed him out of my heart. He was truly gone and I didn't know how to get him back. And then I got angry, at everyone and everything, and I couldn't stop myself from feeling that way."

"Oh Nick." She stroked his weathered cheek and held his tear filled eyes, "why didn't you say something, talk to us, we're hurting as much as you son, maybe in different ways, but just as much. You have to let go of this anger, I've lost one son, I don't want to lose another."

"I know Mother, but it's going to be all right now." He took a shuddering breath and let it out slowly, "I found him again, he was there when I needed him, when I didn't think there was any other way out of this misery except ... he was there just like he's always been there for me."

Victoria caught her breath, her heart hammering, knowing by the look in his eyes what he had been going to do, how close she had come to losing two sons.

He picked up both her hands in his and held her eyes, "I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't. It's like Heath always said, 'there's no sense wishin' for things that are gone'. All I can do is ask you to forgive me."

Victoria dropped her head, "I'll be honest with you Nick, you couldn't have said anything that could have hurt me more than that and I think it's going to take me awhile to forgive you, in here." She pulled her hand from his and held it over her heart, "eventually I will, but it's going to take some time."

"I know Mother and I understand how you feel. I love you." He dipped his head to look into her eyes, "you know that don't you?"

"I know Nick."

Victoria held onto his hand when he went to rise, "Nick, Jarrod is going to San Francisco in a couple of days and he has asked me to go along. He thinks a change of scenery would do me good, get me out of the house and away from..." She waved her hand around.

"Away from the loneliness here? It's not the same without Heath here and I haven't been very good company have I?'

"It's not that Nick, I just need to get away for awhile, to think about things but I really don't feel like going to San Francisco while Jarrod spends all his time in court. No, there's somewhere else I'd like to go and I think I'll ask Audra if she'd like to go with me. Carl is leaving for a cattle auction tomorrow and won't be back until next week and I think Audra could use some time away too."

Nick heaved himself to his feet with a sigh, "speaking of Audra and Carl, I guess I best be goin' over to their place."

Victoria patted his hand and gave him a small smile, "I'll have the liniment ready when you return."

Nick went to the door and looked back hopefully, "can I punch him back?"

"I don't think so Nick, just go apologize and take your punishment like a man."

"Hrummmmmpphhh"

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Nick walked into the living room and headed immediately for the drinks table, sloshing a liberal amount of whiskey into a glass before going and sitting down in one of the brocade chairs beside the empty fireplace. He looked around the silent room, the deepening twilight making it seen cold and gloomy. He threw back his drink and sank lower in the chair, his mood becoming as dark as the room. There was no one left in the house except for him and Silas, Jarrod was in San Francisco and Mother and Audra had gone to Sacramento. It had only been three days but it was starting to feel like an eternity as he awaited their return at the end of the week.

Silas came into the room and tsked as he set about lighting lamps in the ever-darkening room.

"Why y'all sittin' in the dark Mr. Nick?"

"I didn't even notice Silas, guess I'm just tired. When's supper?"

"Supper be ready in 'bout a half hour, would ya like to take it in here?" Silas knew Nick wouldn't eat in the dining room and had been having his meals on a tray in the library for the past three days.

"No, no. I'll eat in the kitchen." Silas watched him pick up the family picture from the table beside him and study it, his face taking on a sad look, "ya know Silas, it just isn't the same without Heath here. It's getting hard to remember what he looked like sometimes."

The elderly servant came over to stand beside him and he pointed at the picture, "what y'all talkin' 'bout Mr. Nick? Why, that be Mr. Heath right there."

Nick stared at the picture hard, everyone in it so stiff and formal, unsmiling in their suits, ties and fancy dresses, "that's just it Silas, this isn't Heath, at least not my Heath. It's like looking at a stranger, do ya know what I mean?"

Silas took the picture and set it back on the table, "I knows what ya mean Mr. Nick, but y'all don't need no picture to remember Mr. Heath. All's ya gotta' do is look in yo' heart and he be there. Y'all can't be sad when ya think of him, why Mr. Heath done told me that himself. He said, 'I only want ya to think of me with happiness Silas 'cause that's the way I want y'all to remember me', that's what he says to me Mr. Nick, 'think of me with happiness', and when I'm missin' him, that's what I do."

