by Lindabrit
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
The theme
of this story is sexual, though there is no graphic writing. If such material offends you, this is not the
story for you.
Sunday afternoons spent at the fishing hole had became almost a ritual for
Jarrod, Nick, and Heath Barkley. Not that they went fishing every Sunday, their
lives were too busy for that. Jarrod, the oldest brother was often away in San
Francisco attending to his busy law practice and the two rancher brothers often
had to work on Sundays to keep the big ranch running smoothly. But whenever
they could, the trio liked nothing more than to spend a lazy afternoon fishing,
not to mention drinking copious amounts of their own cider, made from apples
from the Barkley orchards. When he was home from college, the youngest brother
Eugene joined the party, but most of the time it was just Jarrod, Nick and
Heath.
The long afternoons gave all three men a chance to talk, to catch up with each
other's lives and to share stories and reminiscences of the past with one
another. Sometimes it would be Jarrod and Nick telling Heath some piece of
Barkley history with which he was unfamiliar. Or it would be Heath, who had not
grown up at the ranch, telling his brothers some part of his life before he
came to the valley.
On this particular afternoon, as the sun began to slowly sink along with the
level in the cider barrel, the talk had turned to women and it was a more than
half-way drunk Nick Barkley who had come up with the silly idea.
"I've got a silly idea," declared Nick, straightening up and then
slumping back against the tree trunk supporting him again.
"All your ideas are silly," said Jarrod and Heath chuckled agreement.
"Shut up Counselor, I want to tell you my idea!"
Jarrod and Heath exchanged tipsy glances, the cider had been delicious and as
it was a very hot afternoon, all had freely imbibed.
Counselor Barkley said resignedly, "Shall we let him tell us?"
"Heath nodded, "best had, you know how he gets when he's thwarted."
The two men turned expectantly towards Nick, who was smiling at his catch, for
he had caught twice as many fish as his brothers, Nick was a consummate
fisherman and always caught the most fish.
Jarrod said trenchantly, "well?"
Nick looked up innocently, "well what?"
Heath went off into a peal of laughter and Jarrod sighed heavily, "you
said you had a silly idea to tell us."
"My ideas are not silly," said Nick indignantly. "What was
it?"
Heath managed to talk between chuckles, "we don't know what it was Nick,
you didn't tell us yet."
Nick blinked in the afternoon sun like a owl and frowned in an effort of
memory, "oh yeah, I remember," he said happily and went back to
smiling at his catch.
Jarrod glared at him and said to Heath, "I'm going to kill him!"
Nick looked up, "oh that's all right, my brother Jarrod's a lawyer, he'll
defend you."
Jarrod rolled his eyes heavenwards as Heath went belly up with laughter again.
When Heath was able to control his laughter he got unsteadily to his feet and
crossed to where his water canteen hung from a tree branch. He took the canteen
to the water and managed to fill it with cold water, carrying it back to his
brothers, with creditable grace, considering how drunk he was. He plucked the
hat from Nick's head, poured some of the cold water over his brother and
replaced the hat.
"Hey!" Nick spluttered as the cold water dripped down his face.
Jarrod was hatless and Heath splashed cold water on the lawyer's head and face
too. He sat down in a rush and emptied the remainder of the water over himself.
"Everyone feel better?"
"Yes thank you Heath," said Jarrod meekly and Nick grinned at him.
"So tell us your silly idea Nick," Heath urged.
Nick wiped the water off his face, "we each tell the story of the first
time we discovered the joys of women."
Jarrod raised an eyebrow, "you mean the first time we really discovered
the joys of women, as in...the very first time?"
Nick grinned lasciviously, "yep!"
Heath wrinkled his brow, "that's kind of personal Nick," he said
cautiously.
Nick pointed a finger at him, "I double dog dare you," he challenged.
Jarrod was thinking rapidly, or as rapidly as the fumes of cider in his brain
would let him, if he was going to do this, he'd have to be careful.
"All right Nick, I'm game," declared the lawyer.
Nick glanced at Heath, "you playing?"
Heath thought hard, if he was going to do this, he'd have to be careful.
"I guess so, If you two are playing, I will too."
Nick grinned, "that's the spirit," then his face turned thoughtful,
if he was going to do this, he would have to be careful.
