Victoria’s Lament

by Lindabrit

Being a frontier woman isn’t easy you see,

one sign of weakness and you’re history.

So to avoid being caught in this weakling’s trap,

I developed my awesome slap!

I can slap hard enough to knock you out,

I soon taught Miss Audra not to pout!

My research showed, I did it best back-handed,

ask anyone on whom my slaps have landed.

My children treat me with all due respect,

their deference to me they rarely neglect.

The ranch hands too, are always polite,

one or two of them have tasted my right!

Lady-like is fine, it’s usually best,

but a good hard slap will keep ‘em impressed,

by all means be civil, civil is nice,

but a slap like mine, well it makes ’em think twice.

I’m the head of my house and I use it at home,

that slap stops the Barkleys from wishing to roam,

well, all except Gene, he’s been gone for a bit,

guess I hit him too hard with that very last hit!

~