Nick thought about it for a second, then stood up and patted him on the shoulder, "thanks Silas, I'll remember that. Now let's go have supper, I'm starvin'."

The words were music to the old man's heart as he went out of the room with a broad smile, he hadn't heard those words in over two months.

Jarrod returned Friday night and Victoria and Audra came home on Sunday morning, laden down with packages and hat boxes. Jarrod perused the small mountain of parcels with a raised eyebrow.

"Well now, it would seem to me that you two fine young ladies have emptied out every shop in Sacramento."

Victoria gave him a kiss and Audra hugged him, her eyes sparkling, "oh, but we had so much fun doing it, didn't we Mother?"

"I must admit we did," she put her hands on her hips and looked around, "I didn't realize we had bought so much though. Oh well, it doesn't matter, a woman's entitled to indulge herself now and then isn't she."

Jarrod was happy to see the color back in her cheeks and the twinkle in her eyes. He held up his hands and shook his head, "far be it for me to say she isn't Mother, just as long as I don't have to go along, I am all for you indulging yourselves to your hearts content."

"Thank you dear." She glanced at him and murmured, "where's Nick?"

"He's out checking the levels in the waterholes, he should be back this afternoon." He caught her worried look, "he's fine Mother, I grant you he's not the Nick we're used to, but he's doing a lot better."

"Are you sure Jarrod?"

"I'm sure Mother."

Silas came down the hall and his eyes opened wide at the sea of boxes littering the floor, "welcome home Mrs. Barkley, Miss Audra. Would ya like me to put these boxes in yo' room Mrs. Barkley?"

"Yes please Silas, Audra will show you which ones are mine and you can leave the rest here until Carl comes to pick her up." She pointed to a small crate near the door, "Jarrod, could you bring that one into the living room for me?"

"I'd be delighted to dear lady," the crate wasn't overly heavy and he carried it into the next room while Audra and Silas took some of the other packages upstairs.

Jarrod set the crate down in front of the fireplace and tapped the top, "what have you got in here Mother?"

She laughed lightly and took his arm as she went back to the foyer to help sort the packages, "it's a secret."

Victoria and Audra were having tea in the living room and telling Jarrod about their trip to Sacramento when the front door burst open and slammed shut.

"MOTHER??... MOTHER!!"

All three jumped and Victoria put down her cup with an exasperated click as she got up and crossed the room to the foyer.

"NICK...how many times do I have to tell you to stop shouting in the...in the..." She saw him standing there with a familiar scowl on his face and all she could do was throw her arms around his neck, and hug him tightly before kissing his cheek.

He hugged her then pulled back to look at her in bewilderment, "what's all this about?"

"I'm just so glad to have you back," she laid her head on his chest, "and don't ever stop shouting in the house again all right?"

"I DON'T SHOUT!!!"

His scowl grew deeper as Jarrod and Audra came out to see what was going on and rolled their eyes at his words. Nick released his mother and she took Jarrod's arm and returned to the living room while Audra stayed and looked at her brother warily.

He reached out slowly and cupped her cheek, his eyes searching her face, "hey little sister. I'm sorry."

She went into his strong arms, knowing this wasn't the stranger she had last seen, but her brother, her lifelong protector and her tender heart could forgive him easily.

"I miss him too Nick."

He stroked her hair as he held her, "I know."

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Nick went upstairs to wash and when he came down, Victoria beckoned him into the living room where the family was gathered. Carl had arrived to pick up Audra and he and Nick exchanged polite nods. Nick rubbed his still sore jaw before he held out his hand, the first olive branch to be extended in mending their small rift. Carl accepted the gesture and shook hands as everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Victoria took her son's arm and led him over to the crate, "Nick, I brought you something from Sacramento."

He looked at it and shrugged, "what is it?"

Audra clasped her hands in excitement and her blue eyes sparkled, "well open it silly, how will you know what's in it unless you open it?"

Jarrod blew out a cloud of smoke and gestured at him with his cigar, "she has a point Nick. Open it up and let's see."

