In the
Land of Barkley
(A Big
Valley Fairy Tale)
by MagdalenMary495
Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program
"Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and
have been used without permission. No
copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.
Once upon a time in the land of Barkley, there lived a
winsome, blond Princess named Audra. While the princess could have anything her
heart desired, having command of all the wealth of the kingdom, her greatest
riches were not counted in currency. For this Princess ruled more than four
Princes of considerable worth. Most of the time.
There were two dark Princes in the land of Barkley and two light Princes. The
dark Princes were Prince Jarrod, the oldest and bravest of the Princess’ royal
family and Prince Nicolas. Prince Nicolas was often a problem to the Princess,
attuned as she was to hearing only the most delicate of sounds. Prince Nicolas
had the bad habit of shouting, disturbing the peace of Castle Barkley, reducing
the Princess to tears. Other than that annoying quirk, the Princes found him to
be courageous and steadfast.
The two light Princes were closest in age to the Princess Audra. The Prince
Heath was a quiet escort, in sharp contrast to the Prince Nicolas. The Princess
found him to be dependable, kind and unfailingly honest. The Prince Eugene was
an enigma. He had yet to prove his valor to the Princess. Perhaps soon he would
slay a dragon to prove his worth.
Besides the noble Princes, the Princess Audra also lived with the King Father
and Queen Mother of the land of Barkley. The King Father was kind and good and
wealthy beyond compare. The Queen Mother, who was also kind and good, loved to
sing and smile at the Princess, dressing her in lavish gowns of silk, satin and
lace,
On one particular afternoon, the King Father proposed to the Queen Mother that
they leave the royal Princes in charge of the Princess while they went on a
visit to the nearby village of Stockton. The Princess Audra frowned her
disapproval at this announcement, desiring instead that the Queen Mother stay
home to cater to her every whim. Over her loud objections, the Royal Parents
departed, good, kind and smiling, Quite glad, in fact, to be free of their
royal offspring. The Princess Audra protested this in loud wailing that
assailed the ears of the handsome Prince Jarrod who had been left in charge and
wanted nothing so much as to finish reading a particularly entertaining book.
“Nick! Quit trying to lasso that lamp and jiggle the baby cradle! That kid is
driving me out of my mind.”
The Prince Nicolas, engaged in the forbidden activity of lassoing Mother’s best
china lamp, sneered and objected, “You jiggle the cradle! Mother left you in
charge.”
“That’s right, Mother left me in charge and I’m telling you to jiggle the
dad-blamed cradle!”
Both of the dark Princes scowled at one another while the Princess Audra cried
louder. Her demands were not being met fast enough. Into this skirmish stepped
the light Prince Heath. “I’ll jiggle the cradle,” he said gallantly, coming
forward to smile down at the baby. “Hey, Princess,” he cooed, “You wanna rock
off to sleep?”
The Princess Audra did not. Although happy for a few seconds to have the
undivided attention of the Prince Heath. When he did not understand her wails,
she raised them to a higher level resounding through the Castle Barkley.
“Jarrod,” the Prince Heath turned a worried face to his older brother after
several attempts to mollify the Princess failed. “I don’t think she wants to go
to sleep. Maybe she’s wet her pants or something.”
Jarrod looked up from his book, mouth agape. It wasn’t so much the wet diaper
he minded as the “other” ones. “Nick.”
“Oh, no,” Nick protested, “I’d rather step in a pat of cow manure than change a
smelly baby diaper.”
“It’s the same thing, Nick.”
Nick shook his head, backing away with his hands out in front of him. Acting as
if Jarrod had told him to take a bath in the manure pile. “No way! I ain’t
touchin’ her.”
Jarrod turned to Heath, “Heath just feel her diaper and see if it’s damp. “
Now it was the Heath’s turn to widen his eyes in shock. “Ya want me to touch
her diaper? Under her dress? I don’t think Father would like that.”
“She’s just a baby!” Jarrod slammed his book shut, stood up and stalked over to
the cradle. Idiots! All his brothers were idiots. A little gingerly, just in
case she was more than damp he felt Audra’s diaper. “She’s dry. Maybe she just
wants someone to play with.” Jarrod picked Audra up and sat her down on the
floor, looking around for someone to order around. “Gene, get that Noah’s Ark
and play with her.”