"I shall go first" declared Jarrod, "after
all, I'm the oldest and I probably did it first anyway." His voice was
smug and Nick threw a stone at him.
Heath rolled on his stomach looking up at Jarrod like a little boy awaiting a
bedtime story.
"Quit boasting and tell the story," demanded Nick.
Jarrod leaned back against the tree trunk, smiling into the distance, his mind
travelling back down the years and he began softly.
"I was seventeen and I'd been very ill, a bout of pneumonia had almost
finished me off."
"He's prone to that disease," Nick confided to Heath, "he's had
it a few times, he's not tough like us." The dark haired rancher subsided,
chuckling drunkenly.
"If I may continue?"
"Please do Counselor," Nick waved an arm and toppled sideways with
the effort.
Heath smiled at Jarrod angelically and indicated the fallen Nick, "he's a
tough guy," he confided.
Jarrod rolled his eyes heavenwards again and took up his tale once more.
"It was round-up and normally I would have been helping Father and the
men, as it was Mother insisted I was too ill to take any part in it. Father and
Nick were out until all hours and Audra was just a baby."
Heath frowned and slurring his words slightly, he said, "where was
Gene?"
"Gene wasn't born then," explained Jarrod patiently.
Heath's face went sad, "poor Gene," he said mournfully.
Jarrod looked at his two inebriated brothers as though they had just escaped
from somewhere, "do you two morons want to hear this story or not?"
"Well of course we do, get on with it!" demanded Nick.
"Yeah, tell us about your first time Jarrod, please," said Heath with
a sweet, drunken smile.
"Well all right, but shut up and listen both of you," ordered the
lawyer.
"Yessir," said Nick and Heath in unison, Nick attempted a salute and
toppled sideways again as Heath laughed helplessly.
Jarrod cleared his throat ominously and the two ranchers decided to shut up and
listen to the rest of the story.
Jarrod said, "I was bored to death and Mother asked if I'd like to go with
her to Denver to stay with Aunt Grace. Normally I would have done anything to
dodge it but in the circumstances I decided to go. When we got there, Aunt
Grace had another visitor, a friend of her and Mother, a lady called Helen
Sheringham."
Nick sobered up fast, "are you telling me that you and Helen
Sheringham..."
"No, of course not! If you just keep quiet, I'll tell you what
happened."
The lawyer paused, glaring at the two ranchers and Nick and Heath stared back,
neither said a word, though Heath did spoil the effect by emitting a gigantic
hiccup.
Jarrod grinned at Heath, "Helen Sheringham is a very beautiful friend of
Mother's, you met her in Denver once, the woman with the lovely auburn
hair."
Heath nodded emphatically, "I remember her, she's a mighty fine
lady!"
Jarrod smiled, "yes indeed she is," he glanced swiftly at his two
brothers but neither had caught the note of rapt tenderness in his voice.
Satisfied, he went on with his tale.
"Mrs Sheringham had a maid with her, well, more a companion really, the
girl used to sit with her and they did their embroidery together, that sort of
thing. Well, one afternoon, we were all sat round the garden table on the
terrace at Aunt Grace's having tea..."
"Don't like tea! Nasty" Heath's face was screwed up with distaste.
"Me either," concurred Nick.
"Neither do I Gentlemen, but I was sat opposite Helen and her delectable
French maid, so the scenery was pretty classy."
The two ranchers sobered on the instant, both sitting upright and directing
awe-struck glances at their eldest brother.
Heath said to Nick, "did he say what I thought he said?"
Nick nodded, "I believe so." Nick said to Jarrod in a respectful
voice, "did you say the maid was...French?"
Jarrod's smile was broad and his voice was smug, "her name was
Hortense," he said with considerable self-satisfaction.
"Hortense," echoed the ranchers and each wiped a sweating brow.
Heath recovered first, "what did she sound like, did she have one of those
low, fruity type voices, with a french accent?"
Nick looked at him in disgust, "never mind how she sounded! What did she
look like Jarrod?"
The lawyer's voice was dreamy with remembered pleasure, "she had a voice
that sounded like warm honey feels and her looks were stunning. She had a
pretty little heart-shaped face, pouting lips and eyes so dark they were almost
black. Her figure was ravishing, she was built on luscious lines and she had a
bosom...ahhh," he fell silent, a smile on his face that stretched from ear
to ear.
"Her bosom?" Nick leaned eagerly forward, "what about it?"