Nick shot him a dirty look and pried the top off with the fireplace poker. He pulled away the packing material and lifted out a brown paper wrapped object tied with string. He was standing facing them as he pulled the wrapping off and they couldn't see what it was he was holding. Victoria got up and went to him as tears gathered in his eyes. He stared at it, his throat so tight it hurt to swallow.

She wrapped her arm around his and looked up at him, "John brought these over as we were about to leave. He came across them just recently and thought you would like to have them so I decided to bring them with us instead of having them shipped."

He bent down and placed a kiss on her cheek, his voice a raspy whisper, "thank you Mother."

She reached into the crate and withdrew an envelope, "he sent you a note."

He took it from her, his hand shaking as he read the words.

"Nick,

I am sorry we didn't receive word in time to make it to Heath's funeral, Mother was very upset that she couldn't be there for your family and most especially your mother. I know how very close you were to your brother and how hard it has been for you, I hope these will make the pain a little easier to bear.

Yours as ever,

John Trent

Victoria hadn't told Audra what was in the crate, despite her many attempts to cajole the information from her mother on the trip home. She could see that whatever it was had upset her brother and she sat forward in her chair with a determined look.

"Nick what is it?"

He shook his dark head and a tear crept down his cheek before he tucked the gift under his arm and left the room, his long strides taking him up the stairs two and three at a time.

Victoria wiped away a tear, picked up another of the wrapped packages in the crate and sat down, Jarrod, Audra and Carl looking at her silently, waiting for an explanation as she turned it around to show them.

Nick sat on Heath's bed and scrubbed his arm across his eyes. It was the first time he had come in the room since Heath left, but he needed to be near him, to feel close to him. The room was warm and welcoming and he could feel his brother all around him, soothing his overwrought emotions. He ran his finger over the beloved features and smiled as he studied the colored picture.

It was from one of the days when they had been breaking the wild mustangs and Heath had just been thrown by the Appaloosa mare. He ran his fingers over the picture again as he remembered the day so clearly.

He was sitting on the corral fence and Heath was standing between his legs, his forearms resting on his thighs, a huge smile on his suntanned face, his eyes a brilliant blue as he had looked up at him. He in turn was holding on to Heath's shoulders and looking down at him, a big grin creasing his cheeks. He would never forget that day, it spoke more loudly than any words of the bond he and Heath had shared and John had captured that moment in time forever.

He looked at the picture in the other side of the frame, it was of him and Heath, two cowboys sitting on their horses, hats pulled low against the glare of the sun, dusty and dirty after a hard days work, the joy in what they were doing evident in their smiling faces. His heart soared, this was his Heath, the brother he knew and loved, his kindred spirit and he no longer had to worry about forgetting him.

Nick finally placed the pictures on the night table where he could see them clearly and laid down, the pillows still carrying Heath's familiar scent as exhaustion claimed him and he drifted off to sleep.

Victoria went up to check on him, knowing how upset he had been. When she didn't find him in his room, she knew with a mother's intuition where he would be. She crossed the room quietly, picked up a blanket from the chair and spread it over her sleeping son, looking down at the rugged face that, for the first time in a long time, was peaceful.

Nick had the best nights sleep he had had in months and he awoke late and sat up, his eyes going to the picture on the night table. It was time, he knew what he had to do and where he had to go. He went to his own room and opened the closet, taking down the wooden box Jarrod had given him the day after Heath died. He had put it on his shelf, refusing to even consider opening it because that would have meant admitting Heath was gone and he couldn't do that...until now.

Victoria came into the foyer as he made his way downstairs and she glanced at the box he was carrying. She knew it contained the personal mementos Heath had left him.

"Where are you going Nick?'

Her expression told him of her concern and he gave her a small smile and spoke quietly, his usually loud voice noticeably absent as he struggled with what he needed to do.

"Don't worry Mother, I'm fine. I'm just going to go talk to my brother and I'll probably be back late so don't wait supper for me ok?"

She knew it wasn't Jarrod he was going to talk to and she reached up and gave him a quick hug, hoping he would find what he was looking for, what he needed to help him heal.

