A Schizoid Lament

by Lindabrit

I wonder if you can help me to find out who I am,

I know it sounds ridiculous but I’m really in a jam.

There are multiple personalities whirring round my brain you see,

and I simply don’t know which of them is the real me!

I’ve tried and tried to find out, but I’m really so confused

sometimes I’m good sometimes bad, I’m getting so bemused.

I’m connected to the Big Valley, that much is plain to me,

I think that I’ve crossed swords with a family named Barkley!

Sometimes I see myself as a humble prison wagon guard,

Victoria Barkley is my prisoner and she’s making my life hard,

I have the strangest feeling that I’ve seen her somewhere before,

but not in this persona? I don’t think I can take much more!

No wait, I’m an escaped convict, fleeing through storm and flood,

I’ve got to rescue Heath Barkley, he’s firmly stuck in the mud!

But wait, here’s Heath again, he seems to have a baby,

and I’m a travelling preacher or a bounty hunter maybe!

Or am I just a ranch hand, riding for the Barkley brand?

Coming off worst with Keno Nash and Victoria’s avenging hand?

But my brain is spinning again, as all my senses churn,

and I just have one question, who the hell is Bruce Dern?

~