Heath nodded like a small boy awaiting a promised treat, "tell about the
bosom," he demanded.
Jarrod grinned, "she had a bosom a boy could drown in...in fact I very
nearly did!"
The sun was sinking in the sky
but it was still hot, as Jarrod went on with his tale of dalliance with the
French maid of his mother's friend when he was sixteen.
"I couldn't take my eyes off her," smiled Jarrod, "she was
teasing me with sly little looks and under the table, she kept running her toes
up and down my leg, even up into my lap, I spilled tea all over the
table."
His brothers both burst out laughing and Heath asked, "didn't Mother
figure out what was happening?"
Jarrod smirked, "give me a little credit! I turned my clumsiness into a
highly convincing coughing fit and Mother sent me to lie down and rest. Which
was just what Mademoiselle Hortense was hoping for. I'd no sooner escaped from
the tea party to my room than she was knocking solicitously at my door, with a
tisane for my cough."
Nick grinned wolfishly at Jarrod, "a tisane huh?"
"What's a tisane?" Heath wanted to know.
"A hot water drink that's also a herbal remedy," explained Jarrod.
Heath smiled, "did it work?"
"No idea," said Jarrod blandly, "I didn't get around to tasting
it."
Heath chuckled and Nick said dryly, "I bet you got around to tasting
Hortense, now didn't you?"
"Oh yes," said Jarrod, voice husky with remembered joy, "I'll
never forget it as long as I live! I was awkward and gangling, trembling with a
mixture of dread and delight, I didn't have a clue what to do." He smiled
as at a fond memory, "she was wonderful to me. She calmed me with kisses,
guided my hands and helped me to caress and explore her, she drew my head down
to her breasts and I almost forgot to breathe I was so happy down there! We
didn't undress, we were too afraid of being caught, but just the same, Hortense
let me make love to her, well I say let me, she encouraged and guided me every
step of the way and...changed my whole world. You know what I mean Boys, once
you've had your sexual initiation, life isn't ever the same again, I felt like
a man ten feet tall, even if I was still a sixteen year old boy."
Nick asked, "Did Mother notice the change in you?"
Jarrod laughed, "she did indeed, she said it was a pleasure to see my
health and spirits improving and she also commented on my new- found assurance
around women, she said it was a sure sign I was growing up and gaining
confidence."
Nick and Heath laughed and Heath asked, "did you get to be with Hortense
again, or was it just the one time?"
Jarrod grinned, "we took every available opportunity to make love, several
times a day if we got a chance! But...I don't know...it was wonderful of
course...but...never quite like that very first time, you know what I
mean?"
His brothers both nodded their comprehension and agreement and Jarrod relaxed,
his turn was over and he thought he had handled it pretty well on the whole. He
reached for the cider keg and drank deeply then tossed it to Nick, your turn
Nicholas and make it good!"
Nick sat up grinning and drank some of the cider, he had a harder head than
most and had got his second wind for drinking now. He jabbed an emphatic finger
at his elder brother, "oh it'll be good all right big Brother, I can
promise you that!" He settled himself on a log overlooking the fishing
hole and sent a pebble skimming across the bright surface. None of the brothers
was even pretending to fish any more so the disturbance of the water didn't
matter.
Nick flashed a grin at his brothers, "I was only seventeen too, I was with
Father in San Francisco, he made a business trip there and he took me with him,
we were there for my birthday and the old man gave me a rather special present!
He took me to Madame Rosa's for the first time."
Heath sat up straight, "ah, Madame Rosa's, an earthly paradise for
hard-working men!" He was still fairly drunk and asked hopefully,
"are we going there now?"
Nick looked at him in disgust, "will you get a grip! I'm talking about
going there with Father, years before you ever came here."
Heath's face assumed an expression of immense hurt, "you mean you're going
to go without me? I call that selfish!"
Jarrod burst out laughing and Nick passed Heath the cider, "here take
another pull and clear your head."
Jarrod and Nick had hauled Heath off to San Francisco to sample the delights of
the select establishment of pleasure that was Madame Rosa's fairly soon after
his arrival at the Barkley ranch. Heath had been working incredibly hard and
the two older Barkley brothers decided to take him on a short but very
necessary vacation. Once he had been introduced to the pleasures of Madame
Rosa's discreet establishment, it had proved difficult to induce Heath to go
home again.