His steps were sure and purposeful as he went first to his mother's rose garden then on to the barn. They faltered when he came out a few minutes later carrying his saddle, bridle and a bucket of brushes and started towards the far paddock. He still hadn't been able to go near the horse in the past week but now he knew he had to, for both their sakes.

Charger stood in the far corner and watched the big man approach. He didn't bother running over to the gate anymore, the man had always turned away from him, ignored his welcoming nickers. His own man had always had a kind word and a friendly pat or scratch behind the ears for him before they went out to work together. He had looked for his man every day, waiting for him to come and get him but he never did.

Nick opened the gate and dropped his saddle beside it, looking over the distance between him and the horse. It was the first time in two months he had really looked at him and he felt Heath's disappointment wash over him at the state he had allowed the horse to get into. He walked over to the middle of the paddock and stopped, clearing his throat before he called to him.

"Hey boy, come on over here. Come on now, it's gonna' be all right. Come on now, I won't hurt ya."

Charger pricked his ears at the wheedling tone, he had spent the past five years listening to this man talking so loudly that the soft voice he was using now got his attention. He watched him standing there so still and took a few steps closer before stopping a dozen paces away and stretching his neck out, breathing in his scent and deciding the man meant him no harm.

Nick lifted his hand slowly and let the horse smell it before he ran it down his nose. Charger snuffled him and moved closer, rubbing his head on Nick's arm in welcome before nudging him in the chest playfully and pushing him backwards with his nose. Nick laughed out loud and whacked him on the chest as Charger made low, whickery sounds of pleasure deep in his throat.

It took him nearly two hours and a lot of elbow grease, but when he was done, the big bay shone so brightly Nick could almost see himself in his coat. He gave him a good scratch then picked up his saddle and Charger champed his bit in excitement.

Nick could feel the pent up power beneath him when he mounted. This was a man's horse, big, tough, strong - a working horse. Charger had stayed in perfect shape running along the fence all day but he needed to get out and run hard, he needed to get back to work. Nick swung him through the gate and the gelding leapt forward, only a slight leg pressure needed to guide him as Nick remembered what Jarrod told him Heath had said, 'and he damn well better not use those spurs on him!'.

Mike, Charlie, Steve and Jesse watched them from the bunkhouse window and nodded in approval. "Those two needed each other, they weren't going to make it any other way." Mike slapped Charlie on the back at his muttered words.

"They'll be all right now, our boy is watchin' over them."

bvbvbvbvbvbv

Nick approached the cemetery and slowed down as he took in the sight of someone kneeling beside Heath's grave. The figure in the long duster and beat up cowboy hat hadn't heard him ride up and froze at the sound of spurs coming closer. He leapt to his feet and tried to run but the black-gloved hand reached out and snared his arm, jerking him to a halt and he lowered his head, his hat shading his face.

"Who are you and what are you doin' here?"

"I...I...I..." The voice trailed off into a frightened silence.

"Speak up boy, and look at me when I'm talkin' to ya." Nick's heart slammed against his ribs when a pair of light green eyes in a boyish face lifted to meet his stunned gaze.

"I come to say goodbye to Heath, and ... and ... to tell him I'm sorry. I guess I best be on my way now."

Nick studied the pinched features and ragged clothes, the evidence of a hard life right there in front of his eyes. The same life Billy had led before Heath took him in and turned him around. Could he do any less?

"Where ya plannin' on goin' boy? Ya got a job to go to?"

"No, I been on the road for six weeks now. I had to come and see Heath but I'll find somethin'. I'll get by till somethin' comes along." He tried to shrug off the hand holding his arm, "if ya would let go of me, I'll be leavin' now."

Nick stomach churned at the thought of the boy trying to make it on his own and knew Heath would have wanted him to help him. He thought about it for a moment, knowing he couldn't find it in himself to have the boy on his ranch, it had been an accident, but he wasn't able to forgive Billy for causing it. The answer came to him as if someone had spoken in his ear.