Gene rolled his eyes. He’d been down on his hands and knees searching under the
parlor sofa for the marble he knew had rolled under there last night. “How come
I gotta play with her? Mother left you in charge. You play with her.”
“Gene! You want me to tell Father you wouldn’t mind me?”
Admitting glumly that he didn’t, Eugene got the stupid Noah’s Ark and sat down
to play with the stupid baby, making sure Jarrod heard every grumbling word.
Jarrod turned a deaf ear to the complaints and went back to reading. As long as
the baby was quiet, he didn’t care.
The Princess Audra was quite content to play with the Noah’s Ark, chewing on
the wooden head of a giraffe. After awhile, she noticed a most distressing
problem. The Princes’ Heath and Eugene had decided to play War with the animals
of the ark. They lined them up in two battalions that fought to the death with
loud shouts of victory and defeat. This would not do. It would not do at all.
She, the royal Princess Audra was being ignored.
“Aw, shut that baby up, why dontcha?” Nick shouted at the Light Princes on the
floor. “I just about pulled Mother’s lamp off with her howling like that.”
“You better stop that anyway, Nick,” Jarrod told him mildly. “You break
Mother’s lamp you’ll have to answer to Father.”
Nick sneered. “Old Pappy the tattletale. You gonna tell on me?”
“I won’t have to. Mother will know someone broke the lamp. Pick the baby up and
see if she quiets down.”
Deciding to stay in Jarrod’s good graces, Nick picked up the crying baby and
thumped her awkwardly on his hip. “Hey, baby, wanna take a ride?” Nick began to
swing his body around, dipping the Princess Audra perilously close to the
floor. She squealed with delight, glad that one of the Dark Princes had come to
her rescue. The Prince Nicolas stopped swinging and began to gallop across the
floor as a royal stead. This the Princess Audra enjoyed too until her head
bumped against the door jam after the Prince Nicholas tripped on a carpet. The
Princess, more shocked at this treatment than injured, began to scream her
anger. Off with his head!
“Nick! What’re you trying to do, kill her?!” Jarrod yelled to his white-faced
brother. “Give her here!” He began to rub the Princess’ head as energetically
as he’d curry his horse. This bewildered the Princess Audra so much that she
sniffed back a few tears and rubbed at her blue eyes.
“Is she gonna die, Jarrod?” Asked the Prince Heath with concern in his voice.
The Prince Eugene crowded close just in case he might see this interesting
event.
“No, she’s not gonna die! Nick just bumped her head. I think she’ll be okay.
Gene, go get her a cookie or something. Heath get her blanket.”
Jarrod carried the Princess Audra to his Mother’s rocking chair, sitting down
with the baby on his lap. Heath hurried back with a tattered yellow blanket
that became the Princesses’ royal cloak as she played in her cradle. Jarrod
rocked quite a while before Eugene wandered back into the parlor with a whole
cookie in one hand and a partially eaten one in the other. He handed the bitten
one to Audra. “What did you do, Gene? Bake them before you got here?”
“No,” Eugene answered simply before going back to the Noah’s Ark.
“You sure she ain’t gonna die, Jarrod?” Heath asked again, needing lots of
reassurances that the Princess would not succumb to the Prince Nicholas’
mishandling. The Prince Nicholas shoved him rudely away, afraid too that he’d
harmed the treasured Princess. Afraid too, of facing the Royal King if she did.
Jarrod told them both the Princess would be fine. “See, she’s sleepy, she’s
closing her eyes already.” As Jarrod rocked, the Princess Audra, cookie crumbs
ringing her mouth, sighed happily. Yes, this is what she had wanted all along.
Sitting on the lap of the Dark Prince Jarrod with his arms tight around her,
his heart beating beneath her ear, humming softly as he rocked. The Prince
Jarrod was noble indeed. Quite worthy of his royal crown. The others . . .
well. she’d have to work on them. It was her royal duty as the Princess Audra
in the land of Barkley.