Nick tossed a pebble at Heath, who deftly caught it. "I figured you'd
remember that place pretty well!"
"Oh I do big Brother, I do!"
"Well you can imagine the effect the place had on me at sixteen! I think
my eyes were as big as wagon wheels and I was shaking from head to toe. I had
no idea whatever that the old man was planning on making a man out of me, not
right up until he introduced me to the beautiful redhead that had danced for us
earlier on. The penny only dropped when he went away leaving me alone with
her."
Nick's eyes were far away, dwelling with his memories, "her name was
Georgie, everyone called her Gorgeous Georgie, and she was too, gorgeous that
is. She had a figure like a goddess, I mean she had curves on her curves I kid
you not!"
The rancher laughed and ran a hand through his dark unruly hair, "I didn't
have a clue what to do with her, I just stood there, mouth gaping, I was rooted
to the floor and wondering what the devil to do next! Then she spoke to me and
I nearly fainted dead away, I mean you have NEVER heard a voice like hers, it
was...it was like a musical instrument. I could feel all the hairs on the back
of my neck stand up when she spoke."
"What did she say to you ?" asked Heath.
"She explained to me that she was Father's birthday gift to me and that I
wasn't to worry about a thing because she was going to take care of me. I guess
I was kicking the carpet and didn't know where to look because she took my chin
in her hands and tilted up my head. She purred like a cat, she said, my but
you're a handsome boy, this is going to be pure pleasure. I must have looked
terrified because she said, for both of us darlin', pure pleasure for both of
us and she led me to the bed."
Nick smiled out across the fishing hole, eyes soft with remembrance, "that
lady gentled me like a wrangler with a nervous colt, she stroked me and petted
me until I was wild with desire for her, until I was so excited I could hardly
breathe. Then she stood up and undressed in front of me, I swear I was drowning
in delight. She came to me and held me and I touched her softness, she smelled
of flowers and I was a lost man.
I just...did as she told me, followed her every instruction, like a schoolboy
learning a lesson. I kissed her how she told me to, I tasted her where she told
me to and she encouraged me. When she finally let me take her, she told me to
imagine I was riding my favourite horse, up a golden hill and into a magic
world beyond it. And what a world that was! Just like you said Counselor, it
changes your whole life. Once you've possessed a woman the boy in you is gone
and you're ten feet tall. I'll never forget her."
Nick laughed a little self-consciously, it was unlike him to be so descriptive
in his speech and he was looking more than a bit sheepish. He darted swift,
defensive glances at his two brothers, but neither seemed to be laughing at
him, they were both gazing out over the water, soft smiles on their faces. Nick
relaxed, he had gotten his turn over with and they didn't suspect a thing, he
had done well!
Nick tossed another pebble at
Heath, "hand that cider back here and get started with your tale
Boy!"
The blond rancher was shaking off the effects of his prolonged drinking session
now and he smiled triumphantly at both his older brothers, "I was a
prize," he announced proudly.
Nick and Jarrod exchanged puzzled looks and Nick looked Heath up and down.
"I think he's still drunk, shall I toss him into the water?"
"I am NOT drunk," declared Heath, "I'm trying to tell you my
first time story!" Inwardly the blond rancher grinned, story is right, he
thought.
"A prize?" Jarrod raised a sceptical eyebrow.
"Yep, I was seventeen and working as a fisherman out of San Francisco for
a while. We were ashore in this place," he thought back to the scruffy
little dock-side dive on Fisherman's Wharf and smiled broadly at his brothers.
"It wasn't like Madame Rosa's, but I didn't know any better and I thought
it was a fine place. Well the ladies, they commenced to playing this game, they
each took it in turns to take their clothes off and display their charms to the
men and the men had to vote for the best looking gal. The girl that won was a
beautiful big blonde called Dorabelle, she had breasts the size of watermelons,
I thought she was the best looking girl I'd ever seen!"
Jarrod laughed, "what was her face like?"
"No idea, I never got my eyes up high enough to notice, I was already
staring at her best feature."
Jarrod and Nick laughed and Nick demanded, "what do you mean you were a
prize?"
Heath's smile was smug, "well the young ladies voted on who was the
handsomest man in the bar and they picked me."