"I tell ya what boy, I won't hire ya myself, but my brother-in-law is lookin' for some good hands and I happen to know ya were trained by the best cowboy in these parts. You know Carl Wheeler, now head on over to his spread and tell him I sent ya and see that ya do a good job for him 'cause I'll be checkin' up on ya."

Nick gave the thin arm a little shake, "ya hear me boy?"

Billy's green eyes opened wide, it was a fresh start, a new page and he was eternally grateful for it. His friend Heath had told him many times that his brother was a good man and he was right, he nodded quickly, "yes sir, thank you sir. Ya won't hear of no trouble from me, ya can bet on that."

Nick released him and watched him go over and mount Mac. Billy tipped his hat and wheeled the little buckskin cowpony around, heading in the direction of the Wheeler Ranch. Nick waited until he was out of sight then dropped his saddlebags on the ground and gently removed the small deep red flowered rose bush from them. He planted it beside the black marble headstone with loving care and ran his fingers over the inscription.

Heath Thomson Barkley

May 14 1852 - May 1 1881

Beloved and cherished son, brother and friend

Gone but never forgotten in our hearts

He stood up and listened to the wind in the willow above him then nodded firmly.

"I'll meet ya up at the Peak little brother."

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Nick pulled up in the meadow at Lookout Peak and pulled his saddle off, leaving his reins on the ground, knowing Charger wouldn't go anywhere while he was ground tied. He was still in awe of the horse’s speed and power, chuckling to himself at all the times he had told Heath that CoCo was faster. Now he knew that his brother had been holding his horse back not wanting to belittle the old horse.

He went over and sat down under the big pine tree where he and Heath had spent so many hours, talking, laughing and joking or just sitting quietly watching the sun set. There were only good memories here now, even the last day had been good if only he could have realized it sooner. They had been together and happy that day and that's how he would remember it from now on.

The wind ruffled the leaves in the surrounding trees and the warm summer sun played hide and seek with big, fluffy white clouds in the deep blue sky. Nick watched a pair of eagles take flight, swooping and diving as they rode the thermals above the canyon rim. It was so peaceful here and even though he was alone, he wasn't lonely.

He lifted the saddlebags onto his lap and unbuckled them, pulling the box out slowly, almost afraid to open it. He had no idea what was in it and was surprised to see a letter sitting on top addressed to him in Heath's flowing script.

Nick laid the box and saddlebags beside him as he drew his knees up and opened the letter, letting it rest on his thighs as he read it, his heart pounding.

"Nick,

I know what a hard time you're having right now because I've been there myself. You're angry and scared and you don't know what to do or who to turn to. I know you're angry at me because I was angry at my mama when she left me. You're probably taking that anger out on everyone around you and making them and yourself miserable. I did the same thing and it didn't help, it only made things worse. You have to believe me when I say it's going to get better, and it will Nick, trust me.

You have to know and I need to tell you that you are the best thing that ever happened to me, ever. I not only found a brother who loved me, I found my best friend and I am grateful every day for that, for every word, every gesture, every touch...for just being you, my big brother Nick.

I've left you something in this box that meant everything to me. I hope it means as much to you.

And when you feel sad or lonely and need me, just open your watch and read the words and I'll be there...right by your side.

I love you Nick, don't ever forget that.

Heath

Nick folded the letter and laid his head on his knees, his choking sobs carried away on the wind. It took him a long time to lift his head and reach for the box, taking the lid off slowly, red rimmed eyes widening at the contents. There were small notebooks, all numbered, the same ones Heath used to keep in his shirt pocket, always writing things in them at the oddest times. There were perhaps two dozen of them or more, and Nick took one out and opened it, the small neat handwriting covering every page, front and back.

He put the numbered book back and searched for the one that had a one on the front. He opened it and started reading, a contented warmth filling him even as he cried.

Each and every page contained conversations or things that had happened to the two brothers as they went on life’s journey, right from the first day they had met. To Nick it was like reliving the past five years over again, every joy and sorrow there for him to devour, to have forever, to bring Heath back to him ... to remember.

His hazel eyes blurred with tears as Nick looked out over the canyon, the setting sun painting the walls in a burst of colors, just as it had always done for time untold. Nick read the letter again and his deep voice hitched on his heartfelt whisper.

