by Lindabrit
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No copyright
infringement is intended by the author.
The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
This
isn't a story, no plot to speak of, just an insight into Heath's changing
attitude to his father.
Silas had excelled himself in the
preparation of a substantial welcome home dinner for Nick and Heath, newly
returned from a grueling and problematic trail drive. Both men had eaten
heartily enough to gratify their old friend, so much so that they were
disinclined for any very strenuous after dinner activity, not even a gentle
game of pool.
The two ranchers sat either side of the bright log fire in the library, legs
stretched out to the comforting warmth and glasses of brandy in their hands.
Despite the difficulties of the cattle drive, both men were well content. They
had fought their way through numerous problems, working, as they invariably
did, as a team and had ultimately made a successful delivery of the herd, for
which they had obtained an excellent price.
Nick sighed with contentment as he wiggled a tired foot, adorned only by a
sock. "You know, I'm almost glad that Mother and Audra went to stay with
Jarrod in San Francisco."
"Me too," said Heath contentedly, "otherwise we wouldn't be
sitting here in our socks now would we?"
"To the Ladies, God bless ‘em," said Nick, raising his glass and his
brother raised his own glass in answer to the toast.
Heath leaned back contentedly in his chair, aside from the smaller gunroom,
this room was probably his favourite in the whole house. It was a little less
fussy than the living room, a more masculine room perhaps and one in which he
felt at home. Heath was feeling good,
his stomach was heavy with the weight of Silas's superb cuisine and he and Nick
were busy finishing off the last of Counselor Barkley's jealously hoarded
French cognac. They were drinking it for the simple pleasure of seeing his face
when they told him they had done so. Heath grinned inwardly as he imagined his
eldest brother Jarrod's face darkening to incredulous wrath as he held up the
empty bottle, upon his return in a few days time.
Above all, thought Heath with deep satisfaction, I have another successful
trail drive under my belt! His thoughts wandered back to that fateful first
cattle drive, the one he had been forced to lead after brother Nick was shot
down. He had only been a part of the Barkley family for two weeks at that stage
and had still to prove himself to the satisfaction of the Barkley hands and
even more to their master Nick Barkley's!
He had succeeded, not only in accomplishing a most difficult drive, but also in
averting a mass defection by the hands, who had been suborned by an old friend
of Nick's. The General, once Nick's commanding officer and a man of renown, had
become a dangerously deluded and twisted madman. Heath's shrewd instinct had
already put him on his guard and he had managed, against overwhelming odds to
expose General Wallent's lunacy.
When Heath Barkley returned to the Barkley ranch in triumph after the drive,
every one of the hands rode with him and most were calling him ‘Boss'. The
reflective and slightly stunned silence that had fallen over Nick Barkley was
music to Heath's ears, more satisfying even than the unstinting praise of the
rest of the family. For it signaled that he had won, or perhaps started to win
Nick Barkley's respect.
Over a year had passed since then, a year filled with action and activity, one
that had brought many experiences, some bad, many good and from all of which he
had learned a great deal. He was aware that more had changed for him than just
the circumstances of his life. He himself had altered from a young man, whose
barely suppressed rage simmered just below the surface, into a quietly
contented, self-possessed and confident man, whose dry humour and kind nature
were his defining characteristics.
From his first day in the valley, Heath had known a burning desire to learn all
he could about his new life. Not just about his newly acquired relations,
though for a young man who had grown up alone except for the care of his late
devoted mother and her two close friends, the sudden acquisition of a second
mother, a sister, one younger brother and two older brothers had come as
something of a shock.
Heath also wanted to know about the history of the family, whose illustrious
name he now bore and the history of this valley and the people who had founded
the community that now thrived and prospered within it. He had set about
gathering the information he needed as soon as he had been accepted into the
family. There had been the long comfortable evenings in the kitchen with Silas,
during which his old friend had told him many stories about his new family.
His new mother had been just as helpful, she and he would ride together and she
too shared many anecdotes with Heath. His eldest brother Jarrod had, from the
first, told Heath that he could ask him anything he wanted to know, at any time
and there had been many occasions when Heath had availed himself of this
invitation.