Jarrod was helpless with laughter but Nick looked disgusted, he aimed another
stone at Heath, with creditable accuracy considering how much cider he had
downed, "all right pretty boy, get on with it."
Heath's wide smile betokened a happy memory, "the winning girl got to
spend the night with the prize and that was me."
Nick was growing dangerous, "yeah, so you keep telling us, quit bragging
and get on with the story!"
Heath eyed Nick's avenging expression and glanced at the fishing hole, the
water would be cold now in the time just before dusk, he didn't fancy a dunking
so he prudently did as he was told.
"She took me off to her room and she undressed me and sat me on her bed,
then she undressed in front of me, I was almost too shy to watch her do it, but
I forced myself."
"I bet you did," laughed Jarrod.
"She came and sat beside me and she told me I could kiss her so..."
Nick was eager for more, "so?"
"So I kissed her hand."
Jarrod burst out laughing and Nick rolled his eyes heavenward.
"Well I was only a kid," said Heath defensively, "I didn't know
what to do."
Nick leered at him, "I bet Miss Dorabelle showed you what to do huh?"
"Oh yeah," answered Heath with feeling. "It was kind of like you
said Nick, she gentled me and slowed me down and guided me. I remember the soft
silky touch of her, the way she smelled so nice and her soft sweet voice. She
talked to me all the time, telling me when I did something she liked and where
to touch her to please her the most. When she took me inside her I was happier
than I'd ever been before, I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling."
He broke off, suddenly self-conscious about his revelations and laughed
nervously. Nick grinned at Jarrod, "that's the most words I've ever heard
him say at one go," he remarked.
Jarrod smiled at Heath, "it's true what they say isn't it Heath, you never
forget your first time?"
"Yeah Jarrod, it is," agreed Heath smoothly and he let out a long
slow breath of relief, he had taken his turn and his brothers were none the
wiser, he was well content.
Night was drawing in fast as the three brothers strolled companionably
homeward. The fishing hole was three miles from the Barkley mansion, but the
brothers always walked there and back, it was a part of their Sunday ritual.
Besides they frequently did some serious drinking on these Sunday afternoon
fishing trips and it was a shorter fall to the ground from your feet than from
the back of a horse! The three brothers walked homeward in near silence, each
occupied with their own thoughts.
Jarrod Barkley reflected as he made his way home with his brothers, on the
whole he thought his account of his alleged first sexual experience had been
convincing enough to fool Nick and Heath. He smiled into the gloom, there was,
of course, no reason why it should not have been convincing, it was after all
almost entirely true. He had indeed sampled the delights of the luscious
Hortense, but that had not been his first sexual experience, just a
continuation of his sexual education.
An education begun a full year before his encounters with Hortense, an
education begun by Hortense's mistress, Helen Sheringham. Jarrod could remember
her purring voice, ‘I want to teach you Jarrod darling, you're such a sweet
handsome boy and so elegant, let me show you what delightful things there are
to learn in the adult world.'
What boy could have resisted her? Certainly not a poetic, spiritual young
intellectual like him, susceptible to Helen's sophisticated, almost ethereal
beauty and totally under her spell. He had been mesmerised by her charms and
had allowed her to seduce him, which she did with delicacy and grace.
Jarrod had been invited to stay with the Sheringhams, who had a nephew visiting
and wanted to provide him with some company of his own age. The nephew had been
confined to bed with a contagious illness almost immediately after Jarrod
arrived at the Sheringham house and as her husband was away on business, Helen
had the sensitive sixteen year old all to herself.
Of the two of them, it had been Jarrod who had more qualms about the seduction
than Helen. She was, after all, a friend of his mother's, but Helen herself,
seemed untroubled by that aspect of the affair, pointing out to Jarrod that she
knew she could rely on his discretion and that what Victoria didn't know
couldn't hurt her. So he had yielded to her pursuit of him and in all the years
that had followed he had never regretted it. He thought now of his two younger
brothers, how sordid to have had their first sexual experiences in brothels of
sorts, he himself had been so much more fortunate!
His mind was a kaleidoscope of fondly remembered images, scents, tastes and
sensations. Of Helen's magnificent body and it's satin softness, the firm ripe
breasts and long clean limbs, of the lily of the valley perfume she always
wore, of the honey taste he always experienced when his lips fastened upon her
tender nipple and the waves of ecstatic joy that he knew whenever he possessed
her.