"I love you too Heath." He wrapped his arms around his knees tightly and his mouth trembled as he watched a lone eagle soar above him, "...and I missssss yooouuuuu..."

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Nick walked into Annie’s for the first time in nearly three months and threw his hat on the bar.

"Gimme' a beer Harry."

The portly bartender turned from arranging glasses on the back counter, a pleased smile lighting up his face.

"Well now, if it isn't Mr. Nick Barkley come to finally say hello again." Harry whipped the towel off his shoulder and wiped the bar, his voice dropping to keep the conversation private, "how are ya doin' lad?"

Nick shrugged, "it's gettin' better Harry." And it was, the house didn't feel so cold and empty anymore, the pictures of Heath scattered about the rooms bringing a warmth back that had been missing for a long time. "I haven't felt much like socializin' lately. I just came into town to mail a letter and thought I'd drop in and see ya."

Harry gave him a wink and set a beer in front of him, "it takes time Nick, just give it time. We all miss him."

"Thanks Harry."

The beefy hand waved away the two bits Nick pulled out of his pocket, "put your money away Nick, it's already paid for."

"Now you can't afford to be buyin' me beer Harry..."

"I'm not. Heath paid for and then some. Said he owed ya that and more and I'm thinkin' he didn't mean the beer."

Nick could only nod as Harry drew himself a beer, gestured at Nick and clinked their glasses together in a toast, "here's to Heath Barkley, wherever he may be, God rest his soul."

Nick put down his mug and patted his chest, "he's right here Harry." He stared into the dark, amber brew and smiled, "he was a good man my brother."

Harry looked at him, his face serious, "that he was lad...that he was."

Jarrod came from the library just before eleven and went over to where his mother was standing partially hidden behind the draperies at the entrance to the living room. He placed his hands on her small shoulders and dropped a kiss on her hair. He remembered the last time they had stood like this, watching the occupants of the fire lit room, sitting together on the sofa, talking and laughing, their stocking feet stretched out towards the fire.

"You know Mother, I'd give anything to find whipped cream in my boots tomorrow. He looks so lonely sitting there all by himself."

Victoria looked up at him, her eyes glistening and patted his hand, "oh no Jarrod, no. He's not alone, all you have to do is look closely ... his brother's right there beside him."

Epilogue

May 14 1888

Nick sat under the pine tree near the edge of the canyon and watched the sky start to lighten across the horizon. He leaned his head back against the tree trunk and contemplated how good his life had been in the past few years. He would always be grateful for the promise he had made to Heath that he wouldn't waste his life. He had a beautiful wife in Layle and was always grateful that she had waited for him and loved him as he did her. She had given him three wonderful children too, two-year-old, golden-haired, blue-eyed Katy and his boys, six-year-old Andrew Heath and five-year-old Thomas Nicholas.

His cheeks creased in a grin as he thought about his two little cowboys. They were a couple of rough and tumble boys, less than a year apart in age and always into some sort of mischief ... typical small boys. Their long-suffering Uncle Jarrod was more often than not the recipient of their well-planned pranks, just as he had been of his brothers.

From the blond hair and blue eyes, to the lop-sided grin that could make his heart ache, Andrew was a mirror image of the picture Nick had of Heath when he was Andrew's age. Heath's features and mannerisms had been passed on to his nephew just as Heath's had been passed down to him from his paternal grandfather. Thomas's features and temper came straight from his father though, his temper kept in check by his older brother's quiet patience, just as his had been by his younger brother’s.

As the sun peaked over the horizon and a new day came to life, Nick pulled out his pocket watch and flicked open the lid. He could feel Heath's presence all around him as he read the treasured words and thought back to the first time he had heard them. His hazel eyes closed and he felt his brother next to him as his mind drifted back in time to a dusty corral and a promise that would last forever...

"You be more careful, ya hear? You're making me old before my time...I don't wanta lose ya."

Heath had reached up to grip the back of his neck and given it a small shake, "don't worry Nick, I'm right by your side."

"For how long brother?"

Serious blue eyes met hazel and Heath had answered quietly ...

"Till the Weeks Second Sunday."

The End