With Nick it had been a different, less formal exchange of information. Nick
had imparted many bits and pieces of family and valley folk-lore to the
newcomer, but in a desultory and casual way as they worked and rode together
and on the long stock buying journeys and business trips. Nor had the process
been one way, for as the two got to know one another, Heath had gradually let
down his defences and shared many fascinating aspects of his varied and
adventurous former life with an interested Nick.
The two were only separated in age by four years and they worked so closely
together that even this small difference was negated. Heath smiled inwardly,
Nick liked playing big brother though, hectoring and benevolently bullying his
sibling. Heath didn't mind, he had been quick to see that it was affectionately
meant and that it was only a front. In all things that actually mattered, his
brother treated him as an equal, his partner in running the ranch.
It was a state of affairs that brought contentment to both men, as now, when
they sat at their ease and savoured the satisfaction of a job well done. Heath
glanced across at Nick, the ebullient dark haired rancher was not always the
easiest of men, but as their knowledge of one another grew, he had come to love
his brother and to trust him, as he also trusted eldest brother Jarrod.
Heath watched curiously as Nick let his own gaze wander round the library, he
wondered what his brother was doing. Now and again, Nick's eyes seemed to rest
on some object or piece of furniture and he would smile slightly. Nick became
aware of Heath's eyes upon him and he laughed self-consciously.
"Before you decide that I'm a lunatic, perhaps I should explain what I'm
doing."
Heath smiled, "perhaps you should."
"It's how I remember things," said Nick, "I kind of look around
the room, then I'll see something, a piece of furniture, or an object of some
kind and it'll trigger a memory from the past, it probably sounds silly."
Heath shook his head, "no, not at all, I do it too, although I guess
you'll think that's silly too, me being so new here."
Now it was Nick's turn to demur, "no I don't think that at all. In fact,
it's funny, because I know exactly how long you've been here, but there are
times when I forget that you haven't always been here, sometimes it's as though
you've always worked alongside me, does that make sense?"
"Yep, because sometimes it seems like that to me too Nick."
Nick grinned, "I love this house," he said with quiet sincerity,
"I get the same thrill every time I come home, I feel a sense of peace
whenever I walk through the front door, I don't exactly know why."
Heath smiled, "it's home," he said simply. "What was triggering
your memory this time Nick?"
"Oh I was just looking at the big old desk there in the corner, I have so
many memories of that!"
Heath glanced at the big Spanish style desk, "it's a beautiful piece of
work," he commented.
"Yeah, a Mexican friend of Father's sent it to him as a gift, it was a
thank you for some business deal Father put his way, I have so many memories of
him sitting there..."
Nick had broken off rather abruptly and Heath thought he knew why. Over the
past year, the two men had managed to break down many barriers that might have
impeded their relationship, gradually, they had cleared up misunderstandings
and as they got better acquainted so most constraint between them had dissolved
and gone. There was just one subject that could still cause such constraint
between Heath and any of the other Barkleys now and that was the subject of his
father.
Not that Heath had ever yet referred to Tom Barkley as ‘my Father', sometimes
Nick Barkley doubted if he ever would. He waited now for Heath to make the next
move, usually, whenever Tom was mentioned, his brother would turn the subject
to less contentious territory and Nick thought he would do so now. So he was
surprised when Heath turned vulnerable blue eyes upon him and said softly, "What...what
was he really like Nick? I mean...what kind of man was he? Tell me about
him...please?"
Nick set down his glass, sat up a little straighter and looked into the bright
flames of the fire, a faint reminiscent smile played around his mouth.
"He was a wonderful man," he said quietly. "He was the kind of
man people either loved or hated, you couldn't be indifferent to him, he was
so...I don't know, I guess forceful is the word. He was a larger than life character,
bursting with confidence and he inspired people. If he told them how something
was going to turn out, they believed him, because he always sounded so sure and
most times he was right. He was full of life, he relished life, he was always
glad to be alive and it rubbed off on you, just being around him was a tonic in
itself. I used to spend every waking second with him when he'd let me..."