Impossible to share this, his genuine first time, with his brothers. Jarrod
could just imagine the embarrassment either Nick or Heath would infallibly
display the next time Helen was Victoria Barkley's guest here at the ranch if
they knew of Jarrod's youthful dealings with her. The lawyer was a little
troubled that he had deliberately misled his brothers, when they themselves had
been honest with him, but he felt that in all the circumstances he had acted
for the best.
Nick spent the time it took to stroll home with his brothers
in reflecting on his account of his first time, as he had told it to Jarrod and
Heath. He was fairly certain they had bought his story, after all he was only half
lying about it. Tom Barkley had indeed taken his seventeen year old son to
Madame Rosa's to make a man of him and Nick had blandly gone along with it,
enjoying himself with Gorgeous Georgie very much in the process.
Nick wasn't entirely comfortable about lying to his brothers, after all both
Jarrod and Heath had told the truth, but Nick didn't see that he could have
done anything else. The truth was way too personal to share, even with the two
men he trusted most in the whole world.
He could remember every second of that golden, magical afternoon on the remote
Hawaiian island where Tom and Catriona Henchman, cousins to one another and
friends to him, had shown him their secret hideaway behind the waterfall.
Catriona, raven-haired and pretty as a picture, whom both Nick and Tom had
loved. She had told Nick that she would one day marry Tom and in adulthood, she
had done so. But the trio had begun their journey to adulthood on that warm
afternoon and it was a journey they had made together.
Nick could see her in his mind's eye, sliding the straps of her shift from her
own tanned shoulders, letting it whisper to her feet, standing naked before
both boys, unashamed and aware of her power over them both. She had solemnly
taken a hand of each boy and placed it on one of her breasts. Nick remembered
the thrill of that first touch and the sense of wonder as her rosy nipple
hardened beneath his trembling fingers.
The three of them had lain together, exploring their awakening sexuality and
Catriona had given herself to both Tom and Nick. Even now, all these years
after that wondrous day, Nick could still recall every thrill and every
sensation he had felt, it was locked into the privacy of his heart to be
forever treasured, in secret. They had sworn each other to secrecy and Nick
would never, ever break that oath, hence the need to lie to his brothers today.
He grinned into the darkness, he had done the right thing, he was certain of
that.
If Nick and Jarrod were heading home in a fairly light-hearted frame of mind,
Heath was not. He felt bad about misleading Jarrod and Nick, when both of them
had told him the truth but he had felt forced to lie and thinking quickly he
had remembered the night in San Francisco and had offered his brothers the
story of Dorabelle. With a wry inward smile, he concluded that Dorabelle
wouldn't mind, she had not been a shy girl.
Impossible to tell the truth, for the truth was both emotive and painful to him
and so deeply personal that he knew he could never share it with another living
soul, not even Jarrod and Nick. For his first love, his one true love and the
first woman he had ever made love with, was dead now. He had witnessed her
death, indeed he had held her dying in his arms, as tears coursed down his
stricken face and it had been Jarrod who had comforted his distress.
Impossible then to sully her name, for though she had stooped to murder, in
order to free herself from her brutish husband, Heath did not blame her for
that. She was still Libby, his Libby, Libby of the flame-coloured hair and the
wide generous mouth. Libby of the clear voice and sparkling eyes, Libby the
stagestruck, who had dreamed of fortune and fame.
Heath and Libby had been young things together, two scrawny half- starved kids,
running wild in a shabby mining camp. But the red- headed girl had aspired to
be a singer and her doting father had fostered her dreams and urged her not to
throw away her glittering future on a half-bred blond boy of sixteen. Heath had
already humbly proposed to Libby and she had accepted him, but her father's
insistence on her pursuing her impossible dreams had driven a wedge between the
young lovers.
Heath thought back to the night they had made love for the first time. It was a
party, a rare event in the poor community that was their home. The cheap wine
had been plentiful and Heath and Libby had escaped from the noise and dancing
to a quiet spot on the river bank, clutching a bottle of the rotgut wine and
sitting there in the dark they had shared enough liquor to make their heads spin.
It had not been a particularly magical moment their first and only joining,
more a frenzied, striving, a following of an irresistible impulse, as they
pulled open buttons and sought each other desperately. Heath could remember her
soft white breasts in his hands and the urgent thrusting of their eager young
bodies, as they quested for satisfaction of their aching needs and for so many
other things. They had both wanted to be grown-up, to affirm their devotion to
one another and to discover for themselves the joys of physical union.
