Doc Merar’s Lament

by Lindabrit

I’ve been doctoring in this town for thirty years and more,

I’ve a fine prestigious practice and a brass shingle on my door.

My reputation is spotless, my patients hold me in high regard,

There’s just one blot on my horizon and it’s making my life hard.

By far my most frequent patients are a respected family,

the Barkleys of the Barkley ranch are lucrative to me.

Day in, day out, come rain or shine, they wear a path to my door,

with a host of new diseases, injuries, ailments by the score.

Why is this such a problem? Well let me try and explain,

I can cope with bullets and fevers and the occasional nasty pain.

The trouble with these darned Barkleys is that everything they get,

is a new disease or illness that hasn’t even been invented yet!

They always come to Doc Merar for treatment and diagnosis,

I don’t know what’s wrong with them and it’s giving me psychosis.

They rely on me to cure them and they hang on my every word,

but how am I to heal them of ills that I’ve never heard?

I’ve used all my stock phrases, like ‘damage to the optic nerve’,

‘time will tell’, ‘let’s wait and see’, I fear will no longer serve.

I’ve had enough, the time has come, I’ll make this confession,

I either poison the Barkleys, or I adopt a new profession!

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