Nick broke off, glancing deprecatingly at Heath, "I'm not the right person
to talk to you about him you know, I guess you can tell I pretty near
worshipped him, so I suppose I'm kind of biased."
Heath's expression was serious but there was the hint of a smile in his eyes,
"I know how much you loved him," he said gently. "I...don't find
it easy to talk about him myself, I...never have."
"I know that Heath and I understand, I think I'd feel much the same in
your place."
There was a rueful gleam in Heath's eyes, "it makes the rest of the family
a little nervous, they tend to pussyfoot around me and talk about something
else."
Nick smiled, "I'm as guilty of that as anyone, I suppose we all accept
that you have no cause to admire him and we don't want to keep rubbing open old
sores for you."
Heath nodded, "I appreciate that Nick, but lately, I don't know, I guess
I've changed somewhat myself and maybe...maybe I'm able to see him a little
straighter now than I could once. I've found myself thinking about him, I guess
I want to know a little more than I do, so...so I figured I'd ask you."
Nick smiled, "I'm glad you did, you ask me anything you want about him and
I'll do my best to tell you what you want to know."
Heath was silent for a moment, then he glanced up ruefully, "I guess I
don't know where to start," he confessed. An idea occurred to him,
"tell me what you were remembering when you looked at the desk?"
Nick laughed, "I have lots of memories of that desk, going right back to
when I was little, I'd be about four or five and Jarrod was eight or nine and
we'd peep round the library door while he was sitting there working. Soon as he
spotted us, he'd call us over, scoop us up and hug us."
Nick saw Heath's eyes widen in surprise, "I know what you're thinking,
it's a mistake people often make about Father, they hear that he was a ruthless
businessman and it doesn't fit with him being a loving parent, but he was, it's
why his children love him even though being his son wasn't always easy."
Heath nodded and said quietly, "That's something I've only recently
realized, I knew it wasn't easy for me to be his son, but I never understood
that it wasn't easy for you either at times."
Nick glanced over to the desk again, "of course not all my memories of
that desk are happy ones!" He grinned ruefully, "I've been bent over
it many a time for a whipping!"
Heath was curious, "was he tough on you and Jarrod?"
"He could be, it depended really. He was good at reading us, he knew when
we needed a lesson and when we needed him to go easy, it was a skill he seemed
to have. I don't believe either of us were ever afraid of him and that counts
for a lot. There were certain things that you knew would make him mad at you
though. Easiest way to get on his bad side was to give Mother any trouble! Or
getting yourself hurt, or one of the little ones, or a horse. You knew he'd be
after you for any of those things!"
"What was it made you smile just now?" asked Heath.
Nick grinned, "I was remembering the evening I came to find Father to tell
him I'd made my decision about what I wanted to do with my life."
"Was this after you'd been to sea?"
"Yeah, that's right, I was torn between making a career as a sea captain,
or following in Father's footsteps running the ranch. I'd been thinking about
it and I finally came to a decision. I knew I could make it as a captain, but I
just plain loved this place too much to want to leave. So I came to tell him
what I'd decided. I remember the look in his eyes, he hadn't put the slightest
pressure on me, he said it was up to me to decide for myself, but I could see
he was hoping I'd choose the ranch. I told him what I'd decided and he jumped
up and hugged the daylights out of me. I don't think I'd realized until then,
how much it would have hurt him if I'd chosen the sea."
Heath had been listening intently, "but he would have let you go, if you'd
chosen the sea?"
"Oh yeah, he didn't believe in forcing his kids down a particular path, he
was the same with Jarrod about the law, he supported him all the way."
Heath was absorbing the information Nick was giving him about his father and he
leaned forward in his chair, "thanks Nick," he said warmly, "I
feel like I know a little bit more about him now."
Nick smiled at the younger brother he loved, "anytime Heath."
Heath picked up the half empty cognac bottle, "you know Nick, Counselor
Barkley is going to kill us if we finish his brandy."
Nick grinned, "yeah, isn't he though, pass the bottle Heath."