Looking back on it now, Heath knew that it had been clumsy and frantic, but
then, it had seemed right for both of them. He had not seduced Libby, or she
him, they had simply yielded to their impulses. He recalled his anguish when
Libby had left the camp the next morning with her father. She had refused to
stay with him, despite his pleadings and she had broken his youthful heart.
He remembered sobbing on Leah's breast, pouring out his pain and sense of loss
to his gentle mother. He had confessed to her too, deeply ashamed that he had
taken advantage of Libby and as Leah well knew, drawing a parallel between his
own actions and those of his unknown father. With patient wisdom, Leah had
shown him that he was wrong to savage himself for having lain with Libby. She
had asked him if he truly loved the girl and if he had intended marriage and he
had vehemently told her that he did.
Leah had said that it was Libby's choice to leave, Heath should not feel guilty
because the girl had rejected his offer. Heath had looked at her with haunted
eyes and asked the question that troubled him sorely, what if he had made Libby
pregnant? How was he to live with himself if he had done to her what had been
done to Leah?
She had understood, his perceptive and sympathetic mother and she had soothed
his distress as well as she was able. Taking his handsome face between her
hands and looking deep into his hurt blue eyes, she had told him that he was
not to blame. He was willing to give his life to Libby, it was she who wanted
none of him. Heath had been bitter, what had he to offer her, he had wanted to
know. Leah's answer had been unequivocal, "you offered her everything you
had, everything you are, no man can do more than that Heath."
Heath had absorbed his mother's wisdom and taken her gentle words to heart and
though he pined for his lost love he recovered over time. When she reappeared
in his life, he was conscious of a fierce thrill of joy. Now he had a proud
name to offer and fortune too, now he and his Libby could be happy at last.
But Heath's childhood sweetheart had made bad decisions since their parting,
the worst of which had been marriage to a vaudeville sharpshooter who beat and
abused her, whenever he drank and he drank all the time. She had made a last
desperate grab at happiness, gunning down her husband, so that she and Heath
could be together. In a cruel twist of fate, Heath himself became suspected in
the crime and Jarrod the clever attorney had sought and ultimately found the
truth of the matter.
Libby had ended her life shot and bleeding on a Stockton street, trying to flee
from justice and Heath Barkley had held her dying in his arms, losing the girl
he had once loved, all over again. He remembered his tears and the long bitter
seconds that he had stared into Jarrod's eyes and hated his eldest brother.
The hate had ebbed away with the passing of night, for in the clear light of
day, Heath acknowledged the truth, he had no longer loved Libby. She had
represented his youthful hopes but she was not the woman he wished to spend the
rest of his life with. That realization had been almost as painful as losing
her all those years before when his devotion had been so intense. These were
not feelings he was ready to share with anyone, he doubted that he ever would
want to, some things just went too deep to ever be revealed.
Heath had largely shaken off the lingering effects of the cider now and his
mood was morose, his thoughts gloomy with the shadows of the past. Slightly
ahead of him, he heard a cry as the more tipsy Jarrod stumbled over a tree root
and crashed to the ground, lying prone in the dirt, giggling at his own
misfortune. Nick was standing over Jarrod, helpless with laughter and making no
attempt to help the lawyer get up. A slow, broad, joyous grin spread over
Heath's face as the dark thoughts that had oppressed his mind fell away from
him.
The two chuckling idiots on the path ahead of Heath were his brothers, part of
the beloved home and family that had come to mean everything to him. While he
lived a purposeful and fulfilled life here in this valley, while there was his
partnership running the ranch with Nick and the companionship of the rest of
the Barkleys, Heath knew himself to be the most fortunate and contented of men.
Mentally he thrust down his dark memories into the well wherein they usually
dwelt and he strode forward to assist the stricken Jarrod to his feet. With
some not very co-coordinated help from Nick, Heath supported Jarrod as the
three brothers walked the last few hundred yards to their home.
Jarrod said heartily, "boys, I'm glad we had this talk today, good
brothers like us should share their memories with one another, after all, we
know we can trust each other with the truth!"
Smilingly, the other two liars agreed with their eldest brother and they all
lurched homeward together.